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Art et designTranscription
00:00Hey Daddy, wanna hear me play a song on my piano?
00:03No Jeffy, it's past your bedtime, you have to go to bed!
00:05I've not have to!
00:06You do have to!
00:07Come on Daddy, just one song on my piano!
00:09No!
00:10Marvin, let him play a song!
00:11No, it's time for him to go to bed, go to bed Jeffy!
00:16Daddy says I have to go to bed, have to go to bed, have to go to bed
00:21Daddy says I have to go to bed and I said don't have to
00:25Go to bed Jeffy!
00:26Marvin, what was that noise?
00:27I just yelled at Jeffy!
00:28No, it was something downstairs!
00:33I'm gonna steal so much stuff!
00:36Marvin, I think someone's breaking into the house!
00:38Oh my god, ok, let's go hide in the closet!
00:40But what about my piano?
00:42Leave it Jeffy, come on!
00:43Alright!
00:44Go, go, go, get in the closet, get in the closet!
00:45Ok Marvin!
00:46Jeffy, get in the closet!
00:47Ok!
00:48Oh my god!
00:49Oh my god!
00:50Oh my god!
00:51Oh my god!
00:52Oh my god!
00:53Oh my god!
00:54Oh my god!
00:55Ok!
00:56Jeffy, don't bring your cat piano!
00:58I have to!
00:59Ok, get in!
01:00Ok, we're in the closet!
01:01Baby, do you have your phone?
01:02No Marvin, I left it on the couch!
01:04Oh, I left mine too!
01:05How are we gonna call the cops?
01:06Ok, everyone just be quiet!
01:07Hold on guys!
01:08I gotta tune my cat piano!
01:10Jeffy, be quiet!
01:11It's out of tune!
01:12Jeffy!
01:13Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
01:15Shh!
01:16Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
01:18Jeffy, be quiet!
01:19Hold on, I got one more, it's almost in tune!
01:21Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
01:24Shh!
01:25I think I got it!
01:26Shh!
01:27The robbers in the room!
01:28Be quiet!
01:29Everyone be quiet!
01:30Where is it?
01:31Where is all this stuff?
01:32Jeffy, turn that off!
01:34I'm trying to!
01:35It was tired!
01:36Turn it off!
01:37Hey!
01:38Is someone in the closet?
01:39No!
01:40If someone is in the closet, I gotta get out of here!
01:43Jeffy, you scared him off!
01:44Let's go!
01:45No!
01:46He's gone!
01:47Lock the door, lock the door!
01:48Ok!
01:49I can't believe we just got robbed!
01:50Marvin, we have to call the cops!
01:51Ok, I'll call them!
01:52Hey there, somebody call the cops?
01:53Yes, officer, I did!
01:54Ok, what's going on?
01:55Well, someone...
01:56Hold on, Dave!
01:57I'll take it from here!
01:58No, Jeffy, please stop!
01:59What's he doing?
02:00You're gonna love it!
02:01Just listen!
02:02Somebody broke in the house, in the house, in the house!
02:08Somebody broke in the house and I got really scared!
02:12Well, did he take anything, anything, anything?
02:17Well, did he take anything?
02:19No, he did not!
02:21Could you play that again, please?
02:23Really?
02:24Come on!
02:25Well, if he didn't take anything, this is a waste of my time!
02:29This is a waste of my goddamn time, goddamn time, goddamn time!
02:34This is a waste of my goddamn time if he didn't take anything!
02:38But the robber's still on the loose, on the loose, silly goose!
02:43But the robber is still on the loose, you should go catch him!
02:47DJ, run that shit!
02:52Well, can you tell me what the guy looked like, guy looked like, guy looked like?
02:57Well, can you tell me what the guy looked like so I can go find him?
03:01He was wearing all black clothes, all black clothes, all black clothes!
03:06He was wearing all black clothes and a ski mask!
03:10OK, OK, one more time.
03:11That description's not helpful at all, helpful at all, helpful at all!
03:16That description's not helpful at all, I'm never gonna catch that guy!
03:20Why don't you look for fingerprints, fingerprints, fingerprints?
03:25Why don't you look for fingerprints? He wasn't wearing gloves!
03:29OK, OK, can we stop singing? I'm getting tired of this.
03:31Yeah, this is a waste of my time, goddamn time, goddamn time, goddamn time!
03:36Why don't you look for fingerprints? He wasn't wearing gloves!
03:40OK, OK, can we stop singing? I'm getting tired of this.
03:42Yeah, this went on way too long.
03:43OK, so the guy broke in, didn't do anything?
03:45No, we scared him away.
03:46Scared him away, scared him away!
03:48No, no, we're not singing anymore, OK, moment's passed.
03:51Yeah, he didn't take anything.
03:52OK, yes.
03:53Anything, anything!
03:55Goddamn it, I said the moment has passed!
03:57Sorry.
03:58Moment has passed, moment has passed!
04:00No, no, no, no more singing.
04:01OK, OK, so he broke in, he didn't take anything, did he?
04:04Yeah, he just left.
04:05He didn't do anything, he just left.
04:06So he's like a housefly.
04:07I bet you've seen a dragonfly, maybe even a horsefly, but I bet you ain't never seen a donkeyfly!
04:13Oh yeah, like Shrek, right?
04:15Yeah, so what do you suggest we do? So we just broke into our house!
04:18Well, it sounds to me like you need a home security system.
04:20A home security system?
04:21Yeah, so whenever people break in, like an alarm goes off, and it's like brr, brr, brr, and then like it calls me, and then the burglar runs away.
04:27That sounds expensive.
04:28Oh no, no, I can do it for free.
04:30What, for free?
04:31Oh yeah, yeah, dare me, dare me to put a home security system in for free.
04:34Dare you?
04:35Mm-hmm, dare me, go ahead.
04:37I dare you to put a home security system in for free.
04:40You don't think I'd do it? I'll do it, I'll show you, I'll do it.
04:43Hey Marvin, get down here, I'm done with your security system!
04:46You're finished already?
04:47Yeah, I hear that all the time, but yeah, I'm done with your security alarm machine, otherwise known as SAM.
04:52What does SAM stand for?
04:53It stands for security alarm machine, otherwise known as SAM.
04:57Oh.
04:58Right, yeah, and it comes in all kinds of different voices, like it comes in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice.
05:02Get out of the house, now, go!
05:05That's pretty cool, and it also comes in a flamboyantly gay voice.
05:08Oh my god, Gregory, someone just broke into the house, you need to stop him.
05:12You stop him.
05:13No, you're on top, so you need to stop him.
05:15You're such a silly billy.
05:16No, I'm not a silly billy, you're a silly billy.
05:18Yeah, that one goes on for a little while, but it also comes in a Christopher Walken voice.
05:22Well, robber, get out of my house before I call the police.
05:25And then, what I'm going to have you set on right now is just the default, like, monotone female voice.
05:31Ok, I like that one, let's just stick with that one.
05:33Ok, yeah, so you're all set up, the only downside is it does have ads.
05:37It has ads, what are you talking about?
05:38Yeah, it has ads, because it's free, you know, because when you watch a YouTube video, you get a 30-second ad in front of it.
05:44Well, this is going to play a 30-second ad every time somebody breaks in before the alarm goes off.
05:48What if someone, like, kills me before you get here?
05:50Well, I mean, you can turn off the ad, but, I mean, the robber would have to do that.
05:54So, every time somebody breaks in, it's going to play, like, a Toyota ad, or, like, an Old Navy ad, but, I mean, the Old Navy ad usually gets them.
06:00Because once they see it's, like, 50% off on jeans, they go, that's a steal, and then they just go to Old Navy instead.
06:05Well, how do I get rid of the ads? Can I pay to get rid of the ads?
06:07Oh, yeah, it's going to cost 50 bucks a month.
06:09Oh, that's expensive.
06:10Yeah, the ads are better, I use the ads.
06:12Ok, so when somebody breaks in, this is going to call me, alright, so you don't have to worry.
06:15Oh, ok.
06:17Alright, baby, we are fully protected.
06:19You're going to wear two?
06:20Oh, daddy-buttons!
06:22You're going to wear two?
06:23Oh, daddy-buttons!
06:24Glaze that ass like a toasted strudel!
06:26No, no, I'm talking about the security system, baby.
06:28Oh, you got it set up?
06:29Yeah, baby, it'll call the cops after 30 seconds.
06:3130 seconds? Why 30 seconds?
06:33Because it plays an ad.
06:34But, look, we are safe, and we are protected, and we can go to sleep safe and sound.
06:38So, go to bed, Jeffy.
06:39Um, daddy, I got a question before bed.
06:41What?
06:42Um, do peepees go on butts?
06:44No!
06:45Oh, because the other day, I saw this video, and it happened.
06:51Go to bed, Jeffy.
06:52Ok.
06:53Alright, Jeffy, go to bed.
06:55Um, mommy, daddy, can you guys sleep in the bed with me?
06:58Because I'm scared ever since the robber broke in.
07:01No, Jeffy, we have an alarm system. You're safe now.
07:03Come on, Marvin, it's just for one night.
07:05But I'm supposed to wear two.
07:07That's ok, Marvin, we'll wait until tomorrow.
07:09Come on, daddy, right here in the bed.
07:11Ok, fine.
07:14Jeffy, let me out of here!
07:16Oh, God, Jeffy, please!
07:19I had cream cheese covered deviled eggs and one acorn I found outside.
07:24Jeffy, that was sick! I'm gonna die!
07:26Alright, boys, settle down, time for bed.
07:38I'm gonna break into this house through the back doors.
07:45This is big.
07:47Oh, crap, they got an alarm system.
07:49I gotta turn it off before the ad starts.
07:56Baby, baby, do you hear Red Lobster ad?
07:58No, Marvin, go back to bed.
08:01Oh, my God, someone's breaking into the house!
08:05He's coming in the back door, hurry!
08:09Baby, that's the alarm!
08:10Oh, no, someone's breaking into the house.
08:12I'm gonna go check, I'm gonna go check.
08:13Uh, is there anyone here?
08:15Hey, your alarm went off, you ok?
08:16I think someone robbed my house.
08:18Uh, it looks like he went out the back door.
08:20I guess he got scared off by the ad.
08:21Let me see which one it was.
08:22Oh, Red Lobster, yeah, he definitely saw those cheddar-baked biscuits and decided he needed some for himself.
08:27So the alarm didn't catch the robber?
08:29No, the alarm doesn't catch robbers, it just scares them off.
08:31But the alarm has a camera, so it doesn't take a picture of the robber's face?
08:34Oh, no, no, no, no.
08:35See, the camera scans the robber's face and then gives him an ad for something it thinks the robber might like.
08:39So it thought that he might like Red Lobster.
08:41But why didn't the alarm take a picture of the robber's face so we could see what he looks like?
08:44Oh, no, you gotta pay the 50 bucks a month for that.
08:46But that's so dumb!
08:47But hey, look, look, it did what it was supposed to do, it scared away the robber, right?
08:50And I don't think he's gonna be back any time soon.
08:52I think a lobster-fest is going on.
08:54And bottomless shrimp.
08:55He's gonna eat himself into a food coma.
08:57You know, I'm kind of a hungry, hungry hippo for Red Lobster, too.
09:00I'm a bottomless potamus myself.
09:02Can you please stop talking about Red Lobster?
09:04Why, are you getting hungry?
09:05No!
09:06Well, kind of, I'm a little hungry, but I'm about to eat.
09:09Kind of, I'm a little hungry, but my family's sleeping upstairs.
09:12Yeah? You wanna sneak away and get some Red Lobster?
09:14I really can't.
09:16I'm pretty sure they're open at 1.27 in the morning.
09:18No, they're not!
09:19You wanna bet?
09:20Look, I'm a cop, I can just flash my badge, they'll be open.
09:27Oh, man, look at us at Red Lobster, huh?
09:29Would you rather be anywhere else in the world right now?
09:31No, I wouldn't.
09:32Oh, me neither.
09:33Oh, and these Cheddar Bay Biscuits, I'm gonna get some of these.
09:35Mmm, mmm, those are fucking good!
09:37Yeah, they're alright.
09:38How's your scampi?
09:39I thought it came with noodles.
09:41Nope, no, it sure doesn't.
09:42Oh.
09:44The robber, he's over there!
09:46Oh, yeah, there he is!
09:47Arrest him!
09:48Why not arrest him in the middle of eating his Red Lobster?
09:50How would you feel if somebody interrupted our meal?
09:52I'd be pretty pissed.
09:53But we gotta arrest him, what if he leaves?
09:55Hey, hey, we're just gonna wait until he gets done eating and arrest him outside.
09:57Look, he'll be full by then anyway, he won't be able to move.
10:00Okay.
10:01Oh, man, I am so full!
10:04There he is, there he is, get him!
10:05You're under arrest for breaking and entering.
10:07Those are the last Cheddar Bay Biscuits you're gonna have as a free man.
10:10Come on!
10:11Where is Marvin? I woke up and he disappeared!
10:14Baby, baby, baby!
10:15Marvin, I've been worried sick, where have you been?
10:17I'll give you a hint, the whole place smelled like fish.
10:19Marvin, were you at a strip club?
10:21Close, we went to Red Lobster.
10:23Without me?
10:24But baby, we caught the robber!
10:25Yeah, he was chowing down on Cheddar Bay Biscuits, now he's sucking on Justice.
10:29That's the name of his cellmate.
10:31Justice Constant Splooge.
10:32Ew!
10:33Because he's constantly splooging.
10:34But baby, listen, we're safe, the robber's gone, he's in jail!
10:37So are we getting rid of the alarm?
10:39I mean, I don't think we need it anymore.
10:40What do you mean? It obviously worked, I think you still need the alarm.
10:43Well, no, but we got rid of the robber, so we're safe forever.
10:46You know what I have to say about this?
10:48DJ, run that shit!
10:55We just went to Red Lobster, Red Lobster, Red Lobster
11:00We just went to Red Lobster and had some Cheddar Bay Biscuits
11:04We just had some Cheddar Bay Biscuits, Cheddar Bay Biscuits, Cheddar Bay Biscuits
11:09We just had some Cheddar Bay Biscuits and they were good as fuck.
11:13Not sponsored.