• 3 months ago
Taskmaster.S18E02

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TV
Transcript
00:00I
00:30Can do
00:37Five comedians naked as the day they were born
00:41Fighting to the death using primitive weapons. Sure. We've had to tweak the original format, but it'll still be fun
00:49Let's welcome our warriors. Once again, I'm designs man
01:01I
01:07Next to me a man who doesn't know what color his bedroom walls are because he's put so many posters of Howard from take that
01:23You ready for a viewer's favorite it's horns hot list
01:30This is when I horn say what's hot and what's not hot right now hot sweatbands. These guys are great
01:37Not hot jeans. Come on guys. It's not
01:411969 anymore
01:42That was horns hot list
01:48They're very very itchy so I'm gonna take them off. Well, they've done their job haven't they? They've created a great atmosphere
01:55It's a prize test time. Oh, yeah, aka the actual start of the show
02:01Too right. We're creatures of habit only like nuns or something and the category this week
02:07The category is the most serious object that looks quite silly poor old Greg has to judge them and give five points to his favorite
02:13Serious object that looks quite silly and at the end of the episode the overall winner will take home five
02:18Seriously silly things back to you Greg, right Baba. Hello. Hey, we're gonna start with you this week
02:24Okay, all right. I'm good
02:29Serious thing that's also silly. Yes. I have this is what he's brought in a serious thing that looks silly. I
02:36Mean, come on now
02:37look at that like back in the day when they used the Vikings and they'd you know began to like their little battles with their
02:42Axes and stuff if you showed up, all right, bear with me here. It's just shit
02:47If you showed up in Tottenham with a Viking hat
02:56Okay, well it's not on my bucket list now, what have you brought in a Comic Sans clock here it is
03:07You know, you only have so much time we're against the clock I just think it's reasonably serious in terms of life
03:13Yes, that's right. Yeah
03:16Comic Sans, that's a bit silly. I just don't know why you need to add. It's my daddy
03:27That's more serious to be honest
03:32Thank you Andy, yes, who's your daddy
03:37Well, what I brought in Greg is an effigy of the gunpowder plot celeb Guy Fawkes
03:50Who was Guy Fawkes Guy Fawkes or someone who tried to blow up Parliament, you know how he was executed Greg
03:54I do I've been in the room. It happened it. No, I think it happened outside didn't it? Oh the execution. Yes
03:59I've been in the room where he was tortured
04:01Okay
04:04So basically we're dealing with the brutality of
04:08Humanity. Yeah, and we've turned it into something fun for the kids to do on the 5th of November. Very good. Hello, Jack
04:14Hello, right? Yeah
04:16You yes, I'm good
04:19enough of the small talk
04:22What's the serious thing of you boys I brought in something which is serious, but I think it looks silly. It's an abseiling harness
04:32So, you know when you see people like climbing and they think they're clever but I don't because they're wearing one of those
04:42Think they're clever
04:46Exoskeletal nappy
04:48But it is serious because you need to wear one because it'll hold you if you fall and that's why I think people who wear
04:54them think they're clever
04:58And they're not and I think we should discuss that more
05:02Suggested that people shouldn't wear safety harnesses. Yeah. Thanks, Jack. All right
05:20My own coffin
05:31Oh
05:38Everyone crying. Yeah, hey
05:49Any questions no
05:53Because I still don't really understand the comic Sansa's my daddy. Oh, well, that's just silly as well, you know cheeky cheeky
06:02It's got two levels of cheeky Bubba's has only got one I'll give Baba one point
06:07I'll give Emma two points the clock gets two
06:10I'll give Jack D three points save to quit but does look ridiculous and then we're up to the big guns Guy Fawkes. Oh
06:20Guy Fawkes has had his day. You can have four points. And of course, I will be
06:32Oh
06:35Please Alex. Well, it's something we haven't done before Greg and there are big points at stake
06:52Hi Jack, hi Alex, what are you wearing? Oh this whole thing
06:59Welcome
07:01Oh
07:04Hi Emma, yes, I you're right. Yeah, how are you? I'm feeling good. I'm looking great
07:18No, I did no hi Alex
07:24Choices bro. Yeah. Yeah
07:28To trace them all the way back to think yeah
07:32parents, I
07:34Think it's amazing. I've never seen it before
07:37Christmas no weddings. No, okay
07:42postman's come
07:44right
07:48Why is it so great throughout one future task this outfit this outfit this outfit
07:57Christ and your points will be doubled doubled. No board for that task. Okay
08:05You have until your time in taskmaster is over
08:12The right answer is you've got to wear it for a task that you do well in so that you can double your
08:18Time you won't know what the task is going to be you have to decide before a task takes place that you want to wear
08:24Right, okay, there are several different types of task in this show. Yeah, so you're just gonna have to feel it
08:29Okay, this isn't actually a task. Is it? It's just a thing that's gonna happen
08:34Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah still fun though. Joe. Oh, it is the fun never stops
08:47Rose is quite right his decision to wear that it's almost certainly the fault of his parents
08:54So
08:55Yes, I look forward to quite right
08:56They can play their Joker at any point across the rest of the series by putting on the mystery outfit
09:01But for now, here's some more memorable fun
09:04Oh
09:23Back in the weird lab. All right. It's your wardrobe. It's not my wardrobe
09:29Okay
09:39Okay prepared for everything yep brand-new gloves, well, I've been waiting to do the show a long time
09:50I decided to wear the hot dog outfit for this one. Oh, yeah. Hmm. It means this one counts double for you
09:56Yeah, whatever points you get yeah, so it's a big one
10:02Remember these ten fine people you have two minutes to acquaint yourself with these fine people
10:12Memory
10:13wouldn't
10:15your time starts now
10:18Okay, cool. Let's memorize these people then. All right Diana. She's got the blonde hair pearls
10:25Is he bandana that's Gordo?
10:28Mr. Trev looks good
10:30Have you got a good memory Jack? I'm gonna it'll be better if I'm not talking to you during it
10:41Young tank young tank young tank. What's your process for young tank?
10:47Blanket clout
10:51Cruelty is that real? Yes. Okay. It's your method for remembering things Jack. Try not to be distracted
11:06They're now in my memory house in my memory castle
11:12Cool I'm cool. I don't fancy my chances here
11:17Please look at the camera. I was hoping you weren't gonna do that. I
11:22Got that
11:24Sorted but that's a shit dump
11:29That's just wondering if you could tell me who all these people are Chang just start now why not
11:34Diana
11:36Is he yanked tank the yanked tank?
11:39Colonel blanket
11:42The young tank
11:47Okay, don't Dora there wasn't a Dora was there there should have been a Dora then it looks like a door. I don't think
11:55grizzly
11:56chisel ready
11:58Trish no never go with Trish man Trish. Let's go with Trish
12:05No, you didn't talk to them. Oh
12:07This is Izzy the bandage
12:11I'm really screwed with her. I can't stop singing of Tamsin elseway. Maybe she was called Tamsin. I
12:19think this one's
12:20Gordo Gordo
12:23Yeah, I can't know these two
12:26They've left the palace. I'm gonna leave it at that. I think I've done all of it
12:30I
12:41Wasn't no I wasn't wasn't happy in it. I didn't think it looked any good. It felt tacky as well as cheap
12:47Yeah, I think I pulled it off. So yeah, I should say it was the first task immediately after being given
12:53The option straight him. Yeah, just thought fuck it. Let's get this out of the way with get everything done with yeah
12:59Then you haven't got that to dread
13:02In the future Rosie only did half the room, but I should also say that was only half the task
13:07Okay, it's break time. Try to fulfill these precious few minutes without using your smartphone
13:14You don't need to look up little Alex horns real height
13:17I've told you the guys five foot two if anything look up how a virgin can have three kids
13:29You
13:40It's the second part of the show and we still haven't had a proper task for me to judge
13:44Oh poor old Greggy, but here we go a new task and the introduction of our teams
13:59Oh
14:04Andy
14:06Good to see you you too. Well, we should do a little bit of small talk
14:17We saying bro, how you doing, I'm cool Andy's Baba Baba, this is a man like Andy why you dress like that
14:29Right, oh
14:33Hi, hello, hello names Emma city
14:40Hello Emma Andy
14:44Hello Emma, this is Baba Baba. This is Emma Andy. This is Emma. Emma. This is Andy. That's everyone
14:50So one of you needs to open and read the task. Yeah, okay. Can you call him Jackie? Yeah, I'm good
14:59The best multi-headed creature
15:02Your creature must prove they are the best by doing something impressive
15:07also during that impressive thing
15:09They must speak one word at a time and explain what it is
15:13They are doing and why it is impressive you have 20 minutes your time starts now
15:18Can anyone juggle?
15:20No
15:22Absolutely, not. All right, we could collect a lot of heads around the house. All right
15:29Would that you see that that I like what you're thinking there because it doesn't have to be a human head
15:34Do you think multi-headed creatures of history? Oh, yeah, I mean too many of it really hydra three-headed dog god of the underworld
15:41What do you do? It's impressive. I can move
15:45No
15:48In I mean, it's nice
15:53Smoothie I always find like a good smoothie is like really fantastic
15:58When someone's like, oh, this is great
16:04Okay, look it doesn't have to be a smoothie
16:12I would love let's see if it can be done. Do you need some help?
16:25Yes, you can't do it, can you
16:28Oh
16:30Okay, so what we on 12 minutes, yeah, yeah, it's really going down now, right I really don't want to get this wrong
16:37These guys one, right?
16:45I mean, I don't know where to start quite a good vibe with this team
16:50So excited
16:52babe, I'm a
16:55Jackie I
16:57Feel like we got so much in common
17:05From a place of positive
17:13Team
17:19There's a bug there and I've got high hopes for your multi-headed beast. Yeah. No this group
17:30Ever seen a more awkward introduction
17:34I was so confused. I was like, why am I hooked up with like this cricketer and then the detective comes in?
17:41I
17:44There's no mystery Baba at least as to who the detective is it's detective Emma City
17:51Once you formed your multi-headed beast, what would be the most impressive thing you would do and Emma went for
17:58The making of a smoothie
18:02You you might not have seen this because you were in the room
18:04Do you want to see what Baba thought of your idea? Oh my god. Oh my god
18:08I always find like a good smoothie is like really fantastic. That's what someone's like
18:21Anyway, well, we're gonna start with the team of two Rosie and Jackie this
18:27been and gone
18:37Ah
18:41Happy
18:43Be
18:48Task
18:57Impressive
19:02Instruments
19:04I
19:07Playing
19:17You had to have been back and then you sang a song there are two things you're missing here
19:21One is we had to join two bin bags
19:24Otherwise, it wouldn't have been big enough Greg and then the other thing you're missing is it by then I'd lost the will to live
19:29Yeah
19:33Jackie started to turn on you here. No, no, he's pulling away from the group
19:37There's only one thing that can save you now, and it's the most awkward gang in town
19:50We are making a phenomenal smoothie
19:56today using
19:59Many phenomenal fruits and life-giving nutrients
20:08Today making this impressive medicine will
20:18Today
20:21Oh
20:27My gosh, this is phenomenal smoothie time today
20:42Yum surprisingly nutty
20:45I
20:53Think you may return to the house. We should do this again sometime. Yeah, it was genuinely very nice
21:00Excuse me, it was a multi headed beast. How many heads? Hey, I didn't mind the beast. There was a lot of heads on that
21:17Beast it was a better beast than these two clowns
21:19Okay, right that much I'll concede but you still made a smoothie and Baba
21:24If you want to get into an argument, you can explain to me why you just kept saying the word today
21:31Movie I went home and for the first time in my life. I levitated
21:41What was what were you least impressed by the song this movie this movie and that's saying something she heard the song
21:53Slightly better than this movie, but the the multi headed beast was far more impressive than
21:59Two idiots put their head through a bin bag
22:03Listen it was a multi headed beast. No, wait, which beast do you know that makes a smoothie we did that
22:20So lovely to see a gang come together
22:29I
22:32Think they're both as bad as each other and I know you don't like you don't like a draw two points each and you'll all
22:38Thank me for that
22:43Well, the order hasn't changed Rosie last week's winner is still in the lead with seven points there we are
22:51Let us with another task, please little Alex horn. Oh, there's somebody at the door
22:59Oh
23:09Wow, you ready born ready? Yeah, really great to see you and you as well
23:19So this is awkward
23:23You look happy
23:29Oh
23:37There we go
23:42There's a is there a challenge yeah, there's a task it's just on the door. Okay. Yeah
23:54Done it
23:56Capture the most remarkable footage on this doorbell camera
24:04Yo
24:07You have 30 minutes your time starts now
24:12Interesting the words remarkable
24:15Trying to think of anything any kind of footage that I've ever seen that's remarkable. Are you aware of doorbell cameras doorbell?
24:21Well, I've I'm aware of their work, I think Star Wars has filmed on a doorbell camera. It's the first known use of it. I
24:28want to
24:31Show it needs to be
24:37Elaborate
24:43It needs to be remarkable actually, I mean
24:49Okay
24:51How'd you feel about being Rosie's little baby boy like that yes and no what's the no part I want to grow up one day
25:00All right, okay what we're gonna say well, let's start with daddy it is Rosie Jones
25:21Very
25:23I
25:25Is
25:48More remarkable than the birth of our Lord
25:56It's a bold and fresh take on Christianity
26:02If it's not disrespectful what would almost say that Jesus positively fell out
26:09Halfway through the episode
26:26Is always open well not always Greg for the current task, it's always closed
26:30So that's a pretty poor choice of words
26:32The comedians have been tasked to record the most remarkable doorbell camera footage next up Baba
26:38Whose name is an anagram of ABBA and Annie Zaltzman whose name is an anagram of ads as Lin Matt
26:56Oh
27:17Right hello, I am your future. I know what you plan
27:23Okay, what's that then the full and total destruction of the taskmaster
27:28Fair cop yeah, it's the plan
27:30There was been a plan actually right from episode 1 series 1. I know when you will destroy him. Mm-hmm
27:37When yeah, well in the in the studio when when we show this task, that's right
27:53I
28:01Can't say that
28:03Well, let's say revenge will be sweet right revenge for that time this
28:09Can't say that that is our secret our secret no one can know that
28:14What we know we always know
28:21Can you see that chicken
28:34Mine was shit
28:38Maybe it was remarkable for being so shit
28:41Maybe he weren't even any good to keep you up
28:52I thought oh, that's a good idea that ghost comes. That's a intriguing story. But then I find the ghost himself to be quite boring
29:01Well, that's often ghost are on it because if you think of the mundanity of death
29:06Yeah of being a ghost for all eternity, you're gonna lose your spark, aren't you?
29:13So he was deliberately dull, yeah, well, it's also Alex's future so it's probably gonna be quite dull
29:19Very clever good not good bad
29:24Next up it's Emma
29:36Oh
29:49There we go
30:06I
30:11Was in your life seems to be making relatively basic food
30:17Yeah, I think that might be true what do I do well do better
30:22Just do make it omelet was it on this? No, it's a pancake. Oh, that's better
30:29That was remark, yeah, but what I think it remarkable if someone was doing bad keep you up he's exiled
30:35Difficult in it who's next the final person we're gonna see oh, it's Jackie living the dream
30:43That's the doorbell can it come off I suppose so
30:54And it's the most remarkable
30:59Okay, Alex
31:02Hello, what did you have for dinner last night?
31:19Yeah, yeah, I'm not sure your digestion system is working as efficiently as it should have been well it wasn't just a banana
31:32Oh, there's a creme caramel
31:37Almost as if you never chew
31:41It was I think it was remarkable I don't think you can get any more remarkable than that really something I've always wanted to do
31:47Is what stuff being flushed all the way down through and see how it works?
31:52Okay. Thanks Jack. Yeah. Thanks Alex
31:55I
32:00Can't argue it fits the brief. Like I said in the thing, I like to see how things work
32:05Yeah, and I like to I like to demonstrate how things work as well. And I think I demonstrated there how yeah
32:11how a house works and
32:15Look inside our family septic tank once why did you look in it? It was blocked up. What with multicolored condoms shit and frog
32:24Which
32:27Is the least remarkable
32:31Feel I feel bad is Baba probably I don't know whether it's any less remarkable and I'm these boring ghosts
32:38I'm giving Baba and Andy two points. Crap woman can thank me for a three points. Is it poo or is it Christianity?
32:45Because
32:49I have great respect for those of faith. It's four points to Jack's poos and
33:04Please Alex well cast your mind back a bit for this next one
33:16Oh
33:18For goodness sake not these again. Oh, it's nice to see you too. Yeah
33:25Well, I mean some of them some of them they're all good
33:33Not yet, okay, you know why not you want more chat no
33:36Oh
33:40You want me to put that on you should really be dressed as a hot dog for this one identify these ten fine people
33:47most fine people correctly identified wins
33:53You have four fine minutes your time starts now
33:56Oh
34:04It's a dirty trick and no mistake and only the people with actually good memories are gonna succeed I suspect let's have a look
34:11Okay, we're gonna start with Rosie and Randy. Here we go
34:26Toe bag, I'm gonna be quite badly on this first time around to be honest
34:43The head injury she has a warm world
34:47Bird hey
34:53Hey
34:59That seems too obvious. Ahoy. Yeah. Yeah, that was flight commander biggles
35:08Doggie Marilyn
35:13That is definitely don't get good you
35:17Oh
35:28Thanks Andy, all right, you can get a duck no
35:32No, but in some ways getting one is worse than getting none. There's a dignity in total failure
35:36So
35:45I'm the only end up getting one previously had five. Mm-hmm. He only remembered one in the end
35:50It just it's quite hard to I mean, I felt quite triggered by that by what it was very similar to the jury in
35:56The trial but look I don't want to go into that
36:01Who were yam yam and shaggy were they
36:04We yam yam and shaggy original characters
36:07No, yam yam and shaggy came from Rosie's brain. Yeah, and he came up with biggles Valderrama baldy doggy and Marilyn
36:15Time to break for the last time in the final part of the show
36:17Someone will win a harness a clock a Viking hat a guy forks effigy and have to carry his home in a coffin
36:26What's the point?
36:33You
36:42Tested to remember the names of ten fine people next we're gonna witness the memories of Bubba and Jack who has donned his hotdog
36:49Outfit and we'll get double points
36:52Here we go. Ah
36:56This is so wrong, okay, let's try blanket
37:03I think that's the colonel
37:06Chisel
37:08Reggie Gordo
37:10Izzy
37:12That had a patch on didn't it? There's a patch there. That's that's
37:16grilly
37:17grilly blanket Izzy Oh
37:21Like what's it hanky-panky or something like that or wanky smoky or something
37:23Oh
37:29There was Yankee tank, that's the name came there who was Yankee tank
37:34Izzy no, Dinah Dinah. I think says Yankee tank. No. No, that's Yankee tank. That's Yankee tank
37:50The two that I didn't get before gone
37:53Itsy-bitsy
37:59Still got two minutes left. What do you want to do? I want to do nothing because I don't remember their names
38:04So I might bust a little two-step. Come on. Don't know. Oh
38:14Yeah, come right that down when you bust a two-step yeah add some flavor nice gone, yeah
38:24Oh
38:33Should Baba be rewarded for busting a two-step and I guess yes
38:39Don't get bonus points, but in my heart I am giving you a bonus point because I enjoyed it
38:44Can I check Jack said grilly instead of grills?
38:46He is that close enough and similar yank tank and Yankee tank. I think maybe we should give him one of them
38:51Thank you. Baba remembered six out of the ten Jack seven out of the ten
38:56But there is one more to see yes, it is Emma CD or to use her full name Emma compact disc. Here she is
39:07The Colonel chisel Dina Trev Reggie blanket
39:17This one's new
39:19Okay
39:27Jemima and no, it's not that but I'm really stuck. Um
39:33You've got little piggies you bastard
39:36Look at ease
39:39Chisel, oh you knew that one. Yeah, I know I don't need that
39:45Grillsy
39:50The yank tank tank
39:55Gordo ah
39:57Gordo
39:59You're just missing Tamsin Hathaway. Is that right? Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, Tamsin
40:11Is he that was exciting I needed to be there
40:20Genuinely impressive already impressive before you crack the code and find Alex's nerdy little system
40:25Yeah, thanks guys, but she had like Baba two minutes to spare and thought there must be something else here and there was yeah
40:31Interesting two very different systems two minutes to spare. There must be something else. I can investigate here. Yeah, I'm gonna bust a toaster
40:40Right, okay, Andy and Rosie both only remembered one person so they share fourth place
40:46They get two points each Baba comes third gets three points Jack comes second, but gets eight points
40:52Because of the very wise hot dog choice Emma wins a task five points to Emma
41:03Yes, the hot dog is in the lead 17 points first place Jack D
41:07Right
41:13Okay, it's time to make you a station
41:23Hello old friends, I'm over here and then who will be reading the test codes Rosie Jones, please Rosie Jones take it away
41:30Ben
41:31Then were you the same?
41:35No, no times or more as a
41:41Person before you if you land on gold you are
41:49Automatically through to the next round and the next
41:55person has
41:57to spin it one more time than the
42:03Previous
42:05Person it will become clear as we play Andy, please come over to the wheel
42:09It just needs a medium spin if you stand to the where I'm standing but the other side
42:13But that'll be what are you doing? Checking the integrity of the wheel?
42:16Well, just the physics of it, you know how it's how it's gonna spin. It's a wheel
42:33I'll have to ask you do you want to spin again? Or do you want to stick on one?
42:36I'll spin again. Oh, this lands on black. You're eliminated
42:40That's a hefty one
42:44Thanks, so we're hoping this lands on red. Otherwise we lose
42:52Who's next Barbara's next and he must land two in a row in the same color
43:03You're free you've got to spin it three times get the same color every time unless you get gold. All right
43:14Lovely passionate growth
43:22Like you could have got the same color four times in a row I'm gonna go the other way what oh, yeah
43:32Oh
43:57Any gold
44:02Oh
44:17Lovely the cartwheel red
44:32Oh
44:37We need five five, yeah, come on. No, not you bro this
44:48It's six, please
45:02Oh
45:11Come on
45:16Right to Jesus
45:24Seven
45:26Okay
45:31That's right, that's right
45:47Go
45:54In a row
45:56Oh
46:01Yep the lucky come on
46:27I've attained a one in the five points. Well done Bubba
46:34And it has really paid dividends for Bubba because he's come second last
46:39With 20 points
46:48Thank you see you again very soon
46:56You
46:58You
47:24You