Kevin Reacts to Knowing Me Knowing You E4
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00:00Hello everybody, welcome back to the channel. My name's Kevin, I'm a geek, you are watching
00:16Kevin the Geek and we are now into the second half of the first and only series of Knowing
00:23Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge. Of course we are on episode four today, next month episode
00:28five November episode six and then in December Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge.
00:36And then of course next year we will have to move on to I'm Alan Partridge and then
00:40probably other Alan Partridge stuff as well. Yeah, I can't wait for this. Let's check out
00:46this latest episode. Paris, city of French people, home of Quasimodo, Louis XIV, Hercule
00:57Poirot and Sacha DeStell. City of lovers, of artists, of the croissant, the cappuccino.
01:08City of moonlight, of dreams, of men in long coats meeting in braseries at dawn. And the
01:14setting for the fourth show in the first series of Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan
01:18Partridge. If I hadn't heard that, the voiceover, I'd be thinking, have I done it in the wrong
01:24file or something? That's an unusual entrance to the to the show.
01:42Knowing me, knowing you, uh-huh.
01:52Knowing me, knowing you, uh-huh.
02:12Bonjour, bonjour, bienvenue tout le monde. Why am I speaking in French? Yes, please answer.
02:19Well, it's because tonight's show is coming live from Paris. Is it? Is it? What was once
02:27a pipe dream is now the Channel Tunnel. It's exactly the same set. But tonight we're building
02:33a new construction, one that isn't vulnerable to a major terrorist attack. That's because
02:39it's a castle, a castle of chat or a chateau. Or since we're in Paris, a chatisserie. Now,
02:51when we were planning this, I was asked if I would like a French co-host to help me present
02:56the show. I said, no, no way. No plan. Absolute amon non. Then they showed me her photograph
03:06and I said, oui. I'm happy to have this woman as my co-host, subject to certain contractual
03:13stipulations. How can I describe her? Well, if I were mad Baron Frankenpartridge with a cellar
03:20full of pickled corpses, then I would take the clever head of Melvin Bragg, stitch it to the
03:26torso of Edith Piaf, add some legs. I'm sorry, I think this is getting quite unpleasant. Please
03:33welcome my co-host, a delightful French madame, although she doesn't run a whorehouse, but she
03:41does have excellent organisational skills. Here she is, France's answer to a younger Sue Lawley,
03:46Nina Vannier.
04:04You won't find these at your local B&Q. They're French. Knowing Mille and Partridge, knowing you,
04:13Nina Vannier. Aha. Aha. I thought you were going to say, aha, but you didn't. Now, Nina, let me
04:21start by saying that I'm delighted to have you as my co-host. And I'm also delighted to have you as
04:26my co-host. No, no. You're my co-host. I'm the host. Now, Nina, none of my British friends will
04:36forgive me if I didn't say, we love the Channel Tunnel, but for goodness sake, don't send us any
04:40of your rabid dogs. We won't, Alan, as long as you don't send us any of your mad cows. I think
04:52you'll find that our cows weren't mad because they were bitten by your dogs. It's an interesting
04:59theory of a little xenophobic. No French. Xenophobic is an English word. It means small-minded fear of
05:07other nations. It's time to meet our house band for this evening. They came over yesterday on
05:16the hovercat. Please welcome Glen Ponder and Savoie Faire. Knowing me, Alan Partridge. Knowing you,
05:31Glen Ponder. Aha. Aha. And knowing me, Nina Vannier. Knowing you, Glen Ponder. Aha. Aha.
05:37Knowing me, Alan Partridge. Knowing you, Savoie Faire. Aha. Aha. And knowing me, Nina Vannier.
05:42Knowing you, Savoie Faire. Aha. Aha. Glen, I was taking a walk in Paris this morning and I saw a
05:49madman throw himself in the river. Really, Alan? Yes, he was quite literally insane in the stage.
05:55Seriously, Glen, seriously, are you looking forward to the high-kicking ladies at La Follie
06:03Berger tonight? No, that was last night. The plan was changed. What? I thought you knew. We left a
06:10message. Well, I didn't get one. Yeah. I was in my hotel room all night. I ended up watching
06:16The Poseidon Adventure on TV. It was dubbed in French. There was no message. Oh, we left one.
06:23Glen Ponder, you definitely left a message. Yes. Glen Ponder and Savoie Faire. Savoie Faire. Oh, he's yanked her.
06:41Delia Smith, Keith Floyd, Fanny Craddock and Mr Kipling are all famous international chefs.
06:49Okay. So is our first guest, my first guest. He's the most controversial chef in Paris. Passionate
06:56about food, not so passionate about the celebrities who dine in his restaurant. Recently he poured
07:02rice pudding over Brian Ferry's head. And slapped Jeremy Irons. He's rye, he's spry, he's crisp and
07:09dry. Please welcome Superchef Philippe Lombert.
07:13Well, you certainly smell like a Frenchman. I mean, I mean, I mean, you're after say it's very nice, very nice,
07:39very nice smell. Is it Aramis? No, Alan, it's Cologne. It's good. It's good smell. Thank you.
07:45What's yours? Schlesinger Sports. It's the stick type. Don't use the, I don't use the roll on,
07:55because it traps your hairs. Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Philippe Lombert. Aha.
08:04Now, Philippe, you have very, very kindly arranged some delicacies here for us to pick at
08:13throughout the show. Now, I have to say, this, this is a whole different world to the universe
08:21of hula hoops, cheesy wotsits and monster lots. Tell us a bit about them. It's what I call my
08:29grand selection. Big selection. It's a selection of hors d'oeuvres. Starters. That you might find
08:38in my restaurant. I think appetizers are. Starters, same thing. Philippe, these are superb. Let's talk
08:46about your restaurant. Good, yeah, good. What's your fundamental approach to cuisine? Well,
08:52actually Nina, I don't have an approach, I have a reproach. You know, I'm very bored by the whole
08:57restaurant industry. To me, it seems a little more than a big fat pig, endlessly regurgitating
09:03and consuming that which, that which it eats. Without discrimination. Without taste. Without
09:19joy. You know, I'm not interested what Egon Rowney thinks. You know, my Michelin stars,
09:25I send them back. You send them back? You just peel the sticker off the window and send it back?
09:31No, no, no, no, no. No, it is quite difficult, but it can be done. If you soak a sponge in soapy
09:39warm water and just hold it against the sticker, leave it for half an hour, come back, it'll just
09:44peel away. Bob's your uncle, you've got your Michelin stars off the window. Thank you,
09:48Alan, I'll remember them. It's got to be warm. The other interesting thing about your restaurant,
10:00of course, is that it has no name. Yes, that's right. It's, if you like, an irony that although
10:07it is called the restaurant with no name, people refer to it as the restaurant with no name.
10:12Like Clint Eastwood. What?
10:25There you go, just swallow, Alan.
10:30I'm just saying, it's like Clint Eastwood. What is like Clint Eastwood?
10:36The spaghetti westerns, he was known as the man with no name.
10:42That's an irony that I think Jacques Derrida would appreciate. Oh certainly,
10:45and Jacques Derrida regularly dines at my restaurant and indeed regularly appreciates the irony.
10:52Who's, who's he? Jacques Derrida, the philosopher. I've never heard of him.
10:58Jacques Derrida, the most famous philosopher in the world. Yeah, of course. I wouldn't say that.
11:03Well, Alan, would you care to name a more famous philosopher? Yeah, all the, all the great ones.
11:10Yes, but one who's alive. Who is the most famous philosopher, Alan?
11:16Wayne Rooney. Preacher Huston Huff.
11:23Yes, yes, absolutely right. Yes, I'd forgotten about that. Thank you. Well, I'm lost. Your
11:29next question, please, Confucius. I'm not confused.
11:40All right, here's a good question. Now, you are known as the top chef
11:44in your field. You've only got one restaurant. Bernie Inn has thousands.
11:51Jealous?
11:51I don't know. Who is, who is Bernie Inn? You've never heard of Bernie Inn? He's the most famous
12:03steakhouse proprietor in the whole world. Well, I'm sorry, Alan. Maybe Pete Ustinov should get
12:11together with Bernie Inn and open a steakhouse. You know, have a steak, talk about philosophy.
12:17Yeah, that's a good idea. They could call it Pete and Bernie's philosophical steakhouse.
12:25Actually, Philip, what you were saying earlier about your restaurant having no name, I was
12:29thinking that another figure would have been amused by that is, of course, René Magritte.
12:32No French. He was Belgian. Same thing.
12:36No, no, I think Belgians would disagree with you on that one. You like that one, Alan?
12:40It's quite nice, quite chewy. What is it? It's beef. What sort of beef? Bull.
12:51What? Yeah. What part of the bull? Penis. It's a gland.
13:01How, how many of these glands does it have?
13:10Two.
13:15Ladies and gentlemen, Philippe Lambert.
13:25Oh, yeah, poor Alan having balls balls.
13:33It's time once again for knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, another Alan Partridge.
13:38Oh, not this again.
13:54Okay.
14:08Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Alan Padre, another Alan Partridge. Aha.
14:20Now, in honour of the fact that you share my name,
14:24I'm very pleased to present you with an Alan Partridge tie and blazer badge combination.
14:29Yes!
14:34Well done. Well done.
14:48You stitch that on. No, don't take that out, please.
14:53And they come together in a in a box, in a combination.
15:00No.
15:07Now, also, to celebrate the new spirit of cooperation between our two nations,
15:13I have had a special painting commissioned by a Norwich-based artist.
15:19For, for my French viewers, Norwich is the Provence of Great Britain.
15:24Really? I wouldn't go that far.
15:26The best of France. It's a bulldog with frog's legs.
15:40I don't understand. Why can't you just take it and go?
15:49She's right there. You're gonna just use her.
15:53I don't like these chairs.
15:56By the way, if you're wondering where my normal furniture is, it's in Nîmes.
16:01Why? I don't know. Ask the French hauliers.
16:06Alan, are you growing a moustache?
16:09No.
16:10Really?
16:11No. Yes, yes, yes, I am. Yes, I'm growing a moustache. Is that a beard?
16:15Because I can't tell whether it's a beard or you just haven't shaved, you see.
16:19At least I'm honest. At least I'm admitting that I'm trying to grow a moustache.
16:22All right, don't get at me. It wasn't my fault you ate a testicle.
16:29If you remember, I spat it out.
16:31Ah, yes, but there was another one.
16:33No, all, no, all I had earlier was some spinach and a vol-au-vent.
16:39It was in the vol-au-vent. Very clever.
16:45And now it's time for...
16:47No, that's me.
16:47Yes, sorry.
16:48And now it's time for some light relief.
16:51If I were to say clown time is over, I'd be lying,
16:55because it's time now to send in the clowns.
16:59And I'm sure we won't be seeing the tears of a clown,
17:03because I'm told they're hilarious. I haven't seen them myself.
17:06Please welcome this year's winner of the Pompidou Prix de Joie, Cirque des Clowns.
17:11Circus of Clowns.
17:21Bing!
17:33Whoa!
17:37Whoa!
17:41Bing!
17:52Whoa!
17:56What the hell?
18:07Oh, no, no!
18:21No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Cirque des Clowns! Cirque des Clowns!
18:40Bravo! Bravo!
18:43Oh!
18:48Grow up! Grow up!
18:57Cirque des Clowns, yes.
19:05Right, now, listen, listen, hang on.
19:08I presume you're in charge. Let me tell you something, right?
19:12There's a security guard backstage called Steve.
19:16Now, I promise you, if you make another sound,
19:19when you leave this area, he will hurt you. He will hurt you physically.
19:22Don't mess with Steve.
19:24Cirque des Clowns...
19:28Cirque des Clowns...
19:30Sorry, I just... I haven't broken wind.
19:33I haven't broken wind. That's them.
19:35Cirque des Clowns will be doing a tour of art centres in Britain.
19:38I'm sure there'll be plenty of tickets available.
19:42Cirque des Clowns...
19:44You're a disgrace.
19:47Cirque des Clowns...
19:56Sanity.
19:58What are you doing there? What are you doing? Get out!
20:01Why is he still here?
20:03Can someone... Can someone remove this clown, please?
20:05Steve!
20:06Where's Steve? Is he...
20:09He's backstage.
20:10No, we'll get him after.
20:11We'll get him after.
20:20I'll do... I'll do it standing up.
20:23I hope my next guest doesn't suffer from...
20:27I'll do it here.
20:30I hope my next guest doesn't suffer from vertigo,
20:34because she's at the height of her profession.
20:38She's a top international fashion designer who hails from Lancashire.
20:42Let me just say... Let me just say, you look stupid.
20:46You look stupid, not me.
20:47Right, I'll do it on three.
20:49I'll do it on three.
20:51She's a top international fashion designer from Lancashire in the north of England.
20:55Right, no, I'm sorry, I can't...
20:56Sorry, Nina, can you...
20:58Yes, Alan?
20:59Can you get rid of him, please?
21:00Sorry, guys.
21:01Toto, my friend, you'd better not.
21:02He's a bit lame.
21:03He's not experienced enough to stand up to someone at your level.
21:06Ah, well, I'm not sorry.
21:08Ah, yes, thank you.
21:10There he goes.
21:11There he goes.
21:15Anyone speak French, anyone want to translate that for me?
21:17There he goes, tail between his legs.
21:20Steve, he's coming out!
21:24Get him, Steve!
21:26I hope my next guest doesn't suffer from vertigo,
21:28because she's at the height of her profession.
21:33Sorry, what did you say to him to get rid of him?
21:36Oh, no, it's not necessary to translate.
21:38No, seriously, I want to know.
21:39No, you don't need to know.
21:41I command you to tell me.
21:44Very well.
21:45I told him that you are completely out of your depth
21:48with a creative artist of his calibre,
21:49and that lack of experience makes you unable to cope
21:52with the situation in a professional way.
21:59I hope my next guest doesn't suffer from vertigo,
22:01because she's at the height of her profession.
22:05And you don't need to do it now.
22:08She arrived yesterday from London on the train,
22:10because she doesn't like flying.
22:11She really does suffer from vertigo.
22:13And she caught the train from Waterloo.
22:15Please welcome fashion guru,
22:17Here we go, Waterloo.
22:18who came from Waterloo.
22:33Easy meals, does she look a little bit like a Dalek?
22:36Just a little bit.
22:41Ha!
22:44Knowing me, Alan Partridge, knowing you, Yvonne Boyd.
22:47Aha.
22:48Do you want me to say aha?
22:49Yes, please.
22:51Aha.
22:53I'm a big fan of your clothes.
22:54I must say the outfit you're wearing tonight is wonderful.
22:57I really love it.
22:57Yeah, I didn't know that as well as doing fashion,
22:59you also do pantomime.
23:04What do you mean?
23:05I presume you're Widow Twankey.
23:08No.
23:09Are you an ugly sister?
23:10Alan, these are Yvonne's clothes.
23:13I'm sorry, I thought you did pantomime.
23:15No, I don't do pantomime.
23:18Well, maybe you should, you know.
23:19I mean, you've got the clothes.
23:22And without wanting to be vulgar, the money is very good.
23:28In fact, I'll say something.
23:28Last Christmas, I was in two pantomimes.
23:31I was in Norwich and Colchester as Mother Goose.
23:35And in fact, I had to travel from one theatre to the other
23:38in my goose suit.
23:39It was quite hectic, you know.
23:40But believe me, at the end of the season,
23:42I quite literally laid a golden egg.
23:47It's worth considering.
23:49Peter Pan, Widow Twankey, buttons.
23:55Yvonne, can you talk us through the thinking
23:57behind this magnificent outfit you're wearing?
24:00Well, it's a sort of van der Siècle ghost in the machine.
24:05Is that the distributor cap of a Ford Mondeo?
24:09I've absolutely no idea.
24:10Let's have a look.
24:13Yes, yes, it is.
24:14Do you drive a Ford Mondeo?
24:15No.
24:17I don't drive.
24:18I don't like cars.
24:20She doesn't drive.
24:20She doesn't fly, doesn't do pantomime.
24:22What do you do?
24:24I design clothes.
24:26Is that all?
24:26Yes.
24:28Well, that's interesting.
24:30Because whereas you're a master of one trade,
24:33I like to think of myself as an Alan of all trades.
24:37And I've got a bit of a surprise for you, Yvonne,
24:40in this new regular section of the show called Alan's Trades,
24:44in which I demonstrate a trade that I'm an Alan of.
24:48This week's Alan trade is fashion.
24:51Now, I'm not Giorgio Armani.
24:54I'm Alan Partridge.
24:56I'm trying to think of a joke with an Alan key.
25:01I might get one in about a week's time.
25:03But my name has become associated with a certain look.
25:08A look I define as sports casual.
25:11Yvonne, tell me what you think as we look at a Partridge in Paris.
25:17A Partridge in Paris.
25:18Alan Partridge in Paris.
25:22The first look is what you'd wear to drive to Paris.
25:25It's called Cruiser Ariviste.
25:27Canary yellow shirt, horizon blue stay crease action slacks,
25:30cap, Polaroids, tan stringback driving gloves.
25:34It's a look that says, I'm in control of my vehicle.
25:38No, it's a look that makes people say, I'm in control of my vehicle.
25:42Ice white shoes, ice white socks with navy blue double cadet stripe,
25:46a pair of shorts, t-shirt with Chevron action flash,
25:49long do sport, man of sport.
25:54The tossed pink sweater that says, I'm in Paris and nothing's going to stop me.
25:59It says, I'm gay.
26:02The classic English gentleman abroad.
26:04It's David Niven.
26:05It's Stuart Grainger.
26:06It's Nigel Havers.
26:08It's a green blazer.
26:09The look, imperial leisure.
26:12Offset the look with those four old reliables,
26:14cravat, hat, summer spectacles,
26:16and for a touch of class, the Alan Partridge blazer badge.
26:21A lot of people have asked me about the blazer badge.
26:23Well, I'll describe it in the top right.
26:26Sorry, I'll do it next week.
26:28I'll do it next week.
26:29The place, Champs Elysees.
26:31The man, Alan Partridge.
26:33The look, strolling pastel.
26:35A classic summer suit with the omission of long trousers.
26:41A Partridge in Paris.
26:49Well, tell me what you think.
26:50Shoot from the hip.
26:52Alan, you are to the world of fashion
26:54what Petey Ustinov is to the world of philosophy.
26:59Yvonne, is fashion a necessity of culture
27:02or a cultural necessity?
27:04Oh, hang on.
27:08It appears to be happy hour
27:09at Pete and Bernie's Philosophical State.
27:13I think you're rather rude, actually,
27:15because Nina's asked a very interesting question.
27:18What I think is that fashion is a necessity of culture
27:22because, really, clothes are just things
27:24that cover up our mutual nakedness.
27:26I mean, you know, underneath our clothes,
27:28we're all of us naked.
27:30Even you, Alan.
27:32No, I'm not.
27:33No, you are.
27:35Yes, of course you are.
27:36No, I'm not. I've got underwear.
27:38Yes, but underneath your underwear, you are naked.
27:41No, I'm not.
27:42Of course, you have your buttocks.
27:44Oh, yes, here we go.
27:46I was wondering how long it would take
27:48before the show descended into
27:49some French hidden buttock agenda.
27:52Alan, all we are saying is that underneath your clothes,
27:55you are naked.
27:56No, I'm not.
27:58Yes, you are.
28:00Now, Yvonne, we're about to see some clothes
28:03from your menswear collection.
28:05Now, the theme of my collection was sports casual.
28:09Now, bearing in mind that
28:10Pete and Bernie's Philosophical Steakhouse is closed,
28:15what's the theme of your collection?
28:18The futility of mortality.
28:20Why do I bother?
28:23Bring on the models.
28:24Bring on the models.
28:26Right, well, the first model is Thor.
28:29Thor's...
28:31Thor's cap and shorts are made of bandages,
28:35and his linen jacket has got real surgical stitching on it.
28:40He's also got a little truss on,
28:41which is a sort of ironic bum bag.
28:45Is this man injured?
28:47No, the whole collection is based on images of hospitalisation.
28:53Right, so the idea is,
28:54you've had an operation,
28:55you want to look good on the ward,
28:58that's what you wear.
29:00No, no, they're for wearing anywhere.
29:01You wear them on the street.
29:03No one is going to wear that in real life.
29:06The only man I know who wears slippers on the street
29:08is called Dougie.
29:10He wanders round Norwich shopping precinct
29:13with a Cornish pasty in his hand,
29:16shouting,
29:16Get away, it's a bomb.
29:19He's insane.
29:21Well, maybe he's sane and we're all mad.
29:24There is a possibility.
29:24Anyway, the next model...
29:28And the next one is Newman,
29:32with...
29:33Newman's got a more formal look.
29:36That's beautiful, Yvonne.
29:37Thank you, thank you.
29:40And here, you see,
29:42I've broken up the classic lines of the suit
29:44with a saline drip attached to an umbrella
29:48and with a pair of brogues,
29:50one of which is orthopaedic.
29:54He looks like he's been in a car crash.
29:56The final model, who's coming on now, is Matt.
30:01Now, here I'm playing with ideas of constriction and freedom.
30:05So, just as the plaster boots here impede
30:09the bandage kilt liberates.
30:13This waistcoat covered in corn plasters, are they used?
30:17Oh, for goodness sake.
30:19Don't be so ludicrous.
30:21Sorry, I'm being told I'm ludicrous by Mrs Whippy Head.
30:31Well, that's the end of my collection.
30:32Yvonne, it's a triumph.
30:34And before anyone starts coming up in the comments,
30:40obviously, I know it's a skit and everything like that,
30:43but I mean, I'll talk a bit more towards the end,
30:45hopefully, if I remember.
30:46Because to be honest, that is a reality of life,
30:51that people are pretty mildly bonkers when it comes to fashion.
30:57So, I'm confused.
31:04I've got to ask a couple of questions.
31:06This man here, what's this round his midriff?
31:08It's a blood bag.
31:10What if it bursts?
31:12Well, you mop it up.
31:14What with?
31:15With the eye patch.
31:16It's not a problem.
31:18I mean, what if your nose bleeds?
31:20You know, what if your arm bursts?
31:23If your arm bursts, that's windbag.
31:25What if your arm bursts?
31:27I've heard of a nosebleed.
31:31In my 14 years of professional broadcasting,
31:35including three years as a hospital radio disc jockey,
31:40I've never had anyone come up to me and say,
31:42my arm's just burst.
31:45Could you play a dedication?
31:48You just got me on with the...
31:49You're taking it off.
31:51You just got me on with the radio.
31:55I'll show you.
31:56I will show you.
31:57You with the orthopaedic shoe.
31:59What's his name?
31:59Newman.
32:00Newman.
32:01You just walk up here and then walk back again,
32:04easy as you like.
32:09What's on his head?
32:09That man has no dignity.
32:12What is dignity?
32:14Right.
32:17That, that is dignity.
32:20Right.
32:24No one will wear these clothes.
32:26They look rubbish.
32:29Ordinary people do not like those clothes.
32:32I like those clothes.
32:33I like them too.
32:33You're not ordinary, you're French.
32:37Glenn, Glenn, me old mate Glenn.
32:40Those clothes, are they rubbish or what?
32:43I like them.
32:45What?
32:46You traitor.
32:48There stands Judas Ponder.
32:52Check in his pockets, you'll find 30 pieces of silver.
32:55Except you won't because he spent them all last night at the Folly Berger.
33:01What are you two staring at?
33:03You lot are the Steptoe wives.
33:08I think you mean the Stepford wives.
33:11I thought you French were good at chatting.
33:12I thought that's all you did all day,
33:14sitting outside your brasseries,
33:15sipping your cappuccinos,
33:16chomping on onions and going,
33:18oh, hee haw, hee haw.
33:18Oh, come on.
33:19Well, now you're just being racist.
33:21That is not racist.
33:22French people chomp on onions and go,
33:24oh, hee haw, hee haw.
33:25That's a fact.
33:28Nah, I'm discrediting that fact right here.
33:30We've come to the end of the show.
33:33I've enjoyed it very much.
33:34I like to think that our two nations are perhaps slightly closer together
33:37than they were at the beginning of the show.
33:39And that can only be a good thing.
33:41It simply remains for me to thank my co-host, Nina.
33:44It's been a pleasure.
33:45Um, you didn't do anything interesting tonight?
33:47No.
33:48No, I don't think so.
33:49Not after last night.
33:50I'm too exhausted.
33:51Why, what did you do last night?
33:53I went to the Folies Bergère.
33:57I was there too.
33:58Yvonne?
33:59I was there.
34:01My mother was there.
34:03Who else was there?
34:03Glenn invited us all.
34:05The clowns, they were there.
34:06The clowns?
34:07Steve there?
34:08Your security guard, Steve, he was there.
34:12Yes, he's good friends with the clowns, I believe.
34:15And the band were there as well.
34:19You, accordion man, were you there?
34:21Yeah.
34:24Everyone except you, Alan.
34:26Glenn, why didn't you invite me?
34:28I left a message.
34:31Right, Glenn, I'm going to ask you a question.
34:33And I want you to give me an honest and truthful answer.
34:38Did you leave a message for me last night?
34:41No.
34:45Awkward!
34:47Quite honestly, Alan, I didn't think they'd let you in.
34:49You know, there was a sign outside there saying,
34:51no jeans, no trainers, no sports casual wear.
35:01Just a joke.
35:02Just a joke.
35:04Here's a good joke.
35:04Here's a good joke, I see you like this one.
35:06There's this bloke called Glenn Ponder.
35:09He's playing jazz synthesizer in a Norwich wine bar.
35:12In walks Alan Partridge.
35:14Alan gives him a big break on national television.
35:17Glenn's pleased.
35:18Glenn gets lippy, Glenn gets the sack.
35:24Bye, Glenn.
35:24What do you mean?
35:25You're sacked.
35:28Live on TV.
35:29I'm sacking you.
35:30In fact, it's happened.
35:32It's over.
35:32It's already happened.
35:32You are a sacked man.
35:34You've been sacked.
35:36You're the subject of a sacking.
35:38I want you off these premises in 10 minutes,
35:40knowing me, Alan Partridge, sacking you, Glenn Ponder.
35:45Aha!
35:47And on that bombshell,
35:50it's time for me to say,
35:51knowing me, Alan Partridge,
35:52knowing you, Monsieur Testicle,
35:54knowing you, pantomime cow,
35:56and knowing you, Ms. Oh-hee-haw-hee-haw,
35:59goodnight, arrivederci, and aha!
36:05Not you, not you, not you, just you.
36:14Oh, man.
36:43Oh.
36:45Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear.
36:49Oh, dear.
36:51Oh, that didn't go well for Alan, did it?
36:54Why? Why would you go to France?
36:56Out of all places, I mean, literally,
36:57why would you go to France to do a one-off show?
37:00Like, it makes no sense for that.
37:07The only way I will defend Alan
37:12would have been if the racist aspect of that
37:17may have been through the...
37:23Basically, through ignorance, basically.
37:28He literally did not know any better.
37:32But, no, he was just a moron with that.
37:35I mean, I...
37:39You know how a lot on social media,
37:41there'll be those memory things,
37:43and it'll be like, on this day, blah, blah, blah.
37:46You know, I occasionally look at those,
37:49and I saw one a month or two ago
37:52for something that would have been,
37:54I don't know, what, maybe, again,
37:56about 10 to 15-ish years ago,
38:01and it must have been a football match or something.
38:06It must have been an England versus France match,
38:08because I do remember, on there,
38:11it said something like,
38:14oh, you cheating French scumbags,
38:17go home and eat your frog's legs,
38:19or something like that, you know.
38:22And I just looked at it, and I was like, wow.
38:25I was an idiot back then.
38:27I really was an idiot.
38:29And it's something that, you just look at that,
38:31and you're like, in what universe did I ever think
38:36that that was a good idea to say something like that?
38:40Because, to be fair, I did go to France quite a bit
38:45when I was at school,
38:46and most of the French people I met,
38:49although my French was quite limited,
38:53they were lovely people out there.
38:55But it's a problem.
38:56It's always these stereotypes you get.
38:59And I actually, because I've done a few city breaks
39:02over the last couple of years,
39:03and one thing that I like to ask,
39:05the various people, when we go,
39:10because I normally stay in a hostel,
39:12at least over the last couple of years.
39:15Yeah, I'll meet some people there,
39:17and I'll say to them,
39:18like, is there a stereotype
39:22that you hear about your country,
39:25that either one that is so consistently said,
39:31but it really isn't true,
39:34or is there one that is really a big stereotype,
39:38and it actually kind of is.
39:43And there was this guy who I spoke to
39:45who was from France.
39:48He was, where was he from?
39:51I think it was like Lyon, or somewhere near Lyon,
39:54something like that.
39:56But yeah, he says,
39:58one of the things we hear in France the most
40:00from Britain, from British people,
40:05is about snails and frog legs.
40:09And he says, in reality,
40:13snails is really over-exaggerated.
40:16Yes, the French do eat snails,
40:19but it would be similar in a way
40:25to being like caviar,
40:27that it is really on the upper echelons,
40:30that most people will have it.
40:32There is those times that you will have
40:34the lower forms of it,
40:37which will be slightly accessible
40:41for the vast majority of people,
40:43but most of them probably won't have it,
40:44because it is considered that upper tier level.
40:48However, frog's legs,
40:50he says, one of the things that he hears about Britain
40:56is that we eat a lot of chicken.
40:57That's probably our most consumed meat.
40:58And he said, in reality,
41:01frog's legs are a very similar,
41:05they're kind of eaten in a similar amount
41:08to how people in Britain would eat chicken.
41:12And they do various all sorts with it.
41:13So yeah, it's always strange
41:16how you get these stereotypes
41:21about people or cultures or countries or whatever.
41:26And sometimes it does turn out to be true,
41:28sometimes it's complete fabrication.
41:31I like learning stuff like that.
41:33And so to any French person
41:36who may have ever been offended
41:37by anything I ever said in those days,
41:40when I was basically a young twat of an idiot,
41:44I will put it out there.
41:45I will hold my hands up.
41:46I will be the first to say I was an idiot
41:48and I should have known better,
41:51but I didn't.
41:53But yeah, I love that episode.
41:56I thought that was great.
41:59The only thing, I mean, maybe,
42:02because obviously he spoke about the chairs, didn't he?
42:05I kept thinking, you could literally be anywhere.
42:09You know, make the set at least a little bit different.
42:12You know, it's like you've taken the whole set over there
42:14for one show.
42:16Feels a bit odd with that.
42:19Maybe I'll have to do a comparison at some point
42:21and just kind of look and see
42:22how different the set actually was.
42:24Maybe I'll try and remember that next time.
42:27But that's that episode.
42:28To know me, knowing you with Alan Partridge.
42:30That was episode four.
42:31We've got two more left and then the Christmas special.
42:33And that's it for the show.
42:34So I look forward to completing it by the end of the year.
42:38Thank you so very much for watching.
42:39Subscribe if you're new.
42:40Turn on notifications.
42:41Of course, drop your comments down below.
42:43And if you'd like to get early access,
42:45please consider joining the Patreon as well.
42:47But that's going to do it for today.
42:48So thank you so very much for watching.
42:50For now, my name's Kevin.
42:52I am a geek.
42:53Thank you for watching Kevin the Geek.
42:55Goodbye.