On the Buses S01E07 The darts match
Original air date - (11 April 1969)
The clippies Iris and Jenny challenge Stan and Jack to a darts match, with bets being placed on the result. Preparations taken by Stan are hampered when his favourite set of darts are found in Olive's stew when he practices at home. Iris arranges a date with Stan to distract him from the match. After the clippies win the match, Stan is forced to abandon his date and take Mum home
Note: This is Cicely Courtneidge's final appearance as Mum. She was replaced by Doris Hare in series 2
Original air date - (11 April 1969)
The clippies Iris and Jenny challenge Stan and Jack to a darts match, with bets being placed on the result. Preparations taken by Stan are hampered when his favourite set of darts are found in Olive's stew when he practices at home. Iris arranges a date with Stan to distract him from the match. After the clippies win the match, Stan is forced to abandon his date and take Mum home
Note: This is Cicely Courtneidge's final appearance as Mum. She was replaced by Doris Hare in series 2
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CreativityTranscript
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00:37How do you think we'll get on there then, Jack?
00:39Oh, that's easy.
00:43Isn't that Iris?
00:44Yes, she must be back from Basildon.
00:46What are they doing on our board now, Jake?
00:49Come on.
00:51Oh, very good.
00:52Very good indeed, love.
00:53Ian, do you mind?
00:54Yes, I do. Here's your darts.
00:57Blimey, it's you.
00:58Yeah, it's me, Iris. Do you mind getting off the board?
01:00Me and Jack are going to have a practice. Go on, Jack.
01:01Charming. We were here first.
01:03Now, look, we've got a serious match coming up.
01:05Now, pack it in. We don't allow women to use the darts board.
01:07Oh, isn't it marvellous?
01:09They won't let us have equal pay.
01:11They won't let us become inspectors.
01:13They won't let us drive the buses.
01:15What will you let us do?
01:17Shall we tell them?
01:20Thank you very much.
01:21I'll tell you something.
01:23I can drive the bus as well as you can any day.
01:25Darling, if you want to learn how to play darts,
01:28come round to my place. I've got a special games room.
01:30It's got a dart board on the ceiling.
01:35I tell you what, though, mate, she's a bit of all right.
01:37No, love, mate.
01:38Sixteen. You've still got to get a double eight to finish.
01:41Oh, God, blimey, a double eight. We'll be here all night.
01:43Here.
01:44Here you are, love. Here's your darts.
01:46Oh, thanks.
01:47Right.
01:48You liberty taker, give me my darts back.
01:50If you want them, you get them.
01:51Come here. Give them back.
01:52No, stop.
01:54No, stop hugging the...
01:55Go on, give me a go. I'll try again.
01:57Stop hugging the...
01:58Go on.
02:00No, stop it.
02:01Ow!
02:02What's the matter?
02:03Blimey, your badge is sticking in me.
02:05Mother!
02:07What's going on here, then?
02:08Just practising a little self-defence.
02:10All in wrestling.
02:11What, taking a busman's grab, is it?
02:13No, to clip his clutch.
02:15Come on. Break it up. Come on.
02:17He could break it up if he wanted to.
02:19He's enjoying it.
02:21Butler, the company does not pay you to enjoy the clippies.
02:24Let her go. Come on.
02:28Tell him to give us our darts back.
02:30You're like a silly big kid.
02:31Give her her darts back. Go on.
02:34Stop. Darts ain't for women. They're no good at it.
02:37What?
02:38Listen, we two could take you two on any time you like.
02:41Oh, don't talk stupid.
02:43We'd make you look silly.
02:45What's the matter? You scared?
02:47Frightened a couple of girls are going to show you up, are you?
02:49All right, you're on.
02:51All right? Saturday night?
02:53You'll be sorry. We'll beat your hands down.
02:55Oh, you want to bet?
02:57We'll bet you a quid, eh, Jenny? Yeah, sure.
02:59All right, you're on for a quid.
03:00Oh, a measly quid. Go on, make it a fiver.
03:03Oh, Jack, it's like taking candy from a kid.
03:06All right, then, fiver. We all right with you?
03:09A fiver to a quid. You're on.
03:11I'll witness that. Five pound of yours to one of hers.
03:14No!
03:18I mean, it's only fair, isn't it?
03:20You two are much better than we are, aren't you?
03:22Well, of course we are. All right, then, go on.
03:25Let's see you get that double eight, then.
03:27Oh, double eight.
03:28I like a good laugh, don't you?
03:30I don't know.
03:31Know what it is, do you? The old lady...
03:33The cottage love.
03:35Double eight, right?
03:37Yeah.
03:38Double eight.
03:42Er, lucky it was a fluke.
03:47Here, Stan, I reckon you'd better start practising when you get home tonight.
03:51You can't afford to chance your arm with Iris.
03:53Not when it comes to darts, anyway.
03:57Oh, yeah, I see what you mean, mate, yeah.
04:03Oh, look, is it all right there, ma'am?
04:05Yes, that's all right, love, only do take care of the paint.
04:07Yeah, all right, then.
04:08Evening, all.
04:09What do you think you're doing?
04:11You can't play darts, I've got to sit down to my evening meal, haven't I?
04:14All right, safe enough.
04:15What?
04:16I'm not sitting there with darts whizzing all over me head.
04:18You go and play somewhere else.
04:19Look, mate, I've told you I've got this match on, haven't I?
04:22God, look, mate, I can't let the women beat us.
04:25Oh, I didn't know you played games with the clippies.
04:28All the time. First time they played darts, though.
04:30What do they usually play?
04:32You want to go round the back of the depot one Saturday night,
04:35makes up the junction, look like a prince,
04:37Saturday night, makes up the junction, look like a prayer meeting.
04:41Look, mate, I am in the proper team, and I need some practice, it's important.
04:46How childish you busmen are.
04:48I don't come home after a day's work and play darts, do I?
04:51You don't have to.
04:53Booking Clark on the British Rail.
04:55You've got one up in your office.
04:56Don't be facetious.
04:58You can play somewhere else.
05:00Ah, stop nagging.
05:01You didn't marry me, you married her.
05:03Anyway, I need a clear nine feet.
05:05Well, play in a bedroom, then.
05:06Oh, I'll play in a bedroom.
05:07No, no, no, you're not going to play in the bedroom.
05:09No, last time he did that, the door was covered in little holes.
05:11I spent hours spraying it with that special stuff before I found out it wasn't woodworm.
05:18It was woodworm.
05:19Rubbish. I was up there, I didn't see no worms.
05:22No, they came out, looked at you, crawled back in again.
05:26But anyway, the bedroom is no place to play darts in.
05:29No.
05:30Oh, I'm thinking of taking it up, though.
05:32Well, at least it would keep you awake.
05:34Well, you've got to admit, these old feather darts might be old-fashioned, but they're the best.
05:38Great balance these have got.
05:41Do you mind?
05:43All right, mate, don't get worried now.
05:44All right, Arthur, don't worry.
05:46No, Sam's got a very good eye.
05:48When he was a little boy, he used to play Red Indians.
05:52Aye?
05:53With a bow and arrow, of course.
05:54But he had no target to shoot at.
05:56No, he used me.
05:59He used to tie olive to a tree.
06:01Did he, really?
06:03Well, I didn't hit her.
06:05Yes, you did, I've got the mark.
06:07I never seen it.
06:08I showed it to you on our honeymoon.
06:10Yeah, well, I was asleep, wasn't I?
06:15Yeah, well, perhaps I can have my dinner now, where is it?
06:18Well, I've made you a nice chicken stew.
06:20I think it's ready by now, love.
06:21Yeah, I'll get it.
06:22Right, well, let's have a go at this double-top, then.
06:24OK, here we go.
06:25That's...
06:28That was a bit wide, wasn't it?
06:30It was olive's fault, you great stingy...
06:32No, no, no, don't use that language here, please.
06:34I haven't used it yet.
06:35Where'd the dart go?
06:36Sounded as if it hit the shelf.
06:38No, it went in the stew.
06:40Aye?
06:41Oh, no, it's gone in there.
06:43Oh, blimey, it's ruined it.
06:45I can't see it.
06:46Well, if it's in there, it's coming out, that's it.
06:48Do you mind not sticking your great airy fingers in my dinner?
06:51All right, you get it out.
06:52All right, all right, all right.
06:53Go on.
06:54What's this?
06:55That's it, that's it.
06:56That happens to be a chicken bone.
06:57That's it, it's got feathers on it.
06:59When Olive cooks chicken, it's always got feathers on it.
07:02Get it out.
07:03All right, all right, here we are.
07:05Here, grab it.
07:08Oh, God, look at that.
07:10Direct hit there, got a parson's nose.
07:14God, look at that, it's spoilt it.
07:16Look, how am I going to clean it off?
07:18Lick it off.
07:19No, thank you.
07:21It's not a poison dart.
07:23Well, it is now, it's been in her stew.
07:25Now, don't you be rude to Olive in her cooking.
07:28Has it spoilt it?
07:29Of course it has.
07:30Oh, dear.
07:31All right, Arthur, I'll have to get you some sausages.
07:34Blimey, I didn't mean the stew, I meant the dart.
07:37Look, it's knocked all the feathers off it for a start, hasn't it?
07:40I can't play with it like that.
07:42It's upset the balance.
07:43Rubbish.
07:45Look, it is not rubbish, mate.
07:47It'll alter the centre of gravity and interfere with the angle of the flight.
07:50What a lot of rot you two talk.
07:53That's a 6mm dart, not a supersonic Concorde.
07:56Look, mate, all I know is it's ruined.
07:58Got it?
07:59Look, there's no feathers on it.
08:00I can't play an exhibition match without a proper dart.
08:04All right, all right.
08:05Let's just hope this is still worth eating.
08:09Yep, that's not chicken.
08:11Look at that, an earring.
08:13Oh, good, I'll be looking for that all day.
08:17Here, Olive, you can have this dart.
08:19It's no good to me.
08:20What have I won it for?
08:21Pierce your ears with it.
08:23Has anyone seen my thimble?
08:25Hey.
08:28Here, have a look in the stew.
08:30It's probably in there where everything else seems to be.
08:37Oh, keep them there, Jack, mate.
08:38Yes.
08:40Oh, I like that.
08:42Hello, hello.
08:43You boys got the wind up or something?
08:45They've been here practising all day.
08:47Are you kidding?
08:48Sam's breaking in his new darts.
08:49Go on, Sam, three at the double top.
08:51Three at the double top?
08:52Yeah.
08:53All right, here we go then.
08:56Way off.
09:01Oh, marvellous.
09:03I'll tell you something,
09:04Jenny here can do better than that with one hand tied behind her back.
09:07Whatever, she's useless.
09:08That's not what you said last night.
09:10Oh, shit.
09:13What's up?
09:14I don't know, I can't seem to get the hang of these new darts.
09:16Yeah, well, you'd better start practising then, haven't you?
09:18The match is tonight, you know.
09:19It'll be all right, don't worry, it'll be all right.
09:21Look, I've got to go and get me way, Bill.
09:23Ten minutes now, keep playing with them.
09:25It's the only way, and don't let those girls put you off.
09:27They won't worry me.
09:28Right.
09:29What's the matter with you?
09:30All right then.
09:38Hey, look, he's getting the hang of those new darts.
09:41Yeah.
09:42Still, there's more than one way of winning a darts match.
09:46I had a date with him once, I shan't forget, in a hurry.
09:49He fancies me.
09:50I'll go and chat him up.
09:51You watch this.
09:54Stan, you got a light?
09:56My lighter doesn't work.
09:58Yeah, of course I have, love.
09:59Here, I've got one here.
10:01One minute.
10:02Fingers and thumbs with the darts and the matches, you know.
10:08Here you are.
10:09Oh, keep it still, love.
10:10You can't get a light, will you?
10:11You want a light or not?
10:13Here you are.
10:15How's that?
10:18Oh, dear.
10:19Oh, burnt my finger then.
10:21Oh, have you?
10:22Here, let me kiss it better.
10:23One minute.
10:27There, better?
10:28Yeah, only I've burnt my thumb.
10:31Blimey, I'd better kiss that too, now.
10:34There, better?
10:35Yeah.
10:37I wish I'd burnt me lips.
10:40You are cheeky.
10:41I was just saying to Jenny over there, it's always the quiet ones.
10:45Well, you know.
10:47What are you doing tonight?
10:49What do you mean, we're playing a darts match?
10:50No, I mean after the darts match.
10:52Oh, nothing. Why?
10:53Well, I just wondered if you'd like to come back to my place?
10:58What for?
10:59Victory.
11:00Victory celebration.
11:02Oh, yeah?
11:03Who's victory?
11:04Oh, yours, of course.
11:06Oh, yeah?
11:07Well...
11:09Only my landlady's out till eleven, we'll have the whole place to ourselves.
11:13Here, turn it in, you're giving me ideas, you know.
11:17What's wrong with that?
11:19Right, you're on, you're on. I'll see you after the match, alright?
11:21Yeah, alright, yeah.
11:24Stan?
11:31Here.
11:32What?
11:33You haven't been fraternising with the enemy?
11:34No, I was just giving Iris a light.
11:37So this inspector you see, he had a little moustache just like you.
11:40He said, you're going on your honeymoon, you've got no money.
11:44Get off!
11:48Very droll, that.
11:49It's you too.
11:51You've got exactly five minutes to go by my chronometer.
11:54This match was due to start at seven o'clock prompt.
11:56It will therefore start at seven o'clock prompt.
11:58Well, I want it to start dead on time too.
12:01That'd be a change, wouldn't it?
12:04Well, you've got exactly five, no, four minutes fifty to go.
12:07Right.
12:09Now, what do you want me to write on this?
12:11Bassman versus Clippies?
12:12Well, we're not fried cod and steamed pudding, are we?
12:16The way I see it, there's not much difference.
12:22Yeah, he writes well in chalk, doesn't he?
12:25Yeah, I recognise that.
12:26You're the one who's always writing on the back wall of the garage.
12:29Yeah.
12:30And other places.
12:33Twit.
12:34Well, let's face it, you never go anywhere without your little pencil.
12:40Very humorous, that.
12:41Come and check the forge, shall we?
12:43Jenny?
12:44OK.
12:46Stan?
12:47Yeah?
12:48We could do with a clean duster for that board.
12:50Be a love.
12:51I think they're in that cupboard.
12:52Yeah, all right.
12:59Right, I've got one here.
13:01Oh.
13:02Get it over as quick as possible, eh?
13:05Well, yeah.
13:06There's your duster there.
13:07Oh, thanks.
13:10Well, because I've got to wipe these new errors, of course, you see.
13:12I mean, I've never done them before, you see.
13:13It's all, you know, the flight and that.
13:15Yeah, I know, I know.
13:16But don't forget the landlady's only out till 11.
13:19Oh, don't worry.
13:20I'll bash them in so fast I'll singe her feathers.
13:22Oh, good.
13:23Yeah.
13:24Here, have a drink.
13:25No, thanks.
13:26No, I've just had one.
13:27Go on, have another.
13:28No, no, no.
13:29Not till after the match.
13:30Oh, dear.
13:31Don't tell me you're one of those blokes who can't do anything after a couple of drinks.
13:35Oh, good.
13:37Oh, good.
13:38Because I like a man who can hold his liquor.
13:43Oh, well, all right, then.
14:00That's it.
14:03That's it.
14:04Oh, lovely.
14:05Well, get ready for the slaughter, eh?
14:08Cor, that's smashing stuff.
14:09What's that?
14:10Do you like it?
14:11Louis D'Amour.
14:12Yeah?
14:13What's that mean?
14:14Night of love.
14:16I only use it on special occasions.
14:19What are you putting it on for now?
14:20Oh, don't worry.
14:21It lasts.
14:23Oh, yeah?
14:24Yeah, well, I bet they don't sell that to girls of 16.
14:27Yeah, that's right.
14:28And I don't waste it on little boys.
14:32Oh, it's cracking stuff, isn't it?
14:33It's smashing.
14:34Do you like it?
14:35Yeah, I reckon it ought to get extra difficult.
14:38And let's have a...
14:40Ooh!
14:42Hey, Steph, come on.
14:43Yes, all right, Jack.
14:44Yeah, yeah, coming.
14:46Oh, hello, Mum.
14:47Hello, Steph.
14:48Arthur.
14:49Jack told us to come along.
14:50I'm surprised you didn't ask us.
14:53Well, I would have done, Mum,
14:54but, you know, I didn't think it was all that exciting, you know.
14:57You look a bit excited.
14:58Hello, Mr B.
14:59Hello, Jack.
15:00Ready to come.
15:01Look, we're just starting.
15:02Are you ready, Steph?
15:03Yes, I'm ready.
15:04Yes, yeah, yeah.
15:05Right.
15:07Oh, Mum, you know Iris?
15:11Yes, I know her.
15:12Good evening.
15:13Good evening.
15:14Well, Arthur, if you'd like to sit there,
15:16and, Mum, I'll get you a chair,
15:18and you'll get a better view from here.
15:20Olive, sit down there.
15:22And I'll see you later, Mum, see?
15:23All right, love.
15:24Go on, Iris.
15:26I do hope you enjoy the match.
15:28Yes, I hope so.
15:30Oh, dear, fancy putting on all that perfume.
15:33Place reeks of it.
15:35You ask me, she didn't dab it on, she had a scrub down in it.
15:39Do you think I ought to wear perfume like hers, Arthur?
15:42Yeah, yeah, good idea.
15:44Wouldn't it make me too sort of sexy?
15:47No, you put some on,
15:49might cut out the smell of that winter green ointment.
15:53All right, love, pay attention, will you?
15:55Now, pay attention, for God's sake, pay attention, come on.
15:58Right.
15:59This match is going to be one straight game of 1,001 down, right?
16:03And neither side gets off until both members have scored a double.
16:06Oh, I'll fix that, make it more difficult for the girls, see?
16:09Right.
16:10The bussermen who have won the toss, so they go off first, right?
16:13Drive off.
16:14Step back, step back, step back.
16:15I mean, first throw.
16:18Keep them near, Jack.
16:19Right.
16:21There's a double.
16:23One double to the bussmen.
16:25Go on, Timmy.
16:26Careful.
16:30And a double for the ladies.
16:31That's the one.
16:34Lovely.
16:36I can't wait for this to be over, eh, Stan?
16:38Yeah, of course.
16:40Cool, down, down, down, gets me going.
16:42Turn up, down up.
16:49Yeah, that's it, all right.
16:51Steady, steady, concentrate, boy.
16:53Right in between that one.
16:55Oh, it's no good, I can't lay darts in me jacket on.
16:58Here, angle to this and a bit gently.
17:02Right.
17:06You missed the board.
17:07Forget about Iris.
17:08Those are the doubles you're supposed to have your eye on.
17:13Oh, what a brazen girl that Iris is.
17:17I hope she's not after Stan.
17:19She knows that that sweater's too tight.
17:21Oh, Mum, men don't marry six pots like her, do they, Arthur?
17:25Aye.
17:26Well, some of us don't.
17:29Right, please, right, please.
17:32Oh!
17:34Double eight scored.
17:39And an eight.
17:42Twenty-three scored.
17:45Stan, boy, you're the only one not off.
17:47Now, concentrate.
17:49Don't worry, I've just got to get the hang of these darts, haven't I?
17:53Right.
17:57What the hell do you think you're playing at?
18:00Built up!
18:01I've still got to get 76, haven't I?
18:0370? We've still got to get 1,001.
18:06We haven't even started.
18:08Now, for God's sake, get a double.
18:10All right, I'll get a double this time.
18:12So did I.
18:13Yes, I will.
18:15Good luck, Stan.
18:23How's that, then, eh?
18:24Yes.
18:25Aye?
18:26Aye.
18:27That's right.
18:29How about that, then?
18:30Aye?
18:32Oh, what a beautiful double, eh?
18:34Beautiful double.
18:36Sorry I can't allow it.
18:37Why not?
18:38Look at your feet.
18:41I'm the wrong side of the white line.
18:45I'm not surprised.
18:46That's the way you always drive the bus.
18:49You idiot.
18:51Look, mate, when I'm playing darts, I don't look at my feet.
18:54Pity. You might play better if you did.
18:56I got a double, didn't I?
18:59I'll get a double next time round.
19:00Quiet, please.
19:01Lady's throw.
19:02Right.
19:0376 required.
19:0576, right.
19:06Right.
19:0818.
19:1120.
19:13Double 19 required.
19:14Double 19, right.
19:19Shot!
19:21We got it!
19:22That's beautiful.
19:23A complete whitewash.
19:25Whitewash.
19:26Where's the money?
19:27Here you are.
19:28Five pounds you won.
19:30And here's your pound stake money.
19:32Thank you very much.
19:33Congratulations.
19:34Hard lap, boys.
19:35Whitewash.
19:36One, two, three for you, Jen.
19:38Lovely.
19:39One, two, three for me.
19:40Oh, that was absolutely lovely.
19:41Right.
19:42Come on, you drew out five minutes ago.
19:43Come on.
19:47You made us look a right couple of burks, didn't you?
19:50Well, well, well.
19:51Fancy you losing.
19:53Well, I wonder what happened.
19:55I don't know.
19:57Oh, well.
19:58Don't think about it any more.
20:00Now, come on.
20:01Let's go back to my place, eh?
20:03You'll soon forget all about darts.
20:06Cool, yeah.
20:07All right, then, yeah.
20:08Yeah.
20:09All right, I'll get me jacket.
20:10Yeah, oh, yeah, all right, yeah.
20:12Well, I enjoyed that.
20:13I thought you played very well.
20:14Oh, come off it, Arthur.
20:16I was right off form.
20:18I thought you played better than usual.
20:19Oh.
20:20I thought it was very good.
20:22He lost.
20:23Oh, well.
20:24It wasn't his fault.
20:25Jack, let him down.
20:26Oh, blimey.
20:27Here, Stan.
20:28See mum home, will you?
20:29Oliver and me are going to pictures.
20:31See the happiest days of your life.
20:33Come on, son.
20:34Now, one minute.
20:35Not tonight, Arthur, please.
20:36No, no, no.
20:37Good night, Jack.
20:39Ah, Jack.
20:40Look, you live next door.
20:41See mum home, will you?
20:42Sorry, mate.
20:43I've got to chat over a bit of business with the lads.
20:45Oh, yeah.
20:46Yeah.
20:47All right, I'm ready.
20:48Look, Iris, I'll have to take mum home first.
20:50You know.
20:51You what?
20:52Well, um...
20:53Something wrong?
20:54Well, we did, you know, sort of have a date, like.
20:57Oh.
20:58We made arrangements and...
20:59I don't want to spoil your fun.
21:00You bring her home.
21:01I've made a nice steak and kidney pudding.
21:03It's quite enough for three of you.
21:05No, no, thanks very much, but no.
21:07Well, look...
21:08Oh, God, I don't know what to do, really.
21:10Oh.
21:11Oh, it's quite all right.
21:13I'll find my way home.
21:15I'm sure I'll meet someone who'll take me across the main road.
21:19Main road?
21:20Yes, I don't see very well in the dark, you know.
21:23Of course, if I'd known, I'd have brought me other glasses.
21:27Oh, God.
21:29Other glasses.
21:30I'll tell you what, Iris, look.
21:32I'll see my mum first, then I'll come round to you later.
21:35Look, don't bother, don't bother.
21:37It won't take long.
21:38No, look, we'll make it some other time.
21:40I'll tell you, it won't take long.
21:41Oh, Iris, I've been thinking.
21:42I'm very impressed with your game.
21:44You've got a lovely action there.
21:46Oh, thanks.
21:47Yeah, I've just been talking to the lads.
21:49We wondered if you'd like to join the official team.
21:51There ain't a vacancy.
21:52There is now.
21:53Well, the lads thought you ought to be rested for a bit.
21:56Nothing personal, mate.
21:58I mean, well, you're right off, aren't you?
22:01Oh, I see.
22:02Look, I'd like to talk to you about the fixtures.
22:04Fancy a glass of Tabuza?
22:05No, I've got a better idea than that.
22:07Look, I've got a lovely supper for two ready at my place.
22:10Do you fancy going back there?
22:11I'll smash in, yeah.
22:13Right, right.
22:14Good night, Stan.
22:15Good night.
22:16Look, we're playing a gasworks next.
22:17We thought it was a nice fixture.
22:19You'll enjoy that.
22:20I will.
22:21I'd love to, mate.
22:28Ah, well, come on up.
22:29Let's go up.
22:30All right.
22:31There's nothing to bang about here now.
22:33Don't forget your new darts.
22:35I'll leave them for what good they are.
22:37They're lousy.
22:38Oh, I think they're very pretty.
22:40That's about all they are, ma'am.
22:41Can I have a go?
22:42What, with these?
22:43Yes.
22:44Do you want them?
22:45Yeah, go on, then.
22:46All right.
22:47You used to stand on the eight-foot white line for the ladies, yeah?
22:49Just there.
22:50Yeah, that ring.
22:51That round thing there.
22:52Round ball.
22:53Anyway.
22:54Oh, blimey.
22:55You've got a double top.
22:56Oh, was that what I was supposed to do?
22:58Well, yeah, but...
22:59Well, gosh, you know, it's beginner's luck, you know.
23:02I bet you wouldn't get another double with that dart.
23:04All right.
23:07Oh, no.
23:08Oh, was that another double?
23:10No, it's a treble.
23:11Oh.
23:12Oh.
23:13Hey, you crafty old thing.
23:15You've played this game before.
23:17Oh, I haven't.
23:18You sort of must have done it.
23:19It started with a double.
23:20Look, if I were to throw that, I'm sure I wouldn't even get it on the board.
23:24Go on, then.
23:27Oh, no, I'll give up.
23:28Oh, was that another treble?
23:29No, it was a bullseye.
23:30Oh.
23:32Blimey, it's a pity you're not a clippy.
23:33They put you in a team.
23:35In place of Iris?
23:40Come on, love.
23:41Let's go home and have our steak kidney pudding.
23:44Ah, what am I going to do with the rest of the evening?
23:46Oh, well, we can put the dartboard up and...
23:50Sam, you never know.
23:52Your old mum can teach you a few tricks.
23:56No, no.
23:58Come on, love.