فيلم We Are Zombies 2023 مترجم
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TVTranscript
00:01:00Great, thank you very much.
00:01:28What the hell, dude?
00:01:29Spare change.
00:01:30Hey, you saw what happened.
00:01:33Can I get another milkshake?
00:01:35Fuck you.
00:01:49Skeleton army has betrayed you.
00:01:52They now dance to your agony as you burn to ashes.
00:01:55You are dead.
00:01:57That's harsh.
00:01:58You want to know what's harsh?
00:02:00Okay?
00:02:01This dead meat asking me for money with gold teeth in his mouth.
00:02:05Unbelievable.
00:02:06Wait.
00:02:07Take this.
00:02:08Take this.
00:02:09Watch it, Freddy.
00:02:10This is a limited floral cover edition.
00:02:15He doesn't care.
00:02:18Don't put that in your mouth, Freddy.
00:02:33Why not?
00:02:34What are you, a zomophobe now?
00:02:35You got to stop doing this, okay?
00:02:37You're going to get us in trouble.
00:02:39Survival of the strongest.
00:02:40Survival of the fittest.
00:02:41Whatever, dude, okay?
00:02:42He doesn't need it.
00:02:43I do.
00:02:44You need nasty gold teeth.
00:02:45No, I need cash, okay?
00:02:48Besides, what do zombies need money for anyway?
00:02:50I guess earning money is all they ever did when they were alive.
00:02:55What a bunch of losers.
00:02:59Oh, time to work.
00:03:03Hey, Maggie.
00:03:06Hey, shit face.
00:03:07I got another pickup for you, and don't fuck it up this time.
00:03:11Don't fuck up this...
00:03:12No, we're not going to fuck up this time.
00:03:14Here's the info, Maggie.
00:03:30Ladies and gentlemen, the dead are back.
00:03:36There's no flesh-eating behavior nor hunger for brain.
00:03:40They're just here.
00:03:43That's the real disaster, isn't it?
00:03:46So you're saying we have to relearn our behaviors towards the living dead?
00:03:50The less offensive term would be living impaired.
00:03:55What do you think, folks?
00:03:58I lost my job.
00:04:00They don't sleep.
00:04:01How the fuck can we compete with these damn zombies?
00:04:06Population has dramatically grown by 175% within the last six months.
00:04:10It is now illegal for people to dig up their loved ones.
00:04:13Zombies you like to fuck.
00:04:16Protests are rising all over the world as the undead claim equal rights.
00:04:22I'm Brad Thompson for Colman News.
00:04:24Good night, and God bless America.
00:04:37We're invincible!
00:04:49Mr. McKenna, hi.
00:04:50Colman's Retirement Services for the living impaired.
00:04:52You called us?
00:04:53Yes.
00:04:54Thank you for coming so promptly.
00:04:56You guys are fast.
00:04:57Yeah.
00:04:59Now, I want you to know that we do love him dearly,
00:05:02and it was a hard decision for us to make.
00:05:05I totally understand, sir.
00:05:06You see, it's my father-in-law,
00:05:08and it's important for my wife that he be treated with dignity.
00:05:12That is our policy.
00:05:14Okay.
00:05:15My wife is very fragile emotionally, so if you...
00:05:18Oh!
00:05:23Oh, God!
00:05:26What did you do?
00:05:27I swear, if you shot him in the brain, I...
00:05:34That was close.
00:05:40How many times do I need to tell you?
00:05:42No more shooting at Pop-Pop!
00:05:44You said it yourself.
00:05:45Pop-Pop's just a fucking zombie.
00:05:49Kids.
00:05:52No, Pop-Pop is living impaired.
00:05:56And living impaired have rights, so you can't shoot them.
00:06:00Okay?
00:06:01He's just like a...
00:06:03Like a retard, hmm?
00:06:06We don't shoot retards, do we?
00:06:09No, we don't.
00:06:10Listen, sir, I don't want to be mean and put pressure on you,
00:06:13but we're on the clock.
00:06:14Yes, I'm sorry.
00:06:16Please proceed with the extraction.
00:06:17All right.
00:06:23Okay.
00:06:28Are you sure this is necessary?
00:06:30They're professionals, honey.
00:06:33I think we got him.
00:06:35Careful, guys.
00:06:36That chair's priceless.
00:06:37Yeah, yeah.
00:06:38This ugly bastard is stronger than he looks.
00:06:50Totally normal.
00:06:58Hey.
00:06:59Like new.
00:07:00See what we had to deal with every day?
00:07:04Okay, I'm just gonna need a signature right here.
00:07:07Let's just proceed to payment.
00:07:09Uh...
00:07:11Jeez.
00:07:12Ah.
00:07:13The car reader.
00:07:14It's messed up again, man.
00:07:16Oh, what the heck is that?
00:07:17That's really weird.
00:07:18I'm so sorry about this, sir.
00:07:20Mind paying cash?
00:07:22Here you go.
00:07:26You did the right choice.
00:07:27Okay, come on.
00:07:29Hey, pleasure doing business with you, dude.
00:07:31I mean, sir.
00:07:32Bye-bye now.
00:07:36All right.
00:07:51Hello.
00:07:56Hi.
00:07:57Mr. McKenna.
00:07:58Coleman Retirement Services for the Living Impaired.
00:08:01I believe your colleagues have already taken...
00:08:04Honey?
00:08:06Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:09Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:12Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:15Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:18Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:21Adam Hart is murdered!
00:08:29Carl.
00:08:31My man.
00:08:33Freddy.
00:08:35You're getting depressingly uninspiring.
00:08:38What do you mean?
00:08:39Don't worry about it.
00:08:45What am I supposed to do with this?
00:08:47Come on, Don.
00:08:48It's not that bad.
00:08:49His head is holding on a pogo stick.
00:08:51Exactly.
00:08:52Which makes him, uh...
00:08:55Inspiring.
00:08:56Yeah, like the, uh, the magnificent
00:08:58head-spinning zombie dude!
00:09:00Whoa!
00:09:02Wow!
00:09:03Oh, see?
00:09:04Art.
00:09:05You wouldn't know art if it bit you on the ass.
00:09:07I'm not going to take this one.
00:09:09Don.
00:09:10Or at least not at full price.
00:09:13He'd have the certificate of termination and everything.
00:09:15He's legit.
00:09:16I mean, he can do whatever you want with him.
00:09:17You know, uh, no one cares.
00:09:21I'll give you half.
00:09:22What?
00:09:23Take it or leave it.
00:09:24That is an insult.
00:09:25There's no deal.
00:09:26Come on, Carl Williams.
00:09:27Fine.
00:09:28You win.
00:09:29Half price.
00:09:30What are you doing?
00:09:31Her broke, remember?
00:09:33Oh, my.
00:09:35You have the softest hands.
00:09:40I moisturize.
00:09:47Oh, hi.
00:09:51I'm Bob Coleman.
00:09:53And for years, we've been studying
00:09:55the most complex structure of the universe.
00:09:59The human brain.
00:10:02Each second, a hundred billion neural signals
00:10:06making us behave the way we do.
00:10:10That's why this cute little creature
00:10:15makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
00:10:19At Coleman, we're dedicated to unlocking
00:10:22the secrets of the mind.
00:10:24Help the research.
00:10:25Donate your loved ones
00:10:27through our retirement services
00:10:29for the living impaired.
00:10:45Great.
00:10:47Bye.
00:10:49Your vampire hero stands before Shiva,
00:10:53the last god of evil.
00:10:55And...
00:10:59Shiva the Destroyer destroys Dracula.
00:11:04Why don't you just skip to the end?
00:11:06What are you talking about?
00:11:07That'd be cheating.
00:11:08The whole book is cheating.
00:11:10I mean, look at Dracula.
00:11:11He's all thin and handsome.
00:11:13He has to be thin and handsome.
00:11:15No, no, no, no.
00:11:16See, blood is super rich, dude.
00:11:17I mean, he'd be fat.
00:11:18Or at the very least, chubby.
00:11:20Maggie, Maggie, Maggie, listen.
00:11:22Do you think Dracula, the king of the undead,
00:11:25would be fat?
00:11:30That is exactly why I don't hang out with you guys.
00:11:33This and that ugly hat.
00:11:35This?
00:11:36Yeah.
00:11:37This and that ugly hat.
00:11:39This?
00:11:40This is a hunter's hat, and I'm hunting,
00:11:42so it's appropriate.
00:11:44And I thank God every day
00:11:45we didn't come from the same ball sack.
00:11:47Oh, thank you.
00:11:48That's nice.
00:11:49Hey, Maggie.
00:11:50Got you a milkshake.
00:11:52Why?
00:11:53You know I don't drink milk.
00:11:55Well, milk builds strong bones.
00:11:57I'm lactose intolerant, Freddy.
00:11:59I don't mind farts.
00:12:00Farts are natural.
00:12:02Stop.
00:12:03Carl, just hand me my share.
00:12:08Uncle Gary!
00:12:09There's an ear in my fries again!
00:12:12Yeah, I-I told the cook about it,
00:12:14but he couldn't hear me.
00:12:16Ha ha ha ha ha!
00:12:18Good one!
00:12:19I'm gonna leave you a bad review.
00:12:20This time, I'm serious.
00:12:22Carl?
00:12:24Yep?
00:12:26You're short.
00:12:28Oh, yeah.
00:12:29Um, funny story.
00:12:32Dawn, he paid us half because it was damaged goods,
00:12:35and, uh, that's not her fault, technically.
00:12:37So, uh...
00:12:38Are you pissing down my back and calling it lame?
00:12:42No, we're not into that thing.
00:12:45It's a metaphor, you dumbass.
00:12:47Look, can't he just trust me for once?
00:12:49Trust?
00:12:50Yeah.
00:12:51Listen to your brother.
00:12:52You know he's telling the truth.
00:12:53Oh, oh, did you hear that?
00:12:55I even kept it...
00:12:56Hey!
00:12:57You're a lying piece of shit, Carl.
00:12:59You're a lying piece of shit, Carl.
00:13:02Okay, that's collectible.
00:13:03Maybe we might have beheaded the pickup.
00:13:08Hey, hey, hey, traitor!
00:13:10See, I knew it!
00:13:11No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:13:12And this is horse shit, okay?
00:13:14We're the ones doing all the hard work
00:13:15while you sit on your fat ass all day, and I...
00:13:17Oh, really?
00:13:19Ow! On my knee!
00:13:20Really, can you act in a Coleman system?
00:13:22Any of you?
00:13:24Guess you'd ask Captain Galacticus to do it.
00:13:26No, Captain Galacticus would ask Meta to do it.
00:13:28Well, then I'm Meta.
00:13:29I'm Meta.
00:13:30He's the muscle,
00:13:31and you're just a prick getting a free ride.
00:13:34Wait, you're leaving already?
00:13:35Yeah, I've had my dose of cheese dicks for one day.
00:13:38Anyway, I got a date.
00:13:40A date with who?
00:13:42Later.
00:13:43We were supposed to celebrate.
00:13:45Hey, thanks a lot, Junius.
00:13:47For your information,
00:13:49I know exactly what a metamorph is.
00:13:51Metaphor.
00:13:52Meta...
00:13:53Metaphor.
00:13:54Metaflore.
00:13:55Yeah, there you go.
00:13:56Metaflore.
00:14:00♪♪♪♪
00:14:08Uh, uh, uh...
00:14:10♪♪♪♪
00:14:17By all means, finish your cracker.
00:14:20This is one of Coleman's biggest processing plants worldwide.
00:14:24In order for operations to run smoothly
00:14:26and for the company to profit,
00:14:28every employee must follow the chain of command
00:14:31with integrity, excellence, dedication,
00:14:34and initiative.
00:14:36We expect no less from our workers,
00:14:38and we won't hesitate to cut off dead weed
00:14:42in order to allow for stronger growth.
00:14:46That being said, do you know why you're here?
00:14:50We, um...
00:14:52we got our pickup stolen.
00:14:54Not just one pickup, Dave.
00:14:57Oh, uh, actually, it's, uh, it's Stanley.
00:15:00Oh, Stanley.
00:15:02Over the last month,
00:15:04there have been a lot of missing pickups
00:15:08and repeated errors,
00:15:10all coming from your sector.
00:15:17Cracker?
00:15:19Mm-hmm.
00:15:20It's not our fault.
00:15:22We think some jackasses are posing as us,
00:15:25and, uh...
00:15:26they're, um, stealing our pickups
00:15:28right before we get there.
00:15:30Coleman's pickups.
00:15:31Gentlemen, you are currently owing the company $25,000,
00:15:34and we're withholding your last pay
00:15:37until the situation is resolved.
00:15:41Understood?
00:15:43Understood, sir.
00:15:45♪
00:15:48Hey.
00:16:06Coming, Deard!
00:16:09Good morning, Mrs. Neard.
00:16:11Is, uh, is Carl up?
00:16:12They're going to take me.
00:16:14What? Who?
00:16:15The doctors.
00:16:16They told me I was impaired.
00:16:18Nobody's gonna take you, Mrs. Neard.
00:16:20I'm pretty sure you're not dead yet.
00:16:22Just tell them I won't be leaving my home.
00:16:24Oh, don't worry.
00:16:25I'll tell them.
00:16:26Good.
00:16:28Now, don't just stand there, darling.
00:16:30Come in.
00:16:31Okay, great.
00:16:33♪
00:16:39Hey, big boy.
00:16:40Hey, you.
00:16:41Wanna have boobs for breakfast?
00:16:43Affirmative.
00:16:44Oh.
00:16:46That'll be 200 credits, honey.
00:16:48♪
00:16:51I'm coming, baby.
00:16:53Love the sound of that.
00:16:57What are you gonna do with my older immune?
00:17:00What's on you?
00:17:01Hey, hey, hey.
00:17:02Hey!
00:17:05What?
00:17:07quickly!
00:17:09Whoa!
00:17:11And the crowd goes wild for wild gringo.
00:17:16Hey!
00:17:17Freddie!
00:17:20What?
00:17:21What do you mean, what?
00:17:22I was busy.
00:17:23Don't look!
00:17:24Don't look!
00:17:27You're a masturbator.
00:17:28Yes, okay?
00:17:29Get out!
00:17:30Okay!
00:17:31Get out!
00:17:32I'll give you a couple minutes, that's...
00:17:34Oh, fuck!
00:17:36Ugh!
00:17:37Oh!
00:17:39Fuck!
00:17:51Oh!
00:17:53Are you busy, too?
00:17:56Yeah.
00:17:57Ugh!
00:17:59So, had a fun night?
00:18:02Yeah.
00:18:04It was the best fucking night of my life.
00:18:06Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
00:18:08Cool.
00:18:12So, um, yeah, Maggie, I've been thinking a lot.
00:18:20I just wanted to say that you are so-
00:18:25Oh, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
00:18:31You guys ready for a pickup?
00:18:33Yes, yes, heck yeah.
00:18:38Carl's gonna need, like, five minutes.
00:18:41Why?
00:18:44Jeez.
00:18:47Is this really the place?
00:18:50Hey, you're my best friend, Carl.
00:18:52Can I get your honest opinion on something?
00:18:55Sure.
00:18:58Okay, so you want my honest opinion on a rotten finger.
00:19:02No, dude, the ring.
00:19:06It's ugly.
00:19:07Happy?
00:19:09Hey, uh, I'm thinking about proposing to your sister.
00:19:12Half-sister.
00:19:13Wait, wait, wait.
00:19:14Yeah, I mean, I don't know, I feel ready,
00:19:16and I'm pretty sure she-
00:19:18Chill steps here?
00:19:19You're not even dating.
00:19:21Oh, my God.
00:19:22And that whore thing stinks, man.
00:19:23Well, yeah, that's just the finger.
00:19:24It's the ring stuck to it.
00:19:26If I can get the ring off of the-
00:19:27Freddy, it says OG on it.
00:19:29Yeah, because she's my original girl.
00:19:30It's a gangster ring.
00:19:32And you know what, man?
00:19:33Dating a co-worker is unethical, yeah.
00:19:38Especially my sister.
00:19:39Half-sister.
00:19:40Whatever, man, this conversation grosses me out.
00:19:43Maggie doesn't even like you.
00:19:48Freddy, I'm, I'm sorry, man.
00:19:50No, no.
00:19:51No, no, I'm sorry.
00:19:52You're probably right,
00:19:53because masturbating to zilfs on the internet
00:19:55makes you a relationship expert.
00:19:56Oh, okay, you want to go there?
00:19:58Yeah, I want to go there.
00:19:59Let's go there.
00:20:00Okay, yeah, I want to go there.
00:20:01Well, I'm there.
00:20:02No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:20:07Ow!
00:20:14Rise and shine, ladies.
00:20:17What do we have here?
00:20:19Carl Neard.
00:20:23And Freddy Merckx.
00:20:26Crocodile Hunter's little brother and his hippo friend.
00:20:30Well, I'll have you know that hippos
00:20:31are actually one of the deadliest animals.
00:20:33Oh, shut up!
00:20:35And by the way, we're no longer friends.
00:20:37Really?
00:20:38You really want to do this now?
00:20:39I'm sorry.
00:20:40Do you guys hear something?
00:20:41Oh, because I don't hear anything.
00:20:42Freddy, they have guns!
00:20:43Yes, we have guns!
00:20:45Listen to your friend.
00:20:46He's not my friend.
00:20:47Shut up.
00:20:50Shut the hell up!
00:20:54Don't you two idiots want to know why you're here?
00:20:57Well, we're here for a pickup.
00:20:59Yes, I know.
00:21:01I called it in.
00:21:02It was a trap.
00:21:04Jesus.
00:21:05We know you two idiots stole from us the ring.
00:21:07Right, the gangster ring.
00:21:08That's Maggie's ring.
00:21:10She doesn't like you.
00:21:12Oh!
00:21:17This isn't working.
00:21:19Rocco, I don't think these guys
00:21:20understand what's going on here.
00:21:21Why don't you show them what we're capable of?
00:21:23No, no, no, no, we understand.
00:21:24It's fine.
00:21:25Rocco, this is not necessary.
00:21:26Please, please, no, no, please.
00:21:28Oh!
00:21:34Oh!
00:21:39I'm just not quite sure
00:21:41what we're supposed to understand from that.
00:21:44Yeah, no, me neither.
00:21:45I mean, he should die.
00:21:46Shut up!
00:21:47You don't disrespect the wild gringo.
00:21:49God!
00:21:50God!
00:21:51Carl's grandma hits harder than that.
00:21:53Grandma, you say?
00:21:55She sweet?
00:21:56She's the sweetest.
00:21:57Change of plans.
00:21:58Oh!
00:22:00Now, tell us again what happened.
00:22:03Listen, I have nothing against a living impaired,
00:22:06but one of those got naked in front of my six-year-old.
00:22:10Oh, come on.
00:22:11He doesn't even have a penis anymore.
00:22:12Well, I'm pretty sure I just can't wait
00:22:14for Wildcat to call her.
00:22:16Nice.
00:22:17Now, what do you think?
00:22:19We'll be back after these messages.
00:22:29Fucking slackers.
00:22:46Really, guys?
00:22:47No.
00:22:49You're pissed drunk, aren't you?
00:22:50Trap, it was a trap.
00:22:52What?
00:22:52The pick-up, the pick-up was a trap!
00:22:54Yeah, there's blood.
00:22:55Is this blood?
00:22:56Is this my blood?
00:22:57I don't know.
00:22:58What the hell is that?
00:22:59I don't know.
00:23:01Oh my God.
00:23:03What if it's a bomb?
00:23:04Okay, what are you guys on?
00:23:05Go on, press play.
00:23:06Are you insane?
00:23:08Look, I'm gonna fall for that.
00:23:09Okay, I'll do it.
00:23:09No, Freddy, no.
00:23:11Come on, guys, it's not funny anymore, so meh.
00:23:13No!
00:23:14Ah!
00:23:15Ah!
00:23:16Ah!
00:23:16No!
00:23:17Ah!
00:23:20Freddy!
00:23:21No, save me through His Highness,
00:23:23to survive this, Freddy, you know it!
00:23:24Please, please!
00:23:25Ah!
00:23:28Ahem.
00:23:29We work for Coleman,
00:23:31and we've uncovered your shitty little scheme.
00:23:33Grandma?
00:23:35You've stolen $25,000 worth of living impaired pick-ups.
00:23:40You know what?
00:23:41Make that $50,000 for our troubles.
00:23:44We want the money back,
00:23:45or sweet old Greg over here goes bye-bye.
00:23:48I told you I will not be leaving my home.
00:23:51You have 24 hours.
00:23:53I'll call you.
00:23:58What kind of cheap shot,
00:24:00fart knuckle asshole goes for your grandma?
00:24:04Okay, guys, we need a quick job that pays.
00:24:07A lot.
00:24:08Like what?
00:24:09Robbing a bank?
00:24:11Oh, why don't you ask Stan to help us?
00:24:13No, I'm not interested in that.
00:24:14Yes.
00:24:15Yeah.
00:24:16No, no, no, I'm not sure how I feel about it.
00:24:18Why not?
00:24:19Super connected, and he really likes you, man.
00:24:22Yeah, exactly.
00:24:23I mean, he's very, you know,
00:24:24touchy, touchy, feely kind of guy,
00:24:26and it makes me uncomfortable.
00:24:27I don't like it.
00:24:30That's it?
00:24:31Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
00:24:33Yeah, you're being super selfish.
00:24:34Oh.
00:24:35Carl, you gotta take one.
00:24:38For Granny.
00:24:39Oh.
00:24:40Oh.
00:24:41Oh.
00:24:42Oh.
00:24:43Oh.
00:24:44Oh.
00:24:44Oh.
00:24:45Oh.
00:24:46Oh.
00:24:47Oh.
00:24:48Oh.
00:24:49Oh.
00:24:49Oh.
00:24:50Oh.
00:24:51Oh.
00:24:52Oh.
00:24:53Oh.
00:24:54Oh.
00:24:55Oh.
00:24:56Jeez.
00:25:00Jeez or jizz?
00:25:02What?
00:25:06What?
00:25:07It's too pasty.
00:25:08Don't be so immature.
00:25:09Uh-huh.
00:25:10Carl, I'm glad you called.
00:25:14From what I understood, you're in deep, and it stinks.
00:25:20Ha ha.
00:25:21Now that is an accurate metamorph, my good sir.
00:25:25Uh, Carl said you might have a job for us.
00:25:28I don't, but the boss does.
00:25:31A high-profile pick-up.
00:25:34So when do we meet him?
00:25:35You're about to.
00:25:39Ladies and gents,
00:25:41the mad artist of the macabre,
00:25:43the one and only Otto Mados.
00:25:47Thank you guys.
00:26:17Oh, so it is art.
00:26:38This is a nice place.
00:26:39Listen up, Granny.
00:26:40Let me make this crystal clear for you.
00:26:42You do what I say.
00:26:43You don't run.
00:26:44You don't scream.
00:26:46It'll all be over in no time, hmm?
00:26:49But you try anything funny, and my friend Rocco over here is gonna impair you.
00:26:53Oh, I'm already impaired, dear, but thank you.
00:26:58I think I'm impaired, too.
00:27:00Oh, shit, Sherlock.
00:27:01The Darwin Awards called.
00:27:02They say I have a trophy for you.
00:27:04Really?
00:27:05No, not really, Rocco.
00:27:07Jesus Christ.
00:27:08Look, I have shit to do.
00:27:09You keep an eye out for me, okay, while I'm gone.
00:27:11And stop playing with your gun.
00:27:16God.
00:27:18My doctor said it's important to keep your brain stimulated, so I suppose they have activities
00:27:24scheduled here.
00:27:26Bingo Mondays, social dance Fridays.
00:27:30All right, make yourselves comfortable.
00:27:35I'll be right with you.
00:27:39We'll talk about my finest few later, hmm?
00:27:52For the record, I hate you guys.
00:27:54You're so stuck up.
00:27:56Relax.
00:27:57Whoa.
00:27:58Whoa, dude.
00:27:59Isn't that the girl that you were masturbating to?
00:28:02Shut...
00:28:03No.
00:28:04That's the real one.
00:28:09Oh, my God, the jewels of rock.
00:28:17The blade of death.
00:28:20Even got Rupert.
00:28:23Isn't she marvelous?
00:28:25Yeah.
00:28:26No, you got a 35 millimeter print of the band film Zalvarela?
00:28:31Sir, there's like only five copies in the whole world.
00:28:34Yes, and I own...
00:28:36Welcome.
00:28:38Welcome to my private exhibition.
00:28:42Oh, fuck me.
00:28:46Don told me you are the best in the hunting business.
00:28:50Really?
00:28:51Yes.
00:28:52Yes, we are.
00:28:54Yes.
00:28:55You know, I really dig your style.
00:29:00Throughout my life, I gathered quite a collection, though I feel my existence will remain incomplete
00:29:06until I possess this last, but not least, precious piece.
00:29:11I want her at my arm tomorrow night for my big performance.
00:29:16Zalvarela.
00:29:17Yes, the queen of the dead, the exquisite Debbie Jones.
00:29:22She's been located in her family plot at the Country Hill Cemetery.
00:29:26You'll find all the boring info in there.
00:29:29So, uh, just another pickup, then?
00:29:32Actually, it's a bit more complicated.
00:29:34This cemetery is Coleman's property.
00:29:38You want us to steal from Coleman?
00:29:41Exactly.
00:29:42I do not want my name mixed in some shady business.
00:29:46That's why I'll pay you 25,000 to bring her to me.
00:29:56You know, we're really looking at the Express VIP service here, and it's, uh, it's double.
00:30:02Oh, I'm not here to bargain.
00:30:04This is the job.
00:30:05This is the payment.
00:30:06Well, all true collectors know that Zalvarela is worth beyond the Express VIP.
00:30:16He's very smart.
00:30:17All right, 50,000 it is.
00:30:20Bring me my queen!
00:30:22So let me get this straight.
00:30:23We want to steal from Coleman to repay Coleman for stealing from Coleman.
00:30:29Yep, that is exactly what we're going to do.
00:30:43What?
00:30:44Nothing.
00:30:45No, it's just, you're all glittery.
00:30:51You're pretty.
00:30:53Oh.
00:30:54Uh, thanks, I guess.
00:30:57Yeah, it's super cool having you, you know, with us in the van.
00:31:00Watch out!
00:31:01Have you got a diswish, buddy?
00:31:03You're going to get us killed, asshole.
00:31:05Just pay attention to the road instead of staring at me.
00:31:11That's really mean, Maggie.
00:31:13Like, have you ever seen an asshole?
00:31:16It's not pretty.
00:31:19I looked at my asshole once.
00:31:23I mean, with a mirror, you know.
00:31:26What?
00:31:27You guys were never curious?
00:31:30Overpopulation, diseases, epidemic.
00:31:36The smell alone makes my stomach turn.
00:31:3960 million people die each year on a global scale,
00:31:42adding to the living impaired population count.
00:31:45Now, in military terms, we call that an invasion.
00:31:50What do you think is going to happen when they outnumber us?
00:31:53When they turn against us.
00:31:56We need to restore balance.
00:31:58And the only way for that change to occur is the undead.
00:32:01All eyes will be on this event,
00:32:03including pro-living impaired activists,
00:32:06making the automatics art show a perfect target.
00:32:10Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present Project Zoltan.
00:32:24Dr. West, the floor is yours.
00:32:27Mr. Hannity, may I have a word with you?
00:32:56Sit.
00:33:06Sir, I understand the situation a bit.
00:33:09Unstable.
00:33:10But I assure you, the formula's working.
00:33:13And as people say, shit happens.
00:33:16I'll stop you there.
00:33:18This little project of yours is costing me a shitload of money.
00:33:22With all due respect, sir, you can't make an omelet
00:33:25without breaking some eggs.
00:33:27And you can't make chicken soup out of chicken shit, can you?
00:33:30This is it.
00:33:32I'm shutting your ass down.
00:33:35You've got great qualities.
00:33:37I'm sure they'll appreciate you at Coleman Malaysia.
00:33:56Go, go, go, guys, come on.
00:34:21We're invisible.
00:34:23Hey, you guys need to dig fast.
00:34:25I don't know how much time we've got before the next patrol.
00:34:27Maybe you can come out and help us.
00:34:29We only have two shovels, genius.
00:34:31Yeah, no thanks.
00:34:32I'm just going to keep the engine running,
00:34:33keep an eye on Coleman security systems.
00:34:35Freddy, for fuck's sake, tie your goddamn shoelaces.
00:34:37No, I don't tie my shoes.
00:34:39What, are you five?
00:34:40Maggie, it's a way of life.
00:34:41The only time Freddy got knocked out, he was tying his shoe.
00:34:44He sneezed and smashed his face on his own knee.
00:34:46Dude, dude, that was a secret.
00:34:49Four stitches.
00:34:50Guys, I don't care.
00:34:51Go.
00:35:01We're in.
00:35:03Heavy Jones.
00:35:04Here we come, baby.
00:35:15No way.
00:35:20Come on, you shady motherfucker.
00:35:34Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:38No way.
00:35:40Oh, shit.
00:35:43Guys, guys, guys, guys, we got to go.
00:35:45Okay, I present to you the queen of the dead.
00:35:49Oh, my God.
00:35:51Oh, fuck me.
00:35:53Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:54She's all dried up.
00:35:55Super dry, like extra crispy dry.
00:35:58It's a freaking skeleton.
00:35:59No way Maddox is going to pay us for this.
00:36:01Let's give her a chance.
00:36:02Maybe she's still somewhere in there.
00:36:04She just needs our help waking up, right?
00:36:06Hear my voice.
00:36:09Rise.
00:36:11Rise.
00:36:14Rise up.
00:36:16You broke it to pieces.
00:36:18Fucking voice is down.
00:36:19Or what, Maggie?
00:36:21I mean, look at this.
00:36:22We're screwed anyway.
00:36:23What could be worse?
00:36:25Oh, what the fuck?
00:36:27You shot me.
00:36:29You shot me.
00:36:30That's it for free dirty fucking shot, Adas.
00:36:33I got him, I got him, I got him.
00:36:34Give him the gun.
00:36:37I don't want to die.
00:36:46I don't understand.
00:36:47We use it all the time.
00:36:49Mr. Hannity.
00:36:52Please.
00:36:53I swear it's not my fault.
00:36:55He got strangled in the sex swing.
00:37:02Well, well.
00:37:05Welcome back, Mr. Coleman.
00:37:18Is he able to speak?
00:37:20Short answer is no.
00:37:22Oxygen shortage and intracranial hemorrhage will leave your brain damaged.
00:37:26I need a word with him.
00:37:28In private.
00:37:34Bob, Bob, Bob.
00:37:37May I call you Bob?
00:37:40You've always been a source of inspiration.
00:37:43Seizing all opportunities as they present themselves.
00:37:46Never taking bullshit from anyone.
00:37:49Well, now, I'm seizing mine.
00:37:54I'm taking over.
00:37:57I got big plans for the Coleman Corporation.
00:38:07One, two, one.
00:38:11And one, two.
00:38:14And one, two.
00:38:17Two, and step, step, and one, two, back.
00:38:21One, two.
00:38:23What the hell is going on here?
00:38:25Social dance Friday.
00:38:27He's making great progress.
00:38:29He's a natural.
00:38:32And what have you guys done with my place?
00:38:34We tied it up a bit.
00:38:36You did what?
00:38:37It was dusty.
00:38:39She is our hostage, numbnuts, not our maid.
00:38:42No, no.
00:38:43Settle down.
00:38:45I got the perfect remedy for grumpy boys.
00:38:49Freshly baked sweet rolls.
00:38:51Sweet rolls, man.
00:38:59You're so fucked.
00:39:01I'm so fucking cold.
00:39:03You're not dying, Carl.
00:39:05I think I'm losing too much weight.
00:39:06It's a scratch.
00:39:07You're fine.
00:39:08Oh.
00:39:09Oh, shit.
00:39:10You actually got shot.
00:39:11Yeah, I told you.
00:39:12Dude, chicks dig scars.
00:39:15Cheeseburgers?
00:39:16Really?
00:39:17Thank you for all the extra lactose, Freddy.
00:39:20Since when is there lactose in cheeseburgers?
00:39:23Oh.
00:39:24Jeez.
00:39:26What's up, losers?
00:39:28It's them.
00:39:29Um.
00:39:30I think I hung up on them.
00:39:34Freddy.
00:39:35I didn't do it on purpose.
00:39:37Oh, here, here.
00:39:39Did you just hang up on me?
00:39:41Stan?
00:39:42Maggie.
00:39:43What, you two know each other?
00:39:44Nah, chick.
00:39:45So after all this time, you're still Coleman's little bitch,
00:39:48huh?
00:39:49Screw Coleman, OK?
00:39:50If you don't bring my 50K in 12 hours,
00:39:52so this sweet old granny over here goes bye-bye.
00:39:54Hey, hey, hey.
00:39:55How do we even know she's alive, huh?
00:39:57Good point.
00:39:58She is fine.
00:39:59Gelsen, put her on the phone.
00:40:01What the hell was that?
00:40:02Uh, nothing.
00:40:03What the fuck, Rocco?
00:40:05Put the gun down.
00:40:06What gun?
00:40:07Look, put Grandma on the phone right now,
00:40:09or the deal is done.
00:40:10Yeah.
00:40:11Yes.
00:40:12Um, she's coming.
00:40:20Oh, shit.
00:40:21Oh, shit.
00:40:22Oh, shit.
00:40:23Oh, shit.
00:40:24Oh, shit.
00:40:25Oh, shit.
00:40:26Oh, shit.
00:40:27Oh, shit.
00:40:28Oh, shit.
00:40:30Come on.
00:40:31Come on, wake up.
00:40:32Wake up, please.
00:40:33Wake up.
00:40:34Wake up.
00:40:36Shh, shh, shh.
00:40:37Speak.
00:40:39Hello?
00:40:40Grandma.
00:40:42Oh.
00:40:43Hello, sweeties.
00:40:45Isn't it a beautiful day?
00:40:47Are you OK?
00:40:48Is that bastard treating you well enough?
00:40:50Language, young lady.
00:40:51All right, that's enough.
00:40:52You got 12 hours, got that?
00:40:56So how do you know this prick?
00:40:58How do you know this prick?
00:41:00He's my...ex.
00:41:03You slept with the enemy?
00:41:04Oh, thank you, Freddy, for the reminder.
00:41:08Shit.
00:41:11Okay, we need another Zelverella.
00:41:13You mean like the one that Carl masturbates to?
00:41:16Can't you just say jerk off like normal people do?
00:41:19Show us.
00:41:21I'm not gonna jerk off in front of you guys.
00:41:23Show us the girl, you sick fuck.
00:41:25Ow!
00:41:28Hey, would you quit crying, you overgrown crybaby?
00:41:32I never shot a granny before.
00:41:35Oh, there, there.
00:41:38Whoa.
00:41:42Oh, she's alive.
00:41:45Wait, I wanna see.
00:41:49That totally looks like her.
00:41:51Oh, my God.
00:41:52This could actually work.
00:41:53So how do we find her?
00:41:55Well, they also have a massage parlor,
00:41:57and you can go and book private sessions.
00:42:00Not that I ever tried.
00:42:02Just saying.
00:42:03Well, I guess there's a first time for everything.
00:42:07♪♪
00:42:16♪♪
00:42:27♪♪
00:42:37Use her name.
00:42:42Masterbater69.
00:42:44Come again?
00:42:45Masterbater69.
00:42:47Just give me a second.
00:42:50How original.
00:42:51It's a play on words, Maggie.
00:42:53So you do use that word.
00:42:55Double standard much?
00:42:56Platinum member.
00:42:57Wow.
00:42:58Which one of our delightful Zelve girls
00:43:00have you come to see today?
00:43:02We're here for Zelverella.
00:43:04Of course.
00:43:05Your favorite.
00:43:07Oh, it says right here,
00:43:09you never claimed your membership rewards.
00:43:11Well, it says it right here.
00:43:12And, boy, did you accumulate some point.
00:43:14So here's your free platinum membership pin.
00:43:20Gel for your penis.
00:43:24A lovely Zelve t-shirt.
00:43:29Some coupons.
00:43:31And, of course, our famous pocket penis laser pointer.
00:43:36Okay, look, we don't have time for free swag, okay?
00:43:39God!
00:43:40God!
00:43:41That laser was brutal.
00:43:43You can proceed to booth 23.
00:43:45She'll be right there with you.
00:43:47Okay.
00:43:48♪♪
00:43:51Oh, and platinum member's friends
00:43:56do get a special discount.
00:43:58Care for a trial?
00:44:01No, we're just laid outside.
00:44:05Don't touch anything, Freddy.
00:44:08♪♪
00:44:16♪♪
00:44:23Happy to finally put a face on my best tipper.
00:44:26Hello.
00:44:28Hi.
00:44:30Oh!
00:44:32Ooh, you're kind of cute.
00:44:34You too?
00:44:35You smell nice.
00:44:36Thanks.
00:44:37So, first time here, huh?
00:44:40Yeah.
00:44:42♪♪
00:44:50Have a good time, baby.
00:44:51Just open it.
00:44:53Ow!
00:44:55Are you having fun, Carl?
00:44:57It's not what you think, Maggie!
00:44:58Get away!
00:44:59Maybe we can give him, like, five minutes.
00:45:01What?!
00:45:02Oh, come on. He needs this.
00:45:04I'm hanging out of a window!
00:45:05Are your friends gonna be watching,
00:45:06because it's creepy?
00:45:07No, no, it's my sister.
00:45:08Oh, well, we can invite her if you want.
00:45:10No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:45:12Extra players need to register first.
00:45:15Oops.
00:45:17Okay, look, we don't have much time, okay?
00:45:19Wait, did you come here to save me from my pimp?
00:45:22Yeah, yeah, sure.
00:45:24Wait, why? Is he mistreating you?
00:45:26No, he's just so overprotective.
00:45:28You know, suffocating, like...
00:45:29Oh, shit.
00:45:30Hey, this is against house rules!
00:45:32Open up!
00:45:33Everybody out! Now!
00:45:34Nobody tells me what to do, girl.
00:45:36Kill him.
00:45:37Oh, shit.
00:45:39Oh, come on!
00:45:45Back, back, back, back.
00:45:50Worship is terminated!
00:45:57Sadly, we are also expecting a big protest
00:46:00against living imperative use.
00:46:01That's a real shame for freedom of speech.
00:46:03Well, if you're traveling by car
00:46:05and don't want to be late for dinner,
00:46:07you should definitely avoid the art district.
00:46:09Love.
00:46:11It's the best feeling, right?
00:46:14I'd rather be in a car crash.
00:46:20Freddie, pull over!
00:46:21Okay, okay, okay.
00:46:25Perfect.
00:46:32I'm stuck.
00:46:34Thank you. We can see that.
00:46:36I can't fucking believe it.
00:46:37You just drove right into him.
00:46:39He hit us!
00:46:40I'm not a liar.
00:46:41I've been worse.
00:46:43You weren't paying attention again.
00:46:45I was paying attention to you being negative.
00:46:48Again!
00:46:49Would you two just cut it?
00:46:50For, like, a second, please?
00:46:52News and news.
00:46:53Country Hill Cemetery has been the theater
00:46:54of yet another hate crime.
00:46:56The police are looking for three suspects
00:46:58driving a green delivery van.
00:47:00They are deemed armed and dangerous.
00:47:02You know, the police is looking for us now.
00:47:04Wait, what did we do this time?
00:47:05Oh, nothing serious.
00:47:06Just, you know, um...
00:47:08a hate crime!
00:47:09That is a load of bullcrap.
00:47:11Oh, right.
00:47:12You say you're the brain of the operation, Maggie,
00:47:14so you got any great plan to get us out of this?
00:47:16Yeah, I got a plan.
00:47:17I got a plan.
00:47:18I got it, uh, right, uh, right here.
00:47:21That's very mature, Maggie.
00:47:22Mm-hmm.
00:47:23Says the guy who looked at his own asshole.
00:47:26Asshole.
00:47:28Shut up.
00:47:29Asshole.
00:47:31Uh-huh.
00:47:33Ah!
00:47:34Captain!
00:47:35There, dickless.
00:47:36Go fetch.
00:47:37Guys, guys, guys, come on!
00:47:40None of our assholes are gonna matter
00:47:42if we don't get back on the road,
00:47:44like, right now!
00:47:46Okay.
00:47:49Oh!
00:47:51Ah!
00:47:57Hey, hey, hey.
00:47:59Come on, big guy.
00:48:02Don't mind me.
00:48:04Shut up.
00:48:05How about I call us an Uber?
00:48:09Hey, losers, clock is ticking.
00:48:13All right, now look, shitstick.
00:48:15We're on.
00:48:16Meet us at the Maddox Gallery with Grandma.
00:48:18Take it or leave it.
00:48:19Ha, that shitty attitude.
00:48:21I missed you, Maggie.
00:48:24What a twat.
00:48:26Old, glittery, fart-like bootlegs.
00:48:29Silvarella?
00:48:32Silvarella?
00:48:33Oh, shit.
00:48:35She's gone?
00:48:36Well, of course she's gone!
00:48:37I mean, we kidnapped her!
00:48:39Go get your girl!
00:48:41Go!
00:48:46No, no, no.
00:48:48No!
00:48:49Oh!
00:48:51Bad!
00:48:52Bad!
00:48:53Is Mr. Coleman appreciating his new scenery?
00:48:57Mr. Hannity, we've made great progress.
00:49:00However, I'm afraid we need more time.
00:49:02Why?
00:49:03I've seen the tests.
00:49:04They're fine.
00:49:06They looked...scary.
00:49:08Focus on scary and stay away from the party popper heads.
00:49:11Yes, this is the formula we have here,
00:49:14but it is extremely unstable and infectious.
00:49:17We don't know...
00:49:18Do you believe Coleman's special forces can't contain this?
00:49:22The protocol suggests that we perform additional testing.
00:49:26Maybe you're right.
00:49:30What are you doing?
00:49:32Following protocol.
00:49:34Oh, no.
00:49:36Oh, no.
00:49:37No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
00:49:40Let me out!
00:49:42Let me out of here!
00:49:45No!
00:49:46No!
00:50:10Silverella?
00:50:14Hello?
00:50:15Baby!
00:50:16No!
00:50:17No!
00:50:18Cut the crap.
00:50:19Where are you taking me?
00:50:20We're on a job, and we're taking you to automatics at the gallery.
00:50:21Automatics?
00:50:22Artist and billionaire?
00:50:23Yeah.
00:50:24Yeah.
00:50:25He wants you to be his date for tonight's event.
00:50:26Oh.
00:50:27Really?
00:50:28Oh.
00:50:29Oh.
00:50:30Oh.
00:50:31Oh.
00:50:32Oh.
00:50:33Oh.
00:50:34Oh.
00:50:35Oh.
00:50:36Oh.
00:50:37Oh.
00:50:38Oh.
00:50:39Oh.
00:50:40Oh.
00:50:41Oh.
00:50:42Oh.
00:50:43Oh.
00:50:44Oh.
00:50:45Oh, that's so romantic.
00:50:46Watch out.
00:50:47Watch out.
00:50:48Watch out.
00:50:49That's a bullet wound.
00:50:50It'll probably leave a scar.
00:50:51Oh.
00:50:52Oh.
00:50:53Oh.
00:50:54Oh.
00:50:55Oh.
00:50:56Oh.
00:50:57Oh.
00:50:58Oh.
00:50:59Oh.
00:51:00Oh.
00:51:01Oh.
00:51:02Oh.
00:51:03Oh.
00:51:04Oh.
00:51:05Oh.
00:51:06Oh.
00:51:07Oh.
00:51:08Oh.
00:51:09Oh.
00:51:10Oh.
00:51:11Oh.
00:51:12Oh.
00:51:13Oh.
00:51:14Oh.
00:51:15Oh.
00:51:16Oh.
00:51:17Oh.
00:51:18Oh.
00:51:19Oh.
00:51:20Oh.
00:51:21Oh.
00:51:22Oh.
00:51:23Oh.
00:51:24Oh.
00:51:25Oh.
00:51:26Oh.
00:51:27Oh.
00:51:28Oh.
00:51:29Oh.
00:51:30Oh.
00:51:31Oh.
00:51:32Oh.
00:51:33Oh.
00:51:34Oh.
00:51:35Oh.
00:51:36Oh.
00:51:37Oh.
00:51:38Oh.
00:51:39Oh.
00:51:40Oh.
00:51:41Oh.
00:51:42Oh.
00:51:43Oh.
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00:51:45Oh.
00:51:46Oh.
00:51:47Oh.
00:51:48Oh.
00:51:49Oh.
00:51:50Oh.
00:51:51Oh.
00:51:52Oh.
00:51:53Oh.
00:51:54Oh.
00:51:55Oh.
00:51:56Oh.
00:51:57Oh.
00:51:58Oh.
00:51:59Oh.
00:52:00Oh.
00:52:01Oh.
00:52:02Oh.
00:52:03Oh.
00:52:04Oh.
00:52:05Oh.
00:52:06Oh.
00:52:07Oh.
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00:52:14Oh.
00:52:15Oh.
00:52:16Oh.
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00:52:18Oh.
00:52:19Oh.
00:52:20Oh.
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00:52:47Oh.
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00:52:59Oh.
00:53:00Oh.
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00:53:02Oh.
00:53:03Oh.
00:53:04Oh.
00:53:05Oh.
00:53:06Oh.
00:53:07Oh.
00:53:08really nice officer that had no idea that we were wanted.
00:53:12And how was I supposed to know that?
00:53:14I thought that it was super brave.
00:53:15I am so done.
00:53:17I will be in the van.
00:53:18Fuck all of you.
00:53:23Well, we can't just leave him there.
00:53:24I'm Chelsea Lee, your favorite red carpet correspondent
00:53:39here at the Maddox Art Gallery, where the glitterati
00:53:42of Metropolis is here.
00:53:44And Mother Teresa is here.
00:53:47Mother Teresa, oh my goodness.
00:53:49Isn't she looking lovely in her designer robe?
00:53:52Nobody pulls off white and blue like Mother Teresa.
00:53:54Mother Teresa, you rock the white and blue.
00:53:58Martinis later?
00:54:00You should see her on the dance floor.
00:54:02She is a maniac.
00:54:04Here at Colman News, we don't let protesters ruin our night.
00:54:07And we just look forward to the art.
00:54:09I look forward to seeing what Automatics
00:54:11is going to release today.
00:54:13Who knows?
00:54:13Last time, it was very controversial.
00:54:15Tonight, it's probably going to be even more racy.
00:54:18But Colman News will show you everything.
00:54:52Let the show begin.
00:55:52Oh, my god.
00:56:07Have you guys seen this place?
00:56:08There she is, my queen.
00:56:13I was getting impatient.
00:56:16She's as magnificent as a thousand suns
00:56:19rising over the ocean.
00:56:22All of this is yours?
00:56:24Oh, yes, darling, yes.
00:56:26All of this and you.
00:56:31You sure know what you want.
00:56:34Wow.
00:56:35She's in pristine condition.
00:56:38Botox and fillers.
00:56:41You know how it is.
00:56:42I've got some work done myself.
00:56:50Ooh.
00:57:11OK.
00:57:12Let's get her clean and dressed.
00:57:14Stop right there, dude.
00:57:17You got our money?
00:57:18What I wouldn't give for the golden star of my celestial realm.
00:57:31Stop! Stop, okay? Stop! The deal is off!
00:57:36Shut the fuck up, Carl!
00:57:48No!
00:58:08You're trying to ruin my mood.
00:58:10No, no, no. He's just, you know, jealous.
00:58:13No! No, we like each other.
00:58:15It's real sweet, honey, but this is a huge opportunity for me, so...
00:58:23I'm so sorry, Grandma.
00:58:25She's not the real Zelverella! She's a Zelve girl!
00:58:30And she's the love of my life.
00:58:34Okay, listen, he is just being emotional.
00:58:36What did you just say?
00:58:38I said that he's just being emo-
00:58:40Not you!
00:58:46I got fooled by a cosplayer.
00:58:50She's a worthless fake!
00:58:52Do I look like a man you can play games with?
00:59:00What now?
00:59:16Yeah, come at me.
00:59:24Adios, guys!
00:59:26Go to hell, Don!
00:59:45No!
01:00:08I'm sorry.
01:00:11Dude, you just killed Mother Teresa!
01:00:13She was so mean!
01:00:14Super rude!
01:00:15Way out of character!
01:00:23Hit that glittery fucker!
01:00:31Not bad for a worthless fake, huh?
01:00:41No!
01:00:52Play nice!
01:01:07Why are they so hostile all of a sudden?
01:01:10There has to be a logical explanation.
01:01:12Maybe there's bath salts in the hors d'oeuvres.
01:01:16That's actually plausible.
01:01:20Hey, you really meant what you said up there, Master Underscore Bader?
01:01:26You can actually call me Carl.
01:01:30I'm Jane.
01:01:33Go, go, go!
01:01:46Move, move, move! Come on!
01:01:48Guys, we gotta go! Go, go, go!
01:01:50Holy fuck, can you guys see this?
01:01:52Yeah, it's like-
01:01:53Like in the movies.
01:01:54Yeah.
01:01:55What the hell are we supposed to do now?
01:01:56Okay, we charge at them, and we hit them in the brain,
01:01:58What the hell are we supposed to do now?
01:01:59Okay, we charge at them, and we hit them in the brain,
01:02:01real hard.
01:02:02Yeah, and don't let them bite you.
01:02:03Great plan. Genius.
01:02:05Thanks.
01:02:06Oh, that was sarcasm.
01:02:09Oh, for fuck's sakes.
01:02:11Where's my money?
01:02:12Look, we have it.
01:02:14Almost.
01:02:15What do you mean, almost?
01:02:16Do you know what freaking time it is?
01:02:17It's freaking time's up!
01:02:23The terrorists have been identified as being
01:02:25Carl Neird, Freddie Merckx, Maggie Neird, and Jane Doe.
01:02:28Feminist, activist, terrorist.
01:02:31All very dangerous to our freedom.
01:02:34Oh, man, we're terrorists!
01:02:35No, no, no, no, we're bioterrorists.
01:02:37Okay? It's far worse.
01:02:38Thank you, Carl. That really helps a lot.
01:02:41Wait.
01:02:42Where's Jane?
01:02:43Who?
01:02:47Oh, she's right there.
01:02:51They're not attacking her.
01:02:52I know, it's weird.
01:02:53It's like they're only attracted to us.
01:02:55Warm-blooded.
01:02:57Look, she's getting her money.
01:03:04That backstabbing bitch.
01:03:06Heart-stabbing, Maggie.
01:03:08Heart-stabbing.
01:03:24Okay.
01:03:38So we hit him in the brain.
01:03:39Real hard.
01:03:41Here.
01:03:43Oh, because I'm the girl?
01:03:44No, because you're badass.
01:03:49Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
01:03:51Before we do this and, you know, most probably die,
01:03:54I just thought it would be really cool to have you as a brother-in-law.
01:03:57Hey! Don't I get a say in that?
01:04:00Okay, uh, listen, Maggie.
01:04:01I'm really sorry being jealous of your ex-boyfriend, who is an asshole.
01:04:06And I'm sorry, too, okay?
01:04:07I know I made the plan fail, and that was selfish.
01:04:10I get it, so...
01:04:12I'm sorry.
01:04:13You guys are so lame.
01:04:15But adorable.
01:04:16All right, fine.
01:04:17Okay, uh...
01:04:19I swear to God, if we ever get out of this thing alive,
01:04:21I will...
01:04:23play D&D with you.
01:04:27Good enough.
01:04:28Dude, that's huge!
01:04:29I know!
01:04:30Okay.
01:04:32So...
01:04:34We're gonna show these rotten bastards what happens.
01:04:37Hey!
01:04:39Hold on.
01:04:40Maggie.
01:04:41You can't go into battle with your shit on.
01:04:44You can't go into battle with your shoes untied.
01:04:48Okay.
01:04:50All right.
01:04:51We're gonna show these rotten bastards what happens when Wild Gringo gets wild!
01:05:07We're invincible.
01:05:15Oh, yeah!
01:05:19Ow! Motherfucker!
01:05:22Maggie!
01:05:23That's why we drink our milk!
01:05:25Well, that doesn't tolerate assholes!
01:05:36Okay.
01:05:37All right, I'm gonna pick you up.
01:05:39I'm strong enough to do that.
01:05:42Freddie!
01:05:52Freddie!
01:05:53Freddie, come on, wake up!
01:05:54Freddie, come on, please!
01:05:55Freddie!
01:06:00Oh, shit!
01:06:01Oh, shit!
01:06:06Freddie!
01:06:07Freddie!
01:06:08Freddie!
01:06:09Freddie!
01:06:11No!
01:06:15Oh, shit!
01:06:19Boss?
01:06:29She's a destroyer!
01:06:35Oh, God!
01:06:36Oh, God!
01:06:41Fucker!
01:06:49Welcome to Pain City!
01:06:51Population huge!
01:06:55Freddie!
01:06:59Yes, okay.
01:07:06Come here.
01:07:10Pick it back, buddy!
01:07:14That's what I'm talking about!
01:07:21Hey, don't make me piss off Daddy, man!
01:07:24Oh, my God!
01:07:27Oh, my God!
01:07:40Oh, my God!
01:07:47Oh, yeah!
01:08:00Whoa!
01:08:01Guys!
01:08:02Bingo!
01:08:03Bingo!
01:08:04Bingo!
01:08:05Bingo!
01:08:06Whoa!
01:08:10That was crazy!
01:08:11Freddie, no!
01:08:36James?
01:08:37Everybody, get on your knees!
01:08:41Now!
01:08:48I'm surprised you're all still alive.
01:08:52But glad to meet the terrorists behind Project Zoltan.
01:08:57It's Dracula's hound.
01:08:58Shut up, Carl!
01:08:59What are you saying?
01:09:00This massacre just exposed your true nature to the world, you filthy zombies.
01:09:07Hey, she's living in Paris.
01:09:11Down on the ground, now!
01:09:14Fuck.
01:09:28Oh, Hannity, man.
01:09:30I bet you didn't see this one coming, huh?
01:09:32Tell me, how does it feel to be on your knees?
01:09:34Now is not the time, Dave.
01:09:36My name is Stanley.
01:09:38How many fucking times do I have to tell you that?
01:09:40Who the hell is Dave, anyway?
01:09:41Calm down, everything is fine.
01:09:43We have the money.
01:09:44My money!
01:09:45Hey, time out.
01:09:46Finders keepers.
01:09:47Sneaky bitch.
01:09:50Baby, I'm so sorry.
01:09:51I was really scared.
01:09:53She was scared, Max.
01:09:54She's lying, Carl!
01:09:55You don't know that.
01:09:56I agree with both of you.
01:09:58Shut up!
01:10:00Enough with the fucking bickering!
01:10:01Do you hear yourself?
01:10:02I'm scared.
01:10:03I agree with you both.
01:10:04I should shoot all of you in the fucking face!
01:10:08Give me that!
01:10:10Nice.
01:10:11Now...
01:10:14Where was I?
01:10:15Ah, yes.
01:10:17Your days of roaming our streets
01:10:20and infecting us with diseases
01:10:23are over.
01:10:24The last disease I caught wasn't from a dead guy.
01:10:26You know, you got some nasty shit going on inside your lab yourself.
01:10:30I've seen it.
01:10:32I bet you orchestrated this whole fucking thing.
01:10:35So it wasn't bath salts.
01:10:37You made them look bad so you could cash in on some
01:10:40big-ass Coleman cleanup contract
01:10:42and be the goddamn hero, didn't you?
01:10:44And you all are the perfect scapegoats, aren't you?
01:10:51You got me.
01:10:52You got me, clever girl.
01:10:54Too bad.
01:10:56I want everyone to find out.
01:10:59Carl!
01:11:00Laser penis!
01:11:08Yes!
01:11:10No mask!
01:11:11Yeah, I know!
01:11:12Ready!
01:11:22You ruined everything, you wretched scum!
01:11:25What have you done?!
01:11:27Throw that fucking favor!
01:11:33You look better dead, baby.
01:11:38Nice shot.
01:11:39Good pass.
01:11:48Oh!
01:11:50It's a miracle!
01:11:51You fucking fucker!
01:11:58I love you too, Maggie.
01:12:00Yeah, nice try, shit-face.
01:12:03I'm sorry.
01:12:05Uh, guys?
01:12:07I hate to interrupt, but where's the money?
01:12:14And where's Stan?
01:12:35Paul, we can't.
01:12:38What would my father say?
01:12:41I can't be beat together.
01:12:43I love you.
01:12:46I'll pick up the money.
01:12:48Shit.
01:12:52I'll pick up the money.
01:12:53You know, go ahead.
01:12:54I got the money.
01:12:55Bitch.
01:12:56Yeah!
01:13:05Come on, come on, come on.
01:13:14Any moment now.
01:13:16Here they are, Brad.
01:13:17Our terrorists are exiting the building by the front door as we speak.
01:13:20Anything to say for your defense?
01:13:22Yeah!
01:13:23We're innocent!
01:13:24I've recorded everything and I have proof!
01:13:26I've recorded everything and I have proof!
01:13:30I do!
01:13:35I do!
01:13:43Yeah, so I skipped to the end.
01:13:47Oh, I know, I'm cheating.
01:13:51All the good news is, we got Granny back.
01:13:56She's living in Paris now, but she always thought she was, so I guess she's finally happy.
01:14:04And we didn't get arrested.
01:14:07Turns out that Captain Galactica's keychain plan didn't work out as I'd hoped.
01:14:10It didn't prove anything.
01:14:13But...
01:14:15All hell broke loose.
01:14:17The infection got out and spread like crazy.
01:14:27Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:14:34Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:04Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:07Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:10Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:13Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:16Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:19Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:22Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:25Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:28Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:31Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:33Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:36Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:39Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:42Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:45Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:48Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:51Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:54Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:15:57Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:00Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:03Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:06Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:09Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:12Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:15Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:18Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:21Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:24Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:27Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:30Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:33Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:36Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:39Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:42Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:45Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:48Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:51Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:54Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:16:57Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:00Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:03Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:06Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:09Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:12Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:15Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:18Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:21Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:24Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:27Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:30Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:33Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:36Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:39Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:42Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:45Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:48Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:51Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:54Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:17:57Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:00Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:03Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:06Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:09Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:12Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:15Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:18Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:21Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:24Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:27Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:30Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:33Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
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01:18:48Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:51Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:54Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:18:57Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:19:00Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:19:03Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:19:06Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.
01:19:09Welcome to the real zombie apocalypse.