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00:00I
00:10Know no no no no Megan if you don't hit the solar plexus
00:14You're not gonna stop the heart, but I punctured this sternum. Where did he bleed to death?
00:18Sure in about eight or nine minutes if you hit a artery that sounded like such a sure thing is it sorry daddy
00:25Now that's okay princess
00:27Yeah
00:28That's good. Shelby trust. No one okay, Rodney show your sister. How it's done
00:33Don't tip your moves remember warfare is based on deception
00:38attaboy
00:41Look at that guy
00:43Teaching his kids that you can solve problems with violence
00:46I blame rap music laugh if you will Wanda
00:49But I happen to believe it's a father's job to guide his child down a more civilized path
00:53I swear sometimes. I think the universe is playing a cosmic joke sticking me and Carl together
01:02Well I'm off to win the province of Gascony back from the French should I keep the boar's head warm sure
01:07It's not like it's gonna take a hundred years
01:11Well I'm off to moisten the dust a little bighorn with the blood of our enemies you stay behind and guard the corn good luck
01:17Strikes like thunder you too prepares thick sauces
01:21Well there's Normandy boys smoke them if you got them
01:28Anybody brave enough for mint jelly
01:31You know I'm sure a guy like Carl was useful in prehistoric times
01:34But the new millennium requires a more evolved man like you well
01:38That's not what I was saying, but I suppose if you had to name an example
01:43What's wrong the disposal is broken great now. I have to call a repairman. That's not necessarily a repairman
01:49That's not necessary. I appreciate the vote of confidence honey, but plumbing is really not my
01:54Okay, Rodney hit the juice
01:58It sounds better than before as long as I had the housing pop. I went ahead and torch your rotor blades. Thank you
02:06FYI Wanda you should never put cheese in the disposal when you're running hot water that would be me
02:12I
02:14Was making stuffed mushrooms hey you want to see my imitation of is it poppin?
02:20Rodney oh no no no let him go. This is pretty funny
02:24Hey, this is good
02:27This is very very good. All right come on son spew the food. It's rude to keep people waiting. No way so it's over
02:35I
02:38Guess I'll have to do it myself. Hey you got any cottage cheese this keg is really designed around cottage cheese
02:46People who can fix things with their hands are so impressive hmm watching Carl today
02:51I don't know there was something almost thrilling about the way he handled those tools
02:55I wonder if he could fix our VCR. I told you I would fix that I know honey, but that was two years ago
03:01Oh, sorry, I guess I've had a few other little items on my to-do list make a living raise a daughter fine forget it
03:10Why don't you marry your precious Carl if you love him so much, that's what I should have said
03:15I can hear you
03:24Fattening you haven't touched your dinner. I'm hungry. Well you need to eat your greens here have some salad
03:31How can you call jello with mini marshmallows salad and this tastes like a bathroom rug?
03:37Hey, if your mother can take the time to boil that meat you can take the time to eat it, but it's bland
03:42So spice it up
03:46What's gotten into you you never complained about food before maybe I never tasted food before eats no
03:56Drugs just eat your cheese single dear oh
04:05Yeah
04:16I can hear you
04:18See if you can hear me after you take a flying leap. That's what I should have said that would have clamped her up
04:23Clamped her up good
04:25Mr.. Mac is talking to himself Darryl does that sometimes so did my grandma?
04:29I truly believe that really old people can hear voices from the other side. He's not even 30
04:36Wanda busy could you ladies come out here, please?
04:39That's
04:44Right Zoe your favorite program is on at night, and that can only mean
04:50Darryl you fixed the VCR yes, I did, and I think we can all take away a little lesson from this evening
04:59Leave repairs to the professionals
05:03Stupid fuse
05:10Oh
05:30What could have tripped the main grid
05:33What's that it's coming from Carl's house sounds like a 5,000 kilowatt hybrid diesel electric generator
05:40Oh
05:41God bless that
05:43Here's the triangle people food water security
05:47That's all there is
05:48First food as of now everybody goes on a strictly rationed diet of meat flavored soy product and rehydrated spinach flakes
05:56No worse than what we usually eat don't interrupt your father while he's laying at the post-apocalyptic order second water
06:02There's enough in my underground tanks to last us three weeks after that we dissolve aqua germicidal tablets in our urine
06:09Thank God we got car. He's worth a hundred of the other kind of man finally security Rodney
06:16Megan Shelby spread out and patrol the perimeter
06:19Don't forget your tasers
06:22Where's the bathroom there's two non-electric composting toilets out back sombrero on the junk store decorative fan on the gals
06:29He thinks of everything
06:30I hope someone tries to shoot Carl so I can take the bullet
06:34Carl isn't all this survivalist stuff a little excessive
06:37We prefer the term independent urban dweller Daryl
06:40And if you call ensuring the safety of our wives and children excessive, but we're just gonna have to agree to disagree on that one
06:47Hello, Carl Doug
06:51Power out on Oak Street, too. Yep. We heard you had food and water you heard, right?
06:57We'd be happy to share it with you. Well, that's what option of course
07:02There'd be more for us if we just took it and I guess there's only one way to settle this
07:15Cage match to the death. This is crazy Murphy. Can't you do something? The law went out with the power McPherson kill him Carl
07:24You ready to do this almost
07:27Now I'm ready, I thought we agreed no weapons this is about survival Bitterman
07:35Hate to get blood on the lawn throws off the pH
07:45I've got to stop this
07:47Hey
07:51What's happened to us are we no better than a pack of dogs fighting over a carcass we're civilized human beings
07:58We belong to the same homeowners association
08:01Carol I've signed your petition to put in speed bumps Jim. My wife buys Mary Kay from your wife Steve
08:09That's my barbecue fork. You've got pressed against mrs. Thorson's neck now, please
08:13Let's stop this insanity and act like the reasonable good people we are
08:21Three men enter one man leaves
08:43Enter
08:51Eight and a half minutes our power company is really on the beam
08:55Oh, I can still catch the order part of law and order need any help taking down the death cage
09:00No, I got it bowling Tuesday Tuesday's good
09:05Carl was right all along people are animals
09:08Life is nothing more than a struggle for survival Daryl. Nobody was hurt. It's over everything
09:14I was going to teach Zoey to value all the so-called finer things in life all worthless
09:19She'd be better off learning how to throw nunchucks. You don't throw nunchucks. I
09:24Thought the VCR was broken. Oh Carl popped over and fixed it just before he oiled up for the deathmatch
09:31I'm going for a walk. I've got a good mind to give up living
09:39And go shopping instead
09:48To pick out me a tombstone and be pronounced dead
09:59That's cilantro
10:02I
10:06Love
10:08I
10:25Rodney what are you doing out here trying to be like you? Huh? Is that stuffed mushroom you made?
10:31It was like having a piece of God in my mouth. You liked it that much. I'm trying to recreate it all night
10:36Well, let's have a taste
10:41Hmm the Cumans fighting the garlic still this shows a lot of promise
10:46That means a lot coming from you. But why are you sneaking around out here? That's my dad
10:51He's the worst father in the world. He is he starts yelling if he even suggests something could taste better. That sounds terrible
10:59You know it. Well, I gotta tell you Rodney if I were you I would resent him a lot
11:03Say, you know if you Julian those carrots, they'll retain more of the sauce
11:14Darryl hi, honey. Where have you been? Oh, you know out and about not doing anything
11:18Really you seem awfully happy for someone who didn't do anything. Do I huh? Well you going back to sleep. Good night
11:32I
11:34I
11:36I
11:58Wanda has a baby. She's fine. It's Darryl. I'm worried about I think he might be having an affair
12:04Oh Wanda Darryl wouldn't cheat on you. Really? Of course not. He's the type who's so grateful. Somebody actually married him
12:10He'd never do anything to blow it. Hey, what are we talking about? Wanda thinks Darryl's having an affair?
12:16Why is that so funny well in the first place he'd have to seduce somebody he seduced me
12:23Oh, so does so mrs. Mac thinks mr. Mac's fooling around Darryl not a chance
12:30For
12:32Your information my Darryl is a completely different man when he takes off his glasses
12:37I wouldn't be surprised if he'd had affairs with scores of women. In fact, I'll bet you right now
12:42He's in some crummy motel licking dime store whiskey off the small of a cheap whore's back. So there
12:51She sure loves that man
12:53Rodney you can't stay in there all night. Yes. I can't you'll miss your dinner big deal
12:59What is going on with you lately? Are you gay? Are you hopped up on goofballs?
13:03I can't understand you if you won't talk to me son. I don't feel like talking open this door
13:10No, there's a five pound can ham on the table. What are the rest of us gonna eat? Oh
13:18That's it
13:21That's it
13:26So, what'd you bring tonight keepers chevrolet something even more exciting
13:32It's time for the King Louis Cajun. Cook. La la. Here's your host King
13:41Who won't eat like the pig I didn't come here to watch TV I came here to cook
13:47Patience little man. Okay before we see some crawfish to a fiery death
13:52I want to remind you about the upcoming King Louis little chefs cook off
13:57So winning on phone gets an autographed copy of King Louis
14:01Blacking like me and a set of the capital on saucepan
14:08Nothing eats more evenly the nose. Do you think I'm good enough? I know you are
14:13I sent in a square of your goat cheese empanada and they accepted you
14:17I thought the crust on that empanada was a little soggy. I guess others disagree. Don't get cocky
14:24We still got a lot of work to do
14:30Hey, this garlic press is my initials on it. Well, I guess you better just keep it then gee, mr
14:37McPherson, you're the greatest man I've ever known
14:39You
14:44Know I was crazy to think Daryl would cheat on me. He's much too good and kind and decent
14:50In fact, I've been taking him for granted
14:54Rolling my eyes when he makes his little speeches. So what if he can't fix the VCR? There's nothing on anymore but cartoons
15:02Oh
15:05Hi, I was just thinking about you, yeah, we made some magic last night, didn't we?
15:11Yeah, I'm glad you like the present. Of course. I'll see you tonight
15:15Don't worry. I'll feed the wife some excuse
15:17Okay. Bye
15:19So Wanda, who is she Daryl Rodney?
15:23He's got this gift that would have gone completely unnoticed if I hadn't come along
15:27I'm like a father to the boy, but he already has a father
15:31Well, Carl can't give him what I can all that survival of the fittest crap is crushing his gentle spirit
15:37Rodney yes, Rodney working with him has restored my faith that man was put on this earth for a higher purpose
15:47Rodney
15:53I
16:00See you brought your own garlic press can't get anything by you
16:06See you do a lot of Creole cooking in New Orleans has that by you. I got it
16:11Rodney I'd like you to meet your competition. This is Gunther Beckenbauer. He's come all the way from Berlin
16:19East Berlin Rodney Beardman. May the best man win this thought to you then
16:24American cats up an aerosol cheese. I will bury you
16:29Huh
16:46Mr. Pearson
16:48Very well Gunther's victory is a hot appetizer competition puts him in the lead
16:52But Rodney can still catch up if he win the final event
16:57Don't go nowhere
17:03The swill you call bisque was no match for my harvest squash puree. Oh
17:09I'll think I can do this. Sure. You can just remember what I taught you. Hello, Rodney
17:15You want to talk now or should I wait until you finish putting on your makeup? Look Carl, I can explain
17:19You've caused enough trouble Daryl. Let's go son. Yes
17:24If I so said American boy your father is doing you a favor
17:28What's that supposed to mean that the fry chef you call a son has no chance against my superior culinary arsenal
17:37Come on Rodney. Is that what the bittermans do walk away from a fight now?
17:42Hold on Daryl in World War two. My grandfather was on the front lines. So was mine Carl ten seconds
17:50What's it gonna be fight on or wave the white flag
17:58Put your puffy hat on son
17:59You really think I can do it dad if your great-grandfather could do it on the beaches of Normandy
18:04You can do it on the sound stages of the Cajun food channel
18:07Oh
18:15It's time for the final competition
18:17Our little chefs will each take a bite as a mystery dish then go to their kitchens and recreate it
18:23Well, they're putting on the blindfolds. We're gonna let you in on the secret
18:37Oh
18:42Okay, two man's and one man she Lee
18:57Where'd he learn to do that
19:00Oh
19:04Not the lemon juice why not you never add lemon to a cream sauce, it's one of the first things I taught him
19:16She is up now was a final reckoning
19:20The
19:28Winner of kingly was little chef's cook-off is
19:33right now Biddle man
19:43To Lemonade, but he put in far more lemon than I oh
19:46Look at that. I must have forgot to take off the plastic seal
19:52You deceived me someone once taught me all warfare is based on deception
20:00Now you just run along home tell your chancellor not to get any big ideas. Yes, sir
20:07To my son to my student to the two greatest men. I know
20:11You
20:15Know what kept us going out there Mac the thought of your wives and kids back home. Nope your macaroon tartlets eat them if you got
20:22them boys