Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 6/6

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Best Seller Romance Audiobook Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Best Seller Romance Series Book 3 Part 6/6

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00:00:00Rejection had scarred Kyle as much as the wounds he'd received from Ray.

00:00:04But he was nothing if not loyal, and never once abandoned Jake, even when he'd not been afforded the same courtesy.

00:00:12Isolated and vulnerable, Jake left the door open for bullies to get a foothold.

00:00:17After only a couple of weeks, he was coming home with bruises, all while steadfastly refusing to rat out the culprits.

00:00:25It was almost as if Jake welcomed the fists.

00:00:28There was no fight left in him.

00:00:30He did what he was told without protest.

00:00:33Kyle, of course, did not subscribe to Jake's apathetic ways, and spent more time home on suspension for fighting than at school.

00:00:42Jake's final day came two months later, when an altercation in the boys' bathroom woke him up, and he rained fury down upon his tormentors.

00:00:50It took three teachers to pull him off, and two bullies were sent home battered and bruised.

00:00:56Had he been anyone else, Jake would have been expelled, but because of his special circumstances,

00:01:02my brother was given a one-week suspension,

00:01:05which turned into three when he refused to return, and then into an epic battle of wills with our beleaguered parents.

00:01:13In the end, Jake won the fight, resumed homeschooling, and returned our frazzled household to normal.

00:01:21It was during this time that music returned to the McAllister home.

00:01:25Once such a common sound in our musical family, the beautiful melodies had stopped the day Jake disappeared,

00:01:32and no one had thought to pick up an instrument since.

00:01:35But part of the deal Jake had made with our parents in order to resume his stay-at-home studies

00:01:39was that he would promise to begin practicing again.

00:01:43The day Mom dragged him to the piano was one I'd never forget.

00:01:47I was in my room when I heard those first few notes, and as if it were a beacon of light on the horizon,

00:01:53I followed its life-saving beam.

00:01:56Peeking into the family room, I saw Mom and Jake sitting side-by-side at the piano.

00:02:02She was coaxing him to play, but he was a wounded soul in need of guidance.

00:02:07I watched as her fingers pressed over his and they played a song together.

00:02:12The sight was so sincere and profound that I backed out of the room to give them the moment in private.

00:02:18Instead, I sat with my back against the wall,

00:02:22silent tears of relief and joy streaming down my face.

00:02:26That song you were playing yesterday, I addressed Jake under my bed tent.

00:02:31The one you played over and over. What was it?

00:02:35It was nothing. Just something I made up.

00:02:38That's not nothing, Jake. It was beautiful. You've always been so talented.

00:02:44I thought the music was helping you cope. What happened today?

00:02:48Why did you try to kill yourself?

00:02:51Because nothing can cure me, Emma. I'm doomed.

00:02:55Why do you say that? You didn't do anything wrong.

00:02:59You have no idea what I did.

00:03:03I saw something then, deep in his shattered gaze. Shame.

00:03:08Tell me. That was the deal.

00:03:11The silence lasted so long, I assumed this conversation would be like all others. Lots of stress with no resolution in sight.

00:03:19But Jake surprised me with the first bit of honesty I'd heard since his return.

00:03:24That day,

00:03:26he spoke so low that I had to lean in to hear him.

00:03:30When he took me and dumped me in that room, I wasn't alone.

00:03:35I didn't know it at first because Ray was such a fucking nightmare, you know.

00:03:39I was just focusing on staying alive.

00:03:42But when he finally left me alone for a few minutes, I saw him in a cage,

00:03:48cowering away from me.

00:03:50A boy? I asked, wide-eyed and disbelieving. How had this never come out?

00:03:57No, a dog.

00:03:59A dog, I repeated, still reeling from the information dump I was receiving.

00:04:05Ray had picked him up at the pound a week before,

00:04:08starved him, abused him. By the time I got there, the little thing was as traumatized as I was.

00:04:15He was this small terrier mix.

00:04:19Ugly, with coarse fur, and all folded up with his tail between his legs.

00:04:24He shook so hard I thought he'd stop his own heart.

00:04:27I tried talking to him, but he growled if I got near. It took a few days.

00:04:32But I finally coaxed him from the relative safety of the cage, and we bonded. I even gave him a name.

00:04:40Glenn. In honor of Dad's stupid pet names, you know.

00:04:45I nodded and smiled sympathetically toward him.

00:04:47I already knew where this story was going, and that it would not end well for poor little Glenn.

00:04:53As if acknowledging my fears, Jake messed it up before continuing.

00:04:58I never thought I'd see any of you again.

00:05:01Glenn became my world, and I loved him more than you could ever imagine.

00:05:06He was there for me during the worst of times.

00:05:09He tried to protect me, Emma.

00:05:12Snapping at Ray,

00:05:13even biting him a couple of times.

00:05:15But see, that's what he wanted.

00:05:18Glenn wasn't brought there to be my friend.

00:05:21He was brought there to be a pawn in this elaborate mind game Ray was playing with me.

00:05:26The whole point was for me to love the dog so he could then be ripped from my life like everyone else I ever loved.

00:05:33Everything was falling into place, or so I thought.

00:05:37How could I have known the deprivation ran so much deeper than my innocent mind could ever have fathomed?

00:05:44He used Glenn against me,

00:05:46delivering ultimatums.

00:05:48Him or me.

00:05:50I tried so hard to save him.

00:05:53I sacrificed myself.

00:05:54Took the pain so he wouldn't have to.

00:05:57Went without food so he could eat, but I knew. I knew the day would come when I couldn't protect him anymore.

00:06:04Jake took a moment to draw air into his lungs. He was shaking from the sheer force of the memories sweeping through him.

00:06:12None of this was your fault, I said in a weak attempt to ease his sadness.

00:06:17You did your best.

00:06:19You have no reason to feel guilt and no reason to punish yourself over this.

00:06:25You don't understand, Emma.

00:06:27Ray didn't kill Glenn.

00:06:29Jake dipped his head, a sob escaping him.

00:06:34I did.

00:06:36It took a minute to recover from his admission, but when it finally hit home,

00:06:41I burst into tears.

00:06:43I hadn't even known Glenn, and yet I'd become fully invested in that little dog who loved my brother enough to try to protect him

00:06:50from a monster.

00:06:52It got worse every day.

00:06:54The choices I had to make to save him.

00:06:57I knew at some point I wouldn't be strong enough to put Glenn first.

00:07:01The dog was going to die.

00:07:03It was just a matter of when and how much he was going to suffer.

00:07:07Do you understand, Emma?

00:07:10I had to do it. I couldn't let him have my dog. I owed Glenn that much.

00:07:16So I did it.

00:07:18I killed him, and when he died, so did I.

00:07:26Chapter 23

00:07:29Emma, Full Circle

00:07:33Finn and I mingled with the family in a light-hearted afternoon of food and good company.

00:07:38I was understandably fidgety, knowing what I had to say and expecting the reactions to swing the pendulum of emotions.

00:07:46I left the group behind to use the bathroom, as I was doing a lot lately.

00:07:51Five and a half months along, and I was now really beginning to show.

00:07:55Thankfully, the billowing shirt I'd worn hadn't seemed to raise suspicions just yet.

00:08:00In the next few weeks, though, there would be no hiding, nor did I want to.

00:08:05I rubbed my belly and smiled into the mirror. I could hardly wait to meet my baby.

00:08:11Coming back through the kitchen, I found Mom standing at the counter, cutting up fruit.

00:08:16Music from outside sounded through the open door, preventing her from hearing my approach.

00:08:22I stopped in my tracks as I took in her dreamy expression.

00:08:25Mom was peering out the window, watching her family with a happy smile on her face.

00:08:31Jake was right about her undying devotion to us.

00:08:34This had always been enough for my mother, her family, her children, and it was something I'd begrudged her for half of my life.

00:08:43Somehow, I'd always thought if she'd loved us more, she wouldn't have abandoned us in our time of need.

00:08:48But now I was finally realizing it was that undying love that had destroyed her in the first place.

00:08:55Oh, Emma! she jumped. You startled me.

00:08:59Sorry, I frowned, slipping onto a barstool.

00:09:03No need to apologize. I love the company.

00:09:06You look happy, I commented. She smiled.

00:09:10I like it when everyone is together. I think in a former life

00:09:14I was probably one of those sheepdogs who are only happy when they're herding everyone together.

00:09:19I can't believe how fast the years go.

00:09:22You're all grown up now.

00:09:24Does that make you sad? I asked.

00:09:26Mom's eyes filled with tears, but she smiled as she wiped them away.

00:09:31It does and it doesn't. I miss the younger years,

00:09:34but I love watching you all grow into the people you were meant to be. If you ask me, you're all pretty damn awesome.

00:09:42I nodded, suddenly nostalgic, though I felt a bit unworthy of the devotion.

00:09:47I'd done very little for her in the past decade to really deserve it.

00:09:51Mom, are you disappointed in me?

00:09:54What? she blurted out, looking horrified I'd say such a thing. Of course not. Why would you ask me that?

00:10:03I guessed because I would be if I were you. My throat clenched as I fought to hold back the tears.

00:10:10I haven't been a very good daughter.

00:10:12My mother came around the counter and settled onto the stool next to me. Her hand gently touched my arm.

00:10:19Emma, you know I adore you. Where's this coming from?

00:10:23It's just... I have a lot of regrets.

00:10:27Oh well, if that's the issue then get in line behind me. My regrets circle around the block.

00:10:33You have nothing to regret, Mom.

00:10:36Please, I'm not naive. I know what I've done. To you, to Kyle, to everyone, really.

00:10:42I have to live with those regrets because I can never take back the things I did and said.

00:10:48All I can do is try to make up for the terrible mistakes I made.

00:10:52You did the best you could under the circumstances.

00:10:55No, I didn't. I used to tell myself that, but now I know it was just a cop-out.

00:11:02I gave up, Emma. I gave up on Jake and you and everyone.

00:11:07Instead of fighting, I just abandoned you all. I was weak, devastated.

00:11:12I shudder to think what would have happened if we hadn't gotten him back.

00:11:16I don't think I would have survived.

00:11:19No, I don't think you would have either.

00:11:21The tears were freely flowing down Mom's cheeks now and I rounded the counter to get her a napkin.

00:11:27Mom dabbed at her eyes as I sat back down on my stool.

00:11:32I know I've apologized to you a hundred times, Emma, but I don't think you've ever really heard me before.

00:11:39I want you to listen now.

00:11:41I'm sorry.

00:11:42What you did,

00:11:44the way you stepped up to fill a role that wasn't yours,

00:11:47it was beyond what any 16-year-old girl should have had to shoulder.

00:11:51And I know that your experience has warped your views of love and family and I take responsibility for that.

00:11:58I genuinely wish my shortcomings hadn't affected you the way they did.

00:12:02I love you and only want the best of everything for my little girl.

00:12:07Mom stopped to gather her emotions and then continued.

00:12:11So to answer your earlier question,

00:12:13no, I'm not disappointed in you and I never have been.

00:12:17My concern for you has always stemmed from my own guilt.

00:12:20I just desperately want you to have a fulfilling life,

00:12:24something I fear I've robbed you of.

00:12:27We both sat quietly on the barstools, staring out the window at all the people we loved.

00:12:32My mother had always put us first and nearly died in the process,

00:12:37but look at what she had to show for it now.

00:12:40We were moving forward and her and dad's commitment was what had carried us through.

00:12:46I'd been blaming my mother for being weak when it was her strength that had kept us together.

00:12:51Maybe carrying a child of my own had finally opened my eyes to the sacrifices she'd made.

00:12:57I'm going to have a baby, mom, I whispered. I'm five months along.

00:13:03I could feel her shock. It was hanging in the air, electrified.

00:13:08Her eyes were on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet them with my own.

00:13:13I'm just, are you okay? I know you've never wanted children.

00:13:18Emma, look at me.

00:13:20Slowly, I lifted my eyes.

00:13:23How are you feeling about this?

00:13:25I set my hand on my stomach.

00:13:28I'm scared. I don't know if I have it in me to be the mother.

00:13:32I stopped, choking up.

00:13:34To be the mother you were.

00:13:37My mom burst into tears.

00:13:38I wrapped my arms around her and we both cried.

00:13:43She'd suffered so much but had pulled herself out of hell and kept our family together.

00:13:48Instead of resenting her, I should have been hailing her for the incredible role model she truly was.

00:13:55My mother was strong and loving and loyal.

00:13:58She was who I wanted to be.

00:14:01I'm sorry, mom.

00:14:02The way I've treated you.

00:14:04I was so angry.

00:14:06What happened to Jake, to all of us.

00:14:08I was just so angry and I needed someone to blame.

00:14:12You were the easiest target.

00:14:14I knew I could hurt you, so I did.

00:14:17If it's any consolation, it never made me feel better.

00:14:21I know now you tried your best and really, you were, are, an amazing mother.

00:14:27And dad, he's my hero.

00:14:30You raised six healthy, happy children.

00:14:34And after everything we went through, that's nothing short of a miracle.

00:14:38Mom straightened up, wiping away her tears.

00:14:42Thank you, Emma.

00:14:44You have no idea what that means to me.

00:14:47And just so you know, it's perfectly normal to have fears about motherhood.

00:14:51When I was pregnant with Keith, I had dreams that I kept him in an aquarium and fed him fish food.

00:14:57So yeah, I guess you could say I was nervous about the type of mother I'd be too.

00:15:02But the moment you hold that baby in your arms, all your questions will be answered.

00:15:07I promise.

00:15:09I lay my head on her shoulder and she stroked my hair.

00:15:13Kyle walked in, took one look at our teary faces,

00:15:16and made an about face and hightailed it out of the kitchen.

00:15:20We both laughed.

00:15:22Such a guy, mom said, shaking her head.

00:15:25He acted like we were about to tie him up and dip him headfirst into a big gooey pot of feelings.

00:15:31I lifted my head, chuckling at my mom's very accurate assessment of Kyle's horrified face.

00:15:38Does Finn know? she asked.

00:15:41Yes.

00:15:42How does he feel about the baby?

00:15:45Oh, you know, he's loving the whole thing.

00:15:47Can't wait.

00:15:49Obviously, it was a huge shock for both of us,

00:15:51but we're committed to this baby and determined to give him or her a good life.

00:15:56Mom smiled, gazing out the window.

00:15:59Finn was playing a game of one-on-one with Keith on the basketball court.

00:16:04And what about the two of you?

00:16:06You seem happy.

00:16:08We are.

00:16:09It's just...

00:16:10What?

00:16:11I don't know if I told you, but we broke up for a while.

00:16:15I knew it was his dream to be a father, and I felt I wasn't the woman to give that to him.

00:16:20How ironic, now, right?

00:16:22He was totally committed to our relationship, and I really hurt him.

00:16:26And when I knocked on his door two months later,

00:16:29offering him everything he'd ever wanted, Finn dropped it all to take me back.

00:16:34But sometimes I can just feel his hesitation.

00:16:37I'm not sure he fully trusts me, and it makes me worry he's only staying for the baby.

00:16:43Oh, Emma, you're the wild card, not him.

00:16:46Finn's in love.

00:16:47He wears it on his sleeve.

00:16:49The way he looks at you with blinders on, like you're the only girl he sees.

00:16:54Every mother wants that for her daughter.

00:16:57All you have to do is love him back with that same intensity, and he's all yours.

00:17:02I do love him.

00:17:04And you tell him that?

00:17:05All the time?

00:17:07I... well, maybe not as much as I should.

00:17:11I think I'm subconsciously still trying to protect myself.

00:17:15You can't fully love if you don't give all of yourself.

00:17:19If you want my opinion, I think you're overanalyzing things.

00:17:23You think?

00:17:24I laughed.

00:17:25Huh.

00:17:26That's not like me.

00:17:28Mom grinned, then hugged me again.

00:17:30Believe it or not, falling in love is the easy part.

00:17:34Just let yourself go and enjoy it, because from time to time,

00:17:38real life will come along with some punishing blows and knock you on your ass.

00:17:43The more love you have surrounding you, the more cushion you have when you fall.

00:17:47Your father and I have weathered some gnarly plunges.

00:17:51If we hadn't had that strong foundation from the start, we never would have made it.

00:17:56I want that for Finn and me.

00:17:59From what I see, you already have it.

00:18:02The battle has been fought and you've won.

00:18:04Your prize is right out there waiting for you.

00:18:07All you have to do is relax, take a few deep breaths, and go claim him.

00:18:12Not for Finn, not for your baby, but for you.

00:18:16Because, my beautiful girl, you deserve it.

00:18:21After Mom and I carried out the food, I sought out Finn.

00:18:26He was sitting comfortably with the boys, discussing basketball.

00:18:30The fact that he had so easily blended in with my family was not lost on me.

00:18:34I could imagine us, wrangling our toddler, surrounded by family.

00:18:39Mom was right.

00:18:41I was in control.

00:18:42I could make it happen if I just opened myself up to the possibilities.

00:18:47Finn caught my eye, looking concerned.

00:18:50You okay?

00:18:50He mouthed.

00:18:52I nodded, smiling as I made my way over to him and perched on the edge of his chair.

00:18:57I put my arm around his shoulder, and he reached up to touch my hand as he gazed up at me with

00:19:02that look my mother said she saw in him.

00:19:05She was right.

00:19:07Our future depended on me letting go of my hang-ups and allowing myself to love.

00:19:12If I wanted Finn, I had to show him.

00:19:15Leaning down, I cupped his face in my hands and said,

00:19:19I love you, before pressing my lips gently to his.

00:19:23Surprised at first, Finn recovered quickly and peppered me with tiny kisses.

00:19:29Yes, my family was watching, and yes, it was a display of affection I wouldn't normally approve

00:19:33of, but I wanted him to know it wasn't just the baby I loved.

00:19:38Ew, Emma, Quinn complained.

00:19:40I just ate.

00:19:41I reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into the love circle.

00:19:46As Finn and I showered him with affection, Quinn squirmed like a rat tight in a trap.

00:19:52Only when I felt he'd been properly loved did I let him up.

00:19:56I don't like this new Emma, he grumbled as he wiped his face.

00:20:00You're too happy.

00:20:01It freaks me out.

00:20:03I am happy, I replied, grabbing Finn's hand and squeezing.

00:20:08We exchanged a knowing glance before I addressed the room.

00:20:12Finn and I have an announcement.

00:20:15We know.

00:20:16You're in love, Kyle said, rolling his eyes as he exaggerated each word.

00:20:22How gross for the rest of us.

00:20:25Kenzie grabbed him, wrestling him down and covering his mouth with her hand.

00:20:30Sorry, go ahead.

00:20:32I have him properly contained now, she panted.

00:20:36As I was saying, Finn and I have an announcement,

00:20:40I repeated, but this time I stretched out my leg and kicked Kyle with it.

00:20:45He groaned through Kenzie's hand.

00:20:48Every single member of my family looked at us expectantly.

00:20:52No doubt they were anticipating something less shocking than what I was about to tell them,

00:20:56but it wouldn't matter.

00:20:57We were family, and as such, supported each other through the good times and bad,

00:21:03and this, I'd decided, was the best.

00:21:07Finn and I are having a baby.

00:21:10Where are we going? I asked.

00:21:13You know I don't like surprises.

00:21:16I'm aware.

00:21:17Although, I have to say, I'm kind of bummed I wasn't there for the biggest surprise of your life,

00:21:22he said, reaching over to tap my belly.

00:21:25You're welcome for that, by the way.

00:21:27Oh, yes, thank you so much for impregnating me, Finn.

00:21:30I don't say it often enough.

00:21:32No, you really don't.

00:21:34I could almost see his smirk, but since he'd required me to close my eyes

00:21:38the last minute of the ride, I only had his voice to go on.

00:21:43Okay, you can open them now.

00:21:45I blinked in my surroundings and smiled upon seeing the surprise.

00:21:50Of course, I loved it.

00:21:52Ah, you're so romantic.

00:21:55We stepped out of the car and bought our tickets before taking a leisurely stroll over the dusty

00:22:00path. Up ahead was a Ferris wheel, and we took our place in line.

00:22:05What, no priority boarding?

00:22:07No, apparently your brother has no jurisdiction in this area.

00:22:12His power has its limits, unfortunately.

00:22:15No problem.

00:22:17No one really likes the Ferris wheel anyway.

00:22:19Too tame.

00:22:21I don't like the Ferris wheel.

00:22:24Then I didn't make it exciting enough for you last time,

00:22:27Finn said, nibbling on my neck.

00:22:29I'll be sure to remedy that tonight.

00:22:32Our turn arrived, and this time we both managed to embark on the ride with minimal hijinks.

00:22:38Finn wrapped his arms around me and I settled into his comfortable embrace.

00:22:43This time I knew what to expect, and I trusted the man with my life.

00:22:48When we came to a stop at the top of the ride,

00:22:51Finn unexpectedly slid down on one knee on the floor of the carriage,

00:22:55causing the carriage to swing and me to scream.

00:22:58What are you doing? I asked, digging my nails into his shoulders.

00:23:03Asking you to marry me, he answered, gritting his teeth in pain.

00:23:08Your what?

00:23:09I wasn't sure if I'd heard him correctly until he produced a box from his pocket

00:23:14and opened it for me to see.

00:23:16Suddenly the world around me ceased to exist.

00:23:19It was just Finn and I, and the white gold ring gleaming in the carnival lights.

00:23:25I know you're going to overthink this, so please hear me out.

00:23:29I love you, Emma.

00:23:30I've loved you since the day we met, and I realize we've only known each other for six months,

00:23:35and that we have a baby on the way, but this isn't about any of that.

00:23:39This is about you and me, and the really huge fact that we love each other.

00:23:45I don't want to wait another second to show you that I'm committed to you forever.

00:23:49So, Emma McAllister, will you marry me?

00:23:53I didn't mean to leave him hanging, but his proposal had taken me by complete surprise,

00:23:58and my voice had yet to catch up with my heart.

00:24:01Fear washed over his gorgeous face.

00:24:04Look, I know you probably have valid points why we should wait, but

00:24:08I stopped his sentence with a kiss.

00:24:10Yes!

00:24:13We barely made it back to my condo before the clothes came flying off.

00:24:18Finn guided me backward toward the bedroom,

00:24:20his mouth never leaving mine.

00:24:23Cynthia, hearing the ruckus, unsuspectingly strolled down the hallway to greet us.

00:24:29Out of the way, Finn yelled at him, as our entangled bodies nearly mowed him down.

00:24:35The cat shrieked as he scrambled away.

00:24:38Sorry, Cynthia, I called out.

00:24:41Theo, he corrected, between scattering my tingling skin with kisses.

00:24:46Seriously?

00:24:47Was he still challenging my authority on that?

00:24:50Finn turned me around, pressing up against my back,

00:24:53as one hand reached around and started caressing my breast.

00:24:57I moaned as his fingers found my nipple and circled the tip.

00:25:01I threw my head back.

00:25:03Okay, Theo, I conceded.

00:25:07Finn laughed, but didn't take his focus away from what mattered most to him at that moment.

00:25:12Engagement sex.

00:25:14Because of my rapidly growing belly, the poor guy was forced to get creative.

00:25:19Laying me down on the bed on my side, he glided in behind me like a runner sliding into home plate.

00:25:25I could feel his hardness pressed against me, and encouraged his efforts by grinding my hips.

00:25:31Finn groaned, rubbing his hand over my ass, as he entered me from behind.

00:25:36His strokes were unhurried and tender, as his hand rolled down from my breast to my stomach,

00:25:42twirling sensuously as he traveled below.

00:25:45Suddenly, Finn parted my thighs and I arched in response, as his finger danced over me.

00:25:51I could feel his breath heavy on my neck, as his hunger grew.

00:25:56Finn worked his fingers on me to the rhythm of his thrusts,

00:25:59bringing us both to the brink of rapture.

00:26:02I reached my hand to the bed and squeezed tight onto the sheets,

00:26:06trying to keep myself still as an orgasm taunted me.

00:26:10Finn gripped my hips tighter, and traded the gentle lover for an aggressive, powerful one.

00:26:16That was it for me. My legs shook wildly as shock waves of electricity traveled through my body.

00:26:22Finn was not far behind, bucking out a few final thrusts before he too was in the throes of ecstasy.

00:26:30Satiated, I turned my body to face my fiancé,

00:26:33and gently glided my fingers through his hair and kissed the tip of his nose.

00:26:38Feeling overwhelmed in the moment, I stared deep into his affectionate eyes.

00:26:43He was all I'd ever wanted, but never thought possible.

00:26:47And tonight, the words did not fail me.

00:26:50God, I love you.

00:26:55Chapter 24

00:26:58Finn, the Fixer

00:27:02It needed to be done, but that didn't make it easy.

00:27:05Emma had taken the step to make amends with her mother, and now it was my turn to confront my own.

00:27:11Emma sat beside me in the passenger seat as we drove down the street leading to Perryland.

00:27:16I had a plan, and she'd agreed.

00:27:18After all, the decisions we made now had to be joint.

00:27:21We'd learned the hard way what it meant to act alone.

00:27:25When are the dumpsters coming? she asked.

00:27:28Soon.

00:27:29How do you think Gigi will react?

00:27:31She'll be pissed, but I'm not going to give her the option.

00:27:35This has to be done.

00:27:37Emma leaned over and kissed me.

00:27:39Yes, for all the future Indiana Joneses out there.

00:27:43You ready for the fireworks? I asked, taking her hand in mine as we pulled up the driveway.

00:27:49In a few hours' time, Perryland would be getting a makeover,

00:27:52whether the adult occupants wanted it or not.

00:27:55I'd secretly been saving for years for this,

00:27:58and with the sudden influx of money from my first acting gigs in years,

00:28:01I finally had the cash necessary to make life better for the kids who lived here.

00:28:06First and foremost, the garbage had to go.

00:28:09Dumpsters and tractors were on the way, so were roofers and carpenters.

00:28:13Emma had insisted on pitching in some of her own money,

00:28:16and after the trash was removed, a playground would be erected in its place.

00:28:20This was my amends.

00:28:21Maybe I couldn't save them all,

00:28:23but at least I wouldn't leave them wallowing in filth as I had Rocky all those years ago.

00:28:28Part of being a pleaser was also being a fixer.

00:28:31The problem was that some people—my family, for instance—only knew how to be fixed,

00:28:36and by me always coming to the rescue, I was doing them no favors.

00:28:40I knew I needed to cut the cord, with a little upfront capital first, of course.

00:28:45My decision to dig Perryland out from a pile of trash,

00:28:49to buy Shelby a mechanically sound car, and to fix Gigi's crumbling walls

00:28:54was not to perpetuate the neediness, but to give my relatives a fighting chance.

00:28:58I had my own little family now,

00:29:00growing by one in only a month's time, to protect and support.

00:29:04It was no longer feasible or wise to drag the leeches with me.

00:29:08Don't get me wrong, I still wanted them in my life.

00:29:11I just no longer wanted to pay for the privilege.

00:29:14Emma and I stepped out of the car.

00:29:16She was eight months pregnant now and looking every inch of it.

00:29:19You okay?

00:29:21I asked upon witnessing her arched back and awkward exit from the vehicle.

00:29:25Do I look all right?

00:29:27I froze, instantly understanding that she was setting a trap for me to tumble into.

00:29:32Any answer I gave would be the wrong one.

00:29:35Discombobulated?

00:29:37I answered hastily.

00:29:39Her eyes narrowed in on me as her hands went to the spot where her hips used to be.

00:29:43You can't evoke the safe word every time I ask you a question, Vin.

00:29:48You said, and I quote,

00:29:49Whenever I get to be a scary bitch, call out the safe word.

00:29:52And you, my friend, are teetering on the edge.

00:29:55Well, it's a stupid safe word if you ask me.

00:29:58In an effort to thwart her protest, I paused my hand in front of her face.

00:30:02My safe word, my choice.

00:30:05My idea was way better.

00:30:07No offense, Emma, but if I'm running for my life, I hardly think butterscotch will save it.

00:30:12Indy! Indy!

00:30:15At least a dozen half-naked kids came rushing toward us.

00:30:18They were glistening in the sunlight and something told me it wasn't sweat.

00:30:22I caught sight of the slick substance on their chests

00:30:24and instantly pushed the crowds back before they could rub it off on Emma.

00:30:28As much as she was trying to be less phobic,

00:30:30Emma was still in the baby stages of recovery,

00:30:33and a group of slimy rugrats would be enough to set her back decades.

00:30:37What is this?

00:30:39I asked, gesturing to their soiled skin.

00:30:42Oil, a boy replied, without further explanation.

00:30:46My eyes narrowed in on several empty canola oil bottles lying in the dirt and a blue tarp.

00:30:52I'll slip inside, Nike said, confirming my suspicions.

00:30:56I've been practicing my back handspring, Indy. Watch.

00:30:59He then tried his luck at one and landed firmly on his behind.

00:31:03I helped him up.

00:31:04Looking good, you're getting closer.

00:31:06I'm going to be a stuntman like Indy when I grow up, he said proudly.

00:31:11Aw, that's so nice.

00:31:13I ruffled his hair.

00:31:14But you know, I stopped doing that. I'm acting again.

00:31:17Do you know what I want to be when I grow up?

00:31:20Another young boy asked.

00:31:22No, what?

00:31:24Emma bent down to the boy's level with a smile on her face.

00:31:27I want to be a professional Nerf gun builder.

00:31:31Oh, that's...

00:31:32She and I exchanged an amused glance.

00:31:35Great. I'm not sure what you'd major in, but awesome.

00:31:39I want to be a doctor, one called out.

00:31:42I want to be a pizza man.

00:31:45Posy peered up at us with wide, innocent eyes, then said proudly,

00:31:49When I grow up, I want to be an adult actress.

00:31:53Emma and I both choked out a laugh.

00:31:56That's great, I said.

00:31:59But sweetie, next time someone asks you what you want to be when you grow up, just say actress.

00:32:04Then trucks started rumbling down the driveway, carrying giant trash containers.

00:32:09Every little kid eye in the place quadrupled in size as three large bins were dropped off.

00:32:14Emerging from their dens, adults flooded into the driveway, squinting in the daylight sun.

00:32:19Shelby broke through the crowd and stomped over to me.

00:32:23What the hell's wrong with you, Indiana Jones?

00:32:25Spit from her irate mouth flew at me from all different directions and I ducked to stymie the

00:32:30flow. She stopped screaming at me the second she laid eyes on Emma.

00:32:35Oh, Emma, I didn't see you there. How are you? So gorgeous as always.

00:32:40A while back I'd broken the news to Shelby about who Emma's brother was,

00:32:43and since then my mother acted like my fiancé was some otherworldly saint.

00:32:48After a few moments fussing over Emma's belly, Shelby narrowed in on me once more.

00:32:53What the hell is this crap?

00:32:55This is your trash-free future. Say goodbye to the junkyard.

00:32:59Oh no, Gigi won't go for that.

00:33:02I highly doubt she wants to keep three thousand pounds of junk.

00:33:06Besides, she'll never know because she hasn't been outside in ten years.

00:33:10She was at the doctor's yesterday, and yes, she'll definitely notice this shit.

00:33:15I turned around to look at the bins and something struck me as weird.

00:33:19The kids had all just mysteriously disappeared,

00:33:21and their oily bodies were not skirting down the slip and slide.

00:33:25Oh crap.

00:33:27Posy? Nike?

00:33:29Here!

00:33:30Nike answered, like I'd been calling Roll.

00:33:33His voice sounded deep and hollow.

00:33:36Awareness slapped me in the face.

00:33:38He was in the garbage bin.

00:33:40Damn it.

00:33:41I scaled the side of the bin and peered down to find at least twelve greasy kids

00:33:44gliding along the bottom of the container,

00:33:47like a bunch of seals sliding around on a slippery surface.

00:33:50Are they in there? Emma asked.

00:33:53Yeah, like every single one of them.

00:33:55How did they get in there so fast?

00:33:57See, I told you this was a bad idea, Shelby said,

00:34:00as if I should have anticipated them using the bins as a frying pan.

00:34:04Guys, no, there could be glass in there.

00:34:06Bucky, help me out.

00:34:08Together, my cousin and I lifted every one of the kids out of the bin.

00:34:11Of course, the grease complicated the job,

00:34:13making it exceedingly difficult to get a proper hold.

00:34:16Exhausted by our efforts, Bucky and I were climbing back down

00:34:19when I looked up to see one of the Crisco kids that I'd just rescued

00:34:22disappear into another bin further down the driveway.

00:34:25Worse yet, Posy, in all her buttery wonder, was scaling up the side.

00:34:30Posy?

00:34:31I yelled out.

00:34:32Don't you dare!

00:34:34With a smile and a wave, my niece disappeared over the side.

00:34:38Emma and Shelby were struggling to contain the giggles that had overtaken them.

00:34:42They're wild. I can't stop them.

00:34:45The tractors are going to be dumping junk on top of their heads,

00:34:47and they're going to like it.

00:34:49I told you it was a bad idea, Shelby repeated.

00:34:53They don't need luxury. Look at you. You turned out fine.

00:34:55Fine for who? You?

00:34:57What does that mean?

00:34:59It means, Shelby, you've hit your credit limit.

00:35:01No more bailing you out, no more manipulation,

00:35:04no more money, no more swapping cars.

00:35:06I'm not going to be your parent anymore.

00:35:08I have a kid of my own coming soon,

00:35:10and that helpless little baby will take priority

00:35:12over my forty-one-year-old perfectly capable mother.

00:35:15Shelby sighed and rolled her eyes at me.

00:35:18Fine, pick up the trash if you want.

00:35:20Just stop with all this crazy talk.

00:35:22Oh, it's not crazy talk, Shelby.

00:35:24The Bank of Indiana Jones is now closed.

00:35:28Since I seemed to be on such a closure kick,

00:35:30it was obvious where my next stop would need to be.

00:35:33By the time I'd made it through the security checks and screenings,

00:35:35I was nervous and on edge.

00:35:37Rocky had been in prison for over a year now,

00:35:39and I hadn't come to visit him once.

00:35:41I wasn't sure what his reaction would be,

00:35:43but I was bracing myself for impact.

00:35:46When he finally entered the room,

00:35:47I had to blink back my shock.

00:35:49He was huge,

00:35:51muscles piggybacking on top of each other,

00:35:53stretching out over his wide shoulders.

00:35:55And where the hell was all his hair?

00:35:57He'd always worn it down to his shoulders,

00:35:59but now it was closely cropped to the scalp.

00:36:02As he drew near,

00:36:03I reached my hand out to shake his,

00:36:04and he shook his head,

00:36:05coming in for a hug instead.

00:36:08He'd always been somewhat of a teddy bear with me when we were young,

00:36:11but that all ended when I'd left him behind.

00:36:13As he slapped my back,

00:36:14his big body shuddered.

00:36:16Was he crying?

00:36:18Are you okay?

00:36:19I asked, suddenly worried.

00:36:22Rocky pulled back,

00:36:23grinning as he wiped away a few stray tears.

00:36:26Yeah, of course.

00:36:27I'm just so happy you came.

00:36:29When I saw your name on the guest list,

00:36:31I almost passed out.

00:36:33I'm sorry I haven't come sooner.

00:36:34I've just been...

00:36:35What could I say?

00:36:37Busy, preoccupied, angry, guilty.

00:36:40I don't care, Indiana Jones.

00:36:42I'm just glad you're here now.

00:36:44Me too.

00:36:44And stop calling me that, Rocky Balboa.

00:36:46You know I go by Finn now.

00:36:48Oh, right.

00:36:49Hollywood Finn.

00:36:51No, embarrassed that Shelby named me a stupid-ass name, Finn.

00:36:56At least you got something cool,

00:36:57an archaeologist explorer.

00:36:59I got named after the Italian stallion.

00:37:02And look at me, do I look Italian?

00:37:04No.

00:37:05I laughed.

00:37:07Rocky, with his fair hair and blue-eyed Scandinavian looks,

00:37:10was anything but.

00:37:12Yeah, you really did get the shit end of the stick.

00:37:14Well, at least I wasn't born in a toilet.

00:37:17The smirk on his face was wide and taunting.

00:37:20Right, because the backseat of a Pinto was so much more dignified.

00:37:24We grinned at each other.

00:37:25God, I missed him.

00:37:27Why had I waited so long?

00:37:29What happened to your hair?

00:37:31You think I was going to step foot in prison with girly hair?

00:37:34I may be a lot of things, Finn, but I'm no damn fool.

00:37:38I shrugged, not really knowing how to respond to that.

00:37:41Our lives were so different,

00:37:43and I had no idea what it took for his day-to-day survival in here.

00:37:47Speaking of that,

00:37:48you wouldn't last a day in here with those shiny locks, Finny.

00:37:51And that pretty face of yours,

00:37:52whee,

00:37:53your date card would be filled daily.

00:37:56And yours isn't?

00:37:58Rocky shot me his fiercest scowl,

00:38:00and honestly, I was sufficiently awed.

00:38:02At six foot five, with a mass of solid muscle,

00:38:05he was a force to be reckoned with.

00:38:07Gotta look tough, brother.

00:38:09If they sense weakness, they pounce.

00:38:11I've got everyone in here thinking I'm the goddamn Viking Prince Ragnar.

00:38:15They know to either worship the ground I walk on

00:38:17or get scooped up off it after I'm finished with them.

00:38:20Always the bully.

00:38:22I'm only a bully if need be.

00:38:24In here?

00:38:25Hell, it need be.

00:38:28Just don't get yourself in more trouble.

00:38:29You want out of here on good behavior.

00:38:32I know, I know.

00:38:34Rocky leaned in with a wicked grin.

00:38:36I heard a little rumor that my big brother knocked up some rich girl.

00:38:40And not just any rich girl, but Jake McAllister's sister.

00:38:44She's my fiancée, so be careful how you refer to her.

00:38:47His eyes widened,

00:38:49no doubt trying to assess if I was being real or not.

00:38:52Then he slapped his hands down on the table.

00:38:54Well, look at you moving on up.

00:38:57That was Rocky.

00:38:58Always trying to make me feel like some spoiled trust fund brat

00:39:01for wanting to have a better life.

00:39:03It's not like that.

00:39:05You're telling me you actually love this chick?

00:39:07That it's not just her bank account and famous brother that's got you all worked up?

00:39:12Years of pent-up anger began to bubble over.

00:39:14This was how he'd been with me since I'd left at fifteen.

00:39:18Just stop.

00:39:19I get it, Rocky.

00:39:20You think I'm some privileged prick.

00:39:21Whatever.

00:39:22But I'm warning you now.

00:39:24Leave Emma out of this, or you and I will never be brothers.

00:39:28Rocky studied me for a long while before his features softened

00:39:31and his shoulders drooped forward.

00:39:34Look, I'm sorry.

00:39:35I was being a dick.

00:39:36I know I don't always show it, but I'm actually really happy for you, man.

00:39:40And good for you.

00:39:41I'm glad you found someone.

00:39:43The tension faded as I relaxed once more.

00:39:47And a baby too, huh?

00:39:49Is it a boy or a girl?

00:39:51We don't know.

00:39:51We're waiting to find out.

00:39:53Oh, how upper class of you, he said, smirking.

00:39:57The twinkle in his eye told me he was just kidding, though, so I shook off the offense.

00:40:01You suck, I smiled back.

00:40:04I'm just jealous.

00:40:06You're banging a debutante and I'm surrounded by a bunch of hairy asses.

00:40:09It's been a while for me, if you know what I mean.

00:40:11I guess you heard that Tori and me split.

00:40:13She just up and left.

00:40:15Yeah, sorry.

00:40:17I mean, I could see her leaving my sorry ass, but to abandon the kids?

00:40:21Rocky shook his head, looking away in disgust.

00:40:24I just, I wish I could be there for them, you know?

00:40:27I mean, Shelby is their goddamn guardian.

00:40:29How scary is that?

00:40:31I laughed.

00:40:32Horror movie level scary.

00:40:34Anyway, if you don't beat anyone to a bloody pulp in the next six months,

00:40:37you should get out of here on good behavior.

00:40:40How likely is that?

00:40:41He asked with a glint in his eye.

00:40:44What, the bloody pulp part or the good behavior?

00:40:47Either.

00:40:48Rocky, just keep it together.

00:40:49If not for yourself, then for the kids.

00:40:52I know.

00:40:53He sighed.

00:40:55How are they, anyway?

00:40:57Wild, both of them.

00:40:58Nike's jumping all over the place.

00:41:00He says he wants to be like me and Posey.

00:41:02Oh, man.

00:41:04She gives me a run for my money.

00:41:06Well, shit, that must be a whole damn lot then.

00:41:10Rocky, this is why.

00:41:13I said, shaking my head in amusement.

00:41:15I realized there was no point in being offended by his privileged life,

00:41:19Diggs.

00:41:20If being rich was all he had to hold against me, I'd be damn lucky.

00:41:24My brother smiled, a far-off expression on his face.

00:41:28I know you probably won't believe me, Finn, but I really am trying to be better.

00:41:32I earned my GED and I'm learning a trade.

00:41:35When I get out of here, I'm done with all stupid illegal shit.

00:41:39I want to be a father to my kids like you're going to be to yours.

00:41:42In fact, I plan to find me some nice rich girl, too.

00:41:45Does Miss McAllister have any sisters?

00:41:47None for you.

00:41:49Although it was meant to be a joke, Rocky took immediate offense.

00:41:53Okay, I get it.

00:41:54Not good enough.

00:41:55Story of my fucking life.

00:41:57The mood shifted.

00:41:59This had always been Rocky's downfall.

00:42:01He was too sensitive to criticism, even if it was only perceived.

00:42:04Although he'd be the first to make jokes about someone else, he couldn't take the same in return.

00:42:09Under all that blustery bravado, the real Ragnar the Viking was not the badass he pretended to be.

00:42:14In many ways, Rocky was still that aimless little kid running wild

00:42:18and trying to find his place in a chaotic world.

00:42:20And I, at least, shouldered some of the blame.

00:42:24I'm sorry I didn't mean it that way.

00:42:26Yeah, I know.

00:42:28And I'm sorry I left you behind all those years ago.

00:42:30Maybe if I'd stayed, you wouldn't be behind bars now.

00:42:34That's bullshit and we both know it.

00:42:36If you want the truth, Finn, I spent a good bit of time being jealous as hell of you.

00:42:40You got everything.

00:42:41And I got shit.

00:42:42But I've come to realize something.

00:42:44No one handed you anything more than they handed me.

00:42:47You were just smarter and nicer and more diplomatic in your approach.

00:42:51You weren't afraid to take the chances offered to you,

00:42:53and you made a better life for yourself.

00:42:55Nothing wrong with that.

00:42:57When it comes right down to it, I have no one to blame but myself.

00:43:00I had the same opportunities you did.

00:43:02I was just too stupid to take what was being offered.

00:43:05And now I'm here and there you are.

00:43:07You can blame yourself all you want, but trust me, Indiana Jones,

00:43:11you didn't put me here.

00:43:12My piss-poor decision-making did.

00:43:15Emma gripped my hand, screaming as another contraction swept through her.

00:43:19Nine hours and counting.

00:43:21As a stuntman, I'd been shot by terrorists and hit by cars and chucked off roofs,

00:43:25but nothing compared to watching the woman I loved suffer.

00:43:29After the newest round of cramping eased, I locked eyes with Michelle,

00:43:32who was looking as flushed and helpless as I was.

00:43:35I think I spoke for all of us when I said this couldn't be over quickly enough.

00:43:40Watching Emma, the determination and pain in her eyes

00:43:43made me reflect back to my own mother and the day of my messy birth.

00:43:47As much as we poked at and made fun of her dubious decisions that day,

00:43:51the fact remained she'd been barely more than a kid,

00:43:54scared and alone, trying to deal with the secret that had just tumbled out of her.

00:43:58I couldn't imagine her going through such a thing

00:44:00without the loving support Emma and I were enveloped in now.

00:44:04Shelby was there in the waiting room, along with the entire McAllister clan.

00:44:08Although I'm sure she was eager to meet the new addition,

00:44:10she was even more excited to meet Jake.

00:44:13On a pee break, I'd caught her huddled in a corner with several members of Emma's family,

00:44:17including Jake and Casey, who were both laughing their asses off at something she'd said.

00:44:21Instinctively, I knew whatever it was had something embarrassing to do with me.

00:44:26Listening from behind a wall, I only caught the last part of her story.

00:44:30So then, Indiana Jones, enough with the action figure name, Mom,

00:44:35comes up to me with the computer.

00:44:37No, she's not. She wouldn't.

00:44:39And it's just filled with pop-up after pop-up of vanilla porn, right?

00:44:43No, no, no.

00:44:45And right smack dab in the middle of the screen was that damn fake FBI notice.

00:44:49The virus locked his computer, and there was this flashing warning box

00:44:53promising to send a team of federal agents over to arrest him

00:44:56if he didn't immediately submit a credit card payment for $500.

00:45:00Shelby!

00:45:01I mean, the poor kid had no choice but to show me,

00:45:03thinking he was going to the slammer and all.

00:45:06How was I supposed to know it was a scam? I was fourteen.

00:45:09And the best part was, not only did he get caught with his hand in the cookie jar,

00:45:13but he embarrassed the hell out of himself.

00:45:15For nothing. Classic.

00:45:18And just like that, the goodwill I'd been feeling towards Shelby was gone.

00:45:23This is it, Emma. The final push.

00:45:26Emma looked at me with both fear and excitement.

00:45:28In a few seconds, our lives were going to change.

00:45:31We'd prepared for this moment, but now that it was finally here,

00:45:34I wasn't sure I was ready.

00:45:36Emma shocked me from my doubt by strangling my hand with such force

00:45:39that I was actually forced to call out my safe word.

00:45:42Discombobulated! Discombobulated!

00:45:45Unfortunately, I learned the hard way that safe words didn't exist during childbirth.

00:45:50Right in the middle of the push, Emma looked over at me,

00:45:52and I swear she smirked just before saying,

00:45:55You should have said butterscotch.

00:45:57And with that, Emma made her final stand, bearing down with a guttural scream.

00:46:03I wasn't sure, but it was entirely possible that several small bones snapped in my swollen hand.

00:46:09A few seconds passed before we heard the first shrill cries.

00:46:13Emma? Finn? Meet your baby girl!

00:46:20Chapter 25

00:46:22Emma, 2005

00:46:25Summer of Healing

00:46:29Dad opened the door to the vacation house,

00:46:31and the eight of us piled over the top of one another,

00:46:34trying to get our first look at our home away from home for the next week.

00:46:38It was a modern four-bedroom place, and boasted opulent upgrades that would have

00:46:42turned my formerly selfish sixteen-year-old self into the snobbiest of snobs.

00:46:48However, that wasn't what was special about this particular abode.

00:46:52When people praised location, this clearly was what they had in mind.

00:46:57The view from the massive showcase windows was of sand and surf and nothing else.

00:47:02I could definitely spend a week here. If not the rest of my life.

00:47:07We'd been to this beach before many times, but never like this.

00:47:11Never congregated in the hallway of a multi-million-dollar home.

00:47:16Quinn undressed where he stood, no doubt perfectly willing to do a little

00:47:20skinny-dipping if Mom didn't hurry up and find his swim trunks.

00:47:23Grace was bouncing up and down like she was on a pogo stick,

00:47:27talking so loudly and excitedly that we all shushed her in unison.

00:47:32I glanced over at Jake to check his reaction, hoping he might be as impressed as the rest of

00:47:37us were. But my younger brother wore the same tired, emotionless expression he always did,

00:47:43that of a frown and furrowed brows.

00:47:46But then there was no reason to expect more from him on today, of all days.

00:47:50The one-year anniversary of the day that had destroyed his life.

00:47:54Because no one was sure how Jake would react to the notable date,

00:47:58the weeks leading up to it had been difficult on the entire McAllister household.

00:48:03Jumpy and on edge, we'd already accepted that things were about to get dicey and uncomfortable.

00:48:09So, when Dad arrived home from work last week beaming from ear to ear,

00:48:13promising us a surprise, the announcement was met with anticipation.

00:48:18It didn't matter what good news he was itching to share with us,

00:48:21we were prepared to buy whatever he was selling.

00:48:24In this case, it was a long overdue vacation.

00:48:28Mind you, not to anywhere exotic or far away. In fact, we wouldn't be more than thirty miles

00:48:33from our home. But because we lived near the ocean in California, those thirty miles were

00:48:39significant, and along some of the most beautiful coastline in the world.

00:48:44One of Dad's co-workers had talked to someone who talked to another,

00:48:49and suddenly a beach home was offered up free of charge by some kind soul whose only wish was that

00:48:54the week might be just a little bit easier on Jake. The fact that we'd arrived at the house

00:49:00on the actual day, one year removed, was bittersweet at best. All our lives had changed

00:49:06drastically in such a short time that it seemed almost unreal that the eight of us were standing

00:49:11here today alive and intact. Yes, we were fractured and scarred, but we were still kicking,

00:49:18and that had to count for something. And even though Jake wasn't looking any more comfortable

00:49:23or at peace here, at least he couldn't hide himself away in his room while the rest of

00:49:28us walked the halls and waited for the breakdown that was sure to come.

00:49:32Mom insisted on lunch before we were allowed to spend the rest of the day sunbathing, swimming,

00:49:37and playing on the sandy beach. While Kyle, Keith, and Quinn went shirtless,

00:49:42Jake kept a swimsuit firmly in place. We'd heard about his scars, but none of us kids had been

00:49:48allowed to see them. As with so much else in his life, Jake held on to those secrets with clenched

00:49:54fists. Why don't you take it off? my father urged, while tugging on Jake's sleeve. It's a beautiful

00:50:01day. You could use a little color on you. He shook his head and looked vacantly out over the

00:50:07ocean. Dad sighed. When Jake had first come home, he was so weak and injured that we'd all taken to

00:50:14nurturing him and catering to his every need. But as time passed, my brother seemed to settle into

00:50:21that routine of dependency. He'd become complacent with inactivity and boredom, two things my father

00:50:27hated. You can't hide all your life. Jake turned and glared at him before defiantly challenging,

00:50:35watch me. The glint in my father's eye could not be missed. He loved it when Jake showed signs of

00:50:42life. Fine, Dad grinned. Then I'll put mine back on, and you'll be responsible for my farmer's tan.

00:50:51He slid on his shirt and then made a huge scene of applying liberal amounts of sunscreen to the

00:50:56areas just below the sleeves. I glanced back at Jake, who'd been watching the entire spectacle,

00:51:03and was pleased to see the smile on his face. Dad's recently adopted, pity-free approach to

00:51:09dealing with Jake seemed to be working its magic, little by little, every day.

00:51:14I'm going out to the platform, Keith said as he took off toward the water's edge.

00:51:19Quite a distance out was a floating platform covered in bird crap and anchored to the ocean

00:51:24floor. It had always been a destination spot for those hardy swimmers eager for a challenge.

00:51:31Seeing as my siblings and I had all been nearly raised in the water, due to my dad's love of

00:51:36surfing, we'd all stood on that bobbing plank at one time or another. Even Grace and Quinn,

00:51:42who'd both been ferried out on inner tubes more than once.

00:51:45Wait up, Kyle called out, then turned to Jake and asked, Do you want to come?

00:51:51Jake perked up a bit, but before he could respond, Mom answered for him.

00:51:56It's not a good idea, Kyle. His knee isn't strong enough yet.

00:52:00What if he gets halfway out there and can't make it?

00:52:04Oh, okay. I didn't know. You want me to hang out here with you, then?

00:52:09Without even acknowledging Kyle's generous offer, Jake shook his head and lay back in the sand.

00:52:15Kyle stood there a moment, looking uncertain, before joining Keith in the water.

00:52:20I hung back with the others on the beach, sunbathing until I was too hot to stand another

00:52:25minute. Looking over at Jake, I nudged him and said, Let's go in the water. We can bodysurf.

00:52:32His arm was over his face, and he didn't immediately respond. Sometimes I wondered

00:52:37how much of Jake's attitude was due to his circumstances, as opposed to being a surly teen.

00:52:43Deciding to take a tip from my father's playbook, I poked him again.

00:52:48Emma, I swear to God, he grumbled. Stop being boring. Let's go. He removed his arm to glare

00:52:55at me, but in return got an eyeful of my happy, smiling face hovering directly over him.

00:53:01Please, I begged. That seemed to annoy him more, and he returned the arm over his eyes.

00:53:09Why don't you go with the others to the platform?

00:53:12Because I prefer to stay here and bother you.

00:53:15Well, then, congratulations. You've done it.

00:53:19Come on, Jake. How old are you, one hundred? I asked, as I took to pushing him.

00:53:25Ugh, fine.

00:53:26Begrudgingly, he stood and followed me to the water.

00:53:30Jeez, he didn't have to be such a grump.

00:53:32We waded into the cool water, and after letting our bodies adjust to the temperature,

00:53:37we ventured out further. Wave after wave came rolling in,

00:53:41but none strong enough to carry our bodies to the shore.

00:53:45After one failed attempt too many, Jake had completely lost his patience.

00:53:50This sucks, he huffed. It's like riding the kiddie roller coaster.

00:53:55They'll come. Relax.

00:53:58My brother stood there a moment, looking further out over the horizon before shaking his head.

00:54:03Fuck this. I'm going to the platform.

00:54:06No, Jake. Your knee, you can't.

00:54:09Then I'll drown. Either way, it's a win-win.

00:54:13Jake waded straight out and then began swimming.

00:54:16I frantically followed after him, but with his arms pounding into the waves,

00:54:20it only took him a few seconds to be too far away for me to catch.

00:54:24I stopped, treading water, and screamed out for my father, who was nearby with the youngest kids.

00:54:31It took him a moment to realize what was happening,

00:54:33but when he did, I'd never seen my father move faster.

00:54:38He sprinted into the water, and once it was deep enough,

00:54:41dove into the waves, swimming feverishly in order to catch Jake.

00:54:46Keith and Kyle heard my screams, and they too jumped into the water.

00:54:50We were all in hot pursuit of a kid who didn't want to be caught.

00:54:55Inevitably, Jake tired out about three-quarters of the way to the platform,

00:55:00but by then, we were there. Circling Jake like a pod of protective dolphins,

00:55:05we called out our support, but the more we pushed him forward, the quicker he slid back.

00:55:11I can't do it, he panted, flipping onto his back to ward off exhaustion.

00:55:17The bravado he'd shown moments earlier was gone,

00:55:20and now the clear beginnings of panic were taking hold.

00:55:24Yes, you can, Dad encouraged.

00:55:27No, I can't!

00:55:29Anger intensified every word.

00:55:31I walk like a gimp, I can't swim, I can't go to school,

00:55:36I'm fourteen and can't go out by myself, and I can't even take my shirt off at a fucking beach!

00:55:42His outburst silenced us all. Jake's frustration and anger was justified,

00:55:48especially today, but we were now in a perilous situation,

00:55:52floating in the middle of the ocean with a kid who clearly needed help but refused to accept it.

00:55:57I get it, Dad said, his voice aching in emotion.

00:56:02I do. What happened was awful. I mean, really, truly awful.

00:56:08And I know how hard it's been for you.

00:56:10I wish I could take away every bit of your pain, but I can't.

00:56:14This terrible thing happened to you, and now you've got no choice but to deal with it, Jake.

00:56:19So this is what's going to happen. This is where the self-pity ends.

00:56:24You're going to take back control, starting right now.

00:56:28You're going to calm yourself down, catch your breath,

00:56:31and then turn over and swim to the goddamn platform. No more excuses.

00:56:37The firm tone in Dad's uncompromising demand seemed to have the desired effect on Jake,

00:56:42and he did exactly as he was told.

00:56:45When the tip of his first finger touched the platform, we erupted in cheers.

00:56:50Keith grabbed Jake by the waist and swung him around, Dad tousled his sodden hair,

00:56:56I patted him on the back, and Kyle, already up on the plank,

00:57:00offered his hand to the brother he adored.

00:57:03We spent the next hour on that bobbing plank,

00:57:06all five of us jumping and doing flips into the ocean until we'd worn ourselves out,

00:57:11and then plopped onto our backs on the crusty surface, gazing up at the cloudless sky.

00:57:17It was a rare moment of peace, and I savored it.

00:57:20The solidarity I felt with my family was absolute.

00:57:24I knew, at that instant, out on the platform, I'd do anything for them, and they for me.

00:57:32As if to prove the point of our family bond, Keith said,

00:57:36Take off the swimshirt, Jake. Let us have a look at the scars.

00:57:40And then it will be done and over with.

00:57:43That will be one thing you can check off your list of can'ts.

00:57:47Well that, and I can't swim.

00:57:50To my surprise, Jake didn't shoot down the request straight off,

00:57:54or strike back in an aggressive way.

00:57:56He just lay there in deep thought,

00:57:59perhaps deciding whether he'd trust us enough to reveal something so intensely personal.

00:58:04Just when I thought he would ignore Keith altogether,

00:58:07Jake sat up and pulled the shirt over his head.

00:58:10The rest of us immediately shot up into a seated position,

00:58:14but were careful to seek Jake's approval before taking a peek.

00:58:18He met the eyes of each of us before wordlessly nodding.

00:58:22Dad grasped his arm, in a show of fatherly pride,

00:58:25as the rest of us circled around and got our first look at the scars Jake had spent so much time

00:58:31safeguarding. The skin was still raised and red in some areas, but fading in others.

00:58:37Truthfully, it wasn't as bad as I'd been expecting after all the buildup.

00:58:41Perhaps fearing our reaction, Jake sat with his shoulders slumped forward,

00:58:46cradling his shirt in his arms, and scrunching his eyes tightly closed.

00:58:51My brothers and I exchanged dismayed glances before getting hold of our emotions.

00:58:56Instinctively, we understood that how we handled this moment

00:59:00would define our relationship with him from that day forward.

00:59:04Okay, done, Keith said. Thanks for showing us. You ready for a swim?

00:59:10Jake kept his shirt off the remainder of the afternoon,

00:59:14and his and Dad's farmer tans were quickly fading as a bronzed glow began to take form.

00:59:20The dark circles under his eyes brightened, and he even seemed to stand up a little straighter.

00:59:25The real surprise came when he managed to keep his composure when

00:59:29Gracie gasped in shock at the sight of his marked back.

00:59:33Instead of snapping at her, Jake calmly related that he'd been injured,

00:59:37and those were the scars that remained.

00:59:40Whatever had happened out in that water seemed to have had a profound impact on him.

00:59:45It was as if he'd come to some sort of compromise with himself.

00:59:49And hopefully, just hopefully, that meant he'd decided to give life another shot.

00:59:56Later that night, the four of us stayed up late watching a movie on TV and talking.

01:00:01It had been a long time since we'd felt that level of comfort with each other.

01:00:05Our voices must have carried into the other room as Gracie came out dragging her blanket behind her.

01:00:11Emma, she groggily whispered.

01:00:14Build the tent.

01:00:16We don't need it anymore.

01:00:18Yes, I do, she whined.

01:00:21When we get home. I can't build it here.

01:00:25Why can't you? Jake asked.

01:00:28Well, I don't know. I guess we could.

01:00:31I smiled at him, rapidly coming to the conclusion that this was actually an awesome idea.

01:00:37Keith stripped the sofa bed. Kyle fetched some pillows.

01:00:41Jake, we need snacks.

01:00:43As the boys brought the necessary items, I built a bed tent three times bigger than at home.

01:00:49Not to brag, but it was a masterpiece of entwined sheets, with socks used to tie them in place.

01:00:55Once it was retrofitted to accommodate six, we piled in,

01:00:59Keith cradling a still-barely-awake Quinn.

01:01:03And there we stayed, talking, snacking, and bonding like we had so very long ago.

01:01:09At one point, Grace sidled up to Jake and wrapped her little arms around his.

01:01:14Surprised by her touch, he flinched, yanking his arm back.

01:01:18My sister immediately crawled away, frightened of him once more.

01:01:22Sorry, Jake apologized.

01:01:25I didn't mean that. Give me another chance.

01:01:29He opened his arms to her.

01:01:31Grace looked to me for guidance.

01:01:33I nodded, smiling my encouragement, and she went to him,

01:01:37tentatively propping herself up next to him.

01:01:40Jake lay his arm over her shoulder, and she shyly peered up at him, her face filled with joy.

01:01:47Whispers could be heard from outside the protective zone,

01:01:50and we all suddenly sealed our mouths shut.

01:01:53Busted.

01:01:54Mom and Dad would not be pleased.

01:01:56It was well past one in the morning, and we had Grace and Quinn out of bed.

01:02:01I couldn't stop the giggle that escaped my mouth,

01:02:04and Quinn flung himself into my arms, laughing so hard the sheets shook.

01:02:09Suddenly, the faces of our parents appeared in the opening, both sporting amused smiles.

01:02:15Is there room for two more?

01:02:20Chapter 26

01:02:23Emma

01:02:24Family Unit

01:02:27Waking with a start, my head swiveled to the bassinet beside the bed.

01:02:32She was gone.

01:02:34My groggy heart roared to life as I tore the covers off and gripped the sides of her bed.

01:02:39Instantly, the panic eased.

01:02:42Darwin, the shark-turtle-stuffed animal, was lying in the place our daughter normally slept.

01:02:47It was Finn's way of easing my anxiety and letting me know that he had her.

01:02:52Sinking back onto the bed,

01:02:54I took a few deep breaths and covered myself back up with the sheets.

01:02:58Although thankfully not a daily occurrence,

01:03:01these morning freak-outs were frequent enough that Finn and I had a plan in place to combat them.

01:03:06I was slowly resolving myself to the fact that I would need help to move past my fears.

01:03:12My daughter deserved a mother who was relaxed and didn't hover over her day and night.

01:03:17I wanted to be young and fun and allow my daughter to grow by doing and laughing and feeling.

01:03:23In other words, I wanted to be Finn.

01:03:26If ever there was a man made to be a father, it was he.

01:03:30There was no adjustment period or postpartum pouting from that guy.

01:03:34In fact, his only parenting lapse was the surgical masks he wore when changing the baby's diaper.

01:03:40No matter.

01:03:41Our daughter adored him with or without the protective covering,

01:03:45and though she was only three months of age,

01:03:47he already lit up her world as much as he did mine.

01:03:51I heard his footsteps coming down the hall,

01:03:54and unbelievable happiness revived my tired body.

01:03:58Never could I have imagined the joy this life would bring me.

01:04:01Finn crossed under the doorframe, cradling our daughter in his arms.

01:04:06"'Oh, hey, did you get my message?' he asked, referring to Darwin.

01:04:10"'I did. Thank you. How's our girl?'

01:04:14"'Yeah, you know, so damn needy. She's just me, me, me. Talk about a freeloader.'"

01:04:20It was a lot of tough talk coming from his mouth,

01:04:23especially seeing as his adoring smile told another story.

01:04:27Finn leaned down and kissed me before transferring the baby to my arms.

01:04:31And then, as if he couldn't quite get his fill of his little girl,

01:04:35he ran his finger over her smooth cheek and beamed.

01:04:39I take it all back. She's fierce, just like her mommy.

01:04:45"'Yeah, well, let's hope Junior here gets everything else from you.

01:04:48Except the curls, of course. Those you can keep.

01:04:52See, you say you don't like my locks, but your actions speak otherwise.'"

01:04:57"'Believe what you will,' I said, shrugging.

01:05:00It wasn't easy to portray such indifference when we both knew I loved his hair like no other.

01:05:05"'And stop calling her Junior,' Finn complained.

01:05:09"'You know I hate that. I still can't believe you talked me into it.'"

01:05:13"'Oh, quit your bitching. It's the perfect name, and you know it.'"

01:05:17Then gazing down upon the snoozing baby in my arms,

01:05:21I smoothed a few silky strands on her tiny head and whispered,

01:05:25"'Isn't that right, Indiana?''

01:05:30This has been Fiercely Emma. Cake Series, Book 3.

01:05:35Written by Jay Bengtsson. Narrated by Zachary Weber and Andy Arndt.

01:05:47Zachary Weber and Andy Arndt are members of SAG-AFTRA.

01:05:55Audible hopes you have enjoyed this program.

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