Taskmaster NZ Season 5 Episode 7
Taskmaster NZ S5 Episode 7
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00:00Hello.
00:01And...
00:02Two.
00:03Come on!
00:04Woo-hoo!
00:05That's for the haters.
00:06Come here.
00:07Come here.
00:08Jiggle a bit, I'll see you.
00:09Oh!
00:10Yeah!
00:11He-he-he-he!
00:12APPLAUSE
00:13CHEERING
00:14CHEERING
00:15CHEERING
00:16CHEERING
00:17CHEERING
00:18CHEERING
00:19CHEERING
00:20CHEERING
00:21CHEERING
00:22CHEERING
00:23CHEERING
00:24CHEERING
00:25CHEERING
00:26CHEERING
00:27CHEERING
00:28CHEERING
00:29CHEERING
00:30CHEERING
00:31CHEERING
00:32CHEERING
00:33CHEERING
00:34CHEERING
00:35CHEERING
00:36And welcome to Taskmaster!
00:39My name is Jeremy Wells and I believe it was a young carpenter from Nazareth who once
00:44said, Do not judge others and God will not judge you.
00:49And to that I say, Leave me alone Jesus!
00:52Because I am the Taskmaster.
00:56APPLAUSE
00:57APPLAUSE
00:58Tonight, these five clowns, jesters and downright desperados will perform a series of tasks
01:06hoping to impress me and get their hands on this.
01:11And tonight, competing for this priceless trophy are Abby Howells, Ben Hurley, Hayley
01:21Sprouse, and Tom Sainsbury.
01:28And standing in for Tofinga Fepulia'i, ladies and gentlemen, Babar.
01:36And here on my left is my right hand man.
01:39Ladies and gentlemen, it's Paul Williams.
01:45Are we ready for the prize task?
01:47Tonight, we've asked our contestants to bring in the most delightful package from the sketchiest
01:53place.
01:54OK, Ben Hurley, you seem like the kind of person who's visited a few sketchy places
01:59in your time.
02:00What have you brought in?
02:02Well, Jeremy, I used to work for a sketchy place called TV3.
02:09Oh, shots fired!
02:14I was 22 years of age, and I stole the dot from the TV3 sign.
02:20Wow.
02:21I've had this in my possession for over 20 years.
02:28It's one of my proudest possessions, but I'm willing to put it up tonight.
02:32Where do you keep it at home?
02:34Oh, in a box.
02:37OK, Hayley, what did you bring in?
02:39I thought of one of my favourite packages of all time, and so I got a sketchy done of
02:45Jason Mamoa's package.
02:50This is, I've actually scanned it because the original is in my bedroom on Aaron's side.
02:54OK, so is that so you, when you lean across, you sort of...
02:58So when I turn to him and say, like, I love you, the eyeline is similar.
03:03Babar, you are in here for Tofinga.
03:07What have you brought in?
03:08Yeah, probably stuffed it up already.
03:10I've brought in a sketchy package from a good place.
03:13So, in Sāmoan culture, when you're dealing with money, we give envelopes with the name
03:18on it.
03:19So I've brought in an envelope with my name on it.
03:23But inside...
03:24An invitation to an investigation meeting.
03:30Yeah, from my old job when I got snapped drinking wine.
03:33Years ago, years ago.
03:37Last year.
03:40The best thing I think about this is that it's incident one, which says to me that there's
03:45more incidents than one.
03:47I like to leave things to the imagination.
03:51Tom!
03:53OK, so my local fish and chippery, it's a sketchy place because it's got a D rating.
04:02They do a mean spring roll and mean chips.
04:05There we go, there's the spring roll.
04:07Is that a spring roll?
04:10That's a D rated spring roll, I'll tell you now.
04:13And also, if you want to catch up on Brad and Jennifer's divorce, they've got the magazines
04:19for you.
04:20Abby, what did you bring in?
04:23Well, I also went to a sketchy place, aka an art studio, and I had something commissioned.
04:32This delightful package.
04:35Where's your hand?
04:42Yeah, I know.
04:54He's rounding second base, I'll tell you.
04:56What's happening?
04:57What's happening in Paul's downstairs?
04:58What is that?
04:59Well, you know what's happening.
05:00You set for this.
05:02Five points, Abby.
05:05Jeremy, what's that, baby?
05:08One point for Ben Hurley.
05:11Oh, come on!
05:12That's my least favourite part of the TV3 logo, that red dot.
05:17Also, Bubba's made no sense because she got the thing around the wrong way as well.
05:23Three points for Hayley and Jason Momoa's package.
05:26And four points for Tom and the Fish and Chips.
05:29Yay!
05:30OK, Paul, I am ready for my first proper task of the show.
05:35Bad luck comes in threes.
05:37Incredible feats come in tens.
05:41OK, Paul, I am ready for my first proper task of the show.
05:46Bad luck comes in threes.
05:48Incredible feats come in tens.
05:56Knock knock.
05:58Who's there?
05:59Tom.
06:00Tom who?
06:01Tom Sainsbury.
06:02Hey, Peter.
06:03Hello, BH.
06:04I've got a task for you to finish.
06:06I have a task for you.
06:08Oh, that makes sense.
06:09Do the most incredible...
06:10Here's your task.
06:11Here's your task, Abby.
06:12Thank you, Paul.
06:13I have a task for you.
06:14God, that's...
06:15Yeah.
06:16It's the same thing, but...
06:17Let's do the most incredible thing.
06:18Your task's on.
06:19Okay, great.
06:20Imagine your wheelie bin at the end of the week.
06:21Here's your task, Abby.
06:22Oh, no, no, no, thank you.
06:23I have a task for you.
06:24New than me team.
06:26Do the most incredible thing 10 times.
06:27Most incredible thing done 10 times wins.
06:28You have 45 minutes.
06:29Your time starts...
06:30Now.
06:31Now.
06:32Now.
06:33Now.
06:34Now.
06:35Now.
06:36Now.
06:37Now.
06:38Now.
06:39Now.
06:40Now.
06:41Now.
06:42Now.
06:43Now.
06:44Now.
06:45Now.
06:46Now.
06:47Now.
06:48Now.
06:49Now.
06:50Now.
06:51Now.
06:52Now.
06:53Now.
06:54Now.
06:55Now.
06:56Now.
06:57Now.
06:58I'm ready for five incredible things, 10 times.
06:59Who are we seeing first?
07:00They're both certified tens.
07:01It's Ben and Abby.
07:02I could do a hand spring.
07:03Well, not really.
07:04I can do like a cartwheel hand spring.
07:05That's pretty incredible.
07:06Yeah, like do that ten times.
07:07We're going to do 10 in a row with added little things in the middle.
07:14One.
07:19Two.
07:22One.
07:23Two.
07:25That went in.
07:27Three.
07:30Four.
07:32Three.
07:34Four.
07:35Four.
07:37Wait, what's this?
07:39My God.
07:40It's a letter from the captain of the Titanic.
07:42That's an incredible find.
07:44What does it say?
07:46Oh my God.
07:51Five.
07:52It would be wild if I found nine more incredible artefacts.
07:55Whoa!
07:56Four.
07:59Wait.
08:00Where did I put it?
08:02Is it a keyring?
08:03Yeah.
08:04Whoa!
08:06Look at this.
08:07It's a little kiwi.
08:08A brand new species.
08:10That's incredible.
08:12Not very good to go.
08:14Six.
08:18So close.
08:20Why did I put this one in?
08:21This is the key to the vault in the Tower of London.
08:26This is the cutlass of the world's most famous pirate.
08:29Aladdin's lamp.
08:31This is the childhood artefact of Queen Victoria.
08:34It's the sands of father time.
08:36It's counting down from when we'll all die.
08:40Yes!
08:42Seven.
08:45Eight.
08:51Nine.
08:53Another discovery.
08:55Whoa, how many is that?
08:56That's...
08:58Heaps.
09:01And...
09:02Ten.
09:03It's a skeleton of Jean-Pierre.
09:07Nobody knew where his body ended up.
09:09It's a message in a bottle.
09:11It's another message from the Captain of the Titanic.
09:14It says, I like pizza pie.
09:17Incredible.
09:22Abby, I think it speaks to the different minds of our comedians here on Taskmaster
09:27that you started off doing ten incredible parkour moves
09:30and ended up finding ten artefacts.
09:34Identifying ten incredible artefacts.
09:37Because to the average person, that just would have been a bottle.
09:41But I looked at it and I said, I know this is from the Captain of the Titanic.
09:46Yeah, so you found out that he actually sunk the Titanic on purpose.
09:49And...
09:50And he likes pizza pie.
09:51Yeah.
09:53Ben Hurley was pretty incredible.
09:54I mean, for a 115kg, 48-year-old man...
10:01You moved very well.
10:02A little bit of spice added to those numbers.
10:05But I kind of feel like you undid your good work with the flips
10:09with some really ordinary work in the other bit.
10:12Look, the ten incredible things were the handsprings.
10:15I was just adding a little bit of extra for experts.
10:17I was impressed.
10:19Especially for a 120kg, 59-year-old man.
10:24A burly unit like you.
10:26Yeah.
10:27A big unit like you.
10:28No, I'm a 60-year-old, 400kg man.
10:32Alright, 20 incredible actions down.
10:3530 more to go.
10:37We'll see you after these incredible ads.
10:40No mai hoki mai.
10:41Welcome back to Taskmaster.
10:43Before the break, we were watching our comedians
10:45try to perform one incredible task ten times in a row.
10:49So far, we've seen Ben do a bunch of flips,
10:52and Abby showed us a bunch of crap she'd chucked in the woods.
10:56Hear me.
10:57Who have we got now?
10:59We've got Ben Hurley.
11:00We've got Ben Hurley.
11:01We've got Ben Hurley.
11:02We've got Ben Hurley.
11:03We've got Ben Hurley.
11:04We've got Ben Hurley.
11:05We've got Ben Hurley.
11:06We've got Ben Hurley.
11:07Hear me.
11:08Who have we got next, Paul?
11:10He's the most far-right comedian on the show
11:14in terms of where he's sitting and his political beliefs.
11:18It's Tom Sainsbury.
11:19Oh.
11:20What is incredible?
11:21When I say incredible, you think...
11:24No.
11:25Should I do that to you?
11:26Yeah.
11:27When I say incredible, you think...
11:29Time travel.
11:32Whoa.
11:33OK, Paul, I'm off to time travel to ten different eras
11:36in my incredible time machine.
11:48Oh, my God.
11:50I just killed a T-Rex.
11:52And you brought back its feet.
11:53Yeah.
11:54Seems kind of inhumane.
11:55It does.
11:56I'm regretting it now.
11:57Put up a good fight.
12:00I guess that's how dinosaurs really went out.
12:03Hunted by time travellers.
12:05Oh, Paul.
12:06I just went and told Mary that she's pregnant.
12:08Wow.
12:09She took the news remarkably well.
12:12Oh, my God.
12:13I just went and fought in the Crusades.
12:15There you go.
12:16There's a memento.
12:18Oh, boy.
12:19I just went and made love to Jesse James.
12:22Congrats.
12:23Too many beans.
12:26I just went and arrested Jack the Ripper.
12:28You will not believe who it is.
12:29Who is it?
12:30I can't say.
12:31I'm sworn to secrecy.
12:32Oh, my gosh.
12:33That was amazing.
12:34I've just been partying at Woodstock.
12:36Groovy.
12:37Oh, that was amazing.
12:39I just went and hung out with Prince, Madonna, and Cyndi Lauper.
12:42Wow.
12:45I've just been to 2025.
12:48Good news?
12:49Do you have any kind of
12:51dictatory, totalitarian tendencies, Paul?
12:54Not that I know of, but...
12:56Oh.
12:57Oh, God.
12:59I've just been to the future.
13:00What's it like?
13:01There's lots of laughing.
13:03Like live-action role-play.
13:04Oh, is that what you're doing?
13:05Yeah, yeah.
13:08Tom, is that you?
13:09I've just come from the distant future, or the distant past,
13:12where only amoebas live.
13:17Oh.
13:18Yeah, just making sure I'm back in the present.
13:20I'll do whatever you want, any of your bidding.
13:23Okay.
13:24Oh, overlord.
13:26Thank you, Tom.
13:27Thank you, Paul.
13:28Thank you, Paul.
13:31We should probably discuss the Crusades.
13:35Yes.
13:36Controversial.
13:37Which side did you fight on, the Christian side or the Muslim side?
13:41Wow.
13:45Do you want to just distance yourself from him?
13:47We're just going to move over here.
13:49I was more their kind of...
13:51I was more of a pilferer.
13:55Any side, I'll take any of those.
13:58Paul, I am ready for another incredible thing.
14:01How about 20 more incredible things?
14:03Here's Hayley Antelfinger.
14:06Most incredible thing.
14:07Got a piano?
14:08Like a keyboard, yeah?
14:09Yep.
14:10You'll play it ten times?
14:11Ten times.
14:12I'm quite good at parallel parking.
14:14That's pretty incredible.
14:15Okay, here's the first song.
14:23It's quite incredible, because it's a duet, two people.
14:26I'm playing it by myself.
14:27Just pretend this is like a busy inner city street,
14:30and I've been circling the block for hours.
14:32Oh look, there's a park.
14:44One.
14:45What's another style you like?
14:46See if we can get ten styles, eh?
14:48Jazz.
14:52Oh my God, the eulogy's starting.
14:54Oh my God, my grandfather's going to be so upset.
14:57I'm a bit out, but for a funeral I'd say that's good.
15:00What's another style you want?
15:01Blues?
15:07Oh God, look, here's a park.
15:08Oh my God, fantastic.
15:09Oh, that's great.
15:13Hamlet's ready.
15:17Sorry I'm late.
15:18It's not really acceptable, you're so late.
15:20No, no, let me just park.
15:21I'm here, I'm here, I'm sorry.
15:23It's a good park, but I've been here for three hours.
15:25It's a good park.
15:30I'm from Yugoslavia.
15:32Oh my gosh.
15:33Thank you, sir.
15:34Thank you so much.
15:35Welcome to New Zealand.
15:39You stupid boy, you stay there.
15:41Don't move, fool.
15:42Wait till you get to Parallel Park.
15:44Get in the car.
15:50Oh, OK.
15:53Here we go.
15:56Ma'am, I don't think you should be behind a wheel.
15:58That's ten stars, eh?
15:59I don't think that's ten.
16:04Is that one?
16:05Yeah, we'll make that one, Lee.
16:06Oh, oh God.
16:08I'm going to have to Parallel Park.
16:10Oh my God, a baby's coming out.
16:17Incredible.
16:18This is a horror one.
16:20Hey, I'm going to get you, Paul.
16:22Oh!
16:24And then I cut your head off.
16:26Mum, Dad, when this car stops, a bomb is going to go off.
16:31But I can't keep driving forever.
16:33This is it.
16:34What are you doing?
16:35Don't park.
16:36Goodbye, Paul.
16:42Oh!
16:43Look at it, Paul!
16:45One more.
16:46This was Mozart's final piece before he died.
16:49OK.
16:53APPLAUSE
17:01You could have made it a little bit more difficult
17:03by perhaps putting the other cars a little closer together.
17:06We did.
17:07You can see it in this,
17:08but each time we made the gap smaller and smaller.
17:10But I'm glad that we actually focused on the character work.
17:14Not to be a snitch, but Hayley did nine parks.
17:19That's actually, um...bullshit, Paul.
17:24Well, I mean, we showed them all and there were nine.
17:27Well, then count my characters.
17:29Well, again, nine.
17:33Baba, did you know Tufinger could play the piano like that?
17:36Hell, yeah.
17:37He was raised in the church.
17:39His whole body moved more than he has in this entire season of Taskmaster.
17:43It's just with his fingers there moving.
17:45Are you mocking my friend?
17:48No.
17:51He's really enjoyed making Paul move quite a lot so far.
17:54Good, it's about time you moved!
17:57And I was moved by the quality of his piano playing.
18:01Same, it was so good.
18:03Like, every song that he did, all ten of them.
18:12So, how do you want to score it?
18:14Normally I would disqualify Hayley for not completing the task properly.
18:17I'll give you a point for that.
18:19Thank you, Jeremy.
18:20Two for Ben.
18:21Because, no, I thought the flips were amazing,
18:23but I think you undid them with every move that you did in between it.
18:27Abby, three points for you,
18:29because I learnt some interesting things about the Captain of the Titanic
18:32with the piss play.
18:33Four points for Tufinger, because impressive piano play from him.
18:37And five points for Tom Sainsbury, Chime Travelling.
18:45So, should we look at the scoreboard?
18:47Currently out in first with nine points, it's Tom Sainsbury.
18:55Okay, let's keep things moving.
18:57Paul, what have you got for me?
18:58Bravo, Charlie.
18:59Take off your uniform and pour yourself a kilo of whiskey
19:02at the Foxtrot Golf Hotel in India.
19:15Paul?
19:17I see a task.
19:20Paul's not here.
19:22Follow Paul's instructions.
19:24You may tell him to stop or ask him to start again.
19:28Hello, Paul.
19:29Hello, Paul. I'm ready for some instructions.
19:34Charlie.
19:35Oscar.
19:36Hey, Oscar, do you know where Paul is?
19:39November.
19:40January, February, March.
19:42Sierra.
19:44Tango.
19:48Okay, quick show of hands, who knows the NATO alphabet?
19:55Of course.
19:56Of course.
19:57No-one else?
19:58I probably know most of it.
20:00They've had sex, Jeremy.
20:03I've had Sierra echo xylophone.
20:07And I've had a fun time with my dad in the garage.
20:11I mean...
20:14Sorry.
20:15Learning the codes.
20:20Okay, who are we going to see tackle the task first, Paul?
20:23Once again, up first we have Bravo Echo November
20:27and Alpha Bravo Bravo Yankee.
20:30Charlie.
20:31Yeah, C.
20:32Oscar.
20:33Uh-huh.
20:34November.
20:36Sierra.
20:37Yes.
20:38Tango.
20:39Const.
20:40Romeo.
20:41R.
20:42Uniform.
20:43Y.
20:44Charlie.
20:46Okay, yep.
20:48Tango.
20:49Construct.
20:50Alpha.
20:51A.
20:52Papa.
20:53Alpha.
20:54Papa.
20:55P-A-P.
20:56Echo.
20:57This is going to be paper.
20:58Romeo.
20:59Yep, that's way ahead of you there.
21:00Papa.
21:01Lima.
21:02Alpha.
21:03Plane, paper plane.
21:04November.
21:05Echo.
21:06Uh-huh.
21:07Alpha.
21:08November.
21:09Uh-huh.
21:10Delta.
21:11D.
21:13Tango.
21:14India.
21:15Bravo.
21:16Yankee.
21:17Sierra.
21:18Alpha.
21:19Tango.
21:20India.
21:21Bravo.
21:22Foxtrot.
21:23Alpha.
21:24Sierra.
21:25Tango.
21:26Fastest wins.
21:27Echo.
21:28Fastest, oh my God.
21:29Sierra.
21:30You can stop.
21:33Not very good at planes.
21:40Bravo.
21:41Echo.
21:42V slow.
21:43La.
21:44La.
21:45La.
21:46Complete.
21:47I've stopped the clock.
21:49Thank you, Ben.
21:50Do you think anyone will beat that?
21:52Well, couldn't have thought so.
21:53You'll see it, but actually, I figured it out
21:55before you even finished.
22:02That is the most bored I've ever seen
22:05a contestant on the show been.
22:07What they didn't show
22:08What I didn't show was, Paul had to restart three times.
22:11So I was a bit bored by the end.
22:12It was impressive though, no pen straight off the top of the dome.
22:16Nah, I must have not been hung over that day.
22:19Abby, you didn't lose focus for a second.
22:21You were right on the task there by the looks of it.
22:24Yeah, it's not often you feel,
22:25oh, I'm actually doing well here,
22:27and a dangerous train of thought.
22:30Okay, Paul, how long did it take Abby and Ben
22:33to put the plane in the bin?
22:34Ben, 10 minutes and 22 seconds.
22:37Abby, six minutes, 57.
22:40Speed demons.
22:42Ben, can I just say when the light hit your face,
22:45absolute delightful skin, what's your skincare routine?
22:48Yeah, it's good, eh?
22:49Yeah, what is your routine?
22:50For an 80 year old man.
22:52Um, water.
22:56Okay, I can't wait to watch more comedians
22:59screw up some paper planes and throw them in a bin.
23:02Don't turn the TV off now
23:03or you'll be throwing your life in the bin.
23:05More Taskmaster after this.
23:19Nau mai ano, welcome back to Taskmaster.
23:22Before the break, our comedians were told
23:23to blindly follow Paul's instructions,
23:26something nobody should ever do in real life.
23:29Who's next then, Paul?
23:31Ben and Abby set some very fast times.
23:33Will these three copy that?
23:35It's Tom, Tofinga and Hayley, over and out.
23:38Construct a paper plane and take it to the balcony.
23:41Sierra.
23:42Scrunch it up and throw it in the bin.
23:44Foxtrot.
23:46Alpha.
23:47Bar.
23:49Sierra.
23:50Fastest wins.
23:51Tango.
23:52Tango.
23:54Eco.
23:54Eco.
23:56Sierra.
23:57Tango.
23:58Tango.
23:59Whiskey.
24:02Whiskey.
24:04Lima.
24:06Lima.
24:09Oscar.
24:12Sierra.
24:14Thank God I stayed.
24:16Eco.
24:18Sierra.
24:19Fastest loses.
24:22Time to go.
24:25Slowly.
24:26So the fastest loses.
24:27Yeah.
24:28What am I missing?
24:29Hi.
24:34Oh no.
24:35I've stopped the clock.
24:37Sorry, just wait here for a bit.
24:38So you're taking your time?
24:40Yeah.
24:41That makes sense.
24:42Nice day, isn't it?
24:43Really nice.
24:44Perfect landing.
24:45Thank you, but I should've gone and had a beer or something.
24:47Like, I was too fast.
24:49Timer's still going?
24:51Yeah.
24:51All right.
24:52I might as well try and make it an interesting way
24:54of getting it in the bin.
24:59You just kick it into the gutter?
25:00Might have to make a new plane.
25:01Okay.
25:02The vegetarian option's unbelievable.
25:04That's chicken.
25:05Yeah.
25:10So when do you think you'll put the...
25:13Oh, you want to do it later.
25:14I'm going to have to win this one.
25:23Okay, Paul.
25:24It is now time.
25:29All I've got to do is just put it in.
25:30Mm-hmm.
25:31Think it's long enough?
25:36Ease.
25:38Stop the clock.
25:40I reckon I've won this one.
25:43If I remember these on this episode,
25:46will you remember the bin?
25:47I'll remember the bin.
25:48We'll just pause here for now, then.
25:50I'll keep the clock going.
25:51Over and out.
25:52Over and out.
25:58Abby and Ben, how do you feel now?
26:01A little bit silly, Jeremy.
26:03I still think Tom was faster.
26:06I'm arguably the biggest idiot of them all.
26:11You actually are.
26:12I figured it out, and then I did it anyway.
26:15Yeah.
26:16So Tom was 24 seconds faster than Ben.
26:27It was so strange, Barbara,
26:28to see Tofinga do really, really well at a task
26:32that you had to do really slowly.
26:36So surprising.
26:37He's currently winning it,
26:39unless Hayley can complete the task.
26:41Do you have a bin?
26:42I do have the bin.
26:43Yeah, I just need to finish my task now.
26:46I'll bring you the bin.
26:50I know this is a huge pain in the balls, but...
26:59There you go.
27:01Okay.
27:02I have stopped the clock.
27:04The time to be slower than was Tofinga's time
27:07of 69 days, two hours, 41 minutes, and 10 seconds.
27:12Hayley has just come in.
27:13101 days, seven hours, and 16 minutes.
27:17Wow, okay.
27:18Yes.
27:20That will mean one point for Abby,
27:22two points for Tom, three points for Ben,
27:24four points for Tofinga, and five points for Hayley.
27:27Okay, I'm ready for another task, P.W.
27:30It's time for another task,
27:31and you should enjoy this one for the length
27:33it takes you to sing Happy Birthday twice.
27:43Hi.
27:44Hello, Tom.
27:45Hello, Tofinga.
27:46Paul.
27:47Hello, Abby.
27:48Hello, Paul.
27:49A pleasure to see you again.
27:50Likewise.
27:51Where's the envelope?
27:52The tasks never come in an envelope.
27:55What's happening?
27:56What am I meant to do?
27:57Oh, just the task.
27:58Oh, I know where it is.
28:02Oh, mama mia.
28:06Got a good feeling about this one, brother.
28:07Okay, here we go.
28:09Make soap.
28:11Best soap wins.
28:14You've 29 seconds to order your ingredients.
28:16And 20 minutes to make the soap.
28:19Your time starts now.
28:21What kind of fat?
28:22Vegetable fat or animal fat.
28:24I would like coconut oil, please.
28:27Lemon.
28:27Some soap from the supermarket.
28:29What, a bar of soap?
28:30Bar of soap.
28:31Um, soap.
28:32A bar of soap.
28:33Like a sweet essence of some description.
28:35Um, it can just be specific.
28:36Peach.
28:37Some salt.
28:38Shea butter.
28:39Peppermint.
28:40Rixona and ice cream.
28:42Glitter.
28:43$20 in a note.
28:44Give me some chocolate.
28:45Peppermint.
28:46Rixona and ice cream.
28:48Glitter.
28:49$20 in a note.
28:50Give me some chocolate and some bananas.
28:53Oats.
28:53Saffron.
28:54Grain flakes.
28:55Your time starts now.
28:58Make soap.
29:01Okay.
29:03Make soap.
29:05Make soap.
29:06So what's soap made out of?
29:08Fat.
29:08So it's made out of fat.
29:10You've got 15 seconds.
29:11To order the ingredients?
29:13Yes.
29:14Oh, from you?
29:1415 seconds.
29:15I need fat, and I need-
29:17What fat?
29:19Cow fat, and-
29:21Five seconds.
29:22And some food colouring, some pink food colouring.
29:24Ah!
29:25Oh, I'm so scared.
29:26I think that's all I need.
29:28I think I just churn it or something.
29:29Or is that butter?
29:30Oh my God.
29:31I don't know.
29:37I want to make it very clear
29:38that if anyone makes soap with soap,
29:40there's no points.
29:41Oh, interesting.
29:42No points.
29:43So a few people did order soap.
29:45I saw that.
29:46I think keep an open mind, Jeremy.
29:49Hey, let's let the taskmaster do his job, shall we?
29:53Okay, Paul.
29:54Whose soap making are we going to see first?
29:56These three were named after the final stage
29:59of the hand-washing process.
30:01It's Abbey Towels, Hayley Towel,
30:03and Towelfinger Fipulea'i.
30:07Oh, my ingredients.
30:09Wonderful.
30:10I knew I should have gone to my science classes.
30:13Any of the classes were easy.
30:15I should have gone to school for soap.
30:18I've put in too many oats.
30:20You can never have too many oats.
30:22Toats.
30:23Maybe that's the name of the bar.
30:24Toats Oat Soap.
30:26I've got saffron.
30:27For elegance and that touch of luxury.
30:30You usually put about a teaspoon in there.
30:33And what that helps is actually
30:35the fritidizer's there in the protocols.
30:37Yeah, also the scientific terms
30:39you're probably not familiar with.
30:40Some people put essential oils.
30:43I feel like no one actually needs to know
30:45that I've grated soap into the soap.
30:46The majority of it is shea butter.
30:48So you want us to edit that out?
30:50Yes, please.
30:51Okay.
30:54That's some clean money, I think.
31:00I sort of have just made oats.
31:03You've just got to let it sit.
31:05Just a couple of minutes.
31:06So I think that's quite good.
31:08Get it in the freezer.
31:14I guarantee you, every bottle of soap
31:17that you buy from me has a $20 bill in it.
31:21What is the smell of your soap?
31:23What does it smell like to you?
31:24Like a 13-year-old boy.
31:27How do you know what a 13-year-old boy smells like?
31:30It's probably set now, eh?
31:32Oh, God. Okay.
31:35Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful!
31:39Thank you, Tophlinger.
31:41Thank you, Pop.
31:41I love every moment by soap.
31:58BUZZER
31:59APPLAUSE
32:01Thank you, Tophlinger.
32:03Thank you, Pop.
32:04Thank you, Tophlinger.
32:05Thank you, Tophlinger.
32:06Thank you, Tophlinger.
32:07Thank you, Tophlinger.
32:09Baba, can you please explain to me
32:12what Tophlinger meant when he said, and I quote,
32:15it lefridgitises into proticles?
32:19Just like when your phoraticus is mokariki,
32:23it falls apart.
32:24So what he did was put it together.
32:26Makes sense.
32:28Shall we talk about Hayley's soap?
32:30Recycled soap with a climate lens.
32:33But you'll feel your hands are softer than...
32:34Feel his hands.
32:35They're softer than ever before.
32:36The oats and the shea butter.
32:39Oh, like you haven't done this before.
32:41Come on.
32:43They are very soft.
32:44Very soft, right?
32:45They're also very sweaty.
32:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
32:54It's been quite the show for us.
32:56It's been quite the show.
32:57Abby, you had money in yours.
33:00You cannot think of a bad thing to say about my soap.
33:03I like the liquid soap.
33:05Yeah.
33:06OK, we're in agreement for once.
33:07Yeah, you didn't try and turn it into a boat.
33:08And there was no blood in it.
33:09I didn't mention murder or dying in childbirth one time.
33:12I was so good.
33:14The only thing that was massacred was bacteria.
33:16Yeah, exactly, Ben.
33:19OK, more soap when we come back after these ads,
33:21at least one of which will probably be about soap.
33:25We'll see you soon.
33:26APPLAUSE
33:37Welcome back to Taskmaster.
33:39What's happening, Paul?
33:40Our contestants are making soap using unique and inventive
33:44ingredients, like soap.
33:47Wait, Ben, what's your skincare routine?
33:51Actually, I use a lot of pink fat.
33:54I am very much looking forward to just seeing your pink fat.
33:58Oh, buy me a drink first.
34:02Jesus.
34:05You always had so many bits of, like, food in it.
34:08Might as well put ketchup in there, mustard,
34:11old mustard hands.
34:12All right, pink fat.
34:14I'm ready for more soap, Paul.
34:16Who have we got next?
34:17They're the two contestants who requested B-Fat,
34:19and one of them requested almost nothing else.
34:23It's Tom and Ben.
34:26Hi, Tom.
34:27Here we go.
34:28Perfect.
34:29This is us.
34:30This is all I ordered, isn't it?
34:31Yes.
34:32Yep.
34:33I'm peach essence, so I got peach vape juice.
34:36Oh, it smells so good.
34:38So I think you just, like, get this to a certain temperature,
34:41and it, like, reduces for ages, then you put some colour in.
34:44Here we go.
34:45This smells so bad, but anyway, there we go.
34:48It sounds and smells like a fish and chip shop in here.
34:51Look at that.
34:52This is genius.
34:53I'm dying for a vape, though.
34:55Unscented, hypoallergenic pink soap.
34:58Now I'm just going to put this in the freezer
35:00and hope for the best.
35:01You've got six and a half minutes.
35:02Go.
35:03Set.
35:04Be soap.
35:08It's not long till the Warriors start playing again.
35:11You know what?
35:12Some fat's dropped onto the bottom of the freezer.
35:15Guess what it smells like.
35:17Peach?
35:18You got it.
35:19It does smell like peach.
35:21What?
35:22I've made soap.
35:26OK, nothing's happened.
35:28I'm being honest with you, Paul.
35:30I don't think this is soap.
35:31What is it?
35:32Cold pink fat.
35:36OK, thank you, Ben.
35:37Thanks.
35:38Oh!
35:59I've got to say, Ben, I think that totes oats soap
36:02might sell a little bit more than cold pink fat.
36:06But how popular were you on the way home with dogs?
36:11Tom, you actually accidentally made soap.
36:14And it was kind of a heart shape
36:16to celebrate, obviously, what's going on here.
36:20So, who used soap in their soaps?
36:23Two people.
36:24Tofinga, obviously.
36:26And Hayley did great.
36:28A little bit of soap.
36:29Tiny, tiny.
36:30But unfortunately, no points for either of you guys.
36:32Jeremy!
36:34Three points for that horrific stuff.
36:36That's crazy!
36:38That is insanity!
36:41Four points for Abby with the liquid soap
36:43with the 20 bucks in it.
36:45And five points for Tom's accidental soap that he made.
36:48No!
36:49I'm not having it.
36:51Yeah.
36:52OK, this is unconventional, Paul.
36:54But I'd like to have a sneaky fourth proper task in here,
36:59if we can.
37:00Wow.
37:01You're a rebel.
37:02That's what I love about you.
37:04Here's another task.
37:06It's time to face the music.
37:19Hello, Tofinga.
37:20Hey, Paul.
37:21Feeling good?
37:22Feeling good.
37:24OK.
37:25Make a new musical instrument.
37:27It must be playable and smaller than a dog.
37:29You have 30 minutes.
37:31Your time starts now.
37:33I'm just going to grab everything and bring it down.
37:36What do you mean, everything?
37:38My crafts.
37:45Right, so whose instrument are we going to look at first?
37:48The whole band's back together.
37:50Here's everyone.
37:52Get down, boy, get down.
37:54Why'd you say that?
37:55Just to show you that this is an Irish wolfhound.
37:58Oh, like one standing up?
37:59Yeah.
38:00Do you know what this is?
38:01What?
38:02A panjo.
38:04It's really good.
38:05I just need a comb.
38:06A comb?
38:07Comb and tissues.
38:09What about, like, some kind of hat?
38:11You know how, like, Australians with a cork hat?
38:13OK, so this is my centrepiece and my muse.
38:16It's a poor man's instrument.
38:18My uncle used to play it all the time.
38:20So if I could get that in there.
38:23Careful not to stab yourself.
38:24Yeah.
38:26Yeah.
38:29You know what you'd play on a panjo?
38:31What?
38:32Walk and roll.
38:33He's on fire.
38:40See?
38:41So what's actually happening?
38:42Because it seems like you're just making the noise with your mouth.
38:45The top part is for the lower notes.
38:48And the other parts, the higher notes.
38:52That's quite good.
38:56I think this is, like, a cursed instrument.
38:58Like, when I put this on, I'm going to completely change.
39:02Whoa.
39:08OK, I think this is it.
39:09Does this instrument have a name?
39:11The Paul Demonium Tree.
39:13The Red Death.
39:14The Mellow Capello.
39:17It's the...
39:18Comb-tissue.
39:19The what?
39:20Comb-tissue.
39:21Comb-tissue.
39:22Yeah, comb-tissue.
39:28Being out pungu there, that was amazing.
39:30Yeah, really good.
39:31One day you guys should go away for the weekend and just pung together.
39:35Jealous, are we?
39:36Yeah, wow.
39:38What a cuck.
39:46So here's some still images.
39:48Oh my goodness, Abby, what have you done there?
39:51You've got to love me for who I am.
39:55And tefinga, the comb-tissue.
39:57Sorry, what's it called?
39:58The comb-tissue.
39:59Oh, for some reason I thought he said the cum-tissue.
40:05Tom Sainsbury.
40:06I'm sorry.
40:08So do you want to score them, Jeremy?
40:10I would love to score them, but I actually probably want to hear them first.
40:14And we have one thrilling part to go, so stay tuned.
40:28Kia ora, welcome back to Taskmaster, or as some people call it,
40:32New Zealand doesn't have talent.
40:34We're nearing the end of the episode.
40:37Paul, could you give us a scoreboard update, please?
40:40Abby's in second with 13, but in first with a three-point lead,
40:43it's Tom Sainsbury.
40:45OK, the stakes are high.
40:47Get on stage, everyone, for the live task.
40:54Oh, I like the look of this, Paul.
40:56Who's going to read out the task tonight?
40:58Tom Sainsbury.
40:59Ooh!
41:00Congrats.
41:01Thanks.
41:02On your original instrument, perform a solo with this jazz band.
41:08Best solo wins, your solo must last for 15 seconds.
41:14Take it away, fellas.
41:20Please welcome to the stage, on his banjo, it's Ben Hurley.
41:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
41:47Give it up for Ben Hurley, everybody.
41:50Please welcome to the stage, on the mellow capello,
41:53it's Hayley Sproul.
42:01A-one, a-two, a-scooby-dooby-doo.
42:20Hayley Sproul, mellow capello.
42:23Please welcome to the stage, on the poldemonium tree,
42:27it's Tom Sainsbury.
42:46Tom Sainsbury!
42:49Up next, on the comb tissue, it's Bubba.
42:55Take it away.
43:15Bubba, everybody.
43:18On the comb tissue.
43:21And last but not least, on the red dick, it's Abbey Howells.
43:40Oh, she's lost the party thing.
43:43Argh!
43:45Somebody stop her.
43:49She's smoking.
43:55Now bring it home, everybody.
44:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
44:13OK, come on down, and we'll score it another round of applause
44:17for our musical comedian.
44:24That was impressive. I really enjoyed that.
44:26It's going to be... Oh, goodness me, there's that death mask again.
44:29I can't take it off.
44:31OK, I'm going to have to score this.
44:33One for you, Hayley.
44:35Outrageous.
44:37Two for Ben with the banjo.
44:39The only actual instrument.
44:41Three for the death mask, and the performance on the death mask
44:44I thought was particularly good.
44:46Four for Tom.
44:48And I'm going to go five for Bubba.
44:50You are out of your mind.
44:52You have lost your mind.
44:54You have lost your mind.
44:56What? What?
44:58It's over. He's lost it.
45:00Now, before you announce the winner of Ep 7,
45:03how are we looking for the whole series?
45:06In first equal, both on 107, it's Hayley and Tom.
45:11So, very close. Very close.
45:14A huge turnaround for Tom Sainsbury,
45:17who has also won the episode with 20 points.
45:20Wow!
45:22Congratulations, Tom.
45:24You are now the proud owner of five delightful items
45:27from sketchy places.
45:29Please go and collect your items and remember
45:31that if the police ask you where you got them from,
45:33you know absolutely nothing.
45:36Another episode down,
45:38and we've learnt more than ever before.
45:41We learnt never to assume the end of the task.
45:44We learnt that fat might be one ingredient in soap,
45:47but probably shouldn't be the only ingredient.
45:50And most importantly, we've learnt that Tom Sainsbury
45:53is the winner of Episode 7.
45:56See you next time. Ka kite anō.
46:05APPLAUSE
46:16Television has absolutely peaked.
46:18See what this show does to you?
46:20Makes you completely paranoid about everything.
46:23No need to be paranoid.
46:27Getting quite good at doing well in tasks,
46:29but you have no idea what's going on.