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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30I
00:00:46Mean I'm 30,000 feet in the air, right? They're saying Kevin. Come on, please. Have you got a pony parachute?
00:00:51Everybody's going please please Kevin this point. They're begging me. Well, tell me that this story ends with you wearing the parachute
00:00:58Absolutely fucking not no
00:01:00No, no, I wanted to be authentic right? It's got to be real. Yeah, you know what Tom Cruise calls parachutes diapers
00:01:06Is that because they fill up when you're falling? No, Tom told me he said Kevin they put me in a parachute
00:01:11They might as well put a diaper on me and send me to pasture. Look Kevin
00:01:15You know based on the success of the first one
00:01:18We see massive franchise potential with the Jefferson's and you know
00:01:22Your agent just keeps saying that you might be waffling on doing a sequel and I'm just here to ask is it about the money?
00:01:27Look dad, the Jefferson's is amazing, right?
00:01:30We did amazing work there, but I'll be honest when I walk on that set. I feel like I'm being babysat
00:01:35I mean they give me goddamn stunt coordinators. I have I have stage managers
00:01:41Wires green screen. Yes, and somehow you still manage to jump out of an airplane without a shoot. I
00:01:48Wasn't telling the truth and I told you that but I forgot to say I was lying
00:01:51So let's take a pause right put a pin in that so you understand that wasn't the truth
00:01:55I had to make that up. It was pretending but you know why I got to pretend because I'm not a real action star dad
00:02:01Kevin you took a sitcom about a dry cleaner and you turned him into motherfucking Jason Bourne
00:02:06Okay, you are a real action star. No, not yet. Not yet. No
00:02:12But I will be
00:02:14When you fund my next project
00:02:17Okay, Devin and look what I'm about to tell you it's gonna seem crazy at first
00:02:21But I promise you if you give it a chance, you'll get it
00:02:23Close your eyes
00:02:25Okay, Deb. I want you to picture yourself going up a mountain
00:02:55All day here
00:03:00Trying to hide little man
00:03:04The fuck did you just call me but you got a big wallet for such a little man I'll put in the bag
00:03:13You know my wallet, huh?
00:03:16Get back. I got this you got what?
00:03:21I want your gun
00:03:23You believe this fucking clown
00:03:33Whoa, it's gonna be the first man in history to shoot somebody with a safety on
00:03:39I
00:03:51Don't like guns
00:04:10Nice to beef you motherfucker
00:04:21Hey, it's not about me it's about you
00:04:25You guys everybody's safe. It's a crazy world that we're living in. I don't know
00:04:31Kevin
00:04:32What just happened?
00:04:35Real
00:04:36goddamn action
00:04:37That's what just happened. Okay, real fucking action. That's the adrenaline. Now. I want audiences across the globe to feel dead
00:04:45Is that that this is was all staged? Yeah
00:04:48All of their actors. I don't give you a little taste of what our movie was about, right?
00:04:52This is the movie that we're gonna make so what I did was I brought an outlaw, right?
00:04:56Oh
00:05:01Boy the world of our movie lives and improvised action is spontaneous ass whoopings
00:05:07That's what this is about that guy spontaneously hit you with a gun. He's about Larry Larry. Hey, you got me good
00:05:14I'm a feel that one. Yeah, you are. Yeah, god. You're right
00:05:17You're not well. Oh, no, you're not. Well, this is about me getting a respect that I deserve as an action star dad
00:05:27What is it that you want me to say here what I want you to say Deb I want you to say I'll do it
00:05:34My answer is no
00:05:36Never this and this is never going to happen. Not at my studio or anyone else's. No, please. No, you just give it
00:05:41No, no, no, no. Yeah, can't just
00:05:45You just please give it up. Give it a read. Okay here
00:05:50There you go. That's all that's all I want. Can you just
00:05:56I'll read it
00:06:00We did
00:06:02Yeah
00:06:20Hello, mr. Green light she loved it, right I told you she was gonna love it. What's the budget?
00:06:26She gave me 300 million for five hundred million dollars for this his drive
00:06:32I
00:06:34Am so sorry Kevin, that's not
00:06:36That is not fair. You are a king and this town doesn't deserve you. Do you hear me? You are a king
00:06:41You are my king praise
00:06:44praise
00:06:45Wait a second. Is that her right there?
00:06:47Is that her the one throwing away the script? Is that her right there?
00:06:51Excuse me, ma'am in the red jacket. How are you? Kevin Darnell Hart is a national treasure a national
00:06:58Car we're gonna drive the car, but honestly get shit together. Nice to meet you fucking car
00:07:15Today is gonna be the most amazing day of your life your paper
00:07:19I see the same thing every day I'm sure every day you're wrong
00:07:21Oh, well, come on beard is cranky because you haven't had your tofu tahini smoothie. I'll get that for you right now
00:07:27Sophie is TT. I really hate that you call it. There we go big guns
00:07:31There you go
00:07:33No, I'm cranky because the movie of my dreams just flamed. Okay. Now, I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life
00:07:38No, I mean, come on, man. You still love us. That's amazing, right?
00:07:42You have us hell is that me who but Hannah Sophie me your man TJ right over here. I'm talking about your village
00:07:49I know I mean, I know what you need a massage Nina. He's all set up to do hot stones
00:07:54I can't be in about 10 minutes. She can't be in about 10 minutes Kevin the crew are ready whenever you are
00:08:00Yeah, I'm ready
00:08:02You got this
00:08:07Good great. Okay. Now just pretend you're biking through the Swiss Alps. Well CG the Alps in later
00:08:15What is that?
00:08:16I'm on foot though. I need a bike right? We'll CG that into action
00:08:20You
00:08:24Just want me to just go for it act like I'm riding a bike exactly
00:08:30Sure, I'm keeping look at this. Okay. Look at this
00:08:33Hey, man, not no, I can't I can't do this shit. I
00:08:39Can't I I cannot do this shit anymore
00:08:44All right. I'm tired of the CGI and the goddamn green screens all this fake shit
00:08:50No
00:08:54Kevin no
00:09:05It appears a list actor Kevin Hart is back in the news again star of the high octane reboot of the
00:09:12Jefferson's heart has spent his own money
00:09:14Destroying a high-end Hollywood restaurant in an attempt to woo a studio boss into financing what he refers to as a
00:09:21cinema verite style action film
00:09:24This comes just a year after the actor famously fired his longtime stuntman
00:09:28Doug Eubanks in the middle of production a decision that left insiders dumbfounded bring me this man
00:09:44Wow, this is big man. No, like this is really big
00:09:49After I don't think you understand. I cast my dream out into the universe and guess what Carl Strumberg comes running. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah
00:09:57But I gotta say boss. I don't like it. I mean you don't even know this guy, right?
00:10:02I tried to look him up and nothing came up on Google duh. It's because he's European
00:10:07They got their own Google everybody knows that all right
00:10:09Listen the guys loaded got tons of money and if his desire is to make my movie to so be it. I'm good
00:10:15I can't do it boss. I am so sorry. I can't do it
00:10:18My job is to look out for your best interest and I don't really think
00:10:21What did you just say my job to look out for it's not your job as a matter of fact
00:10:25That's the complete opposite of your job. You know who looks out for me Andre
00:10:29Me, that's what looks out for me me. Okay, you know what pull over pull over. I'm driving myself
00:10:36No, no, no, no Kevin you can't drive your thing you need me you need me I do not need you
00:10:41Correction. I don't need you. I didn't need my stuntman. I damn sure don't need an assistant telling me how to live my life pull over
00:10:53Andre I said shut up. I'm gonna drive. We know we all know he knows how to drive a car
00:10:59We know but let's say you put your hand down you pop it in D pop it at first. Nope. That's reverse
00:11:04You know what, why don't I help you out I'll get in there I'll start her up I'll roll out everybody will think it was you
00:11:10I don't know good. Good. Good. Good. Good
00:11:34So
00:11:41Carl
00:11:42Carl what is it? Uh, what does that you do for a living man? I
00:11:48Made my fortune mining precious metals
00:11:53Now I finance films
00:11:55primarily in the Balkans
00:11:57Once in North Korea, it's probably hard to get permits over there, huh permits are for cowards
00:12:04your outline
00:12:06Is dangerous
00:12:08It's violent
00:12:10It's almost no narrative that makes sense to a regular human being
00:12:14I'm not the regular human being. No, I
00:12:19am
00:12:21Stromberg yeah, and that is why I
00:12:26Won't finance this film for you
00:12:29What did you just say to me
00:12:31You telling me that you gonna finance my goddamn movie, huh?
00:12:37Dude you just made my day man, and I don't have to do my pitch. My pitch is expensive
00:12:41I ain't gonna break all this glass stuff in here cuz I know I gotta pay for it, dude
00:12:44Yeah, I was in a dark place Carl. I was in a real dark place, man
00:12:49You just pulled me out of a dark place because people underestimate you
00:12:52Yeah, when you left comedy for her to action we said you'd fail
00:12:58When you fired your stunt man to do your own stunts
00:13:03They said you would fail you heard about that. Everyone heard about that. It's only you and Tom Cruise at your own stunts now
00:13:09That's that's a fact
00:13:11Two peas in a pod. What's going on? What you doing?
00:13:16This film Kevin
00:13:19Will put you in your own category
00:13:23One pea in one
00:13:25Pod yes, right. That's right one pea one pod
00:13:31Hell yeah
00:13:33That's what it's supposed to be Carl. You know what man?
00:13:35I know we just met but I feel like I've known you for a long time because you get me. I'm so sick of this
00:13:42The CG and his green screen shit
00:13:47So what'd you think of the story Carl about what you watch this movie?
00:13:50Yeah, they watch it for the action
00:13:54And the vanity
00:13:58I don't really I
00:14:01Don't really have any dick in my script
00:14:03But if you want some of you feel like people want to see dick I can hand some dick
00:14:08I mean, I'm not afraid to go full-frontal. I'll do it. Right if that's what the people want
00:14:13My biggest thing knows the action man. I just don't I don't know what to do
00:14:17My biggest thing knows the action man, I just don't I don't want to see it coming, right?
00:14:21I want to be caught off guard you will shit your pants
00:14:24You don't know we will have to change your pants a bit about all times for when you shit your pants
00:14:32Cuz I'm scared you will shit I
00:14:34Will you will shit? Yeah, I'll shit my goddamn pants. You will shit. I
00:14:40Want to shit you will shit. All right, I want to shit you want to shit. Yeah, I will shit you shit your pants
00:14:47I'm ready to shit my pants Carl. I want to shit my pants
00:14:52right now
00:14:53When when do we start slacking shit? We already have
00:14:58There's a camera hidden right behind you. Oh
00:15:04I think I see it the little the black the space with the black, right?
00:15:17Oh
00:15:47Oh
00:16:02Back up
00:16:04Get your ass back. I don't know you think you mess with that. So you got oh shit
00:16:10You fucking eat my ass
00:16:12You eat my ass and set me on fire. So shit ain't you?
00:16:16Who are you?
00:16:18Huh?
00:16:19Where am I? Tell me where I'm at. Oh
00:16:23Wait a minute. Do you work you ever call strumberg?
00:16:30I said you were for Carl strumberg
00:16:38Okay
00:16:41Okay, okay we in it this is it we're doing it, okay, I like it I like it
00:16:49Okay shit. Okay. Let me see. Where are we? Where are we in the script?
00:16:52I've got my adrenaline is flowing so much. You got me. I thought you was really trying to eat my ass
00:16:57Alright, okay, three two one
00:17:01Rice peas carrots, let's go
00:17:04You
00:17:08Know I've been searching the globe for you. You're a hard man to find. Mr. Bartholomew. I
00:17:20Think you got a line
00:17:22You got a line
00:17:25You say your part then I'll react off of that because what you say sets me up to now
00:17:30Have my unless you're not Union. All right, it's a union or no guys
00:17:37Okay, Oh rewrite there must have been pink pages, okay
00:17:45What you gonna do those chop off my finger hmm cut off my leg my foot
00:17:53News flash I don't need one foot to kick your ass
00:17:57That is a trailer moment guys
00:18:07Is that that's producing is that car car
00:18:13What is that a tone from us
00:18:23Yeah, I'm lost guys I don't know where we are
00:18:26And we're gonna do rewrites you guys gotta give me the pages I'll stand it I'll stand it
00:18:35Okay, all right, okay, I don't eat why don't we take it easy I know why you're mad, huh
00:18:40You mad because I stop right there. Let's stop right there. No, no, no, let's make that your mark. Nope. Nope. Stop right there
00:18:56Don't cut my dick
00:19:26Oh
00:19:35Today yeah, do we get it, huh? Spin it. We got it. Yeah
00:19:49Coming for your ass my trail that's that's incredible. So good
00:19:57Oh shit, it's my toys, man
00:20:14Jordan
00:20:16What the hell is going on the uranium heist, that's what's going on already handle Bartholomew
00:20:31General Montoya. He's not gonna let us off as easy
00:20:35What the hell are you talking about? I
00:20:39Was walking my dog and someone hit me in the fucking neck with the tranquilizer dart, huh, and I ended up here
00:20:46I'm talking about
00:20:48You didn't talk to Karl Strumberg
00:20:51Karl Strumberg about the movie right now. We're in it. This is the movie
00:20:55It's a live-action movie. We're improving all the action scenes. No green screen. No fucking cables
00:21:02It's real raw. It's gonna take my acting career and my action status. So this is all your fault. I
00:21:09Mean, it's my script. It took me
00:21:12a call
00:21:16Oh
00:21:19How long were you laying on that
00:21:21Damn it. No, why you got attitude?
00:21:24This is a simple outline. It's a layup
00:21:27Okay, I'm a triple agent. Am I seven?
00:21:30I'm the highest of high right like you can't get higher than where I am, but you you're my love interest
00:21:36They took you hostage cuz you know, it's the only way to get to me
00:21:38So now I'm here and I gotta get you
00:21:41And I'm pretty sure that kidnapping is a felony well, I'm pretty sure that
00:21:46When you're an adult, they don't call it kidnapping. So that's that's pathetic
00:21:52What do you mean? Fuck me? Why are you mad at me? You should be mad at Karl Strumberg. I do not know who that is
00:22:04You don't want him to hear you
00:22:07There's no one here and do not say Karl Strumberg
00:22:10Are you saying Strumberg? Is it Strumberg? Cuz I don't know. Okay. Hey, hey
00:22:16There are cameras everywhere. We're filming a movie
00:22:19Where? Where? There are no cameras anywhere
00:22:24Will you look around? There's cameras everywhere
00:22:27Okay, listen, listen. All I need you to do is just grasp what's going on
00:22:32This is a big opportunity for both of us. Okay, just get in character
00:22:38Please
00:22:41They got this place locked down tighter than Fort Knox
00:22:45Oh God, who wrote this dialogue?
00:22:48Those motherfuckers knew I would come rescue you
00:22:51Beautiful damn soul in distress like yourself
00:22:55Yep, thank you for rescuing me
00:22:59Just like any woman, I wouldn't know what to do if a man didn't show up to save me
00:23:06And tell me to eat so I don't starve and breathe oxygen so I don't suffocate
00:23:11Let's cut. Can we cut? Can you work with me?
00:23:16I'd rather not
00:23:18Please. Thank you
00:23:21Alright guys, we're gonna go again, alright? Self-action
00:23:26Do you have any ideas on the other side of that door?
00:23:29It's some dangerous men on the other side of that door
00:23:32I'm talking mercenaries, killers, ninjas, failed karate school instructors
00:23:37People that want to do bad things to me just because they can
00:23:40It's a bounty on my fucking head
00:23:45I'll tell you what, Esmeralda
00:23:49I'll pay that bounty and I will give them my head
00:23:54If it meant saving your life so that you could finish med school and open up that clinic that you always wanted to open
00:23:59Open the hell up, shit!
00:24:01Open up that clinic that you always wanted to... Esmeralda, wait
00:24:06Esmeralda, hey!
00:24:11Oh, you fucking piece of shit
00:24:14You leave her out of it, you hear me?
00:24:16She's got nothing to do with this
00:24:19This is between me, you and 78,000 kilos of stolen uranium
00:24:25Alright, if that's how you want to have it
00:24:28Let's have at it
00:24:31I'm so over this
00:24:33Kevin, next time you have a terrible movie idea, leave me out of it, yeah?
00:24:38Oh, shit!
00:24:42I'm sorry, but did this central casting goon just hit me in the face with a real fucking axe?
00:24:48Cut, no, no, no, we need to cut right now
00:24:50I don't know what weird production this is, but I need to speak to a producer
00:24:59Wait, wait
00:25:05Is that all you've got?
00:25:09Jordan, let me get in there now
00:25:13Ram those ass
00:25:18Jordan, let my character get something, tag me in
00:25:29Yeah!
00:25:32Yeah!
00:25:35Hold it, hold it
00:25:42Yeah!
00:25:45Woo, we got that
00:25:47What a scene, good job
00:25:50Here
00:25:51I think I'm the one that was supposed to kick his ass, though
00:25:53Because I'm the lead
00:25:55So I'm quite sure that was supposed to be me
00:25:58Go, go, go!
00:26:07That guy was trying to kill me
00:26:09Kevin, not acting, not a movie, literally trying to kill me
00:26:12No, it's cinema verite
00:26:14I know it's a little different, but that's what it is
00:26:16Different? A little fucking different, Kevin!
00:26:18Whoa, are you okay?
00:26:20Yeah, I know you're just trying to get me to apologize
00:26:22Just give me a second
00:26:23Kevin
00:26:24What?
00:26:25You've been hit with a real fucking bullet
00:26:30That's not real blood
00:26:32What?
00:26:33Of course it's real blood
00:26:34No, taste it
00:26:35I'm not gonna taste your blood, Kevin
00:26:37You can, you can, it's pig's blood
00:26:39It's not my blood
00:26:41Does that feel fake?
00:26:43Ow!
00:26:44Ow!
00:26:45Shit, shit
00:26:46I gotta lay down
00:26:48I gotta lay down
00:26:51Kevin!
00:26:53Kevin!
00:26:55No, no, no, no, wait, look!
00:26:56There's a photographer, look!
00:26:57Watch a picture!
00:26:58It's there
00:26:59Come on
00:27:01What the fuck?!
00:27:04Your friend had what now?
00:27:05Just an unexpected accident
00:27:07With a very small, flying, fast, like, projectile object through his shoulder
00:27:14And I just think some painkillers would really help him
00:27:17I know I don't have a prescription, but I can assure you this is an emergency
00:27:23I see
00:27:26I want to score some good drugs
00:27:28Some Xanny, some Ox
00:27:30Chuckleheads, Wet Garys, Shrieking Jimmies, Moon Pie, Spider Pie
00:27:34Look, I'm not a drug addict
00:27:35I'm an actor, don't you recognise me?
00:27:37Um...
00:27:39Okay, it doesn't matter, alright?
00:27:41My idiot friend got shot with a real bullet
00:27:43An actual fucking bullet from an actual fucking gun
00:27:45And now he's bleeding out in your alleyway
00:27:47And if you don't help me, help him
00:27:49You're gonna have a body on your hands
00:27:51You're gonna have a body on your hands!
00:27:55Would I know him from anywhere?
00:27:58You're lucky it just grazed you
00:28:02Here, it's the best I could do
00:28:05The hell is this?
00:28:06This is for the pain
00:28:08The pharmacist was a real piece of work
00:28:10Well, you're a piece of work for bringing this out here to me
00:28:13I can't drink this, this is my competitor
00:28:15You gotta go back in there and ask for Grand Corps Amino
00:28:17Are you being serious right now?
00:28:19Kevin, you've been shot
00:28:20I was kidnapped
00:28:21Strong woman, man
00:28:22You need to fix this
00:28:23Okay
00:28:24You need to fix this now
00:28:25I told you, I can't
00:28:27Okay, even if I wanted to, I can't do it
00:28:29And by the way, it's all by design
00:28:31I gave all the rights over to Carl Stromberg
00:28:33Who is a great, precious metals magnate
00:28:36You do hear how that sounds, right?
00:28:38You hear the words
00:28:40You know, Andre was right
00:28:43Andre, your assistant?
00:28:44Yes, my assistant
00:28:45No, my former assistant
00:28:48He was right, though
00:28:49You know what we're gonna do?
00:28:50We're gonna pay Carl Stromberg a visit
00:28:53Yeah, that's exactly what we're gonna do
00:28:55We're gonna tell him he needs to get back on book
00:28:57Cause right now, he's not following my guidelines at all
00:29:01And we're all over the place
00:29:02In order for this movie to be the best thing that we know that it can be
00:29:05We gotta get back on pace
00:29:07Okay?
00:29:08We're paying him a visit
00:29:11Well, at least my car's still here
00:29:13Yeah, but it's the only one, this place is dead
00:29:16Yeah, it's because it's the weekend, that's why
00:29:18Kevin, it's Tuesday
00:29:20Oh
00:29:26Hey, what the fuck?
00:29:29Kevin, it doesn't look like anyone's been here for weeks
00:29:32No, that's not true
00:29:33I was just here
00:29:34I was just here
00:29:35Stromberg was right there
00:29:37Okay, that was last week
00:29:38Or it may have been a week before
00:29:40I don't know what week it was
00:29:41Cause I got knocked the fuck out
00:29:42But I was here
00:29:43He was sitting at a desk, right here
00:29:45This is where he was
00:29:46He was
00:29:49Mmm
00:29:54You're a shit
00:29:55You're a pimp
00:29:56I'm not crazy
00:29:57I knew he was here
00:29:59Would I have this if he wasn't here?
00:30:01It's a butt to his cigar
00:30:03And you know what he was doing?
00:30:04He was doing real weird stuff with the cigar
00:30:07Licking it, putting it in his nose
00:30:09Slobbering all on it
00:30:10I was watching him while he was doing it
00:30:12Closing his eyes
00:30:14All this stuff
00:30:15All this stuff
00:30:19Why did you have to drag me into your stupid fantasy death wish movie?
00:30:23What are you talking about?
00:30:24All I said was think somebody like Jordan King
00:30:26He won't think
00:30:27It was a suggestion
00:30:28Oh great, thanks for the suggestion
00:30:30He probably wanted you because you're one of the biggest stars in Sweden
00:30:32What if that's the case?
00:30:33I'm pretty sure Greta Thunberg is the biggest star in Sweden
00:30:36The environmental activist?
00:30:37Yeah, they have their priorities straight
00:30:40Wait, whoa
00:30:43Wait a minute
00:30:44Come here, what's this?
00:30:46Look
00:30:47Look, will you just look?
00:30:58All this stuff
00:31:02Whoa
00:31:03It's a VHS
00:31:05I haven't seen one of these in years
00:31:08Hey, it's Brian McFadden, Dunn-Buckle Associates
00:31:11Reading for, sorry, is it Stromberg or?
00:31:14It's Karl Stromberg
00:31:16It's Stromberg
00:31:17It's him, I mean he
00:31:18It's different hair, but it's him
00:31:20Bringing this man is Kevin Hart
00:31:25I'm actually gonna go thicker
00:31:27Kevin, it's an audition tape
00:31:30Yeah, well obviously
00:31:32I can see that, I see that
00:31:34Obviously?
00:31:35I can see that, I see that
00:31:37It's an audition tape, the question is why?
00:31:39Why is it an audition tape?
00:31:40Oh my god, wait a minute, is Karl Stromberg even real?
00:31:43What, you didn't Google him before the meeting?
00:31:45He's from Sweden
00:31:46You want me to go all the way to Sweden and Google?
00:31:48It's ridiculous, stop
00:31:50Are you on drugs?
00:31:57Quick, answer it
00:32:05Hello?
00:32:07Hello, Mr. Action Star
00:32:09Congratulations, you escaped
00:32:11Uh, do you know you shot me with a real bullet?
00:32:13Of course I know
00:32:15That bullet was meant to kill you
00:32:17Oh, that's stupid
00:32:18You kill me and then you don't have a movie
00:32:20You moron, there is no movie
00:32:22There never was
00:32:23What do you mean there's no movie?
00:32:24You better stop talking like that
00:32:26That's blasphemy and you know it
00:32:28There is a movie
00:32:29Okay, who is it?
00:32:30Are you the producer?
00:32:31You have forgotten who I am
00:32:33You have forgotten who you are
00:32:35Where you came from
00:32:37How did anybody forget where they came from?
00:32:39And what was the name of your first elementary school teacher?
00:32:47Mrs. Fawkson
00:32:49No, Ms. Clarkson
00:32:51Yeah, Ms. Clarkson
00:32:53And the hospital where you were born?
00:32:55What does that have to do with anything?
00:32:56The name
00:32:59What?
00:33:01Uh...
00:33:03St. Falkenstein
00:33:05That sounds right
00:33:06St. Falkenstein Hospital
00:33:08What? Hey, enough of this shit!
00:33:10Cut the shit!
00:33:11Who are you?
00:33:12Who the fuck are you?
00:33:13I'm the person who's brought an end to your life
00:33:16You are no longer Kevin Hart
00:33:18You are nothing
00:33:19Uh, excuse me
00:33:20Can I ask why I've been dragged into this?
00:33:24Great, Kevin
00:33:25You took all the phone time with him
00:33:27Oh, I'm sorry
00:33:28You used the fuck out of me for trying to figure out what's going on with my life
00:33:31Trying to hear a serial killer voice out
00:33:33I'm sorry that I inconvenienced you
00:33:35God damn it, Jordan
00:33:37Do you hear that?
00:33:42It's the VCR
00:33:44What the fuck?
00:33:48Oh, fuck, it's a bomb
00:33:50What?
00:33:51It's a fucking bomb
00:33:52Well, disarm it
00:33:53You fucking disarm it
00:33:55Oh, yeah, because I know how to disarm a bomb
00:33:56Oh, I do, because I'm black
00:33:57That's what you think, every black man know how to disarm a bomb?
00:33:59That is not a thing, Kevin
00:34:01Oh, I bet it's not a thing
00:34:02Get your racist ass back
00:34:03Move, move
00:34:05Quick, quick, quick
00:34:06Come on
00:34:07Oh, my God
00:34:08Open it, open it
00:34:11Pull, pull
00:34:15Hold it, hold it, hold it
00:34:21Get back, get back, get back, get back
00:34:23Shit
00:34:26Shit
00:34:32Okay
00:34:33Well, I guess it is just a movie
00:34:35Yeah
00:34:36And that was a fake bomb that...
00:34:38Whoa
00:34:49Oh, my God
00:34:50Oh, you're okay
00:34:51You're okay
00:34:52What was that sound?
00:34:53Andre?
00:34:54What the hell are you doing here?
00:34:55What are you talking about?
00:34:56I'll get the door for you
00:34:57No, no, no
00:34:58Kevin, that was a real fucking bomb
00:35:00Okay
00:35:01A real fucking bomb
00:35:02Okay, Jordan, well, can you put yourself in my shoes?
00:35:03I will not
00:35:04No, no, I do not have to do that
00:35:06Do you know what? Just shut up
00:35:07Shut the fuck up
00:35:09Hey, Jordan
00:35:10I'm Andre, I don't know if you remember me
00:35:12Hey, man, put your hand on the wheel
00:35:13You got it
00:35:14I'm actually, I'm Kevin's protege
00:35:16Sorry
00:35:17Oh, I'm Kevin's assistant
00:35:18Former assistant, fuck me
00:35:20Of course I remember you, Andre
00:35:23So what, Kevin kicked you out in the middle of the street, did he?
00:35:25No, pish-posh, no, of course not
00:35:28Technically, it was the sidewalk
00:35:30And I love Skid Row
00:35:31Everybody's got a story to tell
00:35:33So many teachable moments
00:35:35Wait, you didn't go home
00:35:36You just waited here this whole time
00:35:38Well, yeah, I mean, I always carry a spare key, right?
00:35:40That's what I do
00:35:41And I don't mind waiting
00:35:42It was a quick 25, 30 hours
00:35:4530 hours?
00:35:46I would wait a lifetime
00:35:47Okay
00:35:48To make sure Kevin is okay
00:35:49Stop it, stop it
00:35:50I didn't ask you to do that
00:35:51Don't act like I did
00:35:52I know, I know
00:35:53And I know you fired me
00:35:55Oh, right, you fired him
00:35:56Because he tried to warn you about the Swedish mobster
00:35:59That was actually a shitty actor
00:36:01Who was working for someone trying to murder us
00:36:03Okay, I don't understand what's happening
00:36:05I really don't
00:36:06And Jordan, I'm just gonna throw this out there right now
00:36:07I feel like you're still mad at me
00:36:08I will never not be mad at you for the rest of my life
00:36:11I am so sorry to interrupt
00:36:12But where am I going?
00:36:14Because I've just been driving
00:36:15Hey, hey, we're going to my house
00:36:16You got it
00:36:17Okay, go to my house
00:36:18No, I'm not going to your house
00:36:19I'm going to my house
00:36:20No, no, you're not going to your house
00:36:21Because I need to know that you're safe
00:36:23Oh, right, yeah
00:36:24Just like Andre wanted to make sure you were safe
00:36:27You know what?
00:36:28I know what you're doing
00:36:30I know exactly what you're doing
00:36:31You're trying to do one of those things
00:36:32Where you make me evaluate who I am as a person, right?
00:36:36That's what you're trying to do
00:36:37But guess what?
00:36:38I'm not gonna do that
00:36:39Because who I am as a person
00:36:40Is who I'm okay with
00:36:41And I'm settled in
00:36:44It's not working
00:36:46I'm gonna try one more time
00:36:47Are you sure you punched it in the right hole?
00:36:48Of course, man
00:36:49Of course, man, it's your birthday
00:36:50Like I'd ever forget that
00:36:51It's tattooed on my inner thigh
00:36:52I rub it every morning
00:36:54I see them do this
00:36:55All the time
00:36:56I see them do this
00:36:57It's not working
00:36:58Wait, wait, wait
00:36:59Maybe the person who's behind all of this
00:37:01Changed the gate code
00:37:03Wait, and they think I'm dead
00:37:05So maybe this is to our advantage, right?
00:37:07Hmm
00:37:08Maybe
00:37:09Yeah, no, there's
00:37:10Oh, shit
00:37:11Security
00:37:12Security, get back in line
00:37:13Maybe we just exit now
00:37:14Should I go now?
00:37:15No, no, no, wait, wait, wait
00:37:16I should just
00:37:17I'm gonna leave
00:37:18No, sir
00:37:19Stay here, stay here
00:37:20He doesn't like me
00:37:21Sir
00:37:22Hey, what's going on?
00:37:23How are you, my man?
00:37:24Nice to meet you
00:37:25Are you aware you're trespassing on private property?
00:37:26I did not
00:37:27I did, I was not aware, no
00:37:28Please reverse out
00:37:29And have a nice day
00:37:30You got it, my man
00:37:31No, do not reverse
00:37:32You can't reverse
00:37:33You know what?
00:37:34I'm not, I can't
00:37:35That, my boss
00:37:36Actually lives inside there
00:37:37Yeah
00:37:38So if I can just jump in there real quick
00:37:39It'd be great
00:37:40Reverse out now
00:37:41And no one has to get pumped
00:37:42Full of electricity
00:37:43Of course
00:37:44I'm positive nobody needs that
00:37:45No, do not reverse
00:37:46Do not reverse
00:37:48You better not reverse
00:37:49I'm not gonna reverse
00:37:50Do not fuck with me
00:37:53He's bluffing
00:37:54You're bluffing
00:37:55I assure you
00:37:56I'm not bluffing
00:37:58He's fucking bluffing
00:37:59Fuck with him
00:38:00Fuck with you
00:38:01Fuck you
00:38:02You're full of
00:38:07Compliments to Mr. H
00:38:10Well, I didn't tell him to do that
00:38:11Andre
00:38:12Is he okay?
00:38:13Andre
00:38:14Andre
00:38:18Hey, Andre
00:38:19Maybe one of us should just drive
00:38:20No, you don't have to worry about it
00:38:21I got it
00:38:22I got you, my man
00:38:23Damn it
00:38:24I got a crook in my neck
00:38:25That's a bitch
00:38:27I swear I gotta get to Nina
00:38:28So she can fix this
00:38:29Who's Nina?
00:38:30Kevin's full-time masseuse
00:38:31Oh, she's my full-time masseuse
00:38:34Of course
00:38:35Oh, okay
00:38:36Well, I'm glad that my life
00:38:37Getting destroyed amuses you
00:38:38What, didn't you basically
00:38:39Ask for all of this?
00:38:40No, I didn't basically
00:38:41Ask for all of this
00:38:42I did not do that
00:38:43I asked for a movie
00:38:44There's a big difference
00:38:45A movie has to have a movie
00:38:46There's a big difference
00:38:47A movie has cameras
00:38:48It has sound, lights
00:38:49That's what that has in it
00:38:50This is not the same
00:38:52It's not the same
00:38:53We need to go to the police
00:38:54No, no
00:38:55We do not need to go to police
00:38:56Whoever this guy is
00:38:57He thinks that we're dead
00:38:58Right?
00:38:59So we use that
00:39:00To our advantage
00:39:01Okay?
00:39:02We make him think
00:39:03That we're not here
00:39:04We disappear
00:39:05We just gotta figure out
00:39:06Where to go
00:39:07Man, this is where Natasha
00:39:08Would come in handy
00:39:09Because she would know
00:39:10Exactly where we should go
00:39:11And who the hell is Natasha?
00:39:12Let's get to Airbnb
00:39:13You can tell him
00:39:14This is getting ridiculous
00:39:15Oh my God
00:39:16I know exactly where we can go
00:39:17Where no one would ever
00:39:18Search for us
00:39:20Who's in?
00:39:22Who's in?
00:39:24Okay
00:39:25Make yourself at home
00:39:26Do you guys want anything
00:39:27To drink?
00:39:28Kombucha?
00:39:29Coffee?
00:39:30Tea?
00:39:31Yes, yes
00:39:32Kombucha would be great
00:39:33I don't have it
00:39:34You called my bluff
00:39:35I don't have kombucha
00:39:36I'm sorry
00:39:37No, water would be great
00:39:38Water would be great
00:39:39Great, fantastic
00:39:40And you, you want some water?
00:39:41I'm not putting my mouth
00:39:42On a cup in this house
00:39:43Nice, nice
00:39:44Yeah, my little slice of heaven
00:39:47What was that?
00:39:49I love it
00:39:50It's actually really charming
00:39:52Thank you
00:39:53You know, my mom and I
00:39:54Are kind of always messing
00:39:55With the motif in here
00:39:56Went through a huge
00:39:57Southwestern phase
00:39:58So much turquoise
00:40:00So your mom helped you decorate?
00:40:02Oh yeah, big time
00:40:04She's my roommate
00:40:06She's right there
00:40:07You gotta be shitting me
00:40:08No, no, no
00:40:09Don't be afraid
00:40:10Don't be afraid, watch this
00:40:11Do you want to meet her?
00:40:12No, I don't have to
00:40:13You're okay?
00:40:14Your mouth was open real wide
00:40:15Oh my god
00:40:18Oh my
00:40:19Don't charge me
00:40:20Oh my
00:40:22Fix your brow
00:40:24It's Kevin Hart
00:40:26America's treasure
00:40:28It's a family, no
00:40:29You don't have to
00:40:31And Jordan King
00:40:33Or should I call you Wheezy?
00:40:36No, that's just a role
00:40:37I'm not paid nearly enough to play
00:40:39Jordan is fine
00:40:40Oh, come here
00:40:41I gotta squeeze
00:40:42Come here
00:40:43Oh
00:40:44You two gotta eat
00:40:45We're gonna have a feast
00:40:46Andre, go to the freezer
00:40:47We're gonna defrost
00:40:48The Christmas pork chops
00:40:49We're doing the
00:40:50Christmas pork chops?
00:40:51No, I don't know
00:40:52We've been waiting for this
00:40:53For like six years
00:40:54We don't have that much time
00:40:55You don't have to do that
00:40:56We don't want to steal
00:40:57You're gonna love it
00:40:58You gotta save that meat
00:40:59Okay
00:41:00You're eating my meat
00:41:01Tell him, mom, tell him
00:41:02No, no, no
00:41:03You're gonna want my meat
00:41:04No, we don't want your meat
00:41:05People talk about it all the time
00:41:06Well, we don't
00:41:07Did you hurt yourself?
00:41:08This is not
00:41:09Did you know there was
00:41:10Ah, shit, woman
00:41:11Blood there?
00:41:12Yeah
00:41:13And up here?
00:41:14Ow, ow
00:41:15Stop
00:41:16God, you are Kevin Hart
00:41:17You can't walk around
00:41:18with bloody clothes on
00:41:19You're too sophisticated
00:41:20Take your shirt off
00:41:21Come on, I'm gonna wash it
00:41:22Well, that's okay
00:41:23I'm already doing a bloody load
00:41:24Come on, take it off
00:41:25Come on
00:41:26Take it off, Kevin
00:41:27What are we doing?
00:41:28Yeah
00:41:29Oh, somebody's got a cute tummy
00:41:30Come on, come on
00:41:31Come on
00:41:32That's a lot
00:41:33Mom, look at
00:41:34Remember I was telling you
00:41:35about his belly button?
00:41:36It's right there, mom
00:41:37You got it
00:41:38Take my chance
00:41:39Let me, just please
00:41:40Oh, my God
00:41:41Thank you
00:41:42You gotta
00:41:43Oh, my God
00:41:44You gotta be kidding me
00:41:45Whoa, that hit my eyes
00:41:46That is
00:41:47That is
00:41:48That's a man right there
00:41:49Yeah, we were filming
00:41:50That is good
00:41:51We're doing an improv action
00:41:52I can't believe he's in there
00:41:53for us
00:41:54I love you so much
00:41:55We're basically all the action
00:41:56I love you, son
00:41:57Such nice people
00:41:58Nice people, ooh
00:41:59You're so mean
00:42:00How can you be mean to this guy?
00:42:01Look at him
00:42:02He might be the nicest,
00:42:03sweetest person
00:42:04I've ever encountered
00:42:05How could you fire him?
00:42:06I don't know
00:42:07I don't know
00:42:08I don't know
00:42:09How could you fire him?
00:42:10You want me to start
00:42:11at the beginning?
00:42:12I don't know
00:42:13Maybe because he doesn't
00:42:14respect boundaries
00:42:15He cares about you
00:42:16Oh, will you just stop it?
00:42:18A man clipped my
00:42:19goddamn toenails one time
00:42:21while I was in bed
00:42:24with a woman
00:42:26Exactly
00:42:27Yeah
00:42:28Struggling, by the way,
00:42:29to perform
00:42:30Had a lot on my mind
00:42:31A lot on my mind
00:42:32I didn't
00:42:33Brown gummy worm
00:42:34was in full effect
00:42:35I don't
00:42:36Loose noob
00:42:37Call it what you want
00:42:38I see his face
00:42:39looking up at me
00:42:40Now I got no shot
00:42:41Okay, thank you
00:42:42for the context
00:42:43Just give me a
00:42:44Give me a play-by-play
00:42:45But
00:42:46Listen
00:42:47When
00:42:48I go to set
00:42:49It's me acting
00:42:50Right?
00:42:51But to get there
00:42:52I've got reps
00:42:53My
00:42:54dialect coach
00:42:55My assistant
00:42:56And then there's
00:42:57personal trainer
00:42:58Hairstylist
00:42:59Makeup artist
00:43:00The list goes on
00:43:01And then there's
00:43:02family and friends
00:43:03who have supported me
00:43:04And sacrificed for me
00:43:05I'm sorry
00:43:06I got lost
00:43:07in what you were saying
00:43:08because I felt it was bullshit
00:43:09You have that too, Kevin
00:43:10And then some
00:43:11Okay?
00:43:12It's why you're a star
00:43:13No, that's not true
00:43:14I'm a star
00:43:15because I made myself
00:43:16a star
00:43:17With this
00:43:18Sure, yeah
00:43:19That's the
00:43:20story you keep
00:43:21telling yourself
00:43:22But
00:43:23you had help
00:43:24Okay
00:43:25Hey, how are you guys doing?
00:43:27The pork chops
00:43:28are smelling so much
00:43:29like shrimp right now
00:43:30It's amazing
00:43:31I got you a shirt, my man
00:43:32I think it'll fit perfectly
00:43:34Okay?
00:43:35You see it?
00:43:36Nice
00:43:37Yeah, I made that myself
00:43:38Okay
00:43:39Thank you for that
00:43:42Uh
00:43:43I wanted to ask you
00:43:44earlier, but I didn't
00:43:45get a chance to
00:43:46Who's that?
00:43:47This one?
00:43:48Yeah
00:43:49That's my dad
00:43:50He's been gone a long time
00:43:52Really?
00:43:53Yeah
00:43:54Same
00:43:55And you know my mom
00:43:56raised me
00:43:57I know
00:43:59Did your dad, uh
00:44:00get a little afraid
00:44:01of parenthood
00:44:02and run off?
00:44:03It wasn't anything
00:44:04like that, actually
00:44:05He was amazing
00:44:06He was kind
00:44:07Uh
00:44:08He was gent-
00:44:09By the way
00:44:10Richard Pryor's assistant
00:44:11Your dad is Rich-
00:44:13I guess you could say
00:44:14assisting just runs
00:44:15in the family, right?
00:44:16No
00:44:17That's legendary, man
00:44:18It is, right?
00:44:19That's huge
00:44:20It's huge
00:44:21Until it killed him
00:44:22What do you mean?
00:44:24It was a big show
00:44:25and a crazy fan
00:44:26got through security
00:44:28So my dad jumped
00:44:29in the way
00:44:30of a knife
00:44:31that was meant
00:44:32for Richard Pryor
00:44:33You're playing
00:44:34Cut him
00:44:35from the stomach
00:44:36What?
00:44:37Back down
00:44:38What?
00:44:39Killed my dad in the spot
00:44:40Oh my God, man
00:44:41I can't
00:44:42I can't process that
00:44:43Neither could I
00:44:44It was enormous
00:44:45for our whole family
00:44:46Why would somebody
00:44:47want to kill Richard Pryor?
00:44:48Huh?
00:44:50Who?
00:44:51Well, yeah, why?
00:44:53That's crazy, right?
00:44:55Yeah, I bet my-
00:44:56I bet, by the way
00:44:57I bet my dad
00:44:58when he was dying
00:44:59was looking up and was like
00:45:00Why would you do this?
00:45:01Or something like that
00:45:02It has to be, right?
00:45:03At that point
00:45:04that's not what's important
00:45:05Somebody tried to kill Richard
00:45:06Right, my dad was already dead
00:45:07Yeah
00:45:08The thing we gotta worry about
00:45:09is who's this guy?
00:45:10Are there more of them?
00:45:11Yeah
00:45:12Okay, you can't rewrite that
00:45:13No
00:45:14No, we can't
00:45:15I tried to
00:45:16God, I've been to so much therapy
00:45:17trying to rewrite that moment
00:45:18What could I have done
00:45:19you know, if I was a child
00:45:20but maybe I could have
00:45:21jumped in the way
00:45:22or something like that
00:45:23Yeah
00:45:24Yeah
00:45:25On the bright side, though
00:45:26if you think about it
00:45:27he died doing
00:45:28what he loved the most
00:45:29Assisting
00:45:30He was so happy
00:45:31that he brought joy
00:45:32to so many people
00:45:33He told me
00:45:34every single thing I knew
00:45:35You know, man
00:45:36maybe, uh
00:45:37maybe I didn't mean
00:45:38to fire you
00:45:39I think your exact words
00:45:40were, I didn't need
00:45:41a stunt man
00:45:42I sure as hell
00:45:43don't need an assistant
00:45:44You said it to me
00:45:45You yelled it
00:45:46and then
00:45:47you tell me
00:45:48to get out of your car
00:45:49Right?
00:45:50Oh, no
00:45:51You're absolutely
00:45:52You're right
00:45:53But I'm just saying now
00:45:54looking back
00:45:55I'm saying maybe
00:45:56maybe I do
00:45:57I do
00:45:58I do
00:45:59I do
00:46:00I do
00:46:01Maybe
00:46:02Maybe I do
00:46:03Maybe I still do need
00:46:04an assistant
00:46:05I mean, if you
00:46:06Oh, God
00:46:07All right?
00:46:08I need you, too
00:46:09No
00:46:10I need you, too
00:46:11Not the same
00:46:12Oh, fuck
00:46:13Yeah
00:46:14I've never been this hard
00:46:15All right
00:46:16I'm gonna tell my mom
00:46:17Mom, you'll never believe it
00:46:18Congratulations
00:46:19Something else
00:46:20Huh?
00:46:21Hmm
00:46:22Hmm
00:46:23Hmm
00:46:24Hmm
00:46:25Hmm
00:46:26Hmm
00:46:27Hmm
00:46:28Hmm
00:46:29Hmm
00:46:30Hmm
00:46:31Hmm
00:46:34Where are you?
00:46:35Shut up
00:46:38You know, if you start
00:46:39treating everyone
00:46:40in the Kevin Hart universe
00:46:41with that level of respect
00:46:42I think
00:46:43you'll be happy with your life
00:46:44You really are
00:46:45something else
00:46:46I mean
00:46:47you paid me out
00:46:48to be such a monster
00:46:49Name one other person
00:46:50that I have disrespected
00:46:51Just one
00:46:52Give me one
00:46:55I can absolutely
00:46:56name someone
00:47:00Hey, Jordan.
00:47:01Yeah, hi.
00:47:02I just looked at the call sheet.
00:47:03I didn't see your stunt double on there.
00:47:05Oh, I sent her home.
00:47:06Why?
00:47:07Well, I grew up on motorcycles, and it's a simple one today.
00:47:10I just have to drive through the glass of our dry cleaning business
00:47:12before it explodes.
00:47:13Hold on, hold on, hold on.
00:47:14Simple for who?
00:47:16Who's it simple for, you?
00:47:18Well, that's what you have dug for.
00:47:20Do you know what this will look like
00:47:21if you go do all your own stunts and I don't do mine?
00:47:23Do you know what people will think of me?
00:47:25Uh, they'll think you're an actor.
00:47:27And listen, I'm not jumping off the cliff.
00:47:29I'm not jumping out a plane, and I ain't fighting no alligator.
00:47:32You don't think I can do my own stunts?
00:47:33What?
00:47:34You don't think I'm tough enough?
00:47:35That's what Doug is for.
00:47:37For exactly this thing.
00:47:38You think I need Doug?
00:47:40Absolutely.
00:47:41Maybe I don't.
00:47:43Maybe I don't need Doug.
00:47:46I think I just heard you.
00:47:51Hey, Doug.
00:47:54I'm going to go talk to Doug.
00:47:57Kevin.
00:47:58Hey.
00:47:59There he is.
00:48:00My guy.
00:48:05He ain't going to believe this shit.
00:48:07I'm talking to Jordan.
00:48:08I just found out Jordan sent her stunt double home.
00:48:10You know what she's trying to do.
00:48:12You know exactly what she's trying to do.
00:48:13She's trying to show me up.
00:48:14And I'm not going to have that.
00:48:15I can't have that.
00:48:17I'm Kevin Hart, right?
00:48:20So, here's the thing, right?
00:48:22Let's get into this relationship.
00:48:24Because it's one of the best that I've ever had.
00:48:25How long you been with me, man?
00:48:27Damn, that long, huh?
00:48:28It's been a long time.
00:48:30I know you're going to be fine.
00:48:32And it's time for you to fly, right?
00:48:33So, with that being said, we're done.
00:48:37I'm going to go ahead and...
00:48:39Is fired the word?
00:48:40I guess.
00:48:41I guess it is fired.
00:48:42So, I'm going to fire you, but in a dope way.
00:48:45To where we still cool.
00:48:47I'm going to go on and get ready.
00:48:50My guy.
00:48:52It's stunt time.
00:48:53Kevin, this is a terrible idea.
00:48:55It's stunt time.
00:48:56Listen, I'm not trying to show you off.
00:48:58Hey.
00:48:59Enough, Jordan.
00:49:00It's all good, Mr. Action Star.
00:49:08Now, you listen to me.
00:49:10All right?
00:49:11I've been in this business for god damn...
00:49:12God damn how long?
00:49:14How long?
00:49:15You telling me my god damn reputation
00:49:18doesn't speak for myself?
00:49:20It's fucking good.
00:49:23When does Cat 4 shoot?
00:49:25Does Mackie have a guy?
00:49:27He does.
00:49:29Everybody's got a fucking guy, huh?
00:49:31What about Adam Driver?
00:49:32Now, you said he's available.
00:49:33Huh?
00:49:34Listen, I can do work for him.
00:49:36I can be Adam's driver, right?
00:49:39Yeah, no.
00:49:40Listen, I'm serious about that.
00:49:42I don't give a fuck.
00:49:43I'll drive.
00:49:44I'll be Adam's driver if I have to.
00:49:48God damn it, Scott.
00:49:50Fuck you.
00:49:51Fuck you.
00:49:52I'm gonna have to get out of this business for you.
00:49:55Oh, shit.
00:50:22You know what?
00:50:23This is my me time.
00:50:24I really enjoy working.
00:50:26I find a lot of peace, happiness,
00:50:29and solace in creating.
00:50:32And now my creating is about
00:50:34putting other people in positions to win,
00:50:37amplifying other careers and opportunities,
00:50:39not just me.
00:50:40So hopefully it continues to grow.
00:50:42I can't believe the money I'm making.
00:50:44It's crazy.
00:50:45It's crazy.
00:50:46It's crazy.
00:50:47It's crazy.
00:50:48It's crazy.
00:50:50I can't believe my stuntman would do this to me.
00:50:53Ex-stuntman.
00:50:54No, I gotta do something about this.
00:50:57Oh, whoa, whoa.
00:50:59Uh-oh.
00:51:00Oh, no.
00:51:01Let Mom look at this.
00:51:02Hold on.
00:51:03Oh, we gotta change this dressing.
00:51:05Take him to the bedroom, prop him up.
00:51:07Get some wet towels.
00:51:08Shouldn't he go to a hospital?
00:51:10I'll get him back on track.
00:51:12It's what I do.
00:51:13Wait, you're a doctor?
00:51:15I'm better than a doctor.
00:51:17I'm a mom.
00:51:19Laugh right.
00:51:20Laugh right.
00:51:23He's gonna be fine.
00:51:24My mom is a miracle worker.
00:51:26How about you?
00:51:27Are you okay?
00:51:28Uh, well, not really.
00:51:29This is my problem, too.
00:51:31Doug probably blames me for losing his job.
00:51:34That's why he's put me in this deadly little game of his,
00:51:36just for payback.
00:51:38Yeah.
00:51:39Okay, that's fine.
00:51:40When Kevin gets back to full health,
00:51:41he will think of an incredible plan for all of us.
00:51:43No, no, fuck that.
00:51:44We can't just sit here.
00:51:45We need to do something.
00:51:46We need to get to the bottom of this.
00:51:48Who is the person Kevin trusts the most?
00:51:50His agent.
00:51:51Really?
00:51:52Yeah.
00:51:53Let's pay them a visit.
00:51:55Right now?
00:51:56We can't go right now.
00:51:57Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jordan.
00:51:58We can't go right now.
00:51:59But what about this?
00:52:00What about this?
00:52:01You're famous, Jordan.
00:52:02You get in there, they're gonna recognize you.
00:52:03That's a problem.
00:52:04Second is, Doug actually thinks that you're dead, right?
00:52:07You blew up.
00:52:08Shit, you're right.
00:52:11Oh, my God.
00:52:12I just thought of something amazing.
00:52:13Thank me.
00:52:14Thank me now.
00:52:15Let me hear it first.
00:52:16Smart.
00:52:17That's a smart move, okay?
00:52:18In the back, there's a disguise.
00:52:19I always keep a spare disguise for Kevin in the back.
00:52:21Grab that bag real quick.
00:52:22You have spare disguises?
00:52:24Yes.
00:52:25I mean, sometimes Kevin likes to live anonymously, right?
00:52:28Whether he wants to go grocery shopping,
00:52:30feed the ducks, heckle a stranger.
00:52:37Yeah, I'm not wearing this.
00:52:38Come on.
00:52:39Did you see all of them real quick?
00:52:41This one right here, okay?
00:52:42This one right here.
00:52:43Andre, the bridge!
00:52:44I did it!
00:52:45It's a hard left with my knees, baby!
00:52:46Look at this!
00:52:54This is so embarrassing.
00:52:57Jess, we're lucky that you and Kevin are the same size.
00:52:59You know what I mean?
00:53:00Think about this as your greatest acting role to date.
00:53:02You got this.
00:53:03Look about this.
00:53:11Uh, we're here to see, uh, Scott Heyman.
00:53:15Okay.
00:53:18And you are?
00:53:20Ronald Mondolvia III.
00:53:23A pleasure to meet you.
00:53:25And this is the wickedly talented...
00:53:29Bill.
00:53:30My name is Bill.
00:53:33Bill Mondolvia.
00:53:34We're both Mondolvias.
00:53:36This is my uncle.
00:53:37On my mama's side.
00:53:40How the shit fuck can this man cook a goose?
00:53:47What was all that before?
00:53:48Mondolvia.
00:53:49That's nobody's surname.
00:53:50What did you expect, okay?
00:53:51I couldn't concentrate.
00:53:52Your accent was fucking insane.
00:53:54My accent?
00:53:55Yes.
00:53:56Okay, it wasn't great, but I mean...
00:53:59My accent.
00:54:00I nailed my accent.
00:54:01It doesn't matter.
00:54:02It doesn't matter because there's no way they're letting us go back to see Kevin's agent, okay?
00:54:05They've probably already called security.
00:54:07Security comes.
00:54:08We just pretend to be Ronald and Bill Mondolvia, the very famous Instagram influencers who make unboxing videos.
00:54:14What is this?
00:54:15We unbox it and it's a smaller box, okay?
00:54:17No, no, no, no, no.
00:54:18She's going to the loo.
00:54:19I don't think that Bill called the loo.
00:54:21I feel like he's more old school.
00:54:23I feel like she's about to take a shit.
00:54:27Take it cool, okay?
00:54:30Like and subscribe, please!
00:54:35Stop, stop, stop.
00:54:36I think that's Kevin's agent.
00:54:38Who's he talking to?
00:54:44It's not Kevin.
00:54:47Mm-hmm.
00:54:49Shh.
00:54:52Try not to move.
00:54:54Mr. Kevin Hart needs to regain his strength.
00:54:58As long as it takes, you'll be here.
00:55:02In my house.
00:55:04Listening to my stories.
00:55:07Eating my Christmas pork chops.
00:55:09Shh.
00:55:15When my husband was wounded years ago, I couldn't save him.
00:55:20But now I've got a second chance with you, Kevin Hart.
00:55:25America's treasure.
00:55:28Cynthia's treasure.
00:55:34Hello?
00:55:35Mom, Mom, put Kevin on.
00:55:37I can't, he's sleeping.
00:55:39It's an emergency.
00:55:40Put him on right now, Mom.
00:55:41Come on, wake him up.
00:55:43Hello?
00:55:44Are you here to rescue me?
00:55:46I think I've been poisoned.
00:55:47Kevin, listen up very closely, okay?
00:55:49We've just been on a deep cover reconnaissance mission,
00:55:51and we've not been there.
00:55:52Doug, it's you.
00:55:53You've been replaced by Doug.
00:55:54Wait, what?
00:55:55Replaced?
00:55:56I don't understand.
00:55:57That's because my mommy just gave you a very low-dose narcotic.
00:55:59Don't worry about it.
00:56:00But when you come to, you have to understand
00:56:02that Doug is trying to convince people that he is you.
00:56:04He's fixed his teeth.
00:56:05He's changed his hair.
00:56:06I mean, his mannerism.
00:56:07Oh, my God.
00:56:08He's you.
00:56:10He can't fool my staff.
00:56:12They'll know it's not me.
00:56:14They're my village.
00:56:16Kevin!
00:56:17Kevin!
00:56:18You get a raise.
00:56:19You get a raise.
00:56:20You get a raise.
00:56:21You get a raise.
00:56:22You get a raise.
00:56:23That's right.
00:56:24Everybody gets a raise.
00:56:25Huh?
00:56:26You know why?
00:56:27Because I'm Kevin.
00:56:28I'm Kevin.
00:56:30Sorry, Kevin is suddenly very tired.
00:56:32He needs his rest.
00:56:33Bye.
00:56:34Mom, no, mom.
00:56:35Mom, don't.
00:56:36Shh.
00:56:41If Kevin wants to get through to Doug,
00:56:43there's only one man he can talk to.
00:56:45Mr. 206.
00:56:47I don't...
00:56:48Who's Mr. 206?
00:56:49He's a pretty famous stuntman,
00:56:51and he's Doug's mentor.
00:56:52Okay.
00:56:53Okay, fine.
00:56:54Then this is easy.
00:56:55We just take Kevin to see Mr. 206.
00:56:57We?
00:56:58Nope.
00:56:59No way.
00:57:00I will not be going to see 206.
00:57:02He is a complete psychopath.
00:57:04He nearly killed me in a stunt rehearsal
00:57:05and then tried to make me apologize.
00:57:07Jordan.
00:57:08Jordan, Kevin needs you right now.
00:57:09He needs me?
00:57:10He does, right now.
00:57:11Oh, I thought Kevin doesn't need anyone
00:57:12until he needs everyone.
00:57:14Okay, fine.
00:57:16Then I'll take him to see Mr. 206.
00:57:18Why?
00:57:19This is Kevin's problem.
00:57:20He should just let go on his own.
00:57:21No.
00:57:22As long as I'm Kevin's assistant,
00:57:25he'll never drive himself anywhere.
00:57:30It's in neutral.
00:57:31I am so sorry.
00:57:32We're slowing down.
00:57:33I was trying to go faster.
00:57:34We did the opposite.
00:57:48I am so happy my mom was able
00:57:50to nurse you back to health.
00:57:51What did you just say to me?
00:57:53The woman put drugs in my goddamn pork chop.
00:57:55She tried to poison me.
00:57:56She's amazing, right?
00:57:58Look at you now.
00:58:00Okay, come on, come on.
00:58:01So tell me, why did they call him 206?
00:58:03Because there's 206 bones in the human body.
00:58:05They say before he became a mentor in a stunt game
00:58:07that he broke every single one of them.
00:58:08Actually, no, it was 205.
00:58:10But then on his last day of filming,
00:58:11they say he broke the 206 one.
00:58:13What?
00:58:14Which one was that?
00:58:15Pinky toe, right foot, snapped in.
00:58:16Goddamn.
00:58:18Uh, hello?
00:58:22Uh, 206?
00:58:24Hey, Mr. 206?
00:58:27It's 206.
00:58:29Sign says no soliciting.
00:58:31Go away.
00:58:32Yeah, no, we didn't see a sign.
00:58:34There's no sign.
00:58:35Who took my fucking sign?
00:58:36We didn't take it.
00:58:37Hey, either way, we're not here to solicit.
00:58:39We're not selling anything.
00:58:42You don't even recognize my voice.
00:58:44You know who's at the door right now?
00:58:45This is Kevin Hart.
00:58:47Comedian, actor.
00:58:49I just told you...
00:58:52to go...
00:58:54Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay.
00:58:55the fuck away!
00:58:57Hey, shit.
00:58:59Come on, baby, it's me.
00:59:01It's me.
00:59:02It's Kevin Hart.
00:59:06Give me one good reason
00:59:07why I shouldn't kill the both of you right now.
00:59:09Kevin's about to have a movie
00:59:10that's gonna get him an Oscar.
00:59:12Kevin's about to have a movie
00:59:13that's gonna get him an Oscar.
00:59:14Well, okay, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:59:16Your protege.
00:59:17We're here because of your protege.
00:59:18Doug, Doug Eubanks?
00:59:19What about him?
00:59:20Well, he, he, we, we're here
00:59:21because he's losing his shit.
00:59:23Yeah, no, he's, he's absolutely...
00:59:25That's not, that's not true
00:59:26because you don't deserve a lie.
00:59:28I'm not here to lie to you.
00:59:29No.
00:59:30I'm gonna be honest with you, man.
00:59:32I screwed him over.
00:59:34I screwed him over and I'm here
00:59:35because I want to make things right
00:59:36and I can't do that without you,
00:59:38Mr. 206.
00:59:43Well, how do you like your tea?
00:59:45Hmm?
01:00:01Do I make you uncomfortable?
01:00:03No, I'm just, I'm just so nervous for you, sir,
01:00:05because you got really hot tea
01:00:07and it's just right above your, your balls,
01:00:09so...
01:00:11What are you doing?
01:00:13What are you...
01:00:15Oh, my God, what the fuck?
01:00:17Oh, man, come on.
01:00:18What the fuck?
01:00:19Come on, man.
01:00:20The ancient Babylonians believed
01:00:21that undergarments were a sign of weakness.
01:00:25I tend to agree.
01:00:28I respect that.
01:00:30I respect that.
01:00:32I just, um...
01:00:35I just, um...
01:00:41I just want to, I want to thank you
01:00:43for taking the time,
01:00:44because I know you didn't know...
01:00:45Cut the compliments.
01:00:46Tell me why you're here.
01:00:47I, um...
01:00:49I know you're Doug's mentor.
01:00:51Right?
01:00:53If there's anyone who knows how he operates,
01:00:54how he thinks, it's...
01:00:57I need your help.
01:01:00Watch your eye. Watch your...
01:01:06Let's walk.
01:01:09Doug Eubanks is more than just a former student of mine.
01:01:13He's my friend.
01:01:15My confidant.
01:01:17Briefly, in 2003, he was my lover.
01:01:20Doug's the most fearless stunt performer
01:01:22that I've ever trained.
01:01:24One time, he was in a car accident.
01:01:26Doug's the most fearless stunt performer
01:01:27that I've ever trained.
01:01:29One time, he asked me to stab him with an ice pick,
01:01:31because he needed to know how it felt
01:01:33so he could replicate that reaction
01:01:34when the cameras were rolling.
01:01:35Did you do it?
01:01:36With pleasure.
01:01:37As a stuntman, you embrace pain.
01:01:39Lay your life on the line for your actor
01:01:41every day you step on set,
01:01:42and occasionally, that actor says thanks.
01:01:46Sometimes they don't say thanks.
01:01:48Sometimes they just fire you without warning,
01:01:50because all of a sudden, they think they're John fucking Rambo,
01:01:52but they're nothing but a little bitch with a giant ego.
01:01:54So, hey, are you going to talk to him for me?
01:01:58Actors talk.
01:02:00Stuntmen stunt.
01:02:04You're going to have to fight, Doug,
01:02:06and you're going to lose.
01:02:09Well, shit, then why are you even talking to me, then?
01:02:12Only reason I'm talking to you is because
01:02:14every person is trapped in a story of their own design,
01:02:16and I know the exact story you're trapped in.
01:02:18Yeah, it's a revenge story.
01:02:20That's not revenge. It's redemption.
01:02:23Well, I'm pretty sure it's revenge.
01:02:26What do you really want?
01:02:29I want my life back. I want to defeat Doug.
01:02:31Defeat Doug. Doug's the enemy.
01:02:33Doug's the bad guy. You're the good guy.
01:02:35I just want to make sure I'm hearing this right.
01:02:37Okay, maybe we're both bad guys.
01:02:40No, Kevin.
01:02:43You're both good guys.
01:02:49Did you hear that?
01:02:51I'm trying to figure it out.
01:02:55You fucked Doug.
01:02:57I didn't hear that. What?
01:02:59You fucked Doug.
01:03:01I didn't catch that. I was...
01:03:03Right at the top. He said it right over there.
01:03:05No, I saw a ladybug.
01:03:07That means he's kind of fucked you before.
01:03:09No, wait a minute. No, he hasn't.
01:03:13This is my dojo.
01:03:18It looks like a bunch of trees if you ask me, but all right.
01:03:21Goodness gracious.
01:03:23Excuse me. Sorry.
01:03:25Coming through. Yep. Yep. Coming through.
01:03:27Sorry.
01:03:28You really got to share the trail, guys.
01:03:30It's our fault. Sorry.
01:03:31We didn't even know it was a trail, to be honest.
01:03:33I had no idea.
01:03:35So this is where you're going to train me to face Doug, huh?
01:03:38Let me explain something to you.
01:03:40Stuntman's Creed.
01:03:42Mid-eye actor.
01:03:43Every role you ever trained for, Doug trained harder.
01:03:46Every martial art you supposedly learned,
01:03:48Doug learned it for real. He had to.
01:03:51Because when the cameras were rolling,
01:03:52it was his ass on the line, not yours.
01:03:54Sitting in Video Village, sipping lattes,
01:03:56eating sushi off of nude models.
01:03:58Hey, first of all, I got a bad case of pink eye.
01:04:00I learned my lesson.
01:04:02Hasn't happened since.
01:04:03You never appreciated, Doug.
01:04:05Actors never do.
01:04:08Hey, well, I recently learned there's a lot of people
01:04:10that I may have underappreciated.
01:04:13Good, Kevin.
01:04:16See that branch up there?
01:04:18Yeah.
01:04:19Climb that tree, crawl off to that branch,
01:04:20and give me a dead drop to the ground.
01:04:24Uh, how am I supposed to...
01:04:27You want to know how Doug thinks.
01:04:29You want to know how he operates,
01:04:30you must see the world as he sees it.
01:04:32Without fear, without hesitation.
01:04:38I'm a little scared, though.
01:04:39I'm just going to throw that out there.
01:04:41It's not like I'm...
01:04:42I volunteer as tribute.
01:04:43Damn right you do.
01:04:46This is Kevin's journey.
01:04:47That's his dead drop branch.
01:04:48No, that's what you don't understand.
01:04:49You know why?
01:04:50Because what's Kevin's is mine.
01:04:51Well...
01:04:52Well, right.
01:04:53I mean, not your material wealth.
01:04:54No.
01:04:55Or your income.
01:04:56No.
01:04:57Or your success.
01:04:58No.
01:04:59Or your rare collection of cars,
01:05:00which are amazing.
01:05:01No.
01:05:02Right? None of that.
01:05:03But his pain, his anguish.
01:05:04Basically, anything that's bad,
01:05:05anything that's bad, that's mine, too.
01:05:06That is my journey.
01:05:09Wait a minute.
01:05:15Oh, my God.
01:05:19What's happening, guys?
01:05:20Guys, this don't look good for the back.
01:05:22What's going on?
01:05:25Kevin, you can't compete with Doug.
01:05:27But you clearly have the one thing
01:05:30he will never have.
01:05:32You have a sidekick.
01:05:34Andre?
01:05:35No, Andre's my...
01:05:37Andre's like my...
01:05:38What did you call him?
01:05:39Yes, yes.
01:05:40Andre's your what?
01:05:41No, no.
01:05:42No, no.
01:05:43No, no.
01:05:44No, no.
01:05:45No, no.
01:05:46No, no.
01:05:47No, no.
01:05:48No, no.
01:05:49No, no.
01:05:50No, no.
01:05:51No, no.
01:05:52No, no.
01:05:53No, no.
01:05:54No, no.
01:05:55Hey, hey, hey, no, no.
01:05:56Andre's your what?
01:05:57I want you to say it.
01:05:58He's right there.
01:05:59No, no, he's right there.
01:06:00Andre's your what?
01:06:01You don't have to do this, man.
01:06:02He's right there.
01:06:03Say it.
01:06:04He's your what?
01:06:05He's...
01:06:06Whoa, he's...
01:06:07My sis...
01:06:08He's...
01:06:09Andre's my...
01:06:10He's my sidekick.
01:06:11Say it.
01:06:12He's...
01:06:13Andre's my sidekick.
01:06:14Say it.
01:06:15He's my sidekick.
01:06:16Yeah, I need you to say it.
01:06:17Okay, Andre...
01:06:18Andre is my sidekick.
01:06:19Goddamn it, Kevin.
01:06:20I need you to fucking say it.
01:06:21And I need you to believe it
01:06:22and I need you to believe it.
01:06:23Oh, God.
01:06:24Oh, god.
01:06:25Oh, god.
01:06:26Oh, god.
01:06:27Oh, god.
01:06:28Oh, god.
01:06:29Oh, god.
01:06:30Oh, god.
01:06:31Oh, god.
01:06:32Oh, god.
01:06:33Oh, god.
01:06:34Oh, god.
01:06:35Andre is my sidekick.
01:06:36I said, Andre is my sidekick.
01:06:37Who's your sidekick?
01:06:38I said, Andre is my sidekick.
01:06:39I'm your sidekick.
01:06:40Andre is my side...
01:06:41I'm your sidekick.
01:06:42What's happening to me, man?
01:06:43That's growth, Kevin.
01:06:44Growth hurts.
01:06:45That's a pain that no double can take for you.
01:06:47You see, Kevin, you came here seeking a mentor.
01:06:51But it's you.
01:06:56You are the mentor.
01:06:57Hell, yeah.
01:06:58Hell, yeah.
01:06:59You know what?
01:07:00You know what?
01:07:01Why don't you take this moment, talk.
01:07:02Talk over your new bond.
01:07:03I'm going to go get my tea.
01:07:18What a fucking day.
01:07:19I mean, now that I'm essentially, I've been deputized as your sidekick, I have an idea
01:07:25for Doug.
01:07:26We can work together on this.
01:07:27We got to get close to him.
01:07:28Okay?
01:07:29We don't have to record him or anything.
01:07:30Like, what's wrong?
01:07:31What's wrong?
01:07:32That scar on his hand.
01:07:33Yeah?
01:07:34I think I recognize that scar.
01:07:35I think I recognize that scar.
01:08:05We don't have any scheduled deliveries.
01:08:12Please turn around.
01:08:16Hey, pal, I got a hot date with my old lady in 30 minutes.
01:08:21Meatball sub night.
01:08:22And all I know is I got a package from Deborah Simon at the studio.
01:08:27Now, I could either leave it here or I could take it over.
01:08:30I'll tell you what you want me to do.
01:08:31Go ahead.
01:08:32That's what I thought.
01:08:33I'll see you in a bit.
01:08:34Up, up.
01:08:35Okay.
01:08:36Hey, Ronald Mondovia.
01:08:37Mondovia Plumbing.
01:08:38Licensed and bonded.
01:08:39You know, some guys are licensed, not bonded.
01:08:40Other guys, they're bonded, not licensed.
01:08:41It's me.
01:08:42I'm both licensed and bonded.
01:08:43Deborah Simon's a plumber?
01:08:44Not a plumber, my man.
01:08:45The plumber.
01:08:46I can plumb anything with pipes.
01:08:47Fuck it.
01:08:48Sometimes I don't even need a plumber.
01:08:49Fuck it.
01:08:50Fuck it.
01:08:51Fuck it.
01:08:52Fuck it.
01:08:53Fuck it.
01:08:54Fuck it.
01:08:55Fuck it.
01:08:56Fuck it.
01:08:57Fuck it.
01:08:58Fuck it.
01:08:59Fuck it.
01:09:00Fuck it.
01:09:01Fuck it.
01:09:02Sometimes I don't even need pipes.
01:09:03One time I plumbed a vanilla envelope.
01:09:04Water was spouting fucking everywhere.
01:09:05It was insane.
01:09:06So what's in the van?
01:09:07Oh, my God.
01:09:08Hold on to your fucking beautiful, beautiful balls because this, my man, it's a commode.
01:09:14Imported Italian marble, beautiful one-piece construction, 12-speed bidet.
01:09:18We got a little air fryer on the right.
01:09:20You want to cook, eat, circle life, shitting, eating at the same time.
01:09:23There's only a couple of these in the entire world.
01:09:25This, my friend, probably one of the best presents in the universe.
01:09:27So can you, you know, you can help me fucking bring it in or no?
01:09:40All right.
01:09:41Fuck it.
01:09:42Whatever.
01:09:43Yeah.
01:09:44Okay.
01:09:45I'll supervise.
01:09:46Bring it up.
01:09:47Use your back.
01:09:48Whoa, big boy.
01:09:49Big boy coming through.
01:09:50Big boy coming through.
01:09:51Big boy.
01:09:52Okay.
01:09:53Andre has the guard's attention.
01:09:54Okay.
01:09:55You sure you're ready for this?
01:09:56This guy's a realist actor is in trouble.
01:09:57We don't stand quietly by.
01:09:59We fight, and if we must, we die.
01:10:05Wow.
01:10:06Well, the world could use more people like...
01:10:08Wait, what is your last name?
01:10:10Mandovia.
01:10:16Where the hell does this thing go?
01:10:17Oh, that is the million dollar question, huh?
01:10:20Like, think about this.
01:10:22Well, you could powder room it.
01:10:24off like a prized pony, or you put it in the main bath. Keep all that for yourself.
01:10:30Now there's a third option, right? Listen up closely, because this one's fucking insane.
01:10:35You can put the commode right here, smack dab in the middle of the living room,
01:10:40and you take a big greasy shit right here, look everybody right in the eyes,
01:10:44make them wonder what your deal is. And I know what you're thinking,
01:10:48holy shit, that's aggressive, right? But they'll respect the shit out of you.
01:10:51Wait a minute, don't I know you?
01:10:53Don't you know, don't you know? Oh, you know what it is?
01:10:59Isn't this the place you took a shit so big up there that people thought there was a dog
01:11:02loose in the pipes? How the hell am I gonna take a shit?
01:11:04Man, what are you talking about? No.
01:11:06What, no you? No.
01:11:08No? A dog in the pipes?
01:11:09You think it's a dachshund? Look like a dachshund?
01:11:12Oh no, is that the dog? Wait right here,
01:11:14I'll deal with you in a minute. Yeah, run away right here.
01:11:17I'm in New York City, you know that? Kevin, Kevin, are you okay, baby?
01:11:23Everything went incredible up here, you all right?
01:11:24Yeah, I'm all right. Sweating my goddamn ass off, though.
01:11:28Jesus Christ, how do they cut no holes in here?
01:11:30Well, let's get you out of here and kick some fucking ass, what do you say, huh?
01:11:32All right, come on, let's go. Yes!
01:11:47What are you doing? Funny story,
01:11:51you're gonna lose your goddamn mind. I drilled this puppy a little bit too hard,
01:11:56I can't get it out without the aid of some tools, so give me a second,
01:11:59I'm gonna grab some tools, I'll be right back. Okay, talk soon?
01:12:02Hey, Andre, you better stop playing. Seriously, man, Andre.
01:12:07Andre!
01:12:09Hey, were those fireworks? I live next door at the Mondovia Estate.
01:12:23Did you set those off? You know that that is illegal.
01:12:25They're not ours. I don't know who set these off.
01:12:28It scared the bejesus out of me, and I have a pacemaker.
01:12:32What do you have to say for yourself? Look, lady, I told you they're not my
01:12:35fireworks, and I didn't shit in any pipes.
01:12:38What?
01:12:45That's for Andre.
01:12:52Andre! Come on, man, I'm serious.
01:12:59There you go. What took you so long? Where you go?
01:13:02Leave me in this box with all that goddamn quiet. Don't do that.
01:13:08What the fuck is that? Hey! Andre, that's a chainsaw!
01:13:13Okay, hold on, wait, wait, wait!
01:13:15Where are you coming from?
01:13:17Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay!
01:13:19Slow down, slow down, slow down!
01:13:21You're gonna cut my fucking head!
01:13:23You're gonna cut my head!
01:13:25No more chainsaw!
01:13:27No more chainsaw!
01:13:29No more chainsaw!
01:13:31Jesus Christ!
01:13:33Shit! What the fuck, Andre?
01:13:35Oh, shit!
01:13:37Oh, shit!
01:13:39I'm here for stunt actors everywhere.
01:13:41I'm excited to say,
01:13:43this is your damn reckoning!
01:13:45This is your damn reckoning!
01:13:49Hold on!
01:13:51Trying to tell me a big old stunt legend like yourself
01:13:53need a chainsaw?
01:13:55Huh?
01:13:59That's what the fuck I'm talking about. Two men.
01:14:01How about two dogs and a bowl?
01:14:03I wanna eat.
01:14:05Yeah!
01:14:07Yeah!
01:14:09You got a knife?
01:14:11Big old man like yourself?
01:14:13Stunt legend? You need a knife?
01:14:15For little old me, that's what you need?
01:14:17Fuck it.
01:14:19I'll kill you with my hands.
01:14:27You know, this didn't go too good for you
01:14:29in that little shitty hallway.
01:14:31Me and Jordan whooped your ass.
01:14:33This guy's wearing what's 100% polyester.
01:14:35Unbreathable.
01:14:37Sweating in my contacts. Hell, a child could've kicked my ass.
01:14:39Oh, that's a real elaborate excuse, don't you think?
01:14:41Superman punch!
01:14:45Oh, shit!
01:14:47Oh, shit!
01:14:55Shit!
01:14:57Andre! Andre, do the sidekick stuff!
01:14:59I made all that shit up
01:15:01about your sidekick.
01:15:03You think I'd help you?
01:15:05You think I'd put a greedy,
01:15:07unappreciative, overrated actor
01:15:09over a stuntman?
01:15:11I just thought it'd be fun
01:15:13to give you some false hope
01:15:15before you die!
01:15:17Shit! You're gonna break my arm!
01:15:19Add in every other one of the 206 bones
01:15:21in your body, and then I'm gonna eat your ass!
01:15:23I knew it!
01:15:25I knew you were ass-eating!
01:15:32Oh, hey. Cute knife.
01:15:34What are you gonna do with that? You gonna hurt me with that?
01:15:36Huh? Huh?
01:15:38No. But she is.
01:15:43Oh, shit.
01:15:45Oh, you got him.
01:15:47It's... Okay.
01:15:49Um... Holy shit.
01:15:51Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.
01:15:53Hey. Okay, hey, hey, hey, hey.
01:15:55Look at me. Look at me. Eyes.
01:15:57You good.
01:15:59You what?
01:16:01Thirsty.
01:16:03Well, get you something to drink.
01:16:07You fucking threw a knife at him.
01:16:09I didn't know what else to do.
01:16:11I meant for his shoulder. How did you mean for his shoulder?
01:16:13He's got fucking scythes and a fireplace.
01:16:15This is him.
01:16:19He's awake. It's a good sign.
01:16:21It's a good thing. He's... Look, he's fine. He's fine.
01:16:23What are you talking... He's fine.
01:16:25Yeah, look, I mean, he's...
01:16:27He's a fucking zombie. What do you mean he's fine?
01:16:29Oh, God, he's gonna burn himself.
01:16:31He's gonna get a burn on his hand or something.
01:16:33It's not really the worst thing that could happen to him at this point.
01:16:35That's true.
01:16:37Hey. There he is.
01:16:39How you doing, man?
01:16:41Jesus Christ.
01:16:43He's just... He's okay.
01:16:45He's just neck-tight. He's not dead.
01:16:47He's fine. He's okay?
01:16:49Yeah. Wait. Where's Andre?
01:16:51Where's my sweet boy?
01:16:53Yeah, don't you worry.
01:16:55Because I found him.
01:16:57Sorry. I'm sorry.
01:16:59I made an oopsie-daisy. I got captured.
01:17:01I thought I heard your voice, but it wasn't your voice.
01:17:03It was his voice. I'm the worst psychic in the world.
01:17:05Hey, hey. Shut up. I'm gonna shut up.
01:17:07Shut up. I'm gonna shut up.
01:17:09You hurt one hair on my son's head, I swear to God.
01:17:11Motherfucker, I will split you
01:17:13from chin to balls.
01:17:15Who the fuck are you?
01:17:17That's my mom. I love you, Mom.
01:17:19If I die, I love you in heaven.
01:17:21What the hell is your mother doing?
01:17:23I love him with all my heart.
01:17:25And I love him. I love you, Mom.
01:17:27But I will fuck you up!
01:17:29Try me! Mom.
01:17:31I love you.
01:17:33How come y'all don't have no guns?
01:17:35Because we're not here to kill anybody, Doug.
01:17:37Oh. Oh, is that right?
01:17:39Then where's Mr. 206 at?
01:17:41He's...
01:17:43making breakfast.
01:17:49Is this a fucking joke to you?
01:17:51It's a fucking joke to you.
01:17:55Shut your ass up.
01:17:57What the fuck you crying for?
01:17:59That man was my mentor.
01:18:01He was my muse.
01:18:03My rock.
01:18:05In 2003, for a brief period,
01:18:07when I was confused about my sexuality,
01:18:09he was my lover.
01:18:11Sounds like a very special...
01:18:13Shut your ass up.
01:18:15Hey, hey, listen to me. Doug,
01:18:17we are sorry for your loss, man.
01:18:19I'm sorry.
01:18:21Oh, you're sorry, huh?
01:18:23See, y'all a bunch of brainy ass.
01:18:25I thought I had all of you dead
01:18:27in the goddamn business offices.
01:18:29I did.
01:18:31All right, Doug. Doug, listen to me.
01:18:33Don't you hurt him, man. You hear me?
01:18:35Don't hurt him.
01:18:37Oh, because you care all of a sudden?
01:18:39All of a sudden, you got a fucking hot tin man.
01:18:41You don't care about nothing.
01:18:43This man ain't nothing but an employee
01:18:45of yours,
01:18:47because he's disposable, ain't that right?
01:18:49Hmm? That's not true.
01:18:51That man is the complete opposite of that.
01:18:55Andre is 34 years old.
01:18:5735.
01:18:59He's left-handed.
01:19:01Right-handed.
01:19:03Afraid of scorpions.
01:19:05I love scorpions.
01:19:07He won a sixth-grade spelling bee.
01:19:09I got fourth place.
01:19:11He memorized every single line of House Party,
01:19:13both kids and plays.
01:19:15I'm with you ride or die.
01:19:17Although I was hoping for a little bit more ride
01:19:19and a little less die, I think I'm gonna die
01:19:21really soon.
01:19:23Enough. I'm gonna shut up.
01:19:25Now stop it. You don't even want him, man.
01:19:27You want me. I'm the one that messed up.
01:19:29I'm the one that threw you out
01:19:31like Tuesday's trash
01:19:33and left you on the side of the goddamn curb.
01:19:35Without the blink of an eye, I did that.
01:19:37You want me, not him.
01:19:39So let him go.
01:19:41Let him go and take me.
01:19:43Take me.
01:19:45That's what you want? You want me to let him go?
01:19:47Hmm? Say it. Say it again.
01:19:49I want you to let him go.
01:19:51Mama, how about you?
01:19:53Let him go, huh?
01:19:55You want me to let you go?
01:19:57Everybody tell me to let you go.
01:19:59Mama, I'm gonna let him go.
01:20:01Make sure you watch.
01:20:03You watching?
01:20:05Shit!
01:20:07He let go.
01:20:09He literally let go.
01:20:11Fuck! This ends now.
01:20:13Oh.
01:20:15Well, that's okay with me, little boots.
01:20:21Then let's do it the hard way.
01:20:23Motherfucker.
01:20:25I got your ass.
01:20:29Honey.
01:20:31My baby's alive.
01:20:33He's alive. I'm okay.
01:20:35I'm fine. The table actually broke my fall.
01:20:37You see me? That was the dead drop
01:20:39that I never got to do in the woods.
01:20:41That was my tribute to you.
01:20:43Okay, come on. Let's get you up.
01:20:47Oh, my God.
01:20:49What happened? What's going on?
01:20:51Nothing's good.
01:20:53Where is it? What part is it?
01:20:55Don't touch it.
01:20:57Don't touch it.
01:20:59It's nothing crazy.
01:21:01It's a little splinter.
01:21:03Get the tweezers.
01:21:05Why are you holding me back?
01:21:07Okay, let's go get him to the hospital.
01:21:09I feel like something's in my kidney, right?
01:21:11I'm not walking.
01:21:13Okay.
01:21:15Jesus.
01:21:17What the hell is that?
01:21:19Oh, I installed customizable lights
01:21:21in here, but you never had time to learn how to use them.
01:21:23Autumn years!
01:21:25How's your stunt man, Kevin?
01:21:29Get him to the hospital, Mom.
01:21:31Jordan, come with me.
01:21:33Come on, honey. Help me up.
01:21:35It wasn't just taking falls
01:21:37and getting kicked in the face
01:21:39and getting set on fire.
01:21:41That's not all I was doing
01:21:43to make you look good.
01:21:45You remember Justice Squad Part 2?
01:21:47You decided to gain
01:21:4930 pounds for the part.
01:21:51That meant that I had to
01:21:53gain 30 pounds too, Kevin.
01:21:55I'm a pre-diabetic
01:21:57yourself as fuck.
01:21:59I almost put myself in a coma.
01:22:01Okay, hey, hey, Doug. Easy.
01:22:03All right? I'm sorry, man.
01:22:05I made a mistake.
01:22:07Mom, no. Mom, no. Mom, no.
01:22:09Mom, I can't leave.
01:22:11No, I'm not gonna let you die.
01:22:13I'm not losing another.
01:22:15Mom, listen, okay? Look at me.
01:22:17I know you wish you could have saved Dad.
01:22:19I know, I know.
01:22:21But this is different.
01:22:23I'm not just Kevin's assistant.
01:22:25I'm his sidekick,
01:22:27and you want to know the first rule of sidekick?
01:22:29Do no harm?
01:22:31Yes, Mom.
01:22:33The first rule of sidekick is there is no sidekick.
01:22:35It's Fight Club, Mom. You know that.
01:22:37Brad Pitt and Ed Norton did that, Mom.
01:22:39Just tell me that. Okay, listen to me.
01:22:41And listen good, man. Back when I was a sidekick,
01:22:43I was always jealous of the lead actor
01:22:45and all the glory they got.
01:22:47And I told myself, Doug, I said,
01:22:49when I become a lead actor, I'm gonna get that same glory.
01:22:51I want it. I want to taste that.
01:22:53And I did.
01:22:55But when I tasted it, I handled it wrong.
01:22:57I was selfish. I was stupid, man.
01:22:59And then I realized how much I need my village.
01:23:01And, Doug, you're part of that village.
01:23:03Okay?
01:23:05I need you.
01:23:07I fucking need you. Now, give me a chance
01:23:09to make it up to you.
01:23:11Give me a chance to prove to you
01:23:13that this is what I want.
01:23:15That I want you. I need you.
01:23:17How about I give you the chance to suck my dick?
01:23:19Hmm?
01:23:21I'm living the life, boy.
01:23:23I'm in your goddamn mansion.
01:23:25Hmm? I live here.
01:23:27I got your career.
01:23:29Your agents love me.
01:23:31You boys love me good.
01:23:33Got me a part in a movie and everything.
01:23:35I'm about to be Chucky in a new child's life.
01:23:37You took that shit!
01:23:39Get back before I goddamn skin your fucking lip.
01:23:41And I signed up for a new Woody Allen movie.
01:23:43Can't wait to see the press around that.
01:23:45No, no, no, no!
01:23:47Come on, come on, come on.
01:23:49Come on, wake up. Wake up. Come on, Doug.
01:23:51Oh!
01:23:53What? What's happening?
01:23:55What you were about to do was to try to convince me
01:23:57that even though you've been impaled
01:23:59by a large piece of
01:24:01restoration hardware,
01:24:03you want to go back in there
01:24:05and fight some lunatic
01:24:07who is physically superior
01:24:09to you in every possible way
01:24:11because you're not
01:24:13just his sidekick.
01:24:15You're his best friend.
01:24:19You're goddamn right I am.
01:24:21So why go through all this trouble?
01:24:23The Swedish actor, the torture chamber.
01:24:25You think it's easy
01:24:27stealing a man's identity, hmm?
01:24:29You think it's as easy as stealing his face?
01:24:31Well, it's not, little pretty.
01:24:33It's much harder than that.
01:24:35Had to get his goddamn fingerprint first.
01:24:37After that, I had to take all your goddamn passwords.
01:24:39Once I got that,
01:24:41I said, let me get your voice ID,
01:24:43all the other secrets that you're holding.
01:24:45I got it. I got it good.
01:24:47So now you have everything you need to be Kevin.
01:24:49You removed your mole,
01:24:51you sick son of a bitch.
01:24:53Yeah, I did. You know why?
01:24:55Because I'm Kevin Hart.
01:24:57I'm Kevin Hart. I got all the money in the world.
01:24:59I got the best dermatologist in the world,
01:25:01because I'm Kevin Hart.
01:25:03Dr. Sanchez would never touch that rough-ass skin of yours.
01:25:05Well, she did, motherfucker. She did!
01:25:07Ah, shit!
01:25:21No, boy!
01:25:23Smack your ass!
01:25:25No, no!
01:25:27Hold on!
01:25:29Superman punch!
01:25:35No, not today!
01:25:39I told you.
01:25:41Nice.
01:25:43I would've done with you.
01:25:45Oh, yeah.
01:25:47Yeah.
01:25:49See, I got your body.
01:25:51Doug, you ain't got to do this, man. Give me a chance.
01:25:53But now...
01:25:55Doug, no!
01:25:57Now I want your soul!
01:25:59I'm gonna get your fucking soul!
01:26:01What the fuck you just do to me?
01:26:03Oh, shit!
01:26:05Just that?
01:26:07My goddamn scapular voice!
01:26:09Hey!
01:26:11That's a wrap on Doug.
01:26:13Got me good.
01:26:15Motherfucker!
01:26:19Oh.
01:26:25Hold on, Andre.
01:26:27Is that the piece of wood that was lodged in your side?
01:26:29Sidekick.
01:26:31No, Andre, that was supposed to stay in
01:26:33to stop the bleeding.
01:26:35I told him it was a dumb idea, but does he listen to his mom?
01:26:37I'd do anything for you, man.
01:26:39Hey, hey, look at me.
01:26:41You're the best damn sidekick I ever seen.
01:26:43All right, guys, call the cops.
01:26:45Stay with Doug until they get here.
01:26:47Okay?
01:26:49We gotta get you to the hospital.
01:26:51This time, I'm driving.
01:26:55You know, actually, I will drive.
01:26:57I'm gonna drive. I saw the way you drove last time,
01:26:59so I think I'll take it from here.
01:27:01Why don't we just...
01:27:03We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.
01:27:05Yeah, but I'll use my feet and hands, and you can sit on my lap or some shit.
01:27:07He's in shock. I got you, buddy.
01:27:09Keep an eye on Doug. I got you, buddy.
01:27:13I mean, I was foolish.
01:27:15I let my ego run the show,
01:27:17and I'm honestly...
01:27:19I'm lucky to be alive.
01:27:21We both are.
01:27:23Why is he here with us again?
01:27:25Because he's a vital part of my team.
01:27:27Ah, okay.
01:27:29Hi, hi, hi. Sorry. Sorry I'm late.
01:27:31And so is she.
01:27:33And so are they.
01:27:35Whoo!
01:27:37All right.
01:27:39Um, who is the older lady?
01:27:41You're talking about that gorgeous woman in the back?
01:27:43That's my mama.
01:27:45Mama! How's the food?
01:27:47Oh, it's so confusing.
01:27:49Yeah. I love it, though.
01:27:51I'm not really sure what her role is yet.
01:27:53We're still trying to iron out the kinks,
01:27:55but what I do know is it takes a village
01:27:57to operate the world of Kevin Hart, and she's a villager.
01:27:59What's a village?
01:28:01Wow, Kevin.
01:28:03I gotta say, you certainly have changed.
01:28:05No, I just learned to appreciate the people that...
01:28:07that matter the most in my life.
01:28:09Hmm.
01:28:11Well?
01:28:13Does that mean that you're in for Jefferson's tomb?
01:28:15Yeah.
01:28:17Just gotta check with my stuntman first.
01:28:21Isn't he in prison now?
01:28:25Ha!
01:28:27He is!
01:28:29Yeah, I don't know. It slipped my mind.
01:28:31Oh, I forgot.
01:28:33Ha, ha, ha.
01:28:35Ha, ha, ha.
01:28:39Hey.
01:28:41Hey, guard! Guard!
01:28:43Hey, let me out of here!
01:28:45I'm telling you, you got the wrong guy!
01:28:47I'm Kevin Hart!
01:28:49I'm Kevin Hart!
01:29:09I'm Kevin Hart!
01:29:39I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:09I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:11I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:13I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:15I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:17I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:19I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:21I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:23I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:25I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:27I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:29I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:31I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:33I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:35I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:37I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:39I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:41I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:43I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:45I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:47I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:49I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:51I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:53I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:55I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:57I'm Kevin Hart!
01:30:59I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:01I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:03I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:05I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:07I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:09I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:11I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:13I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:15I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:17I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:19I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:21I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:23I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:25I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:27I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:29I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:31I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:33I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:35I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:37I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:39I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:41I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:43I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:45I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:47I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:49I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:51I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:53I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:55I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:57I'm Kevin Hart!
01:31:59I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:01I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:03I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:05I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:07I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:09I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:11I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:13I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:15I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:17I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:19I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:21I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:23I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:25I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:27I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:29I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:31I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:33I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:35I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:37I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:39I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:41I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:43I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:45I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:47I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:49I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:51I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:53I'm Kevin Hart!
01:32:55I'm Kevin Hart!