Haters Say She's Too Big For Me | LOVE DON'T JUDGE
Nikki and Terrance have been together for 7 months and met through mutual friends. In the past, Nikki has had toxic relationships with men who have used her weight as a weapon against her during arguments so she was wary when her best friend Kristin tried to set her up with Terrance, Nikki recalls making sure that Kristin had “warned” Terrance that she was plus size incase he was put off by it… Nikki and Terrance started exchanging texts and chatting over FaceTime and eventually met in person 2 ½ weeks later - she admits she was nervous for Terrance to meet her in real life because of her size however, Terrence loves her for who she is! The pair are planning on moving in together, eventually marrying and having kids. Nikki says there is a “clear / massive” weight difference between them. Nikki, who is a fashion influencer says that anytime she posts any content with Terrance, she is trolled. She says because she is plus size people judge their relationship, assume she gives him money, pays for his lifestyle and takes care of him financially in return for his love, she says people assume there must be a catch or an incentive to be with her. Despite the judgement, the couple prove that outside appearances don't matter!
Transcript
00:00This is Terrence. He fell in love with Nikki.
00:06We're in a mixed-race relationship.
00:08Since getting together, the couple have been judged both online and offline.
00:13People do judge me based on my size.
00:16They will tell me that no one is going to really like me.
00:20I've heard people say stuff like,
00:22is she going to eat that? Are you going to eat that? That's a lot of food.
00:25People have made assumptions that Terrence has ulterior motives in the relationship.
00:30This is not my very first mixed-weight relationship.
00:34It's actually my third.
00:36This one says, that's the best he can get.
00:39Perfect for a desperate man. That's crazy.
00:43You want coffee or tea? Let's do coffee.
00:45Yeah, let's do coffee.
00:46The salted caramel is good.
00:48I'll try the salted caramel. I love caramel.
00:50We've met through our best friends, so our best friends are dating each other.
00:54They kind of play matchmaker.
00:57My friend, she messaged me one day.
00:59She was like, her boyfriend has a friend.
01:01He's single.
01:03He wants to know if you would be interested.
01:06At first, I was like, I don't know about the friend of a friend.
01:10She thought me to be the ugly friend, as it were.
01:15I decided to move forward with it when I saw the picture.
01:18It took a long time to text me.
01:20Not that long.
01:22Five hours.
01:23Not five hours, 45 minutes.
01:25We've been together for seven months.
01:28Our first official date, we went to Red Apple Barn.
01:32It's like an apple orchard in a pumpkin patch.
01:36It was really fun, except I had the bright idea to wear heels,
01:39not realizing that we were going to be outside.
01:41I thought she was beautiful.
01:43Very beautiful.
01:44We pretty much hit it off.
01:46We talked for about six hours.
01:50I like how we feed off each other's energy.
01:52I like how we have fun together.
01:58I've always loved nerdy guys.
02:01I call him the king nerd.
02:03This is not my first mixed relationship.
02:05I've always dated smaller guys.
02:07A lot of times, as a plus-size girl, you can't really tell if they actually like you
02:12or if they're fetishizing you.
02:14If I feel like you don't actually like me, you just like what I look like,
02:19that would definitely keep me from dating.
02:22My size has held me back from doing certain things in life,
02:25like amusement parks, rides, fair rides.
02:29Generally, I do think society is fatphobic, definitely.
02:32All right.
02:33I'm trying to help you with the outfits, baby.
02:36Yeah, I have way too many clothes.
02:38You're a fashion influencer.
02:40I started in 2018.
02:44I just used to film things that I bought.
02:48It started taking off around 2019, 2020-ish.
02:53I started just as a confidence booster for myself,
02:56but people just started liking it, and I just kept going
03:00because I realized I was helping other people.
03:02I have a really big plus-size following.
03:04They tell me that I give them the confidence and the encouragement
03:09to be themselves and to just love theirself.
03:12I love seeing her in sundresses, maxi dresses.
03:16I really love the fact that she's very, I know this sounds silly, girly,
03:21so she really loves fashion.
03:23Oh, yes!
03:25Too often in society, we have this ideal sense of how a person is or should be,
03:32how everyone fits the mold.
03:34Whoever you love, it's not always about size.
03:38It's about what kind of character they have.
03:40I am attracted to plus-size women.
03:42That's part of the reason I love Nikki,
03:46but the main reason is her character more than anything.
03:50It makes a good team.
03:52Yeah, I would think so.
03:54Like peanut butter and jelly.
03:56Nutella.
03:57Oh.
03:58Oops, sorry.
04:00You're so shy.
04:02Peanuts, what's up?
04:03People are very, very cruel,
04:05especially seeing on comments on Instagram that being a boyfriend is very,
04:11it's hard seeing that.
04:13Now you're way too big.
04:15You need to lose weight.
04:17This one says, that's the best you can get.
04:20Perfect for a desperate man.
04:22That's crazy.
04:24I'm a nerd, so I'm used to being picked on by people,
04:27and people have said mean things to me since kindergarten or whatnot,
04:31so I'm kind of used to people talking about me behind my back.
04:35I remember one comment,
04:38he's with her because she pays off bills,
04:41or another one called me a bum or whatnot.
04:45At first I was engaging in the comments.
04:48Have some freaking decorum.
04:50Act like you're not a trans person,
04:52even if you are, just like pretend that you're not.
04:54I don't mind what you say about me because I'm used to it,
04:57but you talk about my baby, we got a problem.
04:59So at first I was kind of like going off on him,
05:03but then I just was like, that kind of makes them comment more.
05:08So I just decided to ignore him.
05:10I'm not going to lie, sometimes the comments do get to me.
05:12He's there to kind of...
05:15Mitigate it.
05:16Yeah, and just help calm me down,
05:19and just help to reinforce that you do love yourself,
05:23you don't have to listen to them.
05:25Hey babe, you ready to head out for a date?
05:28Yeah, we can get ready.
05:30Man, I'm starving.
05:32Today we're going to go out on a little date,
05:35relax and just enjoy this beautiful weather out here.
05:38We love going out to eat and try new restaurants.
05:42Here you go, my lady.
05:47People, they stare at us when we're out.
05:49Yeah, they just kind of tend to just be like,
05:52well, what are they doing together?
05:55If we're out holding hands, being affectionate,
05:58people be looking like I don't deserve to have someone with me.
06:03I think I'm just hyper aware of it
06:05because I'm used to people staring at me anyway.
06:07I feel like they're just trying to see how much I'm going to eat
06:10or what I'm going to eat.
06:12I think that restaurants are where people stare the most
06:16because there's food involved and obviously I eat a lot.
06:19I just think it's crazy how people just stare
06:23and look at you just for existing.
06:25I've heard people say stuff like,
06:27is she going to eat that? Are you going to eat that?
06:30That's a lot. That's a lot of food.
06:32Passive aggressive, yeah.
06:33They'll say stuff like, oh, I know you're going to have dessert.
06:36Like, no, I don't want dessert.
06:38I was bullied. I was bullied a lot.
06:40As early as kindergarten, I can remember that
06:44because I've always been a heavier girl.
06:46And just being one of the biggest people in my class,
06:49nobody really wanted to play with me.
06:51The bullying continued all the way to freshman year of college.
06:54The guys didn't want to date me because they were embarrassed
06:59and they felt they would get talked about.
07:02And it was around, I want to say like sophomore year-ish,
07:07I just decided that I was going to just love myself how I was
07:13because being bullied, it takes a lot on your mental.
07:17And I just didn't want to just be unhappy like that anymore.
07:21I'll try to make them feel uncomfortable
07:23because if someone's staring at you,
07:25and you just be like, hi, they'll either look away
07:28or they'll wave back and then don't look at you again.
07:31I think Nikki is beautiful no matter what size she is.
07:34Our relationship works because we communicate a lot.
07:38Even though we may be different in terms of our interests,
07:41we still find things in common.
07:44Just focus on yourself, focus on your partner,
07:47and don't worry about those outside factors
07:50because the only people that matter in your relationship
07:53is you and your partner or partners or whoever you're dating.
07:57Definitely focus on making yourself better
08:01instead of spending so much energy
08:03worried about how someone else lives their life.
08:06You still have to love yourself regardless of what size you are,
08:09even if it may not be your ideal size at the time,
08:12you still have to love yourself.
08:14Our relationship proves that love is more than just about how you look.