Arthur - 02x13 Water and the Brain & Arthur the Unfunny
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TVTranscript
00:00Every day when you're walking down the street, everybody that you meet has an original point
00:10of view.
00:11And I say, hey!
00:12Hey!
00:13What a wonderful kind of day.
00:14If you could learn to work and play, and get along with each other.
00:15You got to listen to your heart, listen to the beat, listen to the rhythm, rhythm of
00:28the street.
00:29Open up your eyes, open up your ears, get together and make things better by working
00:34together.
00:35It's a simple message, and it comes from the heart.
00:36Oh, believe in yourself, for that's the place to start.
00:37And I say, hey!
00:38Hey!
00:39What a wonderful kind of day.
00:40If you could learn to work and play, and get along with each other.
00:41Hey!
00:42What a wonderful kind of day.
00:43Hey!
00:44What a wonderful kind of day.
00:45Hey!
00:46What a wonderful kind of day.
00:47Hey!
00:48What a wonderful kind of day.
00:49Hey!
00:50What a wonderful kind of day.
00:51Hey!
00:52What a wonderful kind of day.
00:53Hey!
00:54What a wonderful kind of day.
00:55Hey!
00:56What a wonderful kind of day.
00:57Hey!
00:58What a wonderful kind of day.
00:59Hey!
01:00Hey!
01:01D.W.!
01:02Hey!
01:16You're it!
01:18Oh no!
01:19Sometimes I wonder what the world would be like if everyone was just like me.
01:28No one would ever call anyone four-eyes.
01:30Hey, nice glasses.
01:31Thanks.
01:32Yours are pretty cool too.
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06:09Thank you, Mr. Brain. Thank you.
06:23Ahem!
06:24Doesn't that table look a little crowded to you, Arthur?
06:28Or do you think you're better than us, too?
06:32I need to talk to you later.
06:35Hmm.
06:38D.W.!
06:39No!
06:40Arthur, you've got to hide me. You can't let them get me.
06:43D.W., it's just a bath.
06:45Nobody ever died from taking a bath.
06:53Aww.
06:56Thanks, Eggs, Benedict, Arnold.
07:00Some people get upset over the craziest things.
07:03Hey, I wonder if the brain...
07:06Wait!
07:07That's it!
07:12Arthur!
07:13Boy, am I glad to see you.
07:15Come in.
07:16Thanks.
07:19And that's why they all think you're a snob.
07:21But it's not true. They're my friends.
07:23I don't think I'm better than they are.
07:25I knew you didn't.
07:27But, Brain, why won't you go to Muffy's party?
07:31I can't tell you. You wouldn't understand.
07:34Is it because you're afraid of something?
07:36No. I mean, I think I'm being called for dinner.
07:40I better get home.
07:42But this is your house!
07:48Binky, guess what? I know what's wrong with the brain.
07:51He's...
07:52Hey, what are you doing behind there anyway?
07:55Shh!
07:56Binky, no!
07:57Don't do it! Stop!
07:59Hey, what are you doing?
08:01I had a perfect shot at the snob.
08:03But the brain's not a snob, Binky.
08:05He's just afraid to go swimming.
08:08What?
08:09Is that true?
08:15You see? I knew no one would understand.
08:18Now I'm going to be the laughingstock of the class.
08:22I can't believe I was so insensitive.
08:26All this time you were just afraid of swimming.
08:32What a dumb thing to be afraid of.
08:34Yes, my hydrophobia has prevented me from engaging in a multitude of peer-related activities.
08:40In English, please.
08:42It really stinks, Binky.
08:44Brain, we're going to cure you.
08:47We are?
08:48Yep. Come on. I know just the thing for it.
08:53Splash!
08:55Splash!
08:56Jump!
08:57But I'm afraid I'll sink.
08:59This is the only way to learn how to swim.
09:01Besides, we'll save you if you sink.
09:04I don't want to learn to swim. I want to go home.
09:07You are going to learn to swim.
09:10And then you are going to have fun at Waterworld.
09:14Uh, Binky?
09:16I think we need to start off with something a little easier.
09:20Okay, Brain. Now just step onto that top step.
09:28Good. Now take another step.
09:33Great! Now another one.
09:37Arthur, Muffy's party is going to be over by the time he gets up to his neck.
09:41Up to my neck? No way am I going that far. In fact, I'm out of here.
09:49Oh.
09:54What good is an aquarium going to do? It's just filled with fish and dumb facts.
09:59If we can make the Brain feel like he's in water without getting him wet, then I think we can cure him.
10:05Did you know that sperm whales eat 60 tons of plankton a year?
10:09Oh, come on. Let's get this over with.
10:13Now Brain, I want you to look into that fish tank and imagine you're in there. Underwater.
10:21Are you imagining it? Are you scared?
10:28Hey, I think we've done it! I think we've cured him!
10:37What went wrong?
10:40What went wrong? I couldn't hold my breath any longer.
10:44You weren't supposed to hold your breath.
10:46Well, I can't breathe underwater, Arthur. I don't have gills.
10:51I told you this was a dumb idea.
10:53Yeah, well it was better than making him jump in the lake.
10:56Was not.
10:57Was to.
10:58Was not.
10:59Was to.
11:00Was not.
11:01Stop it! I really appreciate both of you trying to help me, but it's just not working.
11:06You know, there are worse things a kid could be afraid of, like air.
11:10Uh, Brain, you should look where you're…
11:12Or school.
11:13Hey Brain, watch out, you're gonna…
11:15Or…
11:16Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
11:19Oh no! Somebody help me!
11:23Oh, thank you. You guys just saved my life. I was really scared.
11:28You know something, Brain? So was I.
11:32Me too.
11:34Whoa!
11:39That was fun. It's too bad that Brain couldn't come with us.
11:42Just because a Brain doesn't like to swim doesn't mean he's not our friend, Francine.
11:46Oh yeah? Well, I wasn't the one who tried to make him like swimming, Binky.
11:51You're both right. And anyway, it would be boring if everybody was exactly the same.
11:56You guys wouldn't have anything to play with.
11:58Well, I'm just glad Brain's not a snob. I don't like snobby people.
12:02By the way, Arthur, who picked out your bathing suit? It's so tacky.
12:10Well, I'm really glad that Brain is just the way he is because if he wasn't,
12:15the towels would be as wet as we are.
12:18Hi, guys.
12:20Listen to this. This is the funniest joke I ever heard.
12:23A monkey and a banana are walking down the street in a car.
12:27No, wait. I messed it up.
12:29An apple and a banana are driving a monkey...
12:32driving a car with the monkey...
12:34No.
12:35No.
12:36No.
12:37No.
12:38No.
12:39No.
12:40No.
12:41No.
12:42No.
12:43No.
12:44No.
12:45No.
12:46No.
12:47No.
12:48No.
12:49No.
12:50No.
12:51No.
12:52No.
12:53No.
12:54No.
12:55No.
12:56No.
12:57No.
12:58No.
12:59No.
13:00No, no, no.
13:01I messed it up again.
13:02It has got to be a banana.
13:03No.
13:04No.
13:05No.
13:06No.
13:07No.
13:08No.
13:09No.
13:10No.
13:11No.
13:12No.
13:13No.
13:14No.
13:15No.
13:16No.
13:17Orange, you glad I didn't say banana?
13:22Aw, man! I said the punchline!
13:27Arthur the Unfunny
13:29Hi!
13:38Mom!
13:39DW used my good pencil sharpener to sharpen crayons again!
13:43Did not!
13:44Then how come it's full of crayon?
13:47Hal did it!
13:49He couldn't! He doesn't have thumbs!
13:53Gotta go!
13:59Dear Buster, how is it traveling to foreign countries with your dad?
14:03I wish I could get DW to go to a foreign country.
14:06I heard that!
14:10Everyone here is trying to raise money for the Elwood City Library.
14:14Mrs. McGrady is having a bake sale,
14:16and all the money goes towards buying new books.
14:18For someone who says he doesn't like to read,
14:20I think he sure paid for a lot of books.
14:24Mr. Crosswire is raffling off a new car.
14:28And Muffy decided to have a backyard carnival.
14:31We'll put activity booths there.
14:35And a Ferris wheel back there.
14:40We'll need a big main show.
14:42What's the best thing we can do that'll raise a lot of money?
14:45Why don't we set up a particle accelerator,
14:47like the one created by Simon Vandermeer?
15:00Then shrink people down to subatomic size,
15:03so they can examine ions and nucleic structure up close.
15:08What a thrill ride that would be!
15:15What are you talking about? Is that even possible?
15:19She didn't say it had to be possible.
15:21She said, the best thing.
15:24Sounded cool to me.
15:26I've got it!
15:27We build a gigantic shopping plaza full of clothes.
15:32Shopping is boring.
15:34Well, I'm not paying for a pasteurizing agitator.
15:37Particle accelerator?
15:39I wish Buster were here.
15:41He'd say let's tell jokes or be clowns.
15:43That's it. What a great idea.
15:45This is a carnival. We can all be clowns.
15:48Thanks, Arthur.
15:51So we agreed to all be clowns,
15:53and tried out all the funny things we could do.
15:56I told them a joke that you told me,
15:58the one about the shoe store.
16:00And he says, hide, hide, a cow's outside.
16:04And the other guy says, I don't care.
16:07I'm not afraid of any cow.
16:13Don't you get it?
16:15Oh, yeah. We get it.
16:17Yes, the shoes were made of leather or cowhide.
16:26He's not funny.
16:27If Arthur's a clown, he'll ruin my whole carnival.
16:30I'll talk to him.
16:33Maybe there are other jobs besides a clown
16:35that you can do at the carnival, Arthur.
16:37But I can be funny. I know it.
16:40I used to make Buster laugh all the time.
16:48Maybe he was just being polite.
16:51One time, he was laughing so hard,
16:53he squirted a strawberry thick shake through his nose.
16:57And you don't squirt a whole strawberry thick shake
17:00out of your nose just to be polite.
17:10Mom!
17:13Mom, can I ask you a question?
17:15Am I funny?
17:17Well, there's nothing funny about
17:19how you haven't practiced the piano all week.
17:24One thing I know, Buster,
17:26if Mom wants you to practice,
17:28you practice first and ask questions later.
17:31Now it's your turn, Kate.
17:35I win. Let's play again.
17:41Ha-ha-ha!
17:46Kate thinks you're funny, Arthur.
17:48And I do, too.
17:50Your face is always hilarious.
17:53Har, har, har.
17:55You're just jealous because I'm funnier than you.
17:59Oh, it's hard having a sister who's perfect.
18:02You'll get used to it.
18:10Everyone at school is laughing at me because I'm not funny.
18:13I mean, they're not laughing at me because I'm not funny.
18:16You just need a sure-fire joke, like this.
18:19A guy who doesn't hear well goes to buy a pair of shoes.
18:23That's the same joke I told.
18:25Really? It's a very funny joke.
18:28Unless I tell it.
18:30Great, I'm a joke killer.
18:33Everyone who's here can be clout, but not Arthur.
18:36But the whole clout thing was Arthur's idea.
18:39It will hurt his feelings.
18:41Then you better make him a good clout,
18:43because I will not let him wreck my carnival.
18:47So that's when it started, Buster.
18:49I got it.
18:51Sue Ellen came by to teach me to juggle.
19:01After a while, she gave up.
19:05Then the brain tried to teach me new jokes.
19:10But I didn't really understand them.
19:13Don't you get it? Helium is a noble gas.
19:17Oh.
19:19What?
19:22I couldn't learn to make faces like Binky.
19:28Muffy even hired Pickles the Clown
19:30to teach me professional clowning.
19:33Ah-choo!
19:37No, I'm a clown.
19:40I'm a clown.
19:42I'm a clown.
19:44I'm a clown.
19:46I'm a clown.
19:49No, I'm not clowning.
19:52That was a real sneeze.
19:57Pickles had to leave early because he's allergic to dogs.
20:00But he gave me some advice.
20:02Kid, forget about ever having huge feet and a big round nose.
20:07Ah-choo!
20:10Well, you heard him, and he's the biggest clown in town.
20:14I heard about another kid once who had no sense of humor.
20:17He grew up to be Mr. Ratburn.
20:22Eight times seven divided by four.
20:24Quickly! Quickly!
20:26He's the future Ratburn.
20:28Run! Run for your life!
20:31Run for your life!
20:33Get away from the rats!
20:35Girls are scientifically inexplicable.
20:37You said it.
20:39That means weird, right?
20:41Yeah.
20:42You said it.
20:45Look out! It's...
20:46Hold it. You're right.
20:48I'm not funny.
20:50I don't have to be a clown.
20:52Not everybody has to be funny.
20:54If everyone was as funny as the people on TV,
20:57there'd be no reason to watch TV.
20:59And if nobody watched TV,
21:01all the people who make the shows would have no jobs,
21:04and all the companies that advertise would go out of business.
21:07So by not being funny,
21:09I'm saving the jobs of thousands and thousands of people
21:12and their families.
21:17Wow.
21:18I hope someday I can be as important as Arthur.
21:24So the day of the carnival came.
21:26I was the piano player.
21:31Poor guy.
21:32I hope you're happy.
21:34You know, Francine, when I really think about it,
21:37I am.
21:43Ah!
21:55Arthur looks so funny.
21:57He's in a suit.
22:00Listen to all those mistakes he's making.
22:02Ah!
22:12Listen to those laughs.
22:14Wow.
22:15We must be really good.
22:17We're so good.
22:18We're so good.
22:20We're so good.
22:22We're so good.
22:24We're so good.
22:26We're so good.
22:28We're really good.
22:29Let's take a bow.
22:34Um, they're laughing at him.
22:37Arthur, cut that out right now.
22:40Oh, sorry.
22:42I was playing with Kate.
22:43Bravo! Encore!
22:46What are they doing?
22:47They like it.
22:48Arthur, keep going.
22:58Ah!
23:04I can't believe everybody liked what I did.
23:07Either can I.
23:08You do it every day.
23:10Big deal.
23:12Congratulations, kid.
23:14Shake.
23:18What works for me didn't work for you,
23:20so you found your own individual way to do it.
23:23Yeah.
23:24How'd I do that?
23:25Well, just because there's one way to do something
23:28doesn't mean that it's the only way.
23:30Everybody's got a different style.
23:33Don't be afraid to find yours.
23:35I'll remember that, Mr. Pickles.
23:40So Francine was wrong.
23:42I was funny.
23:43I just hadn't found my style yet.
23:45Now, if only I could find a style
23:47that would get me an A in math.
23:49Right back soon, your friend, Arthur.
23:53Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
24:23Start and I say hey!
24:25Hey!
24:26What a wonderful kind of day
24:28If we could learn to work and play
24:31And get along with each other
24:33Hey!
24:34What a wonderful kind of day
24:36Hey!
24:37What a wonderful kind of day
24:39Hey!