Nearest And Dearest. S04, E01. A Price On Your Head.
The phrase "nearest and dearest" often evokes a sense of warmth, family, and close relationships. It's a term that brings to mind the people we hold closest to our hearts—our family, friends, and loved ones. However, in the context of British television, "Nearest and Dearest" takes on a different meaning, referring to a classic sitcom that captured the hearts of many.
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
"Nearest and Dearest" was a British television sitcom that aired from 1968 to 1973. The show starred Hylda Baker and Jimmy Jewel as Nellie and Eli Pledge, siblings who inherit their father's pickle business in Colne, Lancashire. The series was known for its humor derived from the characters' squabbles, malapropisms, and the unique dynamics of a family-run business.
The premise of the show was simple yet effective: Nellie, a hard-working spinster, and Eli, a womanizing slacker, must run the family business together to inherit their father's fortune. This setup led to comedic situations and memorable catchphrases that are still recognized by fans of classic British comedy.
Despite the on-screen chemistry between Baker and Jewel, it was widely reported that the two did not get along off-screen, adding a layer of intrigue to the show's history. Their tumultuous relationship is often cited as one of the most toxic in British sitcom history.
"Nearest and Dearest" also serves as a cultural touchstone, reflecting the era's social norms and the changing landscape of British comedy. It's a show that, while rooted in the 1960s and 70s, continues to find new audiences who appreciate its wit and charm.
For those who grew up watching "Nearest and Dearest," the show remains a nostalgic reminder of a bygone era of television. And for newcomers, it offers a glimpse into the rich tapestry of British humor and the timeless appeal of family dynamics in storytelling.
Whether you're revisiting the series or discovering it for the first time, "Nearest and Dearest" stands as a testament to the enduring nature of well-crafted comedy and the universal themes of family and ambition. It's a piece of television history that continues to be nearest and dearest to many viewers' hearts.
Listen to our radio station Old Time Radio https://link.radioking.com/otradio
Listen to other Shows at My Classic Radio https://www.myclassicradio.net/
Entertainment Radio | Broadcasting Classic Radio Shows | Patreon
Remember that times have changed, and some shows might not reflect the standards of today’s politically correct society. The shows do not necessarily reflect the views, standards, or beliefs of Entertainment Radio
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00:00nearest and dearest p584 struck program number 24 part one take one edited copy
00:30I shouldn't be doing this by rights you know I mean I wish he'd come I've got
00:58pulsifications I've been going to do it for a long time anyway I've made up my
01:05mind I'm doing it and tonight's the night but where is he it's quarter past
01:09oh I must get a little hand put on this watch oh he's there hey get your leg
01:20through there nearly kicked me in the what's it
01:26don't worry no are we alone yes we're quite alone you see how he lies down at
01:32the pub well I don't like sneaking in here like a criminal I think you ought to
01:36tell your brother don't worry tell me brother he could really mad well I can't
01:41keep coming here in secret oh what the I don't see the art never
01:44please you just sit down let's get on with it I don't have all this secrecy
01:51when I visit mrs. Henderson you know her husband knows all about it and didn't
01:56you mind not him he says if it makes her happy that's all right with him
02:01that's very good too isn't it I mean after all what is it it's only a little
02:05bit every week exactly it's never missed no no you'll excuse me not asking
02:14you to have a cup of tea but I don't want our Eli coming in you know I'm
02:17blustering in on top of us I don't want you to think I wanted to rush off you
02:22can tell you that off if you want oh I think we ought to get on with it you
02:28know because after all we haven't got all night well I enjoyed that very much
02:38indeed yes I think I'll have a cigarette yes no trouble at all I like to think I
02:51give a good service oh you do you do give a wonderful service caught you in
02:57the act we knickers down hey so at last you succumb to this fella's
03:04blandishments have you I've never even touched his blandishments I think I'd
03:09better be off you're not going anywhere mate I have other calls to make my other
03:14ladies are expecting me what the hell do you live on vitamin pills see you can't
03:19even keep your fancy man to yourself when he loves to marry you he can't
03:22marry me he's married already you married already aren't you yes I've got six
03:26children I'm not surprised he's the flaming insurance man I don't care what
03:31he does for a living the relationship between me and your sister is purely
03:34business there is no question of any pleasure in it right what do you mean I
03:40simply call each week to make the premium on her insurance policy insurance
03:45policy yeah clever dick oh I thought you and him have been at it like you know
03:50you thought he was my fancy trumpet man well I'll see you next week miss pledge
03:57and I hope we shan't have any more of these unpleasant incidents oh yes you've
04:03absolutely that's the oh I kill you good fancy me own brother calling me a
04:08trombone you mean strumpet well I knew it was some of the wind came out anyway
04:19I'm sorry sorry yes it's only that well I think a lot about you you know I mean
04:28what do you need insurance for oh wow as a matter of fact it isn't me that I've
04:33insured it's you that I've insured you see what mr. tri-pound you what I said
04:40it's you I've insured so if anything happens to you I have something to come
04:44oh you're rotten out of how much ten bob a week I mean how much do you stand to
04:49collect well just depends what happens I mean if you get a broken leg I get 200
04:52pound if you lose an eye I get 500 pound isn't it bloody my so while I'm
04:59staggering about with no I and a broken leg you'll be sat on Blackpool Sands
05:04eating your cockles out of my blood money I've got to think about myself
05:10what's going to happen to me I mean if you become crippled hey supposing you
05:15fall in that vinegar back one morning you know when you've had too much to
05:18drink the night before and you're on steady on your feet where will I be I'll
05:22tell you where you'll be running down street waving your insurance policies
05:25out in a bit the jackpot of it the jackpot
05:28but you look at it sensibly I've got to think about myself when you've gone gone
05:35where to the great saloon bar in the sky hey what makes you think I'll go first
05:41you might bit first to pop off well the insurance man said you'd be the one to
05:45go first oh I did that's very kind of him ain't it he says I'm definitely
05:49expecting I knew you were never been at it well I expect him to live longer you
05:54fool you're not living you're just bloody hanging about anyway I've got
05:59something to look forward to what's that you dropping dead
06:03oh I'm not stopping here while you hover about like a hungry little vulture
06:07I will I will I will yes oh Eli what mind how you go Nicky
06:18for you really isn't it yes Walter always says I'm sweet enough oh he's a
06:24little romantic indeed on the quiet I wouldn't give Walter a cup of tea Nellie
06:31why not do you think it'd be too much for him
06:35think it'd be too much for you oh he likes it oh I know I bet he likes it
06:41just saying you like it but it doesn't like him no well I mean after all it's
06:48not in him long enough for it to get to know will you have a biscuit oh no I'll tell you
06:55what will you have a chocolate finger I get oh damn me I haven't got any oh I am
07:01a fool Walter got a shot for you Nellie he's
07:05alright if you give him the right money I don't want him crossing that road by
07:09self I mean after all you know children are on holiday and that lollipop woman's
07:13not there to help him across the road no it is dangerous isn't it that road yes
07:18we saw a chap knock down just now when we were coming did you hey he wasn't our
07:22Eli was it no I don't think so oh I'm saying that I mean I didn't see his face
07:29but he had clean socks on oh I want him want him then you don't want your Eli to
07:37get knocked down do you Nellie well I don't want him to get knocked down I mean
07:41but it wouldn't matter really either way see I got him insured you see so if
07:49anything happens to him you see you have something to come that's just as well
07:55because if anything happened to your Eli you know you'd be destitute I'd rather starve
08:00first
08:04wonderful thing insurance oh yes it is it is have you
08:13I'm just saying there are you covered
08:24I tried to get him insured but it was no use what did they say it was a bad risk
08:30they said it was a cast-iron certainty I suppose if they let you have it they'd
08:36have to let everybody have it wouldn't they I mean mind you the insurance money
08:41was very nice wasn't he but he said there were only two things that he was
08:45prepared to insure Walter against fire and theft why didn't you snap it up I
08:52mean he might be walking down the street somebody might throw a lighted match on
08:56him what wouldn't catch fire he's got his own sprinkler system
09:04especially if he hasn't been
09:08hey Eli what have you ever noticed that fellas who are drunk never hurt
09:13themselves when they fall down what about it that's your answer ain't it you
09:17keep yourself tucked up and you'll be laughing I did I've got to keep me
09:21wits about me that's why me and Stanley are here we're his bodyguards they're not
09:27much good as guards well fair do you've not got much of a body you're forgetting
09:39oh they have to test everything before I have it see if it's safe
09:42hey we did all right last night you see he meant to see a big blonde
09:48oh there's no wrong with that
09:57yes for our toilet you're not you supposed to sample it not stop it
10:03hello is here the housewife's friend excuse me have you come to see what the
10:10damage is well you're all right I'm under a percent oh I hoped I'd find you
10:16here mr. Pledge I've been very worried about you all your flaming fault in the
10:20first place if you hadn't flogged of that insurance you wouldn't be hanging
10:23about waiting for pieces of me to drop off well you know the remedy mr. Pledge
10:26insurance knickers I don't want to be the the richest cripple in the street I
10:31just want to be I am poor but athletic quite so why not insure your sister what
10:40I know it well she's insured against any accident you it's only logical you
10:44should be insured against any mishap to her after all if anything should happen
10:48to her the loss of her valuable services would be a severe blow to you am I right
10:53no but I like your style how much well you should get very adequate cover for
10:57about ten shillings a week and after all what can I get for ten shillings these
11:01days four bags of best miles and a bag of crisps coming up I thought you'd
11:06never order would I be covered if a jar of pickles it our Nellie on the head two
11:15or three times you'd have complete accident coverage and how about if she
11:21fell and hit her head on my shoe full cover on any genuine accident arising
11:26out of the loss of our working services you're on oh I feel better already
11:30splendid now what about you gentlemen have you got all the insurance you need
11:35you look like a lady's man to me sir are you covered against breach of
11:40promise actions paternity suits paternity suits he only goes about we
11:45all boilers he'd be better off with a boiler suit wouldn't you
11:49I wonder what's become of your Eli? Happen he's had a mishap that's him now hey I
11:56wonder if that's somebody bringing him home in a carrier bag hello then what's
12:02this the witch's coven with Samson and delirious oh so you didn't fall down a
12:09drain then with all the other rubbish you've got all your bits and pieces
12:13about you then have you everything yes two eyes two arms two legs and all the
12:18usual officers what about you are Nellie well you know most accidents happen in
12:25the home don't they have you had once a day love? Of course I haven't, I haven't had an accident
12:31well there's plenty of time it's early days I've got you insured you know too
12:35you are? So don't worry I'll be right behind you. You rotten brother you call yourself a brother
12:40you'd just love it if something terrible was to happen to me wouldn't you
12:43oh Nellie don't fret love if you go I'll have a bit of cash oh we'll have a
12:47lovely boiled am tea when you go we'll have six black horses with plumes in
12:52their hair waving about like that oh and a real old coffin with brass handles oh
12:57oh I'll give you a lovely send-off Nellie love. Over my dead body
13:04what am I saying?
13:27what are you doing sledge-bobbing on the crust of your bum on that set look
13:47piece of soap. Soap? I thought you'd never recognize it. You put it there didn't you?
13:53I could have dropped it. You'd like me to break my flaming neck wouldn't you?
13:56well it doesn't have to be your neck. I'm not kidding you. What the hell have you done to the floor woman?
14:04I've just put in the fragrance of the it says on this tin here say see bring the
14:09fragrance of the Pinewoods into your home with a high-gloss finish. It were
14:14nearly the high-gloss finish you mean. Come into the lounge and let us have a family
14:18conflagration. Certainly not. After you dear. No no after you. No no no age before beauty. Get in your big
14:28girl's blouse. Now look. Where were you?
14:38Where was I? Where did you expect me to be? What have you been doing Ed? With this picture. I haven't been doing
14:47out with it. It just won't hang in properly. It's not the only thing that won't hang in at all. I'll tell you. Listen. Come on sit down.
14:56Sit down. No not there.
15:10If I'd have fit set on that I'd have been an instant eunuch.
15:15You're a brainless bowlegged old beggar. Oh stop moaning. You're a man of your mouth. I'm beginning to bloody wonder.
15:24Come on. Sit yourself down. Hang about. Wait a minute. Right. Come on. I want to have a full and frank discussion. Now I know there's a catch in it. You sound like Errol Wilson.
15:35Look. What is it that everybody wants but they can't get enough of?
15:43Mind your own business. I'm doing alright. I've got an arrangement with Barmaid down at Spread Eagle. What are you talking about?
15:51Same thing you're talking about but you brought it up. Have I to draw a picture for you? You draw a picture for me? I don't think you even know what it looks like.
16:01Well I admit I haven't seen much of it lately. I know there's plenty of it about and I'd just like to get my hands on it.
16:11Oh I'm sorry. I'm ashamed of you. I didn't think you were even bothered about it.
16:18Everybody's bothered about money. Oh money. Yeah what did you think I was talking about?
16:26Oh it don't matter but you had me worried for a minute.
16:31Times are getting hard you know Eli. I mean things aren't right you know at the pickle factory. I mean if you were to go amongst a few people you know and walk up to one and say,
16:43Can you tell me when you had your last pickle? You'd get some frightening answers.
16:50What you're trying to say is we're in a bloody pickle. Now you listen to me Nelly Plage. I know exactly what you're on about. It's not coming off. I am not going out to work.
16:59You have no need to go out to work. This is your big chance. How do you mean? All that insurance money. How do you mean?
17:09Well you get £200 if you break your leg don't you? It doesn't hurt very much. I mean it's easy money. I mean we'd be rolling in it.
17:19I'd be rolling about on the bloody floor in agony. I'd look after you. I'd bring your dinner up to bed you know for you. I mean I'd look at what's a broken leg and think supposing you were to break both legs.
17:31That'd put us right on our feet. You're crackers. Crackers? You've only got to break it just a little bit. Oh dear.
17:42I mean you've no need to get a big fracture about it. Oh don't, don't. I mean after all those legs that you're standing on could be our little nest egg.
17:49What do you think I am a Rhode Island Red? Alright then, alright then. Forget your legs, forget your legs. What about your arm? Get off.
17:58Now you put your arm in this door egg. No, no Nelly, no. And I'll give it to twins like that. No, no Nelly, Nelly, no, no.
18:03I'd see it wasn't your supping arm. See, think of all the pints you can buy with all that insurance money. For the last time, no. Why does it have to be me that breaks some of it? You break some of it of your own.
18:15If I'm walking about on a nest egg, you're sitting on a fortune. I have to stop at home. After all, I'm not going out. You're the wage earner, the bread earner.
18:26I might be the bread winner, but I'm not a barn pot. You're a bloodthirsty old faggot. You won't do it, eh? No, I won't. Alright then. Alright. And that's the way you want it. That's the way you'll get it.
18:43Alright. I'll tell you what I'm going to do with you. You're a barman. I'm going to have you put away certified in the loony bin. Fine thing, you've got to fall down and break your leg to please some people these days. I don't know.
18:54What's that? Your dinner. Where's yours? I'm not having any. Why not? After the way you spoke to me, it had choked me. I don't want any either. You have it. I don't want any. What is it?
19:17Toad in the hole. I saw it move. What are you talking about? Do you have it? No, it's yours. You have it. It's yours. I'm getting all my meals from Chip Shop from now on. I made that for you and your agent. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, Lily. I'm sorry. Come in, Lily. Come in. Bloody old burkenair.
19:40Lily, what have you done to that floor in your lobby? I only polished it a bit. Well, it's very slippy. Walter nearly fell. I had to grab hold of him and then he nearly pulled me down on top of him. Better luck next time, Walter.
19:53We were slithering about all over the place. Put me in mind of when we used to go dancing. That's where we met, you know. And the ladies excused me. Walter, what were you doing in there? You've never seen us, Velita, have you? No, and I don't think I want to.
20:13I'll tell you why she's polished that bit. That floor. Because she wants me to fall and break something so she can get my insurance money. You get a lot of murders over insurance, you know. A lot of murders. What do you mean? Well, there was that vicar. He went into the bathroom when his wife were having a bath and dropped electric fire into the water. Oh, clumsy devil.
20:34We haven't got an electric fire. I'll go out and buy one. What? You get a lot of poisoning and all over insurance. Poisoning? They usually do it with rat poison. Rat poison, that would just be the thing for our real life. Shut up!
20:51Well, we just came in to say a cheery hello. Oh, you've managed it. I promised to take Walter up the high street. He wants to see if they've changed the display in the chemist's window.
21:05Hey, Nellie. What? You wouldn't poison me, would you? Not little Eli. See, if all that stuff that they've put down you down there at that pub hasn't done anything to you, what chance do I stand?
21:20Hello, Miss Nellie. Hello, Stan. Hey, I've got a surprise for you. Have you? Now, close your eyes and hold out your hand and see what I've got for you. Well, I was like. I've been took like that before.
21:36Hey, well, it's out here any road. Go on, get out and have a look at it. Get that conception right out into that yard. What? Don't you recognise it, Miss Nellie? It's your old bike.
21:52My old bike? What, that that was in the yard, all in bits and pieces? Aye, I've mended it. You've mended it? My old bike. I can see me now, riding down the streets, showing all the neighbours. Aye, they all had a good deal of it.
22:11You mended it, eh? All by yourself, on your own, with nobody with you. Just for me. Well, it were Eli's idea. I thought it'd be nice. Why don't you have a bit of a ride? Yes. Come to think about it, you don't know the first thing about bikes, do you? You can't even see far enough to find your own puncture outfit.
22:36Aye, well, that's what Eli said, but he said it was the thought behind it. It is, that's what it is. The thought. The thought behind it. The thought behind it, that's what it is. The thought!
22:51Now, Nellie, don't get your mouth in your throat. Now, Nellie, Nellie, where's your sense of humour? You've got to see the funny side of it. The only thing I want to see is your backside. Am I interrupting something? No, we're just having a bullfight. Now Nellie was the old cow.
23:06By the way, I noticed coming through your hall that the lino's very slippy. Now, if a visitor should fall in there, it could be very nasty. They claim tremendous damages. Get knotted. Nellie, come here.
23:21I think so, too. I think you're quite right. Right. Yes. Hey, cough drop, we want no more insurance from you, and that's what we think about it. And if you come here any more, our Eli will get hold of your weekly instalments. And stuff them up, you know? Claims bonus.
23:36Well, if that is your attitude, you know in a way it's quite a relief, as clients have a feeling you'd have turned out to be liabilities.
23:45God's riddance. It's a bad rubbish. That's a relief, isn't it? I feel better now. I do, too. I think I could eat my dinner now. Oh, good.
23:54Hey, Nellie, you weren't really up wrong with this, was you? No, I gave it to the horse, and he liked it. I thought I'd save a bit for you.
24:01You're joking. I'm not joking. Hey, hey, hey, we've saved ten boba. Eat, eat. Yeah, eat, eat, eat. Let's go out and have a slap-up meal. Let's celebrate.
24:10Oh, Eli, you're a little belter. Oh, now we know which owners to pay. We can go out for the rest of the day. Now we know which owners to pay. We can go out for the rest of the day.
24:30Nellie, love. Yes, love? Do you mind if I say something? Not if you want to, love. You're a not-need knackered old horsebag.
24:50Thank you. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but necklaces!
25:50Nearest and Dearest, P584, Struck Program Number 24, Part 1, Take 1. Edited copy.
26:20Oh, I shouldn't be doing this by rights, you know. I mean, I wish he'd come. I've got pulsipitations. I've been going to do it for a long time.
26:47Anyway, I've made up my mind. I'm doing it. And tonight's the night. But where is he? It's quarter past. Oh, I must get a little hand put on this watch.
26:58Oh, he's there. Hey, shh. Hang on. Shush. Get your leg through there. Nearly kicked me in the watsit. All right, then. We're safe, you know. Don't worry. Now...
27:14Are we alone? Yes, we're quite alone. You see, he lies down at the pub.
27:18Well, I don't like sneaking in here like a criminal. I think you ought to tell your brother.
27:22Don't worry. Tell me brother. He could rave in mad.
27:25Well, I can't keep coming here in secret.
27:27Oh, what the eye doesn't see, the heart never bleeds. You just sit down. Let's get on with it.
27:34I don't have all this secrecy when I visit Mrs Henderson. Do you not?
27:39Her husband knows all about it. And doesn't he mind?
27:42Not him. He says if it makes her happy, that's all right with him.
27:46That's very good too, isn't it? I mean, after all, where is it? It's only a little bit every week.
27:53Exactly. It's never missed.
27:56Now, you'll excuse me not asking you to have a cup of tea, but I don't want our Eli coming in, you know, blustering in on top of us.
28:04I don't want you to think I want you to rush off. You can take your hat off if you want.
28:08Oh, thank you.
28:11But I think we ought to get on with it, you know, because after all, we haven't got all night, have we?