Emmerdale 8th August 2024-n
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TVTranscript
00:30I'm going to enjoy this.
00:31Back to it.
00:33The open road.
00:3528.
00:36You were the last resort.
00:39No offense.
00:41You could do with some Botox.
00:43No offense.
00:46Will's gone to ground for a while.
00:48Woman aggro.
00:49Well, you marry Kim, you sign up for aggro.
00:56You know, I'm surprised that you've
00:57pitched your wagon to this lot.
01:01You know, Holmes Farm is cursed.
01:04Thanks for the reminder.
01:06Yeah, ah, but the curse was lifted the day
01:09that you met my Nicola.
01:13Why is that?
01:14Because I inherited you.
01:15Yes.
01:17Just get this lot dropped off safely and come back here.
01:20I have driven these before, you know.
01:24What?
01:25Cab's that way.
01:27Pink farts.
01:32Keep still.
01:33You're like a child.
01:34It's fine.
01:35Who's that?
01:37Oh, no one close.
01:38Oh, so you're just going for the free signings, then?
01:40Barbara, 90 years.
01:42Old friend.
01:44And she was getting jiggy with the council bigwig.
01:47So he could be hobnobbing galore.
01:49What can I get you?
01:50Flat white, please.
01:52Ah, there he is.
01:54Car done?
01:56No.
01:57No, unfortunately not.
01:58It's not ready.
02:00It's ready for service.
02:01A minor one at that.
02:02Yeah.
02:03Yeah, I've been busy.
02:04Right, but it's August.
02:06This is a busy time for any motor screwed.
02:10Why?
02:12Uh, Pauline.
02:15I better get the keys and, uh, drop it off later.
02:18Uh, well, uh, Cain.
02:20Cain's already on with it.
02:21Yeah.
02:22Yeah, Cain's doing it.
02:23I walked past him earlier.
02:24Saw his little legs poking out from underneath.
02:27Maybe Vic could take you.
02:29Me?
02:30I don't think she owes me any favors.
02:32I certainly don't.
02:34But I do owe you my thanks for convincing him
02:36to come clean over Pizzagate.
02:38Aw.
02:38Well, he's a decent fella, really.
02:40I just hide it rather well.
02:42Well, lucky for you, I'm openly kind.
02:45And I have a few hours to spare, so.
02:47I don't want to take up your day.
02:50Excellent.
02:50It's all sorted.
02:51So you guys can go and do that.
02:53And I will have your wheels all shiny and new by tea time.
02:57Not trying to fleece me, are you?
02:59No.
02:59No, no.
03:00He is paying for your coffee.
03:04Oh, she looks like a little mobble.
03:07Cherry, these are all cheese and onion.
03:09What?
03:10Yeah, I printed loads off my phone.
03:12And I'm going to stick some in frames, put them in my bedroom.
03:14Gives Esther something to cringe about
03:15when she's a little older.
03:17Well, that makes no sense.
03:18Seems as though it says salt and vinegar on the box.
03:19Yeah, I know.
03:21Sounded a little strange.
03:22Maybe it was a wild night in the packing department.
03:24Well, thanks for parting with a few.
03:27I'm sure they'll brighten up Samson's day.
03:30And his cell.
03:34Yeah, I mean, he can hardly string up one in, can he?
03:36Time's visiting.
03:38Half one.
03:40Sam's going.
03:41I thought I might take Esther shopping while we're waiting.
03:44Well, hey, Noah's at home feeling sorry for himself.
03:46You want to go see him?
03:48Uh, possibly not.
03:53We've split up.
03:54Since when?
03:55Yesterday.
03:57So that's why he pulled a sickie this morning.
03:59Dark horse, he never said a peep.
04:02He's not done the dirty, has he?
04:03No.
04:05No, we've, uh, we just got a bit bored growing apart.
04:08Oh.
04:09Well, hey, listen, Esther's future's not
04:11going to be boring, is it?
04:12With all Noah's trust fund coming her way.
04:15Well, that's for them to discuss.
04:18Hey, come on, why don't we go and check if, uh,
04:20Madam's woken up from her nap yet?
04:2620 quid says there's way more to this.
04:31Yes, Eric, Cain's on it with the repairs.
04:33How is that a wise move?
04:35Just call the locksmith again.
04:36I have, Aaron, but he can't be there till 5.
04:39And then he was giving it all, no, no,
04:41might not be till tomorrow, pal.
04:42Right, well, well, Cain's going to start
04:44asking questions now.
04:46You were the one who wanted to go off in Eric's car
04:49on the pool with that guy.
04:50What was his name?
04:51Right, so will you stop asking that?
04:52It's getting needy.
04:53What about spare keys?
04:54Eric must have some.
04:55What's this, light ring?
04:57Thought you were up against it.
04:58Yeah, you lazy git.
04:59Oh, flowers.
05:02Uh, I forgot, flowers.
05:05So in other words, Victoria, go to the shop.
05:08Right, my car is parked around the back.
05:09Go get settled.
05:10Right.
05:11Can you hurry?
05:12I want a decent seat.
05:16You owe me way more than a flat white.
05:18I know, Vic.
05:19You've got three hours maximum.
05:20Get it sorted.
05:28I found that missing sheet.
05:30Penned it in, but she's covered in brambles.
05:31Any shears?
05:32Yep, top of the fridge.
05:35Uh, do you fancy a brew?
05:37No, I'm not thirsty.
05:39Well, I was about to make a sandwich.
05:40I've eaten.
05:43Hey, have you and Amy had words?
05:46Me and Amy?
05:49What?
05:51Hang on, what's all this?
05:53This?
05:54Oh, yeah, this is obviously my problem.
05:56Maybe I just need to man the hell up.
06:00Um, yesterday, Mum.
06:03Oh, that.
06:05Look, maybe it just came out wrong.
06:09You proper went in.
06:11Right, then, well, maybe it was a bit unsettled.
06:15Unsettled?
06:16Mum, you were brutal.
06:18Oh, look, I'm sorry, love.
06:22It's not you, it's me just being ratty.
06:25Look, all I seem to do is work.
06:28And if I'm not working, I'm cooking, or washing,
06:31or bugging the kids about mess.
06:34But the last thing I want to do is upset you.
06:38Friends.
06:39Look at you.
06:40You and your Glaswegian charm, eh?
06:44Look, if there is a problem with you and Cain,
06:48I'll kill you.
06:49You'll kill me.
06:50What?
06:51You'll kill me.
06:52I'll kill you.
06:53You'll kill me.
06:54You'll kill me.
06:55You'll kill me.
06:56No, there isn't, honest.
06:58I always said that I would turn into a cantankerous old bag.
07:01Now, do you need a hand trimming the sheep?
07:03No, no, you relax.
07:04I'll be the barber.
07:06Okay, permission to leave.
07:08All right.
07:15Oi.
07:17Pop them on the coffee?
07:19Yes, it's a bit awkward.
07:22I'll tell you what, you hold on to them for now,
07:25and I'll go and ask Counselor Fitztilly how
07:28his wife's shingles are.
07:29All right?
07:30What time's it due to start?
07:5010 minutes.
07:53Oh, don't judge.
07:54I'm just the chauffeur.
07:57The hack gave it away.
07:58Every time.
08:02So, ex-pupil?
08:06No.
08:07But she was a teacher, right?
08:09Belinda?
08:11Barbara.
08:13Sorry.
08:15Yeah, a bit of a battle axe.
08:20Is that why there's not many here?
08:22No, there's more around the back.
08:24You're avoiding the idle chit-chat.
08:27And sympathy.
08:31Barbara was my mum.
08:33Right.
08:35Oh, God.
08:36I'm so sorry for your loss.
08:42Look, get to the salon.
08:44At least try and bring in some dollar.
08:46I've got no bookings.
08:47Look, the salon's on divert.
08:48I prefer to just sit here and cake myself into oblivion.
08:51Ladies, nine pound 80, I believe.
08:56I'll get this.
08:58I'll show it to you next time.
08:59Keep the change.
09:01Oh, while you're here, I'm going to have
09:04to cancel my trim tomorrow.
09:05I've got hot yoghurt going on.
09:07I'll burn you off my list.
09:10You need to start the installation charges.
09:13Hey.
09:14Just wondered if you fancied a little mooch around town.
09:17I'm kid free, and that fancy shoe place has a sale on.
09:20She's working this afternoon, Leah.
09:22Oh, that's a shame.
09:24Chas got some really nice wedges from there.
09:26Proper landlady power shoes.
09:28But I'll see you later.
09:30Enjoy.
09:32And you wonder why I can't tell Paddy?
09:34His ex-wife does need to buy a pair of nice shoes,
09:36and it's got our Chas dynamic boozer boss.
09:39Stop it.
09:40Mandy, please.
09:42You are a successful business owner
09:45who's just hit a glitch.
09:47Paddy will help.
09:49Trish, I've got that many bills.
09:50I can turn them into bog roll.
09:52Look, there's only one woman that can sort this mess out,
09:54and I just need to work out how.
09:59Well, this is my queue.
10:02I really am sorry.
10:03I can be a right dipstick at times.
10:06Not much of a turnout.
10:08Why don't you come in?
10:10It's well done on this.
10:11I'm sure there's plenty of people.
10:13You're saying mum wasn't popular?
10:17Oh, no, not at all.
10:20No, no, small and intimate.
10:22Creme de la creme.
10:25I didn't realise that you were Barbara's son.
10:29Eric Pollard.
10:32Your mother and I go way back.
10:36John Sugden.
10:38Excuse me.
10:42Wait, did he just say...?
10:53MUSIC PLAYS
10:58He said Sugden.
11:01I didn't quite hear.
11:02And gone. How well did you know his mum?
11:05Music, it's started. I need to get in there.
11:08Are we related?
11:10I hate getting stuck in the back.
11:11Eric, stop and speak now, or it'll be you in a box.
11:17I met Barbara through Jack.
11:21They were friends.
11:22With benefits?
11:25More than likely.
11:271987, 88.
11:31Right, so that man, John, he could be my...?
11:35Half-brother.
11:38MUSIC STOPS
11:50What, you're prezzy?
11:53Pop and crisps.
11:55Do I want five?
11:58And I don't like cheese and onion.
12:00Well, me neither. But, you know, it's a long story.
12:03Well, no talk.
12:05I'm ill.
12:07Oh. Lurgy?
12:09Heartbreak?
12:11Or maybe the dawning realisation
12:13that you've handed over your life savings to your ex's brat?
12:16I mean, come on, why didn't you come to me about it?
12:22What's there to say?
12:24I'm done.
12:27Found some heart-of-totty, have you?
12:30Course not.
12:33I've messed this one up all by myself.
12:36By doing what?
12:39Oh, no.
12:41Please tell me you haven't done another Chloe on me.
12:45Great. Yeah, cheers.
12:47Just go straight for the worst.
12:49OK, well, then, it can't be that bad, then.
12:54I didn't say that.
12:57Babe, just tell me what you've done.
13:01Mum, you're going to hurt me.
13:04OK, you're scaring me now.
13:07I called the police on Samson.
13:12It was me.
13:18Any dinner going?
13:20I thought you'd be eating at work.
13:23No, I've been fixing a battered wreck up the road since 9am.
13:29I thought it'd be quicker to come home.
13:32I, um...
13:34saw our Sam this morning.
13:36Off to visit Samson.
13:38Oh?
13:39Well, I'm sure you'll get used to it.
13:42Just like you got used to visiting Matty.
13:44Look, if you're here for another one of your very boring arguments,
13:48then I suggest you get lost.
13:50Hang on, what?
13:52I thought we'd been through all this. Why are you spawning for another fight?
13:56Maybe because I work all hours, I ferry the kids all over,
14:00I try and keep us afloat while you tinker with a few cars,
14:03and meanwhile you're convinced that you're the big breadwinner.
14:06Oh, so it's all about money?
14:08No, it's about you, Cain.
14:10Using your time to teach that spineless nephew of yours how to fight
14:14when you should be earning to support your own kids.
14:16They don't go short.
14:17Aye, thanks to me.
14:19Why don't you say, I'm completely useless?
14:21Your words, Cain.
14:26I knew you'd hurt me.
14:28Well, that's the least he worries. Sam will bury you.
14:31You can't tell Sam. Lydia said not to.
14:34Lydia?
14:36I told her yesterday.
14:38She said it'd be all pitchforks and arguing if you found out,
14:41and she can't handle it.
14:43And what about poor Moira?
14:45Everyone's pointing the finger at her and she's squeaky clean.
14:48And her Noah shouldn't have grasped on Samson,
14:50but he's hardly innocent, is he?
14:53You agreed.
14:55He's only got himself to blame.
14:57But, Noah, you knew he was already going down.
14:59I got jealous.
15:01All right?
15:03He started to worm his way back in with Amelia and I...
15:07I hated it.
15:09What, so you just figured that if he rocked up at court in handcuffs,
15:13what, they'd throw the book at him?
15:15Well done. Full marks, Noah.
15:18Amelia thinks I'm scum.
15:21You do and all.
15:23Oh, come here, you prawn.
15:29Do you think Sam will kill me?
15:31Well, if there's anything left.
15:33After Cain's gouged out your innards.
15:37No-one's going to hear anything.
15:39All right?
15:42Well done, my boy.
15:44Tell her I'm proud.
15:45Sir.
15:46John.
15:47We need to be on our way.
15:49Don't want to get a parking ticket, do we?
15:51Hi.
15:52Erm, I didn't introduce myself earlier.
15:54I'm Victoria Sugden.
15:56Hi.
15:59You did hear what I said?
16:01Yeah.
16:02We need to be on our way.
16:04Right.
16:06I'll see you later.
16:08Bye.
16:10We need to go.
16:12I'm a Sugden, Jack's daughter.
16:14Right.
16:16Well, I did think he had kids other than me.
16:19You knew?
16:21You're my brother and you've always known.
16:24You take care, love.
16:27Look, Mum never made a secret of it.
16:30She was straight down the line.
16:31Everything proper.
16:33That's why she insisted I took his surname.
16:35So Dad knew too?
16:37Who's to say?
16:39He never made it known if he did?
16:41No.
16:42No way.
16:43Dad wasn't like that.
16:44I'm not dissing him.
16:45I'm just saying he wouldn't have had to dig hard, would he?
16:47Being so local.
16:48If he knew, he would have wanted you in his life.
16:51Maybe he would.
16:53But I wouldn't.
16:54I had an old man.
16:55Didn't need another.
16:57Now, if you don't mind, I'm bursting for a pee.
17:06Ah, careful!
17:08I didn't mean to moisten your technical bits.
17:10Lift up.
17:14Must be nice running your own business.
17:18Hanging out in the pub.
17:20Gee Sony on the side.
17:23Catching up with you.
17:25I made a million farming llamas.
17:27Oi, can you beak out?
17:29Sorry, but do you have the room for llamas?
17:31What?
17:32If they're going to earn me a million, I'd share my duvet with them.
17:35Oh.
17:36That thing's a bit pinchy.
17:37Ooh, even Alan Sugar has cash flow issues.
17:42Scale of one to ten, how are your feet?
17:44Four.
17:45Three, possibly.
17:47Aw, shame.
17:48I read an article the other week about a woman who sold photos of her feet online.
17:52To perverts.
17:54To people with a particular interest in feet.
17:56Perverts, then.
17:57She made 200 quid a piggy.
17:59How much?
18:00Yeah, people will pay for her out these days.
18:02Yeah, but I don't want to flash my beans.
18:04Oh, no, no, no.
18:05I just want some daft minted sucker to give me the money.
18:08Say that again.
18:09I just want some daft minted sucker to give me the money.
18:12Pay up, ugly mug.
18:13Now, I would give you a job.
18:15What, as a barmaid?
18:16No, as an online financial dominatrix.
18:21Obviously.
18:22Obviously.
18:34So it's a silent treatment, then?
18:40She's doing my nutting.
18:41Are you looking for any reason to have a go?
18:43Well, maybe it's because you know I'm right and your ego can't take it.
18:47My ego?
18:49Do you want me to spell it out?
18:51Please do.
18:53I am sick of being the one that always has to bear the brunt.
18:57You know, the pressure's constantly on me, Cain.
19:01If you can't hack looking after this place, then let's get some help.
19:05Well, I could hack it better if you ever had my back.
19:08Yeah, but we share the load. We always have.
19:14Maybe you need to talk to Liam.
19:17Because?
19:18Because obviously something's not right. You might need some pills.
19:23OK.
19:24Wow.
19:26I can't say anything right, can I?
19:28I'm going to say that, Sam.
19:30That's right.
19:32Forget working, forget picking up the kids.
19:35I'll get it all sorted.
19:37Yeah, well, you did say everyone's better off without me.
19:44I don't get this. Any of it.
19:49Go in there, see if he's still in the loo.
19:52And give me a pen.
19:54Aye.
19:55I'm not going around skulking in a toilet looking for him.
20:00Oh, hey.
20:02Eric wants to know where the wake is.
20:06Er, I think John needs to get through the burial first.
20:10No, I'm leaving that to the vicar. I've said my goodbyes.
20:13I think a few council cronies are off to the dog and drake.
20:16Ah, yes. Politics. Emotions.
20:19Whiskey.
20:21No, no, no.
20:23Home for me.
20:25Meet you in the car.
20:28Well, nice to meet you both.
20:31Nice to meet me?
20:33Is that it?
20:37Do you know that Dad passed away?
20:40So it's just me now.
20:42Oh, and our brother Robert.
20:44Half-brother.
20:46Hmm. Think I've heard of him.
20:48Yeah, well, he's in prison.
20:51And we have another adopted half-brother too, Andy.
20:55Nice.
20:57Right.
21:00Nothing. You're really not interested, are you?
21:03Just not an itch I've wanted to scratch.
21:05Yeah, but now you've met me, surely...
21:08It's nothing personal.
21:11OK, erm...
21:13Do you have paper?
21:21Well, I can't write on that.
21:24Look, I'm sorry that this happened today.
21:27I know it's not ideal, but once you've had time to process it...
21:31I've had 35 years, love.
21:33Yeah, but that was before you clapped eyes on me.
21:36Please, just let me give you my number.
21:40I just don't see any point.
21:44Bye.
22:03Hiya. Amy says she can get the kids through.
22:06Hiya. Amy says she can get the kids from summer club.
22:09Mum?
22:13Hey. Are you all right?
22:16Mum?
22:18Mum?
22:20Mum?
22:22Are you just having a kick?
22:25Ah.
22:27Well...
22:29I didn't plan to, but I must have dozed off.
22:34Oh. Are you feeling all right?
22:36Do you want some cocaine or something?
22:38No. Definitely not.
22:41No, I've just had a few mad early starts this week.
22:45And I did leave half my lunch.
22:47You're not eating properly.
22:49No, erm...
22:51Cain came home and...
22:53I don't know, we had a bit of a set to...
22:56I knew it.
22:58What's his problem now?
23:00Well, I...
23:02I told him that I was too stretched
23:05and I asked for his support
23:07and he chucked it back in my face.
23:09Mum, if you're conking out from stress, that's serious.
23:14You guys need to communicate better.
23:16No, I...
23:18I just don't feel like he's on my side any more.
23:21Oh.
23:23Have I caused all this?
23:25Getting banged up?
23:26No. No, it's not you, it's me.
23:30Just, it's like he's...
23:32he's waiting for me to trip up
23:34and he's always on my case
23:36and if he finds out that I'm falling asleep during the day,
23:39he'll say I'm not coping.
23:41Who cares what he says?
23:43Look, do you want me to talk to him?
23:45No, no. Look, I'm going to eat some food
23:48and chill out for a bit and I'll be tipped up.
23:51Honest. Don't mention anything, please.
23:54Right, well, if this happens again,
23:57then you're seeing a doctor, all right?
24:01I'll make you a coffee.
24:03Oh, that'd be lovely, son. Thanks.
24:19Ah, brilliant.
24:28CAR ENGINE REVS
24:52Find garages near me.
24:58Phew.
24:59What, you even do it?
25:01Anything, Aaron. I'm trying to do anything.
25:04If I can at least pop the bonnet,
25:06I can get started on this goddamn service.
25:09Is it still time to go and rub Pallard's gaff?
25:11No, no. I actually think we're in deep enough dung as it is.
25:14Thank you, though. Thinking on your feet. Well done.
25:17Let's hope that's the luck monkey.
25:19Well, if it's Keen or Eric, you're welcome to take the call.
25:22Barn and Dingle?
25:23Free cock-up with any service.
25:27Yeah, where are you?
25:30Oh, OK. Yeah, I know where you are.
25:34Yeah, yeah, I'll come and get you now.
25:36Yeah, OK, bye.
25:38You're not being serious. Now?
25:40Priorities, man. This is a time bomb. Eric will be back any minute.
25:43Yeah, listen, as soon as Keen finds out about this, I'm dead.
25:46But if Keen finds out that I've pied off other work because of this,
25:49I'm even more dead.
25:51Fine. Do you want me to just keep fiddling with this thing?
25:53No, no, Aaron. I want you to sit here and I want you to wait for the locksmith.
25:57I don't want you to try and break into Eric's car
25:59and I don't want you to break into his house.
26:01I don't want you to swan off like some kind of tomcat in heat
26:04in search of a mate. Comprende?
26:06Comprende. Yeah. Do you understand?
26:08Yes.
26:13Of course I'll talk to our driver, but...
26:16Yes, I understand your frustration.
26:19I'll get back to you as soon as I've grilled our team.
26:22Bye.
26:23Courage is a joy.
26:25Here.
26:27I truly think I have found my rightful place in the world.
26:32Unlike part of your delivery, which never found its rightful place.
26:35What?
26:37That was Gorman's giving me earache.
26:39Two boxes of goods have gone missing.
26:41Well, it's got nothing to do with me. You loaded the van,
26:43I just drove it there and back, no stops.
26:45I checked that in and counted it up,
26:48and it was fine.
26:49Maybe you need your eyes testing.
26:51I won't be able to afford it.
26:53This is one of our biggest clients we're talking about
26:55and they're threatening to walk.
26:57It could end us. I'm serious.
26:59I'm sure the stock will turn up.
27:01Are you sure you didn't stop at a service station?
27:03You know what your bladder's like.
27:05So now I'm an incontinent geriatric, eh?
27:09Or did you do a side hustle and flog them?
27:12I'm not listening to this.
27:14Well, they must have gone somewhere.
27:25All right.
27:27What's this, picket line?
27:29Why not make it really authentic, set fire to the coffee table?
27:32It's funny you should say that, cos I kind of have been striking.
27:35While the iron's hot.
27:37What, you put a new iron?
27:38No.
27:40These are full of microchips.
27:42Fell off the back of a lorry.
27:44I don't think Del Boy was really your style.
27:47How much do you get for a chip thing?
27:49No, I'm not going to sell them.
27:51These have already served their purpose.
27:53What, as a footrest?
27:54As a way of making home James Horridge
27:56look like a bunch of unreliable amateurs.
27:58Oh, thank God.
27:59That was me thinking you'd turned into a cyber-geek.
28:02More beer?
28:03Yeah, why not?
28:05So what's Jimmy King done to you?
28:08Oh, nothing, really.
28:10He's collateral damage.
28:12Although I did manage a sneaky peek at their books
28:15and things aren't looking great there.
28:17Might turn out I've done him a favour.
28:19What, stealing his chips?
28:21No, I didn't do it, I've got a mate who works at Gorman's.
28:24He swiped this lot from home James delivery.
28:26Now Mr Gorman's not happy with Jimmy at all.
28:29Poor Jimmy.
28:31A rumour has it it's one strike and you're out.
28:34Poor, poor Jimmy.
28:37Chips for tea?
28:41I mean, how's it different, really, to what I do?
28:45I sometimes have to be firm with people.
28:47Yeah, but telling Bear that you're out of scamp
28:49is either the same as extorting cash from kinky online weirdos.
28:52Not necessarily kinky.
28:54Just rich.
28:55Right.
28:56So all I need to do is just, like, insult them.
28:59Yep.
29:00Be my dream job, to be fair.
29:02So you'd do it?
29:03Andy, I'd do most things for a bag of dry roasted and 50 quid.
29:06No, I'm not sure about the bottle.
29:08Oh, why not?
29:09Look, it's just two consenting adults
29:12engaging in a mutually beneficial activity.
29:15Without the...
29:17I'm not sure.
29:21I'll just get that table over there.
29:23OK.
29:29Chef!
29:30Hello.
29:32I wrote a story.
29:34Yay!
29:40Right then, big boy.
29:43You going to buy me one first?
29:47Are you drunk?
29:50No, no, er...
29:52We're just messing.
29:54Oh.
29:55We just come from a funeral.
29:58Orange juice and a single mot.
30:01You can bring them over.
30:03Yeah.
30:05On the house.
30:07I should think so.
30:09Cheeky madam.
30:12I have another brother.
30:15How mad's that?
30:17Do you think I upset him?
30:20I have a feeling he is made of sterner stuff.
30:23Yeah, like ice.
30:25He wants nothing to do with us.
30:27I'm sorry.
30:29If Mackenzie had sorted my car out,
30:32he would have been none the wiser.
30:34Oh, no, I'm glad I know.
30:35And I need to tell Robert, too.
30:37Surely we'd be able to find him again.
30:39Or maybe he'll find me,
30:42once he's had time to think.
30:45I wouldn't get your hopes up too soon.
30:48No.
30:49No, I won't.
30:50Of course I won't.
30:56You're right.
30:57This is comfy.
30:59You always have kept me in the lap of luxury.
31:01Yeah, well, get used to it.
31:03Because once this new firm's up and running,
31:05it'll be LOI life.
31:07You do have one or two teeny-weeny hoops
31:10to jump through first, my love.
31:12I'll just flash me dimples.
31:14Council planning departments are a tough crowd.
31:18Have you seen my dimples?
31:20There are still members of the human race
31:22who don't go weak at the knees at the sight of your face, you know.
31:25Oh, yeah, it's funny you should say that,
31:26because the last time I checked,
31:27I couldn't find a single one.
31:30So, where does trashing home James Haulage fit in?
31:35Well, I need trucks.
31:37Both of them.
31:38I want Jimmy on his knees and his reputation shot.
31:43You'll swagger him with an offer he can't refuse?
31:46You evil man.
31:48You'll love it.
31:54Well, can't you just keep them there a bit longer?
31:57Yes, I know, Vic,
31:58but this locksmith geezer's been messing us around all...
32:01All right, fine, I'll just drop myself in it, then, shall I?
32:07I said stay put.
32:09What, are you going to let a man starve?
32:11Eric's on his way. Any more bright ideas?
32:13Well, he's a little bit older than you.
32:15Surely you could outrun him.
32:17Thanks.
32:19Just give me the keys. I'll take it from here.
32:24You?
32:25You?
32:26You got off with all my stuff.
32:29Keys, hoodie and wallet.
32:32You think you're smart, do you?
32:37Right where you left them.
32:39Sorry.
32:42This is...
32:43He's the guy?
32:44Yes. Well done.
32:45Just shut up, will you?
32:48Well, I may as well go and cancel that locksmith thing, wouldn't I?
32:51I would have thought so, yeah.
32:54Eager beaver, yet again.
33:15Look, I know there's a queue, but just give us the part.
33:17I'll try another garage.
33:18Yeah, I'm sorry, mate, I don't have time right now.
33:20I can ring around if that helps.
33:24Now what's missing?
33:25Apart from the condom.
33:29Take it you work here as well?
33:31No.
33:32I won't be getting involved in your van again, pal.
33:34No way!
33:36Tell me that this isn't fate.
33:38Or a knackered van.
33:41All right. Again.
33:44This is where I live.
33:45Nice.
33:46Close-knit.
33:48Van overheated.
33:49Nearest garage.
33:50How's my car?
33:52Oh, yeah, she's...
33:54She's purring like a kitten in a wheel shop.
33:57I was beginning to think you'd written it off.
33:59No, no, no, no.
34:01This baby's gonna run and run and run.
34:03Isn't that right, Aaron?
34:04Yeah, yeah.
34:05Aaron, this is John Sugden.
34:08My brother.
34:09Half.
34:10Sorry, yes, half-brother.
34:12Robert's half-brother too, obviously.
34:14Oh, goody.
34:16Well, Aaron, you used to be married to Robert.
34:18Small world.
34:21Yeah, it is.
34:23I've got to get this stuff on.
34:27Hey, listen, why don't you check out the cafe,
34:29and I'll see if I can get that part for you.
34:31Or...
34:33Or you could wait at mine.
34:38Hiya.
34:39You all right?
34:40Mm-hm.
34:41I've got a blister underneath my big toe
34:43that sounds like a 50-pence piece.
34:45Oh, sweetie.
34:47I'm gonna pop it for me later.
34:48I get all the best jobs doing that.
34:50You don't like these?
34:51I don't quite like them.
34:52I can kind of appreciate an instep.
34:55Would you pay 200 quid for a photo of one?
34:57That'd be ridiculous.
34:59You should come to Salon later for a ballypedy.
35:01Yeah, but you're too busy.
35:05Yeah, we were absolutely run today.
35:10Very clever, you.
35:12Building that business up even though Bernice is gone.
35:15Can't have been easy.
35:17Best things never are.
35:19Speaking of which, honeymoon.
35:21I want to book loads of things for Bernice.
35:23I want to book, like, a boozy gondola ride,
35:25jet skis, oysters.
35:27You know what that posh square, what's it called?
35:29San Marco or something?
35:30But we don't need to go crackers, do we?
35:33The best thing about memories is making them.
35:35I read that on the tea towel.
35:37Well, it's honeymoon.
35:38It's other things, you know.
35:40Less pricey activities.
35:42Jeez, Kate!
35:44I still want to get hammered on a gondola.
35:48That'll be wrong. I've got to get it.
35:52Hiya!
35:54Yeah, it's all right.
35:55I think it's them wellies.
35:58No, I stood up at Dunstable's for hours.
36:02Yeah, well, I'm worried that the lambs might have pasturella.
36:06Yeah, I could do with a second opinion off you tomorrow,
36:09if that's all right.
36:10Yeah, yeah.
36:13KNOCKING
36:16It's open! Just come in, you div!
36:20How did you know it was me?
36:22Because every time you do that jolly knocking, it does my head in.
36:26Well, you ignored the buzzer before,
36:28so it was Ruby that had to let me in.
36:30What are you doing?
36:32Oh, washing away that sweet scent of frenzied passion.
36:36You are so weird.
36:38Yeah.
36:40So that was a bit of a curveball, wasn't it?
36:43Which bit?
36:44All of it, really.
36:46But my favourite bit was when Big Jolly John arrived,
36:48and it turns out he's your ex's brother.
36:51Half-brother.
36:52Yeah, well, of course, half.
36:54That makes all the difference.
36:56Sorry, is there a reason to this visit?
37:02Are you all right?
37:06It's just one coincidence too many.
37:09Don't you ever read Women's Weekly?
37:11Cos that kind of stuff happens all the time.
37:15Listen, Vic can never find out that me and him...
37:18Enveloped each other in a sea of lust.
37:21Yeah. No, she's not going to hear it from me.
37:25I just think he's got an agenda.
37:27Oh, come on, man, you're just being paranoid.
37:30Besides, don't forget it was him that blocked you on the...
37:34on the humping app, wasn't it?
37:36It's just serendipity.
37:38No, it's not. It's a nightmare, Mackenzie, that's what it is.
37:50Erm, I'm really sorry.
37:53I've completely run out of milk, but I do have oat.
37:57Oat? Yeah.
37:59Oat milk. You know, made with oats.
38:01And you can't tell the difference in a coffee.
38:03I'll pass, tar.
38:04I can nip to the shop.
38:05Honestly, I'm not bothered.
38:09Sit down, make yourself at home.
38:13I might give the garage another ring.
38:15For goodness' sake, I'm not going to tie you up
38:18and keep you under the stairs.
38:21Well, that wasn't worryingly specific.
38:26Fine, you didn't ever want to see me again,
38:29but you're here now, so let's chat, like we did on the bench.
38:38HE SIGHS
38:44You've got kids?
38:46No, I just collect toys.
38:48Yes.
38:50Harry, he's four and he starts school in a few weeks.
38:54Dad on the scene?
38:57We don't mention him. Right.
39:00Er, what about you?
39:02Any significant other?
39:04No, just me and the van.
39:06So, just you, then?
39:09Well, look, you're welcome to stay here
39:11if Mackenzie can't get that part in time.
39:13It's hard, but I can bed down in the back.
39:15HE SIGHS
39:16Look, John, you're hardly dressed to doss down on a garage ball court,
39:20so just sleep here, get showered,
39:23and you can be on the road by tomorrow.
39:25You never have to see me again.
39:29Fine.
39:31Where are you going?
39:34To check on my van.
39:44All right? Fine.
39:46I'll get mine.
39:49You been talking to your mother?
39:51I just... I wish you two would sort it out.
39:53I am sick of being stuck in the middle.
39:55And I'm sick of being in the wrong.
39:57Yeah, well, look, we both know what she can be like,
40:00but just cut her some slack, yeah?
40:02She's struggling with stuff at the minute.
40:04Try living with her.
40:11Ta.
40:14HE SIGHS
40:17Samson's face lit up when I told him
40:19I'd left some photos on the desk of Haresty.
40:24He's so used to always having his phone.
40:27He hates feeling cut off.
40:29How do you see him?
40:31Oh, he'll be trying to crack jokes.
40:34Caught me a fat egg.
40:38I could tell it were all a big front.
40:42He'll be finding his way through it, that's all.
40:44You will too.
40:47You don't think I'm going to cope?
40:49I do.
40:52Someone's misering you.
40:55Ah, Basco.
40:56What, I'll leave you Christmas?
40:59What's up?
41:05It's Myra.
41:07Yes, Matty.
41:10Yes.
41:12I've eaten some food and I'm all rested
41:16and I feel like a new woman.
41:18Yeah.
41:19Got a message from Amy to tell you that I've got to go.
41:23Amy to tell you that she's taking the boys to the Hyde for their tea.
41:27Yeah.
41:28Oh, and tell her that she's a gem from me.
41:32OK.
41:34All right, right, I'll see you tomorrow.
41:36Now don't worry about me, I'm fine.
41:38OK, love you.
41:40Bye.
41:43SIGHS
41:49Ah, that's nice.
41:54DOOR OPENS
42:03Well?
42:05Finally.
42:06This place is like a ghost ship.
42:08Oh.
42:10Mackenzie must be out on a call.
42:11We should have five.
42:12I think he's the bloke who said he'd messaged me about getting a part.
42:16He said someone had called.
42:17Yeah, you're looking at a few days minimum.
42:20Days?
42:21Great.
42:22Well, it won't be cheap either.
42:24Have you thought about trading that thing in?
42:26No.
42:27No doubt I ever will.
42:29Don't want to get attached to a heap of tin, do you?
42:32Anyone would think you lot don't need the business.
42:35Well, it's your call.
42:36Erm, I need to lock up.
42:38So someone's going to ring me?
42:40Yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:41Yeah.
42:52Oi!
42:55You coming back for more?
42:56You're a sugden.
42:58You're not telling me this happened by chance?
43:00OK, I won't tell you.
43:02But it did.
43:03You did me over.
43:05You robbed me stuff and then here you are again.
43:08Very observant.
43:09Yeah, I am.
43:11I've been watching you.
43:14You can watch all you like.
43:17I know you like what you see.
43:19But don't you ever start on me again.
43:25Because who knows where it might end.
43:39If you're looking for a new comedy to binge this summer,
43:42you won't go far wrong with The Hilarious Slip,
43:44starring the brilliant Zoe Lister-Jones.
43:46All episodes are available to stream right now on ITVX.
43:50We're back on the road with Tom Kerridge next to nighty on ITV1
43:53as he continues to cook Britain.
44:09Oh