Frasier Season 5 Episode 1 Frasiers Imaginar Y Friend
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00:00Well, I should warn you, if we hit turbulence, I may hold on to you for dear life.
00:09Well, when I should warn you, I'm hoping for a bumpy ride.
00:15So, why are you going to Acapulco?
00:19Actually, it's rather an amusing story, you see, I came down to the airport on sort of
00:27a blind date with a cello player, well, of course, she didn't know it was a blind date,
00:32actually, it was all in my head, but, so, when I bumped into you, you said you were
00:39going to Acapulco, I thought, why not tag along?
00:44So, the only reason you're on this plane is because of me.
00:50Call it kismet.
00:51Can I switch seats?
00:52Oh, sure, you're lucky none of this flight is jammed.
00:59See, kismet.
01:12I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but I have to say, I'd be flattered if someone got on a
01:17plane to be with me.
01:19Really?
01:20Yeah, I mean, what could be more romantic than that?
01:24You know, it's a little awkward trying to talk like this, is that seat taken?
01:29No, come sit here, please.
01:34Oh, pardon me, sorry, thank you, at last, I'm Fraser Crane.
01:47Felicity Stafford.
01:48It's a pleasure.
01:49And this is my husband, David.
01:50Genuine pleasure.
01:51Oh, darn, I forgot to order my kosher meal, so sorry, pardon me, I'm so sorry, but it's
02:15lovely meeting you both.
02:22Oh, thank God the flight's late, I was sure I'd missed it, thank you.
02:44Yes, it's me, it's amazing what they can do with make-up and lighting.
03:02Yes, it is amazing.
03:03Not that they didn't have plenty to work with.
03:08Oh, by plenty, I don't mean anything, you know, referring to wealth.
03:14Here, you just stay right there, I'll change seats.
03:17No, no, no, wait, your voice sounds really familiar.
03:21I'm Dr. Fraser Crane from the radio.
03:24Kelly Easterbrook from the magazine.
03:27Yes.
03:28Well, I'm assuming that you're off to a photo shoot on the beaches of Mexico.
03:37No, actually, I only model part-time these days.
03:40I'm in a PhD program at the University of Washington.
03:43What's your field?
03:45Zoology.
03:46That's why I'm going to Mexico, to observe the spiny-tailed iguana.
03:51A model and a scholar.
03:57This is the part where I normally wake up.
04:10I know what you're thinking.
04:27Last night, walking along the beach, we kicked off our shoes and looked up at that.
04:39Amazing blanket of stars.
04:43Actually, I was remembering when that iguana ran across your foot and you jumped into my arms.
04:50Oh, yes, that's true.
04:53You're really quite strong.
04:57I am a supermodel.
04:59Mr. Fraser, is there any chance you'd be interested in seeing more of me?
05:13There's more.
05:17Of course, of course.
05:19I was hoping I would.
05:22Oh, that's great.
05:25There is one thing I should mention.
05:29It's a little awkward.
05:31It is?
05:33Well, I'm in the process of breaking up with someone.
05:41He plays for the Seahawks, and with all of us in the public eye, these things have a way of getting out.
05:49So, I'd appreciate it if, just for now, you didn't tell anyone about you and me.
05:57What happened between us will never leave this room.
06:08This is a garden heaven, either way.
06:15Have you seen Fraser?
06:17He's not back from the airport yet?
06:19No.
06:21That's a lot of cheese and crackers.
06:23Are you going to eat all those?
06:25Don't be stupid.
06:27I'm having people over tonight.
06:29Good morning, all.
06:31There you are.
06:33I almost gave up on you.
06:35So, Mr. Impulsive, I got your message.
06:37How's Mexico?
06:39Fine.
06:41Relaxing.
06:43Oh, I'm sorry.
06:46Yeah, well, considering what a slump your sex life has been lately, I know you were hoping for a little, well, you know, action.
06:53You know, south of the border.
06:55Roz, just because the last time you went to Mexico, you were hit on more than a piñata, doesn't mean that was the purpose of my visit as well.
07:04Oh, yeah, right. You wanted to hear the Acapulco Philharmonic.
07:10So, Doc, you get any?
07:12That is none of your business.
07:14Well, better luck next time.
07:16It never occurred to you that I'm merely being discreet?
07:18That I actually did meet a woman?
07:20I just don't care to broadcast it?
07:22Sure, that might have happened.
07:26Please, no, frankly, I don't have time for this nonsense.
07:29What I did or did not do on my vacation is none of your concern.
07:32Don't you have better things to do than to speculate about my sex life?
07:35Oh, Frasier Crane's sex life.
07:37Hey, there's a word for that.
07:39It's an oxy...
07:41oxy...
07:44moron.
07:45Hey, Walt, easy. I'll get it.
07:54All right, now, flip over. Ten kicks on each side.
07:57Oh, jeez, I hate this one.
07:59What does it do, anyway?
08:01Nothing for you.
08:03But he does get a nice breeze going.
08:09Hello, Dr. Crane.
08:10Daphne.
08:14Hello, Eddie.
08:16Good boy, Dad.
08:18That's it, I'm through.
08:20So where's Frasier?
08:22Oh, he got in a while ago, but jumped right in the shower.
08:24So we still have no idea why he went to Mexico?
08:26Well, you heard the same message we did.
08:28He wanted to do something spur-of-the-moment,
08:30so he jumped on a plane.
08:32That doesn't concern you?
08:34It's not exactly like him to board a plane
08:36without reservations and luggage,
08:38stuff like that.
08:41It's not exactly like him to board a plane
08:43without reservations and luggage,
08:45slumber mask.
08:47He probably just went down there
08:49to try to meet some women.
08:51I've seen this with my patients.
08:53They get so distressed
08:55over a series of failures,
08:57especially romantic ones,
08:59that they act out in bizarre ways.
09:01Oh!
09:07Is there anything more refreshing
09:09after a long flight
09:11than a hot soak in eucalyptus salt
09:13and a snifter
09:15of warmed poire, will you?
09:21Nothing yet, but keep your ears open.
09:25You know, Dr. Crane,
09:27we're all awfully eager to hear about your trip.
09:30Did you have a nice time?
09:32Oh, yeah, it's lovely.
09:34Did you meet any girls?
09:36Oh, you know me, Dad.
09:38I'm not one to kiss and tell.
09:40Struck out, huh?
09:42Well, it'll all turn around for you.
09:44Why does everyone assume
09:46that it's impossible for me to meet a woman?
09:48No need to get mad. I'm on your side.
09:50I just feel bad for you.
09:52We all do.
09:54Frankly, I'm sick and tired of everyone's pity.
09:56Fact is,
09:58I did meet a woman down there.
10:00A perfectly fabulous woman
10:02who we had an utterly romantic weekend.
10:04Why didn't you just tell us that from the start?
10:06Well, I'm not at liberty to discuss it.
10:08Oh, yes,
10:10the pesky club bed oath of silence.
10:20No.
10:22She asked me to be discreet.
10:26See, she's a
10:28rather famous supermodel and, uh...
10:34Right now she's going through a break-up
10:36with a star football player on the Seahawks.
10:40She didn't want any publicity.
10:42So, you see,
10:44before I identify her to you,
10:46I have to ask that you
10:48not ever repeat this to anyone.
10:50I'd urge you to do the same.
10:56Her name
10:58is Kelly Easterbrook.
11:00The lotion girl.
11:02Oh, she has such milky skin.
11:04I thought so, yes.
11:08We were inseparable the entire weekend.
11:10You know, some people think
11:12I look like her.
11:14Oh, yes.
11:18Anyway, I've got a picture of her.
11:20I'll be right back.
11:23Well, it's one thing
11:25to concoct a little white lie,
11:27but to come up with a supermodel
11:29who'd dump an NFL player
11:31for Frasier?
11:33I think you two
11:35are just being awful.
11:37I've never known Dr. Crane to tell a lie.
11:39Actually, this is not without precedent.
11:41When he was ten,
11:43he forged letters from Leonard Bernstein
11:45and told everyone they were pen pals.
11:47Oh, yes.
11:49Remember? And bounding up the stairs,
11:52we were all a gog
11:54until Mr. Bernstein
11:56wrote that his Broadway debut was Candide
11:58when everyone knows
12:00that it was on the town.
12:02That's when we knew it was a fake.
12:06The sloppy kid lettering
12:08was also a clue.
12:12Here she is.
12:16It's from a magazine?
12:18Yeah, yeah, she's in lots of magazines.
12:20And billboards, too.
12:22Now she's my girlfriend.
12:26Well, I'm off to bed.
12:28Didn't get much sleep over the weekend.
12:30You know what I mean?
12:36He just snapped like a twig, didn't he?
12:46Hello?
12:49Kelly!
12:51Hi!
12:53I didn't know you were back in town.
12:55I'd love to.
12:57Right.
12:59Well, I'll see you there in, what, half an hour?
13:01Okay.
13:03Yeah, me, too.
13:05Bye.
13:07Fraser, glad we caught you.
13:09We're off to the Buster Keaton retrospective.
13:11Care to join us?
13:13Actually, I'm dashing off to Les Gallier
13:15for a late lunch with Kelly.
13:17She's your supermodel.
13:19Oh, you didn't mention anything about that
13:21when you left this morning.
13:23She just called.
13:25She came up early from a modeling assignment
13:27in Hawaii.
13:29I suspect it's the you-know-who.
13:33Yes, Dr. Crane.
13:35Listen, I need my usual table
13:37in about 20 minutes.
13:39Oh, yes, and chill your finest bottle
13:41of Pouy Foussé.
13:44Modeling no swimsuit,
13:46she works up quite a thirst.
13:52Poor Sod.
13:54Doesn't he realize how outlandish it all sounds?
13:56Even a fake supermodel
13:58would have dumped him by now.
14:02I wish there was something we could do.
14:04There is.
14:06When he was in the throes of his
14:08Leonard Bernstein obsession,
14:10we finally confronted him and, as you may recall,
14:13he was relieved that once and for all
14:15he could give up the charade.
14:17Well, I guess we could talk to him,
14:19but what are we going to say?
14:21It won't be easy.
14:23We'll tell him
14:25we know what's going on
14:27and that he doesn't have to pretend anymore.
14:29Oh, right.
14:31But situations like that make me uncomfortable.
14:33Well, you know, there's always the
14:35outside chance we'll walk into that restaurant
14:37and some gorgeous
14:39supermodel will be draped all over
14:41by John.
14:47That's a good one, Dad.
14:49We need you, Dad.
14:51I thought we could do with a little tension breaker.
14:59Frasier.
15:01Hello.
15:03Hi.
15:05You look wonderful.
15:07Oh, thank you.
15:10That's it.
15:12I ordered us an appetizer.
15:14Oh, this is so sweet,
15:16but I can't stay.
15:18My lab called.
15:20There's been a small emergency.
15:22Is everything all right?
15:24Our incubator broke.
15:26My iguana eggs need to be moved
15:28to another lab right away.
15:30I hope you understand.
15:32Well, of course, I'm disappointed,
15:34but we'll do it again sometime.
15:36I'll call you as soon as I'm done at the lab.
15:38You're still fertile.
15:42My wife had trouble conceiving, too.
15:44It turned out to be me.
15:50Well, mystery solved. Off you go.
16:02Oh, that is so sad.
16:05I'll say.
16:07Nobody's ever bought me caviar,
16:09and I'm real.
16:15Maybe this is a family thing.
16:25Hello, Frasier.
16:27Hey.
16:29Dad.
16:31Niall.
16:34Something the matter?
16:36No, we were just in the neighborhood.
16:38Thought we'd stop by,
16:40see if you'd change your mind about the movie.
16:42He's being a little persistent,
16:44but you know,
16:46I just may join him.
16:48My date canceled at the last moment.
16:50Listen, Frasier,
16:52whatever it is that makes you feel
16:54the need to perpetuate this fantasy woman,
16:56you don't have to on our account.
16:58Fantasy?
17:00We're your family.
17:02We don't care if you haven't been out
17:04with anybody in quite a while.
17:06My God,
17:08you actually believe
17:10that I've invented this relationship.
17:12Hey, Frasier,
17:14it's no crime to go down to Acapulco
17:16and come back empty-handed.
17:18I did not come back empty-handed.
17:20I came back with two huge handfuls.
17:26Miss Kelly was just here.
17:28She was called away on an emergency.
17:31That would be a modeling emergency?
17:35No.
17:39She only models to raise money
17:41for her real interest, zoology.
17:43She's a Ph.D. candidate
17:45and she raises iguanas.
17:49The incubator broke
17:51and her eggs were in danger.
17:53It was vital that only she
17:55transfer them. Oh, look, look,
17:57the details are unimportant.
17:59I'm having a relationship with this woman.
18:05We love you, Frasier.
18:09Miles, me,
18:11Daphne,
18:13Leonard Bernstein.
18:17One day you'll throw that back
18:19in my face.
18:22Kelly.
18:24Oh, hi.
18:26Hi.
18:28I was just leaving you a note.
18:30I'm really sorry about lunch.
18:32Oh, it's all right.
18:34You have time to come in?
18:36Sure.
18:38Good news is I was able to move
18:40all of my eggs over to another lab.
18:42Well, I hope you didn't put them all
18:44in one basket.
18:48Why does everyone think that's funny?
18:51What a
18:53beautiful apartment.
18:55Thank you.
18:57Can I interest you in a glass of
18:59Beaujolais Nouveau?
19:01I'd love some.
19:03I actually have something to toast.
19:07My doctorate advisor has asked me to join his
19:09team of researchers
19:11going to the Galapagos
19:13Islands.
19:15Well, that does deserve a toast.
19:17I'm replacing someone
19:19so it's all very last minute.
19:21We leave in the morning.
19:23And I'll be there for two months
19:25inseminating indigenous iguanas.
19:27I called all my friends.
19:29They couldn't believe it.
19:31Nor will mine.
19:41Two months.
19:44Hey.
19:48I feel terrible
19:50leaving town so early in our
19:52relationship, but
19:54it's an opportunity of a lifetime.
19:56Well,
19:58and I'll be here when you return.
20:00We'll always have one incredible night
20:02to look back on fondly.
20:04I
20:06think we'll be looking back on
20:08two incredible nights.
20:10Oh, I'm sorry, darling. It's just one night.
20:12And, of course, Sander, you were...
20:14Oh.
20:16Oh, right.
20:18Right.
20:42Thank you.
21:12Thank you.
21:42Thank you.
22:12Oh.
22:28What was that?
22:30Nothing. Nothing.
22:32I must have drifted off there.
22:34Oh.
22:36Oh.
22:38What's that noise?
22:41I don't hear anything.
22:47You took a picture of me
22:49while I was asleep?
22:51Absolutely not!
22:53What is this?
22:55This is...
22:57It's your going-away present.
22:59Oh, my gosh.
23:01You're disgusting.
23:03Oh, no, Kelly. Kelly, please listen.
23:05You don't understand.
23:07Get out!
23:10All right.
23:12You know,
23:14you think being a professional model
23:16you might be a little more relaxed
23:18about somebody taking your...
23:20Get out!
23:22Kelly, don't you think
23:24we should talk about this?
23:26I won't see you again
23:28for two months.
23:30You won't see me again
23:32for a lot longer than that.
23:34Kelly!
23:36What? It wasn't enough
23:38Oh, no, just my immediate family.
23:42I'm taking the stairs.
23:44Kelly!
23:46Kelly!
23:48Kelly...
23:58Well, you missed her again.
24:00She's running down the stairs.
24:02You can catch her if you still want to.
24:05We both need
24:07to praise you now.
24:09Let's just get your robe
24:11all cinched up
24:13and get you back in.
24:15Stop it! Don't patronize me!
24:17Oh, look!
24:19Two wine glasses!
24:21Oh, yes.
24:23One for you, one for her.
24:25That proves it's all right.
24:29I am not crazy!
24:35I
24:37am dating
24:39a supermodel
24:41zoologist
24:43whom I stole away
24:45from a professional football player
24:47and she is off to
24:49the Galapagos Islands
24:51to artificially inseminate
24:53iguanas!
24:55Is that
24:57so hard to believe?
25:01Wait for our wine.
25:03Oh, look! A crowd!
25:05Where were you all hiding? Under the bed?
25:07You know,
25:09it makes me sick
25:11to think I even spent one night with you,
25:13let alone two!
25:15I have known a lot of reptiles
25:17and looked under a lot of rocks in my life
25:19but I have never
25:21seen anything slither out
25:23quite as slimy and repulsive
25:25as you!
25:33What do you think of me now?
25:55Well,
25:57what do you think of me now?
26:03Hey, baby, I hear
26:05the blues are calling
26:07tossed salads
26:09and scrambled eggs
26:11oh my
26:13and maybe I seem
26:15a bit confused
26:17well, maybe
26:19but I got you pegged
26:21ha ha ha
26:23but I don't know
26:25what to do with those
26:27tossed salads
26:29and scrambled eggs
26:32they're calling again
26:36Good night, everybody!