2001 Perfect Fit HOT MILF MOVIE Maria Ford
An aimless young man turns to murder in order to satisfy the desires of his new girlfriend, a narcissistic blue jean fetishist.
Category
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Los Angeles, California. Land of sunshine. It's no place to be a square peg, believe
00:00:08me. But did I mention the women? I've never seen a city that was so crammed with a smog
00:00:15line of gorgeous women.
00:00:45From the second they were born, I want more.
00:00:51If only I could've looked like that in a pair of jeans, then this nightmare of mine would've never happened.
00:00:56Searching for more.
00:01:06I've walked down these unforgiving streets.
00:01:09I sigh at each conversation in my sleep.
00:01:14I've seen this city shed its skin a thousand times.
00:01:22She's a predator, loose upon the world.
00:01:26Beauty chills and farts, venom I'm not told.
00:01:31Cyborgs, beneath a hill, like broken bones.
00:01:36I want more.
00:01:38Now if you aren't rich or famous or beautiful in Los Angeles, you're gonna go home alone.
00:01:44And you're gonna be just like me.
00:01:47I'd left home over a year ago, but discovered there wasn't a place for me out there, in the real world.
00:01:53And I have to laugh now, because I thought coming home was going to be the answer to stop me from my slow spiral downwards.
00:01:59I believed returning to the bosom of my family would save my life.
00:02:03What was I ever wrong?
00:02:05Nice shoes and mug shots.
00:02:07Looking back, I realize that you can't treat a person like they're inconsequential,
00:02:34or look at them like they don't belong all their life without breaking something inside them.
00:02:39And if the hurt that grows in their heart doesn't turn inward and eat them alive,
00:02:43it's gonna turn outside, and a lot of people are gonna pay.
00:02:48I want more.
00:02:56Searching for more.
00:03:04I want too much.
00:03:14I'd started hanging out in the clubs about a year ago.
00:03:17Seeing as how our forefathers fought and sacrificed for our rights to the pursuit of happiness,
00:03:21I didn't want to let them down.
00:03:24I guess I was just looking for a way to be around people.
00:03:27To make contact.
00:03:29The club scene could get pretty lonely sometimes,
00:03:32but it was still better than sitting home alone and surfing the net.
00:03:36After my last relationship, I'd finally reconciled myself to the fact that
00:03:40I just wasn't cut out for that sort of thing.
00:03:43Sometimes I think relationships are like taking two unrelated pieces of a jigsaw puzzle
00:03:48and forcing them together till the edges bend and gnarl.
00:03:52They may stay together, but in the end, the picture isn't anything you can recognize.
00:03:57Look, I can't let you in here with those shirts, alright?
00:04:00What can I do? He said it's a two-hour wait.
00:04:02Yeah, sure. If you dress for it, I'll let you in.
00:04:04Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, who are you Jets there, Ace?
00:04:07Where do you think you're going?
00:04:08Inside. I'm a regular here.
00:04:10I don't remember you. Back of the line.
00:04:12What do you mean you don't remember me?
00:04:14I just tipped you last night so I wouldn't have to wait.
00:04:16Hey, you know what? I'm drawing a little blank on this whole tip thing, alright?
00:04:18You want to clear the door, please?
00:04:19Hey, O'Barrie.
00:04:20Hey, Mr. Bishop. How you doing?
00:04:21Hey, how you doing?
00:04:22Good to see you, man.
00:04:23Alright. Good to see you.
00:04:24Alright. Good evening.
00:04:27Hey, come on, man.
00:04:28Relax. They have reservations, okay?
00:04:32Hey, Michael.
00:04:33Hey, how's it going, huh?
00:04:35Good. Hey, I got some new jeans.
00:04:37They're a little short, Slick. You know, they should bunch you up on your boot like this.
00:04:41Hi, how you doing?
00:04:42Oh, hey, how's it going?
00:04:43How you doing?
00:04:44Thanks.
00:04:45Hey, you going in?
00:04:47Oh, yeah.
00:04:48Come on.
00:04:49Hey, Mikey, how you doing?
00:04:50Same old, same old, dude.
00:04:51Alright.
00:04:52Did you get those tickets for Judge Judy, alright?
00:04:53Oh, are you kidding me? My mom's still blowing off about that.
00:04:55Anytime.
00:04:56Alright. Do you have a room inside?
00:04:57Sure. Help yourself.
00:04:58Hey, come on, man.
00:04:59Let's get to it.
00:05:00Come on.
00:05:01Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:05:02Do they have tickets with you?
00:05:03Yeah, here's the room.
00:05:04Alright, thanks.
00:05:05Alright, back up, back up, back up, back up.
00:05:07Alright, everybody relax, okay?
00:05:09They had reservations. Relax.
00:05:17Hey, do you think that's your girl, Goatee?
00:05:20Do I look like everybody else?
00:05:22You do.
00:05:23Yeah, well, it works for me.
00:05:25Oh, hey, there's Cheryl. I'll catch you later.
00:05:36And afterwards, the casting director says,
00:05:37Kato, you're too good for the part.
00:05:39I'm not going to give it to you.
00:05:40It'll hold you back.
00:05:42So they were black with little silver studs on the toe.
00:05:45So cool.
00:05:47I'd kill for a pair of boots like this.
00:05:49I'm telling you, finding the right pair of boots
00:05:51is as hard as finding a man in this town
00:05:53who's over 30 and not on Viagra.
00:05:55Hi, Christian?
00:05:56My name's Carla.
00:05:57You probably don't remember me,
00:05:59but I met you at Keanu's party last Friday night.
00:06:02No, that was Christy.
00:06:04No, that was Natalie.
00:06:06No, that was Richie.
00:06:08I was the naked one on the coffee table.
00:06:11He remembers me.
00:06:14Oh, could I get a light beer, please?
00:06:16I've lived here 8 months,
00:06:18and I've yet to meet a native Californian.
00:06:20I can't believe it. It's so true, isn't it?
00:06:22Hey, man, you got the time?
00:06:24Oh, yeah, um, it's 12.30.
00:06:27And you just met your first native Californian.
00:06:30I was actually born right around the corner from here
00:06:32in Cedars-Sinai Hospital.
00:06:33Oh, yeah?
00:06:34Yeah, I mean, I haven't always lived here.
00:06:36I mean, I've lived here for a long time,
00:06:38but I've never met a native Californian.
00:06:40Oh, yeah?
00:06:41Yeah, I mean, I haven't always lived here.
00:06:43I moved back east for a while.
00:06:45The weather just stinks, and, uh,
00:06:47I came back to L.A. a couple years ago.
00:06:50Okay, could I buy you a drink?
00:06:52Let's go take a ride on my Harley.
00:06:54Yeah, fantastic!
00:06:59Hi.
00:07:02Oh, those are great jeans that you got on.
00:07:05Where'd you get them?
00:07:08I guess I called Amanda that night
00:07:10because I was feeling desperate.
00:07:12Months of drifting around by myself
00:07:14had left me feeling kind of empty.
00:07:16Even though we broke up almost a year ago,
00:07:18I still considered her to be my best friend.
00:07:27Grande mocha, grande latte.
00:07:30Thank you.
00:07:32I was really surprised when you called me.
00:07:36Well, so was I.
00:07:41So what have you been doing?
00:07:46So you won't dig.
00:07:50No, I'm fine. I've been working mug shots.
00:07:53Oh, so you quit black jones?
00:07:56Yeah, too many people.
00:08:01You are the only waiter in town
00:08:03looking for a restaurant that wasn't busy.
00:08:06It is really nice to hear you laugh.
00:08:09It's a good thing you waited so long to call me.
00:08:12I wasn't laughing much last year.
00:08:14I'm sorry.
00:08:16No, no, don't be.
00:08:18People should be happy.
00:08:20You did what made you happy.
00:08:22I really didn't want you to stay with me
00:08:24if you weren't happy.
00:08:26I did, though.
00:08:28I mean, I did want to be happy.
00:08:31Yeah, that's what I said.
00:08:33No, I mean, I wanted to be happy with you.
00:08:35I just didn't know how,
00:08:37and that's the reason I called you.
00:08:39I want...
00:08:41It takes work to be happy.
00:08:43It doesn't just happen.
00:08:45You have to work at it.
00:08:51Um, let's go.
00:08:53It's getting a little crowded in here.
00:08:55It's gonna get crazy.
00:08:58Sorry.
00:09:00How's it going?
00:09:02Hey, Michael, Michael, Amanda, Amanda, Michael.
00:09:04We can't stay. We've got an early morning tomorrow,
00:09:06so we're gonna go.
00:09:08You don't mind if we cut it short, do you?
00:09:10Of course not.
00:09:18Well, thanks for calling me.
00:09:20I had a good time.
00:09:22Shortest date in history.
00:09:2420 minutes.
00:09:28Hey.
00:09:30Do you want to try it again?
00:09:32Could you call me before 1 in the morning next time?
00:09:34Yeah.
00:09:36How about tomorrow night, 8.30?
00:09:38Go to El Diablo's, have some quesadillas.
00:09:44Come on, Amanda.
00:09:46I really need a friend right now.
00:09:48I'd like to try to be one, too.
00:09:52Okay.
00:09:54I'll see you tomorrow.
00:09:56Bye.
00:09:58Bye.
00:10:08Who was the play J?
00:10:14Don't tell me she was your girlfriend.
00:10:18No.
00:10:20No, she's, uh, she's just a friend.
00:10:24Um, Michael,
00:10:26I've been meaning to ask you a question.
00:10:28Yeah?
00:10:30Where did you get your jeans?
00:10:32What, these?
00:10:34No, I found them in the garbage can
00:10:36behind my apartment.
00:10:42Perfect fit, huh?
00:10:48There goes Heather.
00:10:52Talk to the boys a second?
00:10:54Sure, sure, I'll be right back.
00:11:04Are you on TV?
00:11:08No, I'm not.
00:11:10Oh.
00:11:12I have to pee.
00:11:14And so does she.
00:11:16And so does she.
00:11:25I hated Michael for what he said about Amanda.
00:11:28And I hated myself for being ashamed of her.
00:11:30But I hadn't lied, exactly.
00:11:32We were just friends now.
00:11:34And actually, she'd given me some excellent advice.
00:11:36You had to work to be happy.
00:11:46The funny thing is,
00:11:48I'd had every intention of meeting Amanda.
00:11:50I knew she was sitting there waiting for me.
00:11:52But I just couldn't bring myself to go.
00:11:54Sure, it sounds crazy,
00:11:56but I had this feeling that something important
00:11:58was about to happen to me.
00:12:00And it was going to happen tonight.
00:12:10Did you see that?
00:12:12She looked at me.
00:12:14I knew I didn't stand a chance with such a goddess.
00:12:16But my male ego kept thinking
00:12:18that she might have smiled at me outside.
00:12:20Still,
00:12:22I figured I'd probably just imagined it.
00:12:24After all, what could I possibly have in common
00:12:26with a creature like that?
00:12:40You'll never know.
00:12:42Unless you talk to her, pal.
00:12:44It takes work to be happy, remember?
00:12:46Dick.
00:12:48Yeah, thanks for your help.
00:12:54You wouldn't need a goatee with a woman like that on your arm.
00:12:56You'd be Mr. Popular.
00:12:58Go get her.
00:13:02He's right.
00:13:04You'll finally fit in.
00:13:06Hey, Dickie.
00:13:08Is this what you really want?
00:13:10A woman like that can get any guy she wants.
00:13:12You're a nobody.
00:13:14You don't even own a cell phone.
00:13:16Even if she likes you,
00:13:18how do you plan on keeping a girl like that?
00:13:20How far would you go
00:13:22to keep a girl like that?
00:13:24You're a nobody.
00:13:26You don't even own a cell phone.
00:13:28Even if she likes you,
00:13:30how do you plan on keeping a girl like that?
00:13:32How far would you go
00:13:34to keep a girl like that?
00:13:38I'd do anything for a girl like that.
00:13:40Well, then.
00:13:42Don't tell me.
00:13:44Tell her.
00:13:56Yes?
00:14:00I'd do anything for you.
00:14:04What?
00:14:08I'd do anything for you.
00:14:12You would?
00:14:16Yeah.
00:14:18Okay.
00:14:20Why don't we start with...
00:14:22Mm-hmm.
00:14:24Do me a favor.
00:14:26Anything for you. Anything.
00:14:28Leave your things on.
00:14:30Leave your things on.
00:14:56I gotta go.
00:14:58No, I'm tired.
00:15:02Hi, Perry.
00:15:04Nice to see you again.
00:15:16Are you okay?
00:15:18Last night at the hot spot.
00:15:22You could have gone home with anybody you wanted.
00:15:24Why'd you pick me?
00:15:26Because of what you said.
00:15:28You know, when you came up to me at the club.
00:15:30You said you'd do anything for me.
00:15:34You did mean it, didn't you?
00:15:36Yeah.
00:15:38Yeah.
00:15:40Will you prove it?
00:15:42Sure. How? How?
00:15:54What do you want me to do with that?
00:16:04Why did I do it?
00:16:06Oh, come on.
00:16:08It was a small price to pay for the evening we'd spent together.
00:16:10I mean, after all...
00:16:12I said I'd do anything.
00:16:18I need another drink.
00:16:20Okay, I'll get the waitress.
00:16:22Hey, Michael.
00:16:24Tequila?
00:16:26Chloe.
00:16:28Nicole.
00:16:32Mind if I rest my feet here for a second?
00:16:34Absolutely.
00:16:36Hi, I'm Perry.
00:16:38I'm Michael.
00:16:42It's like this is quite a step up from the last chick I saw you with.
00:16:44How brilliant. Who was that?
00:16:46Amanda's just an old friend.
00:16:48Amanda?
00:16:50What an ugly name.
00:16:52Oh, wow.
00:16:54Look at your jeans.
00:16:56My God, where did you get those?
00:16:58We found them in a garbage can.
00:17:00Aren't they perfect?
00:17:02I love them.
00:17:04You ought to have a pair like this, Dick.
00:17:06You're a lucky guy, Michael.
00:17:10I'd say Dick's the lucky guy at this table.
00:17:14Thank you.
00:17:20Where is that?
00:17:22Ohio, just south of Youngstown.
00:17:24But we had to move when I was eight
00:17:26because the town was burning down.
00:17:28What do you mean?
00:17:30Well, Perdition was a coal mining town
00:17:32with a network of tunnels running under it.
00:17:34And about 30 years ago,
00:17:36there was an explosion that started a fire
00:17:38in one of the mine shafts.
00:17:40They just couldn't put it out
00:17:42because it was down too deep.
00:17:44So they let it burn?
00:17:46Yeah, they had to.
00:17:48They had no choice.
00:17:50They couldn't get to it.
00:17:52For years, you could see this, like,
00:17:54thick, black smoke
00:17:56just seeping up out of drainage ditches
00:17:58and excavation sites all over town.
00:18:02It was like growing up in hell.
00:18:04Everybody figured it was just a matter of time
00:18:06until the town caved in.
00:18:08So people started moving out.
00:18:10But before my family could move,
00:18:12my daddy was murdered.
00:18:14Really? How?
00:18:16Someone cut his head off
00:18:18while he was sleeping
00:18:20and hung it from the shower nozzle.
00:18:22Oh, Perry.
00:18:24I'm kidding.
00:18:30He was shot
00:18:32and his body was shoved down a mine shaft.
00:18:34Wow.
00:18:38Did you ever find out who did it?
00:18:40I don't know.
00:18:42You ever find out who did it?
00:18:44I'd like to thank my guardian angel.
00:18:46You know, sometimes even in hell,
00:18:48justice is served.
00:18:52What happened to Perdition?
00:18:54It's still burning, I guess.
00:18:58That's a great story.
00:19:04Oh, look, Michael.
00:19:12A chink.
00:19:14In your armor.
00:19:16Yeah, it's new.
00:19:18Who did it?
00:19:20I don't know.
00:19:22I'd like to kill whoever it was.
00:19:24Where are you going, baby?
00:19:26Bathroom.
00:19:42Hey.
00:19:44Hey, dude, you all right?
00:20:13Yeah, I'm fine, thanks for asking.
00:20:18What have you been up to?
00:20:21I'm just here for drinks with my girlfriend, really.
00:20:25So, how are you feeling?
00:20:29To be honest, I feel a little bit funny.
00:20:32I know what you mean. I just wanted you to know that it was pure skank.
00:20:39Thank you. I appreciate that.
00:20:43The work would do well with less self-absorbed bastards, if you know what I mean.
00:20:48No, I know exactly what you mean.
00:21:01Check you later, dude. Keep the faith.
00:21:08Hey, missed you. Was that guy a friend of yours?
00:21:18Kind of.
00:21:21You know, not really. I think this is the first time I've ever seen him pay for something since I met him.
00:21:27He sure liked you, though.
00:21:29Yeah, well, he's a real jerk.
00:21:31Well, it looked like you guys were getting along fine when I left.
00:21:35Why don't you ever tell me about your childhood?
00:21:38Get over yourself. You've been too busy trying to get into my panties to ask.
00:21:44Look, lover, I'm only telling you this because I think you should know.
00:21:48I'm not trying to upset you, but after you left, your friend was all over me big time.
00:21:53Forget about it. He's a creep. I sent him packing.
00:21:56Anyway, you're just going to have to get used to it, sweetheart, because it happens to me all the time.
00:22:01That's it. You don't have to go home. You just have to go.
00:22:10Looks like it might rain. I hope it does. I love the rain. Magic happens in the rain, huh?
00:22:21That creep. I'd like to kill him.
00:22:27He doesn't have enough babes hanging around him already. He's got to come and try to steal mine.
00:22:31Oh, relax, baby. I mean, I know it's still intact. I hate him, too.
00:22:38Well, what do you know? Look, it's your friend, Michael. Let's give him a little scare, huh?
00:22:46What are you going to do?
00:22:48Are you going to molest him?
00:22:50What are you doing?
00:22:52You can hit him! Stop!
00:22:58Wow. Just do it. He's not there.
00:23:18What are you talking about?
00:23:22We knocked him out of his shoes. He's not there.
00:23:30Okay, find him.
00:23:33Huh?
00:23:35Find him. He'll still be alive.
00:23:39Uh-oh.
00:24:00You think he's dead?
00:24:03Yeah. I've got to call for help.
00:24:09Do you think you can reach him?
00:24:12I guess, but I don't want to touch him.
00:24:19Let's take his jeans.
00:24:23What?
00:24:25Do you think you can reach the body?
00:24:27Yes.
00:24:29Then take his jeans.
00:24:36Are you crazy?
00:24:37Dick, he's dead. He's not going to need them. In fact, he'd probably want you to have them.
00:24:41I can't steal blue jeans from a dead guy.
00:24:45You know, you're being ridiculous. Those jeans are perfect. You said so yourself.
00:24:50Now get out and go get those jeans, and hurry.
00:25:21It was an accident. I tried to stop. You saw. It was slippery. It was not our fault.
00:25:43Besides, look on the bright side, huh? You did say you wanted to kill him. Now he's dead.
00:25:52I didn't mean it.
00:25:54Yes, you did. You did mean it, Dick. You know it and I know it. I'm right, aren't I? Look at me, Dick.
00:26:06I'm right, aren't I?
00:26:12It's okay. He tried to take something that belonged to you, baby. Me. And you stopped him.
00:26:22I mean, you were just protecting your property.
00:26:29That means something to me. It's okay.
00:26:37We should tell the police.
00:26:39No.
00:26:44Okay, you listen to me. We will not tell the police. It was hit and run, Dick. Manslaughter.
00:26:52Do you have any idea what that means? We could go to jail for life.
00:26:57Now, there were no witnesses, okay? Nobody saw us and nobody heard us.
00:27:03So you are going to keep your mouth shut.
00:27:08And you know why? Because you promised you would do anything for me. And I believed you.
00:27:18Should I have believed you, Dick? Huh? Huh?
00:27:28Should I have believed you? Should I have believed you? Huh?
00:27:35Should I have?
00:27:40Yeah, baby. Come on. Put on those jeans. Put on those perfect jeans and take me, baby.
00:27:48Take me to Grand America, huh? Huh? Come on.
00:27:58Sit you down.
00:28:04The horrible thing was, she was right. Part of me had wanted to kill Michael.
00:28:09And that same part was glad that he was dead. But the bigger part, the saner part, it knew I'd just stepped over an invisible line.
00:28:18And I was out of control.
00:28:23You were there.
00:28:26Yo, Frankie, how's the book? Terrible. I think I got writer's block.
00:28:32Their juices flowed like a Discovery Channel volcano.
00:28:38Like I said, I'm blocked. It's not a block. It's a wall.
00:28:43So what do you got? Traffic just handed me that.
00:28:48It's a hit and run. Why'd they give it to us for? Maybe, maybe not.
00:28:53They stole his pants? Yeah, and left his wallet.
00:28:58Only in Hollywood, man. What?
00:29:01No, the murder. I mean, it's some kind of fashion statement. Good thing they gave it to us.
00:29:12Thanks, Dad. Are you still wasting your time at that picture store?
00:29:17It's called your mug shots.
00:29:19Well, the point is, if you had a real job, you wouldn't be having these problems. What's wrong with that wreck of yours now?
00:29:24Dented the fender last night.
00:29:26Dickie, you're almost 24 years old and you're still renting. Don't you ever want to own a condo of your own?
00:29:32Yeah, Dad, it's my fondest dream.
00:29:35Well, then why won't you let me help you?
00:29:39Because I hate feet.
00:29:44All right, business hasn't been so good recently, but I can still afford to pay you 8,000 a week.
00:29:50That's not bad, is it?
00:29:52Eight hundred dollars a week?
00:29:58Could I work by myself? Mostly, yes.
00:30:03Dad, I met a girl.
00:30:05Yeah? What happened to what girl?
00:30:07I broke up with Amanda over a year ago.
00:30:10Good. I never liked her. Boring.
00:30:13There's nothing wrong with Amanda. It was me. I mean, Perry. It's the new girl. She's incredible.
00:30:19Well, that explains the job interest. She must be good for you.
00:30:24Dad, what does it take to be happy with a woman?
00:30:28Did I ever tell you the story about the genie in Malibu?
00:30:32No.
00:30:34Well, there's this guy walking down the beach in Malibu City.
00:30:39Suddenly, he sees in the sand a genie man.
00:30:42He picks it up. He rubs it.
00:30:45Sure enough, the genie comes out.
00:30:48The genie says to him, listen, I'm a very busy genie. I've got no time for three regular wishes.
00:30:53I'm going to grant you one big wish.
00:30:55What do you want?
00:30:57The guy says, well, I'm afraid of flying, Mr. Genie, and the ocean always makes me seasick.
00:31:03And I've always wanted to have a vacation in Hawaii.
00:31:07So what I want from you, Mr. Genie, is to build me a bridge from here to Hawaii.
00:31:12The genie looks at him and says, what? Nuts.
00:31:15You know what you're asking for?
00:31:17The cost of the labor alone. The engineering for the mooring and the structural supports.
00:31:21No, no, no, no. When I said I'd give you a big wish, I meant something practical.
00:31:26Ask me for something else. Something possible.
00:31:29So the guy says, well, all right.
00:31:32I've been married and divorced four times.
00:31:35So what I would like you, Mr. Genie, to tell me is, what is it with women?
00:31:39What makes them laugh? What makes them cry?
00:31:42What makes them think the way they think?
00:31:44What makes them do those things they do?
00:31:47So the genie looks him right in the eye and he says, so tell me, you want this bridge two lanes or four?
00:32:00Why do you bother with that? She's dead.
00:32:04This was a beautiful woman. That's how she should be remembered.
00:32:09I want her to look her best.
00:32:12You've done a beautiful job. Can you use any more work this week?
00:32:20I'll let you know.
00:32:23Does Dick bother you?
00:32:26Of course not. I love to watch wild things eat.
00:32:30No, I mean Michael.
00:32:33Not this again.
00:32:36Dick, it was an accident, okay? And yes, that bothers me, too.
00:32:39But I'm not going to spend the rest of my life worrying about it.
00:32:42You know, if that's what you want to do, then fine. That's for you to decide.
00:32:46I'm not going to sit in this apartment and do nothing.
00:32:49If that's what you want to do, then fine. That's for you to decide.
00:32:52I'm not going to sit in this apartment and hide anymore.
00:32:54Silly. I want to go out tonight. Have some fun.
00:33:04You don't want to go?
00:33:06I'm sure I can find somebody who will.
00:33:10Hey, Natalie. Hey, Daisy.
00:33:13The Cosmopolitan. Straight up.
00:33:40Who lives in a house like this?
00:33:43In number 69, there lives a transvestite
00:33:47He's a man by day, but he's a woman at night
00:33:51There's a man in number 4 who swears he's Saddam Hussein
00:33:55Says he's on a chart to start the Third World War
00:33:59Oh, if you find the time, please come and stay a while
00:34:03It might be on the top of your head
00:34:05Hi.
00:34:07Hi.
00:34:38My name's Daisy. What's yours?
00:34:41Dick.
00:34:43I love your jeans, Dick.
00:34:46Oh, they're a family heirloom.
00:34:50Who lives in a house like this?
00:34:53Who lives in a house like this?
00:34:57In number 18, there lives a transvestite
00:35:00That's a great name. Daisy.
00:35:02Thanks.
00:35:04In 666, there lives a Mr. Miller
00:35:09He's a local vicar
00:35:11Can I buy you a drink?
00:35:13No, thanks.
00:35:16Can I buy you a drink?
00:35:22No.
00:35:25And that's where I lost her.
00:35:27I knew what she wanted.
00:35:29It was just easier to pretend it was about other women.
00:35:35Daisy, my ass. That girl was a whore.
00:35:39Daisy's not a whore. She's just a nice girl.
00:35:43Daisy, huh? Her name is actually Daisy?
00:35:49I don't want you talking to any little flowers when you're with me.
00:35:54Do you understand?
00:35:56Hey, you were the one who was dancing with some guy.
00:36:00Excuse me, guys.
00:36:02Well, I was trying to make a little magic.
00:36:05But you weren't playing, were you?
00:36:09What do you mean?
00:36:11You know exactly what I mean.
00:36:14No, I don't.
00:36:18And where did you learn to dance like that?
00:36:23A woman's a mystery.
00:36:25A man's a dog.
00:36:27And dogs love cheese.
00:36:36You're just like crazy.
00:36:38You're just like crazy.
00:36:40And you...
00:36:42are just like all the others.
00:36:45Never go to sleep while your girlfriend is upset.
00:36:49Girlfriend rule book, page one.
00:36:52I want too much.
00:36:57I want more.
00:37:03I want you.
00:37:08I want you.
00:37:38I want you.
00:38:08Somebody had left me, and I didn't know what to do.
00:38:12Girlfriends don't reconcile with boyfriends who grovel.
00:38:15Girlfriend rule book, page 42.
00:38:18Anyway, honey, um...
00:38:21I'm really sorry about what happened last night.
00:38:23And, um...
00:38:25You know, call me when you get in, okay?
00:38:31I love you.
00:38:33Bye.
00:38:38Bye.
00:38:57I was desperate and willing to try anything.
00:39:01An expensive present is never inappropriate.
00:39:04Girlfriend rule book, page 77.
00:39:09That'll be $450 plus tax.
00:39:26It's perfect.
00:39:38Bye.
00:39:53How long have you worked there?
00:39:55This is my first week.
00:39:57The place doesn't like you.
00:39:59You should be working at a linen store or something.
00:40:02We haven't been together in a while.
00:40:04Maybe I have change.
00:40:06I'm sorry about the other night. I meant to show up.
00:40:08Forget it.
00:40:10I kind of knew you wouldn't show up.
00:40:12It would have been out of character.
00:40:18What did you buy?
00:40:20Oh, it's a present for a friend.
00:40:23Oh, what's her name?
00:40:26Never mind. I really don't want to know that.
00:40:29Um...
00:40:31I got to go back to work.
00:40:33It was really nice seeing you again.
00:40:35Call me sometime, okay?
00:40:37Amanda, look.
00:40:41It's for you.
00:40:47It's for me?
00:40:51Thank you.
00:40:56I got to go.
00:41:05Bye.
00:41:07Bye.
00:41:34Dear Dick,
00:41:35I'm really sorry to have to tell you this, but I can't see you anymore.
00:41:38It just wasn't working out.
00:41:40Maybe someday we can be friends.
00:41:42Lots of love, Perry.
00:41:45What does that mean?
00:41:53You've reached Perry.
00:41:55I'm not home right now, but leave a message.
00:41:57And if you're lucky, I'll get back to you.
00:42:01Perry, it's Dick.
00:42:03Call me. I need to talk to you.
00:42:07I need you.
00:42:10Bye.
00:42:33You've reached Perry.
00:42:35I'm still not home,
00:42:37but leave a message.
00:42:39And if you're lucky,
00:42:41I'll get back to you.
00:42:43Bye.
00:42:47You've reached Perry.
00:42:49I'm still not home,
00:42:51but leave a message.
00:42:53And if you're lucky,
00:42:55I'll get back to you.
00:42:57Bye.
00:43:03You've reached Perry.
00:43:05I'm still not home,
00:43:07but leave a message.
00:43:09And if you're lucky,
00:43:11I'll get back to you.
00:43:13Bye.
00:43:15You've reached Perry.
00:43:17I'm still not home,
00:43:19but leave a message.
00:43:21And if you're lucky,
00:43:23I'll get back to you.
00:43:25Bye.
00:43:34Perry?
00:43:39Perry?
00:43:43Perry? Honey?
00:43:57Perry? Perry? Perry?
00:44:00You are too close to the vehicle.
00:44:02Please step back from the vehicle.
00:44:04You have ten seconds to comply.
00:44:07Perry, it's me, Dick.
00:44:09You are too close to the vehicle.
00:44:11Please step back from the vehicle.
00:44:13You have eight seconds to comply.
00:44:15Fuck you. Perry? Perry, please.
00:44:17I need to talk to you.
00:44:19Shut the fuck up. It's four in the fucking morning.
00:44:21Fuck you.
00:44:23Fuck you.
00:44:25You are too close to the vehicle.
00:44:27Please step back from the vehicle.
00:44:29You have five seconds to comply.
00:44:31Hey, asshole,
00:44:33get away from my car before I come down there
00:44:35and cave your head in.
00:44:37Where's Perry?
00:44:39I said get away from my car.
00:44:41Not until you tell me where Perry is.
00:44:43What?
00:44:45No, he won't get away from my car.
00:44:47Hey, look, I don't know where Perry is, okay?
00:44:50Now get away from my car!
00:44:52Please have a little courtesy!
00:44:54People are trying to sleep!
00:44:56Oh, take a pill!
00:44:58Up yours!
00:45:00Who you got in there?
00:45:02Is that Perry with you, you fuck?
00:45:04That's it. I'm gonna crash his skull.
00:45:06Perry, honey, talk to me, baby.
00:45:08Perry? What did I do?
00:45:10You are too close to the vehicle.
00:45:12Please step back from the vehicle.
00:45:14Shut the fuck up!
00:45:16I've been tampered with!
00:45:18I've been tampered with!
00:45:20I've been tampered with!
00:45:22I've been tampered with!
00:45:24I've been tampered with!
00:45:26I've been tampered with!
00:45:28I've been tampered with!
00:45:30I've been tampered with!
00:45:32I've been tampered with!
00:45:34I've been tampered with!
00:45:36I've been tampered with!
00:45:38I've been tampered with!
00:45:40I've been tampered with!
00:45:42I've been tampered with!
00:45:44I've been tampered with!
00:45:46I've been tampered with!
00:45:48I've been tampered with!
00:45:50I've been tampered with!
00:45:52I've been tampered with!
00:45:54I've been tampered with!
00:45:56I've been tampered with!
00:45:58I've been tampered with!
00:46:04What?
00:46:06Um, Mrs. Gordy?
00:46:08Yeah!
00:46:20Yeah?
00:46:22Detective Brickard, LAPD.
00:46:24I'd like to ask you a couple of questions
00:46:26about the accident you witnessed last week.
00:46:28Yeah, I already talked to the police
00:46:30the day after it happened.
00:46:32I know, it's just a follow-up.
00:46:34Well, look, are you gonna show me your badge
00:46:36or are we gonna stand here all day?
00:46:42Like I told the other officers, okay?
00:46:46They took off his pants,
00:46:48then they got in the car and they drove off.
00:46:50A man and a woman?
00:46:52Yep.
00:46:54And you said it was a little automobile?
00:46:56Yep.
00:46:58A Nash Metropolitan.
00:47:00What did you say?
00:47:02A Nash Metropolitan.
00:47:04Two-tone.
00:47:06White with turquoise.
00:47:08Did you tell Officer Carlisle
00:47:10it was a two-tone Nash?
00:47:12Sure.
00:47:16Well, at least I think I did.
00:47:18You like my cross trainers?
00:47:20They're two-tone, just like the car.
00:47:22Nasty! Ain't that nasty?
00:47:24Mrs. Gordy, no disrespect,
00:47:26but it was quite late that night,
00:47:28and as I recall, it was raining pretty heavily.
00:47:30How can you be so sure it was a two-tone Nash?
00:47:36Well, I have to be pretty stupid
00:47:38not to recognize my own car.
00:47:40I'm sorry?
00:47:42Go on.
00:47:48They were parked right next to mine.
00:47:50Two Nash Metropolitans.
00:47:52Now, I might be getting old,
00:47:54but I can certainly recognize my own car.
00:48:02Perry, it's Dick.
00:48:04Fuck!
00:48:10Perry, it's Dick.
00:48:12I need you to talk to me about what happened.
00:48:14I can change.
00:48:16I'd do anything for you. I mean it.
00:48:20Just give me another chance.
00:48:22I won't let you down, okay?
00:48:24Just call me.
00:48:28Hey, those are mine.
00:48:30Those are mine!
00:48:32That's your ass!
00:48:34Come back here, you shit!
00:48:36Stop!
00:48:38I'll give you money!
00:48:44Those are my perfect jeans.
00:48:48A hit like that must have caused
00:48:50major damage to the fender.
00:48:52Check out the local body shops. Maybe we'll get lucky.
00:48:54Okay. I'll put some blues on it.
00:48:56I'm also gonna run the make and model through the DMV.
00:48:58The coroner said the guy was loaded at the time of death.
00:49:00I thought I'd check out some of the local bars and restaurants.
00:49:02Not too many of them are open that late.
00:49:04I guess I know what we're doing tonight.
00:49:06Yeah, bring your jeans.
00:49:10What do you mean, back of the line?
00:49:12You've been letting me in here for the past four weeks.
00:49:16I'm the guy with Perry, remember?
00:49:18Look, sorry, guy.
00:49:20I'm drawing a blank on the whole Perry thing, okay?
00:49:22Back of the line.
00:49:24This is such bullshit.
00:49:26Fuck it.
00:49:28Fuck you. Fuck this.
00:49:30I'm gonna go home. I don't need this shit.
00:49:58What'll it be?
00:50:00Can I get a shot of tequila, please?
00:50:02You bet.
00:50:28You say
00:50:30you'd do
00:50:32anything for me
00:50:36Watch where you're going, Junior.
00:50:38Sorry.
00:50:40You know, I feel my grade of juices flowing already.
00:50:42We ought to get out more often, you know?
00:50:48Perry. Perry.
00:50:50Perry, honey, I need to talk to you.
00:50:58It's good to see you.
00:51:00Why won't you talk to me?
00:51:04I've been going out of my mind.
00:51:06Well, Dick, you know,
00:51:08I'm sorry, but it just wasn't working out for me.
00:51:10I had to leave.
00:51:12Why? What did I do?
00:51:14It wasn't that girl.
00:51:16She didn't mean anything, I swear.
00:51:18No, it wasn't the girl, Dick, and you know that.
00:51:20I thought you were different, and you're not.
00:51:22You're like all the men in my life.
00:51:24You make these promises, but you don't mean them.
00:51:26Wish comes to shove, you can't deliver.
00:51:28No, I do mean them. I can't deliver.
00:51:30Right.
00:51:32You walked up to me in this very club
00:51:34and told me that you would do anything for me,
00:51:36remember?
00:51:38I will.
00:51:40Within reason.
00:51:42Okay, I gotta go. Monty's gonna get mad.
00:51:44Don't call me anymore.
00:51:46Perry, wait. Hey. Talk to me.
00:51:48Hey, you heard what the lady said, right?
00:51:52Do I know you?
00:51:54Yeah, you're the little dipstick that dented my baby.
00:51:56Your baby?
00:51:58Your baby.
00:52:00I get it.
00:52:02You're one of those car freaks
00:52:04that treat their automobiles better than their woman.
00:52:06What do you do, Monty?
00:52:08You sneak down to the garage
00:52:10while everybody's sleeping
00:52:12and jerk off into the table pipe?
00:52:18I was messing with my baby.
00:52:20Yeah, my car.
00:52:22The other night.
00:52:26And that was for being a dick.
00:52:30Come on, baby.
00:52:32Jerk, you didn't have to do that.
00:52:34Are you all right?
00:52:36Hey.
00:52:38What?
00:52:40I love your jeans, man.
00:52:42Where'd you get them?
00:52:44You're a fucking nut.
00:52:46Come on, baby. He's not hurt.
00:52:52I'd hit rock bottom
00:52:54and knew what I had to do.
00:52:58Girls dig men of action.
00:53:00Girlfriend Rulebook, page 86.
00:53:22I can't believe it!
00:53:36Oh, baby.
00:53:38Oh, baby.
00:53:40Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.
00:53:46That psycho's gonna pay for this.
00:53:48Trust me.
00:53:50I'm gonna kill him.
00:54:14Looking back,
00:54:16I guess it was pretty stupid of me
00:54:18to leave the girlfriend of Perry's building.
00:54:20But let's face it,
00:54:22I wasn't thinking straight.
00:54:24If those two detectives had gotten to the hotspot
00:54:26even five seconds sooner,
00:54:28they probably would have recognized Monty.
00:54:30How could they help it?
00:54:32He was with the most beautiful woman in the club.
00:54:34Perry told me the interview of everyone in the building,
00:54:36and her interview went extremely well.
00:54:38She said I shouldn't worry
00:54:40because she'd given one of the best performances
00:54:42of her career,
00:54:44and they didn't suspect a thing.
00:54:46I probably would have believed anything she told them.
00:54:48Guys are like that with gorgeous women,
00:54:50even cops.
00:54:52And even now I now realize
00:54:54my partnership with Perry wasn't maybe
00:54:56the most constructive relationship I've ever had.
00:54:58And I did learn a valuable lesson.
00:55:00You could never
00:55:02have too many pairs of perfect jeans.
00:55:16Oh, baby
00:55:18When you're alone
00:55:20And when the judgment comes
00:55:22When you don't count
00:55:24Among the chosen ones
00:55:26No late confessions
00:55:28Or no desperate pleas
00:55:30Save you from rotting
00:55:32From eternally
00:55:34Oh, baby
00:55:36Someday you'll pay
00:55:38Oh, baby
00:55:40Someday you'll pay
00:55:42Someday you'll pay
00:55:44Someday you'll pay
00:55:46Oh, you're gonna pay
00:55:48Every day, every day
00:55:50Oh, baby
00:55:52Someday you're gonna pay
00:55:58Oh, baby
00:56:00When you're alone
00:56:02And when the judgment comes
00:56:04And everyone you know
00:56:06Has left the fray
00:56:08The only company
00:56:10That you keep
00:56:12Will be too busy
00:56:14Screaming from the heat
00:56:16Oh, baby
00:56:18Someday you'll pay
00:56:20Oh, you're gonna pay
00:56:22Someday you'll pay
00:56:24Someday you'll pay
00:56:26Oh, when you're alone
00:56:28And when the judgment comes
00:56:30And Satan's stabbing
00:56:32At your tender flanks
00:56:34And comfort
00:56:36That you've earned your place
00:56:38Among the beasts
00:56:40Molesters, dictators,
00:56:42And fool-free souls
00:56:44Oh, baby
00:56:46Someday you'll pay
00:56:48Oh, you're gonna pay
00:56:50Every day, every day
00:57:10Oh, baby
00:57:12When you're alone
00:57:14And when the judgment comes
00:57:16And the entertainment
00:57:18Is in short supply
00:57:20All your sins
00:57:22Will be put on display
00:57:24And you'll be forced
00:57:26To watch them every day
00:57:28Oh
00:57:30Someday you'll pay
00:57:32Someday you'll pay
00:57:34Someday you'll pay
00:57:36Someday you'll pay
00:57:38Someday you'll pay
00:57:40Someday you'll pay
00:57:42Someday you'll pay
00:57:44Someday you'll pay
00:57:46Someday you'll pay
00:57:48Someday you'll pay
00:57:50Someday you'll pay
00:57:52Someday you'll pay
00:57:54Someday you'll pay
00:57:56Someday you'll pay
00:57:58The DMV's a dry hole.
00:58:00Let's focus on the national computer.
00:58:02Maybe these two are out of state.
00:58:04Yeah, all right.
00:58:10And hope is as precious
00:58:12To a hooker
00:58:14As rain is to a desert.
00:58:16I have to start
00:58:18Writing on fiction.
00:58:24I mean, you read in the papers
00:58:26That people kill each other
00:58:28For a pair of designer sneakers.
00:58:30It's crazy, and it's getting worse.
00:58:32Take these blue jean killers, for example.
00:58:34That kind of stuff didn't go on
00:58:36When I was a kid.
00:58:38I know.
00:58:40Isn't it horrible?
00:58:42Nobody's safe anymore.
00:58:44It's gotten so I'm afraid to wear jeans.
00:58:46Exactly.
00:58:48I mean, what's it gonna be next year?
00:58:50Sweater vests?
00:58:52I don't think so.
00:58:54Thanks.
00:58:56Honestly, the whole thing is falling apart.
00:58:58Dad's a behaviorist.
00:59:00He states that serial killers are created
00:59:02By a decaying society.
00:59:04Some of these so-called experts would have us believe
00:59:06That these fruitcakes are predisposed from birth.
00:59:08That it's all just genetics.
00:59:10Well, I'm sorry, I don't buy it.
00:59:12What do you think, fairy?
00:59:14Why are the blue jean killers killing?
00:59:16Is it genetics or
00:59:18A decaying society?
00:59:20I'll take decaying society
00:59:22You're 50, dick.
00:59:24Did you ever hear of ed gein?
00:59:26He was a wisconsin serial killer.
00:59:28Made jeffrey dalmer look like a girl scout.
00:59:30Everybody in town knew him.
00:59:32Said he was a good neighbor.
00:59:34Kept to himself.
00:59:36Never bothered anybody.
00:59:38The same old crap you always hear about these guys.
00:59:40Well, one day, a local merchant
00:59:42Shows up on ed's doorstep
00:59:44With a sweater that ed left behind in his store.
00:59:46Wanted to return it.
00:59:48Except ed wasn't home.
00:59:50Well, this is the heartland of america
00:59:52Where nobody, including ed, ever locks his door.
00:59:54So mr. Good samaritan
00:59:56Just decides to
00:59:58Leave the sweater inside the house.
01:00:00Well, it was one
01:00:02Sick house, let me tell you.
01:00:04It turns out that this
01:00:06Cheesehead, after he murders
01:00:08His victims, skins them
01:00:10And makes furniture
01:00:12With the hides.
01:00:14Whoa.
01:00:17This book was written
01:00:19By a psychiatrist who was assigned
01:00:21To psychoanalyze ed.
01:00:23From the day gein was incarcerated
01:00:25To the day he finally died in jail,
01:00:27This doctor studied,
01:00:29Dissected the brain, if you will,
01:00:31Of this human freak of nature
01:00:33To try and figure out why this monster
01:00:35Did what he did.
01:00:37What made this guy
01:00:39Make lampshades
01:00:41Out of his neighbor's flesh?
01:00:43After 20 years of studies,
01:00:45The good doctor finally came up
01:00:47With an answer.
01:00:49So why did he do it?
01:00:51He was fucking crazy.
01:00:57Dad,
01:00:59Is insanity contagious?
01:01:01The nazi historians think so.
01:01:03They say hitler infected a whole country.
01:01:07And what do you think?
01:01:09Of course.
01:01:11Why do you think
01:01:13He infected his mother?
01:01:37Hey, dick,
01:01:39How come you and your father
01:01:41Didn't talk about your mother?
01:01:43What?
01:01:45Last night at your father's party,
01:01:47Nobody mentioned your mother.
01:01:49And there wasn't one picture of her
01:01:51In the whole house.
01:01:53No, no.
01:01:55So, what's the deal?
01:01:57Is she dead or what?
01:01:59Not exactly.
01:02:01She's kind of insane.
01:02:03Yeah?
01:02:05What kind of insane?
01:02:07Well, the kind of insane
01:02:09When you've killed somebody you love.
01:02:15Hey,
01:02:17We haven't out-slummed in a while.
01:02:19What do you say to me?
01:02:21Go out tonight, have some fun?
01:02:25That sounds cool.
01:02:27Oh, and by the way,
01:02:29That little bimbo of your father's, janet,
01:02:31Has got the hods for you.
01:02:33If i get you anywhere near her
01:02:35Or any other little bitches,
01:02:37You're sleeping, and i get from the shower nozzle.
01:02:39Okay?
01:02:41Okay.
01:02:43Okay.
01:02:49Nice shrinkage.
01:02:53Hey, dick, harry.
01:02:55Long time no see.
01:02:57How's it going?
01:02:59Same old, same old. You got room inside?
01:03:01Sure, help yourself, buddy.
01:03:03What's with the new look?
01:03:05Your genes have become hazardous to your health, man.
01:03:07You guys need the papers?
01:03:09I don't need the stress.
01:03:13Oh, hey, look, relax.
01:03:15You know what?
01:03:17They're cooler than you.
01:03:19I swear,
01:03:21I think at that moment in time,
01:03:23My life had become perfect.
01:03:25I had everything i ever wanted.
01:03:27I had some money in the bank.
01:03:29I had my perfect genes.
01:03:31And, of course, i had perry.
01:03:33I finally fit in.
01:03:35Actually, i was too cool to fit.
01:03:37I unfit.
01:03:39I wasn't one of the minions
01:03:41That stood in the lines outside the clubs anymore.
01:03:43And i had become more like a king or something.
01:03:49What a wasteland.
01:03:53There was one problem, however.
01:03:55That was genes.
01:03:57So it's come to this.
01:03:59Genes were the fuel
01:04:01That kept my denim kingdom afloat.
01:04:03Unfortunately, genes seem to be
01:04:05Becoming rarer and rarer by the second.
01:04:13Ouch, what?
01:04:15Blue gene alert.
01:04:29Oh, shit.
01:04:59I'm gonna go get the car, jake.
01:05:01Why don't you hit by a new friend of his?
01:05:03Okay.
01:05:05Hey, jerry.
01:05:07Let's go find your car, man.
01:05:09Okay, buddy, thanks.
01:05:11Oh.
01:05:13You all right?
01:05:15Yeah, i'm fine.
01:05:17Watch out for that one.
01:05:19Oh, there's my car.
01:05:21I am wasted.
01:05:25Son of a jerry.
01:05:27Perfect.
01:05:29Are those bugle boys you're wearing?
01:05:31Police.
01:05:33You're under arrest.
01:05:41No!
01:05:43No!
01:05:45No!
01:05:47No!
01:05:49No!
01:06:03Please, hurry.
01:06:05We got it.
01:06:07We got it.
01:06:09Don't forget the genes, baby.
01:06:19No!
01:06:27My wrist still hurts.
01:06:31Hey, dick.
01:06:33Yeah?
01:06:35You said your mother killed someone she loved.
01:06:37Uh-huh.
01:06:39Who was it?
01:06:41Me.
01:06:49This is your brain.
01:06:51This is your brain when you've been drinking.
01:06:53This is your brain when you've been drinking
01:06:55and are wearing blue jeans.
01:06:59Any questions?
01:07:01It's for you.
01:07:05Speed express.
01:07:07Hey, stranger.
01:07:11Thanks for remembering.
01:07:15Do you want to have lunch?
01:07:19Sure.
01:07:27You're a cheap date.
01:07:33I think we're going to need to get
01:07:35a few more naps.
01:07:37Thanks, Mom.
01:07:43Gee, I didn't even have to burp you.
01:07:45You'd make a wonderful mother.
01:07:49Yeah?
01:07:51Want to have dinner tonight?
01:07:55Yes.
01:08:01Eat your hot dog.
01:08:03I wanted to have my hot dog
01:08:05and eat it too.
01:08:07Do not, under any circumstances,
01:08:09lie to your girlfriend.
01:08:11Girlfriend rule book, page 98.
01:08:15Hmm.
01:08:21Perry, hey, listen, hon.
01:08:23Something's come up and I won't be home till later.
01:08:25Yeah, we're still going to visit Mom,
01:08:27but he wants me to come and have dinner with him afterwards.
01:08:29Okay?
01:08:31Great, so I'll meet you guys.
01:08:33Where are we going?
01:08:35No, no, see, it's always bad after we see her.
01:08:37It's better if I go alone.
01:08:45Oh, come on, Dickie, you're not trying.
01:08:51Oh, I'm so sorry.
01:08:53Mom,
01:08:55it's the mask.
01:08:57Just let me take off the mask.
01:08:59I'll be able to blow out the candles, I promise.
01:09:01No, no, no, no, no.
01:09:03No, I did it.
01:09:05I did it.
01:09:07Poisons, toxins, germs, oh, my.
01:09:09Poisons, toxins, and germs, oh, my.
01:09:11Rosemary,
01:09:13will you please try to control yourself?
01:09:15I'm fine.
01:09:21Let's open your present.
01:09:27Thanks, Mom.
01:09:31I bagged it for you, Dickie.
01:09:35Oh, it's really sterile.
01:09:39Oh, look how small you are.
01:09:41I love it.
01:09:43Do you really?
01:09:45I love it, too.
01:09:47It was taken before you died.
01:09:49I think it's the best pre-death photo
01:09:51I have of you.
01:09:53Oh, Dickie,
01:09:55you'd still be alive if only my milk had been pure.
01:09:57It's just that I didn't know
01:09:59that I was crawling with infection
01:10:01when I was nursing you.
01:10:03The doctors didn't tell me anything.
01:10:05I know, Mom, but it's not their fault.
01:10:07I should have seen it.
01:10:09It's okay, Mom.
01:10:11The light going out in your eyes.
01:10:13Mom.
01:10:15If I just hadn't been afraid to look at you,
01:10:17I'm sure I would have seen it.
01:10:19Mom.
01:10:21How could I be afraid of my own son?
01:10:23My own son!
01:10:25I can't take this anymore.
01:10:27This has got to stop.
01:10:29Dick, don't.
01:10:31I'm sorry, Dad.
01:10:33This has gone too far.
01:10:35We can't keep humoring her like this.
01:10:37Mom, think now.
01:10:41How can I be dead
01:10:43if we just celebrated my 24th birthday?
01:10:49I'm sitting right here with you.
01:10:51I'm talking to you right now.
01:10:53I've been coming over for years.
01:10:55How can that be if I'm dead?
01:10:57I know that.
01:10:59You do?
01:11:01Sure.
01:11:03I didn't mean that you weren't alive, Dickie.
01:11:05You've been saying I'm dead.
01:11:07But, Dickie,
01:11:09you are dead.
01:11:13It's not your body that's dead.
01:11:15It's your soul.
01:11:17My poisoned milk killed your soul.
01:11:19You can imagine
01:11:21how hard it is for me
01:11:23with you still talking and walking around.
01:11:25You see?
01:11:27Thank goodness
01:11:29that we've cleared this up.
01:11:31I've been saying for years
01:11:33that all this family needed
01:11:35was a little communication.
01:11:37Oh, I feel better already.
01:11:55Is something wrong?
01:11:59Yeah.
01:12:01This cheeseburger sucks.
01:12:09Are you sure
01:12:11you want to be here tonight?
01:12:13Yeah, sure.
01:12:17Are you mad at me or something?
01:12:21Of course not.
01:12:23Why would I be mad at you?
01:12:27Dick, what's wrong?
01:12:29Huh?
01:12:31I asked you, what's wrong?
01:12:33Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect.
01:12:35Now, would you just eat and stop worrying about it
01:12:37so we can get out of here?
01:12:39You don't have to wait for me. I'm finished.
01:12:41Hey!
01:12:43What's your problem?
01:12:45I don't have a problem, Dick. You do.
01:12:47You asked me to dinner tonight
01:12:49and now you're punishing me for accepting the invitation.
01:12:51No, I'm not.
01:12:53Yes, you are.
01:12:55You haven't looked me in the eye once tonight.
01:12:57I don't deserve this.
01:13:01I really care about you.
01:13:05It's all right with me if you just want to be friends.
01:13:07I know that you're seeing someone, so
01:13:09if what you want is just someone
01:13:11to talk to,
01:13:13someone to get your feelings out with,
01:13:15that's all right with me.
01:13:17I just want to be there for you.
01:13:19I just want to be whatever you want me to be.
01:13:21I love you.
01:13:25So tell me what to be.
01:13:27Just tell me what you honestly want
01:13:29so that I can give that to you.
01:13:35You're so good, aren't you, Amanda?
01:13:37You're so unselfish.
01:13:41That's what irritates me about you.
01:13:43You know, it makes me sick the way you let me treat you.
01:13:45Like, no matter how awful I am,
01:13:47you're always there for me.
01:13:49Like, no matter how awful I am,
01:13:51you still love me.
01:13:55Maybe you have to be that way.
01:13:57Otherwise, who would hang out with you?
01:13:59I'm not exactly beating you away with sticks,
01:14:01are you?
01:14:07I don't know what's happening to you, Dick.
01:14:09You've been a lot of things to me,
01:14:11but up till now, you've never been cruel.
01:14:13Wait a minute. Where are you going?
01:14:15It's my birthday, Amanda.
01:14:19You think I deserve a quickie for old time's sake?
01:14:45Amanda!
01:14:46Amanda!
01:14:48Get out of my way.
01:14:50You've got to forgive me.
01:14:53Look,
01:14:55I've become obsessed
01:14:57with my own selfishness.
01:15:01My life is really,
01:15:03really out of control.
01:15:08I was playing games, I don't know why.
01:15:13Look,
01:15:14I was selfish,
01:15:16and it was manipulative of me.
01:15:21I'm sorry.
01:15:28I'm sorry.
01:15:30I was so selfish.
01:15:33I'm sorry.
01:15:44Once you've cheated,
01:15:45please don't go home.
01:15:47Please.
01:15:48Girlfriend Rulebook, page 69.
01:16:02Girlfriend Rulebook, page 69.
01:16:29Telephone for you, Dick.
01:16:32Hello?
01:16:33Hey, stranger.
01:16:35Remember me?
01:16:37Perry.
01:16:38So, uh,
01:16:39you got home late last night.
01:16:42Yeah.
01:16:43Dad and I had a lot to talk about.
01:16:45What's up?
01:16:46I'm just wondering what time you're coming home tonight, baby.
01:16:49Uh, late, probably.
01:16:51Uh, Dad wants me to do a lot of paperwork.
01:16:55Like, ten o'clock.
01:16:56Great.
01:16:57Well, um, stop and pick up some tequila, huh?
01:16:59Because I've got a birthday surprise for you.
01:17:01Oh, yeah?
01:17:02What kind of birthday surprise?
01:17:03You'll see.
01:17:04Just be there.
01:17:05I'll see you at ten.
01:17:06Bye.
01:17:31I'll see you at ten.
01:17:32Bye.
01:18:01Happy birthday, baby.
01:18:25Meet me in the bedroom for a big surprise.
01:18:31Okay.
01:18:40Amanda?
01:18:41Surprise.
01:18:47Oh, good evening, officers.
01:18:48Uh, won't you come in?
01:18:50Are you Mr. Richard Pearson?
01:18:52Yes.
01:18:53Sir, do you own a two-tone Nash Metropolitan with Pennsylvania plates?
01:18:57No, I own a Mercedes-Benz.
01:18:59I wouldn't drive anything else.
01:19:01According to our records, you purchased a turquoise and white Nash in Paoli, Pennsylvania from Miss Elizabeth...
01:19:06Oh, you're referring to my son's car.
01:19:09Tell me the truth, officers.
01:19:11What has he done?
01:19:12What have you done?
01:19:13What have I done?
01:19:16Well, let's see.
01:19:17I invited Amanda there over for a little girl talk.
01:19:21Then I hit her over the head with a tequila bottle.
01:19:24Kind of broke that.
01:19:25Anyway, the real question is, what have you done?
01:19:30Huh?
01:19:31You should have burned it, baby.
01:19:33Women always go through their loved ones' pockets.
01:19:36Didn't you ever read the girlfriend rule book?
01:19:38It's a girl thing.
01:19:39Oh, and by the way, in the future, you might want to erase all ex-girlfriends' phone numbers from your address book,
01:19:45because it just might come back to haunt you.
01:19:49Lover, you weren't getting ready to leave me now, were you?
01:19:52Hmm?
01:19:54Because if you were, I hope you realize now that that is just not possible.
01:20:02Oh, what, Amanda?
01:20:04Your knight in shining armor has come to rescue you?
01:20:08I don't think so.
01:20:11Your knight has too many secrets to keep.
01:20:14This has gone far enough.
01:20:19Dark secrets.
01:20:20Stop it.
01:20:21For instance, could you love a man who kills for blue jeans?
01:20:27Hmm?
01:20:30Well, I could.
01:20:32And I guess that makes me the better person.
01:20:36Don't you think?
01:20:39Get Higgins on the radio and set up a search warrant.
01:20:42That Nash's probable cause, after we pick it up, must pay Dick and his little girlfriend a visit.
01:20:46I got a feeling about this, too.
01:20:49No.
01:20:51No.
01:20:52No, no, Perry. We can't, we can't just kill her, okay?
01:20:55She knows, you idiot.
01:20:57If we let her go now, she'll run right to the police.
01:20:59We'll go to the gas chamber.
01:21:05No, see, she loves me.
01:21:07She won't turn us in.
01:21:09Oh, wake up, you stupid son of a bitch.
01:21:12You really think for one minute she could live with that on her lily-white conscience?
01:21:17She's too good.
01:21:19She'll turn us in.
01:21:26Emma, honey, you wouldn't turn me in, would you?
01:21:37Look at that.
01:21:38She won't even lie to save her own life.
01:21:44I'm sorry I told her, sweetheart.
01:21:46It's just, I'm really possessive.
01:21:48If I could take it back, I would.
01:21:51Anyway, we've got no choice now.
01:21:54I just need your help one more time, and then it'll all be over.
01:21:59Don't worry.
01:22:01Just one last time.
01:22:16Police, open the door.
01:22:18Kick it in.
01:22:19Kick it in.
01:22:22Police!
01:22:23Freeze!
01:22:27It's been a struggle, Frank.
01:22:29Blood on the pillowcase.
01:22:32This is Detective Frank Small calling in an APB.
01:22:35I'd gone full circle, I guess.
01:22:37I'd been an outsider, then just for a moment, I was an insider.
01:22:41Now I was back on the outside staring in again.
01:22:45Well, even so, I'd accomplished a lot.
01:22:47In a sense, I was like one of those movie stars.
01:22:50I'd achieved fame, risen from the depths, scaled the heights,
01:22:53only to find my time in the sun cut short by the fickle public.
01:22:57Nobody was wearing jeans anymore.
01:22:59Like the buffaloes that swarmed over the planet a hundred years ago,
01:23:02jeans had become virtually extinct,
01:23:04wiped out by the hunters that only killed for the sport.
01:23:08And of course, my mom had been right.
01:23:11I was dead.
01:23:13I just hadn't realized it.
01:23:16Where are we going?
01:23:18The circus.
01:23:22Dear Dick, happy 24th, happy birthday.
01:23:26Love, Amanda.
01:23:28Frank, check this out.
01:23:35H. Peters Funeral Home.
01:23:40This is my real job, baby.
01:23:42Makeup girl to the dead.
01:23:47Oh, no.
01:23:49Mrs. Fogarty, Mrs. Jenkins, Mrs. Hollister,
01:23:52this is my boyfriend, Dick.
01:23:56Say hello, Dick.
01:23:59Okay, then, here's the plan.
01:24:01We kill Amanda, leave her in the casket,
01:24:03and let her be buried as Mrs. Jenkins over there.
01:24:05Her funeral's tomorrow morning.
01:24:07Nobody will have any idea they buried the wrong person.
01:24:11Won't your boss see the body?
01:24:13No, because you see, after the embalming,
01:24:15nobody opens the coffin again,
01:24:17unless I'm supposed to do makeup.
01:24:19But I'm not, because it's closed casket.
01:24:22So not even the family will see the body again.
01:24:25As far as Mrs. Jenkins goes,
01:24:27you can just dump her off someplace on the way home.
01:24:29Brilliant, huh?
01:24:31Yeah, that'll work.
01:24:33Yeah.
01:24:35It's just that there's one problem.
01:24:38What's that?
01:24:40I don't trust you anymore.
01:24:42Why not?
01:24:44Because you fucked that bitch.
01:24:46You see, a woman can never trust a man's fidelity.
01:24:48My mother taught me that.
01:24:50So did my father, actually.
01:24:52But Daddy thought it was more prudent to demonstrate on me.
01:24:55Makes sense, doesn't it?
01:24:57Why I'm so fucked up.
01:25:00Hell, I'll bet even Amanda feels sorry for me now.
01:25:02Don't you, Amanda?
01:25:04Did your daddy teach you what to look for in a man?
01:25:07I'll bet it wasn't a hard dick, was it?
01:25:13Yeah.
01:25:15I have mentioned this before, haven't I?
01:25:17My mother's gun.
01:25:19The gun that killed my father.
01:25:21Well, let me rephrase that.
01:25:23The gun I shot my father with.
01:25:25You killed your father?
01:25:27Yeah.
01:25:29And then I shoved his body down a mine shaft.
01:25:31Chilly, huh?
01:25:33Now, you have promised that you will do anything for me.
01:25:38So the only way I'm ever gonna trust you again
01:25:40is if you prove to me once and for all
01:25:42that we are in this together.
01:25:45So...
01:25:47You're gonna have to kill her.
01:25:49Yourself.
01:25:51No, no, I can't. I can't.
01:25:53Look, I can't.
01:25:55You said you'd do anything.
01:25:59Do it!
01:26:03Do it!
01:26:18I'm sorry, Amanda.
01:26:25I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
01:26:28God, you men are a continual disappointment to me.
01:26:32The gun isn't loaded, Dick.
01:26:35But this one is.
01:26:37Where'd you get that one?
01:26:39That was my mother's gun.
01:26:41This one's mine.
01:26:47I made you a man, Dick.
01:26:49I gave you a future.
01:26:51Don't, Perry. It's over.
01:26:53I made you fit.
01:26:55Let it go.
01:27:02Let it go.
01:27:19Perry, don't shoot.
01:27:21Please.
01:27:26Hey!
01:27:28Better person go to hell.
01:27:33I learned a lot last year
01:27:35and just started to write it down.
01:27:37When your girlfriend is crazy, rules do not apply.
01:27:40Dick Pearson's rule book, page one.
01:27:49The Bible says if your eye offends you, pluck it out.
01:27:53Well, it took a while, but I guess she finally offended me, so...
01:27:57I did it. I killed her.
01:27:59All right, Mr. Pearson.
01:28:03Sign there.
01:28:08Believe it or not,
01:28:10everything turned out okay for everybody concerned.
01:28:13Except, of course, for all those guys that Perry and I killed.
01:28:17I hate to say it, but I think my father is horrified as he was at what I'd done.
01:28:22He kind of liked all the attention he got.
01:28:24He said it was publicity you couldn't buy.
01:28:26After all, serial killers were his hobby.
01:28:29What could be headier than being the father of one?
01:28:35Mom prospered, too, in her own way.
01:28:37Dad had her committed in preparation for the total mental collapse
01:28:40that was expected to follow
01:28:42when she found out what Perry and I had done.
01:28:45The funny part was that after she heard about the murders,
01:28:48she actually started getting better.
01:28:50The doctors couldn't understand it, but I could.
01:28:53I think she finally realized she wasn't totally crazy.
01:28:56She'd gotten her validation.
01:28:58She said I didn't have a soul.
01:29:00The murders proved it.
01:29:02As for me, you know how that goes.
01:29:05There's always good news with the bad.
01:29:08The bad news was I got the gas chamber.
01:29:10But the good news was the venue for my appeals was Los Angeles.
01:29:18From Mr. Karp in cell 10.
01:29:21He'd like to officially welcome you to death row.
01:29:25Morning, Mr. Pearson.
01:29:27Beautiful day out, isn't it?
01:29:29Good morning, Otto.
01:29:31Yes, it is.
01:29:35In the meantime, I'm actually starting to feel at home here.
01:29:39Like I'm one of the guys.
01:29:41The killers here really respect me.
01:29:44It's an odd feeling to be warmed by the affection of monsters.
01:29:47Still, people need to feel that they fit in someplace.
01:29:51And if death row is the best you can do,
01:29:53you take what you can get, right?
01:29:57Yeah.
01:30:15You know, Dick, I've never seen anything like this,
01:30:18and I've been working this snake pit for 25 years.
01:30:21What's that?
01:30:23This here.
01:30:25It's gift fan mail.
01:30:27You're all celebrities.
01:30:29I mean, they've been making movies about you maniacs
01:30:31since somebody invented the camera 100 years ago.
01:30:34But now we've got more stars on this cell block
01:30:37than they got on Hollywood Boulevard.
01:30:40Are you feeling a little jealous?
01:30:45Yeah, probably.
01:30:47Makes me think I ought to go out and whack somebody
01:30:50and tell my life story.
01:30:52I could support my family better.
01:30:54No, I wouldn't worry.
01:30:56It's just a trend. It'll all turn around soon enough.
01:31:00I guess.
01:31:02By the way, did, uh...
01:31:04you really go around killing all those guys
01:31:07just for their blue jeans?
01:31:11Yeah, I did.
01:31:14L.A. will bring that out of a person.
01:31:17You ever find your perfect jeans?
01:31:21There were many times.
01:31:24But, you know, primo jeans.
01:31:28Primo jeans.
01:31:30Not till I came here.
01:31:34Nothing beats state issue.
01:31:36Nothing.
01:31:38If I had known, I would have just checked myself in.
01:31:47But I guess the most amazing realization I've had concerns Amanda.
01:31:54Hello, Dick.
01:31:56Hey, Amanda.
01:31:58I can't stay long.
01:32:00I just came to get a few things off my chest.
01:32:03You don't have to thank me, Amanda.
01:32:05Thank you?
01:32:07For what? You almost got me killed.
01:32:11I was in love with you.
01:32:13I would have done anything for you.
01:32:16I can't hate myself for being so stupid.
01:32:20But I can hate you.
01:32:22But I saved you.
01:32:25I took the rap for Perry's murder.
01:32:28You owed me that.
01:32:30You put my life in danger.
01:32:32And you killed people.
01:32:35For their jeans.
01:32:37I never want to see you again.
01:32:39Don't write. Don't call.
01:32:42Don't expect a fruitcake from me at Christmas.
01:32:45You're dead to me.
01:32:48Goodbye, Dick.
01:32:55I finally realized I'm in love with Amanda.
01:32:59And that I always have been in love with Amanda.
01:33:03She hates me now.
01:33:05But that doesn't matter.
01:33:07Because in a strange kind of way, she gave me a gift.
01:33:10It occurred to me that if I can love Amanda even though I know she hates me,
01:33:14Maybe, just maybe, that means I have a soul after all.
01:33:18I'm probably just grabbing at smoke here.
01:33:20But still, it gives me hope.
01:33:22And hope is as precious to a death row inmate as rain is to a desert.