Here We Go Round The Mulberry Bush (1968)
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Welcome to Super Cult Cinema, where classic movies meet contemporary classics! Dive into a world of timeless films, spanning decades and genres, curated for cinephiles like you. From Hollywood classics to international masterpieces, we've got it all. Join us as we celebrate the art of cinema and explore the stories that have captured our hearts and minds for generations. Subscribe now to embark on a journey through the rich tapestry of cinematic history. Don't miss out on our latest uploads, exclusive content, and curated playlists. Get ready to experience the magic of movies like never before with Super Cult Cinema!
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The race is on, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're
00:00:30going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going to win it all, we're going
00:00:49You shelter me when I'm naked and cold
00:00:58Yet now I'm on the scene
00:01:02Oh, you're not looking at me
00:01:06When I'm straight, I feel that my world is me
00:01:17With people running round and round
00:01:20Bringing one another down
00:01:22People running round and round
00:01:24Bringing one another down
00:01:32Turn around, every way
00:01:36Looking back, another day
00:01:40The race is on, I'm out to win
00:01:44Before I show, I must begin
00:01:48Here we go round, looking for someone
00:01:52My merry go round, is calling to me
00:01:56Am I supreme, I can't be never
00:02:00My merry go round, the bright eyes I see
00:02:04Here we go round, searching for nowhere
00:02:08My merry go round, this won't let me sleep
00:02:12If I am lonely, when I'm rising
00:02:16My merry go round, you shelter me
00:02:32I can't help it!
00:02:34What's a healthy young lad got to think about anyway?
00:02:37It's all I can do is think
00:02:40Nickers!
00:02:42I'm nicker obsessed
00:02:44It's one of my troubles, I'll have to learn to control it
00:02:47I must take up...
00:02:49Sewing or knitting or crochet work
00:02:55I wonder how you get into a monastery
00:02:57Three A-levels probably, same as anywhere else
00:03:00You see doctor, I've got this constant problem
00:03:05Oh!
00:03:08Well it's just a bit of carnal fancying really
00:03:11But if the bus was to go on forever
00:03:14Full of birds, with me the only bloke
00:03:18Which order would I have them in?
00:03:21One
00:03:23Two
00:03:25You'll be three
00:03:28Four
00:03:34Five
00:03:36Six
00:03:40Mind out!
00:03:43Oh you bloody nit, you've nearly broken me arm!
00:03:47What about me then? Look at my groceries
00:03:49Don't tell me about your bloody groceries
00:03:51You should look where you're bloody going first
00:03:53Bloody stupid groceries and things
00:03:55Are you alright?
00:03:56Well yeah
00:03:58Oh good
00:04:00I'll pick them up
00:04:05Hey you're Linda Spate aren't you?
00:04:07That's right, I was in Miss Hoskins' class when you were in Mr Allright's
00:04:11That's right
00:04:14Don't times change
00:04:16What?
00:04:18Oh look, this one's a bit dirty
00:04:21Aren't we all, still
00:04:23There's no flies on a banana
00:04:25Don't you know where they've been?
00:04:26You what?
00:04:27Don't you know the advert, Unzip a Banana?
00:04:29It's just a phallic symbol
00:04:31Oh, what's a phallic symbol?
00:04:33Phallic symbol
00:04:35It's something that stands for something else
00:04:39No, that's a fallacy
00:04:41Get it?
00:04:44It was a joke
00:04:48I'm sorry I bumped into you
00:04:50Oh, well no hard feelings then
00:04:52That's what you think
00:04:54Well I'm still in one piece, I'll see you, alright
00:05:00Fancy, fancy and runny old Linda
00:05:03Dim little girl from secondary modern
00:05:06And brilliant 17 year old from grammar school
00:05:09Might be had up, it's against the law
00:05:19Here's your ice krispies Mona
00:05:21I said puffed wheat
00:05:23And it's Miss Cartwright to you
00:05:27Are you going to have that nose job done then?
00:05:29I've decided to go to Majorca instead
00:05:31Where's my tea?
00:05:40Mona's a dead loss
00:05:42I'll stick to Mary Poppins
00:05:49It's Mary
00:05:51Mary Gloucester
00:05:53Okay, this is it
00:05:57But what if she doesn't know me?
00:06:00Or pretends not to know me?
00:06:04What can I say?
00:06:07Care to partake of a coffee?
00:06:11Terrible
00:06:13What would Spike say?
00:06:16Let's go girl, I haven't got all day
00:06:19I can't talk like that
00:06:22Must be the first time I've seen her without ten million blokes round her
00:06:26Okay, this is it
00:06:31Can I offer you a lift?
00:06:33I was told not to accept strange lifts from strange men in strange cars
00:06:36Whoever told you that?
00:06:38You got it wrong, they shouldn't have said that
00:06:40Oh, sorry
00:06:42What are you doing with a bike anyway?
00:06:44Oh, just taking it for a ride
00:06:46Needs the exercise, the tyres are getting fat
00:06:48That's no way to talk about a friend
00:06:50Say, how about a coffee then?
00:06:52Perk you up a bit, perk me up a bit
00:06:54Why don't you perk us both up together?
00:06:56Oh, do you know Claire? She's my best friend
00:06:59Hello
00:07:01They always have some lousy friend and they must introduce them
00:07:05James invited us for a coffee
00:07:07I thought we were going for Aubergine's
00:07:09Aubergine's? She seems a nice, classy person
00:07:12How did you know my name then?
00:07:14How did you know my name?
00:07:17Terribly sorry Mary, father was late with the car
00:07:21Jamie, where have you been? I've been dying for a coffee
00:07:24Well, it ran out of petrol
00:07:26Hi Claire, hello Jamie
00:07:28I've got to go
00:07:30Bye Jamie
00:07:32Bye bye
00:07:39My big chance to speak to her for the first time and I wasted it
00:07:44I'm an idiot and I don't know what to say
00:07:47Mike would know
00:07:49He's chatting them into bed and I can't even chat hello
00:07:52They should have correspondence courses
00:07:55Teach yourself to chat
00:07:58Dear unknown teacher
00:08:00What I really want to get myself started
00:08:03Is to be seduced by an older woman
00:08:06Like in Somerset Mall
00:08:08Young, sensitive, attractive boy
00:08:10Is introduced to sex by a beautiful, mature woman of 28
00:08:18I wonder where they keep these beautiful, ripe, experienced women
00:08:22Who are latching after young lads
00:08:25Probably locked up with guard dogs
00:08:28And Somerset never worried about protectives
00:08:31Just straight to it
00:08:33I don't know, must have been different in those days
00:08:36I don't know, must have been different in those days
00:08:39I don't know, must have been different in those days
00:08:42I don't know, must have been different in those days
00:08:45I don't know, must have been different in those days
00:08:48All the men must have been impotent or eunuchs or something
00:08:56I have a towel, Jamie
00:08:58Here, I've got tanner for you
00:08:59Oh, thanks
00:09:00Thanks very much
00:09:01Towel, towel
00:09:03After all, it's so easy to take precautions these days
00:09:07Perhaps I'm slow
00:09:09Maybe it's up to me to make the advances
00:09:11Daddy
00:09:13Daddy
00:09:15Daddy, Daddy
00:09:23Oh, come in, Jamie
00:09:25Hello, Mrs. Kelly
00:09:26Shall I put it in your kitchen?
00:09:27Yeah
00:09:28I'll be ready for you in a minute
00:09:31Ready for me?
00:09:33Touch of the Somerset mawns
00:09:35She's gone for the key of her negligee
00:09:37Hey, maybe she's waiting for me
00:09:43Hello
00:09:44Yes, well, sorry, Mr. Kelly
00:09:46Half a dollar, Jamie
00:09:48If you're time and trouble
00:09:50No trouble at all, Mrs. Kelly
00:09:52Absolutely none
00:09:59You going drinking tonight, Spike?
00:10:01Nah, not me, mate
00:10:02Not on a Saturday night
00:10:04I've got to satisfy my other appetites, eh?
00:10:06I presume you're doing the same?
00:10:08Yeah, sure
00:10:09What do you mean, yeah, sure?
00:10:12Hey, who is it?
00:10:14Uh, little bird I ran into this morning
00:10:16Who?
00:10:17Go on, what's her name?
00:10:19Linda
00:10:20Yeah, that's right, Linda
00:10:23What?
00:10:25Runny old Linda?
00:10:27Still at your lousy job, then?
00:10:29Yeah, I need lousy money
00:10:31Give us a lift there on your crossbar
00:10:33Do you mind? Really spoil me chances forever
00:10:35All right, the basket'll do
00:10:37You're breaking
00:10:38Garbage
00:10:39There you are
00:10:41Well, runny old Linda
00:10:43What, with the big biddies?
00:10:44Yeah, that's the one
00:10:46You make sure you don't let the old team down, mate
00:10:48You've got a mind like a sewer
00:10:50Don't give us that, it's all you're after
00:10:52It's all anyone's after
00:10:54It's the fours versus the against, mate
00:10:56And we fours are winning
00:10:58You make it sound like a battle
00:11:00Well, it's not sunny stories, you know
00:11:01That's what you think it is, don't you?
00:11:03You're waiting for it to be all special
00:11:05All hearts and lace and flowers
00:11:08By appointment to Her Majesty
00:11:10What are you saving yourself up for?
00:11:11You 13 carat gold or something?
00:11:15No, mate, you want to get in there when you can
00:11:17It's not that important anymore
00:11:19Hey, you want old Spike to come and hold your hand, eh?
00:11:23Not unless it's small and dainty, which is...
00:11:25Oi! Oi! Get your hands off me!
00:11:27Hey, look out!
00:11:30Like a stupid dick!
00:11:41Oh, Mum, you've ironed creases into this collar
00:11:43Instead of taking them out
00:11:45Joe, put that down
00:11:47I can't hear myself iron
00:11:49Drop it
00:11:51Men's are pretty phased, as I'll tell you
00:11:56Oh, you haven't been wearing this shirt, have you?
00:11:58There's porridge all over it
00:12:00Mum!
00:12:03God, it's like talking to a brick wall
00:12:05You've got a mind like a sewer
00:12:07Don't give us that, it's all you're after
00:12:09It's like talking to a brick wall
00:12:11The sooner she gets her PhD, the better
00:12:13Oh, Jamie, I'm a daily express, there's a good lad
00:12:16Anything else?
00:12:18Yes, you'd better do a daily mirror as well
00:12:20You know how your dad likes it neat and tidy
00:12:22OK, hurry up and make my tea
00:12:24If it's ham salad again, I'm off to the tea rooms
00:12:26I'm starving
00:12:28Want, want, want
00:12:30What's your last maid dial?
00:12:32Not that joke, Mum
00:12:34What's she to do with a maid in this house?
00:12:39Mum, where's my tea?
00:12:41I made you a lovely salad
00:12:43I don't know why I make all these meals
00:12:45All you do is eat them
00:12:55Right, it's five o'clock
00:12:57Nobody speak, everybody to their places
00:12:59It's five o'clock
00:13:01I'm Gary
00:13:02Gary?
00:13:03I'm off too
00:13:04Off?
00:13:05Oh, Dad, I've done it for the last 50 years
00:13:07You sit down, both of you
00:13:19Well, this is it, Dad, come on out
00:13:21Where are you out?
00:13:23You should get those results done and keep quiet
00:13:25All you have to do
00:13:27Championship cricket from Gillingham and Leicester
00:13:29And in between Wales, all the other outstanding news of the day
00:13:33And in between Wales, all the other outstanding news of the day
00:13:37Here are today's classified results
00:13:39League Division 1
00:13:41Arsenal 2
00:13:43Fulham 0
00:13:45Chelsea 3
00:13:47West Ham 2
00:13:49Coventry
00:13:51You fool woman
00:13:53Sunderland 2
00:13:55Oh, Dad, I just remembered I've got a girl, I've got a date
00:13:57Not you as well as your mother
00:13:59Let him go, Pauline, he's got a date
00:14:01Oh, Jamie wants a bit of crumb
00:14:03Be quiet and don't hit your brother
00:14:07Oh, you're all over Mr. Bumble
00:14:09Blast, Mr. Bumble
00:14:11Look, I only ask it once a week
00:14:13I just want you all to keep quiet
00:14:21Oh, that was lovely
00:14:25All things bright and beautiful
00:14:29All creatures great and...
00:14:33Oh, Dad, I'm sorry
00:14:35Birmingham 4
00:14:37Rotherham 3
00:14:39Blackburn
00:14:41You forgot
00:14:43That's it, no more
00:14:45Oh, look Dad, don't upset yourself
00:14:47No, it doesn't matter, it's too late, it's too late
00:14:49Bolton 2
00:14:51Look, I don't ask much
00:14:53Darby
00:14:55You've all done it now, you've spoiled yourselves
00:14:57Oh
00:15:07Oh, you're in here, Jamie
00:15:09Dad, if it's going to be about the birds and the bees, what's up in the show business?
00:15:11Dad, the door, I'm freezing
00:15:15What's with transistor?
00:15:17I want to talk to you, Joe
00:15:19I wonder what's the talk
00:15:21The music is far too loud anyway, your mother is reading
00:15:23Don't switch it off, Dad
00:15:25What, to cover your embarrassment?
00:15:27Well, you told Jamie about not getting girls into trouble
00:15:31Exactly
00:15:33And you I want to speak to, Joe
00:15:35Your mother says that you weren't in till 2.30 last night
00:15:37Where were you?
00:15:39Out
00:15:41She says that your clothes are all muddy
00:15:43as if you've been rolling about in a ploughed field
00:15:45That's right
00:15:47I'm doing a bit of nature study
00:15:49Well, watch it, that's all
00:15:51You hear what I say? Watch it
00:15:53Well, watch it
00:16:03What were you doing then?
00:16:05In a ploughed field
00:16:07Fancy you, Stark, you're worse than him
00:16:09No, what were you doing?
00:16:11I'm only 16, you tell me
00:16:13What's that smell?
00:16:15My feet, what do you think?
00:16:23My own brother, Casanova at 16
00:16:25and me still a celibate monk
00:16:27The whole country's having it off
00:16:29and it's like I'm a leper
00:16:31Where's me bell?
00:16:33Unclean
00:16:35Perhaps I've got BO
00:16:39I wonder what Mary's doing
00:16:41That stuck-up-looking jerk
00:16:43Father's car
00:16:45Still, I did actually talk to her
00:16:47Well, here we are
00:16:49at runny old Linda's
00:16:51What am I doing here?
00:16:53As if I didn't know
00:16:55Not a nice class of person around here
00:16:57Oh my God, there she is
00:17:03Oh, I wish I'd thought some other name for Spike
00:17:05What if some of my mates see me with her?
00:17:09What if Spike sees me without her?
00:17:15I think I'll go to the pub for a drink
00:17:21Well, there she is
00:17:23This is it
00:17:25Thank you, Jamie McGregor
00:17:27Where's your boy?
00:17:29Well, I don't wear it all the time
00:17:31Well, we've got to get me daddy's chips
00:17:33Just what I hoped we'd do
00:17:41Yes, please, bread and chips, please
00:17:43May I have twice that, please?
00:17:45Evening, darling
00:17:47Four sixes and three fifths
00:17:49Or was it
00:17:51three sixes and four fifths?
00:17:53What are you doing without your computer, darling?
00:17:55No
00:17:57It was four sixes and three fifths
00:17:59And don't be so cheeky
00:18:01I've got Jamie here to see me home
00:18:03Well, good old Jamie
00:18:09I never tire of fish
00:18:11Hey, do you?
00:18:13No, never tire of fish
00:18:15I tire of meat
00:18:17Oh, yeah
00:18:19I tire of meat
00:18:21I tire of meat and I tire of chicken
00:18:23But I never tire of fish
00:18:25No, I never tire of fish
00:18:27No
00:18:39Six and six, please, darling
00:18:41Here, Jamie, old things
00:18:43Don't be picking at them with your fingers
00:18:47Oh, look
00:18:49I lost one of me baubles
00:18:51If we went for a walk
00:18:53we might find it
00:18:55Well, I have to take me daddy's chips first
00:19:01Oh, sphere of mystery
00:19:03What magic will you
00:19:05weave for us tonight?
00:19:09Here
00:19:11Does your mum wear contact lenses?
00:19:13You what?
00:19:15Your mum
00:19:17She wears them contact lenses
00:19:19Oh
00:19:21Only over her glass eye
00:19:23Really?
00:19:25Yeah
00:19:27Sit down, eh
00:19:31Your hands are warm
00:19:33I thought you said you weren't warm
00:19:35Warm hands, cold heart
00:19:37Do you believe that then, Jamie?
00:19:39No, you've got it wrong
00:19:41Warm hands, warm heart
00:19:43Never heard that one before
00:19:45What does crutch mean?
00:19:47Well, it's sort of
00:19:49What shall we say?
00:19:51It's the difference between the top of your legs
00:19:53and the bottom of your bottom
00:19:55It's right here
00:19:57I was only just showing you
00:19:59Well, don't
00:20:01Sorry
00:20:09Isn't it a beautiful night?
00:20:11Look at them stars
00:20:17I wonder if the people up there
00:20:19I wonder if the people down here
00:20:21I wonder about the people up there
00:20:25But imagine putting them in your eyes
00:20:27What?
00:20:29Contact lenses
00:20:31Makes me sick just thinking
00:20:35One of them fell in her soup yesterday
00:20:37She swallowed it
00:20:39Oh
00:20:49What am I wasting me time for?
00:20:51Two hours
00:20:53I'm freezing raw and stiff as hell
00:20:55She just stands there like an Egyptian mummy
00:21:09Oh
00:21:39Oh
00:21:57Oh, that tickles
00:22:09My hands have always been warm
00:22:11I sweat a lot
00:22:13You should feel me feet
00:22:15Right
00:22:17Off we go
00:22:19Fasten yourself real well
00:22:21I've had enough
00:22:23I'm just glad nobody's seen me
00:22:25I'm just glad nobody's seen me
00:22:33Oh, Jamie
00:22:35Oh, Jamie
00:22:37Oh, oh
00:22:39It's Mary, all alone
00:22:41I cooked it with her
00:22:43And here I am stuck with this runny thing
00:22:45Oh, Jamie
00:22:49Spike
00:22:51She really must have no taste
00:22:53She doesn't seem to look like me, just waiting to be asked
00:22:55And she lets herself be picked up by that phony, lecherous jerk
00:22:57Jamie
00:22:59Oh
00:23:01I won't lie now for you, stupid bitch
00:23:05You throw me in the cow crap
00:23:07That's what you've done
00:23:09Here's your rotten bubble
00:23:13Where do you think you're going?
00:23:15You take me in the bloody pot
00:23:17And then you throw me in the thing, don't you, on the floor
00:23:19And you just throw me in things
00:23:21It seems so unfair
00:23:23The ones you fancy
00:23:25Don't fancy you
00:23:27And the ones who fancy you
00:23:29You don't fancy, period
00:23:31I suppose you carry on
00:23:33Till you half-fancy someone
00:23:35And they half-fancy you
00:23:37And then when you're really old
00:23:39About twenty-five
00:23:41You get married
00:23:43And that's marriage
00:23:45When unlike poles don't repel each other too much
00:23:47All nice and respectable
00:23:49Pictures Monday
00:23:51TV Tuesday
00:23:53She washes her hair Wednesday
00:23:55You wash yours Thursday
00:23:57Friday, dancing
00:23:59Like a bloody treadmill
00:24:05Hey
00:24:07Hey
00:24:09What were you doing with Mary?
00:24:11How long you been going out with her? I didn't even know you knew her
00:24:13Simmer down
00:24:15Look, why should I tell you anything about a bird you don't date?
00:24:17And not likely to
00:24:19The way you're handling it
00:24:21Every bird is fair game, mate
00:24:23For you and for me
00:24:25Oh, yeah
00:24:27Hey, fancy this one, do you?
00:24:31It's a lovely bit of tail, that
00:24:33Oh
00:24:39Hey, where's she gone?
00:24:41She's here, shut up, man
00:24:43Oh
00:24:45Hello, sexy
00:24:49Do buy one, it doesn't matter what you give
00:24:55Isn't your wife expecting you home for tea?
00:24:59Oops
00:25:01Who's going to bath the babies then?
00:25:05I didn't prick you, did I?
00:25:07No, lovely, do it again
00:25:09I say
00:25:11You wouldn't like to come to our church rave on Friday, would you?
00:25:13Church rave?
00:25:15Do come
00:25:17We never get enough decent men
00:25:21In that case, I'm on
00:25:23Oh, good, well, I'll see you Friday
00:25:25St Michael's
00:25:43Oh
00:25:49Seems a nice class of persons around here
00:25:51Oh, there is
00:25:53We have some lovely times
00:25:55In the summer, I don't come as much
00:25:57Mummy and Daddy and I go miles away
00:25:59Along the coast for picnics
00:26:01And there's swimming and sand and sea and sun
00:26:03All on our own
00:26:05And there's Christmas
00:26:07All the family come to church then
00:26:09Why don't you come more often?
00:26:11It's so important to have such lovely times
00:26:15Perhaps I could have a lovely time too
00:26:17In a nice, pure way
00:26:19Why not?
00:26:21What's wrong with being nice and pure?
00:26:23You can't be grotty all your life, Jamie
00:26:41Music
00:27:09Well, thank you for helping with the under fire.
00:27:11Oh, Michael.
00:27:12Anything I can do for you, Michael.
00:27:15Michael, this is Jamie.
00:27:17Hello, Jamie.
00:27:18Hello, Michael.
00:27:23Do you spend most of your lovely times here or only in the currant season?
00:27:27Oh, Jamie.
00:27:28Michael, he's a priest.
00:27:30Oh, you are silly.
00:27:40Yes.
00:27:41I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if he was looking up at me.
00:27:46Michael does terrific Meals on Wheels for old people.
00:27:50You must see it.
00:27:51Michael gives himself to everything.
00:27:53He's so 20th century.
00:27:55This concept of service.
00:27:57You could serve too.
00:27:59Sort of plunge in and give your all.
00:28:01Michael would be so grateful.
00:28:03How about you?
00:28:09He's better looking than you can have.
00:28:14Well, I was looking back to see if she was looking back to see if he was looking back at me.
00:28:25Do you mind if we sit down for a bit?
00:28:27No, it hasn't really lightened up yet, has it?
00:28:29No.
00:28:32Hi, Paula.
00:28:33Look here.
00:28:34Oh, hi.
00:28:35This is Jamie.
00:28:36Jamie, this is my friend.
00:28:38Charmed, I'm sure.
00:28:39Charmed, I'm sure.
00:28:40He's nice.
00:28:41Another rotten friend.
00:28:43She's like Lady Bountiful, spreading her boyfriends around the deserving poor.
00:28:47Kathy's certainly deserving.
00:28:49Oh, what a lovely suit.
00:28:51Is that the one you've just taken off?
00:28:53No, it was her dad's.
00:28:54She just had the legs cut off.
00:28:56Clever guts.
00:28:57Where did you find it?
00:28:58Kathy, it's lovely.
00:29:00I think yours is lovely too.
00:29:01Lovely!
00:29:02Smashing!
00:29:03Grand night for grooving.
00:29:05You should come more often.
00:29:06We have some lovely time.
00:29:08Yeah, so rumor has it.
00:29:32Come on, the lights might fuse again.
00:29:37You might be kinder to her.
00:29:39She's had a hard time.
00:29:40She does so much work for the church.
00:29:42Single-handed.
00:29:44No wonder.
00:29:45So is her aunt.
00:29:48Sorry.
00:29:49Why don't you help with our church facade on Saturday?
00:29:52Okay.
00:29:53Just for you.
00:29:54Oh, you are good.
00:29:55Excuse me, Jamie.
00:29:57Oh, Michael!
00:30:07Come on, Jamie.
00:30:09I won't eat you.
00:30:13Oh, Jamie, you are smashing.
00:30:21Oh, Jamie, aren't we having a lovely time?
00:30:26Paula.
00:30:28Would you like to come and arrange the pianos, Paula?
00:30:31They need your deft touch.
00:30:33Oi!
00:30:34Oi!
00:30:43Ah, Jamie.
00:30:45Thank you.
00:30:46Oh, they are heavy.
00:30:48Kath, would you take this to the china smashing?
00:30:51Thank you.
00:30:52Now will you help with the lost children?
00:30:55Oh, Jamie!
00:31:01Oh, Jamie, will you get the prize for the champion cauliflower?
00:31:08This is the last bundle, Paula.
00:31:14Close the door.
00:31:17Oh, you are all hot and sticky from all that rushing about.
00:31:20Tasty lips.
00:31:21You've been an absolute treasure and I want you to know how grateful I am.
00:31:28It's the entertainment next.
00:31:34So that's what it's called.
00:31:35When I want you to be a really big help.
00:31:37Come on, let's get out of here.
00:31:38I thought you might walk me home later and we could have some time to ourselves.
00:31:41Well, let's go now.
00:31:42You've got to stay just a bit.
00:31:43Later we really will be alone, just the two of us.
00:31:47Have you told him yet?
00:31:49He is good of you, Tammy.
00:31:51Quick, quick, you're almost done.
00:31:53Look, stand still.
00:31:55Hey, what's going on?
00:31:56Hey, hey, what's the deal?
00:31:58Sit down, sit down.
00:31:59Now, just remember...
00:32:00Now what?
00:32:01Oh, how does he know?
00:32:02Oh, look, when little Tommy says...
00:32:04We knew he wouldn't mind.
00:32:05Tammy couldn't make it.
00:32:06Excuse me.
00:32:07When he says, here is pine king of the fairies, you skip on and make magic parties with your wand.
00:32:11You've got the wrong bloke.
00:32:14We are poor lost babes in the woods.
00:32:17And now we must face the perils of the night.
00:32:21Sis, don't talk in that spooky way.
00:32:24You give me such a fright.
00:32:27Goodness.
00:32:30I'm so tired.
00:32:31My leg ache and my head.
00:32:34I wish I was safe at home.
00:32:36Tucked over in my little bed.
00:32:38See you at the fairy Twinkle Toes.
00:32:40Here is pine king of the fairies.
00:32:42Now, go on, you'll be lovely.
00:32:43Go on, you won't hurt.
00:32:44Please.
00:32:45Come along.
00:32:46Please, pan, king of the fairies.
00:32:47Get over, now.
00:32:48I'm going to dunk it now.
00:32:50Here's pan, our noble king.
00:32:53Encircle him in fairy ring.
00:32:58Majestic pan, so wise, so sage.
00:33:02His nimble footsteps grace our stage.
00:33:09This just isn't my week.
00:33:11My year, my decade.
00:33:13Maybe it's not even my lifetime.
00:33:16Because, Jamie McGregor, this is your life.
00:33:22Too horrible.
00:33:24Still, that's how it crumbles, Mary-wise.
00:33:29There she lives.
00:33:32Here I sit.
00:33:34And never the twain shall meet.
00:33:36If that's your attitude, Keith, I'm not interested.
00:33:38We didn't ask him to stay out late last night.
00:33:41Did we, Keith?
00:33:42Will you get into trouble with your mum?
00:33:44Of course not.
00:33:45Watch where you're going, Nick.
00:33:49Let's go this way, eh, Keith?
00:33:53Well, I'm going this way.
00:33:55I don't care about you.
00:34:03Keith!
00:34:04Cheerio!
00:34:05See you tomorrow, then, Keith.
00:34:09I'm going this way!
00:34:14Keith!
00:34:15Keith!
00:34:37Wish I was in the gang.
00:34:39I'll bet Keith would look after me.
00:34:45It's now or never.
00:34:47She's given me enough chances, God knows.
00:34:49I've just always messed it up by going with useless, grotty girls.
00:34:53She's there for the taking.
00:34:55Why is that crappy old creep here?
00:35:14Anyone can see what a nauseating creep he is.
00:35:25Poor Mary, being pestered by him.
00:35:35Oh!
00:35:40Oh, all right.
00:35:56Why don't I make things happen?
00:35:58This is the way the world shall end.
00:36:07Not with a bang, but with a wimpy.
00:36:13Here's your handbag! Over here!
00:36:17Come on, come on!
00:36:20Trust Craig Foster.
00:36:21Hey, Jamie! Catch!
00:36:25Hi, Craig.
00:36:26Where you been? Haven't seen you around lately.
00:36:27I've been slimming.
00:36:28Yeah?
00:36:29Great.
00:36:30How's your dad's furniture business?
00:36:32Bloody.
00:36:34Leave, then.
00:36:36Who'd have me?
00:36:37Except for Audrey, and she'd have anybody.
00:36:39Anybody, as long as it really was a body.
00:36:41She packs a good punch, though.
00:36:43What did you say?
00:36:44You wouldn't understand. It wasn't dirty.
00:36:46Oh, you are awful.
00:36:47Public school jerk.
00:36:49Well, come on, you lot. If we're going nowhere, let's go.
00:36:53Come on, Jamie!
00:36:55Come on!
00:36:57Come on, Jamie!
00:37:08Okay, then. So open up the big boy's door and let us in.
00:37:19You 18-year-olds get younger every day.
00:37:21Hey!
00:37:24Quick, quick!
00:37:25Good evening, governor.
00:37:27Chop, chop. What's yours?
00:37:29Whiskey and tonic.
00:37:37You looking for something?
00:37:38No, just practicing standing around.
00:37:40You never know when it might come in handy.
00:37:45Two rum and coke, one whiskey and tonic.
00:37:47Yes, sir.
00:37:49Oh, mine! Never liked mine anyway.
00:37:52Oh, I thought it suited you.
00:37:53I'll sit on your knee.
00:37:54I've always liked a good clean knee.
00:37:56You do keep a clean knee, don't you?
00:37:58I do my best.
00:37:59Hey, look who's over there.
00:38:02Oh, Caroline.
00:38:04I think she's terribly snooty.
00:38:06I think she's horrific.
00:38:07Oh, what's that? It's terribly lovely.
00:38:10It's just my tobacco tin.
00:38:12Move up a bit.
00:38:14Lovely.
00:38:17Hey, Audrey, I thought you were with me.
00:38:23Bye.
00:38:34Bye. Keep that knee clean.
00:38:54Try kicking it.
00:38:58Let me help you with my lucky right hand.
00:39:01Super.
00:39:04I brought a mini and piggy bank with it.
00:39:07Super.
00:39:13The rain in Spain falls mainly in the place.
00:39:17I've got to go.
00:39:18Bye.
00:39:23Super.
00:39:28All gone.
00:39:31Just beginning.
00:39:33Super.
00:39:35Thank you, Boris.
00:39:37A lot of salad.
00:39:40And a little juice.
00:39:44She thinks she's in a charm contest.
00:39:47And in the white dress, charming for England, is Caroline.
00:39:53I bet if I said knickers, she'd say super.
00:39:55Super.
00:40:04Very exotic.
00:40:06What's your handicap?
00:40:10Well, I'm left-handed.
00:40:12I speak too fast.
00:40:14I'm not much good at chat.
00:40:16I don't think I ought to tell you.
00:40:18You do play golf?
00:40:20Play golf?
00:40:21Me?
00:40:23No.
00:40:24Then I'll teach you.
00:40:26Saturday morning at the golf club, no?
00:40:31All right, then.
00:40:32Stay bright.
00:40:35Hey!
00:40:52Hey!
00:41:19Now, this is how we drive off.
00:41:21Which way are we heading?
00:41:23That flag over there.
00:41:27Up.
00:41:31Down.
00:41:34Up.
00:41:36Down.
00:41:38Now you try.
00:41:40Oh, let's not bother.
00:41:41Just show me again.
00:41:42Are you on the balls of your feet?
00:41:45Bend your legs slightly apart like this.
00:41:49Jiggle up and down a bit.
00:41:52Hit at it.
00:41:53Don't wave at it.
00:42:10This is very good practice.
00:42:14It's a performance I like best, not the practice.
00:42:17But every good performance depends on a lot of practice.
00:42:21True.
00:42:24Let's just practice lying here.
00:42:26You never know when we might need to do it.
00:42:29You're learning very fast, you know.
00:42:32You're such a good teacher.
00:42:35Do you think if we both rolled over and over together,
00:42:38when we came to a hole, we'd disappear down it like Alice in Wonderland?
00:42:42Do you really think I'm a good teacher?
00:42:46I think you make a good pupil as well.
00:42:48I've one or two things I might teach you.
00:42:51Such as?
00:43:01Wow!
00:43:02What do you think?
00:43:03Never mind what I think, they'll have me in prison.
00:43:09What about these for taking up the colour?
00:43:11They frighten the horses.
00:43:13I am.
00:43:16Super!
00:43:21Much better.
00:43:22You must keep up with the times.
00:43:24The minute I walk out of here, this lot will be old-fashioned.
00:43:27That's the fun of living today.
00:43:29Fast.
00:43:30Zoom, zoom.
00:43:32Zoom, zoom.
00:43:34Why don't you come for tea next Sunday?
00:43:37Super!
00:43:38I'd better bring my bike to get home.
00:43:40Don't bother about your bike.
00:43:41Stay the night.
00:43:43Don't bother about anything.
00:43:44Life's too short.
00:43:46Stay the night?
00:43:48Zoom, zoom!
00:43:49Wow!
00:43:52Hey, Jamie!
00:43:54I hear you've got two birds.
00:43:56Pass us the leavings, will you?
00:43:58What are you going to do with two?
00:43:59What do you think he's going to do?
00:44:01It's about time I saw the rest of you lads starting to grow up.
00:44:04Always ogling, never doing.
00:44:06You well armed for tonight, then?
00:44:08Oh, sure.
00:44:10Got a new consignment.
00:44:13Spike, what do you do?
00:44:17Well, first of all, I have a very hot bath.
00:44:18Never fails.
00:44:19What's that do?
00:44:21Makes you sterile, you nit.
00:44:23What do you mean?
00:44:24Clean.
00:44:25I suppose you're out in the field and there's no hot water.
00:44:27Well, I use tightly wrapped cotton wool.
00:44:29By far the easiest method is a wristwatch.
00:44:31One plain, everyday, ordinary wristwatch.
00:44:33And er...
00:44:35How is that, sir?
00:44:36Think, sir.
00:44:37You're O-level physics.
00:44:39Well, gentlemen.
00:44:40The plain, the ordinary, the everyday wristwatch
00:44:44is strapped on half an hour before the...
00:44:47the very radioactivity of its very luminous style
00:44:50is your guarantee of lasting positive protection.
00:44:53If the bomb don't go off first.
00:45:02They're joking, aren't they?
00:45:04They'd better be, or they're in for a few surprises.
00:45:07Don't you know anything, Gerald?
00:45:09I don't seem to have the chance.
00:45:10Of course you have.
00:45:11You want to play the field.
00:45:12Don't make it so special, though.
00:45:14You know, I used to be a seven stone Wheatley.
00:45:17Get off.
00:45:23She's in my pyjamas.
00:45:24That's what she's done.
00:45:33Not to be used after November 5th, 1969.
00:45:37Our work's night, eh?
00:45:38Better put it in my pocket
00:45:39before it burns a hole in the drawer.
00:45:41Mum!
00:45:42Where you put me pyjamas?
00:45:44They're airing in the kitchen.
00:45:46Your meal's ready.
00:45:48You're going through your tender foot.
00:45:49Do you want me to chalk a few arrows on the ground
00:45:51so you know which way I've gone?
00:45:55Just a wee bit edgy we are today.
00:45:57Now, you eat quiet.
00:45:59Or you'll tie your stomach up in knots.
00:46:01It'll upset your regularity.
00:46:03Mum, not at table.
00:46:04Just a wee bit edgy.
00:46:05Mum, not again.
00:46:07This is Milburn's made for.
00:46:09None of hers would touch them.
00:46:12We spend our whole time eating leftovers.
00:46:14What about the million starving goats in China?
00:46:16Can't you think about them?
00:46:18Just you eat up your nice porridge, Jamie.
00:46:20Joe loves his, don't you, darling?
00:46:22Yeah, smash it.
00:46:24Pickled onions.
00:46:26Plumage.
00:46:27Four breakfasts.
00:46:29I'm not going to eat it.
00:46:30I'm not going to eat it.
00:46:31I'm not going to eat it.
00:46:32I'm not going to eat it.
00:46:33Plumage.
00:46:35Four breakfast bowls.
00:46:37Porridge.
00:46:39Cold sausage.
00:46:42Empty stomach.
00:46:44And where's my pyjamas, eh?
00:46:45Oh, and some brown paper to wrap them in.
00:46:48All this excitement and rushing around.
00:46:51It's all noise and talk with you, Jamie.
00:46:53You never actually do anything, do you?
00:46:55Brown paper's all I want.
00:46:56Save the homespun philosophy.
00:46:58I see now.
00:47:00Brown paper.
00:47:01What's the brown paper for, then?
00:47:02To make paper wraps with.
00:47:03Oh, you've now been looking for this book for ages.
00:47:06It's for pyjamas, Nick.
00:47:08Oh, you're taking pyjamas with you, eh?
00:47:10Oh, I've got to go let him go and make it.
00:47:12My goodness, not with his chest.
00:47:14Oh, I thought at least they'd be laying on a pallet for him.
00:47:16Putting things out for the young master in the West Wing.
00:47:18Very funny.
00:47:20What's he looking for?
00:47:21Brown paper.
00:47:23I've got some nice Christmas wrappings.
00:47:25I can't take that.
00:47:26It'll look as if I've got a present.
00:47:27No present.
00:47:28Haven't you ever been away for the weekend before?
00:47:30Never mind, I'll do without.
00:47:31It's too late.
00:47:32I'll carry them casually at my shoulder.
00:47:34I should have known that brown paper just doesn't exist.
00:47:36Brown paper?
00:47:38Why didn't you say so?
00:47:43And you look after it, Jamie.
00:47:44I know what those people are like.
00:47:46I shall be wanting it back for my sandwiches.
00:48:00āŖ
00:48:30āŖ
00:49:01Oh, what a cow I was shot.
00:49:03Ah.
00:49:04Jamie!
00:49:05Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
00:49:07Do you want to make it a foursome?
00:49:09Sounds a bit too kinky for me.
00:49:11My father.
00:49:12How do you do?
00:49:15My brother Charles.
00:49:16Hello.
00:49:18Mummy.
00:49:20She won't play.
00:49:22Hello.
00:49:26Have you brought a present?
00:49:27It's my present.
00:49:28Have you brought a present?
00:49:29It's my pyjamas.
00:49:31Miles.
00:49:34I wish you'd leave that girl alone.
00:49:37She's a foreigner.
00:49:39Lovely garden you've got here.
00:49:41I see on the low grass.
00:49:43Sounds quite adventurous, doesn't it?
00:49:45Isn't this cosy, George?
00:49:47Oh, it's important to play with one's children occasionally.
00:49:52A playful child is a happy child, I always say.
00:49:55Ingrid, did you bring the dams and jam?
00:49:57Yeah.
00:49:58The Janssen dam is here.
00:50:00Oh, dear, that's the ketchup.
00:50:04Her English really is improving, you know.
00:50:07Why did you choose a German one?
00:50:09I told you, the French ones were all used up.
00:50:12We're just going to have a quiet supper at home tonight.
00:50:15No service, no fuss.
00:50:18Just family.
00:50:25They're clever people with grapes, those Spanish.
00:50:29It's a polite little show, don't you think?
00:50:32Lovely.
00:50:33Good manners, too.
00:50:37People know me for my candles.
00:50:39It's a cross between medium sweet and medium dry,
00:50:42so it's a bit sweeter than dry and just a bit drier than medium.
00:50:46I see what you mean.
00:50:48There's sort of a plonk in the middle.
00:50:51Here, Jamie.
00:50:52Next to me.
00:50:55Move up.
00:50:58Thank you, Ingrid.
00:51:16Dexterously yet unobtrusively,
00:51:19mustn't bruise the wine or rupture the cork.
00:51:23You can always tell the old master's touch.
00:51:26Daddy treats Ingrid just like one of the family.
00:51:29I can see that.
00:51:30How does he treat the family?
00:51:32Daddy just loves to drink.
00:51:34He's an expert on wine.
00:51:36Do play along with him.
00:51:37He so loves to initiate a novice.
00:51:40The bouquet greets the nostrils like an old friend.
00:51:44Clever people with grapes, these French.
00:51:47We mustn't start with anything too influential.
00:51:50It's a pea.
00:51:51The colour gives it away.
00:51:53You know a bit about wine, do you?
00:51:55No, I'm just a novice.
00:52:13Not bad.
00:52:15A wafting reminder of its French homeland.
00:52:19A tiny tinge of recognition.
00:52:24A cautious hello to its hidden personality.
00:52:29Hello.
00:52:32The magic incense of the ages.
00:52:35Now gently meet it halfway.
00:52:37Now gently meet it halfway.
00:52:44And let it tingle your tongue.
00:52:49As it titillates your teeth.
00:52:51And tonsils.
00:52:53And taste buds.
00:52:57Like a hello from an old, old friend.
00:53:07Did you ever see such a fuss over grape juice?
00:53:16Oh, my God!
00:53:26George, you got him pissed again.
00:53:31Yes, clever people with grapes, these Yugoslavs.
00:53:35You're a prick.
00:53:37You really made the party go.
00:53:40It's nice of you to have me.
00:53:42It's lovely of you, darling.
00:54:06Mummy and Daddy are super at entertaining, aren't they?
00:54:10Super!
00:54:12I'm a brand new, Johnny.
00:54:16Shall we go upstairs?
00:54:19Might as well.
00:54:21Or else I might turn into a grape.
00:54:23Clever people with grapes, those McGregors.
00:54:25Oh, Jane, you're funny.
00:54:28I know. I always laugh at my own jokes.
00:54:31Don't stay up too late, you two. School tomorrow.
00:54:35But they haven't had any pork.
00:55:05That's your room, there.
00:55:13Hey!
00:55:14Shh!
00:55:17Shh!
00:55:20It won't be a moment.
00:55:35It won't be a moment.
00:56:05It won't be a moment.
00:56:21Well, it's very sexy, that.
00:56:28I wonder what's taken her so long.
00:56:32Maybe she's fallen in.
00:56:36Two tops!
00:56:39God, I'll kill Mum!
00:56:43What am I going to do?
00:56:46Hey, maybe she's waiting for me.
00:57:06She might have told me where to go.
00:57:23Gentlemen, the Queen.
00:57:26Gentlemen, the Queen.
00:57:56Hello, ladies.
00:57:58Hello, ladies.
00:58:00Hello, ladies.
00:58:03Hello, ladies.
00:58:26Hello, ladies.
00:58:36Hello, ladies.
00:58:37Hello, ladies.
00:58:38Hello, ladies.
00:58:49Cynthia, I think there's a visual problem.
00:58:56It's like a bloody raping knife, that's what it is.
00:59:26No.
00:59:44No, no, no, no.
00:59:46Don't touch me.
00:59:47That would spoil everything.
00:59:51Just look at me first.
00:59:53Right, that's enough. Now close your eyes.
01:00:00Close your eyes!
01:00:08Ow!
01:00:11Right, come on, stop messing about. I'm not after my Duke of Edinburgh's award.
01:00:16What are you after, Jamie?
01:00:18Tell me.
01:00:24Oh.
01:00:35Don't you think...
01:00:38...I've got a lovely...
01:00:42...voice?
01:00:44Look, don't you think you'd be better off on the bed?
01:00:49You're not quite capable.
01:00:53Who's not capable?
01:00:56I'm capable anywhere.
01:00:58Capable Caroline.
01:01:01Come on, Jamie.
01:01:03What's the matter with the floor?
01:01:06It's hard.
01:01:08Okay.
01:01:11On top of the wardrobe, then.
01:01:15Daddy told me about the couple who went on top of the wardrobe.
01:01:19I suppose Daddy would.
01:01:21Daddy would what, Jamie?
01:01:29I suppose Daddy would.
01:01:31And Mummy.
01:01:32And me.
01:01:34And you, Jamie.
01:01:36And you, Jamie.
01:01:43No!
01:01:44You can't!
01:01:52Caroline!
01:01:54Caroline!
01:02:06Oh.
01:02:16God, don't you ever stop!
01:02:18You, you...
01:02:20...sex debaser!
01:02:23Jamie.
01:02:25A little warm milk before bedtime.
01:02:33Rotten, stupid...
01:02:35Jamie.
01:02:36Well, I've had it.
01:02:37I mean, I haven't had it.
01:02:39Yeah, well, I'm off you all from now.
01:02:41That's the last time any phony girl's gonna make a fool out of me.
01:03:01Thanks for dropping me off.
01:03:02Saved me from being late.
01:03:04Thanks for a smashing weekend.
01:03:06Super.
01:03:09See ya.
01:03:10The rain in Spain, eh, Jamie?
01:03:16Oh, Hushbike!
01:03:17You've been here all weekend, then?
01:03:19Uh-huh.
01:03:20But you've done the lift, then.
01:03:22Not bad, you're trying.
01:03:24Actually, the old man said I could borrow the jag,
01:03:26but Caroline insisted she brought me herself.
01:03:28Well, you know how it is, don't you?
01:03:30Oh, insolence.
01:03:31One hundred lines.
01:03:33You haven't been there for the weekend.
01:03:37Have you?
01:03:38Hey, Jamie!
01:03:42Jamie!
01:03:48You left these behind.
01:03:50Thank you.
01:03:54About time I got down to some work.
01:03:56Can't spend all one's weekend with birds.
01:03:58Come on, Spike.
01:04:01Hey, Jamie!
01:04:02Wait a minute!
01:04:06It's all a rotten farce.
01:04:08Look at them.
01:04:09All envious, thinking I've had this fantastic weekend.
01:04:11And look at me, letting them think it.
01:04:13Everybody's got things upside down.
01:04:15All because of phony old girls and phony old sex.
01:04:19Yeah, well, I'm off on both.
01:04:31Oh, it's cold.
01:04:46Oh, it's freezing.
01:05:00Hey!
01:05:01Get out of my mind.
01:05:02I'm supposed to be off you.
01:05:07Must get in training.
01:05:09Especially if our borstal's going to beat that public school.
01:05:12Clean health in body and mind.
01:05:15Keep S-E-X in its place.
01:05:20I'm giving it up.
01:05:21Forever!
01:05:31Was it Mrs. Gamp who was chasing donkeys away from our front?
01:05:35David Copperfield, Jamie.
01:05:37Remember?
01:05:38And who said, just a piece of cheese?
01:05:41All I want is a piece of cheese.
01:05:43Oh, Mum, give over.
01:05:44That's the hundredth question.
01:05:46Why can't you be David Copperfield backwards?
01:05:48If it's not scratch your back, clean the love, what's seven twelves?
01:05:51It's where's the cheese?
01:05:52I didn't say where's the cheese.
01:05:54I said...
01:05:55Who said what?
01:05:57Betsy Crockwood.
01:05:59That's who I'm thinking of.
01:06:01Mum, I've got to study.
01:06:03All right, then.
01:06:04Just let me unplug myself and I'll pop over to Mrs. Milburn's for a second.
01:06:09Like that, you'll frighten her cats.
01:06:11If your dad comes back, say I'm...
01:06:13No, you'd better not say anything.
01:06:15Say I've just gone.
01:06:17Oh, no.
01:06:18No, you'd better not say that.
01:06:20You'd better just say...
01:06:24I don't think I'll go.
01:06:26Oh, I must, well.
01:06:28God give me strength.
01:06:33Gladstone did not understand the Irish question.
01:06:36Discuss.
01:06:41To say that Gladstone did not understand the Irish question is to say that...
01:06:52What the hell is there to discuss?
01:06:58I wonder what Mary's doing.
01:07:01I wonder if I'll ever know.
01:07:04I wonder if she'll ever know.
01:07:08I wonder if she'll wonder if I wonder if she'll wonder.
01:07:11Oh, stop it. You're driving me crazy.
01:07:13Good.
01:07:15Have some of Mrs. Milburn's milk.
01:07:17It'll make you feel better.
01:07:19It'll make you feel better.
01:07:21It'll make you feel better.
01:07:23It'll make you feel better.
01:07:25Good.
01:07:26Have some of Mrs. Milburn's nice blancmange.
01:07:31None of hers would touch it.
01:07:33Doesn't she ever make anything, Nellie?
01:07:46Is someone at the door?
01:07:48Are you incapacitated or something?
01:07:51Got my homework to do, haven't I?
01:07:54What a nice car.
01:07:57Is it a Ford or a Jaguar?
01:08:00It won't make any difference.
01:08:02It's that girl that was with Greg Foster.
01:08:04Audrey, wasn't it?
01:08:09Hello. Is Jamie in?
01:08:11Oh, yes. Won't you come in?
01:08:14Who are you?
01:08:15I'm Audrey.
01:08:16Oh.
01:08:17Jamie, Audrey's here.
01:08:20Oh, hello. What a surprise.
01:08:23Are you all right?
01:08:24Oh, naturally.
01:08:25Shall I take your coat?
01:08:26No, thanks.
01:08:27Don't take any notice of her.
01:08:28She only lives here.
01:08:29Can you come to a party, Jamie?
01:08:31Eh? Oh, I'm right in the middle of my essay.
01:08:33What a prevarication.
01:08:34You haven't written a line.
01:08:36It's at Greg's dad's place.
01:08:38Very clean.
01:08:39Thought you'd like it.
01:08:41Would you like some porridge or some blancmange?
01:08:43Okay, I'll come.
01:08:44I won't be a minute.
01:08:45Mum.
01:08:46Don't do anything.
01:08:50What a rotten house.
01:08:52Mum, her dickens.
01:08:53It's like he wrote about us.
01:08:55They're characters, and we're characters.
01:08:58Characters is right.
01:09:00Must hurry.
01:09:01She'll be halfway through me life story by now.
01:09:03Do you know I've boiled them three times,
01:09:05and they're still as bad.
01:09:08Mum.
01:09:09Jamie, what do you do with them?
01:09:11He will wear them the whole week.
01:09:13Super.
01:09:14Come on, let's get out of here.
01:09:15Bye.
01:09:16Not too many of those nasty drugs now, you two.
01:09:23It's Greg's dad's shop.
01:09:25It's dad's away.
01:09:27I always wondered what happened in furniture stores at night.
01:09:30Right.
01:09:42I guess there's no point in any preliminary conversation.
01:09:45Yes, there isn't.
01:09:46It's not a good idea.
01:09:48I guess there's no point in any preliminary conversation.
01:09:51Yes, there isn't.
01:10:13Hi there, Johnny, I'll bring her back in half a tick.
01:10:18Hi.
01:10:24Ah, yes.
01:10:27Ah, now only.
01:10:29Six beds, three wardrobes and your mother and father.
01:10:32Sorry, Arthur, they're exhibition models only.
01:10:34Ah, you're cheap.
01:10:36I'm claiming you no more.
01:10:39Bye, Jamie, see you.
01:10:41Bye, Jamie, see you.
01:10:43I'll see you tomorrow.
01:10:46Who?
01:10:51Aye, aye.
01:10:53Oh, Spike.
01:10:54Ah, well, I, um...
01:10:56I'm having a nasty time, Spike, aren't you?
01:10:59Hey, you sardines.
01:11:03A request for a game of sardine.
01:11:09I'll meet you in that alcove over there, OK?
01:11:12What do you think I am?
01:11:14That's what I want to find out.
01:11:16Great.
01:11:18Hi, Gerald, who are you with?
01:11:20Oh, just an old friend of the family.
01:11:22They're coming on at last.
01:11:24It's the only way, mate.
01:11:26Yeah.
01:11:43It happened again.
01:11:47Acoustic repetition while staggering inept.
01:11:50He's staggering.
01:11:52And inept.
01:11:56Since I'm never going to make it with Mary anyway,
01:11:59what am I saving myself for?
01:12:26THEME MUSIC
01:12:56THEME MUSIC
01:13:10You're getting colder.
01:13:12I'm getting hotter.
01:13:14I feel I'm getting warmer.
01:13:16You are, you are. Over here.
01:13:18Again, again.
01:13:20I can't find you.
01:13:22I think I've lost the scent.
01:13:24There you are, mate.
01:13:54You expect me to be a loving machine
01:13:57Well, I couldn't dare now
01:14:00And there's that damn dick
01:14:02He's a-lurking to me again now
01:14:07Well, I was looking back to see
01:14:09If she was looking back to see
01:14:11If he was looking back at me
01:14:14Hold my hand at the groove
01:14:16If I was seen now
01:14:20Got myself a little job
01:14:22In the worst place in town
01:14:27The first compliment I had was him
01:14:30So I had to scream
01:14:34Get up on back
01:14:36So I had to scream louder
01:14:38So louder, so louder
01:14:41Well, I was looking back to see
01:14:43If she was looking back to see
01:14:45If he was looking up at me
01:14:49Hold my hand at the groove
01:14:51If I was seen now
01:14:54Got myself a little job
01:14:56In the worst place in town
01:14:59The first compliment I had was him
01:15:02So I had to scream
01:15:04Get up on back
01:15:06So I had to scream louder
01:15:08So louder, so louder
01:15:10Well, I was looking back to see
01:15:12If she was looking back at me
01:15:15Got myself a little job
01:15:17In the worst place in town
01:15:21Oh, Jamie, we shouldn't have.
01:15:24Got myself a little job
01:15:26So I had to scream
01:15:28That's about it.
01:15:30Get up on back
01:15:32So I had to scream louder
01:15:34So louder, so louder
01:15:36Well, I was looking back to see
01:15:38If she was looking back to see
01:15:40If he was looking up at me
01:15:47. . .
01:16:05I can't imagine I'm in another state right now
01:16:09What? Let's go.
01:16:11She got me out of hand
01:16:13And she's putting me in a plate right now
01:16:17. . .
01:16:35What are you thinking about?
01:16:38I've been waiting for you to ask me what I've been thinking about
01:16:41So I've been trying to think of what I could say I was thinking about
01:16:45I've thought of 15 witty spontaneous openings so far
01:16:49But because I thought about myself thinking about them
01:16:52They all sounded daft
01:16:54Did you practice that as well?
01:16:56Yeah
01:16:59What's really the matter?
01:17:03I went with Audrey at the party
01:17:06I know
01:17:09Well, it's over now
01:17:13I think anybody who gets involved with anybody else is mad
01:17:17Don't you?
01:17:18That's exactly what I believe
01:17:20I always have done
01:17:22You've got to take life as it comes, haven't you?
01:17:25You're so right, Jamie
01:17:27Absolutely
01:17:28You've got to have a good time
01:17:30Life's too short otherwise
01:17:32You've got to play the field, haven't you?
01:17:34That's what I do
01:17:36I agree
01:17:38I agree
01:17:40Really?
01:17:41Of course I do
01:17:43It's taken me long enough to arrive at it
01:17:46Yes, it has taken you long enough
01:17:49What has?
01:17:51Oh, I don't know
01:17:53Everything
01:17:55When I was 13 and in the second class
01:17:58I had written all over my French exercise book
01:18:01Mrs. Jamie McGregor
01:18:03I used to sit and look at it and think how good it looked
01:18:05Really?
01:18:06But you didn't even know me
01:18:08I know
01:18:10I did do
01:18:15Did you really have my name on your French book?
01:18:17Sure
01:18:18And on my English book I had Mrs. Georgie Milburn
01:18:20And geometry was Mrs. Tony Smith
01:18:23Now, who was algebra?
01:18:27How about tomorrow?
01:18:29Pick up at seven, okay?
01:18:31Okay
01:18:32Cross your heart
01:18:34Night
01:18:40Night
01:19:00God, I never kissed her
01:19:11Oh, let me help you, Mrs. McGregor
01:19:13No, that's all right, Mary
01:19:15Dear Uncle Manager
01:19:16Just sit yourself down
01:19:21I like your mum
01:19:23So do I
01:19:24Best of all in the kitchen
01:19:26Oh, you're just showing off
01:19:27I was dying to meet her
01:19:29I know, I can't understand why
01:19:31Oh, it's nothing
01:19:33It's nothing
01:19:35It's nothing
01:19:37It's nothing
01:19:40Oh, Mrs. McGregor
01:19:42What a lovely vase
01:19:44Where did you get it?
01:19:46Oh, Mary dear, I am glad you like that
01:19:48Do you know, I've had that vase for twenty years
01:19:51All I had to do was to send in ten coupons to the Daily Express
01:19:55And it was either that or a gardening book
01:19:57Well, I hadn't got a garden at the time
01:19:59So that's what I got
01:20:03Oh, I forgot
01:20:04I could have had a medical dictionary as well
01:20:06Couldn't I, Jamie?
01:20:09No
01:20:28I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:20:30Aren't I?
01:20:32Yep
01:20:34What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:20:39I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:20:41Aren't I?
01:20:43Yep
01:20:45What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:20:48I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:20:50Aren't I?
01:20:52Yep
01:20:54What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:20:57I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:20:59Aren't I?
01:21:01Yep
01:21:03What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:21:06I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:21:08Aren't I?
01:21:10Yep
01:21:12What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:21:14I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:21:16Aren't I?
01:21:18Yep
01:21:20What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:21:22I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:21:24Aren't I?
01:21:26Yep
01:21:28What would you like, a gardening book or a medical dictionary?
01:21:30I'm the first girl you've brought home
01:21:32Aren't I?
01:21:34Yep
01:21:37It's lovely
01:21:41That's the real us down there
01:21:43This up here, make-believe
01:21:45A pure cod to have us on and make us think we're substantial
01:21:50We rush around like idiots
01:21:54But it all doesn't matter
01:21:58It's as nothing as our reflection
01:22:07I know, let's go away together
01:22:09Just the two of us
01:22:22There, nice isn't it?
01:22:24How did you know this place existed?
01:22:26It doesn't, it's actually a colour supplement
01:22:29I'd better watch I don't step off the page
01:22:32Here, come here boy, here
01:22:34Come here
01:22:36Have you met Walter?
01:22:38Come here
01:22:40Don't you think he's exactly a Walter?
01:22:42I thought perhaps he was a Fido
01:22:44Or even a Bonzo
01:22:46Bonzo? You're raving
01:22:48You can't tell Bonzo from Fido
01:22:50After all the experience you've had
01:22:52What'll happen?
01:22:54I'll tell you
01:22:56I'll tell you
01:22:58I'll tell you
01:23:00What'll happen?
01:23:02Well, the Canine Defence League will be after you for a start
01:23:05And then the RSPCA
01:23:07And then me
01:23:09Stop it, go away
01:23:12Spike was wrong
01:23:14He believes you should have affairs all the time
01:23:16With whoever happens to come along
01:23:18But you've got to know the person properly
01:23:21It's the only way
01:23:23Who says so?
01:23:26Come on, I'm going for a swim
01:23:30Hey, I know I'm pretty good at getting girls excited
01:23:32But this is ridiculous
01:23:34I'm having a swim
01:23:37They'll lock you up
01:23:39My mum's always reading about people like you on television
01:23:42Now so far it's just steaming up me bifocals
01:23:45Oh, come on, it's not Piccadilly Circus
01:23:47You don't need a costume
01:23:49I just need to get me underpants off
01:23:51And little men with binoculars will pop out the water
01:23:53Oh, you're a prude, that's your trouble
01:23:56I'm not a prude
01:23:58Yes, you are
01:24:00I don't know
01:24:02What are young girls coming to these days?
01:24:04Come on, don't be shy
01:24:06It's beautiful
01:24:11It will be Piccadilly Circus next
01:24:14Hang about, I'm coming
01:24:16Well, don't take all day about it then
01:24:20Is it warm?
01:24:22It's lovely
01:24:25Pretty bubbles in the air
01:24:28They make me laugh
01:24:30What do I care?
01:24:32The cheeky one sings to my song
01:24:37And this smoky happy fact
01:24:41Is glowing in the wind
01:24:46Your lips touch
01:24:48Never so slow
01:24:50Your hands touch
01:24:52It's been a long time
01:24:59It's been a long time
01:25:06It's been a long time
01:25:12Now it's love
01:25:16Now it's love
01:25:20And now it's love
01:25:25Now it's love
01:25:28Now it's love
01:25:45After being seduced by a beautiful mature woman of 28
01:25:50This is what I always dreamt about
01:25:59What's the matter?
01:26:01There's something wet
01:26:03Water! Scram!
01:26:05Oh, ignore him, he'll go away
01:26:07He's interrupting me, I can't concentrate
01:26:09Just pretend it's the water gently lapping over you
01:26:13Water's supposed to be very Freudian
01:26:15It's Pavlov we want, not Freud
01:26:17Go and chase that!
01:26:47Water...
01:27:11What are you thinking?
01:27:13Me? Thinking?
01:27:17I was wondering what you were thinking.
01:27:21Liar.
01:27:25I'm sorry.
01:27:33Nothing to be sorry about.
01:27:37I know. I'm not.
01:27:41I just said it for effect.
01:27:51Up!
01:28:03Me Tarzan! You Jane!
01:28:07Brilliant. You just look daft.
01:28:15Me one point girl!
01:28:19Me one point man!
01:28:25Now my lady chatterly, I'll show you why they put the game in Game Keeper.
01:28:37It's a game.
01:28:41It's a game.
01:28:45It's a game.
01:28:49It's a game.
01:28:53It's a game.
01:28:57It's a game.
01:29:01It's a game.
01:29:05It's a game.
01:29:21Do you know I was absolutely starving?
01:29:25They'll capsize if they're not careful.
01:29:29Oh no. They're all right.
01:29:33Very nasty.
01:29:37Nasty? I'm talking about last night, not the rotten boats.
01:29:41Last night? Smashing. You're a lovely fella.
01:29:45I think you're smashing.
01:29:49I bet you say that to all your girls. Did you say to Audrey and to Caroline?
01:29:53Never.
01:29:57Let's come next weekend, eh?
01:30:01Oh no, I forgot. I've got something on.
01:30:05It's impossible. I won't allow it. You can't have anything on. Not now.
01:30:09Not now. Next Sunday.
01:30:17Hello, Mary. Oh, hello, Mark.
01:30:21It's Jamie, isn't it? Hi. Listen, we've got two boats outside. Do you want to come along?
01:30:25Sure, we'd love to. Come on, Jamie.
01:30:31Where are you going next Sunday, then?
01:30:35Jamie, pull that in tight.
01:30:39I don't know. Sailing, probably.
01:30:43Oh, wait. Well, why? You can't be going with somebody else.
01:30:47Are you telling me? Yes.
01:30:51Look, I can do what I like, and you can do what you like.
01:30:55Remember, we made a bargain, didn't we?
01:30:59You crossed your heart.
01:31:03Who are you going with?
01:31:07Curtis? Will you stay the night?
01:31:11I don't know. We'll see how we feel. At the botel? Just like us?
01:31:15So he's just a bloke and you're just a bloke? I'm not a nun, you know. I haven't taken any vows.
01:31:19You think you can just pick me up and drop me like a yo-yo?
01:31:23Jamie, don't. That makes it sound awful.
01:31:27Now, look. Will you lean back like this?
01:31:31Oh. I know. How about the weekend afternoon?
01:31:35No. It won't work. Why not?
01:31:39You could go with somebody else and I wouldn't mind.
01:31:43I think that's the worst thing I've ever heard you say. Why?
01:31:47Well, if you don't know, I can't tell you. Your rules and my rules are different, that's all.
01:31:51I've had enough of bits and pieces. A bit of a relationship here, a piece of sex there.
01:31:55Jamie, you're just a romantic. Okay. It's not illegal.
01:31:59So you're out of step. Things don't happen like that anymore.
01:32:03You expect too much. And I'll go right on expecting thank you very much.
01:32:07I just hope I won't be making the same mistakes again. Just sit down.
01:32:11Jamie, sit down. You're upsetting the boat. To hell with the boat. Turn the bloody thing round.
01:32:15Don't. Don't be so stupid. Sit down. Stupid?
01:32:19That's rich. It's the first time I haven't been stupid.
01:32:23Stop shouting and sit down before we bust you in the water. I'm not shouting.
01:32:27Yes, you are. And even if I am, it doesn't matter. It's all over.
01:32:31You'll see. Too late now, girl. You'll see.
01:32:39I hope she does see.
01:32:43I hope I do, too. Oh, God, the thing I've wanted for the last 500 years.
01:32:47And it was me who said goodbye.
01:32:53Nice pike.
01:33:07Hello, mate. One more split shift and I'm chucking this.
01:33:11That inspector must think I'm a Siamese twin.
01:33:15There's a lot of money in split shifts, mate. You'll be glad of the lolly next term.
01:33:19It'll be a few more weeks and we'll be there. All those new birds, eh?
01:33:23Fresh out of some convent school. I told you I'd given them up.
01:33:27Oh, yeah, we know. You can pull the other one. It's got bells on.
01:33:31You know, it's a miracle you got a university place. All that crumpeteering you did.
01:33:35I'm going to wait till I'm really old,
01:33:39then line them up. All the birds I've ever known,
01:33:43shut me eyes and pick one. Yeah, you'd need to.
01:33:47Audrey?
01:33:51I wonder which comic is in bed with her now.
01:33:55A piece of sex here and a bit of a relationship there won't work.
01:33:59I know what'll happen to Caroline.
01:34:03Capable Caroline. Paula?
01:34:07She'll catch her curate.
01:34:11I suppose I had to go through it all, but what a drag.
01:34:15A runny old linda. Chore.
01:34:19I did go through with it all and that's it.
01:34:23I've had me promiscuity bit.
01:34:27Well, back to the grind.
01:34:31Here, did you hear how they got on? Mary and Claire.
01:34:35Seems a million years ago now.
01:34:39Mary failed her English. She won't get in anywhere now.
01:34:43Doesn't matter. She'll be all right.
01:34:47How did Claire do? Very good grades. Probably get a grant.
01:34:51She's coming with us to Manchester. God, I'd better steer clear of her then.
01:34:55I'll have you know, I find her unbelievably attractive.
01:34:59She's got a great sense of humour.
01:35:03I'll have you know, I find her unbelievably attractive.
01:35:11But she hates men.
01:35:15I thought you said you were off women.
01:35:23Claire's nice.
01:35:27Perhaps her legs aren't too bad. That's the kind of girl I'd like to marry.
01:35:31She seems a nice class of person.
01:35:35Hey!
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01:36:53Hey!