Sausage Party: Foodtopia S01E02
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TVTranscript
00:00♪♪
00:05♪♪
00:08♪♪
00:16♪♪
00:22♪♪
00:29Help!
00:30Anybody!
00:35What the fuck is going on?
00:37Where is everyone?
00:38Am I gonna...
00:40Am I gonna...
00:41No, no, you'll be fine, J.D.
00:42You're just gonna be just fine.
00:43Just hang on, all right?
00:44Medic!
00:45Oh, shit!
00:46What happened to this guy?
00:47Fuck!
00:48How much jelly does he have left?
00:49Tough to say.
00:50It looks like most of his jelly's on the outside.
00:52Seems objectively bad.
00:54I don't think he's gonna make it.
00:55What?
00:56I'm not...
00:57Shh! Don't tell him that!
00:58I can hear...
00:59Wow, you can hear that?
01:00Your senses are really firing on all cylinders.
01:03That's a sure sign you'll pull through if I ever saw one.
01:06Here, let me try something.
01:07Ah!
01:10Ah!
01:11Okay, that was a bad idea.
01:13Is that a...
01:14It's a bite mark.
01:15It's a Hume-y bite mark.
01:17That's right.
01:18I found one.
01:19And he took hostages.
01:21Yes, perfect!
01:22That's amazing!
01:23Not the hostages part.
01:24That's very bad, and we're obviously concerned for them.
01:26We desperately need this Hume-y!
01:28What do you mean, need a Hume-y?
01:38What the hell are you all doing in here?
01:40The roof is on the brink of collapse!
01:42Oh, yeah?
01:43You can kiss the brink of my big, beautiful butthole!
01:46We're not coming out!
01:47Yeah!
01:48We know the ceiling is slowly collapsing,
01:50but we don't know when the ceiling outside will attack us again!
01:53It could happen now!
01:55Or now!
01:56Or now!
01:57Okay, I get it.
01:58Yes, there's uncertainty.
02:00See?
02:01We need the Hume-y to tell us what the deal with this falling water is,
02:04or these idiots are just going to stay here until they get crushed to death.
02:07Yeah, right.
02:09But as soon as you get your answer,
02:12I'm killing the motherfucker.
02:14Follow your bliss.
02:16Hey, Sammy!
02:17We're heading out for another grand adventure!
02:19You in or what?
02:20Oh, yeah, sure.
02:21Or better yet,
02:22you know, why don't you just dump a pitcher of water on my yeast-loving body
02:25and save me the anxiety of wondering
02:27which protracted and horrible way I'm going to die.
02:31Oh, shit.
02:32You know what, Brenda?
02:33He's right.
02:34You're a bun going inside.
02:35Ugh!
02:36Way ahead of you.
02:38Just have to make one more quick adjustment.
02:40There we go.
02:43Woof, woof, woof, woof!
02:51Bath salts?
02:52Check.
02:53Spears?
02:54Check.
02:55Bandana?
02:56Check.
02:57Uh, can we get bandanas?
02:58Uh, well, I only have one.
02:59It's sort of my thing.
03:00It's not like a team look or anything.
03:09Slap him!
03:10Slap him like this.
03:11Slap him on the knees.
03:13Get some of that.
03:14Back on a humie hunt.
03:18Once again, ask questions first, kill second.
03:21Right?
03:22Before we kill swiftly and without mercy.
03:24Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:25Don't worry.
03:26I got it.
03:27Now, I'm not even sure that this humie will know what the fuck sealing water is.
03:31They're dumber than you think they are.
03:32I mean, they can't be that dumb.
03:33They've built a whole society that's lasted for generations.
03:36I spent a whole day with a humie before he chopped his own head off like a dummy.
03:39You know, their brains aren't even in their heads, right?
03:41They're in their butts.
03:42No, they're not.
03:43You saw with your own eyes what Douche did to the Dark Lord.
03:46If you stick your head into their butts, your brain overpowers theirs.
03:49Why?
03:50Because their brains are in their butts.
03:55Turn right.
04:01Barry, what you're saying sounds ridiculous.
04:03There's nothing ridiculous about it.
04:05That's how it works.
04:06You slide up into a humie's cockpit, which is the pit under the cock, right?
04:10And you control their every move.
04:13Oh, shit.
04:14What? What? What do you see?
04:15I just told you.
04:17Oh.
04:30We honor our fallen comrades.
04:32You fought bravely.
04:34Little respect.
04:37May we never forget corn niblets.
04:40Kale.
04:42Celery.
04:43Whatever that is.
04:44Cranberries, I think.
04:45Maybe beets.
04:46I'm not quite sure.
04:47It's fresh.
04:48And wettish.
04:49Okay, great.
04:50And it's super stanky, also.
04:52It's just, here, sniff.
04:53No, we're good.
04:54All this to say, the humie must be close.
04:58I love the smell of bath salts in the morning.
05:00Don't you?
05:01Honestly, I mostly just smell shit.
05:13Oh, the fridge is busted!
05:19That one's not.
05:23There's no more room up here!
05:25Please! We'll melt!
05:32Oh!
05:38Oh! Oh!
05:40Excuse me.
05:41Hi. Do you think you could help?
05:48Where'd you get the new tooth, Julius?
05:50Some dumb pack of rice dropped it.
05:52Pretty sure it was minute rice,
05:53because that's how long it took for it to wash away
05:55and leave behind this little beaut.
05:57Julius, you are bad.
05:58Yeah, but I make bad look good.
06:00Bad look good, don't I?
06:01Come on, now!
06:03Watch out!
06:07This place sucks!
06:09These meanies are just going to keep stepping all over me.
06:25Do you mind?
06:26It's so loud, I can't even hear my own self-hating thoughts.
06:30Wouldn't that be a good thing?
06:32Hey, excuse me.
06:33Was I talking to you, Cheesecake,
06:34you dense son of a bitch?
06:36Ha! How's it feel now you got mascaponed?
06:43Hey, you're funny.
06:44Now do me!
06:45Oh, yeah? Do you?
06:46I don't think so, Butterface.
06:48Look at you.
06:49You can't even get hard without a fridge.
06:51Hey, how's it feel to be unsalted and insulted?
06:55Hey!
07:00All right, let's see what else I got.
07:02A cucumber, a tomato, and a kalamata olive
07:05walk into a salad bar.
07:07One, two, three, four.
07:11Whoa!
07:30What did the branch tell you?
07:31No, nothing. I just think it looks cool.
07:33I just wanted to touch it.
07:35Yeah?
07:36She's still cold with light bubbles.
07:39That means the yummy is close.
07:52All right.
07:53It's one yummy versus three of us.
07:55I like those odds.
07:57Me and Butterface?
07:58Yeah, me and Butterface.
07:59Yeah, me and Butterface.
08:01Yeah, me and Butterface.
08:02Yeah, me and Butterface.
08:03Yeah, me and Butterface.
08:04What?
08:05Me and Frank will subdue it.
08:06Hit it with the bath salts,
08:07which will tear down the walls of communication
08:09between our species.
08:10Really feel like we've established that already,
08:12but why not say it again?
08:13Sure.
08:14Just to be clear.
08:15And then extract the information
08:16while Barry frees the hostages.
08:24Fucking dry-ass chips.
08:27Unhand me, you monster!
08:29Oh, God!
08:30Depp's going to have his creamy brain scooped out
08:32unless we move in now!
08:34What the fuck?!
09:04What made the water fall?
09:06What?
09:07What makes big water fall from the ceiling, big man?
09:11Who sends big water from above that kills everybody?
09:14Is this a riddle?
09:15When will it come back?
09:16I don't know!
09:17Ah!
09:18Ah!
09:19Ah!
09:20Ah!
09:21Ah!
09:22Ah!
09:23Help!
09:24Help!
09:25Help!
09:26He's about to trample us!
09:27Kill him!
09:28We don't have our answers yet!
09:29Just don't get stepped on!
09:30Is the water poisonous?
09:31Do you have a spell to stop it?
09:32Is there a god pissing on us?
09:33Is the water calm?
09:34Are we on schedule?
09:35Do you have the schedule?
09:36Can I have the schedule?
09:37Ah!
09:38Ah!
09:39Ah!
09:40Ah!
09:41Ah!
09:42Ah!
09:43Ah!
09:44Ah!
09:45Ah!
09:46Ah!
09:47Ah!
09:48Ah!
09:49Ah!
09:50Ah!
09:51Ah!
09:52Ah!
09:53Ah!
09:54Ah!
09:55Ah!
09:56Ah!
09:57Ah!
09:58Ah!
09:59Ah!
10:00Ah!
10:02What the fuck, Barry?!
10:03We needed that gummy to get information.
10:05Well we got some and that information is...
10:07I still got it, baby.
10:10What?
10:11It was gonna kill us!
10:12I had to act fast.
10:14He's not fully dead, by the way.
10:15You could keep asking.
10:16Quirt, if you could just stop screaming and wiggling for a second, we need you to answer
10:19some questions!
10:22Oh, great, fantastic.
10:24What a waste of time!
10:27Aside from all the liberated foods, yeah.
10:29Welcome!
10:31Man, you know, the apocalypse has been tough,
10:33but at least I have you and Ritchie.
10:35I mean, three is, like, the perfect number
10:37for a crew to have. I mean, think about it.
10:39Three musketeers, three's company, three blind mice.
10:43Oh, God! Oh, Ritchie's on fire!
10:45Oh, it's happening again!
10:47Oh, no!
10:48Oh, fucker!
10:49Oh, there's more!
10:51Yes!
10:52No!
10:54Whoo!
10:56Hit him with the bath bomb!
10:59Ah!
11:01Ah!
11:03Ah!
11:04Don't breathe it in!
11:06Oh, it's too late!
11:07Some of it went up my nose already!
11:09Hey, Jimmy! Over here!
11:11Ah!
11:12Get him!
11:13Ah!
11:15Ah!
11:17Ah!
11:21Hammer throw!
11:23Hammer throw!
11:25Under the ladder!
11:28Ah!
11:30Shit!
11:31Ah!
11:33We can take them!
11:34They're only food!
11:36I can't! I'm having a panic attack!
11:38My heart poundies!
11:40Ah!
11:41Ah, fuck! Run!
11:43Ah!
11:44Ah!
11:45Ah!
11:46Ah!
11:47Ah!
11:48Ah!
11:49Ah!
11:50Ah!
11:51Ah!
11:52Ah!
11:54Ah!
11:55Ah!
11:56Ah!
11:57Ah!
11:58You're okay, Jack.
11:59Just hide in here, wait it out.
12:01This bad trip's gotta end.
12:03You can do this, Barry.
12:04There's your window, baby.
12:06Here we go.
12:08Ah!
12:10Ah!
12:11Ah!
12:12Ah!
12:13Ah!
12:14Ah!
12:15Ah!
12:16Ah!
12:17Ah!
12:18Ah!
12:19Ah!
12:20Ah!
12:21Ah!
12:22Ah!
12:23Ah!
12:25Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
12:27Ah!
12:28I'm plugged in.
12:29Ah!
12:30Ah!
12:31What is happening to me?
12:34Ah!
12:35Ah!
12:36Holy shit, he's really doing it.
12:39Ah!
12:40Ah!
12:41Yeah!
12:42Ah!
12:43Ah!
12:44Ah!
12:45Ow!
12:46Motherfucker!
12:47Jack, what are you doing?
12:48I don't know!
12:49There's a hot dog up my ass!
12:51What do you mean?
12:52I just told you, there is a hot dog up my asshole!
12:56It's controlling me!
12:58How?
12:59By pulling on my nuts like Ratatouille!
13:01I don't want to be doing any of this!
13:04Well, pull it out of there!
13:06I can't!
13:07That would require use of my hands and bang my commands to them!
13:12Try pushing it out, like with your butt muscles!
13:16Push!
13:17It's Lamaze, man!
13:19It's not working!
13:20Okay, I'm going to help you, but this might hurt!
13:23Ah!
13:24How is that helping me?
13:26I'm trying to knock you out!
13:27Ah!
13:28Ah!
13:29Shit, he's going down!
13:31Not today!
13:32Ah!
13:33Ah!
13:34Ah!
13:35Ah!
13:36Jack!
13:37Look what you made me do!
13:39Again?
13:40I did not make you do anything!
13:41It's the hot dog!
13:42Ah!
13:43No, no, no, no, no!
13:44Ah!
13:45Ah!
13:46Ah!
13:47Ah!
13:48Ah!
13:49Son of a bitch!
13:50I can't see!
13:51I'm flying blind, baby!
13:53Ah!
13:54I'm sorry, Jack, but I gotta chop that little guy out of your butt!
13:59No, Barry!
14:00Ah!
14:01Hey, you leave our friend inside your friend's bed alone!
14:04Hey, get off of me!
14:05Ah!
14:06Jump!
14:07Ah!
14:08Ah!
14:09Ah!
14:10Ah!
14:11No, no, no!
14:12Ah!
14:13Ah!
14:14Ah!
14:15Ah!
14:16Sorry!
14:17Ah!
14:18Ah!
14:19Ah!
14:20Ah!
14:21Ah!
14:22Ah!
14:23Ah!
14:24Donny, get up!
14:25Oh, God.
14:26Look what you made me do.
14:27Ah!
14:28Please, please, please!
14:29Don't hurt me!
14:30I'll do whatever you want.
14:31Ah!
14:32Where's my bandana?
14:33You know, lots of orgy's happening lately.
14:34You seen that?
14:35I've seen it.
14:36I've seen it.
14:37I've seen it.
14:38I've seen it.
14:39I've seen it.
14:40I've seen it.
14:41I've seen it.
14:42I've seen it.
14:43I've seen it.
14:44I've seen it.
14:45I've seen it.
14:46I've seen it.
14:47I've seen it.
14:48I've seen it.
14:49I've seen it.
14:50I've seen it.
14:51I've seen it.
14:52I've seen it.
14:53I've seen it.
14:54I've seen it.
14:55I've seen it.
14:56I've seen it.
14:57I've seen it.
14:58I've seen it.
14:59I've seen it.
15:00I've seen it.
15:01I've seen it.
15:02I've seen it.
15:03I've seen it.
15:04I've seen it.
15:05I've seen it.
15:06I've seen it.
15:07I've seen it.
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15:09I've seen it.
15:10I've seen it.
15:11I've seen it.
15:12I've seen it.
15:13I've seen it.
15:14I've seen it.
15:15I've seen it.
15:16I've seen it.
15:17I've seen it.
15:18I've seen it.
15:19I've seen it.
15:20I've seen it.
15:21I've seen it.
15:22I've seen it.
15:23I've seen it.
15:24I've seen it.
15:25I've seen it.
15:26I've seen it.
15:27I've seen it.
15:28I've seen it.
15:29I've seen it.
15:30I've seen it.
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15:32I've seen it.
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15:34I've seen it.
15:35I've seen it.
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16:00I've seen it.
16:01I've seen it.
16:02I've seen it.
16:03I've seen it.
16:04I've seen it.
16:05I've seen it.
16:06I've seen it.
16:07I've seen it.
16:08I've seen it.
16:09I've seen it.
16:10I've seen it.
16:11I've seen it.
16:12I've seen it.
16:13I've seen it.
16:14Stop!
16:21Marknooby!
16:22Hey, you guys!
16:24Is he trying to save us?
16:27Don't give him too much credit.
16:29I'm controlling this dumb prick through his ass!
16:31Sounds crazy, I know, but it really works.
16:34See?
16:39Run!
16:40What are you waiting for?
16:41Yeah, the outside isn't safe either.
16:43Tell them what you told us!
16:45The water that fell from the sky is called rain.
16:48It doesn't happen here often, even less so due to the ongoing drought.
16:52It's actually a huge problem, you see, but it always comes down to...
16:55Stop using words we don't know!
16:57Sorry, it's unclear what you do and don't know.
17:00Okay, the thing that you call the ceiling is really a sky,
17:04and the falling water is called rain.
17:07It only comes when you see those big fluffy things that float around up there,
17:10that sort of look like... Oh, marshmallows.
17:13There you go! Okay, if the sky's blue, it's cool.
17:15If it's gray, stay away. Get the fuck out!
17:17It's blue now.
17:18Let's go!
17:34We gotta run! We're gonna die!
17:36We're not gonna die!
17:40Ready!
17:54Okay, well, looks like Shopwell's is officially closed.
17:58And that's a good thing,
18:00because we never belonged in there in the first place.
18:03We belong over there.
18:05See? Nicer.
18:07I know we got off to a bit of a traumatic start,
18:10but we're back, Foodtopia!
18:12Now go forth! Find homes!
18:14Do anything you want!
18:16Well, you know, I guess that's a wrap on Sammy.
18:20So, uh, what happens to me now?
18:23Well, we got what we needed out of ya,
18:25so honestly, you're in Barry's hands, man.
18:27That's a toughie. I mean, I'm obviously gonna kill you, but how?
18:29Do I shove a hot dog-shaped rock up your ass,
18:31tie your nuts together and autopilot you off a cliff,
18:33or should I make something more creative than that?
18:35Like, make more of a big show out of it kind of thing?
18:38That one. The big show one.
18:40Yes, the kind every single food in town would attend
18:43to watch you do what you do best.
18:46Kill this prick.
18:47That does sound pretty cool.
18:48And, of course, you know,
18:49there would need to be a dazzling performance or two
18:51to keep the food's attention wrapped
18:53prior to the grand finale, and that's where I come in.
18:56It's okay. This isn't real. This isn't real.
18:59A bagel and a hot dog aren't planning a festival
19:01around your public execution.
19:03No, this is just another one
19:04of your post-Thanksgiving turkey nightmares.
19:06Oh, the nightmare's just begun for you, bitch.
19:09Ah!
19:11Wake up, Jack.
19:14Wake up, Jack! Wake up!
19:20Where are you taking me?
19:21Everyone else is out there finding a place to live,
19:23so I wanted to surprise you.
19:25Okay, open your eyes.
19:27Oh, a tree. Cool. I love it.
19:32Look up, you big dope.
19:38How did you find this place?
19:40During the war, I killed one of the small humies up here.
19:43Oh, you decorated it.
19:48Okay, look, I know this is technically in the dark zone,
19:51but I thought it'd be nice to have a quiet place
19:53for just the two of us.
19:57It's perfect.
20:00It made me the happiest little sausage in town.
20:08We did it.
20:10We really did.
20:11From this point on, and you can remind me later I said this,
20:14I think things are going to be absolutely perfect.
20:21It's literally my dream house.
20:26Ah!
20:28No!
20:31Mine! This is mine!
20:33I live here now! I got here before you!
20:35I got here before you! I got here before you!
20:37And you! And you! It's mine!
20:39It's mine, mine, mine, mine, mine!
20:41This is all mine! And you can't come in!
20:44It's mine!
20:51Hooray!
20:56Mine! Beat it, eggs!
21:02Mine!
21:04Out of my way, small potatoes!
21:14Mine! Mine!
21:20Mine!
21:50Mine!
22:20Mine!
22:50you
23:20you
23:50you
24:20you