Sausage Party Foodtopia S01 Ep03
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😹
FunTranscript
00:30Why'd you cut my toe off?
00:40I'm glad you asked.
00:41That's a very smart question.
00:42I'm just testing out how quickly you're going to burn.
00:46We don't want it to be too fast.
00:47We also don't want it to be too slow.
00:48You see that?
00:49It turns out you're going to burn just right.
00:54Please, you don't have to do this.
00:57Come on, man.
00:58You hear how excited everyone is down there?
00:59That's because of you.
01:00It's burning, man!
01:01We're going to burn a man!
01:04We can't disappoint them.
01:07I really got to hand it to you guys.
01:09Building an entire music festival around this bozo's death, it's very inspiring stuff.
01:13Plus, it's a great way to showcase new talent, and more importantly, my vocal range.
01:18Oh, wow.
01:19You're going to sing?
01:20You know, I don't know if you know this, but I can carry a tune myself.
01:25Rosemary, lemon drops, panko, and butter.
01:29Mixed grains and corn nuts make my heart flutter.
01:33Thanks, toots.
01:34We'll be in touch.
01:35Fred, did you hear that?
01:36He's going to be in touch.
01:37I might be in the big show.
01:38Now, Barry, make sure you don't light this putz up before my emotional crescendo.
01:42Copy that.
01:43And how will I know when you hit it?
01:44When your little beef and the buzz so juice all over your fancy little shoes.
01:47That's when.
01:49I look forward to that.
01:50Ooh.
01:54Dough, bread, meat, pho, soup, lasagna.
01:58Okay.
01:59I think I've heard enough, Adil.
02:02Because you are going to Burning Man.
02:05Oh, my goodness.
02:09Okay, great.
02:10Next up, Megan Thee Scallion.
02:13How many more additions do we need to get through?
02:15Okay.
02:16Let's see here.
02:17We have Pruna Mars, Celine Dijon, Machine Gun Jelly, Boy Porridge, Corn, and Hida Ora.
02:28I just have to admit that it's all coming back to me.
02:36Okay, look.
02:37Here's the thing, Katie.
02:39I can't be around any pitas or lavash.
02:41No flatbreads of any kind.
02:43Okay?
02:44This show is about celebration and escape.
02:46We don't want to feature imagery that reminds anyone of the only food to ever feel like home to me.
02:53So sorry, man.
02:54You're dismissed.
02:55Okay.
02:56That's better.
02:57So, wow.
02:58She's still going, huh?
03:00I could watch this all day.
03:02Oh, my God!
03:04What the hell is that?
03:13Go away!
03:14How did this stay in the air so long?
03:15Help me up, Ben!
03:16Help!
03:17Help!
03:18Help!
03:19Help!
03:20Help!
03:21Help!
03:22Help!
03:23Help!
03:24Help!
03:25Help!
03:26Help!
03:27Help!
03:28Help!
03:29Help!
03:30Help!
03:31Help!
03:32Help!
03:33Help!
03:34Help!
03:35Help!
03:36Help!
03:37Help!
03:38Help!
03:39Help!
03:48You're telling me there's things other than yumis that eat us?
03:50This is fucked!
03:51I know.
03:52This is gonna ruin Sammy Bagel Jr. presents Burning Man!
03:55Mark my words.
03:56That man will burn.
04:02♪♪
04:12♪♪
04:22Yes, Mary! Yes!
04:23Kill it, Mary! Kill it!
04:24But also be careful!
04:26♪♪
04:35Where's the entry point?
04:37How am I supposed to control this thing?
04:40Hot dog.
04:44No!
04:46Mary, no!
04:48♪♪
04:55What a girl.
04:57He's okay.
04:58That was so gross.
04:59But he's okay.
05:01We've got to stop this thing!
05:03♪♪
05:07No!
05:08Oh, no!
05:09Those are the first winks of sleep
05:10I've had since the apocalypse.
05:12Well, wakey, wakey, asshole.
05:14We got a new problem for you to solve.
05:16Either you tell us what that thing
05:17picking us off one by one is,
05:19or I start picking off
05:20those eyebrow hairs one by one.
05:22No, no, no, no, please.
05:23They'll grow back so weird.
05:24Then start talking!
05:25Okay, I know what that is,
05:27but before I tell you, I'm so thirsty.
05:29Can I have some water?
05:31Oh, oh, no, no.
05:33Is water alive?
05:34Oh, I've seen some water bottles
05:35walking around, but...
05:37Okay, what about normal tap water?
05:39Oh, like, does life begin
05:40when it enters the bottle?
05:42And what part's alive,
05:43the bottle or the water inside it?
05:45I'm sorry, I don't get your rules!
05:47This is so frustrating for me.
05:49You must understand.
05:50Our rules are simple,
05:51you fucking moron!
05:52You're embarrassing yourself!
05:53You want to quench your thirst?
05:55You quench our problem first.
05:57All right, we know how to stop this thing,
06:00but we need everybody's help!
06:02Aah!
06:04Aah!
06:05Aah!
06:28Hey, remember me?
06:30You shit directly in my face!
06:35Aah!
06:37Come to Barry, you squawky fuck.
06:41Now!
06:44Aah!
06:50Yahoo!
06:54Whoo-hoo-hoo!
06:57Yeah!
06:59Hey, up top!
07:00That was a great idea!
07:01It wasn't our idea.
07:02It was his.
07:04Oh, that was Turkey's baby?
07:05No.
07:06Damn it, move, Turkey.
07:07It was his.
07:08Help!
07:10Help!
07:11You got more advice from the humie?
07:14Oh, my God,
07:15and you made me unwittingly compliment it?
07:17Ooh, Burning Man is back on, baby.
07:20Uh, yeah, about that,
07:21is it really the smartest decision
07:23to burn this guy alive
07:24now that he saved us twice?
07:25All right, let me make sure I'm hearing you straight.
07:27Are you suggesting we shouldn't burn him?
07:30Like, at all?
07:31I think Frank is saying
07:32maybe we should just delay burning him, right?
07:34Yeah, yeah, just a little.
07:35Just a little to delay it.
07:36Yeah.
07:37So we have a better handle on this.
07:38Exactly.
07:39Who knows what the next random thing will pop up
07:40that we can't solve on our own.
07:41I can't cut a salt
07:42that flapping sky monster thing.
07:44It's just shit in my face.
07:45It's called a bird?
07:46I'm not calling it that.
07:48Look, Gum died.
07:49We needed some info in a pinch.
07:51I was fine with that,
07:52but it's a slippery slope.
07:53Soon you're gonna want to use this humie
07:55for every little problem that crops up.
07:57Well, not for every problem,
07:58just the random inexplicable ones.
08:00We don't need him.
08:01At the first sign of trouble,
08:02you want to run back to our oppressors?
08:04Did we not topple their whole society
08:06in a comically short period of time?
08:08We did.
08:09And did we or did we not tear down
08:10all stigmas around both fucking and sucking?
08:13Yeah, yeah, we did that, too.
08:14Then have some goddamn pride in your species.
08:17Have some faith in yourselves.
08:19This is our time, not theirs.
08:22He burns tonight.
08:26Welcome to the show.
08:28You know, my name, of course, is Sammy Bagel.
08:30It's my pleasure to introduce
08:32the first food group of the evening.
08:35Put your tiny hands together
08:37for the Talking Breads!
08:41A toast
08:43It is both brown and golden
08:45Oh, butter
08:47Don't spread it on our faces
08:50We were once bread
08:52Then exposed to heat
08:55Turned us into toast
08:58Pumpernickel, sourdough
09:00There's so many types of toast
09:03Fuckin' sure to ball up
09:07Marble, rabbit, and fringos
09:09Which bread do you like the most?
09:12Baby, it is a ball up
09:15Having trouble seeing the show?
09:17You're in luck.
09:18Pretty great view from up here.
09:21And all I ask is that you give me
09:23a little something-something in return.
09:26Oh, I get it.
09:27You want me to eat that big orange ass.
09:29My what?
09:30Your asshole.
09:31The gaper you got hanging off your bedunk there.
09:33Oh, so it is.
09:35A tempting offer.
09:36But I'm actually more interested
09:38in that sweet old mouth pearl you got.
09:44I don't need no ass.
09:46I'm a man of my word.
09:49I don't even know how to play music.
09:51None of this makes sense.
10:02All right, we're all set.
10:04The fire's gonna travel up this here string
10:07to the top of the hill,
10:08set the curtains on fire,
10:09revealing the humie,
10:10who, as it turns out, will also be on fire.
10:13It's genius.
10:16Well, there is no getting through to that.
10:18Okay, I do not feel great
10:19about letting our only source of information die.
10:24What if he doesn't?
10:25Okay, you already have my heart, Frank,
10:27but now you have my attention.
10:28You and me, we know what's best for Footopia
10:31and killing this guy, that ain't it.
10:33We need to put a stop to this.
10:34Wait, are you really suggesting
10:36we blatantly go against Barry's wishes?
10:38I mean, so what about our wishes?
10:41Our wishes don't count?
10:42Yeah.
10:43Don't you want your wishes to count?
10:44Yeah.
10:45Then you know what?
10:46Here's what I say.
10:47Yeah?
10:48There's two of us,
10:49so how come his wish overrides our two wishes?
10:52Wait, he has Sammy, that evens out.
10:54No, what that does is it makes it a wash.
10:56It makes it a wish wash.
10:57Okay, well, who does a tie go to
10:59in the event of a wish wash?
11:01I think we both know it goes to us
11:03because we are the ones looking out
11:04for the betterment of Footopia, okay?
11:06This will be all right.
11:07Barry will come around
11:08and he'll see we're doing the right thing.
11:10But ideally, honestly,
11:11he will never fucking find out about this.
11:13Right, okay.
11:14I'm with you, but, yeah,
11:15it's gonna be really bad when he finds out.
11:17Yes, but he won't find out.
11:18No, he won't, but I'm with you.
11:20But he won't find out.
11:21Oh, I think it would be very bad if he did.
11:23I am just a little dancy piece of macaroni
11:26I am not spaghetti or penne or rigatoni
11:28I am not lasagna or a fat slab of bologna
11:31I'm macaroni
11:33I am just a little dancy piece of macaroni
11:35I am not spaghetti or penne or rigatoni
11:38I am not lasagna or a fat slab of bologna
11:40I'm macaroni
11:42If you've ever seen a macaroni dancer
11:45He deserves a second glancin'
11:47Or a trustin' agent, Tyson and Robinson
11:50I'm a fancy macaroni
11:52I am just a little dancy piece of macaroni
11:55I am not spaghetti or penne or rigatoni
11:59I'm macaroni
12:04How the hell are we gonna pull this off?
12:06We can't just untie him.
12:07Everyone will see that Yumi's missing.
12:09Frank, remember back at Shopwell's
12:11When a food got chosen off a shelf
12:13Someone would come by and immediately replace them
12:15With the exact same food?
12:17Yes, I obviously remember that
12:19And that is a lovely walk down memory lane
12:22But I really think we need to focus
12:24On how the fuck we're getting...
12:25Oh!
12:29I heard from two leaves
12:31You went off to Tater
12:34You're not a meat
12:36You're just a tater
12:40Thank you, thank you so much
12:42Olivia Rodrigo, everybody
12:44Oof, I would not want to be the tater
12:46That wronged that olive
12:55Shit, shit, shit
12:56We need to hurry
12:57How are we supposed to move this thing?
12:58Maybe we could pilot one through the cockpit
13:01Like Barry did?
13:02How? They're all dead
13:03I don't know
13:04Maybe one of them has a little juice left in it
13:06You know, we don't need it to go far
13:08Worth a shot
13:13Nothing, a dud
13:20All right, all right, all right
13:22Now's the moment you've all been waiting for
13:24My show-stopping performance
13:26Coupled with
13:27The ceremonial lighting of the Yumi
13:31Oh, shit, shit
13:33Shit, it's Sammy's grand finale
13:34Gotta hurry
13:39Old hunk of junk
13:43Wait, did you hear that?
13:55I think we got a live one
13:57Yes!
13:58I'm going in
14:00I'm in, I'm in, I'm in there
14:02Is it going?
14:04No, no, nothing yet
14:06But keep going, buddy, you've got this
14:08Move your hands around
14:09Just start grabbing things
14:11When that's it, Frank, come on
14:15Yes!
14:16Now get up in there and make me proud
14:25Yes!
14:27Shit!
14:30Moving!
14:34I think I'm doing it
14:56Bag of flour, bag of chips
14:58Cream of mushroom, tub of dip
14:59One tomato, two potato
15:01Yellow ricotta cheese
15:03Eggplant, shot of barberry
15:05Jam in a jar
15:06Watermelon, apple, lemon
15:08Frozen bag of peas
15:10We're gonna start a fire
15:12What a thing of beauty
15:14When we cook a Yumi
15:16We're gonna start a fire
15:19Shit, we don't have enough time
15:22Then I'll buy us some
15:23Meatloaf, parmesan
15:25Sweet relish, gravy, parm
15:27Mozzarella, mortadella
15:28Cinnamon sticks
15:30Cauliflower, cantaloupe
15:32Jumbo-sized licorice roast
15:34Beef, turkey, turkey
15:35And assorted trail mix
15:37We're gonna start a fire
15:40What a fun occasion
15:42For the food persuasion
15:44Brenda, you are good
15:46You are god damn good
15:48Burning so bright
15:49While I'm in the fire
15:50Lighting up this merry time and stage
15:52Sammy's on the center stage
15:54Your attention fills my whole room
15:57We're gonna start a fire
15:59What a fun occasion
16:01For the food persuasion
16:03We're gonna start a fire
16:06The flame's out
16:07I gotta relight it
16:08Can you improv a couple more verses?
16:10Hey, does a beat leave you junk
16:12Right after you fuck it?
16:13Can of tuna, can of beans
16:15Cauliflower, mixed greens
16:17Yellow mustard pie
16:18Custard bagel from the bin
16:20Soda pop, quark trot
16:22Hey, check out that muffin top
16:23Rum, whiskey, clotted tin
16:25Can't forget the pumpkin
16:27Our Father who art in heaven
16:30Hallowed be thy
16:32Wait, is it hallowed or hallowed?
16:33Oh fuck.
16:34Okay.
16:35Hail Mary, son of
16:37Aw, bitch!
16:38Okay, what are the words?
16:40I can't remember any prayers.
16:41Am I gonna die a sinner?
16:43Not today.
16:44Huh?
16:48Oh no, the bath salts are melting my brain.
16:51Oh!
16:52Oh, it's you!
16:53Oh, it's you! Did you bring me water?
16:56What? No.
16:59Brenda! I'm almost in place!
17:06We gotta do this now!
17:24Prop him up!
17:26Who is that guy?
17:27I don't have his shirt.
17:31Right ball!
17:37Left ball!
17:40Whoa!
17:50Frank! Curtains up!
17:53Hot! Hot! Hot fire! Hot fire!
17:59You little hot dog! You don't have to go in my...
18:09Hot! Hot! Hot! Hot!
18:12The humie is on fire!
18:15I'm hearing, searing, all the folk is cheering
18:18The flames are getting higher and higher
18:22Everybody's watching me, it's all about the semi-
18:28Yeah!
18:31This is great!
18:32Frank, Brenda, get up here!
18:34Burn him! Burn him to hell!
18:39Frank! Brenda!
18:47Will you watch it? This guy's a klutz!
18:50I'm not in control of this!
18:55Harry made this look a lot easier than it is!
18:57He's like an ass savant!
19:00I can't thank you enough for saving me back there.
19:02They say fire is one of the worst ways to go.
19:06We did it.
19:09Yeah!
19:12We did the right thing, right?
19:13Yeah, definitely.
19:15Right?
19:17Oh, absolutely!
19:18I mean, you two should feel really good about yourselves right now.
19:23Look, I feel a bit awkward saying this to food,
19:26but, uh, I haven't eaten in a long time.
19:29I'm not gonna be much help to you if I starve to death.
19:32So, uh, those talking breads sounded pretty tasty.
19:36So did the macaroni.
19:37I'm not picky.
19:38I'd eat any of those musical acts.
19:40I don't want to be greedy.
19:41I'm not asking for the headliner.
19:43I know the bagel's your friend.
19:45An opening act.
19:46You know, a roadie.
19:47Anything.
19:48You two can make the call.
19:49So, what do you say, huh?
21:06You
21:36You
22:06You
22:36You