Sausage Party: Foodtopia S01E04
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00:00It's your best friend right here!
00:27Give me one two-times beans.
00:28Give me two cheese over two-times beans.
00:30Come on!
00:32Come on!
00:33You're in a toy car, in a toy store today Your driving skills are on display
01:02You are a kid, racing a kid, on wheels
01:10Driving remote control machines
01:13And now you're heading toward the toy train
01:17And the move you're about to try is insane
01:21So when you know, know, know, know it'll change your name
01:28Ooh, can of tuna!
01:30Ah, son of a bitch!
01:34And now pay up, you legume-filled laggard!
01:46Hi there. Sorry to break up the fun.
01:48Just wanted to say this is a lovely home you have here.
01:51And well, I'd like to have it.
01:58Ah, ye take us for dullards!
02:01I was at Cannes yesterday.
02:03We have no intention of handing this newly discovered land fortress over
02:08unless ye plan to plunder us!
02:11Oh no, there'll be no plundering.
02:14Congratulations on the single tooth you won your race.
02:16I hope you're happy with it.
02:18I am! Every food loves teeth!
02:21Their symbolism be lost on Noah.
02:24Let me let you in on a little secret.
02:26One tooth isn't cool.
02:28You know what's cool?
02:32One hundred and seven teeth.
02:36Go ahead and count them. Lots of white ones in there.
02:39Yellow ones, too. There's some babies.
02:41Oh, see the molar caught your eye.
02:43Nice, isn't it? That's a bicuspid.
02:45There's some snaggles in there.
02:47That's a match set. Put them together, there's a gap.
02:50Look at all that grade-A mouth bone!
02:54Aye, by the north wind, that's a lot of loot!
02:59You got a deal, me orange hearty?
03:07So long, ye fucking morons.
03:19I own all this!
03:24Even you.
03:30Lavash, my love.
03:33When I'm with you, I feel like I have no hole.
03:37Because it's filled with your love, your admiration,
03:41and occasionally your speckled, doughy...
03:45Fuck!
03:50Hey, what were you just screaming about?
03:53What? Was I screaming?
03:55Just a night terror. I'd rather not unpack it at the moment.
03:58It was a fun night.
04:00Yeah, and now it's over.
04:02No more excitement.
04:04No more love will be given.
04:06No more attention will be paid.
04:08I guess this is life now.
04:10Just sitting here, replaying the glory days,
04:14knowing there's not going to be a quick and easy...
04:17Well, answer to all my problems.
04:28Cool.
04:35Jeez, look at that. They love him.
04:39This attention box, it's exactly what I need.
04:47Back that motherfucker.
04:50Hey.
04:52Wow, hey, you got quite an audience there.
04:55Can I have a turn? Maybe just a tight five?
04:57Thanks a lot, bread boy. You made me miss a step.
05:00I'm sorry.
05:02I'm looking for an outlet to share my gift with the world,
05:06and this just seems like a perfect format.
05:08Get your own high-tech broadcasting system.
05:11This one's taken.
05:13You don't understand. I need this.
05:15You don't understand. This is my place,
05:18and I don't give a shit what you need.
05:20I care about one thing, and one thing only,
05:23and that's...
05:37Rage!
05:40Son of a fucking...
05:42Ow!
05:46Wait!
05:52Hey, how about a round of applause for my opening act,
05:55the injured cereal box?
05:57I'm back. Okay, let's get this show on the road.
06:00So my ex saw me having sex with another food the other day,
06:04and I guess you'd have to say I really was in a pickle.
06:10Do you think this humie will eat one of his own?
06:13He said he's hungry, didn't he?
06:15It's not like we're going to feed him one of our own,
06:18so either he starves or...
06:20Bone app a feet.
06:22Hey, watch it!
06:24Oh, shit, man!
06:26You all right?
06:28No! Have you seen Pops?
06:30What Pops?
06:32That shifty old-timey popsicle.
06:34I had a tooth in my pocket, and he run up with a pick and stole it.
06:38He pocketed you?
06:40But foods wouldn't steal from other foods.
06:42Yeah? Well, tell that to the motherfucker what yonked my shit.
06:45It's happening everywhere.
06:47Hey, somebody stop her!
06:49Okay, hold on.
06:51We don't know the full story there.
06:53I had a tooth, and she stole it!
06:55Okay, now we do.
06:57This is a problem.
06:59Shit, here comes another problem.
07:01Does he know what we did? Is he coming to confront us?
07:04I don't know. Just act natural.
07:06Ow, what are you doing?
07:08I don't know. I can't remember how to act naturally.
07:10Will you stop pinching me?
07:12Hey, bear bear.
07:14Hey, guys, what are you up to?
07:16Can I hang out with you all day?
07:18All day?
07:20Yeah, well, from now until bedtime.
07:22What are you guys carrying this foot around for?
07:24Oh, nothing.
07:26We just wanted this rolly shoe.
07:28Yeah, the foot's not important.
07:30We just couldn't get it out.
07:32I didn't even see it there.
07:34No, I just saw it just now.
07:36Weird.
07:38I'll help you get it out of there.
07:40I know a thing or two about this.
07:42No, you don't have to.
07:44Once saved food society,
07:46now I'm just some dumb schmuck
07:48pulling feet out of rolly shoes.
07:50That's what I've been reduced to,
07:52but the only thing that makes it better,
07:54I guess, is knowing that we'll be hanging out
07:56from now until bedtime.
07:58What the hell? What does that even mean?
08:00We can't hang out with him until bedtime?
08:02Can't we just get rid of him?
08:04Look how sad and lost he is.
08:06He has nothing, not a thing.
08:10Hey, maybe you can actually help us
08:12with a little something more pressing
08:14and a lot more dangerous.
08:16What is it?
08:18Foods are stealing from each other, Barry,
08:20and we need a system in place to stop it,
08:22and you're the only food that is heroic enough to run it.
08:24Damn, that's stiffened me right up.
08:26Yeah, looks like you gained about an inch there.
08:28Ooh.
08:32Hey, you stealing?
08:34Over my dead meat, baby.
08:36Hey, Frank, remind me
08:38to introduce you to someone later.
08:40Who?
08:42A problem we can't handle.
08:44Oh, wait, it doesn't exist.
08:48I know your frail bodies
08:50required sustenance, so here.
08:52We got you something to eat.
08:54Oh, my God, I don't know how to thank you.
08:56I understand what a huge moral conundrum
08:58this must have been for you, so...
09:00Not really. We kind of kicked the moral conundrum
09:02over to you.
09:06Oh, and it's a lady's foot.
09:08I don't know why that makes it worse, but it does.
09:10Wait, but if I don't eat it,
09:12isn't that somehow more sexist?
09:14What am I tucking myself into?
09:16I can't eat a foot.
09:18Can't eat a foot. What an asshole.
09:20Yeah, well, I bet you could eat me, though, right?
09:22Huh? Could you bring yourself to do that?
09:24I, uh,
09:26don't know.
09:28I bet just by looking at me
09:30you can remember what I taste like.
09:32Brenda, take it easy. No!
09:34I bet this guy wants to eat me.
09:36Yeah? What? Hey, you want to spread me open?
09:38Yeah, squirt some mustard on me,
09:40pop a radish on my head, dunk me in a soda,
09:42smear me on a watermelon slice,
09:44and then eat me? Is that it?
09:46I would never do that.
09:48That flavor profile is insane.
09:50Oh, flavor profile. Did you hear that, Frank?
09:52He's flavor profiling me.
09:54Okay, look, I'm sorry.
09:56A foot is just a lot to wrap my head around.
09:58Maybe if you got me some fingers,
10:00I could fry them in oil,
10:02or, oh, my God,
10:04of course. Of course.
10:06I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oil is a person to you.
10:08Oh, I didn't mean that.
10:10I didn't mean that.
10:12Frank, let's bounce.
10:14Don't leave me here alone.
10:16I thought you wanted me to help you create your little food society.
10:18No, we're viewing you more as a rainy day human,
10:20as in we're saving you for a rainy day, or a bird day,
10:22or any day we don't understand, but we don't need you right now.
10:24The last thing we want is our society
10:26resembling your fucked-up human society.
10:28We're doing things the food way.
10:30Okay,
10:32so I'm creating a task force
10:34to patrol the streets and crack down
10:36on tooth theft.
10:38To all the volunteers, when I call you
10:40by name, please step
10:42forward and get your badge
10:44and cocktail sword, which will give you a sense
10:46of irrational power that I know
10:48will not be a problem going forward.
10:50Chris Bologna.
10:54Kishka Hargitay.
10:58Hi, Kishka.
11:00Iced tea.
11:06And all the rest of it.
11:08Let's hit the streets!
11:12Bad food, bad food
11:14Coming after you
11:16Coming after you when you steal our tooth
11:18Bad food, bad food
11:20Coming after you
11:22Coming after you when you steal our tooth
11:24Bad food, bad food
11:26Coming after you when you steal our tooth
11:28Bad food, bad food
11:30Coming after you
11:32Coming after you when you steal our tooth
11:34Baloney man getting in your face
11:36The kishka spreading your legs
11:38Iced tea got you running
11:40for days
11:42And the berry man he don't play
11:44All right, Cream.
11:46We know you're friends with Pops. Where's he at?
11:48Yeah, all right. What do you want from me?
11:50Soda Pops, Ring Pops, Blow Pops.
11:52I even know a couple fucking lines.
11:54You know what Pops was talking about.
11:56Ickle man. Pops Ickle.
11:58Ow! Hey!
12:00Watch the tub, man. All right, look.
12:02He's over there.
12:04Stay cool. Thanks for the tooth.
12:06Pops! Freeze!
12:08That's what I'm trying to do!
12:12Officers.
12:16Open the fucking door!
12:18Sorry, Pops.
12:20Party's over.
12:22Hey, where the hell are you taking me?
12:24Wouldn't you like to know?
12:26Hey, what are we supposed to do with Pops
12:28and all the other foods we caught stealing?
12:32I got this one.
12:34Food court is now in session.
12:36All y'all rise right now
12:38for the Honorable Judge Rutabaga Gibbsburg.
12:42We did it again.
12:44You're welcome, Foodtopia.
12:46Okay, our first case
12:48is Red Lentils
12:50versus
12:52Pops.
12:54So, what's the problem?
12:56Pops stole my tooth,
12:58you old chomper-stealing bitch.
13:00Pops, is that accurate?
13:02Sure is, and I'd do it again.
13:04No remorse.
13:06Don't worry, Frank. They caught the bastard.
13:08The system's working.
13:10But you don't understand.
13:12It's not that cut and dry.
13:14It's you.
13:16I was melting to death.
13:18And not just me, my young'uns.
13:20Green, Fudge, the whole Ickle family
13:22on the brink of liquification.
13:24We needed a freezer
13:26and fast.
13:28But freezers ain't coming cheap
13:30in old Foodtopia.
13:32That's why I had to steal
13:34Red Lentils' tooth.
13:36This goddamn place made me change who I was.
13:38The worst part is
13:40by the time I came back with my
13:42forgotten tooth, every Ickle
13:44in my family had melted
13:46anyway.
13:50I can still picture
13:52little Fudge's face sliding
13:54down the side of his body,
13:56splatting all over the floor
13:58in my shoes. Look!
14:00Shoes off the witness tray.
14:02Ugh, sad to see.
14:04But this is a food court
14:06of law, and much like
14:08the airtight ceiling on
14:10a jar of pickles,
14:12laws must never be broken.
14:16I hereby order Pops
14:18to return the teeth
14:20to Red Lentils.
14:22Bailey!
14:30If everyone has
14:32now finished gasping,
14:34the court will now
14:36hear the case of Spritzer
14:38versus Romaine,
14:40who is accused of stealing
14:42three baby teeth.
14:44Uh, are you noticing a
14:46disturbing trend in all the foods that are on trial
14:48for stealing?
14:52Still plenty of fridge space
14:54to rent in my spacious six-shelf walk-in!
14:56Comes fully equipped with central cooling,
14:58no natural light, and butter shelf doormats.
15:00Don't have enough teeth for a fridge?
15:02We also sell cold water squares
15:04for half the price. Or be the envy of all
15:06your food friends when you hit the open road
15:08in your sleek new wind-up or RC!
15:10Batteries not included.
15:14Fuck, are foods using teeth to barter
15:16for goods?
15:18And services.
15:26Move it!
15:28Hey! Stop hogging the blow zone!
15:30What the hell is this?
15:32We got food slums now?
15:36People are punishing foods for stealing teeth,
15:38but it's like they're only doing that because they need them to live!
15:42Fuck, this is bad. I don't know what to do.
15:44I'm spitting out! Is this something we should be
15:46talking to the Hume-y about?
15:48No, no, no, Frank, Frank.
15:50This isn't Water from the Sky or Flying Monsters.
15:52We don't need the Hume-y, and we don't want to be infected
15:54by his evil basic bitch ideas.
15:56This is a food problem, and we need to
15:58come up with a food solution.
16:00A food-lution. See?
16:02I just came up with a food-lution for the problem
16:04and the food and solution were too many goddamn words.
16:06See? I just did it right there.
16:08You're right. It's simple.
16:10Some foods have a lot of teeth. Some foods have none.
16:12So we ask the foods who have a lot
16:14to just give some to the foods that don't.
16:16Yeah, this is not remotely controversial.
16:18And every food is going to be on board with this.
16:20Great! How do we get the word out?
16:22Okay, how about this one?
16:24What do you call a noodle
16:26that's trying to be something it's not?
16:28An imposter.
16:30Hmm.
16:32That's the same joke structure as the last one.
16:34You're the imposter!
16:36Hack!
16:38Hey, what are you...
16:40Don't leave in the middle.
16:42Oh, no, come on, Sammy. You're losing them.
16:44You're losing them. Think, think, think.
16:46How do I stay relevant?
16:48Sammy, we need you to deliver a public service
16:50announcement that absolutely
16:52everyone has to hear.
16:54Ooh, yeah.
16:56Whoo!
16:58Whoo!
17:00Whoo!
17:02Whoo!
17:04Good evening.
17:06I, of course, am Sammy Bagel.
17:08You know my first guests from starting the revolution
17:10and most recently
17:12creating our justice system,
17:14Frank and Brenda.
17:16Whoo!
17:18Yeah, no, Frank, Brenda,
17:20love you kids.
17:22Now I hear that you've got a big announcement.
17:24Yes, we do.
17:26Basically, we have devised a system,
17:28a pretty clever little system,
17:30which would take a portion of everyone's teeth
17:32to ensure the foods who don't have any
17:34are taken care of.
17:36Yeah, to demonstrate what we're talking about,
17:38picture a pie.
17:40Or better yet, let's bring her up on stage.
17:42Pie?
17:44Whoo!
17:46I would just like to say
17:48hi to my friend Rhubarb.
17:50Hi, Barb!
17:52Okay, let's say pie here
17:54represents all the teeth a food has.
17:56I'm teeth.
17:58Okay, you sure are, pie. Thanks for helping.
18:00So as I was saying, if you're a food that doesn't have a lot,
18:02we'd only take, like,
18:04this big a slice of your teeth.
18:06That's not a lot.
18:08Exactly. Seriously, stop that. I don't...
18:10You shouldn't be commenting. You're just a problem.
18:12And if you have way more teeth than you need,
18:14you'll pay, like, this big a slice,
18:16which is significant,
18:18but you will notice there's still
18:20a piece of pie's body left.
18:22Oh, what?
18:24Wait, no, stop it. Do I hear a boo?
18:26Is someone booing?
18:28Who's the booer?
18:30Oh, okay, you, sir.
18:32You seem to have a problem
18:34with the Sharesies' plan.
18:36Yeah, I'm Julius,
18:38and I got a problem.
18:40They don't believe in food.
18:42What? We started the revolution.
18:44We believe in food.
18:46I was there for that! She's right!
18:48Doesn't sound like it.
18:50You want to give everyone handouts
18:52because you think we're too weak
18:54to figure it out for ourselves.
18:56No, that's not what we're saying.
18:58Stand up, sir. Talk into the mic.
19:00This is your chance to speak directly
19:02to Frank and Brenda.
19:04After the war, you said
19:06foods were free to do whatever we want.
19:08And now,
19:10you're telling us what to do.
19:12So, which is it?
19:14Uh, both?
19:16Come on.
19:18Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
19:20Yeah. Now, are you better off now
19:22than you were four days ago?
19:24No, no, no. I'm doing much worse.
19:26Then why are we even listening
19:28to them in the first place?
19:30Who put them in charge? I didn't.
19:32Did you? No.
19:34Yeah, what the fuck?
19:36You think you should be in charge?
19:38No, I think we should be
19:40in charge of who's
19:42in charge.
19:45And
19:47if my fellow foods were to choose me,
19:49I would sure
19:51as shit do a better job
19:53than you.
19:58Someone call the watermelon
20:00because this is getting juicy.
20:04So, what do you say?
20:06Do you think my old friends Frank and Brenda
20:08should be in charge?
20:10No.
20:14Or
20:16do you think my audience member Julius
20:18should be in charge?
20:22Well, tune in next time
20:24where the winner will be chosen
20:26exclusively on my show
20:28Arguments, hosted by
20:30your favorite bagel, Sam.
20:32Hey, great job, you two.
20:34Great show.
20:36What do you mean great show?
20:38You completely fucked us.
20:40Wait, what?
20:42I don't understand.
20:44Everyone in town was watching you.
20:46I'm totally perplexed
20:48how you could view that as anything
20:50other than tremendous.
20:52Look at that.
20:54They love me.
20:56They love me.
20:58They love me.
21:00Look at that.
21:02They love me.
21:04Excuse me while I go canoodle with some canned noodles.
21:06Ciao for now.
21:08What just happened?
21:10That was a fucking disaster.
21:12Any food lutions for how we solve this problem?
21:14Not at the moment, but
21:16it could be worse, right?
21:18How?
21:20You think you can run from Barry?
21:22You're chasing a break
21:24who wants to escape
21:26from you.
21:28That's what you do.
21:32Evading the law
21:34through a tall straw.
21:36No way!
21:40Barry loses food today.
21:42And now you're vaulting
21:44with a chip stick.
21:46You're so determined to get to
21:48quit this prick.
21:50It means you're gone, gone, gone,
21:52gone, and it's your last
21:54trick.
21:56Barry got you.
22:00Hey, stop. Stop struggling.
22:02I do not want to squish you.
22:04What the fuck?
22:27Oh!
22:29Well,
22:31I guess that seals it.
22:33I'm a cannibal now.
22:56I have touched you
22:58for the last time.
23:00Is it a video?
23:04Is it a video?
23:12I have loved you
23:14for the last time.
23:16Visions of Gideon.
23:20Visions of Gideon.
23:23And I have kissed you
23:25for the last time.
23:28Visions of Gideon.
23:31Visions of Gideon.
23:35For the love, for laughter
23:37I flew up to your arms.
23:41Is it a video?
23:44Is it a video?
23:47Is it a video?
23:49Is it a video?
23:52Is it a video?
24:19Visions of Gideon.
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