#englishmovies #movies #horrorstories
Title: DEEP MURDER
Summary: This raunchy horror comedy delves deep into the story of a deranged killer as he slashes his way across a soft core porno. Who will last the longest as the stiffs pile up and the killer plows through his victims? #horror #horrormovies #englishmovies #movies #horrorstories #horrorstory #thriller #thrillermovies #mystery #mysterymovies #comedy #comedymovies
YOP: 2019
Cast: Quinn Beswick, Katie Aselton, Jessica Parker Kennedy
Director: Nick Corirossi
Writer: Quinn Beswick, Josh Margolin, Benjamin Smolen
Title: DEEP MURDER
Summary: This raunchy horror comedy delves deep into the story of a deranged killer as he slashes his way across a soft core porno. Who will last the longest as the stiffs pile up and the killer plows through his victims? #horror #horrormovies #englishmovies #movies #horrorstories #horrorstory #thriller #thrillermovies #mystery #mysterymovies #comedy #comedymovies
YOP: 2019
Cast: Quinn Beswick, Katie Aselton, Jessica Parker Kennedy
Director: Nick Corirossi
Writer: Quinn Beswick, Josh Margolin, Benjamin Smolen
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00You
00:00:30You
00:01:00You
00:01:11Isn't it crazy that we're going to college in like a whole week
00:01:14I just hope I have better luck there than I did in high school
00:01:17Not with my studies of course, but with the ladies you can't go to college a virgin
00:01:22You'll be toast
00:01:24You'll get left out of every lecture
00:01:26Jace I've tried but not everyone can be the captain of the varsity and junior varsity football team
00:01:33What about your hot babysit? Oh
00:01:42Hi big boys, I hope I'm not interrupted. I just needed a break from babysit
00:01:47I'm not supposed to get off
00:01:49But I don't know how many hours and I thought maybe we could do something about that
00:01:54I'm about to show you how it's done
00:01:59Hey, you know I'm a quarterback, right?
00:02:06That's how it's done
00:02:09You're a quarterback
00:02:11Lucky for you. I'm a Titan. I didn't know you liked football. What's your favorite team?
00:02:17Mine's the Monterey Jambos. Jace takes the handoff and he's going all the way
00:02:21You're not planning to just stare at it?
00:02:23Only if you return the favor
00:02:25Ha ha ha ha ha ha
00:02:27Ha ha ha ha ha
00:02:29You're crazy
00:02:31Yes, I know your final page is coming through on the facts now. I am a very sophisticated investor, sir
00:02:38Can someone get the goddamn door? Sorry dad. I'm on it. No, not you. Mr. Yakimura
00:02:51Whistling
00:03:04There's a terrible storm coming
00:03:06I'm Dr. Bunny Van Clit
00:03:08I'm a weather scientist
00:03:10Storm? What do you mean, doctor?
00:03:12Everyone in this town was supposed to evacuate but now it's too late
00:03:16Hurricane Muff is already upon us
00:03:19My whole family's in this house
00:03:21I'm the son, Hugh Dangler
00:03:23We're all going to have to hole up here until Muff passes
00:03:30So, you're a real scientist
00:03:33I love science
00:03:35Really? So do I
00:03:38I should probably get out of these wet clothes
00:03:41Maybe you can think of a way to warm me up
00:03:45I'll go get you a towel
00:03:50Damn it, Hugh. You choked again
00:03:53My dad was right. I am a virgin
00:04:20Whistling
00:04:33I think he's dead
00:04:36Doug! Wake up!
00:04:39What is happening?
00:04:41Who are you?
00:04:43I'm Dr. Bunny Van Clit
00:04:45I'm a weather scientist
00:04:48Oh my God!
00:04:50Oh my God! Look at that!
00:04:52Oh my God!
00:04:54Why is he dead?
00:04:57Oh my God!
00:05:15Is he dead?
00:05:18I think he's dead
00:05:20I've never known anyone who died before
00:05:24And on a $4,200 duvet
00:05:26Damn it! Looks like I'm working late again tonight
00:05:29What if we put his blood back in him?
00:05:32Yeah, that's where blood lives
00:05:34Inside of bodies
00:05:36I know one way to get a man's blood pumping again
00:05:41Oh, honey
00:05:43No
00:05:44Oh
00:05:45Honey
00:05:47No
00:05:48Stop
00:05:54He's dead
00:05:56All right?
00:06:00What do we do now?
00:06:04Do we fuck?
00:06:05I don't think so
00:06:06I'm not saying on the body
00:06:08We can fuck around the body
00:06:09We can fuck on the side of the body
00:06:10We don't have to be in the same...
00:06:12No one else has any ideas
00:06:13It's okay
00:06:14There are no bad ideas in science
00:06:18Who the hell is this?
00:06:19Dr. Bunny Van Clit
00:06:21You can call me Bunny Van Clit
00:06:23Dr. Bunny Van Clit
00:06:25Bunny for short
00:06:27I'm a weather scientist
00:06:29Maybe we should call someone
00:06:31My cousin Oren lives down the street
00:06:33Like the police
00:06:35911
00:06:37Yeah, I know those numbers
00:06:39I'll do it
00:06:54Hello?
00:06:55Oh, I'm fine
00:06:56How are you?
00:06:57Jace!
00:06:58Oh, oh, sorry
00:06:59I gotta report a dead body
00:07:00Somebody died
00:07:14Somebody call for a private dick?
00:07:16I'm Detective Brock Cross
00:07:18That was awful
00:07:19I went to go grab a beer
00:07:21That was awful
00:07:22I went to go grab the loot
00:07:23And I'm here to work a case
00:07:25Work it long
00:07:27Work it hard
00:07:29And whoever is guilty
00:07:30Is gonna feel the full force of the law
00:07:32Ah, shit!
00:07:34Ow!
00:07:35Ooh, ooh, ooh
00:07:39Oh no
00:07:40Why didn't anybody warn me?
00:07:42When did this come out of my belly?
00:07:46Sorry about that
00:07:47I want you to know
00:07:48It had nothing to do with the body
00:07:49I had a heavy lunch
00:07:50And I think I just went up those stairs
00:07:51A little bit too fast
00:07:56Here's my expert opinion
00:07:57That, that man up there is dead
00:08:00I believe he was murdered
00:08:02Murdered on purpose?
00:08:03But who would do such a thing?
00:08:05No one would be crazy enough
00:08:06To venture out in this storm
00:08:08Which can mean only one thing
00:08:10The killer must be one of us
00:08:12He must be one of us!
00:08:13God!
00:08:14Kid wants to be a detective
00:08:15Too bad only one of us has a badge
00:08:18What?
00:08:19Damn it
00:08:20This isn't my code
00:08:21What do we do now, Detective Cross?
00:08:23I have a jazz board full of rubbers
00:08:25If anybody's interested
00:08:28Shouldn't we try to figure out
00:08:29What happened to Doug?
00:08:31Sure!
00:08:32How exactly do you propose we do that?
00:08:33Should I take you all up to a room?
00:08:35Curl you one by one
00:08:36Until the murderer drops down to his knees?
00:08:38Or her knees
00:08:41Jesus, you know what?
00:08:42We're doing it
00:08:43You're first
00:08:44Come on
00:08:45Come on
00:08:47I have a question
00:08:48I want you to take your time with this one
00:08:50Once you get it right
00:08:52Did you kill this guy?
00:08:53No!
00:08:54Oh, well
00:08:55But I was downstairs in the linen closet
00:08:57When I heard that-
00:08:58No!
00:08:59Not your boyfriend?
00:09:00Don't care about your day?
00:09:01I swear I didn't do it
00:09:03I'm just an innocent little babysitter
00:09:06My
00:09:08How long have you been working here?
00:09:09Maybe a couple of days
00:09:11Or months
00:09:12It's sort of hard to say
00:09:13Years, probably
00:09:15What's that lollipop?
00:09:16What's that?
00:09:17Blueberry
00:09:18It's a blueberry
00:09:19It's got to be
00:09:22And it's blue
00:09:23Yes, grandpa
00:09:46Is anybody else cold?
00:09:49I feel
00:09:51Antsy
00:09:52I know what you mean
00:09:54I feel like I should be doing science
00:09:57I feel like I should be
00:09:59Throwing home runs
00:10:01Dunking on them
00:10:02Just
00:10:03Really dunking on them
00:10:04Maybe
00:10:05You guys should be doing your things together
00:10:09And then, like
00:10:10I'd walk in
00:10:11And you wouldn't see me
00:10:13But I'd be watching you do your things
00:10:16And then I'd come over
00:10:18And help you finish your things
00:10:22And Babs
00:10:24Maybe you could join us
00:10:25And teach us a thing or two
00:10:27It's a mother's job
00:10:29To prepare her child for the world
00:10:38Are you okay, hun?
00:10:41You didn't get stabbed, did you?
00:10:43You'd tell me if someone stabbed you
00:10:45Mom, I'm fine, geez
00:10:47Are you hungry?
00:10:48You must have worked up quite an appetite
00:10:50With all that studying
00:10:52Nerd
00:10:53Merchant
00:10:55Love you
00:10:56Is it really so hard to keep quiet
00:10:58While a man's trying to conduct Asian business on the phone?
00:11:00I can't believe I'm this close to doing it
00:11:02Dick Dengar doesn't put his name
00:11:03So, Babs
00:11:04You're Hugh's mom?
00:11:06Guilty
00:11:07Richard's my husband
00:11:09And Doug, may he rest in peace
00:11:11Was my husband's brother
00:11:13Who I was sleeping with
00:11:14Could you please be quiet?
00:11:16People
00:11:17Stupid, stupid
00:11:19Did your husband know about Doug?
00:11:22Goodness, no
00:11:24If he did, he'd kill us all
00:11:26Fine, you got me
00:11:27I did it
00:11:28Yes, case closed
00:11:29Pharmaceuticals?
00:11:30Of course
00:11:31Wait, what?
00:11:32Excuse me, mother phone
00:11:33One second
00:11:34Yeah, as I was saying, I did it
00:11:36I bought all the shares
00:11:37Risky, maybe
00:11:38But I believe pills are the future of medicine
00:11:40Did you kill Doug?
00:11:42I killed Doug
00:11:43I killed Doug
00:11:44In the deal
00:11:45I killed Doug
00:11:47Excuse me
00:11:48Sorry, I can't seem to follow
00:11:49Go ahead
00:11:50Department of Underground Gaming
00:11:51Doug
00:11:52Ever heard of it?
00:11:53I've never heard of it
00:11:54So Doug's dead
00:11:55I killed him
00:11:56I stabbed him
00:11:57In the heart about 15 times
00:11:59I don't want to do this
00:12:00I don't want to do it
00:12:02All right, you seem like a cool dude
00:12:04I don't think you did it
00:12:05Thanks, bro
00:12:06You too
00:12:11So can I go?
00:12:12Oh, yeah, get out of here, man
00:12:13Doug used to write me
00:12:15The most wonderful love letters
00:12:20Dear Babs, you filthy whore
00:12:23Last night was amazing
00:12:25I know you're my brother's wife
00:12:27But like my hero Cain from that story Cain and Abel
00:12:30I hope to one day smash his head in with a rock
00:12:33And make you my own Doug
00:12:37Such a sweetheart
00:12:39Sweetheart?
00:12:40Whenever I was doing homework with my busty tutor
00:12:42He'd come in and french her butthole
00:12:44One time at our sexy hot tub party
00:12:47He held my head underwater for so long I got the bends
00:12:50But it was all in good fun
00:12:53It was probably the best night of my life
00:12:55All in good fun
00:12:56It was probably my idea
00:12:58According to the laws of science
00:13:00It sounds like a lot of you had issues with Doug
00:13:03Well, I didn't, of course
00:13:05Never met him
00:13:07Didn't even know his last name
00:13:09He was a dangler
00:13:12I spent two years banging Doug Dangler in space
00:13:16I was a scientist in space
00:13:18And Doug Dangler was in space too
00:13:21I loved him
00:13:23And when we returned as heroes to Earth
00:13:25He left me for another woman
00:13:27And the worst part is he dumped me with the letter
00:13:32Dear Dr. Bunny Van Clit
00:13:34You filthy space whore
00:13:36There's three people you can talk to
00:13:37Good cop, bad cop and hot cop
00:13:39I got news for you
00:13:40Good cop's home with the flu
00:13:41And bad cop took the day off to snuff this case
00:13:43Because he's a bad cop
00:13:44It's elegant
00:13:45You listen to me
00:13:46You are good looking
00:13:47You're a hard worker
00:13:49You're gonna get to the bottom of this case
00:13:52Thank you very much
00:13:53Do you believe that?
00:13:54Yeah
00:13:55You need to know you're gonna do it
00:13:56I know, that's what's hard
00:13:58Yeah, well, you're just gonna look
00:13:59Sometimes I wanted to kill Doug
00:14:00Like, y'all remember when I was having sex
00:14:02With that really hot, short-haired pizza girl
00:14:05And he ate all the zy?
00:14:07Ooh, I was so miffed
00:14:09I threw like two fumbles that night
00:14:11But you would never actually kill someone, would you?
00:14:15Jace is a football hero, not a killer
00:14:18It's not in his nature
00:14:20Be like the babysitter not being in the mood
00:14:22You know me
00:14:24I hate to break it to you
00:14:26But you may not know each other quite as well as you think
00:14:30You're literally the last person
00:14:32You really expect me to believe that you didn't do it?
00:14:34Well, I didn't
00:14:36But you should know that a lot of people down there
00:14:38Seem to have something against Doug
00:14:40Myself included
00:14:41What do you think you're doing?
00:14:43I'm the detective here
00:14:45You're just a scientist
00:14:46I've won the Nobel Prize
00:14:48The Pulitzer and the Ruby Scepter
00:14:50Which you can only win if you've already won the Nobel and the Pulitzer
00:14:53It's very prestigious and practically unheard of
00:14:56Right now, in this house, all that means dick
00:14:59So stay in your lane
00:15:01Let me do my goddamn job
00:15:03I've got nothing
00:15:05Ah, come on!
00:15:06I'm sorry, honestly, I think I know less now than I did before
00:15:09Because, quite frankly, I like all you guys
00:15:11And I hope that none of you did it
00:15:12But Dr. Van Klit said the murderer must still be in the house
00:15:14Because of the storm
00:15:15Yes, the killer could be any one of us
00:15:16It could even be me
00:15:18Oh my god, is it me?
00:15:20No
00:15:22I thought it was me for a second
00:15:23So we could all be murderers?
00:15:25That sounds like something a murderer would say
00:15:26That sounds like something a murderer would say
00:15:28Sounds something like a murderer would say
00:15:30Stop!
00:15:31We can't all go around pointing fingers
00:15:33Saying that Jace did it or Babs did it
00:15:35Babs did it or Babs did it
00:15:37Babs did it!
00:15:38I knew it was you, Babs!
00:15:39I knew it was Babs!
00:15:40I'm sorry, I'm sorry
00:15:42I know we're all a little bit worked up
00:15:43I just get so angry
00:15:45Knowing that Babs did it
00:15:46If we're going to get through this
00:15:47We have to learn to trust each other
00:15:51I think I know how
00:15:56Trust fall
00:16:00Oh no!
00:16:03Since the killer is still on the loose
00:16:05I think the best thing to do is to keep calm and stay put
00:16:09Oh my god, that is so unbelievably dumb, okay?
00:16:11It's a big house
00:16:12We've got to search for clues
00:16:13Jace, babysitter, you guys take the upstairs
00:16:16Come on
00:16:17All right, all right, all right
00:16:18Listen, Bozo, do whatever the hell you want
00:16:20Dead brother or no dead brother
00:16:21I have investments to invest
00:16:24Big, expensive, international
00:16:28Black investments
00:16:30Great idea, Richard
00:16:31Search the office
00:16:32Nerd?
00:16:33Dr. Van Clinton, I could pair up
00:16:34All right, you two bookworms take the first floor
00:16:36Babs?
00:16:37You are sticking with me
00:16:38I'll just be in the kitchen
00:16:39Preparing Hugh's favorite meal
00:16:41Food
00:16:42Oh, okay, you know what?
00:16:43I think I'm going to go with them
00:16:44Hugh?
00:16:46Do you have a second, honey?
00:16:49Hi
00:16:51Hi
00:16:53How are you?
00:16:55What?
00:16:57I just, I know today's been a little scary
00:17:00And I wanted to see how you're holding up
00:17:03Okay, I guess
00:17:07You're so grown up
00:17:10I can't believe I'm old enough to be your mother
00:17:13You're being weird, are you okay?
00:17:19I haven't been a very good parent
00:17:22I never helped you with your homework
00:17:26I fucked a lot of your friends
00:17:31I'm going to be a better mom
00:17:35Hmm?
00:17:40Don't you worry about that erection, okay?
00:17:43It's totally normal for a growing boy
00:17:47I love you, son
00:18:04Nothing in the family room
00:18:10Nothing in the study
00:18:15Nope, not in the walk-in closet either
00:18:19I can't believe Doug is actually dead
00:18:23I've known him for days
00:18:25Months even
00:18:26Years, probably
00:18:29Yeah, he's dead as hell
00:18:33Wait
00:18:35What?
00:18:37Wait
00:18:39We shouldn't be doing that
00:18:41We're supposed to be looking for clues
00:18:43Come on, girl
00:18:45It'll be real quick
00:18:47I need this
00:18:49What?
00:18:52What about
00:18:54What I need?
00:18:56Ew, what?
00:18:58Just something feels off
00:19:00You need me to light more candles?
00:19:02No, it's not the candles
00:19:03I just need some time to think
00:19:06No, babysitter
00:19:08No, don't think, alright?
00:19:11Thinking, it gets in the way
00:19:13I never think, I just do
00:19:15That's who I am, baby
00:19:17I make the game-winning putts
00:19:19All the time
00:19:21Right to the touchdown
00:19:23I bring brown queens
00:19:24And also, I take showers with my teammates
00:19:27We're very naked
00:19:28And wet
00:19:29Due to the water
00:19:30And that's what I do, because that's me
00:19:32I am Jace and J-A-C-E
00:19:35You know you want it
00:19:36You get over here, girl
00:19:37And you grab my dick, right?
00:19:39Jace
00:19:41I don't think I do
00:19:45God, this sucks
00:19:52I've been having a lot of big questions
00:19:55Questions about things I've never even thought of before
00:19:59Do you bears dream?
00:20:29Oh, it's a lot of sodium
00:21:00Remember, anything can be a clue
00:21:03So make sure you touch everything
00:21:08This must be Doug's room
00:21:13I thought he was a sportsman
00:21:15Is that a zoo?
00:21:16No, it's still a real rhino
00:21:18When I was a zoo doctor
00:21:20I came to admire the animals
00:21:22And I thought they were so cute
00:21:24But then I realized
00:21:26When I was a zoo doctor
00:21:28I came to admire the animals
00:21:30Their strength, their instincts
00:21:33Their furry hands
00:21:36Find anything yet?
00:21:38No, not yet
00:21:52I think I've got something
00:21:54Look at this
00:21:55This could be a clue
00:21:58Thoughts by Doug
00:22:00Number one
00:22:01I wish I could see my own balls when I'm kissing a girl
00:22:05I feel like I'm missing out on something cool
00:22:08Number two
00:22:09Jace is not what he seems
00:22:11I found a weird...
00:22:13It says private
00:22:15Wait!
00:22:16What are you doing?
00:22:17Hey, what's that?
00:22:20Why would somebody throw a tiny sword into a fire?
00:22:23Maybe it's the murder weapon
00:22:25Judging by the size of the hilt
00:22:26I'd say we're looking for somebody under 3'5
00:22:29What the hell is Jace?
00:22:31It's my mom's letter opener
00:22:35Perhaps
00:22:44It's a little salty
00:22:46The next batch will be better
00:22:54The letter opener alone doesn't prove anything
00:22:57What's your hypothesis, Dr. Van Clit?
00:23:01My hypothesis?
00:23:04I guess...
00:23:05A triangle?
00:23:07A type of triangle?
00:23:09The only triangle here
00:23:11Is a love triangle
00:23:13He jilted the old lady
00:23:14And she hired some tiny little man to climb up his body
00:23:16And stab him in the heart
00:23:17Case closed
00:23:18I'm sorry
00:23:19He jilted the old lady
00:23:20And she hired some tiny little man
00:23:21To climb up his body
00:23:22And stab him in the heart
00:23:23Case closed
00:23:24Thanks to Dr. Vagina over here
00:23:25That is not her name!
00:23:27She's a ruby scepter winning scientist
00:23:29And we're lucky to have her
00:23:31You know I won the scepter?
00:23:33Of course
00:23:34I read Science Weekly every week
00:23:37I knew who you were the moment I saw you
00:23:39You think standing up for this broad
00:23:41Makes you a big man?
00:23:42Huh?
00:23:43Is that what you think?
00:23:44You think so?
00:23:45Is that what you think, huh?
00:23:47Tough guy
00:23:50You got the stones to cross
00:23:53Finish the job, huh?
00:23:55Finish it!
00:23:56Now
00:23:57Like mother, like daughter
00:23:59Cause your mom's a killer
00:24:01And you're a little girl
00:24:07Oh no!
00:24:10Get up, what's wrong with you?
00:24:18What's the madness you see?
00:24:21She's been de-spawned
00:24:22What the hell's going on?
00:24:23Ah!
00:24:24Open the window!
00:24:25Let the smoke free!
00:24:26Let the smoke return!
00:24:28Don't open that, you fool!
00:24:30Hurricane Vav's due to reach peak force in a minute
00:24:41I told you Vav's didn't do it
00:24:43Still not ruling it out
00:24:44What do you mean?
00:24:45She's dead
00:24:46Yeah, exactly
00:24:47It's the perfect alibi
00:24:48A dead person can't be the killer
00:24:50And if we think she's not the killer
00:24:51Then she got away with being dead
00:24:53So
00:24:54Oh my god, do you know what this means?
00:24:56Yeah, it means I gotta pay for two funerals
00:24:59Two
00:25:00I need this shit like I need a hole in my wife's head
00:25:02No
00:25:03It means that we're all trapped in a house with a serial killer
00:25:16Everybody give me some space
00:25:19This is a crime scene
00:25:21I think I know what to do
00:25:34What are you doing?
00:25:36Science
00:25:47What did you think was going to happen?
00:25:50Well, I added the baking soda, didn't I?
00:25:53And the vinegar
00:25:55Well, that's how it's supposed to work
00:25:57Did we find the killer?
00:26:01Oh!
00:26:02That could be the killer
00:26:17What the fuck?
00:26:22Hey
00:26:23Gotta report that things getting hot up in here
00:26:26Mind if I...
00:26:27Cough...
00:26:28In?
00:26:29Yeah, dawg
00:26:30Come on in here with that big hose and get the fire going
00:26:33Chase, please, not right now
00:26:35Sorry, sir, there's no fire here
00:26:37Who wants to stop
00:26:39Drop
00:26:40And roll in the hay with a bonafide
00:26:43Fire guy
00:26:45Cause I'm Virgin
00:26:49What the heck, man?
00:26:50You just turned away a perfectly good beefcake
00:26:52You've been acting really weird ever since Doug died
00:26:55Are you hiding something, Jace?
00:26:57Are you perhaps not what you seem?
00:27:00No
00:27:02Virgin?
00:27:04What are you talking about?
00:27:05Did you kill my mom, Jace?
00:27:06Did you kill my mommy?
00:27:08My one mommy in my house, Jace?
00:27:10You made her not my mommy no more, Jace
00:27:12Weird ass friend wouldn't ask me those questions
00:27:14My mommy that gave birth to me, my mommy, Jace
00:27:16Keith all over again
00:27:18Who's Keith?
00:27:19That's my old best friend, okay?
00:27:20Before he started asking me weird questions
00:27:23And nobody asks Jace the Jace, big man
00:27:26No weird ass questions
00:27:31I don't know why we didn't question that fireman
00:27:33For all we know, he could have been working with Babs
00:27:35You get it through your thick skulls
00:27:38My wife is dead
00:27:41Dad, are you crying?
00:27:43Mr. Tamaguchi just called and told me
00:27:45We closed the big deal
00:27:50Does that include all evasions?
00:27:52What do you think we should do now, Dr. Van Klint?
00:27:54Science dictates that we...
00:27:56Why are you asking her?
00:27:57I'm the one in the detective coat
00:27:59None of you take me seriously
00:28:01And you don't ask Detective Brock the cop cross weird questions
00:28:14Q, are you okay?
00:28:16I don't think so
00:28:17Before we do anything else
00:28:19We should probably move your mother's body
00:28:21Out of respect, something about Detective Cross seems off
00:28:25What do you mean, Dr. Van Klint?
00:28:26Bunny, please
00:28:28Dr. Bunny Van Klint
00:28:31Maybe we shouldn't be blindly following his lead
00:28:34Yeah, I mean you should be in charge
00:28:37Oh, I don't know about that
00:28:39You got your PhD from Big State College University
00:28:42And your research on eruptions
00:28:44Revolutionized the way people think about eruptions
00:28:47I...
00:28:49I feel like my science hasn't even been working
00:28:53Everyone has slumps
00:28:54The Jambos are 0 and 6 this season
00:28:56And my volcano didn't even solve anything
00:28:59You'll figure it out
00:29:00What if I don't?
00:29:01Maybe you should be the one in charge
00:29:03I mean, it's your family who keeps getting murdered
00:29:05No, I'm a nerd
00:29:07I can't be the...
00:29:09The guy, the one telling everybody what to do
00:29:12I'm still a...
00:29:16I've never had...
00:29:18Sex
00:29:19Pasta?
00:29:20Oh, so that's why everybody keeps calling you a virgin
00:29:24I'll let you in on a little secret
00:29:27I used to be a virgin too
00:29:30Trust me, sex isn't everything
00:29:33I may not have a ruby scepter, Dr. Van Klint
00:29:35But even I know that's not true
00:29:38Come on
00:29:39Let's take your mind off it
00:29:41What do you say we go search the house for more clues
00:29:43Before someone else you love dies?
00:29:51What, you here to bust my balls too?
00:29:53Trying to give me a hard time?
00:29:55Yo, you wanna get physical?
00:29:57Cause I will drop dry right now and knock your ass out
00:29:59Bare ass cheeks and all
00:30:01Think I'm scary?
00:30:02Judgy
00:30:04I'm so used to being the star quarterback
00:30:07Now I feel like the star idiot
00:30:09This jacket used to mean something
00:30:11Hey, come on, easy, easy
00:30:14I know it'll make you feel better
00:30:16Why don't you pull your pants up and hit me?
00:30:19I'm open
00:30:26I'm sick of everybody bossing me around, you know?
00:30:30There you go
00:30:32It's like, how do they know what Jason wants, you know what I mean?
00:30:35When Jason doesn't even know what Jason wants
00:30:37Hey, that was a good pass, you know
00:30:38Next time, hit me right in the numbers, right?
00:30:40Right in the chest, between the nips
00:30:49Good hustle
00:30:50Thank you
00:30:51Do you have any idea how many missing pearl necklaces I've found?
00:30:54The way these punks treat me, it's like I'm still a rookie
00:30:57Absolutely, man
00:30:58I have layers
00:31:00I'm just a complicated student athlete, you know what I'm saying?
00:31:06Definitely
00:31:07Sometimes I feel like walking off this whole case
00:31:09See how well they do when the ace detective isn't around to figure things out
00:31:18Don't sweat it, man
00:31:19We can't all be quarterbacks
00:31:21But you know what?
00:31:23Don't sweat it, man
00:31:24We can't all be quarterbacks
00:31:26But you know, for all they know, man
00:31:28I could have been wearing a mask this whole time
00:31:34I could have a different man inside of me
00:31:37He's snug, he's real snug in there
00:31:40Maybe it's time that guy comes out
00:31:47Damn it!
00:31:48Let me tell you this
00:31:50I want you to know, man to man
00:31:53That when you push that button, you are burying me
00:31:56I got another call
00:31:58You've got dick, talk to me
00:32:00No, you're kidding, right?
00:32:02Okay
00:32:03You're not kidding
00:32:05How much oil?
00:32:06The entire gulf, huh?
00:32:08No, no, don't tell me about any kind of marine life
00:32:11Give a damn about that
00:32:13Tell me about barrels lost, bottom line
00:32:16Can you do that?
00:32:17Good, call me back
00:32:19What?
00:32:20Look, today's been a goddamn nightmare
00:32:24Richard, your brother's dead
00:32:25Richard, your wife's dead
00:32:26Can't you see I'm on the phone?
00:32:29I need to make money
00:32:30Every time I'm talking to you bozos, I'm losing money
00:32:32Here's the deal
00:32:33If a shark stops making money, it drowns
00:32:37I ain't gonna drown, not yet
00:32:39So if you just stop talking to me
00:32:41Hang on, I gotta take this
00:32:43Yeah, talk to me, Mr. Sega Dreamcast
00:32:45No, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:32:49It has to be America
00:32:59I don't think there are any children in this house
00:33:09Who have I been babysitting?
00:33:15Another one
00:33:16We've got some whale brother to sell
00:33:19Yeah, it's gonna be good
00:33:21It's been one of the good things I had
00:33:22Damn it!
00:33:24Can you hear me now?
00:33:27My back
00:33:29My strong American back
00:33:39It can't be Hugh's babysitter
00:33:42We're practically the same age
00:33:50Maybe there's a nursery
00:34:13Thanks for the shoes
00:34:14My feet were killing me
00:34:15I've always had big feet
00:34:17I've always had small ones
00:34:18Now we need to move fast before anyone else gets hurt
00:34:21Let's search the attic
00:34:23The attic really freaks me out
00:34:25One time I saw a bird in there
00:34:27I could take it to basement
00:34:29Well, I'm not crazy about splitting up
00:34:31But time is of the essence
00:34:34And Hugh!
00:34:38Try not to get murdered
00:35:13There's nothing up here, Hugh
00:35:15It's just another bedroom
00:35:26Sorry!
00:35:30Jesus Christ!
00:35:42Help!
00:35:47Help me!
00:35:49Holy f***!
00:35:52Oh my God!
00:35:53I can't split the doors!
00:35:55Shit!
00:35:56Can you hear me?
00:35:58He's in the living room!
00:36:00He's in the living room!
00:36:02Help me!
00:36:06Stop it!
00:36:08Stop!
00:36:09Why are you doing it? Oh my God!
00:36:12Hugh!
00:36:13Listen!
00:36:15Come on, Boner!
00:36:16Not right now!
00:36:17I'm gonna go down!
00:36:19Stop it!
00:36:22I'm gonna be the hallway now!
00:36:24I'm the hallway!
00:36:25Oh f***!
00:36:29You moron!
00:36:30Oh Jesus!
00:36:31Wait! Wait! Wait! Wait!
00:36:34Now you are clearly upset
00:36:36Why don't we talk this out?
00:36:38Tell me what's bothering you
00:36:43Oh my God!
00:36:51Oh my God!
00:36:52Oh my God!
00:37:11Hugh!
00:37:12She was scared away the killer from the table!
00:37:15A trail of glass
00:37:17There's more
00:37:23Oh my God!
00:37:34Let's check this out
00:37:37It's a shower, man!
00:37:38Respect the stain, brother!
00:37:40Are you an animal?
00:37:52Oh my God!
00:38:22Oh my God!
00:38:53Jace!
00:38:55Where are you?
00:38:58Jace!
00:39:00Oh my God!
00:39:01It's a golden shower!
00:39:03I'm scared
00:39:04I'm scared, man
00:39:06No, you're gonna be fine
00:39:08You're in deep physicality
00:39:09This place has raccoons
00:39:12Say what you will about the whole situation
00:39:14But I'm gonna tell you the truth
00:39:16I'm gonna tell you the truth
00:39:18I'm gonna tell you the truth
00:39:20I'm gonna tell you the truth
00:39:21We're in a terrible situation
00:39:22I think we're making good progress
00:39:25I think you're an idiot
00:39:26Go suck a test tube, you witch!
00:39:28Stop fighting!
00:39:30That's just what the killer wants
00:39:32Right?
00:39:34Isn't it?
00:39:35Does anybody know?
00:39:37Sorry, I am losing a lot of blood
00:39:39from my double stab wound
00:39:43Well, I only see one wound
00:39:45but I can work on it
00:39:47You have to stop playing by his rule
00:39:50Yeah, but fine, we know she's in the house, we have seen her.
00:39:53Poor him.
00:39:54We're gonna set a trap for the killer.
00:39:56All we need is bait.
00:39:58I'll do it.
00:39:59Hey, just the guy we need.
00:40:00Oh, you can read.
00:40:02Ah, that's what they used to call me.
00:40:05Got forced into early retirement.
00:40:07You never know you peaked until you're on your way down.
00:40:10A trap's a terrible idea.
00:40:12We barely know what we're dealing with
00:40:14and you want to serve one of us up on a platter?
00:40:16You trying to throw me off the trail, huh?
00:40:18Did you know that leads to you?
00:40:20God, we're all just a bunch of ones and zeros to you, aren't we?
00:40:23Real evidence will solve this.
00:40:25Let's vote on it, okay?
00:40:26We either set an amazing trap, it's gonna be so much fun,
00:40:29or we search for clues, which is gonna be gross and boring.
00:40:33Obviously, the two of us can't vote.
00:40:35Richard?
00:40:38He's just suing me now.
00:40:40Alrighty.
00:40:41Hugh.
00:40:42Hugh, I may not be the best scientist,
00:40:45but I know he is the worst detective.
00:40:48Such a nasty woman. God damn it.
00:40:50I trust you'll do the right thing.
00:40:53Nerd.
00:40:54We are getting picked off like flies,
00:40:56so I need you to stop being a little bitch,
00:40:58or God help me, I'm gonna spank your ass so hard,
00:41:01you're gonna say, no, no, no, no, don't do that,
00:41:03don't spank my ass like that,
00:41:05because it hurts me.
00:41:08Detective Cross.
00:41:09What?
00:41:11This is unbelievable.
00:41:13I will not be a part of this.
00:41:15God damn it, Hugh.
00:41:17Bunny, wait.
00:41:18That's Dr. Van Clit to you.
00:41:24Dr. Bunny Van Clit.
00:41:29Bunny for short.
00:41:32Dr. Bunny Van Clit.
00:41:35Dr. Bunny Van Clit.
00:41:37Dr. Van Clit.
00:41:38Dr. Bunny.
00:41:39Call me Bunny.
00:41:43Van Clit.
00:41:46Alright. Yay.
00:41:48Slow down, buddy.
00:41:50Too slow.
00:41:52Let's do it.
00:41:53Come on.
00:41:54Hugh, come on.
00:42:05No.
00:42:11Dad, you sure you're fine being bait?
00:42:14A man's gotta have a purpose.
00:42:16This is all I'm good for now.
00:42:20God damn it.
00:42:21Leave it.
00:42:23Oh, Dad.
00:42:24You're gonna go bald.
00:42:26Richard, we're gonna be hiding right over there in that closet.
00:42:29When he comes to kill you, and he will,
00:42:31we're gonna be on his ass.
00:42:32Look, I like the collar, but what's up with the straps?
00:42:35Ran out of rope.
00:42:37Well, why am I spread eagle?
00:42:40Unless you're gonna tie up a grown man.
00:42:43Alright.
00:42:44See you on the other side.
00:42:46Hugh.
00:42:49Hugh.
00:42:50Oh, babe.
00:42:54I've been thinking a lot about mortality lately.
00:42:58My dear friend Yakuzuki recently lost his mother to a Godzilla.
00:43:01I know I haven't always been around,
00:43:03and that's basically because, well,
00:43:07sometimes I forgot who the hell you were.
00:43:10Not just for a few minutes, I'm talking weeks.
00:43:12Just about all of 1992, I thought you were a friend of your mother's.
00:43:17I'm not saying this right, son.
00:43:21The world is cruel.
00:43:23I thought if I made enough money, I could keep you safe.
00:43:26But instead, I made you soft.
00:43:29Soon you're gonna have to fend for yourself, son.
00:43:32And frankly, I don't think you'll be able to do that.
00:43:44Prove me wrong.
00:43:46Prove me wrong.
00:43:47You're a dangler.
00:43:54Good kid.
00:43:57Loser, but good kid.
00:44:01There must be a supply closet around here somewhere.
00:44:05Dr. Bunny Van Klitt.
00:44:07I was wondering when you would arrive.
00:44:10What is this place?
00:44:12Tea?
00:44:14Yes.
00:44:16I'm a tea lover.
00:44:18I'm a tea lover.
00:44:20I'm a tea lover.
00:44:22I'm a tea lover.
00:44:24I'm a tea lover.
00:44:26I'm a tea lover.
00:44:28I'm a tea lover.
00:44:30I'm a tea lover.
00:44:32I'm a tea lover.
00:44:35I'm sorry, you shouldn't be drinking in here.
00:44:38This is a library.
00:44:40Oh my god.
00:44:42You don't know, do you?
00:44:44Jace is dead.
00:44:47I'm sorry to hear that.
00:44:49I always cared for him.
00:44:51I hope he was able to at least find peace with who he was before he died.
00:44:55You knew Jace was gay?
00:44:57Jace was gay?
00:44:59I just mean, I hope his passing was peaceful.
00:45:01Like in his sleep.
00:45:03Instead of, for example, being stabbed in the bladder and bleeding out on a cold floor in front of his friends.
00:45:07Is this where you've been this whole time?
00:45:10Au contraire.
00:45:12I've been to the sands of the Sahara.
00:45:15The snowy peak of Kilimanjaro.
00:45:18And for a brief spell in a town under a dome.
00:45:23How?
00:45:25The power of imagination.
00:45:26Inside these books, I can journey to any place or time without even taking a single step.
00:45:41I've learned so much.
00:45:44Did you know?
00:45:46It can be both the best of times and the worst of times.
00:45:51Wow.
00:45:53Wow.
00:45:56Hey, since you've learned so much, maybe you can help us find the killer.
00:46:01This is not my purpose.
00:46:03I've moved beyond this house and the petty affairs of its occupants.
00:46:08There must be something that you can teach me that would help.
00:46:12Maybe you learned about criminology or some scientific test.
00:46:17The only test I read about is something called the Bechtel Test.
00:46:20What's that?
00:46:22It's a test for whether or not a film contains at least one scene where there are two female characters that have a conversation about something other than a man.
00:46:30And?
00:46:32No, that's it.
00:46:34Well, that's so easy.
00:46:36They just need to have names. For example, Dr. Bunny Van Clit and...
00:46:38God, babysitter. I'm not sure if I can do this.
00:46:41I feel like I have this responsibility to keep these people safe, but I just don't know how.
00:46:46Trust your instincts.
00:46:49Like the animals.
00:46:50I believe the knowledge you seek is in this room.
00:46:54Teach me. Guide me.
00:46:57There is a section on forensics. It's right this way.
00:47:02Thank you so much.
00:47:05You're welcome. And please keep your voice down. This is a library.
00:47:11This is it, Dangler. Dick Dangler. Bait.
00:47:15It's come to this.
00:47:16I know we haven't always gotten along, but I wanted to say I'm glad we're working together to try to solve this.
00:47:26I wanted you to know that before he died, Chase said that I was his best friend, not you.
00:47:35He wanted you to know that.
00:47:47Petrochemical reactions is indexed by combined atomic weight, third edition.
00:47:52All right, Bunny. You can do this.
00:48:08What am I missing?
00:48:17A footprint. Gosh, I hope this works.
00:48:23Science did it again.
00:48:27Hey, killer. I'm in here.
00:48:30No, I really want to get that. No, we promised my dad we'd stay here and watch.
00:48:34Oh, God, it's so boring.
00:48:36Oh, I always keep an extra deck of cards in here.
00:48:39I'm going to get it.
00:48:40No, we promised my dad we'd stay here and watch.
00:48:43Oh, God, it's so boring.
00:48:45Oh, I always keep an extra deck of cards in my coat.
00:48:48No, God damn it. I keep forgetting this isn't my coat.
00:48:52Al's big and tall alteration. Is this even my dry cleaner?
00:48:56I mean, Al gave me this coat when he was wearing my coat.
00:49:00Oh, my God. If it's some big and tall man, if he stretches it out, he'll shoot him.
00:49:03Let's go. We're going. I don't give a shit.
00:49:05Don't worry. We have eyes on you 24-7.
00:49:08We'll be right back, okay?
00:49:10Okay.
00:49:14Yeah.
00:49:17Hey, are you boys hungry?
00:49:20Because I've got a piping hot pie with extra sausage and a big old pepper.
00:49:24Is that a penis?
00:49:26Yeah, yeah, it's a penis.
00:49:29Finally.
00:49:31Oh, it's you.
00:49:36What are you doing here?
00:49:38What's that?
00:49:40A sharp military knife?
00:49:43What are you going to do?
00:49:45Stab me?
00:49:47You're not man enough or woman enough to stab me.
00:49:54Congratulations.
00:49:56What are you going to do now?
00:49:58Very disappointing. No pizza, no killer.
00:50:01How do you catch a killer?
00:50:03I got it. To catch a killer, you got to think like a killer.
00:50:07I got an idea.
00:50:11How long have you been working for the pizza company?
00:50:14Pretty hot for a nerd.
00:50:16Thank you.
00:50:19Oh my God!
00:50:21Man!
00:50:23What the hell?
00:50:25Here's what we've got. We are looking for a person whose heart is beating like a jackhammer.
00:50:29More alive than he's ever felt in his whole life.
00:50:32That's what we're looking for.
00:50:34Wait, wait.
00:50:36Nicole.
00:50:38At least we can all agree, this wasn't my fault.
00:50:42What are you talking about?
00:50:44You left the room. You set that trap.
00:50:46Don't you think I know that?
00:50:48I've fucked up, Hugh. I don't know what I'm doing.
00:50:51These aren't even my clothes.
00:50:53It is one thing to see your mother and your best friend brutally murdered,
00:50:57but it is another to see your mother, your best friend, and your father brutally murdered.
00:51:02All those women, they just wanted sex from me.
00:51:06They didn't even care about their missing jewelry.
00:51:09I never made them proud.
00:51:11I never made the team. I never brought a girl home.
00:51:14All my little shoes are Velcro!
00:51:18Hugh, I know I seem smart and cool and confident, but I'm so scared of you.
00:51:24I don't want to die.
00:51:26I don't want to see anyone else die.
00:51:29I'm just a little boy.
00:51:30Little boy.
00:51:34I can't do this.
00:51:36I can't be here.
00:51:38Send me to my room.
00:51:40Don't leave me, Hugh.
00:51:41Send me to my room!
00:51:43Don't leave me with these bodies!
00:51:44Do it!
00:51:45Don't make me!
00:51:46You have to!
00:51:47Go to your room!
00:51:48I'm sorry!
00:51:49Hugh!
00:51:50No!
00:51:51No!
00:51:54Oh, boy!
00:51:55No!
00:52:00Stupid!
00:52:01Stupid baby!
00:52:08I deserve this!
00:52:14Who are you kidding, Hugh?
00:52:17You'll never be a champion!
00:52:25No!
00:52:41There's something I have to tell you!
00:52:48Did you hit the cross?
00:52:50I don't know anymore.
00:52:53Where are Richard and Hugh?
00:52:54They're dead.
00:52:56They're all dead.
00:52:57Oh, God.
00:52:59Both of them?
00:53:00Well, no.
00:53:01Just Richard.
00:53:02But Hugh locked himself in his room and he won't even talk to me.
00:53:05He's his best friend.
00:53:07I know we haven't always seen eye to eye.
00:53:10In fact, we've basically hated each other from the get-go.
00:53:13I never hated you.
00:53:14Well, I hated you.
00:53:16What I'm trying to say is, you've been a terrible detective.
00:53:20Why are you being so mean?
00:53:22Just listen.
00:53:24You've been a terrible detective.
00:53:27I've been a terrible scientist, but I read a book.
00:53:31It taught me something.
00:53:34Science.
00:53:35I think I can actually help us solve this thing.
00:53:39But I can't do it alone.
00:53:40So you're saying, if you can become a better scientist,
00:53:44then I can become a better detective.
00:53:46No.
00:53:48No, no.
00:53:49I don't think...
00:53:51No.
00:53:52You know, there's really no reason you should still be alive.
00:53:57Your instincts are way off.
00:53:59You keep hurting the people you're trying to protect,
00:54:02but you're still here.
00:54:05That means something.
00:54:07You're a survivor.
00:54:09You're resilient.
00:54:10You're strong.
00:54:14I am strong.
00:54:17Yes, but I meant in more of a...
00:54:22You're the strong guy.
00:54:24Knock yourself out.
00:54:35I don't think there's one picture of me without bunny ears.
00:54:53Woo!
00:54:56Hey, what up, giant turkeys?
00:54:58It's Benny!
00:54:59I got a giant turkey dog! Woo-hoo!
00:55:01Put it down and have a little fun.
00:55:04Watch this.
00:55:06Woo! I love Nixon!
00:55:09Cigarettes are still out.
00:55:12I'm strong, just like the USSR!
00:55:17We're in the 80s!
00:55:19We'll live here forever!
00:55:20That's what I'm talking about.
00:55:22Come on, get that thing out of my face.
00:55:24Come on, happy Thanksgiving.
00:55:28You know what I'm thankful for?
00:55:30This stuff.
00:55:32Last night.
00:55:35IBM, huh?
00:55:37Well, how about IBM all over that proposal?
00:55:42Funny never sleeps.
00:55:43You know what I'm thankful for is that criminal Nelson Mandela
00:55:46is in jail where he belongs,
00:55:48and he ain't ever getting out.
00:55:50What the fuck, man?
00:55:51Nelson Mandela is my hero.
00:55:53Hey, Abraham, you want some gravy?
00:55:57Sure, I'm fine.
00:55:59Oh, yeah! How's that feel?
00:56:05Woo! Woo!
00:56:13You coward.
00:56:14You coward.
00:56:15Oh, don't forget to pour some gravy all over these.
00:56:22Merry Christmas to Milli Vanilli!
00:56:24They got the most authentic song in the world!
00:56:26You coward will never do no wrong!
00:56:34Richard!
00:56:35You forgot to get your friend something.
00:56:37Do you know Richard got me a Miata?
00:56:40Nice.
00:56:41Good thing you didn't get a computer.
00:56:42That Y2K thing is happening, everybody.
00:56:44Computers are such a hoax.
00:56:45What a joke. They're gone.
00:56:47Who's been naughty?
00:56:49Who's been nice?
00:56:51She put mistletoe above a pussy.
00:56:53You know what that means?
00:56:55You gotta kiss it.
00:56:56I ain't kissing no pussy.
00:56:57I'm a man.
00:56:58Do you want a kiss?
00:56:59I don't know.
00:57:00Kiss her.
00:57:01Don't be a fool.
00:57:02Kiss her. Don't be a fool.
00:57:03Get up there.
00:57:07Can we wrap this up?
00:57:08We have Sugar Ray tickets.
00:57:10Chase, enough. Get out of here.
00:57:11Come on.
00:57:12Get out of here. Enough.
00:57:13Come on. Come on.
00:57:14Come on. Get out of here. Come on.
00:57:18Very good.
00:57:19But I found something that I...
00:57:24Point to anything else in this room,
00:57:25and I will smash it.
00:57:26Except for the couch or the piano.
00:57:28They look thick.
00:57:29Anything else, I'll smash it for you.
00:57:31Why don't you try smashing
00:57:33the shackles of the proletariat?
00:57:36Or shattering the glass ceiling,
00:57:38weighing down womankind.
00:57:41Better yet,
00:57:42maybe rip the veil from your own eyes.
00:57:46Babysitter, where have you been?
00:57:48Where have I been?
00:57:49Ask me instead.
00:57:51Where am I going?
00:57:56Where are you going?
00:58:01No.
00:58:02There's nothing here for me anymore.
00:58:04I'm leaving.
00:58:05What about the storm?
00:58:06Did Ishmael fear the storm?
00:58:09Did Captain Nemo?
00:58:11Did James and his disgusting peach boat?
00:58:23Oh, my God.
00:58:24I might kill someone someday.
00:58:25What?
00:58:26I might kill someone someday.
00:58:27What?
00:58:28I might kill someone someday.
00:58:31I'm tired of being f***ed.
00:58:34I want to consummate.
00:58:35I want to make love.
00:58:37I want to be loved.
00:58:41I wish you all just the best of luck.
00:58:46Babysitter.
00:58:47I have a name.
00:58:48A beautiful name.
00:58:53I am Phyllis Gorman.
00:59:05Ah!
00:59:22Hello?
00:59:24Is anyone there?
00:59:26It's Dr. Van Clegg.
00:59:28I mean, it's Detective Cross.
00:59:30Is everyone all right?
00:59:31I'm here to help.
00:59:32Phew.
00:59:33There are flashlights near the credenza.
00:59:34Near the what?
00:59:35The credenza.
00:59:36Oh, the credenza.
00:59:37Okay.
00:59:38I never should have sided with Cross.
00:59:40I should have trusted you.
00:59:41It's okay.
00:59:42I'm sorry.
00:59:43I'm just glad you're all right.
00:59:45You too.
00:59:47Flashlights.
00:59:49I don't think these are going to work.
00:59:50And I'm not scared anymore.
00:59:52Well, actually, I am very scared.
00:59:54But I don't care.
00:59:56I may always be a nerd, but I don't have to be a coward.
01:00:00And I'm not going to back down from what I know is right.
01:00:10Maybe she made it out.
01:00:16She was smart.
01:00:18She was kind.
01:00:20She was Phyllis Gorman.
01:00:22I'm going to smash the son of a bitch who did this to Phyllis Gorman.
01:00:25We need to take these bodies off the bed.
01:00:27What?
01:00:28Guys, I need you to trust me.
01:00:30I just wish you had said that before we added another body.
01:00:33Fine.
01:00:34But only because I'm your best friend.
01:00:37Okay?
01:00:38Yeah, man.
01:00:40Oh, my God.
01:00:41Uncle Doug is the killer.
01:00:43That's impossible.
01:00:44He faked his own death.
01:00:45But how?
01:00:46He wasn't breathing.
01:00:47Lifetime of eating box underwater, that's how.
01:00:50Why would he do it?
01:00:51I don't know.
01:00:52I guess girls like it.
01:00:53Freaks me out.
01:00:54Yeah.
01:00:55No, why is he killing everyone?
01:00:56Oh, I don't know.
01:00:58But we need to find him before he finds us.
01:01:05Great work, kid.
01:01:07You've earned this.
01:01:18It's a big house.
01:01:19How are we going to find him?
01:01:23Hydrogen peroxide.
01:01:27Whoa, what the?
01:01:29Hydrogen peroxide reacts with blood in a really gross way.
01:01:32But it led me out of the bathroom to a footprint I found in the hall.
01:01:36In examining these footprints, I found various trace chemicals.
01:01:40Notably, alkali dust, typically found in HVAC units.
01:01:45Which tells me he's been using the vents and crawl spaces
01:01:48to get around the house to avoid being seen.
01:01:51I also found residue from honeycrest,
01:01:53a moss which only grows on the west side of objects.
01:01:58Because of the sun's angle of declination,
01:02:01I knew that the residue had to be coming
01:02:03from the northwest wing of the house.
01:02:05He was ready to do some play.
01:02:07He was.
01:02:08He was.
01:02:09He was.
01:02:10He was.
01:02:11He was.
01:02:12He was.
01:02:13He was ready to do some play.
01:02:14You get the fuck up.
01:02:15I'll stab ya!
01:02:16We don't need a plumber!
01:02:17We don't need that.
01:02:18Sorry!
01:02:19We're busy.
01:02:20We're busy!
01:02:21And the final chemical detected in the footprint
01:02:23was C25H52.
01:02:26What is that?
01:02:27Candle wax.
01:02:28The walk-in closet has a window on the northwest corner.
01:02:32Lots and lots of candles.
01:02:34And it also happens to be where all the vents converge.
01:02:37Wow.
01:02:38And you got that from just a few footprints.
01:02:40footprints. Science is pretty cool. You don't have to tell me. So what do we do now? Now we wait. It could take days. Months even. Years.
01:02:55You people could have killed me. What's wrong with you? We know it's you, Doug. It's been you the whole time.
01:03:02Yeah, it's me, Doug. And it's been me the whole time. You were stabbed. Yes, because I stabbed me. Stabbed by me. You'd be amazed at how durable the human body is when pushed to its limits. Especially when it gets you off.
01:03:20Why'd you do it, Doug? We're family. Because I'm sick and tired of being a dangler. Look at all of you. Look. With your boring-ass innuendo and your mood lighting and your banter and your foreplay. You people are all soft. You're soft to your cores. Not me. I'm hard. I'm hardest.
01:03:42You're sick, Doug. You were sick in space and you're even sicker now. I'm sick. No, no, no. I'm the cure. Okay? I'm the vaccine that's gonna rid us all of this missionary lovemaking.
01:03:55I'm the gagging. I'm the choking. I'm the pissing. I'm the gaping anus. I am the future! We are not those people. That's not what we do. What are you talking about? What are you doing? You should all be railing each other. You two should be tag-teaming her.
01:04:19If anything, we're having less sex and talking a lot more.
01:04:24I'm still a virgin.
01:04:27Cross, arrest this man.
01:04:32You wanna dance? Let's go.
01:04:48Oh, he didn't move!
01:04:50Help me, help me!
01:04:52He's out! He's out!
01:05:18Dr. Funnyman, clutch! And Detective Cross, too! Oh, poor him!
01:05:23Listen, kiddo. You don't have to do this. If you wanna get laid, you can find some skank who's down to clown in the back of my bang bus. I want my first time to be special.
01:05:35Here!
01:05:37Mom?
01:05:39I'm about to vibrate her.
01:05:49You want your first time to be special?
01:05:52Let's make some movies.
01:05:55A little amateur video here, huh?
01:05:59I'll do it for you, with you, as you.
01:06:03Oh, look at this! Bunny's trying to get out of here!
01:06:07Bye-bye, Bunny!
01:06:10Let her go!
01:06:12Bunny!
01:06:14The party's not over yet!
01:06:16I said you could leave!
01:06:19I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
01:06:25Where are you going?
01:06:27You know what? Just pretend that she's your sister!
01:06:32Oh, Doug. You know what would make this f***ing fest even better? A quick bump.
01:06:39What? What?
01:06:41Oh, yeah.
01:06:43What kind of blow is this?
01:06:46What the hell?
01:06:55You did it, Hugh!
01:06:58No. We did it.
01:07:01We all survived this together.
01:07:04I think I'm gonna make it.
01:07:07We think you're gonna make it, too.
01:07:09Yeah. Hey, guess what? Guess what? I've... I've... I've solved it.
01:07:14Yeah. Doug did it.
01:07:17No. No, not that.
01:07:19There's Fifth Street. And there's Fifth Avenue. My dry cleaner's on Fifth Street.
01:07:26And I dropped off the coat on Fifth Avenue.
01:07:32Cross.
01:07:37I owed you one.
01:07:39You sure did, Bunny.
01:07:42You sure did.
01:07:45Wow.
01:07:52It's all fire.
01:08:09Wow.
01:08:11Yeah.
01:08:14I guess we make a pretty good team.
01:08:17Without you, I don't think I would have made it.
01:08:21It's strange. Today was the first day I felt like a real scientist.
01:08:27And you, you were so brave the way you crushed your uncle's skull.
01:08:33Hugh?
01:08:40You look so much better with your glasses on.
01:08:45No, I mean, you look like you.
01:08:52Uh, sorry.
01:08:54No, no. Now's the right time.
01:08:57Nighttime.
01:09:09Uh, wait.
01:09:11What's wrong?
01:09:13I don't think I want to.
01:09:16What?
01:09:18No, no. I really, really want to. Just... not right now.
01:09:24Well, are you sure? I know how much this means to you.
01:09:29It means a lot, but I'm more than just a virgin.
01:09:33I'm Hugh Dangler. I can wait a little longer.
01:09:55Fuck your blood.
01:09:57You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:09:59You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:01You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:03You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:05You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:07You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:09You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:11You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:13You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:24You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:26You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:28You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:30You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:32You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:34You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:36You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:38You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:40You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:42You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:44You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:46You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:48You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:50You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:52You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:54You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:56You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:10:58You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:00You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:02You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:04You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:06You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:08You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:10You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:12You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:14You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:16You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:18You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:20You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:22You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:24You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:26You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:28You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:30You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:32You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:34You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:36You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:38You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:40You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:42You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:44You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:46You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:48You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:50You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:52You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:54You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:56You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:11:58You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:00You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:02You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:04You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:06You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:08You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:10You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:12You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:14You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:16You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:18You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:20You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:22You know I wanna fuck your blood.
01:12:24I know I got lucky, girl,...
01:12:26... I don't give a fuck.
01:12:28Girl, I know that you're bleeding.
01:12:30But that don't change my feeling.
01:12:32My feeling is deceiving.
01:12:35We still gonna fuck.
01:12:37We still gonna fuck.
01:12:39Girl, we still gonna fuck.
01:12:41We still gonna fuck.
01:12:43Girl, we still gonna fuck.
01:12:47We still gonna fuck.
01:12:49We still gonna fuck.
01:12:52We still gonna fuck.
01:12:54Cause I know the other guys didn't respect your love
01:13:07But I'm the kinda guy who will respect your love
01:13:16I know they couldn't handle what a woman does
01:13:25But I'm the kinda man who wants to fuck, wanna fuck your blood
01:13:31Fuck your blood, fuck your blood Just fuck your blood, fuck your blood
01:13:41Fuck your blood, fuck your blood, fuck your blood
01:13:51You know I wanna fuck your blood
01:14:11You treat your woman like she's not allowed to be herself
01:14:16Don't be surprised when she comes to me