Sana ma-legalize na ang divorce — Maxene Magalona (Part 2) | Updated with Nelson Canlas
Sa part 2 ng interview ni Nelson Canlas kay Maxene Magalona, idinetalye ng anak ng yumaong si Francis Magalona kung paano humantong sa paghihiwalay ang pagsasama nila ng kanyang ex-husband at kung paano niya ito unti-unting natanggap.
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00:00Updaters, did you enjoy our conversation with Maxine Magalona?
00:04This is now part 2, and I'm sure you'll learn more about forgiveness
00:07and dealing with failed relationships in our podcast.
00:12How do you let go of shame?
00:14Because I'm sure all of us have that.
00:17We all have a hold of shame that we can't actually release.
00:22Because we're so ashamed of those episodes.
00:26Okay, you're right, Nelson.
00:28You said that we can't release it because we're ashamed.
00:32In other words, we've already rejected that part of us.
00:36Even if we don't want to think about it.
00:39So we push it down.
00:42We deny that we don't want to think about it.
00:45It's not the way to let go of shame.
00:48The only way that you can let go of shame is to sit,
00:52to meditate, to feel that shame
00:55pass through you and to flow through you.
00:58Meaning, you sit through all of your embarrassing moments,
01:02all of your failures.
01:04You accept that you went through it.
01:07And the more you cry,
01:10the more you accept that you just went through it
01:12because you were very young and immature,
01:15the more that story doesn't have any power over you.
01:20Do you get it?
01:22You are giving that story, that embarrassing experience,
01:25power over you because you don't want to think about it.
01:28You're ashamed.
01:29It's too much to think about.
01:31But when you face it, when you feel it,
01:34and when you finally accept it, the power is gone.
01:38In other words, how can anyone shame you
01:41or make you feel embarrassed
01:43if you accepted it yourself?
01:45That's why, Nelson, I have experiences.
01:48Before, I was a drunkard.
01:50I heard things like that before.
01:52My point is, that was the keyword before.
01:55And I'm not ashamed.
01:57I already owned that part of me.
02:00Plus, I enjoyed it, Nelson.
02:03No matter what you say,
02:04I enjoyed it when I was drunk before.
02:06That's true.
02:07Exactly.
02:08No matter how embarrassed you are,
02:10I choose to see the positive.
02:12That's what I needed to do during that time
02:14to get through the pain.
02:16So, I don't punish myself.
02:18I just laugh at myself now, Nelson.
02:21That's one of the most important things
02:23in the healing journey.
02:24Learn to laugh at yourself
02:26and to not hold on to any more shame.
02:29Because shame and guilt,
02:31those are actually low vibrational energies
02:34that are keeping you stuck in the past.
02:36And if you keep holding on
02:38to those low vibrational energies,
02:40you won't be able to raise your vibration.
02:43You won't be able to manifest what you want.
02:45So, let go of the shame and the guilt.
02:48Step into your authentic power,
02:50who you really are.
02:52Meaning, no matter how embarrassing your past was,
02:55accept it.
02:56Own it.
02:57Own your mistakes.
02:59Because those are the stepping stones
03:03that you had to go through
03:04to be able to get to where you are today.
03:06So, let go of that shame.
03:08I will share this, Matza.
03:11You know, years ago,
03:14I was in really bad relationships.
03:17And maybe I accumulated
03:21all the shame that I was doing.
03:24And it really had power over me.
03:29Until it was right,
03:32you acknowledge it,
03:34and then you tell yourself,
03:36this does not have power over me.
03:40Because, in fact, I own them.
03:43They do not own me.
03:45Exactly.
03:46So, I began to flourish after that.
03:49Not only in work,
03:52I think as a human being.
03:54Yes.
03:55And I found the love that I want,
03:58not what I need.
04:00So, now it's affirming to me
04:03that yes,
04:04because there was one moment
04:06that I told myself,
04:07when I was alone,
04:08why am I harboring this shame?
04:13Why am I hiding?
04:16So, now, whenever somebody tells me,
04:19you, you, you,
04:20I say, yes, but that's me before.
04:23Exactly.
04:25I'm not that same old.
04:27It's surprising when you react like that.
04:30Because the people who provoke us
04:32by bringing up our past mistakes,
04:34they are the ones who are really insecure inside.
04:37They want to see you react
04:39that you are still embarrassed by that.
04:43But if they see you that you are not reactive,
04:46you are not affected negatively,
04:49and you are still smiling,
04:50they will be inspired to actually face
04:54their own past mistakes and failures.
04:57How do you forgive yourself?
05:01Through meditation and prayer,
05:04I really sit with myself,
05:06I talk to myself,
05:08I talk to myself like I'm my own best friend.
05:12That's what I noticed before, Nelson.
05:14That's why I'm mad at the world,
05:16because I'm mad at myself.
05:18Exactly, we were talking earlier
05:20about your relationship with yourself.
05:22With yourself, exactly.
05:23That's really bad.
05:24Exactly.
05:25So, how to forgive yourself is,
05:27you have to forgive yourself
05:29and treat yourself like your best friend.
05:33Our best friends are our true best friends.
05:36Even if we make mistakes,
05:38we forgive and we accept.
05:40So, we should do that with ourselves also.
05:42So, even with my biggest mistakes,
05:48I really lift it to God.
05:50I lift everything to God.
05:53I apologize to myself.
05:55I have those moments where I talk to myself
05:58and I say,
05:59I'm sorry for putting you through
06:02what you didn't deserve.
06:03I'm really sorry.
06:05It is a process.
06:06It's an everyday process.
06:08You have to keep choosing
06:10and forgiving yourself every day.
06:12So, it's not a one-time thing.
06:14It is a process.
06:15You have to keep choosing yourself every day.
06:18Because when we think of ourselves,
06:20it's selfish, right?
06:23When we think of ourselves,
06:25when we do what is good for us,
06:29they think we're being selfish and self-centered.
06:32No.
06:33What I would say is,
06:34we all grew up in a society
06:36where we were conditioned to please others.
06:39Remember, our parents and elders raised us
06:43to be good all the time
06:45so that they can approve us.
06:47So, we grew up with that conditioning,
06:50with that thinking.
06:52The more I do good for others,
06:54the more they will accept me.
06:56But what I learned in my healing journey is,
06:59no matter what you try to do
07:01to be approved of and be accepted by others,
07:04you will get exhausted.
07:06You have to first accept and approve of yourself.
07:10And then all of the others,
07:11it's just a bonus.
07:13The way you see yourself
07:15and the way you accept yourself,
07:17that will set the tone
07:20for all your other relationships.
07:22So, if you are still trying to please others
07:26to be able to gain validation,
07:28external validation,
07:30I'm here to say,
07:31you will get tired.
07:32Don't exhaust yourself.
07:34Put yourself first.
07:36Because you cannot take care of others
07:38if you do not take care of yourself first.
07:41So, before, we thought
07:43pleasing other people,
07:44doing what other people want,
07:47we thought that would give us validation.
07:51I'm here to share that
08:11Do you still criticize yourself?
08:14Yes.
08:15Until now?
08:16Yes.
08:17Having said all those,
08:19yes.
08:20Like I said, it's a process.
08:22I'm not even 40 yet.
08:24I'm still 37.
08:25If you think about it,
08:2640 is not old.
08:27Because how many years do we want?
08:3080? 100?
08:31So, it's just half.
08:33So, it's still young.
08:35We used to think that 40 is old.
08:38No.
08:39Life begins at 40.
08:41So, what I would say is,
08:42healing is a never-ending process.
08:45Healing is a never-ending conversation with yourself.
08:48Meaning, you always check in with yourself.
08:50And then, this is what I can say,
08:52I still have my moments of weakness
08:54where I get triggered.
08:56And I get explosive once in a while.
08:59So, what I would do is,
09:01I would criticize myself.
09:02I would feel ashamed.
09:04But also, I would turn it around
09:06and be like,
09:07you can't always be like that.
09:09I want to train myself
09:11to stop feeling sorry for myself.
09:14I want to be strong enough
09:16to face what I need to face.
09:18So that even if I make a mistake,
09:20and even if I criticize myself,
09:22I will make myself proud.
09:24Because I will do the right thing.
09:26So, I understand and I accept
09:29and I expect that in this life,
09:32even if I make a mistake,
09:34I will still fall.
09:36I will trip.
09:37But it's okay
09:38because I know that I will keep getting back up.
09:40Because that's the point of life.
09:42That is how we learn
09:43and that is how we grow.
09:45So, even if I criticize myself,
09:47I turn it around by doing the right thing
09:50and then I end up feeling prouder of myself.
09:52Ma'am, I know that a lot of people can relate to this.
09:55A lot of people want to ask this.
09:57Because a lot of our listeners
10:00went through heartbreak,
10:02went through failed relationships,
10:04went through failed marriages.
10:07How did you deal with yours?
10:09Oh, by praying.
10:12Praying for my ex-husband,
10:14praying for me,
10:15praying for the both of us
10:17so that we can let go
10:19of what was not meant for us.
10:21The reason why,
10:23one of my spiritual teachers in Bali said
10:25that one of the main causes
10:28of human suffering
10:30is attachment.
10:32We are too attached
10:34to our expectations,
10:36to our ideas.
10:37Like, if you were to ask me, Nelson,
10:39what do I want?
10:40Of course, I want that Papa is still here.
10:43Of course, I want Francis M. to be alive.
10:46But there's nothing.
10:47So, attachment to that idea,
10:50it's going to make me suffer.
10:52So, when my marriage started to crumble,
10:56when it started to really break apart,
10:59I had to slowly, slowly accept it.
11:03So, what I would say,
11:05I recommend the book The Power of Now
11:08by Eckhart Tolle.
11:11The power of choosing the present moment
11:15and being okay with what's happening
11:17in the present moment
11:18as if you had chosen it.
11:20That's what the author said.
11:22That whatever is happening
11:24in the present moment,
11:25don't waste any more time.
11:27Accept it.
11:28Because think about it,
11:30when we resist,
11:31and we, like, what happened to me?
11:33Five years I wasted by drinking
11:36just because I couldn't accept
11:38my dad's death.
11:39Now, I understand
11:40that it can be painful.
11:41And of course,
11:42you are allowed to drink and cry
11:44and feel that pain.
11:46You are allowed.
11:47But what I would say is,
11:50think of yourself
11:52and think of your energy,
11:54how sacred and precious
11:56your energy is.
11:57Now that this thing
11:59is falling apart in front of you,
12:01your marriage,
12:02your relationship,
12:03your job,
12:04something that you thought
12:05that would never ever break apart,
12:08now it's breaking apart
12:10in front of you.
12:11What do you do?
12:12Instead of resisting that,
12:14you have to turn to God
12:16and accept,
12:18this is what's happening right now.
12:20God, help me through it.
12:23Let's just accept it.
12:25Let's not complain.
12:27And then let's accept
12:29that this is what God
12:31needs me to go through
12:32so that I can be the person
12:34that he designed me to be.
12:36God will not give us
12:38these challenges
12:39without a reason.
12:41So whoever is listening right now,
12:43this is your sign
12:45to let go of what is
12:47no longer serving you.
12:49Because you might think
12:50that holding on to the story
12:52justifies your pain.
12:54You might think that
12:55holding on to that painful experience,
12:59it means that it's justified.
13:01Because your partner hurt you,
13:03or your boss did something wrong to you,
13:06you hold on to that
13:08because you feel like
13:09it justifies what happened to you.
13:12And then for you,
13:14what do you call it?
13:15You're vindicated.
13:16Yeah.
13:17But it's not like that.
13:20The true peace comes
13:22in accepting what's happening
13:24in the present moment
13:26and forgiving what needs
13:27to be forgiven
13:29so that you can move on.
13:31You know that you will move on.
13:34Plus, this is what I can say.
13:36For those who are going through a breakup,
13:38especially an annulment
13:40or those who are seeking divorce,
13:42I hope the divorce is legalized, Nelson.
13:45But for those who are going through it,
13:47let me ask you this.
13:49It will always be painful
13:51going through a breakup
13:53and staying in a toxic relationship.
13:55So what pain are you willing to go through?
13:57Both of it is painful.
13:59It's painful to go through the breakup
14:01and it's also painful to stay
14:02where you're not meant to stay.
14:04So which one do you choose?
14:06I chose the first one.
14:08I chose the pain of going through the breakup
14:10because I know that's the only thing I'll go through.
14:13But choosing to stay
14:15is more painful
14:16because you're wasting your time,
14:18you're wasting your energy,
14:20you're wasting the purpose
14:22that God gave you in this world.
14:24So choose what pain
14:26are you willing to go through.
14:28I will share this
14:29because years ago
14:30when I was in a really, really, really bad situation,
14:33I was in a really bad shape.
14:35Kara David,
14:37one of my really good friends,
14:39shared with me the concept of
14:41kenosha,
14:43kenosis.
14:44So it's like dying.
14:47It's like that.
14:48Because when you're really down,
14:50when you're really down,
14:53it's like you're dead.
14:55Yes.
14:56But
14:57the promise of death is
14:59there's going to be new life.
15:01Yes.
15:03So go through that death.
15:05It's like emptying a flask of water.
15:09Because when it's empty,
15:11zero, silch, dead.
15:13Nothing.
15:14So you need to empty all of that.
15:16All the pains,
15:17all the good things,
15:18all the bad things.
15:20Right?
15:21Drain yourself.
15:22And then
15:24the little things you put in yourself are the good things.
15:28Yes.
15:29Little by little,
15:30you'll be able to reveal who you really are.
15:32Because you've already removed everything that doesn't help.
15:35Everything that doesn't need to be removed,
15:37you've already removed.
15:38And that's what I had to do.
15:39Nelson,
15:40I think that's called an ego death.
15:42Right?
15:43It's the death of
15:44who you thought you were supposed to be.
15:46So me too,
15:47I had to kill the old Maxine.
15:49But
15:51in a healthy way.
15:52Because some people,
15:53they deny their past
15:55by running away from it.
15:57Like,
15:58they don't forget it anymore.
16:00That's not the same
16:01as draining yourself.
16:03The real kind of emptying yourself,
16:06killing your old energy,
16:08it has to be
16:09you faced it.
16:11You faced it,
16:12you analyzed it,
16:13you felt it,
16:14and then you let it go,
16:15and then you accept.
16:17Some people,
16:18because it's too painful for them to accept it
16:20and to even feel it.
16:21That's why they end up running away.
16:23But then they end up becoming
16:25an inauthentic version of themselves.
16:27Because they don't deal with
16:29what happened to them in the past.
16:31So the only way
16:32that you can be your authentic self
16:34is if you can accept
16:36what happened in the past,
16:38don't worry about
16:39what happens in the future,
16:41and just stay here
16:42in the present moment.
16:43This is where your authentic self
16:45really shines.
16:47It's beautiful what you said,
16:49you killed the old Maxine.
16:52That's why I told you,
16:53I don't have a trace
16:55of the old Maxine
16:56that I saw in you.
16:57I mean,
16:58you look the same,
17:00but
17:01you're different.
17:03I'm not the only one saying that.
17:05I get you.
17:06It's because
17:07that's what you're saying.
17:11Pain in the body is temporary,
17:14but wisdom in the soul,
17:15it's forever.
17:17Meaning,
17:18I went through that painful past,
17:21and up to now,
17:22I know what I've been through,
17:24but I don't allow it
17:25to define me anymore.
17:27I've already turned that pain
17:29into wisdom
17:30by learning what I needed to learn,
17:32and then grow from that,
17:34and then that's who
17:35you're talking to right now.
17:37I don't deny
17:38what I've been through,
17:39I accept it all,
17:40I remember everything,
17:42if I can remember,
17:43but I really remember.
17:45But the thing is,
17:46I no longer allow it
17:48to have power over me.
17:50I no longer allow it
17:51to define me.
17:53I actually turn it
17:54into a positive
17:55by using it to my advantage,
17:57and that's why
17:58I am able to speak about it.
18:00Another thing
18:01that a teacher told me,
18:03I read it in a book,
18:04it said,
18:08pain,
18:10a painful memory
18:11without the emotional charge
18:13now becomes wisdom.
18:15When you can finally talk
18:16about a painful memory,
18:17you no longer cry,
18:19you're not affected,
18:20it means you have healed from it,
18:22you have learned from it,
18:24and you can talk about it
18:25so that those
18:26who are still going through it
18:28can learn
18:29and possibly apply
18:31what you did.
18:32So now your pain
18:33serves a purpose
18:34because you're able
18:35to help other people.
18:36And you become
18:39a good vessel,
18:42a good instrument
18:44for other people
18:46to heal.
18:48Yes, exactly, exactly.
18:50Are you a better woman?
18:52Oh, yes.
18:54I'm a better woman
18:56in the sense that
18:57I don't consider myself
18:58to be perfect,
18:59but I consider myself
19:01to be real,
19:02meaning I still make mistakes,
19:04but I always take accountability,
19:07I always am responsible,
19:10I say sorry when I need to,
19:12I have the difficult conversations
19:15with my loved ones,
19:16I don't avoid
19:17those uncomfortable topics
19:19because that is how we grow.
19:21Especially when, for example,
19:23someone wants to come up to me
19:24and say,
19:25can I share something with you?
19:26It made me upset.
19:27We don't want to hear
19:28things like that, right?
19:30But I feel I'm a better person
19:32because I am able to face
19:35the uncomfortable parts of life,
19:37and I'm not ashamed anymore,
19:39I'm not afraid anymore,
19:41I feel like I am a better person
19:43because God is working through me.
19:47And, you know,
19:49times are different now, right?
19:52Do you think it's hard,
19:54it's harder to be a woman
19:55these days?
19:57Ah, well, I think all genders
20:01have it hard.
20:03We all have our own problems,
20:06we all have our own experiences,
20:09but I would say,
20:11even if it's hard to be a woman,
20:13especially when we talk about
20:17our rights as women,
20:20not equal or whatnot,
20:22I feel I'm still very happy
20:25and grateful to be a woman
20:29because I want to be able
20:31to share feminine energy
20:33and to become a mother one day,
20:36you know?
20:37So, even if it's hard,
20:39I would say it's worth it.
20:41It's worth it.
20:42Everything is worth it.
20:44Wow.
20:46Wow.
20:47I have nothing to say.
20:49You know, okay,
20:52I'm down to my last questions.
20:55Because I have so many,
20:57it's like, to me,
20:59it's like I'm listening to a teacher,
21:03I'm listening to a preacher,
21:06I swear, a lot of the things
21:08that you said right now
21:09are the things that I probably
21:10wanted to hear.
21:12Wow.
21:13I'm grateful, Nelson.
21:14Thank you for sharing.
21:15Because one of my daily prayers
21:17is God, please place me
21:20where I can be most of service.
21:22And that's why I like doing
21:24these podcasts
21:25so that more audiences
21:27can hear that
21:29whoever is listening right now,
21:31I want them to understand,
21:33even you, Nelson,
21:35that you are all powerful enough
21:37to heal yourself
21:38because you have the power of God
21:40within you.
21:41Because we all come from God.
21:43So what we have to do is
21:45we just have to keep connecting to God
21:46and we have to keep nourishing
21:48that relationship.
21:49Because He is the one who will give us
21:51energy to go through life's challenges.
21:54I'm very grateful for the words
21:55that you shared.
21:56Thank you.
21:57That is right.
21:58Max, I normally end a podcast
22:01by turning the tables around.
22:03You will ask me a question.
22:06Oh, okay.
22:07Let's pick each other's brain.
22:09Okay, sure.
22:16How were you able to bounce back
22:19from your dark times in your life?
22:22Like what were the things
22:24that you had to do
22:25to pull yourself out of a dark place?
22:30Okay.
22:32One,
22:34because my notes here on my iPhone,
22:37I return them once in a while.
22:41You know, just to assess yourself,
22:43that this is my progress
22:45from five years ago,
22:47from ten years ago.
22:48And,
22:50one thing is evident
22:51every time I go through
22:53something really bad.
22:55My spirituality becomes deeper.
23:01Because I feel like
23:03no one else can help me.
23:06No one.
23:07No one else can comfort me.
23:12But,
23:13the higher being.
23:15So,
23:17you know,
23:18I start to post quotes,
23:20not because I want to feel comfortable,
23:23but I feel like
23:25there's always a blessing in sharing.
23:27Whatever it is that I'm feeling,
23:31I release it to the world.
23:33And I know
23:35there's one or two people
23:36who can read it
23:37and relate to it.
23:40So, that's one.
23:41That is one.
23:42And number two,
23:44I improve myself.
23:46Really,
23:48I really
23:50shake myself out of bed,
23:53go to the gym,
23:54study something that I don't know.
23:57Wow.
23:58Upgrade yourself.
24:00Upgrade yourself.
24:02I've always believed
24:04what Tita Mel told me back then.
24:07You know,
24:09you should change something in you.
24:11Because if you don't,
24:13if you don't improve yourself,
24:17you'll drown yourself.
24:19There's someone looking for you.
24:23That's what she said.
24:24There's someone.
24:25Don't make it hard for that person
24:28who's looking for you
24:29to drown you.
24:30Because every time you better yourself,
24:32you put yourself in a pedestal.
24:35It's easier to find someone
24:37who's on a pedestal
24:39than someone who's drowning.
24:41That's great.
24:44Thank you for sharing.
24:45I totally agree with that.
24:47Especially when you share quotes.
24:49I do the same.
24:50Because it makes me...
24:53For example, when I'm going through something,
24:54I go to Pinterest
24:56and I look at different quotes.
24:58And the words of other people,
25:00they probably went through that.
25:02So, it gives you comfort.
25:04Ah, okay.
25:05This is what she went through.
25:06This is what she did.
25:08Now, I want to share it with others also.
25:11So, it helps you
25:13to feel that even if one or two people
25:15read it,
25:16you helped them.
25:18Right?
25:19So, it turns your pain into purpose.
25:21Wow.
25:22That's beautiful.
25:23Pain into purpose.
25:25You know, there are a lot of quotable quotes now, girl.
25:28I promise.
25:29There are a lot.
25:31You know, I'm going to review this.
25:32I'm going to write a lot tonight.
25:35And, you know,
25:38it's such a blessing.
25:39I mean, you're such a blessing to be my friend.
25:43But what I talked to you about tonight,
25:46it's like a blessing
25:49that God gave to me.
25:51Wow.
25:54God used you tonight.
25:55Oh, thank you, Nelson.
25:58Thank you for having me.
25:59I'm very, very grateful.
26:01Any chance for me to share
26:03what I've learned in my journey
26:05so that whoever is listening
26:06can help them,
26:07I'm more than happy.
26:09So, thank you so much.
26:10Wow.
26:11Let's have tea.
26:13Yes.
26:14We'll see each other again.
26:16With Aubrey.
26:18Yes, yes, yes.
26:20Just let me know.
26:22Maybe I can invite you and your crew
26:24when I have a meditation event.
26:27And then you can feature it.
26:29Yes, yes.
26:30So that we can inspire more people
26:32to heal.
26:34Max, thank you very much for your time.
26:36Thank you, Nelson.
26:37Thank you for having me.
26:39The pleasure is all mine.
26:41Thank you.
26:54You're welcome.