Girl and Boy now trapped together in a tiny apartment, forced to get to know each other way more than any one night stand should HD ( Comedy, Romance )
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Shit. Fuck.
00:00:32Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
00:01:00When you're gone, please don't leave your love in the sun
00:01:12Or my heart will melt away
00:01:16In the night with your twisted tongue
00:01:19When you drop the bomb, I'll blow away
00:01:24I refuse to hide in the page of your story
00:01:32I come out of the box, I won't say I'm sorry
00:01:41We're in the nuclear season, intercept our survivors though
00:01:50We're in the nuclear season, somewhere in Mexico
00:01:57But your face is on my arm
00:02:00Cause you taste the blast and you chuck your bones
00:02:06I'm a mario, alone in the field
00:02:10Of lives I won't go
00:02:14Gonna melt my skin in the blaze of glory
00:02:22Come out your hands, I won't say I'm sorry
00:02:30We're in the nuclear season, intercept our survivors though
00:02:40We're in the nuclear season, somewhere in Mexico
00:02:45Oh, oh, oh, oh, we survived
00:02:49The nuclear season
00:02:53Oh, oh, oh, oh, we survived
00:02:57The nuclear season
00:03:01Oh, oh, oh, oh, we survived
00:03:07Well, Dave, while we didn't get the white Christmas we were hoping for,
00:03:10Mother Nature may have a few tricks up her sleeve.
00:03:13We're getting forecasts of a hurricane-fourth blizzard coming tonight.
00:03:22Oh, Megan, right where I left you.
00:03:25How adorable. Caught me red-handed.
00:03:28I'm just, I'm such a sucker for the classic American novel.
00:03:33Bad day?
00:03:35No, I'm just exhausted.
00:03:37Yeah, no, me too, right?
00:03:41Maybe it's time to get a job.
00:03:45You're telling me.
00:03:47Yes, I am.
00:03:49I look for fulfilling work all the time.
00:03:51I just happen to be taking a break whenever you're around.
00:03:53It's like studying when Mom is watching.
00:03:55Oh, wait, did you talk to your parents about the lease?
00:03:57Because the deadline's on the first and Cedric is willing to take over if you...
00:04:00Yeah, no, I haven't made a decision on that yet, per se.
00:04:05How did you not make a decision yet?
00:04:07I mean, what did you do today?
00:04:09Or what did you do this week?
00:04:12I did Christmas.
00:04:16And I also started online dating.
00:04:18Seriously?
00:04:23Yes, yes, shut up.
00:04:25No, I'm proud.
00:04:27Meet anyone?
00:04:29I said started. I'm not a machine.
00:04:33Oh, oh, and, um, I also really like that idea of going Dutch on principle,
00:04:38except, you know, I don't have any money,
00:04:40so it's kind of more of an intellectual exercise.
00:04:45Hey, whoa, where are you going? You just got home.
00:04:47Cedric's friend is having this birthday thing at this bar.
00:04:49So then you're not cooking dinner?
00:04:52Nah.
00:04:54Yep.
00:04:58Do you want to come?
00:05:00It kind of depends on the cake situation.
00:05:02Well, the birthday boy is single, and he's not the brightest, but he's pretty,
00:05:05so he's perfect for a one-night stand.
00:05:07I don't know. Do you think I'm ready?
00:05:10Who cares? I'm ready for you to be ready.
00:05:12I mean, seriously, how long has it been?
00:05:14Aren't you horny?
00:05:16Now, see, I knew you two little freaks would be having these type of conversations when I'm not around.
00:05:19I knew it. Especially you.
00:05:21Hi, Cedric.
00:05:22I knew it. I caught you.
00:05:24Well, yes, no, I'm horny, but I'm also somewhat lazy sometimes.
00:05:29So, um, the two counteract. Like, like dueling wizards.
00:05:32Not anymore. Tonight is the night.
00:05:35Fiza's setting me up.
00:05:36I'm thinking Ben.
00:05:38I like that. That's cool.
00:05:39Ben.
00:05:41Whoop!
00:05:47Hi.
00:05:48Hi.
00:05:49What's up?
00:05:50Uh, ID, please?
00:05:51Oh, I'm a girl.
00:05:52Uh, no. I'm sorry. You look kind of young.
00:05:54Take it like a compliment, all right?
00:06:00How did you lose your ID again? You don't go anywhere.
00:06:02Okay, wait. Look, I am old enough. I swear. Do you see that? Right there? It moves?
00:06:07Oh, my God. Megan.
00:06:10Hey. ID?
00:06:14Oh, shit.
00:06:16Awkward.
00:06:20Hey.
00:06:24I heard you're doing good.
00:06:26From who?
00:06:28I don't know. I just said that to be nice.
00:06:31Oh.
00:06:36Chris, I think this girl is trying to get by you.
00:06:38Oh, no.
00:06:40Uh, this is, this is Becca.
00:06:42Becca, this is Fiza and Cedric and Megan.
00:06:44Megan and I, we're, uh, we're together for a bit.
00:06:48Is that the average version? Just like that?
00:06:52You two coming in a while.
00:06:55Nice to meet you.
00:06:58Good seeing you, Megan.
00:07:01I don't even want to hear you guys say it.
00:07:03Listen, if we knew that he was going to be here, I, I would have warned you.
00:07:06No, this is a serious pattern. I am regressing.
00:07:09Last year, I was in college, and I was Chris's fiancé, and I drank wine in restaurants.
00:07:13And now I am at home all day in my underwear, and I'm nobody's nothing, and I can't even get into a bar.
00:07:19What is happening to me? I am going backwards. I am Benjamin Buttoning.
00:07:24He moved on. So what? So can you.
00:07:26I say take a cab home, get on that dating site, pick a cute guy.
00:07:30No drinks, no dinner, just a hookup.
00:07:32It's, okay, you can't order it. It's not edible arrangements.
00:07:36Uh, yeah, you can. You have tits and the internet.
00:07:39Cedric, back me up.
00:07:40Internet. Tits. Let's go.
00:07:42Desperate times call for desperate measures.
00:07:44Go get him, tiger. You got this.
00:07:49Rights?
00:07:56Yeah.
00:08:16Ah.
00:08:27Oh.
00:08:40Nope.
00:08:50Okay.
00:08:53Fuck it.
00:08:54He moved on, so can I.
00:09:07Keeping it lowercase, keeping it casual.
00:09:15Really?
00:09:16Really?
00:09:20Okay.
00:09:21Come on.
00:09:22The bar is so low. It's so very low.
00:09:37I sound like a computer virus.
00:09:40Awesome.
00:09:43Okay.
00:09:47Okay.
00:10:00Out.
00:10:08Out.
00:10:16Peace.
00:10:30Wait. Oh, shit.
00:10:32Um.
00:10:47Safety first.
00:11:01Hey, there.
00:11:02Oh, man, I was just so sure that I was going to see a close-up of a penis.
00:11:06Um, yeah, me too.
00:11:09Wow, you are really pretty. Really pretty.
00:11:13Uh, anyway, so this is me. So get in.
00:11:17Um, and this is my apartment.
00:11:22As you can see, it's a magical wonderland.
00:11:26So do I pass the tests or...?
00:11:30Um, yes, I think so.
00:11:34I've actually, I've never done this before.
00:11:37Me neither.
00:11:38No, no, no. Like, I know, I know that people say that,
00:11:41but I really, I haven't. Nothing.
00:11:44I know. Me neither.
00:11:46Oh. Good. Um.
00:11:50Okay, well, I guess then I will see you soon?
00:11:54That is awesome. I mean, that is cool, sweet.
00:11:57I will, that would be a very nice thing to happen, Megan.
00:12:00I will see you soon.
00:12:02Okay.
00:12:04Okay. Bye.
00:12:07I cannot believe I am schlepping to Brooklyn
00:12:11for a booty call that is fucking scandalous.
00:12:14I don't think it shut off right.
00:12:16Nope, nope, the TV...
00:12:27Hey, shh, stay quiet.
00:12:29Is that a, is that a bird in there?
00:12:32Did you sleep with your coat on?
00:12:35Yeah, I get cold.
00:12:37Just get the intruder.
00:12:44Alarm reset.
00:12:48False alarm.
00:12:49Oh, that's so weird.
00:12:51It's a bummer that it woke us up, though.
00:12:54But I should get going.
00:12:56Um, I had a great time.
00:13:00Thank you.
00:13:02It's, uh, it's perfect for what I needed, so...
00:13:16Awesome.
00:13:33Ambitious.
00:13:44That's some alarm you got there.
00:13:47Yeah, I don't remember setting it.
00:13:52Weird.
00:13:55Uh, morning, Megan.
00:13:58Good morning, Alex.
00:14:01It's, uh, Alec, actually.
00:14:04Yeah.
00:14:07What'd I say?
00:14:09Alex.
00:14:12Do you owe it one more time?
00:14:15Alec, it's got a C at the end of it.
00:14:18Oh, yeah.
00:14:20It's okay.
00:14:22Gotcha, sorry.
00:14:24Well, um, I had a blast,
00:14:28so thank you for having me.
00:14:32You're welcome.
00:14:34My only concern is how we're gonna sugarcoat this
00:14:36when we tell our grandkids how we met.
00:14:39Right?
00:14:41Yeah, um, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, huh?
00:14:44Hey, so do you wanna grab breakfast,
00:14:46or do you normally just take off?
00:14:49Normally?
00:14:51Huh?
00:14:53You said normally.
00:14:55Just, like, I do this so much
00:14:57that I'd have a normal and an abnormal version of it.
00:15:00That's, yeah, that's not what I meant.
00:15:02I have no idea how often you do this.
00:15:04I told you last night that this is my first time
00:15:07doing anything, you know, remotely like this.
00:15:10Yeah, but come on.
00:15:12Come on.
00:15:14What?
00:15:16Megan, do you expect me to believe
00:15:18this is your first one-night stand ever?
00:15:20Yes. Yeah, no, I mean, the only reason that I'm here
00:15:23is because my roommate shear-pressured this shit out of me.
00:15:26Yeah, she sextiled you or whatever, right?
00:15:28Exactly, and yet I'm sensing
00:15:30some distinctly judgy vibes
00:15:32coming from your side of the bed, which is odd
00:15:35considering the teamwork involved.
00:15:37There's no judgy vibes coming from this side of the bed.
00:15:40Honestly, I really admire what you did.
00:15:42I wish more girls were that forward.
00:15:44Forward? There we go with the slut thing again.
00:15:47I'm not calling you a slut.
00:15:49I'm calling you a girl who went over
00:15:51to a stranger's house at midnight
00:15:53if only there was a word for someone who does that.
00:15:56Wow. You know what? Screw you.
00:15:58That was a joke. I'm sorry.
00:16:00You invited me here. Just remember that.
00:16:02That's not quite how it happened, but it doesn't matter.
00:16:05Look, can we please just eat breakfast?
00:16:07I make oatmeal with a little smiley face made out of jelly,
00:16:10and it's not slutty at all.
00:16:12You know what? Save your oatmeal.
00:16:14I think I'm gonna take off, but, um, thanks for having me.
00:16:17It was awesome to get to know you. Have a nice life, Alex.
00:16:20That time was on purpose, because I told you
00:16:22my name is Alec with a C like a dozen times.
00:16:24It wasn't on purpose, but don't worry. You just have a stupid name.
00:16:27Okay, cool. Well, bye. It was lovely having sex with you.
00:16:30Oh, I wish I could say the same.
00:16:32Sounded like you had a pretty good time last night.
00:16:34You know what? Don't believe everything you hear,
00:16:36especially when it's something like,
00:16:38Hey, Alec, cool name. What is that?
00:16:40Sounds like the first draft of a name.
00:16:42Okay, fuck you, Megan.
00:16:44Fuck you back.
00:16:46Ah, okay.
00:16:50What?
00:17:00Ow!
00:17:02Shit.
00:17:06Stupid little angel-faced angel.
00:17:08Okay, now, I'm the angel,
00:17:10and this angel is being woken up
00:17:12by a fucking junkyard dog
00:17:15in a hot girl body.
00:17:17Okay? And that's my morning.
00:17:20Look, I can't...
00:17:22Mom, I will call you back.
00:17:26Hi, there. It's Alec, right?
00:17:30Hmm.
00:17:32Was it a little snow outside?
00:17:34Yeah? Hmm.
00:17:36Well, New Yorkers, I don't want to say that you guys are pussies,
00:17:38but seriously, you should see what a winter in Minnesota looks like.
00:17:42I'll get you a cab.
00:17:44Oh, yeah.
00:17:50Fuck.
00:17:52Holy shit, that's a lot of snow.
00:17:58Hmm.
00:18:00Hmm.
00:18:02Wow.
00:18:04Hey, folks, hope you aren't planning on going anywhere
00:18:06anytime soon, because let me tell you something,
00:18:08it ain't gonna happen, okay?
00:18:10We are seeing record snowfalls.
00:18:12This thing came in overnight
00:18:14and has New York City
00:18:16in a total whiteout.
00:18:19We're talking about tens of thousands
00:18:21of stranded holiday travelers.
00:18:23The entire city transit system
00:18:25is shut down.
00:18:27The streets have not even been plowed.
00:18:29The mayor's office is urging people
00:18:31to stay indoors and to avoid
00:18:33all nonessential travel.
00:18:35So get cozy, folks, because it's gonna be
00:18:37a long weekend.
00:18:39Faisa, you have to do something.
00:18:41I cannot stay here. This is the worst.
00:18:43Sweetie, are you even watching the news?
00:18:45There's nothing we can do.
00:18:48This could be every day.
00:18:50But Cedric's in EMT.
00:18:52Can he, like, helicopter me
00:18:54out of here or something?
00:18:56Is that Cedric?
00:18:58Is Cedric laughing at me?
00:19:00No, no, no. Okay, just make the best of it,
00:19:02and we'll rescue you as soon as we can, okay?
00:19:04I promise.
00:19:06No, no, no, no, no, no. I would not be here
00:19:08if you did not let me out.
00:19:10Sorry, I can't hear you.
00:19:12What?
00:19:14I think the snow is messing
00:19:16with the satellites.
00:19:18Okay, bye.
00:19:20Bye.
00:19:22Faisa.
00:19:24My best.
00:19:42It's what I deserve.
00:19:44It's penance.
00:19:46Wow. That is officially the worst review
00:19:48my oatmeal has ever received.
00:19:50It's what I get for slutting it up.
00:19:52Um, so you really think God made this blizzard
00:19:54to punish you for being slutty?
00:19:56No, I don't think God did it.
00:19:58It's ridiculous. I think my grandmother did,
00:20:00and I just don't know how.
00:20:02Right. That makes sense.
00:20:04Well, I would prefer
00:20:06not to spend the next 24 hours
00:20:08in an uncomfortable silence with you,
00:20:10so why don't we just pretend
00:20:12that we never had sex?
00:20:14It didn't happen.
00:20:16And then we can pretend that it's just the weather
00:20:18and not your passive-aggressive magical grandmother.
00:20:20No. That's like trying to get the toothpaste
00:20:22back into the tube. You can't do it.
00:20:24It is out there. I have seen your penis.
00:20:26You even plied on the slut.
00:20:28Those are big things.
00:20:30Did you just call my penis big?
00:20:32Uh, no. No, I did not.
00:20:34I called the implication of your penis big.
00:20:36Well, it's still nice to hear.
00:20:38You can't just erase the fact
00:20:40that we never had sex.
00:20:42I think you underestimate us.
00:20:48Hi.
00:20:50I'm Alec.
00:20:54I'm Megan.
00:20:56Megan, it's very nice to meet you.
00:20:58Um, what do you do for a living?
00:21:00Oh, Jesus. That? That's what we're doing? Uh, no.
00:21:02Seriously? Already? We just started.
00:21:04Mm-hmm. Okay.
00:21:10We've had massive shutdowns
00:21:12all over the tri-state area.
00:21:14That includes Dutchess County,
00:21:16Harlan County,
00:21:18Bronson County,
00:21:20Middlebrook County,
00:21:22Monmouth County.
00:21:26Wow. How the time flies.
00:21:30Good question.
00:21:36Binghamton.
00:21:38New calls.
00:21:42New calls.
00:21:44What's the capital of New York?
00:21:46All right, we'll try again, but there are rules.
00:21:48No upsetting questions.
00:21:50I didn't realize it was one.
00:21:52Well, now you do.
00:21:54Okay, I'm trying
00:21:56very hard to think of a question
00:21:58that could in no way be construed as upsetting.
00:22:02Do you
00:22:04like
00:22:06dogs?
00:22:08Perfectly non-upsetting question. Good job.
00:22:10Yes.
00:22:12I like dogs.
00:22:14Me, too.
00:22:16I have to use the restroom.
00:22:18That's allowed.
00:22:36What?
00:22:42Dammit.
00:22:44You don't know me.
00:23:06Do you
00:23:08possibly
00:23:10have
00:23:12headphones?
00:23:16Thank you.
00:23:18Um, Megan?
00:23:20What happened?
00:23:22What happened? You happened.
00:23:24What is that?
00:23:28Oh, God.
00:23:30Dog!
00:23:32Don't.
00:23:34Dog!
00:23:36Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it.
00:23:38No, no, no. You step away.
00:23:40You are not cleaning that up.
00:23:42Hold it over my head.
00:23:44Go to your room.
00:23:46I can handle this.
00:23:52God. Holy
00:23:54crap.
00:24:00It just keeps coming.
00:24:02Hey, you gotta turn the knob.
00:24:04No, I mean the punishments
00:24:06from the universe.
00:24:08It's practically biblical.
00:24:10Where the fuck is your plunger?
00:24:12It should be right next to the, um...
00:24:14Ah, shit.
00:24:16I let my buddy borrow my plunger.
00:24:18Dammit. That's why you never let your friends borrow plungers.
00:24:20There's like a thousand
00:24:22reasons. Look, just, uh,
00:24:24shut the door. I'll deal with it later.
00:24:32Hey, I just thought of an idea
00:24:34that could fix everything.
00:24:36Do you want to get high?
00:24:42Yeah, me neither.
00:24:44That was just a test.
00:24:46Didn't know if you were a cop.
00:24:48Hmm.
00:24:54Yep, I'm gonna do it.
00:24:56I'm gonna get high.
00:24:58Yep, I'm gonna do it.
00:25:00I'm gonna get high.
00:25:02You don't care, do you?
00:25:04Your apartment.
00:25:06I'm warning you, though.
00:25:08You're about to think that I'm really cool.
00:25:10My buddy made it.
00:25:12I don't know if you can tell, but he smokes a lot of pot.
00:25:14I try to encourage his creativity.
00:25:16No, I think it fits you.
00:25:18It fits you.
00:25:28Sorry, I'd open a window, but, you know.
00:25:30It is a mystery
00:25:32why you don't have a girlfriend.
00:25:34Hey, I'm a catch.
00:25:36I bet you 150 bucks you're gonna die alone.
00:25:38Well, my future
00:25:40smoking hot widow will gladly
00:25:42accept your money.
00:25:48Oh.
00:25:52Hey, I'm just saying,
00:25:54you could afford to take the edge off a little bit.
00:25:56It could be good for you. You should embrace it.
00:25:58Yeah, I've gotten high before.
00:26:00Not with me.
00:26:04Fine.
00:26:08It better make you funnier.
00:26:10Yeah.
00:26:12Smoke that shit.
00:26:18So earlier,
00:26:20you asked what I did for a living,
00:26:22and I kind of got a little feisty.
00:26:24You? Feisty? Can't picture it.
00:26:26Well,
00:26:28the answer is
00:26:32I am less than employed
00:26:34at the moment.
00:26:36I don't do anything.
00:26:38See, last year I was able to say
00:26:40I'm a pre-med student,
00:26:42which sounds kind of impressive, right?
00:26:44But then I graduated.
00:26:46And I'm not allowed to say it anymore.
00:26:50Um...
00:26:52I think your profile said pre-med student.
00:26:54Yeah, no, I just haven't changed it yet.
00:26:56Didn't you make that profile, like, two days ago?
00:26:58It's weird.
00:27:00What is this, like an interrogation?
00:27:02You got something to hide?
00:27:04No, I just...
00:27:06I think I'm just in that limbo phase.
00:27:08It's not like your degree has instructions on it.
00:27:10Well...
00:27:12Boom!
00:27:14Boom!
00:27:16Home run, twins! Win the World Series!
00:27:18Well, your degree did say pre-med,
00:27:20so you would think
00:27:22something follows that.
00:27:28What was that?
00:27:30Shit.
00:27:38So...
00:27:40why did you major in pre-med
00:27:42if you didn't want to go into medicine?
00:27:44I always thought I'd change it,
00:27:46but then I graduated.
00:27:48Whoops.
00:27:50Wait, how does that happen?
00:27:52Easier than you would think.
00:27:54What do you do for a living?
00:27:56I work at a bank.
00:27:58Fancy.
00:28:00Banking.
00:28:02Nope, just bank.
00:28:04I'm an assistant manager.
00:28:06How does someone like you get into something that's so...
00:28:08Wildly exciting?
00:28:10Uh, I don't know.
00:28:12I mean, you know, like, when you're 17
00:28:14and you just want to get out there and show the world
00:28:16everything that you have to offer
00:28:18because you have all this stuff to say?
00:28:20I don't know what that feels like.
00:28:22I don't know.
00:28:24I never felt like I needed a job to define my life.
00:28:26You like your job.
00:28:28Since when are you supposed to like your job?
00:28:30I think our generation catastrophically
00:28:32misunderstands that.
00:28:36Interesting.
00:28:41♪ Shine like a work of art... ♪
00:28:46I forgot the food.
00:28:48I'm going back for it.
00:28:50Huh? No, no, no, please. Allow me.
00:28:54Hello.
00:28:56Now I am impressed.
00:28:58Mm-hmm.
00:29:00Because it's like a butler that is also a rug.
00:29:02For the man who has everything except a rug.
00:29:04Mm-hmm.
00:29:06You know,
00:29:08I used to smoke back in college.
00:29:10But one summer, I walked in on my parents
00:29:12smoking out of a vaporizer
00:29:14and watching Italian porn.
00:29:16Oh, my God.
00:29:18Which is kind of the greatest anti-drug PSA of all time.
00:29:20That is awesome.
00:29:22It's kind of gross, but...
00:29:24It is fun.
00:29:26Now, growing up,
00:29:28all of my friends' parents were divorced.
00:29:30You know?
00:29:32But mine, they were always
00:29:34so happy.
00:29:36So disgustingly happy.
00:29:40It's a lot to live up to.
00:29:44I think it kind of messed me up.
00:29:52My parents are still married, too.
00:29:54Yep.
00:29:56I'll go for that.
00:29:58Yep.
00:30:00When I was a kid, I used to wish that they'd get divorced
00:30:02because I was jealous of all my friends
00:30:04on the eve of two Christmases.
00:30:08Uh-uh.
00:30:10Mm-mm.
00:30:12You should turn this off.
00:30:14You don't like this song?
00:30:16Oh, no, I love this song.
00:30:18It's gonna make me want to dance.
00:30:20Yes, you should.
00:30:22No.
00:30:24Yes.
00:30:26Trust me.
00:30:28Oh, are you, like, a bad dancer?
00:30:30Oh, no.
00:30:32I'm not a dancer, but you see...
00:30:36See, if you see me dance,
00:30:38you'll follow me around like a little puppy dog
00:30:40and be embarrassing for us both.
00:30:42So...
00:30:44you have to stay here
00:30:46for your own safety.
00:30:48Trust me on that one.
00:30:50I'm so sick of you tonight
00:30:52You never stay awake
00:30:54When I get home
00:30:56There's something wrong with me
00:30:58Something wrong with you
00:31:00I don't even wish I knew
00:31:02Wish I knew
00:31:04Wish I knew
00:31:06I'll give you candy
00:31:08Give you diamonds
00:31:10Give you pimples
00:31:12I'll give you everything
00:31:14I've got
00:31:16I'll give you everything
00:31:18I'll give you diamonds
00:31:20Give you pimples
00:31:22I'll give you anything you want
00:31:24Hundred dollar bills
00:31:26I'll even let you watch the shows you want to see
00:31:28Because you married me
00:31:30Married me
00:31:32Married me
00:31:34Married me
00:31:36Married me
00:31:40Okay, um...
00:31:42So I would just like to...
00:31:44frame the next question
00:31:46in the context that
00:31:48my diet doesn't normally consist of junk food
00:31:50and with that in mind
00:31:52hypothetically
00:31:54if one were to
00:31:56need to make use
00:31:58of a bathroom
00:32:00how might
00:32:02one do that
00:32:04in these special
00:32:06circumstances?
00:32:08Stop smiling.
00:32:12That's actually a great question.
00:32:16Um...
00:32:18Are these your creepy neighbors?
00:32:20Are you the creepy neighbor?
00:32:22You're totally the creepy neighbor.
00:32:24Hmm.
00:32:26Hey, Ms. Lopan, it's Alec.
00:32:28I just really need to borrow your plunger.
00:32:30It's kind of an emergency.
00:32:32That wouldn't happen to be their mailbox,
00:32:34would it? Oh, yeah, you know what?
00:32:36They're probably away for the holidays.
00:32:38You did not just laugh.
00:32:40It's kind of funny.
00:32:42Do you see this face? This is my panicked face.
00:32:44Do we understand?
00:32:46Yeah. Okay. We do. Oh, good.
00:32:48Okay, have no fear. The trusty coat hanger's here
00:32:50to save the day. Aw, shucks.
00:32:52I bet you say that to all the girls.
00:32:54We're just, we're kind of
00:32:56on a clock here. I mean, there's a plan
00:32:58B, but it might sound kind of out there.
00:33:00We are not getting high again. Yes, we are.
00:33:02No, I'm just kidding. The windows of this
00:33:04building, they don't really work right, so we can
00:33:06go out the window, climb up to the roof,
00:33:08go to the other side, and then get in through the
00:33:10Lopan's fire escape.
00:33:12Okay.
00:33:18Maybe just you should do this.
00:33:20I'm not breaking and entering alone.
00:33:22The horrors we're doing this is for you.
00:33:26Uh, why do you have that?
00:33:28My grandmother left it to me.
00:33:30Yep, all style complaints go to her.
00:33:32Oh, I see.
00:33:34Sweet.
00:33:42Let's do this.
00:34:02You couldn't just shit in the sink, huh?
00:34:06What's wrong?
00:34:08It's frozen!
00:34:10What's wrong?
00:34:12It's frozen shut! It won't budge!
00:34:14We gotta go back.
00:34:16There is no turning back!
00:34:20What the fuck?
00:34:22Are you kidding me?
00:34:26Hey, are you fucking insane?
00:34:28I'm gonna have to pay for that.
00:34:30I had to. They would totally understand.
00:34:32Look, you are a ruiner.
00:34:34I am not a ruiner.
00:34:36I'm sorry, I gotta pee.
00:34:38I had to. You understand?
00:34:40No, no, no, no.
00:34:42You are an asshole in so many languages.
00:34:44You understand?
00:34:48Oh, yeah, this pee feels so good.
00:34:50It feels so good!
00:35:04Whoops.
00:35:06Sorry, false alarm.
00:35:20Just so you know, I'm giving you the silent treatment, too.
00:35:22I just didn't know if you could tell,
00:35:24and I wanted you to know.
00:35:26I'm sorry.
00:35:28I'm sorry.
00:35:30I'm sorry.
00:35:32I'm sorry.
00:35:34I'm sorry.
00:35:36I'm sorry.
00:35:38I'm sorry.
00:35:40I'm sorry.
00:35:42I'm sorry.
00:35:44I'm sorry.
00:35:46I'm sorry.
00:35:48No.
00:36:01Hey.
00:36:03I think we solved the mystery
00:36:05of the clogged toilet.
00:36:07Wait, no, I told you I would do that.
00:36:09What is this?
00:36:11What are you doing?
00:36:13That's gross!
00:36:15If you had a problem with the reading material
00:36:17It's just some stupid article.
00:36:34It wasn't stupid though, it was spot-on.
00:36:37How pathetic is that?
00:36:38It's so pathetic.
00:36:39Do you really think my name sounds like the first draft of a name?
00:36:55Yeah, like a good first draft, yeah.
00:37:03It gets really close.
00:37:10Did you really fake it?
00:37:12What are you talking about?
00:37:17Last night.
00:37:18You know, when you were making what I would describe as like Banshee-esque screams of
00:37:23pleasure and then this morning you called into question their authenticity, so...
00:37:27What happened to like, hey, let's just pretend we never had sex?
00:37:33Yeah, I'm over that.
00:37:34Why are you even thinking about this again?
00:37:37I haven't stopped thinking about it.
00:37:39Um, alright, well, see, I just said those things to hurt your feelings because you hurt
00:37:48mine, you know?
00:37:49Yeah, I don't really buy that because I think women are most honest actually when they're
00:37:52trying to hurt somebody's feelings.
00:37:54Fine.
00:37:55But this can't be the first time that a woman's faked it for you.
00:37:58Uh, definitely was.
00:38:01You made your ex come, huh?
00:38:03Yep, pretty much all the time.
00:38:05Yeah, that often?
00:38:06And did she come before or after you?
00:38:09Usually we would come simultaneously at the same time, I'm telling you, it's true.
00:38:15Yeah, bullshit.
00:38:16Oh, that's mean.
00:38:17No, it's nothing to be ashamed of either, it's really hard to do.
00:38:21For guys it's so easy, it's just, you know, it's like friction, but for girls there's
00:38:25a whole lot of intangibles down there.
00:38:29And it's bad that we fake it, it's not good for you, it doesn't help us, it doesn't help
00:38:33the next girl.
00:38:34Oh, but you're a really great kisser, yeah, you got that down pat.
00:38:39I kiss on my hand a lot.
00:38:41The other stuff.
00:38:42A lot.
00:38:43But I had a good time.
00:38:44Okay, well, yeah, let's talk about this.
00:38:47So what, uh, yeah, what did I do wrong?
00:38:52Okay, it's not about what you did wrong, it's just how people sync up, you know, how they
00:38:57fit together.
00:38:58Mm-hmm.
00:38:59And we didn't sync up well?
00:39:00Do you think we did?
00:39:01Well, you know, it's the first time, it's awkward, you don't know what to say, you don't
00:39:05know what you're touching.
00:39:06It's awkward.
00:39:07It's not like that changes after the first time.
00:39:10Well, I mean, I mean, eventually they learn what you like more, but you can never talk
00:39:18about it openly, because guys are so sensitive, you know, suggesting just the tiniest thing,
00:39:24and it freaks them out, because then they think you've been thinking that every time.
00:39:28And then they get mad that you didn't say something earlier, and you didn't say something
00:39:31earlier because it would have been too soon.
00:39:33So the only thing that there is to do is train them to recognize different levels of moans
00:39:36without them realizing you're doing it, in my experience.
00:39:42Wow.
00:39:43It works.
00:39:46Or maybe it's just me.
00:39:47No, it's like camp, you know, you go and you have to do this activity with a partner, but
00:39:51you can't say anything, so you're just kind of stumbling your way through it.
00:39:54Yeah, it's just like camp.
00:39:56Mm-hmm.
00:39:58Holy shit.
00:39:59I just had a great idea.
00:40:00Do you feel it?
00:40:02The two of us?
00:40:03It's a pretty good opportunity right now.
00:40:06What is this?
00:40:08Right here.
00:40:09What?
00:40:10You don't get it?
00:40:11Okay, look.
00:40:12Listen to me.
00:40:13So we're trapped.
00:40:14We're like this incredible experiment right now.
00:40:16We're lab rats.
00:40:17We've had sex, but we don't have feelings for each other, right?
00:40:20And as soon as that snow clears, you're gone.
00:40:22Big Mexico gone.
00:40:23We don't know any of the same people, so we're probably never going to see each other again.
00:40:28Yes.
00:40:29So we can use this time to be honest with each other, and we can give each other advice
00:40:33and constructive criticism to make each other better lovers for the next person that comes along.
00:40:38Okay.
00:40:39Firstly, you cannot pull off the word lovers.
00:40:42I think I can.
00:40:43Secondly, what you are proposing is potentially, it's a horrible, it sucks, it's a bad idea.
00:40:48Don't, what?
00:40:49Are you kidding me?
00:40:50This is the best idea I've ever had.
00:40:51That's so sad.
00:40:52Look, Megan, listen.
00:40:53You can't just, like, drop a bomb on me.
00:40:56Like, hey, maybe you've never made a girl come in your entire fucking life,
00:40:59and then say you don't want to talk about it.
00:41:01I want to talk.
00:41:02Guys can't handle constructive criticism about that stuff.
00:41:06You'll get all pissy.
00:41:07No.
00:41:08I promise you that I will not get pissy if you don't.
00:41:12What do you mean if I don't?
00:41:13Oh, did you think this was just like a one-way street or something?
00:41:17You think you have pointers for me.
00:41:18Well, yeah, a thing or two crossed my mind, but I guess you'll never know, will you?
00:41:29Jesus, fine.
00:41:30All right, I bite.
00:41:31Go.
00:41:32Okay, great.
00:41:33This is good.
00:41:34Now, this is not just you.
00:41:36I want to make that clear.
00:41:38Okay, the lights off thing.
00:41:39What the fuck is that?
00:41:41If the lights are off, like you requested, and I so gentlemanly oblige,
00:41:44I could be having sex with anything, literally.
00:41:47I don't want to be having sex with anything.
00:41:49I want to be having sex with you.
00:41:51Not you specifically, but like the universal you.
00:41:56Lights on.
00:41:59All guys feel that way?
00:42:00I can only speak for me and my friends, but yeah.
00:42:02Duh, girls hear that more than hello.
00:42:04That's what you got?
00:42:05All I'm saying is that we're young, and we're hot-looking people,
00:42:10and we should embrace that shit while we have it.
00:42:12All right, fine.
00:42:13Guys like to do it with the lights on.
00:42:15Noted.
00:42:16Awesome.
00:42:17Shocked.
00:42:18What else you got?
00:42:19Do you want more?
00:42:20Do you have more?
00:42:21Yeah, I do.
00:42:22Okay.
00:42:23What else do you do that I don't like?
00:42:24Okay, yeah.
00:42:25You do this thing where you stand up from the bed,
00:42:28and you kind of turn halfway around,
00:42:30and then you get undressed as fast as you can all at once,
00:42:33and it's like you're getting ready for a physical or something.
00:42:36I've never had any complaints about how rapidly I undress most guys like Naked Me.
00:42:40I love Naked You.
00:42:41Naked You is awesome to look at and touch.
00:42:44What I mean is that you could make the getting naked there part a little, like, what's that?
00:42:51Boop.
00:42:52And you take a roll off the side.
00:42:54You could even imaginary pull.
00:42:56Just bring it, smack it, bring it down.
00:42:59Oh, God.
00:43:00Bring it up.
00:43:01Do the little ass thing with the underwear.
00:43:03Hey, dropped something.
00:43:05My panties.
00:43:06You can flick it up.
00:43:07You can catch it.
00:43:08Man, I don't care what you did with it.
00:43:10Actually, that wasn't terrible.
00:43:12You should put on heels and try it.
00:43:14Yeah, you're right.
00:43:15This is weird.
00:43:16No, no.
00:43:17Man up.
00:43:18Finish.
00:43:19Just get ready for an onslaught.
00:43:21Okay, that definitely didn't sound like it was in the vein of constructive criticism,
00:43:24but I will continue nonetheless.
00:43:26Look, all I'm saying is that guys like undressing,
00:43:34and you could make it more of a thing.
00:43:38Okay.
00:43:39Lastly, when I was inside of you, you started doing this thing.
00:43:43You started helping yourself a little bit,
00:43:45and it kind of made me feel like I was being benched.
00:43:50Second string.
00:43:51Noted.
00:43:52Okay.
00:43:53Totally noted.
00:43:54Is it my turn?
00:43:55Yeah.
00:43:56Okay, don't ever do that.
00:43:57Okay.
00:43:58That's the international thing.
00:43:59Okay.
00:44:00I don't know who first taught guys to do the alphabet with their tongue thing,
00:44:03but it kind of makes me feel like I'm Helen Keller being fucked by her teacher.
00:44:09And that is not a fantasy of yours.
00:44:12There was a moment, one moment, during foreplay in which I was maybe close to coming,
00:44:17and I believe I subtly pointed this out for you.
00:44:19Do you remember what it was that I said?
00:44:21I'm close to coming.
00:44:22Yes.
00:44:23Uh-huh.
00:44:24And then after I said that, you switched up what you were doing.
00:44:26Just what was your thought process there?
00:44:29Um, I mean, honestly, I thought I was doing like a finishing move,
00:44:32kind of like a Mortal Kombat thing, like finish her and like really hit it,
00:44:36but I thought I was doing something like that.
00:44:38It's not.
00:44:39Next time, just, you know, keep on doing what it was that you were doing
00:44:43because you got it a third, and you can get her home.
00:44:47Okay.
00:44:48You waited for me to undress you, which is unnecessary,
00:44:52and also a little weird because I'm not your mom tucking you into bed.
00:44:55You kept trying to give me a kiss, which nobody likes.
00:44:58Oh, and you went like way too fast, like you were drilling me for oil, you know?
00:45:03Like my whole body was just like...
00:45:06And then, oh, oh, you did find my G-spot,
00:45:08but kind of like a drive-by, which was cool, but then you kept going.
00:45:12And I so wanted you to stop.
00:45:14Oh, okay, all right.
00:45:16When a girl is helping herself, that's a good fucking thing.
00:45:21My ex was weird about that too,
00:45:23It's not like we're competing on some awesome erotic Japanese game show.
00:45:28We are having sex, you know?
00:45:31Like embrace the team spirit.
00:45:34Oh, and last night when we were done,
00:45:36you retreated to the other side of the bed like you planted a bomb down there.
00:45:40So next time, just hold a girl.
00:45:44Count to like ten.
00:45:46It'll go a long way, that one.
00:45:48You can thank me later.
00:45:51Other than those things, you are a perfectly adequate lover.
00:45:55Adequate, wow. Thank you.
00:46:00Adequates, not really.
00:46:02See, I knew this would happen.
00:46:04I told you that this was a bad idea.
00:46:07It's a fine idea. I'm good.
00:46:09I'm like Teflon, baby, nothing sticks to me.
00:46:12We should totally check out the news, though, for some updates.
00:46:16As you can see, this storm is showing no signs of slowing down.
00:46:20I want you to look at something.
00:46:22Behind me is the Empire State Building,
00:46:25but you can't see it.
00:46:27All you can see is snow.
00:46:29Bet you 150 bucks Rick Greene's is fully erect right now.
00:46:37That's funny.
00:46:39I'm hearing that that's actually not where the Empire State Building is.
00:46:44Is it cool if I take a shower?
00:46:46No.
00:46:47Yes, it's fine.
00:46:49The towels are on the floor.
00:47:14I just got off the phone with the governor's office,
00:47:17and they told me this storm is a real motherfucker.
00:47:20That was quick.
00:47:24What if we tried again?
00:47:26I can't take any more critiques.
00:47:28No, no, I mean, what if we tried again?
00:47:36I don't know.
00:47:38What if we tried again?
00:47:44Tested our theories for science.
00:47:50For...
00:47:54science?
00:47:56Yeah, I think it'd be really helpful for me,
00:47:59because I'm more of a hands-on learner.
00:48:04Yeah, we could do that.
00:48:08Okay, and the channel of communication stays open.
00:48:13We say whatever's on our mind, that's the deal.
00:48:16Okay, we should film it.
00:48:18No? Too far?
00:48:20Sorry.
00:48:24How should we start?
00:48:26Okay, so normally on date situations,
00:48:29there'd be more of a build-up here, right?
00:48:31But since this is strictly a hook-up scenario,
00:48:33I think it'd be fine if you just...
00:48:37kiss me.
00:48:50Whoa.
00:49:01Okay.
00:49:03Okay, see, the lack of shades kind of makes it look a little crack-denny,
00:49:06which is great for, like, a role-playing scenario, but...
00:49:08Yeah, it's laundry day.
00:49:12Okay, get in here.
00:49:15Okay.
00:49:16We should label it or something, right?
00:49:18I think it's inside-out, actually, but it's fine.
00:49:21That's good, yeah.
00:49:22Good, right here.
00:49:28Whoa.
00:49:29Oh, fan of the bed push, that's a classic.
00:49:32Oh, no, no, no, shoes and socks first.
00:49:34There's never a good time for it, so just, you know, get them off.
00:49:37Oh, God.
00:49:45Good compromise. I like that.
00:49:47Thank you.
00:49:49I'm like the U.N. of doing it.
00:50:04Okay.
00:50:26Hey.
00:50:28Up and at them.
00:50:31Wake up.
00:50:34Hey.
00:50:36We fell asleep.
00:50:38Yeah, is that a problem?
00:50:41Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
00:50:43I don't see what the educational purposes of it are.
00:50:49Plus, I'm hungry.
00:50:55Um...
00:50:56We're gonna starve.
00:50:57Not if you like mustard.
00:50:59Um...
00:51:01Why don't you have food?
00:51:03Well, I had food, and then we ate it all when we were really high.
00:51:07Oh, yeah.
00:51:11Three-year-old banana.
00:51:14Oh, here we go.
00:51:23This might have to last days.
00:51:26We'll ration it.
00:51:27Okay.
00:51:33This is good.
00:51:35All right, we just need to get creative.
00:51:37Give me, like, give me ten minutes.
00:51:39I'll figure something out.
00:51:41Okay, but don't hog.
00:51:42All right, you wanna go back to bed?
00:51:43Let me figure it out.
00:51:46Special delivery.
00:51:54Where did you get these?
00:51:55Hmm?
00:51:56Don't worry about it.
00:52:00These are your neighbor's noodles.
00:52:03Mm-mm.
00:52:04These are contraband noodles.
00:52:07Oh, yeah.
00:52:08Yeah.
00:52:09Yeah.
00:52:10Yeah.
00:52:11Yeah.
00:52:12Mm-mm.
00:52:13These are contraband noodles.
00:52:15You threw such a hissy fit about the window, and now look at you.
00:52:18You are a common thief.
00:52:20I know.
00:52:22And for the record, I actually thought it was pretty badass when you broke that window like that.
00:52:27Thank you.
00:52:28I did, too.
00:52:30You're welcome.
00:52:42You might not be the worst person in the world to be stuck with.
00:52:46Right back at you.
00:52:50So, were your parents doctors?
00:52:52Mm-mm.
00:52:53Oh.
00:52:54I thought maybe they were, and that's why you rebelled and didn't want to do it anymore.
00:52:58So, what happened?
00:53:00It doesn't matter.
00:53:03Yeah, it does.
00:53:04Come on.
00:53:05You tell me.
00:53:06It wouldn't even make sense to you.
00:53:08Everything makes sense to me.
00:53:09It's the burden of being a genius.
00:53:11I can't help it.
00:53:16It's not, um...
00:53:19It's not that I stopped wanting to be a doctor.
00:53:22So, you do want to be a doctor.
00:53:24Mm-mm.
00:53:26Well, I mean, I didn't change my mind.
00:53:30I never wanted to be a doctor, ever.
00:53:32Ugh.
00:53:33Then why would you go into pre-med?
00:53:35Okay.
00:53:36Um...
00:53:39So...
00:53:42I was engaged once.
00:53:47Once.
00:53:48Sounds like I'm writing a memoir.
00:53:50Um...
00:53:52I was engaged recently.
00:53:54We dated through high school, followed him to NYU,
00:53:58and when I had to pick a major, I, uh...
00:54:02I never actually planned on needing it.
00:54:05I just wanted to be a wife and a mom.
00:54:11Hmm.
00:54:13See, people always look at you funny when you say something like that,
00:54:16because they feel bad for you, or they...
00:54:18Megan, I'm not...
00:54:19Sorry, I wasn't trying to look at you funny.
00:54:21No, it's fine.
00:54:23You're missing out on something, but...
00:54:26Uh-huh.
00:54:27I don't know, I mean...
00:54:31It worked for my parents,
00:54:33and I always thought that I would do the same.
00:54:38And then the universe called my bluff.
00:54:40What happened?
00:54:42He cheated.
00:54:43Oh.
00:54:44Yeah, and sadly, that wasn't even the deal-breaker.
00:54:48I wanted to work through it, but he...
00:54:51wanted out.
00:54:52He said that he wanted to find a girl with more of her own life.
00:54:56Dropped the word ambition a few times.
00:54:59Ooh, yeah.
00:55:01I've had that word thrown at me a few times, too.
00:55:03Believe it or not.
00:55:04I believe it.
00:55:06Ambition is such bullshit.
00:55:09Seriously, it's just chasing vapor, like...
00:55:11whatever it is that you think that you need,
00:55:13like that job or that gold star, blue ribbon, fancy desk, nice office.
00:55:18Like, it doesn't...
00:55:19Like, once you get that, you're gonna be confused
00:55:21because you're not gonna be as happy as you thought you were gonna be.
00:55:24Then you're gonna be sitting there being like,
00:55:26why aren't I happy? I have this, I got the desk.
00:55:28Because, man, there's another desk.
00:55:30Like, there's always gonna be something more
00:55:32that your ambition is telling you that you need,
00:55:34so it's the next thing.
00:55:35And then when you get that, there's another thing.
00:55:37It's an endless cycle.
00:55:38You're forced into retirement, you're kicking and screaming.
00:55:40Next thing you know, you're in a big house,
00:55:41you got four and a half bathrooms,
00:55:42you don't even have a ping-pong table,
00:55:44and you're dead.
00:55:45Let's fucking go blow shit up.
00:55:46Like, you're dead.
00:55:47I just blacked out for a second.
00:55:51Thank you for staying with me on that.
00:55:52I didn't know if I was gonna come out the other side.
00:55:54Blowing up stuff always helps.
00:55:59So what happened with that guy?
00:56:01Nothing.
00:56:03Um, a semester later,
00:56:05I graduated with a degree
00:56:08I have no intention of using.
00:56:13And here I am.
00:56:15So you've really never had a one-night stand before?
00:56:17I've told you this, like, a hundred times.
00:56:20Well, you should know they usually don't last this long.
00:56:23Well, that's a bummer.
00:56:26Wow.
00:56:30That guy's so screwed.
00:56:32What do you mean?
00:56:33You said that he met you in high school, right?
00:56:35Mm-hmm.
00:56:36So he thinks that you're a certain type of girl,
00:56:39and he thinks that he will meet
00:56:41that same type of girl later in his life when he's ready.
00:56:44But when he's ready, that girl's not gonna be there.
00:56:49He has no idea how rare you are.
00:56:55What are those?
00:56:56What?
00:56:58Those.
00:57:00You're giving me googly eyes.
00:57:02You totally are.
00:57:03You're giving me googly eyes.
00:57:05I'm just, I'm really thirsty right now,
00:57:07so those are my thirsty eyes.
00:57:09You look thirsty, too.
00:57:10I'm gonna get us some drinks.
00:57:14Okay.
00:57:23Can I pull a classic girl move
00:57:25and confiscate your biggest, comfiest sweatshirt?
00:57:28And I promise I will not steal it.
00:57:30Yeah, uh, one sec.
00:57:44Okay.
00:57:51Please be a cross-dresser.
00:58:10Found some peach schnapps.
00:58:11The bottle was a little dusty,
00:58:12but I think the liquor's still good.
00:58:22So where's Daisy?
00:58:26San Francisco.
00:58:31You with her?
00:58:35That's a tough question to answer.
00:58:39No, it's not.
00:58:43See, you just did.
00:58:45Megan, here.
00:58:47Look, let's talk about this.
00:58:48Have a place to yourself.
00:58:49And boy, do you make the most of it.
00:58:54When does she get back?
00:58:56She was supposed to get back this afternoon,
00:58:58but her flight got canceled.
00:59:02I heard about that.
00:59:04Apparently there's this huge fucking blizzard.
00:59:08See ya.
00:59:13You know, I always wondered what it would be like
00:59:15to be the other girl.
00:59:19It feels better.
00:59:22Not great, but undeniably better.
00:59:26I'll go in.
00:59:35Thank God it stopped.
00:59:43Let's take a look at some of the outside stuff.
00:59:46We're looking at...
00:59:52Can I show you something?
00:59:53Please just leave me alone.
00:59:57I'm not mad.
00:59:59Can I be?
01:00:00I didn't ask and you didn't lie.
01:00:02I wanted meaningless sex and I got it.
01:00:05I'll show you this.
01:00:08Please.
01:00:13Please.
01:00:16So she dumped you, but you still live with her?
01:00:18She didn't give it to me yet.
01:00:19I don't understand.
01:00:21And honestly, I don't care.
01:00:23Three weeks ago, she asked me to look for her wallet.
01:00:25And when I was looking for her wallet,
01:00:27I accidentally found this.
01:00:29I didn't know what to do,
01:00:31so I gave her her wallet back at lunch
01:00:33and then the next day she left for a tour.
01:00:35Tour what? Is she like...
01:00:37She's a DJ.
01:00:39Of course.
01:00:40Of course she's like the coolest girl imaginable.
01:00:43I made that profile because
01:00:45I wanted to have something to throw in her face
01:00:47whenever she wanted to pull the trigger.
01:00:50And I know that's very immature.
01:00:52You could have broken up with her.
01:00:54Yeah.
01:00:56Yeah, I thought about that.
01:00:59People talk about how great it is to be single
01:01:02and that's bullshit.
01:01:04Join the single party.
01:01:06It's not a party.
01:01:07It's a bunch of people sitting around in the dark
01:01:09texting.
01:01:10Your complaints about how slow the plowing is going
01:01:12in outer boroughs such as Queens and Brooklyn
01:01:14are not falling on deaf ears.
01:01:16And we're hearing from the sanitation department
01:01:18that they're getting that done right away.
01:01:19And I did something stupid.
01:01:21And I'm sorry.
01:01:22There are also reports that the subways and buses
01:01:24are starting to run as well.
01:01:25Excuse me.
01:01:28Most of the storm is pushed
01:01:31up into the Shenandoah Valley.
01:01:39I'm sorry.
01:02:06Hey, wait.
01:02:07Hey.
01:02:08Look, come on.
01:02:09I didn't even...
01:02:10What was I supposed to do?
01:02:11I didn't even know that you existed.
01:02:12I don't...
01:02:13Look, I don't want her.
01:02:14I want you.
01:02:15I want you.
01:02:17And what makes you think that I want you?
01:02:20You're just some funny guy
01:02:22that works at a bank.
01:02:24I think you severely overestimate
01:02:26your ability to break hearts.
01:02:35Come on.
01:02:38Come on.
01:03:08Come on.
01:03:24Oh, my God, Megan.
01:03:26Hey.
01:03:27Hey.
01:03:29Is that Medivh?
01:03:31Hi.
01:03:33Oh, God.
01:03:35You guys are monsters.
01:03:37God.
01:03:40How was your date?
01:04:04I don't know.
01:04:35You look so tired.
01:04:37I wanted to let you sleep.
01:04:39Hey, what are you...
01:04:41doing?
01:04:42Daisy, we should talk.
01:04:43No, I know.
01:04:44I found the note in the trash.
01:04:46I...
01:04:47I have the note right here.
01:04:59When did you find this?
01:05:01Um, when I was looking for your wallet.
01:05:04By accident.
01:05:05I see what's going on here.
01:05:07Hmm.
01:05:08You read this,
01:05:09and then you wanted me to come home
01:05:11and find this slutty little lipstick haiku
01:05:14so that you could be the one that ended us.
01:05:16It's not a haiku.
01:05:17There's not enough syllables.
01:05:19You are a child.
01:05:21Yeah.
01:05:23Look, Daisy,
01:05:24we both know that we weren't right for each other,
01:05:27and I think we both knew that for a long time,
01:05:29but it's fine.
01:05:31We were just scared that the perfect person
01:05:33wasn't out there for us.
01:05:36And what if they're not?
01:05:38I think they are.
01:05:43Okay, so what now?
01:05:45I can move my stuff over to Kevin's place.
01:05:48He owes me for a plunger.
01:05:51Okay.
01:05:54Let me know when you're out.
01:05:58Hey, Daisy.
01:06:00Daisy?
01:06:01Can I ask you something?
01:06:03Yeah.
01:06:05Did you ever...
01:06:07fake it?
01:06:09Wow.
01:06:10A year together.
01:06:12Done.
01:06:14And that's what you're thinking about right now?
01:06:16No, I'm thinking of all kinds of stuff right now.
01:06:18I'm thinking of, you know, memories and feelings and...
01:06:22But I just need to know if...
01:06:24Did you do that?
01:06:28Yeah.
01:06:29I'm sorry.
01:06:31I got lazy.
01:06:32Mm-hmm.
01:06:33But you shouldn't have faked it, okay?
01:06:34Because that's not helping anybody.
01:06:36You gotta communicate.
01:06:38What happened to you?
01:06:56Tell her, Doctor.
01:06:59Fiza has something she wants to tell you.
01:07:00Oh, okay.
01:07:02Listen, normally I'd wait to bring this up
01:07:04until after you'd recovered a bit,
01:07:06but Cedric and I sort of enjoyed
01:07:08having the place to ourselves the past couple nights.
01:07:10We did.
01:07:12And I wasn't sure that we would,
01:07:14because I'm so used to you always being here, you know?
01:07:17Like, nonstop, all the time.
01:07:21Um, but, baby, help me out, please.
01:07:24Yeah, basically, we were just thinking,
01:07:26what if you moved out?
01:07:28You know, like, what would that be like?
01:07:30And you have to understand,
01:07:31like, you could stay here as long as you need.
01:07:33Mm-hmm.
01:07:34Until you get on your feet, a couple days, three days,
01:07:36however long you want.
01:07:38Four days.
01:07:39Okay.
01:07:41No, I think...
01:07:43I think it's a really good idea.
01:07:44You do?
01:07:45She said she does.
01:07:47Look, I only moved to New York because of Chris.
01:07:50And I thought that if I went home,
01:07:52it would just be admitting that.
01:07:54So I stayed, made sure that the Internet wasn't lonely.
01:07:58I needed a kick in the ass.
01:08:01Cool.
01:08:02So do you know what you're gonna do?
01:08:04No.
01:08:05No, I have no fucking clue.
01:08:07No idea.
01:08:08Uh-uh.
01:08:10Do you know what this means?
01:08:13That this is our last New Year's Eve as roommates.
01:08:21Awesome.
01:08:23Yeah, hey, so I realize this is probably word for word,
01:08:26something that a crazy person would say,
01:08:28but I met a girl on your website a few nights ago, and...
01:08:31I think I can save us both some time here.
01:08:33Yeah, no, no, no, I don't need her address or anything.
01:08:35I just need to know her last name.
01:08:37I'm sure it was magical,
01:08:38but we can't give our customers personal information
01:08:40to anyone other than the police.
01:08:42So provided you're not a cop,
01:08:44is there anything else I can help you with today?
01:08:47Nope.
01:08:50It's not just a show for kids.
01:08:53Anybody can get into it.
01:08:54You know, it's for anybody who cherishes friendship, adventure.
01:08:59There's this one character, her name's Applejack.
01:09:02She's my favorite.
01:09:04She's such a fireplug.
01:09:06She kind of reminds me of you, actually.
01:09:09I think I lost you there.
01:09:11Excuse me.
01:09:12I'm sorry.
01:09:13I'm sorry.
01:09:14I'm sorry.
01:09:15I'm sorry.
01:09:16Actually, I think I lost you there.
01:09:18Excuse me.
01:09:19Hello.
01:09:20I'm just going to put this out here,
01:09:21but you're kind of a fucking terrible conversationalist.
01:09:24I don't know if you've ever...
01:09:26I think it's because you are so...
01:09:31captivating.
01:09:33I am just intimidated as fuck.
01:09:36Oh, no, there's nothing to be scared of.
01:09:38Excuse me.
01:09:39No, no, no, please, please.
01:09:41God damn it.
01:09:43Okay, yeah.
01:09:45All right, great.
01:09:47Son of a motherfucking bitch.
01:09:48Motherfucking son of a fucking bitch.
01:09:50Fuck!
01:09:52And now is the moment you've all been waiting for.
01:09:57Woo!
01:10:03Megan.
01:10:07Long time no see.
01:10:10What's up?
01:10:11It's Ben.
01:10:13From bio class?
01:10:15How are you here?
01:10:17Do you know Pfizer?
01:10:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:10:19I'm good buddies with Cedric.
01:10:20We're going to get more booze.
01:10:22Have fun, you two.
01:10:28Ew.
01:10:29You are the dumb, pretty guy.
01:10:34Uh, thank you?
01:10:36Mm-hmm.
01:10:37I was supposed to bang you.
01:10:40This is the universe correcting itself.
01:10:42Oops.
01:10:47So, what did you decide on med school?
01:10:49Just a surprise.
01:10:50I got into both my, uh, top choices,
01:10:53but now I'm just trying to decide.
01:10:55It's a big decision, and obviously my dad has opinions.
01:10:59Megan?
01:11:00Megan?
01:11:01And, uh, you know, it's just...
01:11:03Police.
01:11:04Megan.
01:11:05Megan, right?
01:11:06Any noise complaints go to Pfizer or the Cedric
01:11:09because this is their apartment now.
01:11:11Actually, they're asking for you specifically.
01:11:19Megan Pagano?
01:11:20You, uh, want to step in the hall with us?
01:11:26Why?
01:11:30Officers found this in the Lopez bathroom.
01:11:32You don't understand.
01:11:34This guy is a psychopath.
01:11:36He's setting me up.
01:11:38He is setting this whole thing up,
01:11:40which I realize is exactly what a crazy person would say,
01:11:44but that explains my situation.
01:11:46He is so crazy that he is forcing me to sound crazy.
01:11:51Do you see what he's doing?
01:11:53Ma'am, did you or did you not
01:11:56break in through the window of Mr. and Mrs. Lopez's apartment?
01:12:01You, um, you got a little...
01:12:05like some...
01:12:08Okay, got it.
01:12:12Pretty.
01:12:20This one of you is Megan Pagano.
01:12:23You may bail.
01:12:25Wait, that's... that's impossible.
01:12:28I haven't even made a phone call yet.
01:12:30She can do that?
01:12:32She can refuse my bail? Are you serious?
01:12:35Okay, uh, look, I just, I need to talk to her.
01:12:38You can only visit during visiting hours,
01:12:40and if and only if the person wants to see you,
01:12:44which I'm going to guess she doesn't,
01:12:46being that she'd rather remain locked in jail
01:12:48than see your face.
01:12:49Wow.
01:12:50Rude.
01:12:51Uh, okay, well, what if I told you
01:12:53that I helped you break into that apartment,
01:12:55then would you lock me up with her?
01:12:58Yeah.
01:12:59That's how police stations work.
01:13:03Are you being sarcastic?
01:13:05Are you serious?
01:13:06I need to talk to her!
01:13:08Oh, okay, then.
01:13:105, 4, 3, 2, 1.
01:13:15Happy New Year!
01:13:26♪
01:13:36How about these two?
01:13:38Are they special enough to post your bail?
01:13:40Oh, my God, what happened?
01:13:43Just take me home.
01:13:45I don't know.
01:13:47I don't know.
01:13:48I don't know.
01:13:49I don't know.
01:13:50I don't know.
01:13:51I don't know.
01:13:52I don't know.
01:13:53Just take me home.
01:13:55Here.
01:13:57Hey.
01:14:00Who is that?
01:14:01I'm sorry, but I didn't know your last name.
01:14:03What was I supposed to do?
01:14:04Literally anything but this.
01:14:06Okay, you're upset, but, Megan,
01:14:08you felt something, and I felt something.
01:14:10You know what I felt was Stockholm Syndrome.
01:14:12Hey, hey, I can't let you walk out another door
01:14:14without listening to me.
01:14:19Why are you doing this?
01:14:20You have a girlfriend.
01:14:21That's over now.
01:14:22Look, Megan, hey, let me explain.
01:14:24I should have told you about her,
01:14:25and there was times last night
01:14:26I wanted to tell you about her, and I should have,
01:14:28but there was other times last night
01:14:30that I forgot that other people even existed,
01:14:33and I know that sounds stupid
01:14:34because your friends are staring at me
01:14:35like my fucking dick is hanging out.
01:14:40I'm sorry.
01:14:41It was funny.
01:14:42Sir.
01:14:43Okay, let's wrap this up.
01:14:44The cop's not happy.
01:14:45Let's keep the cop happy.
01:14:46Megan.
01:14:47You put me in jail for, like, criminals.
01:14:50He's got about five seconds
01:14:51before he finds out firsthand.
01:14:53Okay, fine, fuck, shit.
01:14:55Uh, look, not directed at you.
01:14:57Yeah, not directed at you.
01:15:00Look, I messed up.
01:15:03I messed up, but I'm really, really sorry,
01:15:06but you can't stop us
01:15:07before we realize what we could be,
01:15:09and we should figure that out.
01:15:10Maybe, you know, maybe we hang out,
01:15:13and we don't, we realize we don't like each other.
01:15:15Maybe you're very intimidated by my dancing,
01:15:19and maybe I find out you're, like, really racist.
01:15:24Okay, that was a hypothetical.
01:15:27Look, all I'm saying is that there's a lot of stuff
01:15:30that I don't know about you,
01:15:31and there's a lot that we need to talk about.
01:15:34I spent two nights with you,
01:15:36and that's not enough time.
01:15:42Give me more time, please.
01:15:46It's a little shaky in the middle,
01:15:47but he finished strong.
01:15:48I'm touched.
01:15:49Megan, what do we think?
01:15:55They think you put me in jail.
01:15:58We're still on that?
01:15:59Look, hey, hey, come on.
01:16:00Someday you're gonna laugh about this.
01:16:02I promise that you're gonna find this all very funny someday.
01:16:07Okay, let's make a deal.
01:16:09You give me your number and leave,
01:16:13and the minute I laugh about it,
01:16:15I'll let you know.
01:16:18Okay?
01:16:45Stay as long as you want.
01:16:47Okay.
01:16:53Can I hang out with him?
01:16:54Cedric?
01:16:55I'm just saying,
01:16:56I don't meet a lot of funny people, okay?
01:16:58Funny people don't drive ambulances.
01:17:01Okay.
01:17:17Shit.
01:17:23Hello?
01:17:24You are kind of an idiot.
01:17:25Do you realize that about yourself?
01:17:27You good?
01:17:28Yeah.
01:17:29I've heard that.
01:17:30No, that was all me, right?
01:17:31No, it was not.
01:17:33It's what you thought about it was.
01:17:34Keeping in the spirit of constructive criticism,
01:17:36the next time you want to bring a girl back after doing something stupid,
01:17:39like practice your speech or something for the next girl,
01:17:43because, I'm gonna be honest,
01:17:45yours just fucking sucked.
01:17:48Shit.
01:17:49I was embarrassed for you.
01:18:00It's way too soon.
01:18:01What?
01:18:02It's way too soon.
01:18:04Way too soon.
01:18:06It's fair.
01:18:07It's totally fair.
01:18:19Okay.
01:18:20I'm sorry that I put you in jail,
01:18:21but have you thought about what that's gonna do to your street cred?
01:18:23Yeah, of course I have.
01:18:24That was like the first thing I thought of,
01:18:26getting that shit tattooed.
01:18:28Ain't nothing to worry about.
01:18:29The Lopans pressed the charges,
01:18:30because I took care of them.
01:18:31Did you murder the Lopans?
01:18:33It had to be done.
01:18:34You did it without me?
01:18:35Mm-hmm.
01:18:36Ah.
01:18:37I think I'm ready for that kiss now.
01:18:38You do?
01:18:39Yeah.
01:18:46You taste like prison.
01:18:49Is it really snowing again?
01:18:50Oh, yeah.
01:18:52Look at them.
01:18:53A million tiny little matchmakers.
01:18:56Thank you, snowflakes.
01:18:59So, your place or mine?
01:19:02I don't have a place anymore.
01:19:05Hmm.
01:19:06Me neither.
01:19:07You are a catch.
01:19:10So are you.