• 5 months ago
Finding Love Again -SD
Transcript
00:00:00Beautiful! Beautiful! Unbelievable!
00:00:05Come on!
00:00:07Is that the alternator?
00:00:08Okay, where is this place?
00:00:11It's busy.
00:00:12Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14Oh, come on.
00:00:15I know it's going to be here. I know.
00:00:18Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:20Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22It's not the distributor.
00:00:23You're late.
00:00:25Seventeenth time.
00:00:27You said five minutes. That was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29Come on!
00:00:31I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:34Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno. I love it.
00:00:36This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:38If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:41It's an old damn car. Let me wait again.
00:00:44Wait a minute.
00:00:46Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:49You do this to me all the time.
00:00:51She does this to me all the time.
00:00:53I hate you.
00:00:54Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:58Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers. Fuck.
00:01:02I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:58I met this woman once.
00:02:27And her sight was failing.
00:02:31Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim.
00:02:39They go blind.
00:02:42For her, her spirit was failing.
00:02:44Her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57There, she'd say, the darkness has taken over my lover,
00:03:01who no longer wants me.
00:03:04And here, the darkness is covering my heart
00:03:08with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12And it grew around her,
00:03:15covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22And finally, she, her whole existence,
00:03:26her whole existence was in this deep black darkness.
00:03:33And she came to me, and she came to me that day,
00:03:36and she said to me, George,
00:03:38the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47And in that one last spot, George,
00:03:49I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53It's the only light I see.
00:03:56And it took all this darkness
00:03:58and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03But then she moved towards it and into it,
00:04:11and she became blanketed by light.
00:04:15And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18She wore this light, and she threw it around you,
00:04:21covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29In darkness, she said to me, compassion is born.
00:04:34What?
00:04:35Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you.
00:04:36I was just talking to me.
00:04:38I just have a word problem.
00:04:39I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40They just keep coming at me.
00:04:42I just can't stop them.
00:04:43I can't stem the flow.
00:04:44It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48Just say what's on your mind.
00:04:50That's what they told me.
00:04:51Speak up, I can't hear you.
00:04:56Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59But some people, they got thoughts
00:05:02that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05They can't let them out.
00:05:06Afraid they're going to bite you.
00:05:12Yeah, but you've got thoughts
00:05:13you don't even want to think about,
00:05:14much less talk about.
00:05:16Like that time you hurt somebody
00:05:18and you wanted to.
00:05:21You hurt him real bad
00:05:22and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24It felt real good,
00:05:25but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28I hurt somebody.
00:05:31I hurt him real bad.
00:05:35That's me.
00:05:37People tell you somebody hurt them
00:05:39and they went crazy?
00:05:41No, I'm telling you,
00:05:43you hurt somebody
00:05:46and you go just as crazy.
00:05:56You can't be too cautious.
00:05:59That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:03Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:07I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:11Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding
00:06:16so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:20Some of those diseases, they're bad.
00:06:22Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:25They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:30But some of them,
00:06:31some of them get in your brain.
00:06:33Oh, those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35No.
00:06:37Condoms won't help either.
00:06:39No.
00:06:40Those brain diseases,
00:06:42those word diseases,
00:06:44they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:47but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:51No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:55Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first
00:06:59and then they make their way back inside your mind
00:07:02and then they go straight down into your soul
00:07:05and make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:10And they're powerful.
00:07:11As powerful as any disease known to mankind,
00:07:13maybe more powerful
00:07:15because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:18they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:21And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:23Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:26No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:31And they can kill millions.
00:07:34They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:43I got one!
00:07:45I got one! I must have one.
00:07:48I must have one.
00:07:52I must have one.
00:08:05Copyright © 2020 Mooji Media Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
00:08:10No part of this recording may be reproduced
00:08:14without Mooji Media Ltd.'s express consent.
00:08:34It's been promised to me.
00:08:36The original message is a true message.
00:08:38It's a technical message.
00:08:39It's a positive message.
00:08:40I'm never alone.
00:08:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:46I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:47I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:48I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:49I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:50I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:51I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:52I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:53I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:55I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:56I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:57I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:58I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:08:59I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:00I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:01I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:02I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:03I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:04I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:05I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:06I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:07I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:08I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:09I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:10I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:11I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:12I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:13I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:14I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:15I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:16I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:17I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:18I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:19I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:20I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:21I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:22I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:23I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:24I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:25I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:26I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:27I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:28I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:29I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:30I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:31I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:32I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:33I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:34I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:35I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:36I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:37I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:38I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:39I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:40I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:41I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:42I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:43I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:44I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:45I haven't done it since I was a bird.
00:09:46Since I was a bird.
00:10:11Like my fear of failure.
00:10:14It dictates that I'm a failure, a complete loser.
00:10:18How do I not feel like I've failed?
00:10:20I've had so many more failures in my life than I've had successes.
00:10:23Big failures, too.
00:10:24The things that I've tried the hardest at seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:30And the failures just seem to keep on mounting.
00:10:33More and more of them every day.
00:10:34Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:35A failed person.
00:10:36A bad human.
00:10:37A worthless specimen.
00:10:38Yeah, I think the real thing is, it's not the failure, it's not the fear.
00:10:52It's just me making an excuse for self-pity.
00:11:08Hey, what are you doing over there?
00:11:29Just eating a bagel.
00:11:32How are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:35Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:36And stay out of our garbage!
00:11:39I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:43Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:45This garbage is ours!
00:12:04This is what you've done.
00:12:06It's ridiculous.
00:12:08It's ridiculous.
00:12:10It's ridiculous.
00:12:12It's ridiculous.
00:12:14It's ridiculous.
00:12:16It's ridiculous.
00:12:18It's ridiculous.
00:12:20It's ridiculous.
00:12:22It's ridiculous.
00:12:24It's ridiculous.
00:12:26It's ridiculous.
00:12:28It's ridiculous.
00:12:30It's ridiculous.
00:12:32It's ridiculous.
00:12:34I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:38She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:40Does she like me?
00:12:42Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:46Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:54It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet, trapped in this body.
00:12:59And I know how to do things, like make money and dress nicely, be charming.
00:13:07And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:11They might even love me again.
00:13:13But somewhere in some rancid part of myself, I wonder if they love the true me, or just the appearance of me.
00:13:20My money, my clothes, my charm, my jokes.
00:13:30So I stripped it all away, I guess.
00:13:33Hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:41So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:43And maybe that's why some people let themselves get out of shape, or keep themselves unkempt, or smell bad.
00:13:50It's just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:53They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:13:59That's why really rich or beautiful, famous people, they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:05Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure, and not their soul.
00:14:10Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:13It's scary too.
00:14:15It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:17It's difficult because even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:21I mean, it's always in motion.
00:14:23It's moving this way, and that way.
00:14:27This way, and that way.
00:14:30This way, and that way, and this way, and that way.
00:14:44I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46Are you tired of your old car? Of course you are.
00:14:49Now would you rather have a new car, or an old car?
00:14:52Would you rather have a new car?
00:14:54What if I was to tell you that you could have a brand new Masuda Scouter,
00:14:59for the same payments as a two-year-old Trail Boss?
00:15:03You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05That's what I did.
00:15:06Bought one for my family. We love it.
00:15:07It is a beautiful car. You're going to love this car.
00:16:22What is love?
00:16:41What is love? What is love?
00:16:43What is love?
00:16:47Hey, what is love?
00:16:50I don't know what love is, but I know where it is.
00:16:54It's right here, in my heart.
00:16:58In my heart!
00:17:07I wonder where the first time love came from, anyway.
00:17:10You know, the first time something or somebody actually felt love,
00:17:16it was probably two great apes.
00:17:18Two great apes who were just fucking wildly in the jungle,
00:17:21just fucking their brains out.
00:17:23And suddenly, this feeling like a fiery waterfall comes rushing over them,
00:17:27and they get this look, and one of them looks into the other one's eyes,
00:17:32and the other one looks back.
00:17:36And they slow down for a minute,
00:17:38because they realize they don't have to do this just to procreate anymore.
00:17:43And they get this feeling. They start feeling something.
00:17:46Something coming from the generation of life itself is overwhelming them.
00:17:53And they take this raw material into themselves,
00:17:56and they start making something.
00:18:00They start making love.
00:18:03Yeah.
00:18:05That's where love first came from.
00:18:08And it's probably where language first came from, as well.
00:18:11Because one of those big apes, probably the woman,
00:18:15looked into the other one's eyes,
00:18:18and uttered the first word,
00:18:21Luke,
00:18:23which meant,
00:18:25I love you.
00:18:26I love you.
00:18:40To let myself love again?
00:18:42Jesus!
00:18:44I don't know.
00:18:45I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49For good reason.
00:18:51But if I let that fear win,
00:18:53God,
00:18:54if I let that fear win and sever the slim hope that I have
00:18:57for really deep, true, meaningful love,
00:19:00if I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy,
00:19:03unaffected by his emotions,
00:19:05or the sad guy,
00:19:07destroyed by his emotions,
00:19:10either way,
00:19:11either way I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:17I don't know.
00:19:19I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:22I mean, I try, but
00:19:24it just keeps coming back.
00:19:26Which is good, I think.
00:19:28What the?
00:19:46I mean, I just...
00:19:49I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:53I don't know, but maybe...
00:19:56Maybe I can let go of them.
00:19:59Just a little bit at a time.
00:20:03Just piece by piece.
00:20:10Maybe for a moment.
00:20:11Just...
00:20:12Just one moment.
00:20:15Let go of every last bit of it.
00:20:19Just so I can see how it's gonna be.
00:20:22I've been so...
00:20:53I've been so...
00:21:08Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:11Oh, sorry.
00:21:12Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:14How could I have been so faultless?
00:21:17But I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:19Why, if I was a trash can, I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:23But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:26I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:28It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:31You wish they could have done something a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:34I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:37Hmm?
00:21:38Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:41But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:45There you go.
00:21:47It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:51Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:54Well, you have a good day.
00:21:57Huh?
00:21:58Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:00And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02It was fantastic.
00:22:03I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:07The overall ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:12What?
00:22:14Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:18Let me take a look.
00:22:22Oh.
00:22:29Now, do you want to take a chance on buying a used car that might be a lemon?
00:22:33Of course you don't.
00:22:34Do you want to take a chance on buying a car that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity about the Ashuda Scouters.
00:22:46It's just a bunch of hogwash that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:49Now, I bought one of these cars, and they're great cars.
00:22:52And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:54I can verify it for myself.
00:22:56I've driven these things all over the place, and they're great cars.
00:22:59I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:10Yes!
00:23:12Yes!
00:23:41You got something for me in here?
00:23:46I can feel it.
00:23:52What have we here?
00:23:57Ah, cool.
00:24:02What's?
00:24:04Oh, these are nice.
00:24:08My size.
00:24:11Thank you.
00:24:13Thank you.
00:24:26Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:28God of the dumpsters.
00:24:31The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:33The God of garbage.
00:24:34The garbage God.
00:24:36The way.
00:24:37The truth.
00:24:38The light.
00:24:39The filth.
00:24:41Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44Churches in every alley.
00:24:47People sacrificing to you consistently, and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:53Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:57You great smelly one.
00:25:01You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:04You have truly saved my life.
00:25:07For without you, I would have died from a hunger and a cold long ago.
00:25:13I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:16Thank you.
00:25:19Thank you.
00:25:35Thank you.
00:25:47Oh, hi, Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:49The flowers?
00:25:50No, no, they're not for you.
00:25:52I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:57Okay, great, thanks.
00:26:01Thanks a lot.
00:26:04You're welcome.
00:26:35No, no, no.
00:26:40Just do what I say.
00:26:43Just do what I say.
00:26:45Jesus.
00:26:49Hey, babe.
00:26:50Thanks for the flowers.
00:26:51That was really sweet.
00:26:53I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:55Really?
00:26:57Who sent you these flowers?
00:26:59I don't know.
00:27:01I sent you flowers.
00:27:03How?
00:27:04Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:06What are you talking about?
00:27:08Well, usually if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers.
00:27:11Is that what you did?
00:27:12You fucked somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:14You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22No, and stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:25Why, does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:27No, it makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:30Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:34Look, I'm not leaving you.
00:27:36I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:39But, Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:43We don't have to break up.
00:27:45I think you'd better go.
00:27:47For good?
00:27:49Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:53But, Joanne, I love you.
00:27:57I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:59Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:07You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:10Find somebody else to fuck and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:18I remember old Calvin.
00:28:20Poor bastard, he ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:24He was just another street person.
00:28:27I was still a member of society.
00:28:30He was crying.
00:28:35And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:39I was drunk.
00:28:41I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker and just stay that way.
00:28:49But as he was crying, I said,
00:28:52Why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town and we'll just cry all night together?
00:28:57And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:10Man, it shook me up a little bit.
00:29:15I don't know.
00:29:17So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:21And he showed it to me. It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:24It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:27He was collecting his tears.
00:29:30He would hold it up to his eye.
00:29:32And his tears would roll into it.
00:29:41I asked him what had happened to him.
00:29:43He told me about his wife leaving him.
00:29:46He just lost it. He was bitter.
00:29:51So I took him back to his place.
00:29:53I looked around. There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:56There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:59They were filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:06And then, on the windowsill,
00:30:10there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:16He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:21It must have been over a gallon and stuff.
00:30:24And he told me, he said,
00:30:26I'm going to send these to her when I die
00:30:29so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through.
00:30:32And I said,
00:30:34Send all your pain and suffering to the woman you love?
00:30:38Mister, I don't think that's right.
00:30:40I don't think that's love.
00:30:43And I thought about it, and I thought,
00:30:46that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:49Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:53Right then and there, I said,
00:30:56No more drinking.
00:30:59Then I started ducking,
00:31:01and I haven't shut up since.
00:31:04Now I wish I could just shut up,
00:31:06but my mind won't let me.
00:31:08It has no gate on it, no spigot, no valve.
00:31:11I'm so tired of hearing you talk!
00:31:14Just leave me alone!
00:31:16Just shut up!
00:31:18Just shut up!
00:31:20You keep doing the same things over and over again,
00:31:23and you don't stop!
00:31:25It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping,
00:31:27a computer skipping,
00:31:29a rock skipping on the water!
00:31:32Just leave me alone!
00:31:34Just stop!
00:31:36Just stop!
00:31:49So what's going on?
00:31:51I broke up with Scott.
00:31:53Shocking.
00:31:54You never did like him.
00:31:56It's not that I didn't like him.
00:31:59I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:02chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:05total sleazeball cheeseball.
00:32:07That's all.
00:32:09Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:12I don't know what to do.
00:32:16Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:18I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:22I try and be careful and pick someone that'll be good to me.
00:32:25No, you don't.
00:32:26You always end up with the hottest, coolest,
00:32:28richest showpieces in town, without fail.
00:32:31And somehow you expect these guys to be different on the inside
00:32:34than they are on the outside.
00:32:36And they're not. Big surprise.
00:32:38No, I don't.
00:32:39Yes, you do.
00:32:41To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:44Sorry.
00:32:45Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:48I don't know.
00:32:50Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:53I thought he was different.
00:32:55Different how?
00:32:58Okay, I thought he was cute.
00:33:01There you go.
00:33:02Well, how am I supposed to go out with a guy I don't think is cute?
00:33:05I don't know. I couldn't do it.
00:33:07I mean, good-looking guys are assholes,
00:33:10and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:12They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:14Oh, right.
00:33:15So you wind up hanging out with some nice, ugly guy,
00:33:17having a great time,
00:33:19until some good-looking asshole comes by
00:33:21and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:23So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart.
00:33:26And then the good-looking asshole dumps you,
00:33:28and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:30That's not true.
00:33:32Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:35So I figure, why not have someone good-looking treating you like shit?
00:33:41So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:43No, of course not.
00:33:45I just want...
00:33:48I want someone who, when I lie down at night,
00:33:52I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:55Oh, is that all?
00:33:57And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids, wild sex, passion...
00:34:01Look, I want someone that won't run away
00:34:04when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:06the black parts that even I don't like,
00:34:08but they're a part of me.
00:34:10Like some sort of dark-brooding James Dean kind of character?
00:34:14No, because I want them to love the other side of myself, too.
00:34:18I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:21to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:24and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:28Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:32I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:35I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:39Oh, really?
00:34:41Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable
00:34:44when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:47Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:50I think it's just easier to live without thinking about these things.
00:34:54Oh, I'm doomed.
00:34:57I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:00I don't want to pretend I don't have these things inside me
00:35:03for the rest of my life.
00:35:05God, you're not doomed.
00:35:07You don't have to pretend you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:10Just don't get hung up on them, that's all.
00:35:13Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:15No, it isn't.
00:35:17I want the fairy tale.
00:35:20Oh, my God, not only are you doomed,
00:35:23but you're going to burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:26just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:34Ah...
00:35:36Ooh...
00:35:45Ah...
00:35:48Ah...
00:35:51Ah...
00:36:00Ah...
00:36:10Ah...
00:36:17Ah...
00:36:22Ah...
00:36:27Ah...
00:36:32Ah...
00:36:37Ah...
00:36:42Ah...
00:36:52I got some flowers.
00:36:54From who?
00:36:56I don't know.
00:36:57Ooh, secret admirer.
00:36:59How mysterious.
00:37:01And cowardly.
00:37:03You are doomed, and you want to know why?
00:37:05Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:07It always ends up being the most horrible geek that ever existed.
00:37:11And they sent a poem.
00:37:13A poet? A romantic super geek?
00:37:16Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:19What's it say?
00:37:21Okay.
00:37:25It says,
00:37:27The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:30Angels pray to dandelions,
00:37:33small seeds with soft wings.
00:37:36Wow.
00:37:38Yeats?
00:37:39Yeah, and the weird thing is,
00:37:41I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:43I figure it must mean something.
00:37:47I wonder who it is.
00:37:49I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:52Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii.
00:37:55To his boyfriend.
00:37:57Oh, well...
00:37:59Oh, it's gotta be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:02Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:04What about Mike?
00:38:06Jouster.
00:38:08Are all the good-looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:11Yep.
00:38:14Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:17Some geek.
00:38:19I don't think so.
00:38:22Well, who?
00:38:24You got me, girl.
00:38:26I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:28Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:30Give me a break. You know as well as I do,
00:38:32half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:34It could be anybody.
00:38:36Right.
00:38:38It is some geek.
00:38:40See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:43Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:46Brian the mechanic?
00:38:48Yeah.
00:38:50Whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:52But he's kind of gross.
00:38:55Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:57Besides, we already know that it'll be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:02Right.
00:39:04Well, look, see if you can find out for me.
00:39:06Absolutely. I'll call you.
00:39:08Okay.
00:39:10Oh, and, uh, Joanna.
00:39:12Yeah?
00:39:13Maybe it's me.
00:39:15Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:17Why?
00:39:18Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:40:39¶¶
00:41:08Good morning, couch.
00:41:11Good morning, bagel.
00:41:14Good morning, bagel.
00:41:17Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:21An angel bagel.
00:41:23What do you mean?
00:41:25What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:27Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:31Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:34Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:36Maybe she did.
00:41:38Maybe she loves me.
00:41:40Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:45Where is it?
00:41:49If I beg, cower, and crawl, will I find my eight ball?
00:41:58Does she love me?
00:42:03Beautiful morning.
00:42:06What am I here for?
00:42:08What is my purpose if not to love?
00:42:16If I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:20Each moment spent in anger is one lost to the dark gods.
00:42:24It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:27This is not a thought.
00:42:29This is not speech.
00:42:31This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:36This is an incantation for good.
00:42:40Ah.
00:42:43Lovely bagel.
00:42:49Hey!
00:42:51Didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:53Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:55No, I want you out of here now before I call the police.
00:42:58Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast, I'll just go on.
00:43:00No, I want you out of here now!
00:43:03Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:05What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:08Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:15Disposable.
00:43:17Dead.
00:43:19Accomplished by.
00:43:21Redeemable.
00:43:24Never alone.
00:43:42Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:47I hope everything's okay there, but...
00:43:51I guess I'll just...
00:43:53I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:44:01This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:05This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:08Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:12They speak always, every second of every day.
00:44:17Not with words, but signs.
00:44:20Little hints.
00:44:22Directions to taking life.
00:44:26I remember thinking...
00:44:29I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker.
00:44:34Getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back.
00:44:37Getting them all back.
00:44:41Oh, but...
00:44:44I couldn't do it.
00:44:46I was sitting on a park bench and I...
00:44:48I looked up at the street light and it winked out.
00:44:51It went black.
00:44:53And I knew...
00:44:55I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness.
00:44:58And that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:02I think we all have that...
00:45:04That place in our hearts.
00:45:06That dark place that we keep a step or a block or...
00:45:10A million miles away from.
00:45:13But that's the place that allows us to feel the...
00:45:16The tragedies that others have suffered.
00:45:20That you all have suffered.
00:45:25Rosetta...
00:45:27When you died, you were only 12 years old.
00:45:31And that place, that dark place, that...
00:45:34That's why we...
00:45:36We turn away from it, we ignore it.
00:45:38Because we're just afraid that the pain of others is just gonna overwhelm us.
00:45:43We're afraid it's gonna open up that...
00:45:46That sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:52But the bagels...
00:45:55The bagels come anyway.
00:45:58Fearless Bagel Woman, she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:02She knows it, she...
00:46:04She lives with it, she nurtures it.
00:46:07Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming compassion.
00:46:11And it fuels her inner light.
00:46:15And I know I...
00:46:17I'm a disgusting wreck of a man, I mean, look at me.
00:46:21I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:24I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never disappear.
00:46:27That no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:30And yet, I know...
00:46:33I'm gonna give to her.
00:46:37I'm gonna tell her of my love for her.
00:46:41Even though I fear it's gonna drive her away.
00:46:46I love her.
00:46:56She loves me.
00:46:58She loves me not.
00:47:00She loves me.
00:47:02She loves me not.
00:47:07She loves me.
00:47:08She loves me not.
00:47:09She loves me.
00:47:10She loves me not.
00:47:11She loves me.
00:47:12She loves me not.
00:47:16She loves me.
00:47:17She loves me not.
00:47:18She loves me.
00:47:20She loves me not.
00:47:21She loves me.
00:47:22She loves me not.
00:47:24She loves me.
00:47:28She loves me.
00:47:31I knew it.
00:47:32I knew it.
00:47:33She loves me.
00:47:36She loves me.
00:48:03Hello?
00:48:04Hi Lori, it's Joanna. Um, I got another flower.
00:48:09From the coward? How exciting.
00:48:11Look, did you talk to Brian? Is it him?
00:48:15No, um, he kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:20Lori!
00:48:21I'm sorry hun, I called him to ask him about you and the next thing I knew...
00:48:25I think he's gross anyway.
00:48:28I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:29How?
00:48:30Because this guy is different.
00:48:34No, I mean, it's weird, but when I lie in bed at night and imagine him with me,
00:48:41I can feel him out there thinking about me.
00:48:45You're fantasizing about this man? Are you crazy?
00:48:49Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:52You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:55No, it's not Prince Charming.
00:48:58It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Durand novel.
00:49:04And why not? Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:12I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:15I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27He comes to me at night. We have incredible sex.
00:49:31He leaves in the morning and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:35Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:38Ooh, I hate that.
00:49:39No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:42No? But what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45I can't. He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking
00:49:48which allows him to have an orgasm without ejaculating.
00:49:51Oh my god!
00:49:53Yes, and he can go on forever. I mean, all night.
00:49:57Is he very, well, you know?
00:50:01No, what?
00:50:02Come on!
00:50:03You know?
00:50:05What?
00:50:07Mmm! What?
00:50:09Does he have a big dick?
00:50:11Like a Redwood.
00:50:16How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:19Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:21I want to get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:25Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:27What?
00:50:28Running around with all these guys.
00:50:30No.
00:50:35Land of the dead.
00:50:41In my own city, I built a large campfire
00:50:44and I said to myself,
00:50:47I made a promise to God.
00:51:02Self-love.
00:51:09Flaming star.
00:51:12The stars are the time of year
00:51:15to follow the journey of stars.
00:51:23Just...
00:51:24He's like, alright buddy, it's alright, I'm not gonna hurt ya.
00:51:27You don't need to bark at me for crying out loud.
00:51:31Oh boy.
00:51:33I don't know, this...
00:51:36I don't know, it's...
00:51:39Some people say that God's perfect.
00:51:42Is God perfect?
00:51:46I don't know, it just doesn't make any sense.
00:51:49I mean, would a perfect God let a two-year-old child
00:51:52get its legs blown off by a landmine?
00:51:56I read about it in the paper this morning.
00:51:59Out of the dumpster. How could you do that?
00:52:01How? What were you thinking?
00:52:03A two-year-old child for crying out loud.
00:52:07God, you ought to come down here
00:52:09and let somebody teach you a lesson!
00:52:13Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am.
00:52:17It's not my idea of perfection.
00:52:19I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that.
00:52:23I don't know, maybe...
00:52:25Maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can.
00:52:29Just like me.
00:52:31Maybe you can't stop all the bad in the world from happening.
00:52:35Maybe you just try to stop it for the people
00:52:37that are trying to do good.
00:52:39I don't mean good by doing things like
00:52:42worshipping and complaining to you,
00:52:44or whining and complaining,
00:52:46and I gotta have more of this in my life
00:52:48and I don't have enough of that.
00:52:50No, I mean good by doing good!
00:52:55Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:58Maybe you're more like a straight person to God.
00:53:01Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God.
00:53:06Where not everything goes quite right for you.
00:53:10Miracles go wrong.
00:53:13I don't know.
00:53:15Yeah, maybe you're not perfect.
00:53:17Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:20Maybe I need to forgive you,
00:53:22you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made.
00:53:25Just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:30Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:55Hello?
00:53:56Hi Laurie, it's Joanna.
00:53:58I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:54:01Well, I hope it's a name and phone number,
00:54:03or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:54:06No, it's a key.
00:54:08To his apartment?
00:54:10No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:13Oh my God!
00:54:15How incredibly romantic, exciting, and mysterious.
00:54:19Unless, of course, inside the locker
00:54:21you find the head of his last victim, Laurie.
00:54:25Maybe he's like a freako serial killer,
00:54:28the flower petal bus locker stalker,
00:54:30who slyly sucks beautiful young women
00:54:33into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy,
00:54:36and then chops and hacks them up
00:54:38for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:41Uh, no, that was your last victim?
00:54:44Oh yeah.
00:54:46So, um, I'm going down to the bus station.
00:54:48Do you want to come?
00:54:49No way, what if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:53That's why I want you to come.
00:54:54Well, I would,
00:54:55but I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:57Oh, how's that going?
00:54:59Ugh, the man has problems.
00:55:01He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:04And?
00:55:05And nothing.
00:55:06He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:55:08You mean, because he has a dick,
00:55:11you can get laid?
00:55:13Exactly.
00:55:14God, you're such a slut.
00:55:16Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:17I don't know, I don't know.
00:55:19Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:21Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead
00:55:24for your romantic, exciting locker key
00:55:26any day of the week.
00:55:28Really?
00:55:29Honey, I want the real thing.
00:55:31Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff.
00:55:34We all do.
00:55:35Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:39Do you know how hard it is
00:55:40to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:44Are you really going to fuck Brian?
00:55:46No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:48God, you're so bad.
00:55:50I'll call you later.
00:55:51I got a jet.
00:55:52Okay, bye.
00:56:04I know Jesus.
00:56:06He's a friend of mine.
00:56:07I met him in a pub.
00:56:09It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:12I looked over, and there he was,
00:56:15sitting there right at the bar.
00:56:17He was drinking, too.
00:56:18He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:21I said, Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you.
00:56:26Man, you would not believe
00:56:27what's been going on around here.
00:56:30The last 2,000 years,
00:56:31they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:34On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:38They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:42And you know what the thing is?
00:56:43I mean, I don't really want to tell you this,
00:56:45but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:49I had to tell him,
00:56:50and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:53His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:57And I kind of looked at him,
00:56:58and his hair was all tangled up,
00:57:00and he was kind of dirty and skinny looking,
00:57:02and looked to me like he'd been living out on the street
00:57:05for, God, all his whole life, probably.
00:57:08And then he says to me,
00:57:12You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:16They are after me every day.
00:57:19They're always on my back.
00:57:20And you know what?
00:57:21Very little of all this impresses me.
00:57:25Very little of it.
00:57:38Then he mumbled something else.
00:57:40I don't quite remember what it was.
00:57:41And then he said something like,
00:57:43Hey, how about sliding me a dollar so I can get some food?
00:57:48And then he looked into his glass,
00:57:50and he just kind of stared into it for a while,
00:57:52and I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:56And I looked at him, and I said,
00:57:58Can't you just make a miracle or something?
00:58:00Save the world from all these wars and everything?
00:58:04And he looked at me, and he goes,
00:58:07Don't look at me, pal.
00:58:08I've done all I can.
00:58:10I've been trying to save the world,
00:58:12but how can I change your heart
00:58:14when it's all balled up like a vest?
00:58:16I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed.
00:58:21Well, I'd been drinking for days,
00:58:24and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:26So I looked at him, and I said,
00:58:28Oh, I see.
00:58:29You're just going to sit there drinking
00:58:31while we all go straight to hell.
00:58:34Does that mean that even the Messiah has lost all hope?
00:58:41Hmm.
00:58:42And then he just kind of twisted his glass,
00:58:46and he turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:51He took a long stare at me,
00:58:55and he looked at me with those big round eyes of his,
00:58:58and he says,
00:59:06Look, pal, you can buy me a drink,
00:59:09or you can leave me alone.
00:59:11The rest is up to you.
00:59:14And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:59Hey, Richard.
01:00:01Richard, hey.
01:00:02Hey, George.
01:00:03How's it going, man?
01:00:04All right, all right.
01:00:05Good to see you.
01:00:06Hey, listen.
01:00:08I need some advice.
01:00:10On what?
01:00:12Women.
01:00:13What else?
01:00:14Listen, don't ask me, all right?
01:00:16I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:18Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:20You got a relationship?
01:00:22I don't have a relationship.
01:00:24I have a sinking ship.
01:00:26It's close enough.
01:00:27Look, I just need some advice on what to do
01:00:29with the woman that's been giving me the bagels,
01:00:32the bagel woman.
01:00:33Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:35No.
01:00:36It's worse than that.
01:00:37How much worse?
01:00:39Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:42You think?
01:00:44Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:46You're in love with her, with her.
01:00:50I love her.
01:00:51I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:53I love her.
01:00:55I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:57Well, have you told her?
01:00:59No, look at me.
01:01:01I'm afraid what she might think.
01:01:03Let me tell you something, okay?
01:01:05One time I asked somebody for some advice
01:01:07and they gave it to me and I took it.
01:01:09I fucked my whole life up.
01:01:10I fucked it up, Royal.
01:01:12Okay, well,
01:01:14I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20Well,
01:01:22a few years later I came to realize
01:01:24that they were directing those comments to themselves, okay?
01:01:26It was almost like the advice they were giving me
01:01:28were based on what they would have done
01:01:29in the situation that I was in,
01:01:30which is what I think humans do generally.
01:01:32They can't help it.
01:01:34So what do you mean exactly?
01:01:36What do you mean?
01:01:38What do I mean?
01:01:40Okay, like say if I were to ask somebody
01:01:42if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right?
01:01:44And they say, nix the avocado
01:01:45because they're trying to lose weight.
01:01:46Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:48So they're giving me advice
01:01:49based on what they would have done
01:01:50instead of what I should have done.
01:01:52Okay.
01:01:53So what happened?
01:01:55Well, I did this thing in that situation,
01:01:58which would have been great had they done it,
01:01:59but for me it wound up being the worst thing
01:02:01that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:03So as a result of that,
01:02:04I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:02:07all because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:02:09What bullshit?
01:02:13Well, she was it, George.
01:02:15You know what I'm saying?
01:02:16She was it.
01:02:17All right, and the advice I got was
01:02:18don't tell your lover, man,
01:02:19or you'll scare her off.
01:02:21So I didn't tell her.
01:02:22So she left town and left a note.
01:02:24A note?
01:02:25What'd it say?
01:02:27The note.
01:02:28All right, all right, I got it right here.
01:02:33That stick of gum, you gonna...
01:02:34No, I need that.
01:02:39Richard, I'll love you forever.
01:02:41Anita.
01:02:45Got a postcard from her a couple years ago.
01:02:47She's living in Minneapolis now.
01:02:49Married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:52I tell you, it makes me feel sick even today
01:02:54to think about it, you know?
01:02:56And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:58Happily fucking married.
01:03:02Anyway, the point is, okay,
01:03:03is that any time anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:03:07I mean, I don't care who it is.
01:03:08It could be a doctor or a lawyer
01:03:10or your therapist or your mother.
01:03:12They're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:15Oh, yeah, right.
01:03:16All right?
01:03:18So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:22But it doesn't apply to you.
01:03:24So don't take it.
01:03:28Right!
01:03:30Got it!
01:03:31Got it.
01:03:35Got it.
01:03:36You're gonna leave, huh?
01:03:37Yeah, yeah.
01:03:42Hey, you all right?
01:03:44Yeah.
01:03:45You okay?
01:03:46Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:51Hey, you know, take a shower, though,
01:03:54before, or whatever you do, you know, just...
01:03:58Got it.
01:04:11Love, kindness, joy, bliss,
01:04:17care, and self-assurance.
01:04:19These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:22I don't need to follow some guru or religion
01:04:26in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:29These things are inside of me
01:04:31every second of every day.
01:04:34I just happen to be covered up with a layer of crap
01:04:36right at the moment.
01:04:39I just need to stop.
01:04:41I just need to stop and get down under these layers
01:04:44and uncover that hidden self down on the inside.
01:04:48Yeah.
01:04:49It's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts,
01:04:51these inappropriate actions,
01:04:53these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:57It's not like we were all born perfect
01:05:00and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:03or become a Scientologist
01:05:06or spend a hundred years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:11No.
01:05:13No.
01:05:15No, no, no.
01:05:18I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings
01:05:23Yeah.
01:05:27And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:30I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:33No, it's right here.
01:05:34It's right here inside of me.
01:05:36I just need to get all that crap out.
01:05:39Just pour it out.
01:05:40Just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:44Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:46Okay.
01:05:49Get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me
01:05:53and let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:58That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:01That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:03It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:06I can feel it.
01:06:07We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:08I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:10I know.
01:06:11Yeah, you know.
01:06:12Everybody knows.
01:06:15Birdman and Wattis were filled with heartaches and pains and sadness
01:06:19as the birds gathered as a bust of a garment died.
01:06:22Selfless remains.
01:06:24She was right.
01:06:26I hope this has been my decision.
01:06:31This is who I am, my friend.
01:06:35I hope you like me.
01:06:40She's not going to like me.
01:06:42What am I thinking?
01:06:46This is crazy.
01:06:48Oh, God.
01:06:50What if she wouldn't like me?
01:07:03She's not going to like me.
01:07:06Hey!
01:07:08What are you doing?
01:07:10Oh, I was just going to put something into your mailbox.
01:07:14You've been leaving me things?
01:07:16Yeah.
01:07:17Yeah.
01:07:18You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:22Yeah.
01:07:24Oh, my God.
01:07:26What was I thinking?
01:07:28Of course.
01:07:29Of course it would be someone like you.
01:07:31No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with, you know.
01:07:35What is wrong with you?
01:07:37What were you thinking?
01:07:39You just left me those bagels.
01:07:41I leave stray dogs biscuits.
01:07:44And I don't expect them to start following me.
01:07:47You can't do this anymore.
01:07:49You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:52I just wanted to thank you.
01:07:54Oh, are you crazy?
01:07:56My girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho.
01:07:59What is wrong with you?
01:08:01You've got bodies in your freezer.
01:08:04I mean, have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:06How did you know?
01:08:09I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:13Look.
01:08:14You don't love me.
01:08:16You got that?
01:08:17You don't love me and I don't love you and I never will love you.
01:08:22You had better leave.
01:08:24And you had better leave me alone.
01:08:26And you had better not come back here.
01:08:27You got that?
01:08:28I'm going inside.
01:08:30And I'm going to call the police.
01:08:32And if you ever come back here, I'm going to have you arrested.
01:08:35And I'm having a restraining order put on you.
01:08:38So stay out of my mailbox.
01:08:42And my garbage.
01:08:44You don't understand.
01:08:46I just wanted to thank you for the bagels.
01:08:49I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:52I just talk too much.
01:08:54I just talk too much, that's all.
01:08:56Well, now you know.
01:08:58Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch.
01:09:00And I hate you.
01:09:02So get the fuck away from me.
01:09:04You disgust me.
01:09:06You disgust me to the very core of my being.
01:09:34I have been dead.
01:10:04I don't know.
01:10:08I don't know.
01:10:10I wanted to be this way.
01:10:12I wanted to be this way.
01:10:14I didn't want to be this way.
01:10:18I didn't want to be this way.
01:10:20Is there any hope?
01:10:22Is there hope?
01:10:24Oh.
01:10:26Is there hope?
01:10:35Very doubtful.
01:10:40Is there love?
01:10:42Goodness?
01:10:44Kindness?
01:10:49Oh.
01:10:50I look not so good.
01:10:53But I believed in these things.
01:10:56I know they exist.
01:10:57I know they do.
01:11:00For some.
01:11:03For the lucky ones.
01:11:07But not for me!
01:11:11It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:15To reach out.
01:11:17To have someone grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:20I thought that love would come.
01:11:22I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:24I thought that I felt it.
01:11:26But no.
01:11:27I only felt the hope of it.
01:11:29Belonging of it.
01:11:31Something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:35Now I know that there is.
01:11:37But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:40Not something wonderful and caring.
01:11:42But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:44Something sour and cold.
01:11:46Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:49Back before I killed them.
01:11:51And let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:56Then I thought I was dead.
01:11:57But I had not died.
01:11:59But I was dead.
01:12:00And only I could will myself back to life.
01:12:03The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:08I could not forgive good or God.
01:12:10Or good spirits.
01:12:12Or the Tao.
01:12:13Or karma.
01:12:15Or Buddha.
01:12:16Or Yahweh.
01:12:17Or Mary.
01:12:18Or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:22For all the good it had given me.
01:12:24I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:31Was it just me and an evil act of evil self-intent?
01:12:35What possessed me?
01:12:37How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:40Yet I do.
01:12:42I do forgive Him in my thoughts.
01:12:45But when?
01:12:46When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul?
01:12:50And stay there nurturing me?
01:12:52Become a part of me?
01:12:54Why is it so easy?
01:12:57To forgive in the brain.
01:12:59In the mind.
01:13:00In the intellect.
01:13:01To forgive in the heart.
01:13:03Where the dark things dwell.
01:13:05With their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart.
01:13:13I have every right.
01:13:14I have every right to be angry.
01:13:17I have every right to be angry.
01:13:21I have every right to be angry.
01:13:27But do I?
01:13:29Do I want to be?
01:13:56I want to be.
01:14:26I want to be.
01:14:56Pure.
01:15:04Pure space.
01:15:11Pure space.
01:15:15Pure space.
01:15:18I was driving home one night with my family.
01:15:21And I swerved to avoid hitting a dog.
01:15:26But it rolled over.
01:15:31And I killed him.
01:15:33I killed my family.
01:15:35Mighty I am.
01:15:39Mighty Indwelling God.
01:15:44Mighty I am.
01:15:48Mighty Indwelling God.
01:15:56Mighty Indwelling God.
01:16:13I'm sorry.
01:16:14I'm sorry.
01:16:16I just...
01:16:17I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:21I'm sorry.
01:16:23So...
01:16:25I'm...
01:16:26I'm not gonna yell at you anymore.
01:16:32Oh.
01:16:34Um...
01:16:36Do you need to be alone?
01:16:38I can go.
01:16:39No, no.
01:16:40That's okay.
01:16:42I wanted you to meet my wife and child.
01:16:47Well, they wanted to meet you.
01:16:50I guess you think it's pretty weird me introducing you to my wife and child that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:17:00I just wanted their approval for what I guess I don't really know.
01:17:09I must just be crazy.
01:17:12No.
01:17:14No, you're not crazy.
01:17:18I'm not?
01:17:20No.
01:17:22You...
01:17:24You just need to be loved.
01:17:31So do I.
01:17:34I...
01:17:38I don't know what to say.
01:17:40Um...
01:17:43Well...
01:17:46You look really nice.
01:17:49Um...
01:17:52Why don't we go get a bagel?
01:17:54Do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:56Come on.
01:17:57My treat.
01:17:59Let's go.
01:18:01It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:03And look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:06I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:18:09I bet they are.
01:18:11How could you in a place like this?
01:18:14I hope that when I die, I have this place with me.
01:18:19I don't know.
01:18:21I guess so.
01:18:24I guess so.
01:18:26What about walking on humans?
01:18:29I bet so.
01:18:32I guess so.
01:18:34I guess so.
01:18:45Make a sound in a land where no one sings
01:18:51Rock a child in the arms that loving brings
01:18:57Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:19:03Hold it close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:19:09Turn this world around, we're going home
01:19:21Now that we are found, we're going home
01:19:30Happy child in the eyes that know all things
01:19:37Take a walk in a world where freedom rings
01:19:43Plant a seed in the mind that thinking brings
01:19:49Hold you close as we fly on our silver strings
01:19:56Hear that inner sound, we're going home
01:20:08Blue and green and brown, going home
01:20:16Make a sound in a land where no one sings
01:20:22Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs
01:20:28Rock a child in the arms that loving brings
01:20:35Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:42Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings
01:20:49Hold you close as we soar on our
01:20:54Glide on our ancient wings
01:21:12Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:26We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going
01:21:32Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:39We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going
01:21:44Turn this world around, we're going home
01:21:57Turn this world around, we're going home
01:22:08you