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Video Information: 07.06.2023, IIT Kanpur
Context:
How to deal with self-doubt?
How to tackle self-criticism?
Why does one have low self-esteem?
Why is there no satisfaction after achievement?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Be a part of the Live Sessions: https://acharyaprashant.org/hi/enquir...
Want to read Acharya Prashant's Books?
Get Free Delivery: https://acharyaprashant.org/en/books?...
~~~~~
Video Information: 07.06.2023, IIT Kanpur
Context:
How to deal with self-doubt?
How to tackle self-criticism?
Why does one have low self-esteem?
Why is there no satisfaction after achievement?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Greetings to everyone present here. Acharya Prashanth is a reward teacher and philosopher,
00:13pre-owned for his wisdom and compassion. He has guided millions on the path of self-knowledge
00:19and liberation. A best-selling author of over 100 books, Acharya Prashanth is an alumnus
00:26of IIT Delhi and IIM Ahemdabad and a former civil services officer. Once an all-in-the-topper
00:33of CAT examinations, he is now one of the most followed wisdom teachers in the world
00:39with 17 million plus followers across all social media. His teachings place a strong
00:44emphasis on the self-awareness and with his practical approach and compassionate nature,
00:49Acharya Prashanth inspires individuals to lead a more authentic life and make a positive
00:55impact in this world. It gives us immense pleasure to host Acharya Prashanth. We thank
01:00you, sir, for accepting our invitation and welcome you to interact with the community
01:04of IIT Kanpur. Most welcome. We now pass on the stage to members of Prashanth Advait Foundation
01:12to take the session forward. Namaste Acharya ji. My name is Himanshu Singh and I am a Prime
01:20Minister Research Fellow in IIT Kanpur in my second year right now. I have a question
01:26about self-doubt and self-criticism. I find myself at a very good place. I don't have
01:32any complaints but yet when there are new opportunities or new things are there, either
01:38I don't do it because I believe that I won't be able to do it or if I do it, my self-criticism
01:44overpowers me and says that you are not good enough and you won't be, whatever you have
01:48done, it is mere just for the sake of doing it, you haven't excelled in it. So how to
01:55live with this or counter the self-criticism and self-doubt? Thank you.
02:04Self-criticism and self-doubt, both are okay as long as they are just factually seen. It
02:24is one thing to see two as two and three as three and it is another thing to look at
02:37these very comparatively. So two as two is just alright, three as three, two is alright
02:52but two compared to 500 becomes a matter of concern, rather shame. You have to please
03:10see that we all are just processes, we all are material configurations both in body and
03:38in mind and all material has its limits. First of all the material configuration that
03:49we are is limited and secondly it is constantly changing. It is just a process and it is changing
04:05as per its own rules. When you look at yourself not as somebody then it becomes easy to encounter
04:26the fact of who you really are. When you start looking at yourself as if you are somebody
04:38then things get personal, then starts the game of the ego. The ego says I ought to be
04:48at 500, how am I languishing at two or three? And then several things may happen. One is
05:01you become a bit ashamed of yourself or you start distorting the facts. If you are to
05:16see, if you are to see two as two upon 500, it is not a pretty thing to look at. So either
05:34you stop looking at it, you turn your face away or you distort the fact itself. You say
05:42two is not two, two is two hundred. That's what most people do. So it's far better to just see
05:54things as they are and that's real self-criticism. To just factually see how things stand and to
06:06look at yourself as if you are not you. Look at yourself in an impersonal way. That's not me.
06:14That's just another stream. That's just another process in Prakriti. That's a constellation of
06:24stars. That's the greenery of the meadows. That's the birds flying over there in a formation.
06:37That's not me. Just as everything else exists in the universe, this thing too exists in the
06:47universe and you are not going to blame the puny grass for not being as tall as the mighty oak.
06:59The grass has its own existence and its own right and its own beauty. Are you getting it?
07:11What is real self-doubt then? Doubt must be with respect to the denominator. How have I
07:23started cultivating this imaginary 500? When it comes to that fraction 2 by 500, doubt the denominator.
07:33The numerator is the fact. From where has the denominator arisen? Who told you that you must
07:46be 500? Who told you that you are 500 and only accidentally? Have you been able to perform up
07:57to two or three levels this particular time? From where has this 500 arisen? Classically,
08:07that's the fundamental fallacy that the ego wants to cultivate. I am not a thing in Prakriti. Rather
08:20I am perfection itself. That's what the ego wants to declare. 500 here we are using as a symbol of
08:33perfection. A large number, any large number, 500, 1000, 2000, anything much larger than 2 or 3.
08:40From where has the ego developed this idea? And is there any substance to this idea? What
08:51authority do we have to assume or to demand or to desire that we must be 500 given the way we are?
09:022 is 2 and 2 is the fact of life. Who authorized us to assume and desire that 500 is our reality?
09:18Now that's not a self-belittling thought. That's the direct and factual way of looking at everything
09:31including oneself. I look at the grass as the grass and I look at the oak as the oak without
09:40needlessly demanding that the grass must be oak. When there is a passive observation, factual,
09:59honest, non-demanding, non-desirous, then the grass gets to be greener. Then the grass gets
10:15to display all that it really has. And those who have known life have said that if you allow the
10:26grass to really be what it is, then there is something far greater than 500, not in the grass
10:36but in the observer of the grass. The grass will continue to be grass. But if you can, with
10:52detachment, in an impersonal way, without letting the ego be involved, just let the grass be. There
11:01is a greatness that far exceeds any 500 and a beauty. But that beauty will be lost and all that
11:15you will have is delusions, disappointments and to top it all, a falseness. If you keep being very
11:28very demanding of yourself, see all that I'm not saying, all that I'm saying is not intended to
11:37convince you that betterment is not possible, that littleness is our destiny. What I'm trying
11:48to say is, greatness does not lie in asking the grass to be the oak. Greatness lies in seeing the
12:05grass as the grass and the oak as the oak and there is a lot within you that is the grass, that
12:13is the oak. Let it function in its own way. In that lies your greatness. You must be the detached
12:28observer of your body, of your mind, of your thoughts, your feelings, of your natural talents.
12:38You must see where they stand and not much can be done to change those things. What however must
12:50be changed is your position with respect to those things. There is no need to get
12:58entangled with them. Knowing something is one thing, getting entangled with that thing is
13:07just another matter. Self-knowledge is possible only if you do not get personal about yourself.
13:17You will never get to know yourself if you place demands upon yourself. Relieve yourself of the
13:31demands you place on yourself. Just see how you function and you will find that a lot of problems
13:41in your internal functioning are getting automatically corrected. Are you getting it?
13:50Greatness does not lie in asking this prakritic machine to perform till infinite levels of
14:08productivity or achievement. This is a limited machine. Even the oak does not have infinite
14:17height. It will never be able to do anything beyond a point. You will always have reasons
14:26for disappointment. Especially if the mind works in a comparative way. 2 upon 500 is bad,
14:36upon 5 million is worse. So, you look at how your system works and if you can relieve your
14:54system of your expectations, you find that your system starts working beyond your expectations.
15:02If you can just spare life of your demands and your plans, then life is able to display a beauty
15:22to you that's beyond your imagination, demands and planning. Are you getting it? So, as we said,
15:36doubt the denominator. Ask the ego, where are your ambitions coming from? And why must I bear
15:49the brunt of your burning ambitions? The ego might desire that you must be 7 feet tall. Now,
16:05if you push yourself to achieve that, that would be a lifelong project doomed to just keep failing.
16:15From where are you getting all these desires? Do they have any base in the fact? Are you even
16:27able to see how the body and mind are interlinked and where do all our thoughts and emotions come
16:35from? So, when you have a target in mind, when an instinct rises with great force and starts
16:51presenting itself as just the right thing to do, that's when you must be doubtful. That's the right
17:01role of doubt in life. A thought arises and when a thought arises with all its might, it does not
17:09leave any room for doubt or skepticism or think of feelings. When you are angry or instinctive or
17:21impulsive or any other feeling, just see what it does. Does the feeling say, kindly investigate me
17:30before you follow me? No, the feeling says I am the truth. Just follow me. That's when you must
17:39be doubtful. From where is this coming? How am I obliged to follow it? Right? And that can be
17:50known only when you look at the whole thing impersonally. Look at this somebody but not as
17:58somebody. I am just looking at how my apparatus functions and then you can initiate new projects
18:11and go a certain distance and then you do not look at what is happening in terms of success or
18:21failure. Then the criteria rather is beauty versus ugliness. Did this happen in a smooth way? Was
18:38there music in it? Then it's not about the dashboard. Was I able to reach at least till
18:48494? Can I claim to others and myself that I am not too distant from 500? No,
18:55then that does not remain the criteria anymore. I often point to people, not once does Krishna
19:09assure Arjun in the Bhagavad Gita that he will be victorious. Victory is not the point at all.
19:21500 or 490 or 470 it's about seeing the situation as it is and doing the right thing and after
19:36whatever happens is alright. The denominator is the result we run after. Don't run after
19:48results. Pour yourself fully into what is right and then let things be. Prakriti has her own way
20:01and if I dare say intelligence. She knows a few things. In fact, a few of her secrets are unknown
20:16to us. She knows much more than we do. So with respect, with love and with detachment just see
20:28how things are. Enter into an action but without a denominator. I am doing this because it is
20:42worth doing. I will not assess myself on how much have I achieved. I would rather assess myself on
20:54whether what I did was worth doing. After that it's 2, 3, 8, 7 or 501. It's all the same. It was
21:09good. It was great. It was joyful. It needed to be done. It was the right thing. I got into it and
21:15when I was getting into it, I could see, I could impartially, neutrally see how there is a lot
21:23within me that conspire against the right thing by raising expectations. You know that's a sure
21:38shot way to avoid the right. Start expecting results from it. Start thinking of the future.
21:49Ask yourself, even if I do the right thing, what am I going to get out of it? And the moment you
21:58entertain these thoughts, the right one loses its rightness. So I do what is right and then 2, 3,
22:168, 10, fine, all that is okay. Let grass be grass, let oak be oak. The ant gets into water,
22:29it wants to swim and then there is the swan and there is also the crocodile and then there are
22:38the fish and there are the buffaloes also. They all swim and they all have their respective ways
22:47of swimming and their speeds and what not. What is important is I needed to get into water and
22:55I didn't avoid the water. After that if I am a swan, if Prakriti has made me like a swan,
23:05I will swim like a swan. If I am a crocodile, so be it. The thing is I needed to jump into it
23:13and there was a lot within me that was agitating. No, no, no, no, no, don't take the leap. I said
23:22no. It needs to be done, I'll do it and after that everybody said, oh so awkward do you look.
23:31See you have no felicity, you don't swim smoothly like that fish. I said so what.
23:44This is what needed to be done and I have done it and after that it's my Prakriti composition.
23:53There are so many of them that swim so smoothly. My body and my composition does not allow me
24:01to be that smooth or fast in water. To them 500 is just normal.
24:14To me it's two or five or whatever.
24:19But where I have scored 100% is that I needed to do it and I did it. I didn't shy away just because
24:28I knew that I wouldn't be the top performer.
24:34What's the point in being the top performer on the land when it's the waters where you really need to be?
24:48Do you understand this? You might be a gifted runner on the land and it's just a gift.
24:57It's a gift from Prakriti and you might be an awkward swimmer in the waters.
25:04But if the waters are where you need to be, then be there irrespective of the result.
25:13Does not matter. You're doing the right thing and that's okay.
25:17So, criticize not your performance but your tendency to not to do the right thing.
25:27Criticize not your inability to get the right results but your inability to do the right thing.
25:36Do you get the difference?
25:37If you needed to be in the water, one way of criticism is, oh I couldn't swim as fast as the
25:44others do. That's not to be minded. Ignore that. A bigger failure is to keep being safe and dry
25:58on the ground when it's the waters where you need to be and it's possible that on the ground,
26:14you're a champion, a top performer and a lot of people do that.
26:23They say we'll belong to areas where we can perform.
26:28Hmm. They say we'll choose a job based on our strengths
26:32because that's where we'll be the top performers.
26:36No. Does not matter what your level of performance is.
26:42What matters is whether you are at the right place. Be at the right place.
26:48Be at the right place and in that right place, you will find your right little niche.
26:53Hmm. The right place is like a great garden. The grass has as much of its right and beauty
27:08in a great garden as does the oak. Ever seen a garden that only has oaks and no grass?
27:16Hmm. If the grass starts saying, oh, if I go to the garden, I'll be overshadowed by the oak.
27:24Then the grass will say, I'd rather belong to some other place. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
27:31What you have is prakriti. What you choose is who you are.
27:39If you are not gifted in one particular direction, that's not at all your fault.
27:51But if you do not choose the right things in life, then that's your fault.
28:00How does one choose the right thing in life? See what is it that gives you freedom?
28:06What is it that gives you an inner coolness?
28:12You realize this is the right job, the right place, the right direction.
28:18Even if you're not performing greatly, even if the results are not awesome,
28:29you know, because in that environment, you start seeing things a bit more clearly.
28:37You're not being violent. You're relieving yourself of expectations and you're not burdening
28:43others with violent expectations.
28:49Your relationship with others is of a nature that redeems them.
28:56So you start seeing those things.
28:58So you start seeing those things.
29:02There is a gentle love.
29:07And that's what you need to do. Unmindful of the results.
29:16Has this gone too abstract?
29:22I'm always afraid of that.
29:24So I have a very small follow-up.
29:28So acknowledging who I am, what I am, and what are my limits and capabilities.
29:36If I put myself in a situation where, for example, because I'm not the only one who is
29:42here in a particular situation, I have the influence of others also around me.
29:46Irrespective of me separating myself from the surrounding or the circumstances or the situation
29:54in which I am, I often feel alone that I want to keep my peace.
30:04So I will do what is my job because nothing else matters.
30:08Because it's a professional place.
30:11Then due to this, what happened is my ability to perform what I was supposed to declines.
30:22Just because I'm feeling lonely or say alone that I'm the only one who's doing this.
30:30And even this is not giving the results which I want.
30:34And even this is not giving the results which at least fulfill it.
30:43That okay, irrespective of that I'm alone and I don't have things.
30:48All right, but then the result can compensate for it.
30:52But even that is not happening.
30:53The result will never compensate for the loneliness.
30:59In fact, the result, the thirst for the result is much the same as loneliness.
31:09What will compensate for the loneliness is the process of working, not the result of the work.
31:20If you are thoroughly immersed in what you are doing,
31:24these two things you will not have space to bother for.
31:29A. Whether there are others with me.
31:32B. What will be the result of this work?
31:37When you are thoroughly immersed in what you are doing,
31:41these two things you fortunately get rid of.
31:46That's the blessing, the reward of choosing to immerse yourself into the right work.
31:54We said A. Loneliness disappears because you are fully stuffed.
32:03You are marinated.
32:07Like a sponge in water, you are totally full.
32:14There is no room left anywhere inside you to experience loneliness.
32:24So loneliness is gone.
32:25B. Because it's the work that matters to you, so concern for result is gone.
32:33And these two are problems that plague entire humanity.
32:39So think of the relief, think of the reward, the blessing.
32:44Those who can choose the right work and give themselves fully to it
32:54are blessed with relief from the two major evils that plague all humanity.
33:07Such a fantastic reward.
33:09You look around, people are lonely and then they fill themselves up with all kinds of rubbish.
33:22Mindless expense of money, entertainment, relationships, intoxicants, ideologies,
33:32dreams.
33:35There's so much that we do just to somehow get rid of loneliness.
33:43Think of what kind of extreme blessing is it to not have that loneliness.
33:48You will be grateful.
33:53And then concern for the result.
33:55That's the engine of most people and that's what keeps them tense, worried.
34:04A. Because your expectations seldom materialize.
34:09B. Because even if they do materialize, they don't materialize in the way that you want them to materialize.
34:16So, just give yourself fully to the right thing.
34:22Does not matter how you are performing at it.
34:25We are not talking of becoming world beaters here.
34:29We are talking about the right thing.
34:32So, just give yourself fully to the right thing.
34:36So, just give yourself fully to the right thing.
34:39Does not matter how you are performing at it.
34:42We are not talking of becoming world beaters here.
34:48Liberation is not about being supremely competitive and being better than everybody else.
34:56A lot of people take liberation too as a race.
35:02There are a lot of people around.
35:03They'll say, oh, I'll be the first one to be enlightened.
35:08No.
35:11How greatly you will perform is not in your hands.
35:18But what's in your hands is to give yourself fully.
35:23Think of the mythical squirrel in the Ramayana.
35:30What can the poor thing do?
35:31So, she is shown to be carrying just a few particles of sand or something.
35:43The bridge is being constructed.
35:47She does not have it in her to contribute beyond a point.
35:52But still, her legend has been immortalized.
35:57Why?
35:58Because she was doing the right thing.
36:01Do the right thing and don't compare your performance levels being a squirrel
36:07with those of a bear or an elephant or some other mighty animal.
36:18If you are a squirrel, you are a squirrel.
36:24No need to judge yourself on what talents you have.
36:31What life has given you.
36:34If there ought to be a judgment, there can be only one criteria.
36:41Did I make the right choices?
36:45Was I true to my love?
36:49One, did I have the wisdom to love the right one?
36:54Two, did I have the courage and the fidelity to stand true to my love?
37:02You will be judged only on this, not on your performance or achievement levels.
37:22Thank you, sir.