First broadcast November 1994.
Lovejoy buys a tatty kitchen cabinet for a song, knowing that, after restoration, it is a valuable antique dresser but the owners con Beth into parting with it.
Ian McShane ... Lovejoy
Dudley Sutton ... Tinker Dill
Caroline Langrishe ... Charlotte Cavendish
Diane Parish ... Beth Taylor
Gavin Richards ... Oliver Jeffries
Oscar James ... Duke Garvey
David Battley ... Norman Ebersley
Albert Welling ... Brian Newton
Corinne Skinner-Carter ... Alice Taylor
Maggie Ollerenshaw ... Kate Henshaw
Mark Powley ... Darren Chambers
Nichola Cordey ... Andrea Chambers
Donald Pickering ... Sir Roger
Earl Cameron ... Fogerty
Philip Elsmore ... Hotel Waiter
Kate Hillier ... Trudy
Elliot Levey ... Tony
Lovejoy buys a tatty kitchen cabinet for a song, knowing that, after restoration, it is a valuable antique dresser but the owners con Beth into parting with it.
Ian McShane ... Lovejoy
Dudley Sutton ... Tinker Dill
Caroline Langrishe ... Charlotte Cavendish
Diane Parish ... Beth Taylor
Gavin Richards ... Oliver Jeffries
Oscar James ... Duke Garvey
David Battley ... Norman Ebersley
Albert Welling ... Brian Newton
Corinne Skinner-Carter ... Alice Taylor
Maggie Ollerenshaw ... Kate Henshaw
Mark Powley ... Darren Chambers
Nichola Cordey ... Andrea Chambers
Donald Pickering ... Sir Roger
Earl Cameron ... Fogerty
Philip Elsmore ... Hotel Waiter
Kate Hillier ... Trudy
Elliot Levey ... Tony
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00♪
00:30So what do you mean, Kate? She's not here. I mean, her car's outside.
00:52She went for lunch with her best friend.
00:54Lunch? Her best friend? It's three o'clock. It's a weekday.
00:58This is no way to run a business, Kate.
01:00You never say that when she has lunch with you, Lovejoy.
01:02Ah, no, that's different. She's a career woman.
01:05Single-minded, hard-nosed, right?
01:07Hello, Lovejoy.
01:09Charlotte, you are an example to your breed.
01:12Am I getting older, or are your clients getting younger?
01:20Meet Harry. He belongs to my friend, Sarah.
01:23Oh, hello, Harry.
01:25Well, can't Sarah afford a nanny?
01:27Nanny's fallen through. And Sarah's mother's ill.
01:30And Sarah's off to Belize for a few days.
01:32Oh, Belize, eh?
01:36Modelling job. And I'm the godmother. It's no trouble.
01:40I can see that, Charlotte.
01:42Why shouldn't I have a baby?
01:44I mean, look after one, I mean.
01:46And run a business. It's just a question of planning, that's all.
01:50Did you want to see me about something?
01:54Auction tomorrow. Lot 18. The chair.
01:56The chair? Hmm.
01:58Well, the owner wants 2,000. I think I can get closer to three.
02:01I've got to buy it.
02:02Do you want it?
02:03It would make me very happy.
02:07Lovejoy, was that it? Don't you want to come in?
02:09Another appointment!
02:24Norman?
02:25Lovejoy. What brings you here?
02:27House clearance, of course.
02:28I don't think so. I'm here for a house clearance.
02:31Norman!
02:35Norman.
02:36Ten?
02:37Excuse me, Norman.
02:40That's no good. I'm already 20 bars over my limit.
02:43Of course they don't know. I hid my ticket in the drawer.
02:46Yes, but I'm bucking the trend. I'm gearing up.
02:49Spend another ten.
02:51And hide it in someone else's books.
02:54Because I'm telling you to.
02:56Don't argue, Rob. They just ship them in.
02:59Oh, Lovejoy, this is Mr Darren Chambers.
03:02Mr Chambers? Sorry about your loss.
03:04Loss? What have you heard?
03:06Oh, Aunt Edith.
03:08Not great loss, frankly. I hardly knew her.
03:10Now then...
03:11Excuse me, Mr Chambers. Norman Eversley.
03:14I'm the one you called. We spoke on the phone, if you don't mind.
03:17We've got a double booking here. Hey, Darren.
03:19Why not? I want two of you here.
03:21You don't object to a bit of free market competition, do you, Lovejoy?
03:24What, Norman?
03:25I'm sorry, but I just don't think this is a proper way to treat...
03:28I mean, too professional. It's just an insult.
03:31Let's talk in the kitchen. Forget the rest.
03:33Can we get on, please? I have got more important things to do.
03:36So am I, Mr Chambers.
03:38I'll give you 700 pounds for the contents of this room.
03:42You've only been here five minutes. That's all it takes.
03:45I'll give you 750.
03:46You're not well, Norman.
03:48An auction, Norman.
03:49775 cash.
03:52Too rich for my blood, Mr Chambers.
03:54Done.
04:00Tell me I'm right.
04:04You're right.
04:07Nothing much in here to take, is there?
04:09Rubbish.
04:12Come on, Lovejoy. There must be something you want to put your money in.
04:15Yeah, there probably is, Darren, but I just haven't seen anything yet
04:18that makes the old hang-sang rise, you know?
04:21What?
04:22That mirror's nice.
04:23Nice chair.
04:24Chandelier's OK.
04:25Lovely.
04:26Well, get in there.
04:27If I can get hold of another 12½ bars worth,
04:29then the price only has to rise by half a point and I'll be covered.
04:32I said 12½.
04:33Tell you what, Darren, I'm going to give you 65 quid for that dress from the stuff over there.
04:37Done. 65.
04:38Great.
04:39No, I was talking to someone else. 12½.
04:4165. There you go.
04:42Come on, take a look at that mirror again.
04:44My information is it will.
04:47I can't afford to stop. I'm in over me head as it is.
04:5365 pounds? You paid 65 pounds for that lump of grease?
04:57Including contents.
05:00Why, Lovejoy?
05:01Punch to gamble or flutter?
05:02Hidden potential.
05:04Like you, Norman.
05:09Oh, yeah. It's the real thing, Tink.
05:12Hell of a troy of furniture.
05:14A masterpiece in mahogany.
05:17A perfect Regency side cabinet.
05:20Whatever it is, it's murder to claim.
05:22Look at these carved acanthus leaves here.
05:25Must be worth at least, what, 15 grand?
05:29No, it could be more than that.
05:31Might have a very interesting provenance.
05:33Mm.
05:34You know what I'm thinking, don't you?
05:36It could be a Davidson.
05:38A what?
05:39William Davidson.
05:40Early 19th century cabinet maker.
05:43Why haven't I heard of him?
05:45Oh, probably because his career was...
05:47Whack!
05:48Exactly. Cut short.
05:50He was the half-caste son of Jamaica's attorney general and a black woman.
05:55In 1820, he was hanged for being part of a plot to kill the British government.
05:59Oh, the Cato Street conspiracy.
06:02Yeah.
06:03I did do history, Lovejoy.
06:05I'm glad to hear it, then.
06:06Part of England's bloody past.
06:09Language?
06:10Could be right in front of us.
06:12Keep cleaning, Beth.
06:14Oh, come on, Lovejoy. My arm's gonna fall off.
06:17Well, you got another one?
06:19It was a filthy old kitchen cabinet.
06:21Leo should have told me, for God's sake!
06:23Never mind about that. Who bought it?
06:25Some local antiques dealer.
06:27Who?
06:28I've got his business card.
06:32Here.
06:34Lovejoy Antiques.
06:36Right.
06:37I don't think you understand, Andrea.
06:39The cabinet's been sold. We can't get it back.
06:42Oh, no? Watch me.
06:45Lovejoy Antiques.
06:47No, you've just missed him.
06:49I understand he's acquired a rather fine 18th-century cabinet.
06:52And I'm interested in buying it.
06:54Well, can I come round and see it?
06:56I don't see why not. When shall I tell him to expect you?
06:59Difficult to say. I'll be in touch.
07:02Well, can I take a nap...
07:04Oh.
07:05Hello, Norman.
07:09All right, where is it? I've got to see it.
07:11See what?
07:12The cabinet, of course. The stuff from the living room.
07:14It's junked.
07:15Better luck next time, old son.
07:17Just show me the cabinet, Tinker.
07:21Oh, no.
07:23No.
07:26How much? You don't want to know.
07:28Yeah, well, it's all meant yourself.
07:30I've got to know how much.
07:33Ten thousand. I don't...
07:35Of course, they could fetch more at auction.
07:38We've already had inquiries.
07:40If only I'd been five minutes earlier.
07:42And if only the moon were made of green cheese,
07:45then rockets would be shaped like fondue forks.
07:47No hard feelings, Norman.
07:49Hard feelings, Tinker.
07:51I know the score.
07:53Some you win and some you lose.
07:55Nothing personal.
07:57That's the spirit.
08:03That bastard!
08:05I think he took that rather well.
08:14You could have made my name a touch smaller, could you?
08:20PHONE RINGS
08:23Brian Newton.
08:25Who?
08:27Oh, Ebbersley.
08:29Yeah.
08:32Yeah, put him through.
08:35Hello?
08:37Norman!
08:38What can I do for you?
08:40Well, actually, Mr Newton, it's more a question of what I can do for you.
08:44Well, you can pay up on time for a start,
08:46otherwise we'll have to fine you again.
08:48Please, Mr Newton, I'll explain.
08:50It's Doreen, my fiancée.
08:52She's pregnant and, as I say, she can't work in her condition
08:56because she's a cabaret artist.
08:59And she's already got two kids.
09:01Norman, do you have a point?
09:03Yes, I have.
09:05It's just that you're always going after people like me, Smallfry,
09:09when there are other people about who are much worse.
09:12For instance, there's this bloke called Lovejoy.
09:17Hang on, Norman.
09:29Lovejoy.
09:33Go on, Norman.
09:35There you go.
09:36Thank you.
09:37Cheers.
09:38Right, got it, Tim?
09:39Yep.
09:40OK, OK.
09:41Bye.
09:42Bye.
09:43See you later.
09:45How was the dinner, Lovejoy?
09:46Oh, it was fine.
09:47Who was there, customers?
09:48No, they were the restorers.
09:50Restorers?
09:51The furniture restorers.
09:53Furniture restorers?
09:54They came for the cabinet.
09:56Shit!
09:57How was the dinner, Lovejoy?
09:58Oh, it was fine.
09:59Who was there, customers?
10:00No, they were the restorers.
10:02Restorers?
10:03The furniture restorers.
10:05Furniture restorers?
10:06They came for the cabinet.
10:08Shit!
10:09Ah!
10:22Get out of the bloody way!
10:24Hey!
10:25Not trying to avoid our appointment, are you, Lovejoy?
10:28What appointment?
10:29Lovejoy, this must be Mr. Newton.
10:32I'm sorry, he phoned last night.
10:33I forgot to tell you.
10:34Oh, he forgot to tell me like you forgot to tell me
10:35my cabinet had been stolen.
10:36I've signed a cheque.
10:37Signed a cheque, signed a cheque.
10:39It can happen to anyone, Lovejoy.
10:40It can happen to anyone, since when does my signature include
10:42a smiley face inside the O, eh?
10:45And would you shift your car, please?
10:46It's always about a stolen cabinet.
10:49Who wants to know?
10:50Brian Newton, Customs and Excise, the VAT man.
10:56So just how valuable was this cabinet?
11:01Well, that's hard to say, Mr. Newton.
11:02The vagaries of the market, supply and demand,
11:04sentimental value, really, I suppose.
11:07Still, it's gone now, isn't it?
11:08Not my day.
11:09See if that coffee's ready.
11:13So can they arrest you on the spot?
11:15Yeah, if they can call in the troops, if they like.
11:17Oh, God, you take these in.
11:18Oh, come on, he's only upset.
11:20He hates me.
11:21He doesn't.
11:22Tinker?
11:24How do you get on with the police?
11:25They said they can't do anything without the license number.
11:27We'll give you a four and an X.
11:30They said that's not a lot of help.
11:31Lovejoy, whenever you're ready.
11:36Can you find some biscuits?
11:38Make yourself useful.
11:50Yeah, I've seen it all before, Lovejoy.
11:52And I know what you're up to.
11:54But you see, it's not just your stock.
11:56It's your multiple personalities.
11:59I've noticed that during your brief fleeting periods of VAT
12:02registration, Lovejoy Acquisitions frequently
12:05sells things to Lovejoy Retailing
12:09after a short but expensive intervention
12:11by Lovejoy Valuations.
12:14Cash flow.
12:16I don't have any, so I have to offer
12:18myself very preferential terms.
12:20With a chance to reclaim another 17.5% every time.
12:23Is that illegal?
12:24Yes, sir, it's great.
12:26No, really, no problem at all.
12:28In fact, I'm rather enjoying it.
12:30How's Billy's?
12:32Right, well, I'll pick you up from the airport.
12:33What?
12:35The shoot's been extended?
12:36Till when?
12:37Lovejoy, you're playing the entire value added system
12:41like a violin, a fiddle.
12:47But eventually, you will come unstuck.
12:50And when you do, and including the fine,
12:53give or take the odd candelabra, you will owe me
12:58about 15,000 pounds.
13:02What time is it, Mr. Newton?
13:06It's 2 o'clock.
13:08Got an auction to go to.
13:13OK, bye.
13:15Charlotte, can you just sign this?
13:17Kate, I can't possibly.
13:18I'm far too busy.
13:19Here, take him for a minute, will you?
13:22Good boy.
13:25Oh, Charlotte, you've got the dummy on.
13:33Am I selling, then, at 3,000 pounds?
13:38Any more at 3,000 pounds?
13:41Are we all done at 3,000 pounds?
13:45Going once, going twice for 3,000 pounds,
13:49sold for 3,000 pounds.
13:53Plot number 18, the mahogany open arm elbow chair.
14:01Who'll start the bidding at 1,500 pounds?
14:041,500 pounds, thank you, madam.
14:061,600 pounds?
14:0816.
14:091,700 pounds.
14:111,800 pounds.
14:1318, 19, 2,000 pounds.
14:182,000 pounds anywhere?
14:232,000 pounds, thank you.
14:262,100.
14:292,200.
14:312,200 pounds.
14:342,300.
14:362,400.
14:382,500.
14:402,600.
14:422,700.
14:452,700 pounds.
14:50Going for the first time.
14:54For the second time.
14:58I'm selling to you, madam, for 2,700 pounds.
15:06Oh, yes.
15:08Oh, it's been a marvelous day, Tink.
15:10Not only is my prize piece been half-inched
15:12by the Laurel and Hardy of the burglary world,
15:15I'm also being haunted by the phantom of the VAT,
15:18who in turn stopped me buying a chair, which would have turned
15:20me a very tidy profit, and got me in with a wealthy dealer.
15:24Oh, and to top it all, you've given me coffee, not tea.
15:29Sorry.
15:30So what else can go wrong, hmm?
15:34Hello?
15:36Is anyone here?
15:37It's only me.
15:39I hope I'm not disturbing you.
15:40Certainly not, Mrs. Taylor.
15:41It's a pleasure to see you.
15:43Isn't it, Lovejoy?
15:44Hello, Alice.
15:47Beth's here somewhere.
15:48She's, um, in the doghouse.
15:51John, what are you doing here?
15:54You left your lunch at home.
15:56She's on one of these fatty diets,
15:57pineapple and avocado, honestly.
16:02I have come at a bad time.
16:04Yet Lovejoy's been robbed.
16:07Have you told the police?
16:08They can't do a lot, ma'am.
16:10No leads.
16:11And I can only remember two of the license numbers,
16:14can't I, Beth?
16:15No, wrong.
16:17Excuse me?
16:18Your conscious mind could only remember two numbers.
16:20But if you saw that plate, all the numbers
16:23are there in your subconscious.
16:24Please, ma'am.
16:26Lie back, Lovejoy.
16:27Feet apart.
16:28What?
16:29No, don't, ma'am.
16:31Lovejoy, she's been doing night school.
16:33She's, uh, on a hypnotherapy course.
16:35See?
16:36So I'm trained.
16:37Trained?
16:38You only did the hypnosis class because there were too
16:40many people learning the tuba.
16:42Hypnosis, Alice.
16:44Thank you.
16:45Oh, no, just a minute, Lovejoy.
16:46When I was in the Far East, a bunch of the blokes
16:48took me to meet a holy man who offered to put me in a trance.
16:52I came out of it after three hours
16:54with no sense of time passing and a small tattoo
16:56where no one has ever seen.
16:58And alas, no one is ever likely to see.
17:01I can make you remember that number, Lovejoy.
17:04Why not, Alice?
17:06What have I got to lose?
17:07Good.
17:08Lay down.
17:09Feet apart.
17:15Look up to the ceiling.
17:18You feel your eyelids getting heavy.
17:21Close your eyes.
17:26You're in a wonderful, warm place with waves breaking
17:31against the shore, soothing, relaxing.
17:37Can you hear me?
17:41Now, what are you feeling?
17:55I couldn't murder a pint.
17:58Who's ready?
18:02All right, Lovejoy, now it's this morning.
18:09Now it's this morning.
18:10You're getting back to the shop.
18:13What do you remember?
18:16Two men in a red van.
18:20Remember that image, the van.
18:23And sleep.
18:25Sleep.
18:26When I snap my fingers, you'll be fully awake,
18:29relaxed, and alert.
18:31Your brain will process and deliver the numbers
18:33to your conscious mind when it's good and ready.
18:38That will be in about half an hour.
18:40It says that in the book.
18:44One, two, three.
18:52So, Steve, what do you remember?
18:55So start when you want.
18:56It's not going to work.
18:58Ha, ha, ha.
19:22The 845 HNX.
19:27Sorry.
19:29Sorry.
19:30Sorry.
19:33845 HNX.
19:36845 HNX.
19:39845 HNX.
19:42Ah!
19:43Ahem.
19:44Ahem.
19:47845 HNX.
19:50845 HNX.
19:55845 HNX.
19:57That's right, Beth.
19:58Yes, Charlotte.
19:59Lovejoy, I've got a favour to ask you.
20:00Yes.
20:01I've just had a phone call from Bicknell's.
20:02Oh, the big London auctioneers.
20:03They've organised a sale next week of Americana
20:06from the collection of J. Dietrich Appleton.
20:08Well, I knew Appleton in New York.
20:09Oh, nice.
20:10Bicknell's need me in London tomorrow.
20:13Ha, ha, ha.
20:14Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Charlotte.
20:16I am not going to babysit for you while you go to London.
20:18Sorry.
20:19How are they getting on, Beth?
20:20They're checking the computer now.
20:21Lovejoy, are you insane?
20:24Excuse me, Charlotte.
20:26I wouldn't trust you with a stuffed gerbil,
20:29let alone a baby.
20:30Oh, that's nice.
20:31No, I was wondering if I could borrow Beth.
20:34I only need her for three days and I'll pay her.
20:36Oh, that'd be nice.
20:37Excuse me.
20:38I have been robbed.
20:39I need my staff here.
20:41Right?
20:42Besides, why do you need anybody, hmm?
20:44I mean, you can cope.
20:45It's all down to planning, isn't it?
20:46Yes.
20:47They've got it.
20:48Yep, yep.
20:49Lovejoy here, yeah.
20:50You've found it.
20:51What, anything in it?
20:52Empty.
20:53Right.
20:54So where did you find it?
20:57Westbourne Grove.
20:58Mm-hmm.
20:59All right, officer, I'll keep in touch.
21:02Westbourne Grove?
21:03Well, if you're going to that part of London anyway.
21:06West London?
21:07Mm.
21:08That's my part of town.
21:09Mm-hmm.
21:10And you'll be needing a helping hand on the ground.
21:12Yeah, Duke Garvey.
21:13Who?
21:14Duke Garvey.
21:15He's a dealer connoisseur, student of colonial history.
21:17Great.
21:18Oh, no, no, no, no, Beth.
21:19You'll stay here in the meantime.
21:22You'll stay here and liaise with the police.
21:24Lovejoy.
21:25Charlotte, please.
21:26No, it's all right, Charlotte.
21:28I'll need to learn to be responsible.
21:30Thank you, Beth.
21:32Fine.
21:33Fine.
21:34I think we should all be responsible.
21:37I shall go to London with Harry on my own, and it will be fine.
21:42I shall manage perfectly.
21:45Of course you will.
21:47You'll cope.
21:48It's all down to planning.
21:51Right.
21:52Let's give this a whirl.
21:55That goes there.
21:56And, um, no.
21:57That's not right.
21:58That goes like that.
21:59Lovejoy.
22:00How long since you last saw Duke?
22:01Well, not since I was a baby.
22:02Probably won't know who I am.
22:03Lovejoy.
22:04Ah!
22:05Ah!
22:06Ah!
22:07Ah!
22:08Ah!
22:09Ah!
22:10Ah!
22:11Ah!
22:12Ah!
22:13Ah!
22:14Ah!
22:15Ah!
22:16Ah!
22:17Ah!
22:18Ah!
22:19Ah!
22:21Ah!
22:24Duke!
22:25Hey!
22:26Good to see you, old man.
22:28Yeah.
22:29And you must be Tinker.
22:32Oh!
22:34Oh!
22:35Ah!
22:36Come in!
22:37Come!
22:38Thank God he didn't recognise you.
22:44This is good blood.
22:46Yes!
22:47Now then.
22:48Will you wait in the back here, just for a second, OK?
22:55Will I get your seat sorted out?
22:57That's a good boy.
22:59Ooh!
23:01HE CHUCKLES
23:08You've got one of these?
23:10We had.
23:12It was stolen.
23:15You know that coffee, right?
23:18Harry, you must have been in one of these before.
23:21Got any ideas?
23:25So what do you reckon?
23:27Did he check the drawers?
23:29Dovetail joints.
23:31If it is a Davidson,
23:33its historical value alone is immense.
23:38I know of only two pairs in existence.
23:41One's back in Kingston in the Government Building.
23:45Any other pair?
23:47Split up many years ago.
23:50One of them is in the office of the Jamaican High Commission.
23:53The other...
23:55Is ours.
23:57Was.
24:00We'll find it.
24:02I'll reacquaint myself with some old friends.
24:05See what I can find out.
24:07That's a good idea.
24:09I'll sniff out a few leads myself.
24:11Lovejoy?
24:13No, thanks, Tink.
24:15I'm meeting Miss Cavendish at three for tea.
24:18Tea?
24:21I'm sure you were pleased to hear
24:23of the results from the sale of Italian paintings.
24:27Miss Cavendish has arrived, sir.
24:29Ah, Miss Cavendish.
24:33Welcome to Bicknell's.
24:36To Bicknell's.
24:39Good morning.
24:41Good morning.
24:48Landlord, large gin.
25:07You were a baby, Miss Cavendish.
25:10Thank you for holding him, Sir Roger.
25:12And, er...
25:14Sorry about the tie.
25:17I'm sure whatever it is will come out in the dry cleaners.
25:20There, there.
25:22That's better, isn't it?
25:24All those horrible, horrible old men.
25:28How did it go?
25:30Oh, fine. Great.
25:32Really well.
25:35Oh, Lovejoy, it was awful.
25:37Hello, Harry.
25:39I left him with the secretary
25:41while I came in here to make my recommendations.
25:43Well, of course he started playing up, didn't he?
25:46So she brought him in here.
25:48And I was stuck in here with all these awful, dried-up old prunes
25:52making disapproving faces.
25:54Well, honestly.
25:56I mean, babies cry, don't they?
25:58Of course they do.
26:00What do they expect? It's no big deal, is it?
26:02Nope.
26:07All he needed was a jolly good feed.
26:10And then he perked up.
26:12Do you think that'll work with you?
26:18Afternoon tea, Lovejoy. How lovely.
26:21Good afternoon, Madam. Good afternoon, Sir.
26:23Good afternoon. We'd like a big pot of a Sam's.
26:25Sandwiches, cakes, massive amounts of cholesterol.
26:27The four words.
26:29Yes, excuse me, Sir.
26:31Ah.
26:33Charlotte, we'll be a moment.
26:45So what do you think?
26:47Much better.
26:54Thank you very much.
26:56Thank you, Pop.
27:02BELL RINGS
27:08Why shouldn't I be able to do my job and have a baby?
27:12No reason at all, Charlotte.
27:14I mean, true, I don't want to be like Sarah.
27:16I want my children to have a father.
27:19And you, Lovejoy...
27:21Want some more tea, Charlotte? No, thank you.
27:23You're the only person that I... Have another sandwich.
27:25No, thank you. You're the only... More cake?
27:27No, you are the only person
27:29that I feel I can really talk to about this.
27:32Talk to?
27:34Oh.
27:36You can talk to me about anything, Charlotte.
27:39You know that.
27:41Well, you've had children, Lovejoy.
27:44You know what it feels like
27:46to hold a tiny little human being in your arms
27:50and know that it's yours.
27:53Well, I want that feeling too.
27:56There's nothing wrong with that, is there?
28:01Lovejoy, excuse me.
28:03Lovejoy, I want to do something.
28:06And you must be Miss Cavendish, Juke Garvey.
28:09How do you do? Delighted to meet you.
28:11I spoke to three of my best sources from the old days
28:14and a consensus emerged.
28:16If there's a stolen antique in this area,
28:20since it's nearly compulsory to offer it to Capricorn Collectibles
28:25and I've got their address...
28:27Capricorn Collectibles?
28:29I think my father had a bad experience with them once.
28:32Shall we go? Yeah, just as soon as I've settled in.
28:37Lost your credit cards, Lovejoy?
28:41Put it on my room.
28:43Nice try, sir, but that's the key to the gents.
28:47Go on, Lovejoy.
28:49Go and find your cabinet.
28:51Mind you.
28:53Come on, dear.
29:15Good afternoon, Charlotte.
29:17How's the infant?
29:19Actually, I think he's a bit wet.
29:22Would you mind holding him for a minute?
29:25Excuse me. Would the Major like some warm milk?
29:28The Major would not like some warm milk.
29:31The Major would like a large brandy.
29:36Lovejoy was here just a minute ago.
29:39Oh, Fiddle.
29:41I had a good contact for him.
29:44A shop that's reputed to sell stolen antiques.
29:47Capricorn Collectibles?
29:49Oh, I don't know.
29:51Brandy, Major.
29:53Thank you.
29:56Empire Antiques.
29:58Really? Duke was convinced it was Capricorn.
30:08Damn! Damn!
30:16Thank you, Tinker.
30:19Royal Lancaster Hotel, please.
30:21Will do, madam.
30:23Let me know how you get on.
30:25Will do.
30:27Thank you.
30:29Bye.
30:34We must be near the Portobello Road.
30:37We're nearly there, madam.
30:39Could you drop me at Empire Antiques?
30:41All right. Just here.
30:43Thank you.
30:46You know, the older I get, the more irrelevant I feel.
30:50Sometimes I wonder why I bother to get up in the morning.
30:53What am I going to do with all this?
30:55Who will look after it when I'm gone?
30:57No kids?
30:59No. Could never settle for long enough.
31:04I was always the white sheep of the family.
31:07The buccaneer.
31:11You got kids, Lovejoy?
31:13Yeah. One.
31:16Vicky.
31:18She's 24.
31:20Daddy.
31:32Oh, for God's sake.
31:34I'm just loading.
31:36I'm afraid there was no sign of loading.
31:39I've got a business to run here.
31:42Hello?
31:44Shop?
31:47Anybody in?
31:58Hello?
32:13Oh!
32:17Thanks a bunch.
32:33All right, baby.
32:42Bye.
32:58Hello?
33:00Hello, is anyone there?
33:03Hello?
33:05Can you hear me?
33:09Help!
33:12Help!
33:21Miss Cavendish has not returned to the hotel yet.
33:24You are sure about that?
33:26Right.
33:28Just leave a message, please, that Lovejoy called.
33:31Yes, Lovejoy. Just that, just Lovejoy. Thank you.
33:36I thought she was going straight back to the hotel.
33:39She must have gone via Barbados.
33:43Beth? It's me.
33:45I just came to see how you're coping.
33:47Well, I haven't given away anything priceless yet.
33:50Don't feel so sorry for yourself, girl.
33:52Well, I'm entitled, stuck here like this.
33:54Here. This will cheer you up.
33:56I brought you some dinner.
33:58No, Mum. I'm on a diet.
34:00You're wasting away. No wonder you're so miserable.
34:03Here. I brought you some ackee and saltfish.
34:06Mum!
34:08Some crab and kalalusu.
34:10Mum, I can't.
34:12Some jerk chicken. Mum, I...
34:16Jerk chicken? Cooked over wood.
34:19Oh.
34:21Well...
34:23Oh, well. I'm too depressed to diet.
34:28If you want to know how Lovejoy is getting on,
34:30why don't you ring him? He gave you the number.
34:32Well, he wouldn't want to talk to me if the news was bad.
34:36And if it was good, he'd have called.
34:38So that means it must be bad.
34:40It's all my fault.
34:42I wish I could do something.
34:44Maybe you can. You're the only one who saw the fellas with the cabinet.
34:47I've already described them to the police.
34:49Perhaps there is something else about them.
34:52Something you saw but don't consciously remember?
34:56Mum.
34:58Well, you said you wanted to help.
35:09All right.
35:13What's this? What's this?
35:15Yes.
35:18Give me that.
35:20All right. Hang on a minute.
35:23There we are.
35:27Keep counting backward.
35:2976, 75, 74.
35:35Cast your mind back to the time and the men with the cabinet.
35:41Yes.
35:43He's got on a tartan shirt.
35:45Keep that image, Beth.
35:48Make a snapshot of them with your mind.
35:51The shirt's unbuttoned at the front.
35:55And underneath, a white sweatshirt.
35:59No. T-shirt.
36:02And there's writing on it.
36:04What does it say?
36:06Ollie Gardner is nine.
36:11So she's still not back at the hotel.
36:14Thank you very much.
36:18Any luck with Capricorn collectibles?
36:21No. Soon to be a bodega-stroke tapas bar.
36:28Hello?
36:32Hello?
36:33Listen, Lovejoy, me mum hypnotised me, right?
36:36And I think I remember what was written on that guy's T-shirt when he came to get the cabinet.
36:40Ollie Gardner is nine.
36:43Ollie Gardner is nine.
36:46On the fella's T-shirt.
36:48Ollie Gardner. Yeah.
36:50What does it mean?
36:52Well, I don't know what it means, Beth.
36:54But it could be his name. No, I don't think so.
36:56The first thing they teach you at burglar school is not to print your own name on your T-shirt.
37:01Oh, but Lovejoy, me mum thinks that he...
37:03Beth, talk to you later. Say hello to Mum.
37:09Ollie Gardner is nine.
37:15So any leads, Tink?
37:17Erm... Oh, yes.
37:19Empire Antiques, Westbourne Grove.
37:23Right.
37:25Come on.
37:27Hush, little baby, don't say a word
37:31Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird
37:36And if that mockingbird don't sing
37:40Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring
37:52Lovejoy? Yeah?
37:54I think I've just found Ollie Gardner.
37:56Hmm?
37:58Jolly Gardner.
38:01What was that Beth said?
38:03Ollie Gardner is nine.
38:06Jolly Gardner's quiz night.
38:09What?
38:12Jolly Gardner's quiz night.
38:17Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
38:20Empire Antiques, just down here.
38:25Lovejoy? Hmm?
38:27The T-shirt.
38:29You got the white? Yeah, coming.
38:31Diversion.
38:40Are you anything to do with Empire Antiques or Wolverhampton?
38:43No, I'm not. I was sure you were, because you're a very similar band.
38:46Isn't that band similar? Yes, very, very.
38:48You must be another branch of the Wolverhampton group,
38:50because don't you remember I put a name check on you?
38:52He's told you. You're wrong.
38:54I'm very sorry. My name is Jeffreys, all right?
38:57Oh, Jeffreys! Thank you very much.
38:59Now, I'll see you in the business.
39:14Right, what are we going to do now?
39:16Well...
39:23Who said detective work was boring?
39:29Let him lie.
39:31Come on.
39:33BABY CRIES
39:47BABY CRIES
39:49BABY CRIES
40:01BABY WHISTLES
40:19FOOTSTEPS
40:35HE SIGHS
40:40HE SIGHS
40:43Antique...
40:48BABY WHIMPERS
40:52Shh.
40:54Shh.
40:56Madame Marcel Paris.
40:58Antiques.
41:00Fogarty Restores.
41:05One Regency Mahogany Side Cabinet,
41:07Lion's Paw Feet, Carved Acanthus Leaves.
41:10Thank you very much.
41:12BABY CRIES
41:19DOORBELL RINGS
41:26DOORBELL RINGS
41:34DOOR CLOSES
41:41DOOR CLOSES
41:43Charlotte?
41:45Oh, joy!
41:47BOTH CRY
41:50Oh, Charlotte.
41:53BOTH CRY
42:05But Mr Jeffreys was supposed to be taking it back on Monday.
42:08Yeah, but you know what Oliver's like, don't you, Mr Fogarty?
42:10Got everything yesterday like a kid with a new toy, isn't he?
42:12But you have done a beautiful job, Mr Fogarty.
42:14You really have done a beautiful job.
42:16It's as if the wood were breathing.
42:18Ah, it's a fine piece, gentlemen.
42:20Davidson, you know,
42:22this cabinet stretches the history of two great nations.
42:25And you have done that history proud, sir.
42:27Yes, you can tell by the patterner
42:29this is no ordinary job of restoration.
42:31Well, I use all traditional methods, you know.
42:33No chemicals.
42:35Open the door, would you, Bill?
42:37Certainly, Justin.
42:39And if you'd just like to sign here, Mr Fogarty,
42:42just to make it official.
42:44Thank you.
42:54Polished up really lovely, didn't it, Tink?
42:57It certainly did.
42:59So...
43:01am I off the hook, then?
43:03Oh, you're more than off the hook, Beth.
43:05I owe you an apology.
43:07Why?
43:09Yeah, you're absolutely right.
43:11Obadiah Fogarty?
43:13Would you sign here, please?
43:15There's a smiley face in the O.
43:17Mm.
43:19It can happen to anyone.
43:21HE CHUCKLES
43:30Sarah will be back tomorrow.
43:32Back to real life, eh?
43:34Oh, really?
43:36Well, after London, I don't trust myself with him.
43:38Oh, don't be silly, Charlotte.
43:40You've just found out that being a single parent isn't that easy.
43:47Ah.
43:49Oh, I think he's wet.
43:51I'd better get him back and change him.
43:53You needn't take him back to change him, Charlotte.
43:57I think he is wet.
43:59Give me a spare nappy.
44:02Ah.
44:04Come on, Harry.
44:06Soon have this out of you.
44:08You'll feel much better.
44:10HE WHIMPERS
44:15Lovejoy, I'm impressed.
44:17Oh, that sounds a surprise, Charlotte.
44:19I do know how to change a nappy.
44:22The thing was that in my day...
44:25it was plastic pants,
44:27safety pins
44:29and real towels.
44:31So by the time the baby was potty-trained,
44:34he had a nice set of dusters.
44:38How practical.
44:40Isn't that right, Harry, eh?
44:42HE WHIMPERS
44:45I shall miss him, Lovejoy.
44:48But Harry's taught me one thing.
44:50Don't want to be a single parent.
44:52That's very sensible.
44:56Oh, no, Charlotte. No, no, no, no.
44:58I do not want to be the only parent on school sports day
45:01doing the three-legged race tied to a Zimmer frame.
45:03Thank you very much.
45:05I'm trying to talk seriously, Lovejoy.
45:16Lovejoy.
45:18Oliver Jeffreys.
45:20I'd like my cabinet back.
45:22Your cabinet?
45:24You conned it off my client, Darren Chambers.
45:27That was a fair and legal transaction.
45:30And if Darren has anything to say about it,
45:33tell him I shall see him in court.
45:36Court?
45:40I try to avoid courts whenever I can, Lovejoy.
45:43You know, drags on for months, lawyers eat into your profits,
45:45neither of us needs that.
45:47So why don't we work something out?
45:48Such as?
45:49I'll give you a good price for the cabinet. I've got a buyer.
45:51So have I.
45:52Who?
45:54Come off it, Lovejoy, you haven't got a buyer.
45:56But I have.
45:58Ah.
46:01Private collector, prepared to offer 40 grand.
46:04Here, would you hold him a minute while I get his bottle?
46:08It's a very good price.
46:10You're a family man, I can see that.
46:13Here you are.
46:16Down the middle, your 20 grand, cash, no questions.
46:19How much was that?
46:2220,000 pounds?
46:25What a remarkable coincidence, Lovejoy.
46:27And that's almost to the pound what you owe
46:29to Her Majesty's customs and excise.
46:36I know exactly how you feel, kid.
47:21So start when you want. It's not going to work.