Ask a Policeman (1939) (Part 1)
When the Chief Constable decides to dispense with the local police station in the village of Turnbotham Round after hearing that they haven't had a crime in the last 6 years, Sgt Samuel Dudfoot and his colleagues decide to invent a crime in a bid to save their job. However, they soon come across the local legend of the Headless Horseman, and when one of the local girls reports that she has seen it, they realize there are darker deeds going on in their village than they thought!
Starring Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt, Glennis Lorimer, Peter Gawthorne, Charles Oliver and Herbert Lomas, with early screen appearances by Brian Worth and Cyril Chamberlain in their screen debuts. Indeed, there is some interesting trivia in this film; Glennis Lorimer (playing Moffatt's girlfriend) was also the Gainsborough girl who advertised their films at the opening credits, while the part of the headless horseman - and it's not revealing the crook in this, as this actor was playing the stunt double - was doubled by none other than Desmond Llewellyn, or Q in the Bond films from 1963 to 1998. This was a personal Will Hay favourite of mine as a kid, and it's still a rich satire on the constabulary that holds firm even now. Please note, this is from an old video recording, so this will likely have a couple of glitches at the beginning, but that is because the tape is old. Apologies in advance.
Starring Will Hay, Moore Marriott, Graham Moffatt, Glennis Lorimer, Peter Gawthorne, Charles Oliver and Herbert Lomas, with early screen appearances by Brian Worth and Cyril Chamberlain in their screen debuts. Indeed, there is some interesting trivia in this film; Glennis Lorimer (playing Moffatt's girlfriend) was also the Gainsborough girl who advertised their films at the opening credits, while the part of the headless horseman - and it's not revealing the crook in this, as this actor was playing the stunt double - was doubled by none other than Desmond Llewellyn, or Q in the Bond films from 1963 to 1998. This was a personal Will Hay favourite of mine as a kid, and it's still a rich satire on the constabulary that holds firm even now. Please note, this is from an old video recording, so this will likely have a couple of glitches at the beginning, but that is because the tape is old. Apologies in advance.
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TVTranscript
00:00♪♪
00:29We're now back in the studio having shown you the type of crime which occurs all too
00:55frequently in London, keeping a highly organised police force constantly employed.
00:59But now, by way of contrast, we're taking you over to a little village on the coast.
01:04In the sleepy little hamlet of Turnbottom Round, there are no criminals.
01:07For years now, not a single conviction has been recorded, not even a name in the charge
01:12book.
01:13This unique record has caused Turnbottom Round to be envied throughout the south of England
01:17as the village without crime.
01:19The police station occupies an old watchtower and is probably the least used building in
01:23the neighbourhood.
01:25Ladies and gentlemen, the police station, Turnbottom Round.
01:29Well, here we are, ladies and gentlemen, in the police station of the village without
01:35crime.
01:36We have with us as an audience, a squire and all the local celebrities.
01:41The absence of crime in this happy village is entirely due to the efficient and indefatigable
01:46efforts of the head of the local police force, Sergeant Dunwoody.
01:54Sergeant Dunwoody.
01:55Oh, is it me?
01:56Good evening, everybody.
01:57A little further back and not quite so loud, please.
01:58Oh, I see.
01:59A little farther back, yes.
02:00Is it true you've had no crime in this village for ten years?
02:01Oh, no.
02:02That's my business.
02:03Oh, is it?
02:04Oh.
02:05Oh, I'm sorry.
02:06That's his business.
02:07Yes.
02:08Is it true that you've had no crime in this village for ten years?
02:09Oh, I see.
02:10We're starting again.
02:11Yes, that is true.
02:12And how long exactly has it been since you last had a crime?
02:13Ten years, five weeks, four days.
02:14Very interesting.
02:15And how long have you been in charge of this police station?
02:16Oh, I've been in charge of this police station for ten years.
02:17Ten years.
02:18And how long has it been since you last had a crime?
02:19Ten years, five weeks, four days.
02:20Very interesting.
02:21And how long have you been in charge of this police station?
02:22Ten years, five weeks, four days.
02:23I can hardly believe it.
02:24Well, that's what it says here.
02:25Very commendable, Sergeant.
02:26A record like yours deserves a reward.
02:27Hey, where is it?
02:28I have merely done my duty.
02:29I do not expect any reward.
02:30I'm sorry.
02:31I don't remember approving that line.
02:32When you say there has been no crime, you mean no big crime.
02:33I mean none either big or little.
02:34Oh.
02:35Oh.
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04:42Oh.
04:43Oh, that must be the doctor on an urgent case.
04:45Urgent?
04:46Yeah, probably going to Mrs. Ockham.
04:48She always leaves you till the last minute.
04:51Ladies and gentlemen, I must apologize for this old fool.
04:54Whenever he opens his mouth, he always sticks his foot in it.
04:56He comes running in, he's got no right here at all.
04:58And what's more...
04:59You're wasting your time, sir.
05:00You've been paid it out.
05:01Well, what about these other three pages?
05:03Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
05:04I'm sorry.
05:05I'm sorry.
05:06I'm sorry.
05:07I'm sorry.
05:08I'm sorry.
05:09I'm sorry.
05:10I'm sorry.
05:11I'm sorry.
05:12Now, what about these three pages?
05:13It's all as you're afford.
05:14Oh, I'm sorry this happened, Sergeant,
05:16you were doing splendid things.
05:17Oh, well, you know how it is,
05:18the BBC always paid out the best items.
05:20Good night, Sergeant.
05:21Good night.
05:23The least I can do is to thank you for your trouble.
05:25Being a police officer, of course you can't accept a fee.
05:27Oh, does that come under this?
05:28No, what a pity.
05:29But if there's any local charity
05:30for which you'd like a contribution.
05:32Why, we have the fee shouting fund, sir.
05:34I think it's going to be rather difficult to get that in now.
05:36Oh, no, no, no, it's...
05:37There we are.
05:38Come and say goodnight to the gentleman, come on, come on.
05:40Good night.
05:41Good night.
05:42Good night.
05:43I'll get it first.
05:45I'll get it.
05:46I'll get it.
06:01We're not open yet.
06:02Got plenty for you this morning, Sarge.
06:04Have you?
06:05Yeah.
06:06Well, they can wait for their money.
06:07Show them in next door.
06:16Hello, Ernie.
06:17How's the business?
06:18Very nice, thanks.
06:19The sergeant says I have to bring his post here.
06:21What, all that lunch?
06:22What's he been up to?
06:29Come in out tonight, Emily.
06:30Oh, I can't, Ernie.
06:31I've got a date.
06:32Not with Harry Pingle, the fish boy.
06:34Why, what have you got on him?
06:35Oh, nothing.
06:36I never thought a girl like you would aim a bit higher
06:38than a common eel skinner.
06:39Well, at least he does take me to the pictures.
06:41Pictures?
06:42Don't know what's the matter with you.
06:43You go there and pass out at Robert Taylor and Clark Gable.
06:46Takes you a couple of weeks to get used to me again.
06:48Oh, you're just jealous because Harry's got a motorbike
06:50and you haven't.
06:51Huh, motorbike?
06:52I wouldn't take one of my girls out on a motorbike,
06:54bumping up and down on the pillion,
06:56getting disfigured for life.
06:58Don't you believe it, big boy.
07:00The back of a motorbike's OK by little Emily.
07:02I suppose you wouldn't come out him, Mike.
07:04Car?
07:05Your car.
07:06Well, you haven't got a car.
07:07Belongs to the police.
07:08Anyway, you're afraid to take me out in it.
07:10Says who?
07:12Says me.
07:13Well, you'll be at the crossroads at half past five tonight
07:15and we'll see.
07:16Well, I might.
07:17Now you've bought me the sweets.
07:18So long, honey bud.
07:19All right.
07:21Here, here.
07:22Here, here, here.
07:23Here, here, here.
07:24Don't empty them all over the broken biscuit.
07:26Who are they for, the governor?
07:28Oh, I see.
07:29Well, at least it's all those for me.
07:31That's their Christmas cards.
07:32What, in November?
07:33It's your fun mail after your broadcast.
07:35Oh, really?
07:36How do you know?
07:37Well, I opened one or two.
07:38You opened one or two?
07:39Do you know that's an offence?
07:40Yes.
07:41And so was your broadcast.
07:43Here, lovely.
07:44What's all that lot?
07:45Oh, my fan letters.
07:46Any for me?
07:47Hey, look, there's one with OHMS on it.
07:49Ah, that'll be from the BBC.
07:51One to fix up another broadcast.
07:53Yes.
07:54Yes, sir.
07:55Re your broadcast.
07:57Your failure to effect a single arrest
07:59for the past 10 years, five weeks, four days
08:02would strongly suggest that the police station
08:04in your area is unnecessary.
08:06Oh.
08:07An investigation will shortly be made
08:09to decide whether to transfer you to another district
08:11or to retire you and your staff from the force altogether.
08:15Yours faithfully, John Conch, your chief constable.
08:18Oh, dear.
08:19Transferred or retired.
08:21It's a bit thick.
08:22Oh, I don't want to retire.
08:23Please, not till I'm an old man.
08:24I mean, you're 10 years older than the pilgrimage now.
08:26Just shut up.
08:27It's all your fault.
08:28You and your blue in broadcast.
08:29Well, there's gratitude for you.
08:31After me making him into a policeman.
08:32Well, you had to when his nephew resigned.
08:34Resigned?
08:35I like that.
08:36You mean did a bunk with a sports fund?
08:37Yes, and you kept his name on the payroll.
08:39That's right.
08:40And if I hadn't have come in, he wouldn't
08:41have had any odd bottle to show.
08:42Yeah, and you wouldn't be able to stick to half his wages.
08:44That's commission.
08:45Sammy, you should talk.
08:46What about all that petrol you've been using
08:48taking your girl out?
08:49Well, what about it?
08:50It's not yours.
08:51It's police petrol.
08:52That's got nothing at all to do with it.
08:53It's the principle of the thing I'm talking about.
08:55There's no use fighting amongst ourselves.
08:57What are we going to do about this letter?
08:59Well, I'll tell you what we're going to do about it.
09:01If the chief wants a rest, he's going to have a rest.
09:03We've got to find some crime, that's all.
09:05Let me see.
09:08Here.
09:09I know where there's some crime.
09:10Where?
09:11In the news of the world.
09:13I mean, we can't wait till Sunday.
09:14Hey, what about Mrs. Clifford?
09:15Has she paid her dog license?
09:17Well, she has in a way.
09:19What do you mean she has in a way?
09:21Well, she tossed me double or quits, and I lost.
09:24Well, we should get her for gambling.
09:25Oh, we can't do that.
09:26She's one of my best customers.
09:27Box the dog biscuits in the Bob Martins every Friday.
09:29Well, we're going to arrest someone whether we offend them or not.
09:32What about poaching?
09:35No.
09:36No.
09:37No.
09:38No.
09:39No.
09:40No.
09:41No.
09:42No.
09:43No.
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10:49No.
10:50No.
10:51No.
10:52No.
10:53No.
10:54Hey, it sounds like another car.
10:56Well, get the hedge over there.
11:06Beep.
11:07Beep.
11:08Beep.
11:09Beep.
11:10Beep.
11:11Beep.
11:14You're exceeding the speed limit.
11:16Don't talk rot.
11:17Oh, yes you were.
11:18All right.
11:19How much do you reckon I was doing, then?
11:20Yeah, oh, uh, well, all in good time.
11:22Albert?
11:23A bottle?
11:26What was this man doing?
11:27Twenty-five minutes.
11:29Minutes? Those are seconds!
11:30Oh, yes. I was looking at the wrong end.
11:32What do you measure?
11:33Twenty-five seconds.
11:34So do I.
11:35You did the measured furlong in twenty-five seconds.
11:37What of it? That's only twenty miles an hour.
11:41Ah, yes, but twenty miles each.
11:43You see, there's three of us. That makes it sixty.
11:45Sixty? What on earth are you dribbling about?
11:47Twenty-five seconds, one furlong. Work it out for yourself and see.
11:51Oh, that's easy.
11:52I've got a pencil.
11:53I suppose you think we can't do it, don't you?
11:55There you are.
11:56Let me see it. Now, what is it?
11:58Two hundred and twenty yards multiplied by eight.
12:02That's not a lot of bollocks, is it?
12:03All right, all right. We'll only do it to oblige you.
12:05Yes, we're courtesy cops.
12:07Yes. Two hundred and twenty yards multiplied by eight.
12:09That's one thousand seven hundred and sixty.
12:12Now divide that by twenty-five seconds.
12:14Hey, the thing to do is to reduce it to hours.
12:16Yes. I mean, how can you reduce twenty-five seconds to hours?
12:18Listen, how long do you expect me to wait here?
12:20You wait till we've finished.
12:21You ask for it and you're going to get it.
12:22Yes, I've done it.
12:23Have you?
12:24Yes.
12:25Good. Twenty-five minus two hundred and twenty divided by sixty.
12:27Well, according to this, he hasn't got it here yet.
12:29Yes, there it is.
12:30One thousand seven hundred and sixty divided by twenty-five gives us seventy point four.
12:34Yes.
12:35Seventy point four?
12:36Yes.
12:37Well, it's gone up.
12:38Well, that's nearly eighty miles an hour.
12:39All right.
12:40Good.
12:41Ask him for his license.
12:42I want to see your license.
12:44I haven't got a license.
12:45Huh?
12:46I said I haven't got a license.
12:47He hasn't got a license.
12:49Ask him for his insurance.
12:50Well, let me see your insurance certificate.
12:52I'm not insured.
12:54Well, you mean you haven't got a license or an insurance?
12:56No.
12:57He's got a license or an insurance.
12:59Oh.
13:01Well, it's a very lucky thing for you, young man.
13:03You've just saved your bait.
13:04Do you mean I can go?
13:05Well, I can't endorse your license if you haven't got one, can I?
13:07Go on, hop in.
13:09Next time, be sure you bring one with you.
13:11Yes.
13:13Well, if you ask me, it's a waste of time.
13:15Oh, well, who's wasting the time?
13:17Only ten minutes to work out a simple little sub like that.
13:19Well, it isn't half full.
13:20It's a post.
13:21Well, what's the matter with them?
13:22Too clean?
13:23No.
13:24They're 220 yards apart.
13:25Well, what's that got to do with it?
13:27Sixty seconds in a minute.
13:28Sixty into 220 won't go.
13:30That's right.
13:31Well, if we made it 240, it's four.
13:34Four?
13:35Four times a minute.
13:36Oh.
13:37That's a good idea.
13:38Well, let's go.
13:39Four times a minute.
13:40Oh.
13:41That seems very often, doesn't it?
13:43Oh, no, you don't understand.
13:44Look, if we move that post a bit this way, it's easy to divide.
13:47Well, why didn't you say so?
13:53Oh.
13:54Go on.
13:55Now, put your beef in it.
13:56Go ahead, put your beef in it.
13:57Oh, oh, oh, oh.
13:58There you are.
13:59There it is.
14:00Now, we'll step it out 20 yards, and you bring the post with you.
14:03One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
14:11Hey, sounds like another car coming.
14:13All right.
14:14Well, no arguments this time.
14:15We've all agreed it's doing 60.
14:16Right.
14:17Now, lock the road and drop your handkerchief.
14:19Hey.
14:20I haven't got a handkerchief.
14:21Well, drop your sleeve or whatever you use.
14:28We can't put this.
14:29Well, put it anywhere.
14:30Here, stick it there.
14:32I'm sticky.
14:33Well, stick it.
14:34Never mind, hold it.
14:35Get your watch ready.
14:53What on earth is the meaning of this?
14:54Well, first of all, have you got a license?
14:56Of course I've got a license.
14:58You have?
14:59Then you're fired.
15:00You were doing 60 miles an hour.
15:01I was doing what?
15:0260.
15:03Absolute nonsense.
15:07Now, what was this man doing?
15:08Sticking there.
15:09You have the evidence to tell me that I was doing 60.
15:12What's that?
15:13Oh, a policeman.
15:14Yes.
15:15Well, I must be going mad or something.
15:16What's he doing with that thing?
15:17That?
15:18Ha ha, that's evidence.
15:19Evidence.
15:20Quiet, quiet.
15:21Now, you, say truly, uh, truly.
15:24Truly rogue.
15:25Yes, that's right.
15:26Say that.
15:27Truly rubbish.
15:28As I thought.
15:29As I thought.
15:30Drunk as well.
15:31All right, boys, I'll let him go.
15:32What?
15:33I warn you, anything you say will only make it worse for you.
15:34It's the handcuffs, Albert.
15:35Let me back.
15:36Leave him to me.
15:37Hey!
15:38Hey!
15:39Stop throttling my customer, will you?
15:40Oh, I see.
15:41I see.
15:42Resisting arrest, eh?
15:43All right, boys.
15:44Leave him be.
15:49Now, go on.
15:50Get in and drive him to the station.
15:51Right, folks.
15:52I'll tell you something.
15:53What?
15:54He wasn't going very fast at all.
15:55Well, fast or slow, it doesn't matter.
15:56The law's the law.
15:57I know.
15:59Oh, we've got a case at last.
16:00You're searching?
16:01Yep.
16:02One pocketbook, one watch, one penknife, and no money.
16:03Yes.
16:04One penknife and no watch?
16:05And no money.
16:06Come on.
16:07Turn out your pockets.
16:08Oh, all right.
16:09One penknife and 15 bucks.
16:10I mean, will you never learn to be honest?
16:11He's as much our prisoner as yours.
16:12Yeah, I'll find Bob each.
16:13Now, let's see what his name is.
16:14You got anything inside?
16:15No.
16:16No.
16:17No.
16:18No.
16:19No.
16:20No.
16:21No.
16:22No.
16:23No.
16:24No.
16:25No.
16:26No.
16:27No.
16:32Oh.
16:33What's it, son?
16:37What's the matter?
16:39We've already pinched the chief constable, that's all.
16:40Oh, that's an ace, isn't it?
16:42Yeah, we've got to get him out of that cell
16:43before he comes to.
16:44And when he wakes up, we don't know anything about this.
16:47We'll pretend we're surprised he's here.
16:48We'll ask him how he got here.
16:50I hope he has something with his car.
16:52Tell him there's been an accident.
16:54Yes, sure, we'll let him know as soon as we get his money.
16:56That's been an accident.
16:57Yes, and when he finds out that's been an accident, there will be one.
16:59Don't be silly.
17:00After a clout and a head like that, he won't know what's happened.
17:01Yeah.
17:02Hey, where are you going?
17:03I've got to fix the accident.
17:04All right.
17:20Hey!
17:22Hey, what are you doing?
17:23What are you doing?
17:24I'm kicking the front of the car in.
17:27Are you serious doing that?
17:29That won't look like an accident.
17:30You want to drive it into something?
17:32Well, that's an idea.
17:33Hurry up.
17:34It may come to any minute.
17:36Where's the starter?
17:37It's that little knob over there.
17:39Hey, come on.
17:40Let me do it.
17:41Oh.
17:42Let me.
17:43You're switching on the lights.
17:44There's the self-starter.
17:45Oh!
17:46Oh!
17:47Look at my samples.
17:50Why didn't you tell me you'd left it in gear?
17:52Why didn't you give me time to tell you anything?
17:54Well, anyway, they can't say there hasn't been an accident.
18:07Oh, are you feeling better now, sir?
18:13You scoundrels.
18:14I'll have the lot of you in jail for this.
18:16He's delirious.
18:17Delirious?
18:18Why, I'm...
18:19You've had an accident.
18:21What are you talking about?
18:22You assaulted me.
18:23That's right.
18:24No.
18:25You've had an accident, sir.
18:26Oh, an accident.
18:27Yes.
18:28You were driving your car, and you suddenly left the road, went smack through the shop
18:30next door.
18:31You impudent scoundrel.
18:32Well, if you don't believe it, come out and have a look.
18:34Yes, yes.
18:35Come and have a look, sir.
18:36Come in here and have a look.
18:37You assaulted me on the high road.
18:38Oh, we didn't.
18:39Oh, nothing of the kind.
18:40Why, we haven't been out of the house all day, sir.
18:42Really.
18:43You held me up and accused me of speeding, and you know it.
18:45Hallucination.
18:46Yes, that's what it is, sir.
18:47Hallucination.
18:48Very common after an accident.
18:50Look.
18:51What have you done to my car?
18:52Keep calm, sir.
18:53Keep calm.
18:54It'll all come back to you.
18:55Come back?
18:56It hasn't gone away from me yet.
18:57You stopped me on the high road for speeding, and what's more, you accused me of being drunk.
19:00Oh, pure hallucination, sir.
19:02Yes, hallucination.
19:03Yes, hallucination.
19:04That's right.
19:05Are you trying to tell me that I drove down this road and for no reason at all crashed
19:08my car into this shop?
19:09Exactly, sir.
19:10Yes.
19:11I refuse to believe such outrageous nonsense.
19:12Oh, excuse me, but it's perfectly true.
19:14What?
19:15I was in the Sadler's shop down the road and saw the whole thing.
19:17You did?
19:18Who's this?
19:19Oh, this is the squire.
19:20Do you mean to tell me you substantiate this man's story?
19:23Definitely.
19:24Well, you come with me.
19:26Uh, yes.
19:30Thank you very much.
19:33If there's anything in this outrageous story, how on earth do you explain this bump?
19:37Well, uh, might I suggest, sir, that you hit your head on the windscreen?
19:40Good heavens, man, I can't hit the windscreen with the back of my head.
19:42Oh, maybe you was in reverse.
19:44Oh.
19:46Albert Brown, you can't do this to me.
19:48I've been waiting at the crossways over half an hour.
19:50Shut up.
19:51This is the chief constable.
19:52Oh, I didn't know you had a friend.
19:54Well, if you'd told me, I'd have brought Aggie.
19:56Who is this woman?
19:57This is Emily, sir.
19:58What's she doing here?
19:59She's my bird, sir.
20:00You what?
20:01Uh, he means, uh, she's his bitch.
20:02Uh, she's the parlor maid at the manor.
20:03Come on, Emily.
20:04Run along.
20:05We're very busy.
20:06Yes, sir.
20:07What about?
20:08All right, just a minute, ma'am.
20:12What is all this about?
20:13Oh, Constable Brown wants to know if he can go to the pictures.
20:16Certainly, Constable Brown can go to the pictures.
20:18Oh, thanks, chief.
20:19You wouldn't like to go too, would you?
20:21No, I went last Wednesday.
20:22And what about you?
20:23No, I prefer the book by the fire.
20:24Oh, you do?
20:25Good night, all.
20:26Good night.
20:27Goodbye, what's your name?
20:28Abyssinia.
20:29Good night.
20:31Huh, bright little girl, isn't she?
20:32Well, chief, what about a little drink?
20:34Oh, of course, I'm sorry, they're not open yet.
20:36I'll take the jug around the side door.
20:37Mrs. Davis will let me have it.
20:38What?
20:39Yes, she always has.
20:40Yeah, that's a good idea.
20:41Would you prefer old and mild, or would you like bitter?
20:43I think you'd better take the last jug.
20:44Stay where you are.
20:46When I heard your broadcast, I expected to find it genuine confidence.
20:49But I never thought it would be as bad as this.
20:51Letting a constable go to the pictures with a girl, getting drinks out of ours.
20:54Is that the way to run a police station?
20:56You call this a police force?
20:58How old are you?
20:59Forty-two.
21:00You look more like eighty-two to me.
21:01Oh, that's the life he's led.
21:03No, it isn't.
21:04It's through seeing it what done it.
21:05Seeing what?
21:06The ghost.
21:07What ghost?
21:08The ghost of the headless horseman driving us.
21:09How horrible it was.
21:10I lost my hair.
21:11I mean, things fell out.
21:12All in a night.
21:13Oh, don't take any notice of him.
21:15He has hallucinations too.
21:16But it's true.
21:17Ah, true.
21:18Yes.
21:19And I'll tell you once more, if I know other people...
21:21That's what I wanted confirmation of.
21:22This place is run by a pack of idiots.
21:23I've got it.
21:24It's the most inefficient and disorganized rabble
21:26that's ever had the audacity to call itself a police force.
21:28Apparently you consider this blundering incompetence,
21:30daring illegality,
21:31and outrageous discourtesy
21:33to be the normal manifestations of a policeman's duty.
21:35You'll hear more of this.
21:42Oh, good-bye, dear customer.
21:44Good-bye.
21:45Thank you for calling.
21:46Don't worry.
21:47We'll look after everything.
21:48Yes.
21:49Well, go on.
21:50Move along.
21:51Move along.
21:52There's something to see.
21:53All right.
21:54Go on.
21:55Go on.
21:56Now you've offended him.
21:58What do you want to tell him,
22:00a silly, idiotic, daft story like that for?
22:02Headless horseman.
22:04Well, there is an headless horseman.
22:06You asked him down in the village.
22:08Have you seen it?
22:09No.
22:10Well, what have you been out for?
22:12Well, I had to tell him something,
22:13otherwise he'd have gone looking up my birth certificate.
22:15What, the doomsday book?
22:17Well, we'd better start packing.
22:19Packing?
22:20Well, we might as well be ready for the boot
22:22when it does come.
22:23What, are we leaving the dear old home?
22:25Yes, we're going to be kicked out into the dear old gutter.
22:35That looks a good, does it?
22:37Oh, you can't go out like that.
22:38If only we could do something sensational
22:40and get the Daily Express behind us,
22:41they wouldn't dare sack us.
22:42I'll tell you what.
22:43What?
22:44Couldn't you arrest someone for speeding?
22:45Listen, I'm liable to be arrested for murder.
22:47What do you think we've been doing?
22:48Look where it's got us.
22:49All we've got to do is arrest some famous criminal.
22:51What criminals are they?
22:52Guy Fawkes.
22:53Oh, I love it.
22:54Guy Fawkes.
22:55He's dead.
22:56He wasn't a criminal.
22:57He invented fireworks.
22:58There must have been some crime here
23:00some time or another.
23:01Haven't we got any records?
23:02We've got the old charge books down in the cellar.
23:03Well, let's go and have a look at those.
23:04All right.
23:05Bring your bullseye, will you?
23:07Hey!
23:13I say, you're a bit of a muddle down here, aren't you?
23:15I've been tidied up tomorrow.
23:16Tomorrow?
23:17What's the good of pulling off till tomorrow
23:18what we can't be here to see?
23:19Where are your books?
23:20Here they are.
23:21Oh, yes.
23:22There.
23:23Huh.
23:24Try this one, shall we?
23:26Here.
23:28Oh.
23:29Say.
23:30Ooh.
23:31That's good.
23:32Ooh.
23:34Uh.
23:351753.
23:36Well, that's going back a bit, isn't it?
23:38It is, isn't it?
23:39Ah.
23:40Here's a crime.
23:41Highway robbery.
23:42Now, that's no good.
23:43That's legal now.
23:44Is it?
23:45Yes.
23:46Daniel Gould was convicted of sheep stealing.
23:49What did he get?
23:50Was sentenced to be hurdled, hanged, drawn, and quartered.
23:53Blimey.
23:54Ooh.
23:55Yes.
23:56George Connachie did slay, kill, and willfully murder his wife
23:59by throwing her off a cliff.
24:00Ooh.
24:01What did they do to him?
24:02He was fined four and sixpence.
24:04That don't seem right, do it?
24:06No.
24:07I'm sorry.
24:08My mistake.
24:09Fourteen and sixpence.
24:10No.
24:11Yes.
24:12Where was it?
24:13Larceny, piracy, treason, resisting the press gang,
24:17whistling in church.
24:18I mean, these are no good to us.
24:20Haven't you got some other books somewhere else?
24:22You know, something on up-to-date crime?
24:24I've got some sex templates in the shop library.
24:26You have?
24:27Yes.
24:28Well, why don't you say so?
24:29Instead of wasting our time down here.
24:30Let's go and have a look at them.
24:31Well, they might give us an idea if nothing else.
24:34Oh, yes.
24:35You've got a cut.
24:36Oh, good evening.
24:38Good evening, Sergeant.
24:39Anything wrong?
24:40Well, yes, sir.
24:42In a way.
24:43You see, it's like this, sir.
24:45My brother Alfred, he's a lighthouse keeper.
24:48And this morning he had to go off on his month's duty in the lighthouse.
24:51See?
24:52Yes.
24:53Yes, I see.
24:54And he didn't want to go.
24:56And why didn't he want to go?
24:59Go on, I'll buy it.
25:00Why didn't he want to go?
25:02Because of our poor old grandmother.
25:05She's been ailing for years now, poor soul.
25:09And now she's open at death's door.
25:13But as I says to Alf, duty is duty.
25:16And the lighthouse must be lit.
25:18Oh, yes, of course.
25:20Then suddenly I gets an idea.
25:23How about a signal, I says to Alf?
25:25Yes.
25:26What did Alf say?
25:27Alf says if you could do that, I'd be easy in my mind.
25:31All right, I says.
25:32You says.
25:33I says.
25:34I'll hang up a light where you can see it from the lighthouse.
25:37And while that there light's still burning, you'll know our gun is still with us.
25:42That's a good idea.
25:44So I thought maybe you wouldn't mind if I put it up on top of the tower here
25:48so that Alf can see it.
25:50This being the highest point hereabouts.
25:52Oh, by all means.
25:54Why, if anything happened to the old lady, I'd never forgive myself.
25:57Up the stairs till you come to the top.
25:59Thank you, Sarge.
26:09What's the matter with you?
26:11I'm thinking about his poor old grandmother.
26:14Out there alone in a lighthouse.
26:17Why don't you listen, you old fool?
26:18His grandmother's not in the lighthouse.
26:20She's hovering around death's door.
26:22And he's putting that light up there so his brother will know
26:24that his grandma's light's not been put out.
26:30I don't know how I can thank you for this, Sergeant.
26:32Oh, that's all right.
26:34I mean, anything in the cause of charity.
26:36Charity, yes.
26:37Here's the box.
26:38Oh, there's no need for you to give anything.
26:41Half a crumb.
26:42We'd have done it for nothing, you know.
26:44That's all right.
26:46Good night, Sergeant.
26:47Good night.
26:49I was thinking about his poor old granny.
26:52You owe me one of something.
26:53Do I?
26:54Well, I imagine you've got it.
26:55We're going to look at your sex for a bit.
27:01Come on.
27:02Where's the crime section?
27:03Here you are.
27:04All right.
27:05Don't, Miss Desmond, or the mystery of the blood-stained sheet.
27:07Oh, that's hot one, that is.
27:08You want to read page 34 where he's alone with her in the office.
27:11In the what?
27:12In the office.
27:13Office?
27:14You mean office.
27:15No, I don't.
27:16I mean office.
27:17In the oasis.
27:18That means he had a date with her.
27:20Dauntless Desmond.
27:21Should be dirty dick.
27:23While you've been playing footy-footy at the pictures, we've reached a crisis.
27:26Oh, you'd reached that before I went out.
27:28Hey, do you realize, my boy, if we don't find some crime before tomorrow, we're out?
27:31Well, you've got a whole shelf full of crime there.
27:33There you are.
27:34Look.
27:35Bill the body snatcher, Sam the smuggler cop.
27:36Smuggling.
27:37Now, there's your crime.
27:38Smuggling?
27:39Yeah.
27:40All we've got to do is to catch some smugglers.
27:41Oh, great.
27:42Now, where do we find the smugglers?
27:43Oh, we don't find them.
27:44We stage a smuggle.
27:45We put a keg of brandy on the beach, then we find it with witnesses.
27:48Well, what good does that do us?
27:49Well, then they'll have to keep us here until we find the smugglers.
27:52How can we find smugglers if there aren't any?
27:54We haven't got any brandy, either.
27:58Oh, yeah.
27:59I've got some brandy.
28:00Oh?
28:01What are you doing with brandy?
28:02Well, I keep it and take it with Tuesday.
28:03Tuesday?
28:04The only thing you're likely to get is gummy.
28:05Well, come on.
28:06Don't waste time.
28:07Go and get the brandy.
28:08Hey, wait a minute.
28:09Wait a minute.
28:10Who's in charge here?
28:11You were, but you've got the bullet.
28:12I've got nothing of the kind.
28:13You'll take the orders from me.
28:14And I'm having nothing at all to do with it.
28:15It's not safe.
28:16Well, please yourself.
28:17Go on, Jerry.
28:18We want to keep our job.
28:19Hey, do you mean to tell me you're going to defy me and go through with it?
28:21Certainly.
28:22Oh, well what about me?
28:23Well, you can help if you like.
28:24Oh, thank you very much.
28:25And, uh, what do I do?
28:26All we do is we put the keg of brandy on the beach, then go for a witness.
28:30Who puts the keg of brandy on the beach?
28:31You and Harbottle.
28:32I suppose you go and get the witness.
28:33Yeah, it's all right, isn't it?
28:34No, it isn't all right.
28:35Which isn't all right.
28:36You put the bandy on the beach and I'll go and get the witness.
28:45There's a storm coming up, ain't there, Terry?
28:47You're telling me.
28:49Go on.
28:52Put it down there.
29:00Ah, what's your name and address?
29:01Seth Monroe, Six Fisherman's Cottages.
29:05All right, well, you'll be hearing from us officially.
29:07Thank you very much.
29:12I know, I know, there's a storm coming up.
29:23Hello, hello.
29:24Oh, give me a door, Mr. Double Six, Double Six.
29:26I want the Chief Constable.
29:27This is very urgent.
29:29Hello?
29:30Hello?
29:31Come on.
29:32I know I'm in a hurry.
29:33This is very important.
29:34I don't care if the Chief Constable is in bed.
29:36You get him out of bed.
29:37I want to talk to him at once.
29:39Hey, hey, what are you two trying to do?
29:40Spoil everything?
29:41One's enough.
29:42One what?
29:43One kick of bandy.
29:44What are you talking about?
29:45Chief Constable?
29:46All right, I'll hang on.
29:47What do you mean the Chief Constable up for?
29:48Tell him about the kick of bandy on the beach.
29:50We haven't taken it down yet.
29:51That's what I'm talking about.
29:52What?
29:53We haven't taken it down yet.
29:54Yeah, when we filled it, we couldn't lift it.
29:55So we've been emptying it.
29:56That's right.
29:57What are you blibbering idiots babbling about?
29:58I just brought the kick of bandy to the beach.
29:59It's rearranged.
30:00But you couldn't have done it.
30:01Well, there it is.
30:03Blimey, another one.
30:04That's in it.
30:05What, do you mean to tell me that the...
30:06Hello?
30:07Hello?
30:08It's the Chief Constable.
30:09Now what am I going to tell him?
30:10Well, you hang him up.
30:11You think of something.
30:12Oh, um, is that, uh, is that Terence Motherbeast's LRP department?
30:16What?
30:17Oh, it isn't.
30:18Oh, wrong number.
30:19Oh, I said that.
30:20Come on.
30:22Pete, run.
30:23Good stuff, too.
30:24Yeah, well, you leave that alone.
30:25It doesn't belong to you.
30:26Well, who does it belong to?
30:27Well, that's what we're going to try and find out.
30:29Are you sure you didn't put that one on the beach?
30:31Yeah.
30:32We've only got one keg, and there it is.
30:35Well, where'd the other one come from, then?
30:37Perhaps it's been washed up by the sea.
30:38Oh, what does it matter what it was washed up by?
30:40Did it do just as well?
30:41Does it affect our story?
30:42If it don't belong to anybody, let's drink it.
30:44And what will that get us?
30:45A good booze-up.
30:46Yeah, a good booze-up.
30:47We're all our plans mucked up.
30:49We cast our bread upon the waters, and back comes a keg of rum that we don't want.
30:53Get three glasses.
30:55Oh, it's gone!
31:00What was that?
31:01Perhaps it was the wind.
31:06Well, that wasn't the wind, anyway.
31:07No, there's someone at the door.
31:12Go on, let her in.
31:13You do it.
31:14You're in charge.
31:15Harvard, open that door.
31:17Not me.
31:18Let Closing shop in.
31:19You can't beat shop in an emergency like this.
31:24She's stopped.
31:25Perhaps she's gone home.
31:26She'll be the victim if she wouldn't shut up her mouth like that and go home.
31:28Maybe she's come to the wrong house.
31:30Well, open the door and have a look.
31:31Hey, why don't we...
31:44Oh, dear!
31:45Help, help, help!
31:47Police, police!
31:48Shut up, you old idiot.
31:49We are the police.
31:52Blimey!
31:53Miss Emily!
31:54I've got to feel her heart.
31:55Here, knock it.
31:56She's my birth.
31:57Jerry, fetch me some water.
31:58Well, she's only freezing.
32:01She's coming round.
32:04Oh, Albert, Albert!
32:05I've seen it!
32:06I've seen it!
32:08Hey, what have you been showing this poor girl?
32:10I don't know what she's talking about.
32:11She was all right when she left me.
32:12Here she comes again.
32:15Oh, it was horrible.
32:16It's all right, it's all right.
32:17Come on, get the chair, get the chair.
32:18It's all right now.
32:19You're in good hands now.
32:20Come on.
32:21Sit down.
32:22Now, uh, would you care to make a statement?
32:24Uh, just exactly what happened?
32:26Well, I...
32:27I'd been to the pictures with Albert in the police car.
32:29I see.
32:30Been to pictures with Constable Brown in bus.
32:35Then I went home.
32:36And all of a sudden, I remembered the letter I had to post.
32:38So I got on my bicycle to go to the pillar box.
32:41And just as I got to the five crossways...
32:43Were you assaulted?
32:45No.
32:46What a pity.
32:47We could have taken the steps.
32:48Well, I just got to the five crossways
32:50when all of a sudden, galloping towards me,
32:52there was a nurse with no head.
32:54A what?
32:55The driver had no head.
32:56There was a nurse with an headless horseman.
32:59Here, here.
33:00Come here.
33:01Has she been going out with you two?
33:02No, no.
33:03Well, how has she got the same story that you've got?
33:05I don't know.
33:06It's true, I tell you.
33:07I saw it.
33:08Oh, she's feeling better.
33:09Yes, I'm OK now.
33:10I'd better get the police car out and take her home.
33:12Well, leave us here by ourselves.
33:14Not likely.
33:15We'll all take her home.
33:16Well, frightened?
33:17Certainly not.
33:18I'm sick of the young lady's reputation.
33:19Come on, my dear.
33:34Allow me.
33:35Okey-doke, Sergeant.
33:36Thanks for the buggy ride.
33:38Goodnight.
33:39Goodnight.
33:40Goodnight, Toots.
33:41Goodnight, honey.
33:42Goodnight.
33:43Goodnight.
33:44Come on, Toots.
33:45Turn around and step on it.
33:46Wait a minute.
33:47The water rally's not in.
33:48What?
33:49It's all ruined.
33:50Bye, honey.
33:51Bye.
33:58Oh.
33:59Oh.
34:00It must be about 1 o'clock.
34:02I haven't been out so late since my father got married.
34:05Eh?
34:06Yes, his fourth wife.
34:07Oh, I see.
34:08Here.
34:09I hope we don't meet that Santa Merce.
34:11Oh, that's a lot of poppycock.
34:12Whoever heard of a headless driver?
34:14Wouldn't be able to pass his tests.
34:16Still, Emily must mean something that scared her.
34:18Ah, maybe she saw her bottle through the window.
34:20You can't believe all an hysterical girl can.
34:25What's the matter?
34:26What did you pull up for?
34:27Oh.
34:31It's the Phantom Hearse.
34:32The Phantom Hearse.
34:33It's a horse and car with a tail run on to her.
34:36It's the Phantom Hearse, I tell you.
34:37It's going through a phantom flames.
34:39Look at the driver's head.
34:40What's the matter with this thing?
34:41He ain't got one.
34:42Don't talk to him, sunshine.
34:43He's got it tucked in.
34:44What are you worried about?
34:45He's not coming this way.
34:46That's just what it is to him.
34:47No.
34:51Hey, hey, put your eye cap.
34:52Give it on the grass bird.
34:53Let it go by.
34:54Let me have the bloody grass bird.
34:57Oh, he's going to get my foot.
34:58Go on.
34:59Whatever they hurt's got to be through me.
35:00Put it in reverse.
35:01Watch out!
35:10What's the matter again?
35:11Freedy, quick!
35:12Come on!
35:16Woo!
35:17Just made it!
35:18Don't move!
35:19You should've kept your eyes on the road
35:20instead of talking so much!
35:22crash.
35:23Well, anyway, we needn't go any farther.
35:25We'll give the flaming hearse a shift.
35:31What's the matter?
35:33Oops!
35:34Oops?
35:35Blimey!
35:36It's followed us in here!
35:47See where it went?
35:48No!
35:49Where did it go?
35:50Well, it went in the garage.
35:51If I kept my eyes open, you'd see where it went.
35:53Oh, dear.
35:54Oh, dear.
35:55Oh, dear.
35:56Oh, dear.
35:57Oh, dear.
35:58Oh, dear.
35:59Oh, dear.
36:00Well, if I kept my eyes open, you'd see where it went.
36:01It's gone where the ghost in here is.
36:02It's just gone through the door.
36:04No, no, the door's open and let it in.
36:06Well, how do I know?
36:07How do I know?
36:08That's their ghost door.
36:09Ghost door.
36:10I'll show you where their ghosts are not.
36:11Come on, Ox.
36:12Come on.
36:13Come on.
36:14Oh.
36:15Oh.
36:16Oh.
36:17Oh.
36:18Oh.
36:23Come on.
36:24Open up in the name of the law.
36:27Come on.
36:28Come on.
36:29You're all the worse for it if you don't.
36:30Well, what are you standing there for?
36:31What don't they be afraid of?
36:32Look, I'll tell you what we'll do.
36:33You pull on the one door and I'll pull on the other.
36:34Oh.
36:35Oh.
36:36Oh.
36:37Oh.
36:38Oh.
36:39Oh.
36:40Oh.
36:41Oh.
36:42Oh.
36:43Oh.
36:44Oh.
36:45Well, it's funny.
36:46Where's it gone to?
36:47Well, it's gone right through and out the other side.
36:48Gone through the other side.
36:49Don't be ridiculous.
36:50Why, this is a solid wall.
36:51Hey, do you know where we are?
36:52No.
36:53This is the Squire's garage.
36:54Is it?
36:55Yes.
36:56Let's knock him up and tell him.
36:57Tell him what?
36:58We're in his garage.
36:59Yeah.
37:00Well, that's a bright idea, isn't it?
37:01Well, let's examine these walls properly.
37:03Come on.
37:04Come on.
37:05Come on.
37:06Here.
37:07Here.
37:08I want to tell you something.
37:09Here.
37:10What's the matter?
37:11Oh, come on.
37:12I want to tell you something.
37:13Yes?
37:14There's only three of us and there's
37:15four shadows on the wall.
37:16Four shadows.
37:17One, two, three, four.
37:20Four shadows.
37:21Four shadows.
37:22Four shadows.
37:23Four shadows.
37:24Four shadows.
37:26Oh, you're right, Timmy.
37:27You're right.
37:28There's one over.
37:29Oh, goodness.
37:30I'll tell you something else.
37:31What?
37:32The old man hasn't got no ears.
37:33Oh.
37:34Oh.
37:37Woo, woo.
37:41Whoa.
37:42Whoa, Otis.
37:47You're drivin' me mad, I warn you.
37:50You're actually driving me mad.
37:52You.
37:54Really?
37:55I mean, do you ever see how cold I am tonight?
37:58No?
38:00Leave the phone alone.
38:05Why, it rings, doesn't it?
38:06No, it doesn't.
38:07You put the phone down, Don't make any noise,
38:09I could see it.
38:10I must have brought it on wrong.
38:12Do you think I have werewigged or what?
38:16It's the Chief Constable.
38:17Good heavens.
38:26Good evening, sir.
38:27I've been trying to get you for half an hour.
38:29Where have you been?
38:30Well, as a matter of fact, we've been out on a job.
38:34This is what sort of a job?
38:35Tell him about the Edna Thorsman.
38:36Do you think I should?
38:37Of course.
38:38We've all seen it.
38:39Oh.
38:40You remember that story that Constable Harbottle told you
38:42about the ghost of the poor girl?
38:44Yes.
38:46Yes.
38:48Yes.
38:50It wasn't your fault, that is.
38:52Uh, yes, I'm listening, Chief.
38:54I'm listening.
38:55Then stop giving me all this preposterous bilge
38:56about ghosts.
38:57You realize there's smuggling going on in your district?
38:59Smuggling?
39:00Oh, yes.
39:01We know all about that.
39:02Our witness must have been talking.
39:03Oh, we've got all the evidence.
39:04A whole keg full.
39:05Keg full?
39:06We've just been informed that a whole boatloads
39:07of smugglers are smuggling.
39:08Smugglers?
39:09Oh, yes.
39:10We know all about that.
39:11Our witness must have been talking.
39:12Oh, we've got all the evidence.
39:13A whole keg full.
39:14Keg full?
39:15We've just been informed that a whole boatloads
39:16have been smuggled in.
39:17Boatloads?
39:18Well, there must be real smugglers then.
39:19I mean others.
39:20Now listen.
39:21One of His Majesty's revenue cutters
39:23in Mid Channel has observed a light in the neighborhood
39:25of Turn Bottom Round.
39:27Yes.
39:28They believe this light's being used
39:29as a steering light for smugglers.
39:31Oh.
39:32Oh, dear.
39:33Albert, take this down.
39:35From the east side of Drake's Seat to a point due north,
39:39from Shoe Hill off Turn Bottom Round,
39:42west by north.
39:43Aye, aye, sir.
39:44Have you got all that?
39:45How do you spell aye, aye?
39:46Listen, Albert.
39:47You get the ordnance, man.
39:48This is our big chance.
39:49If only we can spot that light and make an arrest,
39:51then he can't sack us.
39:52You get the compass.
39:53There's no telling where this will lead to.
39:55Might get us a promotion.
39:56Here's the compass.
39:5710 minutes past.
39:58Well, that's all right.
39:59It doesn't matter.
40:00What do you mean it's 10 minutes past?
40:01How do we find where we are with a thing like that?
40:02It's easy.
40:03You point the north to the northwest,
40:04and the northeast gives you south.
40:05Yeah, that's all right.
40:06But suppose we want to go north?
40:07Give me those bearings.
40:08I'll find it.
40:09All right, go on then.
40:10Oh, look.
40:11There's the channel.
40:12There's the north dock, isn't it there?
40:13Yeah, there's the dock.
40:14Now, if we bring a line from there, that should be it.
40:16Evening, all.
40:17Yes.
40:18Oh, evening.
40:19Can I take my lamp down now, Sergeant?
40:21Down?
40:22Why, uh, is Joe's grandmother?
40:24Here.
40:25Oh.
40:27She's much better now.
40:29Well, I'm glad about that anyway.
40:31Well, you can find your own way up, can't you?
40:33We're very busy just now.
40:34All right, I'll get them, Sergeant.
40:36Who's that?
40:37Coast guard.
40:38I've never seen him around here before.
40:39What's he want?
40:40Well, when you were out courting,
40:41he came out here and told us that the, the, the, the,
40:44oh, you mind your own business.
40:45Go on, get on with your bearings.
40:46You found that lighter?
40:47Well, give us a chance.
40:48Haven't he just found great seats?
40:50Oh, here we are.
40:51Uh, north by Point East.
40:53That brings us here.
40:55Uh, northeast by Shoe Rock.
40:57That brings us here.
40:58Yes, well, what does it say where the lines intersect?
41:00Hmm.
41:01It says the police station.
41:03Police station?
41:05Ha!
41:06Well, that's ridiculous, isn't it?
41:07I mean, there's no lamp hanging.
41:11Oh.
41:12There.
41:13Didn't that bloke say something about fetching down a lamp?
41:15That's right.
41:16Yes.
41:17Ah, but still, that's something at all to do with it.
41:19That's for the fellow on the lighthouse.
41:21His grandmother's ill, you see.
41:22And as long as he can see that light,
41:23then he knows his grandmother hasn't started to burn.
41:25I mean, his grandmother hasn't put a light.
41:26Well, it's a signal for his grandmother, anyway.
41:28Well, it sounds fishy to me, though, isn't it?
41:29I'll tell you something.
41:30Now, don't you start.
41:31Who's grandmother is she?
41:32It's his brother Joe's grandmother.
41:33Well, who's Joe?
41:34Joe's the fellow on the lighthouse.
41:35I want to tell you something.
41:36You won't tell us anything.
41:37Listen, it's easy enough to check up.
41:38All we've got to do is to find out whether his brother
41:40Joe really keeps the lighthouse.
41:41I don't want to tell you what I was going to tell you.
41:43Oh, all right, Peevish.
41:44Come on.
41:45What is it?
41:46Well, I've lived here 60 years, and I've
41:47never seen a lighthouse.
41:48No.
41:49Neither have I.
41:50You haven't?
41:51Well, why didn't you tell me that when
41:52we let him put the light up instead
41:53of crying your eyes out?
41:54I was sorry for his poor old granny.
41:55Sorry for his granny?
41:56If he hasn't got a lighthouse, how can he have a granny?
41:58Well, I've got a granny, but I've never had a lighthouse.
42:00Oh.
42:01Oh.
42:02What shall we do?
42:03It's all right.
42:04Leave it to me.
42:05I'll deal with him.
42:10Good night, all.
42:11Good night.
42:15Here, I thought you were going to deal with him.
42:16What do you expect me to do, arrest him?
42:18Of course.
42:19Well, let everybody know that the light
42:20was on top of our police station.
42:21It's a bright idea.
42:22Well, what are we going to do?
42:23Well, now we know how it's worked,
42:24we can plant the light on someone else.
42:26Look, look here.
42:27Bring that line down here, you see,
42:29so that it puts the light on top of the pub.
42:31Oh!
42:34Mr. Pebble, I wonder what they want to wrap it up for.
42:37Hey, hey, give me that.
42:38I may be a message on it.
42:41Well, I like that.
42:42Fred Jackson Draper, turn bottom round.
42:45Some ejection advertising again.
42:47Well, that window's going to cost him one of sixpence anyway.
42:49Yeah, wait a minute.
42:50There's something on the other side.
42:51What?
42:52Keep your nose out of things that don't concern you.
42:56Dead men tell no tales.
42:58You have been warned.
42:59What's that?
43:00You mean that thing that don't concern you?
43:02Dead men tell no?
43:03Huh?
43:04Well, what does that mean?
43:05It couldn't be much plainer, could it?
43:07Yeah.
43:08Well, that's nonsense.
43:09They can't take notes with it.
43:10We're the police.
43:11Besides, what could they do?
43:12Supposing that Pebble had been a bomb, eh?
43:15Don't talk nonsense.
43:16This is England.
43:17They don't throw bombs here.
43:19Shh.
43:20What is it?
43:21Can you hear a ticking sound?
43:23No.
43:24Again.
43:25It's the clock.
43:26What's the matter with you?
43:27Well, it can't be the clock.
43:28It's got no work, sir.
43:30Well, what is it?
43:31A big bomb.
43:35I can only hear it faintly now.
43:37It sounds really near to me.
43:40Oh, I think it's in here.
43:42I can hear it now.
43:43It's somewhere about here.
43:44It's on you.
43:47I can't hear it.
43:48I can't hear it.
43:49I can't hear it.
43:50I can't hear it.
43:51I can't hear it.
43:52I can't hear it.
43:53I can't hear it.
43:55Help!
43:56Help!
43:57Hey, what are you hiding for?
43:59It's OK.
44:00They're doing nothing.
44:01They're doing the fireworks.
44:02What for?
44:03Well, before, just do as you're told.
44:05I don't want to do it.
44:06The bombs, they'll only be ARP.
44:07Come on.
44:08Here you go.
44:09Oh.
44:16There you are.
44:17That was a gallant deed.
44:18And you saw me do it.
44:20Eh.
44:24Hey, watch it.
44:25Where did you get these?
44:26Oh, I picked that parcel up in the garage.
44:28Oh.
44:29Swiss watches.
44:30Here, I say, there'd be a duty on these.
44:32Supposing they were smuggled as well.
44:33What, you mean the hearse isn't a ghost after all?
44:35I'll tell you something else.
44:36Now, don't you start.
44:37I'm going to find out where that hearse has gone.
44:39There's far too much disappearing around here.
44:41First the keg, then the hearse.
44:42If there's anyone who wants him to disappear,
44:43we'd all be happy.
44:44Yes, but I wanted to tell you this.
44:45Ah, shut up.
44:46Oh, I didn't want to hear about the lighthouse, did you?
44:48Well, I'll keep my secret to myself.
44:51Well, I don't suppose we've missed anything.
44:53It's about the hearse.
44:54Legend says it has something to do with smuggling.
44:57Eh?
44:58What's that?
44:59Tells you how it was done and where they came from.
45:01Well, what is the legend?
45:02It won't tell you.
45:03Oh, come on.
45:04Copy it up.
45:06It's in rhyme.
45:07All right.
45:08When the tide runs low in the devil's cove,
45:11and the headless horseman is seen above,
45:13he drives along with his wild aloe, lickety spit,
45:16lickety spit.
45:18Lickety spit, lickety spit.
45:20Lickety spit, lickety spit.
45:22Oh, here, I put that bit in because I forgot the last line.
45:24Well, try and remember it.
45:25Very likely it contains the clue to the whole thing.
45:27Ah, it's no good.
45:28That's why I put the spit in.
45:29Oh.
45:30Here.
45:31Would it be, as he drives along with the wild aloe,
45:33and into the garage the whole lot go?
45:35Into the garage.
45:36You might as well say, they go in the garage
45:38because they couldn't stop flippity flop, flippity flop.
45:41No, that's not it.
45:43Listen, does anybody know this last line?
45:45Yes, there's one man.
45:46Who?
45:47My father.
45:48Who?
45:49My father.
45:50Your father?
45:51Yes.
45:52Hey, he's not the fellow that drives the hearse, is he?
45:53No.
45:54Well, how good would your father be to us anyway?
45:55Well, we can get in communication with him.
45:56What do you mean, by wrapping on a table?
45:58No, wrapping on his door.
45:59You don't mean to tell me you've got a father living?
46:01Yes.
46:02Well, what do they hold the old fellow together with?
46:04Wire?
46:05Where is this ancient group?
46:06Up along Turn Bottom West.
46:07Oh, I've heard of them.
46:08Come on, we're going to meet Adam.