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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:03 [CHEERS]
00:00:06 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:33 [INAUDIBLE]
00:00:39 I don't think anyone's getting out of here
00:00:41 for a while with this weather.
00:00:44 We circled for a while, too.
00:00:45 It was really annoying.
00:00:46 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:00:49 Excuse me, but are you Richard?
00:01:05 Tiffany?
00:01:10 This is so strange.
00:01:12 I mean, what are the odds?
00:01:13 I--
00:01:15 It's me.
00:01:16 Well.
00:01:17 Headed home for the holidays?
00:01:22 Yeah.
00:01:23 Yeah, I hate there's never a direct flight.
00:01:25 I always have a layover.
00:01:26 Yeah, I know.
00:01:28 I am.
00:01:31 So you headed home, too?
00:01:33 Nope.
00:01:35 California.
00:01:36 Oh, that's where I'm coming from.
00:01:37 I know.
00:01:38 You knew I was living in California?
00:01:43 Nothing else to gossip about in Grand Falls.
00:01:45 Do you know that I lost 50 pounds?
00:01:52 50 pounds?
00:01:55 Where would you put it?
00:01:58 Believe me, everywhere.
00:02:02 Well, I can't even picture it.
00:02:08 I got really big after I had my son.
00:02:11 And then stress.
00:02:13 It just--
00:02:14 So you're married then?
00:02:14 Not anymore.
00:02:17 Oh, I'm sorry.
00:02:18 I didn't mean to--
00:02:19 No, I mean, you didn't know.
00:02:21 Divorce can be rough.
00:02:24 Yeah.
00:02:25 Yeah.
00:02:26 So you said you're going to California.
00:02:32 Vacation, or--
00:02:34 No, to live.
00:02:36 I'm moving there.
00:02:37 No kidding?
00:02:39 Do you think I'll fit in?
00:02:43 Sure.
00:02:44 Yeah, you'll do great there.
00:02:45 You know, you were my inspiration all these years.
00:02:57 Oh, come on.
00:02:57 We barely knew each other.
00:02:59 Seriously, I always admired you.
00:03:03 And like, wow, Richard, you know, just packed up and moved
00:03:10 to California, never looking back.
00:03:12 Hey, so who Janet Marion?
00:03:17 Someone from the old gang?
00:03:20 Whitey.
00:03:21 I married Whitey.
00:03:23 Jim the total jock.
00:03:25 Jim White, Whitey.
00:03:26 That's him.
00:03:28 He was a good looking guy, as I recall.
00:03:30 Yeah, not for long.
00:03:32 He got old, and he got that receding hairline thing.
00:03:38 That's too bad.
00:03:40 And bossy.
00:03:42 Well, he drinks a little too much sometimes.
00:03:46 Him and the guys from the football team,
00:03:48 they're all still around.
00:03:50 The popular kids.
00:03:52 I guess.
00:03:54 You were popular, as I recall.
00:03:56 So were you.
00:03:57 You had a lot of friends.
00:04:00 Didn't you?
00:04:02 Not really.
00:04:04 I mean, in the theater crowd, maybe.
00:04:06 Oh, yeah, that was your thing.
00:04:08 I'd forgotten.
00:04:10 I saw you once in--
00:04:14 Guys and Dolls?
00:04:16 No.
00:04:17 That improv thing.
00:04:20 Oh, yeah.
00:04:22 I never saw you.
00:04:24 Well, I only went to that one show.
00:04:26 Oh.
00:04:30 You know, I got to use the little girls' room.
00:04:34 Oh, sure.
00:04:36 You can watch my stuff.
00:04:38, [INAUDIBLE]
00:04:52 [WATER RUNNING]
00:04:56 [DOOR CREAKING]
00:04:59 [CHATTER]
00:05:03 Do you want to go take a little walk?
00:05:20 You remember me?
00:05:24 Really.
00:05:26 Who could forget you?
00:05:29 Cute cheerleader, Tiffany.
00:05:32 I always knew you'd get married, do the family thing.
00:05:36 Figured you'd take that route.
00:05:38 You thought about that in high school?
00:05:41 Of course.
00:05:43 You were always one of the sensitive ones.
00:05:46 Think Jimmy was only with me to get laid.
00:05:53 I see it all the time with my friends in relationships.
00:05:56 Always a dominant person.
00:05:57 You just hope you're friends with that person.
00:05:59 Yeah, well, I knew it was going to be bad from the start,
00:06:03 as soon as we were married.
00:06:06 At the wedding?
00:06:07 Oh, no.
00:06:08 The wedding itself was great, the reception and all.
00:06:13 I guess I did have the fairy tale wedding.
00:06:17 How soon in did you realize?
00:06:20 Three months.
00:06:22 I just got this feeling like maybe it was a mistake.
00:06:26 Yeah, but you can't judge by that.
00:06:28 All newlyweds feel buyer's remorse.
00:06:31 You get married, and it's supposed
00:06:33 to be the happy time, right?
00:06:35 Like, now you're settled.
00:06:37 So they say.
00:06:38 But it's the opposite.
00:06:40 I felt like now my life is over.
00:06:42 You know, you get through the hurdle of the wedding,
00:06:44 and then you're like, now what?
00:06:46 It's funny, because one of the main reasons people get married
00:06:49 is for that security.
00:06:53 Well, then you're in it, and you realize, wait a minute,
00:06:57 this is my real life.
00:06:59 And you realize it's permanent.
00:07:01 And you feel trapped.
00:07:03 Oh, that's the one thing that the human animal can't stand,
00:07:08 that feeling, being trapped.
00:07:11 You are so right.
00:07:13 So you reassert yourself.
00:07:15 Your freedom as an individual sometimes
00:07:21 comes out in ways that are unhealthy, harmful even.
00:07:24 You are explaining exactly the way that I felt.
00:07:32 It's how it always is.
00:07:35 I mean, we can't be blamed for it.
00:07:37 You know?
00:07:37 It's human nature.
00:07:41 So you're saying it's inevitable,
00:07:42 even if you find the right partner,
00:07:45 that you still feel trapped, alone?
00:07:49 I mean, people don't talk about it.
00:07:51 But it's universal.
00:07:53 It's just who we are.
00:07:54 It's not supposed to be like that.
00:08:11 What?
00:08:13 Relationships.
00:08:16 Who says?
00:08:18 Well, we're supposed to be one man and one woman together
00:08:23 forever, aren't we?
00:08:25 I mean, look at society and the Bible.
00:08:31 It's the way it's always been.
00:08:34 The divorce rate's pretty high.
00:08:37 Yeah, but--
00:08:39 I mean, when it comes down to it, we're all animals.
00:08:43 How else can it turn out?
00:08:47 Well, then why do people even bother getting married?
00:08:49 For children, family.
00:08:57 Why else?
00:09:00 I don't know.
00:09:01 The fairy tale.
00:09:07 The happy ending.
00:09:09 Right?
00:09:14 Yeah, we all want the fairy tale.
00:09:17 Girls do, anyway.
00:09:18 My fairy tale didn't come true, either.
00:09:30 You had a fairy tale?
00:09:34 Of course.
00:09:37 Well, you got out, so that's something.
00:09:42 I left town, yeah.
00:09:45 Problem is, wherever you go, you're still there.
00:09:50 What does that mean?
00:09:53 Means I've learned that you can't run away from yourself.
00:09:58 Who says I'm running?
00:10:00 I'm speaking for myself.
00:10:03 I'm running.
00:10:05 I ran then. Hell, I'm still running.
00:10:08 Well, good.
00:10:09 Then I'm running, too.
00:10:12 Running as far away from this town as I can get.
00:10:16 To LA.
00:10:17 To anywhere, really.
00:10:18 I just chose LA because I heard you done well there.
00:10:22 It was fun while it lasted.
00:10:24 And I want the sunshine.
00:10:27 That part is good.
00:10:29 The problem is, is I don't know what I'm
00:10:32 going to do when I get there.
00:10:35 Just-- sometimes you just need to stop and reset, you know?
00:10:43 You realize your life's off track,
00:10:45 and you have this overwhelming desire to change something.
00:10:51 Right.
00:10:52 So you think I can either change my job, or my relationship,
00:10:59 or where I live.
00:11:02 Maybe all three.
00:11:03 Maybe all three.
00:11:06 And four, really, if you include changing your look,
00:11:09 which I've done.
00:11:13 Yeah, that's just a makeover.
00:11:15 Makeovers never really solve anything.
00:11:18 True.
00:11:19 So I did all that, and I knew I was changing my relationship,
00:11:22 but it wasn't a big enough change.
00:11:25 I mean, it wasn't a big enough change to make
00:11:28 me become a different person.
00:11:31 So then I decided I need to leave town, start over.
00:11:37 To new beginnings.
00:11:42 To new beginnings.
00:11:46 Feels like I should at least have some Baileys in this
00:11:48 or something.
00:11:51 Well, I'm sure there's a bar somewhere.
00:11:54 Maybe we should check our flight status first.
00:11:57 We don't want to get stuck in the middle.
00:11:58 True.
00:11:59 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:02 For those of you waiting at Alton Airport,
00:12:07 there's still a chance we may get a few more flights
00:12:09 out this evening.
00:12:10 Please check back at your individual gate
00:12:12 for periodic updates.
00:12:13 And thank you for your continued patience.
00:12:15 [MUSIC PLAYING]
00:12:18 If I could only add up all the time
00:12:25 I've spent in airport bars.
00:12:27 You've traveled a lot?
00:12:29 Yeah, you could say that.
00:12:31 What kind of work do you do in LA?
00:12:33 I got involved in art.
00:12:37 You have to be very particular.
00:12:40 Well, I am a perfectionist.
00:12:42 I see that.
00:12:43 You have a real thing about you.
00:12:45 A thing?
00:12:46 What's that mean?
00:12:47 Oh, yeah.
00:12:49 I noticed right away.
00:12:52 Really nicely dressed.
00:12:54 Hair is real specific.
00:12:56 Not like Whitey at all.
00:12:59 Well, Whitey's-- I would imagine Whitey's not the kind
00:13:02 of guy who would be--
00:13:04 You moisturize your face, don't you?
00:13:07 And actually, you've done that Botox thing, haven't you?
00:13:12 I've seen it before and in magazines,
00:13:15 the before and after pictures, the forehead thing.
00:13:19 It doesn't move when you smile.
00:13:22 OK, who am I trying to fool?
00:13:23 It's just you.
00:13:24 So you did do it.
00:13:26 Well, it's actually good.
00:13:27 I was wondering why I had so many more wrinkles than you
00:13:30 and we're both the same age.
00:13:31 No, you don't have wrinkles.
00:13:33 Oh, you need glasses then.
00:13:36 Yeah.
00:13:37 Is it noticeable?
00:13:39 Oh, no, it looks great.
00:13:42 Very natural.
00:13:44 But you noticed.
00:13:46 Well, I noticed the overall package.
00:13:49 You know, I couldn't tell you were a perfectionist.
00:13:53 I am.
00:13:54 But over time, I realized I'm a mediocre perfectionist,
00:13:58 which can become problematic.
00:14:01 So how come you never got married?
00:14:05 What makes you think I wasn't married?
00:14:07 Oh, I've had my eye out for the signs, no ring, and--
00:14:11 Well, I didn't want to make it about me.
00:14:12 I mean, you wanted to talk about Whitey and all.
00:14:14 So you were married.
00:14:17 Yeah.
00:14:18 Well, where is she now?
00:14:20 Oh, so we're getting personal now.
00:14:22 Oh, weren't we?
00:14:27 Okay, if you must know, we both kind of left each other.
00:14:32 I mean, we went back and forth.
00:14:35 In the end, I guess I'm the one who finally left.
00:14:38 Relationships are like that, phases.
00:14:41 You know, one moment one person loves the one person more,
00:14:45 and then it flips.
00:14:47 They only prolong the inevitable breakup.
00:14:50 Maybe.
00:14:52 I know there were times that I was determined to leave,
00:14:55 but then you just get drawn back in.
00:14:59 Until the bad times outweigh the good times.
00:15:02 You're really down on the love and fairy tale anything, aren't you?
00:15:06 Yeah.
00:15:07 Hmm.
00:15:08 Hmm.
00:15:11 Hey, two seats opened up at the bar.
00:15:14 Oh.
00:15:24 Hey, can we get a couple more of these when you get a chance?
00:15:26 Just add it to my cart.
00:15:29 You have your credit card at the bar?
00:15:31 Yeah, I figured we'd be here for a little while.
00:15:33 Well, let me.
00:15:36 No, don't worry about it.
00:15:37 I got it.
00:15:38 No, no, that's okay.
00:15:39 I got it.
00:15:41 Hey, let a loser in love buy some drinks for another loser in love.
00:15:46 One I haven't seen in, what, 15 years?
00:15:52 I know, it's like fate or something, our paths crossing like this.
00:15:58 Yeah, it's funny, isn't it?
00:16:03 Hey, not so fast.
00:16:05 Two losers in love.
00:16:18 Don't you have to lose something in order to find yourself?
00:16:23 I mean, people tell me that's when true character emerges.
00:16:26 Interesting.
00:16:28 I mean, think about it.
00:16:29 If you had the fairy tale, where would you be?
00:16:32 You'd be shallow and happy.
00:16:37 And deep and angst-ridden is better?
00:16:39 Sure.
00:16:41 I don't know if I agree.
00:16:43 I want to be happy.
00:16:48 I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for the ups and downs that I've experienced.
00:16:54 But don't you think it'd be easier to just go back to the beginning?
00:16:59 Like high school, when you didn't really know that much about yourself or about life.
00:17:03 It's just basically starting over with a clean slate.
00:17:07 Yeah, I think you're wrong.
00:17:09 I think the older that you get, there's too much you know about life and people,
00:17:15 and you know too much for it ever to be simple again.
00:17:18 Yeah, maybe it'd just be easier to have less self-awareness.
00:17:21 Less of that self-analysis bullshit.
00:17:25 Just get back to the basics of life.
00:17:27 So you'd rather be ignorant and happy is what you're saying?
00:17:32 Sometimes I think so.
00:17:34 You don't mean that.
00:17:35 It'd be a lot easier.
00:17:37 I've been ignorant and happy, and I thank God I was so naive.
00:17:44 But it was good while it lasted?
00:17:47 Not really.
00:17:49 No?
00:17:52 I thought so at the time.
00:17:55 I briefly thought my life was great and perfect.
00:18:01 But you realized--
00:18:03 But then I realized that I wasn't happy.
00:18:06 I was just doing what I thought I should.
00:18:09 Like getting married?
00:18:12 Well, yeah.
00:18:14 I was the cheerleader.
00:18:16 He was the jock.
00:18:18 We were meant to be together, the happy perfect couple.
00:18:22 You were?
00:18:25 On the surface.
00:18:28 For the show, for our family.
00:18:32 Why'd you go through with it then?
00:18:34 Honestly, if you thought it was about the show, why would you marry the guy?
00:18:39 That's what I thought I wanted.
00:18:43 I just later realized that I--
00:18:49 I didn't know myself.
00:18:51 You had a great personality in school.
00:18:53 I had a perky personality.
00:18:55 Cheerleader, right?
00:18:57 That was the show.
00:19:00 I don't follow you.
00:19:02 It's like a character.
00:19:04 You know, they want you to be a certain way, so you're that way.
00:19:13 I know what you're saying.
00:19:17 You--you understand?
00:19:22 Oh, yeah.
00:19:23 More than you realize.
00:19:26 I've had to put on a charade in my life.
00:19:29 Pretend to be something that I'm not.
00:19:32 You have.
00:19:34 Absolutely.
00:19:37 See, I never saw that.
00:19:39 You always--you were just always real.
00:19:43 You never cared what anyone thought in high school, and I admired that.
00:19:49 Oh, I cared.
00:19:51 I cared too much what everyone thought.
00:19:54 You did?
00:19:57 And now you don't?
00:20:01 Now I don't.
00:20:03 What was your charade?
00:20:06 Well, first, being a guy.
00:20:11 You are a guy.
00:20:14 Yeah.
00:20:16 But I'm not a guy's guy, you know?
00:20:20 I had to pretend.
00:20:22 Well, that's just peer pressure.
00:20:24 Everybody feels that way in high school.
00:20:28 You didn't.
00:20:30 I was popular.
00:20:32 I had a group.
00:20:35 That was the show.
00:20:40 I was gay.
00:20:44 Very funny, Richard.
00:20:49 It's not a joke.
00:20:52 Oh, my God.
00:20:53 Is that why you left town?
00:20:58 Partially, sure.
00:21:06 So when you said you were married before, you, uh, meant to, uh, gay lover to a man?
00:21:19 A boyfriend. Just call him that.
00:21:21 Boyfriend.
00:21:23 And you were married in the gay sense?
00:21:29 I don't know what that means.
00:21:31 Like, could it legally be married?
00:21:34 We lived together.
00:21:36 We were committed.
00:21:38 Or so I thought.
00:21:40 He cheated on you?
00:21:43 We had an open relationship.
00:21:48 You just never seemed gay to me in high school at all.
00:21:54 Can you please just forget I said anything?
00:21:58 Just erase it from your memory?
00:22:00 Why? I'm fine with it.
00:22:03 Because I don't want it going around that I'm gay.
00:22:07 At least not in Grand Falls, anyway.
00:22:09 You're still in the closet.
00:22:12 No.
00:22:14 No, I mean, I was openly gay.
00:22:19 See?
00:22:21 I admire that.
00:22:24 You got out.
00:22:26 Now I admire you even more.
00:22:29 Gay guys are like a thing.
00:22:32 Very popular these days.
00:22:34 Oh, so now I'm cool?
00:22:35 And popular.
00:22:37 It's almost like high school has reversed.
00:22:40 I was popular, but I didn't know who I was.
00:22:44 But now I'm searching.
00:22:46 And you, you weren't popular.
00:22:48 But you had self-awareness and angst.
00:22:52 Everything has come full circle.
00:22:54 No wonder you thought Whitey was cute.
00:22:57 Now it's all adding up.
00:22:59 It's complicated.
00:23:04 I'm not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:08 I don't want you to say anything, all right?
00:23:10 You're moving back to Grand Falls and you're not going to be gay anymore.
00:23:14 That's right.
00:23:15 That's crazy.
00:23:18 Oh, what? Your plan to escape to L.A. is rational?
00:23:21 But my idea to go back to Grand Falls is ridiculous?
00:23:24 Richard, you've lived this amazing life.
00:23:28 Why in the hell would you go back to our small town?
00:23:37 Have you ever had your life?
00:23:39 This small town, the community of people who know me and care?
00:23:43 You're lucky.
00:23:45 It's what I want.
00:23:47 That's what's exactly what's been missing from my superficial life.
00:23:50 You think you're superficial.
00:23:53 I have been, sure.
00:23:56 Maybe it's your job.
00:23:59 No.
00:24:01 It's my life.
00:24:03 You know, you think you're being deep and real with people and relationships, but you're not.
00:24:10 You realize at the end of the day that you're all alone.
00:24:15 I want a home where people know me, not just who they think I am.
00:24:25 Home isn't a place.
00:24:29 It can be.
00:24:32 I think you can be a different person in a different place.
00:24:35 So you plan on being a different person.
00:24:39 Yeah.
00:24:41 I mean, not 100% different.
00:24:44 A different version of me. More authentic.
00:24:49 You plan on reinventing yourself.
00:24:53 It's like you were saying about the show.
00:24:56 L.A. was my show.
00:24:58 I'm done with that kind of life.
00:25:03 So how do you plan on a change?
00:25:09 Well, one thing I know is I am not really gay.
00:25:15 Richard, you're not really gay.
00:25:21 You just got done telling me you were gay.
00:25:25 I thought I was.
00:25:27 And now you don't think you are.
00:25:32 I don't know.
00:25:34 I know I thought I was.
00:25:37 Okay, so you sleep with men.
00:25:41 Yeah.
00:25:45 So what does that mean?
00:25:49 I don't know. I was part of something, a community, I guess.
00:25:56 Okay, a community.
00:25:58 Community, which is what you said you wanted to be part of.
00:26:03 True, sort of.
00:26:06 I don't know. I mean, maybe it's just what I needed then.
00:26:12 Okay, I don't understand.
00:26:16 I don't get what you mean.
00:26:22 I never had the popularity that you had in high school.
00:26:27 I wasn't a jock like Whitey.
00:26:30 You know, a girl like you--
00:26:31 Girl like me what?
00:26:33 You would have never slept with somebody like me.
00:26:36 Of course not. We were in high school.
00:26:39 Because I wasn't cool because I was in theater, right?
00:26:42 Yeah, exactly. You know how it works.
00:26:46 But you slept with Whitey.
00:26:48 Because he was on the football team.
00:26:53 He didn't respect you.
00:26:56 Yeah, he was on the football team, and I was a cheerleader.
00:27:01 You know, I thought we got all this--
00:27:03 Yeah, you're helping me make my point.
00:27:05 What's your point exactly?
00:27:10 You seem to think that you knew-- that I knew who I was in high school.
00:27:16 I didn't.
00:27:18 Maybe I wanted to sleep with women.
00:27:20 You know, and maybe I was just attracted to or just curious.
00:27:26 You know, about--
00:27:27 Guys like Whitey.
00:27:29 Guys like Whitey. Exactly.
00:27:33 And since you were a little sensitive and effeminate, you--
00:27:38 You think I'm effeminate?
00:27:40 Well, you were.
00:27:43 You know, I didn't know you thought I was effeminate in high school.
00:27:48 Okay. I guess I was.
00:27:52 And then I moved, and I got attention for the first time.
00:28:01 It's attention from the gay community.
00:28:06 Lots of attention.
00:28:12 It's nice to have attention.
00:28:17 [♪♪♪]
00:28:22 [♪♪♪]
00:28:27 [♪♪♪]
00:28:32 [♪♪♪]
00:28:37 [♪♪♪]
00:28:42 [♪♪♪]
00:28:47 [♪♪♪]
00:28:54 I hope you washed your hands.
00:28:59 Did they let you take these out of the bar?
00:29:01 Yeah, they know we're stuck here for a while. They don't care.
00:29:06 Did you check on the flights?
00:29:08 Oh, yeah. They said to check back in an hour.
00:29:11 Oh, right.
00:29:13 [♪♪♪]
00:29:21 I was a little bit of a slut, too.
00:29:26 I remember.
00:29:28 Richard, be nice.
00:29:31 Hey, I didn't want to say anything before, but you had a reputation.
00:29:37 Wait a second.
00:29:39 First you say that maybe you wanted to sleep with me in high school but couldn't,
00:29:46 and now I'm a slut.
00:29:51 Sorry.
00:29:53 Look, you slept with others, but not me.
00:29:57 I'm sorry I made you a slut in my book.
00:30:04 Well, two sluts.
00:30:08 I'm sure you're no sluttier than anyone else.
00:30:10 Hey, don't take that away from me.
00:30:12 Maybe I happen to like sex.
00:30:17 Oh, I thought it was all the show.
00:30:20 With a guy like Whitey was the show, but would have maybe slept with him for myself.
00:30:30 You knew you liked sex at 16?
00:30:33 Yeah, didn't you?
00:30:37 Yeah.
00:30:38 I mean, is that so weird?
00:30:41 Why, because I'm a woman admitting it?
00:30:44 Maybe double standard.
00:30:46 Well, you knew you liked it then, didn't you?
00:30:50 Who doesn't like sex that's like not liking pizza?
00:30:53 Oh, I know plenty of women who are like over it.
00:30:59 Giving up on sex?
00:31:01 Yep, all over Grand Falls.
00:31:03 That's just sad.
00:31:05 I know.
00:31:06 Sex is just, it's important.
00:31:11 Maybe that's who we are inside.
00:31:15 Just deep in our core we're sexual beings, animals.
00:31:26 And I knew that by the time I was 16, didn't you?
00:31:33 I suppose.
00:31:35 I just actually hadn't had it yet.
00:31:38 Yeah, I can believe.
00:31:49 But a real kiss is the best.
00:31:55 You think so?
00:31:57 Yeah.
00:32:01 There's something about that moment when you kiss someone
00:32:08 and there's something breathtaking about it.
00:32:21 I did a lot of things I regretted in search of that feeling.
00:32:25 You did?
00:32:27 It was all good at the time.
00:32:29 I mean, just giving in to those primal cravings.
00:32:36 Right.
00:32:38 It's what you do when you're in your 20s and you're stupid.
00:32:41 You think you're invincible.
00:32:44 You got hurt?
00:32:46 No.
00:32:48 But I hurt someone else.
00:32:52 Your boyfriend?
00:32:55 Yeah.
00:33:00 You're the one that cheated?
00:33:02 We both cheated physically.
00:33:04 We were just being fair and realistic to ourselves and our sexual needs.
00:33:11 Okay.
00:33:13 But one day I realized I'm not in it like him.
00:33:17 I mean, he's committed to me, this lifestyle, and I'm just here for the--
00:33:22 Fun.
00:33:24 Your intention is superficial.
00:33:27 We're all superficial, I guess, at times.
00:33:32 But you get to a point where you're like, "What the fuck am I doing?
00:33:37 This isn't a joke. This is my life happening here."
00:33:40 And you wake up one day and you're in your 30s and you're like, "What the fuck?"
00:33:45 What the fuck, exactly.
00:33:52 What was your wake-up call?
00:33:56 I think you get to a point where you realize you're not so young and stupid.
00:34:00 You lose that as an excuse.
00:34:03 You realize you're not invincible.
00:34:06 You realize you can get hurt.
00:34:10 People can do terrible things to you.
00:34:16 So you decide to move back home? You just drop your life?
00:34:23 Back to the roots. Start over.
00:34:26 Can you really do that, though?
00:34:28 Do you think it's realistic to think you can just drop your past?
00:34:33 I still want the fairy tale.
00:34:37 What's that look like for you?
00:34:39 I know mine, fairy tale, but what's yours?
00:34:45 Same question. Same as you.
00:34:49 Okay.
00:34:51 I want all the things you're supposed to. I want to get married, have children.
00:34:56 With a lover.
00:34:58 No, with a wife. I want to find a good woman and have a simple life in a small town.
00:35:05 Like you were saying, like society and the Bible wants you to, tells you to.
00:35:11 Flip the switch back like that. One day you're gay, and the next day you marry a woman.
00:35:18 It's not a switch. I've been thinking about it for a long time.
00:35:24 Yeah, well, I'm glad it's so funny to you.
00:35:27 I'm glad you find my life so hilarious.
00:35:31 Look, I didn't think about going home before, but then everything happened with Kyle, and...
00:35:37 Kyle, I just, I got in this reflective phase, you know?
00:35:42 Okay. I know a couple things about sexuality and psychology, and it just doesn't work that way.
00:35:55 Look, I told you I was in it, yes. But in the end...
00:35:59 Well, you can't go year after year being one person and all of a sudden realizing you're some other person.
00:36:09 Why not?
00:36:11 People don't do that.
00:36:12 You did it?
00:36:13 Did not.
00:36:14 In high school? With Whitey?
00:36:16 Oh, come on. I wasn't a whole other person.
00:36:22 You were living a lie. You said it.
00:36:24 I was living what was expected of me. It wasn't a lie. It was still me.
00:36:29 What's the difference?
00:36:31 I, I, maybe I didn't like it all the time, but I accept that it was my life.
00:36:36 All the mistakes that I made were my own.
00:36:40 But eventually you get older, and you realize you can't keep up the charade, and your whole fucking life's a charade.
00:36:48 [crowd chatter]
00:36:54 My life has been a charade, you're right. In many ways.
00:36:59 We've just been going over what a great life you have, being popular and marrying Whitey.
00:37:04 Yes. I accept this is my life.
00:37:09 Unlike you, you're talking like there's some other person you can pin responsibility on.
00:37:17 That's a cop-out.
00:37:19 A cop-out? What about you?
00:37:23 You are right. I am running from more than you even know. I am getting far, far away.
00:37:30 You've never been anywhere. You'll be back within six months.
00:37:37 You're kind of pathetic, you know?
00:37:39 Oh, I'm pathetic?
00:37:41 You act like your life has been so heavy and intense because you were gay and cheated on a lover,
00:37:50 but now you want to throw it all away and start fresh anew.
00:37:55 You act like there was somebody else. Well, if there was somebody else, Richard, who was it?
00:38:01 You know what? I'm just saying, I'm just saying that your problems seem pretty normal.
00:38:06 Small-town girl, popular, marries the jock and it doesn't work out.
00:38:13 You're a cliché, Tiffany.
00:38:15 I'm never coming back.
00:38:19 Oh, sure, you'll explore. You'll search for that freedom that you missed out on when you got married in your 20s.
00:38:27 And you'll look for that elusive, real kiss.
00:38:33 But it doesn't exist. Not in the long run.
00:38:39 And you know what? Eventually you'll want what I want. The husband, the kids.
00:38:44 Oh, you think just because that's what you want, everybody does?
00:38:49 I've been around a lot of people. I know what I'm talking about.
00:38:52 You don't know shit about me or my problems.
00:38:57 You're the typical small-town divorcee.
00:39:01 Okay, you've never experienced life outside of our town.
00:39:06 Once you get a taste of it, trust me, you'll be back. Just like me.
00:39:10 You're wrong.
00:39:12 It didn't work out perfect. That's everyone's story.
00:39:18 You don't know what you're talking about.
00:39:20 So, Whitey drank? What a shock. The high school jock who's now a drunk? Never heard of that one.
00:39:26 There's more to it than that.
00:39:28 Oh, don't tell me. Let me guess. He hit you.
00:39:32 Oh, more cliches. I love it!
00:39:35 He didn't hit me.
00:39:43 We had a kid.
00:39:47 You have a kid? Wait, you're a mom?
00:39:52 I told you I gained weight after being pregnant. I guess you weren't listening.
00:39:57 When we first started talking? That doesn't count.
00:40:01 I didn't know I was going to talk to you seriously like this.
00:40:05 Superficial. Just like you said you were.
00:40:08 Oh, now that's bullshit.
00:40:10 So, what, you're going to run off to the West Coast and leave your kid at home for, what, your mom to take care of or something?
00:40:17 No.
00:40:19 Oh, you get divorced, lose weight, dye your hair, get some fake nails, and you abandon your kid, what, because you think you deserve a better life?
00:40:26 What's next, some fake tits? Maybe that'll make you a better person. Why don't you go for it?
00:40:34 He's dead.
00:40:38 What?
00:40:40 He died a year ago.
00:40:44 What? Why'd he's dead?
00:40:46 My son, you asshole.
00:40:55 [Music]
00:41:00 A place where life stands still
00:41:05 A moment we could steal
00:41:09 Don't remember how to feel
00:41:19 Can't take these ups and downs
00:41:25 Snow lands on the ground
00:41:29 Let's swim until we drown
00:41:37 I don't know where to call home
00:41:47 And I can't stand on my own
00:41:59 Don't rain on my parade
00:42:04 Don't look through my charade
00:42:09 Don't let that picture fade
00:42:19 I thought we'd kill some time
00:42:24 Escape the cold outside
00:42:29 Secrets in your eyes
00:42:40 Doesn't look good.
00:42:43 They made an announcement about getting us out of here before the next storm comes, so maybe.
00:42:52 Hey, I'm sorry.
00:42:54 It's fine.
00:42:56 I'm a little drunk.
00:42:58 Me too.
00:43:01 I shouldn't have been so insensitive.
00:43:04 You said it's fine.
00:43:06 You didn't know.
00:43:08 Whatever.
00:43:10 You said I was one of the sensitive ones, but I'm not.
00:43:15 Sometimes I get defensive and I push people.
00:43:19 I see that now.
00:43:21 I was all over you, but your sexual lifestyle choices, it's all fair game, right?
00:43:30 It's too intimate.
00:43:33 I mean, we don't even know each other.
00:43:36 We went to high school 15 years ago, for Christ's sake.
00:43:40 And here I am, judging you, still making assumptions about your life and who you are.
00:43:48 We're from the same town, so that's something.
00:43:52 We're all entitled to our own opinions.
00:43:56 Yeah, you know where someone's from. Talk a little.
00:43:59 Makes us think we know who they are, but we don't.
00:44:06 Well, folks, we were hoping to get a few of you out, but the temperature is a bit too low today.
00:44:10 I see the wings right now, so the planes are going to have to stay grounded for now.
00:44:14 Looks like we're stuck here a little while longer.
00:44:19 Want to take a walk?
00:44:23 Do you dare?
00:44:26 I'm not going to go off on you again. I said I was sorry.
00:44:31 I don't know.
00:44:37 I realized I was yelling at you, but only because I resent it.
00:44:46 Resent what?
00:44:49 I'm telling you that you're this small-town cliché, and yet that's the one thing I wish I could be.
00:44:58 So you're a hypocrite?
00:45:01 Maybe.
00:45:03 Or just that love-hate thing.
00:45:06 You know how sometimes you're drawn to things?
00:45:10 You get in your head how great something's going to be?
00:45:18 Or you just desperately want that one thing you deep down know is so bad for you?
00:45:46 So what happened with your son? I mean, if you want to talk about it.
00:45:54 Might as well now.
00:45:58 Not if you don't want to.
00:46:01 I don't need to know. I just thought maybe—
00:46:03 It was Whitey.
00:46:07 What?
00:46:13 What happened?
00:46:32 He was drinking as usual.
00:46:36 You picked him up after a game at school?
00:46:45 What was his name?
00:46:50 Jimmy Jr.
00:46:54 Right.
00:47:00 But no one else called him that. Only me.
00:47:05 His friends at school called him "Whitey," just like his dad.
00:47:14 So they were a lot alike?
00:47:16 Like clones.
00:47:20 He also played football.
00:47:25 Just like his dad.
00:47:31 So Whitey picks him up from school?
00:47:38 It wasn't just the drinking.
00:47:42 I knew Whitey was also messing with crystal meth.
00:47:52 So you were around that too?
00:47:55 Not me.
00:47:59 I never tried the stuff.
00:48:05 I did.
00:48:09 You did?
00:48:25 So Whitey was caught up in all that?
00:48:29 Yeah.
00:48:34 Most people are real sweet in Grand Falls.
00:48:39 It's just—you know, every town has their bad elements.
00:48:44 His boys, you know.
00:48:46 And he went to pick up your son after partying?
00:48:51 I was supposed to pick him up.
00:48:55 But I—
00:48:59 What?
00:49:08 I was seeing someone I shouldn't have.
00:49:12 I knew Whitey was at the bar,
00:49:18 watching games with his buddies all night.
00:49:25 And no one was at your son's game?
00:49:29 It was just a practice game.
00:49:34 I see.
00:49:38 Yeah, well, Whitey was driving drunk as usual.
00:49:48 And he picked up Jimmy Jr. from school and he wrapped the car around a tree.
00:50:03 And the police called.
00:50:08 And I'm in a hotel room with Whitey's business partner.
00:50:16 Oh, no.
00:50:23 You know how you were calling me a cliché?
00:50:28 Well, maybe you're right.
00:50:35 That's what I am.
00:50:41 One big fucking white trash cliché.
00:50:48 Don't say that.
00:50:50 It's true.
00:50:53 Maybe I got so upset with you before because I knew you were hitting a nerve.
00:51:03 I was just being an asshole.
00:51:05 Truth is, maybe you do see me clearly.
00:51:14 This isn't your fault.
00:51:18 Yeah, that's what people say.
00:51:23 It's my fault.
00:51:27 In some ways it is.
00:51:29 People have fairs.
00:51:33 You couldn't have known.
00:51:39 I was selfish.
00:51:43 And now I have nothing.
00:51:50 They're gone.
00:51:55 They both died?
00:51:59 No.
00:52:02 Whitey survived.
00:52:05 His airbag went off.
00:52:11 A little Jimmy Jr.
00:52:21 His chest got smashed.
00:52:35 So sad.
00:52:40 That's not even the sad part.
00:52:48 The sad part is Whitey called me while I was fucking Darren.
00:53:02 And it's like, do I answer the phone and have him question where I've been?
00:53:13 And when we finish and we go again in the shower and I can hear the phone ringing.
00:53:24 So finally I'm like, what the fuck?
00:53:31 And you listened to the message?
00:53:35 A few years later, a lot of time had passed.
00:53:48 And then I go to the hospital.
00:53:57 It was too late.
00:54:03 He was gone.
00:54:09 [MUSIC]
00:54:38 How old was he?
00:54:40 He was 12.
00:54:42 I can't even believe that.
00:54:44 Me with a 12-year-old.
00:54:45 I was a teenager.
00:54:47 He was making me feel old.
00:54:50 That's understandable.
00:54:53 How?
00:54:54 What about this is understandable?
00:54:58 The affair.
00:55:00 You were feeling older.
00:55:01 It sounds like Whitey had abandoned you emotionally.
00:55:04 Definitely sexually.
00:55:06 There's no excuse.
00:55:09 I should have been there for Jimmy Jr.
00:55:12 But the sad thing is, is I resented him.
00:55:19 Your own son?
00:55:20 He was just like Whitey.
00:55:23 The older he got, the more he got into sports.
00:55:27 It's the same thing.
00:55:29 Like me being back in high school.
00:55:32 He was like going through it with Whitey all over again.
00:55:34 Just like him.
00:55:36 Talking like him.
00:55:37 Acting like him.
00:55:40 I loved Jimmy Jr.
00:55:43 But sometimes it was like there was no escape.
00:55:49 Like I was doomed to keep living the same life with the same man over and over.
00:55:56 But he wasn't Whitey.
00:55:58 I'm sure he loved you.
00:55:59 I'm sure you were a great mom.
00:56:02 I tried.
00:56:05 But the older he got, the older I felt.
00:56:10 Because it reminded me of how I used to be.
00:56:14 How me and Whitey used to be.
00:56:17 It's normal to feel that way.
00:56:19 I'm sure.
00:56:22 [music]
00:56:33 Stuck in an airport.
00:56:35 On a Saturday night, no less.
00:56:37 It's kind of depressing.
00:56:40 I'm not depressed.
00:56:42 Not anymore.
00:56:44 You were?
00:56:46 I was.
00:56:48 I was for a long time.
00:56:50 But after a lot of thinking--
00:56:53 Did you talk to a therapist?
00:56:55 No, of course not.
00:56:57 We don't do things like that in Grand Falls.
00:57:01 Meds?
00:57:02 No.
00:57:04 How did you ever get through all of that without therapists or meds?
00:57:09 I wrote in a journal and cried.
00:57:14 I cried a lot about where my life ended up and how sad it was.
00:57:23 You felt sorry for yourself.
00:57:25 Hey, maybe I'm not some rich art dealer who can afford years and years of therapy
00:57:33 just to find out I'm selfish and need attention.
00:57:40 So that's what Whitey's partner was about?
00:57:43 Was it a long-term thing or just one indiscretion?
00:57:49 He was on the books for a long time before we did anything about it.
00:57:54 On the books?
00:57:56 No.
00:57:58 On the books.
00:58:00 Someone who you know you're going to sleep with when you first meet,
00:58:03 but for whatever reason or circumstance,
00:58:08 you just don't.
00:58:13 So you were into him.
00:58:16 Caught up in him is more like it.
00:58:20 He was attractive, also married, so it seemed okay.
00:58:28 That logic is called justification.
00:58:31 Life's all justification.
00:58:34 I mean, how else can you live with some of the things that you do?
00:58:41 Coming up with an angle that you can live with,
00:58:46 convincing yourself that your bad decision is okay.
00:58:50 We all do it.
00:58:52 We all do.
00:58:55 Maybe that's what life is all about, looking for excitement and attention.
00:59:03 We're all just selfish at the core.
00:59:06 Yes, but under the caveat that being selfish is just how things are.
00:59:10 You can't control or change it.
00:59:13 No, I'm optimistic.
00:59:16 Maybe I'll find a better life in a new location.
00:59:21 I mean, it's got to be better.
00:59:27 Can't stay where all this happened, right?
00:59:33 Sometimes you can be a different person in a different place.
00:59:38 Right.
00:59:40 And you have your philosophy that no matter where you go, there you'll be.
00:59:47 I believe that, sure.
00:59:52 You are a hypocrite.
00:59:57 You know, I had you on this pedestal because you lived in California
01:00:04 and you were successful and I thought you were smarter than me and knew more.
01:00:10 But now that I know you,
01:00:14 you just keep spouting out all these life philosophies and they all contradict.
01:00:21 Because I'm a hypocrite.
01:00:23 Didn't you just call me that?
01:00:26 I think it's all a cover.
01:00:32 What do you mean?
01:00:33 You say all these things and they make you sound smart
01:00:38 and make you sound like you understand yourself and your life, but you don't.
01:00:48 Why don't you tell me the truth, Richard?
01:00:51 Do you even know what the truth is?
01:00:58 Going back to the beginning was the only plan that made sense to me.
01:01:01 Start over.
01:01:03 Then maybe you can get it right the second time.
01:01:05 You say you were selfish in L.A.
01:01:08 and now you selfishly want to come back home and start over
01:01:13 and you're turning an innocent woman and child into your selfishness.
01:01:18 It's not like that.
01:01:20 This is all a lie.
01:01:23 Look, just because my dream isn't the same as yours doesn't make it less valid.
01:01:27 You can comment on my life, but when the mirror is turned around,
01:01:33 you can't take it on yourself.
01:01:36 Sure I can.
01:01:38 Breaking out of a bad relationship is one thing,
01:01:41 but when you're bad you decide you want to be with women?
01:01:43 Come on.
01:01:45 What was bad enough for you to become this desperate?
01:01:54 February 18th.
01:01:58 Right. You said you cheated on Kyle, but that was the lifestyle, right?
01:02:03 I suppose technically I cheated on him and he cheated on me,
01:02:08 but none of that meant anything.
01:02:10 We knew we'd come home to each other at the end of the day.
01:02:13 You had the mutual understanding.
01:02:18 He trusted me.
01:02:22 And?
01:02:26 And?
01:02:29 Richard, what did you do?
01:02:33 Hey, I told you everything about me.
01:02:37 Because no one knows.
01:02:42 I know.
01:02:45 So just tell me whatever it is.
01:02:57 Picked up this guy at a bathhouse.
01:03:03 They still have bathhouses?
01:03:08 Yeah.
01:03:10 I'm sorry.
01:03:12 I get it. It's funny.
01:03:14 It's just how it works.
01:03:16 So wait.
01:03:18 You must have spent Valentine's Day with Kyle,
01:03:24 so then a couple days later you were with this stranger you met at a bathhouse.
01:03:33 Yeah.
01:03:35 See? I sound like this heartless human being.
01:03:39 Tell me.
01:03:50 We had sex.
01:03:52 Bareback.
01:03:56 Like...
01:04:00 anal?
01:04:01 What do you think?
01:04:02 Okay.
01:04:11 He was HIV positive.
01:04:18 Wow.
01:04:23 Oh, no.
01:04:27 Hundreds of times.
01:04:31 I'll make that thousands.
01:04:35 I don't even know how many times I had sex before that night.
01:04:40 You were with a lot of different men?
01:04:45 It was just all fun and games at the time, you know?
01:04:50 But you always practiced safe sex.
01:04:55 Of course.
01:04:57 Except Kyle, of course. I mean, we were married.
01:05:05 Now I get what you're saying.
01:05:08 And he just let it happen.
01:05:11 I mean, I was faced the other way, you know?
01:05:13 I knew he had rubbers, but I was kind of fucked up, and he was kind of fucked up.
01:05:19 Richard, that's like rape.
01:05:23 I know.
01:05:24 And assault.
01:05:25 I know.
01:05:30 Did you want to kill him?
01:05:36 Well, I didn't--I didn't realize until later.
01:05:44 So you went back to him?
01:05:48 No.
01:05:50 I didn't even know his name.
01:05:53 In fact, he was visiting from Montreal or something.
01:05:59 That is so selfish of him.
01:06:03 Selfish, right?
01:06:05 Proving yet again--
01:06:08 That people are unbelievable.
01:06:14 Well, I don't--I don't know if it was deliberate or an accident or what happened.
01:06:22 I'd like to believe it was an accident.
01:06:29 So you're dying.
01:06:32 The cocktail's taken with me. I'm fine.
01:06:36 Fine?
01:06:42 It was my fault.
01:06:46 Completely.
01:06:51 I was a selfish one. I wouldn't have been there with that guy if I wasn't being selfish.
01:06:57 I had an open relationship.
01:07:02 I know, but--and it was Kyle's idea.
01:07:06 But I think he thought he had to.
01:07:08 I mean, he knew I wasn't ready to settle down.
01:07:11 He just did it for me.
01:07:14 It was a mistake.
01:07:17 Yes, it was a mistake, but I know it was my fault.
01:07:24 I keep blaming him, but I was the one who was reckless.
01:07:32 Kyle loved me.
01:07:34 He trusted me.
01:07:36 And he loved me.
01:07:40 And I totally blew it.
01:07:44 And now I'm all alone.
01:07:47 I have nothing.
01:07:55 So maybe it isn't...
01:07:59 retention or selfishness that drives us.
01:08:06 What then?
01:08:08 It all comes down to wanting to be loved.
01:08:12 That's what the fairy tale really means, doesn't it?
01:08:17 That we find love in the end?
01:08:21 I don't know.
01:08:28 Maybe it is all biological.
01:08:35 With everything we know about DNA...
01:08:42 I mean, think about it.
01:08:45 Everyone you've ever been with, ever kissed,
01:08:50 ever been intimate with,
01:08:53 your DNA is left with them forever.
01:08:59 We leave traces of ourselves.
01:09:03 Maybe there's something to that.
01:09:07 The way DNA evidence is left on a victim forever.
01:09:17 Even if their body's dug up later, it's still there.
01:09:22 Literally, we leave pieces of ourselves with each person.
01:09:29 And them with us.
01:09:34 The people we're close to become part of us.
01:09:41 Forever.
01:09:51 So...
01:09:54 Kyle...
01:09:56 broke up with you after all this?
01:10:01 No, I left him.
01:10:04 Wait.
01:10:07 He was willing to stay with you after all this and you left?
01:10:13 Richard.
01:10:17 That's what I was saying.
01:10:20 That was my moment.
01:10:24 When I suddenly realized I'd gone to the edge.
01:10:30 Forget that.
01:10:32 I fell over the edge.
01:10:34 Crashed and burned.
01:10:39 Suddenly life's not all fun and games anymore.
01:10:45 Like my moment at the hospital.
01:10:50 You see the bigger picture.
01:10:54 Maybe it's out of our control.
01:10:58 You mean like fate or something?
01:11:01 That could just be more bullshit we're convincing ourselves of.
01:11:06 I've become pretty good at believing my own justifications.
01:11:15 Do you think you could ever get back with Whitey?
01:11:20 Oh, come on.
01:11:25 Everybody makes mistakes.
01:11:28 I mean, I know that was a pretty big mistake.
01:11:34 He has to be hurting too. It was his son.
01:11:41 Yeah.
01:11:45 He wants to get back together.
01:11:50 Would you?
01:11:54 Could you ever get past something traumatic like that?
01:12:01 Maybe things could work out.
01:12:08 Sometimes there's just too much history.
01:12:16 Too much hurt.
01:12:19 You know.
01:12:23 Sometimes it's easier to move forward than to go back.
01:12:29 You've messed up too much to ever make it right.
01:12:35 Yeah.
01:12:38 Sometimes a fresh start is what you have to do.
01:12:48 You have no choice.
01:12:56 [TV playing in background]
01:13:06 Looks like maybe we're going to get out of here after all.
01:13:15 Looks like it.
01:13:40 I know this move is the right thing for me.
01:13:46 Me too.
01:13:53 ♪ Well, I'm trapped inside again ♪
01:13:59 ♪ This time I know it's with you ♪
01:14:08 ♪ You'll take this piece of me ♪
01:14:13 ♪ And I'll take this piece of you ♪
01:14:21 ♪ Am I alone in this world? ♪
01:14:28 ♪ 'Cause I can't help feel this way ♪
01:14:37 ♪ I don't know how to say ♪
01:14:43 ♪ That I need you to stay ♪
01:15:03 ♪ Well, I'm moving forward ♪
01:15:07 ♪ Then I'm headed back again ♪
01:15:17 ♪ I can't stop this feeling ♪
01:15:22 ♪ That I just can't seem to win ♪
01:15:31 ♪ Am I alone in this world? ♪
01:15:38 ♪ 'Cause I can't help feel this way ♪
01:15:47 ♪ Don't know how to say ♪
01:15:52 ♪ That I need you to stay ♪
01:16:01 ♪
01:16:30 ♪
01:16:44 ♪ Am I alone in this world? ♪
01:16:51 ♪ 'Cause I can't help feel this way ♪
01:17:00 ♪ Don't know how to say ♪
01:17:05 ♪ That I need you to stay ♪
01:17:14 ♪
01:17:34 Excuse me, but are you Richard?
01:17:42 Richard Mack from Grand Falls?
01:17:46 No, I'm Steve.
01:17:48 Okay.
01:17:53 Thank you.
01:17:54 Thank you.
01:17:55 Thank you.
01:17:56 Thank you.
01:17:57 Thank you.
01:17:58 Thank you.
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