Life and love advice. Iyan ang ibabahagi ng ating surprise guest for this Mother’s Day episode!
A new mom, a psychologist and podcast host of ‘Share Ko Lang’, Dr. Anna Tuazon.
Ano nga bang dapat gawin kapag nakasalubong ang ex? Paano mag ‘go with the flow’ sa isang family reunion? Nagagamit kaya niya ang mga life hacks sa pagiging mommy ngayon?
All these and more sharing, dito lang sa Surprise Guest with Pia Arcangel!
A new mom, a psychologist and podcast host of ‘Share Ko Lang’, Dr. Anna Tuazon.
Ano nga bang dapat gawin kapag nakasalubong ang ex? Paano mag ‘go with the flow’ sa isang family reunion? Nagagamit kaya niya ang mga life hacks sa pagiging mommy ngayon?
All these and more sharing, dito lang sa Surprise Guest with Pia Arcangel!
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NewsTranscript
00:00Surprise everyone and welcome to our Mother's Day special where we're going to have an unexpected surprise conversation with today's guest.
00:11It's a brand new episode and today we celebrate mothers which makes me think our surprise guest for today must be a mother.
00:18Right? Because it's Mother's Day. So our special surprise guest for today must be a good mother.
00:24Let's look at the clues for our special guest for today.
00:30The first clue is that she's a new mom. That means her child is still a baby.
00:36High school nickname, The Oracle.
00:38How can I guess this? Wait, are we going to know each other in high school?
00:44Doctor by profession of heart and relationships.
00:49And the last clue is, I'll just share it. I already know who our surprise guest for today is, Doc.
00:55Is she our surprise guest?
00:57Hi, Tia!
00:58Hi, Doc! I did not know that you're a new mother, Doc.
01:04Exclusive surprise guest.
01:07Congratulations! Thank you for being our very special Mother's Day surprise guest. It's so nice to have.
01:15Of course, none other than the host of the podcast, Shareko Lang, here with us.
01:20Doc Anna, thank you. Thank you for joining us.
01:22I assume that you're very busy as a new mother. It doesn't get busier than the first few months.
01:30How old is your baby, Doc?
01:31My baby is five months old. This is my very first Mother's Day.
01:37Five months old. Is it a girl or a boy?
01:42It's a boy.
01:43Oh, wow! What's the name of your baby, Doc?
01:46My name is Pablo.
01:47Oh, how cute! Did you name him after his grandparents?
01:52After my great-grandfather. Also, we wanted Jose Pablo.
01:58My partner is JP. So, there's a tradition of JP, Jose Pablo.
02:03How about you, Doc? Do you have a J or a P in your name? Just Doc Anna Tuazon.
02:08No, I don't. But it's okay. I know he's my son. I don't need a float.
02:13Yes, no need. But Doc, were you planning this pregnancy or did it happen to be a surprise?
02:23Definitely, it was a surprise. I'm of a certain age now, actually.
02:30So, I wasn't really expecting to have any more.
02:34I always tell my partner, actually, I've already accepted that I'll be that auntie, that titas.
02:41I always tell my partner, I'll do everything for your kids.
02:47So, I was prepared. I accepted it. I was okay.
02:51And then, Pablo happened. And suddenly, it's a new chapter.
02:57It really changes everything. It changes everything.
03:02Work, perspective, my body. It changes my entire world.
03:07First things first, Doc. You need to get back the gifts you gave to your nieces and nephews.
03:12Pablo is already here.
03:14Yes, I'm already used to it. Wait, I need to save. I can't waste anymore. I have a reserve to save.
03:22But Doc, I would imagine, because this is your expertise, your field of work, your line of work,
03:27is relationships and trying to figure out how to manage emotions, juggle changes.
03:32So, did you apply the advice you're giving to others here in this situation of being a new mom?
03:41I really thought, because I have formal training.
03:44In my doctoral training, it's really about children.
03:49Actually, I started out as a child psychologist.
03:52So, for me, this is my training. I worked with so many children.
03:56I said, okay, I can do this.
03:58When I was pregnant, I really read a lot of books.
04:02I'm trying to brush up. But it's really different, auntie. It's really different.
04:07Suddenly, he was already there. That first night, I didn't know what to do.
04:12The training is really different. It's different working with other people's children.
04:17It's different. It's really me. I'm the one who's stupid. I'm the one who's responsible.
04:21It helped in a sense that I learned how to recover.
04:25We thought, because it's my training, that I'll do it perfectly or without mistakes.
04:30I'll prevent all the mistakes.
04:32But no. Five months later, I already made mistakes.
04:36At least, what I learned from my training is how to forgive myself.
04:41It's okay. It's okay. There's no such thing as perfect parenting.
04:46It's okay. We're doing the best we can. He looks happy.
04:49What was the biggest challenge for you, Doc, in terms of adjustment?
04:53One, as I said, they don't call it geriatric pregnancy anymore.
04:58They call it advanced maternal age. That's what they call it.
05:02Actually, it's a very complicated pregnancy. It's really all throughout.
05:07It's a bit stressful.
05:10Wait, Doc. Just to clarify, is geriatrics different from advanced maternal age?
05:15No. They retired it.
05:18Ah, okay.
05:19They retired the term geriatric pregnancy.
05:22So, it's now called advanced maternal age.
05:25Because of that, there's a high risk.
05:28Then, there are a lot of complications.
05:31Then, up to the birth, there are complications.
05:35But post-birth, actually, I prepared everything because I read about it.
05:39What is retro-immune disorder? What is cesarean section?
05:44I studied all of that.
05:46What I didn't expect is that breastfeeding is really hard.
05:50That's where I was really…
05:51Because I said, everyone was warning about labor, epidural, sickness.
05:58They said, Ana, you won't be able to sleep.
06:01When she goes out, you won't be able to sleep.
06:03Okay. I expected that. I was prepared.
06:05What I wasn't prepared for was breastfeeding.
06:07Because in movies and TV shows, when they show breastfeeding, it's so serene.
06:13It's like they're just going to slap the baby and that's it.
06:17It's like they're just sipping wine.
06:23Isn't it?
06:24It's a bit brutal.
06:26Yes, it's a bit brutal. I think that's the perfect term.
06:29Maybe it comes easy to others, but to others, it's not as easy as you said in the movies.
06:36So, I really have empathy for that.
06:38Because the push for breastfeeding is strong, right?
06:41It is best and it still is the best.
06:43And then I realized that, okay, we are doing our best.
06:48We need to understand that it's hard for moms.
06:53In breastfeeding, for example, I make just enough bodily fluids.
07:00I produce just enough, but not too much.
07:03I can't even pump. I can't even store.
07:05It's like that.
07:06So, my baby is always with me, Pia.
07:09Always with me.
07:10I'm sure your bond is different, Doc.
07:13Yeah, I mean, at least it's resulting in an amazing bond.
07:17I said, this kid is so lucky.
07:19When she wakes up, the two of us are there.
07:21Until she goes to sleep, it's still us.
07:24So, she's not used to it.
07:25Later on, maybe it's a different challenge, right, Pia?
07:28Yes, Doc, when you have to go out.
07:30What for you, Doc, is the most important thing that you have to bring to the table as a new mom
07:35when you're breastfeeding a baby?
07:37Oh, man.
07:38Gosh, I wish I knew.
07:40Because now, you know, I second-guess myself.
07:44And then, I have to make sure.
07:46Everything that I decide, there's a bit of guilt.
07:49Right?
07:50Like, is that right?
07:52Because I'm a bit anxious.
07:54I know that.
07:55I'm an anxious mom.
07:56I have to admit, I'm an anxious mom.
07:58The dad is very laid-back.
08:01The perfect partnership.
08:03There's a balance.
08:04I'm very, very anxious.
08:06And then, I get guilty a little bit.
08:07Because I know what that leads.
08:08Right?
08:09If I'm too anxious, maybe I'll be anxious for our fear of the world.
08:14So, sometimes, I need to learn.
08:16In a way, actually, I've learned a lot.
08:19I grew so much because I have Pablo.
08:22Because he's teaching me to let go of some of the anxieties, of some of the fears.
08:28Right?
08:29Even though he generates a lot of fear and anxiety in me because I fear for his safety.
08:36I need to let go.
08:38Because, otherwise, you know, I'm a psychologist.
08:42The last thing I want is to be ashamed of this.
08:45To be afraid.
08:46I don't want to try things.
08:49So, even though this is my profession, I tell my partner,
08:52Okay, you do that.
08:54You lead in that.
08:55Help me be as outgoing.
08:57Like, let's lift him up.
09:00Play Superman.
09:01I won't be afraid.
09:03So, in terms of what's the important thing,
09:07This is what I used to say to my clients.
09:11And now, I really need to remember for myself that we are always doing the best we can at any given moment.
09:20It may not be the objective standard.
09:23There's no supermom.
09:24That's a myth.
09:25If there's a supermom, there's probably a superteen around that supermom.
09:30Right?
09:31So, we are doing the best that we can.
09:34And what we are doing is good enough.
09:36So, that became my standard.
09:38So, I need to be the best.
09:40Of course, my dad is like, you need to be a New Pinayal.
09:43But you're only 5 months old.
09:45I want my grandpa to think in advance.
09:49Me, I need a backup.
09:51I don't have a backup pool.
09:52Forever New Pinayal.
09:53I'm like, wait.
09:55Good enough is more than enough.
09:58There.
09:59So, good enough is more than enough.
10:01Like, okay.
10:02You made mistakes.
10:03Sometimes.
10:04Sometimes.
10:05Right?
10:06Like, sometimes.
10:07Oh no.
10:08He fell.
10:09He's high.
10:10Right?
10:11He fell.
10:12So, I'm like, I will carry that guilt for the rest of my life.
10:14I'm like, no.
10:15Is your head okay?
10:16How's your development?
10:17He's okay.
10:18He's growing really well.
10:19So, I said, okay.
10:20Good enough.
10:21Right?
10:22Like, if there's enough breastfeeding.
10:25If it's not enough.
10:26Like, he won't die.
10:27Right?
10:28He can recover.
10:29He's growing.
10:30I said, wow.
10:31Right?
10:32My milk did all that.
10:33So, I'm like, okay.
10:34Okay.
10:35From a source of insecurity.
10:36My milk is turning him into a very big boy.
10:37So, there.
10:38Dog.
10:39Yeah, I remember when my daughter was still very young.
10:40Toddler.
10:41Actually, until toddler.
10:42Baby until toddler.
10:43So, I'm like, okay.
10:44So, I'm like, okay.
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16:21So, I'm like, okay.
16:22So, I'm like, okay.
16:24So, I'm thankful it's still alive and kicking.
16:29So, maybe that's my first baby, Tia.
16:31Yes.
16:32Well, Pablo is your second baby.
16:34You're not a baby yet.
16:35Maybe you'll have another one, Doc.
16:37We'll see.
16:38So, Doc, has your perspective changed?
16:41Because on the podcast, you give a lot of advice, a lot of relationship advice.
16:47Has the advice you're giving changed now that you have a baby?
16:51Definitely.
16:52Definitely.
16:53I think so.
16:54If there are people who watched from the very, very first episode years ago to now, I think
16:59what we have lined up, it's more mom-centric now.
17:03Because of the empathy.
17:05And then, I guess my focus and interest, because it's five months, right?
17:08So, my focus and interest is really on mothers.
17:10And I have so much empathy for mothers now.
17:13Because it's really not a joke.
17:16It's like, it's harder for a PhD, right?
17:18For a doctorate.
17:19It's harder for that.
17:22Maybe it's because you're not working with clients.
17:25But really, the responsibility is on you.
17:28So, that's really the enormous task.
17:32I can imagine, Doc.
17:33So, are you very hands-on when it comes to choosing topics or things that you want to
17:39talk about on the show?
17:41Have you ever wanted to talk about something?
17:43Have you ever wanted to know?
17:45Do you need someone to talk to?
17:47At some point, life has to go on.
17:49Or even gossip?
17:51Once you lose your respect for a person, love will never come back.
17:57If you measure 3.67 inches or less, then that's a micro penis.
18:03Do you really have to go through all these rules before you focus on something?
18:07You really have to go through all these rules before you focus on yourself.
18:37How about you, Doc? Are you very hands-on when it comes to choosing topics or things that you want to talk about on the show?
18:43It's a very collaborative effort.
18:46I'm so happy with the producers because they really take the lead.
18:54They're the ones giving the ideas.
18:56And then, because I'm not a showbiz person, right, Tia?
18:59Like I said, I'm also a host, right?
19:03I'm a host, not Tia.
19:06It's not my profession.
19:08So, actually, I'm just thankful for the opportunity to be it, you know?
19:11It's like, wow, I get a show just like Tia.
19:16It just feels actually not right to have that.
19:21But yeah, so they do take the lead.
19:23And they actually do ask me for ideas.
19:26And definitely in terms of certain angles.
19:29And I like that.
19:30Actually, that's what I like the most.
19:32It's like a thank-you episode.
19:34So, producers, because they're very careful.
19:37They really want to consider the welfare.
19:40Because it's a mental health, well-being-driven show.
19:44So, I can see that they're really careful to make sure that the stories of the people come out right.
19:51The information that we release about certain mental health issues, concepts.
19:57That it's right.
19:58So, it's collaborative.
20:00But sometimes, I also get in.
20:02And I think now, I'm not suggesting mommy-centric episodes.
20:07I think they're excited.
20:10Like, Doc, you can talk about your experience.
20:13Like, okay, sure.
20:15So, Doc, I'm curious as to how it works for you on a personal level.
20:21Because of course, you're always churning out advice.
20:25But what about when you need advice?
20:27Or you need someone to talk to?
20:30Or you need a little guidance?
20:32Do you have friends or colleagues that you turn to?
20:35Or how do you do it?
20:37Because I remember before, I also interviewed a psychologist.
20:40She said that what she does once every year or every two years is a retreat.
20:46It's also a group of psychologists just to cleanse.
20:50It's like they're helping each other.
20:52Yeah.
20:53You know, therapists need therapists too.
20:56It's like, if you're a medical doctor, you also need a check-up.
21:00If you're a dentist, you also need a check-up.
21:03I do have colleagues, thankfully, as you said.
21:05I do have friends I turn to.
21:07There's a group.
21:08We don't meet that often anymore, but we do meet regularly.
21:11Because it can be a lonely profession, right?
21:15Because it's just you and your client.
21:17It's confidential and private.
21:20So, it's not like any other industry.
21:22You can talk to your spouse about what happened at work.
21:25Yes, Doc.
21:26Yeah.
21:27It's like, yes, Doc.
21:28I just thought of it that way.
21:29All the secrets are being told to you.
21:31I mean, not necessarily secrets, but everything is being told to you.
21:34And you can't tell anyone about it.
21:35My friends and I have a rule.
21:37If we're going to tell a secret, at least two people need to know about it
21:40so that we can talk about it with the other person.
21:43You can't do that.
21:45Yeah.
21:46It can be very isolating, right?
21:48Especially now that there are Zoom sessions or online sessions.
21:52So, I'm not even in the clinic with other people.
21:54I don't have lunch.
21:56So, it can be kind of lonely, actually.
22:00And also, I really need to talk to fellow therapists to understand what that means.
22:06I told my patients that I'm a professional secret keeper.
22:11So, in a way, that's my job.
22:13Thankfully, I just share it.
22:15It's not a secret, right?
22:16So, actually, my partner is pitiful.
22:18I only share what I can because that's the only thing I can do.
22:21But, Doc, are there times when you share with a patient
22:29and you get stumped?
22:32Like, wait a minute.
22:33What to do in this kind of situation?
22:35Isn't it hard that they're just relying on you for all different kinds of advice?
22:40So, that happens, definitely.
22:42We also have ethics where you can consult with anonymity.
22:47You can't say who your client is.
22:50Don't give too many details.
22:51You can ask for general practice advice from your colleagues.
22:56But other than that, Tia, actually, in a way, I want to clarify that
23:01therapists don't necessarily give advice.
23:04The answer doesn't come from us.
23:06And a lot of times, actually, and this is what makes my job possible
23:10because if I'm an advice giver, I have to know everything.
23:13I have to be the expert of everything.
23:16And so, actually, what we do is we help or we just guide our clients
23:20because that's their life.
23:23That's their experience.
23:24So, actually, ultimately, there's somewhere inside of them, right?
23:28They know what they need to do.
23:30So, sometimes, we just need to guide them, organize their thoughts,
23:33help them calm down so that they can think about their problems.
23:37So, thankfully, we have that side of our work, right?
23:40We don't need to be experts.
23:43So, sometimes, when they ask something, I'll say,
23:45I don't know, generally.
23:47So, it's not like you don't come to me so I'll tell you what to do.
23:52You come to me so I can listen to you and help you as best as I can.
23:56Yeah, because you said that if you have a secret,
24:00you tell another person so that you can talk about it.
24:03Yes.
24:04So, sometimes, that alone can help.
24:07Doc, did you always want to be a psychologist?
24:11Yes, actually.
24:12I know I may be the odd person out because a lot of people are looking,
24:19they don't know what they want to do.
24:22When I was in high school, I already knew.
24:24The one hit that I said,
24:26I don't think that was a helpful hint to you,
24:28the high school nickname.
24:30I was going to ask the oracle.
24:32You asked me first, Doc.
24:33I was just about to ask, why the oracle?
24:36That was my nickname to some of my friends
24:39because at that time, we didn't have a cell phone, right?
24:43Just a landline.
24:45There was also a three-way calling.
24:46Do you remember that?
24:48Yes.
24:49But actually, three-way calling is still a bit high-tech.
24:51The most important thing is that there is an extension.
24:54For example, if one person has an extension,
24:56it's already two people.
24:58Yes.
24:59So, sometimes, when they are at home,
25:02they will call a landline.
25:04Then, there is a three-way calling,
25:06so the other person is there.
25:08Then, they will ask me,
25:10I like this person, do I have a chance with him?
25:13So, I would go to my friends
25:16to kind of ask if they have a chance,
25:19in my opinion, do they also like their crush?
25:22Because at that time, I like to observe.
25:25I'm the quiet type.
25:28I'm a whisperer, but I don't spread rumors.
25:30I'm a whisperer in the sense of,
25:32hey, I saw that, right?
25:34I saw that.
25:35Hey, he's smiling.
25:36Hey, he's being cute.
25:38So, I notice that.
25:40So, actually, people would ask me,
25:41what do you think?
25:42Do you have a chance?
25:43Then, I would say, I feel like I have a chance
25:45because he's looking at me.
25:46Something like that.
25:47And then, sometimes, they would even ask for advice
25:50at that point.
25:51How can I be close to him?
25:53What can I do?
25:55So, when I was in high school,
25:57I was already observing,
25:58hey, I like the love life of other people.
26:02Because I don't have a love life of my own.
26:04So, it's like other people's love life.
26:06So, the other friends,
26:08it's like that.
26:09Hey, let's call Oracle.
26:11Maybe she knows.
26:12So, that country came from them.
26:15Yes.
26:16And it carried on.
26:17That should be the title of the podcast.
26:20Share it with the audience.
26:23Yes.
26:24Maybe a lot of numbers are asking for it.
26:27Yes.
26:28So, Doc, it means that your friends
26:30weren't surprised when they found out
26:31that this was your chosen career.
26:33Yes.
26:34Definitely.
26:35So, really, I already know that question.
26:38If I did this for the rest of my life,
26:40I wouldn't mind.
26:41It will be fun.
26:43Because people,
26:45especially in relationships,
26:46it's like a puzzle for me.
26:47I want to solve it.
26:49Hey, there's a mystery.
26:51I want to understand it.
26:52So, it's like a game.
26:54It's not like a manipulative game.
26:58But I was curious.
27:00From then, I found out
27:01that there's a job like this.
27:03Because I didn't know yet.
27:04I asked my dad.
27:05Why is there a job like this?
27:06When I was 12 years old,
27:08I created a website
27:10giving advice.
27:11Wow, really, Doc?
27:1212 years old.
27:13Then, my dad scolded me.
27:15He said,
27:16stop doing that.
27:17Because you don't have a degree yet.
27:19You don't have training yet.
27:20You need to have training
27:22before you can give advice.
27:24He taught me the responsibility
27:25of giving advice.
27:27So, I asked him,
27:28do you have training?
27:29What training is that?
27:30So, I found out.
27:31So, from then,
27:32I fell in love.
27:34I decided to give advice.
27:36But Doc,
27:37when you were 12 years old,
27:38what kind of advice
27:39did the people
27:40who wrote on the website ask for?
27:42I mean, would they send in letters?
27:44You know, you'd be surprised
27:45because she's a stranger.
27:47Maybe that's why my dad
27:48shut me down
27:49because I was young.
27:50Then, strangers sending things.
27:52I actually do remember.
27:54The topic is a bit serious.
27:55Death, grief.
27:57There's also
27:59safety issues.
28:03Now that I think about it,
28:05the topics are so deep.
28:07It's like I'm writing about
28:09how to unaffirm grief.
28:11How to deal with death.
28:13How to deal with...
28:14Because, I guess,
28:15those are my own experiences.
28:18Right?
28:19So, I just want to help
28:21my friends who lost their parents.
28:24Things like that.
28:25So, it's a bit serious.
28:26Now that I think about it.
28:27Now that I think about it,
28:29we don't have a business
28:30doing that website.
28:32I remember 12 years ago,
28:33that's when we started.
28:35That was the time.
28:36You can have a website.
28:38You can write anything.
28:40It's like a blog.
28:42And then,
28:43are you the first doctor
28:45in the family?
28:46No.
28:47No, actually.
28:48So, I'm in a family of
28:50doctors of different things.
28:52There's no same doctor.
28:54My dad is a medical doctor.
28:56My mom is a nurse.
28:58But, she's a doctor in public health.
29:01So, I'm in mental health.
29:03So, she was the first one.
29:04But, it's a full clinic.
29:06Yes.
29:07It's possible.
29:08Yes.
29:09So, what was the reaction
29:11when you told them that
29:12this was the field
29:13that you wanted to get into?
29:15Well, because my dad
29:16was a medical doctor.
29:17Of course, at the beginning,
29:18he wanted medicine.
29:20He wanted medicine.
29:21So, when I told him
29:22that I wanted to do psych,
29:24especially the kind of psych
29:25that I want to do,
29:27he was a little skeptical.
29:28But, he supported me.
29:30He never said,
29:31no, whatever you want.
29:32Okay.
29:33But, he didn't understand.
29:34It took a while
29:35before he understood
29:36what kind of therapy is that?
29:38What is psychotherapy?
29:39There's a lot of stigma
29:41around therapy and mental health.
29:43He said, that's not medicine.
29:45What is that?
29:46Is that science?
29:47Is that evidence?
29:49So, he was a little skeptical.
29:51But, in terms of getting,
29:54he was giving me help.
29:56Until finally, one time,
29:58because he was a scientist,
29:59a medical doctor,
30:00he said, I looked at the research.
30:02It turns out that CBT,
30:04Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,
30:06is effective in medicine.
30:07Okay, that's fine.
30:08So, he really studied
30:10if it's effective.
30:11Maybe it's fake.
30:13Maybe it's quack science.
30:16So, he had a lot of questions
30:18because clinical psych
30:20wasn't popular at that time.
30:23So, doc, I mean,
30:24of course, your studies were long.
30:28The whole time,
30:30you didn't hesitate
30:32or you never considered
30:34trying something else.
30:35You were really set
30:37on this career.
30:38Yeah, it was like
30:40a one track mind.
30:42That's why it took me
30:43up to this age to have a baby.
30:45Because I followed my studies,
30:47I followed my career.
30:49So, after the sacrifice in my twenties,
30:52that was the love life part.
30:54I followed it.
30:56But never a doubt,
30:57because one,
30:58I really enjoyed it.
30:59All the required reading.
31:02I was really happy.
31:04I really wanted to read.
31:06The art of loving.
31:07What is love?
31:08I wanted to read that.
31:10And actually,
31:11every now and then,
31:12I would think,
31:13it's a good thing I didn't do that
31:14because I'm not good at biology.
31:18It's a good thing I didn't
31:21I don't have to face blood
31:24or anything like that.
31:25And then,
31:26with my career,
31:27I became a consultant.
31:29My batchmates were still residents
31:31in med school.
31:32So, actually,
31:34I was like,
31:35it's okay.
31:36So, actually,
31:37it was hard,
31:38but it was fun
31:40for me to study.
31:41Third.
31:42So,
31:43and then,
31:44it was fun to study.
31:45The readings were fun.
31:47Because it's about
31:48love,
31:49family.
31:50It's fun to learn about ourselves.
31:53I really just enjoyed all of it.
31:56I'm curious also,
31:57if it's harder for someone
32:00in your profession
32:01to have a love life,
32:03not because it's busy,
32:04but because you overanalyze
32:06everything.
32:07Right?
32:08It's harder for men
32:09to understand everything
32:10because you analyze
32:11everything they say.
32:14Is it like that, Doc?
32:15Or is my impression wrong?
32:17Actually,
32:18it was really hard for me.
32:20Especially,
32:21because,
32:22actually,
32:23if I could have a practical advice
32:26for some people,
32:27because I see this in my colleagues,
32:30I see this in my students.
32:32If they have a partner
32:35while studying,
32:37that's okay.
32:38They can still get married.
32:40But after they graduate,
32:42they don't have a partner.
32:44I have a lot of colleagues
32:46who are not married,
32:47who don't have kids.
32:49Because,
32:50when they say doctor,
32:51my friends tell me,
32:52I tell them,
32:53challenge me.
32:54Challenge me.
32:55Maybe it's hard for you
32:56to challenge me.
32:57Right, Doc?
32:58Yes, Doc.
32:59You're beautiful.
33:00And you're in an esteemed profession.
33:03Yes.
33:04It's hard.
33:05The moment I tell them,
33:06if you have a doctorate,
33:08they don't want you anymore.
33:09They say,
33:10if you have a doctorate,
33:11don't.
33:12Maybe you won't be able
33:13to talk anymore.
33:15If you're a psychologist,
33:16I might judge you.
33:17So actually,
33:18when I met up for dates,
33:21I didn't tell them
33:22that I was a psychologist.
33:24Really, Doc?
33:25Yes.
33:26I kept it a secret
33:27until I felt it was okay.
33:28So I told them,
33:29I'm a teacher.
33:31That's true.
33:32It's true.
33:33I told them,
33:34I'm a teacher.
33:35I didn't tell them,
33:36I don't live with it.
33:38I'm a psychologist.
33:39Because,
33:40it's already in there.
33:41The moment I told them,
33:42I'm a psychologist,
33:43they were like,
33:44what am I saying?
33:45I'm not a psychologist.
33:46Yes.
33:48That's different.
33:49Yes.
33:50Sometimes,
33:51I'll tell them,
33:52you're not paying me.
33:53So I'm not judging you.
33:54That's not free.
33:56If you want,
33:57you can pay me.
33:58Right?
33:59I love that answer, Doc.
34:01Right?
34:02That's not cheap.
34:03Yes.
34:04Don't feel bad.
34:05Right?
34:06So,
34:07it became a barrier.
34:10That's why I accepted it
34:11before Pablo happened.
34:13I accepted it.
34:14It's okay.
34:15I'm happy.
34:16I mean,
34:17I help children.
34:18I have students.
34:19Right?
34:20I have ways of,
34:21you know,
34:22nurturing other kids.
34:24Yeah.
34:25So,
34:26maybe,
34:27I don't know.
34:28I said,
34:29maybe God said,
34:30your life is too easy, Monica.
34:33You're giving me another goal.
34:37Doc Anna,
34:38thank you so much
34:39for sharing your time with us.
34:40Before we let you go,
34:41we have a surprise game.
34:42And because the title of your podcast
34:44is share ko lang,
34:45the title of our game is,
34:48share mo na, Doc.
34:50Okay.
34:51Okay.
34:52Brief advice lang
34:54in whatever situation
34:55we will mention.
34:56Okay.
34:57Doc, share mo naman.
34:58Anong advice mo
35:00kapag you feel overwhelmed
35:02na tipong sabay-sabay na
35:03ang mga nangyayani?
35:04What's the best advice
35:05you can give?
35:06The shortest advice
35:07is pause.
35:08Stop.
35:09Take a breath.
35:10Take a step back
35:11if you must.
35:12Especially if it's
35:13mother-related.
35:14Go to the bathroom
35:15if you must.
35:16Step away.
35:17Okay lang.
35:18If they cry for 10 seconds,
35:19then they cry for 10 seconds.
35:21It's really important
35:22that you feel
35:23that you can stop
35:24or pause
35:25at any time.
35:26And it's portable.
35:27It's free.
35:28I will take that advice, Doc.
35:30Hit the pause button.
35:31Misa kasi we have a tendency
35:32na tuloy-tuloy lang,
35:33di ba, Doc?
35:34Alright.
35:35Next, Doc.
35:36Share mo na, Doc,
35:37kung anong dapat gawin
35:38pero wala sa budget
35:39ang lumabas pa ng bahay?
35:41Nowadays,
35:42I mean now with the heatwave,
35:44I don't think you wanna
35:45leave the house.
35:47There are many things
35:48that are free, di ba?
35:49There are many things
35:50that cost nothing.
35:51Take a walk outside
35:52if the weather permits.
35:54You can even go inside
35:55an air-conditioned building,
35:57a public building
35:58like a mall or anything
35:59right now, Doc?
36:00Magpananik tayo.
36:01Hindi mo naman
36:02kailangan bumili.
36:03Oo, hindi mo kailangan
36:04bumili.
36:05So, marami kang pwedeng gawin.
36:07Watch TV, read a book.
36:08Actually, maraming libre.
36:10And even, actually,
36:11ang naging favorite ko ngayon,
36:12ang boring na,
36:13talagang, alam mo yung,
36:14ano ka lang,
36:15magmuni-muni ka lang
36:16to stare out the window
36:18and look.
36:19Kasi ang makikita ko ngayon
36:20yung mga buildings,
36:21yung sky.
36:22Di ba?
36:23Parang see the cars
36:24passing by.
36:25So, parang I just sit
36:26and watch.
36:27I know it's so boring
36:28pero parang, you know,
36:29even just resting your eyes
36:30looking at something else.
36:31Hopefully, something beautiful.
36:33Maybe not traffic like I do.
36:35Pero, so many things,
36:37so many things are free.
36:39Nice, Doc.
36:40How about this one, Doc?
36:41Kapag family reunion,
36:42may hindi ka kasundo,
36:43how do you distance yourself
36:44without offending?
36:46Or yung hindi ka magpapahalata?
36:48How?
36:49Oh, my goodness.
36:50Okay.
36:51So, may mga tips ako diya.
36:53If you must say hello,
36:54then say hello.
36:55And then, actually,
36:56kung wala kang choice
36:57pero kailangan mo makinig
36:58or you're in a shared conversation
36:59with that person
37:00na ayaw mo,
37:01kasi hindi ka talaga makaalas,
37:02ganoon kaming tinatawang
37:03sa therapy
37:04na half-smile.
37:05Parang ganyan lang.
37:07So, it's like the least energy.
37:09And actually,
37:10it has a therapeutic benefit
37:11kasi parang less likely
37:13ka to be irritated
37:14kasi parang go with the flow.
37:15Parang nagka-half-smile ka.
37:16So, it's not a big smile
37:18kasi mukha ka,
37:19parang anong nangyari sa'yo
37:20medka umibigit eh.
37:21Diba?
37:22But it's just a calm,
37:23neutral smile
37:24na medyo upturned
37:25yung lips.
37:26So,
37:27parang irigali ako, Doc.
37:28Hirap ako, ha.
37:29And then relax, no?
37:30Walang ideas.
37:33And then,
37:34it's just a half-smile.
37:36And in the meantime,
37:37i-replay mo nalang
37:38yung Queen of Fear.
37:39Sa loob.
37:40Your favorite K-drama scene.
37:41Yung next scene.
37:43Nako.
37:44Parang feeling ko, Doc,
37:45pag sirubukan ko yung half-smile,
37:46baka isipin na
37:47ini-snub ko sila.
37:50Hindi ko kaya ang half-smile.
37:51I have to practice
37:52sa harap ng salamin.
37:54Eto, Doc,
37:55kapag Pinoy na grandparents
37:56ang iyong anak,
37:57nako,
37:58paano yan, Doc?
37:59Oh,
38:00okay.
38:01Nako.
38:02Iniisip ko,
38:03kasi wala pa ako doon, e.
38:04You can't spoil a baby.
38:05So, actually,
38:06gusto ko
38:07i-spoil na parents
38:08kayo yung baby to.
38:09Pero, one is
38:10set the rules beforehand
38:11if you can.
38:12So,
38:13bata pa lang,
38:14mag-set kayo ng rules
38:15na parang, okay,
38:16gifts of a certain value.
38:17Kanyari,
38:18things like
38:19cellphones,
38:20kotse,
38:21condom.
38:22Amazing na,
38:23what grandparents can give.
38:25May mga big-ticket items
38:26kailangan ng prior approval.
38:28So, parang,
38:29di ba,
38:30sabihin niyo na kagadian
38:31sa grandparents
38:32na if you're gonna spoil,
38:34parang,
38:35bigyan niyo sila ng outlet
38:36for spoiling.
38:37You can spoil in this way.
38:38You can spoil in that way.
38:39Sige.
38:40The outing niyo,
38:41that's okay.
38:42Di ba, parang,
38:43experience is okay.
38:44Pero,
38:45yung mga big-ticket items,
38:46kung pwede,
38:47hindi na muna,
38:48or actually,
38:49run it by us.
38:50Kasi, di ba,
38:51big-ticket items
38:52come with big responsibility.
38:53So,
38:54i-explain natin sa grandparents,
38:55kasi, parang,
38:56bigyan niyo ng kotse,
38:57e, parang,
38:58di pa niya alam
38:59di ba,
39:00parang,
39:01maraming,
39:02ano,
39:03rules na kanya
39:04isa tong place.
39:05Now,
39:06if wala silang pake,
39:07I will spoil my child,
39:08my grandchild,
39:09no matter what,
39:10kahit anong sabihin mo,
39:11then,
39:12you, ano,
39:13you titrate the exposure.
39:14Di ba, parang,
39:15okay,
39:16at least sa Sunday lang.
39:17Parang,
39:18i-accept mo na lang,
39:19okay,
39:20sa Sunday,
39:21kung tua yung,
39:22you know,
39:23yung kid.
39:24And so,
39:25okay,
39:26parang,
39:27gising lang day ngayon,
39:29and make it consistent.
39:30And then,
39:31since spoiling na rin si Lolo,
39:32gawin mo na siyang reward.
39:33Di ba?
39:34Oh,
39:35if you do this,
39:36go visit Lolo.
39:37Lolo,
39:38gawin mo siyang reward.
39:39Great idea, do.
39:40Take advantage of it.
39:41Oo,
39:42great idea.
39:43Eto do,
39:44class na.
39:45But,
39:46nako,
39:47definitely not the least.
39:48What advice would you give to someone
39:49who's seeing their ex
39:50for the first time
39:51after the breakup?
39:52It really depends, do.
39:53If I can share,
39:54that happened to me,
39:55I saw him as,
39:56ano,
39:57as I was going down the escalator
39:58from Walt's,
39:59like,
40:00oh my god,
40:01nandiyo siya,
40:02tapos nabalik ako.
40:03So,
40:04in reality,
40:05I ran away.
40:06I ran away.
40:07Pero,
40:08it depends on the context,
40:09di ba?
40:10Parang,
40:11kung wala mo talaga sayo,
40:12and you know you can
40:13control yourself,
40:14di ba?
40:15Parang,
40:16manage your emotions,
40:17yung kakinakabahan,
40:18and then,
40:19nagkakitaan na kayo,
40:20parang too late to
40:21back out,
40:22di ba?
40:23Parang,
40:24okay,
40:25say hi,
40:26naman siya in your life,
40:27huwag ka na magap,
40:28mga angusta,
40:29kamusta ka na,
40:30no need to update.
40:31Now,
40:32eto,
40:33not so much behavior
40:34or what to do,
40:35pero,
40:36kung nakita mo,
40:37ats narealize mo,
40:38bakit bumaganon yung puso ko?
40:39Bakit kakinakabahan?
40:40A lot of people
40:41mistake that na,
40:42ay,
40:43baka gusto ko pa siya.
40:44Baka gusto ko makipagbalikan
40:45kasi bakit may feelings ako
40:46yung nakita ko siya.
40:47Ang tawag natin diyan sa psychology,
40:50spontaneous recovery of feeling.
40:52So,
40:53ano to phantom,
40:54it's a phantom emotion.
40:56It's a ghost.
40:57Okay?
40:58Ghost lang yan.
40:59So,
41:00hindi ibig sabihin yan,
41:01may gusto ka pa ryan,
41:02may feelings ka pa ryan,
41:03hindi nga ibig sabihin
41:04na hindi ka pa nakamove on.
41:06Just because you feel something.
41:08Especially,
41:09when you haven't seen them
41:10in a long time.
41:12So,
41:13ang tawag namin yun,
41:14kahit,
41:15nasabi naman,
41:16na-extinguish na yung love,
41:17pero,
41:18pag yung first time mo makita,
41:19may spontaneous recovery talaga yun
41:20kasi suddenly everything comes back
41:22to you.
41:23Kasi that was the last time
41:25you encountered this person.
41:27So,
41:28it's normal.
41:29I wanna normalize it for people.
41:31It doesn't mean anything.
41:33Huwag niyong basahin pa siya.
41:35Don't read into it too much.
41:37Shake it off.
41:38Diba?
41:39At pag wala kayong nagawang
41:41embarrassing or cringy,
41:42pat yourself on the back.
41:43Treat yourself with something
41:45afterwards.
41:46And then,
41:47chit-chat niyo na lang
41:48with your friends.
41:49Oh my God,
41:50napapasiran na kita.
41:51Diba?
41:52Just use that na lang
41:53as an outing.
41:54Great therapy rin yung
41:55chit-chat mo with the friends.
41:56Diba?
41:57It really helps.
41:59Doc Anna,
42:00thank you so much
42:01for taking time out
42:02to be with us,
42:03sharing with us
42:04your new experiences
42:05as a mom
42:07with Pablo.
42:08Thank you so much, Doc.
42:09Happy, happy Mother's Day.
42:11Baka you wanna invite
42:13all our listeners
42:14to also catch you on
42:15Share Ko Lang.
42:16And where can they find you
42:17on social media, Doc?
42:18Yeah.
42:19Thank you so much
42:20for having me here, Pia.
42:21And thank you so much
42:22na hulaan mo ako.
42:23I was a little worried.
42:24Grabe naman, Doc.
42:25Diba tagal na tayo
42:26magkakilala?
42:27Kasi I remember
42:28I interviewed you also
42:29for Howie
42:30when he was on leave.
42:31Oo.
42:32Parang yung years ago
42:33na rin yung, Doc.
42:34And happy Mother's Day
42:35to you as well
42:36as a fellow mom.
42:37Thanks, Doc.
42:38Yeah.
42:39So, I hope people
42:40can catch it.
42:41Diba?
42:42It's on YouTube,
42:43it's on Facebook,
42:44it's on Spotify,
42:45just like, you know,
42:46Surprise Guest.
42:47Diba?
42:48So, Share Ko Lang,
42:49it's every two weeks,
42:51na?
42:52And so, we have
42:53two new episodes
42:54every month.
42:55So, you can catch us,
42:56diba?
42:57On lahat ng podcast,
42:58Facebook, and YouTube.
42:59I don't really have
43:00my own social media.
43:01That's why,
43:02ayun, sabi ko,
43:03introverted host.
43:04So, I don't really
43:05have my own social media,
43:06though.
43:07Diba?
43:08Parang you can,
43:09kung meron kayong
43:10gusto i-share,
43:11you have a topic in mind,
43:12or you wanna share with us,
43:13kasi ang guest naman namin
43:14sa Share Ko Lang,
43:15diba?
43:16Hindi naman always
43:17celebrities
43:18or public figures.
43:19Diba?
43:20Celebrities
43:21or public figures.
43:22You know,
43:23we really love
43:24hearing from
43:25real people.
43:26Lahat naman,
43:27real dinga pa na
43:28celebrities.
43:29We love hearing from
43:30everyone.
43:31Yeah, so,
43:32if you want to
43:33share something
43:34with us,
43:35just Google us,
43:36and you'll know
43:37where it is.
43:38Thank you, Doc Anna!
43:39Thank you so much!
43:44This surprise was planned
43:45by the team of
43:46Nikki Del Mundo
43:47and Aubrey de los Reyes,
43:48edited by Shirley Paghiligan,
43:49with the amazing people
43:50of GMA Integrated News.
43:52Don't forget to like
43:53and subscribe!
43:54Till the next surprise!