Hoshyarian | Haroon Rafiq | Comedy Show | 30th March 2024
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00:00 "Hoshiyaariyaan, Hoshiyaariyaan"
00:03 Assalamu Alaikum, I am Haroon Rafiq and you are watching Hoshiyaariyaan.
00:07 Friends, if a building is left unattended,
00:12 it creates a net, just like that.
00:15 Relationships also create a net.
00:16 The nets of relationships gradually become more and more dense.
00:20 And then, in that building, in that relationship,
00:24 some cracks start to form.
00:25 If you don't want those cracks to form,
00:27 if you don't want those cracks to form, you should clean it.
00:30 And there is a great way to clean it.
00:33 That is by praising, talking, saying good things.
00:38 My message is especially for your spouse.
00:43 In a relationship between husband and wife, you see that the cracks start to form.
00:48 And a time comes when the sugar syrup is lost somewhere.
00:53 And you start feeling a little dark.
00:55 That is because you are stingy.
00:58 And what is stinginess? It is stinginess of praise.
01:02 Don't do this.
01:04 Don't be greedy for others to praise you and you not to.
01:08 Lower your ego.
01:09 There are no such relationships where ego is present.
01:11 Praise each other.
01:13 Eid is coming and the best gift you can give to any relative, friend, or spouse
01:20 is praise.
01:21 Because you know that there are things worth praising.
01:24 So, praise them.
01:26 Let's take you to the moon with this message.
01:29 And see what happens on the moon.
01:32 I can't breathe here.
01:34 - Why? - It's the moon.
01:36 I am feeling very good that we have finally come to meet Chanda Mama.
01:41 Chanda Mama.
01:42 And look, there is a road here too.
01:50 I am surprised that there has been no landing on the moon since 1972.
01:54 What is happening?
01:56 Let's see that too.
01:57 And such a landing has never happened in life.
02:00 - Right. - Yes.
02:01 In the history of mankind, a rocket has never landed on the moon.
02:04 Yes.
02:06 There is mud on the moon.
02:09 There is gravity too.
02:12 This is a small step for a human being.
02:15 But for the entire humanity, it is a big leap.
02:20 Neil Armstrong has definitely gone ahead.
02:22 But his helmet is covered from above.
02:26 - But this.. - The whole thing is open from below.
02:29 Clubs, call home.
02:31 Come on, next.
02:34 Wow.
02:46 The wind is blowing very fast.
02:48 What is this?
02:49 The wind is blowing on the moon?
02:52 Can't you tell from my movement?
02:55 What wind is blowing on the moon?
02:57 It's coming from the rocket too.
03:00 Thank God, I have reached safely.
03:05 I was not with you.
03:08 I didn't even know that you were in the moon.
03:11 - Yes. - Next.
03:18 This is the man who didn't come to the moon easily.
03:21 I told you that we are going to the moon.
03:24 You have come for the moon.
03:25 We were going to say that my aunt lives there.
03:27 We will meet her and go.
03:28 Which planet have you come from?
03:32 We have come from the earth.
03:33 Astronauts and scientists don't say earth.
03:37 If you tell me the name of the moon or the earth,
03:40 I will give you a reward.
03:41 We have come, but we don't have such a big brain.
03:47 Okay, that means you have been deported.
03:50 What have you come here for?
03:53 We have come to do research and experiment.
03:55 How can life be saved here?
03:58 - Here on the moon? - Yes.
04:00 How can life be saved on the moon?
04:01 There is no proper water here. It's not available.
04:04 How will you collect the samples?
04:05 We have kept them in the bag.
04:07 It will get contaminated.
04:08 What do you mean?
04:10 It will get contaminated.
04:12 The sample will get dirty. You will touch it.
04:13 We have washed our hands.
04:15 How will it get dirty?
04:17 The experiment is getting over.
04:18 Oh, no.
04:19 Collect the samples quickly.
04:22 I have got the fuel from the space station.
04:25 If you don't have it, then you can carry it.
04:27 Come with me.
04:29 His arms get open.
04:34 The moon is very fast.
04:36 I have seen it for the first time.
04:45 Why are you surprised to see it?
04:48 I had cut the fuel.
04:50 What are you doing?
04:54 I have kept the beacon here.
04:56 Wow.
04:57 I think the place where he lives is very dirty.
05:04 I have broken everything. You can come here again.
05:06 What is the purpose of this?
05:11 He will know that I have come from there.
05:13 There are no buildings here that will allow me to ride with Koke.
05:16 Who is he?
05:18 Who is he?
05:20 Why is she moving so conveniently?
05:22 Who are you?
05:23 Who are you?
05:24 I am a resident of this world.
05:26 Did you have a childhood?
05:27 Yes, I had a childhood.
05:28 Your father used to say that the moon is very fast.
05:32 Wow.
05:33 I have heard these stories.
05:34 I have come to know about it.
05:35 Oh, uncle.
05:37 I thought that she was very cute.
05:40 I look beautiful from a distance.
05:42 Okay.
05:43 What are you doing?
05:46 I am opening the shutter.
05:47 I have opened a factory.
05:48 Oh, the beacon.
05:50 The beacon.
05:53 Wow.
05:54 I am sure she was telling the truth.
05:57 Oh, my.
05:58 Will you show me the beacon?
05:59 Yes, I will show you the beacon by creating a scene.
06:02 How long have you been here?
06:04 What time?
06:05 I have been here all my life.
06:08 The moon was not even visible.
06:09 I came here when the moon was not visible.
06:12 (APPLAUSE)
06:15 Oh, wow.
06:16 Wow.
06:19 What are you doing here?
06:22 We came to see how you all live and what you do.
06:25 "Cover yourself with the earth."
06:29 "Don't steal the light of your face."
06:33 The people of the earth will steal the light of their faces.
06:36 Okay.
06:37 He is my grandson and she is my ninth child.
06:40 When did you both get married?
06:41 - It's been a year. - Okay.
06:42 Where did you go on your honeymoon?
06:44 We have to go on our honeymoon now.
06:45 Mom, she is asking me to take her to the black hole.
06:48 - Yes. - Son, look carefully.
06:49 You are also a black hole.
06:50 (LAUGHTER)
06:52 We don't want to go to the black hole.
06:54 You were right. Mom, you are a bit of a fuffy.
06:55 (LAUGHTER)
06:57 Mother-in-law, can I get some work done with you?
07:00 No, no.
07:02 Is he your son?
07:03 - He is my... - He is crazy.
07:05 Who are you?
07:06 - He is your brother. - She is my wife.
07:07 - Okay. - Oh, okay.
07:09 Have you ever come to the earth?
07:11 I have been there only once.
07:13 - Why? - I wanted to get my eyes tested.
07:14 Get them done.
07:15 I want to go straight to the black hole.
07:18 (LAUGHTER)
07:19 What do you do if you get sick here?
07:23 I am not sick.
07:24 (LAUGHTER)
07:25 But I have caught a cold and cough.
07:29 - Hey. - Yes, ma'am.
07:30 - Come here. - What is it?
07:31 Have you brought him from the earth?
07:32 I am sorry, ma'am.
07:34 I was very thirsty. I wanted to have ice cream.
07:35 - Yes, ma'am. - Yes.
07:38 I have brought two cups of ice cream.
07:41 (LAUGHTER)
07:41 How can he bring it from a distance of 300,000 kilometers?
07:44 - Dad... - It will melt in his hands.
07:46 Dad, it is a blanket, not a blanket.
07:48 There is no air here. How do you light a fire?
07:51 With a stick.
07:52 (LAUGHTER)
07:56 I don't understand why your clothes are so dirty.
08:00 - The world is so dirty. - Yes.
08:02 (LAUGHTER)
08:04 We don't have any beauty in it.
08:07 Dad, your son gave me a boy's dress.
08:10 The girls are also getting paid 4,000, 5,000, or 5,00,000 rupees.
08:14 (LAUGHTER)
08:15 Son, take my daughter to the sun.
08:18 - She will get full vitamin D. - Mom...
08:19 Mom, I don't want to take her to the sun.
08:22 She caught a cold last time. She has given me a cold.
08:23 - Avoid the solar flare. - What?
08:26 - Yes. - It is dangerous.
08:27 - Yes. - "The moon's lap is like a tree."
08:30 - How is the land? - It is okay.
08:32 (LAUGHTER)
08:34 - Who are you? - They are my sons.
08:37 I see.
08:38 - What is his name? - He is Alfa.
08:40 - And he is? - Beta.
08:42 My son.
08:43 (LAUGHTER)
08:44 Dad, get me married.
08:46 I don't want to be a burden to you.
08:48 (LAUGHTER)
08:49 Where will you get married?
08:50 You don't do any work.
08:52 You don't even have a wife.
08:53 We are here to enjoy.
08:54 Dad, I have seen a beautiful girl on Andromeda.
08:59 - Did she see you? - Yes.
09:01 - Did you go to Andromeda? - Yes.
09:04 There are such worlds there like ours.
09:06 There is no fear in the world.
09:08 You don't feel it.
09:10 - You are right. - Yes.
09:11 Dad, I want to go to the land.
09:13 I have to do so many scientific experiments.
09:16 There are no inventions here.
09:17 Then give me your passport.
09:19 (LAUGHTER)
09:20 I need some money and resources.
09:23 I will give you whatever you earn.
09:26 - Find it there. - Oh, God!
09:27 I am scared to go to the land.
09:29 (LAUGHTER)
09:31 Tell me, do you live under the open sky?
09:34 Don't you have a house?
09:36 No, we live in the open sky.
09:38 (LAUGHTER)
09:39 There is a house behind us.
09:41 - The back end of the house? - Yes.
09:43 - The dark side of the moon. - Yes.
09:45 Have you ever been to the far side?
09:47 It is very cold there.
09:48 I have rented three houses.
09:50 (LAUGHTER)
09:51 I have two servants and a private man.
09:53 Our houses are mostly under the moon.
09:56 - Okay. - What is your job?
09:58 I have to go to the market.
10:01 (LAUGHTER)
10:02 Who gives you information about the land?
10:05 My husband has gone to the market.
10:08 - Really? - Yes.
10:10 The universe is a great equalizer.
10:12 - Right. - You feel so humiliated
10:16 when you live on a small planet.
10:19 Yes.
10:20 You talk about pride and arrogance.
10:24 - Yes. - You are just a speck of dust.
10:28 If a person knows how small the earth is in the universe
10:33 and how much we are on it,
10:35 then life will change.
10:37 Imagine that you sent a Voyager 40 years ago.
10:42 Yes.
10:43 When it reached Saturn, Carl Sagan said
10:47 to turn it once and take a picture of the world.
10:51 - Yes. - Then send it back.
10:53 He was a great scientist.
10:54 NASA listened to him and turned it back
10:58 and turned it towards the world and took a picture.
11:01 In that picture, there is a small white dot.
11:05 The whole world is there.
11:08 The great kings, the great kings.
11:12 The powerful people and the spaceship.
11:14 It looks like a small dot on the lens.
11:19 - Yes. - Then the Voyager started.
11:20 It's been 40 years.
11:22 It hasn't left our solar system.
11:24 - Yes. - According to me,
11:27 it's a shift from here.
11:29 (Laughing)
11:31 - I have a picture of NASA. - Why?
11:34 It gives us the latest news.
11:36 - We have started drinking milk. - It's been a while.
11:39 - With NASA. - Yes, NASA.
11:42 (Laughing)
11:43 - Oh! - Oh!
11:44 I think there is a power cut.
11:46 (Laughing)
11:47 - What is this? - What's the problem?
11:49 They don't come to the moon. They send scooters.
11:52 They sent a train to the moon.
11:55 (Laughing)
11:56 - Lala. - Yes.
11:59 - When the alien comes, - Yes.
12:00 - we'll kill him. - Where?
12:02 We'll ask for his hand in marriage.
12:04 No, I'll kill him.
12:06 I'll experiment.
12:08 I'll see why his brain doesn't work.
12:10 (Laughing)
12:12 That's why I left your uncle.
12:14 Hello, Hussain.
12:16 I've collected the samples.
12:19 What samples?
12:20 (Laughing)
12:23 There's a problem with the signal.
12:25 Your voice isn't clear.
12:27 The sample is at half a kilo.
12:29 What will you get? Chicken or meat?
12:33 Where did this voice come from?
12:34 (Laughing)
12:36 Houston, can you hear me?
12:39 Hello from the other side.
12:41 (Music)
12:46 Where did this voice come from?
12:48 - Hey! - You put the umbrella down.
12:52 I shouldn't be scared, but you are.
12:54 (Laughing)
12:56 - Who is this? - Who are you?
12:58 I'm Mahi, the one who cut the moon.
13:00 You're the one who gave the land to the alien?
13:03 - Yes, I'm not the alien. - Who is he?
13:05 He's my husband.
13:07 He's my family.
13:08 Why are you here?
13:09 I'm here to collect the samples.
13:11 Okay, listen.
13:14 Collect the samples. I'm feeling hot.
13:16 You're bleeding.
13:18 (Laughing)
13:21 Sorry, I'm not a veterinary doctor.
13:23 (Laughing)
13:25 You look like a heart specialist.
13:27 (Laughing)
13:29 - Where are you from? - From the land.
13:30 Oh, there's no water on the land?
13:33 (Laughing)
13:34 Catch him. I'll kill him.
13:37 Houston, send the police.
13:40 (Laughing)
13:42 Wait a minute. Which police station do you think this is?
13:44 (Laughing)
13:46 Whose son are you? Come here.
13:47 (Laughing)
13:48 Come here.
13:50 Tell me the truth.
13:52 I'm Zatoon's son.
13:54 - Zatoon's? - Yes.
13:55 I'm here to talk about your marriage.
13:57 (Laughing)
13:58 How many siblings do you have?
14:00 Three, four.
14:02 And one sister, is she married?
14:04 She's not married.
14:05 (Laughing)
14:06 You're a mess here.
14:09 You can't even get a bride.
14:10 (Laughing)
14:12 You should have given your marriage to the people of England and Canada.
14:15 Why didn't you give it to the people of Chandnala?
14:17 Chandnala is so far away.
14:19 We're just getting married.
14:21 What are you doing here?
14:24 Hit me.
14:26 I don't want to get married.
14:28 Go and greet your elder sister.
14:30 You should greet your elder brother.
14:32 (Laughing)
14:34 Where will you go?
14:35 He's smart. He'll come up.
14:38 He's the one who comes up.
14:41 We don't get married to strangers.
14:43 - We're strangers. - We're cousins.
14:46 We're strangers.
14:48 We live up there. We're strangers.
14:50 - I told you. - They won't let you go.
14:53 - Give me the sample. - I'll keep it in the fridge.
14:55 - It'll spoil. - I'll have to live like this.
14:59 - I'm a scientist. - No.
15:00 We'll give you two more kilos of samples.
15:02 - We'll give you a new marriage. - I'll give you two kilos.
15:05 (Laughing)
15:07 What's the point of taking so many samples?
15:09 Tell them your demand.
15:12 If you can shift to Ghulamabad, I'll talk to my father about the girl.
15:17 If you can shift to Siara, you can get the girl married to us.
15:21 (Laughing)
15:22 I'll get the girl married to you.
15:25 He'll drop you there.
15:27 If you don't want to get married, I'll go crazy and experiment.
15:30 - Yes, go crazy. - No.
15:32 - Find out what it is. - I have brains.
15:36 I'll get samples from the shopper.
15:37 (Laughing)
15:39 (Engine revving)
15:43 He's opening a branch here.
15:45 (Laughing)
15:47 - Hey! - Who is he?
15:50 He's our enemy.
15:52 - What? - He's firing.
15:53 - I'll kill him. - Hey!
15:55 He's firing at you. Don't you know that?
15:58 (Laughing)
16:02 (Engine revving)
16:09 Strange things have happened here.
16:11 We got samples and the racket back.
16:13 He humiliated us.
16:15 Where did you get the gun?
16:16 Give me the magazine.
16:18 What magazine?
16:19 I didn't let him get the gun.
16:21 I hid it.
16:24 (Laughing)
16:27 Ladies and gentlemen, a small break.
16:29 We'll meet again after the break.
16:31 Let's play cricket.
16:32 Get the sari ready.
16:34 - Get the sari ready. - Let's play cricket first.
16:36 - He's playing with us. - Why are you playing cricket?
16:38 - Is it a job? - It's not the time to play.
16:40 Give me the money. I'll do it when I have time.
16:42 - He's here for this. - For this.
16:45 - Oh, God! - Isn't it time to play?
16:48 - Yes. - Out.
16:49 (Laughing)
16:54 (Music)
16:57 Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen.
16:59 We have two or three boys with us.
17:01 Let's ask them what's the matter.
17:03 Mr. Haroon, forget about the boys.
17:04 Tell us, why do you look like a teenager?
17:06 (Laughing)
17:06 That's true.
17:08 (Laughing)
17:09 Looking at their faces, I think they are boys.
17:12 (Laughing)
17:13 Iqbal, you're the one who makes the world go round.
17:15 You're the one who makes the world go round.
17:17 (Laughing)
17:18 Sir, you shouldn't lie on the chair.
17:22 - You shouldn't lie. - Which boy is he?
17:24 He looks like a boy from the old days.
17:26 (Laughing)
17:28 Mr. Haroon, why do I think that they look like the homeless boys?
17:31 No, no, no.
17:32 - You.. - Yes.
17:34 (Laughing)
17:36 Our Andhra is a very respected place.
17:38 We have a very established business.
17:41 (Laughing)
17:43 Tell me, where have you guys come from?
17:45 Sir, he's our captain.
17:46 Imran Akmal.
17:48 He's in your band.
17:49 (Laughing)
17:50 In the band?
17:50 What's the matter? Why are you doing comedy here?
17:52 Get up, my son. It's time for the match.
17:54 Come on, let's go.
17:55 Do you play cricket with them?
17:56 No, sir. I've cut a wicket for them.
17:58 (Laughing)
17:59 Saleem, he's famous.
18:00 He didn't come here to leave his poor friends.
18:02 He's very poor.
18:04 He's our established businessman.
18:05 He's born in a poor family.
18:06 (Laughing)
18:09 Don't do this. Don't ever try to fool your Mercedes again.
18:13 (Laughing)
18:14 Do you look like you play cricket?
18:16 - No. - Is this for your singing?
18:18 (Laughing)
18:20 Do you look like you're in a big show?
18:22 Do you look like you're in a big band?
18:24 (Laughing)
18:25 Mr. Saleem, I'm surprised.
18:26 Were your friends your relatives?
18:28 - No. - Saleem, what are you saying?
18:31 Come with us, son.
18:33 Otherwise, we'll have to leave you.
18:35 We don't know if we'll find a player.
18:36 (Laughing)
18:38 Irza, look at him. He's a player.
18:39 He should be called Maja.
18:41 He's Maja.
18:42 I'm Imran Akmal. Everyone knows me.
18:44 - Tell him. - Imran Akmal.
18:46 - Imran Akmal? - Yes, brother.
18:48 - Are you Akmal's brother? - Yes.
18:51 I'm good friends with Kamran. I'll ask him.
18:53 No, no. No need to verify.
18:55 All of them are our friends.
18:58 He'll get a good beating here.
19:00 Sir, you must have understood.
19:02 Imran is our name.
19:03 Javed is my father's name.
19:04 - Who is Akmal? - He doesn't dance.
19:07 (Laughing)
19:08 He's Imran Akmal.
19:10 He's a fan of others.
19:11 (Laughing)
19:12 I'm Kamran Akmal, a cricket player.
19:15 Listen, how did Saleem become your friend?
19:18 - My friend.. - He's my childhood friend.
19:20 I'm his friend.
19:21 Let's leave the show. I'll play for you.
19:23 - No, listen to me. - I'm dead.
19:24 I have to play with my kids.
19:26 The question is, how did he become your friend?
19:28 He could be a good friend.
19:30 (Laughing)
19:31 You haven't told us why you're here.
19:33 - Sir, I know. - What is it?
19:35 Every year, during Ramadan
19:36 cricket starts at 11.30 after Iftar.
19:38 - In your area? - In our lane.
19:40 - Okay. - We bring a ladder and a floodlight.
19:42 - Do you know why? - Why?
19:43 You can't see the players.
19:45 (Laughing)
19:45 During Ramadan, they play all night.
19:47 - Until dawn. - Yes.
19:48 It's fun.
19:49 - We.. - They get tired and go to sleep.
19:52 (Laughing)
19:53 - They don't play till dawn? - No.
19:54 Look at their colours.
19:56 They look like they play with a gun at night.
19:58 (Laughing)
19:59 What's your program?
20:01 It's the Prince's program.
20:03 First, we'll feed the horses.
20:05 - Okay. - Then, we'll go to the indoor.
20:07 - Okay. - We'll play cricket. Best of three.
20:09 - Salim's car? - Yes.
20:11 We'll go to the car and play cricket in the indoor.
20:14 We don't play in our lane.
20:16 (Laughing)
20:17 Before dawn, we'll send you to the court.
20:19 - Indoor.. - I've got a proper cricket ground.
20:24 - Which one? - Our own.
20:26 - Okay. - We'll play best of three.
20:28 - Best of three? - The loser.
20:30 - The loser? - Will get his money.
20:31 I'll make him lose.
20:33 (Laughing)
20:34 - No. - Listen to the program.
20:35 I'll listen to the program.
20:37 - We'll get out of your car. - Okay.
20:39 We'll go to the indoor.
20:41 The loser will get his money.
20:43 You guys play. I'll have to do the iftar.
20:46 Salim, there will be a tough match.
20:49 - The team is ready. - What?
20:50 Don't you want to play openly?
20:51 (Laughing)
20:52 - Come on. - Let it be.
20:54 - Eight teams are ready. - Okay.
20:55 It's a tough match.
20:57 The loser will have to do the iftar.
20:59 Are we going to play or do the iftar?
21:01 (Laughing)
21:03 - You'll lose. - Yes.
21:04 - You'll do the iftar. - I'll play.
21:06 - The loser will do the iftar. - Yes.
21:09 The loser will do the iftar.
21:12 - Is it? - Hey!
21:13 Who will get you married?
21:15 (Laughing)
21:17 Salim, we've bought the game and the bed.
21:20 Now you just have to pay for it.
21:23 If you'll let me play, I'll go.
21:26 - You too? - Yes.
21:27 You'll enjoy the night and play.
21:30 The tournament is under you.
21:32 Enjoy the night.
21:33 That's how it is. We'll keep playing.
21:35 The money you get for the tournament is not much.
21:37 - It's around Rs. 100. - You're a cheapskate.
21:41 You think you're a poor man.
21:43 (Laughing)
21:44 Mr. Danish and I played street cricket a lot.
21:47 When we played, we used to get a ball for Rs. 25.
21:51 - No, sir. - No.
21:52 - We used to get a ball for Rs. 200. - Rs. 200.
21:57 - In your time? - Yes.
21:59 - A ball for Rs. 200? - Yes.
22:00 That was two or three days ago.
22:01 (Laughing)
22:03 Sir, in your time, you get a boy married for Rs. 500.
22:06 (Laughing)
22:08 - In my time... - You're talking about them.
22:10 - They used to play with me. - Yes.
22:12 I didn't know how to play.
22:14 (Laughing)
22:15 I remember, Mr. Danish went to play a match with you.
22:18 - Yes. - He hit York and I said, "I hit a bouncer."
22:20 (Laughing)
22:22 When we played street cricket with Mr. Danish,
22:25 we used to do this.
22:26 We'd put the money together...
22:28 First, decide how much the ball was worth.
22:31 - The ball was worth Rs. 2. - Rs. 2.
22:33 - Rs. 2. - No, it was worth Rs. 2.
22:35 - Okay, so... - I mean, I was in my senses
22:38 and I saw a new note for Rs. 5.
22:41 I saw the rest of the currency in the comb.
22:43 (Laughing)
22:44 How much was the bat? Tell us about the bat.
22:46 The bat was worth...
22:48 - Rs. 5. - Rs. 5.
22:50 - If it was worth Rs. 200, - Yes.
22:53 I think the bat would've been stolen.
22:55 (Laughing)
22:56 I couldn't hear the note for Rs. 500.
22:58 It was a good note.
22:59 Okay, I have to say something.
23:01 On a very serious note.
23:03 It was a good time.
23:04 - Yes. - The excitement of Ramadan was
23:07 - Right. - that you'd play cricket every night.
23:09 - Exactly. - Because in Ramadan,
23:11 everyone used to wake up late
23:13 because they'd sleep late.
23:15 In your time.
23:16 (Laughing)
23:18 - Where will you go in this time? - (Laughing)
23:20 - In my time. - Okay.
23:22 - Yes. - Okay.
23:24 Sir, after a year, we'd have fasts and enjoy.
23:26 - We'd play cricket all night. - Yes.
23:28 We'd go for a walk in the morning.
23:30 - Come with us. - You'd be surprised
23:32 that the boys are very happy
23:34 that they're still fond of cricket.
23:37 - Otherwise... - In our time.
23:40 - In our... - This is in our time.
23:42 This is in our time.
23:43 In your time, we didn't have this kurta.
23:45 (Laughing)
23:46 - Okay. - In our time, we had a torn pyjama.
23:49 Okay, I'm telling you very seriously
23:51 that you have kids and we have kids.
23:54 In our time, if we'd get hurt
23:57 our parents would ask us where we'd got hurt.
23:59 We'd say, "I don't know, it must be somewhere."
24:01 - We were so brave. - Yes.
24:02 And in Ramadan, we'd fast
24:05 and play hardball cricket.
24:07 - Wow. - Wow.
24:08 And we didn't feel tired or thirsty.
24:11 - Kids these days... - They get energy.
24:12 They play cricket on tablets and say, "I'm tired."
24:15 Sir, 42 years ago, we had good food.
24:17 What was 42?
24:19 (Laughing)
24:20 Let him bite. What's wrong with you?
24:21 (Laughing)
24:23 How innovative was street cricket?
24:26 If you see a small lane, if the ball goes there
24:28 it'll be two runs. If you see a place there
24:30 it'll be single. It's innovative.
24:33 We knew that if this cut...
24:36 - The weight will be... - Yes.
24:38 You must remember that we had a square cut.
24:41 If you hit a good square cut
24:43 it's a four. If it goes to this lady's house, it's a foul.
24:45 (Laughing)
24:47 - It happened with you. - It's a small place.
24:49 Don't say anything to her.
24:50 (Laughing)
24:51 If you see a wall, if you see a cut
24:56 if you see a good cut, if it hits the mirror
25:00 it's a foul.
25:01 Mr. Arun, did you ever feel that
25:03 an auntie didn't return your ball?
25:05 - Well... - She said, "I'll give you Rs. 10.
25:08 Mr. Arun will come and collect it."
25:09 (Laughing)
25:10 There's an incident.
25:12 There was a man
25:15 who had a ten-year-old son.
25:19 Yes.
25:20 Once, when he used to start abusing
25:23 he didn't know where to stop.
25:27 We understood biology and human anatomy
25:31 - through his abuses. - I see.
25:34 Our first introduction was with science.
25:37 (Laughing)
25:38 It was through abuses.
25:40 Once, he was coming from the front.
25:43 I gave him the ball.
25:45 It hit his stomach.
25:47 Oh!
25:48 It hit his stomach and I ran inside the gate.
25:51 As soon as I went inside the gate
25:52 there was a famous man, I won't mention his name.
25:55 He was with us.
25:57 He was passing by. I told him
25:58 to bring the ball.
26:01 He didn't know it had hit his stomach.
26:02 He was standing on the ball.
26:05 He came and said,
26:07 "What's your father's name?"
26:09 I told him my father's name.
26:11 He started abusing my father's name.
26:13 (Laughing)
26:16 Sir, you played hardball and cricket
26:19 but you still fasted.
26:21 You don't even play table ball.
26:23 - Really? - I can't open my eyes.
26:25 I sleep late.
26:26 (Laughing)
26:28 How many boys did Salim feed?
26:30 Sir, three teams.
26:33 - Okay. - 70 boys in total.
26:34 - Oh, God! - You'll feed them.
26:36 - Make a list. - Okay.
26:38 70 boys and three teams.
26:41 Sir, three teams had 33 boys.
26:42 - Okay. - Extra.
26:44 How?
26:45 One had 60 and the other had 60.
26:47 He had 60 and the third had 60.
26:49 He had 60 and the fourth had 60.
26:50 We play cricket with swords.
26:52 (Laughing)
26:53 You know, all their teams are like this.
26:56 We don't get in a bad mood.
26:58 We run into each other.
26:59 (Laughing)
27:00 You'll give them money.
27:03 I'll give them money.
27:05 I'll play too. I'm a good bowler.
27:07 Come on, sir. You'll also come.
27:09 How much money do you want?
27:10 Total the ball and the bat.
27:12 Sir, it's worth Rs. 70,000.
27:13 What? - You're not getting it.
27:16 (Laughing)
27:17 You're not worth Rs. 70,000.
27:19 (Laughing)
27:21 Looking at the stats, I think you got him a slave.
27:24 (Laughing)
27:26 It has a signature of a cricketer.
27:27 It's going to be expensive.
27:30 I'll give him a signature worth Rs. 1.25 lakhs.
27:33 A bat worth Rs. 1.25 lakhs?
27:34 You can buy it for Rs. 1.5 lakhs.
27:36 I'll give you Rs. 1 lakhs for the bat.
27:38 (Laughing)
27:38 Sir, I'll take it.
27:39 If you don't take a picture with the signature..
27:43 (Laughing)
27:44 I'll play today. - Yes, you will.
27:46 I'll give you a ball worth Rs. 11,000.
27:47 It's a bat worth Rs. 70,000.
27:48 A ball worth Rs. 11,000? - Yes.
27:50 Listen to me. Tell me the rules.
27:53 There are rules.
27:54 If you miss one, you're out.
27:56 Yes, out. - That's right.
27:57 There will be three balls and three try balls.
28:00 Sir, our lane is a bit tight. - Okay.
28:02 The rules of cricket are for the lane.
28:04 Okay. - You can't play cricket in the lane.
28:06 Why? - If you die, you'll be buried.
28:10 (Laughing)
28:11 Sir, we don't want a person to die in the lane.
28:15 (Laughing)
28:16 If you hit the ball on the back of your head, you're out.
28:19 If you hit the ball directly on the back, you're out.
28:21 (Laughing)
28:22 What are the other rules?
28:23 If you hit the ball on the wall, you're out.
28:25 If you hit the ball on the wall, you're out.
28:27 If you hit the ball on someone's house, you're out.
28:28 If you hit the ball on the leg twice, you're out.
28:30 Yes. - If you hit the body, you're out.
28:32 Okay, I'll take that.
28:33 If you hit the ball on the motorcycle, you're out.
28:36 (Laughing)
28:37 If you hit the ball on the horse, you're out.
28:40 Okay.
28:41 If you play a rolling shot, you're out.
28:44 If you get stuck in a tree, you're out.
28:46 If you catch it, you're out.
28:48 If you get LBW, you're out.
28:50 If you hit the wall instead of the back door, you're out.
28:53 If you hit the six, you're out.
28:56 (Laughing)
28:57 Okay, go and play. We'll take you for a ride.
29:00 Forget cricket. Take me for a ride.
29:03 Take me for a ride. - First play cricket.
29:05 I'll beat you up. - He's playing cricket.
29:07 He's not good at cricket. - It's not the time to play.
29:10 Give me money. I'll play when I have time.
29:12 He came for this. - For this.
29:15 Yes. - It's not the time to play.
29:17 Yes. - Out.
29:19 (Laughing)
29:21 (Applauding)
29:24 Ladies and gentlemen, a short break.
29:26 We'll meet again after the break.
29:28 Do you know what Mr. Agha's biggest objection is?
29:31 What? - Neve's son didn't even greet me.
29:33 (Laughing)
29:34 She gets angry. - Why?
29:36 She didn't look pretty to me.
29:38 (Laughing)
29:41 And a girl like me is more beautiful and dressed up
29:44 than a bride at such a wedding.
29:46 No one has sent me to Kianiya. No one has invited me.
29:48 (Laughing)
29:49 "Wake up, wake up."
29:52 Welcome back, viewers. Yes, Irza.
29:54 Mr. Haroon, what should I do today?
29:56 Who should I look at?
29:57 Because my eyes are only on Arzu.
30:00 Oh, no.
30:01 She's become a Zaguta Jain.
30:03 (Laughing)
30:04 What should I do? Who should I look at?
30:06 (Laughing)
30:07 Mr. Haroon, you're right. I'm really beautiful today.
30:10 She didn't praise you.
30:12 Okay, Roziya, you're lying. You're being too harsh.
30:14 No, no, no.
30:16 Irza didn't praise you. - Then?
30:18 If you understand Urdu,
30:21 it's said that you're not looking at her today.
30:24 Yes. - Yes.
30:25 And she's looking at you. It means she's yearning for you.
30:27 Oh, God.
30:28 If you look at her, she looks like a fairy.
30:30 You heard the song, 'I'm a fairy'.
30:32 She's a complete fairy. - She's hiding her faults.
30:35 (Laughing)
30:37 What does she look like?
30:38 Fairy. - She's saying she's a fairy.
30:39 Fairy. All her dresses are like that.
30:40 She's like a married woman.
30:42 (Laughing)
30:43 She looks like a fairy.
30:44 These ladies, in a marriage, used to say something
30:48 that always looked bad. - What?
30:49 I didn't want to grow up when I grew up.
30:52 (Laughing)
30:53 She's a married woman. She's raised a good woman.
30:56 "I gave you a bad love."
30:58 (Laughing)
31:01 And when a man like Mr. Agha says at weddings,
31:04 "What about me? No one asked me."
31:06 (Laughing)
31:07 She'd say, "Uncle, pray for my second marriage. I'll ask."
31:10 (Laughing)
31:14 Mr. Agha's biggest complaint at weddings is..
31:17 What? - "Neve's son didn't even greet me."
31:19 (Laughing)
31:21 She'd get upset and leave. - Why?
31:22 She'd say, "Nadeena's daughter didn't look pretty to me."
31:24 (Laughing)
31:28 And at such weddings, a girl like me
31:30 is more beautiful and dressed up than a bride.
31:32 No one asked her to come. No one invited her.
31:34 (Laughing)
31:35 If a man like him only talks to the cameraman,
31:39 he'd say, "Don't make me film your food."
31:41 (Laughing)
31:42 Mr. Agha always fights with his brother at every wedding.
31:45 Why? - He says, "He's made me deaf."
31:47 (Laughing)
31:48 He never invites a girl to a wedding. - Why?
31:50 The bride's family says, "She always gets slapped."
31:53 (Laughing)
31:55 Mr. Agha, like uncles say at weddings,
31:57 "I was the only one who got married."
31:59 (Laughing)
32:00 And at such weddings,
32:02 no one asked for anything. - Yes.
32:04 And at such weddings,
32:05 no one asked for anything.
32:07 (Laughing)
32:10 Mr. Agha, no one invites a girl to a wedding.
32:12 And he'd say, "I'll see who gets slapped."
32:16 And if you don't invite a boy to a wedding,
32:18 he'd say, "Take this girl and throw her out."
32:20 (Laughing)
32:23 Mr. Agha, there's only one demand at weddings.
32:26 What? - "Please get me a bride."
32:28 (Laughing)
32:29 He'd say, "My parents say, 'Son, you'll get married.'
32:33 "You can have her. No one will give you."
32:35 (Laughing)
32:39 And at such weddings, he'd say,
32:41 "Why did you put coal in my pocket?"
32:42 "I have a lot of coal in my pocket."
32:44 (Laughing)
32:46 Why do you have coal in your pocket?
32:47 (Laughing)
32:48 That's what I'm asking.
32:49 Why do you have coal in your pocket?
32:50 Why do you have coal in your pocket?
32:51 He never learns anything.
32:54 (Laughing)
32:55 Mr. Arun, look, he's not putting coal in his pocket.
32:58 Why are you arguing?
32:59 (Laughing)
32:59 Why do you have coal in your pocket?
33:01 He's the one who puts coal in his pocket.
33:02 You and your mother don't know that.
33:04 (Laughing)
33:05 People like Mr. Arun are invited to weddings
33:08 so that they can get at least Rs. 5000.
33:11 (Laughing)
33:13 He's a very hopeful man.
33:16 But he's silent and says, "I'll give you Rs. 1000."
33:19 (Laughing)
33:20 Okay, I'll take his blessings.
33:22 (Laughing)
33:26 He's the one who says, "I'll give you a long look."
33:30 (Laughing)
33:31 He never tells his wife about the engagement.
33:33 Do you know what he says? - What?
33:34 "When you get married, you should wear a veil."
33:36 "You should wear a dandel every time."
33:37 (Laughing)
33:39 All the veils that are worn by brides and grooms
33:41 should be worn by such people. - Why?
33:43 Because they wear it here.
33:45 (Laughing)
33:46 If a groom and a bride are getting married
33:48 then they should be saying, "My daughter is so beautiful."
33:51 (Laughing)
33:52 Forget about the mother-in-law, I'm happy with the brother-in-law.
33:54 (Laughing)
33:58 I mean, I'm right, Shariya family.
34:01 (Laughing)
34:03 When Goga got married and sat on the throne.. - Okay.
34:06 His wife saw him and said, "You're not married yet."
34:09 "You should wear shoes."
34:10 (Laughing)
34:12 When he was getting married, he told his friends
34:15 to hold him tight.
34:16 He said, "I'm going to read the Kalma and disappear."
34:17 (Laughing)
34:20 Kalma. - Okay, I won't say anything.
34:22 (Laughing)
34:24 Goga, you're wearing a black suit.
34:26 Didn't you trust your face?
34:28 (Laughing)
34:29 Look at your face, look at the suit.
34:32 You're ashamed of wearing a suit.
34:34 (Laughing)
34:37 You've been singing lies all your life.
34:40 Didn't you trust your voice?
34:41 (Laughing)
34:42 You've been eating lies all your life.
34:45 (Laughing)
34:46 What's this? - What's this?
34:47 Goga, where are you?
34:49 (Laughing)
34:52 Tell me something.
34:53 Everyone is invited to the wedding.
34:55 But no one invites the deceased.
34:56 Even the deceased says, "You should take a week off."
34:59 "I'll come from Diwal."
35:01 (Laughing)
35:03 The deceased speaks a lot.
35:04 Look at his face.
35:06 (Laughing)
35:08 Goga is very fond of speaking in English.
35:10 He tells his kids, "Whenever I speak,
35:12 "tell me to shut up."
35:13 (Laughing)
35:14 He listens to English a lot.
35:16 I told him to get a tommy gun.
35:17 He went right away.
35:18 (Laughing)
35:19 If everyone is done, the audience is waiting.
35:22 Let's go to the audience. - Yes.
35:23 Greetings, sir.
35:24 Greetings.
35:26 How are you, sir?
35:26 I'm fine. How are you?
35:28 I'm fine, sir.
35:29 What's your name?
35:30 Ikra.
35:30 Ikra. It's a beautiful name.
35:32 Tell me.
35:32 Sir, I want to read a poem.
35:34 Yes, dear. Read it.
35:35 "What did I get in life?"
35:36 "I became a betrayer."
35:38 Wow.
35:39 "I was not as guilty as I was punished."
35:42 Wow.
35:43 (Applauding)
35:44 Very nice.
35:45 Very nice.
35:46 This reminds me of a poem.
35:48 What?
35:49 "Life has deceived me."
35:51 "It's okay."
35:52 "It's okay."
35:53 (Laughing)
35:55 There's a poem in that.
35:57 "Life has deceived me."
35:59 "It's okay."
36:01 (Laughing)
36:02 Mr. Irza also has a poem.
36:04 What?
36:04 "Life has deceived me."
36:07 "Whatever someone gave me, it's okay."
36:08 (Laughing)
36:10 Next.
36:11 Greetings, sir.
36:11 Greetings.
36:12 My name is M. Sahil.
36:14 Yes.
36:14 I'm from Shahdara.
36:15 Okay.
36:16 Mr. King, if you allow, can I read the poem?
36:18 First, ask me.
36:20 (Laughing)
36:21 I asked King, not the ant.
36:23 (Laughing)
36:27 Do you want to read the poem?
36:30 Yes, I have a poem.
36:31 Go ahead.
36:32 It's from Mr. Agha.
36:33 Yes.
36:34 "You love me."
36:36 "You can open the door of love."
36:38 "You can give me a role in the soil."
36:40 "You can speak of love."
36:41 "You can give me a thousand sorrows."
36:43 "You can weigh love in a scale."
36:45 "You can make me cry."
36:47 "You can make me bloom."
36:48 (Applauding)
36:52 Baba Bulleh Shah can't say this.
36:54 (Laughing)
36:55 Baba Bulleh Shah is a lion.
36:57 His shoes are his.
36:58 His head is his.
36:59 (Laughing)
37:00 This is not Bulleh Shah's poem.
37:02 No.
37:03 This is not his poem.
37:04 But it's okay.
37:05 You read it.
37:06 It's very good.
37:07 Mr. Haroon, I have a question for you.
37:08 Yes, tell me.
37:09 If you say a word about your team,
37:12 what will you say, especially for Mr. Agha?
37:14 If I say a word,
37:17 I think that when you are born,
37:19 the family that God has written in your destiny is your family.
37:23 So, you have to accept that they are your siblings,
37:26 your parents.
37:28 But there is a family that you choose yourself.
37:30 That I want this brother.
37:32 Wow.
37:32 I want this sister.
37:33 I want this instead of my father.
37:35 You choose.
37:37 You choose your elders.
37:38 Wow.
37:38 You have many teachers who you give the status of your father.
37:42 So, this is the family that I have chosen.
37:46 You can see that they are working hard.
37:47 (Laughing)
37:48 If I say,
37:51 Agha Majid is the showman.
37:53 Wow.
37:54 (Applause)
37:58 Salim Al-Baila,
38:00 I think that right now,
38:03 he is the best comedian.
38:05 Wow.
38:07 (Applause)
38:09 And the rest are like that.
38:12 (Laughing)
38:13 If there is no rest, then they are nothing.
38:15 Wow.
38:18 That's it.
38:19 Bring more.
38:20 There is no doubt that he is a flower boy.
38:22 That's it.
38:23 Come on, take the flowers.
38:24 The flowers are in their places.
38:26 Mr. Mirza has also come in that.
38:28 Azim Vicky, Goga.
38:29 Whatever Mr. Ayub Mirza said is right.
38:31 If these people are not there, for example,
38:33 if you are riding a dart,
38:35 and you know how to ride a dart,
38:37 then there is no dart board.
38:38 Yes.
38:39 So, if they spar, then they need a dart board.
38:43 So, Mr. Ayub Mirza provides that.
38:46 He provides a lot of content.
38:48 His silliness is so much fun,
38:54 that it automatically comes on the show.
38:55 Sometimes we start talking about him,
38:57 and the whole show comes out.
38:58 The whole show comes out.
38:58 (Speaking in Urdu)
39:01 (Laughing)
39:03 Greetings, Mr. Arun.
39:04 Greetings.
39:05 How are you?
39:05 I am fine.
39:06 As this is the month of Ramadan.
39:07 Yes.
39:08 I want to say a couplet about the month of Ramadan.
39:11 Please say it.
39:12 (Speaking in Urdu)
39:20 Wow.
39:21 Very good.
39:22 Very good.
39:23 Yes, brother.
39:25 Greetings to all of you.
39:27 Greetings to you alone.
39:28 (Laughing)
39:30 My name is Hassan Anwar.
39:31 I want to ask Mr. Agha Majid a riddle.
39:33 Go ahead.
39:34 Sir, what is that thing that when it is cut,
39:37 it is sad, and when it is increased, it is happy?
39:39 Oh.
39:40 (Speaking in Urdu)
39:47 (Speaking in Urdu)
39:52 (Speaking in Urdu)
39:54 He had to answer.
39:56 You didn't understand.
39:57 This time she will answer.
39:58 (Laughing)
40:00 I didn't understand.
40:01 (Speaking in Urdu)
40:03 (Laughing)
40:04 Yes.
40:05 Greetings.
40:06 Greetings.
40:07 My name is Maham.
40:08 Yes.
40:08 I have come from Goktar Abdul Malik.
40:10 Okay.
40:10 I want to ask a riddle.
40:11 Yes, tell us the riddle.
40:12 What is that thing that happens only once a day,
40:15 three times a week, and never in a year?
40:17 (Speaking in Urdu)
40:19 It happens once a day.
40:21 Yes.
40:21 It happens twice a week.
40:23 It happens twice a week.
40:23 It doesn't happen once a year.
40:25 It happens three times a week.
40:26 It happens three times a week.
40:28 And it doesn't happen once a year.
40:29 And it doesn't happen once a century.
40:31 (Speaking in Urdu)
40:31 Is the riddle over?
40:33 Yes.
40:34 Wow.
40:34 We are very intelligent.
40:35 (Applauding)
40:36 Wow.
40:38 (Applauding)
40:40 He says he is intelligent, but you are wrong.
40:42 (Laughing)
40:44 Sir, what is that thing that is afraid of water?
40:46 Goga.
40:47 Goga.
40:48 (Laughing)
40:48 Wow.
40:50 What is that creature that wants to sing,
40:53 but no one wants to listen?
40:55 Amanat.
40:56 (Laughing)
40:57 Amanat.
40:58 Sir, actually, this art is a tradition that is passed on in the family.
41:02 Yes.
41:02 So, when he talks about his father, he always says,
41:05 "He has broken the tradition."
41:07 (Laughing)
41:09 I just remembered something.
41:12 I won't take names of the two cameramen.
41:14 They were doing the iftar.
41:16 I was sitting quietly behind them.
41:18 I didn't call them.
41:19 They were saying, "Look, it's been 20 minutes since we did the iftar."
41:24 I said, "Are you trying to show me a gun point?"
41:26 (Laughing)
41:28 "Leave it. Leave it. Leave it.
41:30 Leave it. Do it for a few minutes."
41:33 "Look, it's been 20 minutes."
41:35 (Laughing)
41:36 "Everybody does the iftar, but Mr. Agha does the riftari."
41:39 (Laughing)
41:41 (Applause)
41:43 Ladies and gentlemen, this was today's show.
41:44 We will meet you in the next show.
41:46 Take care.
41:48 Goodbye.
41:49 "Wake up, wake up."