Standup Comedy Mein Haroon Rafiq Ka Naya Shikar
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00:00 Welcome back, viewers. Now we'll have a segment called
00:02 Stand-up comedy.
00:04 Wow!
00:06 Whose turn is it today?
00:07 I'll do the stand-up comedy but it's my friend's turn.
00:10 Oh!
00:11 You must have seen that I have a friend
00:14 who comes to meet me during breaks.
00:18 He drinks tea and eats food.
00:20 So, I've brought some incidents of his today.
00:23 If you allow me, shall we?
00:25 Yes!
00:29 Yes.
00:30 Haroon Rafiq. - Yes.
00:33 Eat and drink. - Where are you?
00:35 The thing is.. - Yes.
00:39 Everyone has a friend
00:43 who has a secret. - Yes.
00:47 He's my childhood friend.
00:49 I don't say his name because it's very annoying.
00:51 I often think that if he wasn't my friend
00:56 I wouldn't have enjoyed life so much.
01:00 Wow! - Amazing!
01:01 Because he creates so much tension.
01:03 It's said that there's no tension in youth.
01:07 I had it.
01:08 I had my tensions.
01:11 I know that when he rang the bell and I went out, he was like..
01:14 'I'm in a tension.'
01:15 And I know what the tension is.
01:19 When we were in college, first year, in school
01:24 he didn't know what his life's purpose was.
01:27 But he had a problem.
01:29 The problem was, he thought that the film he watched
01:32 was his problem.
01:34 Okay. - Wow!
01:35 He watched Sajan and held a walking stick.
01:38 He said, 'I feel pain inside.'
01:41 As far as I know your friends.. - Yes.
01:45 I think this is an incident of Mr. Mehdi.
01:49 No, it's not. I don't want to say his name
01:52 but he gets angry. When he's in a tension
01:54 you can't imagine what he does.
01:56 Once, we watched a film of Amitabh Bachchan.
01:59 Okay. - He was a worker in a factory.
02:01 His boss was his boss. - Yes.
02:04 We started getting angry after watching the film.
02:06 He said, 'The boss is being unfair.'
02:09 I said, 'You have to study in school.'
02:11 The biggest problem is that he has a disease.
02:16 What? - It's called semnambulism.
02:19 What's that? - Sleepwalking.
02:20 This is your problem. - Sleepwalking.
02:21 Yes. - People who start walking while sleeping.
02:24 One day, I got a call from his mother at midnight.
02:29 She said, 'Come quickly.'
02:31 'Your friend has a broken nose.'
02:35 Oh, God! - What?
02:36 I said, 'It must be a broken pencil.'
02:38 'No, it's a broken nose.'
02:40 I said, 'It's broken.'
02:42 'No, it's broken.'
02:43 I said, 'Aunty, he's worried.'
02:46 I said, 'I'm coming.' I called my friend.
02:49 I said, 'Mr. Dishan, my friend has a broken nose.'
02:52 He said, 'Broken?'
02:54 I said, 'It must be cut.'
02:56 I said, 'It's broken.'
02:57 'It must be broken.' I said, 'It's broken.'
02:59 I didn't know that.
03:00 We were going to his house.
03:04 We were wondering what happened.
03:07 His nose must have broken. His bones must have broken.
03:09 He must be bleeding.
03:10 We reached his house.
03:11 He was sitting with a towel on his nose.
03:14 He was looking at us. We asked him to remove the towel.
03:18 We looked at his nose.
03:19 We looked at each other. We said, 'It's broken.'
03:22 He woke up while sleeping. He was sleeping.
03:26 He went outside and stopped a rickshaw.
03:28 The rickshaw driver told me about it.
03:31 He said, 'You have to go to work.'
03:34 He said, 'Sir, I don't know how to go to work.'
03:42 'Tell me where I have to go.'
03:43 He said, 'Take me to the market.'
03:46 He said, 'I'll charge you Rs. 100.'
03:48 He said, 'Take Rs. 100.'
03:50 'But you are elder to me.'
03:52 'Sit in the back seat.'
03:54 When he insisted, he gave him Rs. 150 and made him sit in the back.
04:00 He said, 'Sir, I sat in the back.'
04:02 I said, 'There is a market nearby.'
04:04 He started driving the rickshaw towards the house in front of him.
04:07 He said, 'Sir, turn around.'
04:10 He said, 'The market is here.'
04:13 Very nice. - It was true.
04:16 The market was on the other side but there was a house in between.
04:19 The rickshaw driver said, 'Sir, there is a house in front.'
04:26 He said, 'Yes, there is a market behind.'
04:28 Very nice. - Okay.
04:31 We will tear the house apart.
04:33 The rickshaw driver said, 'Sir, I have calculated that'
04:38 'this is not in the census.'
04:39 He jumped and hit the rickshaw in the house in front of him.
04:44 Oh, God!
04:45 When he hit the rickshaw, his nose shouldn't have burst.
04:48 His head would have burst.
04:50 Actually, the rickshaw driver was fond of
04:52 putting two flags on his rickshaw.
04:56 And there were small balls of iron on the flags.
05:01 So, your imagination can understand..
05:07 That it was a good one.
05:08 That it was a good one but his nose burst.
05:14 The ball burst in his nose. - Yes.
05:16 The rickshaw driver would have died in 15 minutes.
05:18 We took him to the hospital immediately.
05:22 He said, 'He will have to undergo reconstructive surgery.'
05:24 So, we got him operated.
05:26 In surgery, they make you unconscious.
05:28 They give you the same medicines.
05:30 Oh, God! - The sleeping ones.
05:32 When he slept, he woke up in the middle of the night.
05:35 He sat up. I asked him, 'Why did you wake up?'
05:37 He said, 'I wanted to commit suicide.'
05:40 What? - What?
05:41 And I was his best friend.
05:43 I said, 'Sir, come.'
05:44 He said, 'How do I do it?'
05:48 I said, 'Sir, we are on the first floor. Just do it.'
05:51 He said, 'Okay, I will do it.'
05:53 And he started.
05:54 He came out of the room.
05:56 He saw a window on the left.
05:58 He opened the window.
06:01 There were cars and a road.
06:03 I held his waist.
06:05 He said, 'Let's do it.'
06:07 I saw it and said, 'If I survive, it will be a problem.'
06:11 [ALL LAUGHING]
06:13 I told you, he used to think that I am the same person
06:17 who he used to watch.
06:19 He used to support the action in the film.
06:22 Oh! - For example, if the hero
06:23 said something romantic, he would say, 'Ah!'
06:26 [ALL LAUGHING]
06:27 Hero would say, 'Ah!'
06:28 And if the heroine agreed, he would say, 'Very good.'
06:32 [ALL LAUGHING]
06:34 Okay. It's a funny thing.
06:36 Once, we were watching Bruce Lee's 'Enter the Dragon'.
06:39 Yes. - When he breaks bones, there is a sound.
06:42 'Krach!'
06:43 When the sound of 'Krach' comes, he would say, 'Ah!'
06:47 [ALL LAUGHING]
06:48 'Krach!'
06:49 'Ah!' - He thought that he is Bruce Lee.
06:52 There is a Shabab Chowk in Lahore.
06:55 You must be familiar with the people of Lahore.
06:58 We were standing at the signal.
06:59 A car with a leg came and hit the car.
07:03 There was a crook lock in the car.
07:06 The rod-bed said, 'I will break the bone.'
07:08 [ALL LAUGHING]
07:10 I have seen Bruce Lee's film.
07:11 [ALL LAUGHING]
07:12 'I will break the bone.'
07:13 I grabbed the crook lock and said, 'Leave it.'
07:16 He didn't leave the crook lock.
07:18 I said, 'Leave me.'
07:19 I said, 'Leave the rod.'
07:20 He said, 'Leave me.'
07:22 I left him. I was a good friend.
07:24 Yes. - I left him.
07:25 I went out.
07:27 We were kids.
07:29 When the leg-man stood on the leg,
07:31 he was four times bigger than him.
07:34 He grabbed the rod with both his hands.
07:37 First, I said, 'Leave me.'
07:38 Then he said, 'Leave me.'
07:40 [ALL LAUGHING]
07:42 The funny thing is that some of my friends were passing by.
07:47 Wow. - They had big moustaches.
07:49 All four of them were wearing suits with cuffs.
07:53 They had oily moustaches.
07:55 They saw Haroon's car.
07:57 They got down.
07:58 They thought there was a fight.
07:59 There was a big crowd.
08:01 He was repeatedly telling the leg-man
08:03 that he will break his bones.
08:05 He will not let him live.
08:06 When the people came,
08:07 when he saw them coming from far,
08:09 he thought the leg-man had come.
08:12 [ALL LAUGHING]
08:14 He was telling me not to let him go.
08:18 I didn't see him after that.
08:21 Oh, my God.
08:22 In a second, the crowd split.
08:25 It was a big fight.
08:25 He was standing on the shop's threshold
08:28 and watching the fight.
08:29 [ALL LAUGHING]
08:31 When the people came,
08:32 I hugged them.
08:33 I said, 'It's nothing. It was just a car.'
08:35 He said, 'It's nothing.'
08:36 He saw them hugging.
08:37 The crowd split.
08:39 He said, 'I will not let him live.'
08:41 [ALL LAUGHING]
08:43 I will tell you the last incident.
08:46 He went to England.
08:47 Oh.
08:47 He stays there.
08:48 I won't tell you that he stays in London.
08:50 He gets angry easily.
08:51 Oh.
08:52 It's good that you didn't tell.
08:53 When he did his first job there,
08:56 he said he earns 1000 pounds a week.
09:00 Hmm.
09:01 I said, 'He is very strong.'
09:02 'I have a friend who is coming there.'
09:03 'Get him a job.'
09:05 He said, '1000 pounds is a lot.'
09:06 My friend went to him.
09:08 He came back.
09:09 He said, 'I can't do that job.'
09:11 I said, 'Why?'
09:12 He said, 'The printer's papers,
09:15 it's the rim that gets packed.'
09:16 I said, 'It's not a difficult job.'
09:18 'It's an easy job.'
09:19 He said, 'I used to think so.'
09:20 He said, 'I went there.'
09:21 'He told me that I have to hold the paper like this.'
09:24 'I have to keep it like this.'
09:25 'These are 1000 papers.'
09:27 'You have to do this first.'
09:29 'You have to make a crease.'
09:31 'You have to do this.'
09:32 'You have to make a crease.'
09:34 'You have to do this.'
09:35 'You have to apply glue.'
09:36 'In one and a half minute'
09:38 'he made it and showed it to her.'
09:39 'That the rim is ready.'
09:41 'It's packed.'
09:42 'You will get 10 paise for this.'
09:44 Wow! - What?
09:45 He said, 'You will get 10 paise.'
09:47 'How will I earn 1000 pounds?'
09:50 She said, 'Wow!'
09:52 'It's amazing.'
09:53 'Look at this.'
09:54 'He packed the rim.'
09:55 Wow!
09:58 Wow!
10:01 But I will say this in the end.
10:03 Because I am his best friend.
10:05 Okay. - So, I will not tell his name on National TV.
10:09 Because Khurram Ajmal will get angry.
10:11 Wow!
10:13 Viewers, there is a small break.
10:17 We will meet Jai after the break.
10:19 [MUSIC PLAYING]