Watch And Then Come the Nightjars (2023) Full Movie For Free
Transcript
00:00:00 [BLANK_AUDIO]
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00:00:45 [MUSIC]
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00:02:50 >> You missed a bit.
00:02:52 >> Christ, Jesus, fuck it.
00:02:54 >> I want a hat.
00:02:55 >> What?
00:02:55 >> At the fete for the village hall roof.
00:02:58 >> Christ and fucking baby moves is in a basket, Jeffrey.
00:03:01 >> What?
00:03:02 >> That's a fucking awful hat.
00:03:03 >> Boots?
00:03:05 [MUSIC]
00:03:15 >> I've not found any infections.
00:03:18 As long as we all just stick to the rules, it'll be fine.
00:03:21 >> Don't know if they think they'll close the moor.
00:03:25 >> Well, they have.
00:03:25 >> No, they haven't.
00:03:27 Only clogs the fucking countryside.
00:03:29 >> Signs?
00:03:31 Bits of paint?
00:03:32 >> Thank God.
00:03:33 >> Well, as long as they got bits of teeth.
00:03:36 >> There, look.
00:03:37 >> Darn me.
00:03:38 >> She's turning circles.
00:03:39 Champion.
00:03:40 >> Well spotted, Arian.
00:03:41 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:03:51 >> She's gonna pop any minute.
00:03:54 Hey, you're glad I'm here now.
00:03:56 >> They do, like all in the urn, you.
00:03:58 >> Shut up.
00:04:00 >> I'll give you a hand, then we can wet the baby's head.
00:04:02 >> Give me a hand?
00:04:03 Jeffrey, how many cows do you think I've cowed in my time?
00:04:07 >> How many?
00:04:07 >> Well, I don't fucking know, do I?
00:04:09 Loads.
00:04:11 Go on.
00:04:11 >> Hang on.
00:04:13 >> Got you a present.
00:04:14 [MUSIC]
00:04:24 [MUSIC]
00:04:34 >> That calf is desperate to be born.
00:04:41 Come on, Dottie.
00:04:43 Right, my turn.
00:04:46 Capital of Norway.
00:04:50 >> Helsinki.
00:04:51 >> Nope.
00:04:52 >> Husang.
00:04:54 >> You can still make the pub quiz, you know.
00:04:55 >> No, I'm keeping you company.
00:04:58 >> Aren't you just?
00:04:59 >> Husang.
00:05:00 >> Like being trapped with Michael fucking Aspuss.
00:05:03 >> A whiter shade of pale.
00:05:07 Come on.
00:05:08 >> Everyone knows this one.
00:05:12 >> Abba.
00:05:14 >> Abba.
00:05:15 >> I'm gonna put your head through that wall if you're not careful.
00:05:18 >> Abba.
00:05:20 >> Get you in the slurry pit.
00:05:21 >> Abba.
00:05:23 >> No one will miss you, you know.
00:05:24 >> It doesn't sound a bit like Abba.
00:05:25 [MUSIC]
00:05:30 >> Oh, she's grand.
00:05:33 >> Yep.
00:05:34 [MUSIC]
00:05:44 [MUSIC]
00:05:54 >> What is known.
00:06:02 >> Oh, fuck off.
00:06:04 >> What is known as the old lady of Threadneedle Street?
00:06:10 >> You.
00:06:11 [MUSIC]
00:06:21 >> Which author wrote.
00:06:32 >> Hooray.
00:06:33 [MUSIC]
00:06:43 [MUSIC]
00:06:53 >> Here's a question.
00:07:07 >> Why are you here?
00:07:08 >> You're a miserable sod, you know that?
00:07:10 >> Yeah.
00:07:11 >> Come on then.
00:07:13 >> What?
00:07:14 >> You got a proper tasty bit waiting for you back home.
00:07:17 Probably cooking you a slab of dinner.
00:07:20 You've been sad of your best part of two hours boring the arse of me.
00:07:24 >> I haven't.
00:07:24 >> Look, we had half an hour on who's head, why, at the village feet.
00:07:28 Another half an hour on Mrs. Kelly's rabbits intestines.
00:07:31 >> That was actually fantastic.
00:07:32 >> Holly's great treat, shallow.
00:07:34 What work tops, all I want is for your new kitchen.
00:07:37 I suppose you got breath in you.
00:07:39 You better not be fucking billing me.
00:07:44 >> No.
00:07:46 >> Tell you, I had your Mrs.
00:07:47 Oopium like a fucking shot, eh?
00:07:49 >> [LAUGH]
00:07:50 [MUSIC]
00:07:53 >> Whatever you done, Harriet.
00:07:55 [MUSIC]
00:08:05 >> Got a name yet?
00:08:15 >> Arabella.
00:08:19 >> No?
00:08:20 >> Gladys.
00:08:23 >> Who'd call a fucking cow Gladys?
00:08:25 >> I would.
00:08:26 >> You would.
00:08:26 Victoria.
00:08:29 >> Oh, Victoria.
00:08:31 >> These are the last shielded names, see?
00:08:33 So we got Elizabeth and Anne, Diana, Margaret, Zara, Beatrice, Mary.
00:08:41 We'll ask Camilla to the bloke in February.
00:08:44 Who's missing?
00:08:47 Eugenie's with a newborn in the south shed.
00:08:50 I'm running out the broils.
00:08:54 >> Pergie.
00:08:55 >> Hey, what about Jeffrey?
00:08:58 >> Jeez, you can't call a cow Jeffrey.
00:09:01 Shouldn't a bloody humans be called Jeffrey?
00:09:03 I ever tell you about the time we let travel in the newborns?
00:09:09 Must have been about eight or nine.
00:09:12 Sheila's idea, of course.
00:09:13 Bloody disaster.
00:09:15 I tell you, I get out one morning and the little buggers are found all in the hedge.
00:09:20 So there I was, out down them fields with nothing but boots and
00:09:23 jammers, calling, Sheila, I found bagpuss, but there's no sign of Professor Yaffin.
00:09:31 Well, of course, Sam Allicott across the way, so
00:09:34 as he walks in the Tavvy market the next week, they're all there.
00:09:38 Singing the bloody theme tune.
00:09:40 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:09:47 >> How is Trev?
00:09:47 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:09:50 I hear he did all the arrangements for the service.
00:09:52 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:09:54 And sorted all the flowers and food and whatnot.
00:09:57 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:09:59 Up the street now.
00:10:01 [MUSIC]
00:10:11 >> Here's one for you.
00:10:26 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:10:34 >> Nightingale?
00:10:35 >> Bloody useless.
00:10:36 >> All right.
00:10:37 >> It's like trying to teach a dog to drive.
00:10:40 Try again.
00:10:41 >> Great tit.
00:10:42 >> Only one tit around here, nightjar.
00:10:45 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:10:48 >> It's strange.
00:10:50 >> I hardly ever see them, only hear them.
00:10:54 >> They fly sailing.
00:10:56 Bad luck, isn't it, Jonas?
00:10:58 It's a bird of death.
00:11:00 [BLANK_AUDIO]
00:11:07 Allicott's full of shit and he reckons it's coming down this week.
00:11:13 That's not by your ear, is it?
00:11:15 >> No, there's no one here.
00:11:17 >> Mike Leach at Axworthy just lost his entire herd.
00:11:20 Everything he had's been piled up and burnt.
00:11:22 >> It's just being, that's precautions.
00:11:25 You're gonna be fine.
00:11:27 >> Yeah, of course I fucking will.
00:11:29 Nodding around with my goat.
00:11:31 >> I know.
00:11:33 >> There'd only be something up with that, don't you think?
00:11:35 >> Jesus Christ, Michael.
00:11:36 You'd know if there was.
00:11:37 >> Why are you here then?
00:11:39 >> You're kicking me out?
00:11:40 >> Yes.
00:11:41 >> Fine.
00:11:44 What the bloody hell's going on, Jeffrey?
00:11:47 >> This is getting really boring.
00:11:48 >> Well, just tell me why you're here then.
00:11:50 >> A scintillating conversation.
00:11:52 >> Look, be serious, Jeffrey.
00:11:55 Something's up.
00:11:58 Come on then, spit it out.
00:12:04 >> I don't know.
00:12:07 I just can't seem to put a foot right.
00:12:13 I've been sleeping on a camp bed in the study for three weeks.
00:12:16 Then every morning I tidy it away so Holly doesn't see.
00:12:19 It's constant eggshells, all the time.
00:12:22 >> You don't know you're born, you got it made, mate.
00:12:25 >> Have I?
00:12:26 >> Nice house, beautiful little girl.
00:12:29 Tell you I had your Mrs.
00:12:30 >> You're a taker, you can have her.
00:12:36 >> Oh shit.
00:12:37 Shit.
00:12:38 Sorry.
00:12:39 Shit, I didn't mean.
00:12:40 How, um, how is it?
00:12:41 >> It's fine.
00:12:42 >> It's fine?
00:12:43 >> Yeah.
00:12:44 >> Oh, um, how is it?
00:12:49 >> It's the little things that's a bugger.
00:12:52 Just catch yourself.
00:12:55 Some mornings I come down and before I know it I made two cups of tea.
00:13:01 Funny it was about this time of year.
00:13:04 Came back one day and there's a letter, you know, test results.
00:13:10 It's sitting there propped up against a pot of daffs.
00:13:15 She didn't see out the year.
00:13:18 No fucking age, is it?
00:13:19 Fifty-eight?
00:13:20 >> No.
00:13:21 It's very cruel.
00:13:22 >> Remember that year?
00:13:23 Who was it, Wembley?
00:13:24 >> Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.
00:13:25 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:26 >> Fissing bloody icicles.
00:13:27 >> Freezing cold.
00:13:28 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:29 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:30 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:31 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:32 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:33 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:34 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:35 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:36 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:37 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:38 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:39 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:40 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:41 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:42 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:43 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:44 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:45 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:46 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:47 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:48 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:49 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:50 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:51 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:52 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:53 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:54 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:55 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:56 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:58 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:13:59 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:00 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:01 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:02 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:03 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:04 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:05 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:06 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:07 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:08 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:09 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:10 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:11 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:12 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:13 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:14 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:15 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:16 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:17 >> And we were out here for hours.
00:14:18 >> It's got to burst.
00:14:19 >> Whatever it is, it's...
00:14:23 >> Rain cloud hanging over it.
00:14:26 >> Oh Christ, I've gone all serious.
00:14:30 >> Which case it probably is time to leave.
00:14:32 >> You can take it from here anyway.
00:14:35 >> She'll be fine now.
00:14:36 >> You know your trouble, eh?
00:14:42 >> Eh, before cider.
00:14:47 >> Well the cider eats you.
00:14:48 >> A very fine point.
00:14:51 >> Geoffrey!
00:14:57 >> You'd be in charge anyway, wouldn't you, if it comes down here.
00:15:01 >> So you make sure it's alright.
00:15:04 >> You're going to be fine.
00:15:06 >> You know you're bloody irritating as hell.
00:15:08 >> I'm going! I'm going!
00:15:10 >> No, shut up a minute!
00:15:12 [Cows mooing]
00:15:13 >> You're the only one I trust with my girls.
00:15:19 >> Nothing's going to happen.
00:15:21 >> Swear it.
00:15:23 >> Although it has been less than a month since the discovery of foot and mouth in Essex,
00:15:37 the Ministry of Agriculture admitted today that this was an epidemic on a potentially huge scale.
00:15:43 The government's chief scientist and chief vet told reporters it was much worse than the last outbreak in Britain in 1967.
00:15:51 In order to stop the rapid spread of the disease across the country,
00:15:55 the government has decided to extend the policy of contiguous cull
00:15:59 and that all animals within a three kilometre radius of an infected farm are to be slaughtered and then burned on sight.
00:16:06 The nationwide ban on all livestock movement is to remain in place.
00:16:09 >> Oh, fuck!
00:16:26 [Music]
00:16:27 >> All right.
00:16:48 >> Let's go home.
00:16:50 >> Here he is!
00:16:55 >> Hurry up!
00:16:56 >> Give me a minute. I just need to talk to him.
00:17:01 >> Just him!
00:17:03 >> You lot don't stay one fucking step in my property!
00:17:07 [Music]
00:17:08 >> Michael, can you not, please?
00:17:26 >> Is that thing loaded?
00:17:36 >> Get in your fanny.
00:17:37 >> I don't want any tea.
00:18:03 >> Have you ever got my little saucepan, lad?
00:18:05 >> Do you nag?
00:18:07 >> No, thank you.
00:18:09 >> Love it to be had.
00:18:10 >> Tell you what, while I do me garden blur, where is he?
00:18:14 >> Ah!
00:18:17 >> Be a good boy. Roll as a fag.
00:18:20 >> Michael, what are you doing?
00:18:22 >> Roll as a fag!
00:18:23 >> You can't go round threatening people with a shotgun!
00:18:26 >> Well, it's just a try, innit?
00:18:28 >> Come on, Harriet!
00:18:31 >> Don't half look at it, you know.
00:18:33 >> Take that stupid johnny off and roll as a fag, I'm gasping!
00:18:37 >> Eggs!
00:18:45 >> Go to work on an egg, that's what they say.
00:18:48 >> You remember that one? Go to work on an egg.
00:18:52 >> Clever, that.
00:18:54 >> Thinking of getting chickens again.
00:18:58 >> I used to have them, but it's a bugger keeping the foxes from getting it.
00:19:01 >> Get out in the morning and find fucking chicken confetti everywhere.
00:19:05 >> Still, nice having chickens, innit, though?
00:19:08 >> Talking about the police.
00:19:10 >> Make it seem a bit more darling, but it's a fucking me.
00:19:13 >> Here.
00:19:20 >> What's that?
00:19:21 >> Are you OK?
00:19:26 >> Tip-top me, tie the pups. Now I got you here.
00:19:29 >> It's almost nine.
00:19:31 >> They're supposed to... well, at nine they start.
00:19:37 >> For fuck's sake!
00:19:40 >> Here.
00:19:45 >> Cheers, mate.
00:19:52 >> Wish you'd get that pan on. Was going to do you a dippy egg, weren't I?
00:19:56 >> Or a coffee.
00:19:58 >> Why the fuck would I have fucking coffee out here? This looks like the fucking Ritz Hotel.
00:20:02 >> I don't know what you've got stashed in your cool box.
00:20:04 >> You're in a bloody cow shed, mate.
00:20:06 >> You were going to make tea.
00:20:08 >> Yeah, tea. Tea's normal, innit?
00:20:11 >> Excuse me? What, are you a golden blur doing me a dippy egg?
00:20:14 >> Do you want a dippy egg? >> Not really.
00:20:16 >> Do you want a cup of tea? >> No.
00:20:18 >> Well, off your foot, then.
00:20:20 >> Hmm.
00:20:21 >> Hi.
00:20:27 >> Not your little friends, is it?
00:20:29 >> We're just talking. Hang on, I'll be out in a minute.
00:20:32 >> You stay here and make the tea. I'll go and talk to them.
00:20:37 >> Right.
00:20:39 >> I'm coming now.
00:20:42 >> Bye.
00:20:43 [Door opens]
00:20:45 [Door closes]
00:20:47 [Door opens]
00:20:49 [Music]
00:20:51 [Music]
00:20:53 [Music]
00:21:21 >> It's me.
00:21:22 >> Is anybody in?
00:21:23 >> They want to call the police. I'm going to have to let them in.
00:21:26 >> No, wait.
00:21:28 >> It's nearly nine o'clock, Michael.
00:21:30 >> You're that year's deed, are you, Mugbile? I've got a number here somewhere.
00:21:34 >> For Mav?
00:21:36 >> Hmm.
00:21:37 >> What have they told you?
00:21:38 >> Just keep banging on. If I don't let the arseholes in, I won't get no compensation.
00:21:42 It's not about the fucking money, is it? It's like talking to a brick wall.
00:21:46 >> I've heard the money. Well, it's quite a respectable offer.
00:21:50 >> Well, I've got you here now, haven't I? You can dog some bloody sands into them.
00:21:53 >> I don't know what I can say. Jesus Christ.
00:21:57 >> You just tell them you've done the test. Now, it wasn't you, weren't they?
00:22:02 >> I don't think you'll get anywhere with Mav. This is national policy. It's coming from Mav.
00:22:09 >> But what's happening is all on account of Ellicott's herd, just because we share the edge by the stream.
00:22:17 >> The number of herds in that field hasn't been for months. That can't be right, can it?
00:22:21 >> No, but...
00:22:23 >> Yeah, so we'll tell them. Yeah, you tell them you know me, Geoffrey.
00:22:26 I've had them disinfectant rats out for weeks. And the mats. Washed the gates.
00:22:31 You could eat your dinner off them fence posts the amount of time I scrubbed them. They're not ill.
00:22:37 >> No.
00:22:39 >> So we'll tell them.
00:22:40 >> I don't think it's going to make...
00:22:41 [door slams]
00:22:42 >> I'm silly birdies now, are ya?
00:22:51 [door slams]
00:22:52 >> Ministry of Aquaculture, Fisheries and Food, how can I help?
00:23:14 >> Hello?
00:23:16 >> Hello?
00:23:18 >> Hello?
00:23:19 >> You happy? Are ya? Pleased with yourselves?
00:23:41 >> What's going on?
00:23:44 >> What's to do with them? All this fucking soot and ash. Poor little buggers don't stand a chance.
00:23:50 Not that they care. They won't be happy till the whole fucking country's on fire.
00:23:54 >> It's not dead. No, still breathing.
00:23:57 >> Is it?
00:23:59 >> Just dazed, I think.
00:24:00 >> Poor little thing.
00:24:01 >> Let's put him over here, look. Then he can see some sun when he wakes up.
00:24:10 >> When he wakes up.
00:24:11 >> Dapper little chap. What sort is he?
00:24:20 >> What sort?
00:24:21 >> The bird.
00:24:22 >> The cleverest bloke I know, you're on half now, fuck all.
00:24:26 >> Quail.
00:24:29 >> Quail?
00:24:30 >> Come on, my love. There you go. There, there, there. There you go. Come on.
00:24:39 >> Ooh.
00:24:40 >> Stained her valenders.
00:24:42 >> Old shales go pottish, you see what they done to her neck.
00:24:46 >> Yeah, must have been driving Helen mad. Holy Kevin, covered. It's all over her bike.
00:24:53 >> All this from Alicots?
00:24:55 >> Yeah.
00:24:57 >> That was you, was it?
00:24:59 >> Yes.
00:25:01 >> Where's the phone, T?
00:25:08 >> Must have got cut off. Where's that number?
00:25:13 >> Michael, I'm going to have to let them in.
00:25:16 >> You are?
00:25:18 >> I've been trying to tell you.
00:25:19 >> Don't be daft, we're going to get all this sorted, look.
00:25:22 >> This is national policy.
00:25:24 >> But you know the right things to say.
00:25:26 >> It doesn't work like that.
00:25:28 >> Oh, come on, bae, this don't make no sense. You tested all my girls yourself, right? And all those tests come back negative, right?
00:25:37 >> Yes, but...
00:25:38 >> Why have I got this? This fucking little shitty bit of paper telling me every living thing within three miles is going to be slaughtered. Tell me that.
00:25:46 >> The orders from the top...
00:25:48 >> Orders from the top? They can't just waltz in here and do what they like.
00:25:53 >> Yes, they can. That's exactly what they can do.
00:25:55 >> But this is my farm.
00:25:57 >> I'm sorry.
00:25:59 >> But there's nothing wrong with any one of my girls, is there? Is there?
00:26:06 >> That doesn't matter. The government have decided...
00:26:08 >> Oh, have they? Well, trot along like a good little boy, cheeky naughty.
00:26:13 >> I haven't got a choice.
00:26:15 >> You're bollocks, have you?
00:26:17 >> Come on, bae. You and me, we hold our ground and we'll fucking butch and sundance a lot of them, yeah?
00:26:27 >> No.
00:26:30 >> No? Fucking no?
00:26:32 >> It's out of my hands, Michael.
00:26:35 >> Out of your hands? It ain't right. It ain't right.
00:26:39 >> Michael, I've never seen anything like it. It's like a war. It's just bleeding across the countryside and they can't contain it.
00:26:49 >> But it's not here. There's nothing wrong with my girls. You said so yourself.
00:26:54 >> Doesn't matter. It's chaos.
00:26:58 >> Last week, the slaughter team in Mortonhamstead spooked the herd so badly they started trying to jump the hedges.
00:27:04 >> Two calves drowned in the river and they just went ahead and built the pyre.
00:27:09 >> And you could hear them. Not all those cows were dead. They hadn't stunned them properly or God knows.
00:27:17 >> I won't let that happen to you.
00:27:22 >> Please, Michael, let me do it properly.
00:27:27 [Music]
00:27:31 >> If I don't do it, they'll just hire in someone else.
00:27:34 >> Work's picked up for you. Something chronic, isn't it?
00:27:42 >> How can you think that?
00:27:44 >> Faze world, is it? Yeah, plenty of work for you now.
00:27:48 >> Well, that's all it is. Whatever they pay you, I'll double it. All right?
00:27:54 >> Oh, shut up, Michael. You've no idea what you're talking about.
00:27:57 >> Don't I?
00:27:59 >> No, you don't.
00:28:01 >> Jack Faze! Jack Faze! Yeah, you've come back here!
00:28:07 >> I don't believe you. You haven't got it in you.
00:28:11 >> It's not right!
00:28:13 >> You look me in the eye and tell me what you're going to do to my girls.
00:28:17 >> Come on, Dr Crawford. You're going to go in the South Shed. You're going to take the newborn off her daddy.
00:28:22 Take little Victoria outside. Her legs are still a bit unstable and she'll be scared and all, so you might have to carry her. And then what?
00:28:30 >> She'll be stunned with a bolt gun.
00:28:33 >> That it? Come on, Geoffrey.
00:28:36 >> I'll shoot her with a bolt gun, here.
00:28:42 >> Make sure that the bolt penetrates her frontal cortex. And then I'll push a plastic rod into the hole, into her brain, and down into her spinal cord to make sure that she's dead.
00:28:51 >> Then you'll swing her on a pile and burn her.
00:28:54 >> Do you think I want to do this?
00:28:56 >> You swore to me, Geoffrey. You swore.
00:28:59 >> Oi! You get off my farm! I'll blow your bloody head off!
00:29:06 >> Calm down. It's all right. It's under control.
00:29:09 >> Let me help you.
00:29:11 >> Help? You won't do nothing.
00:29:13 >> There's nothing I can do.
00:29:15 >> Sputneless, gutless. You're a worm of a man, you know that? A fucking waste of space. A waste of time, my hard-bothering wheels.
00:29:22 >> Come on, put it down.
00:29:24 >> Why? Why shouldn't I blow your head off? Do everyone a bloody fever?
00:29:28 >> Right, that's it. I'm calling the police.
00:29:31 >> Wait, stop! There's no need! It's not loaded.
00:29:37 [Groaning]
00:29:39 >> Please, Geoffrey. Nothing's making any sense.
00:29:47 >> I'm so sorry.
00:29:52 >> Please don't let them take my ghost.
00:29:56 >> Michael.
00:29:59 >> No. Wait!
00:30:01 >> Geoff! Just wait! I can't! Just wait a minute!
00:30:07 >> Rig and female champion, Devon County Show. That one's dirty.
00:30:21 First, first, best in show, one of your show 'em days. Best heifer in milk, 1956. That was my dad's little bit.
00:30:34 Champion dairy pair, 1992. That was Amy and Jojo. '92's when your Holly fell in love with that big foal and begged and begged us to be brought it back from the show.
00:30:48 What was it called?
00:30:50 >> Chamomile.
00:30:51 >> Chamomile. That's it. And she was my dad's horrible angel, staying out of butter, half melted by the time we got there. You remember that, Geoffrey?
00:31:01 >> I remember.
00:31:03 >> They're my girls. That's all I got.
00:31:07 >> Michael!
00:31:11 [Gunshot]
00:31:12 [Cow mooing]
00:31:35 [Gunshot]
00:31:37 [Gunshot]
00:31:40 [Gunshot]
00:31:41 [Gunshot]
00:31:43 [Gunshot]
00:31:45 [Gunshot]
00:31:47 [Gunshot]
00:31:49 [Gunshot]
00:31:51 [Gunshot]
00:31:53 [Gunshot]
00:31:55 [Gunshot]
00:31:57 [Gunshot]
00:31:59 [Gunshot]
00:32:01 [Gunshot]
00:32:04 [Growling]
00:32:06 [Gunshot]
00:32:09 [Gunshot]
00:32:10 [Growling]
00:32:38 [Growling]
00:32:40 [Growling]
00:32:41 [Growling]
00:32:42 [Growling]
00:32:43 [Growling]
00:32:45 [Growling]
00:32:46 [Growling]
00:32:48 [Growling]
00:32:50 [Growling]
00:32:52 [Growling]
00:32:54 [Growling]
00:32:56 [Growling]
00:32:58 [Growling]
00:33:00 [Growling]
00:33:02 [Growling]
00:33:04 [Growling]
00:33:06 [Growling]
00:33:08 [Growling]
00:33:10 [Growling]
00:33:13 [Growling]
00:33:14 [Growling]
00:33:16 [Growling]
00:33:18 [Growling]
00:33:20 [Growling]
00:33:22 [Growling]
00:33:24 [Growling]
00:33:26 [Growling]
00:33:28 [Growling]
00:33:30 [Gunshot]
00:33:32 [Silence]
00:33:33 [Silence]
00:33:34 [Music]
00:33:54 [Music]
00:33:55 [Music]
00:34:04 [Music]
00:34:17 [Music]
00:34:18 [Music]
00:34:27 [Music]
00:34:35 [Music]
00:34:42 [Music]
00:34:43 [Music]
00:34:52 [Music]
00:35:10 [Music]
00:35:11 [Music]
00:35:21 [Music]
00:35:29 [Music]
00:35:38 [Music]
00:35:39 [Music]
00:35:48 [Music]
00:35:56 [Music]
00:36:07 [Music]
00:36:08 [Music]
00:36:09 [Coughing]
00:36:14 [Coughing]
00:36:18 [Coughing]
00:36:22 [Dog Barking]
00:36:35 [Dog Barking]
00:36:36 [Dog Barking]
00:36:53 [Dog Barking]
00:36:55 [Dog Barking]
00:36:59 [Dog Barking]
00:37:02 [Dog Barking]
00:37:03 [Dog Barking]
00:37:09 Hello?
00:37:16 Hello?!
00:37:18 I've got my shotgun, so don't go playing silly buggers, eh?
00:37:24 See?
00:37:25 Just ghosts, is that?
00:37:34 Well, that's about right.
00:37:36 Oi! I'm warning you!
00:37:43 I'm warning you!
00:37:44 For fuck's sake!
00:37:57 This some kind of joke, is it?
00:38:01 What do you want?
00:38:04 You're not welcome here!
00:38:06 I should blow your fucking head off!
00:38:09 Please do.
00:38:10 Shut up.
00:38:11 Blow my head off.
00:38:12 Shut up talking stupid things.
00:38:14 Ah, she finally kicked you out, has she?
00:38:19 God knows you've been asking for it.
00:38:22 Why do you come here?
00:38:23 Geoffrey!
00:38:25 Why do you come back here?
00:38:27 How is you coming here?
00:38:29 Oh, it's a social visit, is it?
00:38:31 Well, fan-fucking-tastic!
00:38:33 Let's have some tea and fucking scones.
00:38:36 Oh, and while we're at it,
00:38:37 here's a funny thing.
00:38:41 Zara's guts burst all across the yard.
00:38:44 Yeah, just fucking everywhere.
00:38:47 With flies and maggots.
00:38:49 Gosh, your little friends didn't see fit to clear up after themselves.
00:38:53 I just left my girls out there in a great heap.
00:38:57 Smelled guts so bad you could smell it all across the eaves.
00:39:01 No escaping it, they weren't.
00:39:03 Imagine how she'll have seen that.
00:39:08 Been cattle on this farm for nearly 200 years.
00:39:12 And it was all gone.
00:39:14 Been a bugger now.
00:39:16 Go on, get out!
00:39:19 And don't you dare come back.
00:39:21 All right.
00:39:23 Hey, you bastard, you get out of it. Go on.
00:39:27 Jesus, I doubt you were bad, but fuck me.
00:39:30 What? What have you done?
00:39:33 Is that all yours?
00:39:34 Christ.
00:39:36 Fuck it, you idiot.
00:39:38 Yeah, are you all right?
00:39:39 You broken anything?
00:39:41 The windscreen's broken.
00:39:42 Oh, fuck the windscreen.
00:39:44 I think it might be all right.
00:39:46 When did it happen?
00:39:47 He was lame.
00:39:48 You didn't let no one?
00:39:49 No.
00:39:50 Hey, you! Come on, get up, Jeffrey.
00:39:53 Get off.
00:39:54 All right.
00:39:55 You can sit down, but you've got a steer week.
00:39:57 It's later.
00:39:58 Yeah, and you've probably got concussion.
00:40:00 Oh, stingy.
00:40:04 Oh, stingy you, Jeffrey.
00:40:07 Fucking stingy this.
00:40:09 What were you thinking?
00:40:12 I have to go to Dorken.
00:40:14 Where the bloody hell is Dorken?
00:40:16 Surrey.
00:40:17 She's taken Holly.
00:40:19 She's gone to her mother's.
00:40:21 I'm not even going to see her on Christmas.
00:40:25 She's my daughter, too.
00:40:28 Shut up, feeling sorry for yourself.
00:40:30 I don't want to hear it.
00:40:32 I don't want to hear it.
00:40:34 Smells.
00:40:55 For the new-borns, innit?
00:41:01 What the fuck are you doing?
00:41:02 I smell.
00:41:04 You do smell, as it happens.
00:41:06 The smell of what, heaven, like a fucking brewery?
00:41:09 Nobody wants me here.
00:41:12 What do you expect?
00:41:14 Just leave you here to rot?
00:41:16 I want it.
00:41:17 You what?
00:41:18 Fuck off.
00:41:19 Leave me here to rot.
00:41:22 As good as you deserve.
00:41:24 Don't notice you're keeping an alacrity, man.
00:41:28 They wouldn't fucking piss on you, you're on fire.
00:41:31 I'm the only broke stupid enough to bother with you,
00:41:34 and look where that got me.
00:41:36 Where you going?
00:41:40 Going away.
00:41:42 That's why you think you'll get this with her.
00:41:50 End up dead in the field.
00:41:51 Good morning.
00:41:52 Good.
00:41:53 Oh, grow up, Geoffrey.
00:41:55 You're bleeding, for fuck's sake.
00:41:57 Sit down.
00:41:58 Okay, fine.
00:42:02 Off you bop.
00:42:04 And good fucking riddance.
00:42:06 And don't you dare come back here.
00:42:08 For fuck's sake, Geoffrey.
00:42:13 Get off.
00:42:16 I'm trying to help you, you baby.
00:42:18 Leave me alone.
00:42:19 This is you all over this, isn't it?
00:42:21 What, sad because no one likes you no more, eh?
00:42:24 Poor Geoffrey.
00:42:26 Who, who?
00:42:27 Who fucking who?
00:42:29 Everyone talked to you when you first got in, didn't they?
00:42:33 After the first five minutes.
00:42:35 Perp quiz, fun run, fucking lovely house,
00:42:39 beautiful little girl.
00:42:41 I've got to fuck all night long.
00:42:44 She's still in the house.
00:42:46 No wife, no girl, no car.
00:42:52 Well, a car with a lot of tree hair.
00:42:56 I'm suspended.
00:42:59 Compassionately.
00:43:02 And I'm a social prior.
00:43:05 You're a fucking whinging bastard, no.
00:43:07 I'm not laughing.
00:43:13 I'm not laughing.
00:43:15 How are you?
00:43:25 You're fucking joking.
00:43:27 You keep him up?
00:43:29 I've been having a little trouble, Michael.
00:43:34 With everything.
00:43:40 Sorry.
00:43:42 Sorry to disturb you.
00:43:44 Oh, fuck's sake, Geoffrey.
00:43:56 Ah, sad day, isn't it?
00:44:09 It's cold.
00:44:10 Yep.
00:44:11 Duck barn's frozen.
00:44:13 Lucky there ain't no ducks in it.
00:44:16 Hey, hey, hey.
00:44:20 Hey, wakey, wakey.
00:44:22 What's the capital of Sweden, Geoffrey?
00:44:25 Oslo.
00:44:26 Right.
00:44:27 Who sang, I don't know, something?
00:44:31 Lulee.
00:44:32 Yep, very good.
00:44:34 Who wrote War and Peace?
00:44:38 Lulee.
00:44:39 Did she?
00:44:40 Fuck me.
00:44:42 I hated it, you know.
00:44:44 Yeah, I don't want to hear it.
00:44:45 I had to do such horrible things.
00:44:47 Yeah, who won?
00:44:48 I'm sorry.
00:44:49 Who won Euro, Michael?
00:44:51 I'm so sorry about it all.
00:44:53 Who won Euro '88?
00:44:56 You're always shit at the spot ones.
00:45:07 I feel sick.
00:45:09 When was the last time you actually ate anything?
00:45:12 Do you even know?
00:45:14 Cruel rest.
00:45:18 Go on, then, take 'em.
00:45:26 They're beef flavored, so it's a bit like dinner.
00:45:32 Haven't got much else in.
00:45:36 She'll give me a right ticking off having just crisps for my dinner.
00:45:40 God, she was in there, she'd go ballistic at the stadium.
00:45:44 They'd drag you in there, shootin' your head off.
00:45:47 Show you not, bath.
00:45:49 Probably give you a load of my clothes.
00:45:52 We was in Tarvey once.
00:45:55 I saw a wino wearing my tweed jacket.
00:45:59 Charity begins at home, she said.
00:46:02 She was a wonderful woman.
00:46:05 She was.
00:46:07 Church kickin' in.
00:46:20 Shoulda gone, really.
00:46:23 Carl Sagan's the only good bit, innit?
00:46:26 Oranges with a candle.
00:46:28 Oh, yeah, I do like the oranges with the candles.
00:46:31 Watch the kids from St. Mary's
00:46:33 for gettin' up their loins in the Nativity.
00:46:36 Remember when you were Father Crispus?
00:46:42 Sitting in your grotto in the village hall.
00:46:46 Don't push your luck.
00:46:50 Holly worked it out.
00:46:55 What?
00:46:56 It was your voice.
00:47:00 She said, "Why would Father Crispus have her Devon accent?"
00:47:05 Fair point.
00:47:07 What was the song?
00:47:09 "Your boys and girls won't get any toys on"?
00:47:13 When Santa got stuck up the chimney.
00:47:16 Santa got stuck up the chimney.
00:47:20 He began to shout.
00:47:23 "Your boys and girls won't..."
00:47:25 Girls and boys.
00:47:28 Girls and boys.
00:47:30 Go on, then.
00:47:32 Fuck off.
00:47:34 I don't remember.
00:47:39 Bollocks.
00:47:41 When Santa got stuck up the chimney.
00:47:47 With the actions.
00:47:49 Do you want me to do it or not?
00:47:52 Sorry.
00:47:55 When Santa got stuck up the chimney.
00:47:58 He began to shout.
00:48:01 "Your girls and boys won't get any toys if you don't pull me out."
00:48:06 My beard is black to certain.
00:48:08 My sack, my nose is dickly deep.
00:48:11 When Santa got stuck up the chimney.
00:48:14 The chimney, the chimney, the chimney.
00:48:23 Can I come in the house?
00:48:26 I don't know yet.
00:48:32 [Music]
00:48:36 [Music]
00:48:40 [Music]
00:48:43 [Music]
00:48:52 [Music]
00:49:02 [Music]
00:49:05 [Music]
00:49:11 [Music]
00:49:17 [Music]
00:49:23 I heard.
00:49:25 I heard you got it back from me.
00:49:30 You hit it so well.
00:49:32 So well that I could barely see.
00:49:35 Now I know.
00:49:38 And it's more than a little crazy.
00:49:41 Don't you know.
00:49:42 I've been dreaming of you.
00:49:44 Be my baby.
00:49:45 I can't believe.
00:49:47 I can't wait to see you again.
00:49:49 I can almost taste it.
00:49:51 'Cause I know it's gonna be.
00:49:52 So sweet.
00:49:53 Sweet as sugar.
00:49:54 Always on my mind.
00:49:56 So fine.
00:49:57 Nothing sweeter.
00:49:58 That I'll ever find.
00:50:00 This will lift me up.
00:50:02 [Music]
00:50:05 I wanna sing.
00:50:07 I wanna sing, sing.
00:50:08 I wanna sing.
00:50:09 I wanna sing, sing.
00:50:11 Let's sing.
00:50:12 Let's sing, sing.
00:50:13 Ooh.
00:50:16 When I was a little girl.
00:50:18 You got game.
00:50:20 You got good.
00:50:22 You don't got nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:50:26 Look at me, look at me, look at me.
00:50:29 I break the game.
00:50:31 This one's dead.
00:50:33 So you better get running, running, running.
00:50:37 Look at me, look at me, look at me.
00:50:40 [Music]
00:50:52 I said.
00:50:53 Hey boy.
00:50:54 Sitting in your tree.
00:50:55 Mommy always wants you to come for tea.
00:50:57 Don't be shy.
00:50:58 Straighten up your tie.
00:50:59 Get down from your tree house.
00:51:01 Sitting in the sky.
00:51:02 I wanna know.
00:51:03 Just what I do.
00:51:04 Is it very big?
00:51:05 Is there room for two?
00:51:06 I got a house with a room.
00:51:08 'Cause I show you how to show me how.
00:51:11 You gotta let me in.
00:51:13 Hey.
00:51:15 Let me play you the game.
00:51:18 Hey.
00:51:20 I'm a wolf today.
00:51:22 [Music]
00:51:42 I said we shouldn't have dodgy days.
00:51:44 David is the finest disc jockey this side of Exeter.
00:51:48 It's cheap, you mean.
00:51:49 That's baby value.
00:51:51 I was on the wolf suit.
00:51:52 Sorry, princess.
00:51:55 [Music]
00:52:01 What is that, a blinding timing?
00:52:03 Yeah.
00:52:04 [Music]
00:52:08 Gorgeous, isn't she?
00:52:10 Of course.
00:52:11 I can get that from you.
00:52:15 When you walked down that aisle, it was like an angel walked in the room.
00:52:21 Made my heart stop.
00:52:25 Should be proud of your girl.
00:52:27 I really am.
00:52:28 You should be.
00:52:34 What the fuck's he doing here?
00:52:36 Who?
00:52:37 Fucking Alacort.
00:52:38 Not enough he's selling up to the highest bidder.
00:52:40 Now he's got his snout in my buffet.
00:52:42 Bloody shameless bastard.
00:52:45 Leave it.
00:52:46 Look at him.
00:52:47 With the cheeks full of my teriyaki skewers.
00:52:50 The boy's own now, couldn't eat them.
00:52:52 Fucking afford it.
00:52:53 You can't blame him.
00:52:54 Where's that leave the rest of us in?
00:52:56 Fucking houses everywhere.
00:52:57 Wake up one morning, go for a piss, there'll be a supermarket open up in my toilet.
00:53:01 Michael, not now.
00:53:03 Oh, come on.
00:53:05 You've got to have a fight at the wedding.
00:53:07 It's tradition.
00:53:09 Give this lot something to go about.
00:53:30 I got a case of beer in my refrigerator.
00:53:35 Got some mud bugs here, and they're ready to boil.
00:53:39 I got some redneck friends.
00:53:41 God, Alan's new bets a jumped up tosser, isn't he?
00:53:44 He's an estate agent.
00:53:45 Of course he fucking is.
00:53:48 Apparently they're considering taking the plunge.
00:53:50 Ah, sod 'em.
00:53:52 You're best out of it, mate.
00:53:54 Sheen off, got ice on it, ease-deez.
00:53:56 She has stacked it on since the divorce.
00:53:58 Mother of the bride.
00:54:00 More like fucking free Willy.
00:54:07 Good on you, boy.
00:54:08 Not letting that batch of bastards upset you.
00:54:11 Like bloody mother-in-law HMS Pinafore over there.
00:54:15 Barbara?
00:54:16 Barbara's having a field day.
00:54:18 Orange juice, is it, Geoffrey?
00:54:19 Well, that does make a change.
00:54:21 She never did like me.
00:54:23 She's another one fucking boring as sin.
00:54:26 Lord knows, everyone with too much perfume and their, what's this, you know, plumes.
00:54:35 I said to her, I said, "What have you come as, love, Admiral Nelson?"
00:54:39 You didn't say that.
00:54:40 I did.
00:54:42 Ha!
00:54:43 We're good.
00:54:44 Bollocks to her.
00:54:45 Yeah, bollocks to her.
00:54:46 Shh.
00:54:53 You know what I had to do, announce of all that, what not you did?
00:54:59 You see, mate, she was born a partial twat and she'll die the same or not.
00:55:06 There's no 12 sacks for that.
00:55:12 Anyway, Lord of the Manor, you know, don't you?
00:55:16 Hardly.
00:55:18 We done all right. We double the yard by next year, fix the road.
00:55:23 Go organic, get a hogtop.
00:55:25 Yeah.
00:55:40 Pepper's a lovely woman, isn't she?
00:55:43 I said to her, I said, "You have a look of Gina Lolliburgeter, you.
00:55:49 You ever hear that, sweetheart?"
00:55:54 Not married to him, is she?
00:55:56 Pepper? Yeah, she is.
00:55:57 That's my cousin Steve.
00:56:01 Gina Lolliburgeter.
00:56:04 Fuck me, they don't make them like that anymore, do they?
00:56:08 You think they get to a certain size and she won't be able to keep her balance no more.
00:56:13 It's remarkable.
00:56:15 See, she'll have a good pair on her, but then she'll have the backside to act like, you know, a counterbalance sort of thing.
00:56:23 See you, Jeff.
00:56:24 Cheers, Steve. See you on the 14th.
00:56:27 What's happening on the 14th?
00:56:34 Michael.
00:56:40 Michael, you can download Steve, he can fucking whistle for it.
00:56:45 Sick of these people.
00:56:46 Hang on.
00:56:47 Why are you always fiddling with the ace?
00:56:49 I'm not.
00:56:50 Well, if you move in, it's the goodness of my heart.
00:56:53 Suddenly it's been an inch you'll eat that.
00:56:55 Robards, this.
00:56:57 It's just evaluation.
00:56:59 I mean, why not explore some options?
00:57:02 I reckon if we convert just one of the barns, then...
00:57:05 Oh, we're sitting on acres of real estate.
00:57:08 I'm sitting on my farm, all right.
00:57:11 Our farm?
00:57:14 Come on.
00:57:16 We're missing the party.
00:57:23 Fucking eight grand designs, Jeff.
00:57:25 I know.
00:57:26 Open was always fucking on.
00:57:28 Now, some day, it's only ever so.
00:57:30 Have us some bleeding channels, see?
00:57:33 I didn't mean we'd actually get grand designs round.
00:57:36 You better fucking not.
00:57:37 Don't want grand designs coming round here fucking putting B-days left, right and centre.
00:57:45 [Music]
00:58:06 [Music]
00:58:17 Just been thinking, shame old Sheila isn't here.
00:58:21 She bloody loved the wedding.
00:58:23 Bloody loved the buffet and all.
00:58:26 She was a wonderful woman.
00:58:28 She was.
00:58:34 Why can't I have a farm, Jeff?
00:58:36 Why does everything have to be bloody conference and a fucking spa barn conversion?
00:58:44 People still got to eat, ain't they?
00:58:46 Still got to grow plants.
00:58:48 Can't do that in a test tube yet, can you?
00:58:52 Don't understand people no more.
00:58:55 It's just a way we could actually make some money.
00:58:59 You know how it's been.
00:59:01 Soon it'll be winter again and we'll be back to living by the river.
00:59:04 Because every other room's got damp patches turning to ice.
00:59:08 Roofs leaking.
00:59:10 The windows are so creaky they're basically held together with cobwebs.
00:59:14 I mean, why not use the barn?
00:59:17 Just use some of the land.
00:59:20 It's better than having it fall apart, isn't it?
00:59:22 Bloody washing and ironing and playing charlady to a load of boys twat.
00:59:25 But nothing's working.
00:59:28 Look, we tried and we couldn't have done more.
00:59:31 But milk prices just keep falling.
00:59:33 What? So we give everything up to people that's come down here and treat this whole county like it's a fucking hotel?
00:59:39 Like it's all been put here for the weekend?
00:59:42 They're postcards.
00:59:44 You don't let them come down here and bully you.
00:59:47 I heard a lot of them.
00:59:49 Ooh, isn't it lovely? It's just like an oil painting.
00:59:52 Well, it's not a painting, is it?
00:59:54 It's proper.
00:59:56 It's actually here.
00:59:58 Ten years ago, they'd have been ankle-deep in cash here.
01:00:01 And now? We've maybe got a couple of months left?
01:00:04 We'd double the yard, go organic.
01:00:06 With money from what?
01:00:09 We're tapped out.
01:00:11 This was the last of it.
01:00:14 Don't know what else we can do.
01:00:19 Enjoy the party, I suppose.
01:00:22 [music]
01:00:33 [applause]
01:00:53 [music]
01:01:13 [music]
01:01:23 [music]
01:01:33 [music]
01:01:43 [music]
01:01:53 [music]
01:02:13 [music]
01:02:23 [music]
01:02:33 [music]
01:02:43 [music]
01:02:53 [music]
01:03:13 [music]
01:03:23 [music]
01:03:33 [music]
01:03:43 [music]
01:03:53 [music]
01:04:07 What the hell?
01:04:10 Shut up, you're making yourself cough.
01:04:12 Oh, sheels wet her knickers, she saw you standing there like that in her coat.
01:04:17 Yes, well, someone chucked mine in the slurry pit.
01:04:19 Did they?
01:04:20 Yes, they did.
01:04:21 Imagine you's been a nub.
01:04:23 You imagine?
01:04:24 Hang about, you're not wearing her knickers too, is you?
01:04:27 Is that what's wrong?
01:04:29 You got your knickers on, don't you?
01:04:31 That's it, it's got enough circulation to your brains.
01:04:35 Very droll.
01:04:42 Where's your tablet?
01:04:43 You don't want a tablet.
01:04:46 Do you want some water?
01:04:47 Bollocks, the water.
01:04:48 You won't be useful.
01:04:49 Rollers a fag.
01:04:51 Absolutely not.
01:04:52 So what difference is it going to make now, eh?
01:04:56 This is a pissing stupid idea, you know.
01:04:58 Rollers a fag.
01:05:00 You'd be far more comfortable in bed.
01:05:02 Get out of bed?
01:05:04 Perseverance and Devon up here.
01:05:07 God's own country this is, Geoffrey.
01:05:13 Lucky you can't see the diggers from up here.
01:05:15 Diggers?
01:05:16 Bottom end of Church Lane.
01:05:18 They're building a new estate.
01:05:20 Christ and baby Moses in a basket.
01:05:24 Heard what they're going to call it.
01:05:27 I'm not sure I should tell you, actually.
01:05:29 It's not good for your blood pressure.
01:05:31 Let me guess.
01:05:33 Dingly nightingale twinkle fucking lead.
01:05:37 Worse.
01:05:38 Honeysuckle badger sparkly lean.
01:05:42 Shepherd's devil.
01:05:44 Shepherd's devil!
01:05:46 Oh, Christ!
01:05:48 Where's me shotgun?
01:05:50 Fucking shoot me in the head, now that I live to see Shepherd.
01:05:55 What the fuck's a devil?
01:05:56 I think it's where pixies live.
01:05:58 Ah, pixies.
01:06:00 Christ!
01:06:02 What is wrong with people?
01:06:05 The irony being, the shepherd's working on the building site.
01:06:08 Who's that?
01:06:10 Shane, what's that?
01:06:11 Shane Dimpsy.
01:06:13 Dimpsy, is he?
01:06:14 Apparently.
01:06:16 You best keep your distance, then.
01:06:18 Why?
01:06:20 Don't remember, do you?
01:06:22 Oh, God, what?
01:06:23 Well, back when you was, you know, being a drunk wanker.
01:06:26 Alcohol dependent.
01:06:28 You tried it on with Shane Dimpsy's messes in front of everyone,
01:06:32 including him in the beer garden of the Drake.
01:06:35 Is that all?
01:06:37 Well, you didn't have no trousers on at the time, see?
01:06:40 I didn't?
01:06:41 No, you'd sicked up down yourself.
01:06:43 So you was so fit to take a moth and fling him in a tree.
01:06:46 Oh, shits.
01:06:48 Ruined there, Carly, sweet 16, that.
01:06:52 He nearly bartered you to death in the car park.
01:06:56 Still, I laughed.
01:06:59 Sorry.
01:07:04 So he's on the building sites now, is he?
01:07:09 Shane.
01:07:19 I've changed my mind.
01:07:21 I don't want to be buried in the churchyard no more.
01:07:25 I want to be stuffed and put in that bottom field
01:07:28 so I can scare the shit out of everybody in Shepherd's Dale.
01:07:32 Or I could just bury you with your arse sticking out.
01:07:35 Oh, yeah, give you somewhere to park your bike.
01:07:38 Nah, that's too much work.
01:07:40 Just sling you in the compost bin.
01:07:42 You'll mulch up lovely come spring.
01:07:47 Do you want some water?
01:07:48 Tea.
01:07:57 Here.
01:08:04 Oh, I forgot.
01:08:06 I got you a present.
01:08:08 Look.
01:08:13 We've got loads.
01:08:15 We should get them in some vinegar and have a conker tournament.
01:08:18 That's a beauty.
01:08:21 Look at that, Geoffrey.
01:08:23 Magnificent, isn't it?
01:08:25 It is.
01:08:28 It's getting late.
01:08:30 We should think about getting you home.
01:08:33 Oh, let's stay out a bit longer, eh?
01:08:36 You've been up here ages.
01:08:38 Besides, dinner will be ready soon.
01:08:40 I've made cheesy bean crunch.
01:08:42 I hate cheesy bean bollocky crunch.
01:08:44 There's protein in beans. It's good for you.
01:08:46 You've finished me off with your bloody rabbit food.
01:08:49 Actually, Michael,
01:08:51 rabbits eat their own mucus-covered sequel pellets
01:08:53 as they emerge from the anus.
01:08:56 You're a filthy bastard.
01:09:07 Goosey fair day today.
01:09:09 No?
01:09:10 Can you believe it already?
01:09:12 It comes around quicker and quicker.
01:09:16 I used to take Holly until she got too cool to go with me.
01:09:21 I bought her a great big plastic tiara one year,
01:09:25 with green lights all over it.
01:09:28 She wouldn't take it off.
01:09:31 It really annoyed Helen,
01:09:33 which was bonus, of course.
01:09:36 She was outraged that I bought her something so gaudy.
01:09:41 That's the charm of a fair, though, isn't it?
01:09:44 It's sort of gloriously shit.
01:09:49 Helen always wanted to be like something out of Jane Austen.
01:09:52 Traveling a goldfish one year on the shooting gallery.
01:09:56 Don't know how I feel about that.
01:09:58 Don't bother about them.
01:10:00 Hard as fucking needles, fairground goldfish.
01:10:02 Could fight the dog.
01:10:05 Lived in a vase for six months.
01:10:08 He had that fish for bloody years.
01:10:12 Lasted till he went to college.
01:10:14 What was it called?
01:10:16 Marti Maraschino.
01:10:20 They were all buried in the March box beneath the Rome tree.
01:10:24 They farmed grease.
01:10:27 Pink ladies and all that.
01:10:31 You ever watch that film?
01:10:33 I want to, Luke.
01:10:34 Holly loved grease.
01:10:36 So did Trav.
01:10:41 Be good if he came to stay one weekend.
01:10:44 I've got his email.
01:10:45 Yeah.
01:10:47 Perhaps.
01:10:49 I'll see you in him and Jack are free.
01:10:50 All right.
01:10:58 What now for us, then, hmm?
01:11:00 Get the bonfire lit, throw some crumpets?
01:11:05 Ooh.
01:11:07 Some sort of pagan orgy.
01:11:10 I'll phone Mrs. Tepps from the post office and get her to bring her sister Eunice.
01:11:15 I hear she'll do anything for a custard slice and a game of bingo.
01:11:40 Smell that?
01:11:42 Artnum.
01:11:45 Smells like smoke and frost and wet moss.
01:11:51 Wish you'd get that bonfire lit.
01:11:53 Drey spell won't last.
01:11:57 Sheila'd always beat me a blackberry crumble.
01:12:01 She was a cracking cop.
01:12:02 She was?
01:12:04 That's how come she had the hearse to seize the Tiverton.
01:12:10 You remember that New Year she come up here and all that fuss she made coming up here in them stilettos?
01:12:18 Why was she wearing stilettos?
01:12:20 Showing off to your own, weren't she?
01:12:24 Great night that was.
01:12:26 Sitting up there watching the fireworks.
01:12:29 Helen got so pissed she kept calling it the Minilium.
01:12:34 Happy Minilium.
01:12:42 I used to bring old shoes up here when we were first gardening.
01:12:45 Oh, that's nice.
01:12:47 And we'd sneak back to the barn for a fumble.
01:12:52 Bloody gorgeous she was.
01:12:55 Loved my life.
01:13:00 Bloody hurry up and find yourself a bird, Geoffrey.
01:13:04 You find yourself a good woman, you'll be happy.
01:13:07 I sure God help me.
01:13:09 The only fanny I've seen in years is you.
01:13:26 Yeah, I remember my old house.
01:13:29 I'll never tell you that.
01:13:31 You did.
01:13:34 Born upstairs.
01:13:36 I didn't know that.
01:13:37 My mother was back milking the cows within the hour.
01:13:51 We had a good run, didn't we, Geoffrey?
01:13:53 You finished your tea?
01:13:54 Muddled through, you know.
01:13:56 I'm going to have a friendly.
01:13:59 Get a telly in the kitchen.
01:14:00 Telly in the kitchen.
01:14:03 She would never let me have a telly in the kitchen.
01:14:06 There you go.
01:14:07 Some dreams do come true.
01:14:09 Now come on.
01:14:10 My bean crunch is going to burn.
01:14:12 It's all yours.
01:14:15 The house.
01:14:16 It's going to get far too cold up here if we don't get a move on.
01:14:20 I said the house is yours, Geoffrey.
01:14:22 Don't be daft.
01:14:24 It's the easiest bloke in the world to live with.
01:14:26 You're a colossal and perpetual pain in the arse.
01:14:28 No, you're a pain in the arse.
01:14:30 I am.
01:14:31 Now come on.
01:14:32 It's getting cold.
01:14:33 Yeah.
01:14:34 Lucky bastard, eh?
01:14:35 To have had all this.
01:14:37 Have a woman like Sheila and be here.
01:14:42 Have a life here.
01:14:45 I never wanted to go anywhere else, you know.
01:14:51 I went to Carven Tree once.
01:14:53 Yeah?
01:14:54 It was fucking awful.
01:14:58 Still, you can go anywhere you like, eh, Geoffrey?
01:15:03 You do that.
01:15:05 Don't be such a girl.
01:15:12 I'm going to get you.
01:15:15 What's the... what?
01:15:44 What's the longest river in Africa, Geoffrey?
01:15:47 The Nile.
01:15:48 Is it?
01:15:49 You're a terrible quiz monster.
01:15:51 Yeah.
01:15:54 What do you call a baldie git in a stupid coat?
01:15:58 Very good.
01:16:06 Yeah.
01:16:07 Listen.
01:16:15 Come on, Geoffrey.
01:16:17 Even you know this one.
01:16:23 It's a night, Geoff.
01:16:52 I'm sorry.
01:17:06 I'm sorry.
01:17:26 I'm sorry.
01:17:54 I'm sorry.
01:18:18 I'm sorry.
01:18:44 I'm sorry.
01:18:54 I'm sorry.
01:19:14 I'm sorry.
01:19:34 I'm sorry.
01:19:54 I'm sorry.
01:20:14 I'm sorry.
01:20:34 I'm sorry.
01:20:54 I'm sorry.
01:21:14 I'm sorry.
01:21:24 [BLANK_AUDIO]