What really is a loving relationship? || Acharya Prashant (2014)
Video Information: Samvaad session, 26.01.2014, Advait Bodhsthal, Noida, India
Context:
~ What is meant by loving relationship?
~ How much importance of love is there in relationships?
~ Does bodily attraction called as love?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Context:
~ What is meant by loving relationship?
~ How much importance of love is there in relationships?
~ Does bodily attraction called as love?
Music Credits: Milind Date
~~~~~
Transcript
00:00 Very much.
00:10 One basic characteristic of loving is to be interested in others spiritual growth.
00:16 What is spiritual growth?
00:23 Whenever one person is related to another person, whenever one person is related to
00:37 another person, the effect of one person upon the other, their mutual effect upon each other
00:47 can be of two types.
00:49 One is that B becomes dependent upon A. B already had a mind that wanted dependency
01:02 and now B has become all the more dependent upon A. B has become attached to A and A is
01:12 relishing the attachment, A is saying that see he loves me so much, B loves me so much.
01:19 That is the reason why it has become attached because after all attachment is a sign of
01:23 love.
01:32 A has filled up B's mind so completely.
01:41 A says that B is now so completely in love with me that he or she is all the time now
01:47 thinking of me.
01:50 So obviously there is no space for contemplation, introspection.
02:00 B used to be a reader.
02:07 Every night before sleeping she would read at least for two hours.
02:13 She typically went to bed at around 10.30 and would read till around midnight and then
02:18 sleep.
02:20 Now A knows that she retires at 10.30 so he calls her up at 10.30 every night and now
02:31 these two talk for two hours and then she sleeps at 12.30.
02:37 Now obviously the time that could have gone into reading is being consumed by A. Now what
02:45 is the effect that A is having upon B?
02:50 This is what is the opposite of spiritual growth.
02:54 The mind was already cluttered and the effect of A upon B's life is that B's mind is all
03:04 the more cluttered now.
03:07 This is what our normal love does to the other.
03:12 Talk to me for four hours on phone.
03:15 Is that the best use of his or her time?
03:20 You are destroying the other person.
03:22 You are the biggest enemy he can ever have.
03:25 You are not giving him or her space.
03:27 You are not allowing her for aloneness.
03:34 Now B can become conditioned to such an extent that one day when A realizes that this is
03:40 the effect he is having upon B, he says, "No, I will no more call you up.
03:45 You must read."
03:46 He says, "Surely there is somebody else in your life now.
03:50 Whom are you seeing these days?
03:56 Who is that bitch?
03:57 I will kill her."
03:58 B will not even realize what is meant by growth.
04:08 What is love?
04:15 Look at the people who say that we love somebody.
04:19 What are they filling the other's mind with?
04:21 Their own beliefs.
04:24 You know, another aspect to it.
04:30 Let me come to it.
04:33 Whenever two young people, not only young, right till the middle age, they come in touch
04:38 with each other, the man would always remind the woman about his body or her body rather.
04:50 He looks at her and she realizes he is greatly interested in her body and this mind which
04:55 would otherwise have been calm now gets filled up with thoughts of the body.
05:01 The very presence of the male makes the woman body-centric and vice versa.
05:10 Now he or she used to be a calm, nice, decent individual.
05:16 But since this person has entered their lives, all the time they are sexually aroused.
05:21 And when they are not sexually aroused, they would get some message or a picture or a thought,
05:31 some kind of reminder which would make them all body, rather all genitals.
05:38 From head to toe, this woman is only now genitals.
05:42 Nothing else has remained.
05:43 The brains have all been eaten out.
05:48 That's what the man has done to her.
05:50 Made a huge genital out of her being.
05:56 And that's what he has done to the man as well.
06:00 Both sides.
06:01 Now is this love?
06:05 This is exactly what spiritual growth is not.
06:09 Your presence is reducing the other person to a corpse, to a mere huge piece of flesh.
06:19 And is that not what husbands do to their wives?
06:22 I mean the husband is horny and the two are on the bed.
06:25 The husband wants to have a go at her and she is reading Krishnamurti.
06:29 Now what is the husband going to do?
06:33 The two are lying side by side.
06:36 The husband is ready to attack and she is with Krishnamurti.
06:42 Now what is the husband going to do?
06:43 Tell me.
06:44 I mean many of you are married, so you know what happens.
06:47 Krishnamurti goes to the old man.
06:58 Is he sexier than me?
07:04 This is the effect that lovers have upon each other.
07:11 And she used to be a nice woman and then he will get her pregnant and now she is all body.
07:17 At least for nine months she is nothing but the body.
07:21 Body is constantly reminding her of this and that.
07:24 And then the baby comes and she has to definitely remain a body.
07:29 This is the effect that so called lovers have upon each other.
07:34 Where would you find minimum of reading happening when people are in love?
07:49 When they only read SMS and WhatsApp.
07:59 That's what, yeah, my daily reading, WhatsApp.
08:09 And you say I am in love.
08:13 Bliss.
08:14 And it's so different to even imagine, right?
08:17 So difficult to imagine.
08:20 Can there be lovers who actually wish each other well?
08:25 Is it possible to have a husband who in the middle of sex realizes, hey, did you do your
08:29 daily reading today?
08:30 No, I am getting off.
08:32 Where is your book?
08:33 Read, first read only then.
08:36 Finish off your 20 pages.
08:39 And she is saying no, no, no, that can be done tomorrow.
08:43 No, today.
08:44 Otherwise, how will you attend the Sunday session?
08:55 From where will you find such a man?
09:00 You have wives and you have husbands who are of an entirely different nature.
09:05 Where do you hide Krishnamoorthy by the way in your house?
09:10 Under the pillow, somewhere over the AC.
09:16 Some dirty book has been found.
09:17 What is this?
09:18 So this is what you are reading these days.
09:19 Have you fallen so low?
09:20 Do you see the effect it will have upon Chunnu?
09:21 This is the example you are setting.
09:22 This dirty old man.
09:38 And that is the quality of our love.
09:43 I have seen people come here and their spouses would wait for two hours there, down, but
09:49 they will not climb up.
09:51 Spouses, fathers, mothers, friends, they will wait for two hours downstairs.
09:58 They will not climb up.
10:03 And if I happen to see them, this is that man whose face keeps popping out of her laptop
10:09 all the time.
10:13 This is for my sunset.
10:25 Now what is this?
10:28 Is this love?
10:30 Is this love?
10:31 Do you really wish each other well?
10:42 If your wife does not like you coming here, will she wish you well?
10:47 Or is she really an enemy?
10:51 Help her.
10:52 I am not saying that kill your enemy.
10:53 I am saying help your enemy.
10:56 Help her.
10:58 She needs treatment.
11:10 That is the treatment.
11:11 That is the treatment.
11:12 No, no, I said if he is interested, because he will be here only if he is interested.
11:17 Yes.
11:18 No, not really, not always.
11:20 He might be here because you are here.
11:22 So it's alright.
11:26 From the carrot, Leo Riemann.
11:31 This is a very pertinent question.
11:42 One basic characteristic of real love is that you help the other person really grow.
11:49 And that growth is nothing but self-revelation, self-awareness.
11:56 Is through your presence, are you really helping the other person or drowning him in some kind
12:03 of nosha?