Farnham woman shares list of 'non-negotiables' a man has to meet to date her
- 5 months ago
A woman has shared her list of non-negotiables a man has to meet to date her – including being a feminist and "going beyond the bare minimum".
Phoebe Brooks, 21, put together her list of 13 "high standards" with her friend, Jemma McCoubrey, 21, after becoming single at the beginning of the year.
Phoebe - who is studying film production at Gloucestershire University - says anyone she dates has to be a feminist and "understand what we [women] put up with".
She wants all women to be with a man who is kind, mature, and who doesn’t need to be "mothered".
Phoebe wanted someone who is clean and tidy and has good friends with "no cheats".
Phoebe says her demands have been called "high standards" but she believes it’s not too much to ask for.
Phoebe, originally from Farnham, Surrey, said: "I needed a list to remind myself what is non-negotiable.
“I’ve got it on my wall – it’s a cute reminder.
“I’ve been told I’m high maintenance. I don’t think I am.
“Most of them are not big asks.
“They are the bare minimum.
“These are absolute non-negotiables.”
Phoebe - who is now in a relationship - believes a boyfriend should be a best friend and wants them to be emotionally intelligent.
She said: “I’ve always wanted that classic true love.
“You grow together.
"Everyone should have someone who is open minded to change.”
Loyalty, respect and honesty are also key traits Phoebe looks for in a partner.
She said: “Loyalty – it’s the bare minimum.
"They need to understand women and what we put up with."
Phoebe wants her partner to be a feminist and believe in equality – and says strangers have been outraged by it.
She said: “Being a feminist just means you think women should be equal. If you disagree that’s bizarre.
“People were raged.”
Phoebe needs someone who is mature and has good communication.
She said: “You can’t have a relationship without good communication.
“It’s frustrating growing up as a girl.
“People say boys mature slower. I’ve never listed to that.
“If boys had to deal with half the things girls do – they’d grow up too.”
Phoebe says someone she dates needs to have good friends.
She said: “Who you are friends with helps me decide if I want to be with you.
“I’d never get someone not be friend with someone.
“I wouldn’t ask someone to change, I’d just leave.”
Phoebe also wants a protective partner but wants them to respect boundaries and not become controlling.
It’s important her partner shares the same aims and values in life.
Phoebe said: “You have to have the same aims in life.
“People think it’s weird to ask if you want marriage or kids this young but how do you know if you want to be with someone?
“It’s about growing together while both having different careers.”
Phoebe believes most of her standards should be expected and wants men to go above and beyond.
She said: “Go beyond the bare minimum.
“It’s little things – like telling you how much you mean to them."
Phoebe Brooks, 21, put together her list of 13 "high standards" with her friend, Jemma McCoubrey, 21, after becoming single at the beginning of the year.
Phoebe - who is studying film production at Gloucestershire University - says anyone she dates has to be a feminist and "understand what we [women] put up with".
She wants all women to be with a man who is kind, mature, and who doesn’t need to be "mothered".
Phoebe wanted someone who is clean and tidy and has good friends with "no cheats".
Phoebe says her demands have been called "high standards" but she believes it’s not too much to ask for.
Phoebe, originally from Farnham, Surrey, said: "I needed a list to remind myself what is non-negotiable.
“I’ve got it on my wall – it’s a cute reminder.
“I’ve been told I’m high maintenance. I don’t think I am.
“Most of them are not big asks.
“They are the bare minimum.
“These are absolute non-negotiables.”
Phoebe - who is now in a relationship - believes a boyfriend should be a best friend and wants them to be emotionally intelligent.
She said: “I’ve always wanted that classic true love.
“You grow together.
"Everyone should have someone who is open minded to change.”
Loyalty, respect and honesty are also key traits Phoebe looks for in a partner.
She said: “Loyalty – it’s the bare minimum.
"They need to understand women and what we put up with."
Phoebe wants her partner to be a feminist and believe in equality – and says strangers have been outraged by it.
She said: “Being a feminist just means you think women should be equal. If you disagree that’s bizarre.
“People were raged.”
Phoebe needs someone who is mature and has good communication.
She said: “You can’t have a relationship without good communication.
“It’s frustrating growing up as a girl.
“People say boys mature slower. I’ve never listed to that.
“If boys had to deal with half the things girls do – they’d grow up too.”
Phoebe says someone she dates needs to have good friends.
She said: “Who you are friends with helps me decide if I want to be with you.
“I’d never get someone not be friend with someone.
“I wouldn’t ask someone to change, I’d just leave.”
Phoebe also wants a protective partner but wants them to respect boundaries and not become controlling.
It’s important her partner shares the same aims and values in life.
Phoebe said: “You have to have the same aims in life.
“People think it’s weird to ask if you want marriage or kids this young but how do you know if you want to be with someone?
“It’s about growing together while both having different careers.”
Phoebe believes most of her standards should be expected and wants men to go above and beyond.
She said: “Go beyond the bare minimum.
“It’s little things – like telling you how much you mean to them."