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00:00 What are your non-negotiables?
00:04 But pastor, I got a good heart.
00:05 Turn around, baby.
00:06 Well, bless your little heart,
00:07 but ain't enough back there for me.
00:08 Got a beautiful heart.
00:09 Yeah, your heart is,
00:11 look at Denzel, bless your little heart, baby.
00:13 Your heart is beautiful,
00:14 but I'm gonna need some more back there.
00:17 And so God bless you and your beautiful little heart.
00:20 But this not evangelism.
00:22 This my mirror.
00:22 Look at Phil laughing.
00:23 They laughing.
00:24 Hey, what's up, everybody?
00:25 Welcome back to Dr. R.A. Vernon TV.
00:28 I'm super hype.
00:29 My new book, "The Dr. R.A. Vernon 10 Rules of Dating,"
00:33 the rules have changed,
00:36 dropped about a week ago.
00:38 It's all over the country, man.
00:40 We can't keep them in stock.
00:41 We're mailing, shipping, signing, and I'm loving it, man.
00:45 Yes, it's blessing my family,
00:46 but more than that, it's a labor of love.
00:49 I've been pastoring a quarter century.
00:51 I've decided the second half of my pastorate,
00:54 I'm going to do more premarital than marital.
00:58 Once you've said, "I do," you just gotta do.
01:00 You gotta make adjustments.
01:02 If you say, "Now, if you're not a Christian,"
01:04 you just get you another one.
01:05 But to those of us who love Jesus,
01:07 when marriage gets hard,
01:09 if there's no cheating and no beating,
01:11 we not leaving our marriages,
01:13 which means we have to make adjustments,
01:15 adjustments from our home of origin issues,
01:17 adjustments from what we thought our spouse might be,
01:20 that they're not,
01:21 adjustments sometime, adultery, things happen.
01:24 We feel led to forgive, adjustments.
01:27 That's what marriage is.
01:28 It's ongoing negotiating and adjustments.
01:32 I do think though, the best thing you can do in your life,
01:35 the best thing you can do in your life
01:37 other than Christ is pick right.
01:40 The best thing I've done in my life,
01:42 a victory Rose Vernon,
01:43 the best thing I've done in my life is victory Rose Vernon.
01:47 It's not even close, not my children,
01:48 not the Word Church, not this podcast,
01:50 not any of you, much as I love you.
01:52 Picking right has made my life so good.
01:55 When everything's stressing me, I love going home to her.
01:59 When church is a trip, when family is a trip,
02:02 siblings, that's called life.
02:04 People don't like you,
02:05 Ken to you don't like you.
02:06 When stress happens,
02:08 but then to go home to somebody you don't feel,
02:11 that can be long and laborious.
02:13 Dr. R.A. Vernon, he picked right.
02:16 I got so much wrong with me, but I picked right.
02:18 I wanna help singles to do the same thing.
02:21 So I wrote this book.
02:22 I wanna give you the titles of each chapter.
02:25 We talked about it last week.
02:26 We're gonna chase these for the next eight, nine weeks.
02:29 We started last week.
02:30 Rule number one, we started last week.
02:32 You must have self-awareness.
02:34 We'll flash them all.
02:35 Rule number one, you must have self-awareness.
02:38 Today's rule, number two, know your non-negotiables.
02:42 Rule number three, rule number three,
02:44 never negotiate your non-negotiables.
02:48 Rule number four, don't play date, date on assignment.
02:52 Rule number five, have the Jesus talk.
02:56 Rule number six, know what direction you're dating in.
03:01 Rule number seven, discuss each other's past.
03:05 Rule number nine, hurry up and take your time.
03:10 And rule number 10, don't have sex.
03:14 Man, let's unpack these.
03:16 This again is a kind of study guide
03:19 to go along with my book.
03:20 It's right there on the screen.
03:21 Order the book.
03:22 Those of you who have singles ministries,
03:24 pastors for your entire ministry,
03:27 they're probably more single persons
03:28 at your church than married.
03:29 That's just the reality in today's context,
03:31 particularly in the black ethos, black churches.
03:33 More single people than married, so get 500 of them.
03:36 Support our family, our ministry,
03:38 and bless some people that you know.
03:41 So last week, to recap quickly,
03:42 we talked about rule number one,
03:45 which is self-awareness.
03:47 Who would think that?
03:48 You would think we'd be talking about other persons
03:51 or knowing what to look for.
03:52 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
03:53 The first key to dating is to know yourself, unequivocally.
03:57 The first key to dating is to know yourself.
04:00 The first key to dating is to know kind of who you are,
04:05 what's wrong with you, what's right with you.
04:09 That will help you to choose clearly.
04:11 Am I introverted, extroverted, someplace in the middle?
04:16 Do I have a whole lot of daddy issues?
04:19 Which means my husband's gonna need to know that.
04:22 I'm needy now, I need a lot of hugging,
04:25 a lot of affirmation, 'cause I'm 18 years late.
04:29 I'm 30 years late, I haven't been affirmed my whole life.
04:32 I ain't gonna lie.
04:33 I done had this loving daddy and this sweet mama.
04:37 So whoever marry me is gonna have to be touchy-feely,
04:41 'cause I can't go another 30 years with no touchy-feely.
04:44 I didn't get no touchy-feely as a baby, as a teenager.
04:48 Okay, so I'm gonna need that.
04:50 Self-awareness, am I a shopper?
04:53 Do I need money?
04:55 Do I like to be spoiled?
04:56 So I need to know that so I don't settle on someone
05:00 who can't provide that and then hold it against them.
05:04 I'm going in on spiritually, self-aware.
05:06 I'm on fire for Jesus.
05:08 I ain't got time to teach you John 3:16.
05:11 I'm praying for you, but I don't have time
05:13 to evangelize you and wait for you
05:15 to finish new members class
05:17 and wait for you to get spirit-filled
05:18 and find the Holy Spirit and find peace and joy.
05:21 No, I'm too far gone.
05:23 I'm gonna need that off the rip.
05:25 Or am I willing to possibly, you'll love this,
05:29 evangelize my own spouse?
05:31 I've seen people.
05:32 I used to teach, don't marry nobody who don't know Jesus.
05:36 But what about if they're willing to know Jesus?
05:39 See, this real teaching.
05:40 You're not getting plastic theology, plastic teaching.
05:44 If they don't love Jesus, if they don't know Jesus,
05:47 don't even give them your number.
05:48 Maybe the brother never heard about Jesus, but he's willing.
05:52 I can't tell you how many brothers
05:54 have walked up to me and shook my hand.
05:56 A young lady brought the brother to the church.
05:58 I looked him in his eye and said,
06:00 "Look, man, I'm Pastor Vernon, bro.
06:03 "I done seen a lot of brothers come and go,
06:04 "but if you stick with me and come every Sunday,
06:07 "I'm gonna put my heart in you, man.
06:08 "God's gonna use you."
06:10 And the brother has never left.
06:13 The brother ended up being in ministry
06:14 here at the Word Church.
06:15 So sometime, what if God leaves you?
06:18 I will say this as a parenthetical.
06:20 Can I get your number?
06:21 No, but you can meet me Sunday at the Word Church.
06:25 And if I see you, maybe we'll talk after church.
06:29 Yeah, come get this Word, yeah.
06:31 So there's ways of saying, are you even willing?
06:34 That's a whole 'nother thing.
06:35 So self-awareness.
06:37 I want you to get to know you
06:39 and make sure you reference last week's BibleCast podcast
06:45 and the subject was rule number one, self-awareness.
06:49 So rule number two, know your non-negotiables.
06:54 To put it plainly, what is it that you got to have
07:00 before you spend the rest of your life with somebody?
07:03 These are absolute must.
07:05 I know nobody's gonna be everything, Pastor.
07:09 There's no perfect person.
07:11 There'll be something about them that gets on my nerves.
07:14 I don't think anybody gets everything they want in anybody.
07:19 So the question you have to grapple with,
07:21 and it's an important question, it's an important question.
07:23 Don't let anyone minimize what I'm teaching you.
07:25 This is 30 years of counseling,
07:28 married to the same woman almost 30 years.
07:30 I know a little bit about what I'm talking about.
07:33 Counseling hours, I have thousands now
07:36 with pastors, sons and daughter pastors across the nation,
07:40 people you know and watch on YouTube call me.
07:42 I've sat with them and their spouses.
07:44 I've sat with hundreds of people
07:46 and I'm telling you what I know.
07:48 You better know your non-negotiables.
07:51 So for men, and let's do this, this is for your son,
07:54 this is for your nephew, this is for your brother.
07:57 I think most men, and I've never heard it taught,
08:00 but I'm right, I'm just right.
08:03 I'm right, I'm sorry, I'm not right about everything,
08:05 but I'm right about this.
08:06 I haven't talked to too many bros.
08:08 I'm right, and I'm a man myself.
08:10 Physical attraction, physical attraction,
08:13 especially for men, that's why I put that in quotations,
08:16 especially for men, physical attractions,
08:19 physical attraction.
08:21 What are you gonna have to have in your bed
08:26 to stay for 30 years?
08:27 And when I say in your bed, particularly what body part,
08:32 this is the most raw teaching you'll probably hear,
08:34 but it's also righteous, and I'm right.
08:37 I'm sorry, don't turn off if you're a woman,
08:40 don't call it superficial, just say thank you, Dr. Vernon.
08:44 It may not be comfortable, but it's true.
08:47 Men are different than most women.
08:49 I'll always get the email, always get the comment,
08:52 I'm the same way.
08:53 Well, in general, in general,
08:56 men are more attracted by what they see than women,
09:01 in general, there are exceptions to the rule.
09:03 I know there are women who think like men.
09:05 I know there are men who are more tied to their emotions,
09:08 but in general, from walking with hundreds and hundreds
09:13 of men and being a man myself, I am telling you
09:17 that physical attraction is more important
09:21 to most men than women.
09:23 Women, of course, don't mind a nice looking man.
09:26 Do you think, I think, I'm the most handsome cat,
09:30 and I think my wife is sexy as she can be.
09:32 I'm supposed to, that's my woman.
09:33 I gotta sleep with her.
09:34 I like her body, I like her body parts,
09:37 it's big where I need it big, small where I need it small.
09:40 I'm a man, I gotta sleep with her.
09:42 I'm Pastor Vernon, but I'm Raynell A. Vernon first.
09:45 I'm a man before I'm a pastor, before I'm a teacher,
09:49 before I'm a doctor, before I'm a father, I'm a man.
09:53 I get one woman 'til I die if I'm not gonna cheat on her,
09:57 and I'm not, which means she has to sexually satisfy me
10:02 until something happens where we get older
10:05 or something happens physically,
10:07 and then I'm still gonna stick with her
10:09 because it's death do me part, and the same for her.
10:12 I'll be washing her up when she can't.
10:15 I truly believe she's gonna wash me up when I can't,
10:17 but we're not there yet.
10:19 Right now, we're both in it.
10:21 Physically, sexually, I need what I need.
10:24 Let me make my point.
10:26 I don't think I'm the best looking guy in the world.
10:30 I don't think she's with me for my looks.
10:32 I'm just being honest.
10:33 I think, I try to carry myself decently.
10:35 She tell me I'm handsome to her, but I'm not.
10:37 Come on, come on, it is what it is.
10:39 I know a handsome brother.
10:40 I ain't gay or nothing, but I know a good looking,
10:42 great looking brother when I see one.
10:45 That ain't me.
10:46 I'm a decent bro, but I think my confidence,
10:50 I think my ability to provide, I think my strength,
10:54 I think the fact that she can see I be a good dad,
10:57 that I love Jesus, I think those things,
11:00 watch this, smelling nice,
11:02 I think that made me attractive to her.
11:05 Women stop me when I'm lying.
11:07 So if a man carries himself with that kind of dog in him,
11:11 I hate to say dog 'cause I'm an alpha man,
11:13 the cues, oh God, the cues, hear me say dog.
11:17 Dog, my God, Omega brothers, I love you,
11:19 but I mean that when I say that,
11:21 that if a brother carries himself
11:23 with a certain kind of strength,
11:24 can provide, got some money, smell nice, confident,
11:31 he does not have to be the best looking guy that ever lived.
11:35 Conversely, a woman can be a good mother.
11:39 She can be a good cook.
11:41 She can be kind.
11:42 You like her or you don't.
11:44 You like her or you don't.
11:48 She can be the sweetest woman that ever lived.
11:51 I got a grandma for that.
11:52 I got to sleep with you.
11:53 Oh, I just said something out loud.
11:55 Yeah, I got to sleep with you.
11:56 So I can talk fake to you and bros be watching Instagram
12:03 and pornography and masturbating while his wife sleep
12:08 and committing adultery, all this stuff
12:10 because he never got real teaching.
12:12 And the real teaching I'm saying to you as men
12:15 is what are, this is for your nephew, for your son,
12:18 have them watch this.
12:19 Ladies, I'm coming, stick with me.
12:21 What are your non-negotiables physically?
12:26 Do you need a girl with a big old behind?
12:29 Then don't even say hi to a girl who has a small one.
12:33 Do you need a girl who's big breasted?
12:35 Oh, I'm sorry, do you like really athletic women, slender?
12:39 Then don't even say nothing to a girl who's heavier
12:42 because that's not what you like.
12:43 That's not an indictment on her, her hue or color, her size.
12:48 It's what you like.
12:52 What are your non-negotiables?
12:55 But pastor, I got a good heart.
12:57 Turn around, baby.
12:58 Well, bless your little heart,
12:59 but ain't enough back there for me.
13:00 Got a beautiful heart.
13:01 Yeah, your heart, look at this.
13:04 Bless your little heart, baby.
13:05 Your heart is beautiful, but I'm gonna need some more
13:09 back there, and so God bless you
13:10 and your beautiful little heart.
13:12 But this not evangelism.
13:13 This my marriage.
13:14 Look at Phil laughing.
13:15 They laughing, or that's too much back there.
13:19 And I can see that you have the tendency
13:21 to maybe pick up weight, and you might be, you know.
13:24 So I gotta, pastor, that sounds so superficial.
13:28 So what?
13:29 Stop me when I'm lying.
13:32 I've been telling people across the country,
13:33 stop me when I'm lying.
13:35 99.9% of you, unless you're a pastor
13:38 with a church larger than mine,
13:41 have touched more men than I've touched.
13:43 It's what I do.
13:44 I ain't sitting here guessing.
13:46 I'm not sitting here making stuff up.
13:48 I know major pastors that called me and said,
13:51 "I'm struggling 'cause I love her.
13:53 "She the mother of my children, but she ain't got enough."
13:56 Mm.
13:57 I'm like, "But you married her."
13:59 I was young, pastor.
14:00 Woo!
14:01 I didn't know pastor.
14:03 And now I just find myself Googling and looking at,
14:06 and we think about maybe adding some to her,
14:08 having some, I mean, all kind of stuff I've heard,
14:10 because it's just not enough for what he likes.
14:14 There is no size.
14:16 There is no specific color or hue, light skin, dark skin,
14:20 heavy, slender, thick, slim.
14:25 I don't care.
14:27 I want you to care.
14:29 What is it that you need?
14:32 That said, I'm going here, then I'm moving on.
14:34 If she don't have that, don't even say hi,
14:38 just because you lonely.
14:41 Don't say hi because you're rebounding from pain.
14:44 Don't get caught up 'cause she's kind,
14:46 because that'll keep you for a minute
14:47 because you're lonely and you're hurting.
14:50 But I've learned, watch this,
14:52 I'm closer to 30 years married than I am to 20 years,
14:55 27 years next year I'll be married.
14:58 Every day I wake up, hear me, you want some experience?
15:01 I'm not seven years married.
15:02 I'm not 14 years married.
15:04 I'm not even 20 years married.
15:05 I'm closer to 30 years married.
15:07 My wife and I in our 50s, every day she wake up,
15:10 I look her up and down.
15:11 I can't help it.
15:12 Soon as she wake up, she go in the closet to get dressed,
15:15 I want to see how she look in them pants.
15:16 I want to see how she look in that skirt.
15:18 It's still more important to me than the word church.
15:22 It's still more important to me
15:24 than going to preach someplace.
15:27 That's my girl.
15:28 And I'm a sexual bruh and I only get one.
15:32 So having the one that I like
15:36 is the best thing I've ever done.
15:37 And I push these guys, they'll tell you.
15:39 I ask questions most pastors don't ask.
15:41 You like her?
15:42 She got enough of that for you?
15:43 She got enough of this for you?
15:45 I don't over-spiritualize it so that he's married
15:49 and then three years later I find out he's cheating.
15:51 Now I know there are people who marry a girl
15:53 who's awesome and still cheat.
15:55 But if you love Jesus, if you spirit-filled,
15:59 if you're disciplined and got what you want,
16:03 you'll be cool in the game, bruh.
16:06 I'm telling you what I know.
16:08 So I parked there for a while, but that's important.
16:10 Get that to your nephew.
16:11 And to women too.
16:13 If there's a certain height, color,
16:15 if you the type of woman that physical
16:17 is more important to you than how he carries himself,
16:19 most women, if he got that dog in him,
16:22 if he provides, if he smells nice,
16:26 if he's a good dad, that's sexy.
16:28 Now he ain't got to be the best looking guy to ever live.
16:31 If he got all that going on and the brother in shape,
16:35 you cool.
16:36 But to those of you who need a certain type of looking guy,
16:39 certain height, certain whatever,
16:41 know you're non-negotiable.
16:44 Number two, how are we looking on time?
16:46 We good?
16:47 We good?
16:47 I'm good, we got a hurry.
16:49 Here it is, number two.
16:50 Answer the Jesus question.
16:54 Okay, okay, pastor, did you just say,
16:58 did you just say,
16:59 did you just say physical attraction before you said Jesus?
17:04 Yes, I did.
17:05 It don't matter if you love Jesus if I don't like you.
17:10 They crack it up over you.
17:13 You can love Jesus all you want.
17:15 This is not evangelism.
17:17 This is my life.
17:19 Yeah, somebody else can get you saved.
17:21 I got to sleep with you till I die.
17:24 So it doesn't matter if they love Jesus
17:26 if you're not attracted to her.
17:28 If you're not attracted, yes, heaven is important,
17:31 but this is not evangelism.
17:33 I'm looking for the person I'm going to spend
17:35 the rest of my life with.
17:36 This is wrong.
17:36 You better share this with somebody
17:38 'cause I'm right and everybody else is wrong
17:40 who will not tell you what I'm telling you
17:42 and I'm trying to save marriages
17:43 at the risk of people talking about me.
17:45 Hear me.
17:46 But no matter how sexy she is,
17:50 I don't care if she has the most wicked body
17:53 you've ever seen in your life.
17:55 I don't care if he is the most handsome cat,
17:59 the cat that has all the money in the world.
18:02 At some point, you're going to hate they can't pray.
18:07 At some point, you're going to regret the fact
18:11 that Christ is not the head of their life.
18:13 Why?
18:13 Because he can have a gazillion dollars.
18:15 Now, you'll be cool financially
18:17 and maybe that's all that matters to you,
18:18 to some ladies watching,
18:20 but he'll probably cheat on you at some point
18:23 because that much money and know Christ,
18:26 I don't think no one woman can satisfy the brother.
18:28 He got too much money.
18:30 He balling, don't let him be rich.
18:32 He got all this and know Christ in his heart.
18:36 Now, you may not hear about it.
18:37 I know you're thinking, I know some famous people.
18:40 You don't know what they've done on the side.
18:41 You don't know what they wife don't know.
18:43 You don't know.
18:44 I've come to find Christ is what anchors you.
18:47 So the second non-negotiable for me,
18:52 once I see there's an attraction,
18:54 my second non-negotiable, if it's me,
18:56 male or female would be,
18:58 you must know Jesus or want Jesus.
19:02 Let me be clear.
19:03 Put that right there on the screen.
19:04 You must know Jesus or want Jesus.
19:08 For me, that's a non-negotiable.
19:11 I pray I never have to remarry.
19:13 I've been begging God for the last 10, 15 years,
19:16 every morning in my prayer window
19:19 to let my wife outlive me.
19:21 In a perfect world, I want us both to be 99
19:24 and we do the notebook ending.
19:26 Seen the movie, we just land in the bed at 99,
19:29 seen our great grandkids be born
19:31 and we both drift off to heaven together.
19:33 But if somebody got to go first, I want to go first.
19:37 I really do.
19:38 I can't imagine life.
19:39 I don't want to imagine life.
19:40 I don't want to imagine life without her.
19:42 But God forbid something happened now
19:45 and I considered remarrying.
19:48 Man, the thought is a trip to me.
19:50 But oh my goodness.
19:52 Yeah, you couldn't even get a second look
19:54 if you weren't in love with Christ
19:56 'cause there's too many sexy women.
19:57 Whatever kind of body you got, she got more.
20:01 Okay, at this point in my life, I don't need your money.
20:04 I don't need your credit score.
20:06 I just don't.
20:09 So I'm going to have to have somebody that loves Christ
20:12 or willing to know Christ.
20:13 I want to reiterate that and then I'm stopping.
20:15 When I say reiterate, I want to reiterate that
20:18 'cause I said it earlier.
20:19 But if you are willing to come to my church,
20:22 shake my pastor's hand, get to know Christ.
20:27 God could use that brother to be better to you
20:30 than some elder in a church who's not sincere.
20:33 That brother from the streets
20:34 who's willing to get to know Christ.
20:36 So a brother asks you for your number.
20:38 This is just my opinion.
20:39 I don't automatically think it has to be a no
20:43 because he's not in church.
20:46 But the question would be,
20:47 are you willing to come to my church Sunday?
20:50 Come to my church Sunday.
20:51 I want you to meet my pastor.
20:52 I want you to hear the word of God.
20:53 Okay, I'll come.
20:54 Now he may be coming just for you.
20:56 But when Christ gets a hold of the brother's heart,
20:58 so take him to a good church now.
21:00 Take the brother to a church
21:01 'cause you only get one shot.
21:02 So take the brother to a church
21:04 where you know the pastor got that,
21:07 brother can fill him.
21:09 Or vice versa.
21:09 You meet a young lady and she seems to be kind.
21:12 Again, I'll say, I'm talking real.
21:15 I think it's too many save sexy sisters
21:18 to hook up with a sinner.
21:20 That's just me.
21:22 I think there are too many available sexual save fine girls
21:27 already in church to have to evangelize a girl
21:34 and teach her about Jesus.
21:35 She ain't that fine.
21:36 Yeah, somebody that fine
21:38 that's in one of these churches locally
21:40 or across the nation, please, please.
21:44 So I'm a little harder on single men.
21:45 I just think it's too many sexy saved women
21:49 who love Jesus for you not to be able to find one.
21:52 You ain't looking hard enough.
21:53 Be more aggressive.
21:55 May have to go to another church if it's not in your church
21:57 and bring it back to your church.
21:58 But I think that's critical.
22:02 So please hear me.
22:03 I'm gonna wrap up here.
22:05 We'll pick this up.
22:06 But a non-negotiable for me,
22:09 no matter what would be,
22:12 you must, you must absolutely
22:16 love Jesus or want Jesus to be my spouse.
22:23 Yeah.
22:24 And by the way, I've been teaching this for years.
22:26 Don't marry potential, marry reality.
22:30 Drop that in quotes.
22:31 Don't marry potential, marry reality.
22:36 If they're not in church, when you get married,
22:40 there's a chance they may never come.
22:42 If they haven't accepted Christ as their personal savior
22:46 before you get married,
22:48 there's a chance they may never accept him.
22:51 And you still gonna have to stay
22:52 because Paul says that the believing wife sanctify
22:56 the unbelieving husband,
22:57 which means you still have to stick and stay
23:00 and pray that one day they get converted,
23:03 but that can be a long life.
23:05 So again, for me, for me,
23:08 a non-negotiable would be
23:13 they absolutely must love Jesus
23:18 or want to know Jesus.
23:20 I can't give them all to you.
23:21 You gotta read the book.
23:22 I'll just give you a few more and I'm stopping.
23:24 Financial security.
23:25 Is that important to you as a young lady?
23:27 Financial security.
23:28 Where do you work now?
23:30 That's important to me.
23:31 My daddy spoiled me, bro.
23:33 So for me, I don't wanna work hard.
23:35 I wanna work hard at home.
23:36 I wanna raise my children.
23:37 I wanna help in ministry,
23:39 but I'm a keeper of my home.
23:41 I've worked all my life.
23:43 I've been working since I was 14, 15.
23:45 Some of you ladies are thinking,
23:46 I want a man to take some of that.
23:47 I want a man that takes some of that off of me.
23:49 So maybe a non-negotiable for you would be,
23:52 you got to have some resources and be a hard worker.
23:55 And I'm watching that while we're dating.
23:57 I'm not hoping.
23:58 The Bible says a man, it's on the screen,
24:00 that does not provide for his family
24:02 is worse than an infidel,
24:04 worse than a sinner, one version.
24:06 He is worse than that.
24:07 That's a tryptamine.
24:08 He's worse than that.
24:09 So don't get some lazy brother
24:11 'cause he good in the bed.
24:12 And sometime, and you've heard me teach this,
24:16 when you turned out, you can't think.
24:19 When you're turned out, that's rule number 10.
24:21 We got a few weeks, don't have sex.
24:23 Because when you're turned out,
24:25 you can't think, you start compromising.
24:28 So yeah, right now I ain't working,
24:29 but you know, just in between stuff, you know.
24:32 But I got a plan, you know,
24:33 gonna start my own little social media company,
24:35 talking all this big vision, no check coming in.
24:39 But he missed it deep and he good in the bed.
24:43 And then you're compromising when you know in your heart
24:46 that one of your non-negotiables is,
24:48 I don't want to do autoproviding,
24:50 particularly if you have children.
24:52 So don't do that.
24:54 And then one final one, you got to read the book,
24:56 is mental stimulation.
24:58 Do you stimulate me mentally?
25:00 That's a non-negotiable for me.
25:02 You can be great looking, but we got to talk,
25:05 and you're slow, you're handsome, you know,
25:08 but you're slow, you're not witty.
25:11 That's too long of a life for me,
25:14 not to be able to be with someone
25:16 that stimulates me mentally,
25:17 who's quick and witty and funny.
25:19 I'll be going crazy, 'cause we can't always get in the bed.
25:22 So every time we're on the couch,
25:23 you just sit in there, I bring up something
25:25 about what happened on CNN, you can't talk to me.
25:28 I want to talk theology, I want to talk politics,
25:30 I want to talk current events, and your mind is just slower.
25:33 You're a good guy, but it's like, I don't really know.
25:37 At some point, you're not going to be sexy to me no more,
25:40 because you can't stimulate me mentally.
25:42 I could go on and on, I'm stopping now.
25:45 Rule number two, know your non-negotiables.
25:50 Your homework assignment is to write down those things
25:54 that you absolutely cannot and will not negotiate.
25:59 No one's perfect, but here are the two things, four things.
26:04 I mean, be careful, they can't have children.
26:07 You sure?
26:09 You 45 now, what's the chances he's not gonna have children?
26:12 I'll talk about how your non-negotiables change with age.
26:16 When you're 18, you may have 20 things on there, right?
26:19 Come on, talk to me.
26:21 Those of you 35, 40, 50, 60,
26:24 you had to cross some of those things off and say,
26:26 okay, he's probably gonna have children.
26:27 Okay, he may have been married before.
26:30 Okay, he may have grandchildren.
26:32 I mean, so let's just talk straight.
26:34 What are your non-negotiables?
26:39 I'm done, drop it, Phil.
26:40 Everybody, I couldn't go as far as I want.
26:43 It's more in the book.
26:44 Everybody's talking about my new book.
26:47 As you can see, it's raw, but it's righteous, it's real.
26:51 I deal with it theologically, experientially.
26:55 I've been teaching singles a long time.
26:57 This is my third time writing the same book
27:00 because God keeps giving me revelation.
27:02 If you're a singles ministry leader,
27:04 you need to order a bunch of them.
27:06 If you're a pastor, you need to put these in your bookstore.
27:09 Any person who has reading groups or book reading clubs,
27:14 and then you as an individual.
27:15 If you're a parent, the best present
27:17 you can give your child is something of substance.
27:21 Make your 13 year old child read this.
27:23 Make your 15 year old child.
27:24 Anybody who's engaged, likes somebody a lot.
27:28 Listen, we gotta read this before we go any further.
27:30 We're gonna read this together, Dr. Vernon's
27:32 "10 Rules of Dating."
27:34 It's out now.
27:35 Every place you order books is right there on the screen.
27:37 Every place you order books, you can get it, man.
27:40 I also have the version where I talk it out,
27:42 the audible version.
27:43 That's coming, if it's not already out.
27:45 If you want me to just read it to you, you name it.
27:48 I'm so hyped about this book.
27:50 I don't know what to do.
27:51 I wanna see live change.
27:53 So order it now.
27:55 Also, the one night stand is coming
27:56 to a city near you, Drop It Field.
27:58 I've been all across the world, literally,
28:02 and the tour is not done yet.
28:04 So I think I'm going overseas to Nassau, Bahamas.
28:07 I'm coming to the West Coast.
28:09 It's just been an amazing tour.
28:11 I'll have the books with me.
28:12 You can pre-order.
28:13 Whatever you wanna do, order it now.
28:15 Father, I thank you.
28:17 And as I'm praying,
28:18 they're putting something on the screen,
28:19 R.A. Vernon Ministries, and please, if you would,
28:22 there's some of you that have been so faithful
28:24 in supporting my wife and I and my family.
28:26 I teach people, where should you give an offering?
28:29 Wherever you receive food, spiritual food.
28:32 You give where you eat.
28:34 If somebody blesses you spiritually,
28:36 the Bible says, "If I pour it into you spiritually,
28:38 "should you not pour back into us carnally or financially?"
28:42 I think so.
28:43 If this is a blessing to you,
28:45 help me help people and sow a seed of any amount.
28:49 Those that can, we would really appreciate it.
28:51 I'm gonna pray, and while I'm praying, you could be giving.
28:53 We'll put on one side how to order the book.
28:55 On the other side, how to sow.
28:58 I want you to support us.
28:59 I'm coming back next week with
29:02 do not negotiate your non-negotiables.
29:07 Don't negotiate your non-negotiables.
29:09 It's gonna be powerful.
29:10 Do me a favor, share this.
29:11 I know I'm talking a lot,
29:12 but share this with every friend you have
29:14 and say, "This is the most raw teaching
29:16 "I've heard on being single."
29:18 Married couples, you need to watch it.
29:21 You can talk about with your spouse what you didn't do.
29:23 It's for everybody.
29:24 Father, thank you for this word.
29:26 Bless now and keep us, and until we meet all the next time,
29:30 in Jesus' name we pray, amen.
29:33 Love you, see you next time.
29:34 [BLANK_AUDIO]