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00:00 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 17.
00:03 Sabrina complains that she doesn't do enough socializing because she keeps spending the evening being forced to help quickly with this chip collection.
00:12 Another moment where he's an inexcusable jerk.
00:16 Harvey's friend is just annoying. Somehow thinking they'll want to help with spitball.
00:21 It turns out everyone in the homeroom was invited to Jem's party.
00:26 Why the hell does Sabrina ask why Jem invited everyone but her?
00:30 Sure, there never is a reason for Jem hating Sabrina, but she knows she does regardless.
00:37 Zelda says she has to go to the Halloween ball with her, and she hasn't missed one in a long time.
00:43 She's actually worried because Quigley won't let them go because he hates them partying with other witches.
00:49 Even though she could just warp to the party anyways.
00:54 Who the hell does he think he is to determine what their social lives are like?
00:58 Then Quigley shows up and wastes a bunch of time, and Salem makes a sarcastic remark at his expense, and everyone thankfully laughs at them.
01:06 Quigley was being mocked for his hobby.
01:08 Sabrina comes home angry, and I guess she used magic to put red electricity around her head just to look menacing.
01:16 When she should know she isn't allowed to do that.
01:19 Good thing she isn't punished.
01:21 She complains to Salem about Jem humiliating her.
01:24 Salem lampshades her wanting to go to the party when she hates Jem.
01:28 It's especially dumb because she didn't want to go to Jem's party in Witch's Witch.
01:33 As usual, I wish it was explained that Sabrina could use brainwashing to get invited, but it's against it.
01:40 Even if it would be inconsistent because she's fine with brainwashing in this show.
01:44 Instead, because Convolution, she tells the students that she's throwing a party.
01:50 Despite how restrictive her uncle is.
01:53 I like that at one point Jem looks embarrassed while the students are on Sabrina's side.
01:58 But the voice of Harvey's friend is just grating.
02:01 After Sabrina lists off ingredients, why does a glutton like Salem say "stomach pump" because he's seen her book?
02:08 I guess Salem's against brainwashing her, so that's why he doesn't use magic to make her good at cooking.
02:13 Eventually, Salem has to remind her somehow she promised everyone that Quigley wouldn't be at the house.
02:20 Why did he have to remind her?
02:22 But I like that it reveals that Quigley's even unpopular at her school.
02:26 Also, I just have to assume she thinks she's too moral to turn him into a statue the whole party or something.
02:32 Eventually, he wishes he could go to an auction.
02:36 The whole family encourages him, and he says that he couldn't leave them all alone without adult supervision.
02:42 It's lampshaded that they're over 600 years old anyways, and Quigley gets convinced to leave.
02:49 Salem protests, and I find it creepy that Sabrina strokes his chin to make him purr because he has human intelligence.
02:55 Oh, right, Salem's an adult, so Quigley leaving wouldn't make them without adult supervision.
03:02 It's amazing that Hilda tells Sabrina "good luck with your party,"
03:06 because I didn't expect her to be as lenient about this as 80s Hilda would be.
03:10 The sitcom ants would probably glare at Sabrina for throwing a party.
03:16 They use magic to get new outfits, and it turns out Sabrina burnt the pizza.
03:20 Why can't she do anything right in this show? It's not funny.
03:25 The doorbell rings, and she's upset.
03:28 Finally, Salem lampshades her being scared because the food's not ready, because she is a witch.
03:34 She casts a spell, saying "enormous pizza you will make."
03:38 But somehow, magic interprets this to mean that the appliances will make pizza automatically.
03:45 It could've easily been that the magic would just create a pizza.
03:48 She would've done that, because there's no way that would backfire.
03:53 If she can turn a bridge to stone through shapeshifting, she could shapeshift the air to make a pizza.
03:59 I assume that her leaving the appliances alone to answer the door means that a huge pizza is gonna be made.
04:05 At first, everyone's quiet, and Sabrina awkwardly tries but fails to make them all start conversing.
04:12 Now I have to assume they came here specifically to humiliate her.
04:15 But they sure went out of their way to go all the way here just to do that unrealistically, instead of doing something more fun.
04:23 I say that 'cause you'd think they'd have plenty of experience with conversing at parties.
04:28 At one point, one of them tries to humor, and Jem glares at her, so hopefully this is why they're unrealistically silent at the party.
04:36 Sabrina tells them all what to do, and it actually works.
04:39 Then what took so long?
04:42 She goes into the room, and somehow she screams multiple times at what she sees.
04:48 It's just not Sabrina at all to have Sabrina screaming.
04:55 It's so disrespectful to her.
04:57 She could've just used magic to undo the spell instantly.
05:01 The whole kitchen is a mess.
05:03 Thankfully, she does think to undo the spell, after Jem witnessed it all, and told everyone.
05:09 And they somehow believed her enough to follow her into the room.
05:12 They see the pizzas, and Sabrina thanks her for accidentally complimenting her.
05:18 The fact that nobody believes in witches is really the only flimsy excuse for why she doesn't know she's magical at this point.
05:26 So I guess she thinks demons cleaned the kitchen just to spite her.
05:32 Why does Jem get left alone with the pizzas?
05:36 So she ends up using salt to ruin the pizza for everyone.
05:40 She also shook the soda.
05:42 The doorbell rings.
05:44 I wish she'd just erase people's memories to get a do-over, because I don't hate her this much.
05:49 And then someone with a guitar and a lame instrument shows up out of nowhere to play Kazoo music in the room.
05:56 He expects money, and she at least gizzards him while mad about one lousy song.
06:01 Sabrina angst is that she could never return to school after this, even though obviously she could erase their memories of this.
06:08 It's frustrating, because that's what you'd do in her place.
06:12 That would make the tension pointlessly fake, but I could forgive that since even being judged for a couple seconds is still punishment enough.
06:21 So I still wouldn't be jealous of her when she'd still feel humiliated.
06:25 And it's easy to assume she can't erase memories when she's the most incompetent Sabrina.
06:31 Little Sabrina is way more competent than her, so her being a preteen never worked as an excuse.
06:37 She summons a spell book and reads that she could cast a spell to put life back into a dead party.
06:43 Why is she surprised at seeing a scary alien who juggles and walks into the house?
06:49 Why does this appear if she wouldn't have imagined it, because the book somehow didn't include a picture of it?
06:56 And describe what would happen?
06:58 It would just put life back into the dead party!
07:01 And as usual, it's forced that she doesn't instantly undo the spell, and instead he gets thrown down the basement stairs.
07:08 I guess he's pretty hardy.
07:10 This spell means that Harvey and his friends' scary outfits are gonna be even more scary to Sabrina, so blend in with the people like the flying skeleton.
07:19 Why is this a part of a spell to make a party better?
07:22 Witches aren't stereotypical in this show.
07:26 And why didn't Jem scream right after she saw a green light around a door?
07:30 Instead she only screams after looking in the room.
07:34 So I have to assume that witches made green light impossible for mortals to perceive.
07:41 It's satisfying to see Jem see scary things and scream a lot.
07:45 I like that it's just her being scared.
07:48 But logically, everyone in the house would hear her scream instantly.
07:52 And it doesn't make up for all the awkwardness Sabrina's going through with her party being ruined.
07:57 At first I thought Sabrina knew Harvey's friend was here.
08:01 But even after she hears his distinctive voice, she still throws him in the basement.
08:06 His voice is worse than Manic's, that's why I'm complaining about it.
08:10 Her ants warp home.
08:12 And Harvey shows up, and Jem runs away screaming.
08:15 And sees all the scary creatures in the basement and screams.
08:19 It's annoying that Sabrina doesn't enjoy this.
08:22 Because seeing the annoying characters suffer is the whole appeal of watching the show.
08:27 I like that we see Chloe tell her off that it would've been a great party if Jem didn't try to ruin it.
08:33 It also would've been a great party if people were confident enough to start conversing right away, instead of trying to humor her.
08:40 Harvey reassures the mortals that all of the monsters are just people in costumes and masks.
08:46 So they're welcoming the party after all.
08:48 I guess the monsters are just that nice that they don't want to correct Harvey.
08:53 And everyone dances to the music.
08:56 Why does Jem get to enjoy dancing with a skeleton even though he unrealistically roars at her?
09:02 I thought when the mortals saw the monsters they'd say they were cool and that the Halloween party had great special effects.
09:08 Which would be nicer, like in the sitcom.
09:11 But this is more realistic than the sitcom because why did they ever think that stuff like talking and moving furniture could be achieved by technology?
09:19 But somehow the students aren't impressed or even react at all when they see the monsters.
09:24 Why do we have to see Quigley get told the truth?
09:27 Thankfully, he says he can't be too angry because he got a potato chip.
09:31 But then, despite complimenting their honesty, he says she's still grounded for two weeks.
09:37 Don't you want to reward her honesty?
09:41 An alien lands on him, but the catharsis is ruined as he says make that three weeks.
09:46 She should learn to stop being honest with him because he just punishes her for it.
09:51 If her aunts were so fine with her having a party, there's no way they wouldn't completely overpower his authority.
09:57 The party didn't actually inconvenience the house.
10:01 Even if it did, magic could be used to clean it all up instantly.
10:05 So he has no right to say no to a party.
10:08 So it goes without saying that's horrible writing to ground her because she did nothing wrong to deserve it.
10:14 Sure, in a metalogic sense, normal parents would ground their child for throwing a party without permission.
10:20 But her real parental figures are okay with it.
10:23 Why was the writer so sadistic with the ending?
10:28 If I were a writer for the show, I would just not write Quigley in the episode at all.
10:33 Which does happen occasionally.
10:36 But it doesn't ruin the episode because we don't see her suffer through being grounded.
10:40 And only Quigley wanted this.
10:42 So maybe her aunts never enforced this decision anyways.
10:45 Quigley didn't get nearly enough slapstick at the end.
10:49 It'd be better if he fell down the stairs like Chris in Sonic X because that'd get him hurt multiple times.
10:55 This was a boring episode about Sabrina throwing a party because Gem didn't invite her to hers.
11:01 Even though she didn't immediately kick her out of her party last time she went to her party.
11:07 And a Halloween party episode was already done in the sitcom and the 90s comic.
11:11 So there's no point in watching or making the episode.
11:14 Because just like in those stories, monsters show up.
11:18 But this time, nothing else interesting is done and the students somehow don't even emote when they see them.
11:24 So I have to assume they always assumed there are people in masks and costumes.
11:28 And makeup to explain why the Blinky didn't freak them out.
11:32 They would've at least been startled.
11:34 Not only is the episode cliche when it does actually get going.
11:38 But before that, it spent way too much time on the party having a hard time getting off the ground.
11:43 And Gem ruining the pizza as soon as she was trusted to be alone with it.
11:48 It's lame when all of the conflict is forced.
11:50 As it can make the writer look sadistic when just lazy writing could be the real explanation.
11:56 I won't say that's forced that Gem is here though because even if she wasn't invited, she would've crashed the party anyways.
12:03 I guess the moral of the story was supposed to be "Don't throw parties".
12:06 But it never showed the real consequences of them.
12:09 So it isn't too convincing.
12:11 Quigley only found out the party happened and grounded her because she grabbed the idiot ball and told him when no kid would.
12:18 So that's not a real consequence of parties either.
12:21 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 18.
12:24 Sabrina uses magic to send hankies over to her and make them float.
12:29 And eventually she puts a bowtie on and Quigley the Asshole asks her where she thinks she's going.
12:35 She wants to go with Chloe when apparently Saturday is chore day.
12:40 I thought it was family day.
12:41 Why doesn't he just have people suffer during the week instead of one of the two days that's supposed to be a day off for Sabrina?
12:48 Why doesn't she just turn into a statue until she's done what she wants to do?
12:53 Why does the show ever dedicate any time to Quigley?
12:57 It can't give any enjoyment to the audience or be interesting to watch.
13:01 And he doesn't even say he's gonna pay her for the chores.
13:05 But at least we can easily assume that.
13:08 Quigley says you should follow the rules twice, ignoring that right before this Sabrina mentioned child labor laws.
13:15 So if the writer knew to write this, why did he even write Quigley at all?
13:21 He's also an asshole by saying no magic because he wants to torture her because of his personal bias.
13:27 He should know this is only gonna guarantee she'll use magic more than ever when she's grown up just to spite him.
13:34 And she probably would have used magic for chores when she grew up no matter what he did.
13:39 Because even Zelda does that.
13:41 So she does chores the boring way.
13:44 I at least liked seeing her wear a bandana.
13:48 She tells Quigley to hand over a toy rocket for her to dust it.
13:52 And wonder if it's gonna get broken, which would be his fault for not putting it somewhere where it couldn't get broken.
13:57 He wonders if a don't touch sign will remind her not to touch it.
14:02 And she sounds sarcastic when saying that'll help.
14:05 Yeah, if he really cared about it, he'd tell the ants to cast a spell to put a force field around it.
14:10 And keep it on the floor so that it can't get damaged from getting knocked off.
14:15 And I assume the reason she doesn't cast a spell to make a force field is that he keeps saying no magic.
14:21 But that's no excuse for nobody in the house casting a spell to make it indestructible.
14:28 He would never know.
14:29 Sabrina reaches for the spooky jar.
14:32 And now an alarm goes off and a message tells her that's for emergencies only without clarifying what an emergency could possibly be.
14:40 And says that traces of magic could get left on her fingers if she watches it and doesn't wash her hands.
14:46 And which was explained with a magic book earlier in the franchise.
14:50 Also, this isn't the case in the other episodes.
14:54 Somehow she assumes that the message was lying to her when warning her to force the plot in a bullshit, lazy way.
15:04 So her just holding a book causes the creation of a person who's also annoying to the audience in a forced way.
15:10 When she didn't want her to show up.
15:13 And Sabrina just stands there gawking the whole time when she really points to get rid of her instantly.
15:19 Salem had no excuse for not pointing to wash Sabrina's hands as soon as he knew she was disobeying the rule.
15:26 He also acts unlikable by walking away and refusing to help her when he could end the plot right now.
15:33 Sabrina lectures the idiot on the rule about picking up after herself.
15:37 Why doesn't she turn into a statue?
15:40 She wouldn't trust her to follow any rules at this point.
15:43 Let alone a rule to not do anything.
15:46 Instead the girl approaches Harvey.
15:48 She has such an annoying laugh.
15:51 Again, there's no excuse for annoying the audience.
15:55 Slowly knowing about magic only causes Sabrina to waste her time giving her exposition.
16:01 Then the toy rocket gets broken.
16:03 And the reason it was broken wasn't explained.
16:06 Because the writer and artist were too untalented to think about how it could possibly make sense that it would be broken.
16:12 Cause she'd have to intentionally drop it.
16:15 Chloe says that if this is Cinderella, no wonder her sisters hated her.
16:20 She could've easily not been Cinderella.
16:23 It goes without saying that she wasn't like that.
16:27 Salem advises Sabrina to use the spooky jar taking forever waiting through his boring dialogue.
16:33 What's all this bullshit about how she's only allowed to use it for an emergency now?
16:38 When previous episodes had her aunt allow her to use it for inane reasons.
16:42 Spooky 1 needs to exist if the episodes consisted of multiple stories because then it wouldn't need worthless padding.
16:49 She could conserve magic by grabbing a magical necklace.
16:52 And using that to cast magic instead.
16:56 And that'd be faster.
16:57 Sabrina says she sent the wrong person to Once Upon a Timeland.
17:01 That never happened because she would've been imagining her getting warped there.
17:05 Salem expects me to believe Harvey changing a fairy tale would have serious consequences.
17:11 Even though witches can erase memories so he won't have to remember it.
17:14 And why would it matter if one book is changed?
17:18 He must've been sent to another universe that's at a point in time where he was sent to it.
17:24 Even then, it would only change the book in Sabrina's universe if that's what the spell was supposed to do.
17:31 And why would her spell also include the clause that if the wrong person was sent there it would change the book?
17:39 Sabrina somehow thinks she needs Salem's help to save Harvey when really she just points to warping back to her right away.
17:47 The writer really wrote himself into a corner and had to have this happen to have the rest of the episode.
17:54 And Salem references spy fiction, wasting a ton of time.
17:57 It's trying to be funny, but the episode was so frustratingly disrespectful that I hate it.
18:03 Chloe wishes she could go.
18:05 Why wouldn't she?
18:06 She accompanied her on her last adventure.
18:09 Sabrina uses a ladder and warps to Harvey.
18:12 And for some reason, at first he doesn't recognize her until he does.
18:17 And it's so unlikely that one of the Snap Sisters would look and sound like Jem.
18:22 Okay, she should have explained that this is another universe, but that was a given.
18:26 And in another universe, Jem's family line could exist too.
18:29 They encounter some other fairy tale characters, which is a complete waste of time that's painfully unfunny.
18:35 I do like seeing that Goldilocks is being arrested for trespassing, even if that's not hard to think up.
18:42 Sabrina finds out the Fairy Godmother is listed in the Yellow Pages and calls her on a payphone,
18:47 only for her to just get the answering machine,
18:50 which tells her she went to the Fairy Godmother's annual convention.
18:53 Sabrina hammers in the message of the episode.
18:57 Sabrina complains that they only have until noon before they're stuck here forever.
19:01 Again, she says she'll never break the rules again.
19:05 Why write that? Don't you realize everyone's gonna know that she won't keep true to that,
19:09 and it'd never change anyone's mind, so it's just pointless?
19:12 So much of the story is a waste of time.
19:15 Sabrina finally does see the convention,
19:19 which has the Godmother's talk about boring, normal work things.
19:22 Wanting medical expenses paid.
19:25 I wish I had a lot more stuff like this in Once Upon a Time Land.
19:29 Sabrina somehow has to take a long time talking to her,
19:33 and she says the only way out is for her to put on a pair of shoes.
19:37 And somehow it has to be before noon.
19:40 How is a Fairy Godmother a lot weaker than a witch?
19:43 And she warps her home.
19:44 There's no way she wouldn't just permanently send her home.
19:48 And Harvey.
19:49 I get her spitefully wanting to punish her for failing to get Cinderella back.
19:54 Actually, I don't, because even she hates her.
19:56 So why would she want her back in the book?
19:59 I get her spitefully wanting to punish her for wasting her time talking to her so much.
20:04 The show doesn't have enough self-awareness to establish that,
20:08 because we're supposed to think she's a nice person.
20:10 Cinderella refuses the slippers, and just wants to go barefoot, like that's in character.
20:16 What is it about bad cartoons and demonizing Disney princesses, with both this and AOSTH?
20:22 What's so funny about portraying them in a completely out of character way?
20:26 Sabrina gives her fashion advice to manipulate her, and she takes forever to put the shoes back on.
20:32 Harvey gets warped home and says that while he feels like something happened that he should be mad at her about,
20:38 he forgot it and is dizzy.
20:41 Quickly thinks it's Salem's fault his toy rocket broke.
20:44 And Sabrina self-destructively owns up to it.
20:47 I don't think it's a good message to teach people to be stupid enough to say that they broke rule when they don't have to,
20:54 because they could get fired for it as an adult.
20:57 And what if they have kids?
20:59 The story keeps dragging on, and Sabrina decides that rules exist for a reason,
21:03 and she and Chloe almost get hit by a vehicle.
21:06 So she gets her point.
21:08 I think Chloe is supposed to be smart.
21:11 This boring, frustrating episode was about traces of magic from the spooky jar on Sabrina's hand,
21:16 somehow just now causing an annoying person to get summoned from another universe,
21:21 even though Sabrina didn't want that.
21:23 There's no way she wouldn't have washed her hands of the traces of magic,
21:28 when it warned her that bad stuff could happen otherwise.
21:31 It should've spent the entire episode punishing her for breaking a rule that a kid would believably break.
21:38 Last episode already punished her for breaking a rule because she was grounded for throwing a party,
21:44 and that was kind of believable to break.
21:46 It's not her fault she had the idiot ball.
21:48 And speaking of that, somehow she doesn't instantly point to warp the disobedient idiot back home.
21:54 And somehow Salem's also too dumb to think of it.
21:57 And they're too dumb to think of simply turning her into a statue.
22:01 So the whole episode can happen,
22:03 with her wandering around another universe seeing fairy tale characters with almost nothing new done with the idea.
22:09 So it's a creative wasteland.
22:11 Cinderella wasn't like this, so she didn't have to be called Cinderella.
22:16 And there's no way what's supposed to be a sympathetic main character in a fairy tale like hers
22:20 would've been like that in her book and universe.
22:23 Not that it even mattered to the plot,
22:25 because she learned her lesson regardless that God forbid she break one rule.
22:30 You don't teach a message by pissing the audience off.
22:33 Don't Break the Rules is way too general for the show that's already dedicated to teaching that message.