Newbie's Perspective Sabrina the Animated Series Episodes 13-14 Reviews
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00:00 Sabrina The Animated Series, Episode 13.
00:03 It starts with a kid somehow hearing Quigley sing in the shower from all the way in the front of her house.
00:11 And Salem says just a little cold water therapy from a music lover.
00:16 So Quigley complains that he turned off the hot water.
00:20 Zelda gets a call, and Quigley says he hates living in a house with teenage girls.
00:26 Which would confuse anyone watching this, as this is the first time it establishes that her aunts are inexplicably teenagers.
00:33 Eventually, Sabrina gets a prank call and uses a magical artifact for caller ID.
00:40 Chloe lampshades for no reason that she should get normal caller ID.
00:45 She was using a weird voice to call people.
00:48 It turns out Sabrina's running for class president.
00:53 When you're older, you know how stupid it is of her to think she could make any changes.
00:57 Of course a faculty wouldn't let a student change the school in a way that really matters.
01:02 Even the sitcom gave out that lesson.
01:05 Salem causes food to fall on Sabrina, and Quigley's told he's not nice for chasing Salem with a vacuum.
01:11 And Salem has to hang on curtains.
01:15 He says he was forced to sleep outside last night.
01:18 And it's because Quigley was punishing him for having a verbally cunt help.
01:22 More moments of him being a jerk.
01:24 Salem plans to go to the netherworld.
01:27 Why can he do that unsupervised?
01:29 Sabrina says she can't become class president because there's a requirement to be normal.
01:35 She says that if people are gonna like her enough to vote for her, she has to be normal.
01:39 But nobody knows she's a witch, and nobody will find out.
01:43 So why is she whining?
01:45 Jam's running for class president, go figure.
01:49 I skip ahead out of boredom, and I like that if you skip ahead 30 seconds, Sabrina says "off" to Jam.
01:54 Like she told her to fuck off.
01:56 And then later the episode forces you to listen to Harvey's friend's voice for way too long.
02:01 Chloe tells Sabrina that she's cool, and Sabrina plans to spread rumors about Jam.
02:07 I hope we see a reaction to it.
02:10 She complains about getting Zelda's salad, and says anchovies make her gag right behind Jam.
02:17 I assume Jam's gonna take advantage of this now, which is totally forced, because she wouldn't say this because Chloe would already know that about her.
02:24 Then Harvey reads in the school newspaper that there's an article about how weird Sabrina's house is from the kid at the start of the episode.
02:31 Somehow Sabrina's behind people in the polls who aren't even running.
02:35 This episode is just way too mean.
02:38 Why would the students care about how weird Sabrina's house is?
02:42 That doesn't make her weird.
02:46 Harvey somehow says "you call this normal?" when he's supposed to be your nice friend.
02:51 And after the commercial break, he reassures her and says she's normal.
02:55 He tries to unlock the door, and Sabrina tells Salem to do a magical transport zap to get her friends to the back door.
03:03 She also says she'll reward him for a month if he does.
03:06 Why is she so desperate to conserve magic she'll make him do this?
03:11 Also, these kids would've heard a spell from just outside the door if Harvey could be heard from the inside.
03:17 They're naturally confused, and somehow the kid's dizzy with everything out of focus.
03:22 Why don't they figure out magic exists?
03:24 They're confused, so it's not like their brains were rewritten so that they thought they went to the back door.
03:30 And why won't they hear everything Sabrina's telling Hilda?
03:34 Hilda gives her rose-colored glasses to brainwash one of the kids into seeing everything in the house as normal.
03:41 A different function from how it was in the '70s cartoon.
03:44 Why can't any witches think to point to cast a spell so that everyone will see them as normal?
03:50 When Harvey says "great idea, Jane" and says they should visit Sabrina in the living room,
03:57 it literally comes off like he's intentionally warning Sabrina that they're gonna go there,
04:01 because he emphasized "Jane" and "living room".
04:04 So Sabrina gets to keep them from seeing stereotypical witches and push them out of the house.
04:10 The kid says she's still in Jem's payroll.
04:12 Sabrina decides to go with Hilda to the mall.
04:17 She stands on an escalator and sees a picture of her and bangs away.
04:21 Why doesn't Sabrina tell Hilda why she was acting panicked when she gets called a "whacko"?
04:27 Hilda says Jem's just jealous of her because she's awesome,
04:31 even though she would have no reason to think that at this point.
04:36 Jane thinks that Harvey's friend's trivia about beetles is amazing.
04:39 Sabrina starts coughing because of the anchovy pizza Jem sent to her.
04:44 Eventually, someone unrealistically laughs evilly after Jem bribes her.
04:49 She goes after Sabrina with perfume and sprays her.
04:52 Why is the kid writing stuff down after Sabrina gets sprayed with perfume?
04:57 If the whole thing is that the glasses are making her see everything as normal,
05:02 there's no point in constantly showing us her writing it down like we're gonna forget that.
05:06 We're just gonna wonder if the glasses aren't working and be even more frustrated.
05:10 The tension isn't as stressful as it could be because of those glasses.
05:14 Jem throws tacks on the floor to make Hilda freak out and start falling.
05:18 Sabrina says Jem's gone too far and uses magic to make Harvey trip and walk out of the store with clothes on him,
05:25 and he gets immediately arrested for shoplifting.
05:29 She wouldn't waste time trying to talk sense into the guard.
05:32 She'd just brainwash him right away, because the show proves she's fine with that.
05:37 Harvey's friend shows up with a piece of paper with a drawing of what happened to Harvey.
05:42 Realistically, he would've been immediately told to look at security camera footage of what happened instead.
05:48 Jem gets made to run away scared by a perfume salesman.
05:52 And Sabrina finds out she didn't win the election because Jane thought Sabrina was boring,
05:58 and the winner of the election was Harvey's friend.
06:00 Sabrina preaches to the audience that he won because he's never afraid to be himself.
06:05 But if Jem won student of the year because she did some bribery,
06:09 why didn't she win in this episode for the same reason?
06:12 Harvey's friend winning is a narrative cheat because Sabrina kept talking as if weird kids don't have a chance of being elected.
06:18 And there's no foreshadowing to the idea that most kids in her school would want a weird kid elected.
06:24 Chloe told Sabrina that she's behind in the polls to a ridiculous degree right after she read an article exposing a bit about how weird her family is.
06:31 So the real moral of the story is, weird kids always get elected class president, as long as they're guys.
06:38 Well, at least it didn't end with her resigning because she feels bad about spreading rumors about Jem.
06:43 That'd been too predictable.
06:45 It can't be that nobody likes Jem because then she wouldn't have gotten voted student of the year.
06:53 This episode is about a kid following Sabrina around in the mall writing down things about her to influence people wanting to vote for the class president.
07:00 But because Hilda gave her magic glasses to make her think everything about Sabrina is normal, she realistically gets called boring.
07:08 But the ending has a weird kid win anyways, which makes no sense if Sabrina was unpopular in the polls for being weird.
07:15 And he would definitely be more unpopular.
07:18 It needed to have someone explain that he won because only guys are elected for being weird.
07:22 Just his annoying voice alone makes it impossible to buy that anybody would have voted for him.
07:27 So it's not even that he's weird in the right ways and she's weird in the "makes you pittier" ways.
07:32 The episode's got two messages.
07:35 That it can be good to be weird, which is a good message, and that you shouldn't try to make people think you're normal.
07:41 Even though if you don't try, there could be terrible consequences like harassment for being weird.
07:46 So the message is actually dangerous.
07:50 The entire episode had Sabrina be antagonized by Jem because she thinks she's weird.
07:55 And she loses, so it's not a convincing "for either" message.
07:59 It doesn't make Hilda and Chloe look right about calling her cool this time,
08:04 because instead of her being successful because of her witchcraft proving that it's good to be weird,
08:09 the episode has Harvey get framed because of it.
08:12 And it's another episode that demonizes magic in the end,
08:17 because the glasses that decrease the tension still managed to screw Sabrina over.
08:21 So it looks like it's bad for her to be different.
08:24 Sabrina the Animated Series, Episode 14.
08:28 Harvey at the community talent show plans to put a magic act on for an audience.
08:34 It's lame that he says he knows none of this Harvey someone speaks about.
08:38 He's handed a wristwatch and hits it with a hammer and we can hear glass break.
08:44 So it's needlessly sad that Sabrina and her family aren't in the audience waiting to save this magic show from failure.
08:50 And instead they and Chloe are in a ridiculous band behind a curtain.
08:54 It seems to throw out a character of them.
08:56 I don't know who one of those women is, but I don't like her voice.
09:00 Predictably, Harvey ruined the watch and is Buddha of Sage.
09:04 It's not even new for Harvey to be bad at magic tricks.
09:07 There's nothing enjoyable about the rest of the talent show.
09:11 There's no way Sabrina would think she's got good lyrics and singing talent and music talent.
09:15 Even the flowers die somehow.
09:18 There's no excuse for making the audience listen to this.
09:21 You're supposed to have them sound only mediocre.
09:24 The principal wisely unplugs it and somehow won the band expects to get prize money.
09:29 Why was Gem written to be the winner?
09:31 There could have been other participants and there should have been.
09:35 Chloe asks Sabrina to use magic to give them star quality.
09:40 Zelda's moral enough to say no magic.
09:42 But doesn't explain what I just did, so of course she won't be convinced.
09:47 Harvey asks if he heard the word magic, but just reminds him he's a magician.
09:52 And conveniently walks away as if he never heard their conversation.
09:55 Obvious padding.
09:57 Everyone in the band tries to pressure Zelda.
10:00 And she describes the life of a rock star and asks how quickly they'd get tired of that.
10:05 They aren't convinced, so she says she's in.
10:09 Making it hypocritical every time she says no magic.
10:12 And ends up reading from the spell book.
10:15 Earlier on, Sabrina said Zelda doesn't want magic used frivolously.
10:20 So I wish someone called her out on the fact that she constantly uses magic frivolously.
10:24 Not only are they made good at music, but instantly their house is surrounded by screaming adoring fans.
10:31 Wouldn't it be forced if Quigley wasn't in the episode?
10:36 Not that it would be a problem, it would just make no sense.
10:39 So the story wastes our time until they're about to play at a concert.
10:43 I think it's gonna matter when Chloe plays from a trumpet.
10:46 Aside from an awkward silence, it doesn't matter.
10:49 And Sabrina starts the lame song.
10:52 I have to assume people are being brainwashed into liking it.
10:55 She sings about "what's your favorite flavor" and "cotton candy".
11:01 At least that's better than singing or rapping about how crime is awesome and you're cool if you do it like songs now.
11:07 But it's a blatant waste of the audience's time to have a song.
11:11 Especially one with two verses.
11:13 It's obvious there wasn't enough actual plot written.
11:16 Now I have time to wonder why there's a spell like this in the spell book.
11:20 I have to assume the Witch's Council is just that cavalier about magic.
11:24 They really don't mind if witches make themselves famous rock stars, even though it's not fair.
11:30 I keep explaining that they know it doesn't matter because they think that every time, the witches will get tired of having to constantly avoid bands.
11:37 And will end up giving it up and making people forget all about it anyways.
11:41 But you'd think they would have the same assumption for the skateboarding spell.
11:45 So why was that spell temporary?
11:48 It's obvious padding that the song replays while we see a montage of them avoiding people.
11:54 And then there's a blatantly wasted time music video.
11:58 I just hope none of this ever happens because it's just nonsensical.
12:00 The sitcom did an episode just like this.
12:03 But it didn't waste tons of time playing an annoying song over a ton of it.
12:07 While showing you nothing but the typical stuff.
12:10 Unless it did and it was just that forgettable that it forgot about it.
12:14 Salem shows them more merchandise.
12:17 And held a Lixit doll resembling her and says it doesn't taste like her flavor.
12:22 And why is there another music video from a hideous guy who has a monotone singing video?
12:28 It has nothing to do with the main characters.
12:31 Sabrina asks Chloe if she said she could switch the TV channel.
12:36 And they keep saying switch and switch back.
12:39 Sabrina realizes they shouldn't argue like this because they're acting like kids.
12:43 Chloe goes from agreeing with her to saying they are kids.
12:46 So they go back to arguing.
12:49 Why don't they watch TV in separate rooms if they have different tastes?
12:52 Harvey shows up and tells them Jem got caught passing notes with someone lame.
12:57 Somehow Sabrina thinks it wasn't worth it that he came here to tell them that.
13:02 When she'd obviously be happy that Jem got in trouble.
13:05 He says he came here to chill and she tells him to take up ice skating.
13:10 That's out of character.
13:12 He's written to say they're just cool for girls.
13:16 I'm waiting for it to be explained that them acting narcissistic and selfish as Zelda explains is forced on them by the spell.
13:22 That was the case with the sitcom too.
13:24 Why is the episode annoying the audience with even more of Chloe and Sabrina's selfish bickering?
13:29 Also, why aren't the ants affected?
13:32 I don't care about anything these two are saying.
13:35 Chloe says she's so out of here and leaves.
13:38 Sabrina says she's got three words. Solo career.
13:42 That's how dumb the show makes her to force morals on her.
13:45 Zelda reveals they gave up their magic to be musicians for a few days.
13:50 And somehow it's revealed that if the band's still broken up after a few days,
13:54 they'll be stuck in this alternate reality without getting their powers back.
13:59 There's no way the spell would be made like this.
14:01 The world would remain unfairly altered.
14:04 Which you would think the witches that disapprove of talent spells enough to curse them would never want to happen.
14:12 Depending on how rare witches are on Earth,
14:15 it would always be stuck in a state where there's former witch rock stars that just became famous
14:20 since there'd constantly be witches who try out the spell.
14:24 If there are tons of witch families on Earth,
14:26 that means a significant chunk of its rock bands are always former witches.
14:31 We get shown by someone that each of them went for unsuccessful solo careers
14:35 because they're desperate to prove their ego is warranted.
14:40 Chloe became part of a metal band and accidentally blew up a drummer offscreen in a kids' show.
14:45 Chloe goes to Sabrina and the two of them keep saying they want their stuff back.
14:51 It's so annoying.
14:53 Sabrina tells her to forget her locker combination, like she could do that.
14:57 I don't care if someone's your friend.
14:59 You should never tell them your locker combination.
15:02 And the show should tell the audience that's a bad idea.
15:05 That's no better than telling someone your password.
15:09 They look sad, which makes it make sense when they reconcile so easily.
15:13 Sabrina just says she wants her best friend back,
15:16 and she easily agrees and they hug.
15:18 Too bad the show hasn't done anything so far to make me support their friendship.
15:23 Chloe's either been interchangeable with Harvey, redundant with Sabrina,
15:27 or the writer forced her to bicker with her.
15:29 I'd like her to be a deep, interesting character who has tons of good times with her.
15:33 Sabrina says she wants to say outside there that they're all back together again.
15:38 I never stop to notice how unemotional she is.
15:40 The spell reverses as they're playing,
15:43 returning their talents to awful,
15:45 and Salem gets made miserable when he didn't do anything in this episode.
15:50 This episode is what people think Sonic Underground is like without actually watching it.
15:55 Most of it is just a lame kiddie song,
15:58 rather than the song being a small, skippable part of the story.
16:01 Although the stuff that happens in it is just the characters playing music or running from fans.
16:07 The stuff we've seen a million times that has to happen as a result of the stereotypical plot,
16:12 where the main characters form a band.
16:14 There's no point in the episode existing because it's just a cliche
16:17 where Sabrina and Chloe have annoying bickering I don't care about.
16:21 It sucks when the show keeps doing plots the sitcom did worse.
16:26 Here, I'm expected to believe the spell can't be undone by them
16:30 because they gave up their powers to be rockstars together for a few days,
16:34 and they can't have reality go back to normal while their band is broken up.
16:37 That's only there to force the episode to last longer,
16:40 showing us how the characters would be as solo musicians.
16:43 There's no way Sabrina and Chloe would become selfish like this
16:46 and ruin what would've been a barely above average episode
16:50 that only looked good by this show's standards
16:53 because they enjoy their adults' magic
16:56 until their own personalities ruin it.
16:59 They do become awful to have a lesson that fame makes you a narcissist.
17:03 But it's not really true because it doesn't always make you a narcissist.
17:08 It wasn't necessary to teach that lesson to the audience.
17:11 We know, and there's almost no chance a fan of the show would become a famous rockstar.
17:16 The sitcom did a better job by explaining that this only happens
17:20 because of the magic stuff they ingested,
17:22 but here the ants aren't affected somehow when they're no better than them.
17:26 It makes sense that the spell makes them lose their powers
17:29 because when they're famous, it's too likely that mortals will see them use magic
17:33 and again, I assume the maker of the spell wants the users of it
17:36 to be a bit punished for using magic so selfishly
17:39 and I have to assume the spell wears off after days
17:42 because witches in charge don't want reality permanently altered
17:45 by the whims of just a few witches
17:48 and don't see the harm of just a few days that will retcon themselves anyways.
17:52 But it doesn't explain why the spell is extremely temporary
17:55 regardless of whether they break up or not.
17:57 When the show acted like all talent spells were temporary earlier,
18:01 I don't blame the characters for using the spell
18:04 both because it'd be fun
18:06 and because it's easier than Zelda coming up with their own rhymes
18:10 to make the magic happen
18:12 and if she did that, she would've been able to reverse the spell instantly
18:16 and so it's character for the ants to be so lazy
18:19 that they don't even want to come up with their own rhyming spells
18:22 when they always did it before the TV show.
18:24 show.
18:25 (upbeat music)