The Reset Room - creating a positive mental attitude
The Reset Rooms returns for a third series. The award-winning podcast is back with host Kelly Crichton joined each week by a resident expert. This week Amana Walker joins Kelly to talk about how to have a positive mental attitude.
Amana gives us her top tips for framing our way of thinking in a realistic manner. Given her extensive experience in coaching those in business and sport Amana has experience of what it takes to become more optimistic and hopeful and how this will positively your life and others.
We hope you enjoy this episode of The Reset Room, if you would like one of our experts to consider an issue you are grappling with please do get in touch via social media.
Amana gives us her top tips for framing our way of thinking in a realistic manner. Given her extensive experience in coaching those in business and sport Amana has experience of what it takes to become more optimistic and hopeful and how this will positively your life and others.
We hope you enjoy this episode of The Reset Room, if you would like one of our experts to consider an issue you are grappling with please do get in touch via social media.
Transcript
00:00 Hello, I'm Kelly Crichton and this is the Reset Room.
00:04 We're back for series three of our now award-winning podcast.
00:09 I am pleased to say.
00:10 You've not listened before.
00:12 We are here to give you the tools you need to succeed
00:14 and answer your questions on your journey to fulfillment.
00:17 Today, we're starting the new series on the right foot and talking about
00:21 how to build a positive mental attitude.
00:24 I'm very pleased to say I'll be joined by one of our resident experts,
00:27 Kay Woodburn or Amina Walker each week to look at a specific area
00:31 of personal challenge and how best to approach it.
00:34 Later in the podcast, we'll hear directly from listeners
00:37 looking for some advice around a challenge they're facing,
00:40 and we will certainly do what we can to help them address that.
00:43 I'm also delighted to say we are coming to a small screen near you.
00:47 The Reset Room will be broadcast on Shots, which is a free view channel
00:51 number 276. Shots is brought to you by a network of journalists
00:55 from across the country who are transforming stories
00:57 at the heart of your community into great TV.
01:00 You'll find true crime stories, football news and analysis,
01:04 plus coverage of lifestyle, TV, film and more.
01:07 But back to the podcast, I'm very pleased to say the wonderful
01:11 Amina Walker is back with me once again to kick off series three.
01:15 Amina has 27 years of coaching experience and has seen it all
01:20 when it comes to personal challenges and helping people perform
01:24 under the pressures we face in life.
01:26 Amina regularly coaches people in the spotlight and in high profile
01:28 positions in business, entertainment and sport.
01:31 Amina, it's great to have you back. How are you?
01:33 I am good. And you know what?
01:36 It's so good to be back. Oh, yeah.
01:38 And to be able to give listeners something to think about and some tips
01:42 and, you know, just help for free. Who wouldn't want that?
01:45 Exactly. I bet you've been storing up all this advice for them
01:48 since the last series, so I can't wait for us to get started.
01:52 So down to business.
01:54 Can you talk us through just exactly what having a positive
01:58 mental attitude really means as we hear about it all the time?
02:01 And maybe there's a bit more to it than just going around smiling at everybody.
02:03 Yes, there is a misconception and the misconception is this cheesy thing
02:09 that is, you know, unreal and nobody can do it.
02:12 But what it really is, it's based in psychology.
02:15 It's about our own psychology, in fact, and it's a belief that
02:18 the more we can stay optimistic, not necessarily positive all the time,
02:23 or we can stay optimistic rather than allow negativity
02:26 swirling around our head and staying there, the happier, the healthier,
02:31 the more successful we are likely to be.
02:34 So it's a real belief that our inner control, thoughts, etc.
02:38 influences our external controls.
02:41 In other words, what happens to us in life.
02:43 OK, so it's worthwhile everybody having it. Yeah. OK.
02:47 So I suppose, importantly, why and when?
02:52 When is it useful to have PMA?
02:54 Give us some examples, maybe.
02:57 I think it's always useful to have it always, especially in tough times,
03:01 which is what we're in right now, because it helps us to deal with things.
03:05 And actually, it helps us to find our own solutions.
03:08 And like I said, you can't always be up.
03:11 But with the right frame of mind, you can get through
03:14 quite often whatever difficulties that you're going through.
03:17 And just thinking about being stressed is proven that can make us be stressed.
03:23 So the thought of being worried, the thought of being anxious,
03:26 the thought of being stressed can actually cause us to then become stressed.
03:30 So it's always important to be mindful of it
03:34 and to know what's going on in your own head.
03:36 So all of the time is when it's useful to have it,
03:39 but especially when you're going through a difficulty.
03:42 OK, OK. I hadn't really thought about that.
03:44 I suppose you kind of think of it as like a almost like a lifestyle choice.
03:49 But actually, maybe when we need it most is when things are kind of going badly
03:52 wrong and it can make us a bit more resilient.
03:55 Exactly. And there are lots of examples where I think it's important
04:00 in different areas of our life.
04:02 But the research does say that it can lead to illness
04:05 if we don't keep on top of what's going on in our head
04:07 from a thoughts and an attitude point of view.
04:10 But if you're in a job,
04:12 it's more likely to help you staying that job or, you know, remaining that job.
04:17 And if you don't have a job, it's more likely to help you get a job.
04:19 So and that's why it's important from a job point of view,
04:23 from a performance point of view, if you're in sports or even if you're
04:28 not in sport, but from a performance point of view, it drives confidence.
04:31 Yeah, confidence helps you to do a better job.
04:34 And that then drives success.
04:36 So so one seemingly small thing can lead to another.
04:41 And then there's a ripple effect.
04:42 And of course, in life generally with family, you become the person
04:46 that people want to be around.
04:48 And it's more it's easier to find solutions
04:52 when you have the right attitude than when you're shrouded
04:55 and bogged down with negativity.
04:57 And let's be honest, we all feel like that sometimes.
04:59 Well, that kind of leads on nicely to my next question,
05:02 which is considering the world we're living in at the moment.
05:04 Sometimes it can be challenging to be optimistic when you're surrounded
05:08 by cost of living crisis, inflation, job worries, all of that.
05:12 How can we balance optimism with acknowledging the reality of things?
05:16 I think the first thing that's important to say is that it's OK to have a tough day.
05:22 It's OK to feel gloomy.
05:23 It's all right to to feel down.
05:25 The important thing is how long we stay down there for.
05:28 How long will that go on for?
05:30 And I've got a little tip that I'll give to listeners later on, viewers later on.
05:35 OK, sometimes you've got to tell ourselves that that's enough.
05:38 Move on. We've done enough of this now.
05:41 We've we've thought about this enough and, you know, we've allowed it to
05:44 to bring us down enough.
05:46 Move on. Sometimes we need some help.
05:48 And if we can't get out of that trench that we're in,
05:52 then we might need somebody's help to do that.
05:55 And but also it's helpful to put it in perspective.
05:59 And what I mean by that is that what's happening around us
06:02 and in the world at the moment, it's not just national, it's global.
06:04 So there's a lot of issues that are affecting a lot of people.
06:07 And it's not your fault.
06:09 And most of it is not your fault.
06:11 And you might have something that's personal to you that you that you can sort out.
06:15 So so the question to ask ourselves is, is this in my control or not?
06:20 Because if it is, what can I do about it?
06:22 And every small step, every small action along the way will help us to get out of that.
06:27 And if it's not in our control, it's important to put that to one side,
06:32 because actually all that will do is drag you down further
06:35 and you cannot do anything about it.
06:38 I suppose the other thing maybe to think about is,
06:40 you know, this too shall pass in certain circumstances.
06:45 You know, it is a matter of time, isn't it?
06:47 That you just need to give a thing now. Obviously,
06:49 we you can use as many tools as you have in your toolbox,
06:54 obviously, to deal with a situation.
06:56 But in a lot of cases, sometimes time helps with a problem like that as well.
07:01 It does. And, you know, nothing lasts forever.
07:04 You know, I know we seem to let from one thing to another,
07:07 from a global point of view, whether it's COVID or mortgages or cost of living.
07:12 There's always something.
07:14 And that's worth bearing in mind.
07:15 There will always be something.
07:18 There'll always be something in the world or nationally or going on in your life
07:22 that actually could bring you down. It could bring you down.
07:25 And the important thing is, is could, because
07:29 we sometimes allow ourselves to to be brought down with it
07:33 because we think negatively, we think I'll never get through this.
07:36 I can't see an end.
07:38 And sometimes we say it.
07:39 And when you vocalize it and say it as well, it stays in your head for longer.
07:43 So it's important to catch what you're thinking.
07:46 I'm amplifying it. Yes. OK, I get you.
07:48 Absolutely. Challenge it.
07:50 And if we say to ourselves, this is I can't do anything about it.
07:54 Sometimes we've got to say, well, hang on a minute. Is that true?
07:57 Can we? What can we do about it?
08:00 Or this is going to last forever. Well, how do you know that?
08:02 So you've got to challenge yourself really to switch it around
08:06 so that you because it's too easy to fall down the spiral.
08:09 Yeah. Of negativity.
08:11 And when you get so far down, it's really hard to get back up then.
08:14 OK, so how do we go about incorporating a positive mental attitude
08:18 into our daily routines then?
08:21 So I think, you know, the first thing to do is to start with
08:25 something that I've just mentioned, which is about your thoughts.
08:28 So be aware of your thoughts.
08:29 So what is really running our thoughts running through our head constantly?
08:33 You don't get a break from them.
08:35 The minute you wake up, they're there.
08:37 But you're not always aware of them.
08:39 So think about what you're thinking about and challenge what you're thinking.
08:43 So if you're if you're already thinking, I'm going to be late for work,
08:47 then you have to stop that already and say, well, hang on, you don't know that.
08:51 And you'll get there when you get there.
08:53 So don't allow that to be the start of the spiral of you coming down
08:57 because these small negative thoughts will all add up.
09:01 Yeah. And by the time you do get to work, you're already in a bad mood.
09:05 Yeah. And so one thing can lead to another.
09:07 And I talk about this a lot in coaching because it's just so normal.
09:11 It happens to everybody.
09:13 So catch yourself early and stop yourself from going down the spiral.
09:17 Listen to your language.
09:18 That's really, really important, because the more you say these words,
09:22 the more it becomes real.
09:25 And so you've really got to catch yourself saying something positive
09:29 rather than negative.
09:30 So in other words, rather than saying it won't work, switch it around and say,
09:35 I need to find a way of making it work or there's probably a way of making it work.
09:39 I've just got to look.
09:41 Yeah. So to be more optimistic about what you're what you're saying.
09:46 And the other thing I'd say about daily routines is appreciate the good things
09:50 more, even if they're tiny, even if they're tiny, because one of the
09:54 a lot of research has been done about
09:55 people who are, it sounds a bit, sounds a bit really sad,
10:00 but people who are dying and a lot of research has been done around regrets.
10:04 Yeah. And, you know, one of the biggest regrets for most people is
10:09 I didn't appreciate enough what I had.
10:12 I didn't enjoy enough what I had.
10:14 And because we're too busy rushing or worrying about the next thing.
10:18 So think about the things that are going well.
10:21 And for many of us, it'll be health.
10:23 For many of us, it's well, I've got my friends, I've got my family.
10:25 For some of us, it might be, well, actually, the sun's out today.
10:29 Let's just enjoy it.
10:30 Or it might be, you know, I'm going to have a cup of tea and a biscuit.
10:34 That'll pick me up.
10:36 So sometimes take the small things
10:39 because these small things in your daily routine keep you up.
10:43 Keep you up. And having a laugh is medicine.
10:46 It really is medicine.
10:48 So if you can find a way of seeing something funny out of life, then do it.
10:52 It will change how you feel.
10:54 And then you become more of the person that you want to be around
10:58 and the person that others just like being close to.
11:01 I think it's a very common problem, actually.
11:04 And you often hear people talking about, you know, especially people
11:07 who have like been wealthy and then something happens,
11:11 particularly if they have a health scare or something like that.
11:13 And they'll say, you know, like it doesn't really matter
11:16 that the bag or the car or whatever, like, you know, it's the
11:20 it's the people in your life. It's the little things.
11:22 It's the stuff that's probably for free in a way that really makes your life
11:28 and that you need to focus on those things and making sure
11:30 that they're the best they can be rather than obtaining the next physical thing.
11:35 You know, so I think that feeds into what you were saying as well
11:38 about people having regrets before they die, etc.
11:42 It's true because everybody says, well, it's all right.
11:46 It's all right for a millionaire to say that it doesn't make
11:49 because they've got the money, but, you know, it would help me.
11:51 And there's no doubt that having more money would help a lot of people right now
11:55 and forever, to be honest, because we all want that comfort of the bills are paid for.
12:00 I don't have to worry about anything coming in.
12:02 We all kind of want that that comfort factor.
12:05 But beyond that, beyond that, there isn't much.
12:08 There isn't a lot extra. Yeah, you're happy.
12:10 Exactly. The reason once you've had your holidays and you've got a nice car,
12:15 then then you become stressed about other things.
12:18 Yeah. There's something else you might want or whatever.
12:20 Or yeah, a bigger car or a more expensive holiday or whatever.
12:25 And the thing about sorry,
12:27 no, you're thinking about the thing about positive mental attitude
12:30 is and is that it's very much internal.
12:35 So a car might fix it in the short term.
12:38 Yeah. And your handbag will fix in short term.
12:40 A holiday will certainly fix it for two weeks or more.
12:43 But then after that, you come back to your thoughts.
12:46 You come back to how you managing your head and you'll never be able to get away
12:50 from that. Yeah.
12:51 So the more you the more we all learn how to manage what's going on up there
12:55 and and how we can start to think better and frame, you know, have the
13:00 yeah, frame things better and, you know, have the right outlook on life.
13:03 The better will always be the happy will always be.
13:06 So do you think that involving others in this pursuit of a positive outlook
13:11 will help? And how do we go about doing that?
13:13 I think there's two aspects.
13:15 The first thing is that people can help you.
13:18 So, you know what they say, a problem shared is a problem solved or halved.
13:23 I can't remember. Anyway, it certainly does help, doesn't it?
13:26 Because, you know, you get a different perspective and that always helps.
13:30 And even just saying it out loud to somebody, it can feel like a little bit
13:34 of a weight's lifted off your mind.
13:35 And it can make you think, you know what, I will have a go.
13:38 I will try this or I will be able to fix it.
13:41 So so asking for help ourselves is really important
13:46 and it can stop us feeling even worse and perhaps leading it to,
13:50 you know, worse things like illness.
13:53 How can we help others?
13:56 Quite easily, actually.
13:58 But but we often don't because, you know, it's something
14:02 quite often that we don't want to get involved in.
14:05 And the first thing is that honesty is really important, I think, you know.
14:08 And if somebody is being negative or they're kind of bringing everybody down,
14:13 the first thing that I think is important to say is asking them what's up
14:16 or asking them what's wrong, because they might be down that negative spiral
14:20 somewhere. Somebody has impacted their day or their week or their life even.
14:24 We don't know what that is.
14:26 And we're not necessarily there to have to find out.
14:28 But asking them might help them share the problem.
14:31 I think that's the first thing
14:33 and find out what that reason is, because you might be able to help or listen.
14:36 The other thing is get them to encourage them to challenge their own situation
14:41 and their own thoughts, because, you know, if they're saying, well,
14:44 it's all right for you, but this is happening for me.
14:47 And then you can say, well, what have you tried so far?
14:50 What else can you do about it?
14:51 You know, try and help them by relating it to yours or somebody
14:54 that you know's situation.
14:56 So in other words, encourage them out of it and push them out of it.
14:59 The other thing that I think it's important to do is to
15:02 is to make them aware of the impacts that they might be having.
15:05 So on other people.
15:07 So they might not realize that actually, you know, they look really down
15:11 or their attitude is impacting others.
15:15 And actually saying it, not because, you know, you're kind of being rude
15:20 or aggressive, but actually you're saying it because you want
15:22 what you want to do is help them.
15:24 Yeah. So it's something that's causing that.
15:26 You know, what can I do to help?
15:27 Because I'm sure most people wouldn't want their negativity
15:31 to sort of impact other people,
15:33 especially if they don't know they're being negative or, you know.
15:36 Yeah, exactly.
15:37 But this is what happens, Kelly, because we see somebody who's negative.
15:41 We see somebody who's negative and we all think, oh, I'm not going near them.
15:43 Yeah, yeah.
15:44 But they stay like that forever.
15:46 Nobody ever tells them.
15:48 And you can say, well, it's their own fault.
15:49 They should sort it.
15:50 And yes, we are all responsible for our own behavior.
15:53 But sometimes you can't always see your own face.
15:55 Well, you don't see your own face or your own body language.
15:58 So you sometimes need somebody to say, what's up?
16:00 You don't look like your normal self today.
16:01 Something's bothering you.
16:03 And I can tell it's bothering you because we all feel it.
16:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
16:06 We all sense that there's something going wrong.
16:08 So, you know, what is it?
16:09 So you can encourage it out of people.
16:12 Sometimes distracting them by switching the topic can also help.
16:17 So if you've got somebody who's moaning a lot or they're really fed up
16:21 or they're just worried and they're coming out with all sorts of stuff,
16:24 if you switch the subject to something completely different,
16:28 that will lift their...
16:30 Yeah, mood.
16:30 That will lift their, yeah, lift their mood, lift the way they're feeling
16:34 and the state of...
16:35 Kind of help them get out of a rut a little bit.
16:37 Yeah, yeah, exactly.
16:39 Yes. And then when they've had that conversation, you can go back to it to say,
16:42 so what was it you was worried about and what can you do about it?
16:45 And because they're in a higher state.
16:48 Yes. Sort of an old fashioned approach to cheering people up a little bit.
16:51 Yeah, yeah. I get you.
16:52 And they can move themselves on easier
16:55 after they've come out of that gloomy kind of state, if you like.
16:58 And it helps them to become more motivated.
17:00 That's good advice.
17:02 OK, so we are going to go to the part of the podcast now
17:06 where we get some questions from listeners.
17:08 And Louise got in touch with us a few months back.
17:11 We're playing catch up still on some of our
17:14 emails we've had in from listeners.
17:17 So she she says, I tried to go about my day in a positive way,
17:20 but I'm so completely snowed under.
17:22 I get frustrated, end up losing focus on how I am framing things.
17:26 I rely on support from quite a few different people at work
17:30 as I manage a big team.
17:31 And it's often one of these people who will end up bringing me down.
17:34 How do I deal with that?
17:36 Well, we've touched on that there a little bit, Amina, before before the question.
17:39 Yeah, we have.
17:41 And there's two elements to Louise's point, really.
17:44 The first thing is being snowed under.
17:46 And I think, you know, everybody can have this in their lives
17:49 where you've just got too much on and it's a good point to raise.
17:52 I mean, the first thing I'd start with is what's your priority?
17:56 Have a list of all these things that you're snowed under with,
17:58 because there'll always be a priority.
18:00 Some things will matter more.
18:01 And there might be top three things that you think
18:03 I have to get those things done no matter what.
18:06 And then keep your own attitude in check,
18:10 because that's when it's easy for us to start spiraling down and think,
18:13 I'll never get through this.
18:15 There's too much to do, too much on my plate.
18:17 And before we know it, we're on the floor.
18:20 And then it's even harder to get things done
18:22 because we're slowing our performance down.
18:24 So keep your own attitude in check is a really useful thing
18:28 to bear in mind.
18:29 It's not easy, but practice makes you better at it.
18:32 And think about the impacts that you're having on others,
18:34 just as we said that about the other person, because you could be that person
18:38 when you're snowed under.
18:40 Delegate what you can, Louise, or if that's at all possible,
18:44 delay what you can and do some things that are really, really not that important.
18:50 We are guilty of doing the same things
18:52 because I've always done them, even if they're not that important.
18:55 So have your list, go for your important ones.
18:58 The person that might be bringing us down, I know I have touched on,
19:02 but if it's possible for Louise, all of us to be able to say,
19:06 what's up?
19:08 Yeah.
19:09 What's going on?
19:10 And try and challenge it, try and tackle it, try and help them
19:13 to find out what it is.
19:15 But again, that awareness of how they're impacting everybody else
19:18 is really important because Louise is clearly feeling it.
19:21 And when you've got a lot on your plate,
19:23 that really does impact everybody's performance.
19:26 So that kind of needs some honesty and and some help.
19:29 They need to know how they're coming across.
19:31 But what about what about how we let other people impact us?
19:37 You know, like don't we have some, you know, autonomy there in terms of like
19:41 if you're kind of dreading seeing that person or before
19:45 they even open their mouth, you're like, oh, God, they're going to bring me
19:48 a complaint or they're going to be negative or whatever.
19:50 Maybe we're framing it wrong ourselves as well.
19:52 What do you think? Yeah.
19:53 I mean, one of the things that I often say to people,
19:57 it's a bit of tough love, if I'm honest, but I'm going to say it.
19:59 Nobody can bring you down unless you allow them to.
20:03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. They can't.
20:04 So they can throw all sorts of words at you.
20:07 They can say horrible things.
20:08 They can act in an awful way.
20:10 But if you can try and stay in control of what you're thinking about
20:13 and and deflecting whatever they're saying, because actually
20:17 the more you focus on what you can do, how
20:20 how good you can be at work, how good a friend you can be,
20:24 the less they're going to impact your behavior.
20:27 But the more you allow their words, their thoughts,
20:29 if you like to get into your head, the more they are actually directing
20:33 who you become. I understand.
20:35 So so you've really got to think about,
20:37 I'm not going to allow them to affect me because that then will make me
20:42 become that person that maybe they think I am
20:46 or they're trying to make me out to be.
20:48 So focus on what's going on in your own mind
20:51 and don't allow other people to bring you down to their level.
20:55 Yeah, because it makes them feel good because now there's more people
20:59 down at their level, but actually it takes you nowhere.
21:02 Everybody then feels gloomy.
21:04 Misery loves company, isn't it? Yeah, absolutely.
21:07 So I think there's lots of different tips there for Louise.
21:12 Hopefully that will help resolve that situation for her.
21:15 And I'm going to do you want to just summarize for us
21:19 maybe what we've discussed today for listeners so that we can have a quick recap?
21:22 Yes. Yes, I will.
21:24 Just one thing that I would if I if I'm allowed to just add on,
21:28 which is that not everybody has to be smiley, happy, clappy people.
21:32 Oh, yeah. That's not what positive mental attitude is about.
21:35 It's about being optimistic and being hopeful and about thinking,
21:39 how do I get out of this?
21:40 That's what a real positive mental attitude is about.
21:43 So anybody can have a good attitude.
21:45 Absolutely. So summary.
21:46 First of all, I'd say positive mental attitude is about being in control
21:50 of what's going on in your head.
21:52 It's very much an internal thing.
21:54 Secondly, you can't always be positive.
21:56 Please don't think you have to be.
21:58 But if you are going to if you are going to if you do feel gloomy,
22:02 do feel fed up, give yourself a time limit.
22:04 I have a 10 minute rule.
22:06 10 minutes. I'm going to say what you like, grumble, moan.
22:09 Then that's it. Stop at that and move on.
22:11 Be optimistic and hopeful.
22:14 Thirdly, focus on what you can do about it and get help if you need to.
22:18 Four, be aware of what you're doing and what others are doing around you,
22:24 because you could be on the spiral going down.
22:26 They could to catch yourself early before you slide down.
22:30 And finally, positive mental attitude will benefit everybody
22:35 because it will help you to stay healthier.
22:38 It will help you stay happier.
22:40 And you are much more likely to be successful
22:43 if you have the kind of attitude that that helps you to be
22:46 to become confident and perform better.
22:49 And other people are more likely to want you in their business
22:52 and to want to be around you.
22:54 So it's for everybody, Kelly.
22:56 Yeah, that's true. That is definitely true.
22:58 Thank you for joining me once again today.
23:00 Amina, your expertise is so valuable.
23:03 And we still have we have to do a little team celebration at some point
23:07 about our little award that we picked up as well at the podcast award.
23:11 So we haven't been on air together since.
23:14 Yeah. And well done to Kay.
23:16 Please do join us next week when I'll be talking to Kay Woodburn
23:20 about depression and anxiety in younger people and helping make them more resilient.
23:24 Thank you for joining us today on The Reset Room.
23:26 If you have a suggestion for future episodes or you'd like to see us
23:29 cover a particular topic, then do get in touch.
23:31 You can follow us on Twitter at Reset_Room, on Facebook at The Reset Room
23:36 and on Instagram at Reset Room Podcast.
23:38 Please remember to rate, review and subscribe to the podcast
23:41 and tell all your friends about us.
23:43 The Reset Room is a laudable production produced and hosted by me, Kelly Creighton.
23:46 Our resident experts are Kay Woodburn of britneypeople.co.uk
23:49 and Amina Walker, who you'll find on aminawalker.com.
23:54 See you next time. Bye.
23:56 Bye, Kelly.
23:56 (upbeat music)