• last year
Caleb Pressley | Sundae Conversation
Transcript
00:00 The slimmest, cutest, heavyweight of all time,
00:05 Glennie Balls.
00:07 - 'Sup, man?
00:08 - Trying to take my title of being the skinniest,
00:11 fattest dude on the earth.
00:13 Not happy.
00:14 - You did kind of give me a dead fish handshake too
00:16 when you walked in.
00:17 - In the United States, you know what we call people
00:19 who do dead fish handshakes?
00:20 - Pussies.
00:21 - Yeah, that's what we say.
00:24 He beat me to the...
00:26 - Punch.
00:27 No pun intended.
00:29 - I did, I intended it.
00:30 How tall are you?
00:34 - Tall enough to have seven kids.
00:37 - You have what?
00:38 - About seven kids.
00:40 - What was the thought process behind having seven kids?
00:44 Horny?
00:44 - Yeah, you could say I'm a pretty horny devil.
00:47 - Really?
00:47 - A horny little bastard.
00:48 Well, you know my numbers are like seven times a day,
00:52 masturbation.
00:52 - What?
00:53 - That's what I wank seven times a day.
00:55 - You choke the chicken seven times a day?
00:57 - Yeah, but I'm trying to get it up
00:58 because I've been told they're rookie numbers.
01:00 - Do you ever worry that you'll kill the chicken?
01:03 - No, chicken never dies.
01:04 Chicken's strong like blood.
01:06 - Jealous, dude.
01:07 - Yep.
01:08 - So if our interview goes for too long,
01:09 will you jack off right here during the interview?
01:11 - No, I'll have to go out and do two somewhere.
01:13 I always order a couple of spare rooms.
01:16 - You order spare rooms just so you can masturbate?
01:18 You're the master.
01:19 - When I first started with this masturbation
01:23 seven times a day,
01:24 - Yeah, right.
01:24 - I didn't get to the numbers that I really wanted.
01:29 - All right, sad.
01:30 - And obviously that's sad.
01:33 That's what we call losing, where I'm from.
01:37 - You're not a loser, you just lost.
01:39 - Mm-hmm, yeah.
01:41 Which is quite sickening, really.
01:44 However, no matter how many times you get put down,
01:46 you gotta keep getting back up and keep moving forward.
01:49 - And which head is that advice for?
01:50 Your top head?
01:52 - Both heads.
01:53 - Both heads.
01:54 - Both heads, yeah.
01:55 - You're a reality star.
01:59 - I am, I am.
02:01 But although Netflix didn't wanna film the whole reality.
02:04 - So the show's bullshit, is that what you're saying?
02:06 - Proper bullshit, yeah.
02:07 - You're saying your show's bullshit.
02:08 - I said, "You need to film me taking a shit,
02:10 "you need to film me having a shower,
02:11 "you need to film me in the bath."
02:13 And they said, "Nope, can't do it, sorry."
02:14 - Maybe their camera wasn't big enough.
02:16 - Maybe it wasn't, or maybe they didn't have a minute lens.
02:19 That could've zimmed in enough.
02:20 - Is your show scripted, like wrestling?
02:22 - Nope, no scripts.
02:24 - Is your show fixed, like boxing?
02:26 - No fix.
02:27 - When you showed every single person in the world
02:29 what your house looks like and where it is,
02:32 I guess my question is, do you have any messages
02:34 for the trespassers who are gonna go in your house
02:35 during your next fight when they know you're not there?
02:37 - The thing is, I just say, "Everybody welcome,
02:39 "have a free-for-all, take everything I've got
02:41 "because it's insured and I can get new."
02:44 - 'Cause you're rich.
02:45 - Stinking rich.
02:47 I'm a die trying to spend this shit.
02:49 - So let's talk about the real reason we're here,
02:53 which is...
02:54 - Are you gonna tell the audience?
03:04 - I thought you were gonna step in there.
03:06 About boxing, your fight.
03:07 Boxing.
03:08 It's, it's...
03:10 - Is this a boxing interview?
03:12 - You ever think about getting in shape for a fight?
03:15 - Nope, never.
03:16 That's insulting, isn't it, to say that, getting shape.
03:20 You know, a lot of these fighters,
03:21 they wanna be like bodybuilders and look ripped and that,
03:24 but I always rocked the dad bod and, you know,
03:26 the bald head, fat, white as anything.
03:30 Looked absolutely disgusting from the top off.
03:32 And then when I knock out a good-looking six-pack,
03:34 it's like, "What the fuck, dude?
03:36 "What the fuck just happened?"
03:38 - How do you do it?
03:39 - Crack 'em on the jaw and down they go.
03:41 You can't put muscles on the chin.
03:43 - Are you the baddest man on the planet?
03:45 - Me?
03:46 So it would seem.
03:49 - What do these three sounds mean to you?
03:52 Kim, Jung, Un.
03:54 - What do they mean to me?
03:57 - Mm-hmm.
03:58 - Not a lot.
03:59 - What about this sound?
04:02 [imitates farting]
04:04 That was Putin.
04:05 - Also, not a lot.
04:10 - I guess let's talk about the actual fight itself.
04:13 You're fighting against Francis Nagano.
04:15 - Yep.
04:16 - He's pretty cool.
04:19 But you seem to be just as cool or cooler.
04:21 - He's not gonna last.
04:22 His body's too good.
04:24 I told you about these ripped bodies.
04:26 - He has too much semen inside his body.
04:28 - I'm not sure about the semen,
04:29 but he's got too many muscles and he looks too good.
04:32 And when I felt him like this.
04:34 - How did you feel him?
04:35 - A little bit like this.
04:36 You know how we do it.
04:38 - Of course.
04:39 - In the trade.
04:39 And he was all hard.
04:41 - He was hard.
04:41 - As I was feeling him, yeah.
04:43 - He's excited to fight you.
04:43 - Obviously.
04:44 But he was hard and it was a...
04:48 I knew he's not gonna win because his body's too good.
04:51 - Do you mind if we do a new shit-talking segment
04:55 sponsored by Dude Wipes?
04:57 - Yeah, go for it.
04:58 - We know that you're a great shit-talker.
04:59 That's part of being a great fighter.
05:01 But I think, it's my opinion,
05:04 that what makes the true great shit-talkers
05:06 is their ability to not only say the first comment,
05:10 but have a great comeback.
05:11 - Yeah.
05:12 - Do you agree with that?
05:13 - Yep.
05:14 - So this is a new shit-talking segment
05:14 sponsored by Dude Wipes.
05:15 I'm gonna say some shit-talk to you
05:18 and you just come back right at my face.
05:20 - Yep.
05:21 - Okay.
05:22 - You ready?
05:23 - Yep.
05:24 - You got a stupid looking face.
05:26 - So do you.
05:28 - Okay.
05:32 (dramatic music)
05:36 you