Finding Love Again-SD
Finding Love Again-SD
Category
📺
TVTranscript
00:00:00 Beautiful, beautiful, unbelievable!
00:00:05 Come on!
00:00:07 Is that the alternator?
00:00:08 Okay, where is this place?
00:00:10 It's busy.
00:00:12 Where is she? Where are you?
00:00:14 Oh, come on.
00:00:15 I know it's gonna be here. I know.
00:00:17 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on!
00:00:19 Oh my God, I put money into you all the time.
00:00:22 That's not the distributor.
00:00:23 You're late.
00:00:25 Seventeenth time.
00:00:26 You said five minutes, that was twenty minutes ago.
00:00:29 Come on!
00:00:30 I wrote it on the table, put it in my purse.
00:00:33 Unbooked sorority girls from Fresno, I love it.
00:00:35 This is exactly what I needed.
00:00:37 If that is just about perfect bank, I'm sick of this.
00:00:40 It's old damn car.
00:00:42 Let me wait again.
00:00:43 What am I thinking?
00:00:45 Get caught waiting, dude. Come on!
00:00:48 You do this to me all the time.
00:00:50 She does this to me all the time.
00:00:52 I hate you.
00:00:53 Walked out the door, got in my car, and it's...
00:00:57 It's here.
00:00:59 Oh, I forgot those goddamn papers.
00:01:01 Fuck.
00:01:03 I always forget something. Goddamn it.
00:01:06 [♪♪♪]
00:01:10 [♪♪♪]
00:01:14 [♪♪♪]
00:01:40 [♪♪♪]
00:01:43 [♪♪♪]
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00:02:12 [♪♪♪]
00:02:15 I met this woman once.
00:02:27 And her sight was failing.
00:02:31 Not in her eyes, but it was in her mind.
00:02:35 You know, for some people, the eyes fail, the light's dim, they go blind.
00:02:41 For her, her spirit was failing, her world going dim, her heart going blind.
00:02:49 And as it progressed, I'd see her.
00:02:52 She saw the darkness beginning to encroach.
00:02:54 She'd talk about it, where it was.
00:02:57 "There!" she'd say.
00:02:59 "The darkness has taken over my lover, who no longer wants me."
00:03:04 And here, the darkness is covering my heart with the sadness of this separation.
00:03:12 And it grew around her, covering larger and larger areas of her life
00:03:17 until it covered almost her whole field of view.
00:03:22 And finally, she-- her whole existence--
00:03:26 her whole existence was in this deep, black darkness.
00:03:33 And she came to me, and she came to me that day, and she said to me,
00:03:37 "George, the whole world is as black as my bitter heart,
00:03:42 "all except for one last speck, one last spot.
00:03:47 "And in that one last spot, George, I see a dim glimmer of light.
00:03:53 "It's the only light I see."
00:03:56 And it took all this darkness and all this blackness for me to see this light.
00:04:03 But then, she moved towards it and into it.
00:04:10 And she became blanketed by light.
00:04:14 And then she wore it like a queen's robe.
00:04:18 She wore this light, and she'd throw it around you, covering you in her robe of light.
00:04:24 And it was a good thing, her darkness, in the end.
00:04:29 "In darkness," she said to me, "compassion is born."
00:04:34 What?
00:04:35 Oh, sorry, I wasn't talking to you. I was just talking to me.
00:04:38 I just have a word problem. I just got all these thoughts.
00:04:40 They just keep coming at me. I just can't stop them.
00:04:43 I can't stem the flow. It's like a river, like a river without a dam.
00:04:46 I just say what's on my mind, that's all.
00:04:48 Just say what's on your mind!
00:04:50 That's what they told me. Speak up! I can't hear you!
00:04:56 Oh, I'll say what's on my mind.
00:04:59 But some people, they got thoughts that's just all locked up in there.
00:05:05 They can't let them out. Afraid they're gonna bite you!
00:05:09 Yeah, but you got thoughts you don't even want to think about, much less talk about.
00:05:17 Like that time you hurt somebody, and you wanted to.
00:05:21 You hurt them real bad, and it felt good at the time, didn't it?
00:05:24 It felt real good, but maybe now it don't feel so good no more, huh?
00:05:28 I hurt somebody.
00:05:30 I hurt them real bad.
00:05:33 That's me.
00:05:37 People tell you somebody hurt them and they went crazy?
00:05:41 No, I'm telling you, you hurt somebody, and you go just as crazy.
00:05:49 [Sounds of a crowd]
00:05:51 You can't be too cautious.
00:05:57 That's why he wears them gloves all the time.
00:06:01 Little germs and diseases on everything.
00:06:06 I got some on my shoe right now.
00:06:10 Crawling around, mutating, cohabitating, breeding so they can crawl onto other places and infest.
00:06:18 Some of those diseases, they're bad. Yeah, they get on your skin.
00:06:24 They make your skin fall right off.
00:06:27 But some of them, some of them get in your brain.
00:06:32 Oh, and those are the kind that gloves won't help.
00:06:35 No, condoms won't help either.
00:06:38 No, those brain diseases, those word diseases, they get stuck on stuff too,
00:06:46 but not on your shoes or toilet seats or nothing like that.
00:06:50 No, they get stuck to your words first.
00:06:53 Or maybe they get stuck to the words you hear first,
00:06:57 and then they make their way back inside your mind.
00:07:01 And then they go straight down into your soul,
00:07:04 and they make your soul sick and diseased, rotten.
00:07:08 And they're powerful.
00:07:10 As powerful as any disease known to mankind may be more powerful,
00:07:14 because these word diseases, these brain diseases,
00:07:17 they're more contagious than the strongest virus.
00:07:20 And you don't need to breathe the air.
00:07:22 Somebody else is breathing to catch them either.
00:07:25 No, you only need to listen to what they say.
00:07:28 And they can kill millions.
00:07:32 They can infest millions at a time.
00:07:36 [thunder]
00:07:39 [music]
00:07:41 I got one!
00:07:43 I got one! I must have one!
00:07:46 I must have one!
00:07:48 [music]
00:07:51 I must have one!
00:07:53 [music]
00:07:57 [music]
00:08:20 [music]
00:08:24 [music]
00:08:27 [music]
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00:09:54 [music]
00:10:00 My fear of failure.
00:10:12 Logic dictates that I'm a failure, a complete loser.
00:10:17 I mean, how do I not feel like I've failed?
00:10:20 I've had so many more failures in my life than I've had successes.
00:10:23 Big failures, too.
00:10:25 The things that I've tried the hardest at seem to be the things that fail the worst.
00:10:30 And the failures just seem to keep on mounting.
00:10:33 More and more of them every day.
00:10:35 Maybe I am a failure.
00:10:37 A failed person, bad human, worthless specimen.
00:10:41 Nah.
00:10:43 I think the real thing is...
00:10:46 it's not the failure, it's not the fear.
00:10:49 It's just me, making an excuse for self-pity.
00:10:56 [music]
00:11:00 [music]
00:11:10 [music]
00:11:13 Hey! What are you doing over there?
00:11:30 Just eating a bagel.
00:11:32 And how are you this fine morning, ma'am?
00:11:34 Well, go eat your bagel someplace else.
00:11:37 And stay out of our garbage!
00:11:39 I'm just trying to get something to eat.
00:11:42 Go dig around in your own garbage.
00:11:45 This garbage is ours!
00:11:47 [music]
00:11:51 [music]
00:12:18 [music]
00:12:21 I wonder why that woman left me a bagel.
00:12:38 She did leave me a bagel, didn't she?
00:12:41 Does she like me?
00:12:43 Could anybody ever love me again?
00:12:47 Oh boy, that's the thought that just really terrifies me.
00:12:50 The thought of being unloved.
00:12:52 The thought of being uncared for.
00:12:54 It's like I'm just a spirit here on this planet,
00:12:58 trapped in this body.
00:13:00 And I know how to do things, like...
00:13:02 like make money, and dress nicely,
00:13:06 be charming.
00:13:08 And I know these things would draw other people to me.
00:13:11 And they might even love me again.
00:13:14 But somewhere in some rancid part of myself,
00:13:17 I wonder if they love the true me,
00:13:19 or just the appearance of me.
00:13:21 My money, my clothes, my charm, my jokes.
00:13:27 [laughs]
00:13:29 So I stripped it all away, I guess,
00:13:34 hoping that somebody would see the true me and love it.
00:13:42 So I guess that's why I talk so much.
00:13:44 And maybe that's why some people
00:13:46 let themselves get out of shape,
00:13:48 or keep themselves unkempt, or smell bad.
00:13:51 Just their soul crying out for recognition.
00:13:54 They want people to see the true self on the inside.
00:13:58 That's why really rich or beautiful, famous people,
00:14:04 they have so much problems in their lives.
00:14:06 Because they attract people that nurture their surface structure,
00:14:09 and not their soul.
00:14:11 Because the soul is a very difficult thing to express.
00:14:14 It's scary, too.
00:14:16 It's scary because it might be rejected.
00:14:18 It's difficult because,
00:14:20 even I don't know what my soul is.
00:14:22 I mean it's always in motion.
00:14:24 It's moving this way, and that way,
00:14:28 this way, and that way.
00:14:31 This way, and that way, and this way, and that way.
00:14:36 [whistles]
00:14:39 [whistles]
00:14:41 I used to be in a very different place.
00:14:46 Are you tired of your old car?
00:14:48 Of course you are.
00:14:49 Now would you rather have a new car, or an old car?
00:14:52 Of course you'd rather have a new car.
00:14:54 What if I was to tell you
00:14:56 that you could have a brand new Maschuda Scouter
00:14:59 for the same payments as a two year old trail boss?
00:15:03 You'd take the new car, right?
00:15:05 That's what I did.
00:15:06 Bought one for my family. We love it.
00:15:07 It is a beautiful car. You're going to love this car.
00:15:10 [music]
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00:15:22 [music]
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00:16:03 [music]
00:16:06 [music]
00:16:15 [music]
00:16:26 [music]
00:16:29 What is love? What is love?
00:16:44 What is love?
00:16:46 Hey! What is love?
00:16:50 I don't know what love is.
00:16:53 But I know where it is.
00:16:55 It's right here. In my heart.
00:16:58 In my heart!
00:17:00 [laughs]
00:17:02 They thought I...
00:17:04 [laughs]
00:17:06 I wonder where the first time love came from anyway.
00:17:11 You know, the first time something or somebody actually felt love...
00:17:16 It was probably two great apes.
00:17:19 Two great apes who were just fucking wildly in the jungle.
00:17:23 Just fucking their brains out.
00:17:25 And suddenly this feeling like a fiery waterfall comes rushing over them.
00:17:29 And they get this look and one of them looks into the other one's eyes.
00:17:34 And the other one looks back.
00:17:37 And they slow down for a minute because they realize they don't have to do this just to procreate anymore.
00:17:43 And they get this feeling. They start feeling something.
00:17:47 Something coming from the generation of life itself is overwhelming them.
00:17:52 And they take this raw material into themselves and they start making something.
00:18:00 They start making love.
00:18:03 Yeah. That's where love first came from.
00:18:08 And it's probably where language first came from as well.
00:18:12 Because one of those big apes, probably the woman,
00:18:16 looked into the other one's eyes and uttered the first word.
00:18:21 Luke.
00:18:23 Which meant, "I love you."
00:18:27 To let myself love again?
00:18:43 Jesus! I don't know.
00:18:46 I'm afraid I might get hurt again by love.
00:18:49 For good reason.
00:18:51 If I let that fear win.
00:18:54 God, if I let that fear win and sever the slim hope that I have for really deep, true, meaningful love.
00:19:01 If I sever that cord and go the route of the tough guy, unaffected by his emotions.
00:19:06 Or the sad guy, destroyed by his emotions.
00:19:10 Either way. Either way I'll be cutting myself off from the purpose and the reason why I'm here.
00:19:17 I don't know.
00:19:20 I don't know if I can ever let go of the love that I had.
00:19:24 I mean, I try, but it just keeps coming back.
00:19:27 Which is good, I think.
00:19:29 What the?
00:19:32 [door creaks]
00:19:34 [door slams]
00:19:36 [door creaks]
00:19:38 [whispering]
00:19:40 [music]
00:19:42 [whispering]
00:19:44 [music]
00:19:46 [whispering]
00:19:48 I mean, I just...
00:19:50 I just hurt her so bad.
00:19:53 Oh, but maybe...
00:19:56 Maybe I can let go of him.
00:20:00 Just a little bit at a time.
00:20:02 Just piece by piece.
00:20:06 [music]
00:20:08 [sigh]
00:20:10 I mean, maybe for a moment.
00:20:12 Just, just one moment.
00:20:15 Let go of every last bit of it.
00:20:19 Just so I can see how it's gonna be.
00:20:22 [music]
00:20:24 [sobbing]
00:20:26 [music]
00:20:29 [music]
00:20:31 (dramatic music)
00:20:33 (dramatic music)
00:20:36 (dramatic music)
00:20:39 (dramatic music)
00:20:42 (dramatic music)
00:20:44 - Well, hello there, Mr. Dumpster.
00:21:12 Oh, sorry, Ms. Dumpster.
00:21:14 How could I have been so faultless?
00:21:18 I must say, you are looking ravishing today.
00:21:20 Why, if I was a trash can,
00:21:21 I'd love nothing more than to fill you up.
00:21:24 But I hear you're not feeling so good today.
00:21:27 I understand they got you with some graffiti.
00:21:29 It's not very nice graffiti either, is it?
00:21:31 You wish they could have done something
00:21:34 a little more colorful, you know?
00:21:35 I mean, there's just no account for taste these days.
00:21:38 Hmm?
00:21:39 Well, maybe they didn't have anything nicer to say.
00:21:42 But I got something for you to help you brighten your day.
00:21:45 There you go.
00:21:48 It's from Mr. Dumpster down the street.
00:21:50 Yeah, I think he's got a crush on you.
00:21:54 Well, you have a good day.
00:21:56 Huh?
00:21:59 Oh, you're very welcome.
00:22:00 And thank you for that pizza yesterday.
00:22:02 It was fantastic.
00:22:04 I must say, the bouquet of the tomato sauce was superb.
00:22:07 The au velan ambiance was wonderful.
00:22:10 I'd give you four and a half stars.
00:22:12 What?
00:22:14 Oh, you got something for me in here?
00:22:17 Let me take a look.
00:22:19 Oh.
00:22:23 (dramatic music)
00:22:27 Do you want to take a chance on buying a used car
00:22:32 that might be a lemon?
00:22:33 Of course you don't.
00:22:35 Do you want to take a chance on buying a car
00:22:37 that's got a bad reliability rating?
00:22:39 No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:41 Now, I guess you've heard some of the negative publicity
00:22:43 about the Maschuta Scouters.
00:22:46 It's just a bunch of hogwash
00:22:47 that's been generated by our competitors.
00:22:50 Now, I bought one of these cars and they're great cars.
00:22:52 And don't worry about the safety on these things.
00:22:54 I can verify it for it myself.
00:22:56 I've driven these things all over the place
00:22:58 and they're great cars.
00:23:00 I think you should consider buying one.
00:23:05 Is she the one, the woman with the bagel?
00:23:07 Yes!
00:23:11 Yes!
00:23:13 (upbeat music)
00:23:33 (gentle music)
00:23:35 You got something for me in here?
00:23:46 I can feel it.
00:23:48 What have we here?
00:23:54 Ah, cool.
00:23:59 (gentle music)
00:24:02 What?
00:24:04 Oh, these are nice.
00:24:07 My size.
00:24:10 Thank you.
00:24:13 Thank you.
00:24:15 Thank you, Jambo.
00:24:29 God of the dumpsters.
00:24:30 The one who puts all good things in dumpsters.
00:24:33 The God of garbage.
00:24:35 The garbage God.
00:24:36 The way, the truth, the light, the filth.
00:24:40 Oh, we find your altars in every city.
00:24:44 Churches in every alley.
00:24:46 People sacrificing to you consistently
00:24:49 and you give back so profusely, so unselfishly.
00:24:51 Thank you for these many gifts, my friendly God.
00:24:58 You great smelly one.
00:24:59 You are the one who provides for the homeless.
00:25:03 You have truly saved my life.
00:25:07 For without you, I would have died
00:25:10 from a hunger and cold long ago.
00:25:12 I bow down to you, Jambo.
00:25:15 Thank you.
00:25:17 Thank you.
00:25:20 (gentle music)
00:25:23 (crying)
00:25:25 Oh, hi Mrs. Dorr.
00:25:49 The flowers?
00:25:50 No, no, they're not for you.
00:25:52 I was wondering if you could do me a favor.
00:25:54 (whispering)
00:25:57 Okay, great, thanks.
00:25:59 Thanks a lot.
00:26:02 (dramatic music)
00:26:09 (dramatic music)
00:26:12 (dramatic music)
00:26:15 No, no!
00:26:42 No!
00:26:43 Just do what I say!
00:26:47 Just do what I say!
00:26:48 Jesus!
00:26:49 Hey babe.
00:26:53 Thanks for the flowers, that was really sweet.
00:26:55 I didn't send you any flowers.
00:26:57 Really?
00:26:59 Who sent you these flowers?
00:27:02 I don't know.
00:27:04 Did you fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:06 What are you talking about?
00:27:08 Well usually if you fuck somebody, they send you flowers.
00:27:11 Is that what you did?
00:27:12 You fuck somebody and they sent you flowers?
00:27:14 You never sent me flowers when we first had sex.
00:27:18 Don't change the goddamn subject.
00:27:20 Did you fuck somebody for these flowers or what?
00:27:22 No, and stop saying fuck so much.
00:27:25 Why, does it make you feel guilty?
00:27:27 No, it makes me feel like asking you to leave.
00:27:30 Oh, so now you're leaving me because you fucked somebody.
00:27:34 Look, I'm not leaving you, I'm just asking you to leave.
00:27:40 But Joanne, I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:43 We don't have to break up.
00:27:45 I think you'd better go.
00:27:48 For good?
00:27:48 Yeah, I guess so.
00:27:51 But Joanna, I love you.
00:27:56 I don't care if you fuck this guy.
00:27:59 Goodbye, Scott.
00:28:07 You know, that's just like a woman.
00:28:10 Find somebody else to fuck
00:28:11 and dump the guy that really loves you.
00:28:14 I remember old Calvin.
00:28:19 Poor bastard, he ran into me just after the accident.
00:28:23 He was just another street person.
00:28:26 I was still a member of society.
00:28:29 He was crying.
00:28:36 And he was coveting this small vial.
00:28:38 I was drunk.
00:28:42 I wanted to just stay drunk and get drunker
00:28:44 and just stay that way.
00:28:46 But as he was crying, I said, "Hey, Calvin,
00:28:53 "why don't you and me just go out to the best bar in town
00:28:55 "and we'll just cry all night together?"
00:28:57 And he looked at me and he says,
00:29:04 "No one's gonna cry with you, mister.
00:29:06 "You're doomed to do all your crying alone."
00:29:09 Woo-hoo!
00:29:11 Man, it shook me up a little bit.
00:29:13 I don't know.
00:29:16 So I asked for a swig off his vial.
00:29:19 And he showed it to me.
00:29:23 It wasn't alcohol at all.
00:29:24 It was his tears in this vial.
00:29:28 He was collecting his tears.
00:29:30 He would hold it up to his eye
00:29:32 and his tears would roll into it.
00:29:34 I asked him what had happened to him
00:29:43 and he told me about his wife leaving him
00:29:45 and he just lost it.
00:29:47 I mean, he was bitter.
00:29:48 So I took him back to his place.
00:29:53 I looked around.
00:29:54 There was no decorations on the walls or anything.
00:29:56 There was just all these notebooks lined up on the shelves.
00:29:59 They're filled with just the saddest poetry you ever saw.
00:30:02 I mean, it was pathetic.
00:30:03 And then, on the window sill,
00:30:09 there was these small little blue vials lined up.
00:30:14 He had been collecting his tears in these vials.
00:30:19 It must have been over a gallon of stuff.
00:30:24 And he told me, he said,
00:30:26 "I'm gonna send these to her when I die
00:30:29 "so she can see all the pain and suffering I've been through."
00:30:33 And I said, "Send all your pain and suffering
00:30:36 "to the woman you love?"
00:30:38 I said, "Mister, I don't think that's right.
00:30:40 "I don't think that's love."
00:30:42 And I thought about it and I thought,
00:30:45 that's what I've been doing with my drinking.
00:30:48 Just showing the world how much pain and suffering I have.
00:30:53 Right then and there, I said, "No more drinking."
00:30:57 Then I started ducking.
00:31:02 And I haven't shut up since.
00:31:03 Now I wish I could just shut up, but my mind won't let me.
00:31:08 It has no gate on it, no spigot, no valve.
00:31:11 I'm so tired of hearing you talk.
00:31:15 Just leave me alone.
00:31:16 Just shut up.
00:31:19 Just shut up.
00:31:20 You keep doing the same things over and over again
00:31:23 and you don't stop.
00:31:25 It's like a brain skipping, a CD skipping,
00:31:28 a computer skipping, a rock skipping on the water.
00:31:32 Just leave me alone.
00:31:33 Just stop.
00:31:34 Just stop.
00:31:37 (car honking)
00:31:51 (gentle music)
00:31:57 - So what's going on?
00:31:59 - I broke up with Scott.
00:32:01 - Shocking.
00:32:02 - You never did like him.
00:32:04 - It's not that I didn't like him.
00:32:07 I just thought he was a scumbag, dick-like loser,
00:32:11 chauvinistic, unprincipled, uncaring,
00:32:13 total sleazeball cheeseball, that's all.
00:32:15 - Look, I just can't stand it anymore.
00:32:19 I mean, why do I always end up with the Scott-like thing?
00:32:22 I try and be careful and pick someone
00:32:24 that'll be good to me.
00:32:25 - No, you don't.
00:32:26 You always end up with the hottest, coolest,
00:32:29 richest showpieces in town without fail.
00:32:31 And somehow you expect these guys to be different
00:32:34 on the inside than they are on the outside.
00:32:36 And they're not, big surprise.
00:32:39 - No, I don't.
00:32:40 - Yes, you do.
00:32:41 To you, a man is the ultimate fashion accessory.
00:32:44 Sorry.
00:32:46 Well, what are you looking for?
00:32:48 - I don't know.
00:32:50 - Well, what attracted you to Scott?
00:32:52 - I thought he was different.
00:32:55 - Different how?
00:32:56 - Okay, I thought he was cute.
00:33:01 - There you go.
00:33:02 - How am I supposed to go out with a guy
00:33:04 I don't think is cute?
00:33:05 - I don't know, I couldn't do it.
00:33:07 I mean, good-looking guys are assholes,
00:33:11 and ugly guys are nice.
00:33:13 They'd have to be or else they'd never get laid.
00:33:14 - Oh, right.
00:33:15 - So you wind up hanging out with some nice, ugly guy
00:33:18 having a great time,
00:33:19 'til some good-looking asshole comes by
00:33:21 and tricks you into thinking he's nice.
00:33:24 So you break up with the ugly guy and break his heart,
00:33:27 and then the good-looking asshole dumps you
00:33:29 and your whole life's a mess.
00:33:31 - That's not true.
00:33:32 Ugly guys can be just as much trouble as good-looking guys.
00:33:36 So I figure, why not have someone good-looking
00:33:39 treating you like shit?
00:33:41 - So you want someone who will treat you like shit?
00:33:43 - No, of course not.
00:33:45 I just want...
00:33:46 I want someone who, when I lie down at night,
00:33:53 I can feel his soul wrap around me.
00:33:55 - Oh, is that all?
00:33:57 - And love, romance, mystery, beauty, joy, kids,
00:34:00 wild sex, passion.
00:34:01 Look, I want someone that won't run away
00:34:04 when I show them the ugly parts of myself,
00:34:06 the black parts that even I don't like,
00:34:08 but they're a part of me.
00:34:11 - Like some sort of dark brooding
00:34:13 James Dean kind of character?
00:34:15 - No, because I want them to love
00:34:17 the other side of myself, too.
00:34:19 I want them to be able to go anywhere with me,
00:34:22 to all the twisted, dark, scary places inside,
00:34:26 and to all the loving, kind, caring places.
00:34:28 - Maybe you're really complex and most guys just aren't.
00:34:33 - I think everybody's complex inside.
00:34:36 I think some people are just better at covering it up.
00:34:40 - Oh, really?
00:34:41 - Yeah, I mean, aren't we the most vulnerable
00:34:44 when we try and show our true emotions to each other?
00:34:47 Isn't that, like, the scariest thing in the world to do?
00:34:51 - I think it's just easier to live
00:34:53 without thinking about these things.
00:34:55 - I'm doomed.
00:34:58 I'm doomed to being alone.
00:35:01 I don't wanna pretend I don't have these things inside me
00:35:03 for the rest of my life.
00:35:05 - God, you're not doomed.
00:35:07 You don't have to pretend
00:35:08 you don't have these things inside of you.
00:35:10 Just don't get hung up on them, that's all.
00:35:13 - Well, that's the same thing.
00:35:15 - No, it isn't.
00:35:16 - I want the fairy tale.
00:35:20 - Thank God.
00:35:22 Not only are you doomed,
00:35:23 but you're gonna burn in the fires of hell for all eternity
00:35:26 just for uttering those pathetic words.
00:35:28 (dramatic music)
00:35:32 (chanting)
00:35:35 - I am the dead.
00:35:49 (chanting)
00:35:52 (chanting)
00:35:54 (chanting)
00:35:57 (chanting)
00:35:59 (chanting)
00:36:01 (chanting)
00:36:04 (chanting)
00:36:06 (chanting)
00:36:18 (chanting)
00:36:26 (chanting)
00:36:29 - I got some flowers.
00:36:55 - From who?
00:36:56 - I don't know.
00:36:57 - Ooh, secret admirer.
00:36:59 How mysterious and cowardly.
00:37:03 You are doomed, and you wanna know why?
00:37:05 Because these kinds of things never work out.
00:37:07 It always ends up being the most horrible geek
00:37:10 that ever existed.
00:37:11 - And they sent a poem.
00:37:14 - A poet?
00:37:15 A romantic super geek?
00:37:17 Sounds like you two are made for each other.
00:37:20 What's it say?
00:37:21 - Okay.
00:37:23 It says, "The lips of the wind kisses us and sighs.
00:37:28 "Angels pray to dandelions, small seeds with soft wings."
00:37:34 - Wow, Yeats.
00:37:37 - Yeah, and the weird thing is,
00:37:39 I've been reading Yeats lately.
00:37:42 I figure it must mean something.
00:37:43 - I wonder who it is.
00:37:47 - I think it's Bob at the bank.
00:37:49 - Joanna, I'm not sure.
00:37:51 - I think it's Mike.
00:37:53 - Joanna, Bob got married last month in Hawaii
00:37:56 to his boyfriend.
00:37:58 - Oh, well.
00:38:00 Oh, it's gotta be Frank at the coffee shop.
00:38:03 - Frank's going out with Alvin the hairdresser.
00:38:05 - What about Mike?
00:38:07 - Jouster.
00:38:08 - Are all the good-looking guys in this town gay?
00:38:12 - Yep.
00:38:13 - Well, who could it possibly be?
00:38:18 - Some geek.
00:38:20 - So?
00:38:21 - Well, who?
00:38:24 You got me, girl.
00:38:26 I didn't think anybody liked you.
00:38:29 - Oh, thanks a lot.
00:38:31 - Give me a break.
00:38:32 You know as well as I do, half this town's got a crush on you.
00:38:35 It could be anybody.
00:38:36 - Right.
00:38:37 It is some geek.
00:38:41 - See if you can find out who the florist is.
00:38:44 - Oh, what about Brian Palmer?
00:38:47 - Brian the mechanic?
00:38:49 - Yeah, whenever I see him, he always asks me about you.
00:38:54 - But he's kind of gross.
00:38:56 - Hey, beggars can't be choosers.
00:38:59 Besides, we already know that it'll be
00:39:01 the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:04 - Right, well look, see if you can find out for me.
00:39:07 - Absolutely, I'll call you.
00:39:09 - Okay.
00:39:10 - Oh, and Joanna.
00:39:12 Maybe it's me.
00:39:15 - Oh, it has to be you.
00:39:17 - Why?
00:39:18 - Because you said it would be the biggest geek in the world.
00:39:21 (dramatic music)
00:39:26 (dramatic music)
00:39:29 (dramatic music)
00:39:32 (dramatic music)
00:39:35 (dramatic music)
00:39:38 (dramatic music)
00:39:41 (dramatic music)
00:39:44 (dramatic music)
00:39:47 (dramatic music)
00:39:49 (dramatic music)
00:39:52 (dramatic music)
00:39:55 (dramatic music)
00:40:03 (dramatic music)
00:40:07 (dramatic music)
00:40:13 (dramatic music)
00:40:20 (dramatic music)
00:40:23 (gentle music)
00:40:43 (gentle music)
00:40:45 - Good morning, couch.
00:41:10 Good morning, bagel.
00:41:14 Another bagel left by the angel?
00:41:16 An angel bagel.
00:41:19 What do you mean?
00:41:21 What are you trying to tell me?
00:41:22 Are you trying to tell me that she loves me?
00:41:26 Oh, don't jump to conclusions, George.
00:41:30 Maybe she didn't leave it.
00:41:32 Maybe she did.
00:41:33 Maybe she loves me.
00:41:35 Maybe she just feels sorry for me.
00:41:38 Maybe she's just jealous.
00:41:42 (gentle music)
00:41:46 Where is it?
00:41:47 If I beg, cower, and crawl, will I find my eight ball?
00:41:53 Does she love me?
00:41:59 What a beautiful morning.
00:42:04 What am I here for?
00:42:08 What is my purpose?
00:42:11 If not to love,
00:42:13 (gentle music)
00:42:15 if I'm not loving, am I having any purpose at all?
00:42:20 Each moment spent in anger is one lost to the dark gods.
00:42:24 It's homage to that which I do not want to be.
00:42:28 This is not a thought.
00:42:29 This is not speech.
00:42:31 This is an exorcism for the demons in my soul.
00:42:35 This is an incantation for good.
00:42:40 (George sighs)
00:42:43 Mm, lovely bagel.
00:42:44 - Hey, didn't I tell you to stay away from here?
00:42:53 - Can't I just finish my bagel and then go?
00:42:55 - No, I want you out of here now before I call the police.
00:42:58 - Well, as soon as I'm done with my breakfast,
00:43:00 I'll just go on.
00:43:00 - No, I want you out of here now.
00:43:03 - Well, I just have a couple more bites.
00:43:05 - What part of no don't you understand?
00:43:08 - Well, what part of understanding don't you know?
00:43:13 (eerie music)
00:43:16 (voices whispering)
00:43:19 (George vocalizing)
00:43:35 (eerie music)
00:43:37 - Anyway, I miss you guys.
00:43:45 I hope everything's okay there, but
00:43:50 I guess I'll just,
00:43:52 I guess I'll just see you tomorrow.
00:43:56 This is the spirit world speaking.
00:44:05 This is how the spirits communicate.
00:44:08 Little pieces of paper that blow into your feet.
00:44:11 They speak always, every second of every day.
00:44:15 Not with words, but signs, little hints,
00:44:20 like directions to taking life.
00:44:24 Oh, I remember thinking,
00:44:29 I remember thinking of going down to that killer car maker,
00:44:34 getting a shotgun and going down there and getting them back,
00:44:37 getting them all back.
00:44:39 Oh, but,
00:44:42 I couldn't do it.
00:44:46 I was sitting on a park bench and I,
00:44:49 I looked up at the street light and it winked out.
00:44:51 It went black.
00:44:52 And I knew,
00:44:54 I knew at that moment that that was the way to darkness
00:44:58 and that there had to be some way back to the light.
00:45:02 I think we all have that, that place in our hearts,
00:45:06 that dark place that we keep a step or a block or
00:45:10 a million miles away from.
00:45:12 But that's the place that allows us to feel the,
00:45:16 the tragedies that others have suffered,
00:45:21 that you all have suffered.
00:45:23 Rosetta, when you died, you were only 12 years old.
00:45:30 12 years old.
00:45:31 And that place, that dark place, that,
00:45:35 that's why we,
00:45:37 we turn away from it.
00:45:37 We ignore it because we're just afraid that the pain of
00:45:40 others is just going to overwhelm us.
00:45:43 We're afraid it's going to open up that,
00:45:46 that sad black hole that's inside ourselves.
00:45:50 But the bagels,
00:45:54 the bagels come anyway.
00:45:59 The fearless bagel woman,
00:46:00 she's come to terms with her darkness.
00:46:03 She knows it.
00:46:04 She, she lives with it.
00:46:05 She nurtures it.
00:46:07 Her darkness has given her the gift of her overwhelming
00:46:11 compassion and it fuels her inner light.
00:46:14 And I know I'm a disgusting wreck of a man.
00:46:19 I mean, look at me.
00:46:21 I'm a loser in a game of life.
00:46:25 I have black, bitter darkness inside of me that will never
00:46:28 disappear that no one can ever make disappear.
00:46:32 And yet I know I'm going to give to her.
00:46:35 I'm going to tell her of my love for her.
00:46:43 Even though I fear it's going to drive her away.
00:46:47 I love her.
00:46:49 (soft music)
00:46:57 She loves me.
00:46:58 She loves me not.
00:47:02 She loves me.
00:47:03 She loves me not.
00:47:08 She loves me.
00:47:09 She loves me not.
00:47:10 She loves me.
00:47:11 She loves me not.
00:47:12 She loves me.
00:47:13 She loves me not.
00:47:14 She loves me.
00:47:15 She loves me not.
00:47:19 She loves me.
00:47:20 She loves me not.
00:47:21 She loves me.
00:47:22 She loves me not.
00:47:25 She loves me.
00:47:29 She loves me.
00:47:32 I knew it.
00:47:33 I knew it.
00:47:34 She loves me.
00:47:34 She loves me.
00:47:41 Hello?
00:48:05 Hi Lori, it's Joanna.
00:48:07 I got another flower.
00:48:09 From the coward?
00:48:10 How exciting.
00:48:11 Look, did you talk to Brian?
00:48:14 Is it him?
00:48:16 No.
00:48:18 He kind of spent the night here last night.
00:48:21 Lori!
00:48:22 I'm sorry, hun.
00:48:23 I called him to ask him about you and the next thing I knew...
00:48:26 I think he's gross anyway.
00:48:29 I knew it wasn't him.
00:48:30 How?
00:48:31 Because this guy is different.
00:48:34 No, I mean, it's weird but when I lie in bed at night and imagine him with me, I can feel
00:48:43 him out there thinking about me.
00:48:45 You're fantasizing about this man?
00:48:48 Are you crazy?
00:48:49 Joanna, you don't even know who this guy is.
00:48:53 You're just in love with some fantasy Prince Charming.
00:48:55 No, it's not Prince Charming.
00:48:58 It's more like the lover from the Marguerite Durand novel.
00:49:04 And why not?
00:49:06 Why not fall for the perfect fantasy?
00:49:08 Because when the fantasy becomes reality, somebody's gonna get hurt.
00:49:12 I'm not gonna get hurt from a secret admirer.
00:49:15 I know how these things always resolve themselves.
00:49:19 Besides, I need a little fantasy in my life right now.
00:49:23 I mean, this is like the perfect guy.
00:49:27 He comes to me at night.
00:49:29 We have incredible sex.
00:49:31 He leaves in the morning and he always puts down the toilet seat.
00:49:36 Does he leave the used condoms on the bedroom floor?
00:49:38 I hate that.
00:49:40 No, we don't use condoms.
00:49:42 No?
00:49:43 But what if you get pregnant?
00:49:45 I can't.
00:49:46 He uses a secret oriental method of lovemaking which allows him to have an orgasm without
00:49:51 ejaculating.
00:49:52 Oh my god.
00:49:53 Yes, and he can go on forever.
00:49:56 I mean, all night.
00:49:58 Is he...
00:49:59 Very well, you know.
00:50:00 No, what?
00:50:01 Come on!
00:50:02 You know?
00:50:03 What?
00:50:04 Mmm!
00:50:05 What?
00:50:06 Does he have a big dick?
00:50:12 Like a redwood.
00:50:17 How am I gonna get rid of Brian?
00:50:20 Tell him you don't like his car.
00:50:21 I wanna get rid of him, not destroy him.
00:50:24 Don't you ever get sick of it?
00:50:28 What?
00:50:29 Running around with all these guys.
00:50:31 No.
00:50:32 Land of the dead.
00:50:33 Everyone was sick of it.
00:50:34 I built a large campfire and I said to myself, "Why?"
00:50:35 I made a promise.
00:50:36 The birds gather in the forest and the farmer died.
00:51:03 I'm gonna burn myself in the flames.
00:51:25 Flaming star.
00:51:26 Stars is the time.
00:51:27 Follow the journey.
00:51:28 Just...
00:51:29 Alright, buddy, it's alright.
00:51:30 I'm not gonna hurt ya.
00:51:31 You don't need to bark at me for crying out loud.
00:51:32 Boy, I don't know.
00:51:34 I don't know.
00:51:39 Some people say that God's perfect.
00:51:42 Is God perfect?
00:51:47 I don't know.
00:51:48 It just doesn't make any sense.
00:51:49 I mean, would a perfect God let a two-year-old child get its legs blown off by a landmine?
00:51:57 I read about it in the paper this morning.
00:51:59 Out of the dumpster.
00:52:00 How could you do that?
00:52:01 How?
00:52:02 What were you thinking?
00:52:03 A two-year-old child for crying out loud.
00:52:06 You ought to come down here and let somebody teach you a lesson.
00:52:14 Sometimes I think you're as bad as I am.
00:52:18 It's not my idea of perfection.
00:52:19 I mean, even I can think of a more perfect world than that.
00:52:23 I don't know.
00:52:24 Maybe...
00:52:25 Maybe you're trying to get by just as good as you can.
00:52:29 Just like me.
00:52:32 Maybe you can't stop all the bad in the world from happening.
00:52:35 Maybe you just try to stop it for the people that are trying to do good.
00:52:39 I don't mean good by doing things like worshipping and complaining to you or whining and complaining
00:52:46 and I gotta have more of this in my life and I don't have enough of that.
00:52:51 No, I mean good by doing good.
00:52:56 Maybe we don't have the best God.
00:52:59 Maybe you're more like a straight person to God.
00:53:03 Maybe you're more like a bum God, a homeless God, where not everything goes quite right
00:53:08 for you.
00:53:11 Miracles go wrong.
00:53:14 I don't know.
00:53:15 Yeah, maybe you're not perfect.
00:53:18 Maybe you make mistakes.
00:53:21 Maybe I need to forgive you, you imperfect God, for the mistakes that you've made.
00:53:25 Just like I need to forgive myself.
00:53:31 Just like I need to forgive everyone else for theirs.
00:53:35 Hello?
00:53:37 Hi, Lori, it's Joanna.
00:53:58 I finally got something for my secret admirer.
00:54:00 Well, I hope it's a name and phone number or maybe like a picture totally nude.
00:54:06 No, it's a key.
00:54:08 To his apartment?
00:54:09 No, a key to a locker in the bus station.
00:54:13 Oh my God.
00:54:15 How incredibly romantic, exciting and mysterious.
00:54:19 Unless of course inside the locker you find the head of his last victim, Lori.
00:54:24 Yeah.
00:54:26 Maybe he's like a freako serial killer, the flower petal bus locker stalker who slyly
00:54:31 sucks beautiful young women into his soft, sultry web of romantic candy.
00:54:36 And then chops and hacks them up for all the mean things his mother did to him.
00:54:41 Uh, no, that was your last victim.
00:54:45 Oh yeah.
00:54:46 So I'm going down to the bus station.
00:54:48 Do you want to come?
00:54:49 No way.
00:54:50 What if he's there waiting for you?
00:54:53 That's why I want you to come.
00:54:54 Well, I would, but I'm going to a concert with Brian.
00:54:57 Oh, how's that going?
00:55:00 The man has problems.
00:55:01 He is a real fixer-upper.
00:55:03 And?
00:55:04 And nothing.
00:55:05 He's a total dick, but I need to get laid.
00:55:09 You mean because he has a dick, you can get laid?
00:55:14 Exactly.
00:55:15 God, you're such a slut.
00:55:16 Hey, what's wrong with that?
00:55:18 I don't know.
00:55:19 I don't know.
00:55:20 Maybe that's just the way to be.
00:55:21 Listen, I would trade in my night with Brian the Motorhead for your romantic, exciting
00:55:26 locker key any day of the week.
00:55:28 Really?
00:55:29 Honey, I want the real thing.
00:55:31 Love, kids, marriage, all that stuff.
00:55:34 We all do.
00:55:35 Well, it's about time you admitted it to me.
00:55:39 Do you know how hard it is to be the last romantic woman in Boulder?
00:55:44 Are you really going to fuck Brian?
00:55:46 No, but he thinks I am.
00:55:49 God, you're so bad.
00:55:51 I'll call you later.
00:55:52 I got a jet.
00:55:53 Okay, bye.
00:55:54 I know Jesus.
00:56:07 He's a friend of mine.
00:56:08 I met him in a pub.
00:56:09 It was back when I was drinking heavily.
00:56:12 I looked over, and there he was, sitting there right at the bar.
00:56:18 He was drinking, too.
00:56:19 He had a glass of wine or something.
00:56:22 I said, "Jesus Christ, man, am I glad to see you."
00:56:26 Man, you would not believe what's been going on around here.
00:56:30 The last 2,000 years, they've been fighting wars and such.
00:56:35 On TV, they steal money from the meek.
00:56:40 They've practically screwed up the whole planet.
00:56:43 You know what the thing is?
00:56:44 I mean, I don't really want to tell you this, but they've been doing it all in your name.
00:56:49 I had to tell him, and he just kind of looked at me with these eyes.
00:56:55 His eyes were just so full of light and joy.
00:56:58 Then I kind of looked at him, and his hair was all tangled up, and he was kind of dirty
00:57:02 and skinny looking.
00:57:03 He looked to me like he'd been living out on the street for, God, all his whole life,
00:57:08 probably.
00:57:09 Then he says to me, "You know, you have no idea what it's like, pal.
00:57:17 They are after me every day.
00:57:19 They're always on my back.
00:57:21 And you know what?
00:57:22 Very little of all this impresses me, very little of it."
00:57:39 Then he mumbled something else.
00:57:41 I don't quite remember what it was, and then he said something like, "Hey, how about sliding
00:57:45 me a dollar so I can get some food?"
00:57:48 Then he looked into his glass, and he just kind of stared into it for a while.
00:57:53 I just kind of felt my heart sink.
00:57:56 I looked at him, and I said, "Can't you just make a miracle or something, save the world
00:58:02 from all these wars and everything?"
00:58:05 He looked at me, and he goes, "Don't look at me, pal.
00:58:08 I've done all I can.
00:58:10 I've been trying to save the world, but how can I change your heart when it's all balled
00:58:15 up like a vest?
00:58:16 I can't change your mind no matter how much it's been blessed."
00:58:19 Well, I'd been drinking for days, and this just kind of pissed me off.
00:58:26 So I looked at him, and I said, "Oh, I see.
00:58:30 You're just going to sit there drinking while we all go straight to hell.
00:58:33 You can't tell me that even the Messiah has lost all hope."
00:58:38 And then he just kind of twisted his glass.
00:58:45 He turned his head ever so slowly.
00:58:49 He took a long stare at me.
00:58:53 He looked at me with those big, round eyes of his, and he says, "Look, pal.
00:59:07 You can buy me a drink, or you can leave me alone.
00:59:11 The rest is up to you."
00:59:12 And then he just wouldn't say a word after that.
00:59:17 [MUSIC]
00:59:27 [BELL RINGING]
00:59:37 Hey, Richard.
00:59:57 Richard!
01:00:05 Hey, how's it going, man?
01:00:08 How are you doing?
01:00:09 It's good to see you.
01:00:10 Hey, listen.
01:00:11 I need some advice.
01:00:14 On what?
01:00:15 Women.
01:00:16 What else?
01:00:17 Listen, don't ask me.
01:00:19 I haven't a clue what women think.
01:00:21 Go ask somebody who's married or in a relationship.
01:00:24 You got a relationship?
01:00:25 I don't have a relationship.
01:00:27 I have a sinking ship.
01:00:29 It's close enough.
01:00:30 Look, I just need some advice on what to do with the woman that's been giving you
01:00:33 the bagels, the bagel woman.
01:00:35 Well, have you actually spoken with her yet?
01:00:37 No.
01:00:39 It's worse than that.
01:00:40 How much worse?
01:00:41 Well, I think I'm in love with her.
01:00:45 You think?
01:00:46 Okay, I know I'm in love with her.
01:00:49 You're in love with her?
01:00:50 With her?
01:00:52 I love her.
01:00:54 I don't know how she feels about me.
01:00:56 Well, have you told her?
01:00:58 No, look at me.
01:01:00 I'm afraid what she might think.
01:01:03 Let me tell you something, okay?
01:01:05 One time I asked somebody for some advice and they gave it to me and I took it.
01:01:09 It fucked my whole life up.
01:01:10 It fucked it up, Roy.
01:01:12 Okay, well, I give you permission to fuck up my life.
01:01:20 Well, years later, I came to realize that they were directing those comments to themselves.
01:01:26 It was almost like the advice they were giving me were based on what they would have done in the situation that I was in,
01:01:31 which is what I think humans do generally.
01:01:33 They can't help it.
01:01:35 So what do you mean exactly?
01:01:37 What do you mean?
01:01:38 What do I mean?
01:01:41 Okay, like say if I were to ask somebody if I should put avocado on my sandwich, right?
01:01:44 And they say, "Nix the avocado because they're trying to lose weight."
01:01:47 Well, maybe I'm trying to gain weight, okay?
01:01:49 So they're giving me advice based on what they would have done instead of what I should have done.
01:01:53 Okay, so what happened?
01:01:56 Well, I did this thing in that situation, which would have been great had they done it,
01:02:00 but for me it wound up being the worst thing that could have transpired, you know?
01:02:04 So as a result of that, I wound up being alone, fucked up relationships,
01:02:08 all because I bullshitted when I should have told the truth.
01:02:11 What bullshit?
01:02:14 Well, she was it, George.
01:02:16 You know what I'm saying?
01:02:17 She was it.
01:02:18 All right, and the advice I got was don't tell your lover, man, or you'll scare her off.
01:02:22 So I didn't tell her.
01:02:23 So she left town and left a note.
01:02:25 A note?
01:02:26 What'd it say?
01:02:28 The note.
01:02:29 All right, all right, I got it right here.
01:02:34 That stick of gum, you gonna--
01:02:35 No, I need that.
01:02:40 Richard, I'll love you forever.
01:02:42 Anita.
01:02:46 Got a postcard from her a couple years ago.
01:02:48 She's living in Minneapolis now.
01:02:50 Married, got kids, doing really well.
01:02:53 I tell you, it makes me feel sick even today to think about it, you know?
01:02:57 And of course, you know the guy who gave me the advice?
01:02:59 Happily fucking married.
01:03:03 Anyway, the point is, okay, is that any time anybody wants to give you some advice,
01:03:08 I mean, I don't care who it is, it could be a doctor or a lawyer or your therapist or your mother,
01:03:13 they're really saying it for themselves.
01:03:16 Yeah, right.
01:03:18 All right?
01:03:19 So tell her you love her is my advice to you.
01:03:23 But it doesn't apply to you, so don't take it.
01:03:29 Right!
01:03:30 Got it!
01:03:32 Got it.
01:03:36 Got it.
01:03:37 You're gonna leave, huh?
01:03:38 Yeah, yeah.
01:03:43 You all right?
01:03:46 Yeah.
01:03:47 You okay?
01:03:48 Yeah, yeah, I'm okay.
01:03:52 Hey, you know, take a shower, though, before--or whatever you do, you know, just--
01:04:12 Love, kindness, joy, bliss, care and self-assurance.
01:04:20 These are the things that I was born with.
01:04:23 I don't need to follow some guru or religion in order to find spiritual bliss.
01:04:30 These things are inside of me every second of every day.
01:04:35 I just happen to be covered up in a layer of crap right at the moment.
01:04:40 I just need to stop.
01:04:42 I just need to stop and get down under these layers and uncover that hidden self down on the inside.
01:04:49 Yeah, it's just all this crap, all these bad thoughts, these inappropriate actions,
01:04:54 these inappropriate thinking patterns.
01:04:58 It's not like we were all born perfect, and then we had to go discover a course in miracles
01:05:04 or become a Scientologist or spend 100 years on a mountaintop meditating.
01:05:12 No, no, no, no, no.
01:05:19 I think we came into this world as far more perfect beings.
01:05:24 Yeah.
01:05:27 And it's not something that exists out there.
01:05:31 I don't have to go somewhere else to go find it.
01:05:34 No, it's right here. It's right here inside of me.
01:05:37 I just need to get all that crap out, just pour it out, just spew it out of my mouth.
01:05:45 Just get rid of it until I'm clean on the inside.
01:05:50 Get down to that hidden perfection that's buried deep down inside of me
01:05:54 and let it rise to the surface of my heart and heal myself.
01:05:59 That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:02 That's what I'm going to do.
01:06:04 It's all down deep inside of us now.
01:06:06 I can feel it. We're perfect on the inside.
01:06:09 I mean, you know that, don't you?
01:06:11 I know.
01:06:12 Yeah, you know. Everybody knows.
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01:06:26 I hope this is the right decision. This is who I am my friend. I hope you like me. She's not gonna like me. What am I thinking. This is crazy. Oh God. What if she wouldn't like me.
01:06:51 She wouldn't like me.
01:06:53 Let's stay here.
01:06:56 She's not gonna like me.
01:07:06 Hey! What are you doing?
01:07:09 I was just gonna put something into your mailbox.
01:07:13 You've been leaving me things?
01:07:18 Yeah. You left me the flowers and the key?
01:07:22 Yeah.
01:07:24 Oh my God. What was I thinking?
01:07:27 Of course. Of course it would be someone like you. No offense, but you're not exactly someone I can fall in love with you know.
01:07:34 What is wrong with you? What were you thinking?
01:07:38 Well you just left me those bagels and...
01:07:42 I leave stray dogs biscuits and I don't expect them to start following me. You can't do this anymore. You have got to leave me alone.
01:07:52 I just wanted to thank you.
01:07:54 Oh are you crazy? My God my girlfriend said you'd be some kind of psycho. What is wrong with you? You've got bodies in your freezer. I mean have you ever killed anybody?
01:08:07 How did you know? I just love my wife and my child so much.
01:08:12 Look. You don't love me. You got that? You don't love me and I don't love you and I never will love you.
01:08:22 You had better leave and you had better leave me alone and you had better not come back here. You got that?
01:08:29 I'm going inside and I'm going to call the police and if you ever come back here I'm going to have you arrested and I'm having a restraining order put on you.
01:08:38 So stay out of my mailbox and my garbage.
01:08:44 You don't understand. I just wanted to thank you for the bagels. I won't come back if you don't want me to.
01:08:51 You just talk too much.
01:08:54 I just talk too much. That's all.
01:08:57 Now you know. Now you know I'm a complete and utter bitch and I hate you.
01:09:02 So get the fuck away from me. You disgust me. You disgust me to the very core of my being.
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01:10:07 I don't know. I don't know.
01:10:10 I wish to be this way. I wish to be this way.
01:10:16 I didn't want to be this way. I didn't want to be this way.
01:10:21 There's no any hope. There's no hope.
01:10:24 Oh.
01:10:26 Is there hope?
01:10:30 Very doubtful.
01:10:37 Is there love?
01:10:42 Goodness?
01:10:45 Kindness?
01:10:46 Oh. I look not so good.
01:10:52 But I believed in these things.
01:10:56 I know they exist. I know they do.
01:10:59 For some.
01:11:02 For the lucky ones.
01:11:05 But not for me!
01:11:09 It only exists for those who still believe.
01:11:15 To reach out. To have someone grab your pitiful hand.
01:11:19 I thought that love would come. I thought that I would find it again.
01:11:23 I thought that I felt it. But no.
01:11:26 I only felt the hope of it. The longing of it.
01:11:30 I thought that something or somebody was watching over me.
01:11:34 And now I know that there is.
01:11:37 But not something benevolent and kind.
01:11:41 Not something wonderful and caring. But something malevolent and vindictive.
01:11:44 Something sour and cold.
01:11:46 Back when I had love and a child.
01:11:49 Back before I killed them and let myself be washed over by the flames of hell.
01:11:54 Then I thought I was dead. But I had not died.
01:11:59 But I was dead. And only I could will myself back to life.
01:12:03 The flames which I alone allowed to consume and torture me.
01:12:09 I could not forgive good or God or good spirits or the Tao or karma.
01:12:15 Or Buddha or Yahweh or Mary or whoever it is that you pray to.
01:12:20 For all the good it had given me.
01:12:25 I could not forgive it for taking away so much in such a cruel and senseless manner.
01:12:30 Was it just me and an evil act of evil self-intent?
01:12:37 How could God possess me? How can I forgive myself and God for allowing it?
01:12:41 Yet I do, I do forgive Him in my thoughts.
01:12:46 But when? When will this sink down in the very depths of my soul?
01:12:50 And stay there nurturing me? Become a part of me?
01:12:54 Why is it so easy to forgive in the brain and the mind and the intellect?
01:13:02 To forgive in the heart? Will the dark things dwell with their sticks and their jabbing knives tearing me apart?
01:13:11 I have every right to be angry! I have every right to be angry!
01:13:20 I have every right to be angry!
01:13:27 But do I? Do I want to be?
01:13:33 No.
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01:15:17 I was driving home one night with my family.
01:15:21 And I swerved to avoid hitting a dog.
01:15:24 And it rolled over and I killed him.
01:15:32 I killed my family.
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01:16:13 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
01:16:15 I just, I wanted to apologize for the other day.
01:16:19 I'm sorry.
01:16:20 So, I'm not going to yell at you anymore.
01:16:27 Oh, um, do you need to be alone? I can go.
01:16:37 No, no, that's okay.
01:16:39 I wanted you to meet my wife and child.
01:16:44 They wanted to meet you.
01:16:47 I guess you think it's pretty weird, me introducing you to my wife and child that are dead out in the middle of a graveyard.
01:16:56 I just wanted their approval for what I guess I don't really know.
01:17:04 I must just be crazy.
01:17:08 No, no, you're not crazy.
01:17:14 I'm not?
01:17:17 No, you, you just need to be loved.
01:17:25 So do I.
01:17:30 I, I don't know what to say.
01:17:37 Um, I'm sorry.
01:17:43 Well, you look really nice.
01:17:48 Um, why don't we go get a bagel? Do you want to get a bagel?
01:17:56 Come on, my treat. Let's go.
01:18:00 It's really peaceful here, huh?
01:18:03 And look at all these sleeping bodies.
01:18:06 I wonder if they're having pleasant dreams.
01:18:10 I bet they are. How could you in a place like this?
01:18:14 I hope that my child and I have the same dreams.
01:18:19 I hope so.
01:18:21 I hope so.
01:18:23 I hope so.
01:18:25 I hope so.
01:18:27 What about walking on humans?
01:18:29 I bet some of them are.
01:18:31 I hope so.
01:18:33 I hope so.
01:18:35 I hope so.
01:18:37 I hope so.
01:18:38 I hope so.
01:18:40 I hope so.
01:18:42 I hope so.
01:18:44 I hope so.
01:18:46 I hope so.
01:18:48 I hope so.
01:18:50 I hope so.
01:18:52 I hope so.
01:18:55 I hope so.
01:18:57 I hope so.
01:18:59 I hope so.
01:19:01 I hope so.
01:19:03 I hope so.
01:19:06 I hope so.
01:19:07 I hope so.
01:19:09 I hope so.
01:19:11 I hope so.
01:19:13 I hope so.
01:19:15 I hope so.
01:19:17 I hope so.
01:19:19 I hope so.
01:19:21 I hope so.
01:19:23 I hope so.
01:19:25 I hope so.
01:19:27 I hope so.
01:19:29 I hope so.
01:19:31 I hope so.
01:19:33 I hope so.
01:19:35 ♪ A smile in the eyes that know all things ♪
01:19:40 ♪ Take a walk in a world where freedom rings ♪
01:19:46 ♪ Let the seed in the mind that thinking brings ♪
01:19:52 ♪ Hold you close as we fly on our silver strings ♪
01:19:58 ♪ Hear that inner sound we're going home ♪
01:20:04 ♪ Home ♪
01:20:09 ♪ Blue and green and brown going home ♪
01:20:15 ♪ Make a sound in the land where no one sings ♪
01:20:29 ♪ Plant a seed in the ground where all life springs ♪
01:20:34 ♪ Rock a child in the arms that loving brings ♪
01:20:40 ♪ Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings ♪
01:20:46 ♪ Hold you close as we soar on our ancient wings ♪
01:20:53 ♪ Hold you close as we soar on our ♪
01:20:58 ♪ Glide on our ancient wings ♪
01:21:01 (gentle music)
01:21:21 ♪ Turn this bird around, we're going home ♪
01:21:26 ♪ We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going ♪
01:21:32 ♪ Turn this bird around, we're going home ♪
01:21:38 ♪ We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going ♪
01:21:45 ♪ Turn this bird around, we're going home ♪
01:21:51 ♪ We're going, we're going, we're going, we're going ♪
01:21:57 ♪ Turn this bird around, we're going home ♪
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