In an interview with Outlook at Jaipur Literature Fest, Delhi-based social activist and author, Ria Sharma talks about her book 'Make Love Not Scars' that celebrates the inner strength of acid attack survivors. Sharma also talks about her journey to becoming an author and sensitising society towards acid attack survivors.
She started an NGO ‘Make Love Not Scars’ in 2014 and was the first Indian to receive the Leadership Award at 2017 Global Goals Awards.
#OutlookBibliofile #AcidAttackSurvivors #MakeLoveNotScars
Follow this story and more: https://www.outlookindia.com/
She started an NGO ‘Make Love Not Scars’ in 2014 and was the first Indian to receive the Leadership Award at 2017 Global Goals Awards.
#OutlookBibliofile #AcidAttackSurvivors #MakeLoveNotScars
Follow this story and more: https://www.outlookindia.com/
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00:00 when someone becomes your friend, you don't just abandon them.
00:03 And when you love someone, you always go that extra mile.
00:07 You don't give up.
00:08 And I think that's what happened with me.
00:10 Welcome to Outlook Bibliophile. I'm Mahima Monga.
00:20 And we're here with Rhea Sharma talking about her book,
00:23 Make Love, Not Scars, which is also an NGO to support
00:27 women who have been through acid attack, acid attack survivors,
00:32 to, you know, sensitize more people about...
00:35 And rehabilitate them.
00:36 Rehabilitate them, sensitize people about the issue
00:40 towards the victims as well, towards the survivors, in fact.
00:45 So, Rhea, you were a fashion designing student
00:50 and you had your project about women's empowerment
00:55 and that's how the whole process started.
00:58 So, would you like to talk about your journey as a student
01:03 and how, when you came across this, what made you think that,
01:08 you know, this is something that I really want to pursue in life?
01:12 So, you know, I was studying fashion and I'll be extremely honest and candid with you.
01:18 The only reason I was studying fashion is because I wanted to study abroad.
01:23 And, you know, my dad, being the typical Indian father,
01:26 actually wanted to study art and he said, you know,
01:29 there's no money in art, you're not going to have a future
01:31 unless you're like the best of the best.
01:33 So, at that point he said, why don't you study fashion?
01:36 So, at that point I didn't have much of a say in the matter,
01:40 so I just went ahead and studied fashion.
01:42 Because for me, I was like, oh, I'm going to go abroad,
01:44 I'm going to have a great time, you know, freedom,
01:47 you know, I can walk the streets without someone, like, staring at me or, like, harassing me.
01:52 So, at that point I just wanted to go abroad and that's what I did.
01:55 So, I got accepted to the Leeds College of Arts, so I started studying fashion there.
02:00 You know, I thought, you know, because I'm a creative person,
02:03 I thought fashion would be easy, right?
02:05 It's like, you know, you can apply any creativity to anything.
02:08 No, it's not like that.
02:10 Fashion is actually a very, very hard subject.
02:13 And, you know, when I reached my third year, I realised that I just wasn't doing well.
02:18 I mean, I don't even know how I passed the first and second year.
02:21 So, in my third year, I was like, you have to pull up your socks,
02:24 you really have to get this going and otherwise you're going to fail.
02:28 And at which point my dad would kill me, he's a salaried man and, you know,
02:32 he's really spent a bomb on this education.
02:35 And I was just like, oh my God, he's going to, like, you know, kill me.
02:38 So, I started, I was encouraged to look into women's rights because I, you know,
02:45 always had a passion for it, but, you know, often you feel as though you can't make a change.
02:50 So, the change that has to be brought about, the notion of it is so overwhelming
02:55 that a lot of people just don't end up doing anything about it.
02:58 And it can be a daunting thing.
03:00 And at that point, I was like, you know, I had to do it because it was a college project.
03:05 So, I just started researching and I stumbled across a picture of an acid attack survivor.
03:11 And, you know, I took the picture to my college professor and she said,
03:15 you know, why don't you go back to India and shoot a documentary on the subject.
03:18 At that point, I was 21, very fickle-minded.
03:21 I was just like, oh, do I want to go back? You know, like, is this the right thing?
03:25 It's my last semester, you know. I was like, no, I want to stay here.
03:28 But I sort of took the decision. I said, you know, let me go back.
03:33 I can come back at any point.
03:35 And when I started interviewing the survivors for this documentary that I was going to call
03:39 Make Love Not Scars at that point, you know, I started creating such a special bond with them.
03:46 And to be honest, I felt so privileged to be in the company of such strong women.
03:51 And for me, I was from a sheltered background.
03:54 I had never, you know, witnessed anyone, not witnessed, but I had never come across anyone
04:00 that had suffered such direct and harsh violence that for me it was such a learning lesson.
04:08 It was, you know, the world of acid attacks was so mysterious to me.
04:12 I was like, what are these stories?
04:13 And I kind of got obsessed with trying to find out the story behind the picture.
04:17 And while doing that, I, you know, had a lot of sort of incidents where I think the first pivotal one
04:24 was when I visited a government hospital, Bonds Ward.
04:29 And, you know, that really opened up my eyes to how many people are actually, you know,
04:33 sort of losing their lives to, you know, such senseless violence.
04:38 And that's when I decided, I was like, you know, I'm going to stick around.
04:43 And the next day, I registered Make Love Not Scars as an organization, totally on a whim.
04:50 And, you know, by then the survivors were so close to me that, you know,
04:56 when someone becomes your friend, like you don't just abandon them.
04:59 And when you love someone, you always go that extra mile.
05:03 You know, you don't give up.
05:04 And I think that's what happened with me.
05:06 I had formed such a deep connection with them just because I was finding it so hard to relate to anyone else,
05:14 you know, in my immediate community.
05:16 And I was finding it very hard to sort of tell my friends and family, look, this is what's going on,
05:21 because they weren't the ones that were seeing it first hand.
05:24 So through that, the survivors were extremely supportive of me, and we created this bond.
05:31 And I just decided that I wanted to do something to help.
05:34 I didn't know what it was going to be, but I thought registering an organization was a good first step.
05:39 So I took that step, and after that, it was all trial and error.
05:43 And, you know, now Make Love Not Scars is an organization, a very holistic organization,
05:48 that works in all aspects of rehabilitation for asset-attacked survivors.
05:52 So we sort of connect survivors to doctors, fund medical treatments, fund legal battles.
05:59 You know, we sort of, in 2016, we launched the world's first rehab center for asset-attacked survivors,
06:05 which serves as a halfway home where the survivors can come recover from their surgeries,
06:09 or if they want to escape abusive backgrounds, we provide skill and vocational training,
06:14 so the survivors can one day be contributing members of society.
06:19 And apart from that, on the forefront, what we do is we try to concentrate
06:24 and spread a lot of awareness on asset attacks,
06:26 so that one day when our girls are ready to sort of be reintroduced back into society,
06:31 they'll face maybe a little less stigma.
06:33 It's a process. I mean, there's so much stigma around disfigurement that it will take time to change mindsets,
06:40 but I believe that we're on the right track.
06:43 I think it's a wonderful thing that you're doing.
06:46 Thank you.
06:47 And so usually when you talk to these asset-attacked survivors, the reason why it happened, you know,
06:58 there are sort of really trivial issues for which they face such a harsh, you know,
07:05 there's like, this is literally harsh violence.
07:08 And so, could you talk about some of these stories that...
07:14 You know, to people like you and me, the reasons why, I mean,
07:19 there's obviously no good reason for anyone to be attacked with an asset.
07:23 But I think what my understanding of it has been is that we as a collective society,
07:29 on some level, are responsible for the fact that, you know, these crimes are so rampant.
07:34 And it's because, you know, when someone attacks someone with an asset, what are they thinking?
07:39 Their first thoughts are, you know, I'm going to attack her and I'm going to ruin her face,
07:43 and hence I'm going to ruin her standing in society.
07:46 And, you know, if she can't be mine, she can be no one else's.
07:49 And to be honest, whose fault is that?
07:51 You know, the attacker truly believes that because we in India,
07:55 and I'm going to be very India-specific here because I can only represent this region of the world,
08:01 you know, the fact that we sort of judge our women based more on their appearances
08:08 and not on what they can do is the reason that the attacker actually succeeds in ruining someone's life.
08:14 So if we gave our women more weightage and, you know, told them that, you know,
08:19 it doesn't matter how you look and, you know, you're going to conquer the world regardless of what you look like,
08:25 then I think people, I mean, the attackers would think twice before attacking someone
08:30 because he'd be like, oh, what's in her face, you know?
08:32 Okay, if I ruin her face, it's not like I'm going to ruin her life.
08:35 So I think we as a collective society need to sit down and we need to think about the fact that, you know,
08:41 these crimes are happening and how we can, you know, maybe by, you know,
08:47 telling our children when they're growing up that, you know, their looks are very minute or, you know,
08:53 by proving and accepting the girls or, you know, survivors into society that, you know,
09:00 it's futile what you look like, it does not matter.
09:04 And I think then the crimes would come down a bit.
09:07 So in your organization, Make Love Not Scars, so what are the people that you work with,
09:16 like the psychologists and, you know?
09:19 You know, we've actually found, we used to send survivors in for therapy and, you know,
09:25 to meet with psychologists, psychiatrists and, you know, we found that it wasn't doing much for them
09:31 because, you know, they were already going through such a long medical procedure
09:36 because surgeries go on for years and years and years.
09:40 I don't think they were very open to being put through another long procedure
09:44 because therapy only works when you go and you're committed and, you know, you're...
09:49 - Self-realizing. - Yeah, and when you're consistent with it more than anything else.
09:53 They, at that point, were not interested after that to be consistent with anything
09:58 but the actual medical sort of procedures.
10:02 So we found that, you know, if we connected survivors to other survivors,
10:07 they found great comfort in knowing that, you know, there is someone else that actually understands my pain.
10:12 And, you know, we found that this system works best for them and, you know,
10:17 that is how a lot of the survivors in our center actually recover
10:20 because we have girls that have just been attacked, come out of surgery,
10:23 and then they come to the center and they meet the other survivors and they're like,
10:26 "Hey, you know, I can move forward."
10:29 So I think relatability has been something that has really, really worked for the survivors
10:34 in terms of moving forward and accepting what's happened to them.
10:38 And so, on the legal side, for justice for the girls,
10:44 is there, like, in any way that these girls have filed complaints against the survivors
10:53 or, you know, have they gotten justice or...
10:56 You know, so of course a lot of the survivors have filed complaints,
11:00 but, you know, I truly believe like any other case in our country,
11:04 I mean, the legal system moves at a very agonizingly slow speed.
11:08 So, you know, getting justice for the survivors is a very long drawn process.
11:13 Not a lot of my survivors have gotten justice yet.
11:15 I mean, when, you know, applying for government compensation,
11:19 something that is their right, it takes so long when it should--
11:23 you know, the 3 lakh compensation amount should be given the first month after the attack.
11:28 When that itself, obtaining your rights, takes so long,
11:32 you know, I think where justice is concerned, we've got a longer journey to go.
11:38 So, you know, we do try very, very hard, but like any other case,
11:45 you know, it's something that takes a lot of, lot of time.
11:48 And, but, you know, the sad part is that, you know, these attackers,
11:52 they get out on bail and then they start threatening the survivors
11:56 and their families and stuff, and that's the sad part.
11:59 So, do you think tying up with some lawyers and the organization would like help?
12:06 So, we actually tie up with a lot of legal organizations
12:10 that pick up a lot of our cases pro bono,
12:12 and if it wasn't for them, we wouldn't even be able to do the little bit that we do do.
12:16 But, having said this, we try to provide the best lawyers, the best legal aid,
12:22 and even where medical is concerned, the best doctors and stuff like that.
12:26 But even the lawyers can't help if the case is not moving, you know.
12:30 Even the lawyers can't help if the attacker is out on bail.
12:34 So, I mean, they can, they can file petitions and stuff,
12:37 but that again is a whole other issue.
12:39 And so I think while dealing with the judiciary at least,
12:44 they need to be patient and I want to believe that they're doing the best that they can
12:48 with the limited means that they have as well.
12:51 I mean, it's very wrong to just be like, "No, it's their fault."
12:56 I mean, they also lack infrastructure, they lack, you know, sort of a lot of judges and stuff like that.
13:02 So, it's a failure on everyone's part, like, you know, and it's not really a failure.
13:08 We're all trying to make it better.
13:10 So I'm just happy that, you know, there is this sort of conscious effort being put out to put an end to this.
13:17 And I truly believe, you know, with all the awareness that is going out,
13:22 that one day things will change and we just need to be patient enough.
13:26 And up till then, what we can do is we can help the survivors recover,
13:31 we can help rehabilitate them, we can try and, you know, sensitize society to be more accepting,
13:38 to provide them with jobs, employment, so that they can move forward with their lives.
13:43 So, Rhea, on a final note, would you like to give out a message to the audience right now
13:51 to how to better sensitize, how to better empathize with the survivors?
13:56 Yeah, you know, if I had to say one thing, I don't even think it would be sort of something
14:01 that I would say directly in relation to just acid attack survivors.
14:06 I would just say never judge a book by its cover, no matter who that is.
14:09 Whether it's someone that is differently abled, whether it's a survivor that is disfigured, you know,
14:17 whether it's someone that is born with a sort of birth deformity or anything like that,
14:22 I think the minute we stop judging people by the way that they look,
14:27 we will have become a more evolved, civilized society.
14:32 Thank you so much.
14:34 Thank you. See you. Thanks.
14:37 [Music]