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00:00 (upbeat music)
00:02 My nose is running.
00:14 All right, happy Monday, everybody.
00:19 Oh, you look fantastic.
00:21 So tonight I wanna talk about a fascinating story
00:23 right out of Los Angeles,
00:25 a place where your yard is someone else's campground.
00:28 911 calls are answered slower than airline customer service
00:32 and the governor looks like a diehard villain.
00:34 But now there's a huge strike going on
00:37 that could affect a business
00:39 that's near and dear to all of us, which means.
00:42 (dramatic music)
00:45 There's a civil war at Cinnabon
00:49 and it's delicious.
00:52 Well, wait, what'd you think I was talking about?
00:56 The writer's strike?
00:59 I mean, do you people even care?
01:01 Missing Hollywood writers is right up there
01:04 with missing Geraldo, Don Lemon and Jock Itch.
01:07 Never over.
01:10 What do I care?
01:13 So on Friday, workers in the Cinnabon in LA
01:15 declared a strike and filed a civil rights complaint
01:18 against their employer.
01:20 The reason, the owner installed a policy
01:22 banning political statements in the store,
01:25 including pride flags.
01:27 (dramatic music)
01:29 Pride flags.
01:35 Oh, it didn't happen again.
01:38 But it's true and exec who oversees a bunch of Cinnabon
01:40 sent out a message declaring that we do not discriminate
01:44 or celebrate any particular race, ethnic group,
01:47 gender specific group, religious group.
01:49 If any store is displaying a pride flag,
01:51 it's to be taken down immediately.
01:54 And one of the workers asked if a rainbow pin
01:56 would be okay.
01:58 He said, "Non-specific pins are okay,
02:01 but sports teams, groups, school pins are not."
02:05 In other words, let's stick to doing what Cinnabon does best,
02:09 making all of us grotesquely fat.
02:11 (audience laughing)
02:13 Now, personally, I have no problem with a store
02:15 that wants to fly rainbow flags.
02:17 You can fly a flag for the Bolivian national pickleball team
02:20 for all I care.
02:21 That sport combines two of my favorite things,
02:23 pickles and balls.
02:25 (audience laughing)
02:27 But just get my order right, that's all I ask.
02:31 I mean, why is it so hard to pour the McFlurry
02:33 directly down my pants?
02:36 - Oh my God.
02:37 - So why is this a story?
02:41 It's entirely reasonable to demand employees
02:44 not turn your bakery into a political rally.
02:46 And the owner employs openly gay workers at the store,
02:49 so clearly he's not discriminating.
02:51 But that's not the way the workers took it.
02:53 Instead, they called it homophobic.
02:56 One said the policy made it feel
02:57 like she had to hide herself, adding, quote,
03:00 "I started to not feel comfortable in my own skin.
03:04 "It really lowered my self-esteem.
03:06 "And I was starting not to like myself
03:08 "when I looked in the mirror."
03:10 So wait, is that from the ban on flags?
03:14 Because it sounds like she just ate a Cinnabon.
03:17 (audience laughing)
03:19 I mean, that's exactly how I feel when I eat a Cinnabon.
03:24 I hate myself.
03:26 (audience laughing)
03:27 I can see the pastry in the mirror
03:29 making its way down to a love handle.
03:31 And herein lies a great philosophical truth
03:34 brought to you by Cinnabon.
03:36 As a human being, you are two people,
03:38 the present you and tomorrow's you.
03:40 And how tomorrow's Greg feels about himself
03:44 depends on what present day Greg eats.
03:48 So if present Greg ate a Cinnabon right now,
03:51 he'd feel pretty good,
03:52 but tomorrow's Greg will hate his guts.
03:55 So the secret to life is getting your present self
03:59 to look after tomorrow's self first.
04:02 And that's the only identity you should care about,
04:06 not this other (beep)
04:09 Now, oh, stop it.
04:11 (audience applauding)
04:12 I don't like smatterings of applause.
04:14 I don't like full applause.
04:15 (audience cheering)
04:16 There you go.
04:17 Thanks.
04:18 That's so much better.
04:21 Now, where did Americans get the idea
04:23 that your office space is supposed to be
04:25 some form of self-actualization?
04:29 You're there to do a job,
04:31 not to have your virtues validated.
04:33 As for the owner who was just doing the right thing,
04:35 he faces a civil rights complaint.
04:38 Civil rights.
04:39 Since when did where you work become your right
04:41 to wear whatever you want?
04:43 When Fox clarified there must wear pants
04:46 to the office policy.
04:47 I didn't like it, but I respected it.
04:51 And they're striking for their right to wear a button.
04:56 I mean, do you think when unions were invented,
04:58 it was for that?
05:00 Do you think kids making shoes for Nike somewhere
05:02 in a warehouse in China are like, hey, you go girl.
05:05 Now the employee also worried that she could be attacked
05:10 for who she loves,
05:11 adding it's a dangerous world out there.
05:13 We just want to feel safe.
05:15 And what world could be more dangerous
05:17 than working at a Cinnabon?
05:18 Doctors call that job the widow maker.
05:22 But the upside is if there's ever a robbery,
05:26 the frosting can be used to seal gunshot wounds.
05:29 Now I get being worried about safety in California,
05:34 but to equate not wearing a pin as life threatening
05:37 shows you how much the left has perverted
05:39 the idea of safety.
05:41 Everyone wants to feel safe,
05:42 is always said before they cancel a speech.
05:46 I hate to tell you, you D-bags,
05:48 no one is that interested in you enough to do you harm.
05:52 Why do you think fake hate crimes exist?
05:56 People living bored and very safe lives
05:58 need to fantasize that they're not.
06:00 Look, most people don't care who made their Cinnabon
06:03 and they don't want to be scolded as bigots.
06:05 They want a sugar fix, not a lecture.
06:08 Nobody walked into your restaurant
06:10 to learn how different and fascinating you are.
06:13 They don't care who you slept with last night
06:15 or if you get hit by a Mack truck tomorrow.
06:17 You're simply not that interesting.
06:20 So schedule your 24 hour celebration of yourself for later.
06:24 Fact is maybe one day you'll make something of yourself,
06:27 but wearing a button while you do it won't help.
06:30 Let's welcome tonight's guest.
06:34 (audience cheering)
06:35 The clothes captioning guy hates her
06:37 'cause she can't keep up.
06:38 This is the true crime podcast on Fox, Emily Campagno.
06:42 (audience cheering)
06:45 Unlike the New York Times,
06:47 the headlines he writes are intentionally funny.
06:49 Editor of the Babylon Bee, Kyle Mann.
06:52 (audience cheering)
06:55 She is like day old pizza,
06:58 ice cold and found under your bed.
07:00 Fox News contributor, Kat Tiff.
07:02 (audience cheering)
07:05 And his shoes double as homeless shelters.
07:08 My massive sidekick in the NWA
07:10 world heavyweight champion, Tyrus.
07:11 (audience cheering)
07:14 Emily, you are a huge fan of the Cinnabon, right?
07:19 Yes, clearly.
07:20 You have them all the time.
07:22 You actually just go to the airport for that.
07:24 You don't even have a flight.
07:25 (laughing)
07:26 That's why I always miss my flights.
07:28 Yes, yes, yes.
07:28 I'm enjoying my Cinnabon.
07:29 What do you think about this policy?
07:31 Do you think, how is this a civil rights case?
07:33 It's not.
07:34 You're a lawyer, by the way.
07:35 Congratulations.
07:36 Thank you for that.
07:37 Yeah, it's not a civil rights issue.
07:39 That's the whole point.
07:40 So generally speaking, in stark contrast
07:42 to what these people are arguing,
07:44 employers can actually adopt and enforce workplace rules
07:48 that prohibit non-work related activities, right?
07:52 And that includes purely political ones.
07:54 That includes wearing buttons and shirts and the like.
07:56 And the fact that these employees,
07:58 or then the quotes that you read,
08:00 where they're going from zero to 60,
08:02 that heaven forbid a workplace policy
08:05 that's essentially like, hey, get to work,
08:07 and says all buttons are prohibited.
08:11 They're not saying just the ones that are, just rainbow.
08:13 All buttons.
08:14 Right.
08:15 Belly buttons.
08:16 (laughing)
08:17 But they're making a clear stance
08:20 that all they wanna do is have the workplace
08:22 be free of all kinds of political noise
08:24 and all kinds of nonsense.
08:26 And the fact that the employees are extrapolating
08:28 then their self value, their identities,
08:31 all of a sudden, they can't look in the mirror.
08:32 They say, what if Cinnabon doesn't have our back
08:34 if I'm attacked in the store?
08:36 I don't feel safe anymore.
08:37 That's a whole different issue than them saying,
08:40 please don't wear a shirt that's gonna distract
08:42 the customers from that 900 gram fat awesome dessert.
08:46 Yeah, you need to have those Sikhs with their sticks.
08:49 They are gonna beat people.
08:50 You know, Kyle, I don't know about you,
08:52 but I will not have a Cinnabon being frosted
08:55 by somebody who isn't gay.
08:56 (laughing)
08:58 Well, that's a good policy.
09:00 That's my personal policy.
09:01 That's my personal policy.
09:02 But I don't let it infringe on others.
09:03 I'll go in and I'll ask them if they're gay.
09:05 And if they say no, I will go elsewhere.
09:08 Well, it's the number one thing I look for
09:10 when I walk into an establishment.
09:12 I need a special flag that says,
09:14 I am specifically welcome here.
09:16 Yes.
09:17 Kyle Mann of the Babylon Bee is welcome at this establishment
09:19 or I don't feel welcome.
09:21 So yeah, I always need the button or, you know,
09:23 some way to tell what their sexual preference is
09:25 or I don't feel safe about eating the Cinnabon.
09:29 We perverted the idea of what safe is, right?
09:32 Remember what, I mean, try to like,
09:33 try to like think about people who went to war
09:36 and talking about their safety.
09:38 And now it's about a pin.
09:39 If I don't, by the way, it doesn't make sense.
09:42 If I can't say who I am, I'm in danger,
09:44 but then people won't know who you are,
09:46 which means you're safe.
09:47 The Cinnabon itself is more dangerous
09:51 because of its fat content
09:52 than any of the policies in the workplace.
09:54 Yes, these people are murderers.
09:56 (laughing)
09:58 Every Cinnabon kills like 12 people.
10:00 That's a fact.
10:03 Kat, have you ever had a Cinnabon?
10:05 Of course not.
10:06 (laughing)
10:09 They are useful though.
10:09 That's how you know who's the most sad at the airport.
10:12 Yeah.
10:13 (laughing)
10:15 I just thought this was, okay, look,
10:18 as somebody who has worked fast food jobs,
10:23 I will say that I also did not feel that
10:26 when I was working at Boston Market,
10:28 that I was being celebrated
10:30 as a unique, dynamic individual.
10:32 Right, right.
10:33 I was making minimum wage.
10:36 That's pretty much the clearest indication
10:39 of not being celebrated for your uniqueness
10:42 'cause you're making minimum wage.
10:44 It's not somewhere that you're supposed to be happy.
10:45 It's not somewhere that you really can be happy.
10:47 And I know this 'cause I worked with guys
10:48 that would come to work on ecstasy.
10:50 Yes.
10:51 (laughing)
10:52 They were still not happy.
10:54 Yeah.
10:55 And if that can't change the way you feel about your job,
10:58 nothing can.
11:00 That's why I work at an ecstasy making factory, Tyrus,
11:03 when I was growing up.
11:05 Good for you.
11:05 I don't know.
11:08 I mean, when you have to bulk up,
11:09 have you ever thought about just sitting,
11:11 have you ever sat alone with a case of Cinnabons?
11:13 (laughing)
11:14 Just like one--
11:15 I think we've all been there.
11:16 Yeah.
11:17 (laughing)
11:18 You know, it's a Wednesday.
11:21 She said she'd be home at eight.
11:22 Yeah.
11:23 12.
11:24 You called work, she's not there.
11:26 Yeah.
11:27 And the operator knows where she is
11:28 but doesn't wanna get involved.
11:29 Yes.
11:30 So you end up with a Cinnabons,
11:32 just eating it away.
11:34 (laughing)
11:35 Like I said--
11:36 And then just when you're about to give up,
11:38 just when you're about to eat that last,
11:41 you look at the Cinnabon employee and go,
11:43 "Could be worse."
11:44 Yeah, yes.
11:44 (laughing)
11:46 The problem, Greg, is it's identity.
11:50 They see their Facebooks
11:52 and they think they're influencers and stars.
11:54 You're not even in a union.
11:55 Why has he not fired them?
11:57 They're at will.
11:58 Yeah.
11:58 Because they took the will to step out
12:00 and make signs saying that,
12:01 "If I don't get to wear something
12:02 "that identifies me to be singled out to be special."
12:04 Also, to your point, Greg,
12:06 if I was a gay basher or a homophobe,
12:09 I'd be looking,
12:10 "Oh, there's the rainbow badge attack."
12:12 Yes.
12:13 So, they don't have that.
12:14 So it makes no sense.
12:15 You're not singling me out
12:16 because I represent Cinnabon.
12:19 I have to wear the uniform of Cinnabon.
12:21 And it used to be those weird ass hats too,
12:23 on top of everything else.
12:25 No, the lemonade place is worse.
12:27 Remember the lemonade place?
12:28 The yellow and the red and blue
12:30 and the little purple and black.
12:31 Yes, I understood that.
12:31 Oh, I understood that.
12:32 That was an owner who was letting them know
12:34 exactly where you stand.
12:35 Yeah.
12:36 (audience laughing)
12:37 You do what I say.
12:38 You look ridiculous.
12:39 Make your lemonade and your hot dogs and be about it.
12:42 You know what inspires you?
12:43 Wait, isn't it like literally called hot dog on a stick?
12:44 Yeah, it's like something horrible.
12:46 Yeah.
12:46 But the point is,
12:48 you're an employee,
12:49 a low level employee.
12:51 You should be inspired to want to get out and above.
12:54 Yes.
12:54 I didn't always get to come to work in summer shorts
12:56 with my hat on backwards, chilling.
12:58 I earned that (beep)
12:59 I wear the same (beep) as everybody else.
13:01 And when I had an opinion,
13:02 the guy at Burger King was like,
13:03 "No, it's not your way.
13:05 "It's their way."
13:05 (audience laughing)
13:06 Yeah.
13:07 Okay?
13:08 If you don't like it, quit.
13:09 Make yourself something of substance
13:10 to where you can decide,
13:11 I'm gonna wear pins and flare.
13:13 Yes.
13:14 All that other kind of stuff.
13:15 Also, they said you couldn't wear pins
13:16 for a sports team or a school or any.
13:19 So it wasn't just like no--
13:20 Yeah, no sports stuff.
13:20 Gay pins.
13:21 Nothing to take away from the Cinnabon of Uttraman.
13:24 You know, if you really want to,
13:26 just identify as a Cinnabon.
13:29 'Cause that's your job.
13:31 Yes.
13:32 Identify, I'm a Cinnabon.
13:33 I'm sweet and sticky.
13:35 (audience laughing)
13:36 And don't leave me in a hot car.
13:38 (audience laughing)
13:42 And don't smear me on your naked chest.
13:44 Okay.
13:45 (audience laughing)
13:46 That's a private message to Bill Hemmer.
13:48 (audience laughing)
13:51 (upbeat music)
13:53 (upbeat music)
13:56 (upbeat music)
13:59 You will not get it anywhere else.
14:01 [BLANK_AUDIO]