Things We Just Don't Understand...

Barstool Sports

last year

Eddie | The Dog Walk

Transcript

00:00:00 Mr. Portnoy, how are we?

00:00:01 So you could hear us, huh?

00:00:07 - What's up, John?

00:00:12 - I'm in.

00:00:13 - You're in.

00:00:14 We're trying to get Mr. Portnoy in.

00:00:18 - I do know the irony of that, Mr. Portnoy.

00:00:20 I apologize that you don't understand how to work Zoom

00:00:24 and this is that I don't understand Draft.

00:00:27 So remember, you wanna say yes to everything.

00:00:31 Yes to video, yes to audio,

00:00:32 just everything you could say yes to, say yes.

00:00:36 - I don't see anything yet.

00:00:38 - I hear you.

00:00:39 - Do you wanna try to rejoin?

00:00:44 You wanna quit and rejoin?

00:00:45 Sometimes that helps you out.

00:00:47 - You can't hear me.

00:00:50 - No, we can't hear you.

00:00:51 You're muted and your camera's not on.

00:00:53 - I can hear.

00:00:55 - Yeah, so John's good.

00:00:57 - How was that?

00:01:00 - Now you're still in the abyss at the moment.

00:01:06 (laughing)

00:01:09 Do you wanna just totally exit out and try again?

00:01:17 What'd you say, sir?

00:01:24 - I'm listening.

00:01:25 - Oh, I'm hearing him through the phone.

00:01:30 - Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:01:31 - Hello?

00:01:35 - Oh no, we lost the phone call too.

00:01:39 - This might be a long setup here.

00:01:43 Do you have--

00:01:47 - John Feilberg.

00:01:48 - Oh, all right, we got you.

00:01:49 - Portnoy.

00:01:50 - How are you?

00:01:52 - I'm fantastic, how are you?

00:01:54 Did I get picked for this because you figure

00:01:57 I'm more confused than probably anybody you know?

00:02:00 - Absolutely not.

00:02:01 - No.

00:02:02 - Absolutely not.

00:02:02 - That's why you did this, Eddie.

00:02:03 You wanted to shame me.

00:02:04 - This is the third topic I picked for you.

00:02:06 The first one was grievances.

00:02:07 The second one was things that have gone downhill.

00:02:10 And the third one is things I don't understand.

00:02:12 They are not intentional at all.

00:02:13 It's just how it rolled out.

00:02:15 - There we go.

00:02:16 - Oh my gosh.

00:02:17 - We got you.

00:02:17 - There we go.

00:02:19 - All right, I'm done.

00:02:20 Don't listen to anything else.

00:02:23 I got nothing else.

00:02:24 - Mr. Portnoy, don't let him patronize you

00:02:29 'cause he definitely always has ulterior motives.

00:02:32 - Oh, I know that.

00:02:33 - But we do--

00:02:34 - I understand that.

00:02:34 - We do genuinely look forward

00:02:36 to doing this episode every summer.

00:02:38 - Yeah, every summer.

00:02:39 - Yeah, we do.

00:02:40 - That's the one time in between.

00:02:41 - Well, we'd have you on more than that,

00:02:43 but we don't wanna bother you.

00:02:44 - Yeah.

00:02:45 - No, you're not bothering me.

00:02:46 Sometimes you're bothering me.

00:02:48 (laughing)

00:02:49 I wanna tell you something.

00:02:51 I have so many things listed here.

00:02:53 How many hours is it?

00:02:54 (laughing)

00:02:57 What gets very similar to this,

00:02:59 it merges into me having complaints.

00:03:01 The very similar things that I don't understand

00:03:06 merges into complaints.

00:03:08 (laughing)

00:03:10 I got things that are happening in the last half hour.

00:03:12 (laughing)

00:03:15 - I love this.

00:03:16 This is like a new,

00:03:18 we got the moving camera per usual for you,

00:03:21 and it feels like we're in a new room.

00:03:22 Are you in the kitchen or something?

00:03:24 Are you still in the office?

00:03:24 Where you at?

00:03:26 - No, I'm in the kitchen 'cause my wife's not.

00:03:29 - Okay, all right.

00:03:31 All right, well, let's get this thing underway.

00:03:33 No more--

00:03:34 - But I wanna say before we start.

00:03:36 - Absolutely, absolutely.

00:03:37 - My wife and I,

00:03:38 I wish you weren't on here, Eddie,

00:03:41 because Eddie is one of our favorite people.

00:03:44 You are such a nice guy,

00:03:45 and you know you're one of my favorites,

00:03:46 and I'm not just saying this

00:03:48 because of what we're doing.

00:03:49 I like final work, too, but not that much.

00:03:51 (laughing)

00:03:53 - Thank you, Mr. Portman.

00:03:54 - Thanks, Mr. Portman, I like you.

00:03:56 For a long time, you're an OG, as I am, too.

00:04:01 (laughing)

00:04:04 - All right, we'll get it underway.

00:04:06 All right, bang, bang, it is Monday, August 7th,

00:04:09 Snake Draft Monday.

00:04:10 Welcome to the Dog Walk Presented by Barstool Sports.

00:04:12 As you can hear, it is now turned into

00:04:15 once a summer extravaganza.

00:04:17 Mike Portnoy, Esquire, comes on,

00:04:20 and he does a Snake Draft, the third one.

00:04:22 Legendary moment so far in the first two,

00:04:25 so I'm expecting nothing less.

00:04:27 Also, we're joined by Feidelberg.

00:04:29 John, thanks for coming in with us for this, too.

00:04:32 - I'm very happy to be here,

00:04:33 and I'm very honored to be on a Mr. Portnoy episode.

00:04:36 This is--

00:04:37 - I'm honored to have you, too.

00:04:39 How's that sound?

00:04:39 (laughing)

00:04:41 - I do have, before we get going,

00:04:42 I have one thing.

00:04:44 Is Sydney Wells in the office?

00:04:45 I know she's occasionally here.

00:04:47 - She's been here once over the last decade.

00:04:51 - Bro, I got a text from Sydney Wells this morning.

00:04:55 She asked me one year ago,

00:04:57 do you want to do a Barstool Outdoors thing?

00:05:00 I said, sure.

00:05:01 She texted me, today.

00:05:03 Are we still on for next week?

00:05:05 Literally, haven't heard from her--

00:05:07 - You need it.

00:05:07 (laughing)

00:05:09 - In like a year, and I'm like, yeah, sure, I'm down.

00:05:12 By the way, the date she threw out was my birthday,

00:05:15 but I felt weird being like, I can't do it,

00:05:17 it's my birthday, 'cause I'm a grown man,

00:05:18 so I'm just doing it.

00:05:20 And then she goes, here's the flight you should get,

00:05:23 and it's out of Chicago.

00:05:25 And I love the fact that she's so disconnected

00:05:28 from Barstool Sports.

00:05:29 It's the only thing this company has talked about

00:05:31 for two years, is who's moving to Chicago and who isn't.

00:05:35 And she's like, here, you must be out of,

00:05:36 I think she said out of ORD, whatever that is.

00:05:40 - Is there another John?

00:05:41 Is there another John?

00:05:42 Is something mixed up?

00:05:44 - I don't think so.

00:05:45 - Okay.

00:05:46 - I would be surprised if she even knew his first name,

00:05:48 'cause he just goes by Feitelberg.

00:05:49 - But Feitelberg, she's been,

00:05:51 I feel like John Kelly has been producing

00:05:53 some of her stuff lately,

00:05:54 so she might have been trying to email John Kelly

00:05:57 or text John Kelly.

00:05:58 - He asked if Jackie was also in,

00:06:00 so I think she knows.

00:06:01 - Oh, okay.

00:06:02 - Yeah, yeah, okay, okay, all right.

00:06:03 'Cause that's happened before.

00:06:04 One time, I tried to get Jersey Jerry on a snake draft,

00:06:06 and I was in communication with Jerry Thornton

00:06:08 the whole time.

00:06:09 (laughing)

00:06:11 And I love Jerry Thornton, it was a great draft.

00:06:13 - This is so funny that he didn't even realize

00:06:16 he was texting the wrong person

00:06:17 until Jerry Thornton popped up on the Zoom.

00:06:19 - Yes.

00:06:20 (laughing)

00:06:22 - That's how, he didn't even realize it

00:06:23 like in the middle of texting him or anything.

00:06:25 All of a sudden, we see Jerry Thornton,

00:06:27 and it's like, oh.

00:06:28 - It was great.

00:06:29 - Jerry Thornton.

00:06:30 - Yeah, it was great.

00:06:31 - That is, one of those two have to look in the mirror

00:06:33 and decide which is bad, that over--

00:06:36 - You've got the, Jerry Thornton has the greatest deal.

00:06:40 He never has to leave his house.

00:06:42 He's been like this for how long?

00:06:44 I mean, it's like he doesn't even really exist

00:06:46 as a human being.

00:06:47 (laughing)

00:06:49 Well, how do you know that that's really a person?

00:06:53 - It's true.

00:06:54 - I don't even know him,

00:06:55 because he was at my son's first wedding.

00:06:58 (laughing)

00:06:59 And that was a long time ago, but he got a good deal.

00:07:03 (laughing)

00:07:03 He has a very good deal.

00:07:04 - Not the worst, not the worst.

00:07:07 All right, we could jump in here.

00:07:10 Mr. Portnoy, our producer Harry over there,

00:07:13 he has a number one through five behind his back.

00:07:15 What number do you think it is?

00:07:17 - I don't even understand the question,

00:07:21 but I'll say one.

00:07:21 (laughing)

00:07:23 - No, no.

00:07:24 - Eddie, you gotta understand,

00:07:27 I don't know what the F this is all about.

00:07:29 I'm just gonna, I got a lot of things I'm gonna say.

00:07:32 I'm gonna get it in one way or another.

00:07:34 And that's gonna be all I know.

00:07:36 - That's what you're supposed to do.

00:07:40 - It may not comport with what you expect to happen,

00:07:43 but I got a list of stuff.

00:07:45 I'm gonna get it in one way or the other.

00:07:47 - I appreciate it.

00:07:49 That's all I know.

00:07:50 - That's exactly what we expected to happen.

00:07:51 - Well, you did the right thing.

00:07:52 You threw out a number.

00:07:53 Was it one, Harry?

00:07:54 - No.

00:07:55 - John, one through five?

00:07:57 - I'll go three.

00:07:59 - No.

00:08:00 - Chief?

00:08:01 - Four.

00:08:02 - Dave? - No.

00:08:03 - Uh-oh.

00:08:06 - Five.

00:08:06 - No. - Fuck.

00:08:08 - Three.

00:08:10 - Oh, he did it again.

00:08:11 - What an idiot.

00:08:12 - Mr. Portnoy, one through five.

00:08:15 - No, just give him.

00:08:17 - No, no, no, no, no, no.

00:08:19 - No, no, no.

00:08:20 - Is that a trick question?

00:08:21 I just gave you one.

00:08:23 - No, we're all idiots.

00:08:24 My apologies.

00:08:25 - No, you're the idiot.

00:08:27 - He didn't know too.

00:08:28 He was thinking.

00:08:29 - No, I wasn't.

00:08:30 - He guessed an available number.

00:08:30 - I was guessing between, I was about to say it even.

00:08:34 - Give us a new number.

00:08:35 - Wait a minute, wait a minute.

00:08:36 I don't want to make a total fool out of myself,

00:08:39 but I have to ask Eddie.

00:08:41 - Yes.

00:08:42 - You could have helped me with this before when we spoke.

00:08:44 I don't even understand what picking that number means.

00:08:47 - Here, I should have sent you the two

00:08:49 that you've done previously, you know,

00:08:51 to try to refresh.

00:08:52 - That wouldn't have helped.

00:08:53 - To jog your memory.

00:08:54 - Can we just give him the first overall pick?

00:08:56 - I'm okay with that.

00:08:57 - Yeah, just tell me what the hell.

00:08:59 - You're gonna pick first.

00:09:00 You're gonna pick first, but we're not,

00:09:01 we gotta figure out the rest.

00:09:02 - All right, you're gonna pick out, all right.

00:09:03 - Isn't that too much to ask to somebody

00:09:05 just to explain that to me?

00:09:06 - All right, you know what?

00:09:08 Great, chief, great, big call.

00:09:09 John, one through four.

00:09:10 - This is a great start for things I don't understand.

00:09:14 Picking numbers, that's the point.

00:09:17 - I've never been less interested in my picks

00:09:19 or anyone else's picks.

00:09:20 - Oh, I got like 12.

00:09:21 - This is a one man show on a five man stage.

00:09:23 (laughing)

00:09:25 That's all this is right now.

00:09:27 John, one through four.

00:09:28 - Three.

00:09:30 - No.

00:09:31 - Two.

00:09:32 - No.

00:09:33 - Dave.

00:09:34 - One.

00:09:35 - No.

00:09:36 - Four.

00:09:36 - Yes.

00:09:37 - Goddamn.

00:09:38 - I'll go second.

00:09:39 - One through three, John.

00:09:40 - Three.

00:09:42 - Yes.

00:09:43 - Let's go.

00:09:44 - Three, four, or five do you want?

00:09:46 - I'll do three.

00:09:49 - Okay, chief.

00:09:50 - Two.

00:09:52 - Yes.

00:09:53 - I'll go fourth.

00:09:55 All right.

00:09:56 - Everyone's just like, yeah, I'll do whatever.

00:09:58 Just, you know.

00:10:00 Before we get going though,

00:10:01 I wanna talk about Miller Lite.

00:10:03 It's easy to feel nostalgic in the summertime, boys.

00:10:06 Especially when you got a beer in your hand,

00:10:07 but not just any beer, it's that delicious 96 calorie

00:10:10 light beer that actually tastes like beer.

00:10:12 - I mean, we've been talking about things

00:10:14 that don't make sense.

00:10:15 Miller Lite always makes sense.

00:10:17 Once in a lifetime for Miller Lite.

00:10:18 Nice cold one.

00:10:19 Everything seems simple.

00:10:20 Everything seems right.

00:10:21 Miller Lite, you can always depend on it.

00:10:24 The best.

00:10:25 - You're absolutely right.

00:10:25 Because when it's summertime, it tastes like Miller Time.

00:10:28 Miller Time is when you and your friends

00:10:29 can get together and enjoy the simple things in life.

00:10:31 So crack open a white can and let the great taste

00:10:33 of Miller Lite hit your taste buds so hard,

00:10:36 you feel it in your heart.

00:10:38 That's it.

00:10:39 I mean, La La Palooza weekend is over,

00:10:40 but I'm sure a lot of Millers were consumed by all.

00:10:43 - One thing that doesn't make sense about it,

00:10:45 it's probably the only beverage,

00:10:47 besides maybe just water, that's good year round.

00:10:51 Like no matter the season, football season,

00:10:52 March Madness, summertime, Miller Lite always hits.

00:10:55 If you're having like a red wine,

00:10:56 you're not having red wine in the summer.

00:10:58 - You got that right.

00:10:59 - Yeah, Miller Lite plays 12 months a year.

00:11:00 - So make unforgettable summer memories with Miller Lite.

00:11:03 Just go to MillerLite.com/redline

00:11:06 to get it delivered right to your door.

00:11:08 Or you could find it pretty much anywhere that sells beer.

00:11:10 Just make sure you sell it responsibly.

00:11:12 Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

00:11:14 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

00:11:17 All right, let's hop into this draft.

00:11:19 - I actually did want four.

00:11:21 - We're here for the math.

00:11:22 - Or one rather, because my brain's so sharp.

00:11:24 - How's your nose?

00:11:25 - I understand everything.

00:11:26 - How's your nose?

00:11:27 - Excellent.

00:11:28 - I'm glad to hear that.

00:11:31 - Actually, I hate my nose.

00:11:32 It doesn't really work well.

00:11:34 I don't have a very sharp sense of smell.

00:11:36 - What do you mean it doesn't work well?

00:11:37 - It doesn't, I can't smell things well.

00:11:39 Like it's like having bad eyes.

00:11:41 - I'm with Dave on that.

00:11:43 Despite the size, I got nothing.

00:11:45 I don't smell shit.

00:11:46 - It's gotta be such a strong smell for me to smell it.

00:11:50 - You know something?

00:11:52 I'm gonna tell you,

00:11:54 I wish you could come to my condo right now.

00:11:56 I'll tell you why.

00:11:59 I know I'm getting off,

00:12:00 I'm getting off message here,

00:12:02 but I gotta tell you this anyway.

00:12:05 As we speak,

00:12:07 we have a smell in our refrigerator,

00:12:11 which I found out,

00:12:14 my wife and I have been trying to pinpoint

00:12:15 what it's coming from.

00:12:16 It's a fish smell.

00:12:17 White Sox Dave, we could test you on this.

00:12:21 - That'd be great.

00:12:22 - When we open the refrigerator,

00:12:24 I was gonna talk about this no matter what,

00:12:26 so I'm gonna talk about it now.

00:12:28 - Perfect.

00:12:28 - 'Cause this is happening now.

00:12:31 This is like now.

00:12:33 When we open the refrigerator door,

00:12:36 there's a smell of fish.

00:12:37 And my wife and I couldn't figure it out.

00:12:41 I did have some fish the other day in the refrigerator,

00:12:45 but it didn't smell, it was on a dish.

00:12:48 And finally, my wife said to me,

00:12:49 you know, I just remembered when I brought it back

00:12:51 from the supermarket,

00:12:53 there might've been a little spillage from the dish.

00:12:57 And of course, now, I have no idea where it's coming from.

00:13:02 I could use somebody like White Sox Dave

00:13:05 to stick his face inside.

00:13:07 I'll leave the door open.

00:13:09 You could come over here and stick your face

00:13:11 inside the refrigerator and see if you can pinpoint it,

00:13:14 'cause it's driving me nuts.

00:13:16 I've washed every counter inside this refrigerator,

00:13:20 and it's still there.

00:13:21 And of course, you don't smell it immediately

00:13:24 when you open the door, but it creeps up on you.

00:13:26 - Okay.

00:13:27 So you're located in Boston area, right?

00:13:30 - He's got a bad nose. - Very good guess, yep.

00:13:32 - Okay.

00:13:32 - Well, he's got a bad nose, though, Mr. Portman.

00:13:35 - No, here, I understand what you're saying.

00:13:37 My nose is so bad, but if it's dead fish I can smell,

00:13:42 if it's in one of the vegetable drawer things,

00:13:47 then I'd be able to smell it in there.

00:13:50 But if it's in another part of the fridge

00:13:51 and I'm sticking my nose, I wouldn't be able to smell it.

00:13:54 - Well, how do you think I would feel if you flew here

00:13:58 and the first thing you said to me

00:13:59 is I don't smell anything?

00:14:00 I'd be very disappointed.

00:14:02 - Well, there's a chance that happens.

00:14:05 - Well, you're in trouble. - And I'm gonna be talking

00:14:06 to our travel people about flying out there

00:14:09 and smelling your fridge as soon as this episode drops.

00:14:12 So you need to save it for the weekend.

00:14:13 - I gotta-- - Yeah, don't clean it

00:14:15 anymore. - I gotta think that over.

00:14:16 You don't sound all that positive

00:14:18 that you could solve the problem.

00:14:20 - I'm not. - I want somebody,

00:14:21 I want somebody that's gonna say,

00:14:22 I know I can take care of this stuff, maybe I can't.

00:14:25 - I mean, it sounds like a very tough job.

00:14:28 I don't wanna make promises I can't keep.

00:14:30 - It sounds like you should sit outside Logan Airport

00:14:33 and try to get a police sniffing dog to bring to the house.

00:14:36 - That's a good idea, Eddie.

00:14:38 Don't say anything else this morning.

00:14:39 - Okay, I'll stop there. (laughing)

00:14:42 - That was a great, that was a wonderful suggestion.

00:14:45 - Thank you, I appreciate it.

00:14:46 You know, and on that note, you're on the clock.

00:14:49 Give us the first thing that you don't understand,

00:14:51 Mr. Portnoy.

00:14:52 - (laughing) You're talking to me now, right?

00:14:54 Okay.

00:14:55 You know, anybody know what an atomic clock is?

00:15:01 Don't Google it, don't Google it.

00:15:05 - I've certainly heard,

00:15:06 it's like the most accurate clock, right?

00:15:08 - Thank you, John, thank you.

00:15:11 I have an atomic clock here, believe it or not.

00:15:15 And I've had it for a number of years.

00:15:19 And it has the time, it has the date.

00:15:23 One of the reasons, and I've had it for,

00:15:26 I wanna say now five, six years.

00:15:29 One of the reasons I got it though,

00:15:31 was because it gives you the outside temperature.

00:15:34 It gives you the inside temperature

00:15:36 and the outside temperature, theoretically.

00:15:40 Theoretically.

00:15:42 Unfortunately, the freaking thing,

00:15:44 the temperature part of it,

00:15:45 which is one of the reasons I bought it,

00:15:48 is not dependable.

00:15:50 So sometimes it's accurate and sometimes it's not.

00:15:54 And if anybody ever has dealt with a thermometer,

00:15:57 you like to know, or any kind of a device

00:16:00 is telling you the temperature,

00:16:01 you like to know that it's accurate.

00:16:03 Not that it may be right, it may not be right.

00:16:07 What the, you don't know.

00:16:09 So the company was out of Wisconsin.

00:16:11 So believe it or not, me being the idiot that I am,

00:16:16 I thought I would get ahold of them.

00:16:17 And there's a very nice lady that answered the phone.

00:16:19 I was on the phone with her for 45 minutes.

00:16:22 By the way, this atomic clock, when we first set it up,

00:16:26 the way you have to set it, this sounds crazy.

00:16:28 (laughing)

00:16:29 The way you have to set it up when we first got it,

00:16:33 we had to have the phone face some place in Wisconsin.

00:16:37 This is the truth.

00:16:39 In order to get it working correctly,

00:16:40 you had to go outside, have the phone,

00:16:44 have the phone face Wisconsin.

00:16:47 And then it would somehow record it.

00:16:51 And it was insane to do it this way, but we did it.

00:16:56 So it worked for a little while.

00:16:57 But as I'm speaking to you right now,

00:16:59 I've made a couple of phone calls

00:17:01 because the temperature is unreliable.

00:17:04 Sometimes it's right, sometimes it's not.

00:17:07 If you ever wanna see the temperature on a device,

00:17:09 you'd like to know that what you're seeing is accurate.

00:17:13 Right?

00:17:14 Everybody agree on that?

00:17:15 - Absolutely.

00:17:16 - It's not accurate.

00:17:17 Sometimes, right now it's been at 58 degrees.

00:17:21 It's been at 58 degrees for the last week.

00:17:24 It has not been 58 degrees here

00:17:27 without a change for the last week.

00:17:28 So I have lost all confidence in this.

00:17:31 All right?

00:17:33 So that's what I don't understand.

00:17:35 I'm coming back, I don't understand.

00:17:37 You thought I got off track there.

00:17:39 I don't understand why this freaking thing

00:17:41 doesn't work the way it's supposed to.

00:17:43 (laughing)

00:17:44 How's that sound?

00:17:45 (laughing)

00:17:46 Okay.

00:17:47 - I'm gonna, everything I'm gonna do,

00:17:49 I'm gonna finish with I don't understand.

00:17:50 You got any mind?

00:17:51 - So not how it works, but why it doesn't work is the real.

00:17:56 - Correct.

00:17:57 - Correct.

00:17:57 - Is the real.

00:17:58 - Were you pointing it out like,

00:17:59 yeah, were you pointing it out like Ohio or something

00:18:02 by mistake, you think?

00:18:03 When you were setting it up?

00:18:04 - No, no, when it originally, when I bought it,

00:18:07 which was years ago, we got it running.

00:18:09 - Okay.

00:18:10 - But then, like I said, and it does show me the time

00:18:13 and the date correctly.

00:18:15 But the outside temperature, no.

00:18:18 - So I'm not putting down,

00:18:20 I don't understand the atomic clock.

00:18:21 I'm putting down why your atomic clock doesn't work.

00:18:24 - Right, yes.

00:18:25 - Yeah.

00:18:26 - The thermometer on the atomic clock.

00:18:29 - Yeah.

00:18:30 - Why the thermometer on--

00:18:33 - Why is it atomic clock doesn't work?

00:18:35 (laughing)

00:18:37 Okay, hey, you know what?

00:18:39 Great pick.

00:18:39 - Mr. Poison, I can't even begin to answer that.

00:18:41 - Can I ask you a couple questions?

00:18:45 - You can ask, that doesn't mean I have to answer them.

00:18:47 Try.

00:18:48 - Is it electric or battery powered?

00:18:50 - Battery powered.

00:18:54 - Have you tried changing the batteries?

00:18:56 - Oh, by the way, I want to say one other thing

00:18:57 about this clock.

00:18:58 What a pain in the ass it is in daylight savings

00:19:01 to change it.

00:19:02 Sometimes I just think I'll wait till we--

00:19:04 - That's something I don't understand.

00:19:06 - I won't make the change.

00:19:08 - Just wait till--

00:19:09 - That's what Bill Belichick does, Mr. Portnoy.

00:19:10 So you're in good company.

00:19:12 - Yeah, thank you.

00:19:13 - He just waits?

00:19:14 - He can't figure out his car.

00:19:16 - That's great.

00:19:19 All right, so first overall pick is he can't figure out

00:19:24 why his atomic clock doesn't work.

00:19:25 - Cross it off your board.

00:19:26 - Yes, cross it off.

00:19:28 - That was gonna be my first overall pick.

00:19:31 - Take it out.

00:19:32 All right, it's my pick.

00:19:34 It's very chalky, but it's a lot of talk in the world now

00:19:38 with AI and meta and whatever,

00:19:39 but I don't understand quantum anything.

00:19:43 Everyone says quantum this, quantum, I don't get quantum.

00:19:46 - The word?

00:19:47 I couldn't define it for you.

00:19:49 I don't know what a quantum is.

00:19:49 - Try defining it.

00:19:50 Mr. Portnoy, you know what quantum means?

00:19:52 - Wasn't there something called quantum metrics?

00:19:55 - Quantum mechanics, quantum physics?

00:19:57 I think there's a--

00:19:59 - Quantum physics maybe.

00:20:01 - All right, as the smartest person on this panel,

00:20:03 I'm gonna try to dissect what the word means.

00:20:06 - What a scary thought that is.

00:20:08 - You're gonna use the root word--

00:20:09 - This is just a guy who's starting to do Spider-Man.

00:20:12 - The root word quant, quantify, means count, right?

00:20:16 Probably Latin or Greek origins.

00:20:20 I think I'm pretty, I think I'm onto something.

00:20:23 - Okay, maybe, regardless.

00:20:26 - Smallest discrete unit of a phenomena.

00:20:29 That's what it'd be.

00:20:30 - Now there's like quantum world and quantum--

00:20:33 - I don't know anything.

00:20:34 - Yes, it makes no sense to me.

00:20:36 I don't understand.

00:20:37 - I was about to say that, but I changed my mind.

00:20:40 - I've tried to listen to podcasts on them

00:20:41 and I just, I turn them off because I don't get it.

00:20:44 - Okay.

00:20:45 - So yeah, quantum anything.

00:20:47 - Quantum.

00:20:48 - Fights, you're up.

00:20:49 - Fuck, damn, fuck.

00:20:51 Okay.

00:20:52 (laughing)

00:20:54 Am I just learning I'm on a draft?

00:20:56 (laughing)

00:20:58 - How'd you forget?

00:21:00 (laughing)

00:21:02 - I guess, I have so, this is hard

00:21:05 'cause Eddie just threw me off with him

00:21:07 going chalk right away.

00:21:08 'Cause mine are all pretty specific.

00:21:10 - Go specific.

00:21:12 - I think I'm gonna stick with that.

00:21:13 Like I know someone's gonna say the pyramids and flying.

00:21:17 - Yeah.

00:21:18 - I don't understand those things,

00:21:18 but I'm gonna go with the human body.

00:21:22 I don't, the one, specifically what I don't understand

00:21:28 and what infuriates me to no end

00:21:30 is why it works with some things and not with others.

00:21:34 Like I don't understand,

00:21:36 there's plenty of things I don't understand about it.

00:21:38 I don't understand how it just heals.

00:21:39 I think that's crazy.

00:21:41 I don't understand most of it.

00:21:43 But the thing that pisses me off the most

00:21:45 is when I say move my finger, boom, moves all the time.

00:21:49 - It doesn't make sense.

00:21:50 - What if I say, what's that?

00:21:52 - It doesn't make sense.

00:21:54 - It doesn't make sense.

00:21:55 But then if that works, if me, my brain saying do this,

00:21:59 if that works, if I tell my brain remember this,

00:22:02 that should work.

00:22:04 That it should just do that.

00:22:05 There's no reason it can do all this when I give the command

00:22:08 and not when I go remember that.

00:22:10 - And it's like faster than the speed of light.

00:22:13 Like you don't have to wait if you're thinking about it.

00:22:15 - It's immediate.

00:22:16 All I'm doing right now, I'm telling it to do,

00:22:18 but if I say remember this phone number, I can't remember it.

00:22:20 That doesn't work for me.

00:22:21 - John, can I say something to you?

00:22:23 - Yes, please sir.

00:22:24 - I'm 76 freaking years old.

00:22:26 And wait till you get to my age,

00:22:30 you look like a genius based on what you just said.

00:22:33 (laughing)

00:22:35 Trust me on that.

00:22:37 That is not gonna get better for you.

00:22:39 I guarantee you that.

00:22:41 It's gonna get worse.

00:22:42 - That's the real bitch of it,

00:22:43 is that it's gonna make less and less sense

00:22:46 as time goes on.

00:22:47 - Absolutely.

00:22:48 - Do you ever--

00:22:48 - I can't remember what I did five minutes ago,

00:22:52 let alone get my hands to go on a suit and drag.

00:22:54 (laughing)

00:22:57 - Or even all the stuff your body does

00:23:01 without you telling it.

00:23:02 Like how does it just know to like,

00:23:03 keep your heart beating and your lungs breathing?

00:23:05 Like it just does it.

00:23:07 - It's a real confusing.

00:23:10 The healing thing's really the big one for me too.

00:23:12 Why does it just heal?

00:23:13 We, for some reason we freak out.

00:23:15 We're like, lizards grow its tail back.

00:23:16 That's nuts.

00:23:18 Fucking guess what?

00:23:19 I grow my body back all the time.

00:23:20 (laughing)

00:23:22 - It's true.

00:23:23 - It's true.

00:23:24 Do you wanna like--

00:23:25 - You can't really grow a limb back,

00:23:26 but you can like grow your skin back.

00:23:28 I just did it with my nose.

00:23:31 - I got a hangnail right now.

00:23:32 That's gonna be gone in like two days.

00:23:33 It's gonna be fixed.

00:23:34 - How about just like how life is created?

00:23:37 Like you fuck and then there's a whole other human.

00:23:42 That's insane.

00:23:43 That's insane.

00:23:44 (laughing)

00:23:45 If you like boil it down,

00:23:46 it just starts splitting and multiplying

00:23:48 and then it's like this whole other person

00:23:49 that you have to like talk to and shit

00:23:51 just 'cause two people decided to have sex.

00:23:52 - I feel like all these things,

00:23:53 like people are gonna be like,

00:23:54 "You're so dumb, it's 'cause of blank."

00:23:56 And it's like, well, yeah, I know it's 'cause of blank.

00:23:59 I know that.

00:24:00 But why is that?

00:24:01 - Yes, yes, yes.

00:24:03 - Yeah, this is kind of weird.

00:24:04 Like you're right, you get a scrape

00:24:05 and you just regenerate.

00:24:06 - It just comes back.

00:24:07 - Like you should die.

00:24:09 You should just leak forever.

00:24:10 - Yeah.

00:24:11 - When David Price was on the socks

00:24:13 and he tore his rotator cuff

00:24:16 and went to see Dr. James Andrews,

00:24:18 I think it was rotator cuff.

00:24:20 No, it might have been his elbow, whatever it was.

00:24:22 And he went to see Dr. James Andrews

00:24:24 and he's like, "I've never seen anything like this.

00:24:25 "This is Wolverine-like.

00:24:26 "It just healed itself.

00:24:27 "You don't need surgery anymore."

00:24:29 The fact that that just happens

00:24:32 with regularity in people.

00:24:34 And obviously that's an extreme case.

00:24:36 But I tear things, I rip things,

00:24:38 I just skin all the time and it's just better.

00:24:42 - Yeah, all right.

00:24:43 - Can I say something about this, please?

00:24:46 - Please.

00:24:47 - I'm gonna show you my two, can you see my,

00:24:51 no, you can't hear, I guess.

00:24:52 My two, on either one of my hands, my pinky fingers,

00:24:57 I know I no longer have, they're bone on bone, okay?

00:25:02 On both of them.

00:25:03 In fact, I used to love to play golf, I was terrible,

00:25:06 but I can't because when my two pinky fingers

00:25:10 are bone on bone and I try to grip a golf club,

00:25:15 after about three times, it starts to hurt and hurt badly.

00:25:20 So this has, maybe John, you're an exception, I don't know,

00:25:25 but mine has not grown back.

00:25:29 And I've had this thing where it's bone on bone

00:25:32 and there should be cottage in between

00:25:35 and it's never come back.

00:25:37 So maybe I'm just a loser in this business.

00:25:40 (laughing)

00:25:41 Regeneration, I don't know.

00:25:43 But I've had this problem now for a while

00:25:46 and it's a big problem in my life.

00:25:48 Believe it or not, you're laughing at me and I'm crying.

00:25:51 It's all right.

00:25:52 - I'm laughing at Dave Dip, man.

00:25:53 It was dribbling out.

00:25:57 - Is that, what's the word I'm looking for?

00:26:00 - Touch your hand.

00:26:02 - It's not autism, it starts with an A though.

00:26:06 - Autoritis. - Autoritis.

00:26:06 - Autoimmune? - Autoritis.

00:26:07 - Autoritis. - Autoritis.

00:26:09 - Is that on right?

00:26:10 - No, I don't think, no, it's not.

00:26:11 I don't have any, I think what happens when you don't have,

00:26:15 I used to be a doctor.

00:26:16 I think when you don't have cottage in there

00:26:19 between the bones, you're gonna be subject

00:26:22 to having arthritis, okay?

00:26:24 I don't have arthritis in those two pinky fingers

00:26:27 on either hand.

00:26:28 What I have is the bone on bone

00:26:30 and I imagine arthritis could eventually become a problem

00:26:33 but it's not now, I can't even get to that problem

00:26:36 because it's bone on bone.

00:26:37 I want you to see if you've ever seen these ads too

00:26:40 and believe me, I'm serious about this,

00:26:43 for these sleeves that they sell.

00:26:46 - The copper fit, like the bread fire stuff?

00:26:46 - And they do it for knee on knee,

00:26:49 with two knees that are bone on bone.

00:26:52 If they would have one that would be

00:26:54 for a little bitty pinky finger,

00:26:56 I would buy it in a second.

00:26:58 And I've looked, there's no such thing.

00:27:00 - I hate to say this, but this is like draft inception

00:27:02 because you said you're having these problems.

00:27:05 When last draft, things that are going downhill,

00:27:07 you drafted your doctor, Dr. Zeitler.

00:27:09 So.

00:27:10 (laughing)

00:27:12 - You got a good memory, Dr. Zeitler, by the way.

00:27:15 We shouldn't be laughing 'cause he's no longer with us.

00:27:17 - Oh, sorry.

00:27:18 (laughing)

00:27:19 - RIP.

00:27:20 (laughing)

00:27:21 - Sorry.

00:27:22 - He went downhill fast.

00:27:22 (laughing)

00:27:23 - What?

00:27:24 - Yeah, he went downhill real fast.

00:27:26 (laughing)

00:27:27 - How did you, god damn you, how do you remember that?

00:27:30 I didn't even know, did you have that written down somewhere?

00:27:33 - No, I just remember, I was like, Dr. Zeitler,

00:27:35 I'm pretty sure there's a name,

00:27:36 and then I Googled it and I was like, all right,

00:27:37 I've nailed it.

00:27:38 Doctor, how could I, you took it.

00:27:40 - He's been gone.

00:27:41 - That's something I don't understand.

00:27:42 - Yeah, he's been gone for quite a while.

00:27:43 - You took Dr. Zeitler nine overall.

00:27:45 That's not something you forget.

00:27:47 (laughing)

00:27:50 So, this is inception, that's why you're not regenerating,

00:27:53 because you got a downhill doctor.

00:27:54 - Well, his doctor's dead.

00:27:55 - Yeah.

00:27:56 - That's why he's not regenerating.

00:27:57 - Yeah.

00:27:58 - All right, Chief, you're up.

00:28:00 - I think we talked about this recently, vinyl records.

00:28:05 I will, it's just like a piece of plastic,

00:28:08 and they just, I don't know how it works.

00:28:09 The little pin goes on it and it goes down,

00:28:11 and it somehow, it all looks the exact same,

00:28:15 and somehow that little pin hitting different parts of,

00:28:19 it makes every note that you could ever want.

00:28:21 I've watched videos on this, and they're like,

00:28:24 oh, it like carves out, I'm like, no,

00:28:26 that doesn't make any fucking sense at all,

00:28:29 so I'm taking vinyl records.

00:28:31 - I think it's a great thing.

00:28:33 - Yeah.

00:28:34 - Thank you.

00:28:35 - I don't know.

00:28:37 - You know something, if I'm worried about that,

00:28:39 I worry about myself.

00:28:40 (laughing)

00:28:42 - You've never watched a record player and be like,

00:28:45 how is this, how is this?

00:28:46 - No, I've never seen,

00:28:47 I know what a record player is.

00:28:49 I'm telling you that it never occurred to me

00:28:52 to wonder why is this happening,

00:28:54 why, it just never occurred to me to think about it,

00:28:57 and I said I'd worry about myself, but I did.

00:28:59 I'm a little worried about you, too.

00:29:01 - All right, join the club.

00:29:03 - Yeah, I mean.

00:29:06 - Yeah, it's impossible.

00:29:07 - And this is one of those things,

00:29:08 it's like what Marky was saying, no one understands.

00:29:09 - No one knows.

00:29:10 - If someone would offer a logical explanation,

00:29:12 like you're full of shit.

00:29:13 - Yep.

00:29:14 - So, yeah.

00:29:15 Oh, White Sox Dave.

00:29:18 - I mean, I was hoping to get the first overall pick

00:29:21 to take this one,

00:29:23 but now that you guys are all giving your picks,

00:29:25 I'm a little worried, but my pick is girls.

00:29:28 I don't fucking understand.

00:29:29 I mean, they're the most confused,

00:29:31 and more specifically, vaginas.

00:29:33 What the fuck is up with those things?

00:29:35 (laughing)

00:29:36 No one knows what to do with those things.

00:29:37 - I'm sorry, I didn't hear the first thing you said.

00:29:39 Say it again.

00:29:40 - Women, girls.

00:29:41 - Oh, girls, okay.

00:29:42 - I don't understand a thing about them.

00:29:46 - Sounds like somebody hasn't seen the Barbie movie.

00:29:49 - I have not, I have not.

00:29:51 - They are a complicated creature.

00:29:52 - Yeah, they have the most complicated, some would say.

00:29:55 - Yeah.

00:29:55 - Any insight here, Mr. Portnoy?

00:29:59 - I would just broaden that out to humans,

00:30:03 not just girls, human beings.

00:30:06 - I would disagree with that.

00:30:08 - Yeah, like men are a simple--

00:30:10 - Is very simple.

00:30:11 - We need food, couch time,

00:30:15 like R and R time,

00:30:17 and sex like once every few months, and that's it.

00:30:21 - But even the sex, you can extrapolate that.

00:30:25 - That's a lot more simple.

00:30:26 - To where it's very confusing for a woman.

00:30:29 For a man, it's very simple.

00:30:31 It's just up, down.

00:30:34 That's it.

00:30:34 - Yeah, exactly, exactly.

00:30:36 - It's true.

00:30:38 - See, when you're my age, you guys are all kids.

00:30:41 When you're my age, you don't even think about this anymore.

00:30:44 - That sounds like bliss.

00:30:46 - Yeah, that's Nirvana right there.

00:30:49 That's Nirvana.

00:30:50 - I would love to not think about it anymore.

00:30:53 - That sounds nice.

00:30:54 - You'll reach a stage where you won't, trust me.

00:30:58 - All right, I look forward to that.

00:31:00 - You get old enough, your day is just this fucking--

00:31:02 (laughing)

00:31:05 - Dave, you're up again.

00:31:10 - And then I will go with,

00:31:14 I'm gonna go with more specific for this one, I think.

00:31:18 Actually, no, I'm not.

00:31:21 Money, I know how to spend money and that's it.

00:31:23 I don't know a fucking thing about money,

00:31:25 like investments and stocks and--

00:31:27 - Let me tell you something.

00:31:28 - And maturation and all that stuff.

00:31:31 I get the money, I spend the money,

00:31:33 and then the money goes away.

00:31:35 - Money is fake.

00:31:38 Money is the fakest thing in the world.

00:31:40 - It's fake.

00:31:41 - Couldn't be more fake.

00:31:41 - Yeah, and it's like I don't have any money.

00:31:43 - What do you mean by that?

00:31:44 - It's just an abstract thought.

00:31:45 We all, it's the value we assign to it.

00:31:48 - Yeah, it's not tied to anything.

00:31:50 It's just like whenever we need, we just make more.

00:31:52 We just print more.

00:31:53 'Cause it's not, it's just like we just agreed--

00:31:56 - You realize what a controversial thing that you're saying--

00:31:59 - I don't think it is.

00:32:00 - Is right now.

00:32:01 - If you tie it to gold, I would understand that.

00:32:04 - Well, that--

00:32:04 - There's a finite amount of gold.

00:32:06 - Right, that I understand.

00:32:07 - Yeah.

00:32:08 - The money today--

00:32:09 - At one time, at one time,

00:32:11 this country was on the gold standard.

00:32:14 And they couldn't keep printing money

00:32:16 unless there was gold to back it up.

00:32:19 - Right.

00:32:20 - And of course, that's no longer the case.

00:32:22 - I think that was Nixon, right?

00:32:23 - They keep printing it if they need it.

00:32:25 - Right.

00:32:26 - That's what it is about.

00:32:27 - Yeah, exactly.

00:32:29 - Right.

00:32:30 - How do--

00:32:30 - And then we're just like, yeah, sure, that's fine.

00:32:32 It would just make more and more and more and more.

00:32:34 - You wanna talk about inflation right now, Ed?

00:32:36 - It's fake.

00:32:37 It's the fakest thing in the world.

00:32:39 - It doesn't make sense to me, though.

00:32:40 Like it's--

00:32:41 - I think it's a great pick.

00:32:42 - The money is, I don't understand it.

00:32:44 - I don't understand it.

00:32:45 - That's why in some of these countries,

00:32:47 if you wanna buy a pizza,

00:32:49 you gotta come in with a wheelbarrow with currency.

00:32:54 - Yeah.

00:32:55 - That's what happened.

00:32:56 - Yeah, I was--

00:32:57 - 10,000 yen or whatever for a piece of sushi.

00:32:57 - Yeah, I was in the Dominican and a cheeseburger

00:32:59 was like 30,000 pesos.

00:33:01 I was like, if I had $30,000, I'd be a multimillionaire.

00:33:05 - It's like, this cheeseburger better be fucking amazing.

00:33:08 - If I had $30,000, be a multimillionaire.

00:33:10 I'll say one other thing about that.

00:33:13 It's a good subject.

00:33:14 But you think about what a broad subject that is.

00:33:17 How people judge people by how much money they have.

00:33:21 How you can acquire things that,

00:33:25 let's talk about an automobile.

00:33:27 You look at an automobile, costs money.

00:33:31 But the way it's set up,

00:33:32 if you wanna take possession of it a certain way,

00:33:36 say lease it, or a very high priced vehicle,

00:33:41 you can lease it.

00:33:42 Requires less money than it appears to have.

00:33:45 But people will judge someone

00:33:47 based on what they're driving, right?

00:33:50 And it all comes back to money.

00:33:53 There's a famous quote,

00:33:54 and I'm a big fan of Kornheiser,

00:33:59 I don't know if you guys know who he is.

00:34:01 But he always talks about someone that he,

00:34:05 and I'm Tony Kornheiser.

00:34:07 And he wants to ask somebody in the entertainment business,

00:34:10 what's this all about?

00:34:12 And it was a guy that I think

00:34:14 was in the television industry.

00:34:15 He said, "The answer to all your questions is money."

00:34:20 That was the answer to every single question, money.

00:34:23 - Yeah. - I know they can answer

00:34:25 everything. - I think that's gotta be

00:34:28 one of the first times someone said,

00:34:30 there's a famous quote.

00:34:31 I thought you were coming at us with Marcus Aurelius.

00:34:33 - Yeah, I knew that. - Tony Kornheiser.

00:34:35 (laughing)

00:34:37 - No, it was the guy that told it to Kornheiser.

00:34:40 - From my own knowledge, I already forgot.

00:34:43 Who was Marcus Aurelius?

00:34:45 I forgot.

00:34:47 - He was certainly a Roman somebody, I wanna say.

00:34:51 - Roman somebody, okay.

00:34:52 - I wanna say.

00:34:53 - He was a somebody in the Roman business.

00:34:55 - He was a Roman empire. - Okay, I got it.

00:34:56 - He was the-- - A general?

00:34:58 - He was the emperor, and he's the guy,

00:35:02 people quote him all the time,

00:35:03 'cause he invented stoicism.

00:35:04 - He invented what now? - Stoicism.

00:35:08 He was a Stoic, or one of the Stoics.

00:35:10 It's like a way of, I don't know, whatever.

00:35:11 Moving on. - Stoics?

00:35:12 - You don't know what the Stoics are?

00:35:13 - We'll put that one down.

00:35:14 - Yeah, put that down.

00:35:16 - Yeah.

00:35:17 I mean, yeah, shout out to Tony Kornheiser for that one.

00:35:22 Chief, you're up.

00:35:24 - I'll go with another music sort of related one.

00:35:29 I don't understand how radio waves work,

00:35:31 where it's like, there's just--

00:35:33 - They're invisible, they're not there.

00:35:34 - They're invisible, but then you turn on the radio

00:35:36 with an antenna or something,

00:35:37 and all of a sudden it's like,

00:35:38 that sound was just passing through the air,

00:35:40 and you just zapped it in, and it blows out of your speakers.

00:35:44 So it's just around all the time?

00:35:47 There's just radio waves all the time?

00:35:48 - Everywhere. - And they can,

00:35:49 how do they send sound over that?

00:35:52 - And it goes through solid shit?

00:35:54 - Yeah, fast. - Yes.

00:35:56 It doesn't make sense. - I don't understand that.

00:35:59 - I don't even think I knew that much of it until right now.

00:36:02 - No. - But it's like,

00:36:03 you know how like an antenna, right?

00:36:06 I know that little metal, remember like the old boom boxes?

00:36:09 - Yeah, metal. - They would have

00:36:09 the little metal stick, and somehow that metal stick

00:36:12 would catch music in the air.

00:36:14 - And it was just like a shitty fucking aluminum--

00:36:16 - Yeah, it was nothing. - It was nothing.

00:36:18 - Yeah, like what was in that thing?

00:36:20 - How does that work?

00:36:21 What is that?

00:36:23 - On a similar note, I had a friendship-ending fight

00:36:28 in fifth grade, sixth grade, something like that.

00:36:31 I'm like not friends with this kid anymore,

00:36:32 'cause he got wifi in his house,

00:36:35 and he was like, "It's faster than regular internet."

00:36:38 And I was like, "There's no fucking way

00:36:40 "this is faster than plugging it into the computer,

00:36:42 "you moron."

00:36:43 And he's like, "You don't understand the future."

00:36:45 And I was like, "You don't understand anything.

00:36:46 "You're a moron if you think that like wifi's a thing,

00:36:49 "that internet's just floating around the house."

00:36:51 He was right. (all laughing)

00:36:54 - Correct. - Yeah.

00:36:56 Well, that was on my list too.

00:36:57 - What, internet? - Wifi.

00:36:58 - Wifi? - That's true.

00:37:00 - I figured that.

00:37:01 - I figured that.

00:37:03 I had it too, but I figured that radio kind of took it,

00:37:06 so I brought it up.

00:37:07 - It's close enough.

00:37:08 - I have a question.

00:37:09 - Yeah. - Related to this.

00:37:11 I have wifi here, but there's something

00:37:15 when I leave the condo here, it comes in LTE.

00:37:19 You folks know what that is?

00:37:20 - Nope. - Nope.

00:37:21 - I know it's on my phone, but--

00:37:22 - It's something for data, I think.

00:37:23 - It's on your phone, right?

00:37:25 - Yes. - It's on your phone.

00:37:27 It does not work as well as the wifi that you have

00:37:31 where you live or maybe where you work, right?

00:37:35 The LTE goes to the mobile phone, right?

00:37:39 - Yeah. - Am I right about that?

00:37:40 - Yeah, it's like that-- - It doesn't work as well.

00:37:43 - It's like that or the 5G.

00:37:44 It's like internet when you're not on wifi, right?

00:37:47 Right? - LTE, yes.

00:37:48 - Yeah, that's correct. - Yeah, yeah.

00:37:50 - And it doesn't work as well.

00:37:52 - Yeah, I don't-- - If you're gonna lose,

00:37:53 if you're gonna get disconnected,

00:37:56 that's when you're on that LTE.

00:37:58 I don't even know what the LTE stands for

00:38:00 except when it's up there.

00:38:01 I know it's not gonna work that way.

00:38:02 - Yeah, I mean-- - Fact.

00:38:03 - Right? - Yeah, no, 100%.

00:38:05 - Unless your wifi sucks, then it's better.

00:38:08 - Then isn't 5G and LTE similar too?

00:38:11 - Yeah, I think 5G, LTE, and then once you get to 3G,

00:38:13 then you're really, you're in the--

00:38:15 - You're in like 2011. - Yes, exactly.

00:38:18 But you're right though, what's the difference?

00:38:19 Why aren't like-- - I don't know.

00:38:22 - Why isn't LTE just, why isn't it all just one umbrella?

00:38:25 - Well, the thing with the LTE,

00:38:26 you know when that's on your phone,

00:38:27 you gotta get out off as fast as possible

00:38:29 before you lose the call.

00:38:30 (laughing)

00:38:33 - Feidelberg, you're up.

00:38:35 - To people who are smart,

00:38:37 this entire episode is just one "Mean Girls" clip.

00:38:39 (laughing)

00:38:42 These guys don't know something?

00:38:45 What the hell?

00:38:46 - Don't show this to Kelly Keegs.

00:38:48 - Yeah. (laughing)

00:38:54 - This one is a specific one, but it's one I don't,

00:38:58 and at times I would like to understand,

00:39:00 at other times I'm happy the way I am.

00:39:02 I don't understand how passion, I don't get it.

00:39:06 I wish there were times where I had more of it,

00:39:09 other times I'm like, this is good.

00:39:10 But people who can just fight about something

00:39:12 for hours, weeks, days, months, whatever, on end,

00:39:17 doesn't make sense to me.

00:39:19 - So you're taking like--

00:39:19 - What was the first, I didn't hear the first word you used.

00:39:21 Say it again. - Passion, Mr. Portnoy.

00:39:23 - Oh, passion, all right.

00:39:24 - You're talking like you don't understand

00:39:26 how people care about stuff.

00:39:28 - Yeah, like really hard.

00:39:32 I can get being excited about a game,

00:39:34 or a movie, or a song.

00:39:36 How you can make that last for days, weeks, months, years,

00:39:41 whatever, that blows my mind.

00:39:43 - But there's gotta be something you're passionate about.

00:39:45 - I don't know if there's something I'm passionate about

00:39:54 to the level that is someone else's 10th passion.

00:39:59 - I'm sure there is.

00:40:00 - Where I'll be like, yeah, that's pretty good.

00:40:04 - I was gonna challenge you,

00:40:05 but I think you're on your personality,

00:40:07 you're kinda right.

00:40:08 Like I was gonna be like, what if I just vehemently

00:40:11 just disagreed with you about Sour Patch

00:40:13 being a good candy?

00:40:14 You know, I know you love it.

00:40:15 - I'd say, you know what, we all got different tastes.

00:40:17 - Yeah, I know.

00:40:18 But I thought I'd ignite something,

00:40:20 but then I was like, no, that's not such a--

00:40:21 - What about like, they read the Patriots film--

00:40:24 - That example sucked.

00:40:26 (laughing)

00:40:28 - He loved Sour Patch.

00:40:30 - I do love Sour Patch, but I also completely understand

00:40:34 why someone wouldn't like him.

00:40:35 - Yeah.

00:40:36 - I don't like him.

00:40:37 - But now I'm trying to think if I know anybody,

00:40:40 like literally anyone, who is like super passionate

00:40:43 about something.

00:40:44 Like what are you passionate about?

00:40:45 - How about politics?

00:40:47 - That's--

00:40:49 - Like I can have it if you don't think--

00:40:50 - You don't think there's a lot of people--

00:40:51 - But then if you want me to fight about it

00:40:53 for a long time, I don't care.

00:40:54 - Wait a minute, you don't think in this world

00:40:56 we live in right now, there's a lot of people

00:41:00 that are very passionate about politics?

00:41:02 You may not be, but there are a lot of people

00:41:05 that are a lot.

00:41:06 - Oh, I know, I know.

00:41:08 I don't understand how they get to that level.

00:41:11 - I got something like that on my list, but yeah.

00:41:13 - What do you think about these Trump indictments,

00:41:14 Mr. Portnoy?

00:41:15 - I don't know.

00:41:17 - Just joking, I'm just joking.

00:41:18 (laughing)

00:41:19 - That's another show, I'm gonna pass on that.

00:41:22 (laughing)

00:41:23 - I was just joking.

00:41:24 - Passion.

00:41:26 - Yeah, okay.

00:41:27 - All right.

00:41:28 - Caring about stuff.

00:41:29 - Caring, yeah.

00:41:30 (laughing)

00:41:32 - What's that?

00:41:34 - Back to me.

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00:42:54 All right, let's get back on the draft.

00:42:56 I don't know how to exactly describe it.

00:42:58 You guys are gonna be like, "You're an idiot,"

00:42:59 but the underwater tunnels, the--

00:43:02 - That's a great one.

00:43:03 - Yeah, like what is the--

00:43:04 - How the fuck did they build them?

00:43:06 - Like the channel in France and England?

00:43:07 - Well, like what is the one you go from LaGuardia to--

00:43:11 - Oh, like under the river?

00:43:12 - Yes. - Like the Lincoln Tunnel?

00:43:13 - Yes, I don't understand how they built those.

00:43:18 - Agreed.

00:43:18 - I used to think, very, very recently,

00:43:22 I learned that they're like floating.

00:43:23 I thought they were on the bottom of the ocean floor.

00:43:26 - I thought they were under the bedrock.

00:43:28 They're floating?

00:43:29 - I don't know what the bedrock is, so maybe.

00:43:31 (laughing)

00:43:33 - I thought they drilled below the water.

00:43:36 - Yeah, they can't be floating.

00:43:38 - Yeah, but then isn't that essentially floating then?

00:43:40 I thought you were just driving

00:43:41 on the bottom of the ocean floor.

00:43:43 - I think you are.

00:43:44 - I think you're underneath the bottom of the ocean floor.

00:43:47 - Mr. Portnight, can you help us out here?

00:43:49 - No.

00:43:50 (laughing)

00:43:53 I'll tell you something.

00:43:55 The tunnels in Boston right now

00:43:58 are under constant, constant construction.

00:44:02 And based on how they do things around here,

00:44:05 the government and whatnot,

00:44:08 the fact that people still have confidence

00:44:11 that they're not gonna drown in there,

00:44:13 if you think about it,

00:44:15 really, they don't do anything well.

00:44:16 Why would they do that well?

00:44:18 - That's a good point.

00:44:18 - And the tunnels right now are being basically

00:44:21 having major, major work done on them.

00:44:23 And the traffic is an abomination.

00:44:26 - Yeah, so underground water road tunnels?

00:44:32 How would I equate that?

00:44:33 - I think, yeah, underwater tunnels.

00:44:36 - Yeah, that's fine. - Underwater tunnels?

00:44:38 - 'Cause I have the same thought

00:44:39 every time I'm going to LaGuardia or Newark.

00:44:41 - Yeah, but I don't want them to be misconstrued

00:44:43 as pipes, 'cause like--

00:44:44 - No, no, no, no, no.

00:44:45 - No, you could have, I would just say,

00:44:47 no one thinks of a tunnel as a pipe.

00:44:50 They're two different words.

00:44:51 - How do they get--

00:44:53 - Just, well, dry it. - We are so dumb.

00:44:56 - No, nobody knows how this works.

00:44:58 - What about when a bridge collapses?

00:45:00 That happens, right?

00:45:01 You see the, you know,

00:45:03 I mean, it's the same people constructing those

00:45:06 that are involved in doing the tunnels, I assume.

00:45:09 - Yeah. - Probably.

00:45:10 - That happens. - Yeah.

00:45:11 - So, underground or water road tunnel,

00:45:12 I don't understand that at all.

00:45:13 - Do the construction workers wear like scuba gear

00:45:15 and stuff, Mr. Portnoy?

00:45:16 - I don't think they get wet. - Wouldn't you?

00:45:21 You mean if they would just come and repair it, you mean?

00:45:24 - Yeah. - I don't know.

00:45:26 Build it, repair it, anything.

00:45:28 - I think I lose a little confidence

00:45:32 at the time I'm here to fix the tunnel.

00:45:34 He's wearing scuba gear.

00:45:35 - Yeah. - Yeah, I think I lose

00:45:38 a little confidence in what was gonna happen.

00:45:41 - I think, Dave, I think you're making a lot of sense.

00:45:43 How you fix the outside of the tunnel.

00:45:45 - Yeah.

00:45:47 - How you swing a hammer at a velocity.

00:45:48 - We don't have gills.

00:45:49 - This conversation makes me think

00:45:51 we should outlaw tunnels.

00:45:52 Like, they're so dangerous.

00:45:54 - Yeah, dude, I don't.

00:45:56 - Yeah. - I don't understand

00:45:57 something. - You ever seen

00:45:57 Vegas Vacation where he's sticking his gum

00:45:59 in his fingers in the Hoover Dam?

00:46:03 Like, what if that happens in the Lincoln Tunnel?

00:46:05 Like, it's all just gonna fucking collapse, isn't it,

00:46:07 with all the water pressure and shit?

00:46:09 It creeps me out. - Yeah.

00:46:10 - If I just learned anything about underwater pressure

00:46:12 the last few weeks, yeah, it's gonna collapse fast.

00:46:15 - Yeah. - Yeah, true.

00:46:17 - I don't like that. - Yep.

00:46:19 - Chief just goes, he just said,

00:46:20 "We're all so dumb," or, "We're so dumb,"

00:46:23 and I agree wholeheartedly.

00:46:25 Do you think that there's gonna be something

00:46:27 someone says during this draft

00:46:30 that someone else on the panel can explain?

00:46:32 - I hope so, 'cause then I hope that person's wrong

00:46:35 and that we can say that they're dumb, too.

00:46:37 So I'm gonna feel dumb off.

00:46:38 I could explain why the thermometer

00:46:41 on his clock doesn't work.

00:46:43 I'm just joking.

00:46:43 All right, on that note, Mr. Portner, you're up again.

00:46:48 - All right, I got a question.

00:46:50 This is a little different than what,

00:46:52 what's the deal with these people, the beards?

00:46:56 I don't get. - What do you mean?

00:46:58 - Mr. Portner, you gotta be-- - David Letterman

00:46:59 is maybe my favorite entertainer of all time, all right?

00:47:04 What the hell is it with that beard?

00:47:06 I don't get it.

00:47:07 I don't know why, and these beards,

00:47:09 and you see these athletes, they're not, they don't,

00:47:13 they look like cavemen.

00:47:14 What's the point?

00:47:15 I don't get it. - So people with long beards

00:47:17 is your-- - I mean, they're not only long,

00:47:20 they're unkempt.

00:47:21 I mean, they haven't even gone near somebody to trim it.

00:47:26 They just let 'em grow.

00:47:27 I don't get it.

00:47:29 I just don't understand it.

00:47:31 - So I-- - Is there anybody here

00:47:34 that, wait a minute, I have one other question.

00:47:36 Is there anybody here on this little show we're doing

00:47:39 that would let a beard grow like that?

00:47:41 I'm not talking about you got a mustache over there.

00:47:45 I'm not talking about that.

00:47:46 I'm talking about coming down to, you know--

00:47:49 - I'm raising my hand.

00:47:50 I'm not, to ask a question, to not saying I'm doing this

00:47:54 for the record.

00:47:56 Continue, Mr. Portner.

00:47:57 - I don't understand.

00:47:59 What'd you just do?

00:48:00 - I don't know.

00:48:01 Just continue. - I don't know what he said.

00:48:03 John, what were you gonna say?

00:48:06 - First of all, if I could, I'm not man enough.

00:48:08 If I could grow an unkempt beard, I would.

00:48:11 - Really?

00:48:13 - I actually, yeah, just for fun.

00:48:14 I've done it very poorly before.

00:48:18 If I could actually do it--

00:48:19 - That's your definition of fun?

00:48:21 - Yeah, why not?

00:48:23 I think in this job that we have,

00:48:25 I think you're silly if you're always looking the same.

00:48:27 We're lucky enough that we can just do crazy shit

00:48:29 and it's fucking whatever.

00:48:31 Why not get a dumb haircut, get dumb facial hair?

00:48:33 Who cares?

00:48:34 - Well, all right, let me ask you a question then.

00:48:36 How do you, you know, again,

00:48:38 I'm gonna come back to Dave Letterman.

00:48:40 Why?

00:48:43 Why?

00:48:44 - 'Cause he was never able to before,

00:48:45 so now he wants to be different, I guess.

00:48:47 - You think that's the reason?

00:48:48 - Yeah, he's out from under the corporate thumb.

00:48:50 - So you think that's why he does it?

00:48:54 I don't know.

00:48:55 - I would, wait, so question,

00:48:56 you have a little bit of facial hair.

00:48:58 Do you not have a beard,

00:49:00 or just make it as long beard as possible?

00:49:01 - No, I'm talking about something that comes down.

00:49:04 - Okay.

00:49:05 - You know, way down on my chest and what,

00:49:08 I'm talking about something that's out of control.

00:49:10 - Okay, all right.

00:49:12 - Oh, wow, he looks like George R.R. Martin now.

00:49:15 - Yeah, you've never seen that?

00:49:15 - I did not know this was his beard now.

00:49:19 - Yeah, I don't know, people like the looks, I guess.

00:49:21 That's the only answer I might have

00:49:23 to one of these questions.

00:49:25 - Mr. Pornoy, I say live and let live

00:49:28 on this podcast very frequently.

00:49:30 If he wants a long beard, have at the long beard.

00:49:32 - No, I'm not saying,

00:49:34 no, I'm not saying he, it's not against the law.

00:49:38 I'm not saying he can't do it.

00:49:40 - True.

00:49:41 - And live and let live,

00:49:42 you can say that about a lot of things,

00:49:43 but it looks awful on some of the,

00:49:46 I mean, I don't get it.

00:49:47 Especially, I want to tell you about a professional athlete,

00:49:51 mostly a baseball player, say,

00:49:53 they're playing in this hot sun and whatnot,

00:49:56 and it must be so damn uncomfortable.

00:49:59 And I would think, I don't get it.

00:50:03 - Yeah, I would agree, but if I could,

00:50:05 if I could have a beard like a guy like Edelman,

00:50:08 remember Edelman used to have that?

00:50:10 Like, I think that looks awesome.

00:50:12 Like, if I could do that, I would.

00:50:14 - There was a guy I saw the other day, a baseball player,

00:50:17 he's one of the better pitchers in baseball,

00:50:19 I forget his name, looked like Adolf Hitler.

00:50:22 (laughing)

00:50:24 I mean, I'm sorry, he did.

00:50:25 That's all I could think of when I was looking at him.

00:50:28 - Which is back.

00:50:30 What team, do you remember?

00:50:31 (laughing)

00:50:33 Do you remember what team he was on?

00:50:35 - What's that?

00:50:37 - Do you remember what team he was on?

00:50:39 - I think he might have been on Atlanta,

00:50:44 one of the better teams, and he's their best pitcher.

00:50:47 Might have been Atlanta, I'm not sure of that.

00:50:51 But one of the better teams, and he's their best pitcher.

00:50:55 And he's not a big guy.

00:50:56 - Is that Spencer, dude?

00:50:58 - Yes, I think.

00:50:59 - Strider, he's got a mustache.

00:51:02 - No, that's what I'm talking about now.

00:51:04 I'm talking about somebody with a mustache.

00:51:06 He looks like Adolf Hitler.

00:51:08 - I mean, his is all the way around his lip.

00:51:12 It's not just under the nostrils.

00:51:14 - This guy looks like Hitler.

00:51:16 (laughing)

00:51:19 - All right, long beards, you have to make another pick now.

00:51:23 - It was David Letterman's long beard.

00:51:25 - Well, I said about Letterman, I just didn't.

00:51:29 And Eddie, you gave actually a pretty good answer to that.

00:51:31 I thought you said that he's just trying to,

00:51:33 that's his own way of saying,

00:51:35 "I don't have to live like this anymore."

00:51:37 - Yes.

00:51:37 - But the other, you know,

00:51:39 he, Letterman hated so much the suits.

00:51:44 You know what I mean?

00:51:45 He didn't wanna be, the people that were in the,

00:51:48 running the show behind the scenes, you know, he hated them.

00:51:52 - Yes.

00:51:53 - Maybe that's just as well as saying,

00:51:55 and you're right, Eddie, you say,

00:51:56 "I don't have to deal with this anymore."

00:51:57 - Yes, yes.

00:51:59 So you are due for another pick.

00:52:02 - Boy, that went by fast for me.

00:52:05 (laughing)

00:52:06 Can somebody explain to me,

00:52:09 do you know the new mascot for the Detroit Lions?

00:52:14 You know what the mascot is?

00:52:16 Anybody see this?

00:52:18 - I'll have to Google it.

00:52:19 - Is it a lion?

00:52:20 - It is a lion.

00:52:22 (laughing)

00:52:23 Can you imagine, you know, when I was practicing law

00:52:26 and somebody would come and see me

00:52:27 and we'd talk about some kind of issue.

00:52:29 And I would always say,

00:52:30 "Well, what's the upside and the downside?"

00:52:33 What do you think the upside is and the downside

00:52:36 if you bring to a football stadium a live lion?

00:52:41 - Oh, it's lion.

00:52:43 - What's the upside for that?

00:52:45 What, I mean, I don't get, again,

00:52:47 we're talking about things I don't understand.

00:52:51 I don't understand that.

00:52:52 They've got people there anyway.

00:52:54 It's not like they're trying to get people

00:52:55 to come watch the team.

00:52:57 I mean, people are gonna go say,

00:52:59 "Hey, I think I'll go today

00:53:01 'cause they got a live lion there."

00:53:03 I don't think so.

00:53:04 So what's the upside?

00:53:05 - Except that whoever said the side of this is an idiot.

00:53:08 - I gotta say.

00:53:11 - Is it confirmed that they have a live lion?

00:53:12 - They don't.

00:53:13 So this was a clip with Big Cat

00:53:16 where the coach wanted to have a live lion

00:53:20 and the league said no.

00:53:22 The league's like, "You can't,"

00:53:23 'cause they agreed with you, apparently.

00:53:26 But they're like-- - I didn't know that.

00:53:27 - Yeah. (laughing)

00:53:27 - So they can rule out me, but it's all right.

00:53:29 - So yeah, the head coach, Dan Campbell,

00:53:31 asked if they could have a live lion match.

00:53:32 - Oh, I can picture him asking for that.

00:53:34 - For sure. - He's a whack job.

00:53:36 - He is, yeah.

00:53:37 - Yeah.

00:53:39 - Yeah, but I love--

00:53:39 - I don't think the Fords who still own the team,

00:53:43 I don't think they'd be too much in favor of that.

00:53:46 - Feels like a liability.

00:53:48 - Yeah. - Yeah.

00:53:49 - I would think.

00:53:50 I don't see the upside.

00:53:52 - I guess you're hyped.

00:53:53 I love live mascots in college football,

00:53:55 like the Buffalo with Colorado.

00:53:56 - A lion?

00:53:58 - I think Baylor has a live bear.

00:53:59 LSU has a live tiger.

00:54:01 - Yeah, it's true.

00:54:03 - Yeah, all right, so you don't have anything

00:54:04 against Rory, the fake mascot in the stuff suit.

00:54:08 So this pick is Detroit Lions wanting a live lion.

00:54:12 - Yeah. - Okay.

00:54:13 All right, good pick.

00:54:15 Good pick.

00:54:16 - That doesn't make sense.

00:54:19 - Yep.

00:54:20 - No.

00:54:21 - Live lion mascot. - Zero.

00:54:23 - All right, I just crossed that off my board.

00:54:25 - Good, good, good.

00:54:26 Good, Mr. Portnoy.

00:54:28 Back to me.

00:54:29 Hey, let's take one more break here

00:54:30 'cause we wanna talk about Game Time,

00:54:31 the exclusive ticketing partner of Barcelona Sports.

00:54:34 Created by fans for fans, Game Time is a ticketing app

00:54:36 that makes it easier than ever.

00:54:37 They'll score last minute deals on tickets

00:54:39 to sports, concerts, and shows,

00:54:40 and they guarantee the lowest price.

00:54:42 Really, they're big on that last minute price drop,

00:54:45 and we can attest to that.

00:54:46 As you wait for the event to get tickets,

00:54:48 they just keep going down and down.

00:54:50 And it takes just two taps in 10 seconds.

00:54:52 Once you buy your tickets,

00:54:53 they're delivered right to your phone.

00:54:54 No printer needed.

00:54:55 It also allows you to share them seamlessly

00:54:57 with your friends. - Oh, it's super easy.

00:54:58 - Not a big problem before the game.

00:55:00 - Send it right to that Apple Wallet.

00:55:01 - Yeah, you just gotta really skip the hassle

00:55:02 and enjoy the moment.

00:55:03 Ton of big concerts still coming up.

00:55:05 Bruce Springsteen, Eric Church.

00:55:07 - Church.

00:55:08 - The wall just happened.

00:55:09 You could've got tickets that way.

00:55:10 - Yes, I saw--

00:55:12 - Got football season coming.

00:55:13 - I saw the offsprings coming.

00:55:14 I might check that out.

00:55:16 - You wanna go see it? - I love the offspring.

00:55:17 - Dexter Holland's one of my favorites.

00:55:19 - Great stuff, great stuff.

00:55:21 All you gotta do is download the Game Time app

00:55:23 or go to the website, enter your email.

00:55:24 - I mean Guns N' Roses too. - Redeem code Dogwalk.

00:55:26 - Sorry to interrupt. - Guns N' Roses?

00:55:27 - August 24th.

00:55:28 - Yeah, a lot of good stuff. - Is that where you wanna go?

00:55:30 - Make sure you download the Game Time app

00:55:31 or go to the website, enter your email,

00:55:33 redeem code Dogwalk for $20 off your first purchase.

00:55:36 Terms do apply.

00:55:37 - Yep. - It's that easy.

00:55:38 - Everybody used to use the old shitty

00:55:40 and you see like, oh, ticket, $100.

00:55:43 Then by the time you check out for that ticket,

00:55:45 it's like $300 with all that.

00:55:46 You won't have to deal with any of that shit.

00:55:48 - Yep, go do it.

00:55:50 Go use Game Time.

00:55:51 All right, let's hop back in.

00:55:52 Again, maybe stupid, but it's a stupid day.

00:55:56 - Yep.

00:55:57 - How do fish breathe?

00:55:59 I don't understand how fish breathe.

00:56:00 I know they don't have lungs.

00:56:01 - Those little slits in their fucking things?

00:56:03 - I don't get it.

00:56:04 - In their gills or in their scales?

00:56:06 - Yeah, they got gills, but they don't got lungs.

00:56:07 But how do they breathe?

00:56:09 - Ed?

00:56:10 - Nobody knows.

00:56:11 - Sure, can you tell me how we breathe?

00:56:13 - Yeah, we got these like fucking airbags

00:56:16 that go in and out and they absorb oxygen.

00:56:19 - But then what?

00:56:20 - It absorbs oxygen.

00:56:21 - And then what?

00:56:22 - You breathe.

00:56:23 (laughing)

00:56:25 - I don't know how, I don't know what--

00:56:26 - What do you call, what do you call,

00:56:29 some of these questions have to do with human beings

00:56:32 and how they mate, how they survive, everything.

00:56:36 A lot of these, I don't know what kind of,

00:56:38 you took a course in something.

00:56:41 What would it be?

00:56:42 I mean, you're talking about, you know,

00:56:45 I'm trying to think of, it's not biology, is it?

00:56:48 But you're talking about, I don't know how people,

00:56:50 how do they breathe, how do fish breathe,

00:56:52 how do this breathe and that breathe,

00:56:54 how do these people stay alive and this and that underwater?

00:56:59 I mean, I don't even know what the discipline is

00:57:01 that you call that, but it's something.

00:57:02 It's something that you would go to school for.

00:57:05 - No, there are people who know this.

00:57:07 But like, at the same time, like human beings

00:57:09 have been around for 400,000 years.

00:57:11 Now I feel like just like 20 years ago,

00:57:13 people figured out what breathing is, like how it works.

00:57:15 - No, but it makes sense though.

00:57:16 We got this mouth and air goes in and it cycles out.

00:57:21 - But like it sucks like a specific thing

00:57:27 out of that air somehow.

00:57:29 - And it takes the waste all the rest of it.

00:57:31 - Right, that's crazy.

00:57:33 It only process, it's like a big filter.

00:57:36 - Yeah, but it's crazier if it's just water in, water out.

00:57:39 Okay?

00:57:40 - But fish probably would think that about us.

00:57:42 - True.

00:57:43 - Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:57:44 - True.

00:57:45 - But--

00:57:46 - Do fish think?

00:57:47 I don't think fish are big on thinking.

00:57:49 - All right, a dolphin then.

00:57:50 Although they breathe the same as us.

00:57:51 - Yeah.

00:57:52 - They pop up and they--

00:57:53 - They pop up.

00:57:54 - Yeah.

00:57:55 - But they can stand their water longer.

00:57:56 Why is that?

00:57:57 - Evolution.

00:57:58 - 'Cause they're a fish.

00:58:00 - But they're not a fish.

00:58:01 They're a mammal.

00:58:02 - Yeah, no, good fish.

00:58:05 - As far as I'm concerned, it's a fish.

00:58:07 - Don't understand how fish breathe.

00:58:08 - I'm not gonna argue with that reasoning.

00:58:11 - Feidelberg, you're up.

00:58:14 - I'm gonna go with satire.

00:58:15 - Satire.

00:58:17 - I don't understand what it is.

00:58:19 I don't think anyone understands what it is.

00:58:22 I think most people, and this could be a bit of a skewed

00:58:27 opinion because I think Barstool has poisoned the well

00:58:33 on this, so I think a lot of people think Barstool's satire

00:58:35 and I don't think it is.

00:58:37 I think, I remember back in the day

00:58:40 when this website would get questioned

00:58:42 and Dave would be like, "It's satire."

00:58:44 I don't think so.

00:58:46 I think PFT is satire.

00:58:48 I think Dan dabbles in satire.

00:58:50 I think no one, I can speak for myself,

00:58:52 I make jokes sometimes.

00:58:53 I wouldn't say I'm satirical.

00:58:55 I don't know of anyone else here who's like,

00:58:58 I would say is satire.

00:58:59 I know it's a form of making jokes.

00:59:01 I don't know.

00:59:03 - A very difficult form to be good at too, I might add.

00:59:08 But I wanna say one thing, just when you said that.

00:59:10 When I first started, I was on with Dan a lot

00:59:13 in the beginning especially.

00:59:15 And they used to say to me, "We're gonna do some parody."

00:59:19 And I didn't know that I know what parody means.

00:59:24 That's akin to satire.

00:59:28 I thought they were talking about parody meaning

00:59:31 something that's equal.

00:59:33 (all laughing)

00:59:36 I had went 100 shows before I knew what the hell

00:59:38 they were talking about.

00:59:40 - You getting satire to the movie.

00:59:43 - What?

00:59:43 What'd you say?

00:59:47 - Nothing, nothing, nothing.

00:59:48 That's my fault.

00:59:49 - I was dealing with the parody thinking

00:59:51 they were talking about something that's equal

00:59:52 to something else.

00:59:54 And they're talking about comedy.

00:59:56 And of course, again, I sounded like a total idiot

00:59:58 for about a year and a half

01:00:00 'cause I didn't know what they were talking about.

01:00:02 - Throw homonyms on the list.

01:00:05 - Homonyms.

01:00:07 - What?

01:00:08 - Two words that sound alike.

01:00:10 They mean different things.

01:00:12 - Yeah, yeah.

01:00:13 But I think you're right now that I think about it.

01:00:15 I feel like PFT is probably the only real satire guy.

01:00:19 - Yeah, I knew back in the day the Colbert Report

01:00:23 was satire.

01:00:25 I don't think there's nearly as much satire

01:00:28 as people think there is in the world.

01:00:29 I think people like to make jokes and go,

01:00:31 "That'd be satirical."

01:00:32 - You just outed us.

01:00:34 That's our Trump card.

01:00:37 That's our get out of jail card.

01:00:37 - That was the, oh, it's the same time.

01:00:39 - You guys use it?

01:00:40 - It's our cape.

01:00:41 - I don't fucking know.

01:00:42 - Well, like, they call it-- - Incorrectly.

01:00:43 - All the barstool uses it.

01:00:44 - Yeah. - No, it's just satire.

01:00:45 - Yeah. - Yeah.

01:00:46 And then you can't question it

01:00:47 'cause no one knows what it is.

01:00:47 - Yeah, I don't think we're satire-ers at all.

01:00:49 - Yeah, like we use that a lot for like,

01:00:51 "Oh, well, we don't really know about this sport

01:00:53 "or that sport or whatever."

01:00:54 But it might just be we just don't know shit.

01:00:57 (laughing)

01:00:59 Chief, you're up.

01:01:00 - I wrote this down the other day.

01:01:03 I had a toothache.

01:01:04 I had a problem that I have to go to a dentist.

01:01:06 But I had a toothache and I took an Excedrin

01:01:09 and it made it go away in like a half an hour.

01:01:13 How the fuck does that work?

01:01:15 I feel like if you're taking a painkiller

01:01:17 and you told me, "You're gonna take this

01:01:19 "and your whole body's gonna go numb,"

01:01:21 then I'd be like, "All right, that makes sense to me."

01:01:23 - It knows how to zero in.

01:01:24 - How does it know how to zero in

01:01:26 on the exact area that's giving you problems?

01:01:29 - Strong pick.

01:01:30 - Yeah. - That makes no sense at all.

01:01:31 - It makes, like it's a pill.

01:01:33 - How is a pill smart enough to know where your teeth hurts?

01:01:35 - And people were not.

01:01:36 - Right. - So just painkillers.

01:01:37 - Pain, yeah.

01:01:38 - No, it's a good pick.

01:01:39 - Yeah.

01:01:40 - I think you gotta be more specific.

01:01:42 Well, I mean, it'd be long, but like how do they zero in?

01:01:45 They know where your fucking pain is.

01:01:47 - Yeah.

01:01:48 - Painkillers knowing where the pain is?

01:01:49 - Yeah.

01:01:50 Like how does that work?

01:01:52 - Is there come something called a smart pill?

01:01:55 - But I'm saying like even like an Advil.

01:01:59 Like an Advil will like--

01:02:01 - It's times like these you wish

01:02:02 you could call Dr. Zeitler for a personal--

01:02:04 - He didn't know shit.

01:02:06 - You're right. - He went downhill.

01:02:08 - You're absolutely right.

01:02:09 But we won't be calling him today or tomorrow.

01:02:12 (laughing)

01:02:14 That line is disconnected permanently.

01:02:16 - For how long is it disconnected?

01:02:18 - Eternity, my friend, eternity.

01:02:21 - Very good pick.

01:02:24 - Thank you.

01:02:25 - I don't know how it--

01:02:25 - How does it, how did it fix my tooth?

01:02:28 I was better like that.

01:02:29 - Yeah, I don't know.

01:02:31 I don't know.

01:02:32 - Yeah.

01:02:32 - Flight tax, Dave.

01:02:33 - Insurance, I don't understand insurance.

01:02:36 Like I get hurt and someone else pays all my shit for me.

01:02:41 Sweet, like awesome, but how do you make money?

01:02:43 Like everyone's like, oh, the insurance companies

01:02:45 worth billions of dollars.

01:02:46 - This is the easiest.

01:02:47 - This is the easiest one yet.

01:02:49 - Yeah, this is an easy--

01:02:49 - Heidelberg, wasn't your dad in that racket?

01:02:52 - He still is in the racket.

01:02:55 - Okay.

01:02:55 - And I'm not for a reason.

01:02:57 I don't really get it either.

01:03:00 I think they make money hoping,

01:03:02 they're betting that you don't get hurt, Dave.

01:03:04 - Right.

01:03:05 - You don't need money.

01:03:06 So you're paying them every month.

01:03:08 So say--

01:03:08 - And they're going, I hope Dave stays okay.

01:03:10 - Say I come down with some, you know,

01:03:14 terminal illness or something and it's gonna cost

01:03:16 millions and millions to keep me alive.

01:03:18 I will be on the record as saying you guys

01:03:20 can just yank the plug and like chuck me

01:03:21 in Lake Michigan or something.

01:03:23 However, they're on the hook for like a gazillion dollars.

01:03:27 Like I didn't give you guys that much money.

01:03:29 - Here's how it works.

01:03:30 - But my question mostly in a serious note

01:03:34 is where does it end?

01:03:35 'Cause like everybody's paying into it.

01:03:38 Like does it just cease to exist when the world ends?

01:03:42 - Well, do you want--

01:03:42 - You see what I'm saying?

01:03:44 - Do you want me to actually answer this question?

01:03:46 - Sure.

01:03:47 - Okay, so young people, healthy people like me,

01:03:50 I've been paying insurance as an adult

01:03:52 for what, 15 years now?

01:03:55 I've been to the doctor, and this is bad,

01:03:57 but I've been to the doctor one time in the last,

01:04:00 and it was recently for my shoulder,

01:04:03 but I've been once in the last 15 years, once or twice.

01:04:07 Even though I'm paying, and there's like a ton

01:04:10 of people like that who are paying into it,

01:04:11 so when you get hurt, they draw from that pool of money

01:04:14 from people who never get injured,

01:04:16 and that's where the money's coming from.

01:04:16 - But how do they make money?

01:04:18 - The insurance companies?

01:04:19 - Yeah, on the people who don't.

01:04:21 I understand it's the people that don't get hurt,

01:04:22 but where does it end?

01:04:24 Like where, so it's gotta be like a continually--

01:04:27 - It's a rolling ball, folks.

01:04:28 - How about, remember the 2008,

01:04:30 you wanna watch Big Short again?

01:04:31 You remember--

01:04:32 - No, I mean, yeah, I love that movie,

01:04:33 but I could watch that a thousand times over,

01:04:36 and I wouldn't understand it.

01:04:37 - All right, but AIG, right?

01:04:38 They were insuring all of, so here's like the question

01:04:41 where it ends, they were insuring all these banks

01:04:43 that their big bets that they were gonna lose on

01:04:46 to the point where nobody was insuring the insurer,

01:04:49 and that's why the government had to come in

01:04:50 and bail them out.

01:04:51 - That doesn't make sense to me.

01:04:53 - 'Cause that, well, they just didn't have, they wrote--

01:04:55 - Yeah, I think it's pretty,

01:04:57 yeah, I think it's pretty--

01:04:57 - I think it's like a gym, where you're kind of,

01:05:01 if you know how much fitness equipment costs,

01:05:03 you're losing money on the people

01:05:04 who actually go to the gym.

01:05:06 Where you're making all your money

01:05:07 is the people who get a membership and go,

01:05:09 I'm gonna start going to the gym this year,

01:05:10 and fucking never go and just let that roll over

01:05:12 month after month.

01:05:13 - That's a good analogy.

01:05:15 - So you folks, I'm at the age where I'm sucking off that.

01:05:20 - Yeah.

01:05:20 (laughing)

01:05:24 - But, the fact of the matter is,

01:05:27 I paid a lot of money to pay into that system,

01:05:31 and that's why you hear all these politicians

01:05:34 talk about, they're gonna, Medicare, which is what I have,

01:05:39 government-sponsored insurance,

01:05:42 and they're saying, so you poor suckers,

01:05:45 they're gonna run out of money.

01:05:46 I have it, and I'm gonna have it until I die

01:05:50 and I join Dr. Zipa, wherever he is,

01:05:54 and you folks, you folks are at an age

01:05:57 that they're talking about, they're gonna run out of money.

01:06:00 - But how can they run out of money if money--

01:06:02 - Because they're paying out a lot more

01:06:03 than they're taking in.

01:06:03 - Which makes sense if money was a real thing

01:06:05 tied to something, but it's not.

01:06:07 We'll just print more money to pay for it, duh.

01:06:10 - Yeah, but at some point, right,

01:06:11 now you're coming back to that,

01:06:13 but at some point, that's gonna catch up to us.

01:06:18 - See, that's what I'm asking, where does it end?

01:06:20 That's my point, where does it end?

01:06:22 It's caught up to us, so it's like, oh, we--

01:06:24 - I don't cover it, I don't give a shit.

01:06:25 I'm gonna make it, I'll be dead.

01:06:27 This one is a problem.

01:06:29 - Sucking off the thing.

01:06:31 - You're welcome, Mr. Porter.

01:06:31 - Dave, you're up again.

01:06:33 - Why chopsticks are still a thing.

01:06:36 I mean, how long's a fucking fork been around for?

01:06:39 I order Chinese food, I'm getting chopsticks,

01:06:43 and it's like, no, those are going straight to the garbage.

01:06:46 I'm gonna get a fucking fork,

01:06:47 like a normal human who's been around

01:06:49 for thousands of years.

01:06:52 Why are chopsticks a fucking thing?

01:06:54 I don't understand it.

01:06:56 - I'm with you largely.

01:06:59 I do enjoy eating sushi with a chopstick

01:07:01 as part of the experience,

01:07:03 but when we're getting rice in the mix, that's crazy.

01:07:06 - But, like, okay, it's part of the experience now,

01:07:10 not, I doubt, at the advent of the fork as a tool.

01:07:14 It wasn't like, oh, I gotta use this tradition, man.

01:07:17 Like, I'm not, I can't go to that thing

01:07:19 that makes life exponentially easier.

01:07:21 I'm gonna keep using these fucking things.

01:07:23 I gotta fuck around with my hand.

01:07:24 - It's like, why travel by horse when there's a plane?

01:07:26 - Thank you.

01:07:27 - Yeah, why don't we use stone tablets once in a while,

01:07:29 you know, just for old time's sake?

01:07:32 - Why are chopsticks a thing?

01:07:33 - Like, Dave.

01:07:35 - Any of you kids actually,

01:07:36 when you get Chinese food, use chopsticks?

01:07:40 Does anybody do that?

01:07:41 - I do with sushi because, yeah, because it's fun.

01:07:44 It's a little fun, but like--

01:07:45 - The sushi's fun, but also it's just so easy.

01:07:48 Like, sushi you can do, just one big clamp.

01:07:50 Once you're getting like a rice bowl

01:07:51 or something like that in the mix, that's crazy.

01:07:53 - You can do ramen with it, I feel like, too.

01:07:56 - I have a hard time with ramen with it.

01:07:59 - Although, if you're good at it,

01:08:01 like, it is good for those people that could show off.

01:08:03 - Yeah.

01:08:04 - It's cool.

01:08:05 - I would do that if I was good at it.

01:08:07 - I think when I go to pick it up,

01:08:09 they see I'm Jewish and they don't bother with it.

01:08:11 (laughing)

01:08:14 - They're like the cooks in anti-Semite.

01:08:15 - Jesus.

01:08:16 (laughing)

01:08:19 - Are they anti-Semitic, Mr. Portnoy?

01:08:21 - Just 'cause they don't give me chopsticks?

01:08:25 - Yeah.

01:08:26 - I don't take that as an insult.

01:08:27 - Pretty good pick.

01:08:31 Yeah, I can't argue with that one.

01:08:33 - But they actually use them regularly,

01:08:35 like not unironically in China still

01:08:38 and other Asian countries and cultures.

01:08:40 I asked Donnie about this.

01:08:41 - It's culture, I don't know.

01:08:42 - But you know of Fork's existence,

01:08:45 so it's like we should shift up.

01:08:46 That thing, that makes things way easier.

01:08:48 - I feel like they're thinner than us

01:08:50 and maybe they just get bored and annoyed with eating.

01:08:52 So maybe if we all ate chopsticks, we'd all be--

01:08:54 - What about Kobayashi?

01:08:56 Boom.

01:08:57 - He's thin.

01:08:58 - He's thin.

01:08:59 - That's what I'm saying.

01:09:00 - He's ripped.

01:09:01 - I know.

01:09:01 But you said they get tired of eating.

01:09:03 He doesn't get tired of eating.

01:09:04 - Well, it's his job.

01:09:05 - Well, yeah, he does that one or two times a year,

01:09:08 I feel like.

01:09:09 - I think he does it more than once.

01:09:09 - Does he?

01:09:10 - Yeah, it's a whole blown circuit career thing for him.

01:09:12 - Chief, you're up.

01:09:14 Where do thoughts come from?

01:09:15 - That was gonna be my next pick.

01:09:17 - Like how do you think of something that doesn't exist?

01:09:20 And where you're like, something popped in my head,

01:09:22 what the fuck does that mean?

01:09:23 How do things just pop in your head?

01:09:26 - Like I'm thinking right now, kinda.

01:09:28 Like I'm always kinda thinking.

01:09:30 I can't fully think because I'm incapable of it

01:09:32 like most people are,

01:09:33 but it's like what part of my brain is thinking right now?

01:09:36 Is it like overheating?

01:09:37 It doesn't make sense.

01:09:38 - But even, think of a brilliant person too,

01:09:40 like Isaac Newton.

01:09:43 And he just like thinks of the,

01:09:44 or like everyone saw the movie Oppenheimer.

01:09:46 How do you think and like theorize that like,

01:09:49 oh, there's like quarks and atoms

01:09:51 and like what would happen if we split?

01:09:53 Like how do you think of something that doesn't exist?

01:09:56 How, where do they come from?

01:09:58 - Beats me.

01:09:59 - Where do thoughts come from?

01:10:00 - Ask Mr. Portnoy.

01:10:01 - What's the question?

01:10:03 - Where, how, basically like where do thoughts come from?

01:10:07 - I got a better question.

01:10:08 How did I remember that Seidelberg's father

01:10:11 was in the insurance business?

01:10:13 (laughing)

01:10:13 - That's perfect.

01:10:14 - How did you think of that?

01:10:15 - You wanna take something to the top?

01:10:16 - Yeah.

01:10:17 - You know something?

01:10:18 You're not gonna believe this,

01:10:20 but not I don't wonder about Seidelberg's father that much,

01:10:23 but I remember things and this is a real topic.

01:10:28 I can't remember what I did yesterday.

01:10:31 I'm not trying to be funny.

01:10:32 I really cannot.

01:10:33 But if you asked me about something

01:10:35 that happened 10 years ago,

01:10:38 that was so such a small issue in my life,

01:10:41 I remember and I, this is,

01:10:44 I know that there's been medical studies about this,

01:10:48 that it's not nothing.

01:10:51 It's a real phenomenon that you remember things

01:10:56 that are so incidental in your life,

01:10:59 but yet the things that just happened, you don't remember.

01:11:03 It's a real thing.

01:11:04 I gotta tell you, John,

01:11:06 I wasn't thinking about your father

01:11:08 when the show started today,

01:11:10 but how did I come up with that immediately?

01:11:12 - Yeah.

01:11:13 - I don't know.

01:11:14 - I don't know.

01:11:15 - That's fascinating.

01:11:16 - It doesn't make sense.

01:11:17 - It doesn't, and I've said this many times.

01:11:19 I wish I could choose to just,

01:11:22 if I have limited space for remembering my brain,

01:11:25 I don't need to remember all these stupid sports facts

01:11:29 from when I was in the 90s.

01:11:31 Just erase that shit and let me fill it with new stuff

01:11:34 that I could actually use besides

01:11:36 the fucking Daily Dozen trivia game.

01:11:38 Like that's all it's good for,

01:11:40 and it's so annoying that I can't remember

01:11:43 or learn new things.

01:11:45 'Cause it's filled with junk.

01:11:47 My brain is filled with junk.

01:11:49 - No, it's a good, it's a good--

01:11:50 - Well, aren't you, what I'm saying,

01:11:52 aren't you stunned sometimes that you remember things

01:11:54 and you don't even know how you remember it?

01:11:57 - Totally.

01:11:58 - Yeah.

01:11:58 - The brain in general is just--

01:12:00 - Brain's wild.

01:12:01 - The brain's wild.

01:12:01 - Fights, you're up.

01:12:04 - Um, how Tommy Smokes gets laid.

01:12:08 (laughing)

01:12:09 - I actually get that.

01:12:11 - Do you?

01:12:13 - I think so.

01:12:13 I think he's so fucking funny and like--

01:12:16 - He's like, no way, dude, Tommy's hot.

01:12:20 (laughing)

01:12:20 - I get it.

01:12:21 - I would say Tommy's not ugly, which helps.

01:12:25 Like I'm ugly and that hurts me when I try to get laid.

01:12:28 - When he gets a nice little tan at the shore

01:12:30 for the summer, he looks good.

01:12:32 - No, I'm one of Tommy Smokes' biggest fans,

01:12:35 that's why I said it.

01:12:37 But there, Tommy, I tell the story all the time with Tommy.

01:12:40 This is years ago.

01:12:42 I was living in Murray Hill

01:12:44 and I was going to the movies by myself.

01:12:46 This is back when movie card, what was that movie card

01:12:48 that went out of business in like a week?

01:12:49 - A movie pass.

01:12:51 - I remember that.

01:12:51 - Movie pass was existing.

01:12:52 I was going to movies every night

01:12:54 and I'm walking from my apartment to the movie theater

01:12:56 and as I'm walking, Tommy is walking

01:12:59 with just a rocket launcher.

01:13:02 (laughing)

01:13:02 There's an incredibly gorgeous woman

01:13:05 and Tommy doesn't break stride,

01:13:08 doesn't even acknowledge my existence.

01:13:10 Just walks right up by.

01:13:12 I was like, "What's up, Tommy?"

01:13:14 Just fucking boom, right by me.

01:13:16 He didn't slow down.

01:13:17 He says he didn't see me.

01:13:18 I think it's impossible that he didn't see me.

01:13:20 - Well, would you have acknowledged him?

01:13:22 - I think about it all the time

01:13:23 and I'm like, "How the fuck did Tommy?"

01:13:24 I guess now we've learned that he's a hero

01:13:27 and he's a protective woman, that maybe that helps.

01:13:31 - He's a real man.

01:13:32 - Would you have acknowledged you?

01:13:33 - I think I would have said hi.

01:13:36 I say hi to people I know.

01:13:37 - Boy, that's nice.

01:13:40 (laughing)

01:13:41 - I'm excited for this on the graphic.

01:13:43 - What a guy you are.

01:13:45 - Mr. Portman, are you surprised

01:13:46 that Tommy Smokes gets it in a little bit?

01:13:49 - I gotta be honest with you, Eddie.

01:13:52 I hadn't given it much thought.

01:13:54 (laughing)

01:13:55 - Well, now that it's on the forefront of your brain, weird.

01:14:00 - Yeah, well, it already left my brain.

01:14:02 (laughing)

01:14:04 - Oh man.

01:14:06 - I think Tommy is the biggest fucking twerp on earth.

01:14:12 He is such a twerp, but he makes me laugh

01:14:14 more than anybody at this company, maybe.

01:14:16 - He's funny.

01:14:17 - He's so fucking funny.

01:14:18 - I think that's all it takes.

01:14:20 You just have to-

01:14:21 - Yeah, I guess that's when we got to see if he's funny.

01:14:24 - I remember years ago, I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

01:14:26 I think he was gonna faint.

01:14:28 (laughing)

01:14:30 - All right, back to me.

01:14:33 Chief, I need your help describing this one

01:14:36 'cause we've talked about this before.

01:14:37 - Okay.

01:14:39 - Like, how do people,

01:14:44 like how do all these buildings have people living in them?

01:14:48 - They don't.

01:14:49 - You know what I mean?

01:14:50 Like you ever walk around like Manhattan

01:14:52 or downtown Chicago and you're like,

01:14:54 I know there's a lot of people,

01:14:56 but there seems like an absurd amount of living spaces.

01:14:59 - It's like, how are there any homeless people?

01:15:02 - Yeah.

01:15:03 - There's gotta be just,

01:15:03 and we're like, all the numbers are like,

01:15:07 oh, Chicago's population is in decline.

01:15:11 Like people are fleeing Illinois, whatever.

01:15:14 And then it's like, well,

01:15:15 they're building a new record skyscraper.

01:15:17 - 38 stories.

01:15:17 - Yeah, with apartment buildings.

01:15:19 It's like, well, who's gonna live there?

01:15:21 - How is this happening?

01:15:21 How do people live in all these places?

01:15:25 I don't know.

01:15:26 - I don't think that they do.

01:15:28 - You think there's vacant?

01:15:29 - I think there, no,

01:15:30 but I think like companies buy them as like an investment

01:15:33 and nobody really lives in them.

01:15:35 And then they just,

01:15:36 - You know, that's happened.

01:15:37 - That's like a tax right now.

01:15:39 - What you just described happens in China,

01:15:42 has happened in China.

01:15:44 They built a lot of residence type places

01:15:49 and they just misjudged what the demand was gonna be

01:15:53 to live in those places.

01:15:54 And they've gone empty for years.

01:15:57 - They built whole, in China, they built whole,

01:15:59 they call them ghost cities now,

01:16:00 but they built like a fake Paris, a fake London.

01:16:03 And they're like, if you build it, they will come.

01:16:05 And then nobody fucking came.

01:16:07 So they just have all these like cities that are like,

01:16:10 - With the Eiffel Tower.

01:16:11 - Yeah.

01:16:12 - And then nobody lives in them.

01:16:13 - I wanna say also,

01:16:14 if you've spent any time in Southern Florida,

01:16:17 it's amazing.

01:16:19 I mean, all these buildings and they,

01:16:21 and they're all for sale all the time.

01:16:26 And you wonder who lives in these places

01:16:31 because they're all for sale.

01:16:32 There's tons and tons of these places.

01:16:35 There's always vacancies.

01:16:37 And it's really is the same issue.

01:16:39 So who lives there?

01:16:41 I don't know.

01:16:41 - I think the answer is people don't.

01:16:43 Like I saw something about this where like,

01:16:46 you'll have these foreign investments and then,

01:16:49 or just like hedge fund investments.

01:16:51 And then they get to count that unit

01:16:52 or that building as an asset.

01:16:54 And then they can take out another loan in cash against it.

01:16:58 And even though nobody lives there,

01:16:59 so then they can use that real money

01:17:01 on like other investments and then grow it

01:17:03 and then hope to flip the place or not.

01:17:05 And they can do, it's like a.

01:17:07 - More money shit.

01:17:08 - Yeah, it's money shit.

01:17:09 Yeah.

01:17:10 - Doesn't make sense.

01:17:11 - I had a buddy who was a real estate guy in Boston.

01:17:14 And he would say that like, I don't know,

01:17:18 oil guys and shit like that would like,

01:17:20 and like these, not that Boston has these high skyscrapers,

01:17:23 but like they'd come in and they'd be like,

01:17:26 I'll take this whole floor, I'll put cars here.

01:17:28 - Jesus.

01:17:31 - Like it was, or they'd get them and it'd be like,

01:17:34 oh, for my son, who's like,

01:17:35 like what you're saying, like it wasn't actually lived in.

01:17:38 It was just like garage.

01:17:41 - Well, the people get in a situation

01:17:43 where they're in a tax bracket,

01:17:45 that it's to their advantage

01:17:47 to buy these type of properties.

01:17:49 - That's true.

01:17:50 - Yeah.

01:17:51 - Do you ever walk around and look,

01:17:53 like, have you ever done this?

01:17:54 - What's that?

01:17:56 - Have you ever done this?

01:17:57 Like walk around and seen like,

01:17:58 just holy shit, there's so much residential property.

01:18:00 How do people live here?

01:18:02 Like there's just so much.

01:18:04 - Absolutely.

01:18:05 And then also I think it's the cover in the New Yorker

01:18:08 this month or maybe New York Magazine

01:18:10 is all the exact same thing, but with business space.

01:18:13 Where they're like, all the high rises in New York

01:18:15 just don't have people there.

01:18:17 - Yeah.

01:18:18 - So I think that's like a real people,

01:18:19 that's like a real economic bubble

01:18:21 that people are worried about,

01:18:22 that all these companies that own those businesses,

01:18:26 it's gonna be like a real estate crash again.

01:18:28 Like, oh wait, but for commercial.

01:18:29 - Well, because people are not going to their offices

01:18:32 anymore, they're working from at home and whatnot online,

01:18:37 and there's no need to be in an office.

01:18:41 - Yeah.

01:18:41 - You know whose fault that is, right, Mr. Portnoy?

01:18:44 - What's that?

01:18:45 - You know whose fault that is, right?

01:18:47 - It's not mine.

01:18:49 - Someone wanna take this away?

01:18:51 - Nope, I don't like to gaslight my friend, Mr. Portnoy,

01:18:54 so I'm not gonna do it.

01:18:55 - I know what Dave's saying, he's saying it's--

01:18:58 - It's the libs.

01:19:00 It's the libs.

01:19:00 - It's the what?

01:19:01 - The libs, we can move on though, it's the libs' fault.

01:19:04 - I thought so.

01:19:06 No idea what that means.

01:19:09 - Why are there so many buildings?

01:19:12 - So many residential buildings.

01:19:16 - Mr. Portnoy, you're up again.

01:19:18 - Okay, oh, I know what I'm gonna talk about here.

01:19:23 You know, I've experienced this

01:19:25 because I have a well-known son,

01:19:29 kind of a semi-well-known person, I guess,

01:19:34 and I never realized 'til I started to walk around with him,

01:19:40 people do things, and of course I'm not,

01:19:43 I don't know if you guys can sense it,

01:19:45 I'm not the type of person,

01:19:47 if I saw somebody well-known walking by,

01:19:50 I wouldn't go over and scream,

01:19:52 I might, if I was right near them,

01:19:55 somebody like Eddie, I would say,

01:19:58 I like what you're doing on the show,

01:19:59 I wouldn't, that's how I would say it.

01:20:02 When you see, when I go with my son,

01:20:04 we've gone through some places where he's well-known,

01:20:07 the people, they don't give a shit.

01:20:09 They'll scream at him from so far away,

01:20:13 they don't care what, and he doesn't complain.

01:20:15 I'm the one that's looking at this.

01:20:18 I'm saying to myself, I wouldn't do this in a million years

01:20:22 if he's, you know, way out of this screen,

01:20:26 they'll stop him, they'll wanna take his picture,

01:20:29 and I'm not talking about,

01:20:32 I'm not talking about my sons at all,

01:20:34 I'm talking about if that was me,

01:20:36 I wouldn't, that's just not my personality,

01:20:39 I wouldn't care who walked by,

01:20:41 I wouldn't yell across at them or run over to them

01:20:45 and get them to, you know, take my picture,

01:20:50 I don't understand that, that's what I'm,

01:20:52 that's what, what were we calling this?

01:20:54 What I don't understand is, I don't understand,

01:20:57 I don't understand those people.

01:20:58 - So people who scream at famous people.

01:21:01 - Kind of, Mr. Bordnois,

01:21:02 you're describing passion a little bit.

01:21:04 - Yeah. - Yeah.

01:21:06 - Do those people have passion?

01:21:08 - Yeah. - I think so.

01:21:09 - I think they're idiots.

01:21:10 - I agree, I completely agree.

01:21:12 - Fidoberg, you wouldn't do that.

01:21:15 - I would never in a million years do that.

01:21:17 There was one time, fairly recently--

01:21:19 - You wouldn't even do it with my son.

01:21:21 (laughing)

01:21:23 - I was at Kid Rock's bar in Nashville,

01:21:27 and Kid Rock came in, and he was standing in the back,

01:21:31 and not a single person had their eyes

01:21:34 facing the band on stage.

01:21:36 Everyone was just turned around, staring at Kid Rock.

01:21:39 Not everyone was yelling, everyone was just staring,

01:21:41 turning around, staring at him.

01:21:43 I was like, "Just look at the fucking band on stage."

01:21:45 He's just a guy standing in the back, drinking a Bud Light.

01:21:48 - You know, I said before,

01:21:49 Letterman is my favorite entertainer.

01:21:52 Honest to God, if he walked by me,

01:21:54 and we were as close as you could be,

01:21:57 I might just say it with a regular voice,

01:21:59 you know, "I admire your work," et cetera,

01:22:01 but to run across a room and say,

01:22:04 "Let me take your picture, let me take," come on.

01:22:06 I don't get it.

01:22:08 - But you would like a photo with him.

01:22:10 - No, you know something?

01:22:13 I don't care, honest to God.

01:22:15 I don't really, what does it do to have a picture

01:22:18 with somebody like that?

01:22:19 What does it do for me?

01:22:20 - You put it on a frame right next to your fridge

01:22:22 where the fish smell is, and you could look at that

01:22:24 and it'd look happy. - Yeah, maybe I'd do that.

01:22:26 I'd rather have a picture of you, Eddie.

01:22:27 - Okay, we could--

01:22:29 - Seriously, I don't, that's one thing,

01:22:31 you know, and I only put it in the context

01:22:33 of it's not something I would do.

01:22:36 I can't picture myself doing it,

01:22:38 so I don't understand these people that do it,

01:22:40 and there's tons of people that do it, but it's not me.

01:22:44 - All right.

01:22:46 - That's all I can tell you.

01:22:47 - I've done it twice off the top of my head.

01:22:50 - What?

01:22:50 I don't think it's a bad ass for a photo at all.

01:22:52 - No, I don't care.

01:22:53 But you can't be obnoxious about it.

01:22:55 Once was recently, Barry Butler.

01:22:57 First time in a long time I've done it.

01:22:59 I like sprinted it. - Screamed at him?

01:23:00 - I didn't scream at him, I'm like,

01:23:01 "Hey, Mr. Butler, can I get a picture?

01:23:03 "Big fan," which I am.

01:23:04 And then-- - But what do you do

01:23:06 when you have a look at that picture again?

01:23:09 I always wonder about that.

01:23:10 - No, you gotta give your social media likes.

01:23:12 - You post it for clout, Mr. Poynter.

01:23:16 - Yeah.

01:23:17 - All right.

01:23:18 - Well, obviously, I'm in a little different situation.

01:23:21 - Last round, Mr. Poynter,

01:23:24 your last pick here for the draft.

01:23:27 - All right, this is my last pick.

01:23:29 How am I doing?

01:23:30 I made it to the last round, I know that.

01:23:32 - Can I be honest?

01:23:33 I looked at your board earlier.

01:23:35 I can't wait to read it out loud later.

01:23:36 It's very funny.

01:23:37 - What's that?

01:23:38 - You're doing great, you're doing great.

01:23:40 - I thought so.

01:23:41 Another thing, again, because this is not me,

01:23:45 I don't understand these people

01:23:48 that get in the fights on an airplane.

01:23:50 I don't get it.

01:23:52 I wouldn't say anything to anybody about anything

01:23:56 unless somebody did something to me

01:23:58 that I felt was heinous.

01:24:00 And even then, I think I call the steward of the steward.

01:24:05 It's just not my nature.

01:24:07 I keep my mouth shut and I don't interfere.

01:24:10 If I saw something where I thought, say,

01:24:13 somebody was being abused or something like that,

01:24:16 but it seems to me that these people

01:24:18 that get in fights on the airlines and whatnot,

01:24:21 they probably had a couple, two drinks to start with.

01:24:24 I think that's a lot of it.

01:24:26 But even aside from that,

01:24:29 I mean, it sounds like if you say, "Excuse me,"

01:24:31 and they don't like the way you said, "Excuse me,"

01:24:34 the next thing you know, you got a brawl going on.

01:24:36 I mean, that's not me.

01:24:38 And I can only judge and say to myself,

01:24:40 "I'm a pretty good person.

01:24:42 "I don't do these things."

01:24:43 - I think everyone could agree with this.

01:24:45 - Yeah.

01:24:46 - Say that again?

01:24:49 - People who start fights anywhere.

01:24:50 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, for real.

01:24:51 - Not even just an airplane.

01:24:53 It's kind of like John's pick, the passion.

01:24:56 - I will say, though, on airplanes,

01:24:58 that's the one place I would have no problem

01:25:00 throwing the first punch.

01:25:01 (laughing)

01:25:03 I'm talking more if I thought there was danger.

01:25:07 - What, like it's a terrorist?

01:25:08 - No, not even like a terrorist.

01:25:09 - Well, that's a different thing.

01:25:10 - Like if some dude's going fucking, yeah.

01:25:13 I would have no problem fucking restraining someone.

01:25:16 - If you're talking about a terrorist,

01:25:18 that's a different thing.

01:25:19 I'm talking about if someone was being,

01:25:22 I can't say the right thing.

01:25:26 I mean, just somebody could you move your seat a little?

01:25:30 That's a common thing where people put the seat back

01:25:33 and they say, "Got the seat too far back,"

01:25:36 or this sort of thing.

01:25:37 Can you, are you ever gonna get in a fight over that?

01:25:40 - No, never.

01:25:41 'Cause I'm anti-recline of the seat,

01:25:44 like in coach.

01:25:47 But if someone reclined in my face,

01:25:50 and even if they spilled my drink

01:25:52 as they were reclining, let's say,

01:25:53 I still wouldn't say anything.

01:25:55 - That's me.

01:25:56 - Yeah, but I don't like that.

01:25:58 - What I'm saying is that I think this,

01:26:00 in this world we live in,

01:26:02 that's prefiguratory to a Broadway connoisseur.

01:26:06 - Yeah, I would agree.

01:26:07 - Yeah, that's good.

01:26:09 - Good pick.

01:26:10 - Back to me, pretty basic,

01:26:12 but something I've always never really understood is just,

01:26:15 I'll leave it under the umbrella of artificial flavoring,

01:26:20 but more so like Larry the Cable Guy,

01:26:21 seated at a gas station once,

01:26:22 he has a cheeseburger flavored chip.

01:26:24 Who's sitting there with that beaker,

01:26:27 testing out cheeseburger flavored chips?

01:26:29 - That's a good one.

01:26:31 That's a good one.

01:26:31 And you're like, oh yeah,

01:26:33 no, this needs a little bit more

01:26:35 cheddar flavor to it to balance.

01:26:36 Yeah, I don't know.

01:26:37 - And like Lay's does those tests,

01:26:38 they made like a deep dish flavored Lay,

01:26:41 and whatever, Cuban sandwich flavored Lay.

01:26:46 It's like, who is sitting there

01:26:47 with those beakers and those test tubes?

01:26:49 - Like, how do you get the spice right?

01:26:50 - Yeah, how are they doing this?

01:26:51 - I don't know.

01:26:52 - So artificial flavoring?

01:26:54 - Yeah.

01:26:55 - I have been in a room where they were like,

01:26:58 we did taste tests of like a new product.

01:27:01 - Yeah.

01:27:02 - And they would have them all out,

01:27:04 and like there was this one guy who was like the expert,

01:27:08 and he's like, that's too much berry.

01:27:10 And they'd be like, all right, go change it.

01:27:12 It was just one guy's opinion.

01:27:13 That's too much berry.

01:27:14 - All right, that's all it was?

01:27:15 - Yeah.

01:27:16 - John, are you with me here?

01:27:19 - I'm 100% with you, oh yeah.

01:27:21 - Yeah, I don't know how they do it.

01:27:22 And also, it's like when this guy waved them off,

01:27:25 it's like, where do they go?

01:27:26 Do they have a lab, like a science lab in here

01:27:28 where they're like doing concoctions and stuff?

01:27:30 Like, I don't know.

01:27:31 - I don't get it.

01:27:32 - Yeah.

01:27:32 - And like the fake sugar that like could taste

01:27:35 like strawberry banana, but it's not--

01:27:37 - It has nothing to do with the actual fruits.

01:27:39 - There's no strawberries or bananas.

01:27:40 - Yes, it's crazy.

01:27:41 - Make it make sense, Ed.

01:27:42 - I don't get it.

01:27:43 - Make it make sense, Ed.

01:27:44 - The more you talk, the better this pick is getting.

01:27:47 - Yeah.

01:27:48 - Yeah, you know?

01:27:49 - At first I was like, what?

01:27:50 - But how are you doing that?

01:27:52 It's magic, it's sorcery.

01:27:54 - I don't know.

01:27:55 - Mr. Port, any answers on this?

01:27:57 - No.

01:27:59 - No, okay.

01:27:59 (laughing)

01:28:00 I appreciate it.

01:28:01 Yeah, it's artificial flavor.

01:28:04 Specifically cheeseburger chips.

01:28:06 - Yeah, how did we get the cheeseburger-ness?

01:28:08 - I don't know.

01:28:09 - Yeah, I don't know.

01:28:10 - I don't get it.

01:28:11 - I just did this the other day

01:28:12 and I got a lot of flack from my son.

01:28:15 I don't know if you saw this.

01:28:17 - What'd you do?

01:28:17 - I did a whole poll.

01:28:19 He did a whole poll on this and of course I got murdered

01:28:22 because I was with him, we were having a nice dinner.

01:28:27 I never did this in my life.

01:28:30 This was maybe a month ago.

01:28:31 I never did this before.

01:28:34 I ordered a steak and when the waiter served it,

01:28:39 I thought it was too well done.

01:28:41 Similar to the type of person I am,

01:28:46 I keep my mouth shut.

01:28:48 Normally I don't say anything,

01:28:50 but in this particular time,

01:28:52 I don't know what came over me.

01:28:53 Before when it was served,

01:28:56 I could see it was too well done for me.

01:28:58 I wanted it medium.

01:29:00 And that led to a big discussion

01:29:02 about whether that had been served,

01:29:05 was medium or medium rare.

01:29:07 And of course my son jumped all over me.

01:29:11 He had a poll out which I was voted against 1,000 to one.

01:29:15 I lost 10,000 to one,

01:29:18 but I never did this before.

01:29:22 And what went through my mind was that rather than eat it

01:29:27 and then say to the waiter when he asked how was it?

01:29:32 And I said, I really didn't,

01:29:33 it wasn't cooked the way I want.

01:29:35 And then of course it's gone from the plate.

01:29:37 I never did this before.

01:29:39 Before I even touched it, I looked at it and I said,

01:29:44 this isn't what I wanted.

01:29:46 It wasn't cooked the way I wanted.

01:29:48 And what crossed my mind was how you eat something,

01:29:53 it's not the way you wanted it.

01:29:55 And then it's gone from, you ate it.

01:29:57 So if you ate it, you know--

01:29:59 - How bad could it be?

01:30:01 - Yeah, how bad?

01:30:03 But I don't know why I did this

01:30:05 other than I regretted it the minute I realized

01:30:07 who I was with.

01:30:09 Because then he took that and he ran with it.

01:30:13 And of course I look like a total idiot.

01:30:16 I never did it before and I'll never do it again.

01:30:19 - So this is--

01:30:20 - But what?

01:30:21 - This is why I love you because you're a guy who doesn't,

01:30:25 you just said like, hey, I never complained,

01:30:28 but you're so good at it.

01:30:29 You're so good at complaining, it comes so natural to you.

01:30:32 - Thank you.

01:30:33 - How do you sort that out?

01:30:34 (laughing)

01:30:35 - No, you know something?

01:30:41 Famous story, I don't wanna take any more time here,

01:30:44 but I don't know if you folks are probably all too young

01:30:48 to remember the rice pilaf story.

01:30:50 Anybody know what that is?

01:30:51 - Yeah, oh yeah.

01:30:52 - I don't think I do, so please tell.

01:30:54 - You talk about not complaining.

01:30:58 This is the opposite.

01:30:59 The waiter gave me rice.

01:31:04 I like rice pilaf.

01:31:05 And I saw that it was, this is 100 years ago.

01:31:10 And I saw that it wasn't rice pilaf.

01:31:13 But based on what you said about complaining,

01:31:16 I didn't say anything.

01:31:18 I took it.

01:31:19 It was just regular rice.

01:31:20 I didn't say a word.

01:31:22 Went home and said to my wife for a week,

01:31:26 you know, why didn't I say anything about the fact

01:31:29 that that was just regular rice and it wasn't rice pilaf?

01:31:33 And I kept saying it to her.

01:31:35 Finally, she called, it was Legal Seafoods.

01:31:38 She called there and explained it to him.

01:31:41 That my husband didn't say anything.

01:31:44 He was there like a week ago.

01:31:45 It was, the moment you explained it, it sounds so ridiculous.

01:31:49 And don't you think, I got a free meal out of that.

01:31:53 This was like 10 days after the event.

01:31:56 And to this day, I can't tell you why I didn't say anything

01:31:59 or why it all happened.

01:32:02 But that was a famous story about the rice pilaf,

01:32:04 which of course, David Portnoy always brings that up

01:32:09 at some point, that the famous rice pilaf story.

01:32:13 10 days later.

01:32:14 I don't know, you know, sometimes,

01:32:15 don't you folks ever wonder why you do

01:32:18 some of the things you do?

01:32:19 All the time.

01:32:19 Yep, every single day.

01:32:21 All the time.

01:32:22 Yeah.

01:32:23 Yep.

01:32:24 I did look up the picture of the steak in question,

01:32:26 Mr. Portnoy, and I gotta say,

01:32:27 that looks like a pretty perfectly cooked medium,

01:32:30 maybe medium, like in between medium and medium rare to me.

01:32:33 The steak?

01:32:34 Yeah.

01:32:34 Yeah, I was looking it up too.

01:32:35 See, I thought it was well done.

01:32:37 (laughing)

01:32:38 Sorry.

01:32:39 Yeah, that's what.

01:32:41 The other story about you not complaining,

01:32:43 that I think is just so funny,

01:32:44 is that you would, didn't you have like the same type

01:32:47 of cookie for 30 years for breakfast,

01:32:48 so that you were finally like, I don't like this cookie.

01:32:50 Yeah, Milano's.

01:32:52 He never had Milano's.

01:32:52 He never liked 'em.

01:32:53 He never liked Milano's.

01:32:54 (laughing)

01:32:56 I'm sorry, that brought up the one last thing.

01:32:58 I'm gonna sneak one in here.

01:32:59 I know it's not my turn anymore.

01:33:00 (laughing)

01:33:01 The thing I meant to, I don't have an answer to this,

01:33:04 and thank God I wouldn't do it if my wife was not here now.

01:33:08 But Eddie knows, we went looking

01:33:09 for chocolate chip cookies in Boston.

01:33:12 My wife has gone, and I'm looking around

01:33:14 to make sure she's not here.

01:33:16 She went to a stage, she was making

01:33:19 these great chocolate chip cookies.

01:33:20 I like 'em when they're a little bit thick, right?

01:33:24 They got a little body to 'em.

01:33:25 She's gone through stages, which she can't even explain it.

01:33:29 Sometimes she makes 'em for a month or two,

01:33:31 and they're great, and then they're terrible.

01:33:34 Then she'll go back to making 'em terrible again,

01:33:36 and you never know what to expect.

01:33:39 And she has no explanation for it

01:33:42 other than stop bothering me with this.

01:33:45 But they come out, it's like always a surprise

01:33:48 what it's gonna be.

01:33:49 They're either great or awful.

01:33:51 - Yeah, no one understands.

01:33:53 No one understands why there's--

01:33:55 - I don't understand.

01:33:56 - Yeah, we've talked about this a lot over the phone.

01:33:59 - Yeah, I got Eddie lost in Boston when we did that.

01:34:02 - Yeah, that happened.

01:34:04 - Wait, you guys have phone calls?

01:34:06 - Me and him? - Yeah.

01:34:07 - Yeah, we talk on the phone, right, Mr. Borden?

01:34:09 - Who does? - Me and him?

01:34:12 - Yeah.

01:34:13 - Who are you?

01:34:13 Yeah, we do, yeah.

01:34:15 I like Eddie, Eddie's a buddy.

01:34:16 - You're right. - We have something

01:34:18 in common, we like chocolate chip cookies.

01:34:20 - Yes, exactly, exactly.

01:34:23 Feidelberg, you're up.

01:34:26 - Okay, are we doing, we go back for honorable mentions

01:34:30 or are honorable mentions coming out?

01:34:33 - We'll go back for honorable mentions.

01:34:34 So you'll make your last pick, yeah.

01:34:36 - All right, this is one I have written down

01:34:38 and I brought it up recently on an episode of KFC Radio.

01:34:41 And I'm gonna ask, I'm gonna do it now

01:34:43 because I feel like chief knows about this kind of stuff.

01:34:45 Mr. Borden might have opinions.

01:34:47 At its base level, why is communism so evil?

01:34:52 Now I'm not a communist.

01:34:55 - I saw this clip. - And you can have

01:34:57 an opinion on this as well.

01:34:58 - Thank you.

01:34:59 - I understand that when it was Stalin and in Cuba,

01:35:06 if you were just like,

01:35:07 I think everyone should have things equally,

01:35:10 I would disagree with you.

01:35:11 But communism is said like you're a murderer,

01:35:14 like he's a communist.

01:35:16 Why is that so bad if you're just like,

01:35:18 I think everyone should have things equally?

01:35:20 Again, I disagree, but I disagree

01:35:22 with a lot of political ideas.

01:35:24 - This is a good point. - I disagree.

01:35:26 - It's a good point.

01:35:28 - It's turned into a sort of slur

01:35:31 because of the 60 or 70 years or so of us being

01:35:36 not technically at war, but kind of at war with communists.

01:35:41 And they were trying to expand their empire

01:35:42 and turn us into them and maybe hypothetically,

01:35:47 they're taking over other territory.

01:35:49 They're kind of doing it now a little bit.

01:35:52 - But if you were just like,

01:35:53 I think America should be communist.

01:35:55 And you were like,

01:35:56 I think it should have everything equally.

01:35:58 That's not that evil, right?

01:36:00 It's like, I disagree.

01:36:01 I don't think it's right.

01:36:03 But it's like, you're not a murderer for thinking it.

01:36:08 I like that, I strongly disagree.

01:36:11 Very strongly disagree.

01:36:13 - Don't worry about what's gonna happen to you.

01:36:17 (laughing)

01:36:19 - It's a good point.

01:36:20 - Can I take a stab at it?

01:36:22 - Yeah, I mean, sure.

01:36:24 But answer what he's saying.

01:36:26 - That's what I'm gonna try to do.

01:36:27 - Okay, why is it like you're a murderer?

01:36:28 - I think that there is a difference between Marxism,

01:36:33 which might be what you're talking about,

01:36:35 where the idea that everybody should have equal,

01:36:38 we'll all work on things together

01:36:39 and we'll all have a happy, equal life

01:36:41 doing different things that we're good at.

01:36:43 It's like to each whatever that expression is,

01:36:47 according to their need or what, I'm gonna get that wrong.

01:36:49 But it's like, that's the idea.

01:36:51 That's like Marxism.

01:36:52 And that sounds in a way, kinda nice and not evil.

01:36:56 Communism is every single time somebody has tried

01:37:00 to put Marxism into practice, everyone winds up murdered.

01:37:03 (laughing)

01:37:04 Because you have to take a bunch,

01:37:05 you have to steal a bunch of shit from people.

01:37:08 And then it's like, we're gonna determine

01:37:10 what equal actually is.

01:37:12 And then the people at the top still get all the most stuff

01:37:14 and then everyone else is a peasant

01:37:15 and then they end up murdered.

01:37:17 That's why Stalin, there's that story where Stalin

01:37:21 had like census takers and they come back

01:37:24 from being like, hey, actually, since you took power,

01:37:28 30 million people died.

01:37:30 And then he was like, oh, wow.

01:37:31 And then he just killed the census takers too.

01:37:33 So like Pol Pot murdered everybody.

01:37:37 Mao murdered maybe 60 million people, they think.

01:37:39 So yeah, just in practice, it just never works out

01:37:42 'cause you have to steal and murder

01:37:43 to try to like level the playing field.

01:37:45 - You know, you just made me think of something.

01:37:48 Any of you folks ever see a movie called "The Death of Stalin"?

01:37:52 - I've actually, it's satire, is it not?

01:37:55 It's supposed to be satiric.

01:37:56 - That is a satire, that's why I'm bringing it up.

01:37:59 We were talking about satires a little while ago.

01:38:01 There was a satire.

01:38:03 The death of Stalin, dealing with communism and whatnot.

01:38:07 And that's tremendous satire.

01:38:10 - It's good, I haven't seen it.

01:38:13 - Oh, excellent. - I told I would like that

01:38:15 specifically.

01:38:16 I think Jeff knows I'd like that.

01:38:18 I just watched another thing that surprised me,

01:38:22 had a lot of satire in it, was "White House Plumbers."

01:38:25 You ever hear of that?

01:38:27 - I did the first two episodes of that.

01:38:29 I didn't love it.

01:38:30 Is it worth sticking around for?

01:38:31 - Yeah, because there's a lot of satire in it

01:38:35 showing how stupid those guys were.

01:38:39 It's done by the same people that made "Veep,"

01:38:43 which is one of my favorite shows of all time.

01:38:44 - Oh, I love "Veep," yeah.

01:38:46 - Yeah, if you like that, you'll like "White House Plumbers."

01:38:49 - So I watched the first half of an episode of that

01:38:52 and I turned it off.

01:38:54 - Of "White House Plumbers?"

01:38:55 - Yeah, yeah, and I like--

01:38:56 - There's a lot of satire in it.

01:38:58 - Okay.

01:38:59 - Especially the guy that would light his hand on fire

01:39:03 and everything.

01:39:03 It was a total whack job.

01:39:05 And they kept screwing everything up

01:39:08 they were trying to do.

01:39:09 And it was, I found it amusing.

01:39:11 - John, I think this was a good pick.

01:39:14 - Thanks, and even with Chief's response,

01:39:18 which I understand is fair,

01:39:19 that's not the communism in and of itself that's evil,

01:39:22 that's the people doing it.

01:39:24 - Yes.

01:39:25 - The people that are enacting the system.

01:39:26 - It's because--

01:39:27 - So if the right guy ran with the ball.

01:39:30 - If you get the right guy, maybe that's the guy.

01:39:32 - At that point--

01:39:33 - What about "Animal Farm?"

01:39:35 What, you guys, I assume you all read "Animal Farm"

01:39:39 when you were in high school.

01:39:40 That's a brilliant satire about communism

01:39:44 and socialism.

01:39:46 - They haven't read that.

01:39:47 That is like the Bible of satire, political satire.

01:39:52 - Yeah, and--

01:39:56 - "Animal Farm."

01:39:57 - And of course, there--

01:39:58 - Why?

01:39:59 - Those are some of the only books I enjoyed reading

01:40:01 growing up, 1984 and "Animal House," yeah.

01:40:03 - All right, Chief, you're up.

01:40:06 - All right, this is one that I've been,

01:40:08 I don't know if this is still an issue,

01:40:09 but this is one that every time I think about it,

01:40:13 it just never makes any sense.

01:40:15 When they would be like, remember they used to have

01:40:18 hairspray or spray paint cans or aerosol cans?

01:40:21 And they were like, "This can, if you use this can,

01:40:23 "it's gonna destroy the ozone layer."

01:40:24 Like how the fuck can me going like, "Shh," like that

01:40:28 poke a hole in the outer space?

01:40:31 And I just, I will never--

01:40:33 - Bro, you never saw this, you never had this diagram

01:40:36 drawn for you?

01:40:37 I gotta be able to see it 'cause I just ripped off

01:40:38 a small piece of paper.

01:40:39 In school?

01:40:40 - I don't know.

01:40:42 But it just, it seems silly to me that a can,

01:40:46 in my hand, could impact something, that's the sun, right?

01:40:51 - It looks like a sun.

01:40:53 That's what fucking, what's the thing that come out

01:40:55 of air conditioners?

01:40:56 Coolants?

01:40:57 - Freon?

01:40:58 - Freon, yeah.

01:40:59 - Freon.

01:41:00 - Freon.

01:41:01 That's what it looks like, and these float up in the air,

01:41:04 and because they're so spiky, they just poke holes in it.

01:41:07 - Oh, for real?

01:41:08 - That's what some people made about third grade.

01:41:10 - Wow.

01:41:10 - No one ever explained that to me.

01:41:11 - That makes sense to me.

01:41:13 I don't know if it's true.

01:41:14 - But it's gonna float all the way in the air.

01:41:16 - It's true.

01:41:16 - That's true.

01:41:17 - And it's just, I don't know, space in the ozone layer

01:41:20 in my head is so big that it's like, are we all just,

01:41:23 like, how much hairspray is really being used?

01:41:25 That we're gonna poke a giant hole, like,

01:41:28 it feels like you'd need to be doing a lot of aerosols

01:41:30 or Freons or whatever that is.

01:41:32 - I think in the 80s it was an issue.

01:41:34 - It was a big hair era.

01:41:36 - We walked into the pomade mousse era,

01:41:38 and things are getting a lot better, but.

01:41:41 - I'm not guilty of that.

01:41:42 (laughing)

01:41:44 Don't accuse me of that.

01:41:45 - All right.

01:41:49 White Sox day, Mr. Irrelevant.

01:41:50 - If I will take that to the grave,

01:41:54 I don't wanna know the real reason behind those,

01:41:56 but that made perfect sense,

01:41:57 so I'll never believe anything else, John.

01:41:59 I hate how boring all my fucking picks were,

01:42:02 especially, but I try to think outside the box,

01:42:05 but microwaves, on the note of waves,

01:42:09 you put it in for 30 seconds, all of a sudden,

01:42:10 it's fucking hot because a bunch of invisible shit

01:42:13 went through it.

01:42:14 - Great pick.

01:42:15 - How does it make sense?

01:42:16 How does it make sense?

01:42:17 - I don't know.

01:42:18 - Dave's definitely gonna win this draft.

01:42:19 - I don't think so, 'cause they're all boring,

01:42:21 but this is like, I was thinking like,

01:42:22 everyday shit you do and use and experience,

01:42:26 instead of like the crazy stuff that you guys are,

01:42:29 I wish I would've gone your guys route,

01:42:30 but like this, it will never,

01:42:33 how does even someone think to like come up with it?

01:42:36 - Where do thoughts come from?

01:42:37 (laughing)

01:42:38 - It's all chicken and egg shit, this entire draft.

01:42:41 - But like that, Dave, like I'm with you on that.

01:42:43 Like you just press the,

01:42:45 I don't know what's going on in that box.

01:42:46 - How do they make that LED light work?

01:42:48 On the microwave?

01:42:50 - Oh.

01:42:51 - To push three and then that number automatically

01:42:55 makes it the perfect temperature that your food wants.

01:42:58 - But it's like, I think it's like heating up the molecules.

01:43:02 Like I think that's what's happening.

01:43:03 I think it's heating up, it's like accelerating molecules.

01:43:06 - You can't see it, so how did you think to do it?

01:43:08 - I don't know, I don't know, that's science shit.

01:43:11 - Don't you folks, it just crosses my mind

01:43:14 that all the things you're talking about,

01:43:16 people years ago didn't talk about asbestos,

01:43:21 but there are people working in sites that breathing it in

01:43:26 and now, you know, they talk about it's a killer.

01:43:29 - Yeah.

01:43:30 - But back when people were in their jobs doing things,

01:43:34 nobody discussed that, right?

01:43:37 It's after the fact, it's come out

01:43:39 and who knows what's going on right now

01:43:41 with some of the things you're talking about.

01:43:43 They may in fact be very bad for you.

01:43:46 - Yeah.

01:43:47 - But you don't find out now, you find out later.

01:43:50 - Yep.

01:43:51 - Tomorrow, we have a show coming out tomorrow

01:43:54 where it was 3M and DuPont.

01:43:58 They just did a $10 billion settlement

01:44:01 because they just--

01:44:03 - I haven't seen the movie "Dark Water."

01:44:05 - We talked about that.

01:44:06 Yeah, we talked about that a little bit.

01:44:08 - I gotta go shit.

01:44:08 - Yeah, it's a great movie.

01:44:09 - I'm a big fan of the,

01:44:10 it's kind of like that spotlight ask investigative--

01:44:13 - Yeah, it's like it's Aaron Brockovich a little bit.

01:44:16 Yeah.

01:44:17 - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:44:18 - Yeah, it's very--

01:44:18 - That's a great--

01:44:19 - Very good movie.

01:44:20 - But of course the other side of this,

01:44:22 if you hear enough and read enough of this stuff,

01:44:25 you won't even go outside.

01:44:27 Because it's a killer shit idea.

01:44:29 - Yeah.

01:44:30 - I feel like there's like nowhere to go

01:44:32 where you're not gonna catch something and die.

01:44:33 - Yep.

01:44:35 - Like Dr. Ziva.

01:44:36 - Yeah.

01:44:37 - Yeah, it's a crazy show tomorrow.

01:44:40 All right, we could do some honorable mentions,

01:44:42 then we'll read them through,

01:44:43 and then we'll get out of here.

01:44:45 John, you had something you said?

01:44:47 - I have two.

01:44:48 - I got two.

01:44:50 I got one, and this would kind of apply

01:44:52 to a couple of the things we said,

01:44:55 but I'd go with mental illness for a number of reasons.

01:44:59 But just one being like you wake up and it's like,

01:45:03 I'm feeling good today.

01:45:04 And then your brain's just like, no, no, no.

01:45:06 Not wrong, not today.

01:45:08 - Wrong.

01:45:09 (laughing)

01:45:10 - It's like, have you thought about your life lately?

01:45:11 - Fuck it up, man.

01:45:12 (laughing)

01:45:14 - That one when you're just like,

01:45:16 I have no reason to be in a bad mood.

01:45:17 And it's just like, no, you are fucking down today, brother.

01:45:21 That doesn't make any sense to me.

01:45:23 And then the other one would be the game of cricket.

01:45:28 - I had that on my list, actually.

01:45:30 - Did you really?

01:45:31 - Yeah, it takes like fucking three weeks to finish a game.

01:45:33 - When people are like, a game took weeks,

01:45:35 I'm like, what are you talking about?

01:45:37 And you could even, that actually kind of,

01:45:39 you could use that to explain why sports

01:45:42 are so silly as a whole.

01:45:43 We're just like, that doesn't make,

01:45:45 if you don't, if you didn't learn it at a young age,

01:45:48 sports are incredibly dumb.

01:45:50 - You're out.

01:45:51 - I don't get it at all.

01:45:53 - Did anybody see, did anybody see when David Portnoy was,

01:45:58 on a thing with a guy from England?

01:46:01 - Piers Morgan.

01:46:02 - I just watched it.

01:46:03 Piers Morgan, and he was brought in to talk about cricket.

01:46:07 And it was so funny because he had no idea why he was there,

01:46:11 why they were talking about it, he knew nothing about it.

01:46:14 And they just refused to accept the fact

01:46:17 that he didn't know anything about it.

01:46:20 I found it hilarious.

01:46:21 - That was a great clip.

01:46:21 - That was funny, but I agree, I don't know anything about it.

01:46:24 - I know there's a patent of all.

01:46:26 - Yeah, this one, I feel like this one,

01:46:30 maybe Science Guy John over there could explain this.

01:46:32 I don't understand how condensation,

01:46:35 like how does water on the inside of a glass

01:46:37 get to the outside of the glass?

01:46:38 That's another thing I've been worried.

01:46:41 - No one will ever know the answer to that.

01:46:42 - Yeah, I'm sure there's--

01:46:44 - No, they'll tell you they know the answer.

01:46:45 - But I don't understand that, I've never understood that.

01:46:48 I re-watched the movie Interstellar recently,

01:46:54 the end of that movie where he was like in the books

01:46:57 the whole time or something.

01:46:59 - I haven't seen it, asshole.

01:47:00 - It was 10 years old.

01:47:02 - I saw Inception.

01:47:03 - I recently watched that movie, I never seen it before.

01:47:09 It's like Kevin's favorite movie.

01:47:10 I recently watched it. - Interstellar is?

01:47:12 - Yeah.

01:47:13 And I recently watched it sitting next to him

01:47:15 on a cross country flight recently

01:47:18 and fell asleep like the last 15 minutes.

01:47:21 Like the meanest thing you can do to a person

01:47:23 is like this is my favorite movie.

01:47:25 And I had to get off the flight and be like how'd that end?

01:47:28 And he's like it's too confusing.

01:47:30 So I would agree with you.

01:47:32 - It was, I've seen it multiple times now.

01:47:35 And I was like, maybe I was like high or something,

01:47:38 I just didn't understand it the first time.

01:47:40 And then I watched it again, I'm like I understand it less.

01:47:44 And then he somehow then he like reunites with whatever.

01:47:48 It's like time travel, I didn't understand that at all.

01:47:51 The pyramids, we've talked about those

01:47:53 on this show a hundred times,

01:47:54 so I didn't wanna bring them up again.

01:47:55 - Yeah, you could throw up flights

01:47:57 and how cruise ships float in there.

01:47:59 I'm sure those are--

01:48:01 - Even like-- - People will just tell you

01:48:02 a lift, they'll tell you water displacement

01:48:04 or whatever you wanna call it.

01:48:06 - Like a cruise ship.

01:48:07 - How does that thing float?

01:48:08 That thing weighs a gazillion pounds.

01:48:10 - That'll never make sense.

01:48:12 I had one other one. - But this penny will sink.

01:48:16 - What sucks, Dave, you know what I mean?

01:48:17 - Yeah. - Yeah.

01:48:18 - Sleep, why do we sleep?

01:48:21 I know what you guys are thinking, but that's not why.

01:48:25 Why do we sleep, Ed?

01:48:26 - Recharge the batteries.

01:48:27 - You don't do that, you eat by,

01:48:28 that's how you, why you eat.

01:48:31 - I think you have to like,

01:48:32 if you don't sleep, you will go insane though.

01:48:35 Like you, like if you're a witness.

01:48:36 - You're hallucinating and shit.

01:48:37 - Yeah, and like some people like never recover.

01:48:40 - I remember the, we were interviewing Matt Barnes

01:48:45 a while back, and I don't know if it'll be true,

01:48:48 but I remember him like being very serious

01:48:50 and telling us that like the next big thing in sports

01:48:53 after CTE will be the sleep deprivation.

01:48:57 And like what the athletes go through,

01:48:59 'cause he was explaining, he's like,

01:49:00 I'll have a, on the game end at midnight in Atlanta,

01:49:04 I'll do post game, whatever, 'til one,

01:49:07 I'll eat, get on a plane, I get to my hotel in LA

01:49:11 at 6 a.m., 7 a.m., whatever time,

01:49:14 then I have a quick nap and I have a shoot around,

01:49:16 and he's like basically explaining

01:49:17 how little sleep they get in season.

01:49:19 And he was like, they'll see how this fucked us up.

01:49:23 Like this will be the next big one.

01:49:24 - That's pretty interesting.

01:49:25 - I was in a high school, this is like kind of serious,

01:49:29 but we were in psychology and our professor,

01:49:32 I still stay in touch with the guy,

01:49:33 or not professor, teacher, it's high school.

01:49:36 He asked the class, why do we sleep?

01:49:37 And everyone's like to get more energy.

01:49:39 And he's like, no, that's, you put,

01:49:41 you get energy by consuming food and calories

01:49:43 and all that shit.

01:49:45 And he said that one theory is that,

01:49:48 like hundreds of thousands of years ago

01:49:50 when it was Neanderthals or whatever the fuck,

01:49:53 we would lie down in fetal positions in grass

01:49:55 in a completely motionless, subconscious state

01:49:59 because we weren't at the top of the food chain.

01:50:01 And then it happened throughout all mammals

01:50:03 or something like that.

01:50:04 - Yeah, but all, even sharks sleep, they've--

01:50:07 - I was gonna ask, do fish sleep?

01:50:08 - Yeah, they do.

01:50:10 They do. - Do they keep moving?

01:50:12 - They have to move a little bit so they can breathe.

01:50:15 You have to have water rushing over your gills,

01:50:17 I'm pretty sure.

01:50:18 But yeah, shark, they've, that was a somewhat recent

01:50:21 discovery that sharks and fish will sleep.

01:50:24 - Do fish drink?

01:50:25 - Brother, I don't know that one.

01:50:27 I don't know that one.

01:50:28 - That's a little too far.

01:50:30 - You got any more, Dave?

01:50:31 - Deja vu.

01:50:33 - That's weird.

01:50:34 - I hadn't thought was, we already talked about that.

01:50:37 - I just have two.

01:50:38 People who root for politics, we talked about it already.

01:50:41 - And ask sport teams.

01:50:43 - Yeah, another, yeah, like ask sport teams.

01:50:44 Another one, like blasting your whole life on social media.

01:50:47 Well, you don't need to, but those are two boring ones,

01:50:49 so I didn't take 'em.

01:50:50 - Oh, I watched this documentary about this,

01:50:54 it's not the Hubble Telescope,

01:50:56 the James Webb Telescope, it's on Netflix.

01:50:57 - I just watched it too, yeah.

01:50:59 - How do you take a picture of 13 billion years ago?

01:51:02 And I know they're gonna be like things that's like light

01:51:05 or whatever, but I'm like, no.

01:51:08 - Dude, they're looking in, is it the past or future?

01:51:10 - In the past.

01:51:11 - Yeah, they're looking into the past 'cause the,

01:51:14 when you look up, obviously not staring at the sun,

01:51:18 but everybody's just taking a glance at the sun,

01:51:20 that happened seven minutes ago or something.

01:51:22 - 'Cause it takes that, you wanna, do you know who?

01:51:24 - Ask me, ask me, ask me.

01:51:27 - Let's get to it later.

01:51:28 - There's this other thing where it's like a light particle

01:51:30 from a star would not, and I can't explain this,

01:51:34 it comes from a guy, his name's John Wheeler,

01:51:36 but it would not have, that photon would not have left

01:51:39 the star unless it had a place to go, which is your eye,

01:51:42 but it left 70,000 years ago.

01:51:45 But it's like, it's called like a delayed choice destination.

01:51:50 - So you're telling me these photons and quarks and--

01:51:53 - They're like destined for your eye.

01:51:54 It's like, they have like the--

01:51:55 - They chose.

01:51:56 - Yes, it's like a delayed choice theory.

01:51:58 - That's fucking crazy.

01:52:00 - And it like, it would, yeah, I can't--

01:52:02 - You need to send me this shit afterwards.

01:52:03 - All right, I will.

01:52:04 - Mr. Portnoy, do you have any more before we wrap up here?

01:52:08 - No, the only thing I was thinking,

01:52:10 my gosh, yes, I think that, was it Steve Jobs or Musk?

01:52:15 I don't remember which one of these guys,

01:52:18 or maybe it was the guy from the Washington Post

01:52:22 saying they don't, you know, they sleep two hours a night

01:52:25 or something crazy like that.

01:52:27 I don't know if it was Steve Jobs or Musk or,

01:52:32 what's the name that--

01:52:35 - Bezos? - Amazon.

01:52:37 - Bezos? - Bezos.

01:52:38 - Bezos, talking about how little sleep they require.

01:52:42 I might be wrong about that.

01:52:43 - No, I think you're right about that.

01:52:45 Wasn't it like Bill Gates used to be like,

01:52:47 I only sleep one day?

01:52:47 - Yeah, maybe it was Gates, could have been Gates.

01:52:49 - They're all fucking liars.

01:52:51 Everyone gets a billion dollars

01:52:52 and says they're a fucking superhero.

01:52:54 - Yeah. - That's true, that's true.

01:52:56 - They're just on the testosterone replacement,

01:52:57 Bezos got full of that shit.

01:52:58 - Well, they're all liars.

01:53:00 - Yeah.

01:53:01 (laughing)

01:53:03 - You can say, that was in the conversation

01:53:05 about so many things.

01:53:06 - Do you ever hear the, everyone who becomes

01:53:10 a billionaire or crazy rich has this incredible origin story

01:53:14 that they've had to overcome.

01:53:15 The stupidest one is the Peloton guy, you ever hear his?

01:53:18 - No.

01:53:19 - His key to success is he has 40 handfuls

01:53:22 of water every morning, that fucking idiot.

01:53:25 - What? - He says he stands over

01:53:26 the sink and shovels water into his mouth

01:53:29 until he's nauseous and that's how he kickstarts

01:53:32 his day and his brain.

01:53:33 Well, guess what, I drink from a water bottle

01:53:35 and I bet I get more water than you do

01:53:37 in your 40 handfuls.

01:53:38 - But you know something, John?

01:53:40 Based on Peloton, you're doing better than he is right now.

01:53:44 - Oh yeah. - They're in a dump.

01:53:47 - John, next time you see Dante, ask him about that.

01:53:49 If you wanna send him on a little tirade.

01:53:51 (laughing)

01:53:52 - Peloton? - Oh yeah.

01:53:53 He invested hard into it in 2020 when you should've

01:53:57 but he didn't get out in time.

01:53:59 - I love texting Dante every now and again,

01:54:01 just a little fucking grenade into the foxhole.

01:54:04 - Yeah. - Let him go.

01:54:05 And then just scamper off.

01:54:07 - That brain, that brain's always funny.

01:54:09 - And then just wait an hour and reply,

01:54:10 I mean, that's crazy.

01:54:11 (laughing)

01:54:12 - That is one of my favorite things that I do.

01:54:14 - That is fun. - Yeah.

01:54:16 - All right, I'm gonna read them off

01:54:18 and then we'll vote off who you think had the worst draft.

01:54:20 So you gotta say who you thought was the worst,

01:54:23 Mr. Portnoy.

01:54:23 First up, Mr. Portnoy, why his atomic clock doesn't work,

01:54:28 long beards, Detroit Lions wanting a live lion mascot,

01:54:33 people who scream at famous people,

01:54:35 people who fight on airplanes,

01:54:38 Eddie Quantum Anything, underground water road tunnels,

01:54:41 how fish breathe, why are there so many

01:54:43 residential buildings, artificial flavoring,

01:54:46 specifically cheeseburger chips,

01:54:48 fights, human body, passion, satire,

01:54:51 how Tommy Smokes gets laid, why communism is so evil,

01:54:55 chief vinyl records, radio waves,

01:54:57 painkillers knowing where the pain is,

01:55:00 where do thoughts come from,

01:55:01 spray cans poking holes in the ozone layer,

01:55:04 and White Sox Day of women, money, insurance,

01:55:06 why chopsticks are still a thing, and microwaves.

01:55:10 Okay, now we must vote.

01:55:12 All right, Mr. Portnoy, who do you think had the worst one?

01:55:14 This is probably easiest to do this.

01:55:16 - Who had the worst one?

01:55:19 - Yeah, who had the worst board, yeah.

01:55:21 - I'm gonna have to pass,

01:55:25 'cause I really hadn't given that any thought.

01:55:27 (laughing)

01:55:28 - All right, we'll give it some thought,

01:55:29 we'll come back to it.

01:55:30 - All right, we'll come back to you.

01:55:31 - John, or who do we vote?

01:55:33 - I'll just vote for myself.

01:55:34 I thought those were funny.

01:55:36 - I thought yours were good.

01:55:37 How does that fucking little white pill

01:55:40 make your tooth stop hurting?

01:55:40 - I don't know, but I thought the other ones made me laugh.

01:55:43 But they made me laugh more than the other ones.

01:55:44 - I voted for you.

01:55:45 I thought Chiefs was awesome.

01:55:47 - John, who'd you vote for?

01:55:49 - I'm gonna vote for myself.

01:55:50 - Me too, I'm voting for myself.

01:55:53 That's easy.

01:55:54 (laughing)

01:55:55 - All right, so now we have to vote for either Eddie or--

01:55:58 - No, I have to vote for someone.

01:56:00 - Oh, okay.

01:56:01 - Do it, Ed.

01:56:02 - If I vote for White Sox Dave, then it's a five-way tie.

01:56:06 (laughing)

01:56:08 - Or do you get anything for this?

01:56:11 - I don't know, fuck it, I'll vote for Dave.

01:56:14 (laughing)

01:56:14 - This is the first time.

01:56:16 - First time ever.

01:56:17 - A first time.

01:56:18 (laughing)

01:56:19 A first time, how are we gonna do this?

01:56:21 This is chaos.

01:56:22 - I don't know.

01:56:23 - All right.

01:56:23 - I was between you two, you were on my list.

01:56:26 I don't know, we'll figure it out.

01:56:28 We'll figure it out on Twitter.

01:56:29 So follow along on Twitter.

01:56:30 - Okay.

01:56:31 - We'll figure out a way to do it.

01:56:32 Dog walk barstool.

01:56:33 - We'll have to start one of those--

01:56:35 - I'll say right now, Mr. Portnoy is not getting eliminated.

01:56:38 I'd rather sacrifice myself.

01:56:39 - He has to be on there.

01:56:40 - Yes, I'd rather sacrifice myself.

01:56:42 But all right, Mr. Portnoy, thank you as always.

01:56:45 It was a pleasure.

01:56:46 - Hey, I enjoyed this, Eddie.

01:56:47 I enjoyed it with you guys.

01:56:49 - I'll see you next week, Mr. Portnoy.

01:56:51 - Next summer.

01:56:52 - Yeah, next summer.

01:56:53 - Well, not this summer.

01:56:54 - You're gonna let that fish rot in your fridge

01:56:57 for a whole year?

01:56:57 - Yeah, you gotta get his nose on the case.

01:56:59 - You won't believe this.

01:57:01 I gotta tell you this.

01:57:03 I starting to smell it now with the door shut.

01:57:06 I'm not happy.

01:57:07 (laughing)

01:57:08 - Maybe it's not even in the fridge.

01:57:10 - This is something that's happened in my apartment

01:57:13 a time or two and I can't figure out what's in the fridge.

01:57:16 It's the dishwasher.

01:57:17 I haven't run the dishwasher in a little bit.

01:57:19 So maybe you can look into it.

01:57:21 - I'm gonna look into it.

01:57:22 - Here's something I don't understand.

01:57:23 Tandem washer and dryers.

01:57:26 'Cause you gotta front load the--

01:57:28 - Front load the washer and water inevitably

01:57:31 is gonna stay in there.

01:57:32 So it gets all, you get that moldy smell.

01:57:35 Whoever invented those, I don't understand

01:57:37 what your purpose in life was.

01:57:39 - I'll tell you what it is.

01:57:41 - Probably worth hundreds of dollars.

01:57:42 - I'm gonna answer that question for you.

01:57:44 If you only have a certain amount of space,

01:57:47 this is a safe space.

01:57:49 - I understand, but you can still have,

01:57:52 there's the ones where you have the,

01:57:55 there's a gap between the two then

01:57:57 and you can still lift it up underneath the dryer.

01:58:00 - Those are stackable.

01:58:02 - Yeah, they're stackable.

01:58:03 - Stackable ones.

01:58:04 - That's a--

01:58:05 - Front loading washing machines make zero sense.

01:58:07 - If I care about what you're saying,

01:58:09 I take a picture and send it to you.

01:58:10 I don't care enough.

01:58:11 - John, thank you too.

01:58:13 This was fun.

01:58:14 - Thanks, Fights.

01:58:15 - Thank you very much, boys.

01:58:16 Mr. Portnoy, great to see you.

01:58:18 - Nice to talk to you, John.

01:58:20 Say hello to your dad for me.

01:58:21 Tell him I was remote.

01:58:22 (laughing)

01:58:25 - Oh man.

01:58:25 All right, everybody, thanks for listening.

01:58:27 Thanks for watching.

01:58:27 Follow along on Twitter.

01:58:28 - Thanks, Eddie.

01:58:29 - See you when we break the tie.

01:58:30 We'll see you all tomorrow for the crazy episode

01:58:32 of Dark Waters story.

01:58:34 - Yeah.

01:58:35 - See ya.

01:58:35 (whooshing)

01:58:38 [WHOOSH]

Things We Just Don't Understand...

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