CBW - S2 | PFK - PartsFunKnown by WrestleTalk - Dailymotion

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Transcript

00:00:00 [MUSIC]

00:00:10 Welcome, and I say this from the bottom of my heart,

00:00:22 welcome back to City British Wrestling, where the big boys are back in town.

00:00:28 >> [APPLAUSE] >> CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW, CBW.

00:00:36 >> My name is Tom, head of creative here at CBW, and these are our players.

00:00:42 >> Hello, I'm Laurie, and I'm playing a handsome young thing by the name of

00:00:45 Tony the Milkman, who is the veteran.

00:00:48 >> Hello, I'm Rosie, I'm playing Mabel Syrup, who is the foreigner.

00:00:53 >> [LAUGH] >> I'm Ollie Davis,

00:00:56 I'm playing Golden Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:01:02 I'm a golden boy.

00:01:03 >> Hello, I am Luke Owen, and I'm playing his brother Silver Bro, and

00:01:06 I am the gatekeeper.

00:01:09 >> Hi, I'm Lolo Brow, and I'll be playing the Demonatrix, who is the anti-hero and

00:01:13 the current reigning champion of CBW.

00:01:16 >> Hey up, I'm Adam, I'm playing Kid Flips on the high flyer.

00:01:21 >> All together now.

00:01:23 >> Let's do a fight.

00:01:26 >> We find ourselves in the famous Bristol Battlegrounds.

00:01:30 In the center of this huge arena is a wrestling ring on three sides,

00:01:34 raked seating, filled with screaming, cheering, audience desperate for blood.

00:01:38 >> [CROSSTALK]

00:01:46 >> On one side of the ring,

00:01:47 a steel ramp leads up, up, up into backstage.

00:01:50 And waiting above that ramp, the giant WrestleTron scream of CBW.

00:01:55 There is a teeny feedback and whine from the speakers, and

00:01:58 then a voice booms out across the arena.

00:02:01 Welcome, everyone, to the city of Bristol, and

00:02:05 welcome to City British Wrestling's Friday Night Lightning.

00:02:11 >> [APPLAUSE] >> [INAUDIBLE]

00:02:17 >> Prepare yourselves as these come

00:02:22 back combatants.

00:02:26 Prepare yourselves as these come back combatants clash inside and

00:02:32 outside the ropes in the name of fame, family, and fucking shit up.

00:02:37 >> [APPLAUSE] >> Shit.

00:02:41 >> Let's waste no more time and proceed with tonight's WrestleTainment.

00:02:45 [MUSIC]

00:02:47 >> [LAUGH] >> Making his way down the ramp in long

00:02:53 strides, the seven foot tall, perfectly muscled,

00:02:58 well oiled frame of QC, the voice of management.

00:03:02 In his wingtip shoes, dress trousers, barristers silk, and powdered wig.

00:03:06 He strides down the ramp, steps up the three steps in one step, and

00:03:10 hooks a long leg over the top rope until he's standing in the center of the ring,

00:03:14 ready to address the City British Universe.

00:03:17 [MUSIC]

00:03:23 >> Well, well, well.

00:03:26 >> [LAUGH] >> Two years, two years since

00:03:32 City British Wrestling was seen on screens up and

00:03:37 down the country, up and down the world.

00:03:42 Two years, two years since the good City British

00:03:47 public have been able to enjoy the vicarious violence and

00:03:54 marvelous melodrama that only professional wrestling can provide.

00:04:00 Two years, two years.

00:04:07 Well, what better way to welcome back the CBW Universe and

00:04:13 welcome back our roster of wrestling rastabouts than with a night of champions.

00:04:21 >> Ooh.

00:04:23 >> Goat.

00:04:24 And what would a night of champions be without a City British champion?

00:04:29 [MUSIC]

00:04:40 >> It's dry ice, just constant dry ice and

00:04:43 a slow gradient of lasers come up through the dry ice.

00:04:47 As out of nowhere, she appears riding what can only be described

00:04:53 as a humanoid sewing machine on all fours in full gimpedalian.

00:04:58 >> [LAUGH] >> And you hear the,

00:05:00 [SOUND] Absolutely gallops into the ring where she is

00:05:06 mounted upon this poor, poor soul wearing a, of course,

00:05:11 all in one denim suit covered in spikes and regret and

00:05:16 bloodstains because she hasn't washed it in two years.

00:05:21 The gouges from her head still there, still open, the hair hasn't moved.

00:05:25 >> [LAUGH] >> She picks it to keep it going so

00:05:29 the blood is always gushing from those wonderful holes.

00:05:33 >> [LAUGH] >> She's not my champion.

00:05:40 >> Wonderful holes.

00:05:41 >> And she gallops.

00:05:43 >> [LAUGH] >> She gallops around the ring,

00:05:47 somersaulting into the center as she slaps the glorious,

00:05:52 what only can be described as the rear of the sewing machine, the humanoid,

00:05:57 into the backstage area.

00:05:59 She stands there in full pride and she just gives her hair.

00:06:02 >> You said you didn't have anything planned.

00:06:04 >> I didn't, that just came naturally to me.

00:06:06 >> That's what's so horrible about it.

00:06:07 >> [LAUGH] >> The mic is yours.

00:06:11 >> It's happening.

00:06:12 It's been a while, let's see if she's still there.

00:06:15 It's been two long years, two long glorious years.

00:06:21 And I am just as damn intimidating.

00:06:26 >> [LAUGH] >> As ever.

00:06:31 >> [LAUGH] >> It's really gonna squeeze

00:06:36 your brain around now.

00:06:39 >> [LAUGH] >> That's all.

00:06:45 >> Huge pop.

00:06:46 >> [APPLAUSE] >> Damn win, damn win, damn win,

00:06:50 damn win, damn win.

00:06:52 >> [LAUGH] >> Kiersey is just standing at the edge

00:06:56 of the ring.

00:06:57 >> Hello, dear.

00:06:58 >> Watching you.

00:06:58 >> What's up?

00:06:59 >> Well, you're- >> Okay.

00:07:07 >> [LAUGH] >> Your first day back in the ring after

00:07:11 two years, is there nothing else you would like to say to the great city British

00:07:14 public?

00:07:16 >> Not really, I think we're gonna have a lovely time.

00:07:20 Lots of violence, I promise.

00:07:21 >> Lovely time, lovely time, lovely time, lovely time.

00:07:26 >> Honestly, Denimatrix, I was really hoping once you won the belt,

00:07:31 you would show a little more enthusiasm for the company.

00:07:34 >> No.

00:07:35 >> [LAUGH] >> No, no, no, no, no.

00:07:40 >> No.

00:07:41 >> [LAUGH] >> Somewhere in the back.

00:07:45 >> [LAUGH] >> Denimatrix.

00:07:49 >> Yes?

00:07:50 >> A championship belt is hard fought for and hard won.

00:07:53 >> Yes.

00:07:55 >> But it needs to be hard maintained as well.

00:07:59 >> I gained a good wash over the last two years, it's very shiny.

00:08:03 >> And we do appreciate that.

00:08:04 >> Yeah. >> But we're going to need a little bit

00:08:05 more from you than just a run in the spin dry machine and

00:08:09 a couple of friendly words to a packed stadium full of people.

00:08:13 >> What do you want from me?

00:08:14 You're such a demanding little, no, don't do it.

00:08:18 >> I'm so glad you asked.

00:08:20 >> [LAUGH] >> I am so glad you asked, Denimatrix.

00:08:25 Although it is not about what I want for you,

00:08:27 it's about what the company wants for you.

00:08:29 >> I know you just want me to be happy.

00:08:31 >> I don't care if you're happy or not, Denimatrix.

00:08:33 I just care if you're good for business.

00:08:37 And a lackadaisical champion is no champion at all.

00:08:43 Have no fear, Denimatrix.

00:08:47 It is important to me that you are given a chance to show the public the champion

00:08:52 that you can be.

00:08:53 And so the best way to do that is to have you defend your championship

00:08:56 in front of a championship contender.

00:08:58 And well, we might as well do that right now.

00:09:01 >> [SOUND] >> Match.

00:09:04 >> No, wait, wait, wait, QVC, now.

00:09:06 >> [LAUGH] >> I'll have you know,

00:09:09 I have everything I own custom made.

00:09:11 >> [LAUGH] >> Yeah, okay.

00:09:16 But so I have to defend the belt that I spent the entire last season

00:09:21 in the first match.

00:09:22 >> Yes.

00:09:24 >> You're an ass.

00:09:26 >> Ooh.

00:09:28 >> Ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass.

00:09:35 >> But absolutely fine, bring it on.

00:09:37 >> Bring it on indeed.

00:09:40 >> Is it against you?

00:09:42 Again, we had a lovely time last time, let's do it again.

00:09:44 >> I'm going to bring it on, but you'd better be in it to win it.

00:09:47 >> [LAUGH] >> Zip it.

00:09:51 >> [LAUGH] >> Enough talk.

00:09:55 >> Stand up.

00:09:57 >> The following contest is scheduled for one, four.

00:10:04 >> One, four.

00:10:06 >> Making their way to the ring,

00:10:09 hailing from little glittering,

00:10:12 the golden, golden, golden.

00:10:17 >> God, he's in a title match.

00:10:19 It's a first name.

00:10:22 >> No.

00:10:22 >> Where's my music?

00:10:23 >> Where's my music?

00:10:24 >> I'm so thrilled.

00:10:26 >> No.

00:10:28 >> Yeah, more dry ice, more lasers.

00:10:31 Cut to the screen, there's clips of what I've been doing over the last two years.

00:10:36 I moved to America, I got signed by Big Time.

00:10:38 I tried it out in Hollywood, maybe it didn't work out that much.

00:10:41 But I'm back and I've been training.

00:10:42 I'm much, much bigger and I've had a hair transplant.

00:10:45 >> [LAUGH] >> I'm so glad you didn't skip over that.

00:10:51 >> In character.

00:10:52 >> [LAUGH] >> In character, I've had a hair transplant.

00:10:54 >> Okay, yes, you did, Stephen.

00:10:56 >> I come in, I enter, everyone so glad to see me.

00:11:01 And I've got my tag belt.

00:11:03 I'm a tag team champion as well.

00:11:05 And I'm coming for your belt.

00:11:07 That is what the people of CBW want.

00:11:10 >> Yes, okay, I'm running down to the ring.

00:11:12 Everybody is incredibly pleased to see me.

00:11:15 Up on the top turnbuckle, Joe.

00:11:18 >> Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:11:26 >> But the crowd aren't actually chanting that.

00:11:28 They're chanting Joe.

00:11:30 >> It's up to the crowd.

00:11:31 Tell you what, roll on look.

00:11:34 Roll on look and see if you can turn this around.

00:11:36 >> Look is plus two.

00:11:38 >> Yep, seven.

00:11:40 >> There's still a little bit of bro at the bottom, but

00:11:43 the majority of the crowd is now back to chanting Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:11:48 >> Pop off the turnbuckle, as you can just hear Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:11:51 I come up to you.

00:11:52 I'm gonna offer you my hand to shake.

00:11:55 >> Yeah. >> You're gonna shake it?

00:11:56 >> I'm gonna say to you, that's what a real champion sounds like.

00:12:00 >> [LAUGH] >> Okay, a person who rolls over and

00:12:04 just does it for everyone else, yeah.

00:12:06 >> A winner.

00:12:07 >> No, I wouldn't say that.

00:12:11 You've done so well and you've worked so hard, but I really like.

00:12:14 >> Thank you for putting me in this match.

00:12:16 Grateful for the opportunity, QC.

00:12:20 >> You have a moment with the mic if you want it, Joe.

00:12:23 >> It is great to be back in Bristol.

00:12:26 >> Bristol, that's where we are.

00:12:29 >> And of course, I'd just like to say thank you to Dick Power Chewies.

00:12:33 You can get a discount at Dick Power Chewies.

00:12:35 If you go to my social media handles.

00:12:37 >> [LAUGH] >> It's in the 90s.

00:12:41 >> Social media handles.

00:12:43 No, visit this link.

00:12:45 >> MySpace page.

00:12:46 >> [LAUGH] >> There's a phone line you can call.

00:12:53 You can see that on the leaflets.

00:12:56 Reclaim your manhood.

00:12:59 Yes.

00:12:59 >> [LAUGH] >> It is great to be back here.

00:13:03 I've missed you guys a lot and that's why I'm bringing you such great offers from

00:13:07 my sponsors.

00:13:08 Now I'm ready to win that championship.

00:13:11 Like I should have done last season.

00:13:13 Because as great as this tag belt is, it's only 50% of something.

00:13:19 And the other half of that, I'm not about anymore.

00:13:22 Don't know what he's up to.

00:13:24 So I'm coming for gold and gold.

00:13:26 >> [LAUGH] Okay, that's lovely.

00:13:29 Do you want to do the mic?

00:13:30 I don't need a mic.

00:13:32 >> I may stand for fucking shit up, but I do not stand for breaking technology.

00:13:37 The technicians in this show work very hard.

00:13:39 Very hard.

00:13:40 And you're coming in here trashing their technology?

00:13:42 Sure, that's the acting of a champion.

00:13:44 Or is it the acting of someone who's trying a little bit too hard?

00:13:46 >> Can't hear you, I'm flexing.

00:13:47 >> [LAUGH] >> Fuck shit up, I'll leave you.

00:13:55 >> Yeah, do not mess with equipment.

00:13:57 >> A couple of technicians come up from behind the ramp and

00:13:59 go, how will they see the fucking app?

00:14:00 >> [LAUGH] >> You've made a person into a sewing

00:14:03 machine.

00:14:03 >> [LAUGH] >> I didn't make them into a sewing machine.

00:14:05 >> Equipment.

00:14:07 >> I treat that equipment with respect.

00:14:10 >> You are gross, I don't like you.

00:14:11 >> [LAUGH] >> I'm gonna take your belt.

00:14:15 >> Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:14:16 Okay, the match starts.

00:14:16 >> What?

00:14:18 >> What?

00:14:19 >> You started control.

00:14:20 >> Okay. >> What are you doing?

00:14:21 >> I'm just going to stand and stare at you with so

00:14:28 much aggression that you start to feel way more uncomfortable and

00:14:32 insecure than you already did.

00:14:33 >> Okay, so this is gonna be a contested look roll to see if your

00:14:38 aggression can overpower Joe's ego.

00:14:40 So I want a look roll from both of you.

00:14:41 >> At the same time?

00:14:43 >> One in there, one in there.

00:14:44 >> Check, check, check, check.

00:14:45 >> [SOUND]

00:14:47 >> [LAUGH]

00:14:50 >> My God.

00:14:52 >> The champion's first roll.

00:14:55 >> Can I hit my finisher immediately?

00:14:57 >> No.

00:14:58 >> No, he's gonna have a belt.

00:15:00 >> [LAUGH]

00:15:04 >> What's your roll?

00:15:06 >> Well, I got nine.

00:15:07 >> Nine. >> But that's a critical failure.

00:15:09 >> That's a critical fail, so that means negative consequences of her, but

00:15:11 it doesn't necessarily mean positive things for you.

00:15:13 So you have failed to be intimidated, however- >> Your eyes fall out.

00:15:17 >> However, on that critical fail- >> You had your eyes closed the whole time.

00:15:22 >> Just all of a sudden, that sort of mix of fear and wonder that the audience have

00:15:28 for you just seems to dip a little bit, and all of a sudden,

00:15:31 you're not so scary anymore.

00:15:32 >> What?

00:15:33 >> No.

00:15:34 >> That is a minus one to your current look score for the rest of the match.

00:15:37 >> Shit.

00:15:40 >> And the chance, Joe, Joe.

00:15:41 >> Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:15:46 >> What are you doing?

00:15:46 >> I'm running right at her, I'm getting a Joe kick, it's a drop kick.

00:15:50 Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:15:51 >> Give me power for the drop kick, give me power for the drop kick.

00:15:53 >> But it's named after me.

00:15:55 >> Everything's named after you, Joe, give me power.

00:15:58 >> Okay, power zero.

00:16:00 It's a nine.

00:16:01 >> Cool, yeah, the drop kick connects, boom, knocks the damage off the mat.

00:16:04 >> Jesus.

00:16:05 >> What are you doing?

00:16:06 >> I'm still in control.

00:16:07 I guess you go into the corner, you fall down, and

00:16:13 I'm gonna sort of do a Tommaso Ciampani or a Zack Ryder boot.

00:16:17 >> That's another power roll.

00:16:18 >> Yeah, crap.

00:16:19 >> Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:16:21 >> My God.

00:16:22 >> He's unlocked the power of the dice.

00:16:24 >> We're on fire.

00:16:25 >> Crack, that knee connects painfully against the denim matrix.

00:16:28 I'm gonna give you one more.

00:16:30 >> Okay, they're gonna pop up out of that, and I'm gonna hit an RK Joe.

00:16:35 >> My God.

00:16:36 >> Okay, that's gonna be- >> It's a signature move.

00:16:37 >> It's a signature move, that's gonna be a, I would say a work one for the RK Joe.

00:16:41 >> No, it's minus one on work.

00:16:45 Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:16:47 >> Unbelievable.

00:16:49 >> My God.

00:16:49 >> Unbelievable, Jeff.

00:16:50 >> Unbelievable.

00:16:51 >> He's rolling so hot.

00:16:53 >> So much heat, yeah.

00:16:54 >> It's because the dice want this to happen.

00:16:56 >> [LAUGH]

00:16:57 >> Didn't he either?

00:16:58 >> He's had two years to rig them.

00:16:59 >> This is rage, this is rage.

00:17:00 >> Okay, so yeah, you connect with the RK Joe, boom,

00:17:03 the denim matrix back down against the mat again.

00:17:05 Let's hear from you, denim matrix.

00:17:06 >> Is it for me?

00:17:07 >> Let's hear from you.

00:17:08 >> Well, that's it.

00:17:08 >> [LAUGH]

00:17:10 >> Joe, off you go, off you pop.

00:17:13 >> Let me show myself out.

00:17:16 Okay, so I'm on the floor.

00:17:18 I am got no strength and I'm just like-

00:17:22 >> You just look so small.

00:17:23 >> I look so small.

00:17:24 I know the only thing I can do now is bring myself to my knees and

00:17:31 raise my hands to my head and essentially look deep in Joe's eyes and

00:17:37 say you are an incredible wrestler and really, really amazing.

00:17:43 And I really, it's an honor to fight against you and

00:17:48 I don't know if I can do this.

00:17:50 And I want to really, really get his ego into position so

00:17:55 that when I dip my fingers into my open gouges on my head and

00:18:00 pull them over his eyes and inspect gently,

00:18:05 that he is so enamored by what's happened.

00:18:10 >> So you're basically trying to flop up his ego in a way that is so subtle he

00:18:14 doesn't notice it, blind him with the blood from your still open wounds.

00:18:17 That's a real roll.

00:18:17 >> Thank you.

00:18:19 >> Real plus two.

00:18:20 >> Come on.

00:18:20 >> Come on, denim.

00:18:22 >> [LAUGH]

00:18:25 >> That's six.

00:18:28 >> Shit.

00:18:28 >> My God.

00:18:29 >> So for a moment, your ego was taken in by this, but at that last point,

00:18:34 you looked down at the denim atrius on her knees and yeah, she's not that scary anymore.

00:18:38 And you can see what she's trying to do and

00:18:39 you can see the bloody fingers coming for your face.

00:18:41 >> Yeah, I agree I'm great.

00:18:42 And I'm not gonna get sucked in by your weird ways.

00:18:46 >> [LAUGH]

00:18:47 >> You tell her.

00:18:48 >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:18:49 >> [LAUGH]

00:18:51 >> I have been working in America a lot

00:18:53 recently and I learned a few rest holds.

00:18:56 I'm getting in the golden, it's a full Nelson.

00:18:59 It's a full golden.

00:19:00 I'm gonna rest hold you.

00:19:02 I'm gonna trash talk you in here live.

00:19:04 >> What are you gonna trash talk?

00:19:05 >> Okay, I'll let you run on work for that rest hold.

00:19:08 >> Come down, come down.

00:19:09 >> Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe.

00:19:11 >> Yes, yes, thank you, Doug.

00:19:13 >> Three, three.

00:19:14 >> Thank you.

00:19:15 >> Three, yeah, you try to get your hands around this rest hold, but

00:19:19 in the act of getting blood out of your open sutures to try and blind Joe,

00:19:22 you've now got quite a lot of blood on you in general.

00:19:25 And it's kind of lubricated you to the point that-

00:19:27 >> Blood loop, blood loop.

00:19:29 >> Blood loop, blood loop, blood loop, blood loop.

00:19:32 >> We've got our episodes tight.

00:19:33 >> [LAUGH]

00:19:35 >> Blood loop.

00:19:36 >> And you just slip out, yeah, you slip out of the rest hold.

00:19:39 What are you doing?

00:19:40 >> I am just gonna go slip out, just run towards the rope, and

00:19:44 then just go straight for a big swing on punch to the face.

00:19:47 >> That will be a power?

00:19:48 >> Yeah, I love a power.

00:19:49 No, I don't.

00:19:50 >> Too late, go for it, roll on the power.

00:19:52 >> Can I change?

00:19:53 >> No.

00:19:54 >> [LAUGH]

00:19:55 >> Come on, Lola, you got this.

00:19:57 >> Come on, Lola.

00:19:58 >> I've got a good feeling about this.

00:19:59 >> Damn win, damn win, damn win.

00:20:01 >> Damn win, damn win, damn win.

00:20:03 >> Yes!

00:20:04 >> Seven.

00:20:05 >> A seven.

00:20:06 >> Yeah, you connect with that punch and boom, straight in Joey's face.

00:20:09 Knocks him to the mat.

00:20:10 He slips on the blood currently on the mat.

00:20:12 >> Yeah, he's covered in it.

00:20:14 >> Yeah, what are you doing?

00:20:16 >> I'm then just gonna go full on for a step to the face.

00:20:19 >> That's gonna be a kick to the face?

00:20:21 >> No, more like a stomp.

00:20:22 I wanna go heel to jaw.

00:20:24 >> Yeah, that's.

00:20:24 Now that's a kick, which is a power roll.

00:20:29 But- >> But I am wearing stilettos on my feet.

00:20:33 >> If you're working stiff- >> So I wanted to go through-

00:20:35 >> That's arguably a real roll.

00:20:36 >> So I wanna pierce.

00:20:38 >> My God.

00:20:39 >> Perfect.

00:20:40 So when he stands up, you can see the stiletto through his mouth.

00:20:43 >> Yeah. >> Like a bit.

00:20:44 >> Yeah.

00:20:45 >> My God, yes, it was gonna be my pony.

00:20:48 >> God, you're the new sewing machine.

00:20:49 >> [LAUGH] >> Golden Joanie.

00:20:52 >> [LAUGH]

00:20:53 >> My little Joanie.

00:20:55 >> That's a real roll.

00:20:57 >> Come on.

00:20:57 >> No, no, no.

00:20:58 >> Come on.

00:20:58 >> Plus two, right?

00:20:59 >> Plus two, win.

00:21:00 >> You can't let this happen.

00:21:01 Nice.

00:21:01 >> That's five.

00:21:04 >> That's five.

00:21:05 >> Wait, wait, wait.

00:21:06 >> You have a re-roll.

00:21:07 >> I have a re-roll.

00:21:08 >> What would you like to do?

00:21:09 >> Cuz this is every, cuz Joe stands for everything I hate at the company.

00:21:12 All the brown nosing, everything that you just try and

00:21:15 succeed for the sake of succeeding.

00:21:17 All you care about is being the big dog.

00:21:20 You just basically lick ass in management all the time.

00:21:23 It's gross, it's inauthentic, and it's bullshit.

00:21:27 And I'd like to re-roll because I wanna fuck his shit up.

00:21:29 >> Yes, come on.

00:21:30 >> Yes.

00:21:32 >> Come on.

00:21:33 >> Step on his face.

00:21:34 >> Yeah.

00:21:35 >> Come on, I wanna go with the win.

00:21:36 >> Come on, you let this move happen.

00:21:37 >> [LAUGH]

00:21:39 >> Yes, it's exactly.

00:21:41 >> My God.

00:21:42 >> Okay, well, my God.

00:21:43 >> It's a roll dice for four.

00:21:45 >> Start it up, guys.

00:21:47 Welcome back to- >> What?

00:21:48 >> We're bringing a big gun.

00:21:49 >> Wait, wait, wait, wait.

00:21:50 >> That's not a snake eyes, but that is a fail.

00:21:53 So yeah, failed re-roll, I'm afraid.

00:21:55 You try to kick him in the face, but all that time spent basically bulking up

00:21:58 has given you rock solid cheek muscles.

00:22:00 >> Mm.

00:22:01 >> Yeah.

00:22:02 >> [LAUGH]

00:22:03 >> Yeah, you basically block the heel with

00:22:05 your powerful face.

00:22:06 What are you doing, Joe?

00:22:08 >> Like a little puffer fish.

00:22:09 >> Yeah.

00:22:10 >> So I've blocked it, and now I've grabbed your leg, and

00:22:14 I am just gonna, well, it's called the Joe Blow.

00:22:16 I'm just gonna punch it in the stomach bit there.

00:22:22 So my baby face.

00:22:23 >> Right.

00:22:23 >> Go for it. So that's just punch, that's a power-up for a punch.

00:22:25 >> God.

00:22:26 Don't do this.

00:22:27 >> Jack, Jack, Jack.

00:22:28 >> No.

00:22:30 >> Fine, okay, we're good.

00:22:31 Again, I think sort of the lubrication in your general liminal, this is enough.

00:22:34 What are you doing?

00:22:35 >> I just, God.

00:22:38 [LAUGH]

00:22:40 At this point, I'm gonna go all the way back over to the other ropes,

00:22:45 bounce off, and give a nice little right hook to the face.

00:22:48 >> That's gonna be- >> You're standing, aren't you, though?

00:22:49 >> That's gonna be another power roll.

00:22:51 >> Finish him low.

00:22:52 [SOUND]

00:22:55 >> Okay, yes.

00:22:56 >> So it's eight.

00:22:58 >> That's an eight.

00:22:59 Yeah, that's a success.

00:23:00 You bounce off the rope, go back in, crack, another punch to the face,

00:23:02 another slip on the blood, another boom, Joey's body on the mat.

00:23:05 What are you doing?

00:23:06 >> I'm gonna go for the thread count.

00:23:07 Can I go for the golden shower, but with ten punches, but

00:23:11 I'm calling it the thread count.

00:23:12 >> Absolutely, that's- >> What the fuck?

00:23:14 [LAUGH]

00:23:16 >> Are you treating this as your finisher?

00:23:18 >> I'm treating it as attempting a finish, not necessarily a finish.

00:23:22 >> Okay, if you're basically attempting to finish the match,

00:23:24 just a straight 2D6 roll, no mods.

00:23:26 >> What?

00:23:26 >> That's how the rules work.

00:23:27 >> Okay.

00:23:28 >> [LAUGH]

00:23:30 >> What rules?

00:23:30 >> [LAUGH]

00:23:31 >> For whom?

00:23:32 >> Just straight 2D6.

00:23:33 >> I don't wanna do this.

00:23:34 >> You got this.

00:23:35 >> [SOUND]

00:23:38 >> You have another reroll.

00:23:39 >> I do, but then I've whacked it all on the first match.

00:23:42 >> Yeah, so this is, you've already done your face reroll by,

00:23:44 what, the face reroll for standing up what you believe in.

00:23:47 So now you have to do a heel reroll,

00:23:48 which is for doing whatever it takes to get what you want.

00:23:52 >> Yeah, 100%.

00:23:53 I wanna see his jaw smash into some other rings.

00:23:56 >> It's like the opposite of gonna beat up someone, taking the rings off.

00:23:59 >> Well, I think it's fucking up my roll.

00:24:01 >> Yeah, sure, sure.

00:24:02 >> [LAUGH]

00:24:03 >> That's a shame, that's a shame.

00:24:04 >> Yeah, obviously, it's why I'm rolling so badly.

00:24:07 >> It is!

00:24:07 >> [LAUGH]

00:24:09 >> It is!

00:24:10 >> Jeez!

00:24:11 >> Shit!

00:24:12 >> [LAUGH]

00:24:13 >> Take us through the thread count, though.

00:24:14 >> The thread count is just the iconic move that is mine.

00:24:19 >> [LAUGH]

00:24:19 >> When I rain down-

00:24:20 >> What?

00:24:22 >> Ten denim punches straight to the face of whoever I'm going against.

00:24:28 And each punch, my fist just goes further and further into that very muscular face.

00:24:33 But it's so muscular that it just like dents and dents and dents.

00:24:37 And I just bring down.

00:24:39 >> Damn win, damn win, damn win, damn win.

00:24:42 >> Okay, so for that final punch, you go in for the pin?

00:24:44 >> Yeah, I go in for the pin.

00:24:46 >> One, two, three.

00:24:48 >> No!

00:24:49 >> Ding, ding, ding, you're winner.

00:24:51 >> And still City British Champion, the Daddy Maytree.

00:24:57 >> [APPLAUSE]

00:24:59 >> Damn win, damn win, damn win.

00:25:01 [MUSIC]

00:25:06 >> I go over to Joe.

00:25:08 Can I go over to Joe and just give him a little stroke?

00:25:10 >> No.

00:25:12 >> Come on, just like a little, little one.

00:25:14 And I pull out like little denim band-aids from my pocket.

00:25:18 >> And offer you little denim band-aids for your wound.

00:25:22 There you go.

00:25:23 >> Whoa.

00:25:25 There's no need to be such a stitch about it.

00:25:27 >> [LAUGH]

00:25:30 >> Okay, QC's paralegals gather around Joe and

00:25:34 just ease him out of the ring and up the ramp backstage.

00:25:38 QC is currently nowhere to be seen.

00:25:41 And then, the Wrestle Trunk springs into life above the ramp.

00:25:45 And you see QC on the screen there, standing behind a podium with a bunch of

00:25:50 microphones, like maybe half a dozen, just set up below his mouth.

00:25:55 Well, well done, Denim Matrix.

00:26:00 >> [LAUGH]

00:26:01 >> Well defended.

00:26:02 We'll make a champion out of you yet, maybe.

00:26:05 >> Hey, I'm Adam from PartsFarKnow, and

00:26:08 we hope you're enjoying this episode of CBW Season 2.

00:26:12 Doesn't it look nice?

00:26:15 Looks so much better than Season 1, because, well, we put some time, effort,

00:26:19 and money into making it.

00:26:21 And with that being said, if you'd like to support CBW,

00:26:24 head on over to our Patreon, patreon.com/wrestletalk,

00:26:28 where we've just added a bunch of CBW-based stuff to our tiers.

00:26:33 We've got early access, we've got a way to get a video message from your favorite

00:26:38 CBW character, exclusive podcasts, and more.

00:26:41 Head on over to our Patreon to check out what's on offer.

00:26:45 Enjoy the rest of the episode.

00:26:47 We'll see you soon.

00:26:48 >> Now, I promised the city British public a night of champions.

00:26:52 And well, Denim Matrix,

00:26:56 you're no longer the only singles champion on the city British roster.

00:27:04 The camera zooms out a little bit now, so you just get a little more view of this.

00:27:08 This narrow stage, I think sort of like WrestleMania press conference kind of set

00:27:11 up, the little podium in front, some mics, and the CBW logo on some curtains behind.

00:27:15 Now, members of the press,

00:27:21 although city British wrestling has been off screens for two years,

00:27:24 city British wrestling has been hard at work behind the scenes for two years.

00:27:28 [LAUGH] That was very clever.

00:27:29 >> [LAUGH]

00:27:31 >> One of management's many wise decisions

00:27:33 being, well, the acquisition and subsequent dissolution

00:27:38 of Toronto-based wrestling promotion, Canadian Battle Wrestling.

00:27:43 There can be only one CBW after all.

00:27:46 However, management did decide to keep one member of

00:27:52 the Canadian Battle Wrestling roster on our books.

00:27:55 None other than Canadian Battle Champion, Mabel Syrup.

00:28:01 >> Yeah!

00:28:03 >> Mabel, Rosie, can you please describe the woman who walks across this stage to

00:28:07 stand behind the podium?

00:28:08 >> Mabel steps into the light, brown leather boots,

00:28:14 one at a time, walking in with a posture of a woman who knows what she wants,

00:28:22 knows what's right, and knows what she's gonna get.

00:28:28 >> Hair flowing in the non-existent breeze, hand tipped, a bit of snow on the top.

00:28:32 >> [LAUGH]

00:28:34 >> It hasn't been snowing,

00:28:35 she brought it on the plane.

00:28:37 >> [LAUGH]

00:28:38 >> And yeah, she looks confident and

00:28:40 comfortable.

00:28:41 >> You get a nod from QC, and then he gestures out to the assembled members of

00:28:45 the press for questions.

00:28:47 One of them immediately puts their hand up.

00:28:49 Mabel, Mabel, how does it feel to leave your home and

00:28:52 travel halfway across the world?

00:28:54 >> [LAUGH]

00:28:57 >> There we go.

00:28:58 >> Here comes the accent.

00:28:58 >> [LAUGH]

00:28:59 >> We've been building to this.

00:29:01 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:29:02 >> [LAUGH]

00:29:04 >> It feels like a home from home.

00:29:08 And even though it's not snowing here,

00:29:11 the people are very, very, very friendly.

00:29:16 And I'm just happy to, happy to, happy to, happy to be here.

00:29:23 >> [LAUGH]

00:29:25 >> [LAUGH]

00:29:25 >> Nailed it.

00:29:28 >> Mabel, Mabel, what do you think you bring to City British Wrestling as

00:29:31 the Canadian Battle Champion?

00:29:33 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:29:34 >> [LAUGH]

00:29:36 >> Well, the Canadian wrestling is a

00:29:39 little like within the rules.

00:29:43 There's no legal rules in City British Wrestling.

00:29:49 So yeah, I'm looking forward to bringing some of that good old legal wrestling

00:29:55 to City British Wrestling time, thank you.

00:29:58 >> Mabel, Mabel, what's it like not being the only top dog in town?

00:30:02 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:30:03 >> [LAUGH]

00:30:06 >> The only top dog in my world is my

00:30:09 own little husky, and then she's whistled.

00:30:12 A huge long whistle and out from backstage just pounds, a pure white husky.

00:30:17 Here we go, Sergeant Beaver Bark.

00:30:19 >> [LAUGH]

00:30:21 >> I'm saying in there, and

00:30:22 then he sits down next to me and we have a little stroke.

00:30:25 >> Mabel, Mabel, have you had fish and chips yet?

00:30:28 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:30:30 >> [LAUGH]

00:30:32 >> No.

00:30:33 >> [LAUGH]

00:30:36 >> Sort of an older looking gentleman,

00:30:37 a sort of more of the elder statesman of wrestling journalism here.

00:30:40 It puts like a wrinkled hand up.

00:30:45 With the dissolution of Canadian battle wrestling,

00:30:49 how do you feel about leaving behind unfinished feuds, such as your

00:30:52 longstanding rivalry with sadistic French Canadian baker, Crotidian Payne?

00:30:56 >> [LAUGH]

00:30:58 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:30:59 >> [LAUGH]

00:31:01 >> Well, that was a good old feud we

00:31:05 had there, but I'm happy it's in the past.

00:31:09 >> [LAUGH]

00:31:12 >> Finally, an older woman,

00:31:14 hair sort of put into a tight bun, these very large round sunglasses, but

00:31:19 clearly jacked underneath this floral dress.

00:31:22 This is Mae Delta, one of the most famous,

00:31:25 something Luke established in season one.

00:31:27 >> [LAUGH]

00:31:28 >> One of the most famous wrestling

00:31:29 journalists in Britain.

00:31:30 Do you have any final words for the city British public before we

00:31:35 bring this conference to a close?

00:31:38 >> Yeah, no, for sure.

00:31:39 Well, it's gonna be a nice, clean, justified,

00:31:45 legal, happy community time at City British Wrestling for Old Mabel's.

00:31:54 >> Thank you, members of the press, says QC.

00:31:57 This is your last chance now to get some photos of the new face of,

00:32:01 a new face in the company.

00:32:03 >> [LAUGH]

00:32:07 >> Yes, thank you, thank you very much.

00:32:09 We'll see you all at the Colossal Tussle, and the WrestleTron cuts out.

00:32:15 We cut now not to a view of the ring, but to a view above the ring,

00:32:22 where the lighting rig is positioned over the red,

00:32:27 white and gold colors of the City British Arena.

00:32:32 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:32:35 A heavy Fresnel lantern rests above one of the turnbuckles,

00:32:42 attached by a bolted yoke.

00:32:45 And we see a pair of leather gloved hands, one holding a spanner,

00:32:52 loosen the nut on the bolt once, twice,

00:33:00 three times, precisely the same degree each time.

00:33:08 And the hands move away, and there's just a slight jiggle in the yoke.

00:33:18 We now come back to a wrestling ring, not the wrestling ring we have just seen,

00:33:22 with all its pyrotechnics and lights, but a much simpler, rough and

00:33:26 ready looking wrestling ring, in a much simpler, rough and ready looking arena.

00:33:30 The visual quality on the screen has changed slightly as well.

00:33:33 There's a bit of fuzz, a bit of visual static.

00:33:35 Even the sound seems a little bit off.

00:33:37 [BLANK_AUDIO]

00:33:39 The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

00:33:43 >> One fall.

00:33:45 >> Making their way to the ring,

00:33:48 hailing from the plains of Puddington, Yorkshire.

00:33:54 Tony, the Yorkshire outlaw.

00:33:58 Tony, the cowboy.

00:34:01 Yee-haw.

00:34:02 So you hear the sort of clip clops of horses over the sound effects,

00:34:06 and the light goes up, swinging up through the sort of stadium, through the crowd,

00:34:11 and right up in the sort of rafters with the crowd,

00:34:13 atop a brilliant black stallion, is a man in a white duster,

00:34:19 with a white cowboy hat and a black bandana, sort of covering his eyes.

00:34:22 The horse rears up, and you hear, yee-haw!

00:34:28 Lad.

00:34:28 And then the horse begins to run all the way down through the crowd,

00:34:32 knocking people out of the way,

00:34:33 but people are having a whale of a time jumping out of the way of this horse

00:34:35 as it sort of awkwardly, at quite a lot of speed, clatters through the crowd.

00:34:40 It reaches the barrier at the bottom and leaps over the barrier,

00:34:43 and all the way into the ring, and lands.

00:34:46 And Tony dismounts, and then goes to the ropes,

00:34:48 and holds them open for the horse to get out.

00:34:51 Which takes a while.

00:34:53 >> So a much younger Tony now takes the mic.

00:34:57 >>

00:35:00 Ey up, partners.

00:35:01 It's me, Tony the Outlaw, Tony the Cowboy.

00:35:06 And I am here to show you that you can be whatever you want to be.

00:35:10 Don't listen to these guys backstage,

00:35:13 because I am going to show you just what it means to be a rebel.

00:35:18 What it means to be, to go against tradition,

00:35:23 to fight for what you believe in.

00:35:27 And I'll leave it at that.

00:35:28 >>

00:35:30 Yee-haw!

00:35:31 >>

00:35:33 I'm Tony Tony!

00:35:34 >>

00:35:35 Tony.

00:35:35 >>

00:35:36 Making their way to the ring, hailing from Kensington Gore, London,

00:35:41 Albert Hall!

00:35:43 >>

00:35:47 A two-string quartet step up the top of this ramp,

00:35:50 and try to squeeze into the sides of the ramp as much as they can,

00:35:52 and still work their instruments,

00:35:54 and out pounds a huge, well over seven foot tall,

00:35:58 big kind of haystack of a man with a big thick beard,

00:36:01 sort of long dark hair over his shoulders,

00:36:03 a pair of sort of loose fitting cotton trousers,

00:36:06 some big heavy shoes.

00:36:07 He has a calm smile on his face, but a mean look in his eyes,

00:36:12 and he stands there with his arms folded for a moment,

00:36:14 just listening to the music,

00:36:16 breathing in the sounds of the string quartet,

00:36:20 and then starts marching, big arms swinging back and forth,

00:36:23 down the ramp, up the steps, stepping over the top rope,

00:36:27 then takes a stop, breathes the music in one more time,

00:36:30 looks out at this small, young CBW audience,

00:36:37 does a half bow,

00:36:39 and then locks eyes with you, Tony.

00:36:44 So, back in the mid-60s, my friend, you weren't a veteran,

00:36:49 so you will be rolling with different stats.

00:36:52 >>

00:36:52 I know.

00:36:52 >>

00:36:53 Adam, could Tony please borrow your high flyer stats for this match?

00:36:57 >>

00:36:58 You absolutely may.

00:36:59 Zero look, minus two power.

00:37:02 >>

00:37:02 Oh, good. Thank you.

00:37:03 >>

00:37:04 Minus one reel, but plus two work.

00:37:08 >>

00:37:08 Plus two work?

00:37:09 >>

00:37:10 You can do moves.

00:37:11 >>

00:37:11 I can do moves.

00:37:13 >>

00:37:13 But can he roll, though?

00:37:14 >>

00:37:16 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

00:37:17 We'll start with you in control, Tony.

00:37:18 >>

00:37:19 Knock, knock.

00:37:20 >>

00:37:23 Who's there?

00:37:23 >>

00:37:24 Interrupting cowboy.

00:37:25 >>

00:37:26 Interrupting...

00:37:27 >>

00:37:27 I kick him...

00:37:27 >>

00:37:30 I immediately kick him in the gut, and I go for the cattle driver,

00:37:34 which is a Canadian destroyer.

00:37:35 >>

00:37:36 So, kicking in the gut, that's going to be a power roll.

00:37:38 >>

00:37:39 Not good.

00:37:39 >>

00:37:40 Almost two-seventy.

00:37:41 >>

00:37:42 One.

00:37:43 >>

00:37:43 One.

00:37:43 >>

00:37:45 He's back, everyone.

00:37:46 >>

00:37:47 Tony, everybody.

00:37:48 Tony.

00:37:49 >>

00:37:51 Fucking pleased to be here.

00:37:53 >>

00:37:53 Oh, shit.

00:37:54 >>

00:37:55 Your boot connects with Albert Hall, but you can see he's immediately performing his signature

00:38:00 move, sold out, where he just stands there and no-sells everything.

00:38:04 And he just stands there.

00:38:05 Your foot bounces off his stomach, his arms are folded, looking in the eye.

00:38:10 He's impossible to read.

00:38:11 >>

00:38:11 Hang on, hang on, hang on.

00:38:12 Forget that, forget that.

00:38:13 Knock, knock.

00:38:14 >>

00:38:15 Who's...?

00:38:16 >>

00:38:16 I'm just going to try and flip straight over.

00:38:18 >>

00:38:18 The Canadian destroyer, just by jumping over the top.

00:38:20 >>

00:38:21 You can roll and work for that.

00:38:22 >>

00:38:23 Come on, Tony.

00:38:23 >>

00:38:24 No, no.

00:38:24 There you go.

00:38:25 >>

00:38:25 Yes.

00:38:25 >>

00:38:25 There you go.

00:38:26 >>

00:38:26 That is a nine.

00:38:28 >>

00:38:28 Yeah, talk us through that Canadian destroyer, up to the point where you connect with his

00:38:31 body and I'll take it from there.

00:38:32 >>

00:38:32 Yep, so Tony bounds up into the air in this sort of huge dive, and as he goes over the

00:38:36 top, his knees just together on the guy's head.

00:38:38 >>

00:38:40 Albert Hall's head flips down.

00:38:42 He takes one heavy, pounding step forward.

00:38:44 Even moving Albert Hall a step across the ring is a real achievement, and he's dazed,

00:38:49 still firmly standing on the ground, legs now slightly apart, but still dazed.

00:38:52 What are you doing?

00:38:53 >>

00:38:54 I'm going to attempt to slide through all the while, tying his legs into sort of a knot

00:39:00 around my own, and I'm going to lock on the root and toot and sharpshooter.

00:39:03 >>

00:39:05 Okay, so you're sliding through his legs.

00:39:07 >>

00:39:08 And I'm basically going to try and take him to the ground while sort of flipping up on

00:39:11 the other side, holding him in the sharpshooter.

00:39:12 >>

00:39:13 Okay, and you can roll and work for that.

00:39:14 >>

00:39:15 Yeah.

00:39:15 >>

00:39:15 Here it comes.

00:39:16 >>

00:39:16 Just going to...

00:39:17 >>

00:39:17 Oh!

00:39:18 >>

00:39:18 That's a dirty 12.

00:39:20 >>

00:39:21 Yeah, Albert Hall, the man mountain, the un-knock-downable building of a man that is

00:39:28 Albert Hall, gets your tactician's body wrapped around his legs, and there's a sway back,

00:39:35 and a sway forth, and a sway back, and a sway forth, and then...

00:39:39 >>

00:39:41 Boom!

00:39:42 This huge form collides with the mat, and you have him locked in the sharpshooter.

00:39:46 >>

00:39:47 Fabulous. I'm wrenching the legs. So what I'm going to do is, while I'm holding the

00:39:51 legs with one arm, I'm going to use the other arm to take my lasso, and I'm going to lasso

00:39:54 his legs, and I'm going to throw the end of the rope out of the ring to Triple H, handsome

00:39:58 horse Helmsley.

00:39:59 >>

00:40:00 Oh!

00:40:00 >>

00:40:02 And he's going to pull to basically hold the sharpshooter in.

00:40:06 >>

00:40:06 Okay, that's going to be rolled on look because you're using Triple H.

00:40:08 >>

00:40:12 No, no, no.

00:40:13 >>

00:40:13 Hey, hey, hey.

00:40:18 >>

00:40:18 Don't be silly, Tony. Don't try things outside your wheelhouse. That's weird, Tony.

00:40:23 >>

00:40:23 No fun for you, Tony.

00:40:24 >>

00:40:24 So you get that rope wrapped around his legs. You try to cinch it off, but you have to release

00:40:28 some kind of hold on the sharpshooter to do this, and as soon as a little bit of your

00:40:33 younger man's strength leaves Albert Hall's body, his powerful muscles move back into

00:40:38 action, and he just breaks the rope apart with his legs, knocking you back against the

00:40:43 ring. He knocks you back against the ropes. He, boom, moves onto one knee.

00:40:46 >>

00:40:48 Oh, that was a nuisance, I'll tell you.

00:40:50 >>

00:40:51 And he gets himself upright, and then, looking in the eye, goes in for the orchestra pit,

00:40:58 where he wraps a big arm around your body and smothers your head inside his massive armpit.

00:41:03 >>

00:41:03 So gross.

00:41:05 >>

00:41:05 Like the arm that he's lifting up to put me underneath and basically try and twist it

00:41:08 round behind him. So I'm going to try and reverse the position.

00:41:10 >>

00:41:10 Work your way out of it. Okay, so right now your face is deep in armpit.

00:41:13 >>

00:41:13 Great.

00:41:14 >>

00:41:14 Oh, for fuck's sake.

00:41:17 >>

00:41:20 That is a seven.

00:41:21 >>

00:41:22 You're rolling on work for this.

00:41:23 >>

00:41:24 Oh, that's a nine.

00:41:24 >>

00:41:24 That's a nine. Great. That's still a regular success, not quite hard. So we'll say that

00:41:28 you managed to manoeuvre your way out of the armpit so you're free, but I'll say on a

00:41:33 regular success, that isn't enough to also do the counter. But now you're free and you're

00:41:37 still in control. What are you doing?

00:41:38 >>

00:41:38 I'm going to shove him back into the corner and hop up onto the turnbuckle to hit the

00:41:44 three ten counter Yuma.

00:41:45 >>

00:41:46 So I would say that's a power roll for the shove. That's a work roll for the Yuma.

00:41:49 >>

00:41:49 Cool. That's going to go really well. That's gone really well.

00:41:53 >>

00:41:53 Yeah.

00:41:53 >>

00:41:54 Oh, Tony.

00:41:55 >>

00:41:56 I don't even want to roll the other one.

00:41:57 >>

00:41:57 You can reroll the other one.

00:41:58 >>

00:41:58 Yeah, you can reroll it.

00:41:59 >>

00:42:00 I must reroll it.

00:42:01 >>

00:42:01 You can only get one better.

00:42:03 >>

00:42:03 Shush. Shush. What do you know?

00:42:05 >>

00:42:07 That was worse.

00:42:07 >>

00:42:07 Oh, it's so good to have you back.

00:42:09 >>

00:42:10 Yeah, you go to shove him.

00:42:11 >>

00:42:12 You go to shove him. You push against his chest. He doesn't move a muscle. He just leans back

00:42:16 and goes in with a hard headbutt. Bang and knocks you to the floor.

00:42:18 >>

00:42:18 Next time I'm waiting for him to go in the corner.

00:42:20 >>

00:42:22 Yeah. Okay. You're knocked to the floor. But what are you doing?

00:42:24 >>

00:42:25 I'm knocked to the floor. I am going to launch a cow-ordinated effort.

00:42:31 >>

00:42:33 I'm going to whistle and some cows are going to run down to the ring and they're going to

00:42:37 form a little stack and I'm going to slide out under the ropes, hop up on the top, and then I'm

00:42:42 going to do something.

00:42:42 >>

00:42:42 So for the cow-ordinated effort, we've got the cows down to the floor. You're using a gimmick.

00:42:47 >>

00:42:49 >>

00:42:51 >>

00:42:51 Mate.

00:42:51 >>

00:42:51 Yes!

00:42:52 >>

00:42:52 I'm Natty 12.

00:42:53 >>

00:42:54 Mate.

00:42:54 >>

00:42:55 I'm Natty 12.

00:42:56 >>

00:42:56 I am so happy for you. Talk me through the co-ordinated effort. Talk me through your

00:42:59 finisher. Take us through the whole thing, Tony.

00:43:01 >>

00:43:02 Okay. So I whistle and Triple H Hunter, handsome horse Helmsley, runs to the back and he comes

00:43:08 out leading three cows who then form a stack outside the ring, slightly higher than a

00:43:13 turnbuckle. I roll to the outside, run up the turnbuckle, jump onto the back of the cows,

00:43:17 and from there I'm going to hit the milk float, which is a big super float. Actually, I'm not

00:43:21 going to hit the milk float. I am going to hit, Yorkshire famously is the Lone Star county of

00:43:25 the UK. I'm going to hit the Lone Star shooting press, my finisher.

00:43:29 >>

00:43:30 On that natural 12, take us through the shooting press.

00:43:33 >>

00:43:33 So he jumps up onto the back of the cow and Tony leaps into the air, performing a perfect

00:43:38 backflip while basically gaining momentum forward into the ring. And he lands flat on

00:43:44 Albert Hall.

00:43:44 >>

00:43:45 Boom. The huge form of Albert Hall topples one more time for good it seems. Going for the pin?

00:43:49 >>

00:43:50 Yeah.

00:43:50 >>

00:43:51 One, two, three.

00:43:53 >>

00:43:53 [Cheering]

00:43:59 >>

00:43:59 Yeehaw, lad.

00:43:59 >>

00:44:00 Yeehaw.

00:44:01 I just roll straight out of the ring and right onto the back of Hanson Horse Helmsley,

00:44:09 and I ride off into a big fake sunset that's being projected onto the screen at the back.

00:44:14 And I have to do that sort of on the spot for a while until the cameras fade to black.

00:44:19 And then I go like that to the cameraman, and he goes, and I go, cool. And then we leave.

00:44:22 >>

00:44:24 Wonderful. So the match finishes, and then we zoom out slightly from this fuzzy, low-quality

00:44:31 image and see that it's being watched on a TV screen, an old TV set. And we zoom out more and

00:44:36 see this TV set is located in a kind of rough-and-ready-looking run-down gym with some

00:44:42 punching bags, some weights, a ring in the center. There are some faded poster on the walls.

00:44:47 One shows Tony the Cowboy squaring up against Albert Hall with the tagline,

00:44:54 "Tony the Cowboy brings the curtain down on Albert Hall."

00:44:57 Another one has Tony now in his milkman gimmick, a little bit older, but still a young man,

00:45:01 squaring off against a clean-shaven, wiry-muscled-looking guy with a gold tooth,

00:45:07 saying, "Tony the Milkman versus Geezer in carry-on carnage."

00:45:10 [Laughter]

00:45:12 Another poster, Tony the Milkman locked in a test of strength against a huge bowling ball

00:45:17 of a wrestler with a handsome face and platinum-blonde hair and a white signet.

00:45:20 "Can Tony topple the tall father?"

00:45:23 And finally, one more poster, just Tony in his white trunks with his arms folded,

00:45:29 smiling directly at the onlooker. Standing next to him, another man, similar height,

00:45:34 similar build, black hair with white streaks down the temples and blue trunks and blue boots.

00:45:39 A cheeky smile on his face says, "The Delivery Boys."

00:45:43 [Laughter]

00:45:46 The cassette now self-ejects out of the old VCR player. You see wrestling giants

00:45:52 written in pen on a piece of sticky paper on it. And we pan out to see Tony and Kid Flitz together

00:45:59 in this old gym.

00:46:03 Well, well. Isn't this deja-moo?

00:46:08 I thought I'd find you here. Watching your old matches, are you?

00:46:14 Just looking for tips, lad.

00:46:16 Tips?

00:46:18 Yeah.

00:46:18 Tips to give me?

00:46:19 There's a lot to learn in these tapes.

00:46:21 Is there?

00:46:22 There's plenty.

00:46:22 Well, you know what I have? Could be a bit more useful than you here in the gym,

00:46:30 watching yourself day after day.

00:46:33 Why don't you come to one of my matches?

00:46:37 Two years, Dad. You've been out of the game for two years.

00:46:42 I've been doing warm-up match after warm-up match after warm-up match,

00:46:47 waiting for CBW to come back and...

00:46:48 I have not seen your face in the crowd once.

00:46:53 I know.

00:46:57 Doris has told me all about it. She said you've been doing so well and I'm so,

00:47:01 I'm so proud. But I can't watch you wrestle. I can't watch anyone wrestle because I miss it.

00:47:13 I miss it so much. It hurts me.

00:47:18 My bones ache watching wrestling. My bones ache generally, but they ache even more watching

00:47:25 wrestling. I'm not asking you to be a wrestler. I'm asking you to be me, Dad.

00:47:32 I want to, lad. I want to.

00:47:40 I want to watch you wrestle, but it's going to take me time.

00:47:48 Hey, damn it, Dad. We've got to stop this. Otherwise you'll breathe Prova Lonely forever

00:47:58 and I can't even bear it.

00:48:00 How do you expect me to deal with this?

00:48:04 Jesus Christ. Listen to yourself. Look, I've got a match tonight.

00:48:13 Our petitions, management, they've put me in the main event.

00:48:19 It was a special favour. Will I see you there?

00:48:25 Are you stilted on that, lad? Are you stilted banging that drum?

00:48:33 Look, is this,

00:48:41 is this what's been bringing you down? Because you've, at training, you've not been yourself.

00:48:46 You've not been doing as many flip-de-do's. You've not been doing as many cartwheels.

00:48:52 You've not been saying cowabunga.

00:48:54 Catchphrases are like wrestlers, Dad. They get old.

00:49:01 I'm going to go and warm up the match. Maybe don't come.

00:49:10 Maybe it's butter this way.

00:49:11 And the camera just stays on Tony, alone in his gym, in front of a TV and a pile of old tights.

00:49:27 And just before we leave this room...

00:49:31 [LAUGHTER]

00:49:33 [MIMICS GUNSHOTS]

00:49:35 [LAUGHTER]

00:49:37 [LAUGHTER]

00:49:39 Oh, we're fucking good. Back in the day, lad.

00:49:41 [LAUGHTER]

00:49:43 We're fucking brilliant.

00:49:45 And as the sound of Tony the Cowboy's theme tune comes out through the tinny speakers of the small TV,

00:49:52 the camera just pans out past the posters to a walk-ander, where we see the date of the Colossal Tussle,

00:49:58 circled with a red circle, and then three letters next to it. E.X.P.

00:50:05 And then we're out.

00:50:10 The following contest is scheduled for one-four.

00:50:15 One-four!

00:50:17 The winner of this match will claim the Canadian Battle Champ.

00:50:22 Woo-hoo!

00:50:25 Making their way to the ring, hailing from New Justice, Saskatchewan,

00:50:30 Mabel Serra!

00:50:34 [CHEERING]

00:50:36 New girl, new girl.

00:50:38 Okay. Snow and maple leaves begin to drop from the ceiling.

00:50:46 It's... what season is it? We don't know.

00:50:48 [LAUGHTER]

00:50:50 Backlit at the top of the ramp, a woman in a mounty costume, riding a horse with a dog on a leash,

00:50:58 starts to trot down the ramp, very full of respect for everyone in the room.

00:51:06 "You get respect! You get respect! You get justice! You get justice!"

00:51:12 They all scream at each other.

00:51:14 [CHEERING]

00:51:16 Justice! I love justice!

00:51:18 So she rides down on top of Stable Stirrup, the stable pony from Sable Island.

00:51:26 Together, they make their way to the ring, waving at the crowd.

00:51:29 She puts a little kiss on a child who falls asleep straight away.

00:51:33 She starts throwing sugar lumps into the crowd. "Horses! Please, take a snack!"

00:51:38 [HORSE NEIGHS]

00:51:40 And the dog starts laying on its back and everybody comes over and gives it a little stirrup.

00:51:45 [LAUGHTER]

00:51:47 And then she just dismounts, gives Stable Stirrup a little stroke, and trots off to go and lay down with some children.

00:51:54 And Mabel Stirrup just steps into the ring, ready to go.

00:51:58 "Hello, everyone!"

00:52:00 Hello!

00:52:02 You have the mic if you want it, Mabel.

00:52:04 Well, hello everyone in the room and in the world!

00:52:10 [CHEERING]

00:52:12 In the world!

00:52:14 Oh yeah, no, for sure!

00:52:16 For sure!

00:52:18 For sure! For sure! For sure! For sure!

00:52:22 Well, what a lovely welcome that was!

00:52:24 I'm from Canada, not from Bristol, but it's basically...

00:52:30 Boo?

00:52:32 I've heard they're basically the same.

00:52:34 Right?

00:52:36 [CHEERING]

00:52:38 Oh yeah, no, for sure!

00:52:40 For sure! For sure! For sure! For sure!

00:52:42 For sure!

00:52:44 I think that's it from me!

00:52:46 [CHEERING]

00:52:48 I'm really happy to be here, thank you very much.

00:52:50 Yeah, the crowd absolutely love you.

00:52:52 Making their way to the ring, hailing from little glittering...

00:52:56 [ROAR]

00:52:58 Silver Fro!

00:53:00 That's the mouth and you didn't...

00:53:02 [LAUGHTER]

00:53:04 So usually, you would expect to hear a lot of people say, "Oh, I'm from the UK, I'm from the UK!"

00:53:10 So usually, you would expect to see a screen that would be a picture of Silver Bro looking so lovingly at his brother.

00:53:19 And that is there.

00:53:21 And Silver Bro walks out to the ring, his tag belt...

00:53:25 [LAUGHTER]

00:53:27 His tag belt held proudly on his shoulder as he looks at it, he thinks of his brother.

00:53:34 And he walks down to the ring, just stops on the ramp, and he turns back to the screen.

00:53:40 Because you see, Silver Bro has been busy during those two years.

00:53:44 He's not been wrestling in the ring.

00:53:48 But he has been in the bedroom!

00:53:51 And that's the picture of Silver Bro and Silver Joe.

00:53:56 Silver... Golden Joe just vanishes from it and is replaced with Silver Bro.

00:54:03 Holding his new child, Titanium Tina!

00:54:07 [GASPS]

00:54:09 And he looks at her and he's like, "I love that kid."

00:54:13 And he walks down to the ring and he just steps in, nods, gives a little thumbs up.

00:54:19 "I met a kid. She's dead lovely."

00:54:23 "Is she here?"

00:54:24 "Yeah, she's really nice, yeah."

00:54:25 "Is she here?"

00:54:26 "No, no, she's a bit young, maybe another time."

00:54:29 "Okay, no, for sure."

00:54:30 The mic is yours, Silver Bro.

00:54:32 It's going to be such a polite match.

00:54:34 [LAUGHTER]

00:54:36 Oh, it's so good to be back in front of you all.

00:54:40 I have missed you guys!

00:54:42 [CHANTING]

00:54:46 Guys, guys, guys, let's give it up for my brother.

00:54:48 [CHANTING]

00:54:51 Let's give it up for Joe. He put up a hell of a fight in that opening match.

00:54:55 I haven't seen him in two years.

00:54:58 We actually haven't spoken since this place closed.

00:55:06 Actually, I haven't even seen him today.

00:55:10 Still, a hell of a fight from Joe. What a competitor.

00:55:13 One day, he will be the City of British Wrestling champion.

00:55:19 I'm sure of it.

00:55:20 Go on, give it up for Joe, everyone. Give it up for Joe.

00:55:22 Joe!

00:55:23 Joe!

00:55:24 Tell you what, give me a roll on Joe's look.

00:55:28 I've got a plus two.

00:55:30 That'll be a nine.

00:55:33 Yeah. The earnestness and decency in you has not dropped in your two years away.

00:55:40 And the audience buy what you're selling.

00:55:43 And a solid, if not massive, Joe chant starts to spread throughout the audience.

00:55:48 Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!

00:55:54 Thank you all. It's really respectful of you to chant his name. I appreciate that.

00:55:59 Mabel, it's so great to see new faces here in CBW. I really look forward to this contest.

00:56:04 Aw, thanks.

00:56:06 And I'm going to dedicate this match not only to Joe, but to Titania Tina.

00:56:13 I'm doing this for you.

00:56:15 I'm bringing home gold. More gold than I already have.

00:56:20 I'm going to show you that second best may sometimes come first.

00:56:26 Oh my.

00:56:28 Bro.

00:56:30 Bro! Bro!

00:56:33 Ding, ding, ding.

00:56:35 The champion starts in control. The two of you are squaring up in the ring. What's the first thing you do?

00:56:41 I'm going to walk over, take off my glove in one hand, stick it in my belt, offer a good strong handshake.

00:56:49 Of course.

00:56:51 And then take the glove and just hit him around the face.

00:56:56 Oh!

00:56:57 Okay, I will say you're slapping him around the face with the glove.

00:57:00 I'll give you reel for that or look for that because it's part of your costume. Either is fine.

00:57:05 Let's do look.

00:57:08 Look, yep, look, yep.

00:57:10 Minus one.

00:57:12 Six.

00:57:14 Six. It just whiffs past unfortunately.

00:57:17 Silver bro is a little taller than you expected. Your reach just didn't quite get there.

00:57:21 Sorry about that.

00:57:23 So, what are you doing bro?

00:57:27 It's alright, mistakes happen.

00:57:29 I'm just going to grab you by the wrist and whip you into the ropes.

00:57:33 And as you run back, I stand there proud and tall for the classic shoulder block.

00:57:38 Ah, he's back.

00:57:40 Okay, I'll let you do a power roll for that.

00:57:42 So, you whip into the ropes, bounce back and then boom, shoulder block knocks you onto your back on the mat.

00:57:51 One more time.

00:57:55 Whip into the ropes.

00:57:57 Power roll.

00:58:01 Seven.

00:58:03 Seven, again, almost doesn't connect, you catch her just at the last moment. Boom, shoulder block into the thumb.

00:58:08 Mabel, boom, back down onto the mat.

00:58:10 Okay, I'll give you one more move.

00:58:13 One more time.

00:58:16 Oh, no moves in two years.

00:58:20 The ropes.

00:58:22 Hey.

00:58:24 Okay, third shoulder block, back into the mat again. Boom.

00:58:27 Okay, what are you doing in response Mabel?

00:58:29 I'm going to do, well, I guess she's just laying there, a little bit of a war, a little bit of a baptism of fire there.

00:58:40 Sorry about that.

00:58:42 I'm going to do the loony toony, loonies, toonies and boonies.

00:58:48 Which is a punch to the left as a loony, punch to the right as a toony and then straight in the breast for the boonies.

00:58:56 That's going to be a power roll I think for the punches.

00:59:00 Oh, it's a three.

00:59:02 Power is five.

00:59:04 You want to do a re-roll?

00:59:07 Yeah, why not.

00:59:08 So you can either stand up for what you believe in or you can bring something from your homeland on camera.

00:59:11 I truly believe you should be in my boobs.

00:59:14 I truly believe in the boonies.

00:59:17 No, that won't be rolled as a punch.

00:59:19 Okay, so yeah, you managed to get a couple of punches in quite nicely I'd say.

00:59:23 But yeah, the boonies are the problem because he's really over seven foot, he's really tall.

00:59:27 Getting those boonies up there, yeah, that's going to be tricky.

00:59:30 Yeah, that's tricky.

00:59:31 I'm sorry about that.

00:59:33 It's quite alright.

00:59:35 Why don't you try something else?

00:59:37 Okay, let's do the Eugene Levy which is where I grab your eyebrows and just throw you across the ring.

00:59:44 Okay, that's a power roll again.

00:59:46 Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, babe.

00:59:50 So, that's two.

00:59:53 So, talk us through the move.

00:59:55 So, sort of steps over, sort of like looking to give you a hug.

01:00:00 Actually just grabs you by the eyebrows and just goes, "Oh, sorry about this," and throws you across the ring.

01:00:04 It's quite alright.

01:00:06 Yeah, you're thrown across the ring, bounce off the ropes, sort of stumbling onto your feet now, like a little, just a little off balance.

01:00:12 How are you following up that, Eugene Levy?

01:00:14 Okay, so he's bounced off the ring.

01:00:17 It's time for border integrity.

01:00:20 He's going to bounce off each of the rings in a sort of cross shape and then she's going to clothesline him in the middle.

01:00:25 Okay, that's going to be a power roll for a clothesline, for sure.

01:00:27 Let's do it.

01:00:28 Here it comes.

01:00:30 Oh, it's a five!

01:00:32 Very close to snake eyes.

01:00:35 Again, the five's not going to do it.

01:00:37 You get the arm up for the clothesline, but it's too tall.

01:00:39 You just don't connect high enough for that to knock him off.

01:00:41 You're back in control.

01:00:43 I'm going to say, "It's alright, you can get this."

01:00:46 I'm going to grab you by the wrist and whip you into the corner.

01:00:48 Is that okay?

01:00:49 Yeah.

01:00:50 Is that a roll?

01:00:54 Is that a roll?

01:00:56 Is that happening or do I have to do something?

01:00:58 It depends how you're following it up.

01:00:59 And then I'm going to just charge the corner, go to the other end and run towards for a stinger splash in the corner.

01:01:04 A silver splash, if you will.

01:01:05 Okay, so I'd say then we're going to take a power roll to whip them into the corner and then it's going to be a work roll for the silver splash.

01:01:10 Okay, so power is plus two, work is plus one.

01:01:13 Oh, a piece!

01:01:16 A dirty 13.

01:01:17 Nice, yeah.

01:01:18 So you whip Mabel with such force that you almost hear the springs and the turnbuckle break as she collides with them.

01:01:24 And then, yeah, we're on work for you.

01:01:26 I'm on work with the silver splash, which is less good.

01:01:29 That is a five.

01:01:31 Okay, so you launch yourself up with a silver splash and as you see the massive body of Silvero coming down at you, what are you doing to avoid it?

01:01:38 I'm going to pretend that the wrestling ring is an ice ring and I'm just going to scooch across it like a penguin.

01:01:46 Just to get out of the way.

01:01:51 That's a very funny image.

01:01:54 Yeah, so on Bryce's failed roll you can do that.

01:01:56 You slide across like a penguin in Mario 64.

01:01:59 Or regular penguins, I guess, too.

01:02:00 I guess so, yeah.

01:02:01 Regular penguins, 64.

01:02:04 Nintendo didn't invent them.

01:02:06 You slide out beneath Silverbro, who sort of landed a splash on the turnbuckle instead of you.

01:02:12 His back's to you.

01:02:13 His back's to you.

01:02:14 He's a little dazed.

01:02:15 What are you doing?

01:02:16 I'm going to grab him by the scruff of the neck.

01:02:18 One on the scruff of the neck, one on the belt, and then I'm going to try and throw him out of the ring.

01:02:22 Okay, that's going to be a power roll.

01:02:23 Power roll, excellent.

01:02:24 Come on, Mabel.

01:02:25 Come on, Mabel.

01:02:26 Come on, baby.

01:02:27 Oh, it's a five.

01:02:28 No, it's a six.

01:02:30 All you really succeed in doing is giving him a mild wedgie.

01:02:32 Oh, sorry about that.

01:02:34 It's okay.

01:02:35 You're back in control.

01:02:36 I'm just going to turn around and I'm just going to wallop you in the face with the big boots.

01:02:40 Power.

01:02:41 Oh, wow.

01:02:42 Oh, my God, a second move.

01:02:44 That is seven.

01:02:46 Seven, that'll do it.

01:02:47 Big boot to the face, not to the mat.

01:02:48 What are you doing?

01:02:49 You know what?

01:02:50 I want to give the crowd what they want.

01:02:52 The crowd paid to see the greatest hits.

01:02:54 It's time for another Silver Splash, so I'm going to grab you by the wrist, pick you up, whip you into the corner,

01:02:57 and try that Silver Splash for a second time.

01:02:59 Cool, so give me a power and then a work.

01:03:01 Power is 30, 12.

01:03:04 Cool.

01:03:05 Boom, back in the same turnbuckle.

01:03:06 He is going, "This is killing me."

01:03:08 Oh, my God, I cannot.

01:03:09 This is the best.

01:03:10 Amazing.

01:03:11 It's a six.

01:03:12 So, yeah, you're whipped into the turnbuckle.

01:03:14 Again, the body of Silverbro blocks out the light as he leaps toward you with a Silver Splash.

01:03:18 Again, you get out of the way.

01:03:20 Same thing?

01:03:21 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

01:03:22 You're paying it over the weekend.

01:03:24 You're in exactly the same position as before.

01:03:28 He sort of dazed in the turnbuckle, he's back to you.

01:03:32 I'm like, "Has this happened again?"

01:03:34 He's playing Deja vu.

01:03:36 I'm wondering now.

01:03:38 What are you doing?

01:03:39 Well, I have one on the neck, one on the belt, and I'm going like this.

01:03:42 Oh, my God.

01:03:43 Okay, give us a power roll.

01:03:44 Okay, here we go.

01:03:45 Come on.

01:03:46 Oh, God.

01:03:47 I have names watching.

01:03:48 Wait, power, right?

01:03:49 Power, two, six.

01:03:50 It's the same number.

01:03:52 It's the same number.

01:03:54 Do you want to re-roll or do you want to lose it?

01:03:56 I'm going to re-roll.

01:03:57 Which one are you going to do?

01:03:58 What do I re-roll on?

01:04:00 Oh, bring something from your homeland into the ring.

01:04:02 I'm going to whistle for stable stirrup.

01:04:06 Just get the canister in?

01:04:08 Or do I need to re-roll?

01:04:09 Yeah, but be a roll on look for this.

01:04:11 Roll on look, okay.

01:04:13 Minus one.

01:04:14 Come on, Mabel.

01:04:16 This is a six, I will poo myself.

01:04:18 There it is.

01:04:19 It's a six.

01:04:20 It's a six.

01:04:21 Because it's on look, it's minus one.

01:04:22 It's minus one.

01:04:23 It's a six.

01:04:24 Please poo yourself.

01:04:26 I'm sitting next to him.

01:04:28 Unfortunately, Mabel, stable stirrup, here's your whistle.

01:04:33 It comes down the ramp, but it's clearly found the bag of sugar lumps.

01:04:36 You were throwing sugar at it before, and it's just snout deep in that bag of sugar, chowing down.

01:04:41 I'm going to suck a big sugar lump.

01:04:43 Once again, you've been unable to be thrown off the ropes.

01:04:46 Once again, we're in the same spot.

01:04:48 I could do a big boot or a shoulder block.

01:04:54 What I see actually is the whole scene, how much the kids are enjoying it.

01:04:59 I'm thinking of my own child.

01:05:01 It's time to win this match.

01:05:03 I'm going to go for my finish.

01:05:05 I'm going to go for the silver spoon.

01:05:11 It is a seven.

01:05:18 Bro, take us through the silver spoon.

01:05:21 No way.

01:05:22 No.

01:05:23 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:24 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:25 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:26 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:27 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:28 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:29 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:30 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:31 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:32 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:33 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:34 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:35 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:36 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:37 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:38 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:39 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:40 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:41 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:42 I'm going to go for the pin.

01:05:43 The move connects beautifully.

01:05:45 Walk over and I go for the pin.

01:05:47 On a seven?

01:05:54 On a seven.

01:05:55 Let's have you roll for this pin.

01:06:00 Oh!

01:06:01 It's a six.

01:06:10 One, two, pow!

01:06:14 Mabel booms out of your pin, standing proud and tall.

01:06:20 Mabel.

01:06:21 It's time for the double double.

01:06:23 Two punches, two kisses.

01:06:25 That's your finisher, Mabel.

01:06:27 That's my finisher.

01:06:28 Two kisses!

01:06:29 To make it better, well you punched him.

01:06:32 Here we go.

01:06:34 Seven!

01:06:36 Talk to the double double.

01:06:38 She grabs him by the scruff, punches him with the toony, punches him with the loony, and

01:06:46 then kisses him on the forehead twice.

01:06:48 Two cream, two sugar.

01:06:49 And then he's on the floor and then she goes for the pin.

01:06:53 The winning peg.

01:06:54 Oh, no!

01:06:57 That one almost went by me.

01:07:00 So, yeah, one punch daces in.

01:07:03 The other punch almost knocks him to his feet.

01:07:05 A gentle kiss and just boom, he's down on the floor.

01:07:09 Now, I'm going to need you to roll for that pin as well.

01:07:12 Oh, God.

01:07:13 The winning peg.

01:07:15 Come on, syrup.

01:07:16 Oh, it's a seven.

01:07:19 One, two, three.

01:07:23 Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

01:07:25 Your winner and still Canadian Battle Champion, Mabel Syrup!

01:07:34 For the shower!

01:07:35 For the shower!

01:07:36 For the shower!

01:07:37 For the shower!

01:07:38 For the shower!

01:07:39 Thanks, everybody!

01:07:42 Wonderful.

01:07:44 So, with good manners and good posture, Mabel Syrup rides back out of the stage.

01:07:51 He now really sugared up stable still.

01:07:54 He's quaking.

01:07:59 Silver Bro now alone in the ring as the stadium staff arrive to start resetting.

01:08:06 Just for a moment, she looked up the ramp.

01:08:10 Standing at the top of the ramp, saying a word.

01:08:14 "Golden Joe, the two of you just lock eyes.

01:08:20 Second."

01:08:23 And then we leave the arena.

01:08:32 After a couple of adverts and sponsors, officially sanctioned sponsors, Joe.

01:08:40 Social media.

01:08:41 What is that?

01:08:43 He's writing letters.

01:08:46 Management approved sponsors, Joe.

01:08:49 We now cut to Golden Joe in his dressing room.

01:08:57 The TV is on and he's watching one of the movies he made while he was in Hollywood.

01:09:06 Can you please describe to us the scene from that movie you're currently watching?

01:09:10 Oh, please.

01:09:12 So Joe's watching on a sort of, you know, via VHS here in the little screen.

01:09:19 And it's his first movie, The Dog Walker.

01:09:23 And he was an undercover spy for America.

01:09:29 And he, with a bad American accent, he's walking his dogs.

01:09:35 And he walks dogs for criminals to sort of work his way in.

01:09:39 But he also has to reconnect with his brother's daughter,

01:09:46 who he has to sort of take under his wing while his brother has gone off to fight overseas.

01:09:54 Because they're a military family.

01:09:55 Amazing.

01:09:57 I didn't really describe a scene, I'm not describing the plot.

01:09:59 That's fine. Yeah, that works fine for me.

01:10:01 What's the tagline to The Dog Walker?

01:10:04 Um...

01:10:06 Um...

01:10:08 Taking out the poo bags.

01:10:11 He's going to walkies all over you.

01:10:13 Oh, no, it's poor for criminals.

01:10:16 Long arm of the poor.

01:10:20 Long arm of the poor is good.

01:10:22 Hounds of justice.

01:10:23 Something about bark.

01:10:25 Just bark!

01:10:27 It's a bark exclamation.

01:10:29 Bark! Bark!

01:10:33 Okay, we're now going to cut just one room next door to Silver Bro's dressing room.

01:10:37 Silver Bro, you're sitting there in a chair.

01:10:40 Sitting next to you in a slightly larger chair is a slightly larger man

01:10:46 with a square jaw and a square head, wearing a platinum suit,

01:10:50 leaning on a platinum cane with a nasty looking, not even a scar,

01:10:54 like a dent in metal on his head from where your brother beat him

01:10:58 with the tag straps back in the Colossal Tussle.

01:11:02 The two of you are looking at a photo.

01:11:06 It's a photo of you and your brother.

01:11:12 It's that Miss Elizabeth photo.

01:11:15 Pete says to you,

01:11:17 "When you look at this photo, Silver, what does it mean to you?"

01:11:26 Everything.

01:11:29 That's what we built towards.

01:11:31 That's what I thought we were doing all of this for.

01:11:35 It was for him.

01:11:37 I had him over my shoulder.

01:11:39 I felt like we finally got everything into place.

01:11:43 That was it.

01:11:44 We were on top of the world.

01:11:46 Everything to you.

01:11:51 At the time, yeah.

01:11:53 Can we cut back to Joe? Another movie.

01:11:55 Oh, good one!

01:11:58 It's Dog Walker 3.

01:12:00 He didn't do the second one.

01:12:03 Someone else was cast, but the contract thing, he came back.

01:12:06 It's very similar, but it's in Europe.

01:12:09 He's walking a pack of dogs and he's got to forget.

01:12:14 He's just looking at it.

01:12:17 But now he's reconnected with the daughter.

01:12:19 The brother died in the film.

01:12:21 The daughter is now with him, walking some smaller dogs.

01:12:25 They're a crime fighting.

01:12:27 What's the tagline?

01:12:28 Bark, bark, bark.

01:12:29 That's what I'm talking about.

01:12:33 We cut back to Silver Bros dressing room.

01:12:35 Pete now moves his hand across and rested on the frame of another photo.

01:12:41 This is of a younger Platinum Pete.

01:12:45 Platinum trunks holding the City British Championship above his head.

01:12:49 Looking strong, healthy.

01:12:55 And the limping, scarred Pete looks at the photo a little sadly.

01:13:01 Looks at you.

01:13:03 What does this mean to you, Silver?

01:13:08 It was everything that I was never going to be.

01:13:13 I tried for that.

01:13:16 I tried to be you.

01:13:17 I tried to emulate you.

01:13:18 I tried to follow on that family legacy.

01:13:23 But that wasn't my destination.

01:13:25 We tried this and it didn't work.

01:13:28 It is your destination, Silver.

01:13:34 It was always going to be you.

01:13:37 You were always the champion in this family.

01:13:44 Bastard.

01:13:45 You.

01:13:50 You make me proud, Silver.

01:13:53 Cut back to Joe, another movie.

01:13:54 Dog Walkers in Space.

01:13:58 It's heavily animated now but not in a good way.

01:14:02 It's a very bad CGI.

01:14:03 Each dog has its own little bubble astronaut helmet on and he's just hovering outside of a space station

01:14:10 where his niece is on the other side of the space station talking to some evil looking space gangsters.

01:14:20 They're aliens.

01:14:21 And he's just trying to eavesdrop.

01:14:25 He's probably crying now as well.

01:14:27 With those shades on.

01:14:28 What's the tagline?

01:14:29 In space is bark.

01:14:34 In space no one can hear you bark.

01:14:36 In space no one can hear you bark.

01:14:37 In space is bark.

01:14:40 It's canon now.

01:14:41 In space is bark.

01:14:44 Gotta rush after the princess.

01:14:46 What is it?

01:14:47 Right.

01:14:48 The Dog Walker franchise was mostly a tax break.

01:14:52 Excellent work, Pete.

01:14:57 Back in your room again now.

01:15:00 One last photo.

01:15:02 Pete rests his hand on another frame.

01:15:06 You.

01:15:08 Holding in your arms up in the air like Miss Elizabeth.

01:15:12 Titanium Tina.

01:15:15 When you look at this, my son, my legacy, what does this mean to you?

01:15:28 I knew everything.

01:15:36 A championship.

01:15:38 For her.

01:15:41 For her, my son.

01:15:46 For the family.

01:15:49 For the family.

01:15:52 Cut back one more time to Joan.

01:15:57 The movies have stopped now.

01:15:59 Oh good, I haven't got any more.

01:16:00 It's just you.

01:16:02 Alone.

01:16:04 In your dressing room.

01:16:05 Just tell us what we're seeing.

01:16:07 Well, he's not got a phone, has he, to look through social media.

01:16:12 He is, what do people do when they're alone?

01:16:16 He's got a stack of 8x10s of when he was in America.

01:16:24 It was the American World Wrestling Federation.

01:16:27 And it was his, when he got over there, he was rebranded as Terry Essex, Terrence Essex.

01:16:35 And he was a heel, which he never liked.

01:16:40 And he's just got loads printed, no one ever bought them.

01:16:44 But he just thought, he's just signing them.

01:16:47 Just, you know, for the gimmick stand after the show.

01:16:52 And that's where we leave it.

01:16:54 The Golden Joe signing photo after photo of a failed heel.

01:17:03 The following contest is scheduled for one fall.

01:17:09 One fall!

01:17:11 Making their way to the ring, hailing from Puddington, Yorkshire, it's your boy, it's Kid Flips!

01:17:27 So, as the music builds, a single spotlight, a trap door opens.

01:17:35 Then, just, Kid Flips walks into the spotlight from backstage.

01:17:40 He stands looking out at the crowd.

01:17:43 He's looking for someone.

01:17:45 Can he find him?

01:17:54 Then he takes his skateboard out, stands on it, hands in pockets, hair down his face, flannel shirt on.

01:18:04 Hands in pockets, just slowly rolls down to the ring on his skateboard.

01:18:09 It looks like there's kind of fluid leaking out of the back of the skateboard.

01:18:13 And he just gets to the ring, takes a match from his pocket, lights it on his quite bad pubescent skull.

01:18:23 And throws it at the liquid, which catches fire and spells out, going all the way up the ramp, "Sad boy."

01:18:30 And he flips into the ring, hands still in his pockets, kicks up his skateboard onto his shoulder.

01:18:40 And just shoulders it out of the ring.

01:18:43 He sort of stands there looking sour.

01:18:47 That's why I love you.

01:18:50 Do you like the mic?

01:18:52 I will take the mic.

01:18:53 I will have a look around the crowd.

01:18:57 And I will say...

01:18:58 Making their way to the ring, hailing from Lobster Island in the Shetlands,

01:19:17 The Fisherwoman!

01:19:22 You hear a foghorn blast out over the arena and the sound of gulls.

01:19:26 It seemed to somehow now be circling the top of the ring.

01:19:30 And then...

01:19:31 A calm flow of deep sea water just washes down the ramp.

01:19:41 Washes around the side of the ring until it's surrounded by water.

01:19:47 The smell of salt and wood and fish guts fill the air.

01:19:52 And then...

01:19:54 A warm amber light blasts in from the top of the ramp.

01:20:00 Hurricane lanterns are lowered down from above the grid, which now rattles and shakes with dust.

01:20:09 And then in one big... a fishing boat bursts out from the top of the ramp, moves down across the flow of the water.

01:20:18 And then riding every wave almost like a surfer, this rugged looking tugboat goes up and down, up and down around the ring.

01:20:26 As this huge giant of a woman, equal to Albert Hall in stature, steps out from inside the tiny cabin.

01:20:33 With a fishing rod slung over one shoulder, a net full of dead fish in the other.

01:20:38 Breathes in the sea air, takes a fish from her bag, bites its head off, swallows it down, spits the skull out.

01:20:46 Splosh into the water surrounding the ring, sets down her equipment, waits until the boat settles.

01:20:52 And then, like a salmon diving upstream, squats and leaps over the rope, flipping the air.

01:20:59 Boom! Landing on her feet with perfect balance.

01:21:02 [Sigh]

01:21:06 She looks at you, kid.

01:21:10 Bit much.

01:21:13 [Laughter]

01:21:14 I, er... Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!

01:21:19 I am going to turn my back on her, walk towards the ropes, and then kind of try and springboard and hit her with a double leg dropkick.

01:21:31 Which I'm going to call Twin Kicks.

01:21:33 Nice. Give me a worker on that, my friend.

01:21:37 That is plus two.

01:21:40 [Screaming]

01:21:43 Natty 12.

01:21:45 Natty 12.

01:21:46 Yeah, you leap onto the ropes, you squat down, getting the full force of your body into this leap.

01:21:51 You push down hard on the rope, the turnbuckles shake, more dust clanks from the rig above you, and you spring out into the air.

01:21:58 Your kick connects beautifully with the chest of the fisherwoman, and she topples back straight onto her back now, like a beached whale.

01:22:06 Boom! Onto the mat.

01:22:08 I've got my hands still in my pockets. I am going to kip up and look around the ring for...

01:22:14 Even though I am incredibly sullen, my heart is soaring that I was able to pull that off.

01:22:21 And I look around to see if I can see Tony.

01:22:26 Can I see him?

01:22:28 Tony.

01:22:30 I'm going to ask you to roll on this.

01:22:33 Throughout this match I'm going to ask you to roll.

01:22:35 Once you've achieved three successes, you'll have made it to the match.

01:22:39 I'm sorry I saw the bustles later.

01:22:42 That's a success. That's a ten.

01:22:44 Tony isn't there.

01:22:46 That's a success. I'm not there. How do you feel?

01:22:50 I instantly kind of slump and get a bit smaller.

01:22:55 I am going to...

01:22:57 In the time you've taken to do that, on that critical success, actually no, she's still laid up flat.

01:23:02 Even though you've taken the time to look, she's still laid up flat.

01:23:04 Out of pure resentment, even to myself, I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone.

01:23:09 And I'm going to show everyone else what proper power move from a milkman looks like.

01:23:17 I'm going to try and pick her up, throw her, catch her, to hit her with the "smells like teen spirit" bomb.

01:23:24 Give me a power roll, please.

01:23:26 That is minus two.

01:23:28 I've spiked myself.

01:23:31 That is four.

01:23:35 You try to get a grip underneath the Fusherwoman.

01:23:39 You lift her up into the air.

01:23:41 You try to do something powerful, but...

01:23:43 You're still a kid, KidFlips.

01:23:47 And your body buckles under the weight, and then...

01:23:50 Boom!

01:23:52 You find yourself crushed under this woman's body.

01:23:55 She goes, "Ugh, I will give you time to mull it over."

01:23:58 And she makes her way up to her feet.

01:24:01 Sees you down days now after being stuck on the floor.

01:24:05 And goes, "Whoa! Would you look at this? The catch of the day!"

01:24:10 And she goes in for a move, the catch of the day, which is basically a Fisher.

01:24:13 She puts her hand inside your mouth.

01:24:15 And holds you up, up, high into the air.

01:24:18 Almost like a sort of chokeslam, but using the jaw instead.

01:24:22 "Time to put you back in the sea, lad!"

01:24:24 And she goes up to the side of the ring, and then just plants you into the water surrounding the ring.

01:24:29 Sploosh!

01:24:30 I am going to... I'm just going to sort of float there for a second.

01:24:35 I'm kind of suspended in the water.

01:24:39 And I'm going to hear a voice in my mind's eye.

01:24:43 "Don't try to be me, lad. You do you."

01:24:49 And I'm going to go back to high-flying.

01:24:51 I'm going to try and, like a salmon, I'm going to try and launch myself out of the water

01:24:57 to go for...

01:24:59 Groyer bodily harm, which is a diving tornado DDT.

01:25:06 That is definitely a work roll.

01:25:10 Plus two.

01:25:12 That is seven.

01:25:15 OK. Talks with her DDT. It's not a perfect DDT, but you manage to get the result you want.

01:25:20 So I just...

01:25:21 Stuck through it.

01:25:22 I just kind of get myself going under the water, and then I just kind of flop out of the water.

01:25:27 In mid-air, I look around.

01:25:30 If you dare.

01:25:33 Tony, now, because you two shared a segment earlier today,

01:25:36 I'm going to give you both plus one heat with each other.

01:25:39 So you can roll on your heat with flips for this, Tony.

01:25:42 That is an eight.

01:25:45 That's another success.

01:25:47 Daddy's almost there.

01:25:49 I'm coming, lad!

01:25:51 So, yeah, Tony's still in his gym.

01:25:53 The match is going on, and then, yeah, first success.

01:25:57 Just, you hear the screams and hollers coming from the main stage from where you are.

01:26:04 Second success. Another set of screams and hollers. You're still there in the gym.

01:26:08 OK, you've still got control.

01:26:10 "Oh, Pollux!" she says.

01:26:12 Awful.

01:26:15 I'm going to try and kind of twist her legs into something that resembles a sharpshooter.

01:26:20 And I'm going to call it... It's called Freaks and Tweaks.

01:26:23 Give me a work roll for that.

01:26:27 Hell yeah. That is a 11.

01:26:31 Yeah, you get her into the sharpshooter.

01:26:33 She's really surprised by how effectively you've been managing to...

01:26:37 You're a small guy, and you're wrestling a giant.

01:26:39 She doesn't know where you learned the way to do this.

01:26:41 She's...

01:26:42 "Oh, I'm going to need a sturgeon when this is over!"

01:26:46 Yeah, you look at the sharpshooter, and you start applying pressure.

01:26:49 "What are you doing?"

01:26:50 I know where I learned it from.

01:26:52 I look around.

01:26:54 "Oh, my God!"

01:26:56 "Is he here?"

01:26:57 "Learned it from me dad."

01:26:58 "Rolling the heap."

01:26:59 "He's not there!"

01:27:02 Four!

01:27:03 Four. Yeah, you hear the cries going, but the call of your old VHS tapes,

01:27:07 the pain of having to see someone, your own son, wrestle when you can't wrestle anymore,

01:27:12 it's too much. You're still in the gym.

01:27:13 "What are you doing?" flips.

01:27:14 I'm going to go for a Dee Dee Bree.

01:27:16 I love it.

01:27:18 Pick her up, plant her.

01:27:19 What is that?

01:27:20 It's a work. We'll call it a work.

01:27:21 Work.

01:27:22 This is a game. We'll call it a work.

01:27:23 Other one?

01:27:26 Yes! That is a nine.

01:27:29 Even to match my life.

01:27:31 You connect with this amazing DVD.

01:27:33 You bring her face, boom, down to the mat, she goes, "Ach, minnows!"

01:27:36 [Laughter]

01:27:41 That one's stacked in there.

01:27:43 I am going to hop up onto the top turnbuckle for my finisher,

01:27:50 which used to be called the Clarissa Reclaims It All Moves,

01:27:53 but it's now called the Heart Shaped Flops.

01:27:55 Amazing.

01:27:57 Yeah, so we'll take that moment.

01:28:00 You bring her face hard down on the mat.

01:28:02 The whole ring shakes, the rig rattles and clanks.

01:28:06 You make your way up to the top rope.

01:28:08 You put your body weight down against the ropes, down against the turnbuckle.

01:28:13 The whole room is being swayed back and forth now

01:28:15 by the force of this body of water around the ring as well.

01:28:18 This is my finisher.

01:28:22 Is he here?

01:28:24 Roll on heat.

01:28:26 Oh, that's tiring.

01:28:27 That is a seven.

01:28:31 You look up.

01:28:32 There.

01:28:34 In the audience, looking down on you.

01:28:40 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:45 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:47 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:49 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:50 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:52 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:53 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:55 Kid, kid, do a flip!

01:28:56 Yes!

01:29:00 You crouch down.

01:29:01 Your body tense with, not fury,

01:29:05 at being ignored in the ring by your father,

01:29:08 but now with the shared strength, the shared bond you two have.

01:29:12 You're about to perform the most incredible finisher of your life.

01:29:17 You squat.

01:29:19 The ring creaks.

01:29:21 There's a clank from above you.

01:29:23 You leap into the air and you look magnificent,

01:29:27 like a legend, like a hero, like a titan of Greek myth.

01:29:32 And as you are silhouetted by the lights above you,

01:29:37 Tony, you see your son elevated literally and figuratively to this transcendent state.

01:29:44 You've seen him in the ring.

01:29:46 What do you feel?

01:29:48 My heart is bursting with pride.

01:29:55 I feel like I could watch him wrestle for the rest of my life.

01:29:58 And how do you feel, Tony, as he leaps higher into the air

01:30:02 and unbeknownst to him, focused half on the match

01:30:06 and half on the fact his father has finally shown up.

01:30:09 He doesn't notice the falling lantern drop from above him

01:30:13 and crunch collide through his haircut into his skull.

01:30:19 He's thrown off balance.

01:30:21 The move doesn't finish and he flops

01:30:24 like a dead fish onto the mat, gasping, bleeding.

01:30:30 Lad.

01:30:32 What are you doing?

01:30:33 I'm running to the room.

01:30:34 I'm pushing everyone out of the way.

01:30:36 I'm screaming, "Lad! My boy! My kids! Kids!"

01:30:41 Kid, you're still conscious.

01:30:44 You're coughing up blood, milk.

01:30:47 You're in agony for a second, but your body has overcome with shock now.

01:30:52 You feel weak.

01:30:53 You look up.

01:30:54 To begin with, all you can see is the lights of the stage

01:30:56 and then coming into view, the figure of Tony.

01:31:00 The milkman.

01:31:01 The wrestler.

01:31:02 The father.

01:31:03 Dad.

01:31:05 You came.

01:31:09 I wouldn't have missed it for the world.

01:31:13 Did I win, Dad?

01:31:16 You're always winning to me, boy.

01:31:21 I raise my hand and I go,

01:31:23 "Coward."

01:31:26 Oh, what?

01:31:29 What?

01:31:30 What?

01:31:31 What?

01:31:32 What?

01:31:33 Come on, kid.

01:31:34 Wake up.

01:31:36 Wake up, kid.

01:31:38 Your vision starts to blur now and a whine fills your ears

01:31:43 and this whole thing seems unreal as medics begin to storm the stage.

01:31:48 Adam, I'm going to need you to leave the room.

01:31:51 What?

01:31:53 What?

01:31:54 The medics cart off.

01:32:09 Kid flips.

01:32:11 I tell you to stay, Tony, while they do their work.

01:32:18 Let me go. Let me come.

01:32:20 It's my boy.

01:32:21 Bitch doctor, the woman who saw you through your injuries two years ago.

01:32:25 I'm sorry, Tony.

01:32:29 I'm so sorry.

01:32:33 No.

01:32:35 And then it's just you, alone in the ring, in front of a shocked audience.

01:32:41 Moments pass. It seems like a lifetime.

01:32:45 And then, click, click, click.

01:32:51 The soft footsteps of a pair of expensive shoes are heard from atop the ramp.

01:32:58 And you see, standing, looking out of the ring,

01:33:03 a lean, muscular man in shirt sleeves and an expensive waistcoat,

01:33:10 wearing dark round sunglasses, expensive leather gloves,

01:33:15 carrying a spanner in his hand.

01:33:17 You can come in now.

01:33:20 [GASPING]

01:33:22 [SCREAMING]

01:33:24 No!

01:33:25 What?

01:33:27 What?

01:33:28 Oh my God.

01:33:30 You know what they always say, Tony.

01:33:33 You should never cry over spilt milk.

01:33:36 And that's it for this week.

01:33:39 [SCREAMING]

01:33:40 City British Wrestling.

01:33:41 What?

01:33:42 We will see you next week.

01:33:43 Goodbye.

01:33:44 [MUSIC]

Welcome BACK To City British Wrestling | CBW S02EP01 | partsFUNknown

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CBW - S2 | PFK - PartsFunKnown

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