Danger Force S01E13 Vidja Games
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00 [music playing]
00:01 ♪ I'm in the money I'm in the money ♪
00:09 - Howdy, y'all! - I hear you.
00:10 Welcome to Howdy, where celebrities record personal messages for money.
00:15 - Your Howdy message-- - Alright, let's go, let's go.
00:16 I hate this part. Can you go?
00:18 - Is about to record in three, two, Howdy! - Come on, let's go.
00:19 - Just really need to get this done. Let's go, let's go. - Hey, Tiffany!
00:23 What's zappening?
00:25 I heard you're getting your tonsils out of you like a belly button.
00:27 [laughing]
00:29 I just wanted to say you're as cool as this ice chip's gonna be eating for a while.
00:31 So, Tiffany, stay sparky.
00:34 Uh, what you doing there, Sparky?
00:37 Nothing.
00:40 So you skipped out on apple picking...
00:44 - For nothing? - Yep.
00:46 - You promised me you'd be there. - I know.
00:48 - But you weren't there. - I know.
00:51 A promise is something that one can never break.
00:54 Bones, sure.
00:56 Hearts...
00:59 Daily.
01:00 Teeth, I think we all know the answer to that one.
01:03 But promises?
01:04 Never!
01:07 Well, maybe she can come with us next--
01:09 Anybody else could have skipped, I would have been fine with it!
01:11 - Wow! - Fancy.
01:13 Mika?
01:14 She made it an apple picking competition.
01:16 Which I won! Not that it matters.
01:18 It matters.
01:20 Miles?
01:21 Miles just wandered around waiting for the apples to pick him.
01:25 My life's about the journey, not the results.
01:28 Yeah, well, your journey resulted in zero apples.
01:31 False.
01:32 And Bose?
01:36 Actually, sweet Bose and I had some really good talks.
01:39 Your grandma loves you.
01:41 She just doesn't know how to say it.
01:43 But god dang it, Chopper!
01:45 You're my second favorite!
01:47 So I'm your favorite?
01:49 Oh, no.
01:50 My favorite's me.
01:53 Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go take a bath,
01:57 eat some apples, and pen a handwritten letter to my grandmother.
02:01 - No, my God! - What's that?
02:06 - What? - That's your first bite of an apple?
02:09 Course, stem first, butt second.
02:12 Oh, my God!
02:15 - What's that? - This is how everybody eats apples!
02:18 Top, bottom, then the core, after that you want some more!
02:20 Who is teaching you kids?
02:22 - You are! - No!
02:23 You know what?
02:25 Normally, I'd wanna stick around and chat.
02:28 But you know, today?
02:30 Today I don't.
02:32 Today I don't.
02:34 - So what were you doing with-- - Today I don't!
02:38 Just take your bath, Ray!
02:40 [siren blaring]
02:51 [siren blaring]
02:52 What the actual drip?
02:55 Yeah, what's going on?
02:57 Why are you so rich right now?
02:58 You look like a million dollars threw up on you.
03:01 What are you guys talking about?
03:03 - These shoes? - Damn!
03:07 - These pants? - No!
03:10 - This jacket? - Sweat!
03:13 Seriously, where'd you get the money for this look?
03:16 - Here, spill it! - Oh, I wanna be rich.
03:19 OK, I'll tell you, but I don't want you to be weird about it.
03:22 - We won't be. - No judgment!
03:25 I can't judge.
03:26 Never learned how.
03:28 I've been making videos for people on Howdy.
03:31 - Ew! - I judge you!
03:34 What's so bad about Howdy?
03:37 People pay me money to brighten someone's day.
03:40 We don't charge people to send them good vibes.
03:43 - We're superheroes! - And we're a team!
03:47 So when you do stuff just for money, it makes us all look bad.
03:50 I see what this is about.
03:52 Y'all are jelly.
03:54 Jelly of this drip.
03:56 The only jelly I am is the apple jelly I'm going home to make right now.
04:01 Savage!
04:02 Wait, I thought we were making apple cider.
04:05 We are, but I'm not cider of her drip, so jelly works better.
04:08 I need you to yes, Sammy, we've talked about this.
04:11 Howdy, y'all!
04:16 Sorry, peasants.
04:18 I'm about to get paid in the shade drinking lemonade to...
04:21 Cheer up little Scotty 'cause his dog died.
04:25 Oh.
04:27 - Can I have the room, please? - Can I have the room, please?
04:30 Yeah.
04:31 You're a poor squirrel.
04:33 Howdy, man.
04:36 [music playing]
04:37 [screaming]
04:45 Today I don't.
04:46 [screaming]
04:51 Middle bite with the peel, grow as tall as Shaq O'Neal!
04:58 Sometimes I think you guys are just raised by wolves!
05:01 I'm not doing it, I'm not--
05:04 [music playing]
05:05 You ever see me doing a howdy video?
05:08 You kick me in the zipper because that's an imposter.
05:11 You ever see me doing a howdy video?
05:13 I shave my head.
05:15 - Miles, your hair is-- - 30% of my identity and 50% of my body weight.
05:20 [laughing]
05:21 You know, when we sell, the center will make like five, maybe ten bucks.
05:27 It ain't much, but it's honest work.
05:30 It may not be quick money, but it's clean money.
05:33 Amen.
05:34 - Hey, kids! - 'Sup, moms, pops?
05:41 Your dad and I would like to have a very important
05:44 and very personal discussion with you.
05:47 - But we're scared. - Yeah.
05:49 So we paid a local celebrity on Howdy to have the talk with you instead.
05:54 - Wait, what talk? - Just watch the video.
05:58 [laughing]
06:00 Hello, Angela and Herman's kids.
06:08 It's Brainstorm from Danger Force, here to give you the talk.
06:12 See, when a man and a woman love each other very much--
06:15 [screaming]
06:16 - Stop! Stop! - Stop! Stop!
06:18 - Stop! Stop! - But, now kids, I know it's awkward,
06:20 but just push on through.
06:21 No!
06:22 Mom, we already know where baby twins come from.
06:26 - We don't need the talk. - Oh.
06:28 Well, then this howdy video was a waste of $850.
06:32 - $850? - $850?
06:36 Yeah, it was a flash sale.
06:38 Brainstorm usually charges $1000.
06:40 [laughing]
06:41 Herman, why'd you leave me?
06:43 - So we're doing howdy, right? - Yes, and...
06:47 It all just... kind of happened.
06:53 [arguing]
06:55 Stop talking!
06:58 ♪ Danger ♪
07:01 ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪
07:05 ♪ Whoa-oh, whoa-oh ♪
07:08 ♪ Danger, what do they want? ♪
07:10 - Emergency! - Emergency!
07:13 That's just the doorbell.
07:15 [sighing]
07:16 I know.
07:17 Could not have been more wrong about howdy.
07:25 You're welcome.
07:27 Remember when we were happy with $10?
07:30 Oh, we have so many more dollars now!
07:33 I am so much more happy!
07:35 You're welcome.
07:36 Chapa, I am so grateful that you turned me on to howdy
07:40 that I hired a superstar to send you a thank you message.
07:43 You got a howdy from Cardib.
07:46 Your boy, Bo, says thank you, girl!
07:50 You can now get that shamani, okurr!
07:53 Aw, you didn't have to do that.
07:56 It's cool. I'm rich.
07:58 You're welcome.
07:59 'Sup, schoolios?
08:04 - Oh, there you are! - Hey, you!
08:06 - We've been wanting that! - What?
08:09 Turn it around, bite the crust, that's a pizza you can trust!
08:13 Then the cheese, then the sauce.
08:15 Why are you guys all so rich right now?
08:17 Howdy!
08:19 Loud and proud!
08:20 - What? - Howdy.
08:22 It's an app where people pay celebrities to send them messages.
08:25 No, no, no, no, no. Please tell me you're not doing that.
08:27 - Howdy-o! - Hey!
08:30 What's up?
08:31 Are you kidding me?
08:32 Hey, thanks for signing me up, you guys.
08:34 I finally paid off my student debt.
08:36 You're welcome.
08:38 How are you on howdy? You're not a swell-ebrity.
08:41 On howdy?
08:42 I am the Cupid.
08:46 Hello, this is a message of love.
08:50 From Chris to Mike.
08:52 That's ridiculous! Who would pay you for that?
08:55 Just told you, Chris and--
08:59 Schwoz is actually the most popular celebrity on howdy.
09:02 No!
09:03 Check out the big board. He's on top.
09:06 Oh, no, no, no, no!
09:10 I heard howdy is trying to get Joey Lawrence to sign up and make videos.
09:14 Joey Lawrence is--
09:15 - Joey Lawrence! - Joey Lawrence!
09:18 [laughing]
09:20 What's so funny?
09:21 Hey, Joey Lawrence and Captain Man have beef.
09:24 You have beef with the Joey Lawrence?
09:27 The Joey Lawrence that was on Blossom?
09:29 The Joey Lawrence that had a brief but stellar career as a singer?
09:33 The Joey half of Melissa and Joey?
09:36 The same!
09:37 He's got a better jawline than me, which he doesn't.
09:39 He's got a great jawline, right?
09:42 I mean, it's like 30% of his identity.
09:44 - Right. - Low-key, though.
09:46 It's like, pretty nice.
09:47 Alright, fine, how do I start selling myself on howdy?
09:50 Just download the app.
09:51 I'm gonna do this.
09:53 Stupid Joey Lawrence, stupid perfect jawline,
09:56 stupid Schwoz can't be number one.
09:57 See, this is exactly why people shouldn't have the right to vote.
09:59 Oh, come at me, bro.
10:01 I'm gonna beat you, Schwoz.
10:02 That's a promise.
10:03 And a promise is something I never break.
10:06 - Bones, sure. - Are we competing?
10:08 - Hearts, daily. - This is a competition.
10:11 Teeth, I think we all know the answer to that then.
10:14 I said it's a competition!
10:16 Has she always been this competitive?
10:19 Six years ago, I jokingly said that I could say fish sticks more than her.
10:22 Fish sticks.
10:23 So now every time I say fish sticks, she has to say fish sticks too.
10:26 Fish sticks, fish sticks, fish sticks!
10:28 Are we competing on howdy or not?
10:30 I already am.
10:31 Hi, Omar. Heard you got yelled at by a writer today.
10:35 Tough break, buddy. No one likes getting screamed at.
10:37 But sometimes a little shock to the system can really get you going again.
10:49 Stay sparky.
10:50 Hey, Sabrina, it's me, Shout Out, here to give you a shout out.
10:57 Hey, Winston, it's your girl, Volt, aka Lil Sparky, aka Spark Wahlberg.
11:02 Hey, Mrs. Feldstein.
11:05 It's AWOL with a message.
11:08 Hey, insert name here.
11:09 It's B to the Rainstorm wishing you a happy B to the R mitzvah.
11:14 Your rabbi loves you so much.
11:17 That's weird.
11:19 I forgot a T at the end of rabbit.
11:21 Hey there, Volinda.
11:25 What kind of name is that?
11:26 Your parents couldn't decide between Valerie and Belinda?
11:30 Hey, Kylie, it's me, Cupid.
11:33 This message is from Travis, who says he's sorry for the things
11:37 he said when he was hungry.
11:39 So don't be a Cupid idiot and take him back.
11:44 Don't forget to live life out loud.
11:49 Shout out, out.
11:50 It's AWOL saying peace, y'all.
11:55 Stay sparky.
11:56 My catchphrase. Bye.
11:59 What happened to Emily?
12:02 You know, simple. American.
12:05 Anyway, you know who I am. You're welcome.
12:08 Happy birthday. Change your name.
12:10 Alright, I'm done with this.
12:12 And don't worry, Conan. Tonight's taping is gonna be great.
12:20 Tell Andy I said hold the cheese.
12:23 You'll know what I mean. Stay sparky.
12:25 She's a machine.
12:30 We can't let her win.
12:31 - I'm literally doing that right now. - No!
12:34 - She's starting another-- - What's up, gay from in?
12:38 This is your fellow electro cutie Volt,
12:39 telling you that usually people don't buy these for themselves,
12:42 but you do you, boo.
12:44 She can't win.
12:45 I don't know if you got confused and clicked the wrong button or something.
12:48 [screaming]
12:50 What the heck, Mika?
12:52 - We won't let you win, Chopper. - We're using too many names here.
12:55 - Shut up, Miles! - That's three.
12:58 - Are you saying names? - What? No.
13:00 I'm Bose.
13:01 Dude, what are you doing?
13:04 Stopping your howdy. That was a complete fail.
13:07 - Ooh, Volt made a film in? - No, no, no.
13:10 [arguing]
13:11 [laughing]
13:21 Let's see who's number one after that.
13:23 [laughing]
13:24 Yeah!
13:25 [laughing]
13:26 Why am I the only one laughing?
13:30 Because that fail video revealed all of our identities.
13:34 In one video?
13:36 [laughing]
13:37 That's some efficient stupidity.
13:39 And it was a message for Mary Gaperman.
13:42 Who does the news on KLBY.
13:45 [laughing]
13:46 Even worse!
13:47 Why are you laughing?
13:49 To hide the pain!
13:51 [laughing]
13:52 [laughing]
13:54 [laughing]
14:01 Seriously, how are we gonna fix this?
14:08 That video's gonna completely un-secret our secret identities.
14:11 - Maybe you wanna fix this? - There's no way to fix this.
14:14 - You just asked if there was. - That was seconds ago.
14:17 I still had hope.
14:18 Hey, this is the messages don't go directly to the recipient.
14:21 They go to the Howdy Server Farms where they get processed
14:24 for about six hours before delivery.
14:26 Oh, let's head to the Howdy Server Farms!
14:29 Oh, I love farms!
14:31 The cows, the crops, the old time mom and pop feel.
14:34 No, no, no, pose, that's not what server farms are.
14:36 Server farms are these, like, giant warehouses full of big computers
14:40 and they're run by young tech bros with names like Jason, Sean.
14:43 They're not real farms.
14:45 - Actually, it's a real farm. - Come on.
14:47 It says here that Howdy Servers are a family farm run by Mom, Pa, Howdy.
14:51 They give tours on weekends where each guest gets a free mug
14:54 of their signature warm butter.
14:55 If you ask me, that sounds pretty good.
14:57 [arguing]
14:58 - I've never had it before. - OK, fine, I'll go.
15:00 But I'm going for the punch in.
15:02 I ain't drinking a warm butter from Mom, Pa, Howdy.
15:05 [arguing]
15:08 No, it ain't the climber.
15:11 Plenty of butter to go around.
15:13 That's right, at our farm, butter grows on trees.
15:18 So good.
15:20 Wait, doesn't butter come from cows?
15:22 Here at Howdy Farms, we do things a little differently.
15:27 You see, years ago, my great grandpappy,
15:31 J-W-W Howdy, struck internet right here.
15:37 Ever since then, we've been a simple butter and internet farm.
15:41 Hey, how do you farm internet?
15:44 Well, when somebody makes a Howdy vidja,
15:47 it goes through this old gal, Bessie.
15:50 That stands for Bi-Electronic Service System Internet.
15:54 Except, true.
15:55 Looks like a vidja's almost ready to be streamed.
16:01 - I am learning so much today. - Same.
16:05 - I'm gonna forget it all. - Same.
16:09 When a vidja's ready, we squeeze it through these here wires
16:14 into these here buckets.
16:16 Then we pour it into that there internet grid
16:19 where it's streamed to the world.
16:21 So that's why it's called streaming.
16:25 That's right, son.
16:27 Clearly, you're the smart one.
16:30 I guess I am.
16:33 My tummy's so full of butter.
16:36 - Oh, you're not gonna finish that. - No, I am, I am.
16:39 I'm going to finish it.
16:40 No, no.
16:41 I can't do this. It's more like a workshop.
16:46 - We're using so many-- - Wait a second.
16:47 That's our video.
16:49 Yeah, that's actually why we're here.
16:51 Well, no need to explain.
16:53 Y'all celebrities always come to Howdy Farms for the same reason.
16:59 You sent out an embarrassing vidja,
17:01 and you find yourself in a deal of a pickle.
17:04 Ma and Paul take care of you.
17:06 - Oh, thank you. That's really sweet. - Thank you.
17:09 - Nice people. - I love y'all.
17:10 [laughing]
17:13 Why are they chuckling?
17:15 I don't know. Probably about to turn bad.
17:17 Yeah, I'm afraid there's a sick turn coming.
17:21 Y'all gonna do something for us,
17:23 or your vidja's gonna get streamed to the worldwide web.
17:28 Backslash get rekt!
17:30 Hold that dab, Pa.
17:32 So we don't negotiate with vidnappers.
17:36 Nice.
17:37 We punch 'em.
17:39 One second.
17:42 Man, I shouldn't have had that fifth mug of butter.
17:45 - When did you have a fifth mug of butter? - Don't worry about it.
17:49 Danger for-- Danger force!
17:52 Attack!
17:53 Hold on!
17:56 [groaning]
17:57 [laughing]
17:59 - Oh! - Oh, so much dairy.
18:02 - My stomach hurts. - Can't take it.
18:05 [groaning]
18:06 That's the butter, baby.
18:08 Makes it all for her to do your powers.
18:11 I think the phrase you're looking for is...
18:13 - Ro-ro! - Ooh!
18:15 Get rekt!
18:16 [groaning]
18:18 OK, you've had your dabs.
18:24 What do you want from us?
18:25 Does the name Joey Lawrence mean anything to you?
18:29 [laughing]
18:31 You know, actor, producer, singer, poet,
18:35 ten time winner of America's Next Top Joe.
18:38 His jawline is not better than mine!
18:41 Oh, so you do know him.
18:43 What do you want with Joey Lawrence?
18:46 Why, he's only the most popular celebrity in Swellview.
18:50 He is not!
18:52 But he won't return our calls.
18:54 So we want you to convince Joey Lawrence to join Howdy.
18:59 We want him making vidjas, sending messages.
19:05 Flashing that million dollar jawline.
19:09 Give us a nice big flair, Jay.
19:12 We'll erase that vidja for you.
19:15 [groaning]
19:16 Maybe-- now you didn't hear me, pa.
19:19 - I don't negotiate. - He'll do it!
19:22 - What? - You're gonna do it!
19:23 - He'll do it! - No, I will not!
19:25 You want me to chant?
19:27 Don't you dare.
19:29 [laughing]
19:30 Kid Danger once told me that he can't resist a chant.
19:33 He was lying.
19:34 He's a known liar!
19:36 - Make the call. - No.
19:38 - Make the call! - Do that.
19:41 - Make the call! - Come on, guys!
19:43 - Make the call! - Don't do the chant thing!
19:45 - Make the call! - You don't even know how to chant!
19:46 Will you please-- oh, you want me to make the call?
19:49 - Make the call! - I'll make the call!
19:51 - Make the call! - Do it right now!
19:53 - Make the call! - Oh, come on, it's your phone!
19:56 - Make the call! - Oh, I'm dialing!
19:58 - Make the call! - It's ringing!
20:00 - Make the call! - Lawrence, you bum!
20:02 - Captain Man! - Yeah!
20:04 Woo! Yes!
20:06 Yeah!
20:08 There's no way he's gonna get Joey Lawrence to join.
20:11 They hate each other.
20:13 [laughing]
20:14 - We gotta tip the cow. - Hmm?
20:18 We gotta tip the cow.
20:20 If we tip Bessie, we destroy the server,
20:24 our video, and their whole dirty business!
20:29 Then let's do it!
20:31 [grunting]
20:32 We didn't do it.
20:35 Our bellies are too full of butter.
20:38 Hey, Mika, whoever tips the cow...
20:42 wins.
20:43 - Wins? - That's right.
20:46 This is a competition!
20:49 I'ma tip that cow.
20:53 Just like Ray can't resist a chat,
20:57 Mika can't resist the competition.
21:00 - Come on, make it to it, girl! - No, you're not!
21:02 - Second place is the first loser. - You're the first loser!
21:06 Savage.
21:07 I don't think you can do it, sis.
21:10 You don't have the scream in you.
21:13 Yes... I...
21:15 [roaring]
21:17 [roaring]
21:18 [splashing]
21:32 [thudding]
21:40 [laughing]
21:41 [cheering]
21:42 [cheering]
21:43 I win.
21:50 What in the actual hex happened here?
21:54 Bessie, no!
21:56 Stay with me, girl, stay with me!
21:59 [groaning]
22:00 Our features...
22:04 Our precious features destroyed!
22:08 All our honest, clean work!
22:12 - Your work wasn't honest... - Or clean.
22:15 Or honest.
22:16 We'll never hold someone's embarrassing bidget hostage ever again.
22:22 So, in conclusion, Joseph, I do not like you.
22:29 At all.
22:30 But I will agree to be a human pinata...
22:34 at your daughter's 10th birthday party.
22:37 Yes, in the man's nest, and that comes with a...
22:40 Captain Man promise, click!
22:42 What'd I miss?
22:46 Oh, hey, somebody wrecked the computer cow!
22:50 Looks like Captain Man's off the hook.
22:53 Wow!
22:56 What?
22:57 A promise is something you can never break.
23:00 - Bones? - Sure.
23:03 - Hearts? - Daily.
23:04 Teeth? Definitely.
23:07 - But promises? - Never.
23:10 I don't like you children.
23:13 Ow!
23:20 OK, new rule!
23:21 Ow!
23:22 Promises are hereby breakable!
23:25 Ow!
23:27 - I wanna hit him next! - No, no, no, I get to hit him next!
23:32 I won the cow tipping competition!
23:34 That was a fake competition to get you to do all the work.
23:37 [gasping]
23:38 Brilliant!
23:39 Guys, this warm butter did not travel well.
23:43 Then don't drink it.
23:45 Oh, I'm still drinking it.
23:47 [slurping]
23:50 [gasping]
23:51 That sounded like the signature toilet flush of TV's Joey Lawrence!
23:56 It sure was.
23:59 [cheering]
24:02 [cheering]
24:03 Boo!
24:05 Call it a jawline?
24:07 Jabba the Hutt's got a better jawline than you!
24:10 [laughing]
24:11 Have all the kids gotten a chance to hit you yet?
24:14 - Not yet. - Great, then it's my turn.
24:17 I'm about to take some swats of that piñata.
24:20 [cheering]
24:21 [screaming]
24:24 Ow! Ow!
24:26 Ow!
24:27 Ow!
24:28 Ow!
24:29 [screaming]
24:30 [screaming]
24:31 ♪ Always on the scene in the nick of time ♪
24:38 ♪ The second I see trouble I know I'll be fine ♪
24:41 ♪ I'm OK ♪
24:44 ♪ I'm OK ♪
24:46 ♪ Danger ♪
24:51 ♪ Whoa, whoa ♪
24:58 ♪ Danger, I'm gonna be fine ♪
25:00 (upbeat music)