eastenders
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00:00He ain't here.
00:01Did he say anything else in the letter?
00:06It's just that, uh...
00:09It's just that he don't want to be a burden.
00:12He said, I'll go off.
00:14I've got to find him.
00:15Alright, I've got to find him.
00:30Please.
00:33Please.
00:34Please don't hurt me again.
00:37Please.
00:44You, uh...
00:46Seen Nigel?
00:47Uh, yeah, yes.
00:48No, no, recently now, last hour or so.
00:50Oh, what? Has something else happened?
00:52No, no, uh...
00:54I just thought he might come in here. I know that he talks to you.
00:57Yes, he does.
01:01When we spoke earlier, he was still shaken by what happened at the egg hunt.
01:05He told me that everything was in hand, but I'm not sure I believe him.
01:10And I'm not sure I believe you right now.
01:15He's, uh...
01:18He's been planning on taking his own life.
01:24Okay.
01:26You don't seem that surprised.
01:28Well, the way he was talking gave me cause for concern.
01:32Even though he was trying to convince me that he is fine.
01:35Yeah, well...
01:36He ain't.
01:37And now he's got missing.
01:38Alright, I'll go and come with you.
01:40What are you doing?
01:41I'm coming.
01:42I need you to look for him.
01:43No, no, no, please.
01:44Just stay here, yeah?
01:45He might...
01:46He might walk past, see the light on and come in here.
01:47So...
01:48Please, just...
01:49Just stay here.
01:50And let me know if he does, yeah?
01:51Cheers.
01:52Phil!
01:53Phil!
01:54Phil!
01:55Oh!
01:56I was talking to, um, Nigel earlier, and, uh, he said that he was worried that he was becoming a burden.
02:09Yeah, I got all that, but, uh, did he say anything about going out tomorrow?
02:12No.
02:13Why?
02:15Later.
02:18I think you should look after him better, Phil.
02:21Just saying.
02:23Phil.
02:27Have you tried calling?
02:28Yeah, of course I tried calling, but there's no answer.
02:30He's...
02:32Maybe he's done talking.
02:35You don't have to go in there, alright? I'll do it.
02:37No, no, no, no.
02:38If he's in there, this is on me.
02:41You don't have to do this or it's gonna set you back.
02:44It won't.
02:58It's all now.
02:59It's all now.
03:29We find him.
03:32We find him and we make sure he's on top.
03:36You know, that, uh, that night that he called the mental health for me, I was...
03:42Well, I was angry.
03:43I was angry.
03:45But he did the odd thing.
03:49He was trying to, he was trying to look after me.
03:51I understand that.
03:53Now I'm gonna do the same for him.
03:55I'm...
03:58I'm gonna do the odd thing.
04:00And do what?
04:02Get him sectioned?
04:03He's a danger to himself.
04:05The same as I was.
04:06It's not the same, Phil.
04:07It's not the same at all.
04:08He wants to kill himself.
04:09He wants to die.
04:10Just like I did.
04:15No, finding...
04:16Finding his note.
04:17I mean, yeah, it's...
04:19It's probably all up, you know, what I...
04:21What I put you all through.
04:27Why, I'm sorry.
04:29I'm sorry.
04:33He's careful, yeah.
04:41It's nice.
04:43I really thought I was gonna find him here, you know.
04:47I thought...
04:48I thought I was gonna walk through that door
04:49and I was gonna see him laying there.
04:52I thought I was gonna see him laying there just like I saw...
04:56my mum.
05:10Hello?
05:13Speaking.
05:16It's the hospital.
05:18Is he okay?
05:21Such good news.
05:22Yeah, we've been really worried.
05:25I found him. He's safe.
05:37Thank God.
05:39We were worried sick.
05:41What happened?
05:43There's someone at you.
05:44I fell.
05:46Well, that's not what the nurse out there said.
05:48She said the person who found you thought you'd been mugged.
05:51I fell.
05:53So whatever happened there, right?
05:54It should have been me they caught, not Linda.
05:57I washed my hands of you.
05:59My memory ain't what it was, but...
06:02I remember that.
06:03Listen, you...
06:05You're angry at me and I don't blame you.
06:07Stop.
06:10Have they, uh...
06:11Have they said how long you need to be in here?
06:13Uh...
06:14Well, I think I might have a...
06:16What's a call when you get a bang on the head?
06:20A concussion?
06:21Yeah.
06:23I won't let me leave on my own because of that.
06:25Good.
06:27Because if they did, you'd just wander off on your own again, wouldn't you?
06:37He's just worried.
06:39He, um...
06:40He told me what he said to you.
06:43He was angry...
06:45at the thought of you hurting yourself.
06:51He won't say this because he don't know how.
06:55But he really cares about you.
07:03Do you mind leaving me now?
07:04I need to get dressed.
07:08Listen to me, I know what I'm talking about.
07:16This man is a danger to himself.
07:18Phil, can I have a word?
07:19Yeah, in a minute.
07:20Now.
07:22What are you playing at, eh?
07:23Stopping you from making a mistake.
07:25This one will stand by and letting another person hurt themselves.
07:29But trying to get him sectioned is not the answer.
07:32What happened to Peggy?
07:34To you?
07:35And what's happening to Nigel now?
07:37And it's all got sort of jumbled up in your head like it's part of the same story and it's not.
07:42He told me.
07:43He wants to kill himself.
07:44No, Phil.
07:45What he wants is not to get worse.
07:47You know, Charlie's mum, Sylvie, when she was at her worst near the end, I promised myself that if that was me, I would not let it come to that.
08:00So I understand.
08:01You know, I may not like him, but I do get it.
08:06He's not depressed and in despair like you were.
08:10He is not an alcoholic like me.
08:12I know.
08:13What he's got.
08:14What he's got.
08:15You can't recover from.
08:20He is in despair.
08:21Alright.
08:22And he's frightened.
08:23What...
08:24What am I supposed to do?
08:25Just throw my arms up in here?
08:26Walk away and...
08:27And let him end it all?
08:28No.
08:30No.
08:31Look, I don't know.
08:33Just talk to him.
08:35It's his life.
08:51Listen, I'm sorry.
08:53You know, for what I said before at the house.
08:56I suppose you scared me.
08:58It's...
09:01So where was you headed tonight?
09:05Uh...
09:06Well...
09:07After talking to Jean, I got worried.
09:10And, um...
09:12I made arrangements to rent a little park home near the coast.
09:18Coast?
09:19What are you talking about?
09:20Where on the coast?
09:21Kent.
09:22Um...
09:23I forget.
09:24I can't remember the town.
09:25Sorry.
09:26That was always the plan.
09:30Soon as I felt I was becoming a burden,
09:34I'd go...
09:35Live out the rest of my days in a...
09:38Peace...
09:39By the sea.
09:41Probably should have done it sooner.
09:43But...
09:44I'd hope that...
09:45I'd hope that...
09:46Being in a familiar place with familiar faces...
09:53Might bring back the good times.
09:56Might even slow down the symptoms.
10:00And I thought I was doing some good.
10:03You were.
10:04You were.
10:05You...
10:06You were.
10:10But what...
10:11What you said, you know...
10:12In your note about being a burden...
10:13You...
10:15You ain't a burden to me.
10:17So come home, yeah?
10:18We can...
10:19We can...
10:20Day by day.
10:23And...
10:25What you said at the arches...
10:27About you...
10:28Needing me...
10:29Well...
10:31There's only the half of it.
10:34How are you feeling?
10:40Yeah, yeah.
10:41Better, thank you.
10:42Well, the doctor said you can be discharged...
10:43As long as you've someone with you to keep an eye on you.
10:46Is...
10:47That the case?
10:48Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:49Um...
10:50I'm...
10:51Going back home, isn't it?
10:53Good.
10:54Will I leave you to get your things together?
10:55Right, thank you.
10:57Sorry.
10:58You see all this stuff in the news about...
11:00Brain injuries and dementia.
11:02I...
11:03I just wondered...
11:04You know...
11:05Could a knock to the head...
11:06Make the condition worse?
11:07You'd have to speak to a specialist...
11:09But...
11:10I can't think it will have helped.
11:27This tap...
11:28We'll have to...
11:29We'll have to get a plumber around it.
11:30Yeah.
11:31Yeah.
11:32You, uh...
11:33You fancy a cover?
11:34Oh, cheers, yeah.
11:35Right.
11:39Who's that?
11:40Gene.
11:43Listen, that video you made...
11:45I know why you made it.
11:46Well, now it's all out in the open.
11:47We can talk about it.
11:48You don't need it anymore.
11:49So you might as well delete it, mind you?
11:51Yeah.
11:52Yeah.
11:53Yeah.
11:54Right.
11:55I'll delete it.
11:58Now...
12:00I'm still master of my own...
12:02I said I'll delete it.
12:04And I'll delete it.
12:05In my own time.
12:11Back in a minute.
12:13Where you going?
12:14Uh...
12:15Gene brought this round.
12:16She wants it back.
12:17What now?
12:18That's what she says.
12:20Well, I'll drop it back.
12:21You need...
12:22You need the rest, yeah?
12:23I'll make the tea when I get back.
12:38So if you can't answer...
12:40Uh...
12:41If you get...
12:42If you file the test...
12:44Then, uh...
12:47You've got to take action.
12:49While she still can.
12:51No ifs.
12:53No buts.
12:55Fail this test.
12:58And you have to kill yourself, old pal.
13:07What is it?
13:08What's happened?
13:09Uh...
13:10Nothing, uh...
13:11Well, I didn't want to say anything earlier on.
13:12But, uh...
13:13Nigel went missing.
13:14Oh, and you found him?
13:15Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:16He's fine now.
13:18Well, you're right.
13:19Yeah, I've...
13:20I've got to take better care of him.
13:23Anyway...
13:24Here you go.
13:25Oh, I gave him that as a present.
13:27What?
13:28He said you, uh...
13:29Said you wanted a bet.
13:30Why would you say that?
13:33Oh, maybe he's confused.
13:35There's been a lot of that lately.
13:37Thanks.
13:38Question five.
13:39Yeah.
13:40In Smokey and a Bandit, the dog in Smokey and a Bandit, specially chosen by Burt Reynolds, what's his name or her name?
13:55I don't know.
13:56I don't know.
13:57I don't know.
13:58I don't know.
13:59I don't know.
14:00I don't know.
14:01I don't know.
14:02I don't know.
14:06What's your game, eh?
14:07You should never ask for this.
14:08I'm sorry.
14:09You're trying to get rid of me or something, eh?
14:10You deleted that video yet?
14:12Nigel, I don't understand.
14:13All right?
14:14I thought we agreed you don't need it anymore.
14:15Things are going to get better now.
14:22I don't know.
14:23What's your game?
14:24You should never ask for this.
14:25I'm sorry.
14:26You're trying to get rid of me or something, eh?
14:28You deleted that video yet?
14:30Nigel, I don't understand, all right?
14:31I thought we agreed you don't need it anymore.
14:33You know that things are going to get better now.
14:37Hmm.
14:38Well, I can't wait.
14:39better now they can't that's what you don't seem to understand things are gonna get bad
14:49and much quicker than i thought where are you going where are you going i told you the sea
14:53the house you don't need to go there anymore are you you don't need to go there anymore all right
14:59it's locked have you got the key i've locked it
15:08nige i've locked i've locked that one another you can't keep me prisoner i'm not keeping you
15:12prisoner i'm trying to keep you safe no you're doing what i'm most scared of taking away my decisions
15:21phil please it's time you have to let me go go where go where some crappy little caravan
15:29ain't it it's a park home this is your own knives this this is your own there's nothing you can do
15:36there that you can't do here it'd be worse there you'd be you'd be alone wouldn't you
15:40you know you need a place to spend the days you've got left this this is it
15:47what
15:50i think we're a bit past the cloak and dagger stage if you've got anything to say you can
15:54tell me i'm i'm your mate and i i failed
16:04the um
16:07cognitive test i made for myself i failed i failed it just so
16:11it's all right that mean nothing it means everything it's just some stupid question
16:16questions that i rely on that i promised myself i'd act on before it's too late
16:22you have to let me go listen you're stressed all right you don't know apples from oranges right
16:25now you're just taking a massive blow to the head yes which has speeded everything up like that nurse
16:31said no she never said that
16:34something has changed nothing changes that quickly nigel all right now and just park yourself up because
16:39you ain't going anywhere until you see sense i am seeing sense that's the whole point
16:46but in a week a month i might not remember i might not even care then what does it matter hey what's it matter
16:55because i care now
17:03and
17:05i want this nigel to make the decisions this me
17:12have you even ever thought what my life could be like when this disease takes hold
17:30so it's not just a case of having a dodgy memory it's um
17:33not being able to walk or wash myself or even wipe me on the backside
17:42sitting in some home being fed like a child by someone i don't even know
17:53i don't want to die like that
17:54i want to be me right to the end
18:05now do you understand
18:16phil
18:20phil
18:24you should uh you should call julie tell her what you're planning because that's the least you can do
18:39no i i don't want that for her i didn't want this for you never wanted to be a burden
18:46weren't you listening back at the hospital right you ain't a burden all right you never were you never
18:52could be because because you you saved me anyone would have done what i did that no not that night
19:00not just there here in this house every day since i left the unit you you saved me nigel
19:09fred
19:09the name of the basset island in smokey and the bandit i remembered fred
19:19i was about to do it i would have i would have done it oh my god
19:31a while ago i i spent the best part of the year thinking i was 59 actually i was i was 58.
19:45no dementia or no dementia we all we all forget things we all make mistakes it doesn't change
19:52things really this uh this disease is gonna beat me in the end nigel niger we all get beaten in the end
20:02you know you're you're worried about your future but the future that you imagine it
20:08it don't have to go down like that now i will do everything i can to change things so that you feel
20:16like that you're in control yeah and if you know when the time comes for you to move on you don't have
20:25to live in some little shoe box there's places you can go good good places full of good people kind
20:33respect and caring people that will look after you just just think about it yeah
21:03i'll have a couple of cheese and toasting oh i saw you as i was leaving the library did you find
21:17him yeah how is he well he's uh he's safe at least but i think the rest is going to take time
21:24oh yeah he's lucky to have a friend like you i don't know about that well he's just about having
21:31a mistake in the book today but uh well i think we might turn the corner so what next he don't like
21:38the look of what's coming down the line i can't say i blame him but uh well i'm gonna look into some
21:42care homes try and find the best one i can and what is wrong with the home that he is in right now
21:48greater love has no one than this to lay down one's life for one's friends
21:59it's obvious that you care very much about him and it strikes me that
22:04nigel is already exactly where he should be
22:18so
22:29so
22:33so
22:37so
22:45Sonia, it's me, Phil.
23:05Listen, I don't even know what time it is where you are.
23:09Jess.
23:11Listen, I've had this idea,
23:13and I need you to tell me whether it's her.
23:15Whether it's a stupid idea or not.
23:23All right, hi there.
23:25All right.
23:27It's, uh, hammer cheese.
23:31Simple.
23:34I've, uh,
23:37I've been thinking, you know,
23:42about how we could make this work.
23:45Please, Phil, enough talking.
23:47Listen.
23:49If I don't say this now, then I'll never say it, all right?
23:52So just, just, just hear me out.
23:55I don't know how much time you've got left, you know.
23:59None of us know that, do we?
24:01But what time you have got, you know,
24:03don't have to, don't have to be like you said, you know,
24:05the people looking after you that, that don't know you.
24:10Stay here and, and I want to look after you.
24:14Are you offering to be my carer?
24:16Yeah.
24:17Yeah.
24:19Yeah, I suppose I am.
24:24What?
24:27I don't know, I'm, um, surprised.
24:31And I'm, I'm touched.
24:34But I can't let you do that, even if it were possible.
24:38Well, it is possible.
24:39I just spoke with Sonia.
24:40She said, as long as we get some support in,
24:42we, we could do it.
24:43I don't want you to do that.
24:45Yeah, because you don't want to be a burden.
24:47And I, I understand that.
24:48And, but you ain't a burden, all right?
24:51You know.
24:54We've, we've talked before, haven't we, about, you know,
25:00what led me to the Arches that night.
25:04And, well, you know, I've always,
25:07I've always had a purpose in life.
25:09Whether it was sticking a finger up to my old man,
25:11or making money, looking after my mum,
25:14looking after family.
25:15I've, I've always had a purpose.
25:16But I ain't got them things anymore.
25:19I have.
25:21I have got you.
25:24Now here, you, you be safe.
25:25You, you be looked after and,
25:28you be, you be treated with dignity.
25:31I promise you.
25:36You have no idea how bad it could get.
25:40Well, whatever comes, you know,
25:42we'll, we'll prepare for it.
25:43We'll deal with it together.
25:47And, you know, on the plus side,
25:50you get to eat a few more cheese and ham toasties.
25:55Look, this, this ain't about me saving you.
25:58This is about saving both of us.
26:00Both of us.
26:01And you,
26:03you commit to staying here,
26:04I will commit
26:06to looking after you.
26:09All right?
26:11Till the end.
26:18Till the end.
26:19That's good.
26:22That's good.
26:24That's good.
26:30Here you go.
26:33Thanks.
26:36Whoa, whoa, whoa.
26:37Good.
26:38That's good.
26:39That's good.
26:41Too bad.
26:42Yeah, well,
26:44yeah.
26:55Sure.
26:57I'll see you next time.
27:00Good morning.
27:01Alright,