Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about an e-mail from a listener who had an encounter with a woman in a Burlington Coat Factory bathroom and we try to figure out exactly what she was doing. And, Lisa has a hard time drinking her tea during the conversation.
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00:00We'll see you next time.
00:30That's not enough.
00:32So this lady took that advice and she said, hello, and balls.
00:36I had such an incredibly bizarre encounter that I had to share it with you guys.
00:41I was in the restroom at a local Burlington coat factory.
00:46Yeah.
00:47Or more than coats or whatever it is.
00:48Of course, yeah, whatever it's called.
00:49In Massachusetts, just doing the typical thing, trying to get in and out.
00:55And the entrance to the bathroom swings open loudly.
00:57I unfortunately have the bad luck of making eye contact with this woman through the slits of the stalls.
01:05Oh.
01:05Okay.
01:06She was a big lady.
01:07Oh, yeah.
01:08And definitely in a hurry.
01:10Oh.
01:11Gangway.
01:12Out of the way.
01:13Gangway.
01:14Burlington.
01:15Loose high.
01:17Burlington.
01:17I'm the right.
01:19Mind.
01:20Yeah.
01:21Within the span of probably just 60 seconds, I start to hear this woman battling with her bowels.
01:28Well, yeah.
01:29It's a struggle.
01:31Her struggles were bizarre.
01:32Mm-hmm.
01:32Not the typical grunts you might expect.
01:36More pleasant moans.
01:39Oh.
01:40And loud.
01:42I myself started to get really uncomfortable and was trying to hurry along when I heard something more uncomfortable.
01:49Uh-uh.
01:51The sounds of wet squishing.
01:54Oh.
01:55Oh.
01:56No.
01:57The realization hit.
02:01Well, no.
02:02I thought wet squishing like diarrhea or something.
02:06No.
02:06It's not.
02:07We're not talking about that.
02:08It took you a little bit.
02:09I did want it.
02:10It was like a second longer to.
02:12He's like, I want it.
02:13He had still a smile on his face for a second.
02:15Because I would have given anything for it to be diarrhea.
02:18That's weird.
02:19I would have given almost anything for it to be diarrhea.
02:22I really believe this lady was flicking her bean while she was pooping.
02:27Oh, my God.
02:28Out of the way.
02:29I got a masturbate.
02:30Yeah.
02:30Jeez.
02:31Whoa.
02:31I got a masturbate.
02:32Relax, lady.
02:34Is masturbating a thing?
02:36I don't know.
02:36Oh.
02:37No.
02:38I think you're just in there.
02:40If you're really good at it.
02:41Yeah.
02:42I mean, I've only done it twice.
02:46You masturbate.
02:46You masturbate.
02:46You masturbate.
02:47Yeah.
02:47You masturbate.
02:47You masturbate.
02:47You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48You masturbate.
02:48That tells you.
02:50It's not an everyday thing.
02:52No.
02:53Those deals at Burlington Coat Factory just really got her fired up.
02:56Yeah.
02:56I mean, I don't know.
02:58She might have saw a real handsome associate or something.
03:02Burlington Coat Factory.
03:04Anyway, she said, I zoom out right away, wash my hands, and get the hell out of there.
03:08Scared for my life.
03:08Yeah.
03:09You can't share a sink with someone.
03:12Is this something that happens a lot?
03:14I've heard of people getting off while they pooped, but do people actually do this in public
03:18restrooms?
03:20I know I'm going to have nightmares about this until the end of time.
03:22But I thought I had to share it with you guys.
03:24Love you all so much.
03:25Is this big lady making content?
03:27I think that this big lady ate a lot of cheese or something.
03:31That's what I'm hoping.
03:32Things got wild in there, but I think she was pooping.
03:35Yeah.
03:35It's not what she thinks.
03:36There's a pleasure involved.
03:38That's an unmistakable sound.
03:41Yeah.
03:41I definitely make two different sounds.
03:43Right?
03:43Yeah.
03:43That's an unmistakable sound.
03:45I feel like it is, too.
03:46Lady pleasure?
03:47I feel like a lady should know the sound.
03:49Any lady who's pleasured herself knows the sound of lady pleasure.
03:52Yeah.
03:52But I will say, the larger the area down there, the more room for sloshing.
04:02Sloshing.
04:04It's going to be a lot more audible.
04:10Someone said it's a thing that's called taking a number three.
04:12Oh, my God.
04:16I don't like it.
04:17My advice to this person who emailed in is just to stay out of Burlington's bathrooms.
04:22Yeah.
04:23Yeah.
04:23I mean, you know, nature calls, though, you know.
04:26About once or twice a week, I go down to Burlington and get all hot and bothered, go in the bathroom,
04:32just crank one out.
04:34Oh, my God.
04:38Dear God.
04:39This person almost knocked this woman over to get into that stall to masturbate.
04:45But she had to go, right?
04:47And she pooper baited.
04:49Oh, so she did do her worst.
04:51I think both, yeah.
04:52I thought the noise was just all of that.
04:55Something is horrible.
04:57This guy said, I'm a dude.
04:59I just, my brain went to a terrible place.
05:01And I will, I'll fire a load right into that bowl on top of my turd.
05:05Can't even drink my tea.
05:07Yeah, just put it away.
05:08Just put it down for a minute.
05:09I keep trying.
05:10Just put it down.
05:11I tried.
05:12Stop trying.
05:13Four times I've tried.
05:14I'm like.
05:15The kids come up to her, quote, no.
05:17I'm a dude.
05:18I'll fire a load right into that bowl.
05:20Oh, shoot.
05:20Right on top of my turd.
05:21It was like the worst group of words you could drink.
05:24Yeah.
05:24I didn't expect to hear fire a load under a turd today, but I did.
05:29I heard it.
05:31I heard it.
05:32I had a tea in my hand.
05:34I was like, it's Friday.
05:36I'm going to have a tea.
05:37I never got to drink it.
05:38It just got so cold.
05:41Really cooling down over there.
05:43Fire it right on a turd.
05:45You ever heard of a number three?
05:47Yeah.
05:47I didn't want to hear about a number three, but I did.
05:50You're sloshing.
05:52Yeah.
05:52Chuck said that.
05:55I had to put my tea down.
06:01Yikes.
06:02Yeah, it's not great.
06:02Someone said maybe she was using the front to help clean out the back.
06:05No, like my thought was maybe she had something in the back.
06:08Oh.
06:09Yeah.
06:10Like a plug.
06:11No.
06:12She came prepared?
06:14I don't.
06:16Yeah, I think some would.
06:18Like with it in?
06:19I think with it in, yeah.
06:20She's like, I can only get these jeans down once or twice a day.
06:23It's probably true.
06:24I got to get all my business done all at once.
06:26Yeah.
06:26Oh, my God.
06:26You got to load up and then cover.
06:30These things are skin tight.
06:31And it's possible that when the plug was removed.
06:35You know how many turd frosters listen to this show?
06:39So many.
06:39It's crazy.
06:40So many.
06:41What?
06:41Just kidding.
06:42So many guys do that.
06:43That's disgusting to me.
06:45Yeah.
06:46That is the worst thing you could call it.
06:48What are we calling it?
06:48Turd frosting, Lisa.
06:49They said they frost their turds.
06:51Just go ahead.
06:52Like a turdster strudel.
06:53Just hand me that to you.
06:54I'll throw it out for you.
06:55I'll throw it out for you.
06:56It won't be hot for long.
06:57No.
06:57They call it a turdster strudel.
06:59Oh, no.
07:02Oh.
07:03Yeah.
07:03Ruined my craving for toaster strudel.
07:05What it is, is you, depending on the job that you have, sometimes you only have, you know,
07:1015 minutes.
07:11You got 15 minutes.
07:13And usually a guy will just decide, I'm only going to go number two in here.
07:17But then there are some guys that are like, I got to get something off my chest, you know?
07:21Talking about what you think of yourself.
07:28I got to mouth.
07:29Awesome.
07:30Awesome.
07:31It's fantastic.
07:31Anyways, there is no other way to produce a cart that will get up.
07:33I got to laugh.
07:34I got to laugh.
07:34Okay.
07:35Let's have orange.
07:36Sorry.
07:37Well, hopefully.
07:38We'll be doing some of my favorites.
07:40Thanks.
07:40We're sweating.
07:41Thanks.
07:42Okay.
07:42So, people
07:43see how many of them.
07:45We'll have new stuff.
07:45Very gangster.
07:47We can't grasp this stuff.