Dave & Chuck the Freak talk about some crazy stories of autoerotic asphyxiation and examples include a man choking on a zucchini, an electrocuted penis and a homemade underwater suit.
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00:00Self-pleasure can be quite enjoyable, but the French refer to orgasms as les petites
00:14morts, which means the little deaths.
00:16Uh-huh, yep.
00:18And they put together a list of some of the worst ways people have died from masturbating.
00:25Okay.
00:26Roughly 1,000 Americans die every year due to autoerotic asphyxiation.
00:32Are you serious?
00:331,000 Americans a year die that way.
00:36People dig that.
00:38Holy cow.
00:39It's the act of accidentally suffocating or strangling oneself to death while purposely
00:43cutting off oxygen to the brain to enhance one's orgasm.
00:47We almost need to invent a toy that does that.
00:50That'll automatically stop it when it goes too far?
00:52Yeah, like, you know, you put it around.
00:54I mean, I guess they would just be sued because something would go wrong, and that's why it
00:58doesn't exist.
00:59Someone said, not quite death, but my furnace caught fire, and the only reason I discovered
01:04it is because I was jerking it in the basement.
01:06So it almost saved that person's life.
01:08Wow.
01:09Incredible.
01:09The next one is from a dude who electrocuted his penis.
01:16It's a tragic and easily preventable autoerotic fatality, and it only could have been averted
01:22if this lonely Australian who lived in a mining town had settled for just hands-on penis masturbation.
01:30What's the fun of that?
01:31He had to go to plug in a wall-mounted electrical cord and try and zap himself right at the
01:38moment of orgasm to take it to the next level.
01:40Oh, is he trying to go back in time?
01:42I don't know.
01:43He's going to 88 miles an hour.
01:46His penis got to 88.
01:47When my hand gets to 88 miles an hour, send the electricity.
01:52Right at the point of climax, if a lightning bolt strikes my wiener, I will go back in
01:56time.
01:58Yep.
01:59Yeah, Chief, when we found him, his sack was still lit up like a light bulb.
02:02You wouldn't have been able to leave it.
02:03I bet it was.
02:04Like, honestly, I bet it was all on fire.
02:06I bet it was all on fire.
02:11That's not how to go.
02:12Oh, my God, no.
02:13That's not how to go.
02:14It's not how to finish, either.
02:16You know what I mean?
02:16Like, don't do that.
02:18I've never heard of that, that if you electrocute yourself at the time of climax, it would blow
02:25your mind.
02:26Well, I mean, I know that's why they choked themselves.
02:29I mean, you come up with that idea.
02:31I don't know.
02:32You're trying to open a Stargate?
02:33Yeah.
02:33What are you doing?
02:35There is a lot of electricity play, but I guess I always assumed that it was just for
02:42torture.
02:43It wasn't to time it at the time of finale.
02:48Another one.
02:49A man choked to death on zucchini during an afternoon bout of autoeroticism.
02:54This was a man in his late 20s who grew zucchini in the backyard of his house.
02:59One afternoon, he desperately knocked on a neighbor's door seeking assistance because
03:03he was choking on a zucchini.
03:04He had shoved down his throat while masturbating.
03:07Sadly, it was too late to save him.
03:09Don't expect that when you see a zucchini garden.
03:13I never even thought that someone would do that.
03:16Hey, uh, Lise.
03:17It's crazy.
03:18I know that you grew zucchini.
03:20Yeah.
03:20I just want to point out.
03:22I just want to let you know.
03:23What's happening over here, zucchini man?
03:26No gag reflex.
03:28That's right.
03:29You can swallow it whole.
03:31Be careful.
03:32You'd be super careful.
03:33I'm trying.
03:34I grew them big, Lise.
03:35I grew them big for that reason.
03:36Don't go knocking on a neighbor's door.
03:39Imagine that knock.
03:41Imagine you answering your door and Chuck's choking on a zucchini.
03:44Oh my God.
03:44Well, there's no getting it out though.
03:46It's not like a piece of, you know, mashed potato or whatever.
03:49I wouldn't even think that what, you know, I'd be like, I'd think, well, you don't know
03:53how to eat a zucchini.
03:54You have to cut that up.
03:55I'd have to write it down real quick.
03:57Like, why is that in your throat?
03:59What's happening?
04:01Chuck blew a zucchini.
04:03You can't talk.
04:04Like, you can't talk.
04:05You have to act it out or write, as you say, write it.
04:08What are you?
04:09You were in a gangbang?
04:10What?
04:13Gunshot.
04:13I don't have much time.
04:16I'd have to write it down.
04:17Chuck's jerking charades.
04:19Yeah, it's terrible.
04:20It would be confusing.
04:21It could mean anything.
04:23Chuck, what?
04:23And Dave would be awful at it.
04:24I'm so bad at it.
04:26I can't read lips.
04:27I'd be so mad.
04:28I'd be like so mad at Dave right before I die.
04:30The last thing would be like, give me the finger or shake it.
04:33And then you have to call 911, and it's like, there's this man, my neighbor, he's choking
04:38on his whole zucchini.
04:40I don't know what, why.
04:41You don't even know, though, right?
04:43You're just like, he's just choking.
04:44He's just choking.
04:45And then all of a sudden, they come to the scene, and then they take a giant zucchini out
04:49of, I'm assuming it's shot down his throat.
04:52I feel like ambulance drivers.
04:53If you showed up?
04:54Their job is a lot crazier than I even thought.
04:56Yeah, yeah.
04:56I don't really think so.
04:57They're like, listen, nine out of ten calls are going to be sexual evasion.
05:00You're going to see people hanging from the ceilings.
05:03They're going to be holding their wieners.
05:05That's just part of your job.
05:07We had a guy just the other day who slipped his mayonnaise, cracked his head open.
05:11He was jerking it.
05:12Nine out of ten calls are masturbation related.
05:15If you're going to be an ambulance driver, you're going to have to get used to that.
05:20People hang from the ceilings all the time.
05:22They're jerking it, and they die doing it, and that's nine out of ten calls.
05:28I'm telling you.
05:29We got another hang of this Johnson out.
05:32Yeah, see?
05:33One right there.
05:34This is good.
05:35Watch how he handles it.
05:38First, I chopped the rope.
05:40You chopped him down first.
05:42Yep.
05:43Try to revive him.
05:44Get his pants up.
05:45Yeah, see if they're still alive.
05:46Nine times out of ten.
05:48Check for a pulse.
05:49They are not alive.
05:50Yep, see nothing.
05:52No pulse in this Johnson at all.
05:54Yep.
05:55The next one's a Canadian man who died from an incredibly complicated underwater self-pleasuring contraption.
06:02He invented something called the autoeroticum.
06:06Yeah, I bet.
06:07And he drowned in a river during an intense underwater jack-off session.
06:11I just, uh, once again, glad that I don't have to submerge myself in a river.
06:21Oh, that was a good delivery of that sentence.
06:24Much later case, this 25-year-old Canadian perished as a result of an unusual autoerotic fatality in a lake involving a homemade diving apparatus.
06:33He's, uh, he's in the lake, eh, jerking it, eh?
06:36On his head, the victim had a hockey helmet equipped with a safety grid.
06:41The garments were a two-piece black snowmobile suit and snow boots.
06:45On the top of the black suit, a complex bondage system joining together the waist, knees, and ankles.
06:52But what did he think was going to happen?
06:54He knew he was going to die, right?
06:56He made some kind of Iron Man seat.
06:58He was like, Canada's erotic Houdini.
07:01I was going to say, the worst, though.
07:03He had a long black tube from his mouth to an open plastic container floating on the lake, thus creating a device for air supply.
07:10Oh, that failed, huh?
07:12What was he trying to do?
07:14He was, he was, he built, he built, he built, what's the, uh...
07:18I can't figure it out.
07:20I'm trying.
07:21I'm like, is Peter attached to wood and he's trying to breathe through a tube and he's got his own suit on?
07:26Like, what does he want?
07:29He was like a Canadian, uh, old school bell diver.
07:34That's Spanish?
07:36Yeah, that he wanted to jerk it while you had that going on.
07:40Okay.
07:40It's like that Cuba Gooding Jr. movie.
07:46The diving movie!
07:48Yeah, that one.
07:50That one.
07:50Oh my god.
07:51The diving movie.
07:53There's no explaining it.
07:54The Canadian diving movie.
07:55And he was using a hockey helmet?
08:00It's not, it's not gonna work.
08:02I mean, like, you know what I mean?
08:03Like, I wish you would've showed someone.
08:05They could've showed him, like, oh, hey!
08:08Oh, come on, hey, that's never gonna work, eh?
08:11You're in a snowsuit, eh?
08:12Everything's attached.
08:13You got a padlock on you, Johnson, eh?
08:15You have a snowmobile bottom like that.
08:18You're like, oh, dude!
08:19Oh my god!
08:20And, like, what did they see?
08:22Just some kind of tube at the top of the lake, and then they fished him out of there in a wet snowsuit?
08:29I don't know.
08:30Not a way to go.
08:31No.
08:32That made me laugh so hard, I'm sweating.
08:35Oh my god, just trying to figure out he's got his hockey thing he's breathing out of.
08:40All of his limbs were attached to each other with some kind of elaborate Canadian strapping mechanism.
08:46And then a padlock secured the whole thing, but the padlock was somehow around his Johnson.
08:53The Canadian Houdini.
08:55Sexual Houdini.
08:56Sexual Houdini from Canada.
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