"Ladies, your husband is starving for THIS—and if you ignore it, his heart will slowly shut down."
💔 Sisters, be honest—do you:
Think cooking/cleaning = enough love? ❌
Assume his salary = his only duty? ❌
Forget the emotional need NO MAN admits? ❌
💔 Sisters, be honest—do you:
Think cooking/cleaning = enough love? ❌
Assume his salary = his only duty? ❌
Forget the emotional need NO MAN admits? ❌
Category
🛠️
LifestyleTranscript
00:00What is it that a man wants from his wife?
00:08What is the primary emotion that he wants from his wife?
00:11Well, the primary emotion,
00:14according to modern psychologists,
00:16I'll bring in the Qur'an and Sunnah later,
00:18the primary emotion that men want from their wives
00:21is that of respect.
00:23And by the way,
00:24I can bring in the Qur'an and Sunnah
00:25to demonstrate this reality.
00:27Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala says,
00:29الرجال قوامون على النساء
00:32That men are قوام over women.
00:35And قوام means to be in charge of.
00:37This is the literal meaning of the Qur'an.
00:39قوام means the one who will take care of the other.
00:42قوام means the one who will be the one in charge.
00:45So what is the one in charge?
00:46The one who is shown respect.
00:47And we have that famous hadith,
00:49and no doubt this hadith is misused and abused.
00:52And we have to point this out as well.
00:53But it is the famous hadith
00:55that when once Mu'azi ibn Jabal came back from Syria,
00:59and he entered the masjid of the Prophet ﷺ
01:01and he fell down in sajda in front of the Prophet ﷺ.
01:04And the Prophet ﷺ said to him,
01:06Ya Mu'ad, what are you doing?
01:07Who told you to prostrate to me?
01:09Why are you doing this?
01:10So Mu'azi ibn Jabal said,
01:12I returned from Syria.
01:13I found the people prostrating
01:15to their rabbis and their elders out of respect.
01:18And I felt you deserve this respect
01:21more than those priests and those rabbis.
01:23What did our Prophet ﷺ say?
01:24It's a famous hadith.
01:25I should say it's an infamous hadith.
01:27All of you have heard of it.
01:28But I want to be clear here.
01:29It's not my job to apologize
01:32on behalf of what the Prophet ﷺ said.
01:34It's not my job to cover up his teachings.
01:36It is my job to teach those teachings
01:38whether a person likes them or not.
01:40What did the Prophet ﷺ say?
01:42Verily, Allah has forbidden
01:43any human to prostrate to another human.
01:47Hadith is in Bukhari and Muslim,
01:48Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi.
01:49It's clearly authentic.
01:50Verily, Allah has forbidden
01:52any human to prostrate to another human.
01:56But if he were to have allowed this,
01:58if a concession were to have been made,
02:01there is no concession.
02:02If a concession were to have been made,
02:05I would have told the wife
02:06to prostrate to her husband
02:08out of what the respect and duty she owes to him.
02:11Now what is this prostration?
02:13It is the prostration of respect.
02:15The prostration of respect.
02:17And what does this show?
02:18That the wife gives respect to the husband.
02:21And what will the husband give back?
02:23The husband will give back that love,
02:25that cherishing,
02:26that nurturing that the wife craves.
02:28So the question is,
02:30what does it mean for the wife
02:32to respect the husband?
02:33So what does it mean to show him respect?
02:35A few very specific points.
02:37Number one,
02:38respect his knowledge and his judgment.
02:41Wives, respect your husband's
02:43knowledge and judgment.
02:44When your husband makes a decision,
02:46don't double guess him.
02:47Don't doubt him.
02:49Don't try to make him feel
02:50he's not intelligent,
02:52he's not qualified to do what he's doing.
02:54In other words,
02:55don't treat him like a child.
02:57Classic example.
02:58Classic example happens all the time.
03:00Husband is driving
03:01and the wife thinks that
03:03this is the wrong way.
03:04The wife says,
03:04no you should exit here.
03:06You just missed the highway exit.
03:07This is where you're supposed to exit from.
03:08Right?
03:09What has just happened here?
03:10The husband becomes irritated.
03:11I know where I'm going.
03:12Don't worry.
03:13I know it's right ahead.
03:14Right?
03:14What's happened here?
03:16Well,
03:16the wife has doubted
03:18her husband's sense of power,
03:20sense of being in charge,
03:22sense of responsibility.
03:23And what happens here
03:25when a husband is challenged,
03:27he becomes,
03:28what's he gonna become
03:29when he's challenged?
03:30Argumentative.
03:31He becomes,
03:32immediately he'll retort back.
03:34What do you know?
03:34You did this,
03:34you did that.
03:35Now,
03:36if he turns out to be wrong
03:38and you were right,
03:39this leads me to point two.
03:40Suppose you were right,
03:41that was the exit.
03:43Well then,
03:43this leads me to point two.
03:44Let the husband
03:45make his mistakes
03:47and learn from his own mistakes.
03:50Because when he makes a mistake,
03:52he won't be able to get angry
03:53at anybody else.
03:54But when you make a mistake
03:56and you tell your husband
03:57to make that mistake,
03:58you're never gonna hear the end of it
03:59and you all know
04:00what I'm talking about.
04:01Let the husband make his mistake
04:03and let him learn from his mistake.
04:05And don't become his mother.
04:08Believe me,
04:08no man wants to marry
04:10a motherly figure.
04:12He has his mother,
04:13alhamdulillah for that.
04:14He doesn't want his wife
04:15to start lecturing him,
04:17to start daunting him.
04:18Like only his mother
04:19is allowed to daunt him.
04:21Right?
04:21Mothers have privileges,
04:22they don't extend
04:23to their daughter-in-laws.
04:24So,
04:25suppose he did take that wrong turn.
04:27Suppose he missed the exit.
04:28Guess what?
04:29He's never going to miss
04:30that exit ever again.
04:32He's learned from his mistake.
04:34And,
04:35the fact that
04:35you didn't put it in his mind,
04:37you didn't,
04:38you were just quiet.
04:38You let him do his decision.
04:40Khalas,
04:40no big deal.
04:41Next time it's not going to happen.
04:43The third point,
04:44about showing respect.
04:45Trust his capability
04:47in taking on the projects
04:49that he wants to take on.
04:50Don't be sarcastic
04:52or diminishing of
04:53any project he feels
04:55that he wants to do.
04:56So, for example,
04:57there's a leaky faucet
04:58and
04:59your husband comes in
05:00with the toolbars,
05:01the plumbing,
05:02the wrench and everything.
05:04And you're like,
05:04you're going to fix
05:06the leaky faucet?
05:07What have you just done?
05:09You've taken his ego
05:10and you didn't just
05:12take a pin and perk.
05:13You took a knife
05:14and you thrust it in his heart.
05:16Like,
05:16literally,
05:17the husband will say,
05:18if I can't even take care
05:19of a leaky faucet,
05:20you don't think
05:21I'm capable of this,
05:22what do you think
05:23I'm capable of?
05:23What you've done is,
05:25and I'm going to be
05:25very frank here,
05:26and I speak as a man.
05:27Man, I'm sorry,
05:28and I apologize
05:29for giving the secret away,
05:30but I have to
05:31for our own marriages.
05:32Men,
05:33I know this is going to come
05:34as a shock to you,
05:35sisters.
05:36Men have big egos.
05:38I know it's going to come
05:39as a shock to you.
05:40Their egos,
05:41mashallah,
05:42tabarakallah.
05:42So,
05:44if you do anything
05:45to diminish that ego,
05:47you have hurt male pride.
05:49You have hurt male pride.
05:51So,
05:52you let the man
05:53foster his ego.
05:54Let him,
05:54if you think he's self-deluded,
05:56let him be self-deluded.
05:58He'll love you back in return.
06:00And in the end of the day,
06:01that's what you want,
06:01don't it?
06:02Isn't it?
06:02Right?
06:02You want to be loved
06:03and cherished and admired,
06:05let him make a mistake.
06:06And I will tell you
06:07another thing,
06:08sisters,
06:08frankly,
06:09if your husband
06:10does take on a challenge,
06:11you will be surprised
06:12when nine times out of ten
06:14he'll actually finish it
06:15in a decent manner.
06:16This is the fact of the matter.
06:18When men make mistakes,
06:19they'll go back
06:19and do it again
06:20and do it again
06:20and do it again
06:21until they get it, right?
06:22Allah created us that way.
06:24Allah created us that way.
06:25For you to hover over him
06:26and always pinpoint him
06:28or find a fault
06:28or diminish his ego,
06:30honestly,
06:31this is very problematic.
06:33And frankly,
06:34it's humiliating and painful
06:36for the delicate male ego.
06:38The man feels
06:39he's the protector.
06:40If you will challenge him
06:42and say,
06:42how can you protect me
06:43from a leaky faucet?
06:44Then you have basically said,
06:45I don't trust your judgment.
06:47You have basically said,
06:48I don't feel you're qualified
06:49to take on protecting me
06:52and taking care of the household.
06:53The bottom line,
06:54let him take on his challenges.
06:56Suppose he wants to write a book,
06:57suppose he wants to do a project,
06:59let him do it.
07:00Let him find out his own way.
07:01Maybe he's not the best plumber.
07:03Fine.
07:04But when you diminish his ego,
07:06this will cause problems
07:07in his heart for you.
07:08He's not going to love you
07:09the way you want him to love you.
07:11You need to allow him
07:13the impression of
07:14being the nourisher,
07:16the provider,
07:16the qawwam.
07:18He's the one who will protect you.
07:19So you take refuge in him.
07:21You seek shelter in him.
07:23Yes, honey,
07:23you will fix the leaky faucet.
07:25And guess what?
07:26Inshallah,
07:26he will actually end up
07:27fixing the leaky faucet.
07:29Also,
07:30when you must bring up
07:31something negative,
07:32and sometimes you have to,
07:33I'm not saying you always be quiet
07:35and never point out
07:35a mistake or something.
07:36When you must bring up
07:37something negative,
07:39choose your wording
07:40and the tone of your voice
07:42with great caution.
07:43One of the main reasons
07:45that men complain
07:46about the nagging
07:48of their wives,
07:49always the wives are nagging,
07:50right?
07:51Is because they feel
07:52a woman's nagging
07:53is equivalent
07:54to disrespecting.
07:56A man feels
07:56that the wife
07:57who always reminds me,
07:58again back to the leaky faucet,
08:00right?
08:00Honey,
08:01you haven't fixed the faucet yet.
08:02Can you fix the faucet?
08:03It's been a week.
08:03It's been two weeks.
08:04When are you going to fix the faucet?
08:05When you keep on putting it this way,
08:07what's happening?
08:07The man will feel
08:08now a hatred
08:10to fix the faucet.
08:11She's bothering me so much,
08:12it's not going to bring about
08:14a positive change.
08:16Rather,
08:17you allow him the opportunity
08:18in a positive tone.
08:20So for example,
08:21now by the way,
08:22the reason why the man
08:23is not fixing the faucet
08:24is because he has
08:25other priorities.
08:27He has a deadline at work
08:28and he knows
08:29that deadline
08:29is more important
08:30than a leaky faucet.
08:31He has other issues,
08:32his own priorities,
08:33right?
08:33You don't have those priorities,
08:34he does.
08:35So,
08:36what you do is
08:37you remind him
08:38in a gentle manner.
08:39Honey,
08:39I know I've reminded you
08:40last week of the faucet.
08:41I know you have other things to do.
08:42Whenever you get a chance,
08:43inshallah,
08:44can you take care of that?
08:45It's just a tone.
08:47It's just a positive attitude
08:48rather than being negative.
08:50Not to be sarcastic,
08:52but rather
08:52to be somewhat positive.
08:54And if you must complain,
08:56never use the phrase
08:57you,
08:59rather use the phrase
09:00I.
09:01Let me give you an example.
09:03Your husband comes home late
09:04and he didn't call you.
09:05He didn't call you,
09:06he's late from work.
09:06Then you get angry at him.
09:08You never call me
09:08when you're late.
09:09You should always call me.
09:10What have you just done?
09:11Daunted him.
09:13Right?
09:14Mothers and fathers
09:15can say that
09:15to their children.
09:16Beta,
09:17you must call
09:17before you're late.
09:18Yes,
09:19that's fine.
09:19But for the wife
09:20to do this,
09:20honestly,
09:21it's not going to bring
09:22about the love.
09:23You know what?
09:23I will teach you that phrase
09:25when you say it,
09:25Wallahi,
09:26every time he's late,
09:27he will call you.
09:28What is that phrase?
09:29Honey,
09:29you didn't call me
09:30and you were late
09:31and I was worried for you.
09:36Instantaneously,
09:36I got worried.
09:38I didn't know
09:39where are you.
09:40I didn't know
09:41what to do.
09:41This instantaneously,
09:43you will give him
09:44such a big guilt trip,
09:46he'll go to the moon
09:46and come back for you.
09:47It's just a matter
09:48of phrasing it
09:49so that you make him
09:50feel like a man.
09:52You were supposed
09:52to take care of me
09:53and you didn't
09:54because you made me
09:55feel worried
09:55for your safety.
09:57It's all you did.
09:57Rather than treat him
09:59like a child,
10:00rebuke him,
10:01you become the wife.
10:03And you say,
10:03I got worried,
10:04you were late.
10:05I was waiting
10:05for your call.
10:06When you put it
10:07on yourself,
10:09and this applies
10:10to any situation
10:10by the way.
10:11Suppose the husband
10:12was a bit harsh
10:12in something that he said.
10:14Rather than saying,
10:15you always say that,
10:16you should say,
10:17I felt hurt
10:18when you use this phrase.
10:20Change it back on you.
10:21And when you say,
10:22I felt hurt,
10:23automatically the husband
10:24will feel,
10:25man I was too harsh,
10:26I shouldn't have done that.
10:27He will feel guilty
10:28and that's what you want
10:29your husband to feel
10:30when he's a bit harsh at you.
10:31You want him to feel guilty.
10:33When you rebuke him,
10:34he's not going to feel guilty.
10:35And you all know
10:36this from experience.
10:37Right?
10:37You want him to feel
10:38like a man,
10:39be a woman.
10:40And he'll feel like a man.
10:42Act as a woman,
10:42act in a feminine manner
10:43and he will come
10:45and be your savior
10:46and your knight
10:47in shining armor.
10:48But you have to be
10:49the damsel in distress
10:50to get that knight
10:51in shining armor.
10:52Until you're the damsel
10:54in distress,
10:54that knight in shining armor
10:55is never going to appear.
10:57The final point
10:57for the sisters,
10:58never,
10:59ever,
11:00in any circumstance,
11:02crack a joke
11:02about your husband's honor
11:04or capabilities
11:05in public.
11:06Never do this.
11:07It's always going to be
11:09very detrimental.
11:11The husband
11:11never wants to be
11:13made fun of
11:13by his wife.
11:14And that is not going
11:15to bring about
11:16anything positive
11:17in the husband.
11:18Sisters,
11:18let me ask you,
11:19would you like it
11:20if your husband teased
11:21the way you looked
11:22in public?
11:23If your husband
11:23talked about
11:24the few pounds
11:24you've gained
11:25over the summer
11:25or in Ramadan
11:26in public?
11:27How would you like it?
11:28Well,
11:28male egos
11:29are even more fragile
11:30as I said.
11:30So if you ridicule
11:31something they attempted,
11:33if you ridicule
11:33the project
11:34that they did
11:34in public,
11:35you are really
11:35hurting his ego.
11:37Rather,
11:37do the opposite.
11:38Praise him.
11:39Next time
11:39you're at your in-laws,
11:40you have his parents there,
11:41praise him.
11:42And praise him
11:43to the face
11:43of his parents
11:44and his relatives.
11:45MashaAllah,
11:45he takes such good care of me.
11:46MashaAllah,
11:47he's a loving person.
11:48Suppose you wash
11:49the dishes once last year.
11:50Just once.
11:51You say,
11:52MashaAllah,
11:52Tabarak Allah,
11:53he washed the dishes.
11:54Believe me,
11:54the next day
11:55he's gonna wash
11:55the dishes for you.
11:56It's a matter
11:57of positive encouragement.
11:59Positive encouragement.
12:00You be that damsel,
12:01he will become
12:02your prince
12:02and your knight
12:03in shining armor.