Part 3 of 6 of the children's fantasy drama, written by Andrew Davies of Pride & Prejudice fame. Billy is somewhat concerned by the power of the mysterious bag, so returns it to Alphonso Bonzo. But Alphonso has a new swap offer for Billy - swap his dog Fred in return for a Italian greyhound called Julietta for the day. And it seems that Julietta is no ordinary greyhound; she can do tricks and soon Billy is showing her off at the school. Unfortunately it also attracts the attentions of school bully Ginger Gahagan and risks discovery by headmaster Mr Hardwood, where a school assembly goes chaotically wrong.
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00:00Music
00:30Ah, Trevor Trotman.
00:55Ace investigator of extraterrestrial phenomena and weird goings-on.
01:00And little would you guess that inside those striped pyjamas
01:04is a boy who has had experiences most of us would never even dream about.
01:10Thing is, most of the time it felt like I was dreaming.
01:13But you weren't.
01:14No, I wasn't. Yes, I don't think so.
01:17Everybody did see her.
01:18Saw who?
01:19Julietta.
01:20Julietta who?
01:22She didn't have a second name. She was a dog.
01:24What sort of dog?
01:26An Italian dog. An Italian greyhound.
01:29With, um, all sorts of magic powers.
01:33A dog with magic powers?
01:38Billy Webb was a boy who thought he knew all about swapping.
01:42That was before he met Alfonso Bonzo, the Italian exchange student,
01:46and swapped his school bag for Alfonso's magic bag.
01:50You like my bag.
01:53What do you think?
01:55Bit of a special bag, this.
01:58Only one like it in the whole world.
02:02Trouble is, there's something the matter with the clasp on this bag.
02:08You're supposed to just press it.
02:09And out comes the mask project.
02:21Very good.
02:23One bag for you.
02:24One bag for me.
02:27Now we are quits.
02:28And what do you say, Billy Webb?
02:29Maybe another small exchange tomorrow?
02:31No, I don't think so.
02:33Hey, Billy Webb.
02:35Maybe you change your mind when you see what I bring for you.
02:39Arrivederci, Billy Webb.
02:40But when he woke up next morning,
02:46he wasn't so sure about whether he wanted any more swaps with Alfonso Bonzo.
02:51You ever get the feeling that life's a bit too exciting, Fred?
02:56That chance, eh?
02:58Nah, you know what I mean.
02:59I've seen you in the state before now,
03:01when June Barnacle's rabbit came into our backyard.
03:04We don't like to get a lot unbothered.
03:06We don't like to be the centre of attention, right?
03:08Well, I don't suppose we'll be seeing him again anyway.
03:13Mad Italian if you like him.
03:15He can hardly find Splott Street.
03:16That interests him.
03:17Nah.
03:18And if he does turn up,
03:20just say, no thanks, not today,
03:22and that'll be that.
03:24Easy.
03:25You like a quiet life, don't you?
03:28Hang on.
03:30What's that?
03:32It's him.
03:38Right.
03:50Right.
03:50Hey, Arrivato, Alfonso.
04:13Morning.
04:14And how are you today, Billy Webb?
04:16No, okay, thanks.
04:17And all ready for business?
04:18Nah, not today, thank you.
04:21But I come special to see you today, Billy Webb.
04:23My best boy for business.
04:25No one but Billy Webb is so good for the swapping.
04:28The best swapper in Splott Street.
04:31Yeah, well...
04:33You don't like to swap with Alfonso Bonzo?
04:35You didn't like Alfonso's bag?
04:38Yeah, it was brilliant.
04:40It was magic.
04:41But, well, it was a bit too much for me.
04:43You know, a bit too hairy.
04:46It's not a hairy bag.
04:47Alfonso's bag, a very smooth bag.
04:50I mean, it got me into trouble.
04:53Got you in, got you out again.
04:55I think Alfonso's bag make you brilliant and famous, no?
04:58Well, that's it, see.
04:59I don't want to be brilliant and famous.
05:01You are one very strange boy.
05:04Okay, so maybe we do a quiet, tiny, little swap.
05:11A swap so small and discreet, no one will notice.
05:15Well, I don't know.
05:18Eh, bellissimo.
05:20Eh, what a beautiful boy.
05:23Eh, arrivato, Alfonso.
05:25All the way from Italia just to see the most handsome dog in Splott Street.
05:30Brilliant guard dog.
05:32Dead fish.
05:33This one very fine dog you got here, Billy Webb.
05:35What sort of dog you're calling this dog?
05:38Bitsa.
05:38Bitsa?
05:39You know, bits of this, bits of that.
05:42Hey, you are one very witty boy, Billy Webb.
05:45So, how you like to make a little exchange with Bitsa here?
05:48I didn't say his name was Bitsa.
05:50His name's Fred, and he don't swap dogs.
05:53Fred, Fredo, nice name for a nice dog.
05:56Caro Fredo, eh?
05:58How you like Alfonso Bonzo?
06:00Very much, I think.
06:02Oh, Fred, you're hopeless.
06:04So, what do you say, Billy Webb?
06:06A little exchange?
06:07Exchange, Fred?
06:08Just a little exchange?
06:09Just how you say lenses?
06:12Like the bags.
06:13He don't come to no harm.
06:15I treat him like my own brother.
06:17Hey, Fredo, how you like to come with Alfonso Bonzo?
06:20What do you say, Billy Webb?
06:22Just for one day.
06:24You know Alfonso Bonzo is a man of honor.
06:26I know Billy Webb is a boy of honor.
06:29Well, what have you got to swap?
06:31Dog for a dog, Billy Webb.
06:33Dog for a dog.
06:34No messing about.
06:35That's the way Alfonso likes to do business.
06:37I don't see any dog.
06:39Watch.
06:44E arrivata, Giulietta.
06:47I see.
06:48What sort of dog you call rat need?
06:50Italian greyhound.
06:51Very nice dog.
06:52With a dog like this, a boy like you could have one brilliant time, Billy Webb.
06:56Hmm.
06:57Is she a biter?
06:59Or a fighter?
07:00She not a biter, not a fighter.
07:01Bit of a dancer, that's all.
07:04A nice looking little dog.
07:05Bit fancy for my taste.
07:07But does she, um...
07:09No.
07:09Does she do any tricks or anything?
07:11Tricks?
07:12Watch this.
07:14Giulietta.
07:15Hoppla.
07:16Hey, that's good.
07:20You try it, Billy Webb.
07:21She do it for me, she do it for you.
07:25Giulietta.
07:26Hoppla.
07:27Hey, that's great.
07:28You like?
07:29Well, I must admit, Fred doesn't do that.
07:31No, it's maybe a good job, eh?
07:33Yeah, not quite his style.
07:38It was when she did her hop laughing.
07:40Brilliant trick.
07:41Jumped up so far, she could hardly see her move.
07:43So you agreed to the exchange?
07:44Yeah, Fred seemed dead keen on the swap, too.
07:49So what do you say, Billy Webb?
07:50What do you say, Carl Fredo?
07:53Just for a day.
07:54Not all night.
07:56My dad likes him to be here at night.
07:57Sure, no problem.
07:58I get him home to you half past five, six o'clock,
08:01whenever you like.
08:02Okay.
08:03It's a deal.
08:05So, arrivederci.
08:07Till tonight.
08:09Yeah, till tonight.
08:10So, where's Fred?
08:15Al.
08:15Al?
08:16Yeah, he had to go out.
08:17What for?
08:18He didn't say.
08:19A date, did he?
08:20Yeah, sort of.
08:22I gave him his breakfast.
08:24Well, so long as he had his breakfast.
08:25But I don't like him having dates.
08:28No, he's a growing dog, Mum.
08:30He's got his own life to lead.
08:31Yeah, still.
08:33I know, I know.
08:34There's a lot of funny dogs about these days.
08:37What are you laughing at, Billy Webb?
08:38Nothing.
08:39You've got to go, Mum.
08:40Late for school.
08:40Billy, where's he going so far?
08:43School.
08:44He doesn't like school.
08:45Maybe he's got a date.
08:47Oh, Billy.
08:48Maybe Fred's girlfriend had a friend.
08:50What?
08:50Never mind, Mum.
08:57Take your time, folks.
08:59Get in a line.
09:00Five pence each.
09:01Five pence, you bar me.
09:02Take it or leave it.
09:05Julietta.
09:07Hopla!
09:11Julietta.
09:12Hopla!
09:17Julietta.
09:19Hopla!
09:20Billy, look out.
09:25It's Ginger Gahagan.
09:39Give us a feel of your dog, Ben.
09:42It'll cost you five pence.
09:43Yeah, all right.
09:44In advance?
09:45Ginger Gahagan never pays in advance.
09:48Cash on deliveries, Mum, right?
09:49What?
09:50Promise?
09:51Word of honour.
09:53All right, then.
09:54Julietta.
09:55Hopla!
09:57Yeah, good trick, that.
09:58Where's your five pence?
10:00You must be joking.
10:02Never trust a liar and a bully, Billy Webb.
10:05Think I'll keep the dog, too.
10:07You can't do that.
10:09Julietta!
10:09Julietta!
10:10Julietta!
10:14Hey, that's not what you all just bit me!
10:17What were you all laughing at?
10:19Oh, what's this?
10:20Oh.
10:35So, what's this then, Billy Webb?
10:40Italian grey-haired, miss.
10:41Good sort of dog, that.
10:43Looking after her for a friend, like.
10:45Very pretty.
10:46Thank you, miss.
10:47But you're not allowed to bring dogs to school, and you know that.
10:51Visual aid, miss.
10:53A visual aid?
10:54Yes, miss. Italian greyhound.
10:56Like if you was doing a project on...
10:58Italy, miss.
11:00Greyhounds, like what?
11:02Dogs in general.
11:03She'd be dead good visual aid, wouldn't she, miss?
11:05You're getting a bit full of yourself these days, aren't you, Billy Webb?
11:08Don't know, miss.
11:09Not trying to be funny, if you're honest.
11:11I was just explaining.
11:12She'd be dead good and quiet, if you let her stay, miss.
11:15You sure?
11:16You only have to look at her, miss.
11:18You can see she won't muck about.
11:19You can see she's not a biter or a fighter.
11:22Brilliant, miss dog, miss.
11:23What's her name?
11:25Julietta, miss. Italian name, that is.
11:27Yes, I did rather think it might be.
11:29On account of her being Italian, miss?
11:31I'm not simple-minded, Billy.
11:33Sorry, miss.
11:35Would you like to see her do a trick?
11:36You can see it for nothing, if you like.
11:38Mostly, I charge people five pence.
11:40Well, that's very generous of you.
11:42Think nothing of it, miss.
11:43It's a pleasure.
11:44You've always been fair with me.
11:46You've always been a good teacher.
11:47It's a lease I can do.
11:48Oh, do shut up.
11:50Er, yes, class four?
11:52Can I help you?
11:53Have we nothing to do?
11:55No reading cards, no library books, no life-enhancing hobbies?
11:59Are we all word perfect for our parts in the multicultural assembly?
12:02What view do we take of free time in this classroom?
12:07Every fleeting moment is pregnant with possibilities.
12:11Indeed it is.
12:12So, let me see all those brilliant young noses at the grindstone.
12:22Yes, I would like to see her do a trick, please, Billy.
12:25Right.
12:25What you have to say is Julietta Hopla.
12:29Are you winding me up, Billy Webb?
12:30No, miss.
12:31I wouldn't do that.
12:32Come on.
12:33I'll lift her down so she can get a good jump at you.
12:36Stand over there.
12:37Put your arms out.
12:38Julietta Hopla.
12:41Hey, very good.
12:44Fantastic.
12:46Thing is, miss, Julietta's a sensitive dog and she needs a lot of love and company.
12:51So I couldn't lock her up and leave her at home, could I, miss?
12:53No, I could see that of you before.
12:56All right then, Billy.
12:57But goodness knows what Mr Hardwood's going to say.
12:59He doesn't have to know, does he, miss?
13:01But it's a multicultural assembly, isn't it?
13:04And you're part of it, aren't you?
13:06I thought you could look after her, miss.
13:08She can sit under your seat.
13:10She'll be dead quiet, honest.
13:11Mr Hardwood will never see her.
13:15Okay.
13:19Mrs Peasgood, could I have the Bhangra dancers and the musicians from Class 4 to get into their costumes, please?
13:24Right you are, Mrs Corp.
13:25Off you go then, Bhangra people, and the best of luck.
13:33Multicultural assemblies?
13:34Bhangra dancing?
13:36They didn't know that when I was a lad at some.
13:38They didn't know that when I was a lad at some school.
13:39Yeah.
13:39Bhangra dancing's dead good.
13:41Me and Wayne Rackin were on the drums.
13:49Rackin!
13:56Do my eyes deceive me, or are you stealing the school drums?
14:01I ain't stealing nothing, Mr Hardwood.
14:04He's one of my musicians, Mr Hardwood.
14:06Wayne Rackin?
14:07He's evil through and through.
14:09Aren't you, Rackin?
14:10Dunno, sir.
14:11He takes his drumming very seriously, Mr Hardwood.
14:14I think it's helping him to become a good and useful boy.
14:17Well, I beg to differ.
14:18I think it just gives him more practice for hitting things.
14:22All right.
14:24All right.
14:24Carry on.
14:26He's a horrible kid, Wayne Rackin.
14:28But he was always dead good on the drums.
14:30He could really whack them.
14:32So, what else do they have at these multicultural assemblies?
14:35Oh, lots of stuff.
14:37Sometimes it would go on for hours.
14:39Stuff about an antsy.
14:41He's his West Indian spider.
14:43Wama and Sita.
14:45Mr Hardwood's Dad's Miner's Helmet.
14:47And the banquet answers to finish up with.
14:49Parents were invited.
14:51Two or three of them would actually come.
14:53And an antsy bounced higher.
14:56And higher.
14:57And higher.
14:59And every time he landed, the ground shook.
15:02And his enemies were so frightened.
15:07They all ran away.
15:09And an antsy got out of the fixer gate.
15:25Right, right.
15:27Thank you, Ananty.
15:28The clever spider.
15:30In our multicultural assemblies,
15:35we like to remember
15:36people who help us.
15:42Right.
15:43I wonder who can tell me
15:45what this is.
15:48It's your Dad's Miner's Helmet, Mr Hardwood.
15:53Right.
15:54Now, I wonder who can tell me
15:55what these are.
15:57They're your Dad's Miner's Boots, Mr Hardwood.
16:03They are that.
16:04And they are here today
16:06because miners are...
16:08What are they?
16:09People who help us, Mr Hardwood.
16:14Right.
16:15They help us by going down the mine
16:18in darkness and in danger,
16:19getting us coal.
16:21Nigel Kramer.
16:21They show care and consideration for others,
16:25unlike some I could name.
16:28They do not, for example,
16:30put other miners in the face,
16:32George Gahagan.
16:33And they do not steal the contents
16:35of other miners' lunchboxes,
16:38Wayne Ratkin.
16:39And they do not stick sharp implements
16:42up other miners' backsides,
16:44Damon Bullwinkle.
16:47Care and consideration for others.
16:51People who help us.
16:54Now, think on.
16:57Right, then.
16:59We'll finish up with, uh,
17:00Mrs Caw's banga-dances, I suppose.
17:03The thing about banga-dancing was
17:05you never quite knew
17:06how it was going to turn out.
17:08How do you mean?
17:09Did you just sort of make it up
17:11as you went along?
17:12Not exactly.
17:13There was this routine
17:14you're supposed to do,
17:15but sometimes it'd get
17:16a bit out of control.
17:18It all depended on
17:19if Wayne Ratkin got the red mist or not.
17:21How could you tell if he got this
17:22red mist?
17:23Well, his eyes would go all red and misty.
17:26And he started it on the drums
17:27really fast, like
17:28whack-bong-a-bong-a-wack
17:29dung-a-bong-a-bong-a-wack
17:30And, uh,
17:32what effect did this have?
17:33Well, if Wayne Ratkin went
17:35whack-bong-a-bong-a-wack
17:36dung-a-bong-a-wack
17:36dung-a-bong-a-bong-a-wack
17:37Yeah.
17:39Well, I'll have to try
17:40and keep up with him.
17:41The dancers would have to go faster.
17:44And it was like
17:44we'd all catch the red mist
17:46off of Wayne Ratkin.
17:47And on this particular day,
17:49did Wayne Ratkin get the red mist?
17:51I was coming to that.
17:53Thank you, Mrs Gar.
17:54Thank you, Mr Hardwood.
17:58Sorted off fine, British girl and Scott Binnacle were always the best.
18:13She had all the right gear, all the way from India.
18:16Old Scott had his dad's old love beads round his ankle.
18:18Scott Binnacle's dad was one of the love generation in the 70s.
18:22He said he was glad to see his love beads getting into the action again.
18:28And Old Wayne was fine, keeping this nice steady rhythm.
18:33No sign of red mist at all.
18:42It was going great. You could see everyone was enjoying it.
18:58Even Mr. Hardwick looked happy.
19:06And then it happened.
19:07A-a-a-a-ai-a-인데요.
19:17A-a-a-a-a-a-a
19:20Ha-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a!
19:24All right, don't panic.
19:49All right, don't panic.
19:54It's not on this.
20:12I've known things like this cause international incidents.
20:16Mrs. Corr didn't mind it, Mr. Hardwood.
20:18I think it went down quite well, really.
20:20I mean, well, no-one came to any harm, did they?
20:23That's not the point.
20:25What's his name?
20:26Billy Webb. He's in my class.
20:28New here, is he?
20:28New are you, son?
20:29No, Mr. Hardwood.
20:30Been here since infants.
20:31I've never seen you before in my life.
20:33You were talking to me just yesterday, Mr. Hardwood.
20:35I was what?
20:36I was what?
20:36I'll never forget a name or a face
20:38and I've never seen you before in my life.
20:40If you think you're here to cause trouble, Billy Webb,
20:42you've got another thing coming.
20:44I think everyone appreciated the way you took charge of the situation
20:47and caught the dog, Mr. Hardwood.
20:48Well, you don't hold down a job like this for ten years
20:52without being a knack for that sort of thing.
20:54Now, this boy and his dog have held a multicultural assembly up to ridicule.
21:00But she is multicultural, Mr. Hardwood.
21:02Half-wit, are you, boy?
21:03Don't you know the meaning of a simple word like multicultural?
21:07He means the dog's Italian, you see.
21:09She's an Italian greyhound
21:10and I think she has actually come from Italy, hasn't she, Billy?
21:13She's on an international exchange.
21:15Are you trying to be clever, son?
21:17No, sir.
21:17Because I'll tell you something.
21:18I don't like people coming to my school and trying to be clever.
21:22And I'll tell you something else.
21:24I don't draw Section 11 money for dancing dogs from Italy or Timbuktu.
21:29Oh, we really didn't know she'd do anything like that, did we, Billy?
21:34It's my fault, really, Mr. Hardwood, for letting her go.
21:37Be that as it may, I'm going to confiscate that dog.
21:40You can't do that!
21:41I beg your pardon, young man.
21:42I mean, please, Mr. Hardwood, she's not mine.
21:45I'm looking after her for a friend.
21:47Please don't confiscate her. It's not fair.
21:49Listen to me, son.
21:51You may be new here,
21:53but you'll soon learn that they call this school Mr. Hardwood's school.
21:57And what I say goes.
21:59And what's fair is what Mr. Hardwood says is fair.
22:03And I'm saying to you, Bill Webber,
22:05that I'm going to confiscate that dog here and now.
22:09And it's very likely you'll never see her again in your life.