11th April 2025
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TVTranscript
00:00My concern is that
00:29The body of your symptoms together with the TIA
00:32might implicate the early onset of dementia.
00:39Get back to work.
00:40Oh!
00:42What are you doing here?
00:44Hi.
00:45Hello, darling.
00:46Thought we'd be surprised you'd take a little lady to the shops.
00:49What were you looking at?
00:50What?
00:51Yeah, the face.
00:53Oh, yeah.
00:55I just got this message from Abby.
00:57That's weird.
00:59Yeah.
00:59I'm guessing she sent you that by mistake.
01:03Yeah.
01:04Yeah, right.
01:05Well, um, I best get back to...
01:07Oh, before you run off, I've, uh, got a little surprise for you.
01:11OK.
01:13Mm-hm.
01:15Got your keys.
01:16Oh, what am I like, eh?
01:20You're welcome.
01:22See ya.
01:23See ya.
01:23I'm, uh, I'm just gonna pop out for a minute.
01:33Yeah, no worries.
01:36I'll check now.
01:37Right, right.
01:38Oh, what are you talking about?
01:40You stupid woman, I sent it to you.
01:42Are those anti-sickness meds not working at all?
01:45I've not noticed today.
01:47Then tell me, so I can get some more.
01:50I'm telling you now.
01:53Have you kept anything down?
01:55Can we not talk about this now?
01:56We have to.
01:57No, all right.
02:00I feel rotten.
02:02I feel sick and hungry at the same time and...
02:05There's no way I can go go-karting with Jack.
02:10Something else which he's ruined, eh?
02:12You know what, it's all right.
02:13We'll postpone it.
02:14I'll sort it.
02:15Oh!
02:16Leave me alone!
02:18Er, er, right, OK.
02:20So I'll, er, I'll go pick up the meds and it's Friday,
02:22which, which means it's chicken noodle soup day at Royce.
02:25So let's try that, yeah?
02:25Yeah.
02:28Right.
02:32Oh, hi, Ty.
02:33Yeah, I'll change your plan.
02:34I need you to come in.
02:40Ow!
02:40Er...
02:41I...
02:41I can't!
02:42Go here.
02:43Listen, the girls are off school.
02:44I've told you.
02:45And Dorian's not even got a nurse here.
02:46Honestly, can you keep it down?
02:48You can hear your dad's on the phone.
02:49What's with the balloons, eh?
02:51Right, but why can't you check it?
02:52Why have I got a cheese?
02:53Well, there's no need for that, is there?
02:54Look, I've told you, I can't come in today.
02:57Not unless...
02:57I can't be swapping my shifts again.
02:59No, of course she can't.
03:00You hear that?
03:00She can't swap her shifts again.
03:01So, listen, maybe we're just going to have to cancel the sweet enough contract.
03:04But what else are we supposed to do?
03:05I can maybe talk to Carla again, maybe.
03:08Right, hang on, Abbey.
03:09Just give me two seconds.
03:09Fizzy's trying to talk to me.
03:10I'll see if I can go in late and then I'll have Dorian this morning.
03:13Well, I'll come look after him.
03:15Man the girls if you want.
03:16Er...
03:16Er, but what, he's a bit all over the place
03:19cos he's missing his mum, you know, and there.
03:20He barely slapped last night.
03:21Yeah, he looks well cut up to me.
03:24Come on, stop it.
03:25No, we just want to make sure that one of us is, like, with him all the time, don't we?
03:28Yeah.
03:29Fair enough.
03:30I can look after the girls, though.
03:31I didn't mean, yeah, to you.
03:33Just give me two seconds.
03:33I'm trying to sort something...
03:35Charming.
03:36Oh, come on.
03:37Come on, I know I've got a lot of making up to do,
03:39but I can take them into town.
03:42OK.
03:42OK, OK, yeah.
03:44No, I mean, OK, to you.
03:45Yeah, I can come in.
03:47Right.
03:48Yeah, all right.
03:48Yeah, she says thank you very much, Fizz.
03:50Thank you, Cassie.
03:52And she's swearing at me, standard.
03:53Right, tell me this part number, then.
03:55What is it you're missing?
03:55I'll get it...
03:56Ow!
04:02Oh, you've got to be joking.
04:04I've literally just fixed this screen.
04:07Er, damage.
04:09Er, no.
04:11Only to me dignity, Roy.
04:14Erm, can I please get two chicken noodle soups take away?
04:17Certainly.
04:20I don't believe this.
04:22I forgot me purse for crying out loud.
04:24I'll pay.
04:25Sit yourself down before something else happens.
04:29Do you know what?
04:30I think I should just go to bed and start again.
04:33Is everything OK with Kev?
04:34No, it's fine.
04:36You know what?
04:37It's not fine.
04:38It's actually feeling pretty dreadful.
04:40Ends me heading into town for some sickness meds
04:42and a few bits of food he can actually keep down.
04:45Oh, that's a shame.
04:47I was going to invite you both to the bistro later.
04:50Double date with me and Ronnie.
04:52And you know what?
04:54I think I might...
04:55I think I might try and get him out.
04:56Cos I think me and him cooked up together
04:58is making everything worse.
05:00So, what's the occasion?
05:02Nothing.
05:03Just thought we could hang out together.
05:05PHONE RINGS
05:06Still working, then.
05:08Hello, Ty.
05:14What do you mean, Deborah don't know what you're talking about?
05:17No, I sent her the picture.
05:19Well, she saw it because the tics turned...
05:21No, I sent it to her.
05:24Hang on a minute.
05:26You don't mean this, do you?
05:27I thought it was a funny thing to send me.
05:30Oh, my.
05:31I sent it to the wrong Debs.
05:33Yeah, I know, Ty.
05:35I know.
05:37I'm heading back now.
05:39Thank you, Roy.
05:40Just, can you...
05:42Turn her on, put her on.
05:43I've got...
05:44Deborah, I am so sorry.
05:46I'll see you later.
05:46I'm so sorry.
05:47You're not going to believe what I've just done.
05:52Poor Abby.
05:53Yeah.
05:53We all have our senior moments, don't we?
06:02I thought you were the parcel guy.
06:04Oh, I'm sorry to disappoint, Julie.
06:06Hi.
06:07No worries.
06:08Hi, everyone.
06:09Hiya.
06:09Ignore him.
06:10He's been in a grump all morning.
06:11It all went wrong with a closeted bloke off the internet.
06:14I mean, who'd have thought?
06:15Tell the world.
06:16It's Sean.
06:17It's Sean.
06:18Ergo, the world.
06:20Ergo, button it.
06:22Todd Grimshaw.
06:24Oh.
06:25You've been with a bloke off the internet, eh?
06:27Closeted.
06:27Been there.
06:28Bought the T-shirt.
06:29T-shirt with, uh-uh, putting it across the front.
06:31How are you spelling, uh-uh?
06:32Uh-uh!
06:33Please.
06:34But you really fell for him, though, didn't you?
06:36I could tell.
06:37You had the rosy glow of romance all over you.
06:39No, that was just his allergies playing up.
06:42Oh, go on, tell us about it.
06:43No.
06:44Oh, please.
06:45Humor a dying romantic.
06:47Oh, you did not just use the D-word card
06:49to try and wangle some gossip out of me.
06:51I did, yeah.
06:52Well, it's not going to work.
06:54And if you're going to do emotional blackmail,
06:56at least do it right.
06:58What are you in about?
07:01Well, come on.
07:02I can't be the only one that's thought like this.
07:05There are obvious perks to knowing when you're going to check out,
07:10aren't there?
07:11And just like that, the room darkened.
07:14Are these the conversations that you and George have at lunchtime?
07:17No, no, no.
07:18And you're talking about bucket lists?
07:20You know, asking to see the new Star Wars movie early
07:23because I'm not going to make the release date?
07:25Yeah, but basically.
07:26But it doesn't need to be films, does it?
07:28Anything that you've always wanted to do.
07:31Holidays.
07:32Ever fancied, I don't know, cruising a fjord,
07:35seeing the Northern Lights?
07:36Oh, I saw them a few months ago.
07:38See, once you've seen the aura borealis
07:40winking off the roof of the Eagles' Medus shopping centre,
07:43Lapland seems like a bit of a waste.
07:45It's got a point, although I wouldn't call it emotional blackmail,
07:50but crowdfunding for a holiday or something you want to do.
07:57Stargazing under Danby Beacon.
08:00Followed by chips and gravy on the end of Saltburn Pier.
08:03I trip up their funicular.
08:05And there's this cottage that I stayed in once on the moors that...
08:08What?
08:09Well, I'd be lying if I said I haven't given it any thought.
08:13Well, there you go.
08:14Well, they know it's too late.
08:16Todd?
08:17Crowdfunder.
08:18On it.
08:23Jenny!
08:24Yeah, I'll be right there.
08:27Of course, there's something where you can't get a drink in your own pub, isn't it?
08:30Oh, I don't know.
08:32To be so popular that I have to keep checking my phone every five seconds like a teenage little girl.
08:37Well, I don't know about every five seconds, Christina.
08:40I know.
08:40You're probably just missing your elusive Dominic, aren't you, love?
08:44Delivery for you.
08:45Well, why couldn't you have time for it?
08:47Draymond's here.
08:47Oh, it's fine. I'll wait.
08:52Honestly, tell me, Sarah.
08:54Does this place seem a little bit, you know, off in the last few months?
08:58Oh.
08:58Yeah, like, it's not really a happy place to come and have a quiet pint.
09:02Thanks.
09:05Kit.
09:07It's the man.
09:08You're going to want to hear about this.
09:09It's about a wonderful, romantic, but sadly strapped-for-cash lady called Julie.
09:14Right.
09:15Who is also, unfortunately, dying.
09:16Um, sorry to interrupt.
09:19Todd, man, could I, uh, have a word, please?
09:23Hold that thought.
09:27What do you say we caught the beast all for?
09:30Because you said you were bored being cooped up.
09:33I thought you'd like it.
09:35Oh, yeah.
09:36I'll be a lapper, innit?
09:39Look, don't worry about frescoes.
09:41I can make an order.
09:43I'm here now, Kev.
09:46Okay.
09:48I'll see you later.
09:51Okay.
09:52Bye, then.
09:52You have got to be kidding me.
10:09What are you playing at?
10:10What am I playing at?
10:11What are you playing at?
10:12I was reversing into that space.
10:13No, you weren't.
10:14You were just sat there.
10:15About to reverse.
10:16Oh, right.
10:17And me being psychic, I'm just meant to pick that up, am I?
10:19Have you heard of an indicator?
10:20Have you heard of charging into people's space?
10:23Oh, your space?
10:25Shut up.
10:25Wow, very nice.
10:27Very nice.
10:27Well, lucky for you, I hardly touched you.
10:30You're lucky for me.
10:32What do you mean he hardly touched me?
10:33That dent wasn't there before.
10:35Which dent?
10:36That dent.
10:37The one your insurers is forking out for.
10:39Right, A, there's no way that I just did that.
10:42And B...
10:42Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
10:43There is no B.
10:45You charged into me.
10:46You were paying.
10:47And one more smart comment and I'm going to knock your teeth out.
10:50Wow, you seem pretty angry.
10:52Maybe you need to talk to someone about that.
10:54Believe me, after the day I've had, you do not want to push me.
10:58What happened, love?
10:59Did you break a nail?
11:00I'm sorry, that wasn't called for.
11:03Yeah, that wasn't called for.
11:05Do you want to know what's happened, what's been happening?
11:07Honestly, no.
11:08I was on the phone to my husband.
11:10He's got cancer.
11:12And I am trying to be nice to him, but it is hard,
11:14because he's angry a lot, you see.
11:15I think he's pushing me away.
11:17And it's funny, she said, because I have been talking to someone.
11:20I've just finished having treatment for PTSD
11:22after having a young lad dying my arms.
11:24He was stabbed to death.
11:26But, yeah, you keep making your little jokes.
11:28I'm sorry.
11:30It's a guilt.
11:30No, no, really, I'm sorry.
11:31It's a guilt.
11:35You've got to be joking.
11:56You all right?
11:57No, it's fine.
11:58I've always had a...
11:59I just have to look at my nose and it starts bleeding.
12:02No, I'd get that checked out.
12:03It'll be low iron, wasn't it?
12:05Thanks for the advice.
12:07So, you're not going to, like, press charges for anything?
12:12Oh, and here was me thinking you were concerned for my health.
12:15No, I'm not going to press charges for you punching my nose.
12:18Oh, come on, it wasn't a punch.
12:20I barely touched you.
12:21It was more, more like a waft.
12:24Oh, OK, well, no, I'm not going to press charges for you wafting my nose.
12:30Right.
12:31That's how.
12:33And now let's just, let's just call it quits about the dent.
12:35That's not my dent.
12:37That's totally your dent.
12:38You know, it doesn't matter.
12:39It doesn't matter.
12:39Let's just draw a line under it.
12:41I'll pack over there and you can have this one.
12:44Oh, thank you very much.
12:46Very kind of you.
13:02Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
13:05It's not even my car.
13:20I'm borrowing it from a mate.
13:21Pop the hood.
13:22Pop the hood?
13:23What do you mean, pop the hood?
13:25Who even are you?
13:27And why do you think you can fix it?
13:28I'm a mechanic.
13:29And cos, I'm a mechanic.
13:35Don't tell me you're thinking about getting back together with Cassie.
13:38Like, no, no.
13:40Evelyn.
13:42I mean, I'm not saying she scared me off.
13:44She scared you off.
13:45She's very scary.
13:46Yeah, fair enough.
13:48Well, this could get awkward.
13:52Hello, sweetheart.
13:53Hello.
13:54Oh, I'm talking to her earlier.
13:55Yeah.
13:58Aw.
14:00Keep it to yourself, Roy.
14:01But Tim's thinking about getting us into fostering.
14:06Are you not enamoured of the idea?
14:08Well, I like the idea.
14:10And as you know, I'm all very well for helping people who are less fortunate.
14:15And obviously, children are our future.
14:17Indeed.
14:18Well, it's less the idea.
14:20It's more the practicality.
14:21I mean, to be honest, I thought my days of mopping snotty noses was over.
14:25Well, it's not without its challenges.
14:29But fostering provided Hayley and I with some of the most memorable moments of our relationship.
14:36Can't be a horror film if it's a 12-year.
14:38Well, it sounds like a horror to me.
14:42I thought you were taking them to town.
14:45Yeah, we're on our way now.
14:46What do you mean, guessed?
14:47I don't know.
14:48I just sort of looked at her and winked.
14:49Just brilliant, mate.
14:50Thanks a bunch, yeah?
14:52I didn't know, did I?
14:52Yeah, thanks, and excuse me.
14:55Here comes cake.
14:57Oh, yeah, I love it.
14:59You know, Coyne was just saying that fostering was one of the best things that you ever did.
15:03Oh, yeah, they fostered fizz, didn't they?
15:05Well, that worked out well.
15:06Mm-hmm.
15:07What?
15:07Well, it doesn't always, you know, work out well.
15:10Yeah, I know.
15:11You don't always get a fizz or a Layla.
15:14Oh, can you imagine that?
15:15Yeah.
15:16And can you imagine if you get a, you know, a hope?
15:21Oh, yeah.
15:22But, look, let me, let me look into it.
15:26Really?
15:26I'm not promising anything, but I'll have another look.
15:29Okay.
15:32See you, mate.
15:33Oh, hey, see you, mate, yeah.
15:38Listen, if they were to go on the road, I've got an hour free for lunch.
15:42A whole hour.
15:43Oh, yeah.
15:44I mean, give or take five, six minutes for me to, um, eat me sandwich.
15:49Oh, you old romantic.
15:51Now, I've said I'd look after them.
15:54Then I wouldn't have to go to the pictures by themselves.
15:55You know the way Ty worries about them.
15:58And to be fair, Hope did just try and draw your eye to her scooter.
16:03Yeah.
16:03A little psych.
16:04I know.
16:05Hmm.
16:06Hmm.
16:07Hmm.
16:08I suppose I could walk them most of the way.
16:12Ah, I could help you sell me, too.
16:15Yeah.
16:17Girls, change your plan.
16:20Roy, can you have a bag, please?
16:26Honestly, Carla, you don't need to worry.
16:28I know, I know I've been a bit distracted.
16:30Look, it's not that.
16:31And, and, and I have had a few problems getting a business loan.
16:34Look, it can't wait anymore.
16:36Okay, it's going on the market, so whoever makes a decent offer...
16:38No, I am getting the money.
16:40Jenny, time's up.
16:42I'm sorry, look.
16:45Betsy lent me that money, okay?
16:47And it was from her dead mother, Becky.
16:50I can't be indebted to a child any longer.
16:53All right?
16:54Whether it's you who buys it, I don't mind, but...
16:58It's going on the market, and I need the money now.
17:04So, I've rang the software company,
17:06and the new reservation system should be up and running today.
17:09Now, if it's not, tell me.
17:11And I'll raise Marielle with them.
17:14Okey-dokey, Shirley.
17:16Yes, I think that's everything.
17:18Deb, I just spoke to Tim.
17:21Come this way.
17:21I do really need to crack on.
17:23You didn't deserve to find out like that.
17:25No, no.
17:25You deserve fireworks and, and sunsets,
17:27and, and, and the most romantic surprise proposal ever known.
17:30But it's all out of the bag now, so...
17:33Debbie Webster.
17:33No.
17:34Will you?
17:34No.
17:35Just...
17:36No.
17:38Okay?
17:41I love you.
17:43You're the most wonderful man I've ever met, but...
17:45I don't want to get married.
17:48Not now.
17:49Okay?
17:51Please.
17:53Don't do this.
17:54I'm sorry, I...
18:01Yeah.
18:03Yeah, you don't need to explain.
18:05I sort of do.
18:06I do.
18:07Yeah.
18:07But not on my knees.
18:08In the hotel lobby.
18:11Flipping heck!
18:13What was it?
18:14It's Kevin, looking for Abby.
18:17She's not answering the phone.
18:19And, um, I really do need to get to this meeting now,
18:22so you go home, and I'll see you at the bistro.
18:27Yeah?
18:29Okay.
18:29Okay.
18:36A truly rewarding experience.
18:39Well, that's what Roy said.
18:41Mm.
18:42We could really do this, you know.
18:44I thought we were going to the cinema.
18:47No, we're making cinema.
18:50Go on.
18:53Are you filming?
18:55Brand or joke number seven.
18:57An oldie bit of goodie.
18:58Because it's like I said to Roy.
19:00Children are our future.
19:02Oh!
19:03Oh!
19:03Billy!
19:04Oi!
19:05Oi!
19:06Are you filming us?
19:08Big day!
19:09Stop!
19:09Are you filming us?
19:12Wet through!
19:14Well, there you are.
19:17Oh!
19:18As far as lunch breaks go, that has to be up there.
19:21Oh, yeah.
19:22That butty was lovely.
19:23It was a nice sandwich.
19:25Mm.
19:26And the trip to the cinema was the best.
19:28You know what?
19:29The bread was good.
19:30The cheese was just the right thickness.
19:31The pickle.
19:32The pickle.
19:34Wait a minute.
19:35Wait a minute.
19:36You actually are talking about the butty, aren't you?
19:39Yeah.
19:41Oh!
19:42You're...
19:43Well, look, listen, you know, I mean, the sandwich, you know, was all right, but the pudding was...
19:52The pudding was full of coffee.
19:55Yeah, it was full of coffee.
19:55Oh, coffee!
19:56Yeah, it was full of coffee.
19:57Hey, hey, hey, hey!
19:58Oh!
19:58Oh!
19:59Whoa!
20:01Girls!
20:02What are you doing here?
20:04Er, what are we doing here?
20:05Sorry, what's he doing here?
20:07Hello.
20:08What have you done?
20:11Nothing.
20:12We've been here all this time.
20:14Well, that's what you're gonna say.
20:16Unless you want everybody knowing about, er, that.
20:19I'm just saying, you snooze, you lose.
20:27Flipping out, you say that, do you?
20:29My three-year-old says that.
20:32Er, will you pass me the tester?
20:35Oh, he's obviously a very clever lad.
20:37He knows his onions.
20:38Knows his?
20:39Onions.
20:40Onions!
20:40Mm-hmm.
20:43How's it looking?
20:45Er, as someone who knows her onions, I would say it's looking good.
20:49Not a false jungle lad.
20:50That's a shame.
20:51I'm enjoying this now.
20:54Don't suppose you fancy getting a drink after?
20:59Are you trying to pick me up?
21:01After nicking me parking space, ramming me car and having a right go at me?
21:05Er, I did none of those things, all right?
21:08But, yeah, I am totally trying to pick you up.
21:12I mean, you're funny, you're gorgeous, and you can mend cars.
21:15I'm actually considering proposing marriage.
21:18Er, well, I'm going to debate you to it.
21:20Yeah, but he's trying to push you away.
21:24Sorry, yeah, shouldn't have said that.
21:26You said he was sick.
21:27Yeah, I'm not just with him because he's sick.
21:29Didn't say you were.
21:33He wouldn't have to know, though, would he?
21:35Two strangers, a couple of hours in a nice hotel.
21:39You know, the bad days feel a whole lot better
21:41before they never see each other again.
21:52No, obviously, no.
21:54Obviously.
21:55No, obviously that would be a bad idea.
21:59Well, I'm glad I didn't propose now.
22:01That would have been awkward, eh?
22:02I'll try it now.
22:19You beauty.
22:20So, if I need you, who should I call?
22:38The Ghostbusters.
22:39Which garage?
22:41I am married.
22:42Yeah, but are you happy?
22:43Get that coolant topped up at your local garage.
22:48It's a long way away.
22:49You're lucky I didn't need your details.
22:51Well, I'd gladly hand him over.
22:57Maybe I should drive into the back of here properly.
22:59Give you no choice.
23:00Then things would get messy.
23:02That would be the idea.
23:04Have a nice life.
23:13Do you always do the dishes after having sex?
23:24Hope!
23:26Oh, thank God for...
23:27It's Sally.
23:28Don't open it.
23:29What's Sally doing here?
23:30Girls, I know you're a man!
23:33Oh, she must have seen his quick hide.
23:35Right, what have you done?
23:36Nothing!
23:37I might did as well.
23:38When you go upstairs...
23:39Deny everything!
23:40Won't be a minute!
23:42Hello.
23:43Where are they?
23:44Who?
23:45They threw a balloon over my fence.
23:47A balloon?
23:48Don't they float?
23:49A water balloon.
23:51Oh.
23:52And they were filming us, too.
23:54Where's that going to end up, eh?
23:55On some group chat?
23:56Or even worse, the internet?
23:58Why, what were you doing?
23:59You weren't doing anything.
24:00So what's your problem, then?
24:02Come out, girls, and say you're sorry!
24:03They're not here!
24:04You must think I'm stupid!
24:07Did you find them?
24:08Oh, Tim!
24:09Why don't you come in as well?
24:11Oh, they're all plain silly beggars.
24:13And this one.
24:14Go on, leave it.
24:15No, I'm not going to leave it!
24:16I demand an apology!
24:18And I want that footage wiped.
24:20It's an invasion of our privacy.
24:22There must be a law against that, Tim.
24:24Yeah, they were bang out of order, them kids.
24:25And when Fizz and Tyrone find out, they'll do their nut.
24:27It was a water balloon.
24:29Do you know what I was doing at their age?
24:30Well, I suppose when you put it like that...
24:32Tim!
24:32Well, I mean, they could be in the bedroom playing video games,
24:34or even worse, smoking a crack pipe down the park.
24:37Yeah, playing out's good.
24:38They're getting fresh air, they're climbing trees and hijinks.
24:41Hijinks?
24:41Yeah, hijinks.
24:43Look, why don't you two just carry on this discussion at home, yeah?
24:46I'll be telling their parents.
24:48To think we can't even relax in our own back garden.
24:51It's pathetic.
24:52Come on, love.
24:53Nobody's going to apologise.
24:54You girls, you just remember this.
24:56Throwing balloons, one thing, but filming us, cross the line.
25:00And close the door on the way out.
25:02Legend!
25:07You!
25:08You're too old to be playing with balloons.
25:10Oh, maybe I'll just get on crack then.
25:11It's even worse, isn't it?
25:13Chicky.
25:13We can't even relax in our own garden.
25:17Say it, dear.
25:18Oh, as you are.
25:21Oh, funny.
25:23Are we having starters?
25:29We should wait for Abby, really.
25:31But, yeah, you have what you like.
25:34I wish you'd hurry up.
25:36I can't decide between the calamari or the pate.
25:40Oh, I'm not sure I could keep the calamari down.
25:42Is it still that bad?
25:44I'll hold it down while you eat it.
25:45There's got to be a joke in there somewhere.
25:47Hold his arms.
25:48He's got eight of them.
25:50Hey, is it arms or tentacles?
25:52Is calamari, squid or octopus?
25:54Octopus.
25:55Squid.
25:56Oh, eight squid, 50.
25:58So, do you still feel a bit sick?
26:02Here she is now.
26:02Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
26:04Where have you been?
26:06Long story.
26:07Have you ordered?
26:09It looked like it.
26:10Eight arms, two tentacles.
26:12Calamari is Italian for squid.
26:15And beaks.
26:16What?
26:18Squids and beaks.
26:20He's losing his marbles.
26:22What's the super that is?
26:23Alphabet.
26:24Oh.
26:31I thought you were going to work, love.
26:34Tim, I'm not sure I want to foster.
26:38What, because of what happened this afternoon?
26:39No, not just because of that.
26:41Well, there'll be bigger challenges than water bombs.
26:43I know there would, and I can't face them.
26:45Of course you can.
26:46I was an analogue parent.
26:48It depressed me, them filming us like that.
26:51Well, they were just being kids.
26:52That's all.
26:54Come on, think about all the kids out there
26:56that haven't got a home that need love.
26:58Think about what Royce said.
26:59Think about this house and what we could provide.
27:01I like my house as it is.
27:03You said it was too quiet the other day.
27:04Well, I'm missing the girls, Tim.
27:06I'm ready for retirement, not more kids.
27:09Well, we couldn't save Mason,
27:10but we could save somebody else.
27:12Well, maybe we couldn't.
27:14You can't talk about that.
27:19Do you think I'm being selfish?
27:21No, you're not being selfish.
27:25I just got a bit excited, that's all.
27:27I know you did.
27:29But they wouldn't stay forever, you know.
27:31You'd get quiet time in between.
27:32Yeah, but we'd grow attached,
27:34and then we'd have to say goodbye.
27:37OK, right, OK.
27:38So, which is it?
27:39You like it when it's quiet,
27:40or you're frightened that you love them too much?
27:41Gail lives in France.
27:43Imagine the life that she's living.
27:46I want to do something like that.
27:48Well, it's the first I've heard of it.
27:49You know, learn a new language,
27:52potter about in my ramshackle French garden,
27:55cycling back from the boulangerie with a baguette.
27:59Well, you've lost me now.
28:01Well, I am allowed to change my mind.
28:04And I know you're disappointed,
28:06but the girls were tricky enough,
28:08and I was young and fit in those days.
28:12I should be knitting booties for their kids.
28:14I think your sister's going off me.
28:27What, you two had a barney?
28:29She, um...
28:31She says she's not interested in marriage.
28:34He should be out celebrating.
28:37Look, you can't blame her.
28:39She's come this far.
28:40It's not a be-all and end-all.
28:43You can still be together without being married.
28:47Or is she, um...
28:49No, she wants to call her quits.
28:52She'll come round.
28:53Well, that was embarrassing.
29:00That was a heck.
29:01She's just an old spoiled sport like my mother.
29:03I was on Hope and Ruby's side a thousand percent.
29:06No, I meant what Hope said about us.
29:08Oh, disrespectful.
29:10That's kids today for you.
29:12Well, maybe we should knock it on the head again.
29:15Mm, yeah.
29:16Yeah, no, fine.
29:18But you know you will text me again in the next hour,
29:20like you did last time?
29:21Oh, because you sent me that photo.
29:22Have you still got it?
29:24Yeah, it's my screen set.
29:25No way!
29:26Yeah, oh, I deleted it.
29:27Amy's always in me phone.
29:29Well, does she go through, like, all your photos?
29:31Yeah, she was looking for pictures of when she was a kid.
29:33Oh, yeah, well, Hope and Ruby are the same.
29:37I wonder if my mother's got any old photos of me.
29:40Probably some odd faded Polaroid somewhere.
29:42Yeah, what I mean are, Andy, is Butch and Sundance.
29:46Some school fancy dress thing.
29:47Oh, I bet you were dead cute as a kid.
29:50Adorable.
29:51Oh, you know, I quite like all this sneaking round.
29:56I mean, why scare the horses?
29:57We could pretend that we're married.
30:00I am married.
30:01Even naughtier.
30:04Other girls definitely are.
30:05Yeah.
30:05Come on, then.
30:07Whoa!
30:07Whoa!
30:08Whoo!
30:08Whoo!
30:09Wee-hee!
30:09Whoo!
30:10Oh, no!
30:11No!
30:12No!
30:12Oh!
30:12Oh!
30:13Steve!
30:14Oh!
30:14Steve!
30:15Oh!
30:15Steve!
30:16He wasn't looking where he was going.
30:17He wasn't looking where he was going.
30:18But he didn't actually touch you.
30:20Well, we kissed bumpers.
30:21Ooh!
30:22Could have been worse if they were only kissing.
30:23You know that really old den?
30:24What?
30:25I made out about you, did it?
30:26Why?
30:27You blame that on him?
30:27Well, she was so angry.
30:28It was the arrogance.
30:29He was the one who wasn't concentrating.
30:30So what happened?
30:31Well, he went back to his car after I wiped the floor with him, and it wouldn't start.
30:36So did you help him?
30:37Good Samaritan, that I am.
30:38Should have charged him.
30:39Was he fit?
30:40What's that got to do with it?
30:41It's just an innocent question.
30:42Huh?
30:43Well?
30:44Well, did you help him?
30:45Good Samaritan, that I am.
30:46Should have charged him.
30:47Was he fit?
30:48What's that got to do with it?
30:49It's just an innocent question.
30:50Huh?
30:51Well?
30:52Oh.
30:53Oh.
30:54Oh.
30:55Oh.
30:56Oh.
30:57Oh.
30:58Oh.
30:59Oh.
31:00Oh.
31:01Totally unmemorable.
31:05I just wanted your word.
31:08I wouldn't dream of making a scene at your mother-in-law's funeral.
31:12I'm insulted.
31:14I was making sure.
31:16I think I'd sacrifice my career.
31:21And as for...
31:23you know what happened between us?
31:25Look, I hooked up with someone the other night, alright?
31:27You are just a distant memory.
31:29A funny anecdote I might tell one day.
31:32Don't worry.
31:33I'll change your name.
31:34And your job.
31:37Keep your eye color the same.
31:45Who was he?
31:46He was someone who's not married to a woman.
31:49Fine.
31:50Fine.
31:51But I'll tell you what.
31:52Don't look in my direction tomorrow,
31:53because I'll be holding Daniel's hand all day.
31:55I'll try and contain myself.
31:57You don't have to be like that.
31:59Well, come on.
32:00Who do you think I am?
32:01What, you really think I make a show of myself?
32:03Clambering over the pews during the eulogy
32:05to stop you holding your wife's hand.
32:07I'm an undertaker,
32:09and my dignity's all I've got.
32:13I shall go.
32:15No one's stopping you.
32:21Look, I'm not dangerous or desperate.
32:27I'm a nervous wreck.
32:31See you tomorrow.
32:32See you.
32:41There you go.
32:42White wine spitzer.
32:43Cheers.
32:44I'll have another one of these,
32:45if you're offering.
32:47I'm not.
32:49I'll get them.
32:51What's this in, Adolf?
32:53My horse came in.
32:54I didn't know you gumbled.
32:56Three o'clock at Leopardstown.
32:58It's 2.20.
33:00Feel free to get your cell phone.
33:01Oh.
33:03I will let it go on this occasion, cheers.
33:05Another notch in your bedpost?
33:07Plenty of room on my bedpost.
33:09I'm practically a virgin.
33:11Shona thought you were one.
33:14Well, you can vouch for me, can't you, Daze?
33:16You can vouch for yourself, it's all very much.
33:18Thanks.
33:22How's the steak and kiddly pie?
33:24You mean steak and kidney?
33:26That's what I said, did I?
33:27Oh, my dad used to say that all the time,
33:30he used to think it was the funniest thing on the earth.
33:33Mind you, he never had a sense of humour.
33:37Well, he passed that gene on.
33:40Excuse me, is the seat taken?
33:42Oh!
33:44Carl!
33:46Hey, what are you doing here?
33:48Oh!
33:49Wow, this is a sight for sore eyes!
33:53Carl!
33:55You must be the one, Ronnie.
33:56That would be me. Welcome.
33:57Good to meet you, mate.
33:58Thought you might be overdue a visit.
33:59Oh, a little stranger!
34:02Oh!
34:03Abby!
34:04Meet Carl, my brother.
34:05Carl, meet Abby, the wife.
34:09Nice to meet you, Abby.
34:13The pleasure's all yours.
34:15Oh, boy, that is tight. I love Craig.
34:35I love him too, it's just Bance.
34:37Oh, is Bance a polite word for flirting?
34:40I do not fancy PC Tinker.
34:42So, what other nicknames have you got for him?
34:46Henry Tinkler.
34:47Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
34:49Thanks, kiddo.
34:51Oh, you should do what we call garlic on him.
34:58What do you make of that over there?
35:00Well, I'm no anthropologist, obviously,
35:03but I would say he likes her, she likes him.
35:08Hmm?
35:09When I was collecting the glasses earlier,
35:10he was bragging about some big case he's working on.
35:13Oof.
35:14Well, you see, she's easily impressed.
35:17Hmm.
35:18Do you know what?
35:19I had a fling with a copper once.
35:20Not one like him.
35:21Mine was proper Bobby on the beat.
35:23Full uniform.
35:25Sure I wasn't a stripper, Graham.
35:28It's put Madam's nose out of joint.
35:31She gets over him easily enough.
35:33Hmm?
35:34Madam couldn't give him monkeys.
35:35Hmm.
35:37So, you see, he slept with Sarah's sister-in-law.
35:42What they like, them blats?
35:44They'll all be playing a banjo next.
35:46Okay, so, you don't fancy Craig?
35:49Is there anyone that you do fancy?
35:51What round here?
35:54Er, wouldn't want to say.
35:57I've got a couple of friends if you, you know,
35:59want me to hook you up with anyone.
36:01I'm off the market.
36:02Yeah, me too.
36:03Till at least Christmas.
36:05Next Easter.
36:06Oh, stay strong.
36:10And then she tried to make out he did it.
36:13Wait, so the dent was there before?
36:15I did it about three years ago,
36:16taking our Jack to football training.
36:18And she looked so innocent.
36:20And when the bloke got back in his car.
36:22It wouldn't stop.
36:24Erm, who's telling this story?
36:25Me or you?
36:27I hope you stopped to help him.
36:29Oh, she did, yeah.
36:30Free of charge.
36:31She should have rinsed him,
36:32that's what I would have done.
36:34Would you, eh?
36:35You're as decent as the date is long.
36:37Oh, are we Kevin?
36:41Well, I may as well address the elephant in the room.
36:43I'm sorry to hear you've been ill.
36:51Soon have it kicked to the curb, I'm sure.
36:53Too right.
36:56You'll need her more than ever.
36:58Some say it's harder for the spouse.
37:01Maybe so.
37:05Here we go.
37:06I need water.
37:08And last but not least,
37:10the man of the house.
37:15Dorian!
37:16Oh, yeah, I suppose you think that's still funny.
37:18Dad, chill.
37:19I can't believe you told on us.
37:21I did not tell on you.
37:22I just confirmed what they already knew.
37:24Six messages Sally sent me.
37:26And I had four off, Tim.
37:27I hope you've deleted all that footage.
37:29Yeah, we did.
37:30You better not have uploaded it.
37:31We didn't.
37:32You both go mad honestly when I take photos of you.
37:35Stop filming me.
37:36Don't put that anywhere.
37:37So how do you think they felt?
37:38If Sally filmed you and then put the video online
37:41without you knowing, you'd be mortified.
37:43She's right, girls.
37:44Natalie, you two are supposed to set a good example for your brother.
37:47Do you think you could do that?
37:48Because, to be honest with you, I'm not so sure.
37:50In fact, I've had it up to here with you.
37:52Girls!
37:55Granny Cass loves Amy's dad.
37:58Now, this is exactly what we're talking about.
38:00Lesser this cheek.
38:01For starters, I do not love him.
38:02And secondly, can we just keep all laugh between the five of us?
38:06Six.
38:07And certainly don't go telling you know who.
38:10Who?
38:11Nanny.
38:12Fine.
38:13Do you know what?
38:14Here's an idea.
38:15Why don't we all try and be quiet for five minutes, eh?
38:18Then I'll speak to you later.
38:21Yeah, I'm so sorry.
38:22Can you repeat that, please?
38:24EV charge and alternation.
38:25You should have got it into that.
38:26It's a licence to print money.
38:28First big contract was a shopping mall in Dresden.
38:31Literally raining euros.
38:33And where is the memory service department?
38:38I suppose I should write that down in case I forget.
38:41Yeah, I bet you hear that all the time.
38:43So I just get there tomorrow, the time of my appointment, yeah?
38:48Okay, thanks.
38:52You must know your way around an engine, then.
38:55Diagnostics, mainly.
38:57Oh, sorry about that.
38:59Work.
39:00How is Fawlty Towers?
39:02In general?
39:03Yeah.
39:04I'd say it was good, wouldn't you?
39:05Yeah.
39:06People always need a place to stay.
39:08Speaking of which, has the presidential suite got my name on it?
39:12Oh, no.
39:13Couchers.
39:15Choice is yours.
39:17Breakfast included?
39:18Well, traditional or continental.
39:21Memory foam pillows?
39:23I still can't believe you're here.
39:25Look who it is.
39:26Hey, Uncle Ronaldo.
39:28Well, if it isn't Jack Webster.
39:31It's your Uncle Carl.
39:33Good to see you, come on.
39:35Oh, cheers.
39:36Whose is that?
39:37That's yours.
39:38Hey, he's not had his tea yet.
39:39Ignore the fun, police.
39:41Get stuck in, lad.
39:43Let me get you a chair.
39:49I don't blame her.
39:51Why you want to foster at your age is beyond me.
39:54I'm in my prime.
39:55You're stuck together with sellotape and string.
39:58My ticker's in good health.
40:00I could just see it from Sally's side.
40:03That's all I'm saying.
40:05Well, she was all guns a-blazing at lunchtime.
40:07Obviously a reminder.
40:09It was a water balloon.
40:11Yeah, it was just the tip of the iceberg.
40:12I mean, kids can be a nightmare.
40:13You should know your fae got pregnant at 12.
40:1513.
40:16Todd still owes me last month's rent.
40:18And he used all the hot water this morning.
40:20You could foster him.
40:22I could have saved Mason from dying.
40:25What, by taking him under your wing?
40:26You know it doesn't work like that.
40:28They do what they want,
40:29and then they do the opposite of what you tell them.
40:31I could have taken him to county.
40:33Fishing, maybe.
40:34Well, you can't do it on your own.
40:36So if Sally's out, that's it.
40:38You should be thanking Tyrone and his kids.
40:41But I'm serious about Todd.
40:44You're welcome to him.
40:49Streetcars.
40:52Come on then, turn them over.
40:53That's it.
40:55No!
40:57Come on then.
40:58If you haven't found some,
41:00you have to turn them back on the wrong way.
41:03Let's get it over with.
41:05Well, you were supposed to take the girls to the pictures,
41:07but oh no, you bent them off, didn't you?
41:09So you could have fun with your boyfriend.
41:11He's not my boyfriend.
41:12Well, that's even worse.
41:13Sneaking about the place,
41:15poisoning pensioners,
41:17lying to our neighbours.
41:18You know Sally?
41:19Sally is a good friend.
41:20What?
41:21No!
41:22I was taking the girls' side.
41:23I thought you'd be glad about that.
41:25Do you know, every time I walk through that door,
41:27I think to myself,
41:28what has she done now, eh?
41:29Oh, would you rather I was boring?
41:30I was...
41:31I was...
41:32Would you be boring?
41:33I'm worried, actually.
41:34Yes.
41:35Look.
41:37I really like Steve.
41:39A lot.
41:40Ugh.
41:41Well, that's going to spread like wildfire over there.
41:42Who cares about who I like?
41:44It's Ken's son-in-law.
41:47I can't help it if he can't resist me.
41:49Oh, go on.
41:50Send me another ace of selfie.
41:52What?
41:53Nothing.
41:54Right, I'm going to get dressed.
41:55Well, that makes a change.
41:57Look!
41:59Will you stop being so mardy?
42:02Every time I walk through that door,
42:04I think, what's it going to have the hump about today?
42:06We didn't go to the pictures because there was nothing the girls fancied.
42:10I'm a 50-something-year-old woman and I'm your mother.
42:14And I don't need you taking me off.
42:18Especially in front of the family.
42:21I'm trying my best, you know.
42:25Imagine if it was never good enough.
42:34Come on, then.
42:36Right, I'd better go and get Alfredo settled.
42:38Oh, well, good luck.
42:39Wendy gave him two choc-icers.
42:40He'll be pinging off the walls.
42:42Oh, he deserves it.
42:43Cute kid.
42:44Hey, he's chuffed to bits.
42:46Nice touch.
42:47Getting a shame.
42:48Yeah, and Jack loved his tracksuit.
42:50What use of my if I don't come bearing gifts?
42:52Well, you can teach him a better German.
42:54I told him it was robbed 15 years ago
42:56when Lampard's goal was this allowed.
42:58They thought he was payback.
42:59What, 66?
43:01That had crossed the line as well.
43:02Kevin.
43:03Well, talk amongst yourselves.
43:05Oh, and read him a story.
43:06Otherwise, I'd be too excited to go to sleep.
43:12So, uh, Alfie's the solicitor's boy?
43:15Alfie's Kevin's boy.
43:17If you want to cause trouble, presidential suite.
43:21You pretended that I put a dent in his car and that was when you liked me?
43:25You deserved it.
43:26I think someone else should have a story read to them.
43:30In case they're too excited to go to sleep, Alf.
43:33Oh, come on.
43:35I didn't know who you were.
43:36Am I right?
43:37I was just a single bloke flirting in a car park.
43:39You're loving this.
43:41I didn't do anything dishonest.
43:44I am counting down the hours until you're gone.
43:47Start the clock, then.
43:49Well, I don't know.
43:50I'll see you next time.
43:51I'll see you next time.
43:52I'll see you next time.
43:53I'm sure I'll see you next time.